The Flop House - Ep. #213 - Christian Mingle

Episode Date: September 17, 2016

Smalltember/vember continues! On this episode we discuss the feature length ad for a dating website and for God, Christian Mingle. and Stuart explains how to find cartoon porn, Dan checks his website privilege, and Elliott "Weekend at Bernies"es someone very close to him. Wikipedia synopsis for Christian Mingle. Movies recommended in this episode: Mustang The Duke of Burgundy Hard Target 2

Tonight on the Flop House we watched Christian Mingle. So we watched Christian's Mingling. No, we watched Christian Mingle. Is that a guy named Christian? Mm-hmm. His last name's Mingle. That's right. What do we want? Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian Mingle.

Fifty Shades of Mingle. Stuart. That's all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stewart Wellington. And I'm Elliott Kalen. No need to sound like I don't know my own name. Because I remember it. Stewart, are you doing okay? I'm doing a bit, dude. Come on. Why do you guys call me out on this? A character I'm working. What you do it? Okay. I'm doing a bit dude. Come on. Why you gotta call me out on this a character I'm working What's the name of whether the character? Stewart well, I think

You took a moment to name this good. I like this character cool. Maybe like it's like slight inconvenience memento guy Yeah, well, you know, he's got a lot of his mind. He's thinking about some high concept stuff High concept stuff like yeah like Christopher Nolan movie concept stuff. High concept stuff. Yeah, like Chris Vanolen movie plots. Cop not a cop movie. Yeah, I mean, that's, I feel like that's pitch right down the middle at Joe every man. Come on the plumber. Okay. The cop not a cop like that's a CBS show. That's every show. So it would be a high concept. We'll give you an FX show. Oh, an FX show, well, it's got to be a little bit bad ass. If it's a comedy, it's got to be both a little bit edgy, a little bit sexy, and it also has

to feature characters that you don't really like that much. But they're sexy and funny, so you want to be around them for 30 to 40 minutes. It could also be if it's FX, then it's like, hey, are you a Pudgy White comedian who's depressed? Get a show on FX. Wow. Is that the ad that you basically... That's the slogan, yeah.

Wow. Uh, so this is a podcast where we talk about a TV show. Where we just ragged on people who are more successful than us. Yeah, that's mostly it. But then also we watched bad movie and then we talked about it. Okay, and this month. Yeah, he's gonna bite it. Don't buy it Please Okay, so this month is what month's day? Small timber small

Vembers small Vembers the month when we go to small Lower budgeted movies smaller films as opposed to the big Hollywood blockbusters and knock-wrestles that we normally go after. Yep, and if people get fucked up in the course. Yeah, I'm thinking about meat. Alright, and if people get a little bit pissed at us for, you know, riling them up, they can't take us to big-time court, we have to go to Small Claims Court because they're small movies.

The court where the judge is a little kid. Yeah, and we drive there and are micro machines. Do we have to talk real fast the whole time? That's right. I can't do it though, so I want to give you an example. All right, what about it? I was in a natural setup for something that I... Here's an idea for a top movie.

The spirit is willing, the flesh is unable to do. Somebody is killing voice over artists in Hollywood. Okay. Starts Michael Winslow's the first. It's like scream. Where you think the big stars Michael Winslow, but he's killed off in the first scene. So. Yeah. So it's Michael Winslow, Nolan North. So, yeah. So Billy West and like so Bobby. Well, so me a Frank what was so Bobby McFarron and the Micro Machines guy have to team up.

That's a war Burton. I mean, I guess. So I mean, I guess he's got a straddle. So me a Frank what so Bobby McFarron and the micro machines guy have to team up or Burton I guess so I mean I guess he's got a straddle the line a little bit. Yeah, he's across over I started as an on the camera actors as far as I can tell so Guess like John to magio. I guess would be one of them maybe but so so pet so Bobby McFarron and the micro machines guy Who doesn't even have a name? He's just called Mike at M machines guy They like what about your Daly Smith? Missed your Daly. It's a yard. She's got a real she's also again an on-screen camera career maximum overdrive her man's head all sorts of stuff So I'm not doing a scene. I'm not doing this. She was in wasn't she in the opening a city slakers to I

Believe that is what she the co-worker that Daniel Stern was sleeping with? Was that somebody else? That sounds familiar. Guys, if I had a little miniature portable computer in my pocket that I could look at this up on and also make calls and take pictures. But I could look at this up on. I do it that I can. So anyway, Bob and McFarrion and the McRochine's guy,

they're on the case, but they can't stand each other, partly because McRoch my machine guy talks fast. Bob Mayfairn, he's like, don't worry, be happy. Let's talk slow. They literally can't communicate. And they have to teach each other their own special brands of talking. See Stuart, that's high concept. Okay, that sounds pretty great.

And it's called double talk. Just isn't that already a Dennis Rodman and I want to say. That's double team. Okay. Actually, that's not even double team is the one where it's two Jean-Lot van Dames. The one where it's Steven Segal and Dennis Rodman is I think the glitter man. Nope. Nope.

That's the glitter man. Nope. Nope. That's the glitter man. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. The glimmer man. No, that's he and I Yeah, so you know what this one I'm looking at Not looking on the other one not the January man Simon Sais Simon says Dennis Rodman Action, okay, so while he's doing that. Let's be ample a little bit Dan. What do we do on this podcast normally?

We watch the other team. You know what I was wrong. I was wrong was Now I guess I'm a video So what was the one where John Clevdman Dan was twins? Is that double impact double impact? Oh, okay, and this is double team because I like it's called double team. I guess because there's two guys unlike other movies where just one one or three people. Godman who's there's team. There's two guys and there's only one bad guy. So they're double-toming, which is a foul. It's quite foul. Okay.

Yeah, I think there's like a thing that's like the phone together. Is that what you mean by the double-toming? I don't know. Let's not both punching him at the same time. Why is that to be sexual? Guys, we've lost track of what we're talking about, which is that it's small vampire.

Yep. When we look at smaller movies as opposed to big budget movies, and when we're bad movies, when we talk about them. And so Dan, what movie did we watch this time as if it wasn't announced earlier? We watched a movie called Christian Mangle. Now, hold on a second, I thought that was a website like com or D. Snyder's. Oh, that explains why the picture we're watching never changed. It was just a bunch of little headshots of various people yeah i thought we i thought we review movies on this podcast and not website dating websites uh... that would be good fucking idea for a podcast if someone just like try to

every dating method and review each one of the means it's probably this right not too far from ono ross and carry which is found on the Max Fun Network. That's true, yeah. So if you do a lot, there's this more like weird acuers and false and things. Yeah, I mean, there's this better. But.

So Dan, which dating site would you choose? Would you test first? Uh, adult friend finder. I know that's the one you go for. Or that one where the Papa beds come up that just say like lonely married women in your neighborhood. Uh huh. That's when you're just browsing around porn hub

making sure that there's plenty of Ben 10 alien force on the lay-in box. What? What? I have not a situation. I've ever even imagined that I'm a little bit. I've been a tune porn. And you're like, why are you even typing in porn?

You're on porn, the porn page. It should be. I don't want to be non-porn cartoons showing up here. Yeah, yeah. For all I know, someone's using this to boot like Mary Melody. It's not a wall. Well, it's the old mill. I don't want to watch that.

I want to watch something boob in it. I guess duck a muck again. I guess so. Yeah, even though you fulfilled the social count of the skeleton dance. There's not even any skin on them. I can't see anything. I guess I guess it's the most nude something can be is if they're skeleton. I guess I'll I'll just had this duck season,

weabits season cartoon. I'll just call a threesome between Daffy and bugs and Elmer and I'll just go at it. So I'll try and masturbate to this. Because if nothing, because it really is in the trying, that we succeed. I guess what you're saying is man's reach should always exceed his grasp when it comes to masturbating. And then you got to keep your penis in the sand.

But keep reaching for the stars. When there's only one set of penis tracks on the sand, it would be good. Okay, now it's like Christian Mangle. Okay. Yeah, he goes, he goes, I was drinking you the whole time. Dan, that's blasphemous, but not to me. It's horrible. So what's so this holy Christian Mangle, is it based on the website? It wasn't just inspired by. Yeah, I don Mingles. It based on the website. It was just inspired by.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, I'm not, because it was also, because it was also, so I don't know the weirdest thing was to find in the credits that was written and directed by Corbin Burns. So I got a lot to say about Corbin Burns.

LA law, lay it on us. So, so Corbin Burns is also arguably the star of Major League. You guys will argue that? Very arguable. I mean, there's one Charles Sheen, who I think would take that. Yeah, or Wesley Snipes or Tom Barronjure. Yeah.

Tom Barronjure is the one with the romantic plot, right? Yeah, Corbin Bernson's like the Snottie guy. So he's not the hero at all. No, he's like the Snottie guy. But I mean, it depends on what you consider to be hero. We use loose definitions in my house. So major league was my next door neighbor's favorite movie growing up. I watched that movie so many fucking times. Great, great, tenuous connection to what we're talking about. And my neighbor Justin Skeleton, which sounds a lot like Skeleton, but it was

not spelled like Skeleton. Save it for Shocktober., uh, he's also the kid who I would always talk about watching Roseanne because it was a great show. And his, I'm here. I wouldn't let him watch. You're getting farther away. Why? Anything farther and farther and a white, whiteening guy. Yeah. The balcony, can I do the balcony or Dan? We're slouched in George's Bethlehem. The standard cannot hold. But he told me that he, he and his family did not watch Roseanne because it was things fall apart Dan, it's scientific. He wouldn't watch Roseanne because and I quote, it was a bum show. Like he wouldn't watch it because it's a magazine. I found him my dad's door once. That's a really nice way to put that type of magazine.

Yeah, yeah, it was classic. It was a British magazine. It was just a weird and larger tabloid format. Oh, like, so what is the subject of the word? He was in major leagues. Okay, I'm going to, I'm going to just call it audible on this. Yeah, I'm all again on the red card, you're in the penalty box. V towing that story.

No, I take my beard of the pill box with me. Yeah, sure. Go ahead. It's the pelican box. The pelican box. Yeah, like just like with Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington, the pelican box, then we were, they got to find the pelican. And they wrapped in the box of pelicans.

Oh, I thought it was they lost of pelican in a box. They got to go to the airport to pick it up. All right, yeah. The mail. So, Christian Mangle, we can kill a lot of time because despite being a movie that is an hour and 40 minutes long, there's not a lot of plot in this movie. And it is the hilarious tale of one woman's journey

to find love. And in the end, she does find a love, the love of Christ. Yeah. Now she is. At least sexy kind of love. I don't know, check them out. Come on, long hair, that beard, come on, he's fit. I'm not gonna, I was blasphemous before.

I'm not gonna take your bait. The guy, I'm complimenting your God on his ripped abs that I've seen hanging from crosses and churches across the country. Yeah, can I come out of the penalty box guys? Okay, your your pedal is done. Plus, Dan, he's a woodworker. You know what that means, right? Mm-hmm. I browse, raising, you know, you're, you're, you're just, you're an individual. You know, that Diet Coke commercial where the,

the ladies all in the office all want to watch that one construction worker take a shirt off and drink Diet Coke. That was Jesus. Oh, wait, he drinks Diet Coke or they're drinking Diet Coke. They keep going Diet Coke time, Diet Coke break, and he's drinking Diet Coke, but they want to watch him do it because they know he takes a shirt off when he does it. And that's how we got so ripped is drinking all that Diet Coke. That was the-

Such is the implication of the ad. Although the fact that he works with his hands in a very high intensity construction job, and is- And I can only see him. And he's got to work out because he wants to maintain his following. Oh, of course. Yeah. That's a big get for Diet Coke to have Jesus endorse your product.

It was huge and it did not sit well with God the Father who was very unhappy that Jesus was going off brand like that and endorsing a you know a marketable product. Yeah that doesn't and God was like God really just endorses wine and fishes, but no specific wine or fish. No, just the generic brand I mean feel about RC Cola aka risen Christ Cola Um I still don't think that's what that stands for. Okay Uh, you're You're thinking of JC Penny.

Jesus Christ, Penny is the department store. So she is, so it starts late as she. It starts Lacey Schalbeur. Just imagining PJ and the bear. If that show was blow job in the bear. Why? Why that pop in your head. We're talking about initials.

Is that like the bear from, was it a bear or a dog in the shining? Well, in the shining it was a, like it was a bear suit, right? Yeah, that's a BJ in the bear. Right there, yeah. I imagine an actual bear whenever I imagine this magical 70s show BJ in the bear. No, it was about a champ.

Oh, okay. It was with a trucker. All right, okay, let's start the podcast. I don't think we have. We've got to resolve the bullshit we put in. I think Stuart has made a very important point that that scene and the shining should be called, be in the picture. Yeah, it's in the, if you go to the DVD menu. That's why Shelley DeVol.

Screams when she sees it. She's like, I'm missing my favorite show. So this movie starts Lacey Shabair, formerly star of what, Party of Five. And she is. She's one of the Mean Girls, right? And she's one of the Mean Girls. She lives in any city, USA, the most generic city

I've ever seen in a movie. I could see no identifying location marks. Anyone in listening, if you've seen this movie, tell me, right in, tell us where it's set, because I am curious. It looks like they built a city on Rotten Roll in the middle of nowhere that nobody lives in just to shoot this movie. Yeah.

It's like Canadian Pittsburgh is what it looks like. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. And so she's an advertising executive, sure, because it's maritime advertising located in the sprawling metropolis of where? Of somewhere and it's run by What you even told last key who is a in a scene stealing performance Yeah, he's really trying of all the actors in the movie He is working the hardest to make anything he's saying interesting. And he, like, the whole quirky thing is that he acts like he's a naval officer. It doesn't, there's like, the movie seems to think that it's quirkier than it is.

Like, we're watching a, like, a very, we're watching a hallmark kind of lifetime type movie that seems to think that it's eye-hark huckabees. Yeah. Like, and, and Stephen's to Blaski is looking full on like somebody put Wallachon in like a rack and stretched a mow reel tall. Now there would be, there's a great... You should do a remake of twins with the two of them. That seems like, it seems much more believable than...

It seems a little weird because they're both the sexy twin now. Yeah, they're both the hot one. Like I need the ladies away. I would love to see a- It still ends the same with them dropping a giant chain on the bad guy. I would love those movies twins. She's like, why did there have to be a bad guy in this movie? Yeah, why was there a criminal plot?

Yeah, this is the comedy just that their mismatched twins. The same, well, Arnold Schwarzen comedy just that they're mismatched twins. The same Arnold Schwarzenegger's an action star, Dan. Okay. He hadn't yet entered his junior phase where he could just be funny, you know. It's the same way that you had all those TV movies in the 80s where characters from a sitcom would go to England or France somewhere in Europe and they'd get mixed up with spies. Yeah.

And I was like, look, I like the family-tied characters. I'm curious to see what happens to them in a foreign country. I don't need them to be indirect, interacting with spies. Like, why is there a drug operation in Hawaii? I mean, people have to get high there. It's called Ha-hai. Uh, that's, yeah, that was, that lead that one on the, I don't think, floor.

Put that on the cutting room floor and then stop on it. Maybe we'll light it up a fire. Christian Mingle. So Steven Tobalowski's ad agency is actually not that important in it. It turns out Lacey Schoerbear is the last of her friends to be engaged or married. The last of her kind.

She's really feeling it maybe because she lives above a clock store. And so it's just a reminder every day that she's running out of time before her eggs curdle. And they and see she's like, I gotta do something. I'm desperate. I'll even use the internet because Christian Mingle, in this world that it exists in,

buys up so much ad time on television. Every time she turns on the TV, there's a Christian Mingle ad. So there's two things that really are upsetting, kind of off the bat in this premise. Number one is that Lacey Shabair chooses to go immediately to Christian Mangle as her online dating of choice. I mean, well, the main upsetting thing is that in this world, that's her only option that

were attractive. That was a attractive young woman with a successful career who is always wearing low-cut tops. Can't find a man who's worthy of hanging around, you know? But it seems like from what we see of the next position. I mean, what's wrong with these guys, you know? I mean, we're not really introducing too many, like too many potential suitors.

We see one suitor at the beginning of the movie who can't make eye contact with her. He keeps looking at these three women who are standing at the bar, you're not gonna respond. He's kind of like a Vincent Gallo type. And it is literally, yeah, let's see, it's literally a bird in the hand,

three birds in the bush situation, where he's like, I'm with this one woman. I think I can bag three women at once, gotta go. And I have to assume it did not work. And I can, although it sounds like a much more entertaining movie following his story. Sure, come on. I can't see attempts to desperately.

It's a real after hours type plan. You know, who knows where it's gonna lead him in the dark netherworld of city, TBD? This metropolis with no name. But she's worked her way through all of her friends, friends and her friends, husband's friends, is what we learn in next year. Probably your friends, husband's too.

Yeah, Oh wow. I mean, she's a liar. We see it throughout the film. She is very comfortable lying. And at least at the beginning of the movie begins godless. Oh, extremely so. Mm-hmm. She's a harlot.

So her only option. Whoa. I thought that was very little harsh. No, no, no, come on. She's apostate certainly. I think that, okay. But the point is, now you're shaming her, and I don't appreciate that.

Mm-hmm. So, Dan, when she goes to hell, it's because she doesn't love Christ in her heart. It's not because she's shameless with her body. Because you know what? God gave her that to enjoy. Okay. Maybe you'd like to come to my church on Sunday,

it's called the Church of Sex. It's on Sinemax on Sundays. Okay. It seems these parishioners have a lot of sexy problems and only the sex priests can help her. It's always a her. Also the sex priest is a woman. Is the sex priest like tell these stories? Is that the sermons? They're always pre-scesses. No, it's confessionals. The sex priest gets in the conventional, says, and it's and it bless me. Yep, come on. Let's see if you can follow this out.

I guess for I have sinned, it's been seven days since I last had sex. Let me tell you the story. Mm-hmm. Then it's just a sex scene. And then that, and then it comes back to the lady priest. She's like, mm-hmm. Tell me more. Mm-hmm.

The lady priest is, describes another sex scene and then they have sex the priest and the, and the other person. Now, there's lady priest care. It's called a rotic confessional. Now, I, you know, I hate to take a job away from an actress, but I still think it should be played by David DeCovny and drag. From TV. He's got the job.

The first time he's done it. The director of House of D? Yeah, definitely. No, but Dan, as you can tell, that premise ran out of steam pretty quickly. Let's go back to the movie. No, what I was saying, though, was, again, throw it on the cutting room floor. Yeah. So she's gone through everyone that she knows personally. So clearly, the next logical step is to leap straight to Christian Mingle,

the Christian-specific dating site. Well, it's 2014, Dan. It's crazy for people to meet on the internet. Well, that's the other thing that's so infuriating about this movie that I was going to get to, is that everyone seems to act like it's the worst thing in the world that she's internet-dating. They just think it's they all act as if it is crazy and not I would have to assume one of the top three ways people meet people now. Yeah they're like oh that's wait you use the internet for dating I only use that for

getting my blue apron deliveries. I only use it for running local bookstairs at a business. I love the voice you. That's my only way. I just want to try and go nuggets. There's internet in them, there are computers. Now here, I thought I was bemused by this, but also a little insulted considering I met my wife online, and that was 11 years ago that we met.

So that was back when people did think it was weird to date online, and when her parents, when she told her parents, all I went on a date with a guy who says he's a producer at the daily show, they thought I was a murderer who was going to kill her. That was not the case. She's still alive today, and I have the Emmys to prove to her parents that I do it, in fact, for the daily show. We have proof that she's still alive. Elliot.

Well, she's right here. Hi, guys. How are you doing? All right. Well, I guess it checks out. Yeah, yeah. I can't see her, but I can hear her voice. I mean, she's wearing sunglasses.

And when I raise this, when I pull this pulley string, her arm goes up and waves at you. And whenever some music plays, she gets up and dance. Yep. And those hitmen, those cocaine-related hitmen that keep showing up. That's where she was dead before, are out of luck, they're disappointed. Yeah, so anyway, I feel bad that I turned

one of the worst scenarios I can think of the loss of my spouse into a week in DeVernie's house. Yeah, hilarious, farce. Yeah, so let's keep going. I can think of the laws of my spouse into a weekend of Bernie's course. Yeah, so let's keep going. But anyway, she decides to go to Christian Mangle because why not? You know what? She was probably raised Christian in some capacity, but this is also a world where people take Christianity very seriously.

They are either believers or not believers, and never the Tw train show me unless you're Lacey Shabair and you're lying to your new boyfriend Paul Wood Who is Not a corner guy. Yep, just like cool world exactly, but uh chief meets this guy. He's cute. He's kind of boring and bland I bet he smells like juicy rude just like a song. Yep I bet he smells like juicy rude just like a song. Yeah Anyway, he's just kind of a bland guy you could easily see being in a relationship with and he's not gonna make jokes We'll kind of laugh polite here. Super awkward date. Very awful. That was the other fucking thing They I mean like they have an awkward coffee date, but then they go for sushi and Paul acts like sushi Like this is this movie might have at least might as well have been from the early 80s

the way that they treat sushi. Like what raw fish? He's so disgusting. I understand it. It's like that scene in the boyfriend academy or- AKA don't tell her it's me. Where they're having that weird dinner

with Jamie Gertz and Steve Gutenberg and she looks down at her food and it's like wiggling around and scoring making farty sounds. But it's like the movie equates, I guess, being Christian with just like being an all-around rub. Don't worry, Dan, there's also this amazing comic timing where he puts a piece of fish in his mouth

and then choose it for five minutes, making almost no facial expression and she's like, are you enjoying it? And then it cuts back to him and we watch him chew for another five minutes. And then it cuts back to her and then it cuts back to me sitting on the couch and I'm like, Elliot, why am I still alive? It's like, it's trapped, it's not that weird. You're a region.

Elliot, have I taken drugs that expand my sense of time? You're saying Corbin Bergsson is a master of pacing, which is why when I thought there was five minutes left in the movie and Dan pressed the pause button, and I saw there was 25 minutes left in the movie, I was ready to break his telepathy. There are horror movies that have not had a scarier reveal than that moment.

It was like we had gotten... It's like we looked over and there was a fourth person in the room And he's like I've been making this podcast all my years It was like my doctor had called me up and was like oh by the way you're dying gotta go like that's how I felt at that moment It was doctors very busy. Oh, and that's why it's calling me so late And I just got so many people to tell that they're done. Who paused the movie and Dan says not me and there's a fucking ghost with not me written on his chest running away from us with a weird dotted line. That sounds adorable. Did a little Billy do the strip today? Let's cut to the chase.

Let's talk about this movie real fast. At the same time, the parallel plot is that Lacey Shapair's boss, Steven Topolowski, has hired J. Peter Maldor. He has been hired by John O'Hirley, J. Peter Menn from Seinfeld, to market this new product, which is a miracle baldness score that it cure. This is some kind of blue pill, and it's like the three C shells and demolition man.

They never quite explain how you use it. Do you eat it? Do you rub it on your head? I don't know. Is it a suppository? Yeah, I don't think you put it up here, but I think it's a normal pill. Well, Dan, what evidence do you have from within the film

that you don't put it up here? You're right. It's extrotextual. I'm not using these. It's very extrotextual. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm like, well, not using it. It's very extradictual. I'm not sure that means, but luckily you said it. So she's finding she doesn't believe in this product. She thinks it's wrong, but she's,

it's her job to be comfortable in their baldness. Yeah, but that's her main point. But it's her job to slap some lipstick on this turd and she can't figure it out, because she's too busy trying to bone up on Christianity to impress Paul and his very judgmental family. It's weird though, because for all the effort that she puts into learning about Christian stuff,

every time she's quizzed, she's like, what? And drops her Bible on the ground in like a big plate of marinara sauce. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Wait, it was like the twin-cititters version of Christian Ringel.

And so each she goes even, and I mean, this is a hard part. She's asked to give a prayer after church. Everyone, it's like the characters keep, it's like a snowball fall going downhill. Each time Paul introduces her to new characters, every scene that those characters show up until there was a ridiculously large number of people sitting around two tables at a restaurant called steak and cake, which they serve you steak and cake in huge platters at the same time. So you're sitting there with a chocolate cake on a cake stand in the middle of the table. When I was supposed to do, I was supposed to slice off a couple slices of steak and eat the steak in between.

Like, maybe a steak stand with sauce. The platter with six steaks on it. Yeah. And everybody. First off, they serve it like that. Are you kidding me? It's a bad way to serve steak, that's for sure. We didn't even see a staff person from this restaurant.

Nobody even checked on them. What is going on here? Let me just lay it on the plate. They've got like extra steaks on that platter. Like, you just... There's too many steaks for the table. How you have like extra stakes on that platter. Like, you just... There's too many stakes for the table. How long have they been sitting there, really? Yeah.

And I supposed to believe, and this is what bothers me, I'm supposed to believe that in a group of eight or nine people, everyone wants their stake cooked the same way. Excuse me, I go out to dinner with my family. That's three different types of stake cooking. Rare plus for me. Medium rare for my brother, and for my wife, medium. And for my dad, like a charcoal brickad,

he doesn't want any flavor left in that thing. Just feed him some styrofoam painted black, call it a steak, he's gonna love it. The idea that they have a platter of like six or seven steaks for this group, no one knows which one is cooked, which, and here's the thing about steak. When it's cooked properly, it keeps the thing about steak when it's cooked properly It keeps cooking on the plate because it's still hot

You put those hot steaks together. They're gonna cook even faster. Suddenly. They're all well done I don't want well done. I wanted mine pinkish on the inside That's why it's placed next to a weird crystal Cake stand with a cake on it because that crystal cake stand absorbs some of that heat alie It and it keeps it a nice pink that they ordinarily melts that cake right now. Yeah, then the cake is all melty, come on. Oh, it's gonna be delicious.

You want a nice kind of melty cake. Also, I'd be lying if I said I'd never had a slice of chocolate cake after eating an entire steak. I've done it many times, but I don't want them right in front of me at the same time. The cake is gonna smell like steak and visa versa, Dan. So that whole thing of these quirks that we were talking about though in the movie. Yeah. That is thrown in like so

erratically, you know. Yeah, radic. And in the previous scene, I'm stealing a mystery science theater show there. But yeah, it's like at the movie will be very, very normal and bland and then suddenly boom, they go to this crazy restaurant. Yeah, the restaurant seems like like a stupid like David Lynch gag out of Twin crazy restaurant. Yeah, the restaurant seems like a stupid David Lynch gag out of Twin Peaks, so the sudden they go to like a weird, or like that part in Grimmelund's two where they go to the Canadian restaurant. Yeah.

The, and it, you know, it can't be, like it feels like it's intentional. Like in the previous scene where there, she's being introduced to Paul's family and Paul's mother says, have you met R Kelly? As in our, I guess daughter named Kelly. What's a friend named Kelly? Friend named Kelly, but you know that like they had to have known it would sound like R Kelly, the song, the urinating songbird that we've all come to know love. And of course, she has not met R Kelly.

I mean, he's amazing. We don't know that though. Maybe she did. She's an advertising. Maybe they tried to get him for a spot. He said, no, I'm sorry. No, thank you. I don't want to sponsor a baldness tour.

I'm not bald. Yeah. And I have enough problems right now trapped in this closet. I'm already on this closet organizer campaign. It really fits my brand more. Uh-huh. Dan, what were you going to say though? No, I just, I mean, I think that the movie is not, I think the movie just was like our Kelly and they didn't think at any point. Are you implying to me that this movie is so white that they did not, they, they, they're hearing that they didn't think, Oh, yeah, like the famous person named our Kelly.

Yeah. And then corn burns is like famous person I don't think there's no one more famous than me Corbin first the most famous person ever at you telling me that these people are so white they haven't even heard the song I believe I can fly the only song by a black person that every white person has heard and those knows the lyrics too. Are you telling me that Morgan Fairchild, an actress whose last name is basically white person? Are you telling that Morgan Fairchild, whose first name is the same as Morgan Freeman, thus making her half black?

Oh, that's bad. It does never hurt a barcale. That's the way it works. That's how names work, right? I don't know. That's how it works. That's how it works. Your name is a marker of ethnicity. That's how it works. Your name is a marker of ethnicity.

That's how it works. No, I don't know. In many cases it is. No, but anyway, because I'm a dirty mick. Whoa, whoa, I can say that. No, you can't. Fuck, dude. This is too much. You know what? Rirag gets dirty. So anyway, they go to stakes and cakes, she gives a very long, very, at improvved prayer and then finds out, oh, hey, the whole family, which is in the construction business and is very Christian,

is going to go to Mexico to help rebuild a village that was attacked by a hurricane or a church. Well, they want to help the whole village, but mainly they want to put the bell back in the bell tower of the church. Because you're very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very time. We got a new way. We got a state of the out of you way. That's right. Whatever town

back to the future takes place in has walked into the 17th century. What's it called? Hill Valley. Hill Valley. Right. It's the two pines mall and then because the twin pines mall. That's the kind of little Easter egg for everybody. But anyway, so in the movie. In the future. Yeah. So that's fine because it's in a real way. So it's Calvin Glana. Yeah.

So she says, so he goes, oh, the whole family's going on a mission for a month in Mexico. And she, and he didn't tell her. And she's hurt. And it's at first, it seems like there's a parallel here because they've both lied to each other. But as I pointed out to you guys, hers is a lie of omission.

Hers is a lie of deception. She is pretending to be a devout believer in the Godhead of the Trinity, you know, whatever. I don't know what terminology you guys use. And she is not, whereas he just- I'm just calling Jay-C. You know, my buddy Jay-C. I mean, that's cool. I mean, that's cool.

I mean, that you feel like close to him. GZ. Uh, don't call that. He doesn't like that. You could even call him Jesus because he likes cheese because who doesn't? There's a lot. I'm a devout believer in JC too, guys. John Carter of Mars.

Whenever we get in a sequel, I hate to bring it to you. We're never get to JC too. Yeah, we're getting a trilogy, right? We are. And we cut out, there's a lot of scenes we cut out, such as the scene where after the sushi, they're having coffee and he makes an elaborate metaphor about a science experiment. He ran as a kid with involving two mice looking for cheese. Which it's very clear that is that the scene where they're walking in front of the hair

cutters, barbershop in town. Yeah, and we were so distracted by the extras and wondering what they were doing partly because they were getting her haircut at probably like 10 p.m. Yeah, it was barbershop culture in small town. You say I guess so. This is another one of those movies where the extras were so much more interesting than the main characters regardless. She like the extras in that scene where she's walking to her

office and she got she turns like three corners and is walking super slow. And like where there's no way the geometry of this office doesn't work. She would have been back at the front door by now. This is non-ucleidian. Hold on. It's like I guess she works at F sure and Associates. She has. She is a very bad pitch meeting

in front of J.P. Peterman. I was trying to figure out, remember what J.P. Peterman's middle initial is. He doesn't have one, it's just J. J.P. Peterman stands for Jesus.

And she does not have any ideas. She spent too much time boning up on Christ's vanity, even though she seems to have learned nothing, and just kind of worrying about what she's gonna do. Her coworker says, hey, Christian Mingles for believers, real Christians, and you're not a real believer in Christ. She does discarding that advice clearly,

but she hasn't done her job, and so blank notebook in hand, she proceeds to give two great pitches, one in which she talks about these blue pills as bullets for killing baldness and describes having a gun shaped dispenser. J.P.D.R.M.in wisely sets this one aside. Yeah, absolutely.

There's a lot of that. He's like, America doesn't like guns that much. Oh, it's like controversial guns. And it makes sense. He goes, I look, I'm being controversial enough by taking on the last taboo baldness. I can't court any other controversy. This is the third rail of American society,

the bald head. And why men wear hats to cover it even wigs sometimes because they're so ashamed of it. Yeah, they wear hats, literally the most despicable type of clothing just to cover their bald heads. It's the only thing that's only more evil than a hat is the bald head. It's on top of you. And then she gives them another thing where she says, what if it's like, okay, who do we blame our creator for making us bald? God, but now he's given us miracle. What does it she call it,

Heaven's Rain? Heaven's Rain. She decides to name the product. Heavens rain. He also has like a really awesome strike. He pours a bunch of pills on Tobo's head. I hope that's what his friends call him. I think it is. I think it is. Tobo's head also sounds like the secret beach that the locals know about that nobody else knows about. Hey man, we're going to go over to Tobo's head. Do some surfing. You got to watch, because there's a break tie to Tobos Head. Oh, you're not gonna come to the bonfire at Tobos Head. It's how we end every summer. There's a refund on either.

You don't wanna take a spill. You're gonna get down there. You're gonna slice your brains clean out. Is your brains now? Slice your brains clean out, but it's great surfing. So, she decides at this moment, you know what? I'm not doing so great. I'm going to go to Mexico and join my boyfriend's family.

Well, her boyfriend calls her and he's like, I want you to come to Mexico. And that's the moment when holding the phone to her ear, she looks to the wall behind her desk and sees the atlas that has been placed there. She has a map of she goes to America. Mexico. Huh. So that's the purple country here. Uh, it's the list.

It's only like a few inches away according to this map. This is also after Paul's had a phone conversation with his mother, Morgan Fairchild, where Morgan Fairchild's like, I don't trust her. She's hiding something. And Paul says, Mom, you're just trying to manipulate the situation. I'm going to prove you wrong. So we invite her to Mexico. That's a screenwriter showing us the Paul's immediate. Yes. Because we know that there's something going on. And so she goes to Mexico, packed for vacation. She should have packed work clothes, because they're going to be doing a lot of real construction work. Although we don't see any of that.

We see them roll some tires to a pile. They're rolling a tire from two feet over here, two feet over there. And they literally are stacking a series of wooden pallets. And then they're teaching a Bible class to the students there. And it's one of those times where so Mortar Fairchild's reading from the Bible and it's being translated into Spanish. And then one of the students,. And it's one of those times where so Mordor Fair Charles reading from the Bible

and it's being translated into Spanish. And then one of the students, a young girl, asks a question in Spanish and Mordor Fair Charles says, I'll let Gwyneth, which is Lacey Shabair's character's name, I'll let Gwyneth handle this one. And Gwyneth is like, my Spanish is a kind of rusty, because someone's like,

Oh, you must not be Christian if you don't understand Spanish. You don't understand God's language, Spanish. It was a very weird moment where it's like, okay, one second. Did she ever say she could speak Spanish? I don't think so. Of all her deceptions, that was not one of them. She is at this point a decepticon.

She is a robot in disguise more than meets the eye because she says she's Christian but she's not. She turns into a giant gun, which is this. Whoa, so she's like the leader of the Decepticons, dude. I just saw it. That's a huge claim. That's an enormous. I was found that I was very strange that like Megatron turns into a pistol that like someone

else has to shoot. Yeah, and he jumps into usually star screams hand and star screams like I'm going to grab. I can only assume is his penis turns the trigger. Here's what I'm gonna say is that he's showing you know how powerful a boss I am, how confident I am in my leadership. I'm gonna make myself a tool in your hands and through my own charisma even though I be just a tool that you hold at your mercy I will control you. That's what it means. He may not be the biggest Decepticon. That's devastating.

Oh, because he's not astrotrain the space traveling train Decepticon. He's not, and he's not. What's the one who sounds just like Copic Commander? That's what, is that Starscream or? Yeah, I guess that's Starscream. He's not, who's the one who turns into a beatbox? That's out of wave. But he's a good guy, right? And he's not Rumble or a friend, say, no, he's a bad guy. There's a sound waves the bad guy.

What, Blaster is the good one? Yeah. Transformers is like he, man, and that I spent a lot of time with it as a kid and I remember very little about it as opposed to Ninja Turtles which is burned into my brain like a brand. I can tell you all about leather head and all the other characters that crawled out of the sealers. These are the guys made out of garbage and one of his feet is like a pizza. And the other one is like a like a like a manhole cover.

Yeah, probably. His name is probably like garbage man or something. I don't remember. Mm. Trash. I didn't say all of it was burned into my brand like a brand. They came out with so many figures and so few of them actually appeared on the cartoon. Yeah.

But anyway, what we did about Christian Mangle, so they're Mexico and she is not doing a good job of passing herself off as a Christian, especially when the other women, especially Kelly, who grew up with Paul and Paul's mom has always wanted him to be in love with, finds a copy of Christian Anity for dummies under her bed. Yeah, which is a thank you. Why do you pack Christianity for dummies if you're trying to fool people? Okay. She can cram on the plane. And guys, I haven't worked in a fucking Barnes and Noble, but I guarantee you, the only people buying that book,

are fucking Christians, dude. Like no normie is gonna be like, oh, I wanna study up on this nerd shit. More of a nerd religion. It's a nerd religion. It's total bookworm religion. It's based on a book. Yeah, but no, what I'm saying is exactly.

But what I'm saying is, like the I'm saying is like the only people buying Christianity fruit dummies are Christian people. What's that true that there? Christianity is in there Christianity is a real rad religion. I've got some tracks that I think that you should like is Dan touching me Lister's it own Dan is to know Dan's moving his hands up my arm now. Up your foot further. Up going up closer to the armpit. Jesus, that's a no-no zone. In a radical way. Oh, that's a Dan. You only get to be weird now.

Dan, I believe has a wrap about it. Dan. Nope, that's me boxing that was a guy who was arriving. He just laid up for some time. Jesus loves me. This I know for the Bible tells me so. The Gates. So it takes a ganks thing.

Yeah. They all said it. I also have a rap. Rap. That's a pretty good rap. Lynn Danielle Miranda. Oh, you burned it, I guess. But I gave him a cool nickname.

You know what? I also forgot. Let's mention that at one point, they go to a hot dog restaurant called Flitters, You burned it, I guess. But I gave him a cool nickname. You know what? I also forgot, let's mention that at one point, the go to hot dog restaurant called Footers, which I have to assume is the male version of Hooters where people's penis is hanging out. Oh, I thought it was because they weren't like flip flops to show off their feet.

Yeah, it's a Quentin Tarantino fetish the restaurant. She is mortified when Paul confronts her with Christianity for Dummies. He says, you lied to me. You're not the person I thought you were. He's like this copy of Christianity for dummies is dog-eared. You have been reading it non-stop and that makes me mad because I don't take fucking bookworm nerds. And but you're saying it's true because there's a lot of books that are like Judaism for beginners and only Jewish people read those. Yeah. And I gotta say, Paul in the scene is like the most reasonable person in the movie. Like he's not like his mom who is the super judgy person.

Who's looking to reject one at any time. Yeah, and no one is good enough or her Paul. And I mean, as Jesus, she shouldn't be judgy because as Jesus said, Jesus said, as Jesus said, judge yes for you will judge. Oh, okay. That was what he said, right? Yeah. He's like, judge is fun and cool. Show other people that you're better than them. And he said, radical. He said, blessed are the meek because they're really easy to steal lunches from. Yeah, this is bully Jesus.

I guess blessed are the wedges and blessed are the nogies. They will reside in the kingdom of crack. Why was there only one set of fists on your face? Because why are you punching yourself? That was the parable of the of the I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. Turned water into wet willies. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. There's nothing to explain because its faith is unexplainable. Anyway, she feels rejected and she goes back home. And she has a real crisis of, I guess you'd call it faith, faith, faith. And she decides, you know what? I can't sell this bald person drug. Forget it. I'm not going to do that. And she finds a church that's kind of like a storefront church where they do nothing, but same gospel tunes, the same gospel song over and over again.

Yep. She also... She's like, whoa, this is cool. She brings her bike to Corbin Bernstein, a bike repairman, and they watch a Christian Mengele on TV. And she just kind of like becomes more and more Christian in a real way. You know what? She starts reading the Bible, and even though she's mad at God at first, because Paul breaks up with her, and then she finds out that he's with Kelly.

She's like, hey, you know what? God, I don't know, whatever. Yeah, because they had that coffee date where he sits on the bench like a fucking wimp with his fucking legs together like a dude who doesn't fuck. Yes, dude, I was not comfortable when he was sitting on a bench and she was like, look at the way he sits. That's a dude he doesn't fuck.

And I was like, I don't, I'm not comfortable right now. This is her ass. This is her ass. But, which, she realizes that the bible is pretty cool. Oh, damn, and he's touching me again. It's cool, Stuart.

No, no, it's going up. You're going to touch my neck and face. I think it's cool. I think it's cool. No, it's, you just open the book and find a lot of those. Hey, Stuart, I'm going to tell you. This is like me watching a racnephobia with my little brother

and him putting his hand on my shoulder to scare me. Stewart, I wanna tell you about a kind of cool guy who said things that people didn't like, who was a real rebel and who wrote a book that has really changed a lot of minds and lived a lot of hearts and his name's Karl Marx. So he said if the workers control the means of production, we would live in a paradise where everyone gets their own nine foot by nine foot cell

and we eat the same gruel and no one's better than anyone else because we're all wearing shapeless jumpsuits. That sounds great. That sounds just like my friends on Jim Davis's lesser known comic, friends on Jim Davis's lesser known comic, US acres. You got it. I can see like looking forward to your brain. You found it. You're just looking. I can see you flipping through the pages of the index

in your brain. Cartoonist Davis, Paul and Jim. See, see, and then under here going to not Garfield, not Nirmal not normal no not that one Garfield book was like this the nine lives of Garfield and they weren't funny They were just a weird Not Garfield in the prisoner of as command no, here we go USAkers It was if never has a... A beloved pig, Orson.

And that duck with the floaty thing on him. And the egg with the lay of shell. Yeah, legs egg. Sheldon. US Acres, or as I called it, as a kid when I watched Garfield and Friends, time to use the bathroom. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Looks like I got a four to five minute bathroom break coming my way. Let's see, USAID's title card. I don't give a shit about these characters. Oh, boy. Yeah. Uh, so why was there never a Garfield USAID crossover? That's what's crazy.

Like if you're trying to build a universe, get my get my boy Kevin Feige on this shit. There's a reason that Spider-Man showed up in the Meteor Man limited series based on the movie, even though he's not in the movie because Marvel wanted to sell some books. Yeah, yeah, you're trying to you're trying to give him some bonafides. Yeah, exactly. You know, who doesn't have bonafides? Carl Marx, Lacey Schabar and, Chris DeWayne, that's the thing. So she's finding God and she's losing Paul. And she realizes, I can't do this job anymore. I was wanting to be a teacher. What am I gonna do?

And she needed a fucking hobby, dude, because all of her friends are... I don't know, they're busy with their lives. Yeah, but we haven't seen them in like an hour of movie time, so they're true. Yeah. Not since they shamed her sweater that she bought to go to church, because she decided not to wear one of her loafers.

Her friend who's wearing a fucking- She decided to wear three separate colors of beige together. Yeah, the most godly of all colors. All right, that's gonna get steak and or cake all over it. That's a good point. It's gonna stink. They're not even wearing beer, uh, beards. They're not even wearing bibs. No, you're right. When you go to a steak restaurant, you wear a long beard, like Zeezy Topp,

to keep the grease on the burger. You want to mess up your tie. What kind of uncomfortable, unpleasant restaurant would that be where they're like, hold on. Put on a steak beard. And now eat through it. And if you're just getting food and grease trapped in this fake beard, and it's made out of like

brilope head and steel wool, so it's really uncomfortable and scratchy. Anyway, it's called Beards and Beards, and it's a gastropub. Actually, there is in the movie where Danger lives with Robert Mitchum, there is a scene where he gets arrested because he's passing through a town that is having its beard festival and he doesn't have a beard. He's on the run with this woman whose husband, he thinks he killed. And their pictures are sent over by teletype, I guess,

from another police station. And someone goes like, these don't have beards on them either. And draws beards on them, thus making them unidentifiable and saving Robert Mitchermay again. It's actually a really fun movie. But anyway, what was the name again? Weird Angel Lives. All right.

So anyway, but she decides, you know what? She gets a letter in the mail from the girl who asked that question in Spanish saying it with, it's like, I sorry, a pardon, poor me broken English, it's ridiculous, this letter. It's terrible and it cuts to a slow motion shot of this girl. It'd be terrific. Yeah, it's like soft lighting and she's like slowly nodding her head and it's fucking weird as hell, dude. And she realizes, you know what?

And it's like, thank you for explaining those things to me about Christianity, I think. And anyway, this is the movie doing it. It's not me doing it. Anyway, and she says, you know what? I'm going to go back there and she goes back to Mexico and becomes a teacher at the Esquila. And then Paul, I guess, hears about it and shows up and says, I broke up with Kelly, well, I was with briefly.

Now, I wanna be with you. I never forgot about you and they fall in love and they kiss as a guy is putting Christmas ornaments up on a Christmas tree, watch it on. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah, he's like super bashful and keeps hiding his face. It's weird that he giggles because Corbin Bernson didn't play Dr. Giggles.

He played the dentist. Oh, that's weird. A movie in which a guy finds- I put that in the flub section of IMDB. I think it's the dentist. Is it the dentist where a guy just finds a tongue lying in a driveway? And it turns out that it's his lover's tongue that was cut out of her mouth. And she's lying next to a pool and she surprises him with her horrified,

you know, her mutilated face. Was that the dentist? It might be. I once again, I don't remember the dentist very well. Is that a Brian Yuzna movie? I think it might be. It might be. And so everything's okay.

And they're like, yay, we're good now. Credits start, credits are over. It's Christmas. And we see that they're still together and they kiss. And then suddenly it's like, snap cut to a photo of him proposing to her. And then the movie's over. Yeah, they're like snuggling on a couch.

And then it pans up, like they're kissing. And then it pans up and there's a mistlet above them and you're supposed to be like oh that's why they were kissing because they're forced to buy a custom. By the laws of missile toe. Yeah. So so Dan so here's my question. One, I'm not Christian, never will be. Right. Unless I envision. Yeah you're our expert on this one Danny Boyle. And you grew up in a very. Yeah, you're our expert on this one, Danny Boyle. And you grew up in a very Christian household and you mingled with a lot of Christians. Yeah. So Christians really this doubtful and anxious about other Christians not being as Christian as their Christian and two. What was the point of this movie? And I thought it like wow, I don't think

that second one is answerable, but the first one. I would think the second one would be way more answerable. Because nobody wasn't funny, it wasn't romantic. It seemed to be that particularly crazy about Jesus in the end. Here's the thing. She realizes that Stephen Tablaski says he has faith in this product, this baldness product, and it will work.

And the movie, I think, is supposed to make you think, see, like, oh, that's false faith, it's supposed to real faith. When what it told me was, oh, her faith in the Lord, Justice Stephen Tablowski's faith in this baldness cure, is merely a defense mechanism against the harsh and arbitrary nature of the universe in which they find themselves, in which there is no justice, and beauty is just what we decided is, and there is no grace. And it's so hard to come up against that reality that they have to believe in something, be it Jesus or this baldness pill.

Yeah, you need to clutch onto some kind of life preserver in this horrible sea of sadness that is life. So, Dan, what do you think? So, answer those two questions. What was the point of the movie and also Christians? Are they like that? There are some Christians who are like that. Some people, there are some varied about Christians who are obsessed with their religion, but for the most part, no. I found it very strange that in that like the scene with the young Span Mexican girl like her question is just color mexico Cali Rose her name is Marie

Her question is like basically that's not me being raises. That's literally the movie. It's a name in the movie her question is basically like Bulls down to why do good things happen. She says if bad things happen to good people. If God is loved, then why did he destroy our town? Yeah, and I can't imagine the fucking viewer who's like I feel that way too. Please answer this question for me movie. Corbin Berkson movie. You better have an answer because I've been wondering this my whole life. Well, that's the thing like they expect our hero Lacey Shiberr, to be able to answer that and when she is not able to answer it, everyone's like, oh she's not a Christian, but like that's the question that everyone's been struggling with in every religion since the dawn of time.

Well, not every religion necessarily, because not every religion since the dawn of time was based on the idea of a benevolent God, for most God. For most of human history, I'd think gods were capricious forces that you had to curry favor with in order to get something from them. No, no, I guess the right. I suppose it's something like Buddhism that would be like, look, you know, it's your attachment to earthly things that is causing your problem here. Yeah, somebody that's a man antagonistic God has done some of these.

Certainly for the 2000 years of Christianity, and I would say for Judaism before that, that was a big, I mean, that's what the book of Job is all about. It's not like, it is weird that they're like, she doesn't answer the question that the Judea Christian tradition has been trying to answer for millennia.

She doesn't count. You know what, not worthy of Paul, because I assume Kelly is like, oh yeah, it's because God's plan says this, this, this, this, this, and this, you understand? He destroyed your town, but it's so that my friend Paul could fall in love with this girl. So I guess it all balances out in the end.

Shouldn't they have been concerned about this girl's lack of understanding the Bible and be like, we need to help her. But instead they're like, mm-mm, no, sorry. You know what it would have been better is if she had given an answer, they would have been contra to the Christian faith. If she was like, oh, because crumb tests to solve. Yeah, exactly.

And it's when we cry out for help that he knows we are weak. And he has, and we don't have the strength to really serve him. Someone in this town must have insulted Poseidon. And he said, it's torn to destroy your village. Have you guys been sacrificing to Aeolus the Wind God? Because this could be a problem. What you need is more golden idols. I want to introduce a little friend of mine named Buh-All

and his pal Tiamat. Now let's talk about this, shall we? How many sacrifices do you make? Human, I mean, zero. Let's get you on the installment plan. Now you're getting that undercoating that just comes from the factory. That's the, you're going to get that now.

And you have plenty of humans to sacrifice who have weird old lady who sits bundled up on a chair over there. You get those people that look mad that we're here. You have those guys sitting outside watching a TV, a couple inches from the inside where they could be watching. For a town that has a few very old people, they have a lot of children running around in this town. Yeah, that's why they look. It's kind of weird. They're not old. They're just exhausted from taking care of all these children. Oh, okay. Trust me, I have one just exhausted from taking care of all these children. Okay, I have one child and I share care of him with my wife and also his nanny and I'm dying. Maybe all those people are like Alicia Keys and just not wearing makeup for that scene.

I know what that means. So anyway, I get your point, Dan. I just want to make it clear to the audience that it is not my view that we live in a cold, arbitrary reality with no grace or truth in it. Okay. But this movie made me feel that way. Mm-hmm. Which brings us to final judgments. Well, this was a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked. I feel like this movie went down kind of smooth in a weird way. No, I agree with you. This was like sitting in not a nice bath, but like a tepid enough bath that you didn't notice it. Yeah, there's nothing objectionable to it, really? I mean, other than it's simplistic view. I kind of object to the fact that Lacey Shabair has an outside trash can inside. She has one of those like giant silver trash cans in her fucking kitchen. And she doesn't have a...

And she doesn't have a... And she doesn't have a bag in it, which means she has to take it outside to take out the trash and she throws paper and other garbage in there. I guess I'll separate. I feel like she has to walk out when the garbage truck pulls up and she just like shakes loose garbage into the back of that garbage truck. She just dumps it on the street and says,

pick it up. And she wonders why God doesn't like her. Yeah, I think it was a weirdly smooth movie considering I didn't like it. And it's like if I was Christian, I think I'd have real issues with it. Yeah. It was portrayal of Christianity and Christians,

but it's like a one of those like, one of those cigarettes that like kids smoke, that get them into smoking cigarettes. Like a candy cigarette? No, like the cigarettes that aren't as harsh as the other ones. Yeah, it's like a clove cigarette. Like a pre-120?

Yeah, you're like, oh, this isn't so bad, but you don't realize the damage it's doing to your insides, and when it's a gateway to worse movies. Yeah, no, I think it's a bad, bad movie, but it's one that goes down real smooth. Yeah, and it doesn't really, like, it feels like it's in on the joke at times, but then other times it isn't on the joke.

I don't get it. It confuses me a lot, Dan. So... Clashing tones. Yeah. Clashing tonins. As to why it exists, I assume it's just an ad for a fucking Christian mingle, right? But I guess they find love, but it's like, it's considered all the time a Christian mingle is mentioned in it. I don't get a sense of how it works, what the features are, why it's better than other dating sites. I swear that the movie should have ended with one of her friends being like, you know there's other online dating services, and Lacey Shabair looks at the camera and goes,

what? How do you tell me? Although I like it. She spits out her Mr. Pabre or whatever, fuck she's doing good. And it's like, you know what I'm saying? Here's how the movie should have ended. It doesn't work out with Paul, and she's like, bam, bam, bam, bam Waters version of this movie that works that okay. And then you cut to a post credit sequence where a guy steps on a glass and then when he else model top and we see she's just married someone and he goes, so you'll be able to prepare a full Shabbat meal in the traditional way and she just goes, uh oh.

And then it cuts to her using, I don't know know black people meet or what are some of the other various people? What? No, it cuts to her. I don't know the other. I thought you meant to make dinner. No, no, no. It's horrifying.

It's horrifying. So she's a cannibal? No, the idea is that she's like bouncing around. She's like dancing around. Tantra Pafegas. All of it's horrifying. She's bouncing around like that. There's this other

Like dating side that's just called black people me totally is the name of a fucking web E.T. That's terrible. No the idea that like she bounced it I mean, that's a harsh critique of a successful dating website game. Yeah, I'm gonna be successful dating websites of you set up I just don't zero. Don't care for that name How many successful dating websites have you set up? I just don't care for that name. No, okay, Dan, you as a privileged white man as a cisgender, heteronormative white male. How do you get to decide how black people get to time? I just imagine the post-credit bloops sequences

are trying all these different, yeah. You don't want Dan hashtag, check your website privilege. All right. So, Christian Mingle goes down smooth. Here's the thing though, she probably used that weird dating website that only famous people can use like she stinks her way onto it and she goes on a date with famous people tender. Yeah, she ends up going on a date with like actual Corbin Bernson and he's just not feeling it. Is that such?

Is that a real thing? It's a real famous person tender. Yeah. So famous people wouldn't just hook up with each other? I guess so. I mean, they don't want to, they don't want to consort with us norries. It just seems so weird, so personal. I mean, it all seems weird and unpersonal, right? Not to me.

I don't do that anymore. All right. Well, that was Christian. For the love house. What's the deal with Brexit? Have you seen Happy Valley yet? How do British people announce Edinburgh, Lightchester or Norwich?

Not like that. Are you tired of getting your world news from reliable sources? Often with no puns or sexual innuendo. Why was there a butcher's hat haunting Coronation Street? What's Coronation Street and why is Dave Holmes obsessed with it? International Waters pairs a team of comedians in LA against a team of comedians in London in a pop culture battle royale.

Join us once a fortnight to hear the best comedians in the world, trade jokes and stories and maybe even learn something at the same time. International Waters with me, Dave Holmes, find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. We got some sponsors. Let's see, this is Christian Mingle, although. First sponsor is Squarespace. The Flophouse is supported in part by Squarespace. Whether you need a landing page, a beautiful gallery, a professional blog, or an online store, it's all included

with your Squarespace website. Those sound like all the things that you normally wanna make your website. Yeah. I have the things that you normally want to make your website. Yeah. I have another website that I'm thinking of putting out. Anyway, it's called, listen to my idea before you throw it out the window. Anyway, it's called Christian Dingo. And it's...

No, yeah, I guess I should get a new shot. You know what? I'm not even going to tell you what it's about, but Squarespace, I'm sure it would help me make it great. They'd make it so it looks good even on mobile platforms, iPads, computers, whatever you want to look at it. And it's, they have a lot of, it's just like really easy to use, right? They have a lot of support for the amateur user. You got Squarespace offers 24.7 customer support.

And every member of the team is an experienced Squarespace user working in a Squarespace office. So all of your questions can be answered. So they're not outsourcing this to some prison somewhere. That's right. That's right. Although it's all online, It's not phone support. But I prefer that myself anyway, because I don't want to be a singer.

I don't want to talk to somebody. Yeah. You want to sit in just in a dark room. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to, in my underwear, you want to see the responding cursor slowly bleeping in the darkness, hoping for somebody to respond to you. You want to see the dot, dot, dot that says they're typing.

And then those dot, those dot dot dots disappear. And now what was it? What was it? What did I say? There was so much potential. It was a Schrodinger's cat situation. Maybe I'll click on that. Maybe that was my own look at that while they're typing.

Maybe that was how I five love. Maybe those three dots were my love. Squarespace, it's a good place to make a website. So go do it. You should. Squarespace. Which our promo code? Oh, start your free trial today at squarespace.com slash flop to get 10% off your first purchase. That's a great deal and it helps support the flop house. Your favorite podcast. Maybe not this episode.

So other ones. So build a beautiful. No, that's not the slogan anymore. Okay, we have another sponsor too. It's a little place that I like to call blue apron. Blues a great color. Some would say the warmest color. I would because I saw the movie. Yeah, I got pretty warm after watching that movie. Oh boy.

In certain places. But let's talk about what blue means when it's applied to aprons. It means you get food in the mail. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Food goes in the mouth. I lose some mail. You make a very good plan.

Like, loose split pea soup and like a vanilla envelope. Incorrect. No. What you get is ingredients. Now look, not all ingredients are created equal. It would be impossible. We'd be living in heaven if they were or hell, if they were all equally bad. Right.

What makes a difference is fresh, high quality ingredients. It's important to know where your food comes from. And that's why there's blue apron. Look, blue apron, I've talked about it on the past. I've enjoyed the food from there a lot. It was very helpful when my son had just been born and we didn't have time to go shopping from ingredients. The ingredients showed up in the mail,

the way that my son did delivered by a stork. Your son had loose foot piece soup. I mean, it looked like it certainly just coming out of every orifice at different points. But you won't get loose footly, please soup in the mail. No, you're gonna get delicious meals. And here's the thing, they give you all the ingredients you need and it's pre-measured.

You don't have to waste time measuring out that stuff, which is great, because I know I'm always tense that I'm gonna put in too much or too little, and it's gonna be terrible, and all the time I put into cooking is wasted. That's not gonna happen. It's not that time when I had your popra-cash. I had too much paprika in it.

Oh, but that's almost impossible, but yes, there was too much. I had to go to the hospital afterwards. You get a poppy cosh to me. Isn't there a movement from you? Yeah. Mm-hmm. They had to perform some bloodletting

and have some leeges suck all the paprika out of you. I had cupping and just like the Olympic swimming team, I had to get my stomach popper pumped. Now, that won't have a dude with blue apron. And you're wearing pop opera pumps on your shoes. For less than $10 per meal, opera pumps. Blue apron delivers seasonal recipes

along with pre-portioned ingredients, like I'm saying. And the meals are delicious. Here's some of the stuff you can look forward to. Paprika, spice, shrimp, and cheddar grits with tomato and sweet corn, that sounds good. We're talking about just paprika and you want the right amount. They measured for you.

Spicy hoisin chicken stir fry with baby bok choy and sesame ginger cucumber salad. That sounds really nice. Egg plean chick plant and chick pea tagging. To gene. What's that? I don't like it. I don't like it.

I don't like that. It's like a stew. Forget it. Skip that one, don't order that one. Summer root on noodle salad with cherry tomatoes, corn, and summer sweet pepper. that sounds really good. There's just like a ton of rice. And it's coming from Elliot who normally does not care

for vegetables unless they are crusting his chicken. Crusting? Yeah, where you like grind up chicken or chicken? You're that crazy. Why would you ever do that? I'm chicken, chicken crust is chicken, I call it. Duller chicken fried chicken with devil chicken. The devil chicken. That's the kind of imaginative, crust, chicken, I call it. Duller, chicken fried, chicken with devil chicken. The devil chicken.

That's the kind of imaginative, innovative recipe that Blue Apron's gonna send. I'm the only way LA will willingly eat vegetables as if they're stuck to a piece of chicken, like the vegetable grandma. I like vegetables a lot. It's fruit that I hate and should die. Vegetables I like a lot.

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That's blueaprin.com slash flop house for first three meals free, three for free. They didn't write that. I just made that up and it's a great slogan. You're going to love it. Just go to blueaprin.com slash flop house. Blueaprin, a better way to cook. You can get on that train for stop delicious. Okay. Here's another problem. flopp house. Blue apron. A better way to cook. Get on that train. First stop. Delicious.

Okay, here's another problem. A question I don't know. Paul is trying to get out of a conversation and they're eating hot dogs. And he points to me and goes, next stop, the delicious train. What kind of train is this, dude? The train takes you to the stop.

It could probably shape like a hot dog, Ellie. Unless what it's taking you to is a decommissioned train, which is now used as kind of an art piece at a station called Delicious Train, named after this defunct train. And you're on, say, the middiest quarter, northeastern express, or something, where the super chief heading to that station.

How could the next stop be the delicious train? Are you taking a train to get on another train? That's crazy. That's like something a rich person that an an-rand novel would do. Come on. You'd say next stop, delicious town. That sounds like a place.

Deliciousville, delicious Virg, Virg, delicious Virg, that makes sense. That's crazy. Deliciousvania, taste, place. Like those are stop names. Next stop, delicious train. It's crazy. Delicious Vania. Mm-hmm. Taste place. Mm-hmm. Like those are stop names. Yeah. Next stop, delicious train.

Corbin Bernson, what were you thinking when you wrote that line of dialogue? Or was it ad-libed on set? I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll never know unless we kidnap the actor who played that part and torture him until he tells us. Or if Corbin Bernson's listening, just send it to us. Yeah, just write in. Or kidnap the actor. No, why don't we don't need to?

It's time to a chair and burn him with cigars until he tells us. So if Corbin Bernson, you're listening, just write into, I don't know, flop. email.edu. Slashgov. And if you're that actor a million keep an eye out Just keep looking over your shoulder. Why would you warn him if you're trying to? Because he likes the game of it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. He wants the angel in game. He's like I like to play this on

expert difficulty. Please Where's the pleasure at that pulls away your hud? Where's the pleasure in the pride and hunting a quarry who doesn't know he's being hunted? I like to give them every opportunity so that they know in the end that I am their superior. There was no chance involved in this conquest, only strategy, cunning, and pure brute strength. The only chance is Chance Boudreau, star of hard target. Star? It's the character. Chance Boudreau, who stars as John Club Bandam and Hard Tarte.

So, Dan. By the way, I'm giving you a little sneak peek to my recommendations this week. Dan, do we have any jumbo-tron messages? Yeah, hell yeah, we do. Jumbo-tron. The trumps of jumbo. The trumps of trons.

The jumbo-tron's. Is Elliott Dunner, should I start this? You can do either thing with a message. Okay. Jumbo-tron announcement over. No, it's starting now. I meant the thing with the message. Jumbo Tron announcement over. No, it's starting now. I meant the announcement of the intro. The now entering the middle portion of the Jumbo Tron, the actual message message commences in three, two, one, and message commencing. two, one, and message commencing. Okay.

Now. Oh. This message is for Tom. This message is from Pete, Aerozo, Joe, Mel, John, and Megan. Happy birthday, Tom. As you begin the adventure that is your 30s, we could think of no better way to celebrate than by supporting Stuart's drinking habit. Thank you.

Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, Stuart does have both a hard liquor drink and a beer, part of it. We could have purchased you any number of rare comics or signed monster dicks, not even a mummy dick. Wait, who would sign a mummy's dick? Probably the guy who mummified it. It's not all signed in Ireland, I would love it. The Bobzie Twin mystery.

Who would sign a mummy's dick? So much mummy's dick. Look, Ellen, can you come in here? I know we heard you on spec to start writing these Bob's E2 and mysteries. I don't think it's going to work out. This first one is just not what we're looking for. But you're never going to believe who would sign a

mommy's tick at the end. I think it's just not an appropriate mystery. Straight into the end, you'll be surprised. And this other one, what's up, Frankenstein's butt? I'm just not going to read it. I don't even care how surprisingly the ending is, but how many red herrings you built in. It's a Trump vote.

You're drafted a question. You're drafted, the cover art is very disturbing. Not something we've been hired to do. Don't know why Frankenstein looks like me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, so, come on, use.

So anyway, back to the jump on message. So rewind. But we could have purchased you any number of rare comics or signed monster dicks. But now every time you hear that crack of the can, you'll feel like part of the problem. PS ski is actually a. Now guys, I got to admit that's where the message ends. Pete, or Aerozo, Joe, Mel, John and Megan have gone over the character limit. So let's try and speculate as to what ski is actually a terrible thing that ruined my knee.

Good point, good point. Okay, that's possibly right. Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna guess ski is actually an activity you use a ball for. Oh, because it's S-K-E-E. Yep, I have a little bit of inside information that Dan doesn't have, so he looks like an idiot.

Yeah. Elliot, and you get a guess? And I know that it's spelled S-K-E-E. Yep, so I'm gonna guess that it's ski is a rhyme for key. Hmm perfect. Okay, so if you guys could write us into whatever our fucking email address is just write it. Watthouse.gov at 100.4. Write it and tell how close we were to the actual information. I hope that you had just finished the sentence and there weren't multiple sentences after that. And Tom,

welcome to your 30s. I hope that like me, you find it is actually better than your 20s. Uh-huh. I actually enjoyed that. That's what a Deans Savage wrote that book about, right? It gets better. Uh-uh. It's 30s being better than his 20s. I mean, I felt like that was the message for me. You sure? Certainly. Mine were better. and then they got precipitously worse. But really what happened, Dan? Oh, light. I'm right. Dan stairs off into the middle distance waiting for hangman's acts that overall.

Hey man, what was it? The gallows break because I'm at the hangman's using an axe. Yeah. I'm sure yours will be better. They're not a thing to be scared of. They're, uh, they're your They're the peak your peak years. And don't worry, you got your 40s ahead of you, man. Yeah, and if anything, I've learned from Judd Apatow's true, then your 40s is all about just being Paul Rudd. Yeah, just wow.

Yeah, I'll take that any day. Sure, who is it? Hey, I'm Paul Rudd. I'm in my 40s comma possibly 50s, and I looked like I was in my 20s, still, I guess. Possibly 50s and I looked like I was in my 20s still I guess Wow, so we got all worked on what's the next part of this fucking podcast Danny boy What do you do next in this over long bloated podcast? The next part of this podcast is letters

From listeners holy shit. We're just getting the letters. The episode's going long. Something might be going wrong. So the only way to write it is let's excite it with a song. A song for you about letters. That'll make everything better. Escape from those fenders with letters letters letters Is that a letter over the hill? I don't want to guess I don't want to get my hopes up so many times I've been disappointed

Thinking I see letters are heard of me and nothing's there. No one writes to me in this cabin in the woods. My name is Henry David Thoreau. Don't you know Hamilton. Anyway, continue, Dan. Let's do it. Literally started texting and all that. No, I just got a message from Jesse Thorn, or I guess their podcast in Prasario,

who I invited to be a guest on tonight's episode, but he's too busy in his words, boking, which I think he means bowling with the creator of Hamilton. Oh, and he didn't get it. Well, when the creative Hamilton hears my song, he'll appreciate it. So I assume that you were texting your uncle to tell him, you know that new sound you've been looking for Well, what's next?

Cousin it's a cousin your cousin Garden. Hey, it's your cousin Stewart Spector You're still in jail. Well, that's how you were looking for when you get out of jail for murder So this first letter is from Jake last name withheld. Jill and Hull. I recently started to re-listing to the old episodes and just finished enjoying episode 27, 27 dresses. The rare romantic comedy in your catalog, the three of you managed to... except for Christian Mangle. Yeah. The three of you managed to touch on various topics related to female empowerment such as Catherine Higle's boobs and Hathaway's boobs. How hot,

male and acrimony is relative to Catherine Higle. How puffy Catherine Higle's face is, and how Stuart's mustache is not quite Sam Elliott caliber, but is at least growing quality. This all culminates with one of the most... I will say it is unfair to judge something on characteristics it never boasted of in the first place. It is nowhere in our mission statement to do anything but be idiots. This all culminates with one of the more chilling moments

in Flapphouse history, Dan, menacingly threatening to Analy Rafe's story. I gotta listen to this episode. I don't remember any of this. So it's a different time. So I guess my question is, given you guys haven't picked the chick flip mantel up since, what are some examples of the genre

that you all actually enjoy? I thought we saw it just a little bit of heaven. Yeah. It's a different kind of chick. Like that's like a steel magnolia type thing. I watched those two Nicholas Sparks movies. Yeah, the one about the ghost, and I didn't see the other one.

What about that one where Zach Efron's just trying to get a piece? Oh yeah, that awkward moment. I didn't watch that one. I mean, that's not a joke. That's a bro flick, as is we are your friends in another Zach Efron movie. So what was the question?

What are some quote chick flicks? Not a fan of the title, but what are we talking about like romantic comedies? Cause a little while ago, I recommended man up with, uh, with, uh, with, uh, those, uh, with Simon Pig and, uh, what's your name? And I reckon, I like that one. I recommend sleeping with other people shortly thereafter. That was a fun one without some breathing jesus adegas Uh, I have to admit I I have a fondness for the Dan loves love actually now

Specifically that one storyline where the one creepy guy uses the fucking placard It's too much for us that he's been a dicky shitty friend. That's a movie that's very entertaining and very terrible at the same time. Yep, it's not a good movie. But what about when Hugh Grant, the boss of that girl, makes his moves on that girl that is his employee? That's really cool. I've never seen love actually.

Are you kidding me? It's great. It's great seeing it. Maybe someday. Or weddings in a funeral, not a killer, okay, though, if you're going to go with Richard Gerrard. I mean, a while ago, I recommended though. If you're going to go with Richard, very soon. I mean, a while ago, I recommended Middleton Nowear, which is a movie about a woman.

It's not a comedy. I mean, the best romantic comedies are like old movies. I feel like. Like how old? Like, like hard-roading. You know, like Hollywood hot-tops. Wrestling Sturgis era. Yeah, weird songs. Yeah, I Pressing the surges, era.

Yeah, weird times. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I wouldn't call those romantic comedies necessarily. You're getting into screwball territory, which is a comedy that has romance in it, but the romance is not of the wooing type through delicacy and grace, or even two people communicating on the same level. It's wooing through violent disagreement and discord that is a representation of suppressed sexual drives.

I mean, I guess, yeah, I sure are moments. What's this, so what's, I don't know. I mean, I don't, at this point, I mean, the best romantic comedy in my mind is Hesgrove Friday and that's a guy brow beating aating woman. And the woman, well, really look fine at her. It's a chilling tale of a woman who has escaped an overbearing and possessive boss who was, she was also married to, and then being drawn back into his clutches at the end. She is, she is equally brassy, and that would be.

But by the end of it, it is clear that he plays the tune, and she just dances to it. Okay. When she's like, we'll have a honeymoon, right? It's like, sure, sure, sure. Anyway, there's a big story. We're gonna go cover that. Okay, yeah, and then we'll have a honeymoon. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Chilling.

They are not equals. Sad. Wow, you're like Donald Trump's Twitter speed. That's a movie I like, too. I just wouldn't call it a romance. Okay, so I'll we answer that question. So, that's one of those things where I feel like I can't think of one off the top of my head even though I've seen a bunch, but there's something about most romantic comedies

that, and I don't know if this is me being a misogynist, just doesn't, it doesn't press the buttons that for me equal a movie that I've been enjoying watching at the moment. Well, would a chick chick would like, does she flick only mean romantic comedy? Or are we talking about something like dirty dancing, a movie that I have recommended out this podcast? Or even like a League of Their Own, which is a movie about women, which is great.

Or like I just finished watching the other day Daughters of the Dust, which is not entirely about women, but is very much from a female point of view, and is really good, but like it's not a romance, or it's not much from a female point of view and is really good, but like it's not a romance, or it's not a romantic comedy, there's romantic elements. I wouldn't call it a chick flick, like, I don't know. I don't know what the parameters of that genre are. So it's hard for me to think of what I've seen that fit.

Yeah, you need to understand the edges of the sandbox you're playing. So I guess I'm going to have to say like tank girl. And that's not even a good movie. And the correct. Correct. And for all this excess stuff you listed up front, I'm sorry, we used to be bigger knuckleheads even than we are today. I guess so. I mean, it's like I don't know what the I there's no there's no excuse for it I would have to see the context of their market sir. Yeah, let's get a transcript and pour over it afterwards And also we did start doing this just being for myself when I was in my early to mid-20s so

I didn't I didn't even know what I'd never even talked to a girl before Mm-hmm. It was all the sublimated anger of a nerd who wasn't, who, who were women, couldn't see why he was a great guy. They should date even though he never talked to them and just kind of looked at them in a creepy way, hoping they would start talking to him. That turned into a kind of rage that could only erupt through the venom

that nowadays with Twitter would be, I guess, aimed at a ghostbuster. But at the time I had no outlet other than Katherine Hygol. Most of my interactions with women were female characters in JRPGs that I watched my friend play. This next letter is from Tom Lastam with Held. Hardy. Oh, I like dogs.

What do you think of them? I think they're great. It's interesting. I mean, I mean, I'm a huge fan of his so anything he reaches out and talks about is interesting. The email said if Elliot said Selik give him points. Oh, so close. Why are you working in a deficit already? My parents asked my brother Jeff what they should name me. He said Magnum as in PI, not the condom. They don't know that. But to the point. Or the ice cream.

Floppers for the past three months, I've inadvertently been listening to all of my podcasts at 1.4 speed and never noticed. What did you mean? Yeah, this is jubin. I've never noticed over the 90 plus episodes I've listened to. In fact, I may never have known of this unless my wife asked why the hell it was playing so fast the first time she heard an episode. For all

these months of listening, I never understood why people talk about how to press dance sounds. Now I do. He sounded as chipper as a micromancy and guy. Dan, please talk 40% faster at all times. You were so much funnier at that speed. Wait, wait, wait, Dan can barely speak coherent words at this speed. Yeah. Dan was so much funnier at that speed. Elliot made my eyes start to bleed from the corners. Well, read on. Even though I'm make-duff. Even though it's only 40% faster, you sound 80% less depressing, it's a great value. Elliot.

Your voice is not annoying at all at normal speed. That's not true. I suggest you talk 40% faster from time to time, just so people realize how much worse it could be. Stuart, your voice exists out of time and sounds remarkably unchanged regardless of speed. Yeah. Flop on and flop hard. Tom.

So, uh, I guess I'm sorry for talking. We have slower than I should be. Hey, you don't owe him a damn thing. Yeah. But you could pep it up a little. Let's see a smile. That's the moral of like the whole letter sequence. I'd say, we don't owe you people a damn thing. We're so damn like give us a smile every once in a,

come on pretty pretty, give me a smile. Come on honey, come on, I'm only looking good. Give me a smile. Smile baby. I don't like this at all. Hey, come on. Let up the world just smile. Even as a joke, I don't care.

Give me a smile. I'm giving you a taste of what it's like Dan. Yeah, hashtag check yourself hashtag woke Herman woke author of the wins of war and Warren remembrance and Marjorie Morningstar and the Kane Mutiny Marjorie Morningstar sense like an awesome paladin None turned paladin yeah Herman woke is that one of those authors, and maybe this is my experience, where your dad has a lot of books by him,

so you're like, he must be a great author, and he's very readable, and when you're old, you're like, he's a very good author. He's not a great author. Sure, okay. Well, this has been the Flophouse Literary Corner. Can we have the Literary Corner theme? There's only, hey, everybody, let's look at some books,

book at some looks, book at some looks, rook with some books. Let's have some books for looks in nooks. Here we go. Get your hooks on some books. Flop house literary corner. Because usually your dad's bookshelf is filled with only great authors like Ludlums, your Bernard Cornwells, or in the case of my dad, a hastily hidden DVD copy of Dancing at the Blue Aquama, with Darrell Hannah. Where I'm like,

this isn't even porn, dad. What's going on? It's like this weird extended improv exercise setting up strip club. That's what I'm into, son. This one goes like this. Who wrote pillars of the earth? I don't remember. That This one goes like this. Who wrote Pillars of the Earth? I don't remember.

That's one of my dad's favorites. Anyway. This is from Irvin Last Name with Hell, who writes, I was recently an NYC for the Duffost Marathon, and to visit hinterlands. I've never heard of it. I found myself on two occasions in the same room with performers I admire and celebrate.

Let's just call them celebrities for short. The first time was at the performers party at the Delco's marathon. I saw the likes of Jason Metsucus, Lauren Lapkas, Mary Holland and Chris Getherd. People wouldn't stop going up to them to praise their work. The celebrities were generous with their time, even when it looked like they were just trying to go to the bathroom. I decided to leave the celebrities alone. I'm just some tubby middle aged weirdo they don't know why bother them. The second time was in Hentrelands. Stuart and Dan were at the bar. As I walked up Stuart said to Dan, dude do you want some coffee or something? It's a pretty good impression. Seems like Dan got shit-faced on a Sunday afternoon and Stuart was looking after his buddy. I'm sure I'm I did charge my drink and sat on the patio. What do you do when you encounter a person who is creative working to appreciate so much

that you regard them as a celebrity? My normal approach is to leave that person alone, but I have an odd sense of regret for not introducing myself. Thanks for the flopping peaches, Irvin, last name of hell. Now let's go back for a moment and just verify. I remember this time. I remember you. Giving me coffee.

I don't drink coffee ever as either a hangover cure or an attempt to sober up because Because it's not effective for either. Okay. I was just really tired. I was not sure Doesn't I mean you can be doesn't matter as drunk as you want I'm saying that just I should have just come up and say hi. Look Sunday morning down The brief you had for breakfast was so good, you had another for dessert. All right. I've said this a bunch of times on the podcast,

and I think it's, I mean, it might be a little self-serving, but if you are ever around me and are wondering if it would be weird or anything for you to introduce yourself, I would personally love it for you to introduce yourself. So don't be, think it's weird on my account. I think it's great. I like talking to people that that's awesome. That I mean, yeah, I don't want this person to feel like they missed an opportunity,

but I mean, we probably would just talk about boring bullshit. Perfect. So you probably you probably won out on that one. Same goes for me. Look, I if you can find a rare Elliot sighting in the wild, that's like, that's like catching a fucking new two out there, man, like they're rare as shit. You've just seen a slow loris out of a tree somewhere. That's he's usually hiding inside of a hole. Yep. So get him talking. Don't be antagonistic

toward now. They don't be like, do you even like Abraham Lincoln? Because that's just you trying to, hard man. Step off, I'm leaving. Yeah. But I was at the, I forget if maybe it was Father's Day, I was at the Turtleback Zoo in New Jersey, my hometown zoo, and which they have refurbished and made much nicer than it was when I grew up there, and at the zoo. And I was there with my dad and with my family. And a guy came up and was like, are you really

coming from the flop house? Da da da da da da and he was very nice and it was just a very brief encountering and we talked a little bit about the podcast Yeah And my dad that was months ago my dad still brings it up all the time He could not have been more pleased and delighted to have seen me like noticed like a celebrity and have somebody be interested in talking to me So like if you ever see me even with with my family, come on up and say hello. Like, if I'm with my dad, my in-laws impresses the hell out of them. Just come on up and pretend I'm important.

Yeah, for some reason you're using a magnifying glass just looking around on the street. You're like, oh, there's an alien caillum down there. I asked for actual celebrities though. I feel like I feel like Part of it is there's a scale like we are not actually famous. So we are delighted We're not even almost famous. That's a movie We're not a DVD copy of almost famous But it keep trying but because of our lack of fame. We're delighted when we're treated as famous I think that probably there's a scale where minor celebrities are more keen on being noticed

and interacted with than major celebrities. Yeah, and then all the way to the top of the most famous person, Amos, who does not like to be noticed. No. That's why he disguises himself with a cookie tin. Yeah. I feel like for the most part, if you go up to somebody and introduce yourself and just say that you like their work, and that's about it, I think even the most famous person

will be at least somewhat happy about it. They're not happy about it. They're probably going through some shit. There are definitely people that I was too nervous to go up to and say hello to, even within the past couple of years, and I regret it after that. Doesn't a hodgeman have set of rules for interacting with celebrities where you... nervous to go up to and say hello to, even within the past couple of years, and I regret it. After that. Doesn't a hodgeman have like a set of rules for interacting with celebrities where you, I think it's basically what you said, like you go up to them, say you appreciate what

they do, and then you leave them alone. Yeah. And I think that's a pretty good, pretty good set of rules. I mean, that's, that's life lessons you can live by. And maybe, you know, if they seem interested in keeping the conversation going, that's, that's life lessons you can live by. Mm-hmm. And maybe, you know, if they seem interested in keeping the conversation going, that's a different thing. But yeah.

Maybe in over a drink. Yeah. At their place. Yeah, or in the case of Hodgmann's kind of weird antagonistic relationship. Yeah. Or he shows affection by being mean and ultimately bullying and very helpful.

Yeah, that could happen. But we're running long. So I think that that's the end of the letter segments. Sorry, other letters. Sorry. One other letter that we'll get rid of. That's really good letter before a Shankto episode. So what's the next part we do, Danny? Don't call me that. The next part is. Okay, Danzo. So what's the next part we do, Danny? Don't call me that. The next part is. Okay, Danzo. Danzen in the dark.

The next is recommendations of movies we actually liked. In opposition to Christian Mangle. Well, I'll go first just to speed it along. He speaks Christian Mangle about a woman who's desperately trying to get married. Reminded me of a movie that I watched recently about some women who are not so interested in getting married. That was really good.

It's called Mustang, and it's from Turkey. And it was Turkey's entry for the, it was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film with the Academy Awards last year. It's about five daughters, five sisters, who from the, they're kind of midteens to the youngest daughters, probably about 12. And after a day when they are seen too publicly, kind of like playing on the beach with boys, they're very conservative uncle and grandmother who are their guardians decide they got to get them married off quick and they're going to lock them down in the house and not let them out until then because they're

ringing too much shame on the family. And it becomes almost kind of like a prison picture about these five sisters. And it's alternately very funny at times and very harrowing at other times. And it was just really, really good. So Mustang from Turkey. I'm going to recommend a movie that I wasn't, I was maybe not on the right brain space to watch it and enjoy it as fully as I should have. I was looking for something light and escapist, but through circumstance I ended up watching instead the Duke of Burgundy, the movie about a sort of master slave sexual relationship that was shot in the style of old Euro-Smart films from the 70s. But has a little bit more on his mind. It's about this lesbian relationship.

You first encounter these women as one of them comes as a mage, the other ones house, and the mistress treats her very poorly. And it's only over a period of time that you come to realize, oh, that they're enacting this kind of ritualized scene between the two of them that's going to end up in a sexual encounter. And it's very restrained for a movie about a lesbian SNM relationship, or it's about as tasteful as any movie that has the phrase human toilet and it ever could be. I'm just like, I'm just saying like, it's not a movie to watch for like 10 minutes.

For a movie that doesn't feature same kinesan shouting. You're not going to put it. It's not a family picture. It's not a family picture. You know what? Everyone's in the same house for Christmas again. Yeah. Let's just pop in the Ducoburgan D.

Yeah. I didn't gram grandma like that. Should we watch that movie about the dogs who get all captured and the kids after rescue the dogs from the pound? You watch them move very Kevin Spacey becomes a cat for should we watch this? It's not a family picture, but other than like references to sex and some lingerie, it's also not explicit really.

It's more of a movie about a relationship and showing how over time this ritualized sexual relationship is causing some strain on the relationship on the person specifically who has to be the dominant one and has to always be fulfilling the fantasies of the submissive women. And it's kind of funny in certain ways. It's very beautifully shot. It's kind of sad. Again, I saw it on a day that I was looking

for something a little more goofy. So if you're in that mood, maybe don't watch it, but I'm glad I saw it, because it's very well done. So Duke of Burgundy. So, I'm gonna give you guys a little bit of a sneak peek for a recommendation. This is a movie that I only watched about half of so far,

but oh boy, it's a hot of pizza. I'm talking about... I'm talking about. I'm talking about Straight to Netflix, Action Flick, Hard Target 2 starring Scott Adkins and my girl, Rona Mitra. Hell yeah, you hear those two names and you're like, oh man, this one's gonna be a fucking banger, better lock the doors. And you're kind of right. Sometimes it seems to it like you're you're temporarily you're extemporizing an audition to replace Joe Bob race

Yeah, so yeah it opens up with Scott Aggins fucking killing his friend with a sweet ass jump kick And then turns into a hard target sweet ass jump kick. And then turns into a hard target movie where he accepts a job from this creepy ass European dude. For what he thinks is going to be a no-hold sparred fucking battle because he's super sad about killing his friend with that aforementioned jump kick. So he's been drinking a lot and beaten the shit out of dudes for money. So he takes his job and it turns out, uh-oh, he's being hunted by these other ass wipes money.

Because that's part of targets, sir. Yeah, he's a hard target. Most dangerous game. And one of the, one of the, one of the people hunting him is, of course, Rona Mietra, carrying a couple of fucking crossbow pistols, which is fucking awesome. And then I fell asleep because I was drinking a lot and it was like six in the morning, but don't worry guys, I'll give you a full report next time. And my other movie I'm going to recommend that I watched all of is The Nice Guys, the

latest Shane Black joint, kind of a companion piece in some ways to Kiscus Bang Bang. It's a 70s noir comedy with some really great standout performances from Ryan Gosling and a surprisingly hilarious performance by Russell Crowe, you know, a font of comedy juice, Russell Crowe. So did you, you watched the whole movie? I watched all of it. I did not fall asleep once. And I think it's great. And you should go check it out. The nice guys. I watched the first half of hard target too. I watched it with called Mr. Nice Guy the other day. You know the Jackie Chan movie?

No. I don't think that was it. Who's in it? A different one. You don't think that was it? So like, you know, whoever Jackie Chan was in the movie, you're not one of the biggest stars in the world. You say, Jackie Chan usually makes a pretty specific impression.

No way. It's not like you couldn't remember if it was like, if it was, uh, whether it was like, um, uh, James A. Gar or, or like, or John A. Gar, like, uh, you know, some, it's, or Peter Graves, you know, something like that and a movie from the 50s. All right. Maybe I was thinking of it differently. This story didn't go.

You still don't know if Jackie Chan was in it. Here's Dan. I'm going to ask you one simple question. Was Jackie Chan in the movie? Jackie Chan, whatever movie I watched, it did not have Jackie Chan. So it's not the Mr. Nice guy that Stuart is referring to. No. Let's checkmate. Let's not pretend we live in this country. I'm so thrilled, bro. To where that you could have seen Mr. Nice Guy with Jackie Chan. It was not that movie

I think we established through this one piece of information All right Sherlock Holmes Slilock Fox. Thanks for it. Yeah, thanks for I just wanted to take out an reasonable doubt that you had maybe watched a Jackie Chan movie and somehow had forgotten that the very unique star Jackie Chan who is in the sense of martial arts for duality and slapstick humor is unparalleled in my mind by anyone in the world that you didn't somehow over over both is contributions to all of them. They were thinking, who was the guy who did a really funny ladder battle? With four organized crime hitmen?

I don't even remember. There's no way of saying. All right. We're just gonna have to assume. We're in some universe where both was and was not Jackie Chan until through observing the film we collapse those possibilities into one point in time. Sure. All right. Let's just not leave the audience hanging as I'm saying. Thinking that you have some sort of Jackie Chan specific amnesia

sort of Jackie Chan specific amnesia that only affects your ability to remember the presence of Jackie Chan. The King of martial arts comedy is for three decades at least. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for that because it's so I guess watch Mr. Price, guys, turn Jackie Chan. Dan, watch it tonight just to make sure it wasn't the movie you saw before I'll take that homework assignment but We we appreciate your listening a lot of good shows on the max fun network listen to other shows on the max fun network

There's a ton of them a ton of them more popular than us like for good a good reason at the end, anything, anything by the McAroy's throwing shade, Judge John Hodgman, Adam Roons, everything, all more popular than us. Throw some support to the ones that don't need it. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, we got this. That's a great show with our boys gagli already. And I don't know Ross and Kerry was mentioned before.

What else? Bull's eyes, great show. A lot of Jordan Jessica. Yeah, the inspiration of this podcast. They're all great. But even during that. Oh, beef and dairy networks, right? But it's a rather rival show. That's all about land. But now we have to say goodbye so we can rest up for October. Oh boy, because it's what a three-piece October. It's a three episode, October this year. So it's going to get nasty. So even though you're sad that small members gone.

Leave it behind. It's dead now. Yeah. Just keep walking. There's nothing you could do to save it. Yeah. We got better and bigger things coming up. So for the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. I've been a steward Wellington. And I'm Elliott Kaylon. A man who's fully aware of when he's seen Jackie Chan on film. He made everyone Okay, you doing alright just waking up doing some practical exercise What trying to get my brain right? Let's get your brain right. I guess tell you okay. Well, let's do some puzzle teasers to your brain worth it. We'll do this. Uh huh. Okay. So if Slylock Fox and Max Mouse are both walking two miles an hour. Okay. And

the last brown mouse. Uh, the one. Two miles an hour. Can you hold off on questions until after I'm done? Okay, not a question, but yes. Uh, and they take a fork in the road. Yeah. Meanwhile, Max Mouse has consumed one kilogram of cheese. Meanwhile, like while he's eating or while he's while he's eating, definitely. Also while he's walking, how much do they weigh

considering the amount of kilojoules of energy is burned off? By the time they reach Cincinnati. So where did they start? I'm not done. I said no questions. They started in Cleveland. Okay. This is simple, Trans-Ohio walk. Has we all done? All right. Are you not going to answer? All right.

They weigh a fox amount. A fox amount. So you're saying the mouse has a negligible weight? Yeah, it's not even countable not even recordable. Yeah Okay, here's one Let's say the crypt keeper has four wormy boners. Okay, he gives seems like a lot half those wormy boners to Stuart. Okay I accept them greedily Stuart gives half of those wormy boners to Dan. Okay. I accept them greedily. Stuart gives half of those wormy boners to Dan. Okay. Dan then gives half of what we want us to be start with. Dude! Forget it. Never mind. Forget it. If you're not gonna help

yourself, I can't help you. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artists don't. Listen or support it. Good news, everyone. There are still a few tickets remaining for the London Podcast Festival, September 22nd through 26th.

We've just announced a dazzling new addition to the Bullseye lineup. Sharon Horgan, creator and star of the hit shows, pulling and catastrophe as well as a new show, Divorce, which launches soon on HBO. Comedian Josie Long, Veeb creator, Armando Ianucci, and musician Romero, round out the Bullseye lineup. But the fun doesn't stop there, friends.

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