The Flop House - Ep. #264 - The Emoji Movie LIVE

Episode Date: August 18, 2018

Elliott just had his second child, and Dan is about to move apartments, so in the middle of all this peach upheaval, we dig out a live show from the vaults. Specifically, our San Francisco show, where we discussed The Emoji Movie. Wikipedia synopsis for The Emoji Movie

On this episode of the FLAB House we discuss the emoji movie live from San Francisco, California Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kaelin. Dan, what's different about what we're doing right now? We're doing it in front of people, which makes me very uncomfortable. But you like the discomfort. Oh, yeah, that's part of the thing for me. It's like it makes you, you're not excited by being watched, but you're excited by the shame you feel from being watched.

That's right. Very complicated. Yeah, you're looking forward to the afterwards where you go home and you type it into your diary, Dugie House or style, right? Yeah. And then Vinny Del Pino comes and you're like, you're never going to believe this. I'm a doctor.

And a kid. That's true, he is a kid. Vinny's like, Doug, and you're like, no, Dan. Dan, we got one day I'll learn how to doctor up that speech impediment of yours. Max Casela, that makes you say, Doug, instead of Dan. Yeah, well that was a current reference that we made.

Yeah. Anyway, so I'm sorry I'll talk about Max Casela's recent work. What is he on like blue bloods or something? I don't know. I don't know what color his blood is. Yeah, whose window is he going through now? America's. America Ferrero. She should get a restraining order.

Yeah. I don't like where this is going. I don't like it either. Even when it was coming out of my mouth, I didn't like it. Jane, what do we do on this fucking podcast? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it. And, you know, we're, the donor plot, I say this.

We are recording in San Francisco, California. Thank you for your restraint. No, one person started a plotting. It wasn't a test, it wasn't like I was like a trick to, and it's the tech capital of America. And San Francisco's love technology. Cable cars, seals, they love that stuff. Girardelli chocolate technology, you know. Wait, do you say seals? Yeah. I always sunn on the docks and stuff.

Oh, okay. Or seal the singer. Who doesn't love him? I'm compact discs. It's technology. So we decided to do a technology movie. Yeah. And much more technology than high-roglyphics.

It's the earliest technology, Dan. The written word, technology comes from logos, meaning word, language. Really? Yeah. You don't read any Alan Moore essays, come on. And, I mean, what he would then go on to say is that it's magic or something. I just read his weird pornographic cartoons.

Yeah, this is where we diverge. There's that, that, that, that, Elliot, there's a thing they're weird. Yeah. Yeah, what's weird about all the children's characters of children's literature doing it with each other? Dan, come on. I'm a creepy old man with a long beard, a lives in England.

As long as they don't adapt that work into a movie, he's fine with it. So that was a lot of Alan Moore talk for our San Francisco show about the emoji movie. And so we knew one thing going into this movie. What was that? We were probably not going to like the emoji movie. But you know what?

We're not the youngest people. We got to embrace this new technology. This is how people communicate these days. It's through emoji movies. Yeah, movies. Yeah. If you want to send a message to somebody in your phone, you have to make a movie.

First, OK, it's hard. First you have to send a message to somebody in your phone, you have to make a movie first. Okay, it's hard. First you have to develop the concept. Okay. Then you pitch that concept to a studio. Now, the studio, despite its name, has no physical filming locations. They merely act as a distributor, but they'll put up the money for you to produce it. So you've got to partner with a production company. Okay.

Now, the production company, they'll put up some of the financing, but they'll also provide the logistics while the distributor, the studio, puts up most of the movie. So now, you've written the script, you cast it, you've done more of your pre-marketing, and things like that. A year later, $60 million down the toilet. Is this your TED talk, I don't understand what's going on right now. I just, you've paid $60 million later, and you've got a message you can text to your mom. Oh, okay.

To say, happy birthday, mom. Sorry, I missed it a couple days ago. It was your real movie, but we had overruns of both time and budget on the film. I like the idea that that is the plot of your movie. Happy birthday, mom. It's a little thin. Not as thin as the last Transformers movie

that Stuart and I watched, but yeah. I would argue that the plot was not thin, it was just so crazily explained to us. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, I'm gonna find I to slavery, the Holocaust, et cetera. It's terrible. You can hear that on film spotting SPU, but we'll go back to our podcast. Let's go back to our podcast. The Flop House podcast. Where, what do we do, Dan?

We watch the bad movie and then we talk about it. Are we in Looper and I understand what's going on? So let's talk about the emoji movie. Let's go through real quick. Okay, and by real quick, I mean it's going to take a while. We start with the Columbia Pictures logo. In front of many of many classic films, much of Frank Capra's work, but this time it's different.

Because it's got an emoji face that goes on it. Oh, they finally updated the concept of Columbia, the personification of liberty by throwing an emoji face on it. So it's kind of like when New Line was doing that thing where every time they released a movie, they like kind of change up their New Line logo a little bit. They're like, when Freddie's fighting Jason, it's gonna be a red logo because that's the color of blood.

Also, they use that for blade too, which also has blood in it. Yeah, exactly. And then we start here in a VO from TJ Miller, star of the emoji movie, about how amazing smartphone apps are. Yet used to it, folks. This movie's got a lot to say about smartphone apps, all positive. There's this goofy kid Alex who has a crush on a girl.

He got a text, he's a high school freshman. He got a text from her and he doesn't know how to respond to it. Now, how else he's going to do it? He's going to have freshman. He got a text from her and he doesn't know how to respond to it. Now, how is he's gonna do it? He's gonna have to pick the right emoji. Because if he picks the wrong emoji, boom, never gonna happen. He's going home alone. But if he picks the right emoji, oh boy, Gates of Valhalla will open up to him.

And he will be initiated into manhood. Yeah. It all rests on that one emoji. Yeah, the whole premise of this film is that he cannot send words by any means. Well, as one of his friends says later in the movie, words aren't cool. Yeah. Notice he says it. He doesn't emoji it to his friends. They aren't cool, sir, but they are necessary.

You know, it's not cool. Infrastructure repairs. But we need it. It is necessary. You know, it's not cool. Infrastructure repairs. But we need it. It is necessary. Functioning highways. Is that awesome or radical? No, except it's pretty cool to drive down a highway. I... Sure. I guess what I'm saying is life is a highway. Yeah, I agree with you. I feel like it's about it. I want to ride it. How long? Maybe all night long. I'll probably stop somewhere to take a nap. All night is kind of a big investment. What am I sleeping during the day?

Am I a vampire? Come on, everybody. How far are we in this movie? I mean, that's a picture of a movie right there. You're a vampire drives around at night. The emojis in the phone. Hey, you know how in Toy Story, all the toys were kind of alive.

Imagine the magic of that living inside your very own phone. Yeah. Because all the guys, have you seen the Lego movie? The spoiler alert. So have the people who made the emoji movie. The emojis all live in text opolis, which is an ironic name since they are the exact opposite of text. And all the emojis have one job. It's kind of a weird, Stalinist or Wellian world where you are packaged in one particular emotion. And they say like, everyone has to do that one emotion all the time, even if they don't feel that way.

And our hero, whose name is Jean, he's a meh. His parents were meh and he's a meh. He can't show emotion. He's just like meh, which is an emoji that I assume teens use a lot. Yeah, except for, I don't know, like, are you going to give us a teen talk here? What's going on? I can hang out with teens a lot with him. This is an episode of our podcast, within a podcast called Teen Talk.

Okay, give me a second. I'm turning. Oh. Stewart is turning around his chair so he can wrap with the young people. Dan, drop some knowledge at us about teens. I just feel like if you're care so little as to send the text emoji or the met emoji,

wouldn't you just care so little as to not respond to the text? Like what are you expressing in that moment? You're expressing, I'm cool, but it's cool to be met. I thought that sending the guy with sunglasses emoji expresses that you're cool. That expresses, I wish I was stupid, damn. What? Dan, you really know how cool works, do you? I'm wearing a Tweet jacket, so I think I do understand how cool work.

The guy with sunglasses emoji signifies I have had recent eye surgery, and I am sensitive to sunlight. Please adjust the drapes accordingly when I enter the room. Anyway, that's teen talk. Let's get back to it. Jean is a matte emoji, but he's got a problem. He can't be matte. He just loves life too much, and he's too excited. He's always cycling through all of his different emojis,

but that's bad, because this is his first day on the phone. Uh-oh, and he's just walking through textopolis, and the movie is like, imagine how amazed people are gonna be to see all their favorite emojis walking around in a little city that somehow has a functioning economy of some kind and little buildings. But there is one funny joke in it that I will give them credit for that he bumps into an emoticon, and he's like,

oh, I hate to jostle the elderly and the emoticons all have wheelchairs and crutches. And I was like, that's kind of a funny joke. The emoticons are the old version of emojis. They're all old. Anyway, but that introduces the idea of mortality and aging to the emoji world, which is weird. Anyway, the movie's working overtime

to convince us how emojis are real magical. And we're also introduced to the poop emoji played by Sir Patrick Stewart, who you would think from the advertising for this movie was the star of the film. It is a glorified cameo. Yeah, no, this is not poop the movie, which by the way, it would be a better movie

than a emoji movie. So this is when he's introduced when he and I think his son, both, he's is the same toilet stall She's just weird is it like they take the toilet to work No, they travel along toilets like their Harry Potter. Oh, you think that's what I was because it's a public bathroom I assumed it was like they're just so close as father and son that they use the same toilet at the same time Yeah, they both perch on one side of the toilet. Yeah.

Or I don't know. The other alternative is that they take turns sitting on the toilet while the other one watches. Yeah. Or just turns their back in which case get out of the stall. I mean, this has a- Are they trying to save water by only flushing water? Honestly, there's a bigger amount of beer in European. There's a bigger, there's a bigger metaphysical question here, which is, does poop poop?

Yes, exactly. Does poop come out of poop? Does poop eat? Or does the poop, I don't know. I don't know what to think about. The toilet would be the mortal enemy of poop. It would be terrified of the toilet. So this is more of a Lukus talking now, Mr. Potty or whatever it's called. There's a talking toilet and look who's talking now voiced by Mel Brooks, who the kid in that. Is that the second or third one? That's the third one, where the dogs talk.

The kid in the movie, let's just call him a look because I don't remember his name. He's afraid of this potty. So you're saying it's not like that uh... we we we we we is not something that is involved in the movie it's no we we have a look at the clock we have like twenty to thirty minutes to get through the entire movie at this point it's not going to be that hard okay men is confronted by his parent gene is confronted by his parents were both

meds in the toilet i guess it's a unisex toilet like an alley McBeal and they don't believe in him. They don't think he's ready to do this. And Smiler, the boss of the emojis, who's a smiley face emoji, who is, she's your basic, smiley all the time, kind of like Queen B of the high school mean to everybody type. She explains to the, to the audience again again how emojis work, that emojis they stand in boxes much like the monsters in cabin in the woods. And a giant finger which represents Alex's finger in the real world, picks an emoji, scans it, and then that scan

is texted out on the phone. It seems completely over elaborate. That's the way to do this. And there's also a VIP section for favorite emojis and the high five emoji played by James Gordon cannot get in there high five used to be a favorite but no more he has been kicked yeah the fist bump has now taken his spot as in real life now Alex wanting to look cool to this girl whose name is Addy

uh... because they put zero imagination into the character's names. He chooses meh, but meh cracks under the pressure and goes crazy and his scan gets all screwed up and has multiple different emotions going on at once. And this is, Ali talked about the one time he laughed in the movie. This is the one time I laughed in the movie where this really crazy emoji where it was like smiling one open, tongue, sweat, like all going on and he sends it to Addy and Addy's reaction of total confusion. Actually, it was pretty amusing to me. Okay.

Anyway. No, that's, I'm not an ad of that. Look, I just, I want to, I want to give the movie credit where credit is due and that is in this one single joke that happened in the first half hour of the movie. And at that point, Alex was like, no, my shot with Addy. And Jean is like, I don't know what to do. And for some reason, he decides to leap out of his box onto the finger device, smashes everything.

Oh boy, Smiler says looks like this gene character is a malfunction and must be deleted. Jean said his parents say, hey, why don't we just want to do this department to protect you? And the favorites, yeah, I'll get together to vote to kill Jean so he doesn't threaten the whole phone. And Jean escapes after they sick virus killing bots on him. High five, meanwhile, has slipped into the favorite section. Jean runs through.

They escape together and go to the loser's lounge where unused emojis go to. But hold on a second, who's in the loser's lounge playing pong? The egg plant emoji. The egg plant emoji is in the loser's. Hold in the second. Let's hold on a second. Boy, dude, maybe he doesn't understand it. Uh, everything looks like a genital to a teenage boy. That eggplant emoji is getting pretty worked. I don't know. That's what is it doing in the Losers lounge?

It's getting hot in here. Anyway, High Five says to Jean, here's what you got to do. There's a hacker. We can go to the piracy app and get the hacker to reprogram you so that you work properly. They leave text office. The piracy app, by the way. Like, what is this app that?

It's for piracy. All right. Like pirating stuff. Sure. It's like the app version of any hacker character in a movie. It's just like, it's the nondescript hacker X. I don't know what I'm saying.

Yeah, no, it is. This is the phone version of the Mos Eisley Cantina. All the stuff of the phone is there. They leave textopolis and find themselves on the magical world known as the wallpaper, where every app is, and each app has its own world, and they walk through a couple different apps. They go through Facebook and WeChat or whatever. And High Five tells Gene, look, you don't need friends.

You just need fans and popularity. Now, here's what I don't understand. High Five apparently knows people all over in these different apps. He gets around yeah like gene the Mount the Met emoji is like I don't understand like he's a babe in the woods He doesn't understand any of this but high five emoji like he goes to the hacker app and he's like saying hi to everybody high five to Everybody like what's what's the deal Elliot like he Key like is it going all the way over to these other apps all the time like it

seems that people yes people in text office only stay in text office yeah let's get cool all right and then you go over the other apps you hang out high five people all right i guess it's part of his job he is the high five i have to get around high five this is this was your this was the biggest hurdle yet to jump yeah we already know that high five is a rule breaker. He's trying to slip into the VIP

lounge, which to be honest looks less cool than the loser lounge. I kind of liked more. Loser lounge bore a real resemblance to the backstage of the Upright Citizens' Brigade Theater. Whereas the VIP lounge, it was more like a high class strip club. Like it was very, I didn't like it. It wasn't a place I would feel comfortable. So they go to the piracy app, which is a pirate ship themed bar, which is full of internet trolls and viruses in spam. And it's weird that like, I,

I don't know if it's weird. The piracy app doesn't make sense. It's just where all the bad stuff on the phone goes. Yeah, so wait, are internet trolls actual people, or are they just weird green viruses? This movie posits a world. Voice by Jeff Ross. With internet trolls voiced by Jeff Ross,

the roast master general, are green things that live in phones, that dress like nerds. Well. And can be deleted so they're not people. No. But their programs, let me just say one thing. The maker's the emoji movie.

Don't really see them know how phones work. There's not a lot of stuff about, there's the thing that I thought was weird was there's never a problem where the phone is going to lose battery and shut off. And I think that's a, like, that's a given. Do that scene. Come on. Anyway, they don't.

Uh, almost instantly they find the hacker who's a girl named Jailbreak, as Stuart mentioned. Does this sound like the Lego movie when there's like a cool punk girl that has to help the hero figure things out? They even have like a scene where like they point to someone across the room and like, oh, you think that that's the Jailbreak, you know, it's like a big monster. It's like a monster looking guy and he walks away and the girl is behind it and the hand goes, it's a girl! As if we've never seen the cool girl hacker character in a movie before, ever. I mean, like NCIS or whatever.

Dan Steeman over here, look at him. Yeah. Wait, are you talking about Polly Perret from NCIS? I am talking about Polly Perret. The 50-year-old guy. Yeah. She hasn't changed her haircut in all these years. It's insane. Is it a wig? Sadly, she's no longer on the show. She left the show really yes, but by law I now must bring up the video where a hacker is breaking into the NCIS computer and she can't type fast enough

So the other guy in the lab starts typing with her on the same keyboard as if two hackers can hack faster on the same keyboard. Like that's how keyboards work. If you haven't seen it, I've mentioned it before. Go see it. Just type, just go to YouTube and type in NCIS hacker. The video will come up. You know, even to the punch line,

or do you wanna leave that for people too? I want you to, I want them to savor the punch lineline which also doesn't explain a computer's yeah anyway they get jailbreak who for in my notes for some reason I accidentally keep calling jailbait now jailbreak the bots come in uh-oh the antivirus bots they are killing people left and right and gene impresses jailbreak with his ability to do any expression and jailbreak says okay I'll help you. Takes, you know what, we're gonna go, we're gonna go, we have to pass through the firewall

to go into Dropbox to get to the cloud where everyone can live free and be whatever they wanna be. But I need your help making the right face to unlock the face recognition for the firewall. And she takes them through a secret escape tunnel into Candy Crush, which is the dumbest thing I've ever said. It is, that is dumb. And Jean gets stuck in the game, and you literally have to watch High Five play candy crush to free him. That is boring.

If I want to watch someone play candy crush, I'll ride public transportation. Thank you very much. want to watch someone play Candy Crush, I'll write public transportation, thank you very much. I do wonder which apps paid to be in the emoji movie, in which apps were just woke up one day, horrified to find that they were in the emoji movie. Like, this is a big plot point that Candy Crush is in. Pick up their phone, their mentions are all blowing up, and they're like, what's going on?

They're like emoji whatty Simpson Some guy named Simpson screwed it up Meanwhile Alex tries to talk to his girl Addy, but his phone starts making weird candy crush noises and she walks away Weirded out as we all would be if someone's phone started making noises That's never happened before only all the time to everyone. I can't tell you the number of times that Siri has started talking to me. Unsolicited. And has my wife ever been another woman? Well, then this is the end of our conversation. No, she said,

oh, my phone does that too. Please turn that off. When you said unsolicited, I thought that like Siri was going to start giving you advice, like, Elliot, do you really think you need that second piece of fried chicken? Get off my back, Siri. Second piece. I'm on a piece six by the time. So anyone's telling me to stop. By the time, Siri is telling us that.

Yeah. Here's the pitch, everybody. Don't steal this. Siri, no. DeBerserak. Siri starts giving romance advice to some hapless doof. Somebody is writing that movie right now. And if they're not, I'm gonna sell it tomorrow for $700,000.

Okay. Thank you. Alex is like, this is crazy. I'm gonna make an appointment at the phone store and the emojis go crazy with fear. If he erases the programming on the phone and gets a new OS, I guess, then what's gonna happen to them?

So yes. So they can hear what's happening. He hinges on an appointment at the phone store. Yeah, but that's our ticking clock. They gotta figure everything out before the whole phone gets to the right place. So they can hear what's happening in the real world all the time. Yeah.

How does that make them feel as emojis? Like, are they like worthless? Yeah, how does that make them feel as emojis like? Are they like worthless? We have to assume since moji emojis are sentient and accept their lot in life is that in part of this digital caste system Uh-huh of which humans are I mean humans are probably seen as gods because they created the emojis, okay But like all gods when they're too tyrannical, their creations might turn on them. And so I guess what I'm saying is we got to be careful with these emojis. So rise up. There's a lot of metaphysics about this movie that is not really explained because jail breaks got to get them to the firewalls they can escape to the drop blocks, drop

blocks in the cloud. There's a lot of candy jokes that High Five does, boring. Meanwhile, Jean's parents, the meth couple, are looking for Jean. They enter YouTube and distract the virus bots with some QCAT videos. The parents argue over who's faulted off it is and split up. And I'm like, wait a minute. Am I supposed to care about the marriage

between these two emojis? Who themselves cannot express emotion. Is this something I am supposed to invest myself in? Dan, what's the movie asking of me in this moment? Because it's a big ask. I mean, yeah, they're asking me basically, here about the relationship between these two bumper sticker images, because their marriage might be falling apart. Elliot, you who have such a solid marriage can't understand the pathos, the pathos of these two characters. Dan, as a living man emoji. Yeah.

Did you, I guess what I'm asking is, did you see yourself in the situation and that help you? Because I, as someone who's just happy all the time. Look, I just couldn't get it. I might be a man emoji, but I, as someone who's just happy all the time, I just couldn't get it. I might be a Matt Moshe, but I, I have aspirations. I aspire to be the monochole emoji. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So wait, what emoji would you be, Elliot? I think I'd probably be, uh, I'm not gonna be that shrimp. The shrimp emoji, that's a good one. Or maybe like the flag of Nepal that's a cool flag yeah yeah what would you be Stewart uh it's pretty easy smiley face with a cowboy hat yeah yeah I think so you know you know what can I if I'm an emoji can I change my race yeah I guess where you headed with this I just want to know I haven't know, I'm just looking at all my options. I just want to know, I haven't made a decision yet. Sorry, Judge Emoji.

I think we're entering some weird Rachel Dollos all area here. All right, it's different in Emoji world. Oh, by the way, all the Emojis in the movie are basic default yellow, which means white. So anyway. And they, meanwhile, these heroes, they take a digital tube to some stairs and enter the Just Dance app. They've got to get through it. Don't turn it on because then they'll have to dance or die.

High five loves to dance. Turns it on. But Jill break can't dance. And if she doesn't dance properly in the Just Dance game app, she will fall to her death. This is maybe the most artificial conflict I've ever seen in a movie. That this character who's the personification of an emoji concept, we don't know which one yet, has to learn how to dance quickly where she will lose a video game on a phone that will kill her. Yep. And she saved by the movie inventing a branded dance move.

Yeah. She popped. Stuart, I believe you can do the emoji pop. saved by the movie inventing a branded dance move. The OG Pop. Stewart, I believe you can do the OG Pop. So. Stewart's going to show us the OG Pop. Well, Pog, I will do our best to describe it. OK. Stewart is.

Yeah. There's kind of like he has to keep covering his face in a different emoji comes up. Yeah. His legs kick out too. His legs kind of kick out like the scarecrow. Yeah, yeah. That's the OG pop, everybody.

That's the hottest new dance inside your phone. You'd have to imagine that during some of those moves, my eyeballs were turning into dollar signs or hearts. Meanwhile, I'll do this. Jail breaks hat flies off. There's a tiara underneath. She's actually a princess emoji. Uh-oh, the antivirus robots enter.

Don't worry, they're on the other side of the app, but they're great dancers. So they quickly reach in. Also, they can shoot lasers, which is never really factored in as a real threat, even though that's the bigger threat than if they get close to you, that they can shoot a laser at you.

You know, on the real world, of course, Alex's phone starts making dance sounds in school and he gets in trouble. Alex deletes the app, which crumbles around around our heroes and we catch a glimpse of the just dance mascot who is what Christina Aguilera? Yes. Uh, looking around, we get a clatch of glimpse of her looking around in horror as her world is destroyed.

Yeah, this is a very myelistic, uh, movie. She's like, I just wanted people to dance. Like the danger of this movie is, at all time, being deleted, the danger is pure oblivion. That's the bad guy in the movie, really, is the erasure of yourself and all of your friends. Yeah, as if you never existed. And you might spend a little bit of time

in the purgatory of the, what, the garbage garbage app, the trash can app, which is not an app on my phone, but, no, which is basically like a garbage planet, but doesn't feature cool robots singing that tear to be stupid song, which is the best garbage planet ever. And are you with it? So high five gets taken by one of the robots and deleted. Uh-oh. So to recap, by this point, we have learned that hands that door

doing a high five motion love candy and can dance really well, but it's dangerous for them. Jean refuses to leave high five behind. He says, what's the good of being number one without all the other numbers? You know, brain thinks that's pretty cool. And she thinks they can save high five by traveling to the garbage app by riding a boat through the music streams of the Spotify app. Oh yeah! Meanwhile, the other emojis are running out of time. Smiler upgrades one of the virus robots into a super virus robot, a spoiler alert is much less effective than the other robots we've seen.

By the way, I think they always go through like the interesting apps. I think you would be to a super-virus robot, which spoiler alert is much less effective than the other robots we've seen. By the way, I think they always go through the interesting apps. I think it would be interesting if they had to go through, like, now we have to go through the calculator. Uh-oh, we've got to finish off all these reminders, or else we'll never get out of the saps. We're in no's. Yeah.

Let's go into Slack. Talk about schedules. All right. Yeah, let's go into slack Talk about schedules All right Jailbreak complains while they're on a canoe. They got somewhere riding the Spotify music streams Each of those streams paying the artists who created them fractions of a penny Jailbreak complains that emoji women can only be princesses or brides, but in the clouds, cloud you can do anything.

Now, Jean, who's a man, has a mom. So that's a woman who's a man. Right. And Smiler is a woman. Did they just develop more since Jailbreak left? I think so. What's the timeline here? I think she was part of the first bet. I think she specifically says, in the beginning, I

mean, I also created a motion piece. So this is like a May September romance between Joe break and Jean. Yeah, but you're also opening a whole can of worms with like the idea of like, there are sexed, met emojis, like, there's both the male and the female. Well, it makes me wonder like like, is the cake emoji? Does that have a gender or a sex? Right. Like, the shrimp emoji.

I want to know. Yeah. And apparently these emojis make love if they create the baby, ma'am. We see no other, well, there's a donut emoji who has little baby donuts and there's Jean's parents. Yeah. What did that happen?

What's that all about? I mean, how do we know they're totally smooth? I don't see any genitals Well, they might have I mean there's no actual indication they're having where they reproduce sexually they could just be like beholders in D&D and dream other emojis into existence Okay, possible Only yeah only in a live podcast taping just the holders get a applause break. Where's the beholder emoji?

Why don't they have one of those? I guess this is actually crazy that that doesn't exist. I guess because it's a copyrighted character. Maybe nerds aren't in the text. Yeah, right. Yeah. There's not a lot overlap between the tech world and the D&D world. Uh, hello.

I guess they got to be doing something on those private buses. I thought it was playing D&D, but I don't know. That's the same as this, go, Joe. Anyway, long story short, Jailbreak says to Jean, I know you want to be this one thing, but I think you're cool the way you are. They have an almost kiss moment.

It's much like the kiss the girl sequenced from Little Mermaid, except that's really good, and this is not good. Long story short, they say, high five by hoisting them out of the garbage, leaving the just-app dancer and the trolls to continue dying. Jean's mom wanders into Instagram and walks through Alex's memories, and Jean's dad is there and he reveals, you know what, he has other expressions too, he's just never used them, and he blames himself for Jean's condition. They reconfirm their love and leave.

Hopefully finding a corner somewhere along the way to maybe do what they need to have another little game. Whatever that is. Yeah. Meanwhile, the upgraded cube cloud bot who's made up a lot of little cubes finds our heroes, but he can't fall them into Dropbox because as Jailbait says,

and maybe the most quotable of Jailbaitbait because because jailbreak is a dumb name. Yes as jailbreak says in maybe Jailbait is a great name According to Lemmy it is anyway, whereas Jailbreak in the most quotable line in the movie says it can't follow us because it's a legal malware and drop boxes secure By the way, how many kids are quoting that line with their friends Which raises the question who is this movie for yeah Because there are no children out there who understand the jokes about drop box and firewalls and whatnot

But there's no one over the age of three that would be entertained by the emoji movie. I love the concept of kids being so excited that drop box is going to be in the movie. The same old favorite file sharing service went like at the end of the first Avengers when Thanos shown up and I was like holy shit. Thanos is in a movie that these kids are like, what will we hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm gonna finally get to see Dropbox in a movie.

I just hope that they portray him in the way I've come to know him from my use of him as a file-sharing service that never works for Elliot properly. And it always asks me to pay money so to make it bigger. I always run out of space. There's a lot of ads online that are about paying money to make things bigger. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, drop box takes them on kind of a crappy theme park ride to the firewall. Guess what? Alex's password turns out to be Abby, the name of the girl he has a crush on, which is super creepy. They enter the cloud and jailbreak starts doing her coding hacking work to change Jean into a full on man. But he says, while I have these expressions, I want to use them. And he tells her that he loves her and he could stay there with her forever and ever

and ever. And it goes from super sweet to really clingy and creepy, like almost instantly, the more ever's and forever's he adds to this. And it's like, you just met her earlier today. Like, ask her out once before you tell her how you want to be with her forever in the cloud. To this movie is credit. I don't think that they ever end up together, right? Like at the end of the movie, there's no. It's heavily implied that they now have a working relationship.

Oh, really? He has been a fucking relationship that they now have a working relationship. Oh, really? He has been a fucking relationship. Yeah, working relationship. Yeah, but no, not a working relationship as in a functioning romantic relationship, working like they work together now. No, that's good. I think it's good that this movie at least doesn't paint

like Matt as like, oh, because I love you, because I'm like pining after you, you of course need to love me back. Like, Joe break is like, you know what, you're great, but I'm not into you. She's like, I don't wanna be defined by a relationship. Yeah. And he's like, really hurt.

And so far, the emoji movie has a good message. That's the closest it comes to it. I mean, the other messages are, be yourself as long as being yourself involves using all these branded apps and products. Yeah. And use Dropbox. It's a great service.

That's the best. That's the best. Kids, if you're and use Dropbox. It's a great service. Kids, if you're not using Dropbox to send your friends, I don't know what stickers and graham crackers. They don't know what you're doing. Tim, I dropbox to you, a graham cracker. Yo, my guess. Hey, can I, you have two gogarts in your lunch? Can I have one?

Yeah, let me drop box into you. Yeah. Up. Jean is really hurt. Now he's met for real. His soul has been killed. And then Megabata texts him, oh no. And High Five is like, jailbreak, save him.

And she becomes, she takes off her hat, becomes a princess emoji again, whistles, and summons the most powerful of all the icons. The Twitter bird. Oh yeah. And this is like, so normally you would expect the Twitter bird to show up and just devour them and shit all over them and spew hot garbage. Or like, the Twitter bird just shows up and dumps mean feelings on them and they're like,

why did I do this? A bunch of neo-nazis come out of the Twitter bird. Oh no, why weren't you banned? Just Russian bots, or? But the Twitter, and this is the moment, right? I wanted the German Twitter bot that's not racist. That this is the part where, I guess the audience of five year old is supposed to just get up

out of their seats cheering that Twitter bird showed up. Cause he's not angry bird. He's an unangry bird. He's Twitter bird. Yeah. He can't lift that, well, no, but everyone has their limits. Yeah. Anyway, keep trying.

Meanwhile, Smiler, I thought that virus spot was gonna kill Jean. No, he takes him back to Smiler. Smiler wants to kill Jean in front of everybody. All the other emojis. And even the other emojis are like, this is a little weird. They're like, look, what our government does in our name, we don't want to see it. Like, we kind of know it's happening in the back of our heads, but we don't want to be confronted with it. We're complicit in a way that I'm not really comfortable with.

This is why I tell myself those taxes go to roads, and I don't think about what else they pay for anyway I assume that's what Pope emoji poop emoji was saying when he made some poop joke But Gene's parents show up shows up dad reveals he's also a malfunction and Smilers like all right. I'll just kill you both jailbreak and high five show up and they shut down that robot Which falls on Smilor and I assumed for a moment killed her but uh-oh? There's a bigger threat. Guys, remember that tick-a-talk?

Bigger than an emoji. There's a bigger threat than a giant robot that's gonna crush you, because it's time for Alex's tech support appointment. No! Why, this is a horrifying moment. Why wasn't Thor Ragnarok called Thor tech support appointment? It was the same basic issue that worried their homes will be destroyed. Yeah. Why wasn't Thor Ragnarok called Thor Tech Support appointment? The same basic issue.

They're worried their homes will be destroyed. Yeah. I don't know. And they start deleting the phone, which in classic movie fashion means that everything except the main character starts disappearing and, you know, turning into nothingness. Yeah, it's a lot of back to the futures.

Yeah. It's like a circle that come become smaller and smaller on the phone as things get deleted, which of course, as we all know, is the way things get deleted on a phone. They don't all just get deleted at once. It's this slide accretion over time. That's why I always put your favorite app in the center of the screen. Yeah.

Because that's, it'll get deleted last and you get that last sweet second with it. It's like when Arnold Schwarzenegger Commandos says, I like you, I'll kill you last. That's how you should feel about that app. Put it in the middle. And then you let it die anyway, and you go, I lied. That's what Arnold Schwarzenegger says when he deletes apps from his phone.

Ha ha ha. Facebook, I like you best. I'll kill you last. I lied, Facebook, delete, uninstall. But they're like, if we can get one last emoji through Facebook, I like you best, I'll kill you last. I lied, Facebook, delete, uninstall. But they're like, if we can get one last emoji through to Alex, and it's the perfect emoji to text to Addy, he'll realize his phone isn't messed up. It's better than normal phone, and it'll save us.

It's like, you know what, Arnold Schwarzenegger is when he's deleting apps, or racer. Nice, Nice. That's a movie that did not deserve groans from the audience. That people should be throwing flowers into Hosenna's on you. They should be taking you on their shoulders and prading you through the streets, like some sort of child God, whose every utterance is both innocent and wise.

God. Who's every utterance is both innocent and wise. Now I'm desperately trying to think of something else and the best I could come up with was command. Oh, that's the best. That's the best I could come up. I'll tell you what Dan, let's see a little bit of the sludge, the slush file. What went, what didn't make it to the to your lips? If command O was the best. Jing, go all the way. You know what, forget I asked. You're asking for the worst. And I got it. Okay. There's only, and so because of course Alex will see the emoji on his phone go, yeah, this is how to talk to Addy. I won't erase my phone. That's the way people think.

Textopolis is getting deleted, including Jean's parents. Jailbreak is like, Jean, I believe in you. And Jean takes the time as his world is being destroyed. His parents having just been consigned to the trash heap of history. Their memories to be erased when he's erased from existence takes a moment to remember all the good scenes we had in the movie. As we flash back through things that maybe we forgot about since this movie is almost 80 minutes long.

And finally, Gene just goes, you know what? And he gets scanned as he does multiple facial expressions. It's a moving emoji that tells multiple facial expressions and it goes through like, hi, bashful, kissy face, I think you're cool, whatever. And Alex goes, check out this emoji. Of course, it's the perfect emoji. It says everything. He sends it to Adi, Adi's response.

That's one super cool emoji. You know what, Alex? I will go to the dance with you. Yeah, the idea that she is wooed by this single emoji that just like cycles through emotions like if anything like Why couldn't he have just if that was the answer to everything? He could have just put all those emojis in a line together He didn't know that I expressed the same thing look what he what she's saying to him right then is if you feel like giving me a lifetime of

Devotee Yeah, I second that emoji. Okay. That's the message right there in that scene. Anyway, Jean at that point again. Sir, are you okay? Sir, it is busy vomiting. Sir, imagine how unhappy you're going to be when I mention this that Jean's not

dancing anymore. He's making a moji move. Anyway, that's a more up to day one. All right, forget. I guess I'm the only one who listens to the radio while they drive in a car. So she goes to the dance with him. He unplugs the phone and everything magically undelites.

Jean's saved the day. All the emojis love him. And you know what? We're done with hierarchies and textopolis. Now, everyone's allowed the VIP section, and they all dance that hot new dance, the emoji pop. Stuart, give us a taste. Oh, boy. All right.

He's popping. He's popping. He's popping, different faces. Look at that tongue out. Oh, he looks confused. He's popping. Different faces. Look at that tongue out. Oh, it looks confused. Oh, he's having now. Even with a bad back.

Yeah. With a bad back. The last time we came to California, Stuart was so injured, he couldn't even join us. Now he's a moji-popping. And there's a little post-credits scene that Stuart missed because he left the room at that point. Where we see that smileer in a neck brace now after having had a huge robot drop-onner, is in the loser's lounge,

which gives the lie to high five statement earlier that now everyone's allowed in the VIP lounge. It seems that she's a political opponent. Yeah, yes. Much like Plato's Republic, this is only an illusion of democracy, but is actually controlled by high-placed elites, namely Jean

Jailbreak and High Five. So that's great. We really... The same is the epic tale of the emoji movie. Yeah. So that's really quick. So Dan? No, I was looking to see what the audience was.

So really quick. I was looking to see what the audience was. So really quick. I was looking to see what the audience was. Dan, are you okay? Let's say our final judgment, whether this was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie we kind of like Elliott Go. I would say this was a bad bad movie. You know what? I'll say one thing.

It might even be good bad because there's a lot in this movie to dig through when you're watching go like, what? Why is that happening? It is there's nothing like the jokes and it are not particularly funny characters don't make sense the logic of the world does not make sense It's basically an 80 minute advertisement to children about how great phones are. And especially branded apps like Dropbox. But you know what? I mean, it's a super secure app. But you know what?

It's great. If Dropbox were to say, want a sponsor or a podcast, I wouldn't be against it. I wouldn't turn that down. It's a great app. It's secure. Our malware can't go in. You're being chased by a malware or whatever it's pronounced. If you're being chased by a big antivirus robot, hop inside a drop box. It can't follow you. Although the weird thing is, if anything, the antivirus robot was created by a bunch of... It was so- It was that antivirus robot was given illegal like an illegal power up or something, right? Oh, I see. That's what it was. Guys. I guess what I'm going to say is, go watch the emoji movie

because I'm a sadist. Stuart? Guys, this is a bad, bad movie. The jokes aren't funny at all. And they're super lazy. And if you want to watch a good, bad movie like this, if you want to watch a good, bad, terribly animated movie focused on branded content, I direct you to food fight.

It won't give you nightmares. It's crazy. I will say the animation in this movie is not so bad. I didn't know the design is not. The design is not great. Everyone looks like emojis. It's a brightly colored movie. The animation is fun.

Like, the look of the movie is not the problem. That's the problem is the jokes and just like the conception of it. And the concept, the premise. Yeah, it's a bad, bad movie. Even the fact that they could not come up, just title the movie like emojis or something. The emoji movie, it feels like they didn't have a title for it. And the prince actually went out to the theaters before they could put a title on it.

Oh, I thought it sounds like we've been clamoring for this all our lives. It's like, finally, the emoji movie! I can't hear myself, but I have a consumer. These are real podcast listeners, not actors. Hey, thanks for coming. Here's a list of descriptors. What would you choose to describe the perfect podcast? I mean, vulgarity.

Dumb. Definitely dumb. And like, right here, this one, meritless. What if I told you there was a podcast that did have all of that? No. Jordan Jesse Go. And it's free. Jordan Jesse Go.

Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse Go. A real podcast. Beloved, maximum fun Star Trek podcast, the greatest generation, is going out on tour. We are bringing greatest gen con to a bunch of cities in the US and Canada. It's our big tribute to slash send up of Star Trek 2, the wrath of con. And we have a big leg coming up. Yes, we are raising our legs on a number of cities in the coming weeks.

We're going to Washington, DC on August 23rd, the bellhouse in Brooklyn, New York on August 24th. Mass Mocha in North Adams, Massachusetts on August 25th. Pittsburgh on the 28th. Boston, Massachusetts at the Wilbur Theatre on the 29th. Atlanta, Georgia at the Earl on the 30th. Ferndale, Michigan at the Magic Bag on the 29th. Lannat, Georgia, at the Earl, on the 30th. Ferndale, Michigan, at the Magic Bag, on the 31st. Those are some great big rooms and some great big cities, Ben. And it's a really fun show. It's accessible, even if you haven't.

Listen to the podcast yet. We can't wait to see you when we're out on tour. Check greatestgencon.com for dates and ticketing the information. And Khan is spelled K-H-A-Ed because wrath of Khan. Greatest Gen K-H gen KHA and dot com Hey, everyone. It's a live show. So you know what that means. It's time for another Dan solo ad read I was really industrious. I would put a reverb after that

Under that, but I'm not. I am not industrious. Now let's address the elephant in the room. A lot of people have been writing in. A lot of people have been tweeting at me saying, Dan, that last ad read, were you super drunk? And the answer is no. No, I'm sorry guys. I was super tired. No, I'm sorry guys, I was super tired. What you're hearing there is tired. Tired and self-hatred. Self-hatred. So on that note, let's talk about Squarespace. Now Squarespace is a great service.

You can use it to make all sorts of websites, websites where you speculate, perhaps on whether I've been drinking or not, or whether I'm just again very tired. And what can you do with the Squarespace website? You can showcase your work. You can announce another event or special project, and you can use their powerful e-commerce functionality to sell anything online. If you've got beautiful templates created by world-class designers,

free and secure hosting, and nothing to patch or upgrade ever, ever, I hate upgrading things. Squarespace, can you help? Squarespace says, yes. Nothing to patch or upgrade. If you are interested in any of this, you can go to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So that's our big business sponsor, but I know what you come here for. You come here for the jumbo tronds. You come here for the people. We got a couple of jumbo tronds right now. First off, you love Elliott's recommendations, right?

Sure, we all do. If you're looking for more Elliott-esque fancy pants movie chat, we invite you to visit the Magic Lantern Podcast. If you're more of a steward, don't worry, we cover the grind house as well as the art house. All you dams won't be left out either, As we even have a butt-centric episode 69, the Magic Lantern podcast is all things to all people. Listen today, find the Magic Lantern on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play, or wherever you find your podcast and subscribe today. Now let's see a butcentric episode

6.9 That is a subscribe It's gonna go to the podcast Search for podcasts find the magic Lantern, you know what I can do this later. I can do this later. What am I doing? That was the podcast subscription bit. This next message is for Channing and it's from Mara. And I almost said that it was for Channing and from Tatum.

with 4channing and from Taedem. 4channing and from Mara, though. And that's not 4channing, that's 4channing. And Mara says, the last 4 years of watching movies and TV shows with you have been the best 4 years of my life. I look forward to many more happy anniversary Channing, all my love, and butterfly kisses, Mara. But that's all sponsors we have. So now let's enjoy the rest of this episode, which I can't remember, which one it is. We should move on though. Okay.

All right. What do we do next? We're gonna, like, on the, like, ring master here. We're gonna take a few audience questions if you care to ask them. There's an audience mic over here, which is what I was looking for before, whenever an alley made fun of me. Right. No, no, just you, you suddenly looked as if you saw a ghost. I was like stage right no, no, just you you suddenly looked as if you saw a ghost Damn, I just sad that we've been talking about phones this whole time and you haven't got the look at ears in a while I am sad that I haven't got the look at my phone for a little while now L.A. Do you usually like to give a little bit of a speech before we do audience questions? Yes, sometimes you're getting Arshabas

Sure You know everybody four score and seven years ago. All right Our four. Yeah, no, that's not the speech that you usually do. Okay. Is it the speech from the day the other still? No, that's not what if you threaten to extend your Violence this earth of yours. She'll be reduced to a burned out cinder That's not the speech either. Okay, is it a you can't handle the truth. That's not the speech either. Okay. Is it, uh, you can't handle the truth. That's not really a speech, I guess. It's just a thing he says. Yeah. Just one line from the movie. Okay. Well, isn't every speech just one line that's real long? Well, I just stupid little saver. All right. Let me talk. Okay, I don't want to sound too rough here. Okay, here's the thing.

We've all been to Q&As. We've all had Q's, we've wanted AID. And we've all seen people with Q's that didn't really deserve to be AID. Let's just say that. So, here's a piece of advice I like to take when I'm at a Q&A. When I got a good Steven Hunt Q, I'll racked up, ready for a good old-fashioned A-ing.

I like to say to myself, I regret setting you up for this. I like to say to myself, hey, does anyone but me care about this question or to put another words, if I was not me and someone else asked this question from their own mouths, would I care? And if I think to myself, no, if someone else asked this question, I would not care. And I think of another question. And so I guess let's just have, let's just in the interest of time and everything like that, look. Oh God. Whenever Elliot says in the interest of time. In the interest of my sucking up more time, look, you guys are here for us.

That's fantastic and we love it. That's amazing. You're our favorite people and thank you so much San Francisco for being so welcoming to us and everyone for coming out here. You don't need to tell us how much you like us. So skip the intro. You tell us how much you like us because we know it. You wouldn't be here otherwise.

Jesus Christ, Elliot. Unless this is one of those grand piano us how much you like us because we know what you wouldn't be here otherwise. Jesus Christ, Ellie. Unless this is one of those grand piano type situations where you're here because you got to solve a crime before a family member is murdered or something. One of those nick at time with Johnny Depp situations. Now we can mean and concede it. That's just one of those carry grand at the auction house situations. Let's just start taking questions.

Let's just start taking questions. Let's just start taking questions We don't have time for a song unfortunately Well if you say that then We really don't have time for a song right now Dan and Stu take a breather because me and these folks are gonna have a little song about how we don't have time for the song that I'm singing right now. I'm eating up the clock, hey put a sock in it, Elliot, cause we really don't have time for this song right now, but hey, you know, I just feel like it wouldn't be a flop house

show, if there wasn't a song from me to you that went a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, way, hey, everyone. We've had a great time with this song. Maybe it's time to put it to bed and let it live inside of your head in the memories that you'll take with you to the end of your days and someday on your deathbed

when you think back to the moments that meant the most to you the song will be there to comfort you in those final moments when you realize that heaven doesn't exist Thank you very much everybody. Let's get to the questions, shall we? You know what? All right.

I might just be wrong about you. No, no, no, no, no more. You, sir, please. Hey, guys, great song. Thank you very much. Encore, of course. We're already hitting. All right, please.

So I've been through a lot of the back catalog and I'm sorry. I've never, I've never once heard you guys mention the movie, um, Freddie got fingered and sure. And I feel like it's an abyssin. And I was just wondering if I could get a hot take on it. My hot take is I kind of like Freddy Godfingers. I think it's kind of funny. I've actually never seen it.

I was never seen in either. I was never seen in the Tom Green show, so I just didn't bother to see the movie. I mean, it's barely a movie. It's like... Resell it. Sell it to me. Yeah, sounds great. It's just a bunch of weird scenes strung together.

But if you want to see a movie where Tom Green, out of nowhere, sees a horse by the side of the road with a big dick decides that he needs to immediately stop the car, run out of the car, jack off the horse, and then continue on his way. I feel like you're not spreading that thing. I've been filmed that I need to see. Is your film. I feel like there's not a Tom Green jagging off a horse hole in my heart that needs need to see. It's your film. I feel like there's not a Tom Green

Jagmoff a horse hole in my heart that needs to be filled. But, okay, Stuart, you got a feeling about it? I haven't seen it, so I can't really say that. So this is why it has not been... So this is why it has not been... But yeah, it's a movie that, like at the time, was paying quite a bit, but I think it has had a re-evaluation recently.

Like I've seen reviewers are like, hey, it's actually good, dude. That's my impression of a movie reviewer. You sound dumb. A movie reviewer for Ninja Turtle Quarterly. Yeah. I gave it three pizzas. I guess that's our answer.

Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Next question. We may not have enough time to get through everyone, by the way. I'm sorry. Let's try it And why would that be? What do we do that eight up all that time? Hi Tim middle name with held bab I wanted a two-part question

When will that animated YouTube page be updated again? Will that be anytime soon? And can we make requests? Because I'd really like to see that that's how it works on animated. Oh, we all look. Very great. You mean my son's favorite? Yeah, both my sons too. Awesome. Our son, Julie. Well, for a lot of that animated stuff, that's almost entirely done by this guy, Tony Oker, who's great. He's fantastic. But he also has to survive and do stuff. So he does have a Patreon, which you can support, and obviously I'm sure he'd listen to you

if you went over to his Patreon. And he'll probably listen this episode, so maybe it will inspire him. Yeah, but that's the answer. There's another guy who does that. And he's great. He's wonderful. Yeah. But he's got. He's wonderful. Yeah.

But he's got his own stuff going on. Thank you. Good question so far. We got a high batting average. Hello, Matthew Greve. Last name with him. And Star Wars is almost coming out again. What?

Why didn't he even tell me about this? I like Star Wars? What is, and what's Han gonna do in this one? He's my favorite character. I can't wait to see what he's up to. I wanted to ask, what is your favorite Star Wars background character or a background character you would like to be? Oh, hard for me to choose favorite, because I got to-

See, me answer for both. It's Gong Troi. Oh, yeah. Gong Troi, that's the one I want to be pretty sweet, because you know, he's just there. He's like just chilling. Just put on some power stuff into him. But as for my favorite, I'll say it's

tied between two classics, Honda, Beba, and Momane Don. Oh, yeah. Sweetest Cantina members. I mean, it's ever Honda, Beba, who's pretty. Oh yeah, sweetest Cantina members. I mean, it's never Honda, Beba, who's pretty much a thug, but you know. That's gonna say. By the way, that's Salacious Crumb saying that. Oh man.

Salacious Crumb is a good pick. I mean, I don't, that's the weird, that's the kind of thing where it's like, well, when he's not a background character, he's like a third lead. Yeah, that's Crumb. He has lines, his lines are mainly like, not a Disney's doing these standalone movies, how long is it

before we get a so-called salacious crown? Dan, don't even mention it, because I'm going to go pitch that tomorrow. I want to write that movie and then be in it. Salacious crown. Salacious crown. Yeah, you're not going to stop. You know, because I want to know, according to the non-canon short stories, he is an animal who also has a job, which is amazing.

Wait, what is his job? He's just a gesture for Java. He's like a hype man. I've never seen him do anything. He's not just thing. He's just laughing. That's half of a gesture's job. He's like, Java's Chubaka.

All right, sure. So Dan, who's your favorite actor? Well, I was going to say, Gok-Troy 2, but. OK, so anyone who knows, no, this Gok- was gonna say Gokdroy too, but... It's okay. So anyone who does not know this Gokdroy, Gokdroy is a box with legs. Who just walks around saying gunk. But since that was taken, I'm gonna say the torture robot in Jabba's palace

who's torturing Gokdroy. Y'all started learning it in some sort of respect. Yeah. Couldn't get it out. I'm no torture droid. You know what? I'm gonna give a runner up since I have two that are tied for first place.

Runner up to, I think, Zuckis and Foralom. The two bounty hunters in a first strike is back where basically one's a robot version of the other one. And I like to think that Zuckis built Foralom as a friend. One of them's a robot. One of them is it, and you'll never guess which. That's the, what, the Buzzfeed article that? Good question.

Thank you very much. Thanks for being here. Hi, Jason, last name we've held. Most movies release now are sequels or in franchises. Sometimes, sometimes squeakles. It's true. What is the movie that you would like to see in the movie? withheld. Most movies release now are sequels or in franchises. Sometimes, sometimes squeak rules. It's true. What is the movie that you would like to seek a sequel from that there's

never been a sequel? So not a sequel to a movie that has had a sequel. No, because then it would be demands it. Okay, because then it would be G3 Gremlins 3. I'm still waiting for a... Is that set at a G3 summit? Yeah, yeah. It's the G3 summit and someone brings a moglie. Idiot. Trouble. I mean, I think the obvious answer to that one is either like a sequel to Big Trouble in World China or...

Take a chance. The long awaited Buckaroo Banzai gets the world crime league. Oh, yeah, which they announced and it didn't happen, yeah. Yeah. Head of the family, too, that was what teased, head of the family is a movie from full moon pictures, look it up, dudes, but head of the family, too, I think was teased by a set of bookends

that full moon put out where there's both the head of the family, and then I guess his like the bride of the head of the family, which is the lady version. It looks pretty cool. There's also Super Mario Bros. The movie ends on a cliffhanger, and that story never came to a satisfying conclusion. Did it have a satisfying beginning or middle? Nope. I mean, nothing about a satisfying.

I don't know. Oh, great answer. It's hard for me to think of it because like the best movies that I really love, they don't really cry out for sequels. Oh, you know what? The story is complete. There's movies. I mean, I guess I was just going to say,

I don't need Chinatown 2, but that exists. It's called The Two Jakes. Yeah. It's not that great. They're movies that are supposed to have sequels that didn't like, like Hellboy 2 ends like with the promise of Hellboy 3, like completing a story. Yeah. And that never got made because you know, it was not a big success. So there's stuff like that. I guess like they never made like, or they never made like a restaurant at the end of the universe movie.

They've been sequels to Hitriger's Guide to the Galaxy and that would have been a nice thing. Yeah. Or I could just listen to the radio show or watch the TV series. No, or there's kind of a... Or read the book. Or read the book. So I don't know. I guess you know what it is? There's so much great media out there to consume.

Why am I asking for more, you know? Hey man. Yeah, thank you. Thanks for being here. That being said, G3, Gremlins. Hi, I'm, okay. I'm John Davani and I was just wondering what your guys' biggest stand-up comedy influences are on their own comedy and what you're like movie.

Like, because they're like two different separate types I feel what's your biggest movie comedy influence in your life? I mean for me for both of them for me. It's probably grouch on marks. Yeah, so that's he's the best of all time No, the marks brother. They call him the goat greatest of all time grouchy of all time the best of all time. No, the March Brothers. That's where they call them the goat greatest of all time. Groucho of all time. The March Brothers are where I would go with movies.

I don't like, stand up, I, you know, like, I mean, I'm not a stand up myself. I've done stand up because I'm in comedy and so, like, at some point, you're like, I'm pretty Larry the Cable Guy in place. Oh, yeah. Your character of Harry the Plumbing Guy. I mean, there's no, there's no, like, but there's no person that I'm like, oh, I'm trying to emulate them or like,

that's what I'm doing when I do stand up. But, you know, I'm just doing my own generic stand up that never quite found his voice. Like, I would just be saying stand-ups that I like, for instance, I don't know, Steve Martin's stuff when he was doing stand-up would be. Big Louis C. K. Fan, right Dan? So, what do you, he just likes his antics off the stage.

He just likes his antics off the stage. Look, I was known as an innocent pervazoid, and now you're trying to turn me into an evil pervazoid. And I don't like it. That's the plot of the flop house movie. An evil pervazoid who looks like you, except that he has a beard and a tweed jacket. Oh no, he tries to take your place.

And we've got to answer an ancient prophecy of a house cat. Yeah, and we're like, which one of these two pervazoids do we shoot? JK, I hope that answers your question. Stuart, do you have any, who's your influence? Like Booger from the... Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'm kind of like like the like an Appa Town movie like Lovable Loser. Except that you're a small business owner Well, that's I mean, it's a difference between my stage persona and my real life

I see when I get up on stage I have to put on the steward character Normally, I'm a very reserved person who likes to go to bed in early hour I Don't know I stop making a joke actually I don't know. I mean, not making a joke, actually. But no, I mean, I, having never done any standup other than using PowerPoints, which is the poor man's punchline. I don't have a computer. Can't be that poor. I mean, computers aren't that expensive anymore, Elliot. That's privileged to be. That's true.

That's true. But no, I would say my influence is on like, I think I've always strove to be the like un-dumpy, like best friend character. You're like styles. I would love to be the styles of any relationship. I love how we're saying styles as if everyone immediately knows. I would love to be the styles from Teen Wolf the Movie. Is that better?

That's better. Yeah. I hope that helps. Hi, Nick, last name of the house. Hello. Hi, Nick. So you've mentioned Godzilla a couple name of the house. Hello. Hi Nick. So you've mentioned Godzilla a couple times on the podcast. I was wondering what your favorite kaiju was that wasn't.

Oh, that's tough. Because everyone's going to say King Gidora. That's a good one. Yeah. I'd say Mothra because I like the song. It is a good one. I'd say Mothra because I like the song. It is a beautiful song. A design I've always loved when I was a kid was Geigen, who has two hooks for hands and a beak and a kind of Cyclops laser eye and a buzz saw on his belly.

Wait, two hooks for hands and a Cyclops eye? Yeah. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Why, that's Dan McCoy. Yeah. But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm just like everybody else.

I'm just like King Adora, because he rocks. Dan? Mothra. It's just mothra. Wow. Okay. I mean, it's a giant moth. What more do you want?

You're right. You're right. Nothing's cooler than moths. Make them big. Was there ever a, I didn't watch a lot of Kaiji movies. Was there ever a scene in one of those movies where they're like, turn off all the lights in the city? They're attracting Mopro. No, but that would be pretty great.

All right. Good question. Thank you. Ready for more Kaiju questions, but others too Justin last name with help Hi Justin My question for you guys is in the vein of Willem DeFoe in the Florida project Who is an actor or actress traditionally cast in shady and or sinister roles that you'd like to see take on maybe a more heartwarming role? Hmm

I would like to see Udo Kier play possibly like a mentor, like a teacher or something. Yeah, that's a good choice. Um, Roberts and I. The late Roberts and I. So I said, I mean, I would like to see that because that meaning be alive. I mean, like David Warner's not, no, did David Warner still live? And remember, he's not always a bad guy, but he often is sinister and I like him a lot. You know what I just saw recently Lady Bird and Tracy Letts plays the dad in that and Tracy Letts is always playing an asshole on things and he was

amazing. It's just like this warm hearted dad in the movie. You see his plays and you're like, this man has no love in his heart. Yeah. And then you see him in the movie and you're like, oh, yes, he does. Yeah. That would, I mean, that, I guess I would go with that

because I thought he was great. Well, it happened already. Yeah. But like, a genie came out and you're like, I wish I had a successful podcast. Well, and the genie's like, you see it's day of work in my life, gotta go. There was a, there was in in Forse Awakens

who's really great to see Max von Sydow in the opening scene, because normally as soon as I saw him like, I guess I knew the bad guy is. The only reason he's a good guy. The only bad thing with that scene was that we were all supposed to know who he was. And I was like, is this a character I've heard of before?

Or am I supposed to be like, oh, the actor Max von Sida was in the movie? They went to go talk to Max von Sida on this rebel planet. But we got to get out of here by 10. So let's take two more questions. And I'm sorry for everyone else in the line. We are going to be around if you want to catch us and ask your question But I apologize or we could do a real lightning round

My name round let's ask these questions real quick one word answers. Everybody one word answers Hi Melissa last name. I'm Melissa. Um, so based in your ishtar episode You were talking about how ishtar would be better if it was like more of a screwball comedy or more of an action flick And I was wondering if you could remake a movie but you had to teach the genre. What movie would you remake and what genre would you make? That's a great question.

I would totally change the odd life of Timothy Green to make it a horror movie. Good call. Good call. This is why we can't do one word answers because like... Just do a one phrase answer. I can't think that fast. I think you've been doing a podcast with me for 10 years. You should know that I can't think that fast. All right. Well, I'm going to do stage coach in space.

To the Star Trek was basically wagon train in space. The Muppets as a kitchen sink drama. Okay, great. I mean, that kind of was the Muppets TV show in the way. Thank you. Okay, next question. Thanks very much. Sorry, we got to keep moving because Taskmaster Dan is like, oh, the clock. I want to be good to our venue. I don't. Okay, so they've been very good to us. We should be nice. All right, so my original question doesn't really work in this format. So I guess I'd just ask like what is the one bit of fiction or something you would like to see turned into like a movie or TV show? I assume this question has been asked before. I've talked before of my love of the Depart trilogy, I think that would be a great like many series.

And each trilogy of books, each book could be a season, a three season thing and out. And I've always wanted to see a movie of the man who was Thursday at G.K. Chesterton, which is a book that is like half chase sequence. And the only reason I guess it hasn't made to movies is that the end becomes a metaphysical allegory about the nature of God. So they just got to fix that the end becomes a metaphysical allegory about the nature of God. So they just got to fix that one. I'd like to see the comic book Kaiju Max adapted into like a animated prison drama, which is kind of what it already is, but I think it would just expose more people to what is a really great comic book.

Excellent question. Thanks for giving us a substitute question. Excellent question. Thanks for giving us a substitute question. Hi, Christine Fredrickson. So we've all been eerily watching Stuart Wilenton's sex describer and Elliot's Caitlin Starfucker and I hear that this next season we're going to need a crossover episode. I was wondering if you could tell us what that will look like. Let's you know. What? Story Wilenton's sex describer's job would be to describe

this sexy thing we're talking about. And as you know, my show, I like you on Starfucker, takes place in the Golden Age of Hollywood, where I bed my way through Hollywood's greatest ladies. So I guess I probably, this will be that special Ethel Barrymore episode there, everybody's been asking for. What I feel like you would involve me

happening upon some kind of old-timey, like handwritten, porn describing the... Oh, I see. I figured there's some kind of puzzle box that opened a dimensional portal. I've never heard of that thing ever happening. We really got to go. I just don't want to mist don't wanna mistreat the venue that's been so nice to us.

I'm so sorry to everyone else in line. Again, we will be around if you wanna talk to us. Well, if you can catch us, we'll probably be out in the lobby for just a little while. And then we're gonna do a meetup. I know that there's a San Francisco Flophouse fans meetup that was already arranged. It's at the library bar.

We'll try and stop by. If that place is too crowded and has too many santa's in it, I understand there is a backup venue that is called Pacific Cocktail Haven. So we'll be at one of those two places. Yeah. It's like a regular flop house scavenger on us. But thank you so much for coming out. Thank you San Francisco. Thank you to everybody at the Marine Memorial Theater. This has been so great. We've had a great time for the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot I could only throw one knife in the morning And maybe it'll go away and never come And a taste of colors will just be in the middle

Oh, the moon in that case I don't want to talk And you believe that that would only break my heart But you feel like loving me, then you got the motion I said, can that emotion? Sad, if you feel like giving me a lot of emotion I said, can that emotion? I've got a motion, I've sent them down in motion Maybe you think I'd love to tell you down And you don't have the time to aim a run-up

Or maybe you think the love will make a fool I love a knife who's Oh Oh Oh Dan, if they keep clapping, we don't have to do a show. We'll just release that. Thank you, audience, for picking up your cue. Unlike every other audience for when you mention their city, they don't go crazy

applauding. Uh, yeah. Hey Cincinnati, well I'm from Cincinnati and we're in Cincinnati. Yeah, I forgot to do my- I don't hold on a second, he mentioned Cincinnati. Do I- how do I feel about that? I'm glad that he mentioned where we are, it shows he's paying attention. It means I feel like I have kind of a connection with him

because I'm as mentioned to myself from Cincinnati. And I like Cincinnati I just forgot to do my normal local pandering even though I had today a burrito as big as the Coit Tower Classic Dan Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture, Artists Don't Listen or supported or comedy and culture, artist owned.

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