The Flop House - Ep. #218 - Nine Lives

Episode Date: November 26, 2016

Kevin Spacey as a cat sounds just purrrrfect (TM) for the Flop House, so we watched Nine Lives. Meanwhile, Stuart tells of his adventures with Kirsten Dunst, Dan suggests a terrible new method of shooting porn, and Elliott tells an offensive phone book joke. Wikipedia synopsis for Nine Lives Movies recommended in this episode: Waxwork II: Lost in Time Losing Ground Encounters at the End of the World If you would like to contribute to the Flop House Facebook charity drive for Planned Parenthood, GO HERE. Buy tickets for the FLOP HOUSE LIVE SHOW.

On this episode we discuss 9 lives. It's like a big budget ripoff of a talking cat? Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys, I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Ellie Kaelen, glad Stuart popped his cap during his name thing and not once again Dring my name Upstaging me with the opening of a bottle yet again. I feared like who's that cool character Who's that new guy to show to who's the original party animal that just wandered in well That's you kids don't say that's me. Yeah

Yeah, cuz they think that you're the one who loves the American- Oh, yeah, because I, by context, yeah, it's a real Gulleshoff experiment. Yeah, so every time people hear your voice, they're thinking beer, beer, pop, and a beer. When they should be thinking chicken, chicken, tearing into some sweet fried chicken. So what do we do here on this here podcast, Dan?

Well, thank you, sir. This here podcast is a bad movie podcast. I think the thank you for. As you're a question, if anything, you made your life a little harder. This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it. And tonight, we watched a movie called Nine Lives. Hey guys, what's been going on in your Nine Lives? Well, I've been helping my mom move.

So I've spent a few days this week moving boxes, pouring kitty litter into paint, so it'll dry up and we can toss it out of the dump, bringing things to a storage facility. Did you have a situation where you needed to carry a box to somewhere else and you're like, nobody's gonna let me go into that place with this box. So you put a headband on and some Mentos.

Not really, because we rented the storage space. So I'm well-carrying the DikittyLiter box. I did think to myself, wow, I finally just like Glenn Danzig, famously in a photograph carrying a box of DikittyLiter that he just bought. And I've had a lot of this conversation with my mom. Mom, you can throw this out, but you loved that when you were a kid. Yeah, but I don't want anymore.

I've no use for this. Well, we'll put it in storage and you can make that decision later. Thanks, mom. You have to put away those childish things. Yeah, it's right in there in the Bible. Or that John Cougar Melon camp song. Yeah, it's right in there in the Bible. Mm-hmm. Or that John Cougar Melon camps on. Yeah, the Bible. Isn't the Bible just the best John Cougar Melon camps on? Have you seen pictures of John Cougar Melon camp lately? It's like the top of his head is trying to escape. He's more Cougar than Melon camp now.

He is like, he is living his life hoping to get some stunt-casting in a Dick Tracy race. He plays flat top, the Green Lantern of villain. Yeah, his head is bursting out of the scene. Sinestro? Yeah. No, no, no, the other one with the big head from the movie. What's, who's in the wheelchair?

Brainiac? No, that's Superman. I can't remember. He doesn't have a code name, it's just a human name. Oh, that's lame. Okay. James. So maybe he can give the big head guy.

He could be a modern, D'Ate Tracy villain like Bruce Willis, who would be called low lip, because his upper lip is a crazy distance from his nose. Look at Bruce Willis and don't see, and try not to think about how far away his upper lip is from his nose. It's insane.

Like you would think he would rent himself out for like life drawing classes. You think people were like, oh, what would it look like if someone, if a Simpson's character existed in real life? Oh, Bruce Willis, there you go. Take that Hollywood superstar Bruce Willis. Hey, he can't, he can take it. Come on, this is the guy, he's still living on that North money.

He's living on that Bruno money. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brunos returns. And he's got a lot of harmonica to play at planet Hollywood's around the world You kind of feel like he co-founded planet Hollywood just so we'd always have a venue for performing as Bruno wherever he went Well, I like jump up there like make tonight songs on opiano. Yeah, Max

You know all the blues strap are not with standing. There's not a lot of harmonic of front front and band venues out there. Wherever Bob Dylan's playing. All right. I guess you got me. No bill prize winner for chemistry because he because he finally learned what the answer was that was blown in the wind. And that was a huge win for meteorology

How that affects chemistry and not physics? I don't know. I'm not a scientist I'm just a guy who's making it up as he goes along, but aren't we all so LA was carrying boxes Dan What's what you been up to you know man? Just the daily grind the daily show grind that is on Comedy Central weeknight 11 p.m. Monday through Thursday Now hosted by Trevor Noah. Okay, so we normally watch a movie and tonight was no different. And what have you been up to?

Really derailed it. I love how you're not trying to get it back on track as if we're the problem. Shuttle down, guys, shuttle down. Now, here on the podcast. That's what's known as an attractive nuisance. I just got back from the Midwest. Went on adventures,

our old stop and grounds. Oh, man. We placed a pally haggland. Flat as always. It was, well, I was in the kind of southern Midwest or the south. The south, the thing I'm going to ask. Yeah. What state were you in? I spent a little time in West Virginia.

Okay, I'd call it the south, yeah. And then a little time in West Virginia. Okay. I'd call it a South Yeah, and then a little bit in old Kentucky South of the South And took yep, I went to a wedding spend some time in malls Yeah, it was pretty exciting and I spent some time with children Which I don't know if you know this they're covered in germs I don't know if you know this they're covered in germs. Yeah, I own one. Yeah, I own one. I own one. It's making me sick all the time.

I'm operating at like 30% tonight guys. Really? Because you've been talking more than usual. Yeah, I'm wearing like a, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, maybe that's a big old man. Hey, don't, Dan, are you okay? I'm just got taken off. I'm just got taken off.

Oh my god. Dan, when you see yams, do they talk to you? Do they ever tell you to burn things? They tell me to put marshmallows on top of everything. Okay, that's fair. What are we doing? So we watch bad movies and we watch the bad movie tonight called. Nine lives, we've been on these lines.

It's been a very time. Nine erotic lives. Now, nine lives is the next in an unending series, I assume, of stories about talking cats that we'll cover on the show. And that is the second one. And this we're talking cat. Whereas a talking cat was a very low budget,

very, let's say, resourceless film. Well, that was a passion project. It was a passion project. So we needed to tell the story. It was burning up the brain of what would happen if a cat could talk. And had magic powers. Now, in that one, Eric Roberts

phoned in his performance as the cat literally. It sounded like he was on a phone. In this movie, Kevin Spacey plays the cat and the audio quality is better, but the performance quality, oh boy, not so much better. So you're saying they're about the same level of actor. Uh, I'm not saying that, although Eric Roberts is an underrated actor, and Kevin Spacey has not been playing to his total strengths in film, although having seen him on stage

in Richard III, he was fantastic. Uh, did he do his fucking foghorn, leghorn impression? He does on house cards? Uh, I mean, he flayed Richard III in a kind of a similar way. I suppose I'll be a villain. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

a villain I shall be. I've always depended on the kindness of the villain. That's a different way. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm more, more, I'll say boy, that's a joke son. We're about discontent son. That's fun horn the third. Horse boy, horse son.

Came from a horse son. I remember one of the things having reached the third. Now all the clouds are glowed upon our houses. The deep belly of the ocean buried Etc Wait wait, it's not the actual line. No, it's your genius anyway, so the This movie it's like when someone takes a little indie film and makes a big budget version of it and loses the soul like a

Tiny Indiana Jones movie where he's little indie Little indie like a tiny Indiana Jones movie where he's a little little indie. Little little little indie. A little little indie. A little little indie. A little indie. A little indie. A little indie. A little indie. A little indie.

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And then he learned how to dance from Forest Gump. Did Elvis come up with anything original? And he stole his music from Black people? Yeah. And they call him the King, more like the King of Thieves. I thought, I thought Martin McFly and... No, that's the Prince of Thieves. Oh, okay.

The son of the King of Thieves. I thought Marty McFly invented Rock and Roll. No, but Elvis didn't invent it. He just stole it. From Marty McFly. Yeah. Oh. And your kids are gonna love it.

That's what I mean. That's what I mean about Rock and Roll. I mean, my kids are gonna love it. That's what I mean about rock and roll. I mean, my kids are gonna love like some kind of weird electro-drug music. Yeah, dub trance. I mean, right now my kid loves the Muppet Song Nightlife, which is the least memorable Muppet Song although today he wanted me to sing him,

he calls it the Muppet Baby Song, but he means the song from the great, from Muppet's Take Man hat, where the song from the great from a Muppet's take man hat with their babies. Gotta be a movie star. Yeah, the only thing that keeps me going late at night when I'm lying in bed with my covers pulled up to my throat and I'm staring into the blackness. The only thing that lets me fall asleep and consider waking up for the next day is assuming that Elliot's child will love the band Wild Stallions, what a gets older.

I mean, not just my child, the universe. Yeah, the universe that somehow Wild Stallions will unite humanity, put all these political tears. Yeah, the valotiers will be washed away in shimmering guitar solos. I mean, I did successfully get him to listen to and headbang to Master of Puppets the other morning after my wife had gone to work. Of course, he loves Master of Puppets, he loves the Muppets. I figured that would be the bridge that would get him through.

But I was like, this is our daddy dances and I would headbang. And he was like, I like to do it like this. And he was just shaking his head from side to side. And I'm like, all right, daddy dances and I would head bang. And he was like, I like to do it like this. And he was just shaking his head from side to side. And I'm like, all right, so I got a sideways head banging. We'll try it. Sure. Our horizontal bang. Anyway, they have taken, so a talking cat

was the soulful indie version of a talking cat movie. Nine lives is kind of like the big budget soulless version of a talking cat. What's weird is that as, as low ambition as a talking cat was, nine lives seems to have even less ambition than that, which is crazy, because this is a Barry Sondon-filled movie, and there's tons of swooping camera movements

the kind you would expect from the guy who shot raising her zone. So, I've never seen a Barry Sondon-filled movie or movies in general. What other movies is this, Barry Sondon-feld, he made it. I know that to be a lie. Sir. You were lying to us, but I'll buy the premise

allowing to explain Barry Sonnenfeld started out as a director of photography for, well, for porn, but also for the Con Brothers. What? He had worked on some porn movie at one point when he was a silly day. I'm imagining. Just moving shot into a vagina.

They were like, oh, you got to stop. So disoriented. They just mounted the camera to a penis. As it thrusts in and out. Well, that means just be dark. That's the thing. Actually, now that sounds like a pretty good idea to get a grow pro strapping on. What? No one would enjoy that. I'm not saying that would be good porn.

I think you would. It's like the would be good porn. I think you would. It's like the hardcore Henry of porn movies. I mean, there is hardcore Henry of porn movies. It's called P.O.B. porn. It's just that. Anyway, But like are there guns and stuff?

And does he throw grenades at people? Probably, I don't know. Can you see it in the theater? Is what a fiscal? No, only show world. And then what's the other one in your show world in New York play pen anyway? I only know show world's cuz it's where I got my time. I'm very son felt he directed Adams family and Adams family values He directed get shorty. Oh I like his managed black. He's directed a ton of fun movies

And that's why they call him ton of fun son and fill lately, he's been a little bit of a downslide. He did RV with Robin Williams. He did. Did he do? What else do you did recently? Did he do the good shorty? He didn't do be cool. I don't think he did be cool, which I haven't seen. But get shorty is a movie that I haven't seen in years, but I love like when it first came out, I loved it. Still like it.

I think it's a movie that would probably hold up really well. Feels like the kind of movie that like, if you got your dad, the DVD, be like, he's gonna like this. Oh yeah, sure. And I'm being a dad. I love that stuff. Yeah, you're like Dennis Farina, sign me up.

Once my son was born, it was like, oh, I love bed jokes and get shorty and talking about military history. Mm-hmm. You're like, any World War II film all of a sudden. Suddenly I'm buying tickets to Steely Dan Concerts. What's this all about? Yeah, any World War II?

That's because they don't play live that often. That's why you're finding this tickets. Just to tell people I saw it, my dad rates a lot of movies based on how accurate the battle scenes are. My dad is the exact same way. Even if it could be the worst movie, but if the battle scene uniforms are fairly accurate, give it the Oscar. He loves it.

I remember talking to my dad about Lord of the Rings, the two towers, and he was like, they're approached to siege warfare. It was a little inadequate, inaccurate. You're like, what shut up, dude? They also had wizards and n nose ghouls riding dragons. Come on. I mean, I'm glad he wasn't like complaining that the ants didn't look accurate to Tolkien's riding or some other bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Or the horns were not in it or whatever those like more tree like version events. Yeah, he's can play his can play was where was Tom Bommadill in the

first movie. Like that doesn't even apply to the two towers, dude. Here's look, I can't I couldn't accept any of the movies that for a new Tom wasn't showing up. Where were his delightful songs? It was T-bomb. That's what I call Tom Bommadill. That's what Goldberry calls him. I love Tom Bommadill is my favorite character because he doesn't give a shit about anything. He's all powerful. It's like that famous internet video. Tom Momdill don't give a shit. And there's the part where they're like, well, Tom Momdill could imagine Soron didn't exist and he'd be gone. Why don't we just give him the ring? And they'd be like, eh, he'd probably forget it somewhere. I love the idea of this like,-minded adorable god who just wanders around the woods.

Oh, I like that almost as much as fans of Tom Barmbadill explaining why he couldn't just save the entire universe. Like the people are like, well, you know, he only has control over this part of the woods. And like, come on, dude. It's not too far off from the argument about why they don't just give the fucking Eagles the give why here in his buddies, the ring, and tell them to drop it off on their way by amount and do. Who would give the Eagles the rings that they can record more shitty rock music?

They can create a world where people like smugglers cove. Wait, so are you saying that if you give the members of the Eagles, like collectively, like wrap it around them like a giant hula? No, no, they each get it one day of the week. They have to share it like a long age. She wouldn't give it up. No, that's true. You would just hold on to it.

But so wait, if you gave the Eagles the ring, it wouldn't just turn them invisible. It would give them additional powers, like if they're sour out of himself. Yeah, exactly. Because they tap into the evil of music I don't like. Okay. Wow. Even the one, even hotel California, which is not a terrible song. It's not a good song. It's not a good song, but it's not the worst song.

They then accousticized it and made it the worst song. Yeah. Beagles. Okay. Anyway, let's talk about the worst song. Yeah. Beagles. Okay. Anyway, let's talk about the Beagles. It's our music cast. Let's talk about the Beagles, a band that doesn't exist, but it does dog versions of eagle songs. The Beagle Boys. Such as Hotel for Dogs, California.

Yeah. That is a mash-up teacher just waiting to fucking happen. Okay. Let's go back to this movie, Nine Lives. So it follows the track of a lot of movies, which is the story of a businessman who doesn't make enough time for his family. And so magical X, Y and Z happens, and he learns to spend time with his family. In this case, he, uh, Kevin Spacey plays brand, who is a Tom Brandt. Tom Brandt. We decided to take a break from the politics of the day.

He's not brand the older brother from the fucking goonies. Good point. So we decided, hey, let's take a break from the politics of the day and this presidential election we're not crazy about. And let's watch a movie about a rich businessman who's trying to build the tallest building and he has a complicated relationship with his son. Oh man, there's no way to escape it. Oh man, but anyway, and he puts his name on everything. So, he plays Tom Brand. Who's a big business man? What is his business to? A little bit of everything.

But right now what it's doing is building the tallest building in the northern hemisphere. We're introduced to him as he jumps out of a plane while talking to his son, played by Robbie Amol. Now, the movie opens with a swooshing camera movement, which literally goes from cat, it's we talked, he has a voice over about how cats are shitty, nobody likes cats. They sound like. We have to watch some YouTube videos of cats

and we're like, oh, that's great. And then this is a fun thing I like to do. We see cats playing with New York in the background. The camera zooms over the entire river under the Brooklyn Bridge or over it, straight up to a plane into the plane where Tom Brand is about to jump out as a promotional stunt. And to be honest, I got to applaud the audacity

of a camera move that huge and that stupid. It's all done with CGI. It's not the actual thing. Oh wow, you're really going out on the limb here, Elliot. What? Sticking up for this camera move. Look, I like crazy camera moves sometimes. And the movie started, we are in the camera zooms all the way across into the city. Then it, we're introduced to a guy who then jumps out of an airplane to land on the top of his own building to talk about how he's going

to make the tallest building in this company in Chicago that's trying to make a taller building, forget about it. And everything looks super CGI, super green screen. And I was like, you know what, if they can keep up this style of forced over-the-top artificiality throughout, at least it's gonna be like a fun-looking movie.

Yeah, it's gonna be a real live-action cartoon of a film. Alas, it did not. So Chicago's trying to beat New York again. And they're not going to be. What do they think it's the fucking world's fair in Chicago all over again? I mean, well, the Chicago, even the Colombian exposition.

Yeah, yeah. That was before the New York world's fairs. That was 1893. The New York world's fairs were in 1939 and 1964. Well, which way, which one was better and which one had more murders? Well, there were way more murders at the 93 Columbia Exposition as explained in Eric Larson's The Devil and the White City. Not the creator, not the creator of the savage dragon Eric Larson.

And not the Eric Larson who is an animator for Disney, roughly around the time of Robinhood. Not Robinhood, the actual person, but the movie Robin Hood from Disney. The Prince of Thieves. Yeah, no, not Prince of Thieves. The cartoon with the fox that all the girls had crushed on and they became furries when they grow up. But Robin, who was the Prince of Thieves? So you're partially right.

He was not the Prince of Thieves, no, which was a different guy. What, a Thesias? Uh, or was it, was, where, Etappis, was it, was he in Thieves? I don't know. Dan, who was it? Uh, or was it was, where, Eta Piss was it, was he in Thebes? I don't know. Dan, who was it? Who was it Thebes?

Uh, just a bunch of dudes. You write bunch of dudes. Just a bunch of dudes. Anyway, the 39 Rolls-Fair did have a couple of killings. The 64 as far as I know had nothing. But the 64 was. That's carmousers. The 64 lacked the audacity of vision of the 39 and the 93.

The 39 of course is my favorite of all time. Truly the world tomorrow. The 93, the white city, also beautiful. The 64 is kind of more like an amusement park than anything else. It did introduce Disney's animatronics with their meat Mr. Lincoln attraction, which is now the Hall of Presidents.

Okay, was that like one of them Chuck E. Jesus? Yes, it was a proto-chuck-y cheese. Now imagine alternate world, we're instead of Nolan Bushnell using a robot mouse for his Chuck E. Jesus franchise, because it was Nolan Bushnell, right, from Atari. He started Chuck E. Jesus. I don't know why you were looking at me like that.

Instead Walt Disney started a pizza family restaurant that was called ABLINK's Pizza. And it's Abraham Lincoln's pizza. You don't have to take that name back to the drawing board, I think. I don't. I like that it was called Meat Mr. Lincoln. Like it was just like, the Amitronic was just a Mr. Lincoln

who was like, he had to like sign autographs and post for pictures. And for some reason, the robot was really like annoyed about it. Like, uh, all right. Can I get a picture with you, Mr. President? Ten bucks. Beef boob, four score and ten bucks, please. Oh, wow.

Actually, that would be a lot of money. That'd be like 90 bucks. Yeah. And it's just what for the rest of that quote? What are you giving them ten bucks for? No, to take a picture with it. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it's just what for the rest of that quote, what are you giving them 10 bucks for? You know, to take a picture with them. Oh, okay. Yeah, for that cliffhanger to be resolved.

Yeah, it's like just a little bit. It's just like there's like putting money in on a long-discence call for scoring $10 to continue. Okay, so now it's seven years ago, our $10, oh man, to short speech, but it's gonna cost me so think I want to I think I want to check the tape because I think LA just said Long discant and set a long distance Readers readers right in yeah, right? Readers of the transcript

Anyone who's looking at the closed captioning Let us know So he's obsessed with building the tallest building in the world. It's putting his control of his company on the line because the board of directors don't like it. And to be fair, the board of directors have a very strong case in that their company seems to be suffering under his obsession with building the tallest building in North America. His son is trying to support him. And meanwhile, his vice president or second and commander, whatever Ian is trying to undermine him and meanwhile his vice president or second and commander whatever Ian is trying to undermine him

But all this construction talk well one it points out that this is one of many children's films in which the creators of the film seem to be under the belief that kids love to watch corporate intrigue and doings that like Kids have any understanding of what it means to lose control of a corporation or interest, to be honest. Well, maybe this is some of the stuff that they slip into the movie for the adults to keep the adults interest. Yeah, because adults are very interested in the idea. This someone has a controlling stock care of the company. But all this business is keeping away from his daughter. Now, he has two possibly three children, Kevin Spacey. He has his son who is a grown man who works in his company.

Robbie Amel, one half of Firestorm briefly on CW's The Flash. I think, yeah, it was just on The Flash TV show. The other half being Victor Garbrew. Now, the ex-wife, his ex-wife Cheryl Heinz has a daughter. It is never quite explained whether this is his daughter. We've talked about how Cheryl Heinz is basically a professional ex-wife on TV and his daughter. We've talked about how Cheryl Hines is basically a professional X-Wi-Fon TV and movie show.

Have we talked about that? I don't know, but that seems to be your job. Like Judy Greer and her are going out for the same roles, I imagine. Possibly, except they're very different. I think, well, I've said it before. She Greer is the version of that role that's sympathetic. Judy Greer has been so mistreated by Hollywood. She should be like the star of romantic comedies.

And instead, she's always like, and by life, she should be my wife. Wow, it's a huge honor. It's an odd place to do a proposal. Judy Greer, you're out there. Look me up. Any Greer, you'd take Pam Greer for short. She's beautiful.

I'd take Greer Garcin. I don't even know who that is. She's dead. She's been dead for years. Academy Award winner, I believe. She's long dead,'ve tried Greer Garcin. I don't even know who that is. She's dead. She's been dead for years. Academy Award winner, I believe. She's long dead, but you'll take her. Yeah. You'll just take that sound.

Rain. It's like a sexy cat. Is there any other kind? Yes. And it's in this movie. So anyway, what his, but he also has, he's my Jennifer Garner and they have a young daughter. That daughter wants a cat more than anything else

for her birthday. But Kevin Spacey hates cats. He doesn't want to buy her a damn cat. And he can buy anything in the world. He could buy her the rights to Garfield. He's so rich. And say, here's your cat. It's beloved by millions every day. He cheated lasagna.

There you go. He could certainly buy Jim Davis. At the very least, he could buy the rights to Heathcliff. Yeah, that's super cheap. Crazy cat. Although whoever makes Heathcliff is some kind of mad genius, he keeps turning in the strangest crap. I just, it was the part in the back of, in the end of a lot of Heathcliffs where they're

like, where they're like, Nancy grew from Kalamazoo Michigan has a cat that likes to watch TV while eating crackers. Yeah. And it'll be a long time to start thinking, wait a minute, I don't think these are real like Nancy grew from Kalamazoo Michigan has a cat that likes to watch TV while eating crackers. And it'll be a long time to start thinking, wait a minute, I don't think user real people was real cats. These might just be made up cats. I was, it was your loss of innocence.

Yeah. Because you were masturbating in front of your parents. That's right. Wait, I was like, to be honest. I don't know. That really sounds like it was more my parents' loss of innocence at that point. That I just walked out stroking it going

Check this out. I'm doing this Hey, you guys know about this Right do you guys do this? No one's talking about this You should try this amazing. Oh boy. I gotta get I'm gonna talk about this at school Oh boy, I gotta get I'm gonna talk about this at school. I'm like the guy who discovered fire like this is amazing. This is crazy It's crazy. It's amazing. It's other air with airs miss on yeah, crying Sweet emotions

Jayne he's got a gun I got this Anyway, so he says, find a bi-harric cat. And due to a mix up with his phone, he ends up being directed to a kind of a magical cat place called a real Mr. McGoriams wonder and pouring. It's Mr. V line oriams cat and boring. It's a kind of cool characterful story you could find in New York before Giuliani. Fortunately, let me ran out all the magic cast stories. Now this was the moment when he's about to go to Perkins where I'm like, wait a minute. Christopher Watkins in this movie. Why are you saying the name of the restaurant Perkins weird? It didn't know. It's not the restaurant Perkins.

It's Perkins. P-U-R-R-K-N-S, which is, I assume, named after the cat version of Anthony Perkins. How many people do you think go there and they're like, I can't wait to eat their chicken fried steak, and then get there and they're like, well, there's just cats here. I guess I'll have chicken fried cats.

I guess I'll have chicken fried cats. I guess I'll have chicken fried cats. I guess I'll have chicken fried cats. Now, this is the moment where I was like, oh, Christopher Walkins in this movie, he's either going to be the crazy mystical owner of this magic store or he's the voice of the street smart cat who's going to teach Kevin Spasley the business when scabbaged face he becomes a cat.

No, he's the mystical owner of the toys of the cat store basically playing the same role he played in that Adam Sandler movie where he is the magic remote. Yeah, like so wait, but the so the other version is the one that destroys model, scale models of country bears arenas, right? Yeah, exactly. Or is always mad as money getting stolen by kangaroo jacks. Yeah. And I'll say this for Christopher Walken.

He brings a sense of delight and fun to his role of magic cat store owner in this otherwise pretty lifeless movie So he says hey, I've got some you don't find a cat a cat finds you Here's a cat like Christopher walkin you don't find a cat a cat finds Period end quote. Yeah, so he runs a magic cat shop filled with a ton of cats.

There's three of every kind of cat, which we never really had our own. Well, it's kind of a thematic thing, because later on there's a thing about a song called Three Cool Cats. Now, he goes, okay, I'll take this cat, I'll take this bowl. It says Mr. Fuzzy pants on it. I guess that's name Mike. I guess that's my catch slave name that

I'm just going to thrust on it. He's known in his among his people. He is Whiskers clawbrinner, but now he's Mr. Fuzzy pants. Yeah, it's that kind of innocuous choice you might make in a role playing game only to find out later on that will dictate the entire path of your life. Yeah. And you're going to be playing with fuzzy pants for 10 years. Like you come up with a stupid name like Luke and Butt Wacher. And you're like, that seems funny in the moment, but overall, maybe I should have chosen something else. Yeah, or you come up with a great name like Jeremy Scales Fang Battle and you're happy

about it every day of your life. So he gets a buzz in a forest. So he gets a pass diverse and a forest yellow wood. Oh, sorry. And I I took the road less traveled by and I got lost. Please save me. Someone save me. I'm lost in the woods. I see why nobody takes this path.

That's from Robert died of frost. Oh boy. Sad really. I mean, he did die eventually. I'm frost don't know. Not a. Sad really. I mean, you did die eventually. Frost. Don't know. Not a frost, but. Uh, so he gets this cat and then he's racing to that he's racing to get to his daughter's birthday. Uh oh, Ian, his second and a man command calls him. They've got a meat now at the

top of their new building. He rushes their cat in hand and his, he doesn't only the cat in his sports car. Only to be told, because I might steal it. Only to be told, I mean, you shouldn't leave a cat in a closed car. Yeah, but you know, like he doesn't like cats. It is kind of weird that he takes it with him. Yeah. Maybe we'll just show the cat where he works.

It's like a moment of downhill dominance. Here's the Nespresso machine cat. Who is this? Wait, what is that coffee? There's a stand up, there's a joke about, I mean a long time ago, a stand up who had a joke about the only time his cat has ever left the apartment is to go to the vet and get a thermometer put up his butt. And he realizes his cat sees him leave the, he leave the apartment every day.

Is that where his cat thinks he's going it? And I don't remember who the come. Please write in if you remember what comic that is. Or if you are that comic or if you are that comedian, write in and tell. And no, I just like that. I didn't take credit for it. I like that joke. I love to give proper credit for it.

I'm not the fat Jew. I'm a very skinny Jew. I give credit for jokes that I've stolen anyway. He goes to the top. I really thought you were going to say I get credit where credit is you. Which I'm happy. And there would have been so much better. That would have been so much better.

He goes up to the top a storm begins and Ian's telling him, Hey, look, with the company can't is not going to build these buildings anymore. I'm going to fight you for control of the company blah, blah, blah. It starts to rain lightning. He gets knocked off the building, Kevin Spacey, and Ian. There's a moment where he's like, save me. He doesn't offer to not fire him, which I think was a mis, that's a tactical error.

He could say I think you're fired, right? Yeah. He says you're fired. Oh, Ken, Trump. He says you're fired, and he gets knocked off the roof. And the guy says, he's about to save him, I guess, because Kevin Spacey has seen things you couldn't imagine.

And see beams glittering off whatever. And it's actually on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire.

That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. That's that foam on fire. And we can be like, we got the power now, boss. Like you shouldn't have fired me from that brickwork job I had. I could have been the best Mason's assistant you've ever seen. That seems to have. Yeah, this seems like it's basically the experience.

I could have shoveled sand into that thing and made Mason read jump. I was pretty into seeing why you're a bad Mason's assistant. I don't see why you were, I think I would have fired you to. I'm gonna fire you now from this job. Sorry guys, I'm just working through some stuff, you know. I just got back from the Midwest and like it was kind of a homecoming but not really. Real Elizabeth town. Yeah. Not far from Elizabeth town, right? And I met this girl named Kirsten Dunst and she was like,

and she was all like, did you like my performance in Melancholia? And I was like, yeah, I was pretty good. Were you in Spider-Man? And she's like, Nadeaui. And I'm like, okay, we're chill out. And then I'm like, I'm gonna tell the door about your venture

with Kristen Dunst. Okay, well, I guess we'll have to. Yes, in the situation. Is she cursed in a Kristen? Kiersten. She's Kiersten. I was wrong. Kristen Dunst is a completely different actress.

Oh, and then there's Kristen Dunst in Jackson. Who is it, Arangatam? Do you think that Dunst in Jackson gets referenced more on movie podcasts or in real life? I'm going to on movie podcasts or in real life. I'm gonna say movie podcasts. It is very rare that someone goes, oh, we're in a real Dunston Jackson situation. It gets referenced a surprising amount at the Daily Show I'll say and it never gets put in a script because it really does not surprise me. So a lot of discussion is like, do we think Trevor knows Dunston Jackson?

Is that a South African reference to the movie? No, I don't think so. So... No, is that the one where Joey... Joey, that's not a scary play. Matt LaBlanc plays baseball. No, that's not him. That's Ed. Dustin checks in, I think, has Jason Alexander. Jason and Vander is in it.

It's set in a hotel hence the checks in of the title. And it's what's her face, who was an American beauty later. Me and Suvari? No, the other one. Oh, uh, uh. Thora Birch. Yeah, Thora Birch. Thora Birch, yeah.

From Ghost World. Now, not to be confused with the movie where Renee Russo has a pet gorilla, which I don't remember the name of. Is like George or something like that. What about the movie where Wippy Goldberg is a cop and her partner is a nine a sapper. That's the ador Rex. Now what is also the name of a,

it's also the biography of Teddy Roosevelt, the second in Edmund Morrison's Edmondsons, Edmund Morrison's brilliant trilogy. We choose the movie where there's a great ape that lusts after Elizabeth's shoe. That's, is that my joke? Maybe lost Bayon? Maybe lost Bayging me.

No, no. Boom, done man. Oscar winning performance. All right, tangent over. It was Charlie's Theron who was in the remake of Mighty Joie Young, right? I'm thinking of a Richard Franklin movie. Who's Richard Franklin?

He made Psycho 2 and Road Games. Oh, okay. Yeah. Anyway, okay. Yeah. Anyway, so we were at the most exciting part of the movie. Kevin Spacey is dangling for his very life. He slips, falls, he has the cat in his hand. Aaaaah! He's in a coma.

Uh-oh. But he can see it all happening. He's in the body of the cat. Oh no! Hyjinks and Sue, incorrect. Hygiene's They continue to not ensue. It's like the movie it keeps setting up scenarios on which the cat can do funny things and Does not pay them off and the cat just as cat things long story. He goes home He manages to drown his sorrows in some 50-year-old MacAllen

Tips into the master and looks it up cat style. He tries to use a pen to Write a note explaining who that to his family that he's been taken back to his family's apartment and his family his wife and his daughter Are taking the fact that he's in a life threatening coma pretty well. They use a bad dad developer dad That's true, but like, they never cry. Like there's one part where the daughter is like, mom, can I sleep in your bed tonight? She goes, okay. But like, they seem to be going through the motions.

It's like, is that the supposed to, the thing I'm supposed to do with my dad's in the coma? I mean, so many more. Is this like a two year adventure or Barry Sonnenfeld movie where you're like, if I was Barry Sonnenfeld, I'd make them cry in every scene.

Oh well, if they're fucking garments. If they're fucking garments. If they're dealing with, like someone they love is in serious, is this, like I've had family members, I've had a family member in a coma, it was terrible. Like everyone was shaken, but they're like, oh, this is really inconvenient that it hasn't a coma.

I think this is supposed to be a bit of an indication of like how estranged he is from the family. Like, you know, Jennifer Garner was thinking about leaving him secretly. The daughter was also the mother. The daughter doesn't seem a lot, but also like she's being shielded from how serious it is. Like she thinks like I guess about his son. His son. Yeah, his son probably should be a little more upset.

I mean, he throws himself into work. They all just kind of like take it in stride. I mean, the thing is that it made it feel to me like they were heartless in addition to his being heartless. Yeah, what do you think they learned it, dude? Good point. Yeah, from watching you, dad, and I learned it from watching you. Adults who do drugs have kids who do drugs. Speaking of which, there's a movie about cats and a bad dad, and yet, cats in the cradle never shows up a single time. Not play. There was a point where I guess it was too expensive. A record is being put on a record player.

And one of you guys was like, it better not be cats. Right? Right. So now he's a cat, which, I mean, according to the aristocats, would be great because everybody wants to be a cat. I don't though. Neither does Kevin Spacey. And he's got to learn how to learn you hear so yeah, that would be the worst yeah, that would be terrible weird file. It's own yeah, really

I'll yeah, yeah, so there's a non non technology based black mirror. So So we're introduced to this called regular mirror. Yeah So we're introduced to this. It's just called regular mirror. Yeah. We're introduced to this cat. And at first we're like, man, that's a really cute fuzzy cat. And then they start doing a lot of physical comedy that involves a CGI version of that cat.

And very CGI cat. And I love cats. And this cat started to annoy me a lot. I was like, if I had this cat. The real one or the CGI cat. The CGI cat, right? Yeah, no shit. It's a CGI cat, it's garbage.

But it was also being a dick of a cat. It was like, you kept destroying that picture of George W. Lutsch and you're like, no. There's a picture of America's hero. There's a picture of Kevin Spacey hanging out with George W. Bush. And it filled the niche that in 80s movies,

if you saw someone in an office and they had a picture of Ronald Reagan on their desk, you'd be like, oh, that's the bad guy. He's heartless and he only cares about money. And looking back now, I just took it for granted as a kid. If you saw a picture of Ronald Reagan in some was office, that's the villain, because it always was. Looking back now, I'm like, he was president at the time.

Like, that's crazy. But like, this is liberal Hollywood. Yeah, but George W. Bush, it's the same shorthand. Like, oh, of course he's a guy who only cares about money. There's a picture of him with George W. Bush. He, there's a couple jokes in a row where he accidentally does more damage to his picture of him with George W. Bush.

And it was like, this is kind of funny. There was a kind of, there were a couple of moments that were kind of funny because it was like, oh yeah, that's like a joke. Or like that's most of the way to the joke. But he's, to make a long story short, so it's not a joke or like that's most of the way to the joke, but he's to make a long story short So it's not a shaggy cat story Kevin Spacey has to learn how to like be a good cat and

Become part of this family and show them the love he didn't show them as a human And there are a number of sequences one where dogs are chasing him in the apartment one where he has to sneak into a Building because Ian meanwhile is trying to take control the company away from his son who has come up with a way that they can beat Chicago at the tallest building game. There are all these scenes that are like demanding the cat do funny things and they just don't. He just doesn't do it. He just kind of walks into rooms or sneaks around or the dogs chase him and they just

kind of run through hallways. There's no jokes. I don't know. There's a couple of really good scenes where they, they're like the humans are interacting and then it will cut to the cat as if they're like, now the cat is being contemplative or like really thinking hard and it's crazy. It's just the face of a cat. It's just zooming in on a cat's face. And the cat is not acting. The cat's clearly thinking like, I'm so high on whatever kind of drugs they gave Mr. Ed.

No, the cat is thinking, I'm going to keep staring at the laser pointer that is being held steady right off camera so that I look in the same direction that I'm supposed to. And Christopher Wocking gets called in. They find the cat rips his ad out of the yellow pages to show to him the cat is you hear a couple yellow pages, huh? Yes. Well, did it get that from a museum or something?

Uh, speaking as someone who is for some reason, always having phone books tossed in front of his door without asking for them. Those still exist, I guess. He assumed that a bunch of them were printed up 20 years ago and they're still just trying to get rid of them. Yeah, yeah. You're not waiting up front saying, I'm an old person. No, no, there's a listing in here for Andrew Rooney. He died years ago. What? Oh, I'm not going to tell that joke, I guess, but. I was like, there's a whole page of numbers for the offices at the World Trade Center. It's phone book is out of date. So I did tell the joke in the end.

But he's, every way he can find to try to communicate that he's actually their husband slash father Tom. He uses the magnets on the refrigerator. He spells out his name as Yarn, and Yarn, and finally he rips out the ad from the yellow pages, and it's for Mr. Perkins, Christopher Walk, and a cat whisperer, and they bring him in. He's the only guy who understands Kevin Spacey,

could talk to him, and he says, you've got to figure out how you got into this mess, and you've got to be a good cat, and you're gonna, and at one point, he says, he's like, you're gonna have to be a good cat, and he's like, I'm not gonna do it, I hate cats, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, um, ma'am, I've noticed this cat hasn't been fixed in Kevin Spacey, he's like, I'll be good.

And it's like, oh guys, in this kids movie, the main character was just threatened with castration, okay? Like this. Well, I know the guy has motivating characteristic is like, I don't want to not have a dick. I mean, it's a basic human drive. I have no sure. Although like-

Even among women it's called penis envy. If- I mean- I mean, I mean, I mean, he invented that. He was wrong. But as a cat, I couldn't help but like- As a cat, I was offended by this. My life has never been better since I was fixed.

I can do whatever I want with no consequences. I don't have a literal runch chasing me around. That I don't know. That's the thing, I guess it's yeah. It's just that, first of all, I guess I misspoke. It was just as testicle that would be taking from me. That's true. Actually, I shouldn't have said castrated.

Yeah. But secondly, like. Tisticulated. You have to draw this line of thinking out further and think like, all right. So Kevin Spacey, I guess, is assuming that he's not going to get back into his own body if he cares that much about these cats' testicles. And then, like, is he like thinking about the future?

Is he thinking about, like, when he's going to want to fuck a lady cat? Absolutely. Absolutely what he's thinking. When he gets back. Because unlike when his, I guess at this point, is she considered his ex-wife or still his wife at this point? Jennifer Garner? Yeah, when he's turned into a cat.

There's still, as far as they know, he's in a coma. There's still Mary. So he was cat married. You know, Mary Leprezlo. No, isn't his wife pours out some cat food for him and he is disgusted. So it would, if using that log logic, you would assume that he would also be disgusted at the possibility of having sex with a female cat.

Hey, if you're that desperate, I don't know. It's like being in jail, you know, you find new things or being a pirate, you know. You didn't think what? You didn't think you'd be attracted to a whole lot of parents. You didn't think you'd be attracted to a hole in a barrel, but soon you're sticking to Venus and it's all there is That explains a lot about the fourth piers of the Caribbean movie Now look you you you see a manatee now and you're like ew gross because you see human women all the time when you're out

I mean blackbeards crew you see a manatee. You're like it's the same vague shape as a person and the thing is dude back in that day Like that was what was attractive in a lady. Yeah, that's why she had a tail and could eat seaweed. Well, mermaids had tails too. Well, that's where the mermaids came from, because they looked at manatees with their eye patch goggles, and they saw them as beautiful women. Yeah, but I mean, at the time, a woman with a healthy upper lip and kind of a grayish cast to her skin was well as popular. Oh, yeah. Well, that one meant you were rich because you never saw the sun. You could stay inside all day and that upper lip meant that you had a mustache. Now, it's Dan. It's interesting that you

mentioned human cat marriage because with this movie reminded me of more than anything else was a short story called My Father the Cat by Henry Slesar that I first or I'll never do. Yeah, that I first and Catherine Hygge in a bathing suit as a 14 year old, but uh, that I first encountered in a book called a hundred and one creepy little creature stories that as a kid was of that and a short story book called Cosmic Creatures, I think, were two big building blocks for my interest in fantastic fiction and weird fiction, you might say. And it's this story about most of you're right to Gunter Grass and Salmon Rooster. It was right from that to the tin drum and the ground of an ether feet.

But now that came out well that was over. It's a book, most of the stories in book were like your basic horror stories where it was like they say this part of the jungle has a monster. And that's crazy. Q monster kills somebody. That's this part of the jungle has a monster. Eh, that's crazy. Q monster kills somebody. That's the end of the story. This was about a guy who is the son of a cat, a male cat, and a human woman.

And they raise, and the cat is very cultured, and they raise him in this kind of cultured, either English or French countryside. I think it's the French. And he goes off into the world. He meets another, he meets a girl and he falls in love and he takes her home, and he's not sure how to broach the fact that his dad is a cat.

And his dad sensing this pretends to be just a regular cat and allows the woman to, allows this fiance to pet him and treat, and he, instead of eating at the table, like he normally would eat that of a dish on the floor. And the sun is so heartbroken that his dad is having to demean himself in order to not scare away the woman that his son loves. And it's like, I found it to be a really touching story.

And for somehow this movie reminded me of that story and I was like, oh, so it is possible to find a motion in a story about a talking cat, but this movie didn't manage to do it. Anyway, there was a funeral outside, and the cat goes, and now I'm the king of the cats and he shoots up a chimney. No, what?

Anyway, to get back to nine lives, I thought it was a tangent on my part. To get back to nine lives, yes, he wants to have sex with the cat. His big worry, of course, is that the same worry any cat has that paint will fall on his back and a skunk will try to rape him. Because that's a danger cats live with every day. Yeah, yeah, it's not funny guys. No, it's not funny at all. The same way that when you see a movie where the bad guy at the end is raped by a gorilla, that is not funny. Sorry, trading places. The punishment did not fit the crime. The punitive crime being some sort of orange futures fraud. Yeah,

like, oh, I, the crime was I tried to push Dan Acroid out of this, out of this company. Like that didn't call for him to be violated by an animal. Come on, come on, come on. And then I'll call Al Franken watches. And Tom Davis, right? Was it both Franken and Davis? I don't remember, I think it's Frank. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's not Frank and Davis. And the whole Pevelapute thing clearly inspired

an entire generation of beta males to just follow women around until they eventually give in. Is that what a beta male is? I don't know. I mean, I've never heard that term before. So it's a straight line from Pepple La Puda game regate, guys. Yeah. I don't know that much about internet stuff.

I feel like that could be your doctoral thesis from Pepple La Puda game regate. A half century of male misogyny. Yeah. A half century of hostile privilege. Yeah. So a lot of this Tom the cat trying to build relationships, I just get it now.

Trying to build a relationship with his wife and daughter. We start, we realize a symbolic thing is a video his daughter loves to watch. Of he and her dancing together when she was young to a song called three cool cats. And he's like, Kids like to watch that shit. Uh, I mean, kids like to watch videos. I guess that's like, I'm not where you're logic.

I don't feel like kids are like, I mean, like nostalgia is like this desire for a simpler time earlier in their life. I guess so, but kids like to see videos and pictures of themselves when they're younger. So I think like, yeah, like,

she was like a preteen, right? Was she old enough to be like, okay, she's a twin. She's twin. Okay, so she's probably not the point where she's like, I hate myself and everything and my dad and this cat. No, but it was the one moment where I was like, okay, she's dealing with, she's somehow trying to cope with the fact that he might be leaving her.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And dying is that he's just watching these videos of happier times. I'm just trying to figure out why she's watching this stupid video. And Kevin Spacey, the cat is like, oh, you know what? I'll play with her and be a good cat. And he's become, he's like, you know what? I turn over a new leaf.

I'm going to be a good cat. I'm nice to everybody. There's a weird scene where he's watching Jennifer Garner get undressed and think about how beautiful she is. That's not the stuff we could. That weird at all. I mean, I feel like if any of us were turned into, if you were turned into a cat,

are you telling me that you would not stalk your wife around and watch her at her most intimate moment? I mean, right. I mean, now I like to watch her on this. Come on, answer the question, sir. You're right. If I was a cat, I would become a warrior.

You would use your ability to go into the bathroom while your wife takes a poop. Okay. No, I need to answer on the other side of this. Yeah, that really, that was the, that was the chomy letter of cat stories. Really, really swing the vote on that one. Now, I think Stuart's a mom. Now what I like is you mentioned it was one of my one of my cat abilities. To walk through it. So is that a superpower cats have?

Yeah. If you hit the L bumper, you turn into a specter for a little while. You can't take damage. You can't take damage. So he becomes a good cat. Unfortunately, he's running out of time both because his company is being taken away from his son and because his human body is dying. And so there's only one thing left to do because the opening of the building is coming soon. And Ian, the evil vice president of the company, is stealing control.

He's already fired Tom Sun somehow, even though Tom has a document somewhere that he has to find. Tom Sun has a document showing that he has 51% of the company, just like his dad did, that it passes to him. But somehow that doesn't matter. Like he has goons remove him from the building and he's fired.

Meanwhile, the girl, the daughter takes the cat back to Mr. Perkins. She's like, I want to return this cat and he goes, oh, you sure you want to? This cat's defective. I want to return the unused portion for a partial refund. And you just get a store credit. And Christopher W Christopher walkin says let me put on a song I'm gonna walk out of the room he puts on the three cool cats record and she dances with the cat Mostly in slow-mo and it's there's a lot of shots from her point of view looking down So you have a CGI cat looking up, but you kind of Lovingly as it dances with you and it's super creepy. Yeah, do you think the director went into the VFX booth and was like, no, no, no, I wanted to look more excited to be dancing.

Yeah, I wanted to look like there's this, I want a weird like almost sexual tension between this cat and this small girl. Can I get that? Who is who is the cat's daughter? Yeah. Is that possible? It was very weird Yeah, it's animal magnetism. Did you can't control it now as somebody who's worked retail for a long time?

I Wish I had seen this movie so that when people tried to fucking return shit like when I was working a radio She just put on a record walk out of the room What I was working a radio shak fucking people would bring back their shitty landline phones they bought. And I'm like, why did you buy this dude? I know it's gonna be garbage. You bought a landline photo radio shack. That didn't sway.

If only I could have just popped a fucking low record on the swing. If I could, what were you thinking dude? Can I return this? That was a stupid thing to buy more on getting it. I'm gonna get a slap a little fucking seven and shout a turntable and just be like, I'll be in back behind the beaded curtain

of this radio shack. And then you dance along in your own Christmas and walk any way. In the adult section of the straight-ear shack. I'm like, they're like, they still look flesh lights. They sell.

I mean, that is a market that would have saved their company. It's all transistors that look like booze. Yeah, I mean, it's in. So what I'm saying is if I had to learn that, I probably would have been more successful at my radio show. So she says, no, I don't want to turn this cat, but they're running out of time. And at this point, she believes this cat is her dad, and she's got to get it back to her dad's body. So she's rushing to the hospital. Meanwhile, the dad's body is

dying and the building is being announced. And the son, he's going up to the building for what he says will be his first and last jump. And now the movie opened with Kevin Spacey jumping out of an airplane with a parachute. and he has his son want to do this and the sun's like, no, I don't want to. I'm a little baby. I'm too scared. Oh, I can't do what George HW Bush does all the time. Don't buy an air will play. So what is this high flying hair?

Oh no, high flying hair wasn't a, that was the plane one. Was that the one where he jumps? He's in the, he jumps off of the, that's high dive hair. I'm thinking of. What's the one reason to play in the Gremlin attacks the plane? Oh, that's fucking twilight zone the movie. No, it's also a Bunk's bunny car. It's a Bunk's bunny cartoon and not a, this is the private snafu. It's a Bunk's bunny cartoon. All right. I don't know. And it ends with the plane is crashing for about, it's falling, it's plummeting for about 45 seconds. And then it stops a feet, like a foot away from the ground. It's like, aw, add a gas.

And he says, these eight cards, you know, and it's like, you're going to end this on a joke about wartime rationing. That's not going to last the test of time. Come on, Bob Clampett, whoever directed this. Anyway, they, who knows, they thought the little one last time. They had the ghost of Bob. So no blue clamp that he's called. I brought this up when we were when we were watching the movie, but what is this little girl's end game? Is she planning on stuff that she's

going to like. She's going to reverse buster point extra that cat. Tessons are side the movie. And maybe it'll like like start working the gears in there. No, and it turns out, so I thought she was have to combine the body with the cat too. All contraire. That's not how it works. Or like if they touch them, they don't. If they touch themselves and they're like, get a load of this.

Have you seen this? It's amazing. You know, like, you would all the time whenever I want. Maybe if she like smashed the cat into Kevin Spacey's body, they'd like morph together like Ron Silver and Time Cup. And then time Cup would have turned into like a goop that disappears. I mean, that's better than being in a coma, right? I don't know. Anyway, but what happens?

So when Kevin Spacey's son didn't want to jump out of the plane with him, Kevin Spacey gave him a parachute with a note that said for what when you become a man when you when you feel like When you're man enough for something and so the son is going to the top of the building it looks like he's gonna jump to his death as a way of I guess getting out of He assumed because he's up there wearing a suit and no parachute. And that's the other way out of this predicament. He's shamed his family. He's lost all. Yeah, he's failed his father.

And now what I guess at least his death will ruin the grand opening of this building. Mm-hmm. He but the dad gets to the building on time in cat form and gets to the, he's almost tased by security guards, but that doesn't happen. He run, he gets captured by the goons But Christopher walk and manages to save him in a scene in which we expect the Christopher walk him to shoot someone But he manages to get to the roof and he goes no, son don't jump the son jumps wearing nothing but a suit He's plummeting. He's plummeting. He's plummeting cut to he's got a parachute on his back all of a sudden

The cat jumps after him and tries to save him by grabbing onto a wire. The wire's not long enough. It snaps the cat back in a move that would have killed a cat. The cat's neck would have broken like Wednesday see fallen off the George Washington Bridge when Spider-Man tries to save her. I know it's drawn to look like the Brooklyn Bridge,

but in the dialogue they say George Washington Bridge. Yeah, it's worse than curiosity and that it wouldn't have kept the cat business. Yeah. You're welcome guys. Curiosity Jones and the cat can business. I didn't thank you for that business. No, no, no, you're welcome dudes.

No, there was no thanks. No thanks, proffers. But they are, they're plummeting, plummeting, plummeting. He opens the parachute. Yeah, and the cat is like, I guess you were a man enough the whole time. The cat. Then he fucking Hans Gruber's his way down. Well, he hit parachute down the cat plummets to his death. And at that moment, Kevin Spacey's soul jumps back into Kevin Spacey, which means that all Kevin Spacey had to do was die. And he would have just had a sacrifice death.

Oh, yeah, you're right. Actually, he's Kevin. Chris walkin tells him that to show you care about your family, you have to sacrifice yourself. Now had the cat not jumped off the roof, it would have changed nothing. He didn't really, I guess it was in the thought that he that counts. He was trying to save his son.

But his son would have. Are you arguing like a like a it's a raiders type thing. Yeah, raiders and lost arcs so that if he was never turned into a cat, the same result with that. I'm not saying that. I'm saying if the cat didn't show up at the building and jump off the roof to try to save him,

he would have been fine, because he has a parachute that was invisible until it was needed for the plot. Yeah, it's not like he carried the parachute up on his little cat back or cat face. No, not on his cat face, which is what North Face's pet line, cat face. What happens when the hero from Trigun wants to be extra sassy is face more into a little cat? That's Dick Tracy's new villain cat face.

Yeah. Like no, no, no, no, it's just a girl in Halloween dressed up as a sexy cat. Uh, cat face, your crime is over. Bang, bang, bang. it's just a girl in Halloween dressed up as a sexy cat. She can't face your crime is over. Bang, bang. He stole all this candy. No, it was given to me. At the Halloween party I went to. But yeah. And so he lands with the parachute.

He reveals, hey, I have this paper that says that I control the company and Ian, you're fired. And this building is great. Chicago may have beat us with the tallest building, but this is the tallest building anyone's ever based jumped off of. And I guess the Guinness World Records guy is like, aha, a fine point to make, lad. I'll put it in my book.

Yeah, that's the Guinness World Records guy. Basically, he did the whole thing just so that he could get a hold of the microphone and reveal that he has what the deed to the building was that piece of paper? That's the piece of paper I guess that shows that he gets the the deed to the building. What was that piece of paper? He has a piece of paper, I guess, that shows that he gets the 51% of the company that his dad had. Yeah.

It's a magic piece of paper. It's the moving ending piece of paper. Yeah. And so everyone's okay. Kevin Spacey is alive again. And they, but the bad guy Ian, he, as he's walking away angry on his cell phone trying to get a new job he's hit by a car suddenly he is body and his soul ends up inside of a cat. I'm just saying cats too who is he is movie and internet celebrity little bob.

A cat I did not recognize. A cat which is who it was. It was like little bob. Little bob. Amazing. Yeah, yeah. Little Bob. Amazing. Yeah, he had his autograph book out and we had to tell him to. He's just on the television. I give a autograph.

Keep trying to force it and the speaker of Dan Soundbar. He's like, let me pet this kitty cat. Oh, he feels like a TV screen. So smooth. Yep. I tried to break the screen to release little Bob, he was trapped in there. He's trapped in that glass box.

What is he? Tilted a Swinton, get him out of there. And then they go to Mr. Perkins to get a new cat and they found the same cat. The cat came back the very next day. Yeah, just like the song, just like the Canadian animation. I thought they were gonna give the little bug cat to them. So you get what torture it or? Yeah, he gets.

And then they make a joke like, first thing we're gonna do is chop its dick off. And the cat would look at the game and go, credits are all, but no, it ends on a, can't say the requesting a dog We got to get this cat fixed and the cat just looks like hair and goes And then he goes The sound of like a cat on a

Have it a love it Yeah, that's pretty much that's nine lives. That is nine lives. Were there any bloops in the credits? I didn't see it in way. For insane. I know. I got to say I was disappointed at how little fun they had with cats doing stuff. It was pretty, it was not, nobody put a lot of effort into this movie. Let's just say.

Yeah, I think it was shot for television, except for those big zooming shots. Everyone's just kind of phone it and in. And I think it kind of highlights how as a computer special effects had become cheaper and easier to do, a little bit less thought goes into practical stuff, i.e. like, what can we get this cat to do that would actually be funnier

or make for an interesting scene? Like having limitations and having to work within a specific sandbox, I think would have made a movie. To play Devil's Catficant. Sure. I did feel better knowing that this was a fake cat and that a real cat had not been tortured into doing silly things on camera.

And you don't like cats. I don't like cats, but I also don't like living things when you put through pain. I think there's ways that you could have made a cat do funny things that didn't involve like flipping it over and stuff. No, that's true. You have to look like a penguin. Like a tortoise.

Yeah. I mean, you shouldn't do that to tortoises either. No, I know. They don't like that. They don't like that. But like, they, there was a lack of invention You shouldn't do that to tortoises either. No, I know. They don't like that. They don't like that. They were like, there was a lack of invention and a lack of imagination in this movie about, it felt very, this was your basic by the numbers, busy business man gets put in a cat's

body while he's trying to build the tallest building in the Northern hemisphere movie. We're there already, but I just want to make it official. Final judgments, whether this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie kind of like, Elliot, what do you have to say? A bad bad movie. It's not good enough to be a good bad for me. If you want to see a good bad talking cat movie, you go see a talking cat. Yeah.

Yeah, I was hoping to say this for recommendations, but yeah, just watch a talking cat. This is a bad bad movie. You guys are going to think I'm brain damaged. You kind of like this movie. Hey, I kind of liked in a fantasy resurgence. I can show no superiority to anybody. I like cats and I like big goofiness. And this movie had a lot of goofiness.

This was one of the few movies. Usually Dan is Mr. I don't care about the plot. Let me play Sonic the Hedgehog on my iPad. Whatever. Where's my dinner? Let me deal with that for 35 minutes. But this was one of the few movies where we were talking and Dan was like, wait, what's going on with the paperwork?

Guys, we've got to figure out what's happening with the plot. He was much more invested in the plot and figuring it out than I expected he would be. I didn't want the building to be taken away from them. And it's got a great supporting cast in addition to this cat. He got Christopher Walton, Robbie Amel, Cheryl Hines, Cheryl Katchapot. You guys Teddy Sears.

Who's that? Uh, he was like, He's like Jay Garrick, uh, from the flash. He's like barely in the movie though. Yeah, but I mean, just enough. You get a taste. Yeah, just a little, just a, you just what you're beacin' out of the little bit. Yeah, it's mean, just enough. You get a taste. Yeah, just a little, just a, you just what you're beacin' over with.

Yeah, it's like tossing a little bit of salt and that's do. Mm-hmm, do. But to be, to say that there's a time, maybe like 10 or 15 years ago, when if you said Kevin Spacey and Christopher Walken are making a movie together, I'd be like, this is gonna be amazing. And now I just kind of take it.

Like Jackie Chan and Jetly are in a movie together. Yeah. It's like, this is gonna be amazing. And then they're like, but the real star is this dopey white kid. And you're like, oh. Yeah, exactly. Jackie Chan, on a very Academy Award winner, by the way.

Is he? Yeah, so I hope Dan will, for now, on be able to remember what he's seen him in a movie or not. Nope. Can't make any promises. POTCAST. Podcast. Podcast. Podcasts. They're audio programs that tell smart stories in innovative ways using editing techniques like this. Like this?

Like this? Yeah. But let's face it, all that smart stuff can be exhausting. That's where stop podcasting yourself comes in. It's so stupid. It's just two stupid dingoses. Being dumb idiot jerks for 90 minutes. Stop Podcasting Yourself.

The stupid show that smart people love. Find it on iTunes. Our maximumfun.org Are you in need of a shake-up? Max Funcon is our annual comedy and creativity festival and it changes lives. Max Funcon West our annual comedy and creativity festival and it changes lives. Max Funcon West returns to Lake Arrowhead next June and Max Funcon East is back in the Poconos next September.

Tickets for both are on sale right now and they will sell out. Visit maxfuncon.com to buy your tickets today. We can't wait to see you there. Tonight the flop house is sponsored in part by Zip Recruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job? Cause find the best candidates because day ends looking for work. Yeah. Please, with ziprecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100 plus jobsites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter,

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Right now our listeners can post jobs on zip recruiter for free. They're going to zip recruiter.com slash first What is that the zip recruiter.com slash first as a small business owner? I can tell you it's tough trying to find good candidates and having something that does away with a lot of the technical bullshit and get you access to people that you can weed out through interviews and then train. That's what you want to spend your time doing. You don't want to spend your time trying to figure out websites, you know. Yeah, who cares out websites, you know. Yeah.

Who cares about websites, guys? So go to ziprecrooter.com slash first. Yeah. It's simple. We also have another sponsor for tonight's show. A new one or at least one that we haven't had in a long time. Yeah, what's their problem? The flop house is supported in part by Warby Parker.

Oh, wow. A new concept and I wear contemporary eyeglasses that are extremely affordable and fashion forward. And you don't have to go anywhere. They come to you. Two thirds of the flop house are nerds with glasses. You know it. And I bet roughly two thirds of our listener base

are also glasses wearing cool people. I'm gonna up that number. I'm literally wearing Warp E. Colt Parker glasses right now. You're gonna say how literally it is. It literally means not literally. What? That's how it what it means now. Now you say literally when it's not true.

I love these glasses. I think that they're sharp. How do they deal? How do they comfort, how comfort wise? They feel good? Well, I've had them for years now, so they've molded to my face. Or your face has molded to them.

Yeah. And how do you see through them? Are their lenses good? There's a quality lenses. I see through them because the lenses are made of glass, which is a transparent. No, you know. Dan, let me introduce you to how advertising works.

I'm asking you leading questions. You can tell me about the high quality of the lenses and comfort of your frames from Warby Parker, our sponsor. What I'm asking you is to tell me how good they are, not to give me smart ass responses. I've been reading my... I've been reading my aljaffees, snappy answers to stupid questions, but...

Aljaffees, bad answers to sponsor questions. I'm looking now it's very a dog year to copy lying by Dan's bedside with multiple post it shoved onto the and stuffed into the pages. Yeah, we on the note written remember this good one. Now prescription glasses started at $95. That's including lenses. That's ridiculous. The whole thing. Yeah, you are price gouge with glasses.

If you have bad eyes, then you are punished by the world. Well, yeah, because your week and your jeans should have been weeded out a long time ago. But also, you can't see the bill. So they're like, just add a couple extra zeros on there. It doesn't matter. They'll pay whatever, because their stupid blind eyes can't handle it. You're normally playing like I don't know 300, 400 dollars for glasses. Oh sure. Yeah, just a purse grew.

Now options include both glasses and sunglasses. You can get sunglasses to a worthy parker. And with a home trium program, you can order five pairs of glasses, ship directly to you for free. Try all the frames on, get a feel for them and get feedback from people. No, it sounds like a fun night. Yeah. You got them for five days. If you go into if you go into a bar, you just keep going in the bathroom and changing those glasses. You can make out with five different girls. And the bartenders like, sir, I'm gonna need to see ID. Sir, I'm gonna need to see ID. Sir, I'm gonna need to see ID. But I just showed you the guy in this license isn't wearing glasses. And when you're done, you can mail them back to WarBee Parker in a prepaid package and

Triple P just choose which Which glasses you like best and or those? Look think about it. If this was the middle ages, your life would be over because you can't see. Best case scenario, you're gonna be a monk, put in your face up close to some parchment so you can just be copying some other monks writing from 100 or 200 years ago.

Thanks to a Warby partner, you don't have to live that life. You can wear glasses that allow you to see like a normie and it doesn't cost you that much and you don't even have to leave your house. Now, Dan, are those glasses the kind where if you walk outside and it's really sunny, they get into. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean you can turn into cool sunglasses. You can get transition lenses. Yeah. Now my glasses are transitioning but in a different way. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. They're turning into a monocle. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a good joke.

way. Oh wow. They're turning into a monocle. Oh wow, yeah, that's a good joke. Now there's a special offer for listeners to this podcast. If you go to WarbyParker.com slash flop, to order your free home trions, you can choose the five frames to try on, the other frames back, choose your favorite pair to have your prescription added and order and it's a completely risk-free with free shipping all around. If you visit WarbyParer.com slash flop to be in your free home trion experience today, that's WarbyParer.com slash flop. Start seeing. Yeah, it's a beautiful world out there. Take a look around. We use we we we we what's that? That's the alarm because we have a jumbo tron tonight. Is that the sound of the alarm that we got? I'm trying something new. Tonight's jumbo tron reads, do you enjoy your schlock with notes of nostalgia and a dash of self-deprecation?

It's that awful sound! The podcast about the music you liked before you knew any better. Every week that awful sound revisits a song and video from a guest's past, mining it for cringe-worthy moments, and savoring the painful memories they generate. For example, episode 69. Come on, Stuart. Bro, wait. Come on.

Okay, I can do this. You can do this, how was it? For example, episode 69. No, Stuart, you can do this. Come on. Episode 69. Okay, better. On Smash Mouth's riff-stealing cool dad anthem, then the morning comes, a video that features singer Steve Harwell getting pissed on by a dog for 10 full seconds.

So guys from Crazy Town to Creed, Aaron Carter to Aerosmith, Jillian Anderson to Journey, get episodes of That Awful Sound on podcast apps and thatawfulsound.com. Did Jillian Anderson put out a novel? No, did she sing? You're going to have to go to ThatawfulSound.com and do some deep mining. Sounds like a real house of Earth starring Jillian Anderson. We want to or an ex file.

Sure. You are watching or the fall. Shinnable. That's right. Figure something. Trigger something that famous Jillian Anderson short film. So something. Trigger something that famous Gilly Anderson short film. So I don't know whether it's sold out by the time we this is gonna come out because it's gonna come

out after Thanksgiving. Mm-hmm. A.C. I just want to mention that we have a live show live show alert. What? That's what a siren sounds like maybe in Europe now in Europe it's like E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E-O-E of Luke Passon movies is that we are European police siren. So that's just Luke Passon's ringtone. He's like, hello, somebody's been taken. On January the 21st, we have a 2017. We're doing a live show at the Bellhouse in beautiful Guana's Brooklyn. It's great venue. We have a lot of good times there. We'll probably announce the movie we're watching sometime.

Yeah, Dan, what movie are we watching? We don't know. Now, this is a live episode recording. Yes, this is a live episode recording. It's doors open at 7. Show is at 7.30. We'll probably last about an hour and a half, I would guess, before we die.

Yeah. And then, well, Bumble, Bumble, into a giant clown car and head to hinterlands to get twisted with stewers. So it should be a lot of fun. If you haven't been to a flop house live show,

they're a lot of fun. Buy your tickets now if they're available and you want to go because they do not usually last very long. We have had a number of sold-out shows at that venue, and we want you to be able to go see it.

Come on. If you don't get into it, though, we do. They might arrive, but they just don't get into it. They're like, as isn't for me. We have plans for. We have plans for another live show that same month, but we can't reveal it just yet. But tickets are not yet available. Tickets are not yet available.

A different venue, but an exciting one and a different type of show. So we'll just tease that. So don't feel too bad. Maybe. Mr. T. Yeah. Have you ever seen Thunder from Down Under? It's going to be a lot like that.

Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. The Fluff House is finally thrown away the whole illusion of the movie stuff and getting down to what we are Which is mails true, yeah beef cakes from Brooklyn. We call it We call it our Tisinal Packs One last announcement before we move on so and this is a Simmy political announcement. So if that's something that bothers you Ride that 15 second jump forward,

but just ride that button until it's time for the letter song. Just hit that button to hear me sing and then you're going to know it, you're safe from politics. But post-election, the flop house Facebook group was casting about for something that I can do. And last year we had a charity drive to help with suicide prevention. And this year, the Facebook page, the Facebook page did. Yeah, this is all fan organized with the support of us, the flop house. Yeah, but we should not take the credit. We do not take credit. The fans are doing a cardiness and organized it and are seeing it through. But they voted on what charity they might want to contribute to and they came up with plan parenthood. And so if you want to contribute to the Flophouse plan parenthood drive, you can do it

through the Flophouse Facebook page or there's a link. I will put it up on the site and you know do a little something this holiday season maybe to help others in some way. But that's all I wanted to say about that. And now we're moving on to letters from listeners. Your second favorite part of the show. And now it's time for your favorite part of the show. The song, everybody's always asking, where's that song? Everybody's always thinking just how long will the song be this time? Is it wrong that I love that song?

No it's not, it's right tonight. Alright, the song is here for you tonight. Out of spite. Keeping it long, keepingin' it real. Keepin' it great for a guy's name, Neil. But even if you have a different name, the song can still be for you. Maybe you're Lou, maybe you're Stu, maybe you're Roo. In the Hundred Acre Wood and you just want a song for you.

If I didn't mention your name, that's okay. I'm glad you came for you. If I didn't mention your name, that's okay. I'm glad you came for this. The song about names sent me a dollar in the mail. And I'll put your name in the song next time. Then that's okay, right? Right. Okay, probably shouldn't be, but it is. So here are some more names for you. More rhymes with Thor, which rhymes with floor, which rhymes with what's another name that runs with or go or go or and or Bobby or hockey superstar, not to mention or the character from catch to, from me and you. This is the song. Thank you. So, cleaned out a lot of emails during that one.

Before we get on to letters proper, we have a few gifts in the flop-ass mail bag. You're gonna say like this, letters proper. Like Hammer would say it. I just want to thank people for a couple of things. This I believe is from Timothy Stoltz. I'm Eric's brother. If I'm reading this correctly, it's from Timothy Stoltz.

Maybe that's just someone who is involved with the DVD. But the note says. It's I haven't seen it. So I don't know how Dan is able to misunderstand the information available. It's hard to, I'll give you the, you take a look at it. Okay.

Who's making some good podcasts? This is a, Oh no, Timothy Stoltz, I think is just someone involved with it. Okay. So someone, I could be wrong. Maybe it's from them. Someone sent a DVD called Max Magician

and the Legend of the Rings, which says, You know, like legends, the message of the Rings, which says, no, like legends, the message says, if you like rings, just look at this. The message says, I thought you floppers could use a little fun. Whoa. So I'm sending you guys the worst movie ever seen.

Tip, take a shot every time the villain growls size, makes that noise, you'll know the one. Thanks for making a shitty year less shitty. So thank you for this bad movie. That's been sent to us. We're gonna talk about this movie for a second. First off, there's a dude with a fucking morning star on the cover. That's sick. Nice. Not gonna talk about the size of the fake of the nose prosthetics on some of these guys. That's a little weird. But then at the bottom it says,

three and a half stars, a fantasy epic in the tradition of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings. So the thing that's concerning about that is does that mean this movie was made after those things because this seems like it should have been made way longer before it. Well, also, those are two very different type of fantasy stories. What are you talking about? One of them is a YA novel, the other is Harry Potter. Oh! JK, JK, I love Lord of the Rings. And speak Lord of the Rings.

I want to say, perfect, the sister of JK Simmons. I want to say a thank you to listener Bill O'Donnell, who sent my bar hinterlands a lovely 50th anniversary edition of the Lord of the Rings. It will be enshrined in the unapplicative honor for the most drunken patrons to paw through and quote and sing the songs of. So thanks Bill. And there's one more gift quickly from Erica who writes, my dearest peaches, I was going to save this gift for cage miss both in order to be seasonally appropriate and to give myself more time to craft a witty, misive worthy of the flop house mailbag. Instead, I am sending it in the dark raggedy second week of November,

because one of the only ways I know it, is to be kind of hurt and fear I'm currently experiencing, is to put something nice into the world and tell people who are important to me how much I appreciate them. You three are warm, fuzzy blanket of intelligence, silliness that is comforting to the point of medicinal, and you cannot hear often enough how much you genuinely help people. You're uncharacteristic earnestness, Erica. So we have some wraps. Thank you very much, Erica. Thanks here.

I haven't opened them. Who knows what they are. Dan never learns this lesson and decides we open things on here. No, I thought you guys while you're opening, I want to talk about Max Magician, the legend, the rings again. So the back of the first line of the want to talk about max magician the legend of the rings again So the back of the first line of the description is max magician and the legend of the rings is a magical tale about a young about young max no shit a shy bullied boy Just listening just reading that makes me want to bully this good

And now we've unwrapped the presents and They're beautiful candles. Yeah, this one just says Merry Cajemus. This one and mine is a tap well cider candle. Oh, that's a deep cuck. This one's a Teddy Graham candle and it smells like cookies. That's a deep cuck also. And what does yours say Stewart? Mine says original peaches and smells unsurprisingly like peach.

Nice. Thank you very much, Erica. Yeah. This is lovely. This will help kind of the scent orchestration of my apartment, which it needs. Yeah, that was the thing. When you came to visit, you were like, I'm not getting a full smell story. Is that walk through your apartment?

I'm getting a narrative through every sense except one. And that's really bothering me. This is going to really up my sensual bath game. Mm hmm. This will unsurprisingly, the only candles in my apartment as I am a bachelor are have been given to me by women in my life who are like, is that the way they say goodbye? No, I just leave a lit candle in the bed next to you.

Yeah, these are not lovers. These are just women who are like, you're a person who probably has a smelly apartment. Here's the candle. I leave a fucking hand of glory on his bed. And you can it's our any door. It was a hanged man's hands, but thank me very much. The only women who give me candles usually are around Hanukkah time when the orthodox are out making sure I'm praying enough and they hand out Freeman or his and candles.

When you're walking around Brooklyn and the guys stop, stop you and they hand out Freeman or his and candles. Do they win? When you're walking around Brooklyn and the guys stop you and they're like, excuse me, are you Jewish? Do you say yes or do you just keep going? Here's the thing. Years ago, when I was a college student, I would say no, because I didn't want to talk to them. And I would feel really guilty about it because I was denying my faith. And now I find I say yes. I want to be honest to them and to God. But and they say,

oh, well, Dutardot, and I say yes, but I'm not interested. Like yes, but no, thank you, because I'm very comfortable for the most part with my relationship with my faith. And I kind of don't need them to be involved. And so I have reached a point where I want to be honest with them, because I don't want to lie to myself. But at the same time, I'm very honest to them about like you and I are not the same. We don't believe the same things even though the things we believe are closer than say what I and Christians believe.

But I don't, it's like the way they, the way a lot of them view the world, if the Messiah means everyone's gonna be like that, maybe I don't want them to sign it come. Maybe I like this flawed world more. Every time they stop and ask me, because that's why I asked you in the first place. No, because they're just,

they're just, because they are just non-discord, they're like, you never know. So everyone could be Jewish. Well, they stop and ask me. And I don't know. I could probably pass you, no one. You don't look for no.

You don't look very Jewish. I'm like a Seth Rogen-E type character. But they think you're Seth Rogen. That's why they ask you. Yeah, and every time. That's either Seth Rogen or Josh Brolin, I always say no, but in my head, I'm always like, but my wife is should I say that? I'm like, no, Stuart, don't say that. They don't give a shit.

But my wife is like, you want to make them feel better about it. I'll say that and they'll be like, go tell the Marines. It'll be like, go home. go tell the Marines, it'll be like, go home crying. But now on to the letters proper. Let's see if feels good. Right? It's really cool. So this is from someone who's name I miss, please.

I apologize. Listers do not take this as how Dan values you. He is just a forgetful guy who's got a lot on his mind. And look, let's just be fair. He's not in right, his right mind right now. And so he loses things, he forgets stuff, but he cares about you. Yeah. But thank you.

I remember it was a lady. So that removes. Somehow makes everyone's 49% of the population. Okay. Great. And I mean, we don't have huge listenership in China. So that's a billion people right there. We don't have to worry about forgetting to give credit to. We're gonna narrow this thing down. Put on some coffee. We're gonna figure it out. Put on some coffee, we're going to figure it out. Dear floppers, my local department store as a claw machine, full of stuff, sorry, I'm going to start over. A claw machine.

My local department store has a claw machine full of stuffed toys for children. I noticed last week that one of these was indeed a stuffed horse head, embroidered the Godfather and had a strip of red cloth in the bottom to simulate blood. That's pretty great. I would say so much goddamn money trying to dig that thing out of it. My husband and I have spent an unhealthy amount of time

trying to figure out the long series of decisions that led to this decapitated head being put into a children's game. I'll tell you what happened. One of the stuffed animals in there wasn't doing what Vito Corleone wanted him to do. So they cut that off his stuffed horse and they stuff it in the claw machine with him. What would you put into a claw machine if you could add anything?

And again, that's from I misplaced her name. Why sell without? No, no, no. Clearly we want something that's going to have an appeal to kids. Now does that have to be movie related or not? I mean, if it could be anything, of course, it's just going to be a fucking foil wrap to bake potato. It's the image of the case.

It's the stuff of the fucking. It's the image of the case. Self-evident. That's the top of everybody's list. Yeah, it's the stuff of the fucking machine. That's like the best possible situation. So since that's a given, then we could all put a foil ratchet container in there.

Let's go to number two on our list. And why is it the perfect nexus between delicious and sort of healthy and graspable with a claw? Yeah. Look, stuff that thing full of cheese and like, uh, and scallions and you've got lunch in Scotland. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I carry a cheese and scallions

with me anywhere I go. What about one of the oogi loves? Can we put one of them in there, like a two-feet? Like the full, like a living person? Like a little, yeah, full two-feet. I don't know. I guess, I don't think the claw's gonna be able to haul them out of there.

Well, here's the thing, the claw machine, you can never get whatever you want. So I don't know if you want. Yeah, I always get what you want. But sometimes, you waste a lot of money trying to grab it. So do you want to put something really good in there, like an Academy Awards that people waste their time trying to grab it, or to make people feel better about not being able to get anything with the claw machine, do you make it like a bag of poop? Cause like, oh, I didn't get the bag of poop prize even though I put in a couple quarters,

but I didn't really want it. I don't even know why I put the quarters into try to get it. The thing about a bag of poop is that bag, like it's a plastic bag and it, like you can see that I was not imagining a plastic bag. I was imagining a paper lunch sack. Yeah, cause you can set those on fire more easily. Exactly. That's going to be really hard to grab with a little claw.

But you don't even want it, so it's okay. Oh, so it's like, it's just a spoiler in there? No, it's like since you're not gonna get a prize anyway, why put something good in there? Make people feel better and be like, well, I didn't get anything but I didn't want it. Yeah, you're sort of competing as a metaphor. You're like, yeah.

It's not about you, it's not you versus the claw machine, because you're always going to lose. It's you versus yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when I think of a claw machine, I think of like the stuff you'd want to get at like the midway. If you're like walking along the boardwalk, eating one of them deep fried Oreos. I mean, the boardwalk in the midway, I think would be too different.

Same thing. And so I'm pumping a couple bucks on a car machine. I'm going to want something that's going to fit my sense of style. So I'm going to want to get like a really bad ass betty boop or like a little scar face. Well, like a big novelty comb. Yeah, like I want a scar face that's just Alpachino's face and it has Tony Montana, like written in script along the cheek. Now, I want like a Tony Montana, written in script along the cheek.

Now I want like a Tony Montana Tony Manero mashup where it's he's scar face, but he's wearing the Saturday night fever suit. And he's dancing, but he's still got the gun in his hands. What love mashups. And he's saying, so wait, what does he say? Say hello to my little friend. Yeah. But mash that up with a certain thing. Say that. Don't don't why is he touching my hair or something like that. This next letter. It was like this. There's a wonderful BBC Radio comedy series called Cabin Pressure about a single plane airline. It has Benedict Cumberbatch and Roger Alam

as pilots who play word games nearly every episode. as pilots who play word games nearly every episode. This is the most British sounding show. During a real estate. Also they solved tea related murders. They get an argument about politeness. They bake cakes for the queen mother. During a real estate. Did she pass away a while ago?

I don't know. They reminded me a lot of your trio. Looking at it. One of my favorites is the word game. People who aren't evil but have evil sounding names. They come up with Russell Crowe, Agatha Christie, and Clista Flockhart. But I was wondering what you think

is the most evil sounding name of any person. Cole Hauser. I know. Come on. It seems like a hero guy. No, tough hero. No, Cole Hauser is a bad, bad dude in the name. In real life, a hero.

It's super easy. I got you both fucking. Hold on, I got one more sentence in this. OK. I think Ali. The lessons is you can't say Cole Hauser. No, he says, I think Ali, it actually has a strong contender for a villain name. Love the podcast, all the best.

First initial held, RG. Ali at Kaelin, I could see there's a villain. Hands down, Max von Sido. Yeah, move. You got it. It's even better, yeah. What about a Kylian Murphy? It's got Kyl in it.

That's pretty good. that's pretty good. It's pretty good. Max von Sido is pretty hard to be. Max von Sido is. What about Adolf Hitler? That's a pretty, but I guess the game is not actually villain, right? Because he was evil.

That's an evil sounding name. Yeah. What about, so hard to beat Max von Sido? Yeah. No, right. I mean, this is not to get political, but Newt Gengrich does sound like a villain in a fantasy novel.

That's fair. Yeah. I'm trying to say, I'm just going to say, Tilda Swinton, but she just sounds like an elf. Yeah. Tilda Swinton sounds like a woman who solves T-related murders. Mm-hmm.

F-Murray Abraham sounds like a hero. If he was Murray F Abraham, that's a presidential assassin name. I, I have a funny story about F. Murray Abraham. One of my regulars, uh, someone I've seen on stage in a play. Anyway, continue. One of my regulars, uh, is a, uh, is a, like the, the set manager, some shit for whatever, whatever TV show he's on now. And he and a couple other, the crew guys were hanging out in this office where they were

shooting. And F. Murray Abraham walked into the room, clearly trying to go somewhere else. And he was looking for the bathroom and they're like, I don't know, it's down the hall. And he's like, and then before he left, he's like, well, at some point, we should all go out for a drink because I have a lot of money, which is great. And fulfills my need for believing that F. Marie Abraham is an awesome dude. Yeah. Well, we're not getting any better than that.

So Frank Zappa. Sure. Yep. He's some kind not getting any better than that. So, Frank Zappa. Sure. Yep. He's some kind of electricity based villain. Exactly. Um. Some kind of hot dog in electricity based villain.

Yeah. He's the electrogram one from Grimmons too. Oh, he wishes. Um. I mean, the electrogram. Electrogram is an agent of chaos that an actual villain. Exactly. Yes.

He's barely even conscious of what he's doing. He's just causing trouble and a bubble. And, and, and, and, and, he's just a dog chasing cars now. Electro's real name was Max Dillens. That's pretty close to Max one side out. Mm-hmm. This next letter.

Now Scorpion's real name is Mac Gargan. Mm-hmm, that's a normal person's name. Yeah. Did we talk about whether or not Scorpion's tail is attached to them or not? We did in a previous episode last episode. Okay. Hey, floppers. Hey, what's up? That's us. I've been, this is from Wade last name with hell. Wilson Deadpool. Hey, floppers. You're from, uh, Roas. Or is it Wade the duck from acres? We hate your cartoon. Don't write

in. I've been re-listening to your back catalog and it seems like the vast majority of the films you've watched ended up being bad bad movies. Do you think any of these bad bads have any inherent value? Which of the bad bad movies you've seen would be the best candidate for a reboot with a new director and writer at the helm? Would Spielberg be able to turn Sucker Punch into a watchful movie? Could Hitchcock cobble together something decent out of paranoia? What would Paul Schrader do if he put the treatment of abduction in front of him? Love the podcast and please never end it Wade last name withheld. Thanks Wade, thanks for listening. And thanks Wade for reminding us that we've spent the last nine years watching

bed. Lasting our time. So Dan, it looks like you got an answer on the tip of your tongue. I hate, here's the thing, I hate any question that requires me to remember the movies that we've watched for the spot cat. It's hard to remember. I mean, it's a little uncomfortable trying to play like Backseat Driver imagining what one director would do

with another person's movie. Yeah. I would say that like, there are a couple movies like next, or like, I don't remember what we said about Victor Frankenstein, but their movies were like, I mean, there it's just the Frankenstein story, but like where you could do take the same very like the concept and

do something with it. I don't remember if we called God's of Egypt a bad, bad movie, but like that's a concept that could have been really fun, you know, if it was if it was handled. Yeah, but which director and whose specific vision would have made God's V-Gypt more interesting than the one we saw? Then that one. Because you can't say your boy Tarsam because we saw what he did with a mortal. And it was not very good. Not very similar and not very good.

I mean, as much as I love Tarsam's the fall, yeah. But maybe someone like, you know what I'm going to say for God's V-Jip, and this is something that sound crazy. Okay. Howard Hawks. Wow. Because that movie had plenty of crazy concepts. And visually it was goofy in a stunning way at times. What the movie didn't have was it didn't have charismatic characters, as I was gonna say actors, charismatic characters, or good solid action banter between the two of them. And that's right in Howard Hawks' wheelhouse, is charismatic characters who banter in a funny way,

but that also shows an appreciation of the stakes of the situation. If you could apply that to the goofy craziness of God's Veejev'd, I think you'd have something there. You'd have maybe even like a Star Wars type of movie. Whoa. Now, I think the obvious answer here would be a remake of food fight from our boys and picks are because they know how that turn brands into lovable characters. Well, that's a good bad movie though.

I mean, I can easily say that we throw David Lentch at fateful findings and go on a day. I feel like you almost don't want to touch fateful findings because any minor tweak, even like the slightest bit, like if they released a director's cut of fateful findings, it would just not be quite the same beautiful mess. Yeah, no, fateful findings is a masterpiece of crap. I mean, there's stupid movies like Olympus has fallen or something like that that I feel like if you threw like a better action director at it like John McTarren or something like that, it would be yeah, director of roller ball the remake.

Everybody's got duds in their filmography. Not to record. There's, I mean, there's the one, not to record. And sure he does the only, the only direct one. Give me a single dud in Stewart Gordon's film biography. And if you say robot jocks, I'm putting the podcast. All right. Well, then I guess there's nothing. I'm the, I mean, I don't love castle. Robots, Jack's really. They're like, truly these robots were the jobs. Like, we can't live. We're robot jocks. Yeah, I do.

That's super poignant. Yeah. It's a tale of the US and Russia finally overcoming their differences by beating each other and putting robots. I think robots. Yeah. Oh, what a good movie. Yeah.

All right. And the only director who I think has no duds in his filmography is Gene Vigo, because he made like one movie into short, and then he died. And I- So that's your advice to young filmmakers? Oh, make one great movie and then die, for sure. That'll, I mean, you can have a sterling reputation. I would say, I don't have a,

I don't have a particularly good answer for this question, but I would say any of the horror movies get Stuart Gordon to do it or any of the dramas, get Stuart Gordon to do it. Just start Stuart Gordon at that. Yeah, yeah, do on life at Timothy Green, directed by Stuart Gordon, that'll be horrifying.

We'll watch that boy's body knit together in that box of the fucking components they threw. They assemble. It'll be goopy somehow, even though it's made out of parts. It's going to be so like it's, it's the kind of goop that David Cronenberg has nightmares about. I mean, in a way, the odd life of Timothy Green was already made by Yon's Fankmeyer with

his movie Little O-Tick, which is about a boy who's, who's grown out of a root and is, and hard and heart and terrifies people. So that's just watch those two movies together. We can make a boy out of pencils. We can make a pencil out of boys. It's not what they said at all. Grind up the boys. No. Last letter of the evening. This is from, it says, regards from the ships at sea, name withheld. I was just listening to the Max Fun Show,

the greatest generation. I'm thinking what a natural fit it would be for the next switch of rue, then Adam Prenaka. Did that view listen to the show? We know our friend Ben Harrison's on it, but. I know we're remembering Adam Prenaka. President Benjamin Harrison. I don't know how to pronounce it.

Okay. I'm gonna say how to pronounce it. Okay. I'm going to say Adam Pernaca. Really? You're super funny. Ruined it by revealing that he thought Dan's Halloween Sherlock costume was a Brent Spiner paying data pretending to be Sherlock. That's a much better costume. Dead to actually pretty accurate.

Yeah. Dead to me. That's how much of a Dan partisan I am. Anyway, not to tip your hands too far, but what shows would you like to do the next crossover with? The adventure zone is a classic, which I hope continues in its own right, but I'd also like to hear Stu finally resolve some of his teen problems with still buffering, or Ellie pretending to be Canadian for stop podcasting yourself.

What say the floppers? I mean, I do like having a chance to just talk to some fucking teens, you know? I mean, you're legally not allowed to do that anymore. Yeah, I guess you're right. So I'd have to pick something different. I mean, I'll pray, I'll pray through this by, or preface it by saying that I don't think there's gonna be another Shrewish Roo

because it was largely unsuccessful. I think that it was very, it was like an idea that a peak behind the curtain. I was thinking the same thing, yeah. It was an idea that like people had a lot of enthusiasm, enthusiasm before, before, ahead. They had an enthusiasm. That's when you have so much enthusiasm that you just are overwhelmed with pleasure. Yeah. Thanks for writing people know about this. If you're like, have you, has anyone done this?, I mean, thanks for writing to people know about this. Do you feel like, have you, has anyone done this? It's like, if I do this thing enough,

something comes out of me and I feel amazing and then I feel kind of tired and then I feel really guilty. You have, because so mom, dad, what is this? What are we do this wherever you go though? It's like on you all the time. This guy, he's doing this, it's back to the future and he's just masturbating on stage

and from everybody. And this guy's like, Hugh, Hugh, it's me, you're nephew, Gary Heffner. You know that new way to get off that you've been looking for? Well, listen to this. And the other thing is just like the phone at you point out that it's right away from the wheel. And just squeeze, you're squishing sounds. And as the cops are pulling away,

he's like, you guys aren't gonna like it, but your kids are gonna love it when they turn 13. Yeah, he puts the points the phone toward a ramic in full of, I don't know, the potato salad that you're jammed your thumb into. It turns a boot stuck in the mud, yeah? This switchroom is a very popular idea before it happened I love the idea that this that this listener wrote in was like I really like this

Which one would you like to do and you're like? Your promises fall like like nobody else wants to hear that ever You know, no, I'm just I just don't want to just I don't I don't want to turn in your gun and bad I don't want to disappoint anyone. I just, I just know that there are a lot of fans who complained when the switch would actually happen because it turns out that they like people doing the podcasts that they do already. Podcasts are all about fantasies, baby.

But that being said. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing. Somebody else in the middle of that mouth, like that. That's the thing. I guess somebody else is dead. That is the new fucking max bun, fucking logo. I'm gonna get some elegant roundclips that you have.

That is the new fucking Max von fucking logo. I have no idea what that means. Max von, Max von von, sound like it's from a Disney's painting. It's not a year. It's like that in there. This is, you are a creepy podcast producer who's going after like lost runaways in Los Angeles and you're like, hey, get loose podcasts are all about fantasies, baby.

I'm but you're sure. Hey, come on. Let's maybe let's relax. Have a little bit of stew juice. Yeah, they're making it. That's what he calls wine. So, man, this is tough because I got answers for this. Avi, like one of the new shows on the network,

Dead Pilots Society, I would love to get to do a reading of a pilot who would find my boys day in a reliant. I've got one, I've got a pilot I would love to do on it because it's going no matter what. I have to do it for the first time. As somebody would literally do that as a bonus episode of some time, we could totally do that.

Oh okay. As somebody with no fee, I have no training. I really overestimate my ability to read something. And you know, Dan can't read anything, so it's hilarious. The weird thing is though, my tongue becomes much more dexterous as soon as I'm playing another part. Like I can act. I just can't read.

That Florida based serial killer killer dexterous. Yeah, but like your dark passenger after throw some bodies in Miami and drink some soap and a pollo. All right, but you've seen me on stage. It's not like I'm stepping over myself. When you when you're performing and when playing your playing character, yes, you are you're a quite fluent and you have no in very articulate. You have no trouble making yourself specific type of introvert. Thank you. You like to lose yourself in the character. In the moment you own it. Yeah, I never want to let it go.

Yeah, mom's spaghetti. Hands are sweaty. I was there's mom's spaghetti. Sarah and getty. Uh, so I was there's mom spaghetti, Sarah and getty. Uh, bald is our getty. It's telling me there's a lot of. Okay, they're all booing you off the stage. Boo. Images by getty.

No one's louder than Bellas are getting. Uh, you know what podcast I'd love to cross over with. It's not a max one podcast. It's called President's for people too and it's not a podcast. It's an audio series I do for all the ball. I co-host it. It's now available on iTunes. Presidents for people too. Me and Alexis co talk about a different president every episode. That's an interesting dodge, Elliot, but it's a great show. Thank you. There's a number of ones that I would like to do. I would like to do Jordan, Jesse, go just because it would be fun

to do something totally unstructured. I mean, it is structured. As opposed to this. Yeah, it is structured, but it's talking about people's lives and like whatever you want to talk about, rather than having a central theme which sounds fun to me to just do that. But I also would like to do um either my brother or my brother and me or judge Sean Hodgman because so bad at that though

we get to tell people what to do though. I know that's why we would be bad at it. Nobody wants our advice. I think it'd be so much fun to give advice out. You're probably right it would be bad at it. Nobody wants our advice. I think it'd be so much fun to give advice out. You're probably right, it would be fun. Okay, let's try that. Let's just change our podcast. Let's run a simulation. Okay, I'm having trouble.

I have a secret Santa coming up and I'm worried about staying under the money limit because I don't want to seem too cheap, but I also don't want to go over because I don't even, the person's not even going to know it's from me. What should I do? Uh, this is obviously the secret, Tana, we're doing here at the flop house and you clearly have Dan can see we're asking Dan the right way. So Dan's going to say go over. I was going to say give instructions of how to masturbate because as we've learned tonight, that's the best present. Not enough people know. And it's the gift that keeps on giving.

It's pushing you and give yourself. Elliot's doing his belt. Oh, wow, that's a very large belt buckle, Elliot. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I got to give these pants up somehow. Oh, wow. Is that the official test quiz, uh, uh, Texas, sesquicentennial official belt buckle?

They're 150 years. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I got it when I was in Texas for that very celebration. Okay, well now your pants are coming all the way down. Okay, this is becoming very close to Erotica now and I'm getting very close.

Not that close. He's narrating, like play by play, your pants being removed. Most of the time when I hear Erotica, I hear a joyful steward reading it out loud. That is a, yeah, the problem now is I can't get off without hearing Stuart's voice reading the erotica. Yeah, it's required a lot of weird late night phone calls for me.

Well, you're like, Dan, are you okay? You're breathing funny. I'm fine. Just keep reading that story. It's a total goof. It's funny. That's why I want you to read to me just as a joke. Just keep reading the descriptions of movies on IMDB

That would be the saddest masturbation part Yeah, brother. So I hope that has answered all of your questions to the fullest of our abilities, but now very quick Recommendations it's time to get on to recommendations of movies that we like God and we've been talking for a while we should we should do this fast fast as a flash man I'm gonna jump right in here I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna recommend a movie called a wax work to loss in time that's a movie that picks up right where the first wax work left off, which is great because you probably got wax work to in a DVD bundle with the first wax work. Wax work to you got the heroes from the first movie, one of them being Zach Galligan from Gremlins and they have just survived the horrors of the original wax work only to go home and have a severed hand a la What thing is that the thing from yeah a family? Yeah, yep or the hand from evil dead

This is your quick version. Yeah murders her dad and they and she gets arrested and the only way they can clear This woman's name is by using a portal to travel through time and getting adventures It's great. Check it out. Wax work to boom. I'm going to recommend a movie that is, I guess, similar to today's and that it's also about a woman who is having trouble with her husband's focus on his career and his wants as opposed to what's best for the both of them.

And that's it's a movie called losing ground 1982, was written and directed by Kathleen Collins. And it is a story about, I guess the best way to describe it is a story about a marriage of two black intellectuals. She is a philosophy professor, he is an artist, and she is finding that she is not getting from him the thing that she needs, which is his attention and support. And he is instead feeling that as an artist, he has the license to kind of live however he wants and do however he wants.

And it's a really well-observed movie, and it's got a really good cast, a bunch of great actors are in it, like Bill Gunn and Joine Jones, who you may remember from Night of the Living Dead. And it's a really good independent movie about a world that I know I don't usually see a lot of movies about so losing ground. And I'm going to recommend a documentary by Werner Herzog called Encounters at the End of the World about him at the South Pole Antarctica, rather. And you sort of hear of a documentary set in Antarctica and you just imagine a bunch of penguins, a bunch of beautiful nature photography.

And there are penguins in the movie. There is beautiful nature photography, but the movie is largely about, and this is tipped by the title and counters it at the end of the world. It's largely about both the people that he meets in Antarctica, the types of people that are drawn to living in Antarctica and doing research there and and being support staff for researchers. There's a plumber who takes comfort from the fact that he is the descendant as he claims because he has this particular deformity in his hands. He says he's the descendant of Aztec princes. he says he's the descendant of Aztec princes.

There's a woman who has been in all sorts of war zones across the world and is a contortionist who can put herself inside a piece of luggage. There's all these just fascinating people who have been shaken down to the southernmost part of the world. And it's about that, and it's about sort of implicitly about how the ice and the snow is obviously disappearing because of global warming. And what that means for the world, and it's one of these essay documentary films that doesn't have like a strong central thesis,

but is sort of poetic and beautiful and inquisitive about life and about humanity. And it's the sort of thing that Bernard Herzog does very well encounters at the end of the world. Is what I recommend. Wow, three recommendations. We did it. No, okay. Now what do we do on this podcast? Now, blessedly sign off.

Let's say goodbye. Once again, we have talked for longer than the movie was. If I half an hour. Oh, yeah. So let's move into the half to talk about letters and stuff. That's true. So let's bid a fond ad to talk about letters and stuff. That's true. So let's bid a fond ad you to all of our listeners. Thank you so much for listening and for giving us your time and your enthusiasm.

Thank you. And in some cases your mind. Thank you to Max Fun, our parent network, and all other great shows on it. Thank you to the people who keep the lights on, keep the electricity humming, and thank you to the man upstairs, the guy who lives above Dan and doesn't complain about all of our loud talking late at night. Without him, we couldn't do it. Thanks, big guy.

Yeah, thanks to the makers of Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings, whatever this movie is. But most of all, thanks to you. Thanks to you. Yeah. Okay. Let's sign off. Hey guys, for the Flavas, I've been Stewart, well, Ellington. I've been Dan McCoy. And I'll always in a little corner of the world be Elliott Kaelin. Cut it. Good night everyone. L.A. likes old-timey shit, Stewart likes new-timey shit. Yeah, it does like anything. But we all kinda like porn. That's all kinda like porn.

I've been trying to figure out a stand-up bit how how offended I am that movies whenever you show it's just Shorthand for a sad lonely character to show him masturbating. It was like look there's any number of reasons you're masturbating Maybe you're sadnally, maybe you're just bored, maybe you got 15 minutes to kill before you got to make a phone call Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture, artist owned Listener supported or comedy and culture, artist owned. Listen or supported.