The Flop House - Ep. #253 - The Snowman
Episode Date: March 17, 2018Mister Police, you could have saved us from watching The Snowman. You gave us all the clues. Meanwhile, Elliott takes us behind the scenes at Shrek, Stuart bravely reveals his medical syndrome, and cr...eepo Dan McCoy is a creepy creep. Wikipedia synopsis for The Snowman Movies recommended in this episode Southern Comfort Annihilation Silence
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On this episode we discuss the Snowman.
The worst Marvel movie yet. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flop House, I'm Dan McCoy.
Hey great energy Dan, I'm Stuart Wellington.
Stuart I like those compliments you're giving to Dan, I'm Elliot Kaylin.
Oh thanks, I mean thanks to Stuart I guess. And thanks to Ellie for the compliment. Oh, thanks. I mean, thanks to Stuart, I guess.
And thanks to Ellie for the compliment.
Yeah, and you're welcome to everyone.
Hey, no problem.
This is a positivity podcast where we try to be supportive of each other
and just kind of generally, you know, complimentary.
So guys, you're doing great.
It is.
Everything's wonderful.
No, I got to say this podcast has been a total failure on my end.
Hey, Ellie, you're doing pretty good at manipulating the Skype on your phone slash computer today.
Thank you.
Is that another compliment?
I don't know if that's sarcastic or not.
Dan, you have a beard.
Thanks.
I'm really more of an observation than a compliment, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
Guys, I think today's-
I want to put your own spin on it.
Today's a good time for me to talk about a prop my have,
which is me, like millions of Americans,
suffers from always sounding sarcastic syndrome.
Oh, okay.
David came.
I can't.
David came.
It's called, yeah. I can't say something nice, uh, without sounding like I'm being an asshole.
Uh, and I don't know what to do about it.
Probably not host a podcast dragging bad movies.
Here's what I like to do.
Is I like to what I like to do is I put, I put my fingers up and I do kind of quote marks around what I'm saying
Because it's like nothing's more sincere than when you quote someone to show them that you
Respect what they say so when I give someone a compliment I put quote marks around it with my fingers so that they know I'm being sincere
No, okay. Are who are you quoting when you're complimenting them?
myself
Okay, well it out, I guess.
So I guess this is a bad movie podcast.
Yep. That's what people tell me.
And what does that mean?
How does that mean?
How does a bad movie podcast, do we make a bad movie every episode?
Yes, and we are way in the hole.
We have spent so much money.
I've had to mortgage my house that I don't have.
It's weird.
Oh boy.
No, but we watch a bad movie.
And then we talk about it.
That's the way it works.
So let me get this straight.
So it's a two step process.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Okay.
So the first step watching we watch the bad movie.
What's the second step?
I like to watch Elliot.
bad movie. What's the second? I like to watch Elliot. Now Dan's doing a weird bit in the middle of the other dumb bit. Yeah. So Dan, I started a dumb bit that was just about wasting
time and then you started a creepy bit. It was about creeping me out and you succeeded.
That's gross and weird. Yeah. All right. Well, see, that's the great thing about recording
a show remotely is that when Dan does a creepy bit,
Elliot has a moment where he's like,
and is there something to be lost in translation
by not being in the room?
Yeah.
Was that not actually creepy?
No, I tried to, it made it.
And I also,
creepy face at Elliot,
but it's hard to do it over the little Skype camera.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And also I had a moment where I was like,
oh, thank goodness I'm not in that room
with Crepo Dan McCoy being a creepy creep.
So this is a compliment podcast.
Yeah, we're we try to keep the positivity up.
So Dan, keep creeping. You're the number one creep.
You're doing great.
So this episode we watched a little movie called The Snowman.
Talk about creepy, right guys?
The greatest snowman starring Hugh Jackman.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was Jack Frost starring Michael Keaton
as a dead jazz musician who comes back as a snowman,
terrifying as child, right?
And then that snowman attacks a woman in a shower.
Yeah.
And then her name was Shannon Elizabeth.
And now you know who the rest of the story which
Wait, which one had a Lynn trickier cover where when you change it the snowman space gets here
That was a horror one frost. Yeah, had the Lynn trickier cover because it tricked you
What's it? What does it mean? Let me take you there? Oh give a fuck
It should be because it's a killer. I'm going to join in. That's a good turn it and you see the image change.
You're like, that tickles me.
It's a good new mommy device.
Follow you around the room.
Stuart, do you say that's a good umami device?
Maybe now this, this no man.
Guys, he gave us all the clues.
We knew it was gonna be a bad movie.
Why do we watch it, Mr. Pillow?
Yeah, why do we watch it, Tim?
So, this is, Dan, let's throw you to this,
because I know you really wanted to watch it, right?
Oh, I did really want to watch it.
And part of it was curiosity, because I've read the book.
I've read a number of the books starring Harry
Hall or pronounced in the original language Harry Hula. So it's not a gross
pun. That's even sillier. I thought the name Harry Hall couldn't get sillier, but Harry
Hula is even sillier. The great Harry whole. Yeah.
Well, yeah.
So Mr. General, Mr. Asshole or whatever he is.
It's so damn, Dan.
We're gonna have to look into this Harry whole.
Dan, did you, so when you got in those books,
would you say you fell down a hairy rabbit hole?
You guys, I would say that,
because I'm a fool.
Now, these books are written by Joe Nesbo,
which sounds like it's like a Frank Zappekid type name.
Yeah.
But it's really just a Scandinavian guy, right?
Damn.
Yeah, it's part of the wave of Scandinavian crime fiction that started with like,
you know, girl with a dragon tattoo. Is that where it started? Well, I mean, that's where I got a
foothold in America. I don't know about, you know, in Scandinavia itself. And it continued on
until Amy Schumer's girl with the back tattoo. Yes. Lower back tattoo, I wait. Lower back tattoo,
I'm so sorry.
And I was curious about this movie because like, there's nothing that there's
nothing in the rule book that says that this had to be a bad movie. I mean, it's
based on an inner space. It's based on a trash. Wait, wait, let me check. Okay, yeah,
you're right. The book is trashy, but it was entertaining and diverting and you know,
it was a page turner. You got Thomas Alpherson directing it who did take her Taylor soldiers by
and let the right one in. Um, uh, Thalma Schoonmaker was the editor and she's Martin Scorsese's
longtime editor. You got Michael Fassbender and Rebecca Ferguson
and the main roles.
And Charlotte Gainesburg.
Yeah, Charlotte Gainesburg.
You've got a JK Simmons.
And J.K. Simmons.
And J.K. Simmons.
Yeah, so everything about this movie was set up
to be a number one hit success.
Was it there?
Yeah.
No, it was it was it was widely
a group pan.
It was avoided by the public.
And it launched a thousand memes because the
Mr. Police, I gave you all the clues.
Advertisement was very popular on the internet.
Very popular and inaccurate.
It lies a game of cat and mouse between a policeman and a killer,
which the movie does not bear out now.
Keep in mind. And this is something I didn't realize till I started reading about
it afterwards. That apparently their shooting schedule was too short and 10 to 15% of the
screenplay was not shot. So I guess they apparently they went into the editing room and they were
like, uh, wait a minute, we missed some stuff. So like, that's one of the reasons the movie
makes no sense. And character, there's all like JK Simmons character. I will get into it. I don't even
know why he's in the movie. Like it's there's a whole subplot that goes nowhere and
you know what? I don't need my subplots to go somewhere. I'm fine with that
casino world in the last Jedi. I enjoyed that. I don't need my subplots to be
elegantly tied into the ending. But at least give me some reason for why this
character is skulking around in an opera house looking at topless women. Dan, yes.
But I mean, I think the movie wanted to be a little sleazier. So it had to put a topless
woman in there. I don't know. I mean, but we can all agree that JK Simmons looks great in
this movie. Jack, like he's jacked. You put him in that suit and you're like,
JK looking like a snack.
Am I right?
Damn.
Am I right?
JK, his name means just keep doing what you're doing.
JK Simmons.
You're fast and with initials joke than me.
Uh, sorry.
Well, that's why I, that's why it's a tough life I leave because everyone's always trying to best
me in quickness with initials jokes.
And I just want to rest.
I don't want to have to mostly defend my title.
But every month you want to make a name for himself, wonders into my one horse town.
The guy wants to show he's faster with an initials joke.
And I've killed so many kids that way.
Oh, terrible.
Elliot always has to sit with his back to the wall
so that a kid doesn't run up and try and outreferencing.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So should we get into the plot of this movie?
And would eventually lead us to the one great thing in it,
which is Val Kilmer's weirdly dubbed voice?
I'd like to get to that point.
Sure, let's get into the plot.
Then is so fucking twisty, I can't make
heads or tails of it and I read the book again.
This is like a mountain pass in a dark night.
So did you read this book, the snowman?
Sorry, I'm just guy.
Yes, it was the first book in the series that I read
and it hooked me on the series.
So I obviously enjoyed it enough that I thought
this might have the slight chance of being good,
but we'll see what we all thought.
So the movie opens up like in fucking Norway, and it's all snowy and shit.
Yeah, what country is that?
Norway.
Is it Norway?
Yeah.
Norway.
It's in Australia.
So, we see this kid lives in an isolated house in the middle of the winter with his mom.
And a guy who calls himself the kid's uncle comes by and tests him on facts of Norwegian
history.
And whenever the team gets an answer wrong, the uncle hits the mom.
And she drops coffee beans all over the floor.
Yeah.
And the kid does that.
That's what those are, right?
No.
Yeah.
Yeah. No, either that or their mouse pellets.
I don't know, something.
But the kid goes outside to make a snowman
while the uncle in quotes, not quoting anybody.
This is to say that he's not really the uncle
and the mom having a illicit rendezvous.
It turns out that guy is the mom's mistress
and must be the kid's son.
In fact, she says as much.
But he wants nothing to do with that family and he leaves.
The mom takes the teen, drives him onto an ice lake,
and then he gets out of the car of it.
She won't, and he watches as she just drowns herself inside of a car.
And I'm sure like any teen, what he's thinking is,
hey, I wanted to use that car.
I want to go down to the mall to see my friends mom.
Mom, let me use the car.
Oh, I can't use it forever. Thanks, mom. Anyway, that's the end of that prologue. So much of that opening
feels like feels like digitally enhanced to the point that I'm like this what what this I don't know what's going on here.
Yeah. That's good.
Are they real?
Tell me, like I was watching,
I was watching a scene from a,
from even not having seen any of this movie,
it felt like I was watching a scene
from a different movie that suddenly got spliced onto the tape.
Like, oh, no.
Like I don't know what's going on.
And I don't care.
This feels like the scene that would show up normally,
like right after the reveal of the killer,
and you're like, oh, that's why he's a killer because he was abused
and victims of trauma and abuse are always murderers.
They're dangerous, can't have him in society.
Well, it's not too much of a spoiler at this point to like,
and you know, you know that this prelude has something
to do with the killer and it's probably
the origin story of the killer.
So it's not a spoiler.
Yeah, because that's how movies work, Dan.
This is the origin story of the killer. They just decided to a spoiler. Yeah, because that's how movies work, Dan. This is the origin story. They just decided to
give you a little extra tail at the beginning to wet your whistle from Norwegian depression.
Yeah, there's a little booze, booze of misery for you before we get into the real story.
A serious man kind of does that with the whole divic story that it does.
A serious man does do that. Doesn't really relate back to the rest of everything, but so in Dan's words,
the snowman as good as a serious man.
But I love I love the fact that like he goes outside to build a snowman and like,
I guess that's the origin story of the fact that he we've snowman into his killings
later on. Like, I mean, yeah, they talk about members. But like the idea that this kid remembers, like,
well, on the day my mom died, I built the snowman.
And so I guess it's my thing now.
Is it always making the snowman like,
as a to sit there, like looking at the women
he's about to murder accusingly?
Yeah, like, I don't know.
That's his like judgmental alter ego.
Is this little snow guy?
I mean, all of that might have been explained more clearly if they had shot the, I have to
assume 20 pages of script that were left out.
Why, why snowman in particular?
But okay, we didn't have time for that because now it's the present day or some other time.
Michael Fassbender is a drunk guy who's asleep in an ice fishing shack wakes up and goes off to his home.
He's Harry Holt, he's a homicide detective.
He doesn't have a lot of work to do.
He goes to a lot of homicide to Norway.
Speaking of his home, it is offensive to me
that at nowhere do we see a bit of set dressing
of like a little like a little like woodwork thing
that's called his apartment Harry's Hole.
I mean, that's just fucking bullshit, dude.
I mean, he is in Norway where the language is different,
so that might be part of it.
But no other than the fact that they tell you it's in Norway,
you see no Norwegian written anywhere in this film.
No one has a Norwegian accent like it.
Yeah, the fact that it's Norway is just represented by the kind of
cold, sexless architecture and interior design where everything is kind of functional and
uninteresting for the most part. That symbolizes Norway.
I think I read somewhere where they even like change the signs on the police
cars. So it doesn't have the Norwegian word for police. Like, that kind of like, yeah,
Dan, I kind of like that. I mean, like, that's a choice that you can make. Like, you can,
you can, you can set a thing in a place and just be like, well, we see everything in
I'm in English. So we assume it's in Norwegian. I find it weird when you said...
Like we have some kind of like,
babelfish in our eyeballs.
Exactly. Like I find it weirder in movies
where you set it in a different country
and everyone feels like they have to speak in that accent.
As if what they do in that country
is just walking around speaking English
with a different accent all the time.
But that is what they do, right?
I've never been anywhere.
Isn't that how other countries work? Yes. Yeah. Like if you go to France, everyone's like,
hello, how are you? Oh, oh, oh, welcome to France. If you get Clemser language tapes, they're actually
just, uh, dialect coaches. Well, I think it's, it's weird to set a movie in a place and then make
the choice to denude that place of much of its identifying
marks.
Because at that point, why didn't they just set this in like a small new western town
in America that doesn't have a lot of killings or set it in a big subplot is whether Oslo
is going to get the world's cup.
So it's like, everyone's talking about how great Oslo is and how we're also proud of
being Norwegian.
I mean, that was the emotional climax of the movie, right? like what everyone's talking about how great Oslo is and how we're also proud of being Norwegian.
But I mean, that was the emotional climax of the movie, right?
It was like, yeah, the music swells.
And there's just a freeze frame of JK Simmons pumping
this fist in the air and then credits roll
and then the movie continues.
So anyway, Michael Fassmenders, this depressed cop,
it doesn't help that his apartment is full of dry rot and mold and he can't live in it because they're cleaning it out all the time.
It's symbolic of the like just like the shitties deal with you know, man.
Yeah, it's like corrupt his soul.
Yeah.
It's like John Concentries.
He seems to be.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, he sold his soul to three different demons and they can't go to the can't he can't die or else the hell will go to war.
So yeah, here's the here's the thing that I kind of don't remember about Constantine.
Why were they so eager to have his soul those three demons you think like he's just kind of this like
wasteful British drunk who smokes too much you think one of the demons would be like, you know what? It's not worth it. Like you guys just take him.
I mean, I think part of the argument is that you're trying to say that like demons are actually pretty understanding chill things.
That's a good point. And greed, yeah, that's a good point.
Not like the intro. Like these surfer demons are like, yeah, that's a good point. To say Stewart. Like these surfer demons, they were like,
yeah, I could take your soul,
but there's some pretty sweet breaks today.
Yeah, just accepted and move on, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Demon with a pukashell necklace
is just kind of like a beach bum.
Yeah.
You know, I could collect souls
and be like a prince of hell or whatever,
but I don't know, man.
Like, what does that mean in the end?
I'm just here for now, you know?
Anyway, check out that curl.
I got to hit those waves.
Just a lion's head surrounded by goat legs, dude.
I put sandals on those five goat legs.
Okay.
So he's falling apart anyway, but his tough but his tough boss has been covering for him as he
disappears from work on kind of like benders.
But he gets a cryptic note in the mail on beautiful Robin's egg blue stationary with the drawing
of a snowman at the bottom.
And the note is just, it's like a poem about snowman.
And says do you want to build a snowman?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on and don't, let's go and play.
I never see you anymore.
I don't remember the rest of the words.
I know I could count you to take it since you have a kid.
I know.
Well, we used to listen to those songs all the time and we haven't listened to the song that I've forgotten all of them.
I know.
I never see you anymore.
Come out the door.
It's like you got away.
We used to be best buddies, but now we're not.
I wish you would tell me why.
Do you want to build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman.
On a go.
Okay, bye.
And then it goes, not, not, not, not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not It's a hit song from the biggest animated film of all times, do it?
Anyway, we also learned that, yeah, we say Shrek.
I was recently told a story about apparently for Shrek, they hired a bunch of people to
write like a big opening musical number that would explain all the characters and that
they like put weeks of work into it and put this song together and presented it to Jeffrey Katzemberg and he
was like, that was great guys, that was great.
But we just got the rights to smash mouth song All Stars.
We're just going to use that.
Speaking of putting work into a score that's not being used, apparently this movie had a
Johnny Greenwood score and they didn't use it. Oh, wow And they were placed in with Marco Bell trauma. Yeah, which I mean, Marco Bell
trauma, don't get me wrong. Let's dress in sick ass scores. I wonder what was wrong with Johnny
Green. Well, maybe the accent lead hired Lee Greenwood. Oh yeah. That's all. We can't have all this
patriotic America's music in this hallway movie. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense
So we also learn that Harry Hall has an estranged son named Oleg and an ex-wife whose name I did not catch
Wait a minute. I just
Wait a minute
She's the next girlfriend and that's not his actual son. No, it is his actual son, but Oleg doesn't know that. Oh
Shit, that's what's going on. Yeah, I'm like
This is actual son, but Oleg doesn't know that. Oh, shit, that's what's going on.
I'm like, oh, that is not clear in the movie.
In the movie, I was never sure if it was his real son or not,
and I was never sure if she was his ex-wife
or his ex-girlfriend.
People kept saying to Harry Hall,
he's not your real son.
You don't have to worry about it,
but it was like, I don't know.
It was, it was that clear in the books,
is that what it is, Dan?
Yes.
Okay. Now, I believe I'm right about this.
I feel now I feel weird about my certainty about it.
So you mentioned a moment where Harry gets a note in the mail.
And that's actually, I think the one scene I really liked
in the movie, or the little touch,
where he's in the cafeteria, and he puts his food down,
and then he actively goes and takes the second chair
from the table and moves it away.
Yeah, that's a good touch.
And so, and Harry holds ex-girlfriend, mother of his possible son.
It has a new boyfriend, Matthias, who is a, he's some kind of hormone doctor.
He's like a doctor, basically.
Yeah, and Harry thinks he's a plastic surgeon at first,
but yeah, I think he explains that much of that stuff
is dealt with with hormones now.
And he seems very jovial and eager to give Harry some medication.
Everything about him, and this character, everything about him screams, there's something
off with this character because if there wasn't, why would he have such a large part in
every scene that he's in?
Yeah.
Well, he gets.
Yes, Dan?
Yeah.
I mean, Roger Ebert used to have something called the Law of Conservation of Characters,
where he stated that any character that seems
extra neat to the plot is probably like ends up being the killer.
And uh, spoiler alert. Yeah. Maybe, uh, meanwhile, there's a woman with a red scarf. She's a mom,
she gets home. She's just hanging out on a road and she puts her daughter to bed. Her husband
was mad and left. And because she was like getting home from work and he had to go somewhere.
A snow ball gets thrown at her window and she looks out and sees a snowman in her yard
peeping at her. Uh oh. And by snowman, I mean literally like just a childish snowman. Three lumps
of snow with some coal in his face. Harry goes to his office. There's a new cop there. She's a lady.
Her name's Katrina,
which I only knew because I looked it up
on Wikipedia afterwards because I missed,
I think the one time they mentioned her name
and the rest of the movie,
no one addresses her or anything like that.
Well, there's the moment where he has the big reveal
where he like finds a child's raincoat that says Katrina
and I'm like, is that supposed to mean something?
So I went to IMDB and I'm like,
oh my God.
Movie.
Because you hear the word,
you hear the word cloudberry
more often than you hear Katrina.
I would love,
I would love the idea that a movie
relies on you going to IMDB
to like gas.
Well, it makes you a more active
participant in the mystery story.
That's like when you were at people
who'd watch lost and they're like, I got to go
online and figure out the clues in this one.
And the creators of Lost were like, and people are doing their part, we don't have to
figure out anything.
It works like that.
What was the movie you watched where it ended with?
It was the exorcism movie that ended with a website that said, the rest go to this
URL.
That's the last exorcism, I think.
I think that's right.
The last exorcism, yeah.
Like a boy, yeah.
That was very disappointing.
Yeah.
Where it's like, find out more at your local library.
I would have loved it if they went even further.
And it's like, right to this address.
And you got like a snail mail like,
thank describing an extra scene at the end of the movie. No it became a very long scavenger hut. You
you right away and they send you an audio tape that gives you the instructions to
weird to find a key that opens like a safe that has the has a real film when
you watch the film the film is like hey find this guy he's the one who knows what
happens in the movie.
You got to track him down. People are spending years wandering the globe trying to figure out the end
of this movie. So, do you guys, do you think that in like school libraries, they now have posters
that say like, you know how they have those posters that are basically like, hey, you should read more.
And maybe the poster just says read. And then it shows like a detective surrounded by bloody snowman.
And it says, hold up with a good book.
Yes, I think that definitely is happening.
Yeah, I have to wrap this up.
So yeah, okay, that's all I got.
All those ads, all those ads in Norway that say,
Nesbo knows, Merver. And and in Norway that say nesbo knows
Merver and it's all a Joe nesbo theme stuff and knows nesbo knows baseball and nesbo knows football
Anyway, that's all I know about sports bo Jackson's old slogans. Yeah, but uh
Okay, so
Katrina's this new cop she studied studied Harry Holes cases in school.
Now she wants to work with them.
And they're going to investigate the disappearance of the woman we saw before.
Her red scarf.
It's on the snowman in her yard.
Uh-oh.
And she went, did she turn into a snowman?
That's the implication at first.
I know.
Quickly, quickly disabused of that notion.
Turns out she's disappeared and someone has placed her scarf on a snowman
because I think what they do a DNA test on the snowman just to make sure it doesn't have any of her genetic code
and stuff like that.
Now, and Katrina has this futuristic video recording device for collecting evidence that's like,
it's one of those things that looks like-
To do the fucking Void Comfort test.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Or just likeid Comfort test. Yeah, yeah exactly
Or just like a really oversized iPad. Yeah, but that's like it's something where the first moment
I saw I was like, whoa, does this take place in the future? And then there's like no wait a minute
I have a better machine for that in my pocket
Then this person has
Like she should just use her phone to record all this and then the police department can defray the cost of her phone
Service and her data plan
because she'd need a ton of data, right? The store that's stuff in the cloud?
Yeah, I mean, from my understanding in like Scandinavian countries, they've had a better advance
like a cell phone network and system than we've had. So yeah, I mean, it's probably peanuts to that.
I guess that's true.
And they do love peanuts there.
Norway is the home of the peanut industry.
Yeah.
All their famous boiled peanuts, Norwegian boiled peanuts.
Oh, you can't go into a grocery store without seeing a big display for Norwegian boiled
peanuts.
Yeah, I have a delicious plate of peanut-crusted puffin or whatever they eat there.
Yeah, that's right. Some sort of
fermented fish covered in peanuts. What is this? No reservations or something? What are we doing?
Then we get to, and Harry Hole looks in the newspaper and sees a picture of JK Simmons who's a
big rich guy who is both, he, at what we, I pick up, I'm never quite sure what he does. He seems to be a rich
industrialist who is also famous for his profession of family values and being a family man,
and his one goal in life is to get the world cup in Oslo. And as we eventually find out,
he loves to take pictures of women with his phone, thus proving that they have this phone
technology that they could just use to But anyway, we cut to a flashback that is prompted by I don't know who I don't know who in the room is remembering this of
Nine years earlier old Val Kilmer who has been dubbed with the craziest voice unless that's him doing it
But every scene with Val Kilmer feels like the scene at the end of Peewee's Big Adventure
where Peewee Herman has that one part in the movie
as the bell hop and they dubbed in his voice
so that he goes, Mr. Herman, paging Mr. Herman.
Like that's what Val Kilmer sounds like the whole movie.
What was it like?
What was it like?
I think he's sick before we make too much fun of him.
He, well, no, he, I mean, he was recovering
from like throat cancer. All right, so that was like. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. But of him. Well, no, he, I mean, he was recovering from like throat cancer.
All right, so that was.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, yeah.
But they could have found something,
I didn't know that, but they could have found somebody
who sounded more like him to do it.
I mean, I, partly, I, partly I'm like,
I mean, I guess he's got to make money,
but I'm like, man, just take the time off.
Like, you're more important than a movie.
Yeah, or more for a snowman in particular.
He's gonna remember that Val stands for valuable
and that we value him.
And that Val Kilmer, like we want you to see in yourself
the worth that we see in you
and you gotta take that time to take it yourself.
Okay, I didn't realize that because the whole,
it really threw me off to hear him
just have a completely different voice coming out of his face.
Yeah, it seemed like an insane choice.
It seemed like like they're just going to replace him with,
who's that actor and all the money in the world, Dan?
Yeah, they're, you know, man, my just.
Christopher Plummer is a virus that is slowly infecting every movie.
And here it's just the voice.
But in every movie, you're going to see like in the background of building is going to be
Christopher Plummer or like some characters to get like in.
I went to see that Logan Lucky movie and they get into a race car and the race car was Christopher
Plummer. Like he's just slowly like the way that a bone turns into a fossil by little bits of
matter becoming minerals. Every movie is becoming Christopher Plummer that way. Yeah.
Is that I heard they're releasing a new edition
of the special editions where all the characters
are replaced with Christopher Plummer.
Oh, yeah, although Wato is an improvement
when it's Christopher Plummer,
he's very elegant, very cultured.
Yeah.
So what happens next?
So anyway, what happens next is Val Kilmer
has been hired to investigate this disappearance
of a woman who is friends
with JK Simmons.
She's the wife of a rich guy and they know JK Simmons.
That's the end of that flashback.
I'm looking at my notes and I'm trying to reconstruct from my notes what any of it
means because even my notes are not clear.
Now I just have whole talks to missing woman's daughter,
and we see that Harry whole is good with kids.
He really is good at talking to kids.
And then we cut back to the past,
and we learned a lot of exposition via walkie talkie
that Velkheimer's character, Raffto,
has been suspended from the force.
I know that that's a Norwegian name, but Raffto has been suspended from the force. I know that that's a Norwegian name,
but Raffto sounds so ridiculous.
It sounds like a Muppet.
Yeah, you got a Muppet in the middle of this movie,
which would have been amazing.
Oh, if they had a place to go with a Muppet.
Yeah, a Muppet of Christopher Plummer even.
Like that would have been fine.
I would love that.
Like, and when you say walked on,
you mean did that kind of like bopping walk that
mumbles everywhere they just hop up and down.
That would have been, now I really want to see an otherwise serious Norwegian serial killer
movie where the aging cop on the force is played by, is played by Fossy.
I would love that.
And when he sees it, when he sees a dead body, he just shakes his head, and say, oh, he goes, walka.
Walka walka.
Walka.
Yeah.
Anyway, so we go back to the past.
We learned via walkie talkie, dubbed in audio,
that Val Kimmer has been suspended.
Toby Jones is now at the cop in charge of the case,
but he's considered an idiot.
And there's a snowman there.
And there's a dead body that's at the top of a, like a ski mountain that's being
eaten by ravens or crows and, uh, or seagulls, I don't know, and Velkilmer scares them away
so that we can see the body.
Now, Katrina, the woman cop in the present thinks there's a snow-inspired killer on the
loose.
She thinks he kills when it snows.
Does he?
When is it not snowing in Norway?
I don't know, man. That's a little bit like there's this serial killer in America. He only strikes
when people are eating hamburgers. Okay, thanks, dude. So it's just a year-round kill-sprey.
We got this killer. He would gladly kill you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Where's it Wednesday? I don't remember.
And then we've got this killer in Barbados.
He only murders when he hears steel drums playing on the beach.
Okay.
So all the time then, great.
Okay.
Harry Hall spends some time hanging out with Oleg.
Oleg is clearly troubled.
He needs a strong male role model in his life and he wants it to be Harry.
But Harry has his own problems.
But then another woman is reported missing.
Uh-oh, but when they go to her home,
she's apparently there, just killing chickens
in her kitchen, in her chicken coop.
It's just Chloe Savini.
Yeah, just hanging out with you.
It's just Chloe Savini being like,
being like, what do you want?
I'm just here killing chickens.
Yeah, but I hear about us chickens, she says.
And me, Chloe's a video course, chicken number one, queen of the chickens.
Just call me Camilla, picking him up.
It's anyway, as you'll be there, going chickens.
She's there killing chickens and she's like, oh no, I'm not missing.
I'm me and they leave.
And then she see she calls her ex and it's like stop sending people to me.
And then she's like, what the fuck, dude, I'm not missing.
Yeah.
Yeah, she finds a creepy baby doll in the room.
And she does, when everyone does stupidly in horror movies,
which is when you see a weird creepy thing,
you move towards it really slowly,
and look at it really slowly,
instead of looking around you to find who put this creepy thing
in there and get away from them.
Yeah. Like, if you're really when I find like a weird totem in a room that I previously had no weird
totems, I would go up and pick it up hoping that some of the magic would fuse my body.
You go, Charlene, did you put this totem here?
Yeah, this weird child made of mud and hair.
Charlie, and did you leave this calling card here?
This is such as one wood at the scene of a crime?
No?
Okay, well, I better investigate it more closely.
Never using my peripheral vision to see if the room is occupied by anyone other than
me.
Maybe if I turn it over, there's like a clue to the next stage of the mystery.
Yeah. Yeah. Or your transformation. Put it in my pack in case I need it later on.
Sure. Along with my 20 pieces of gold and my healing potion, then I picked out on my way
to get the try force back together. Wow. Ellie, so you look at it. That's some contemporary video game
references. It's a contemporary video game references.
It's a classic, okay, it's a classic.
What am I supposed to talk about?
Mass effect or something?
I don't know that game.
Cuebert, is that what kids like?
Cuebert.
What are the kids playing these days?
What's bonk up to?
Man, you know, Kazooie, do we?
That was a great game, though. Anyway, here's the problem with Banjo Kazooie, and we? Yeah. That was a great game, though.
Anyway, here's the problem with Banjo Kazooie, and I'll just give it to you in a nutshell.
Sure.
Do like stuff to do.
Every level, there were like 20 different things you had to find.
And I was like, Banjo Kazooie, can you guys sit down for a moment?
Anyway, you're a great team.
I love spending time with you.
Banjo, you're a fantastic bear.
Kazooie, I love the way you shoot eggs out of your butt at bad guys. But here's the thing, I don't want to collect all this stuff that you have me collecting
on every level.
I just want to beat the game.
That's a weird way to deal with, you know, unfernalized eggs, you know, like, unfernalized
food.
It's a deterrent level of enemies.
Yeah.
I mean, when I do that, people get angry.
Otherwise, you just eat her young.
So, yeah, I guess that makes sense.
But we could eat her young.
Yeah.
Yummy eggs, eggs from chickens, chickens being killed
by Chloe Savini, who herself is killed right now.
Because as she's investigating that baby doll,
she is attacked by a mysterious figure
with some kind of like grotting wire gun
that I don't know why that would exist, but maybe that's
a really.
Dan, is that in the book?
I think so.
I think it, I mean, it must be some sort of like farm equipment.
I will assume like like the thing in, in, in, in, no country for old men.
Yeah.
And that's what it felt like.
Yeah, otherwise, I don't know why it would exist.
Like, a thing that just like uses a wire to cut through stuff.
I mean, well, why do we have a gun that shoots fire at human beings?
That exists.
That's true.
Yeah, but this seems like this wouldn't be used in like a war situation.
It's not like you're running around trying to get that.
It's not like it's a fucking flying guillotine or something. You're not running around a battlefield trying to lasso not see
us with twines. You can cut their heads off. I guess so. Yeah. But every killer in the movies and
TV has to have like their special way of doing stuff. But when you read about serial killers,
they tend to just kind of kill people the same way everybody else kills people just by stabbing them or strangling them or whatever.
What is it about the movies guys that demands our serial killers do things in crazy James
Bond villain type ways?
Stuart, I open the floor to you.
Well, I guess it's to sell more toys, right guys?
Yeah. toys, right guys? Yeah, I mean, I was going to say I'm more baffled.
Okay, Stuart is holding, holding purple, I guess.
Yeah, I'm usually more baffled by like the killers that
always needed like taunt the police, although I guess the zodiac killer did that.
So it's, a lot of those killers, I think, they get off three times, once from imagining
the kill, once from performing it, and once from reliving it, and part of talking to the
police is reliving the encounter, like you need a witness that you can show off to in
a way, because that makes it feel more real.
Anyway, that's why I do it.
Oops.
Guys, long-term sting operation.
It's finally born fruit.
Guys, can we officially classify this shit as a true crime podcast?
Because that's a really popular.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
They call me that the Park Slow Pettin.
I would kill people around Park Slow and then leave corrections on their bodies.
Sometimes they used grammar wrong or got a basic fact wrong.
People in Park Slow, Brooklyn were so frightened and afraid of getting anything wrong that they
would before anyone said anything they would look it up in the Almanac. They started carrying
around just to they wouldn't make themselves vulnerable to the Park Slow pattern.
Yeah, but anyway, let's get back to your rain of terror is over.
Yes, here's crazy twist number one that makes no sense. let's get back to your rank. So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because-
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So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- So, because- movie too soon. Yeah, and they find first Chloe Sivanie's body being eaten by chickens
and her head's been cut off and wears her head been placed on a snowman. Yeah, this is
uh, yeah, the ultimate insult. The addition of a twin to this movie does not bear fruit at all.
No, never. What are you talking about? It allows me to live out my ultimate fantasy of one living coesivini and one snowman
in coesivini.
I'm a pseudo-doer.
I'm a pseudo-doer.
I'm a pseudo-doer.
If she finds her sister's head and it's still kind of alive, and to keep it alive, she
sticks it on a snowman and does a magic spell, and now regular coesivini and half snowman
close to being, you have to team up to find the killer
before she melts. And you know how you know that she's a twin and not the original because one of
them wears makeup and the other does not. It's a real patty Duke story. I guess those were cousins.
It's a real parent trans identical cousins which happens I guess. So then they go to, it's,
they go to like a winter sports gala that is celebrating a, it's, oh, no, it's just
promoting Oslo as a place for the World Cup. And it's like something out of a Batman
movie. There's like actors in hockey outfits who are like around around the Gala attendees. And JK Simmons is there.
And Harry Holt goes there because his boss from the police force are there.
And he asks him for an investigative team to get on this case,
because he thinks these cases are connected.
Katrina, the lady cop, follows JK Simmons into a meeting with a creepy guy
who is very much like what I imagine the MC from Cabaret is like in his off time. Just like creepy weird like giggly corrupt, decadent man who presents a young woman to
JK Simmons and then the woman lowers her top and then JK Simmons takes a picture of it with his
phone and then it's like get out of here, get out of here, stop bothering me here.
That woman will later, her face will appear in a window mysteriously and then we will never
see her again.
So I guess enjoy that moment, guys.
Harry Holt goes home.
He finds that the mold remover, who is still working because only one person has been
assigned to, I guess, clear the mold out of this whole building.
And Harry Holt's apartment is the worst of them.
He is dancing to this song that was playing at the first murder scene. And it's
that song that goes, yeah, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Yeah. Did it did it did it did it did it. Yeah, they're their Giswailers.
It's not Gis music, Stewart.
That's a different thing.
Yeah.
But it was a famous early electronic song.
This is pop pop.
Yeah, I started assuming that it's just the national anthem
of Norway, because I know that type of music
is real popular there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's their biggest musical export.
I will say.
It's novelty songs. The one moment of the one moment of real joy
I had in the movie was hearing that song and being like, oh, yeah, I remember that song
Yeah, it's like the trigger of oh, I hadn't thought about that song a long time. Just like in the movie
reprise there's a song in it where I was like, oh, I hadn't I hadn't heard that song in a long time anyway
It's we at the at the murder scene, Harry goes like,
get out of here, get out of here to the mold remover
and then take some of the medicine that he has been given
from his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend.
And it's kind of, I guess, have we seen the mold remover
tampering with the medication?
I can't remember or not.
He, I think he does.
Harry's team goes to work and they find out that the dead woman,
close Vini, saw the same creepy doctor who showed JK Simmons the topless girl.
And they go to his house and he is very creepy and divisive and doesn't want to tell them too much about anything.
And the doctor eventually says, you're going to need a warrants to search my house. Get out of here.
You have been too rude to me. And this is-
It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a beginning of- It's a cult- It's a warrant to search my house. Get out of here. You have been too rude to me.
And this is the beginning of-
It's a cultural thing, dude.
Yeah.
And it feels like this is the beginning of either a web of intrigue or a red herring.
And what it's actually is, is the beginning of a plot that never gets resolved.
They just kind of forget it after a while.
Meanwhile, Harry Hall hacks into the Lady Cop's crime computer case or Vogue
Camp Test machine. And she finds out that she's been filming JK Simmons. Uh-oh.
And Harry Hall's so taken with the case and who wouldn't? It's so incredibly...
The filming JK Simmons is a crime. Then lock up most of Hollywood, you know?
Because who wouldn't want to? The man leaps off the screen. And you've got to...
You've really got to hand it to any actor who manages to, I call them geomoddies, any actor who manages to carve
a big place for him in Hollywood, not being a traditionally beautiful man, if you get
what I mean, not being a handsome-ish knife in the drawer.
What are you talking about?
And just, JK Simmons is not a usually your idea of what I like. Hollywood hunk is. So he's of that genus that I call actorist, GMODY, which is just like,
you're such a good actor that it doesn't matter that you are not a handsome man.
We're still going to make you a movie star.
I mean, that's obviously more available to say, like, men.
That's what I'm looking for.
My wife gets mad every time she sees John Goodman in a movie because she's like, there's
no way a woman could look like that and play a character where their weight is never brought
up or an issue it seems.
I've got two words for you, Margot Martendale, but that's the only word two words I have
because otherwise it doesn't.
And I guess Kathy Bates, I got four words for you.
Kathy Margot Martendale Bates because that's Kathy Bates nickname I got four words for you. Kathy Margo Martendale Bates, because that's Kathy Bates nickname, Margo Martendale.
Yeah, you're right.
Those are the ones though.
But I was subject to JK Simmons.
I don't know if you guys were upset about the Academy Award nominations this year.
When I saw the best supporting actor category, and yet again, JK Simmons was not nominated
for his role as Jay Jonah Jameson in the Spider-Man
movies.
I mean, those are no longer eligible.
He's like, he rolls from years ago.
I don't get it.
I mean, I keep waiting.
I agree to that's a great all you.
Okay.
On the rules of the Academy, okay, that's fair.
We're actually recording this on the day of the Academy Awards and it hasn't happened yet.
So should we pretend that we know the winners and we're angry and upset about them or should
we not bother?
I mean, yeah, of course we can pretend.
I mean, it's our spoken right as the podcasters.
Yeah.
Or should we...
I call it Prima Nakhta, the right of the podcaster.
Prima Nakhskur.
But, uh, or should we wait two weeks
and give our Luke warm takes on the winners and losers?
I mean, we should probably wait at the very least
until we're done talking about this turn.
Okay.
That's a good point.
Okay, so, uh, so Harry Hole is so engrossed in the case,
he forgets to go on a camping trip with Oleg.
Instead, he's taken a train to see the man.
I mean, can you blame him though?
Like, yeah.
It's snowing out there.
Why would you want to go out camping in that shit?
That's a good, you make a very good point.
You got a poop in an ice hole or something?
Nobody wants to do that.
Yeah, a hairy ice hole, so.
How long?
How many times do you think ice fisherman get super drunk and then it's a joke
just poop through the hole that their ice fishing ends? Like take this fish, you don't want
100% of the time.
Early 110%. Yeah. So he's going to see the man who hired Val Kilmer low those years ago.
We learned that Val Kilmer R Raffto, is dead.
Seemingly of a self-inflicted gunshot.
And a Harry Hole runs into Matthias,
is ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend on the train.
And Matthias seems like he's really got it together.
And he covers for Harry Hole, saying,
oh, Harry called me and said he wasn't able to do a,
he called me yesterday and said he couldn't take all,
like, I forgot, that's on me.. He seems he seems like a pretty good dude. Oh, he seems like a great guy.
He's like sweet and really nice. I feel like the movie introduced Matthias mainly to show that like
not all new boyfriends are the bad guy. Yeah. And maybe if Harry got a shit together, he could be like yeah
Is that the one with no Gibson in it? Well, that's like as a second one more daddy's more so you're saying Stuart
He's supposed to be like he's supposed to be like a figure that that Harry Hall should look at for inspiration
It would be a better man. Why couldn't he be more like Matthias? Well, we'll see how the movie plays out
Because right now up till now we think that Matthias, you can't find a better man
than Matthias.
So, I did that just to irritate Steward.
But the fact that Matthias has the kind of like cold dead stare of a Jared Kushner shouldn't
worry us right now, which is just like a good dude who could totally handle the mid-east
peace process and is not using his office to make money for his failing
family real estate company yeah anyway uh val Kilmer is looking more and more
like Donald Trump I just want to say that especially in these flashbacks and I
kept thinking take it easy dude he's gone through a fucking sickness
I'm sorry I'm sorry uh we flashback to Val Kilmer getting a note from the snowkiller during
Toby Jones's birthday party at the office and Delkilmer storms out. Now go back to the
present and Harry Holt shows Toby Jones who's now has aged barely at all in the intervening
years. It shows him a picture of Val Kilmer with his own head blown off that he just carries around with him uh and we learn that harry hope that uh
that val kilmer's character raftoe had a daughter who's that daughter i think you can figure it out
it's harry holes lady cup and harry hole figures that out by going to raftoes
fishing shack where he was killed and where nothing has been touched since then
and all of his mementos of his daughter are still around
and we learned that like her password on her computer
was CloudBerry, right?
And that's what her father called her for some reason
that I don't remember what it is.
And, and we, yeah.
Is this one there's like a flashback of his dead body
and then somebody puts a snowman head
on it.
Yeah.
That happened right?
Yeah.
And it looked like.
You see a flashback?
It looked super CGI'd, right?
Oh, yeah.
There was a big one.
No, a very big GG.
It's not that hard to make a snowman head, right?
Yeah, but I do think it's, this is the part where of all the things,
come on, it's just snow and stuff stuck in it.
I mean, everything, everything in this movie.
Maybe they couldn't get a real carrot in time,
so they had to CGI it in.
Everything in this movie is ridiculous,
and everything doesn't make any sense.
And the idea of the guy who spends the time
as a killer to make a snowman every time is ridiculous. But what was most ridiculous to me was the
idea that he could actually balance the snowman head on top of blown off Val Kilmer's neck.
They treat his neck as if it's like a tree stump. Like it's just a super strong thing. Even a regular
person's neck would kind of move around and wiggle a little bit, let alone a blown off head
person's neck. Yeah, there's a very fake UCG eye shot of move around or wiggle a little bit, let alone a blown off head person's neck.
Yeah, there's a very fake UCI shot of velcomers head being blown off.
And then some man head being placed on it.
Like a place gingerly on top.
Like it's an it looks, it looks when you're like stacking barrels or crates in a video game.
And you're like, for some, the laws of physics would indicate that that would normally fall over.
But you know, whatever.
For a moment, I was like, is this now the origin story of the old Jack in the Box mascot that like snowman-headed clown?
Is that what I'm watching right now? Sorry guys, I've been in the West Coast too long. I'm making Jack in the Box jokes. Sorry guys.
Is that a, is that like a, is that a hamburger place? Is that a hamburger restaurant?
Fast food restaurant chain.
You may remember it from when we were kids,
there was an E. coli problem there,
and some people got sick eating there.
And for years, that's all I knew about Jack in the box
was that they had a sickness problem so bad
that jokes about it were made on Saturday night live.
And now I'm here and they're everywhere.
This Jack in the box is all over the place.
And it was funny for us because it was happening
in someone else's backyard.
So we were able to be like, oh, exactly.
We're not suffering.
So we don't care.
It's like, it's not happening.
I asked me to wish them into the cornfield, Ellie.
That's exactly what I was going to do, Dan.
I was going to wish that Jack in the box
into the cornfield.
If I had that power, Ellie, and boy,
things would be different.
Oh, seems kind of threatening when you say it like that.
It'd be a good life for me.
Yeah.
And growing up in Illinois, I guess you just had to manually place things in the cornfield.
That's right.
Yeah, when I wanted to extend my evil power, I would just go out and I would drive and I would
put a putters in the cornfield. Like, what are you drive and I would put a part of putters in the board court field.
They're like, what are you doing?
I'm like, I'm putting you in the court field.
Yep.
They're like, okay, I'll just follow one of these rows
of corn until I get out, but I guess thanks.
Why are you putting me in this corn field
with sports equipment, mirrors, books you don't like?
It's just...
All this half finished poetry that's addressed to someone named Donna in a chemistry
class. I don't what is all this collection of different brass instruments. All this used
up pornography about butts. It's used up. There's no more use left. No, yeah. You only
use that. That everyone knows that's the way master, master
base works. Yeah, if you were to touch it, it would just disintegrate. Yeah, it's like
a toothpaste too. You just, you can't put it back in. Yeah, it can't happen. So anyway,
I guess, I guess masturbation is like a toothpaste, dude, you cannot put it back in. I mean, Lord knows I've tried. Like, mother, get me the bellows.
So, okay, we're about to get to the, uh, to, up pretty much to the climaxes of the movie.
There's some complicated nonsense with tracking phone signals and a phone set up somewhere
as a trap that I could not follow and did not care to.
But it leads Katrina in the lady cup to a set up like her dad.
Someone who has had their head blown off.
It's the creepy doctor from earlier.
He's been set up to look like he killed those two missing women and then blew his own
head off.
Lady cop is suspended for, I guess, not following orders and just running off on a
room.
For what?
Yes, she's not following procedures.
Yeah, yeah, not following procedures. Yeah, yeah, not following procedure.
And Oleg runs away, but gets found incredibly quickly.
Harry Holt confronts the lady cop by lying on top of her,
which is not okay.
No, no, no.
Maybe very uncomfortable.
I didn't like it at all.
It was like this is the only way I can incapacitate you long enough so we can have a conversation.
I'm going to lay my enormous body on top of you because I'm
Michael Fastbender, a huge man. And you're just going to have to deal with it. I did not
like that. They argue she tries to give him a drink and he refuses because he's an alcoholic.
She's tempting him. And he takes her off the case. She's gotten too close. Meanwhile,
hey, they announced Oslo's gonna get the world cup.
Yay, everyone's celebrating at JK Simmons's
nonstop rich man party.
Another side plot that is baffling
as to why it's included in this movie.
I mean, you gotta get people to feel good
before you make them feel so bad.
I guess the same people funded United passions,
funded this or something.
FIFA, they're called.
Yeah, so yeah, Katrina infiltrates the party
so she can go undercover and find out
if JK Simmons is actually a bad guy.
Yeah, which of course he is.
Of course he is.
That's when he snaps a pic.
You know, he snaps a pic with flash, right?
Like what the fuck?
Yeah, with flat, because he's an old man.
He doesn't know how he uses camera
What's great is he walks away from her and then his flunky comes over with a room key
And it's like if you'd like to talk to mr. JK Simmons after the show and he's standing five feet away
Just like just like waving at her like you
It's like very subtle JK wait at least get out of the room before you send your guy over to the hotel key.
But she goes up there.
She goes to the hotel, and then we cut to Harry Hole's ex-girlfriend shows up at his place.
She wants him badly, dry humps him for a while, and then just leaves him there like a pile
of dead wood.
And the thing about Harry Hole is that like, this guy's like a fall down trunk,
even if he's off for a little bit.
Yeah.
The movie never shows him showering,
so I can only assume that he stinks like piss
and fucking alcohol sweat.
Like he's gross.
Yeah.
He is Michael Fassbender, which is pretty dreamy.
So, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Maybe if Charlotte Gainesberg's character
doesn't have a sense of smell. Oh yeah, I think that's in the stuff that got cut out of theburg's character doesn't have a sense of smell.
Oh yeah, I think that's in the stuff
that got cut out of the movie.
She doesn't have a sense of smell.
Or maybe that she loves how he smells like ludifisc
or something.
She loves that he smells like fermented shark
or whatever it is they eat in Norway.
And so she's like, oh, this is delicious.
Or maybe she's like the bad guy in that James Bond movie
where she has a bullet lodge in her brain
and it kind of rewired how her brain thinks and things that smell gross actually smell
delicious.
Oh yeah.
Is that the, is that the James Bond movie with my favorite bad James Bond line?
Welcome to my nuclear family because he's got a nuclear weapon.
I don't remember that well.
Oh, and it's like, dude, we're not your family.
Like what are you talking about?
It doesn't make any sense.
That's the one where Sophie Mercow is the bad guy, and she has those like giant earrings,
and it's revealed that she wears giant earrings because she's like missing most of her ear.
And you're like, I get why you're a bad guy now.
You had no other choices left to you in life.
No one would hire someone with weird ears.
That's why you don't see Farenci just working at jobs all over the place.
I thought you were like,
that's the only reason saying it was like,
I thought you were saying it was like Lex Luthor.
Like when he lost his hair, he had to become a bad guy.
Like, just like when you lose part of your body,
it's like just natural.
I thought Lex Luthor lost all his hair
because he spent three years training
to be the greatest superhero ever for fun. And it just fell out because he trained so hard. Sorry, that's one punch man
reference. Okay. Okay. Anyway, Lady Cop goes up to JK Simmons's room and sets up her video
evidence box to catch video of I assume herself having sex with JK Simmons so she can post
it online and invade
his privacy with revenge porn or something and then she's attacked oh no by the guy with that killer
string gun and Oslo gets the cup okay everybody we did it. The bad guy kills the lady cop. Oh she's
dead. Cuts off some of her fingers and uses the fingerprints to delete her files. Now clearly there's some connection between this killer and JK Simmons.
It's hopefully going to...
Word knows I don't know what it is.
It'll play out over the course of the movie.
Yeah, like it's...
That's a question I still have, but Harry looks out his window and sees not a full snowman,
but kind of like a two-dimensional Trump-Loy effect snowman on the top of the lady cop's car, goes and looks inside, she's dead, missing her fingers in the car.
So at the same time as she is being killed, or no, she already found the dead body, right?
He was doing something while she was dying, right?
Harry Hull?
Yeah.
He was with Charlotte Gainesbro.
Oh, right. Yeah, he was with his he was with Charlotte Gainesboro. Oh right and then her but then she gets called by her
Expo by her by Matthias and she's and she finds the pills that Matthias gave Harry so Matthias calls her and it's like
He's calling her to what check where Harry is like. I don't anyway
They find some evidence that someone some dead woman's husband was lying about the doctor that
he saw that he did knew something they didn't know who knows
it turns out they saw hormone specialists they didn't see the creepy doctor who
who's had got blown off
uh... it turns out of course mothias is the killer
and he was that he seems so earlier
yeah seems so nice he's so eager to help.
And there's no reason up till now that we've had to believe
that he has some kind of string gun
that he uses to cut people's heads off.
He hasn't even shown any interest in snowman.
What's that all about?
So I guess like what we're supposed to believe,
this convoluted motive that he has is that he's mad at women who's like who have illegitimate of a
Children or who have abortions
Is that it?
Women who don't want their children limited don't want the children at one point
They talk about that a bunch of previous women who disappeared similarly were women who had all gone to the same abortion clinic.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, and the reason why he's also targeting Harry is that, like, Harry has this illegitimate
child in olig.
And I, but I guess it doesn't, but it doesn't really fit the M.O. otherwise because, like,
she does want that child.
So I'm not really sure.
Well, but also but hope like Harry reminds me of
Does she really want does she really want Oleg?
Okay, I mean as as I said before all the other trips
There's like no one shows that much care about Oleg like Oleg disappears
And they're like always at a friend's house and then later in the movie they're like he's at a different friend's house now
Like they just they don't really care.
But Matthias kidnaps Oleg.
Kidnaps Oleg's mom and takes them to his little grass shack
out in Norway where he was raised as a kid.
And we find out he was the teen from earlier.
And the guy who was his father, but wouldn't own up to him,
was the head of the police or something
who was investigating that some stuff, I don't know,
like the, here's one problem I have with this ending,
by the way, is I feel like it has single problem.
It has, it has a bit of raiders of the Lost Ark Syndrome
wherein like if the hero hadn't done anything,
basically everything would happen the same way,
because Harry doesn't really solve the crimes.
I mean, he sort of does that.
It's like, it's like seven that way.
Yeah, mostly it's just like at the end,
Matthias kidnaps the people he loves,
which he would have done anyway,
and then Harry would have found out who the killer was
through that, and we would have been the same.
And maybe he wouldn't have gotten his finger sold off by a
Wiregun. Oh, yeah, that happens later. And it's also like there's he has this game of cat and mouse with Harry
And it's yeah, it's never it's not really clear why he gives he wants Harry to admit that Harry is selfish and not a good dad
And why he cares about that or gives a shit is not clear.
Why he went after Val Kilmer who seems loved his daughter,
you know, when he was alive.
Like, that's not super clear.
Like, it's really messy and mushy,
but yeah, it feels like in seven where they're like,
well, we ran out of leads and the killer just shows up
at the police department and is like,
let's hurry up with the end game, shall we?
Because I cannot wait around killing people anymore.
I am out of sins.
I need you to pick up the pace guys and catch me.
So I can trick you into being the last one.
Can we do this guys?
Can we do this like?
There's 10 minutes left in this episode.
You're gonna have, we have to wrap this up
because next episode is a different mystery.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Let's just assume Tate Don episode is a different mystery. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Let's just assume Tate Donovan is the one who did it.
It's like if there's an episode of the ex files where they're investigating and then
10 minutes for the ending and alien shows up and is like, you got me guys, take
maybe the interrogation room.
I'll explain the conspiracy to you.
Meet more.
This is how it works out.
He said meet more because he's an alien because that's an you. Meet more. This is how it works out. He said meet more because he's nailing it.
That's a lot of meetings.
Meet more.
Yep.
Anyway, there's a big fight.
Matthias is threatening.
I think big fight is being generous.
Okay.
Well, there's a little bit of slapping around.
He asks whole why he left his family and hold midst of these selfish.
They fight, whole gets his finger hurt and gets stabbed in the leg with a fork.
Then Matthias having gained the upper hand runs away.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
All runs after him.
And he runs away because the final den you want has to take place on the thin ice.
He shoots Harry hole.
And then I guess God takes pity on everyone in the world, including the viewer.
And the ice breaks and the thighs falls through and dies.
I'm offended that the killer, when he has Harry dead to rights, he doesn't say, now you're
in a Harry situation.
Or like, hey, Harry, here's another hole and then shoots him.
Yeah.
See?
And then when he falls, when he falls in a hole in the ice, Harry doesn't say that was Harry's hole.
Or what ice to see you or something like that.
But I like the idea that see you later, ice hole in a better,
in a better story, Harry would have had a moment where he's like,
that was your mistake all along. See, holes are part of me.
I have a, I have a connection to holes and I can call them them when I need them, like a loony-toothed character.
So a literal deus ice machina ends the movie
and saves the day because it's like, Harry Hole
just got shot and fell on the ice.
Why didn't he crack through?
It's not like Harry-
Once again, outweighed science.
We just covered that he doesn't,
he has a kinship with holes.
He's like, hey, guess what my favorite movie is?
Holes.
Guess what my favorite book is?
Holes, the basis of the movie Holes.
This favorite band?
Smashing pumpkins.
God damn it, dude.
So it's because smashing something is making the ultimate hole. It's a hole in the size of the object.
Yeah, it's like a hole in the universe.
It takes up the way.
Yeah, it's.
So he yeah, and that's and Harry goes back to work.
End of the movie.
That's it.
The movie ends up taking a new case.
Not with a bang, but with
a whimper. And that whimper is me being like, but wait a minute. So we just fall through
the ice. Harry didn't like, Harry didn't even have to chase after him. Like, I don't know.
Case closed. Yeah. Diplomatic immunity revoked. Yeah. That ends the case of the string
gun killing a hormone specialist. a.k.a. the snowman.
Only only Harry got a solid man.
He's the best.
That's quite a body count man.
It's a pretty big body count.
I feel like, obviously, these the Scandinavian thrillers have a tendency to overestimate the
amount of people being ritualistically murdered in these countries.
Yeah, or any country.
It was like,
I've been, we've been watching a lot of elementary
and I'm always like,
I don't remember New York's murder rate being high enough
to justify like six people being killed
by mushroom poison.
But it's a little bit like the whole,
it feels like one of the purposes
of Scandinavian
crime fiction is to be like, oh, this place that doesn't seem to have a lot of crime.
Here's some kind of dark underbelly thing, and it seems weird because it's in this place
where there's not a lot of crime.
But there's so much of it now that it's like, oh, okay, so that's a murder capital of the
world, I guess.
Oh, yeah, I mean, we're in Scandinavia.
The same way that the whole point of the movie Fargo is, here's this bloody crime
in a place not known for crime, but because of the TV show Fargo, you're like, oh, this
is crime's capital.
This is crime city.
Yeah.
And I mean, from the books, at least half of the time in the books, Harry Hole is tracking
down a serial killer.
And they like bring him in because he's like, at this point, Norway's expert on serial
killers.
But it really feels like they're just,
it's like fucking Miami and Dexter,
the number of killers there are in these books.
There's that scene in an episode Dexter
where they find all the garbage bags.
He's thrown in the ocean with the bodies of his victims
and you're like, wait a minute.
So he's killed like a thousand serial killers.
What is the serial killer precapitant number in Miami?
Like this is nuts.
You would think that the mayor would be like,
we're losing one of our greatest homegrown industries,
serial killing.
We got to figure out how to prop it up.
We need subsidies for serial killers.
Like this is a folk thing here.
If he wasn't killing all those people,
think about like, I feel like Miami would have a,
like a starvation issue with just overpopulation of people.
Yeah, you can't have that many alpha predators.
There's not enough prey.
The, but at least something like Hannibal
kind of understands the ridiculousness
of the volume of serial killers and ritual murders.
And portrays it in a crazy grand quignol operatite. Yeah, well Hannibal might as well be like John Wick to
Like where everyone's a killer. Yeah
It's it's more fun though. Um, but let's let's see final judgments whether this was a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie
We kind of liked Ellie. What's your opinion on this?
Well, obviously there's one front runner for best picture later today at the Oscars, and it's the snowman. Uh, I, this was a bad bend movie. I found it so boring.
And so if you had to nominate this movie for one category, what for the Oscars? Yeah,
yeah. If this movie, one nomination had to come out of this movie, what would he give
it? I guess I'd nominate the score just as more of a lifetime achievement thing for Beltrami.
Yeah, I mean, if it's fucking score for three billboards can get nominated.
I mean, this deserves it too.
But it felt like a movie that it reminded me a lot of all those James Patterson movies
that came out a number of years ago with like Morgan Freeman,
where it was like,
okay, this is so by the numbers and bland. Why did they bother making a movie out of it?
Except it's like one of those movies where they just randomly started removing scenes at the last
minute. So it's like, wait, why was this character in it? What was that about? Like the way that,
you know what, it would have been a better movie if they were moved more scenes. And then it would
become more of like a David Lynch type thing. We were like, I don't know what's it would have been a better movie if they removed more scenes. And then it would become more of a like a David Lynch type thing.
We were like, I don't know what's happening.
It's so surreal and dreamlike.
But instead it was like, it felt a little bit like when you're trying to fall asleep and
someone keeps poking you and waking you up, like that kind of dream.
We were like, it's my dream can't get started.
Like I'm not, there's no, I can't figure it out.
Stop it.
Stop doing that.
I'm just irritated now. Yeah. I was watching this movie last night, I can't figure it out. Stop it, stop doing that. I'm just irritated now.
Yeah.
I was watching this movie last night
and I was a couple beers deep and yeah,
it was a...
Three beer boards deep.
It was, it was a rough watch.
Yeah, I would say there's a bad, bad movie.
I, you know, I'm a big,
I don't know if I'm in the minority of this,
but like I'm a big defender of the David Fincher
girl with a dragon tattoo.
Yeah, absolutely.
And the part of what I loved about it is how it felt like it,
it felt like it made effort to create a feeling and a place.
And it, I don't know how accurate it is to actual sweeten.
That's a sweeten, right?
But this felt so neutered and strange. And it didn't, that's a sweeten, right? But like, this felt so neutered and strange
and it didn't, I don't know,
like it didn't feel like it fit the setting.
Yeah.
And of course, nothing made sense
and I didn't really have any understanding
of any of the characters.
Guys, I had a weird reaction to this movie.
Because like,
you broke out in a rash? Like what? Well, I don't think it's reaction to this movie. Because like, you broke out in a rash?
Like what?
Well, I don't think it's a good bad movie.
I don't think it's a good movie by any means,
but I kind of enjoyed it. And I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I make any sense. The mystery doesn't make any sense. But I think I liked it for the same reason that you were talking
about Elliot that it brought to mind, like semi shitty thrillers of the 90s. And I think
it might be pure nostalgia that I enjoyed the atmospherics of it. I enjoyed the feel of it. And even though like nothing in it made sense,
I kind of brought back memories of mindless entertainment
of yesterday that I have a weird pommeness for.
Is that because Val Kilmer was in it?
Could be.
I mean, it doesn't hurt.
It's always nice to see Val Kilmer show up in the thing.
Even though he's like,
like his performances have gotten
weirder and weirder over the
years. Well that's what I like
about that. Like that's I wish
that there had been more
Val Kilmer in it. It felt like
and if Val Kilmer was
recovering from a major illness
that makes sense. But he felt
very like like many things in
the movie it was like subdued
to the point of why is this
here? Like why is this in the
movie? Well, to reach their own. movie? Well, do you reach their own, right?
That's the lesson we learned from the plot.
That's the tagline of the book.
Do you reach their own?
Yeah, that's our motto when it translated into Latin
on the flop house, Code of Arms.
["Code of Arms"]
My name is Rachel and I love the flop house.
I'm Jeff and I love pop rock.
I would recommend the flop pass as a great way to spend some time with three funny guys.
I would say it's intelligent and diverse for pop culture commentary.
I realized at some point that I get so many hours of enjoyment out of Max Fun Show that
it was criminal that I wasn't paying anyone
anybody for it.
I see Jesse on social media talking about how you just
want to be better friends with Guy Brandt.
And I relate to it so hard.
These are listeners just like you,
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Just tune in starting April 2nd
and we'll give you all the details.
Now back to the show.
Hey guys, this is Adam Connover.
You may know me from my True TV show,
Adam Ruins Everything.
Well guess what? Now we're doing a podcast version right here on Maximum Fun.
What we do is, we take all the interesting fascinating experts that we talk to for just a couple
minutes on the show, and we sit with them for an entire podcast, really going deep and getting
into the fascinating details of their work. Find Adam Ruins Everything wherever you get your
podcasts or at MaximumFun.org. We've got only one sponsor this week. Okay. And it's Blue Apron. Oh, yummy.
Blue Apron partners with sustainable farms, fisheries, and ranchers, to bring you all the ingredients
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Ingredients come paired with an easy to follow recipe card, delivered to your door weekly,
in a refrigerated box. Rediscover how fun cooking. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The kind of box you might put a snowman in.
That's right. Mr. Bluapren gave you all the clues. I gave you all the ingredients. Mr. Police.
That should. Yeah, they should they should put that meme out. I mean, it's a little late now.
It's a little late.
People would be like, all right, Blue Apron, you're a little dated, but yeah, I mean, they
should do that.
And then next week they'll do like a morta-kind meme.
Yeah.
You can rediscover how fun cooking can be while enjoying specialty ingredients and exploring
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by visiting blueaprin.com slash flop house.
Is there a blueaprin.com slash flop house?
Blueaprin.com slash flop house.
So when they do that,
that's no man joke on their box.
Maybe they can sneak in like a fermented shark
with a peanut crust or some shit.
Oh yeah, delicious.
The classic meal of Norway.
We do not have any, what?
We do not have any jumbo trons this year, this year.
This year?
Okay, already we ran out.
Okay.
Well, less popular than we thought.
No, I don't know.
We want to like do a birthday wish for me.
I mean, it was a couple of days ago. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So this jumbo tron is first stewart from Dan
and Elliot. And it's both of you. Hey, hey, do each of done your own. Well, we didn't, we
wanted to split the cost. We didn't want to cost was in blank. Hey Stu, happy birthday from your favorite podcast GoHos.
We thought what better present
than to have the co-hosts of your favorite podcast
wish you a happy birthday.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed lots of ding-dong ripping off
and also messing with the head and then being dead
and also perhaps video games.
Love your friends at the podcast, Ra Rao.
Oh, wow.
You know, I never thought I would happen to me
long time, long time listener first time writer.
Yeah, that was great.
Thanks guys.
What a gift.
No, but we don't have any jumbo trunks,
but we should promote ourselves.
We've got some live shows coming up.
What, we're getting the band back together to appear before human beings on stages in
deflases that are not your apartment?
That's right.
On the 26th of May, we're doing a show.
That's a Saturday.
That's a Saturday.
We're doing a show in DC at the sixth and I historic synagogue.
That's right everybody. I'm gonna be schooling Dan and Stewart on stage about the faith of my
father's Judaism in a synagogue and it's gonna be pretty amazing. I think a little a couple
dibbiks might show up. Maybe King Solomon himself. Yeah, and a golem will show up and I'll have to,
you know, give him the one ring, but it'll also be an awful one. It's not the same And a golem will show up and I'll have to, you know, give him the one ring.
But it'll also be an normal one. It's not the same kind of golem. But it'll also be a normal
flat-past show. It won't all be Judaism. It's our trumpet return to Washington DC. Last time we
performed in kind of a bar club. This time we're performing in a synagogue. We're going to perform
in every type of communal meeting place in Washington, D.C.
Eventually, and eventually, we'll perform on the floor of the House of Representatives.
Okay, and also in June, on June the 30th, that's also Saturday, we're performing in Seattle at the
Neptune Theater. Now, I've never been to Seattle. I'm really excited about it. I've never been there before.
Yeah. This is our first Pacific Northwest show.
Guys, I think I hear the blues calling something about Toss Allen's bringing eggs.
Well, I could only be Seattle.
If you want to get tickets to these shows, you can go to flopphousepodcast.com and click
on the events tag.
Well, there'll be links to these.
Or just go to flop house podcast.com slash events.
Yeah, or you could just go to the, you're probably going to the
event.
Go to your web browser, type in flop house Seattle question mark.
So those events are on sale right now.
I do want to mention to on sale soon, but not as
of right this moment. There's a June 7th live show here in Brooklyn at the Bellhouse.
Wow. First announcement. Yeah. Our old stomping grounds. And that's the show's announcement.
So let's just go through a real quick laundry list style.
May 26th in Washington, D.C.
Your chance to see the Flop House in our nation's capital, maybe we'll even get a little bit
political.
Who knows what Sanders might show up.
Then June 7th will be in Brooklyn at the Bell House.
And June 30th will be in Seattle.
Our first Pacific Northwest show, maybe we'll catch us ascotch, who knows.
Anyway, that's the flop house. Check them out. May 26th, it'll be DC, June 7th, Brooklyn,
June 30th, Seattle. And I would just say this, if you live near any of those places and
you haven't seen us live and you want to see us live, take advantage of it. Because starting
in early August, I will be out of commission for live shows for a while. my family's gonna have a little new addition. That's right, we're taking it
a homeless person and we're gonna have to teach him how to get a job down and
out in Beverly Hills style. You're gonna shave off his caveman beard because
he thought him out of the ice. Yeah, we've gotten in Cino Man, who's gonna be
stay in this. You guys live in in Cino, right, we don't, but closer to it, but anyway, so I'm gonna be for family reasons.
We're not gonna do as many live shows later in the year.
So if you're in your DC, go to it, May 26th.
If you're in your Brooklyn, go to it June 7th.
If you're in your Seattle, go to it June 30th, La Paz live 2018.
Dan, you did a thing last episode where you were announcing some of these shows and you said we're gonna be at the
Flat Puss is gonna be at the sixth and I sin a bug and then I think you didn't mention Washington DC for a while
I just imagined all these all these listeners being like is that my town?
Where is hold on a second? Oh, I'm sorry, you know, okay?
You said eventually I did that ad read right after I woke up.
I like.
I
uh because I put the podcast online as early as I can.
I put our sponsors.
Saturdays.
Uh, and that's right.
I put the sponsors first.
Uh, and so I came out with the matters in with my pajama pants on and uh, it doesn't
show you sound fresh face. Thank you.
Dan, as with everybody, I'm a big fan of your solo ad
read segments.
Yeah. Well, I feel like I need to make up for the two of you
not being there by jumping on my own every misspeaking.
Speaking of misspeaking.
I think it's time for us to speak out directly to our fans, right? So speaking speaking of miss speaking. Uh huh. Yeah.
I think it's time for us to speak out directly to our fans, right?
Yeah.
We should do it.
What does that mean?
It's a little segment, a little segment I like to call a lot of house movie mailbag.
Uh huh.
Bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada.
Tensil town.
Hollywood.
Oh my god.
I'm here for good and I'm seeing movies all the time
And there's only one way to talk about movies and that's in a male bag a movie male bag for the flop house
It's a bag full of male. It's a bag full of movies. There's so much stuff you can put in a bag
Truly America's greatest invention bags. They're from America
bags. No one ever had them before. Bags. They're the greatest things in sliced bread, which
you can also put in bags. Hey, here's some words that rhyme with bag. Nag ragagagag. Those
are words that rhyme with bag. What are some words that rhyme with mail? Dale, mail,
bail, hail. What are some words that rhyme with movie, groovy.
That's it. There aren't any others fit all those words in a bag. So kind of word bag full
of male. It's a male bag for you and me and Dan. It's a bag full of male about movies
for the first.
Crossbeam still. Hey, Stewart. All right. So the first letter is from Irvin last name with help.
And Irvin writes, not sure if I've asked this question before, I often write while
Juku, that's a word that was invented on the Facebook group.
But I will ask anyway.
And it just means drunk.
Just means drunk.
I think originally I meant drunk and stoned together,
but now I think it's just all-purpose intoxication
is Juku in Flapphouse lore, anyway.
No, the correct.
Jeremiah.
Juku's all-purpose intoxication.
Yeah, but anyway, he continues to write.
Do any of you get stressed out by the circumstances of a story while a filmmaker explores the theme?
For example, while watching Hiroshima Monomore,
I got nervous for a Manuel Rivas character as she wanders into Semi-Dreamscape Hiroshima,
baited by and playing with...
I'm gonna miss...
Miss Speak here, Eji Yokata's character during the second act.
She is supposed to be going to the airport to fly home
and she ends up digging around.
I couldn't help but get nervous for her,
fearing she might miss her flight.
This of course is totally stupid,
but the feeling was still there.
Do you ever get caught up like that?
Her missing her flight was not the filmmaker's intent,
intent, intent.
But there I was clutching my popcorn, desperate to find a reassuring weeness buried in the
kernels. As always, your lovely bunch. Whenever I feel lonely, I pull up an old episode.
Thanks. A reassuring weeness is not maybe a main thing in a film.
Well, movies are kind of like Roshak tests in that way that like the thing that makes you anxious in real life when you see it in a movie it happens.
So like any time in a movie that I see someone turn on water and just leave it running.
And don't turn it off because they don't need anymore. I'm like, turn that off.
You're wasting water, like stop it.
I found it very distracting and...
There's this amazing moment in,
called me by your name where a character leaves
a freezer door partially closed
and it causes for a second before somebody comes
and closes it and I'm like, oh, thank God.
I've mentioned this on the
aforementioned Facebook group, but I always get very disturbed by whenever someone comes
home to find their place has been ransacked. But I'm not really like upset about the fact
that someone is against them so much that they're going to ransack their house or that
they're embroiled in this whole thing.
But more I get upset like thinking,
oh, they're gonna have to clean all that up.
Yeah, this is coming from a guy who has not made plans
because he was expecting to organize his CDs one time.
Yeah, that totally happened.
I mean, this is kind of a horror movie,
so I don't know if it counts
because I think in horror movies,
like basically anything can be conceived as scary.
But there's a scene in in raw,
where a character is getting her first bikini waxing
and the whole time I was like on the verge of throwing up
because they're just stressing me out so much.
I also get stressed by,
whenever there's like a manufactured conflict
in an act two, where like it's a movie about friends,
like a comedy about friends or a romantic comedy,
where the main character's just for no reason,
split up for a little while, you know?
And it's always completely contrived. Yeah, like when spider-man and his power split up
Yeah, so I get I get matter at it because it's contrived because it still works on me
I'm still just like stressed out by like oh
This totally like avoidable thing has caused these friends or lovers to separate and I'm like mad at the movie for like doing it
the way they're doing it.
So and so zipper was just stuck.
They weren't giving each other blow jobs.
Exactly.
Come on, get over it.
That's the that in movies people like
stumble on something and either assume the worst immediately.
And the person who's that they're assuming it of
is never able to just say like, no, no, it's this thing
They just go
Like that's that in so many movies if a man and a woman are caught in a room together
Even if they're just talking it's assumed that they're like having an affair that kind of stuff
I like it's the contrivance of it that bugs me
That's also why I get why Mike Pence can't be alone with a with a lady that yeah, he's watching too many movies, you know, that's also why that I couldn't watch too much
curburentusiasm after a while because it was like if these characters just said
one thing that explains the whole situation which would be very easy to do
we wouldn't have this problem like there's so many forces that fall apart
because it's like a character just needs to go hey, did you think this actually? It's this other thing and then the other character would be like
Oh, I see now I made a mistake. That's right like nobody ever does that you think like basil faulty's wife would just be like
Oh, he's just got some kind of weird scam going again
So thank you. I'm sorry. I don't remember Basil's wife, Steve. Uh, I don't know.
But for now, the scales was the actress.
It's, uh, I can't remember.
She's so great.
Yes, she is.
Anyway, uh, moving on.
I'm going to look it up.
Okay, you do that.
And I'll move on to this.
You move on and I'll look it up.
Okay, thanks.
Open up.
Open up my browser. Typing on and I'll look it up.
Okay, thanks.
Open up my browser, type in faulty.
Seems like talking to it.
faulty towers.
Oh, there's problems, so I can't.
Now let's see, Wikipedia, let's take a look.
Click on cast list.
Okay, let me go down to cast a civil.
That's what the name was.
That's right.
Civil shepherd. Civil shepherd.
Civil shepherd.
Okay.
By the way, there were just like listeners screaming at us
for the past half minutes.
Just like out there being like,
civil.
Now they were screaming us going,
this is a great bit.
Yeah, keep it up.
I love it.
Anyway, this next letter is from James last name with held.
Patterson.
Right.
Here is flappers.
Dan is the best.
Now that I've assured my letter will be read.
Sounds more like James Woods in my right.
I wanted to ask you.
I don't know what that meant, but.
But because Dan is a 16 year old girl, I don't understand.
I don't know.
I just want to know because it does Dan represent like an asshole. I was like,
but I don't know. It does Dan represent extreme conservative values.
And that's why James Woods loves it so much. Yeah. I'm just being a jerk.
Intenering onward. I wanted to ask you guys forging ahead.
I wanted to ask you like, like, shackle in the Antarctic.
Or shackles it, not shackle, shackles it.
I wanted to ask you guys, um, uh,
yeah, is that written?
It's if he wrote down, I want to ask you guys, um, uh,
there's a word missing here.
So I wanted to parse what he was trying to say.
Uh, I wanted to ask you guys why you think that people,
or if you think, or why it is...
Did someone throw this letter through your window seconds ago?
No, I read it, but then I forgot that the sentence didn't really make any sense.
So I'm gonna...
I'm gonna rephrase to make it clear what he's saying.
I wanted to ask you guys why it's often true that people who do comedy are
One musically talented and two struggle with depression mental health health issues
I don't know as a musical as a musically talented comedian. I guess I could talk about that
Yeah, you see uh, it's just a song in my heart, and I've just gotta say it like this.
Dan, you hate life, what would you think?
What do you say?
Well, I don't know that the musically talented thing is correct.
There are some very high profile comedians
who are also musically talented,
but I think that that's just the thing of performance.
If people are interested in one type of performing,
they're often interested in other types
of performing as well.
I think there's more musically talented people among the general population than is realized
by people most of the time.
Not all people who are musically talented are professional musicians.
You hear so often of regular people who guitar who like guitar or drums or you know clarinet
or some like a lot of piano a lot of people treat music as a hobby even if they're good at it.
Yeah.
You know, and it's just that I think there's in that there's probably that same ratio
of comedians are good with music as the general population is my guess.
I don't know.
I mean, I feel like I feel like a lot of comedians have are like it I mean, I feel like a lot of comedians are, for instance, I feel like a lot
of people that are funny can also be good at other art forms, whether it's, I don't know,
acting, you see more comedy actors who are also good at traumatic roles than traumatic
actors that are also good at comedy roles.
And Dan's good at drawing.. And Dan's good at drawing.
Yeah, Dan's got another talent.
Yeah.
And I'm a mediocre guitarist.
I'm not talented in music, but I like doing it as a hobby, like Elliott says.
There is this weird thing where a lot of stand-ups really want to be rock musicians.
It seems to rappers.
And a lot of over time, more and more musicians have wanted to become comedians, which is weird to me.
That like someone like Justin Timberlake seems to want to have a second career as like a
comedy performer, and it's like, why would you give up the thing you have, which people
love, which is enormous, to like do digital bits for SNL?
Like I don't understand you, Justin Timberlake.
And just speak to the depression thing. I'm not sure that that's true,
that there's a higher incidence of depressed people
among comedians, like I think that people don't talk
about depression a lot,
and so people who talk about themselves a lot
are comedians do, it comes out more often maybe.
Wait, are you saying that not everybody's just depressed
all the time?
Well, that's the other thing I want. No, that's the opposite of what I'm saying. It's like I feel like that not everybody's just depressed all the time? Well, that's the other thing I want.
No, that's the opposite of what I'm saying.
It's like, I feel like a lot of people are depressed all the time.
But also, if it is true that it happens more often in comedians,
and again, I'm not sure it is, it might be because people who do comedy
are more observant, maybe than the average.
Like they're literally making observations a lot of the time
that lead to comedy and
not to be too nihilistic or negative about the world, like, noticing things about the world often
means you notice bad things, like airline food. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. What's the deal with that?
Have you ever noticed these things? I don't know. I do you think, Elliot? I think you're right that I don't, I think it's more a matter of comedians.
So many of them, that's what their act is, is talking about their depression, but that's more that part, that part of being a stand-up at least is talking about yourself.
Yeah.
And there are many, many people struggling with depression who do not talk about it, either because they're not comfortable with it or it's not professionally appropriate.
Like at most jobs, you can't just start complaining about your depression and not have your
supervisors say like, hey, can you not do that?
Like this is not the place for that.
Like you need a therapist.
So, and uh, but there's also, there's the old stereotype of like the sad clown.
Yeah, exactly.
Like Palliachi goes to the doctor and then he's super sad and he can't laugh because he's the one
making other people laughing.
And I think it's a, it's a,
both just the visibility is higher.
And also it's a very easy stereotype
also for comedians to fall into.
I think there's a number of people who are like,
oh, I could get my life together,
but I'm not supposed to because I'm in comedy.
Yeah, so when would you be like fucked up?
When you hear a comedian talk about being depressed,
you're like, hacky bit dude.
Yeah.
Well, not that, but there are some people
who genuinely struggle with depression in a way
that they cannot get out of.
And oftentimes there's comedy that comes from that.
But then I feel like there's also people who are like,
hey, I'm gonna play into this,
like I'm not gonna do the work on myself that I can do,
even if it's only gonna help me a little bit, because I feel like this is the person
I'm supposed to be.
Like I'm supposed to be unhappy, because that's what being a comedian is all about.
And it's, I don't want to, by doing that, I don't want to delegitimize anyone's genuine
depression, that, like, that is a real trouble for them.
I just know that I've known some people in my life who it's like, dude,
you're playing a part and you're not. You know, you could be a person who is, no, not Dan,
see what I've reached out to, to rub Dan's shoulder. But the same way that you meet people who are like,
hey, I'm an artist, I'm not supposed to have it together. I'm supposed to be like, always
in trouble and like making other people fix my messes for me. Yeah, that's a different issue
I'm complaining about specific people that I know that I don't
Okay, it's called Elliot sub tweet. I also
I also just think that like the cheap irony of it appeals to people like this person is supposed to be like funny and like that must be
Being happy all the time, but they're sad all the time. Yeah.
There's something in that.
So anyway, I guess what I'm saying is comedians are not special.
Moving on.
Moving on to this last letter, which is not a question.
It's just something kind of nice.
So I thought I'd, I'm going to answer it anyway.
Share something kind of nice.
Let me guess.
It's about how great Dan is.
This is from Lydia Ivy last name withheld.
Who writes?
Lydia Tattoo lady.
Uh, today I'm a woman.
I was born Lewis Jonathan last name withheld.
At 13 I was a man.
A bar mitzvah complete with an ill fitting suit and an equipped embarrasing party with no
girls.
Today at 29, my final moments as a legal man, being glared at for laughing out loud outside
a courtroom.
I was listening to Elliot impersonate Slice to Loan, talking about a stillgetti and
his heart being tender like soft cheese.
My first act as a legal woman, finishing that episode while walking home in a lovely
well-fitting dress on a beautiful sunny afternoon in Oakland.
Tonight, I'm throwing a party to celebrate, which will probably be better than my bar mitzvah.
There'll be friends of various gender identities,
alcohol and high-feed dance music.
Fewer clip on ties, no cold french fries,
but I can probably, but still probably some Google
if I can swing it.
Today I'm a woman, at least for tax purposes
and insurance and shit.
So congratulations to Lydia Ivey.
I thought that was a nice one.
That's very sweet.
That's great.
Congrats.
Although I have been to some raging bar mitzvahs.
Let me tell you.
I've been to bar mitzvahs.
They cost more than my wedding.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With like a...
Have you been to a bar mitzvah where there's like an MC height man
who follows the
birthday boy around and then like all the day.
All the day boys the wrong way to put it.
And whatever.
I don't even the bar mitzvah.
Bar mitzvah.
I didn't say I understand it.
I'm on an outsider.
This bar mitzvah hype man who follows the happy couple around.
And I've been to many bar mitzvahs where there's a height man and a dance team.
And the dance team and I mean in my untrained eye always appear to be like
deceptively young looking where I'm like they're they're probably not 13 but
they they're meant to be able to pass for 16, which is kind of weird to me.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see.
And then they trick the barbages to see. And then they trick the barbages to see. And then they trick the barbages to see. And then they trick the barbages to see. And then they becomes a typo workout. Yeah.
Yep.
Next, you know, you just cross fitting around.
Yeah.
This has been Stuart Wellington remembers Bar Mitzvah's.
Stuart Wellington's Bar Mitzvah horror stories.
I was not being in it.
I said I would never perform a Zoom Baroutine and yet there I was, Zumbaing around.
Anyway, Bar mitzvah horror stories aside, that is a very sweet letter and congratulations.
And I can speak for maybe all of us, I think,
when I say we're happy that you are, you know,
being the person you want to be
and you feel comfortable as, and that you should be.
That's really nice.
Yeah, so moving on to the final segment of the show.
I feel like, wait, let me just say one thing. One thing.
I talked earlier about that.
Come here and suck.
What?
Comedian suck.
Yeah, now it's on the rose to again.
No, but what I was saying in that, in that, to that previous letter about like,
people not doing the work to be, to be the people that they should be,
or the people that they, you know, the versions of themselves, I feel like that then the second letter was exactly that sort of thing.
Being like, okay, this is the person that I want to be.
I'm going to do the work that it takes to be that person.
It takes a lot of work and against, I'm guessing a lot of unnecessary obstacles.
It always makes me very happy when someone has achieved that sort of, that self-realization,
you know?
Yeah, I mean, I admire it so much considering that, like, I feel like for most things, I
put the bare minimum amount of work into life.
And like, I know that's got to be so hard.
Yeah.
All right.
Again, moving on to the last segment of
Letters hey everybody. It's letter time last segment of the show letters Dan read another letter No, we're doing our recommendations of movies that you should watch instead of the snowman
Okay, because we could have some more letters. Hey everybody
could have some more letters. Hey, everybody.
I didn't pick any extra ones out.
So I don't think we could have an extra letter.
Oh, so where do I start my change.org petition
to force you to pick more letters?
I think, I mean, I think you said it when you just said that.
You go to change.org.
Oh, right, right.
Right. Good point. Good point.
I'll recommend a book.
So Dan, what's this segment? It's recommendations of point. I'll recommend a movie.
So Dan, what's this segment?
It's recommendations of movies.
I would recommend movies, right?
Yeah.
Not the one that got...
What about books?
Yeah, can we recommend books?
I've done it before and you guys were really down on me for it, so probably not.
Okay, so I don't recommend a movie called The Snowman.
It stars a snowman.
Oh, it's okay.
You recommend your movie.
I watched the movie Southern Comfort
at the showing it at the...
Now, Dan, it sounds like you're recommending
an alcoholic beverage and not a movie.
Are you tricking us again?
I would never recommend Southern Comfort, it's gross.
Wow, hot takeover.
No, what a flip flop. You were just about to recommend it. Yeah.
No, not the drink. I'm recommending the movie directed by Walter Hill who directed the warriors
among other things. In bullet to the head. Yeah. A movie that I think we kind of like to
eventually. Yeah. Yeah. So Southern Comfort is about a group of
National Guardsmen in I believe
Louisiana, I'm not sure I can't remember
Jack's out. That's the South they go in comfortable. Dan is there anything else I can do to make you stay a little more pleasant?
I will have another slice of that delicious pie, man
Okay, that'll be $13, please. Oh, wow.
Okay.
Real tourist trip, you're in.
Southern hospitality that I heard about.
Would you like a picture of you eating that pie?
That'll be another $25, but I'm happy to do it.
Hey, how about I freshen up your sweet tea?
That'll be $45, please.
Wow, they're already doing it.
This trip south is bankrupting me.
I'm not a fan of the, uh,
take the picture first and then showing it to me and trying to get me to pay for it.
Like I'm paying for you for the work.
That sucks.
Uh, that's how we do my wrist and then being like, that's five bucks.
And I'm like, I didn't even ask for this bracelet.
Yeah, but I'm guilty you into paying for it.
So it'll be more work to not to anyway, Dan, I'm glad to have you here at my Airbnb. It's called, if that'll be another $300 a night, just for the soap.
Okay. Well, thanks. Anyway, this bit was great, but Southern Conference of the movie is
about these national guardsmen who go on these training exercises in the swamp and they've mostly just got blanks
in their guns and they go and they run into some cajons.
They make a few mistakes.
They borrow a boat from the cajons and then one of the people shoots off a couple of rounds
of blanks to scare them and they don't get, they don't take it as a joke
these cajons as you might expect. They're not happy about interlopers in their
backwards cajan hideaway. Now would you call these cajons raging at this point?
Yeah, these cajons are at that point, raging. Yeah. and they start picking off the soldiers one by one and it's very tense.
I actually, I have to admit, I fell asleep a little bit during the second act because I was tired.
It's a tense popular that also functions as a Saturday.
I slept because I was tired. The movie started at 9.30. I was a little tired. But it's not the kind of movie where if you drift off for a little bit, you're lost. It's a very simple premise.
Clever way to turn to it, but I did watch 11th and 11th. I did watch the third act, which has the third act has just an amazing.
I did watch the third act, Raeves Dan.
Third act has an amazing sequence set to this
page in music where these guys have to escape a conclave of these people and
it's just really tense and exciting and fun and so I recommend Southern
Cumber. I love that Walter Hale I'm sure was listening to that and was like oh
an underseen movie of mine I can't wait to hear what?
I think Dan Turner around at the end, you know. Yeah. Yeah.
It was a full arc of a story.
That was that second act break up the Dan Hates.
Oh, man, I have two movies that I really strongly want to recommend and I don't want to wait till next episode to split them up
So I'm going to do them both
I yesterday I watched
Call me by your name right before because the Oscars are tonight and it's one of the last ones that I hadn't seen and
Oh man, I couldn't stop crying after that. It's just fucking great, man.
All the performances are great.
It really captures the feel of being like young and in love
and on vacation and also the way that when you're,
as a like when you're a teenager,
the way you look up to people that are a few years older
or a lot of years older and the way you look up to people that are a few years older or a lot of years older,
and the way you kind of both idolize and want to emulate them, but also that gets mixed in with like desire and the way that even if you were to take like sexual attraction out of there,
the way you might resent when the your idol shares
any kind of attention with someone that isn't you.
It's just, me and it's just so great.
I totally recommend it.
And I also wanna recommend annihilation.
A science fiction movie based on a series of books
that I really liked and the movie is a lot different, very much its own thing.
It is obvious at this point very much under scene.
I think by the time this comes out it will probably already have left theaters.
And it's a weird one like it's beautiful and scary and it's, I don't know, it's not, it's certainly not for everyone.
I've already had one argument over text message with my mother-in-law about it.
And the, yeah, it's just great. Like, I, the other day, I was, I was making breakfast and my wife
came into the kitchen and she was like, what music,
what's that music you're playing?
And I'm like, Krasbi still's a Nash and Charlene's like, is that because of that movie?
So I guess it's a lot like seeing an Isle of the Shimmer.
You don't come back unchanged, you know what I mean?
It's just a hard, I don't know. Go see it. An
Isleation, it's great. Yeah, I'll coastline that I saw it and I loved it. So I
haven't seen it, but I'll coastline the lease because I trust you guys. You're
not gonna leave me with the bill for an Isleation. I mean, I don't think so. I
enjoyed it. I'll gladly pay my price or the price of a ticket, you know.
Good, because I trust you guys, you know, this, I don't want to be left holding the bag on this. I don't know if it's for you.
Elliot, do you like, do you like intelligent science fiction movies?
How would you classify Johnny Numanik?
Is that intelligent?
I would say it's pretty intelligent.
That's the one where Tkeshi Gautano has a mono filament whip for a thumb, right?
Yep.
And where Dolflank Lendrigan is some kind of cyborg priest?
That was great because after I saw that movie, every single game of Shadow Run, I was
in featured at least one heavy that had a mono filament whip thumb.
They couldn't come up with that idea on their own.
You never know, that's a common idea.
Yeah, I mean.
Monofilament whip thumb, just a coincidence.
Okay guys, time for me to recommend a movie.
And you know what?
This movie has a connection with the movie we watched today.
And then it was also edited by Thelma Schumacher, the long time editor of Martins for Sazy
Movies.
Hey, it's a Martins for Sazy movie.
Maybe that's why.
And I wanted to recommend the movie Silence, it came out a couple years ago.
That's a movie about two Portuguese missionaries who have been sent to Japan in the 17th century
when Japan has outlawed Catholicism and is actively... just killing Catholics left and right.
And they've been said to find a Catholic priest who was...
went missing before them and to its rumored has given up on the faith and given in and become a complicit with the Japanese government.
And it's a...
kind of a lumpy movie, not everything and it works perfectly.
And by a certain point when you've seen the
Sixth or seventh person tortured in it. You're like, all right. Okay, this is a lot of okay Eli Roth
But there's a but I thought but the it's another one
It's a sense of like you're watching certain scenes and you're like, oh, yeah
This is because Martin Scorsese is one of the best kind of like just technical filmmakers around and I found it
very moving in the sense of a movie that like
takes faith seriously, but it's not blinded to the problems of faith and to the it doesn't try to
Answer the questions that it raises about whether kind of faith is worth it and what you owe to somebody else because of their faith
Because of your faith and what the best way to express your religion or your love for God is.
And I found, yeah, the performance is really good in it.
And it's a movie that never quite reaches the heights that it's reaching for,
but it makes you think a lot about those heights.
And I really enjoyed that aspect of it.
It's a long in, right?
It's long. It's about two hours and I really enjoyed that aspect of it. It's a long in, right? It's long.
It's a well, it's like, yeah, it's about two hours
and 40 minutes long.
And that's got Garfield and Kylo Ren in it, right?
Yes, it's got Spider-Man and Kylo Ren
as the main characters.
And they're looking for Liam Neeson,
who ironically has been taken himself this time
by a Japanese political system.
How many ninjas are in the movie?
Too many ninjas?
There are. Too many ninjas? I would say, yeah, the other alternate title for the movie. How many ninjas are in the movie? Too many ninjas? There are.
Too many ninjas?
I would say, yeah, the other alternate title
for the movie was too many ninjas.
So there's no ninjas in it.
And it's also one of these movies.
I thought you said it was set in feudal Japan, Elliot.
Yep, true, good point.
Well, there are some samurai in it.
Okay.
But it is one of these movies, too,
where it's like, you have your big American stars
and Liam Neeson, who's what, Irish. But I and Andrew Garfield's not American either I guess but I then you have the Japanese actors in it and the Japanese actors
Just below the American Western actors away like the Japanese actors are so good in it and in a way that like
Mixes there's like two styles of Japanese acting, and I'm generalizing greatly.
There's a very big over the top style
that's usually done by the like crazy
or outcast character, which is the very subdued,
small style of acting, and both of those are on display here,
really fantastically.
So the acting is fantastic in it.
It's the full Maffune spectrum.
Yeah, basically, yeah, you get both sides,
they use all parts of the Maffune, that's why. So silence, under Yeah, basically, yeah, you get both sides. They use all parts of the Maffuni. So silence under scene marks, which is it's long. It's an undertaking, but I would recommend it.
All right. Okay, Dan. Any any scrolling picks on your phone? Anything cool in there?
I got a text from a mutual friend and I was just seeing what that was about. Oh, cool. You got
the bottom of it. Yeah. Yeah. Dan McQuay text detective solves another case
oh finally text dog detective so we should sign off
that being the last segment of the show the next thing that happens is usually
going home yeah I like or except for you who are in your
home already and me who's in my home
Dan I'd like to salute the way that we were just kind of rolling the show to a regular clothes.
We had like kind of a low key momentum going
and then you decided to check.
You decided to check the text on your phone
and throw off even what little energy we had going
into the conclusion.
Guys, I want to fair, no one needed to comment on the fact
that I was looking at my phone.
It could have passed unremarked upon.
Mmm, I don't know if that's in my character, Dan.
That's not me living my truth.
Now, before we sign off, I say we do like a, we do a prediction, because I mean, our predictions
are going to seem ridiculous.
Like when I said that no way would we hire a president with Harris, ridiculous is Jonathan Price and our G.I. Joe retaliation episode.
I have not been able to live it down. You are like no way will we elect a president who is an
openly evil man working for a power that wants to destroy America no way. But then we did it.
Yeah. That was that was all I could think about on that election night was my stupid words coming
to haunt me.
But yeah, do you have any prediction, Oscar predictions, best picture?
Do you have something you would like to win?
I think, I mean, there's a, it's weird because so many people focus on the Academy of
Words, either snubs or the losers, but there are so many things nominated this year where
I'm like, yeah, I could see that winning and it would deserve it. Like there were a lot
of really good movies that came out this past year and like you have all these, I'm sure
the one movie I really haven't seen much of is Darkest Hour and I'm sure that'll win a
bunch because it's kind of easy going, you know, but like in a year when you have like
movies as diverse as and I don't mean
diverse in terms of racial and gender, but just in type of movie as get out,
call me by your name, lady bird, shape of water, fan like through it nominated.
What?
Fan of thread.
Fan of thread.
Yeah, like being nominated for things.
It's like there is a, there's a, I like to look at the Oscars less as about the
winners and more about what type
of the variety of stuff that gets nominated.
And it's like movies are in a pretty good place if they can have that wide and that high
quality of stuff.
Does it mean the best thing will win?
No, probably not.
But I kind of love that we live in a place right now where not the place where the Oscars
have gotten very politically polarized, which is I understand why it is and I agree with much of it and I don't agree with all of it but
That in a world where a shape of water is becoming like the middle of the road consensus
Mainstream choice, which is a movie about oh, it's a Guillermo del Toro movie about a woman who has sex with a fish man
Yeah, where like it's a crazy movie movie, and that we live in a world
that has become so comfortable with that type of movie, that's like, oh yeah, a lot of
the older people are picking shape of water because they just feel more comfortable with
it. I like that aspect of this world that we live in.
This movie does feature a fish man eating masturbation eggs, but it does celebrate classic
Hollywood. So, that is like, this is the movie that really reflects where we are.
It's a movie where a fish man bites the head off a cat, and it's kind of an adorable moment
in a way, because it's like, he doesn't know. He's just a fish man.
Like, as much, there are a lot of great movies that are nominated this year, and like,
I don't know, if you look at it as a field of nominees being honored by
getting greater attention that way, I think it's, I think, a good shape. But who's going to win?
I don't know. Dan Stewart, what do you guys think? I've rambled on.
I mean, but do you have something you would like to win? Do you have a favorite of the best picture
nominees? Do you have a snut? Like, I wish Florida, I wish Florida Project had been nominated for
best picture because it's really beautiful and great. But.
Yeah.
I'd rather look at the positive side of it
and what did you get nominated than be like,
oh, but not this one because.
You don't have to fucking dunk on me, dude.
I was just trying to talk about.
Yeah, I just say, I'm gonna talk about Florida Project.
No, like Florida Project, sorry.
You didn't bring it all.
You didn't want it badly enough.
But I don't know.
It's like, if I think I'll only be
disappointed if the post wins, I guess.
If it's like, because that is a movie that feels like,
OK, this is a movie that did not
try particularly hard to do anything.
And it feels so bland.
And it feels like, I mean, and the people who made it
are amazing.
Everyone is amazing. Steven
Spielberg's amazing. Like, you know, that's that's the disappointment for me. So you have some of the
most talented high profile people in in the movies. And this is what they made. And it feels like
you can make you can make a movie like spotlight, which is very similar and is so good. And so
tense and immediate, or you can make a movie like the post where it's like,
all right, it feels like I'm watching like history illustrated comics or something like that,
you know, and it's just about eating my vegetables or something.
And talking about like the freedom of press is important, but trying to make it seem so boring.
Well, like, here's a movie that's like, hey, freedom of the press is important, and never
during the movie did I feel like, oh, I have to get this story out. I'm like, I'm gonna, this is like it never made me feel anything and it doesn't help that the first half of the movie is a bunch of people being like, look at all the great work the New York Times is doing.
It's like, yeah, they are like, why am I paying attention to you assholes?
Like, let's go look at the Times. They're doing it, you know.
Yeah.
It's like if a, if the bad news bears, if the bad news bears were spent the home movie being like
Look at that team of misfits that's winning all the games. Oh, man. I wish we could be like them
Like yeah, let me see them
We're teen wolf was about one of the other teams and they're like oh, we wish we had a teen wolf on our team
Man, wouldn't that be great if we had our own werewolf. Yeah, show me the werewolf dude. That's my big my big Show own werewolf yeah show me the werewolf dude that's my big my big
show me the werewolf show me the werewolf all right I mean I don't really have much to say I I want
I if my favorite movie of the year that I saw one it would be fan thread but I looked at the odds
makers and that has currently have that as 100 to one.
So.
And you're that one.
Oh, wait, I can't think of one.
There's one movie I wish was nominated for more stuff
and that's Mother because I thought that was
a really amazing movie, but it's like, it's a weird movie.
I get what?
But it's like, in a world where Mother is too weird,
but shape of water is not, we're getting closer
to a world where Mother is too weird, but shape of water is not, we're getting closer to a world where mother is not too weird.
Yeah.
No, I mean, like they changed the makeup
of the voting academy and I think you really see it.
I think that there are a lot of younger,
in quotes, movies being honored.
And that's nice, see.
Yeah, I don't know, I hope get out wins,
because it's awesome, okay. I don't know. I hope get out wins because it's awesome.
Okay.
It is awesome.
And that's, it's like, what's wonderful about where we are now in terms of movies is that
I feel like the Oscars have gotten decoupled from the idea of these are the best movies.
Yeah.
Like, of the past 10 years, how many times was the, and I'm sure this is true for all
of cinema history, but it's so much easier to see movies now
and to see them if you miss them before,
that like you don't have to rely on them
winning Best Picture to be remembered for 100 years.
Like, get out, it's gonna be remembered for 100 years.
And it doesn't need to win Best Picture to do that.
But if it does win Best Picture,
I'd be really happy because it's a great movie.
Yeah, that'd be interesting too.
I mean, you know, science of the lambs
to the last horror movie that. I mean, you know, science of the lambs to the last horror movie
that won best picture, you know, I like a little genre in my, my film. Mm-hmm. I would consider the
King's speech a horror movie. Whoa. The horror of whether he's going to be able to give that speech.
Did he? Did that win best picture? It did, I believe you. Oh, wow.
I mean, it's fine.
I was looking back at the last few movies that won,
I mean, Birdman is kind of a horror movie in some ways,
but the last, there are like a bunch of movies
that won Best Picture where you're like,
oh yeah, that's right, because the movie that wins Best Picture
gets forgotten much of the time.
Like, who's out there watching the artist right now?
Or like watching the King's Speed for Chicago
or any of that stuff?
Yeah.
It's like a curse.
So basically what we're saying is this segment,
which was already not relevant
because it'll come out long after the Oscars
is extra not relevant
because the Oscar is not relevant.
Yeah, I guess that's fine.
I just want to talk about movies with my friends for a second, Dan.
And they've literally been doing for two hours at this point, but sure.
Okay, cool.
Fine, signing off your Dan.
I'm stewing that's Elliot peace.
Wow.
And I guess we're leaving on that note.
Yeah, well, who caused that?
Who played that note, Dan?
You did.
All right.
I said, peace, dude.
Right.
He said peace, but it sounded more like war.
Yeah.
All right.
I guess, namaste to everybody.
I'm going to, let's do it. Let's do it nice this time. I've been Dan McCloy. Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.
Hey, I'm Elliott Kaelin, the nice guy. Say, and have a nice day from us, the Flop House,
the positivity podcast that's all about making everybody feel better and compliments.
All right. Good. Goodnight everyone.
And our waiter is an old friend of Alex Smiths who, uh, this guy, Brendan, who plays the guy
who goes crazy in the beginning of the new, uh, not new, but, uh, recent, more recent,
uh, Amnyville Horror remake with Ryan Reynolds. Oh really? Yeah, big stars pretty impressive. Yeah, it was a glamor night
Yeah, he was saying that when they shot a scene where
They were both in a bathroom like Ryan Reynolds is in a bathroom looking to the mirror and he sees Brendan's face instead of his own face
mirror and he sees Brendan's face instead of his own face. Uh huh.
Brendan was like, yeah, he was like wet in every scene and man, he's just got an amazing
body.
So that's my review for Amityville Horror.
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