The Flop House - Ep. #400 - Troll 2

Episode Date: July 15, 2023

It's a goddamn milestone -- 400 mainline episodes over 16 years of The Flop House! (And that's not counting all of the FH Minis, and the Movie Minutes of yore!) Thus, we took a break from our usual modus operandi of watching less-artistically-successful modern movies, and we treated ourselves with one of the classics of the bad movie canon (so much so that it's the topic of the extremely enjoyable documentary Best Worst Movie). That's right: we're talking about TROLL 2, the film that has absolutely nothing to do with the original Troll other than a title and a fondness for rubber creatures!! It's been memed! It's been giffed! And now it's been Flop Housed!Check out more info about our upcoming season of streaming shows, FLOP TV, and buy tickets!Wikipedia page for Troll 2Movies recommended in this episode:Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)No Hard Feelings (2023)Little Murders (1971)Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping.

On this episode we discuss... Troll 2! Or a 400th episode. We've wasted our lives! Woohoo! Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Jammikoie. I'm... Steward Wellington, okay. And I'm Elliott Kaelin, loving that that Stewart took his sunglasses off in the middle of his

introduction of purely visual joke for a purely audio medium. Yeah. What a great way to start off the 400th episode and episode that I assume people might be dipping in on because of these special. Hey, four of the episodes, not number. Okay. Congratulations, man. Congratulations, but I was just saying that

perhaps less sticking around up top because there are new people listening. We hope. Yeah, because there's a there's a wow. I've never heard this show before, but I'm going to listen to episode four. Well, this is a perfect jumping on point for new listeners just as every episode is. Yeah, I want to make it clear to anyone who is daunted by a long back catalog. You don't need to listen to them. Many of them you probably shouldn't early on. We said, Dumber things and the audio was worse. We jump in now. It's fine. It's a, you know, it's a big, beautiful, flopp house world and we're glad to have you. We don't do inside jokes, regular jokes.

Any jokes, 400 episodes, guys, did you ever think you'd make it this far? When you first started the podcast, before you brought me in to be the star of the show, did you ever think you'd be doing it a decade and a half later, 400 episodes? I thought we'd be doing it for maybe another year or two until Stuart got bored and then I just wander off.

Yeah, that was. To pick berries. And I assumed we were gonna stop doing it because Dan was gonna get a high powered TV writing job. And I did, and I kept hanging on. And then he doesn't have that job and he still kept hanging on. And now no one has any high-powered TV writing jobs and we're still doing it. Amazing everybody. You know what? Before we get into the meat of this episode, I wanted to thank you, the listener. I don't

know how many episodes you've been with us. Maybe this is your first episode, which thank you. That's fantastic. Maybe even with us for a hundred episodes. Maybe even with us for 200 episodes. Maybe even with us since episode number one, all those years ago. Still in which case, hello to my brother, John. Thank you so much for being with us. Thank you for sharing this podcast with us. Thank you for making it, for making it possible for us to do us and for giving us a reason to do it because without the listeners, why would we do it? We must be insane to do it without listeners. And yet we did for years.

Well, if you check out these prices on this, he's so strong, but fine. But we really appreciate it. Guys, what are we going to do that's special today for this 400th episode? Well, I think we got some, we got some calls from some of our famous friends. Why, here years Jimmy Stewart. Well, well, well, folks, I love this flop house show. Or well, for a hundred episodes, that's pretty amazing. And well, I've been dead for years.

So I should go now. I'm a ghost that ended the way a Dan McCoy Tweet joke does. Well, I don't want, you know, like we don't know that he's dead. We don't want anyone confused. We just specify that he's a ghost. We got this Liberty color in another celebrity color. Yeah. Yeah. We're amazing achievement. Yeah. 400 episodes. See, yeah, yeah. Flop house. See, yeah. Congratulations. All the most relevant impressions from your boy Edwin G. Robinson. Yeah. What's the G4? Thanks. Sure.

The G was a lot of them. To be honest, it's probably for his real last name Goldenberg, because real is that same, I think, as a manual goldenberg, but sure. Yeah. Nice to know, we I learned something. So this can be filed under education. Actual. Yeah, it might have just been Goldberg. It was that yeah. So now this, this podcast can finally be filed under education. Actual. Yeah, it might have just been Goldberg.

It was that yeah, so now this, this podcast can finally be filed under informational and pop culture historical. Set aside, set aside. So help parentheses sexuality. Yeah. It comes later. Yeah, later in the episode. Yeah.

OK, so what do we normally do on the spot? So this podcast is one where we watch a bad movie or one that, you know, critically has been not accepted, let's say. And we talk about it. Or just a movie we wanted to talk about. Sometimes guys, we just talk about movies we wanted. Yeah, you know, yeah, don't take us too seriously. You know what?

And don't take life too seriously because it ain't permanent know how. Oh, Oh, Dan's starting to pogo character. Yep. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm currently, my younger son wants me to read pogo to him and I've been reading a pogo and I have to do so much cleaning up the dialects just for it to be comprehensible to him.

Yeah, but you do like an accent, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I still do it at all, I'll guarantee you, Albert, the alligator, oh, yeah. My brother gave me for my birthday a couple of collections of like pogo, retellings of old stories. And I can't tell whether they're like old comics that have added panels to make it more like a story book, which they would do sometimes, or whether it was an entirely new book. But I'm reading it. I'm like, I still enjoy this, but I found this really funny when I was a kid. Was I wrong? Have I changed? Or is it these specific comics that aren't joke-filled?

Only one way to find out if you got to read the entirety of the Pogo comics series. Great way to introduce New Listers to our show, a long digression about Pogo. About a comic strip, no comic strip. That the creator of which had died by the time I was on the scene and there was written by someone else. And the dialogue of folks, Dan was on the scene and it was written by someone else. And the dialogue.

And the folks, Dan is on the scene. And the Walt Kelly move aside because baby Dan is here. And the comic strip that if you look, if you read it, not with a welcoming eye, does seem racist because the dialect is so thick. They are all using dialect. The only thing I can say about it is none of them are caricatures of black people. They're all animals. They're just animals.

So you can sort of be like, okay, I guess this is just general, like weird story books Southern dialect, but it's hard. It's hard to know where that line is. Anyway. So, what do we know under this podcast? So now that it's our 400th episode, we all these new listeners. Guys, I'm not sure this is going to bring in the people like I was hoping. Yeah, yeah.

This is a podcast where we watch that movie. We're starting over. Okay, on today's episode, we just got the troll too. Did it? Did it do? it. Do it. Welcome to the vlog. It's our 400th episode. Dan, what do we do on this show?

We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Because it is our 400th episode on milestone, we decided to watch one of the canonical good bad movies. Someone say the best worst movie. Yes, a particular documentary made by the kid or the movie star of the movie. Yeah, we'd say that. So you think he's not an

impartial judge. Hold on a second. He's got a stake in this movie being the best. It's a, not just a stake, a whole stake dinner. I've seen the documentary. I bear. It is a fun documentary. Yeah. Yeah, I bear him no ill will other than as a child. And this is true of a lot of children and a lot of child actors. Okay. He was a little year. But we all were. New listeners just get ready for Dan to go on the rampage against children many times in any episodes. He's going to go on this whole fucking scrappy two thing. Well, that's the weird thing when Dan is like, you couldn't make a character like scrappy do these days. That's the culture we're living in. You want to scrappy do impossible. It's like, Dan, they don't have to make scrappy do. They made

them already. He exists. We're the new scrappy do's gonna come from. New generation of kids have to be enraged by a new character being introduced. It's like. It was. You're doing plays and saddles, right? That's why I can do that today. Yeah. Yeah. Dan's like, the internet is scrappy, dude. Good. New blood. Finally. And then they're giving me this pup named Scooby Doo shit. No, no, no, no, no, friends. There's already a little kid pup. His name scrappy do. I look, the kid is fine. I'm sure they don't call him scrappy. Don't. They call scrappy to define a line reading in troll to from the the child lead that couldn't have

the parent, parenthetical whiny in front of that. That's true. Well, some of that can be laid on the doorstep of the director. I'm sure. Almost certainly. It's not a well directed movie. But so, troll two, yeah, this is a real classic of bad movies. This is a movie I've seen. I hadn't seen it in years, but I had seen several times, and which when I watched as a kid,

because it was like HBO in the middle of the day filler. Yes. When I watched as a kid, there are parts that genuinely scared me, including the opening of the film. Should we start in about what this movie is like? We shall. Shall we summarize it? And lead the audience through the experience of watching it through our experience.

So summarize, you just pulled up Wikipedia's exhaustive plot summary. I hope. I mean, I have my own exhaustive part. It's really, but Wikipedia is pretty detailed. It's intense. Yeah. And what I like is that says troll2, one Wikipedia says, for the 2020 animated film C, Trolls World Tour.

So other people have been making the same mistakes too that you may. So troll2, which is not actually a sequel to the film troll. Let's get that right off the bat. This was a movie being made on its own under the name Goblins or Goblin. Maybe not Goblins because they didn't want to be sued by the band Goblins. But the, no, the band's called Goblin. Goblins would be the sequel of the band. The sequel to the band. That's right. Yeah. James Cameron came in and put a dollar sign after Goblin. And then it was like, why are you here, James Cameron? Yeah.

And this recording session for Cowboy. For this recording session for the dawn of the dead soundtrack. Then he climbed into his submersible and traveled away. Guys, we can't do submersible humor right now. It's a little too soon. I should mention there's a lot going on in the world recording this right before the 4th of July, although you'll hear it later. And submersibles are all the rage as for the reasons of reversible tragedy.

So let's avoid submarine and submersible humor. Even submarine sandwiches we shouldn't talk about. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough.

It's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough.

Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, it's going to be tough. Yeah, who's kind of like a, you know, a crusty old salt who talks about submersibles. And so if you can just lay off, well, maybe give them a taste to it. Give them a taste of what that, what the character is like. You're probably the character of the old, the old, the crusty old seahalt. Yeah. crusty old seahalt, let me, yeah. They call me Captain Nemo, the techno pirate, scourge of the seven seas and the British Empire. How they will rule the day that they sent me and my notalists down to check out the Titanic. Now again, too soon, too top of all.

I would say that Stewart's performance was largely in a change in his physical demeanor. No change in his voice. Very little. Very little. Now, why not Kevin Kevin Costner type actor. Sure. One last question for your, I guess, one last question for your, for your character. In the Napoleonic Wars, what had oceans become? Always battle fields, baby. Maybe come battle fields. Okay, so troll two. So we, this again, this is a movie that was

called the way you did that was like, you know, that fill in the blank trivia before movies. And Master of Companion, Commander. Master and Companion. Master of Companion. Master of Companion, a story of friends. It's a story of friendship, right? The Aubrey Ventura novels.

Yeah, yeah. Two best friends. Yeah. Man, I'm just as movie trivia is that like, stir it off as actual like movie trivia and then quickly just became a, have you seen the movies that are playing right now? Well, instead of now where you have a series of, I guess, fake influencers who come on to the go, let me tell you about my picks for the movies. I can't wait to see this fall. Ant-Man, quantum mania is going to be amazing. And it's like, wait, so your pick is the big movie

that they're advertising right now? Come on. Yeah, love the coincidence. What a queen-keyed ink. Okay, so again, this movie was not originally part of the troll franchise. And it should not be confused with the trolls current animated franchise in which they take old pop songs

and they troll them up, leading to the moment, the horrifying moment when my younger son said, oh yeah, I like that song, Barakuda. It's from Trolls World Tour. And I had to say it is not from Trolls World Tour, the original of the song, which he also loves. So this was, they made a movie called Troll and in a different movie called Goblin Was Me Made and it was released as Troll too.

But you'll also see. The original Troll starred Sonny Bono. Am I correct in saying that? The unrelated original. People played the Troll. He played the troll. He played the troll. I think yeah, I think it was, it was where he premiered his song, I got you troll. They say I love can't be because you're troll, but I say I love you.

But on a roll, they I got you troll. Can you, are you looking to see if we can just edit that? Uh, Michael Moriarty was in it. Oh, look, a more yeah, and sunnyarty was in it. Oh, my God. Yeah. And Sunny Bono was in so my battery warning. James got low battery warning. Oh, it's a race against time. But so my parody was accurate is what you're saying. Okay. I got you troll. Anyway, a Mr. Troll, Boreen man saying a troll. They did a cover. They did a cover.

Did they? Okay. So, a troll too. So, we begin in the spooky scene in the whole movie, to be honest. Grandpa, Grandpa Seth, an old man with a beard, is telling a bedtime story to his grandson, Josh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is and it's right, we're in Princess Bride territory, a grandpa telling the story to a kid in bed. He tells the story of Peter, a man who's dressed in a combo of clothes that's like his hat says the Renaissance, but is his other clothes say 19th century businessman. And he's, he's a bedevil by an evil forest

of goblins. And the goblins, how do you want to describe their look, guys? Because we see them pretty early on. They don't, they don't waste time not showing us the goblins. Well, I would say that they look kind of like a bunch of Ewoks wearing rubber spirit Halloween masks. Yeah, they're like Ewoks wearing sweatsuits to go trick or treating in Halloween masks. Yeah. And they don't really, some of them look wildly different than the others. There's kind of a university into the trolls look, but then every once in a while you'll get one that's like really bug-eyed with all the other ones. Yeah, I like that guy. Yeah, he's the best.

And so these kind of, he walks in troll masks are a goblin mask. I'm sorry, they chase after Peter and the opening credits is showing them the trolls in the forest. And the opening theme song, I really like a lot. I have to admit, it's full of synth, it rocks. It's very lovely to do, baby. With that troll. Yeah. But there's a time for trolls and a time for grandpa.

What's it going to be tonight? Go make me choose. Thank you for being a troll. After the opening credits, we see the story. Peter gets seduced by a troll pretending to be a beautiful woman. And when he eats some food, she gives him green slime pours from his face and he turns into a plant in the Goblin's Eatum. And I said, troll, I meant goblin. I'm going to keep making this mistake. So that's one of the main powers of the goblins. They can transform it to anybody. They can transform it to anybody. And if they give you food to eat, it will turn you into a plant after you bleed green from your forehead. And they, that is like normal food.

Yeah, it does mostly. I mean, here it doesn't. Here it's like a bunch of ooze, but it could be ooze. But usually it looks like normal food, I think. I don't want to kill them and mention them too early, but I think this is a little bit of a place where it might be interesting to talk about the people behind this movie, because the wife of the director who wrote it talked about how this is her response to a bunch of her friends becoming vegetarians and getting pissed off at them for being vegetarians. So this wasn't just a movie made to make money, this was a movie made out of spite. Yeah, yeah, that's why they're trying to.

Offer the best motivator. That's why they have to turn people into vegetable matter before eating them, which I would argue sort of goes against one of the ideas behind vegetarianism, which is to not kill a sentient beast. So the understanding of vegetarianism that is being critiqued here is faulty from the start. Also, the trolls live, the trolls, the goblins live in a forest, they're surrounded by plants.

The idea that they have to go through the process of making a person into a plant or to eat the plant. It just seems wasteful. The same way I was talking to God once and I was saying to him, why waste time with the caterpillar stage? Why not just have them be born as butterflies? It's just a waste. It's just taking the time. It's inefficient. And he was like, where were you when I sunk the foundations of the earth and changed Leviathan and Bamiath to the, to the, whatever. And I was like, dude, I'm talking to a subject. Don't try to change the subject. We're talking about butterflies here. Yeah.

Yeah. A sparrow doesn't fall if I don't see them. Well, we're not talking about sparrows, dude. We're talking about butterflies. He just couldn't, and that's why caterpillars don't exist anymore because I defeated him. I said, to bait me, Lord, to bait me. And he couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't win. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah't win. Yeah.

This was when you were Kratos, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I do want to mention, sorry, I can't, well, I mean, as long as we're in a couple other behind-the-scenes things, Claudio Fregasso. As long as we're the thing that you introduced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Claudio Fregasso or Fragasso, I don't know Italian director. Here he is directing under an Americanized pseudonym, but he's an Italian director. Ridley Scott. Made. I've seen another movie by him. I saw Monster Dog starring Alice Cooper, which is also not that good, but kind of just in a more boring way, although it has a couple good music videos, sequences in it. But this has been feeling.

That's my foster dog. It's recommendation for this episode. Yeah, better than Prince of Darkness when it comes to Alice Cooper's movies, says Dan McColle. Yeah, interesting. No, I'm just like the reason that this movie has kind of a weird vibe. One of them is it was a largely Italian crew and director and writer who did not speak English well, directing local non-actors.

The one person who did speak English well and said it was apparently the costume designer Laura Gimser, who was, you may know, is black and manual, even though she is actually from Indonesia and Dutch descent. We should also mention this according to the trivia online that most of the cast came to addition to be extras in the film because they were locals and they said, no, you're the stars of the movie now. And so it is a, it's a mostly amateur cast dealing, it was it who are American working in English with a cat with a crew and director who don't speak English that well, and are from the Italian, cheapy tradition.

Even a movie like a movie like The Visitor, where it's a big budget movie, or a bigger budget movie. It's all industry. That is even that comes off as a strange kind of hallucination of a film. There are so many, honestly, really fun, bad movies of this period that are in the tradition of like Italian cruise and directors coming to America trying to make a cheap, excellent exploitation movie here, but not really understanding how to make it feel like it's actually America. Yeah.

But anyway. Okay. This, yeah, this is great because we find out that this is where we find out the grandpa's a ghost, right? Thanks for, thanks for spoiling it, too. Yeah, this is where we find out that. Yeah, so grandpa's telling the story and he's saying, Drogoblin still exists. They still exist.

And his mom comes in and goes, Joshua, why are you still awake? And he goes, I was just talking to grandpa, grandpa, the rocking chair he was in is empty and rocking back and forth. His grandfather is left the room. He's been dead for months and Josh was still seeing him. And I have to say, the moment when I was watching this, I was a kid. There are two moments that really scared me. And this one where it's revealed that Grandpa was a ghost.

I was not familiar with movies like this when I was seeing this. And there's something about, it's very eerie the way she's like, but he's right and the chair is still moving. Look watching it now, it's silly. But as a kid, I it's very eerie the way she's like, he's like, but he's right. And the chair is still moving. Look watching it now. It's silly, but as a kid, I kind of very eerie. I do love the mom's line delivery where she's like, everyone misses grandpa, your sister, your dad, and me, his daughter. Yeah, that's pretty.

The dialogue is heavily expository. And you'll notice, you'll notice they pan Josh's room a few times and he's got a lot of DC and Warner Brothers merchandise in his room. Like, is that a killing joke? He has a killing joke poster and he should not be reading the killing joke. He is too young. I was just watching that Alan Moore, BBC Myster, of course, and he was, he mentioned offhandedly that as soon as he wrote the killing joke, he immediately forgot about it. Well, I'll tell you, you didn't forget about it, Josh, the main character of Troll II.

The next day, the whole family, they're leaving for a month's trip in the country. They're doing a house swap with a farm family. They will be farmers for a month, and the dad is so excited about that. They're going to be- It's a normal thing people too, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, you just- Well, based on the movie The Holiday, yeah. Oh yeah. But I mean, in the holiday, they swapped houses, but it's not like they swapped professions for the time, right? Like, hey, we've never farmed before.

We need to know to keep your farm alive while we're there. Don't even bother telling us. And you'll come into my house and you'll be a claims adjuster. Just show up to work and tell everybody you're me. They're going to a town called Nillbog that only has 26 residents. And so meanwhile, that night, Josh's sister Holly is, she's a real gym rat. She's lifting weights in her teen girl room, which is, it is such a teen girl room in that there's some grown up stuff in it and some like a poster of Mickey and Minnie Mouse,

like Canoodling, like there's some grown up stuff in it and some like a poster of Mickey and Minnie Mouse, like Canoodling, like there's some little kid stuff in it. They did a really good job of furnishing this, this teen girl room. It seems like someone who has grown up in that room and is now getting older, but still has her kid stuff. I'm just gonna say, who ever art directed that room? Did a fantastic job? It's great. And I love that she's wearing her like little workout outfit, plus a weight belt. And she is, she is bench pressing in the middle of a room, no back arch, no nothing. She's just cranking that shit out. She's gotta be on the juice.

Yeah. I will say, it does make me uncomfortable. This movie sexualizes a few of the women in a way that is very weird feeling, including this initial introduction where she's in like this very small like leotard, they focus on her sweating where they also keep cutting to stuffed animals around the room reminding her, you like, she's really young, she's the young daughter.

You know, like I felt like that was like an odd thing in this movie. If you had the right reaction, by the way. Yeah, I mean, if you have the right reaction, you're gonna be uncomfortable. If I think so. If you had the right reaction, you got uncomfortable. If you're made uncomfortable by that moment of change, that liminal space when a girl becomes a woman, which happens to every woman in their life, then sure, Dan, be uncomfortable by that. I'm uncomfortable with the movie sexualized.

I'm not uncomfortable with it happening in the world. All right, that's fair, that's fair. In Italy, things work a little too. Yeah, yeah. Of course. And meanwhile, the dad, he can't wait to be a nilbog and live like their answer earlier. That's what you're talking about, right? Everyone smokes.

So dad, the dad just loves the idea of living like their ancestors. He's so enamored of the idea of being a farmer and mom is worried about Josh. Understandably, since he has been seeing her dad father talking to him, Josh, he gets out of bed. He's scared by a noise and he goes to the window. It's just a teen boy, Elliot, who's looking for his sister. Elliot is her sister, his sister's kind of boyfriend and they have the funniest relationship which I'll explain to you. He sneaks in and she's like, my dad hates you.

If he knew you were here, he would cut your nuts off, but I like you. And it's so clear that she wants to have sex with him, but only if he stops bringing his friends around. And he is, it is impossible for him to take a moment away from his friends. Even when she is so openly like, I wanna take your virginity. I don't wanna be a virgin anymore.

I don't need you to be a virgin. I want us to have sex, but you have to stop bringing your friends to my house at night. And he's like, sure. And then his friends, Bob, I'm like, wanna get a pizza? We're all getting night. And he's like, sure, and then his friends, Bob, and they're like, wanna get a pizza? We're all getting pizza. And it's like, just spend a night away from your friends. Like, also, then like in the very next part,

it's just like, she makes it very clear. She's like, I would love you to come with me on this vacation. You cannot bring your friends. It's like, got it, no friends. And then the next time we see him, he's in an RV driving. I'm with his friends. And it is really good. What is it? What is it? I love it. No friends. Then the next time we see him, he's in an RV driving. I'm just friends.

And it is really good. What is it? I love this. I mean, like, it's like a regular four musketeers here. These four guys, but it's just so she's like, come with me on this family trip. We're going to go off into the woods and be alone and have sex. And he's like, what my friends can I bring my friends out? I think it's a serenote thing where he needs to have somebody. Yeah. Oh, I see. That'd be so funny if serenade was not helping out the guy, but he just loved having serenade around. And his girlfriend was like, can you stop bringing serenade around?

Like, I want to do you. And he's like, yeah, but my buddy's hilarious. Anyway, the next morning, they leave Elliott did not show up on time, not accurate. I'm very punctual. And so they left without him. Yeah. Did we skip over the line from the mom where she's like, like tell me about the goblins? Or something like that?

Like, because the kid had this bad story about the goblins. And she's like, oh, there's no such thing. And then like later on, she just brings it up to her husband as a, as if he's the expert. Oh, yeah, that's pretty awesome. Yeah. And then it cuts away as just brings it up to her husband. Oh, that's right. As if he's the extra pretty awesome. Yeah. And they're just cuts. And then it cuts away as if this and it leads you to believe that this is a secret that the husband is aware of in the trailer. Yeah. Or that he's a cryptos whoologist or something like that. Tell me about the goblins. And it just yeah, just cuts. We don't know. I mean, it kind of depends on which goblin cosmology you're using in like a war hammer, they're like a micro orcs and D&D, I think they're like troll based on that.

So this is what you would say. So if your wife set you down, Stuart and said, tell me about the goblins. This is what you would start with. We'll be more specific about the goblin. Yeah, but by the end you would look like the guy who drank from the wrong goblet and Lesker say. Now, drink from the wrong goblet or drink from the, rank from the wrong goblin because you don't want to drink from any goblin, let alone the wrong one.

That's true, especially if they give you some green stuff, which turns out turns you into a plant they can eat. You do not want that. Anyway, Holly, she is very mad that they left her that her boyfriend and the mom is uncomfortable with all the arguments because she demands that Josh sing, goes, Josh, sing that song, that song I like so much. And I thought, what is this song going to be? It's Roe Your Boat.

That song I like so much. And I thought, what is this song going to be? It's Ro Your Boat. That's what it is. That song I like so much. One of the, like, there's two great hilarious times that Ro Ro Ro Your Boat shows up in the movies, the other one being, of course, at the beginning of Star Trek V when they're like, oh, let's sing that old classic song and they're singing Ro Ro Ro Your Boat. Which at least, you know, makes a certain amount of sense, you know, if we're so far in the future that it's divorced from, I don't know, the fact that it's the most ubiquitous childhood song possible. But this mom, dramatically, oh, I love hearing that song and then they immediately try and do it madrigal style and fuck it up right away.

They don't do not do it well. No, this was around the moment like a round. That's what I was looking for. We, you asked me before, but I'd seen this movie, I feel like only once prior at a bad movie night. And watching this again, I was really struck by how this is like the pure good bad movie shit. Like this is the stuff that I'm all,

this is the reason why I watch, is it reason why I do this podcast guys? This is why you get into this. This is what makes it all worth it. It's like pure uncut bad movie. It rules, oh, love it. Yeah, and so there's something about sing that song I like so much.

It's a public domain song, everyone knows. I don't know why she wouldn't name it by, why she can't call it by name, but anyway, it's meanwhile, it's part of the test. She wants to know that her son pays attention to her. Yes, that's makes sense. And meanwhile, Elliott and his friends, they're heading to Nillbog in an RV. He has promised them that there's a lot of loose women that in Nillbog. This is based on nothing. And I don't know what his strat, his plan is going to be when they get to Nillbog. And there's no women, like he's just lied to his friends.

They're going to the middle of nowhere and it is not helping him because his, I assume his goal is to have sex with this girlfriend. Maybe it's not. I don't know. He thinks so. He gets there. He's like, oh man, Neil Bogg. Oh, I was thinking of LA. I'm sorry, guys. Well, as long as we're here then, he just wants to hang out with his bug. But then he can do that somewhere else. I feel like he's only hanging out with her as a way to like raise his status among his friends. He actually just wants to spend more time with his buddy. That's possible.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with spending time with your buddies. So in the car, Joshua has a nightmare about turning into a plant as his family turns into goblins. And the car passes grandpa. He's standing on the side of the road holding a sign that says stop them. And Joshua goes, stop the car. I have to go in mom goes, do you have to throw up? And he goes, yeah, I do.

And he gets out and runs over to grandpa. And grandpa's like, you have to go back, get them to go back. And then grandpa turns out to be a filthy hitchhiker who says, so you're going to give me a ride or what? And Joshua goes, and runs back into the car. And I have to assume the rest of the ride was his parents being like, why did you run out to talk to that guy? What are you doing? But is that for every act of your kid wanted to talk to a hitchhiker? Would you be like, yeah, this is a good learning moment. Let's do it.

Yeah. I mean, I'm just I'm glad that they're open to hearing the stories of our of others, our elders or perhaps the those less represented in our normal daily life. So I mean, like, yeah, go talk to that hitchhiker, spend a couple weeks with him. I'll come back. It'll inspire you to play. You want to become a hitchhiker. Consider it an internship. And then you can use the hitchhiking skills you picked up to get back home. This will be a great learning experience. And the, I feel like this is

one of many, this is maybe the first of them, the first of the moments in the movie where a grandpa Seth is putting a lot of pressure on Joshua to do something that grandpa Seth could easily do himself, which is worn the rest of the family, because who are you going to listen to about goblins, a kid or a ghost? If a ghost tell, it's like, if in Hamlet, if Hamlet's dad was like, hey, hey, tell everybody I'm a ghost and I'm back, they would think he was crazy and they do. That's what happens in the plot of Hamlet. And Hamlet's dad could easily say to everybody, hey, Claudius and Gertrude killed me, but in case he puts it all on Hamlet to do it, which is unfair pressure. Here's my, what if grandpa can only appear to the kid because the kid is the one who killed

him? Oh, that's actually a pretty good thing. That's the bad story. There's nothing in the movie that fights that interpretation. So no matter what Roger Ebert says, I'm going to go with it. That's my official explanation for now on. Now was it an accidental death? I wasn't, or was it a number Oh, no, very premeditated. And what's this motive? How did he do it? Tell

me? I didn't realize the Josh again, there's nothing in the movie that tells us he's not a master of the flying guillotine. So we have to take that. So you say he threw a circle play at grandpa's head and then yanked it back. That's removing that. Joshua was upset because they were going to move through different times because they didn't have money and he knew that if he bumped off grandpa, his parents went in a herant grandpa's money. He could stay in town with his buddies.

So he uses flying guillotine powers or guillotine. Sorry, apologies. Thank you. Apologies to the inventor, Dr. Guillotine. Yeah. And Dr. Floy. Apologies to the inventor, Dr. Guiateen. Yeah. And Dr. Flan. Now they're together forever. When Dr. Guiateen and Professor Flying

work together to create the flying guiateen, it revolutionized martial arts movies. Now, Dan, now where did Grandpa make his money? Again, there's nothing in the movie that tells us it can be anything and all the way. He was a war profiteer. That's why they don't talk about it. Wow.

So that was so quick with that Molotov cocktail. Yeah, that's what he does. He's so quick to put it together. He's not so quick in lighting it as throwing it. Just a man literally walks up and yanks it at a Joshua's hand. But let's later on, we'll get to that. So so grandpa Seth, he's referring. So Joshua is his herald on earth.

And he can be the only one who can speak to because again, Joshua murdered him in a very poorly edited moment. The sister sees Elliot and his friends stranded on the side of the road and gives them the finger and she must have eagle eyes because they appear to be at least a thousand feet away or longer and there's a hill in between them. And yet it's just edited together a cool, a shop experiment style. Did you guys buy this moment? Yeah, I mean, it's very like Baron Munchazzani, where you're like, you're seeing over vast distances. Yeah, yeah.

I was just, I mean, I don't remember the cut you're saying, I think because I was just so angry at this guy bringing his buddies along. Oh, you're so angry, Josh, getting away with the murder of his grandfather. Yeah. They're like, well, we found a flying guillotine with grandpa's head in it. And Josh was figuring prints were over it. But as far as we know, Joshua has never studied with the ancient masters of the flying guillotine. And Josh was like, the perfect crime. They never spoke the butterfly. I just have to hope that the one one armed boxer doesn't

try to stop me. So the family gets to nilbog. The town is abandoned. Dad says, well, everyone here's asleep this time of night. It is clearly daytime. This is not out. They drive to reveal. There's a, and they drive past a bar and it's revealed that a bunch of creepy locals are just staring out the windows that they're car going by. But it's good to know there's kind of like a cheers type location in town where everyone feels comfortable to go.

They arrive at a car. That's what I tell my customers to do whenever, whenever they're sitting at the bars, just stare at people who drive by. In order to entice them to come into the bar. Yeah. Yeah. So the creepy farm family is there. They are dressed like they stepped right out of a Dorothy Lange photograph. Like it is. They went back in time. They got to go back in time to Neil Bogg. And the farm family is very quiet and brusque a little, a charmless. And Josh noticed is that they all have scars in the shape of what a four leaf clover each of them on a different part of their body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the dad keeps talking to them like, you know, giving an Airbnb style like spiel of like, oh, you know, we got all that. We got, you know, air conditioning, you can do whatever you need. This is great. As the farm family is leaving, he's just calling out to them the names of the different appliances they have. Yeah, with no response. And he forges ahead.

I want to say, look, these are all amateur actors. I'm not going to be too hard on any of them. I'm not going to speak up to highly in favor of any of the performances per se. They're all enthusiastic. But I do like of the performances, I like the dad the best. And I'm kind of-

He has so much energy. He has like a certain charisma. There's something about him that like really like actually pops a bit on screen. And I think if you watch the best worse movie thing, like he was just a dent, he would say just a dentist. I say, yeah, I'm saying for that. I say that in that he was not. He's a scum of the. He was a dentist and. Just a dentist.

The justice only in relationships is acting. No, the hierarchy of jobs goes number one actor. Number two, Presidents of the United States. Number three, dental hygienist, number four dentist. In the acting region, at least movie wise, he was a dentist. He did this movie. He seemed in the documentary to be the one a little hurt the most by hoping he might have a bigger career. But by the end, I think he seems to come to terms and be happy about the attention of

the movie's got. And if you look, he's done some work. Not like a lot of work, but like he's been acting. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he hasn't, he wasn't becker on the show becker for six years. No, no, no, no, not that good. No. You know, had a little bit of a happy ending in terms of like getting to do more, which he seemed to want to. He lobbied hard to be the new voice of Dr. Teeth from Dr. Teeth and the electric mayhem. And he's like, I am a doctor of teeth. I'm a tooth doctor. I'm Dr. Teeth.

And they were like, okay, give us your best line reading. Aurora Borealis, Shining down a Dallas. And they were like, sorry, it's not close enough. We apologize. We was like, well, I thought there may be something new for Dr. Teeth. Maybe he doesn't have to sound like Jim Henson and Rolf and the other Jim Henson characters all the time. And they said, no, we really want to stick on mom.

Wow, burning the late Jim Henson. No, he's great. Like all of them, they're voices all kind of sound. I'm sure. Because the same person, you know, the same way Miss Piggy is clearly Yoda in drag. We can all admit that now. It's okay. Well, welcome to the Comedy Central Roast of Jim Henson and for God's sake. And for God's sake. Jim Central Roast of Jim Henson. And for God's help.

And for God's help. Jim was the roast of Jim Henson and friends. And that's time for the roast of Garfield and friends. U.S. acres more like U.S. who cares? I mean, yeah. Oh. Here's an inconvenient truth. No kid who was watching the show realize that this was based on a comic strip.

It's just like why is Gar Garfield being interrupted for these losers? Take that Jim Davis. Jim Davis, I call it Jim save this trash. All right, so that was the, you'll see those comedy central roasts never. So they, they, they get to the, and to the farm and as the farm family is leaving, the sun throws a baseball to a, there's a baseball to a Joshua on which is written in green ooze eat before we eat you, which seems like a good warning. Let's not say this house. Yeah. The goblins are not doing a

great job of hiding their hotel interior motive of eating them. In the house, they find a table. I do like that the goblins go all the way through with this plan. Now they're like, okay, I guess we're gonna go, go to their house and check out their appliances. Okay, man. Well, as we see later in the film, they either don't or they went and they checked them out and they came back. So we see that farm family again.

But they find, what I like is they're like, like a the riddler or arcade. They're like, there has to be a little chance that they can escape. So let's warn them of our plan. But we'll only warn Joshua, or perhaps Grandpa Seth has been like goblins. This is going to be hilarious. Tell Joshua the plan, no one's going to listen to it.

Yeah, this is just like a team up between the two of them being like, this kid is not equipped to deal with this. I mean, no, no blame. He's a kid. He's a kid. He's gonna be so flaky. And not even particularly smart kid. He is, he isn't a real bind.

It's that like when God said to Jonah, Jonah, this is gonna be hilarious. Go to Nineva and tell them they're sinful. And he's like, well, they're not gonna listen to me. Go do it. You know what? And if you try not to do it, I'm gonna have a fish eat you. He didn't see your face with that fish at you.

You couldn't see it. It was dark inside that fish. Anyway, so they go in the house. I mean, Dwayne is still my interesting. What is this the fucking vegetales? It's like vegetales and punk that we're put together. Yeah. It's like Jonah fucking cucumber.

I mean, it was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, verygie Tails and Punk, we're put together. Yeah, it's like Jonah fucking cucumber. I mean, it was a very exciting, continuous, bribal, home knowledge, which was the cucumber. Yeah, he walks into church.

What is this? What is this? Show me the cucumber. Which, tell me, don't tell me that story about the fish that eats a cucumber, because it's like, why not? It's a cucumber. I'm not impressed.

It doesn't need to be that big of fish. Yeah. And now, imagine all the people who went to see the Tim Burton film Big Fish. Thank you. It was the story of Jonah. And they were so disappointed. And they said, show me the cucumber. I think you need a theater. I feel like you need a pretty big fish to eat a whole cucumber. Yeah, but it doesn't have to be like a whale sized fish. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, man.

Certainly a minnow candy to a whole cucumber, unless you give them a lot of time. Maybe just a swallow it. Maybe eat a little bit of time. Oh, yeah. Piranha's do that thing, right? Is that or what about the fish that swims up your weiner? Uh, the penis, piranha. Yeah.

Yeah. Or the Archimedes fish that said, give me a lever in a place to stand and I eat that whole cucumber. That's what that's. So Aristotle. No, that was Archimedes. Yeah, that was Archimedes. Archimedes, yeah.

Yeah, you have to imagine that fish that swims at people's weirder. Star of the dot. He does it and then he's like, where am I? Did I do it again? Did I accidentally swim up a stream of being someone's weirder? Well, I guess I'll just put my spikes out and become a parasite. Anyway, so in that side, that's, they find a house laden with food. And the grandpa is like, Joshua, don't let them eat it.

He's knocking on windows. He's a ghost who has to like stand outside. Yeah, and it's a very funny. He's so excited about this food, which does not look good. It's a farm feast. It's like a collection of ind indefinitely green frosted baked goods. I think is basically what it is. But they have been in a long car ride.

Their stomach is really primed for heavy cookies. Yeah, yeah. I want to get, hand me that biscuit with a bunch of frosting on top of it, they say. Yeah, great. Because since my tummy is in its peak situation after sitting in the back seat of a car, a hot car for hours, so grandpa's like, Joshua, stop from eating it or they'll be doomed. And Joshua's like, I need your help. And grandpa goes, I can't stop them myself. All I can do is stop all time for 30 seconds for everyone except

you. I can use my godlike power to give you 30 seconds to think of a way to do it. I can't say use my power to disappear the food or anything like that. Yeah. And he's giving Joshua a puzzler here. He's giving him a little brain t-shirt. Oh, yeah. I'm 30 seconds. How are you going to keep them from eating the food?

And now the solution he comes up with. Well, before we get to the solution, I just want to say this is simple. Again, I don't want to bring cucumbers back up, but it is like, I hate to go back to that Jonah story because you know, it is late to give notes. The story is thousands of years old. God, instead of, this is like a caterpillar thing. God, instead of going to Jonah and telling him to tell Nineveh, why don't you just tell Nineveh?

Do the work, dude, were you busy? I don't think so. If this is caterpillars all over again, skip the step. Anyway, cut out the middle man. In this case is Jonah. Anyway, so Josh walks around as everyone stands there, sits there frozen in place, but not doing a great job of staying frozen. So does he just like tip over the table or something?

What would you do the thing? No, no, he comes up with. Would that be one of the first? Because, no, I would get stage fright. I would say, first thing I would do is take the food off the table really quickly, but instead Dan, what does he do? What is his solution? Yeah, he peas all over the food, which we don't see.

It's a pretty clever, come standing on the table about to unzip, hard cut to food being thrown away. And hard cut to the food being thrown away and him being taken up to his room. And his mom's being like, don't beat him to death, Michael. And I'm like, no promises. Yeah. And that's what farmers do. Some of the food is already in his family's hands, almost in their mouths. So he just sprang urine all over their faces and hands.

Is he that good? Is he that good with his with his aim? The daughter was about to like change. She had a corn cob up with some green butter spread all over it. Yeah, you would have to have that's what we call Amish butter, by the way, is it really green butter? Oh, because I feel like he's, yeah. The homie is on the side of the secret view. Holy, ho, ho, ho, green butter. Sorry. The secret of the news.

I covered up a perfectly good secret of the news. No, no, when it comes to pop, I mean, that's not really a joke, just a reference. No, but when it comes to pop culture references that our audience is really in the wheelhouse, Ninja Turtles 2 is not at the same level as the old jingle for the green giant. And you know, most, I think probably it was mostly in my head from its use in a fireside theater album. So also, I mean, as much as I love them, again, not quite in our real life. The forefront. Yeah, for new listeners, we tend to operate in mostly in 80s and 90s culture context. But if you want to bring, maybe, you know what, I want my mapo. Why don't we bring in that stuff? That's actually saying, yeah, if you're, you know,

an aging, uh, Jinex or elder millennial, yeah, uh, this shows, you know, going to be great for you. You're younger than that. I, we have a lot of younger listeners. I can only assume that this is some sort of anthropological study that they're all doing. Yeah. Like what references do you all know to grandpa what can I do using or. And they come away thinking that like Denver, the last dinosaur was a huge hit show, you know, everyone's talking about it. And so he beats on the food, dad angrily yells at Josh about how you can't pee on hospitality

and he starts removing his belt and it turns out no, he's tightening it so he doesn't feel hunger pains. And he has a moment here with a good bit. And he goes, he goes, I'm tightening it so I don't feel hunger pains. But he says, he says something, I've been hungry. You don't know what it's like. And suddenly I feel like we get a real look into the past of this dad. He didn't grow up with money. And so to see his son pee all over food, to him is really a real outrage. And so

it's a little moment of backstory or hinted backstory. Obviously Dan loves backstory. He wished that the dad would just talk about where he grew up. His parents did for a living, how hard it was. New listeners need to know Dan loves backstory. He always wants to hear backstory. Yeah. He was hoping for the scene where grandpa says like, well, the origins of goblins come from, these are all lies. Stone, stone, stone. And there's a druid priestess with a weird lie. I mean, we will hear that. So Josh looks around his room, which is decorated with, I think they're hilderbrothers,

paintings of trolls and goblins from fantasy stories. So like, that's like the C grade Brian frowde, right? I mean, I would say more like a lateral, a lateral Boris Vallejo in some ways. I mean, not no, where Boris Vallejo does a lot of like muscle man, the Hilderman brothers do a lot of, like kind of round or a cuter fantasy characters. Yeah. Yeah. Boris Vallejo does, man, he does cheeks better than I was. That is true. Nobody paints cheeks the way he does. Did you know that the baby in Labyrinth was Brian Fraud's kid? Yeah. And I think he grew up to be a puppeteer. Oh, that's cool. That's fantastic. Yeah. Anyway, so like the fantastic artwork. Yeah. Or, you know what, I would say the Hilda Brand Brothers, maybe they're kind of like slightly

above Joe Jusko, who did the Marvel Masterpieces card series years ago. So again, this is the kind of reference you're going to have to understand if you listen to this podcast, new listeners, you're going to hear a lot about fantasy and science fiction painters of the 1990s. I will say, we haven't even talked about Wayne Barlow, my favorite of all these painters. We can't. We can't. We don't have time to get into Marlow. Not just because we would annoy those artists, but because this is a sweat box that's steward or I already have a song.

Oh, I forgot that you're in the American conditioning here. I have my luxurious air conditioning in laws house. It's too sad, man, it's shfits, but I'm going crazy. Yeah, yeah. So meanwhile, in the RV, Elliott and his friends are doing what they will do through much of the movie, watching the weirdest fucking television shows on TV.

And I need to know, were those made for this movie, or are those existing shows? Because they are bonkers, the little snippets of television that we get. And not Baby Billy's Bible bonkers as featured in this season of Regis Jamson. Or the cartoon bonkers. The kind of...

Yeah. Or a bonkers adventure or a video game. Or the candy bonkers, yeah. Yeah. No, it is just, it is the strangest local access children's level stuff. And I want to know what it is, but Arnold, what in their friends just, a friend's Arnold, just immediately goes, I'm tired of this. Where are the horny girls?

He basically says, and goes outside, a girl runs by her clothes torn. She's clearly in distress. He runs after her. She's being chased by goblins. He jumps on her at one point and it's like, hey, what's going on? And she's like goblins goblins. And I thought for a while that this was a trap, but it's not. He, the goblins show up. He threatens them. He's like, watch the way I do this. And they are, they're, even if they're just regular people, there's a lot of them and they seem scary. And he's like, I mean, I, I understand from the attitude of like, let's imagine that

I understand from the attitude of like, let's imagine that in real life, these gallblins outfits look exactly as they do to us. Well, they would look fake, but even if she's been a bunch of children in masks. Even if she's being chased by a bunch of children in masks, I would still be a little scared, especially when one of them, then one of them, she goes, okay, and they just hurls the spear into the, into Arnold's chest. And this is one of the moments you see on, there are two moments this guy has that you would see as gifts a lot. This one where the spear just goes into his chest and he just goes, ah, just searing into

space. And then later on his immortal line, they're going, they're eating her. And then they're going to eat me. Oh my god. The champions later. So we'll get to that one. They run into the beer stabbing doesn't hurt him too much. They run to a house that has kind of like a dungeon lab in it. And it is overseen by my favorite character in the movie. A character that sure performances great aside from her

weird gross teeth, I find her genuinely attractive in a way that that weirds me out a little bit that I'm so I'm so aroused by this weird lady You're like why are ellipse-o chat? Well, I had a chat lips and the tea the fact that she looks like a crazy creepy librarian, which it would really is my type You know, that's a thing her She's got this like metallic she on her teeth and I have to admit, you know like back in the days I was watching this The days I was watching this, back in the days I was watching this, the days I was watching this. Like it happened all the time. Back in the days.

Yeah, back in the days. John Melon camera, right? Is it a ditty, please? It's been a long time since I've seen Troll 2, although I was someone who had screened as a bad movie, but back in the day, I think I was watching a low resolution enough television that I was like- Like you couldn't see the teeth in the chaplet. I was like, are she wearing braces?

Is that like, yeah, do we at which wearing braces? It's tough. I mean, we were, we were watching it this time through the streaming high death of the booby and magic to be perhaps the best, perhaps the best streaming service there is. Oh, so much stuff. But so she, it does look like she just has braces at first. So she at first she just seems like a goth librarian with braces.

And I'm like, yeah, finally, finally, a heartthrob for me. Seeing as my wife is a librarian, she doesn't have braces. Yeah, you already started packing them a bag to go and move to Nillbock. I can't believe there's so much of hot ladies there, this teenage kid told me.

Yeah, and so she takes a lot of time with this incredibly over the top performance that I really love. She has the worst fake accent. It's so she is so melancholy. She might be she looks like she's in a silent movie. She's so her her actions are something that she is the queen of the goblin. She's credence Leonora Guildgood or Guild Guild Guild Guild Guild Guild Guild Guild and she's a descend, Leonore, guilt, good, or guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, and she's a descendant of Stonehenge druids.

She makes that very clear and she gives them a healing broth to drink, which is obviously something you shouldn't drink, but she just keeps saying, more have your broth, have your broth. It's goblin transformation poison. Sap starts flowing from the girl's far ahead. Arnold just stands there eating his broth, watching this, until she transforms into a plant. And it becomes, as as Creedent says, one with the vegetable world and his food for the goblins.

And they run in and eat her, leading again, as I said to that immortal line, they're eating her and then they're going to eat me. Oh my God. And cut to that night. Holly practices a dance routine in her room in front of her mirror. Again, I love this dance routine. It starts with her holding her curve fingers in front of her eyes like goggles. It's an amazing move.

She looks like No Mi Malone seeing Crystal, Gina Kershawne for the first time and doing those little hands in front of her face. That like like time. Yeah. And doing those little hands in front of her face. That like like that. Yeah. Yeah. And she it's just it's a great dance routine. And I again, I totally believe this teenage girl character in scenes like this. This is the kind of stuff I assume teens are going to go over.

Oversized Garfield shirt that she's going to sleep in doing a dance routine. But then her grandpa appears in the mirror and startles her and because he's looking for Josh, but he got the wrong room. Josh had reached the switch rooms with her. Oh, sorry, wrong number. And grandpa's like, I got the wrong room. It's a new house. It's a demolition man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or the movie, sorry, wrong number, which is not doesn't apply to this situation. Kind of, kind of like demolition man. Yeah. It's like aolition man. Yeah. It's like the demolition man of its day. Sorry, who are you? All those stars was at least not. It was advertised as the demolition man of its day,

but you have to wait 50 years for that to make sense. And then as people were waiting for so long, and then demolition man came out and they're like, what? You know, like at all. It's not like that movie at all. And the nation could just jump down from behind the car and it's like, punt. And's not like that movie at all. And then action-culture jumped out from behind the cards, like, punt. And they were like, wait, you were, so you weren't even bored when, I don't understand how

any of this was set up. Punk-told-man, now go to Nineveh and tell them they're being sinful. You're a cucumber. And they're like, well, how did I, I became a cucumber. Ashley Kutcher, you have a biblical power of transfiguration. I do. That's why anytime somebody tries, anytime somebody uses AI to recreate biblical descriptions of angels, it just looks like action-couch her every day.

Yeah, yeah, pumpkin someone. So grandpa is like, hey, Josh, you got to get everybody to leave. I can't do it because your parents never take my advice. I told your mom that to marry your dad because I hate him and she didn't do that. So I'm not even going to bother anymore. And again, this is, I love this is so this is so it's I love the backstreet. It's so funny to me that the grandpa's like, I know that now I'm a ghost and I'm trying to save their lives, but they wouldn't take my advice when I was alive so they can go to hell. I'm not going to even bother to talk to them. Well, also I'm totally I have no problem. Now that I'm dead, I will badmouth your dad straight to your face.

Right to you. I mean, that's a very, I don't know. This is something my grandparents had no compunctions about. So I don't want to play with ethnic stereotypes. But Seth does sound like a Jewish grandpa name. And John, it's very possible. Except, I mean, okay, well, do you know what? The mom doesn't seem Jewish, but it's very possible that the mom is Jewish, the dad is

not. This is a cross-cultural thing and that grandpa was like, you're a goi, a Gentile. Oh, no, no, no, what a shonder. As long as we're making up backstory. Backstories. They got married. Grandpa Seth immediately said the mourners cottage because his daughter was dead to hell.

You're right, the names, the names and, and of course, Judaism has a rich folklore of goblins. I guess what a great flop house book project. If look, if there's a literary agent out there that can sell this, we the flop house novelized troll to. Yeah. And we try and make it all make sense. We fill in the back with our elaborate back stories. I feel like while watching this, I'm like, I feel like if Ari Astor had made his own A24 version of Troll II, it wouldn't necessarily be better than this. But it would be, it probably would be a little more Jewish at times.

And I will say, guys, I know there's goblins and Judaism because the book, Herschel and the Hanukkah goblins, my favorite Hanukkah book, because it's about Hanukkah and it's scary and the art is gorgeous. So you know what? Let's do it, guys. Let's make a Jewish Goblin movie. Let's do it. And finally, will the facts that Jews have been stereotyped as Goblins, JK Rowling, we can finally own that by making, you know what? We're going to do it. Guys, we're going to change the way people think about Jews and Goblins'lands. In my new movie, Troll 3, there's Trolls now. Troll 3, new, so there's Trolls, you know.

Okay, I mean, I kind of zoned out for a second, so I didn't think that we agreed to this, but apparently we did. We did. We took the blinds. We're making that Jewish novelization of Troll 2. Well, LA had sent over the email that has the doc you sign and you just lazily Tracking and signing everything that people put in front of me. I've got so many wheelings and dealings Good a piece of paper in front of you. Yeah, my business boy. That's gonna be your new podcast right where you talk about

All these business boy damn it boy. That's what it's called baby boy business boy You record most of the podcast laying back in a couch with sunglasses on. And you mainly are just listing the various cars you will. I am of course in a, you know, a robe from a hotel, even though I'm in my own home. Yeah, hotel room. And I'm somehow, again, eating, I mean, room service, even though I'm in my own home. That's how you made so much money in businesses by not paying for your own clothes and said you steal them from hotels. I did not pay for a hotel room, but just getting all the amenities. Just sneaking into the hotel room, stealing the robe and all

the toblurones and then leaving the bill for whoever was actually staying in that room. Yeah. You're like a regular Miami blues or whatever, just a hot man sneaking into places. Yeah. And the less talented Mr Ripley, it was called. He couldn't con people, but he could sneak into hotel rooms. Yeah. The adequate Mr Ripley. The more talented than you technically, Mr Ripley. Yeah. So that not the talented, but not professional Mr. Ripley. That's what we originally called. And it was like he go to his house and he plays piano and you're like, you're really good.

Like you're not, I wouldn't pay to see you play, but like you're really good for someone who's technically just a dentist, it's dangerous. You are. Okay. Regional Mr. Ripley. Yeah. Public access.

Corrine Mr. Ripley. Yeah. Public access. Corning Mr. Ripley. Plays in church basements, Mr. Ripley, in old folks homes. Okay, so that grandpa's like, Josh, they never take my advice. You got to get them out of here. The next morning, Elliott's friends foolishly left without bringing any food with them, but it doesn't supply us. So one of the friends whose name that actually tracks honestly. Yeah. Friends whose name I can't

it's he comes up later. It's like Gus or something. He has to run through the woods to go shopping for supplies. I will say that aside from Arthur the guy with the glasses Arnold all the Arnold. These guys all look alike.

I feel like the perfect friend group you need like one big guy you need a little guy. You have a guy with a glasses. They should have mixed it up. That's awesome. Yeah, they should. I agree.

I agree. And so and the dad noticed that the farmhouse, there's no food except old gross milk that's been there for weeks. So Josh and dad leave to also get groceries. Are they going to run into each other? These characters? We'll see. The friend gets a little bit to tell.

What about all the piss soaked food in the garbage? I need to decide. You're going to eat it or I've, I think you decided that. You're supposed to eat it or I mean, if you're really hungry, that's true. I think they've not yet gotten to the point where they're going to eat the pissed on garbage food, because they do believe there's a job store. Yeah, for the most part, it is sterile, but there are, you know, it's not, that's for the most part.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Previous. Josh is cleanly. Yeah, previous claims that you're in his entirely sterile. So if I step on a jellyfish, then you're going to break your mother's back. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. One of two reasons not to do it. The other being that the jellyfish doesn't enjoy it either.

Unless the jellyfish is paying you a step on it. But you never bring that up. What kind of shoe is Stewart wearing? That's true. Good point. Yeah. Only red bottoms, baby. So the friend gets a lift into town from the local sheriff who gives him a role, a role

to eat. It's wrapped in plastic. So he figures it's okay. Or maybe it's a sandwich, I couldn't tell. Then the friend goes to the creepy general store where the creepy general store keeper only has milk on sale, only nilbog brand milk, nothing else. And he's like, he was, I thought maybe you, maybe you could have some meat meat. Oh, he's disgusted by the very idea.

And he gives him some milk for free. And the friend is already stumbling away in a day. Well, he also, it's like if you go into 11 minutes and tell me tell us a little more about this storekeeper because what I learned after this storekeeper was an inmate from a local sanitarium who had a day passed for the day and was not necessarily acting and was stoned at the time. Yes. No, I read that as well.

No, he's I mean, I think if you hear that story and you imagine a man, you've imagined the exact correct man for the scenario. I do think it's funny that he's like, oh, me, and he's like, we're all, everyone in Nillbugs, a vegetarian, which I know that this kid is in the process of changing into vegetable matter.

But I feel like still that raises a lot of questions. We're like, okay, is this, was this a planned community then? Is this like our, you know, is this like some sort of organization? How is it true that everyone in town is a vegetarian? It's possible that it's possible that the vegetarian, I mean, because they're all goblins, that's why. But is it possible? It's possible. I know, Alan. I'm so you're I'm just saying. It's possible. This was one of the many towns in America that were started as kind of like vegetarian utopian communities in the 19th century.

Eventually, they became a lot of angry, anger about sex and who wasn't sleeping with who and who was sleeping with who. And then they became regular towns, but it could be one of those, one of those kind of like free living, free loving vegetarian communities. Like a road to well-ville type thing. Exactly. Or like a no-nighter or something like that, you know. And maybe, and then the goblins came in and took over the town and again, this is all

grist for our book. Oh, get in touch with us for the whole book. Yeah, book or, I mean, I feel like this is, I mean, you'll also have to buy this rights to trolls too. No, you don't as long as, as long as you buy a book with the storyboards for troll two. You can just make it into whatever you want. I learned that from that dune. Oh, that makes sense, actually.

Yeah. That's why dune two is owned by those guys. Yeah. That's why it's produced, and directed by, it just as credits the guys, you know. And so, but here's the thing, we don't have to write troll too. As long as what we're really writing in our is kind of like a troll meridian, kind of like the backstreeting creation of the troll universe or trolliverse. Yeah, so. Yeah, it could just be an annotation. Yeah, yeah, Martin Gardner's the annotated troll too.

It's a brilliant book. So the creepy general Sorro Kieprie gives him milk, but he's already stumbling away into the first and the days. And the locals are like, hey, your friends came to tell us they want you to go to the old house that looks like a church. He's like, well, okay, okay. Mean what back in that old house that looks like a church, Creedians, the witch lady, she is talking to her new plants about a pudding she made that she's going to give to the to the to the family. And she talks about. She's doing it normal style or big into the back seats.

Very big into the back. See that there are lots of hand movements, lots of well, this will purify the intestines and bring them closer to nature. A lot of it. Yeah, it's a performance that is a lot of like, this, I'm stealing this for every role-playing bad guy ever. I don't know why she needs plants to eat because she is chewing up that scenery, something to eat.

Oh, oh, oh. And there's a, and she's- Oh, scenery doesn't have a lot of nutrients in it, Alia. But it's probably made out of vegetables. I don't know if you make a scenery out of like tofu or something and you put like a sauce on there. That's true, everything's like satan these days. Mm-hmm. Dan you make the scenery, you had a tofu or something and you put like a sauce on there. That's true. Everything's like satan these days.

Dan, Dan, you keep trying to get me to worship satan and I will not. Yeah. I was going to suggest tempeh, but you would not want to go to Arizona, right? Not if I'm going to pronounce it that way. That's for sure. So the new plant you're talking to is hell, it's for darn old. Sorry. I got to take a moment to appreciate that was one of the moments we've gotten closer to being the Marks brother.

Yeah, that's a good point. I want to appreciate it. Anyway, go on. Unfortunately, most Marks brother were usually the most like his Zepo looking uncomfortable, being a little awkward and then eventually leaving the group. So outside the closed. So like a Mark's brother that's like really into weightlinks. Like a hot. Yeah, yeah, muscle muscle. Yeah, but things are getting Smack.

Bull. Bull. Swolo. There's the five Marks brothers, Grajo Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, and Swolo. Yeah, you never know. You never know. It's easy for vascular. That's kind of what I love. I love the idea of now. It's like Harpo gets his harp solo. Chico gets his Chico, his his piano solo. Swolo gets the solo where he just

lifts weights on screen for five straight minutes. Audiences of the time loved it because in Vaudeville, you gave them a full show. You also do some weightlifting in there. Yeah, well, you do the animal course, but he's lifting up actual anvils. Yeah. Oh, wow. All the shenanigans are going around. Yeah, yeah. Pretty good.

Yeah. Now, I just want to think of other Marx brothers that don't add that much to the act, you know? Oh, that's a counter. Well, he's the one who just makes sure the books are in order while they're, they're, they're doing this. Make, make sure every, every brother gets there on time. Oh, that's a really long, long day. He wasn't very good at his job. Apparently. So outside the closed, now closed general store, it's been closed

in the few minutes since the friend got his free milk. Josh's dad, he finds a vegetable cookbook and a rocking chair. And he just sits in it and search reading it until he falls asleep. Classic dad move that will roll it. And Josh. That's pretty good right now. I feel like I'm like, man, that would be like catnip to Dan. They got Dan locked at the end of this town as a, as a rocking chair. I can fall asleep in and public and a free vegetarian cookbooks. Yes, sign me up. How do I get to Neil Bogg? Yeah.

Yeah, later on, we have like a basic cable erotic dance and I'm like, man, they're taking all the dance boxes here. Oh, man. Yeah, they should call it Danil Bogg anyway. So, but Josh looks in a mirror and sees that a street sign realizes Neil Bogg is goblin backwards. Oh no. What was the weird way to figure it out? I mean, honestly, just looking at the word is probably just as easy than seeing the letters

fully reversed. Yeah, especially when he's heard the word goblin so many times at this point. Yeah. He's like, well, I just assumed it was named after Jedadaya, Neil Bogg, the founder of the town. No, it's not. It's a coincidence. He was founded by Jedadaya. It'sog, the founder of the town. No, it's not. It's a coincidence. He was founded by Jedadaya Nilbog. It's an honor of how many bugs are in the town, which is Nilbog.

Which is none. Yeah. Founders. We shall call it Nilbog in honor of the most important geographical feature that we look for in his town. The lack of bugs. Yeah. I mean, it sounds honestly, if there was a nilbog, New Jersey, I would not be shocked. But there are lots of New Jersey. Yeah, and they're also our goblins in New Jersey. But what if they were like, we'll call it nilbos because there are no bobs, kegs in this town. Well, there are no bugs also.

You're right. Let's call it nilbos kegs came. But then he showed up. What do bobs, kegs become for the, yeah, the town fair. They're like, I've got to change things. Well, they said his name three times into America. So he showed up. And that's what happens with boss kegs.

Yeah. Boss Nass, however, if you say his name, he just holds up a glowing aura. They have to say it as many times as you like. Boss Nass is too busy. He's a big time. And sketches by boss. I'm sure you can find a copy of it somewhere. Yeah. I'm halfway through reading it and I have been for a long time. You could take your time with those sketches because you thought they were actual sketches and you opened up and you went words. Oh no. So Josh does whatever you do when you realize the town is full of goblins.

He leaves his dad sleeping on the street and just skateboards away to explore. And the shopping friend, he's he's wandering through the woods. His head is bleeding green. He tries to drink the milk, but it's so gross. He throws it on the ground. Meanwhile, we're cutting between these scenes so fast. Credence shows up at the family's house with her welcome pudding, which is clearly a cake. It's clearly a cake. It's not a pudding. Is that what they call puddings in like England or something?

Well, there's a certain type of pastry that they call a pudding. Like, New Yorkshire pudding is really interesting. I was asking our resident fucking bakery boy, Ali. Don't ask me who was just in England to eating New Yorkshire pudding. Go ask him. Oh, I also have this thing. Yeah, this bitch was in England too. Yeah, New Yorkshire pudding. I did have New Yorkshire pudding. It's, I mean, went to England with Alex without me. And honestly, I. Yeah, this bitch is an England too. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I did have Yorkshire putting it. You guys all went to England with Alex without me.

And honestly, I'm like, are they doing a fucking live shit? I didn't go together. I didn't go together. I didn't go together. I almost saw Alex, we couldn't get it together the last minute. Yeah. So tell me about the Yorkshire putting. I mean, that's kind of like a popover batter.

I mean, I'm like a popover batter. It's baked off and with the drippings from the meat. Yeah. Extra delicious. Yeah. Yeah. But like when Pink Floyd gets all worked up about, you can't, you know, you can't have your pudding until you eat your meat. What do they mean? They mean like a little, like a little jello pudding pack. Yeah. It's go. They call goger pudding. And they do it. I think that's not all we're talking about. Yeah, that's what the wall is a wall in a grocery store filled with goger. Also, the pudding is the song goes, we don't need no tubes of gogurt. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. On second thought, actually, we would like that

goger. Real quick, Elliot. Damn, it was going to explain. I'm saying gog go get please give me some other. No, we got this. We got this. We got this. You got it. All in all. We're just another tube of go get down. Yeah, it's gonna sit. It's just gonna be. I still be a treat is like just for me. I don't know about you, but yeah, okay.

Like I like meat, but you know, it sounds even better than meat. It's better. That's been cooked in some meat juice. Yeah, that sounds good to me. Yeah, let's do it. Okay, so let's do it. Okay, but that's our new job. We're going to be okay. Should I do the last cow style cake sellers? Yeah. I mean, that shit looked really good. Didn't you want to eat those cakes? I'd be honest, I still haven't seen it. Oh, I know it's very good. It's great.

It's really touching. So Josh has, he stumbles onto it. He stumbles onto a town kind of religious revival meeting. There's a preacher there who's talking all about how bad meat is. He discussed the parishioners by talking about meat and the farm family who was supposed to be at their house enjoying all the modern appliances that you don't have in a farm like refrigerators and radios. They're at the meeting and they catch Josh spying on them. Meanwhile, Holly, as I say, meeting because later on they're going to have Joshua eating.

And they don't like meat. They're really taking the meat out of meeting. So Holly goes up to Elliott and says, here's the choice. Fuck me or hang out with your friends. That's the choice. You cannot do both. Yeah. We're left wondering what's it going to be? He loves hanging out with his friend. And she like punches them right to. Yeah. That was my favorite part of the movie. I'm like, yeah, this kid needs to be smacked around a lot. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe he's not ready. Maybe it's not okay for her to be pressuring him. This way. I don't mean we're adding rich backstory. Maybe he's a closeted man. I shouldn't be upset that he doesn't want to have sex with his girlfriend.

Yeah. You know, but he shouldn't be stringing her along like this. Yeah, he's clearly clearly clearly ready to go. Yeah, it's, yeah, exactly. So the parishioners are trying to force Josh to eat some nilbog ice cream. They're like, children love ice cream, have some ice cream. And they're serving it by both goblins and townspeople. Some of them are just goblins out and they keep chanting, open your mouth, my little friend. Please open it. Open your mouth, my little friend. Please open it. It is so awkwardly phrased, but that's when dad runs and he woke up from his neck. I run it. I'm like, guys, I'm here for the future. This is going to be hilarious. Yeah.

Yeah. One of the worst movies ever. You can choose to continue going, knowing that or not, but if you continue to make this movie, turn to page 47, if you decide not to make this movie, turn to page 62. And you can't put your finger on this page. So that if you don't like the results, you can just go back. That's good. You got to go with it. No, don't play it.

I don't want to have to go into the whole rest of the book again if I die. Look, that was the agreement you signed when you bought this, choose your own adventure, the making of troll two book that you were going to play it like real life, like real life, Dan, like Dan in real life like real life, Dan. Like Dan in real life. We had on a stack of pancakes. If I can't have integrity in my smallest moments when no one's watching, then if you want to put your head on a stack of pancakes, go to pace 12.

Dan, show up to your date sticky. Dan, the way we act when nobody's watching, that decides who we are because you know who's watching? Ashton, cut your prank, God. And you know he's going to turn you into a cucumber and make a fish eat you. He's going to be like, if Dan goes, if Dan puts a secret in there, so he cheats, I'm so sending him to Nineveh to tell them that they're being sinful. It's going to be hilarious.

Anyway, so. I can't believe this shit's going to be like this episode is going to be labeled under like filed under Bible studies. Yeah, faith religion. A Cumentical. We're trying to diversify here for that episode. Dan, all the quadrants. Yeah, all 67 quadrants.

I don't know why they keep calling it quadrants. Yeah. Humor, Goblins, religion, insulting dentists. We've got it all. I don't know how to keep calling it quadrants. Yeah. Yeah. Humor, goblins, religion, insulting dentists. We've got it all. So, uh, on that, so dad saves Josh and he's like, they're monsters and dad is like, don't insult our get our, our hosts that were force feeding you ice cream. And on the drive home, dad, they pass Holly, are you with Elliott?

Elliott says to go with him, leaving his last friend alone at the RV. Perhaps never to be seen again. Meanwhile, shopping friend, he finally gets that evil house, plant Arnold is there and he's like, oh, you can, oh, you can help save me and drew us to tear the bark off his mouth. So Arnold can talk and Arnold's like drag me out of here because his feet are in a pot and a potted plant pot. And he has to, he's dragging this potted plant with his friend planted in it. And it is genuinely hilarious.

Watch me give him trying to drag this thing out of the house in a subtle way. And he has to he's dragging this pot of plant with his friend planted in it and it is genuinely hilarious. Watch him trying to drag the thing out of the house in a subtle way. And of course, Goth librarian, the, you know, she interrupts. DL Gilgur or whatever name she knocks out Drew and then Chainsaws Arnold to make him into a smoothie, which is a Drew is the friend. That's right. We learned his name is Drew in this way. She knocks it and she chainsaws Arnold. She's weird because she's a Drew. And he's

a Drew. Yeah. And they were and they're both fans of the wizard of it, but they don't like Johnny Hart's other work. They find it too preachy. So the others arrive back at their rental house. They find that all the towns people are throwing a welcome party. There's food everywhere. If you said to yourself, is this scarier than the scene in Southern comfort when they end up at the Cajun town and everyone's dancing and singing? Yes, very much so. As all putting as that scene is, there's a real folk joy to it.

Not everyone there wants to kill these soldiers, just a few of the people there, but here they're all want to eat these people. So it is not a party that you want to be at unless you're a goblin. And Josh is like, don't eat it. Don't eat it. And dad is like, go to your room. You are being inhospitable. And he calls for his grandpa in the mirror, but who in the pier is the mirror?

But credence, and she jumps out of the mirror as a troll and attacks him and the mirror shatters. And that's when grandpa appears with an axe and chops credence goblins hand off. And the goblin in in I think a fantastic effect. The goblin leaps back through the mirror and the mirror reforms and credence appears in her house. And I thought that was a really good at it. That was really cool. That was the one time when the movie almost becomes a phantasm film. Like it almost reaches the level of almost elegantly effortless kind of, cheap effectiveness that that Don

Kessler-Elli pulls off so well in Phantasm. I want to go back to before this credence, clear mirror revival. And say that. Those iTunes right now give us five stars just for that, Jim. Dan, that and cooking right now. You know, this really underlines what you're saying, like about why does the grandpa just do it all. If he can do this, if he can appear with an axe and find a physically fight at the golf

area. Yeah. Influence the physical world anyway. I mean, I think he also, he has some resentment toward his family. But he's trying to be an old man. I mean, he probably feels like I've done enough, you know, someone else should take up the man. Maybe that was a massive expenditure of his soul energy to do that.

It's possible because later he, later he's only in the little bit. Yeah. This reminds me of that old song, of course. Oh man, look at my life. I'm a ghost like you. Oh, yeah, it's been so long. I'm a ghost. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm in grandpa's room, the desert, on a horse with a ghost with no name, not the same person, but the sounds for God. It's a different band. That's all I went. Yeah, I did. Anyway, I'll I remember about that song. Oh, yeah. There's a bigger fan of the desert.

I'm a bigger fan of the crossbeastill's Nash and ghost songs. On this harvest ghost, and of course, I've been searching for a heart of ghost. That's a big hint too. Yeah, yeah. So, so Creed, so Creed inspect at the, at the, at her house, she uses the power of the stones of Stonehenge, which she has in her house to regrow her hand as grandpa gleefully hands Josh Am Molotov cocktail to throw to burn the whole house down. And grandpa could not be more excited. Burn in the house.

She sings. Burn it. Burn it with the ghost. Yeah, did it. Get on the action. Did you see how fun it is to just insert a little bit of a song? Just saying, man, just like after so much, you know, after 400 episodes, just nice to raise our voices together.

And song and praise. Like, it's become a karaoke song. We're saying, mix them up karaoke song. Just do it. I've been doing it for a few years. But I don't, we mix them up. Stew, wit, cup. Huh?

Yep. Yeah. Exactly. Make a new song from them. Yeah. Why don't we do it in the ghost? Yeah. He's intangible.

We go right through him. So that should have gotten rid of all the new listeners we've lost. New listeners. So he has a Molotov cocktail. He immediately uses it and burns all the goblins, right? No, unfortunately, well, even though the Neil Boggins are clapping to music for the family for a long time, as the other family members sit in a circle looking awkward, the as the Neil is the goblin humans clap. Grandpa is about to light the fuse when the preacher who hates

me shows up just plucks the Molotov cocktail out of Josh's hand and casts a spell that hurts grandpa's ghost form so hard. So, you know, somehow and grandpa casts a spell back that causes the preacher to extburst into flame. Yeah, like a bolt of lightning flies from the sky and sets the Molotov cocktail off. Yes. And it seems to be like that. He uses up the last of his ectoplasmic energy to do that or something like that. Like he has to leave after that.

Dad runs out, extinguishes the fire, revealing a burnt up goblin body. Now everyone sees the truth and the sheriff declares that the family must die. But instead of doing anything to act, we haven't, we haven't even talked about this. Okay. But we're introduced to the sheriff earlier. And his name is Sheriff Jean Freak. And if I came up with that name, I would have saved that shit for a better movie. Yeah, fair. Every, every, even a bad movie can have a stroke of genius in the middle of it. Yeah. Jean Freak. Yeah. And so like it sounds just felt, yeah, exactly the same slur you would hurl at a mutant in an X-Men comic. That's his birth name. And so he's he's he's he's

he's well, the original last name of the family was mine's freak, but we changed it to sound less Chris Angel. So they know their goblins and the sheriff goes. This is my, this is his. All right. My wife, she, of course, is a superintendent at the school. Super freak. Yeah, these are my brothers. They're fabulous and fury. I say fury or fury. It's make it sound cooler. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're corrected to furry. He just make it sound cool. Yeah, it's make it sound cooler. So they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're

they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're heard in that Mr. B natural movie. And it was like, so that's why Mr. B natural is extending his legs so far to do a roundhouse kick. That's why, yeah, it's called keep on fighting. Anyway, so the sheriff says you must die. But then the goblins don't really do anything. They just stand there and stare at the family. As the family runs back into the house, credence back at Stonehen, she casts a spell and the moon goes away and she's transformed into a more mainstream, beautiful woman.

She loses her great teeth and ultra-chap lifts, but she also loses her glasses and loses her general kind of like, she stills kind of a goth librarian vibe, but not as much of one. And so I really missed that. She's a more conventional sex object at this point. The family is under siege, just not under siege in that they are a ship. Yeah, as in there is chef who was a Marine and now he's on a train and Aeropagosian is there.

Or that he is a chef who's on a battleship and Gary Busy is there. But in fact, the under siege. And Erica Laney, actually. Yeah. And Erica Laney, yeah. And one of the most famous scenes involving a cake. Ever again. It's to film.

As a kid, I watched that scene so many times. Yeah, it's, it's, this reminds me recently I was driving to a writer's guild strike rally with star of the flop house, Halley Haglyn. And for some reason, she brought up the movie just one of the guys and brought up the, the top scene of the end as if I wasn't familiar with it. As if it was something that, have you heard the end as if I wasn't familiar with it. As if it was something that have you heard about this? Yeah, just like walking you through it.

Are you aware? I was like, uh, don't worry. I was 11 years old with HBO. I'm aware of just one of the guys in the top of the shot. They're in. Oh, it's like me when I was like, I caught part of that at least that scene on HBO. And I remember going to the video store and trying to explain to my mom, what movie I want to rent,

but without tipping my hands. Like so there's a woman who dresses as a man. She's like, did you see Victor Victoria? I don't think so, mom. Was it 12 night? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. There's a lot of similarities.

Are you talking about the unreleased yet? She's the man. That's not going to come out for several years, Stuart. You ended up with Catherine Hepburn and Sylvia Skirlett and you're like, all right, I guess I'll watch this. Not the same. So they, they're under siege, but it's mostly just the goblin people, I'm people just standing around outside, but the sheriff, he throws a bag of sandwiches at the door and says, eat this or we'll kill you violently. They decide instead to hold a sands for grandpa. Holly is like, why don't we hold a sands?

And Josh was like, Holly, you're a genius. It's another moment of real bonding between these siblings. We've had their troubles in the past. You know, there are different points in their life. They argue a lot, but you can tell that when they grow up and they have their own families, they're going to really bond with each other. And it's going to be a real connection. Again, more grist for the troll two novelization.

So Elliott's friends, the novelization is going to be like the waves where we just kind of go back and forth and start. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Or to the lighthouse, something like that. And so Elliott's final friend, he's sitting at the RV watching more inexplicable television when credence appears in her new guys as a sexy seductress. She has an ear of corn with her and he's so hungry. He doesn't know what he wants more sex or eating.

And so he she beckons him to join her and then he does and then they go back inside. They some of the least sexy keyboard music I've ever heard is playing in the background of this. It's like it feels like game show music and it's very is playing in the background of this. It's like, it feels like game show music and it's very funny that it plays throughout the scene. It's, she seduces him in a way where they are both taking bite set of opposite sides of the cob of the corn cob at the same time as if they're going to eat their way through it, leading the tramp style. But there's no way they're just going to crunch through a corn cob. That would

be insane. Come on. They can't do that. And suddenly, and he goes, he's like, yeah, I like popcorn. And everything's getting so hot and heavy that suddenly popcorn is just exploding off of the corn cob everywhere. And it is maybe the, maybe the, maybe the, maybe the, maybe the funniest metaphor for sex I've ever seen in a movie just that popcorn exploding between people's faces. I mean, that around is drowned in that popcorn. Yes. After the fact, the screenwriter and director, like, would claim that this movie was always meant to be comic. And to some degree, that's the sort of like saving face thing that people always say when the one who would be.

That's what Tommy was all set about the room. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's meant to be a comedy when it's clearly not. I mean, on the other hand, there are scenes like this in here where you can like, yeah, I know I can, I can see where some of this was meant to be comedic. Yeah, yeah, but it still doesn't work on that. Well, they're going for like a critters type thing where it's like, there are jokes in it, but it's also meant to be like a scary little, you know, movie or an exciting movie or like ghost, you know, ghost busters is like the best version of that where it's a comedy, but there's also

like genuine, it's not necessarily scary, but it's like you do get wrapped up in the supernatural story. I mean, if there was a librarian that I was scared by in a non-sexy way, it was the librarian ghost in Ghostbusters. So although now that I think about it, maybe she just needs the right library page. Maybe you could change. What's her at? Maybe I'll reach out. I think it's at library ghost from Ghostbusters.

That actually makes a lot of sense. But she's only on a parlor. Unfortunately, let me pull it up. Oh, she's got link tree interesting.. Unfortunately, yeah. Let me, let me pull it up. Oh, link tree. Interesting. Is that a tree that grows links from like, kind of, kind of, so, I'm right because she's a celebrity. Yeah, that's probably why I want to get, want to get our friends that are on ride to

check around. Yeah, rise is a is a dating site that's just for celebrities and last dragons. So anyway, the, the townspeople, they're standing around, ominously, the sheriff is like enough of this and fires a shotgun in the air, the family's holding the sands, grandpa's up here via light, just amazing light and voices. He's like, we don't see his face on this one, says.

And he says he can only appear for a few, 10 more minutes, they have to concentrate and they'll use goodness to destroy the magic stone that gives credence the queen of the Goblins her power. And at this point I felt maybe Troll II's mythology is a little too complicated, as much as I love the family backstory we're putting together. Perhaps it's a little too slap-dash and patch together that it's like, oh yeah, Druids

have their descendant, and she somehow rules the Goblins using a cutting of stone, a hinge that's a magic stone. Anyway, Joshua passes out, and the trolls invade the house. And the family runs away and Joshua wakes up, somehow magically transported to the witch's lair. And he's attacked by a troll and that's when grandpa appears, punches the, oh, sorry, a goblin, attacked by a goblin

and grandpa appears and punches that goblin and gives Joshua, of course, a bag of supplies that he can use to destroy the Stonehenge magic stone. And what I don't remember what was in there is it just step. Yeah, I know what's in there. I know. He says he can only use it in times of like great emergency. Yes.

And later on, reaches into that bag and pulls out a triple decker baloney saying that's right. That's right. And I think in defeat vegetarian goblins like Bologna. Mm hmm. My bal beloved has a first name. My beloved he has a first there. And the grouch and then Oscar the grouch comes out with a fucking machine gun. Yeah, shoots all the. No, no, I've seen Dan in a while. I love trash that I'll take out this trash. I'm free. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, he hates everything. He's Oscar the Grouch. Yeah. Yes, Sully throw him in the can, add a bunch of galbims. They fall down like they're pulling in. My baloney has a first name. It's OSCR. My baloney has a second name.

It's LEV-A-N-T, Oscar LaFance. That's right. Famously moody piano player. Yes.E.V.A.N.T. Oscar LaFance. That's right. Famously moody piano player. Yes. L.E. It's last friend. We just briefly see Credence leave the RV, leaving him buried in popcorn, but not quite dead yet.

And he just goes, no more, no more popcorn. And I guess he's been popcorns to death. Yeah. Yeah. Credence leaves the RV and screams at how she looks in the mirror and sees that she's lost her conventional beauty and she's back to having the weird lips and teeth. And she's, the trolls say their queen is calling them trolls. The goblins, damn it. The goblins in the house say their queen is calling them and they zap away leaving the family confused. Grandpa disappears forever and tells

Joshua only the power of goodness can defeat the goblins. So Credence, the goblins show up and they start threatening him, but he horrifies them exactly by pulling out of the stack a triple Decker Bologna sandwich. And is he eating it? Yeah, he's just eating it in front of them, right? His family runs in. Look, you could be anti-Vegeturing without being pro, pro-Bologna process. Process me. Yeah. His family runs in. Processed. Plastic meat. Yeah. His family runs in. They all put their hands on the stone and concentrate as credence in the goblin's

scream and they drooled, and they explode. It's really gross. They all fall down a bunch. They all did. And the family, that bug, I'd got one. He's not like an island. As I explode, right? Yeah.

Yeah. And now we cut to the family arrives back at home. They're, I guess they're going to change the sheets again like they did before. Their drained mom starts eating an apple because she just is so hungry and Josh, she pulls a crystal like fucking bowl out of the fridge that has a bunch of apples in it. Yeah. And she just starts going to town and it's, you know, you know, immediately.

Yeah, just like, just like even the garden. And you know, the movie's not that something bad is going to happen because otherwise the movie would be over. And Josh year's whispering voices and finds a baseball with yummy mom is so good written on it in green muck. She goes to the shower because mom is like, I'm going to have an apple and take a shower. Goes to the shower. It's full of green muck. Oh no, his mom turned into a plant in the shower. The kitchen is full of goblins. Oh no, his mom turned into a plant in the shower. The kitchen is full of goblins. They're eating the slime that used to be his mom. And they go, do you want some Joshua and Joshua screams? Smash cut to credits and control too.

Creepy music kid because like I remember seeing this on TV. And this was the part that genuinely creep me out because this is another part that genuinely frightened me and pushed me up. It's such a nihilistic, unexpected ending for like this goofy movie. If we're like, no, no, we ate your mom. Not since the ending of the goofy movie in which goofy has a double suicide pact with the sun, as there's been a bleak ending to a goofy movie like this, a nihilistic ending like this. There's no escape from the goblins.

They eat his mom. Is it implied that the rest of the family have turned into goblins? Or is it, or these just goblins just followed it? They just followed behind their car and another car. And whenever the parents looked in the rear view mirror, the goblins would duck down. I honestly thought that this was the family

that they'd swapped houses with. But I guess they were back in the other place. Yeah, no. And that family clearly left the apples, but I don't guess they were back in the other place. Yeah. No. And that family clearly left the apples, but I don't think they were. They left those apples. Yeah, because that only a farm family would leave it. I feel like glass bowl.

Yeah. I feel like this movie just reinforced Elliott's choice to not eat any vegetables or fruit. Yeah. I'm not a goblin. I don't want to be goblin. And I don't want to turn into a plant food. I mean, we'll all become plant food eventually.

And our roots will, our bodies will become nourishment for the roots of the plants that will then go on to feed. The birds, the birds will go on to feed. Larry Bird, the famous basketball player, and he will go on, of course, to feed a whale when God tells him to go tell Nineveh that they've been sinful and he refuses to do it, falls over board and to ship the whale eats them, that whale will then become food for-

A terrible, Larry bird. That whale will then become food for millions of Japanese school children, although the whale was killed as a scientific experiment. And then those Japanese school children will, as they grew up and become old, become nourishment for the plants and the cycle of life continues. Oh, that makes sense, actually. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Let's give final judgments for this movie. We do it every episode. We decide whether this is a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie that we actually kind of liked. I will say, you know, this is, this is a classic good bad movie. Right guys? This is like I. Yeah, Dan, wrote us into pre pre pre pre cell. I'm going to represent you. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I look, I was one of the people in not literally in a best worse movie, but the people referenced my best with worse movie who saw this as a kid, roped others into it, being like, you gotta see this bad.

This was before I professionally talked about movies that maybe weren't all their creators meant them to be for a podcast. I was just a bad movie, a fishing auto on my own and I would have parties and be like, hey, watch this thing and people would watch it and be amused, you know, watching it, rewatching it at the end of the day. I was like, this is always better when people are around

and no one else is here to experience this with me. It's still pretty funny. By yourself. Pretty fun by yourself. Yeah. Pretty fun. This is a, you know, a top tier good bad movie. Yeah. It's kind of like sex.

It's ideal with other people, but still fun by yourself. True. But a lot easier when there's not other people around. Oh, wow. Okay. So much easier. When I'm watching troll two without other people, I don't have to worry about their pleasure or what they're getting out of it.

I can put this on my own enjoyment of the movie. I'm curious, okay. Yeah. But I will say, yeah, this is it. I was a little worried that this movie, I hadn't seen it in a few years. Or, and I was a little worried that I was like, oh, what are we doing?

Like this thing's been raked over the cold so many times. This is a real vanilla bad movie. And then watching it again, it was like, yeah, this is a special good bad movie. This is something, I don't know if it's the best worst movie, but it is up there. It's, I think partly because it is, it lives in that space of, it is so,

it's fairly clumsily made, but it is not so incompetently made that you can't just sit back and watch it, you know? Like, you're not puzzling out what the hell is going in this? Like, let's go on in this, what's happening? You can tell it is clear that what's happening is ridiculous and pretty dumb, but it's being done in a way that is, I know. And until that ending, until that bleak ending, there's a certain kind of innocence about

the whole thing, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's such a, like, it moves in a good clip. It's every, every line delivery feels like it's like the weirdest take possible. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's a really fun, it's a really special bad movie. It's definitely a, like a perfect good bad movie. Yeah, I think that to play off some of what you guys have said, I think that if I was to offer a unified theory of good bad movies, one thing would be that a movie that makes all of the wrong decisions, you know,

movie that doesn't do anything right would be just unwatchable. Like a good bad movie is one that there's something to it that makes it watchable, but it also is utterly baffling. And this has that. And it has like kind of a weird, like it's not scary, but it does have like this weird dreamlike power where it's like none of this makes sense, but it is sort of like,

if you're trying to explain what happened when you slept last night to somebody like, it's the witch coming out from behind the dumpster in Mulholland tribe for a year and a half. Yeah. It feels to me a little bit like a horror movie for kids made by kids like who don't really have a full grasp of storytelling and are like just throwing some things in and don't have a grasp of adult behavior. Or, and so it's a, there's a, but you're right, there's like a good bad movie is one that is made just good enough that you can focus on the fun, bad stuff of it.

And you're not distracted by the bad, bad stuff of it. It's not painful. What a joy. Troll to best picture of the year, say the floppers. Yeah. Yeah. All around. Sure. I believe you've got a little ad brain. We've got a sponsor today, folks. Now the flop house is known for having a couple of feline friends living in their day and has our chin panda. I have muscles and meatball. And you know what those things need? They need food all the time. Every day, in fact, in fact, if I don't feed them, they will yell at me and follow me around and get in my face and be a real problem. That's

why you need to feed them also because you love them. It's an order to raise. You can feed them with my pets. You can feed your pets using smalls cat food, which is protein packed recipes made from real ingredients. Not just, not just, you know, not just pate garbage. Smalls made by real people. It was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys cooking food, cat food from home and giving it to friends. And now they feed cats around the world. And personally, as a fan of my cats, I like it when my cat muscles climbs out of my chest and sticks his mouth right over my nose and face. I'm glad that his breath doesn't smell quite as bad as it used to. It used to be when the old days when you would feed him plants that you made by giving goblin

food to people who came to your mouth. Thank you. That's a whole tie-in. So what I would recommend you do is you should get your cats higher quality ingredients from smalls, healthier cat food. So head to smalls.com slash flop and use promo code flop at checkout for 50% off your first order. Plus you get free shipping. Now that's the best offer you're gonna find anywhere,

but in order to get that, you're gonna have to use our promo code, and that is flop, to get 50% off your first order. One last time for everybody in the back row, promo code flop for 50% off your first order, plus free shipping, so you can feed your kitty boys. Allie, do you want to tell a little bit about flop TV? I certainly do. I would love to. Hey, 400 episode listeners. We're very excited to be announcing

not for the first time, but let's pretend it's the first time because it's our 400th episode. And we want to have a big announcement that we are doing a series of six once a month live streaming shows. We're calling it a lot TV. What is flop TV? You ask, well, it's kind of like this, except you can see us. And it is a tight kind of more streamlined TV-ish version of the show. It's going to be like our live virtual shows or our live regular shows. We're going to have a presentation at the top.

We're going to talk about a movie. We're going to answer a couple of questions. It's going to be really fun. And here's the thing. We're going to do the movies that have been most requested or most talked about or are just most heralded in bad movies other than troll 2, which we just did in the episode this episode.

But some troll 2 level stuff. So that's six episodes once a month for six months, usually the first Saturday and each month, except for September. And let's talk about the movies that we're going to be talking about in August. We're doing Beast Master 2 through the portal of time, the only movie, the only movie where a beast master goes through a portal of time. And I just found out that someone I know is neighbors with the beast master himself. So I'm going to ask for some more inside info. In September, you know what Hollywood, if she could, it's cool world. Everybody is favorite movie that doesn't really work about live action people having sexual cartoons in October.

It's in all American meat double feature hamburger, the motion picture and hot dog, the movie. What are these movies about? I don't know. I've never seen them. That's a monster. I've always been catch up up and mustered. They're cups. And in November, it's sports month. That's right. Over the top, the best arm wrestling movie ever made, featuring one of our patrons, saints of the five outs of Ashtas Stallone. In December, it's ballistic, X versus sever. The movie that introduced America to the lovable characters, X and sever, put them against each other and made the ballistic. It's a title we've never understood what it means. And now we're finally going to find out. And in January, yeah, in January, we're going to do the movie,

Newke, the second worst movie ever made. And movie I have seen, seen and wish I could unsee now, Elliot, um, slow bullet that's your pick for the worst movie you've ever seen. The worst movie I've ever seen. And Nuky, an ET rip off about an alien who's always has crying and so not as always coming out of his nose and is trapped in Africa. That is the movie we'll be doing in January. So do you want to see these shows? I bet you do.

Is this your first time listening to this podcast? Well, I think you're going to like these TV versions of it. And even more, tickets are available for individual shows. If there's an individual movie you really wanna hear us talk about, then you can buy a ticket for that episode or you can get a discounted season pass for all six episodes. That's right, one season pass gets into every episode.

And it costs less than if you bought each episode individually. So just go to theflaphouse.simpletics.com to buy your tickets today. Again, that's theflaphouse.simpletics.com to buy your tickets today. Again, that's theflaphouse.simpletics.com. Unless I'm misunderstanding it, this will also be like our live virtual shows where even if you can't watch them live, getting a ticket will give you access to that recording for a limited amount of time. So go, these tickets have been selling really well. People are really excited. It's the internet, so there's lots of tickets available.

So go buy them. Go get tickets. Go, flop house dot simple ticks dot com for a new era in flop house programming. And you know, while we're in plugs, I just want to say Stewart came back into the room. We had a little to pull the curtain back. We had a little bathroom break earlier on and also to air out this sweltering hot room that Sue and I were in a sweat box right now. I'm starting to see colors. I'm starting to see colors as something you could do before it was really hot, right? No, I still returned with an alph sticker from my refrigerator. He wanted to fact check this sticker.

He was mad that it said Shumway 67. He said. You should mention that you should mention Alph is wearing a football jersey. He's wearing a football jersey. And that's on the front of the jersey that it says Shumway 67. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Because they they have like traditional American football on L. Mac or a sewer was mad that that was the place that the name of the football team would be, but instead Alfa has his last name. Or the mascot of the town.

But this all reminded me to just, I would like to extend a little free advertising to my friend and my wife's friend, my friend, Jeff and Phoebe, who have just started a small toy store slash museum for vintage toys called the Museum of nostalgia in Astoria Queens. So they had their grand opening recently. It was really cool. And also if you're in the area, check out nostalgia. And what area was that? Astoria Queens is again, where I want to find it.

I just want to point out that Alps player number 67, and I think they knew what they were doing there. What's that? It's too away from you know that number. Okay, so 65, yeah, because they were the Adam Driver, the same name, yeah. You said the same thing when I was like, I'm number one and you're like, Dan, I know what you're doing.

I know what you 68 numbers away from a very funny number. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hey, Max one listeners. This is Cameron Esposito. I'm a stand-up comic actor, writer, best-selling author,

and popcaster. I got a great show called Query where I interview LGBTQ plus luminaries across a bunch of fields. People in entertainment, astronauts, musicians, rock stars. I am bringing the show to Maximum Fun. You can listen right now, and I am so happy to be on this network.

We have new episodes out every Monday. You can listen at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's official. Max Fun has become a co-op. When now a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you. Thanks to supporters and listeners like you, Max Fun will always be a place where employees have a say. Thanks to you, shows can continue to partner with an independent, values-driven network.

Thanks to you, we're able to carry on our commitment to our shows and the community we've grown together. Learn more about what becoming a co-op means for us, and you at maximumfund.org slash co-op. That's maximumfund.org slash COOP. Hey, let's just say answer a couple of letters from listeners. This first one, oh, geez Louise, I don't know who this is from and it's the most important one to know who this is from. Hold on. Oh, geez Louise. I don't know who this is from and it's the most important one to know who this is from hold on

Dan did you really think I let you get to the letters without a song on this 400th episode 400th episode 400 episodes 400 years we've been doing this podcast in 1623 it all began 400 years ago when our ancestor Jeba Daya Flapphaus started the Flapphaus. He came to this country with a dream, a dream of burning down forest and building farms. And he did that too.

But then afterwards, what would he do? He'd invent the bad movie podcast with the Flapphaus and 400 years later. 400 episodes because it's an episode a year in this version of the story. We came here to Stuart and Dan and Ellie doing the podcast for 100 years, 400, zero, zero. Don't add up those numbers together, because 4 plus 0 plus 0 just makes four, but we've done a hundred times as many episodes as four,

400, that's the number of episodes so far. If you don't count the minis or the movie minutes in actual reality, we hit this milestone a while ago. How long ago? I don't know. How long ago? I don't know. How long ago?

I don't know. But a while ago, well, you mean rhapsody there for a second. Thank you for 100 episodes. We'll call it today. 400 episodes, like the movie 300. If there were a hundred more guys, a hundred more Spartans would that have saved the day? Would they have been able to carry their mouth away from 60s and his goons on the big and big day? 400. 100 400 400 find out in the sequel to 300. It's called 400

100 guys go back a time to help the 300 Spartans. Stop this. Thank you, though. Thank you for a while while I looked up. I had some time. Anytime you need it, you got it. So I'm just all with the song. You got it.

Cut off. Cut off. Because you didn't look up the name ahead of time. You got it. The name I had actually cut off the name to this first letter. And I really wanted to give this person credit because they did a nice thing for us. This is from Kevin Les named with Held Who writes, Hi, I'm a long time listener to the flop house. I love the show. I looked forward to it every

Saturday. Listening to the latest episode, I realized that having two different URLs for the live TV call to action could be confusing. You're right, it could be. I wanted to help prevent this confusion if I could, so I bought HTTP, go on slash slash, flophouselive.com, the URL flophouselive.com, which I would be more than having to transfer to y'all for free if you want it, it redirects to the flophouse.simpletics.com,

so you can just give out the URL, flophouselive.com. This gentleman has done a nice thing for us on the occasion of our 400th episode, which is to account for the clumsy way in which we run some of our business and provide a simple solution that we can just give out flaphouselive.com. That's great. I mean, I don't feel like we do things that are that clumsy around here. Yeah, everybody did you hear the tale about the guy who bought a URL for the flop house.

It really helped us out or the flop house. A tee pop has a spout. And if you want to pour the tee out of the, the thought you got to use the spout. In fact, if I was going to throw spin a hypothetical scenario in which I was a tea pot. She turned into I would say here is my handle. The idea is my spout. So what you're going to do is so it is. So I'm going to keep going. This one's from Nolan last name with health. Who writes Christopher Christopher Nolan last name with held. Who writes Christopher Nolan last name with held.

Hello. For years, I've listened to podcasts at 1.5 speed and with shortened silences. That way, you can get to all the podcasts I'm subscribed to. Recently, I found myself even more and all than usual at how quickly the peaches that's us were coming up with bits. Besides remembering your skilled editing and genuine quickness, I found that slowing back down to one time speed has made me feel less inadequate. I've also gotten to the habit of turning on subtitles when watching movies or TV helps me catch all the dialogue. Recently, I noticed that the subtitles often ruin the timing of jokes. So I started turning subtitles off for

comedies and my enjoyment has been restored. Do any of you have any watching habits that inadvertently lessen your enjoyment of what you're watching? Thanks for making my favorite podcast, Nolan Lesson with Health. I would, before we get into this, I would argue that the lesson that you learned

about subtitles ruining comedy can be applied to maybe the timing and removing pauses from a comedy podcast isn't necessarily listening to it the best. Although we are glad that you listened to. As someone who listens to all his podcasts at double speed, I disagree. I like it fast. And whenever I turn it back to single speed, everyone sounds old and slow. And then I put double speed and I'm like, oh, they're so fast on their feet. They're so smart and young. This is what I want to hear. And I put down a double speed and I'm like, oh, they're so fast on their feet.

They're so smart and young. This is what I want to hear. And I put down a single speed and I'm like, oh, they're just reminding me now that we're all slowly shuffling off this work. Yeah. You put on normal speed and it's like, no dogs allowed. Yeah, I have this habit called looking at my phone. Yeah. And that ruins everything, including my mental health. That's why I mean, like I, you know, Elliot being someone who has no free time and thus lashes out at those of us who do makes fun of me for his committee. I don't I would say lashes out. I mean, who do, makes fun of me for his.

I don't I wouldn't say lashes out. I mean, with a whip or a riding. He makes fun of me for how many movies I see in the theater, but you know, part of that is I enjoy forcing myself to pay attention because I do know that at home. Oh, yeah. A lot of what I watch, like, you know, in a place so much better, if I'm actually paying attention, you know, in the theater so much better if I'm actually paying attention, you know, in the theater, along with other people enjoying it rather than me at home with my phone,

just whiling the way the hour's still death. I really loved the first season of Yellow Jackets and the second season I didn't like as much, but it was also probably because I had to work while watching it. So it would be like, there'd be times when, on TV or film projects, don't worry. But where at times where my wife would be seeing watching it, I would be kind of like half watching it, because I'm busy typing something up. And I wouldn't be surprised if it's not the shows fault that I didn't enjoy this much, but my fault, yeah. Yeah.

I think I find similarly, when I, when I binge television shows, it hurts my enjoyment of those shows that I find that it just becomes kind of like an endless TV sludge as opposed to like, and I get tired of it faster than if I like space things out. I certainly, I've been trying to catch up on, I think you should leave. And that is a show that benefits from a little bit of time between episodes since the sketches are so similar. Yeah, I mean, I watched it all in one big glob, but I did watch it at a watching party with a bunch of people and that was watching

that show with a big group is really fun. Yeah. The thought reminds me, of course, we know. Well, Josh's celebrity dog breathes heavily the whole time. We would be remiss to not take this opportunity to make fun of our friend, Jouben Péring. Sure. We complained that the movie Alien wasn't scary enough and then we learned that he was watching it at two times speed or whatever. Well, I don't know if the two things are related.

So Jouben, who has joined us for our FOP tales role-playing episodes, we found out that he watches movies at two times speed with the captions on because he doesn't have time for all that. He was complaining alien, he was like, how am I supposed to know it's scary when there's scenes with no music in the background? How am I supposed to know how I'm supposed to feel during those moments? And I'm like, are you a monster? Like I don't understand.

But he would want that he'd be like, oh yeah, I watch everything at two times speed with the captions on, so I don't actually listen to it. I'm like, this is- When I go to a restaurant and I look at all the menu items, if nobody tells me that, oh yeah, I watch everything at two times speed with the captions on, so I don't actually listen to it. I'm like, this is- When I go to a restaurant and I look at all the menu items, if nobody tells me that they're yummy, I don't know if they're going to be yummy or not. And I'm eating at two times speed. I want to convey her about to just like drop it into my mouth. Well, I don't have time to eat, so you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to take

the actual food and I'm going to put it into like a trash compactor and so it becomes like a little wally cube nugget and then I'm just going to throw that in my mouth. You know, that's this, this cube is fizzed under glass and a, a raspberry rhubarb compote. Ooh, that sounds good. It's a glass. It's the glass in the cube. It's the glass in the cube. It got crushed when it got turned into a cube. I know, because right now I don't, I don't feel the need to look. The pieces are like the cube. The pieces are so small at this point. You're not even going to taste that glass. No, I mean, if now normally when I have to kill the creepy crawlies in my tummy, I'd swallow

that glass down. But right now, I don't I think that's not what I need. So can I get the fes and the glass without the glass? All right. I mean, sure. Yeah, I don't know if we do subs. It's kind of like three hours. Let me talk to the chef outrageous.

Let me talk to him. Don't come into my restaurant asperer substitutions. Now this next one has cyanide in it. Can I get it without the cyanide? Get out of my restaurant. He puts some salt in the cyanide worse. He didn't even take a bite of the cyanide before he put salt on it. That shows a distrust of the shape. That's a, let's recommend movies. The last one you on this, this one. I put my foot down. We're not doing that anymore. Real break with tradition. It's been 400 episodes. The number of this. How many movies are going to, are we going

to recommend these? That's why we can't have the extra salt because Ellie gets too salty. No, this is the part. I was a teenager. they called me a saltine. And if I was an Angelina Jolie movie, that's right, I would be Gia. You didn't. I was going to say salt. I was going to say, Zellie, you have not lost a step. You can't lose what you don't have.

Dan, let me do this part of the podcast. This part is where we recommend a movie that we maybe liked unironically. In this case, often, if it's a movie we didn't enjoy it all that we covered, the movie that we would say watch instead. In this case, we're saying, do it as a double-feet. Yeah. Yeah. You have some troll too and then watch one of our recommendations. I'm going to recommend a little indie movie called We're Watch watching the Dianna Jones, the dial of Destiny. No, that is an indie movie. Yeah. That was a good joke that Stewart, I love that Dan just, just pushed this way through Stewart's interruption. He had to get it out there.

No, what were you going to say? I was going to say you can watch all three of our recommendations and troll two as like a classic Dan McCoy movie day. Yeah. Yeah. So much damn time on his hand. Obviously not worth fucking up your pond, Dan. I'm sorry. Now, Dan, this is Indiana Jones and the dial of destiny.

Is what you wanted to say? Look, turn that dial to fun. Normally I try to not recommend like brand new things that are presumably going to do okay over the course of their time, but this movie is not actually doing that well. And I liked it. I liked it. I thought it was, it had a lot of bad word of mouth before it came out and reviews have been middling, but I really enjoyed it.

And I know that a certain part of it is my love for the Indiana Jones series and growing up with them and growing up with Harrison Ford as the man I alternately you know, wanted to be my gruff dad. I wanted to be myself. Maybe there's something sexual. I don't know. He's very handsome.

He is handsome. Now dad, I don't mean to interrupt this very, what you're saying is actually kind of poignant. I don't want to interrupt, but it did sound like you said, McGruff dad. And I'm just saying, if someone wants to TV show where McGruff the crime dog is the dad, we will write that show.

So we're to claim a gruff. We'll do it. But then continue. The party was born to play it. No, I look, I know that part of it. Yeah, but Stuart was born, they said, is mom said, is it a boy or a girl? And the doctor said, better, it's a McGruff. Mm-hmm.

I know part of it is nostalgia and part of it is like, there are those who will argue that, crystal skull with all its whacking is like,, you know, it has more like verve than this, which is like the kind of feels a little bit along the safe sort of force awakens path of like, okay, you don't like the other one. Let's make one that you're going to like. That being said, while mangold is no Spielberg and like the most fun parts of crystal skull have more verve than like Dow Destiny. I found this to be like, I don't know, I just didn't like Crystal Skull left a bad taste

of my mouth and this movie, I was like, yeah, that was fun. The taste of Crystal Light. It was nice for it to be 2023 and goddamn it, I'm seeing my old pal Harrison Ford, you know, whipping around up there on the silver screen. Just whipping it out. I think it's, I think it's, you know, it's not perfect. I see the flaws, but I think it's a pretty good Indiana Jones adventure that I was happy to see.

Indiana Jones. The lead is the secretary from Edmond, but not the other Joe Wilder. Yeah. Okay, so on the other end of the spectrum, I'm going to recommend a movie that's doing pretty well at the box office. That's also in the theaters. I'm recommending a movie called No Hard Feelings. That's right, the movie where Jennifer Lawrence Oscar winner is trying to fuck a kid. And that's the point of the movie. And it's a sex comedy. It's relatively like light. Well, how old is it? He's like, he's graduating high school, right? And his parents are Matthew Broderick and Lorban Ante. So it's okay. I don't realize that was just a special dispensation.

That's an exciting and a loss. So it's got a lot of fun performances. Yeah, it's funny. And Jennifer Lawrence is amazing. Like she throws her whole self into this movie. It's silly, it's funny, it's a little bit sweet, but I feel like it doesn't necessarily go in the exact direction they expect it to or maybe do. I don't know. I'm not a genius. But yeah, if you're looking for, if you're interested in watching a comedy that is for adults, I guess, it's, it's fun. It's fun. It's a sex comedy. Come on, it's fun. Come on. It's not really.

It's no Elliott. Look, check your balls at the door and just go see the movie. Yeah. The I'm going to, I'm going to see both of those movies. I may not see them both in the theaters, but after recommendations, Undyne Jones, I was already going to see and the other one. What is it? No hard feelings. Oh, yeah, no hard feelings. I can never remember the name of it. I I referred to it in conversation recently. Sorry, not sorry, which is a good name for a movie. It's an erection pun. That's all you have to remember. Oh, yeah, there you go. I get it. I get it. Okay, movie. I see what you're doing. It's a bit of a devilish, devil on ton. There's not just one on John. And it's also, it's also like, like a lot of comedies, the marketing is not particularly

good for it. I think it's yeah, and the trailer would make you believe. Yeah. So, these are hard to market. You recommended some new movies. I'm going to recommend an old movie. So we're recording this. Yeah.

Shock, kale surprise. The, we're recording this just a few days after the passing of Alan Arkin. This will be old news when you finally listen to this episode. We're recording ahead of time. But it is new news for us. And so I wanted to recommend my favorite news is good news, Elliott. New news is good news. Yeah. And it's just long enough that most people will have already forgotten about who Alan Arkin is until they do a sequel to Little Miss Sunshine where they have a like a CGI version of Alan Arkin. I mean, the character that's the word, I mean, Alan Arkin's character dies in Little Miss

Sunshine. So I don't know how he's really a sequel. Yes. Okay. A little bit of a little miss Sunshine. It's called Big Miss Sunshine. It's not her. It's a grown up.

Yeah. Okay. Sorry. So, but it's interesting you bring it up because this movie also has the word little in it. It's my favorite Alan Arden movie. He's only in one scene. It's called Little Murders. This is a movie Alan Arden directed.

And he has one scene that I think is great as a as a paranoid police detective. Little Murders. It's from 1971. It's based on the Jewels Fifer play of the same name, same nine also. It's a movie name and same nine. It's based on Bill Nive the science guy and so it stars Elliott Gould and Marsha Rod and it is the darkest of dark comedy. Yes. It's the satire that is I find very funny, but it is also very bleak in its ending. So it is hard

hitting satire all about life in New York especially but in American general in the late 60s early 70s when it seems like all hope had been lost by by humans living in the United States. You think our times bad. It was bad back then too. And it is it is also a love story. It's a in some ways a tragic love story but in other ways it's a terrible love story. And it is just one of the I feel like one of these classic New York is collapsing movies. And I think Alan Arkin did a great job directing it. It feels, in many ways, it felt very of its time, but of its time in a, in a really good, solid way. And so to remember that he was not just a great performer, not just adept at both

comedy and drama, but also it could be a really good director. I would say, take a look at Little Murders. I would say, do not read a plot summary of the movie because I found that plot summaries of the movie for some reason give away a thing that happens two thirds of the way through the film. And is a big plot moment. So just if you want to watch a kind of bleak satire of life in New York in the 70s, then Little Murders is the one for you. Well, speaking of things, like troll two that scarred me as a young person, I think I saw Little Murders on A&E when I was like 12 or 13 and it was very much disturbed me.

Yeah, this is a rough, this is one, I think for somebody I'll show it to my kids when they're maybe they're in their 20s. Like, this is not one to watch in the, if someone's old enough that you're hiring general for Lawrence to have sex with them, then they can watch Little Murders. But younger than that, I would say, I would say don't do it. And if you're, that's like a thing around the amusement park ride. Yeah. You must be, you must be tall enough that your parents are hiring general for Lawrence to get you out of your shell. And if you are old enough that using a dial of destiny to de age yourself, you might be too old for this movie. You know? Well, that's been it. That's 400 guys.

Well, here is, you know, to 400 more or when we all hate each other, whichever comes first. Or, you know, more than 400 more. I lately, I've gotten very sentimental in episodes where I talk about how excited I am that we own this. That this is our show that we own and we can do it ever. We want with it. It is just us unfiltered, unfortunately,

to the rest of the world. And there's nothing stopping us from doing this for another 400 or more episodes. We could do this until the day I dropped dead with a microphone in my hand, talking about. So you're singing a song presumably. You're singing a song about the top of a shot in just one of the guys when I, you know,

when I'm in my 90s. When it's no longer cute anymore, and it's just kind of weird and creepy, although it probably already is. So thank you so much. Before Dan says it's official goodbye, I want to say thank you again to the listeners who have been with us for so much of this time, whether you've been with us for a month or 16 years, we really appreciate you and we love that you're there for us and we're going to keep doing this as long as you want to keep hearing it. So thank you very much for keeping us going all this time and being there for us. Yes, I echo those things and I also want to thank our producer, Alex Smith, for making

us sound good on this episode. I want to thank our network, Maximum Fun, which helps us out in myriad ways if you want to check out the other podcast on the network go to maximumfund.org. And wow, we did it. Whatever it was, it was done. You can't argue that it happened. It was it.

Yeah, and now we did it. We're here. Or the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. Yeah. So I want to thank Dan McCoy for being my rock in times of trouble. I want to thank Elliot Kaelin for always, you know, always forcing me to like look a little bit beyond myself. I want to thank all my haters out there for being with us. Yeah. So I've been Stewart Wellington and I always will continue to be.

And I'm Elliot Kaelin. And next episode we We're gonna have some new rebranding on me. I think that the second 400 episodes I'm gonna be a new character with the new name so stay tuned and see if I remember this bit when we record the next episode and have a new character to bring up Bye Just house Blyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy What is Alps football uniform? Because it's dressed up as a football player. What is this is a shumway on the front of his jersey? Like that's his team. That's the team. Well, maybe he's maybe it's his little team. Maybe it's a family team.

Yeah, but like, so the team he's on is called shumway. Plays for the shumways. He plays for the shumways and he is a shumway. You can go your way or you can go shumway. There's a right way to do it and a shoemway to do it. Maximum fun, a work-around network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.