The Flop House - Ep.#371 - The King's Daughter

Episode Date: June 4, 2022

What's this? An IN-PERSON episode? That's right! Elliott was in town to officiate a wedding, so we took a little time to get together in person and record an episode for y'all. And what movie did we pick for such a special occasion? How about something that showed up on basically every "worst movies" list of last year -- something that sat on the shelf for half a decade and has been in development for 4x that? You guessed it! We tackled Pierce Brosnan's Wig Party aka The King's Daughter!Wikipedia entry for The King's DaughterMovies recommended in this episodeBoardinghouseThe OutlawsNight NurseEver tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping.

On this episode we discuss the King's daughter. Does this princess become a bride? We'll see! Okay. Mine was also Princess Bride related. Hey everyone, welcome to the flop out, so I'm Dan McCoy. Oh, evil Dan McCoy's here. I guess a good steward is going to say hi. It's me, Stuart Wellington.

Yeah, that's actually Wadam, the evil version of Dan. Oh no, what's his color? What's the color of his outfit? beige. beige. Okay, what's good dance outfit? beige. Wow.

They share clothes. So deep inside. So deep inside. And I'm Elliot Kaylen. Hey, what's different about this episode, everybody? It's about things, daughter. No, we're in the same room, dummy. Oh, right, right, right, right.

I think I got to tell you, dummy. Sorry, I'm talking to Wadi and the evil day in there. Yeah, we're all in the same room. Elliot is in town due to personal business. I was officiating a wedding. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not tracking down that my target. I'm telling you, well, he take of a cat and there's like drawings of pillows

of cats around. It's true. This is a very cat centered decoration scheme in this immediate area. That's that's mainly to put LA on his back feet. So he can't take control of the podcast like he usually does. Now there's a podcast where we talk about movies and to peak at Kansas. Okay. Yep. Thanks for covering both. Will we talk about movies and to peak at Kansas. Okay, yep. Thanks for covering both.

Will we talk about both? Who knows, we'll find out. Yeah, on Stewart Wellington, the flop house, joining me today is, wait, do we get this part? We're still on used to being in the same spot. It's late. They call him Dan, bit blocker McCoy.

My doctor prescribes a bit blockers. It's good because your arm is getting full of bits. Yeah. It's all too many heart. You just got loose bits floating around inside there. Um, yeah, yeah, we talk about movies, movies that have gotten critical or commercial dropping. In this case, both, uh, yeah, this was, this showed up on a lot of worst of the year list. This one, the King's daughter, which year was that last? Was it? Well, it's a question because it's a movie that was supposed to have been released years ago. And it's been in development for roughly 20 some odd years. And for some, it's shows.

It managed to to climb its way out of the gray. Do I remember this movie screens? Yeah. All due to the amazing superpower of Chinese financing. This is, this movie has the most Chinese money in it of any movie made outside of China. Really? What I read. Well, at least any studio movie made outside of China. Because I'm sure we'll get into it, but the, the, uh, mermaid is played by a Chinese actress.

It's fanbanging, yeah. But they, they westernized her features through the CGI, which is very strange on obviously many levels. Well, it feels like it, yes, I mean, there's a lot of, there's a lot of things that are off about this movie. To the point that she appears to be an entirely CGI character, right? Yeah. Well, it is a CGI, I think it is a CGI character that,

that I think they Robert's are mechistate. What's her, oh, so it's like a like green screen. I think it's a mocap. Yes, mocap as opposed to Larry Cap or curly cap, which are the brothers of mocap. Well, Larry was not a brother of mocap. Or snow caps, which are non-parells. They're crunchy little chocolates.

Or Andy Cap is just a misunderstood hot-friced peddler. Yeah, he had misunderstood. He and his pet would live in a nicer apartment since he has that hot-friced millions behind him. He just spends it all at the bar. Yeah, oh, that's why no one knows he's sitting there. To have a console or a gaming cap. Oh, every bar under Spanish. You put my kids through college. And all you have to do is roll them home at the end of the night. So this movie, no, this movie felt very much like it is a, it is a Chinese producer attempt to break into the Western market with something that is kind of like if the Princess Bride

was bad. That's kind of what they're going for. And they took most of the jokes out. Yeah, it's not, it doesn't really have jokes. Yeah, there's no jokes. There's a sense of the character is not being interesting or hanging together, but we'll get into it. But you expect more because it is directed by Dan.

Sean McNamara who we know of course from Bratz, the movie Bratz. He directed Bratz for a long time. Flabberg's favorite. He of course, he also is most famous for the three ninjas, high new and mega mountain, starring whole Terry Holco. Yeah, he did some cats. He dropped, he dropped a banger like Brad's and then like, he could just retire at that point. He goes on that Brad's money. Yeah. But he, this movie, it's weird to say this, but it shows none of the snap and vigor of Brad's. I mean, say what you will about Bratz, a movie that like I've come around to thinking like, not only is kind of a good bad movie, but might actually be kind of fun.

It does, it moves quickly. And this movie is bad over 90 years. And like it is slow as molasses. Yeah, there's one cut that is covers two years of time. Not since 2001, a space Odyssey covered millions of years of human evolution in one cut. And so this movie, it's based on the novel, the Moon and the Sun, which actually, vague title won the Nebula Award. It asks questions. Does the book answer? We'll find it. It won the Nebula Award for Best Novel in 1998, beating out a book called A Game of Thrones. Apparently not as good as the book that this movie is based on. So how do you feel about that Stewart?

Wait a minute. It beat out a Game of Thrones for the Nebula for Best Novel. Okay. Well, I mean, let's see. And then the adaptation was. There's no like there's any wildlings And then the adaptation was better. And sound like there's any wildlings in this book. I read, you know, I read about the book. The book seems substantially different. Yes, very different. Usually the case in, in some sense. I'm willing to bet that the book is much better than the movie.

What happens to the movie? It has to be. Well, not necessarily, but it probably is. Let's go, let's jump into the movie. Shall we follow? So the movie begins with on screen text telling us that it's the year 1684 and King Louis the 14th of France wants to live forever. So he sent an expedition to find Atlantis and the secret of immortality cut to a big book

that says the King's daughter and a voice over from I think Julie Andrews that tells us the exact same information. Well, this this Julie Andrews narration is one of the things that got added later in the process from my research. I think like this movie actually like passed from like one production company to another. Yeah. And I think that one

one point was going to be a Jim Henson production, not Jim Henson the person, but Jim Wilson. Well, that was like the earliest, but it was going to be a Dreamworks movie at one point, I think, or Disney movie. Yeah. So yeah, as I approached the judges table, it was gonna be a dream works movie at one point, I think or Disney movie Yeah, so yeah as I approach the judges table I say okay, so I present here a duo of exposition

The two ways and then and the judges. They're like you're not giving us anything new with these two ways You can just fried fish and bake fish, but they taste the same It was also like I like literally I don't think since the sort of classic period of Disney animation, have I, I don't know if I've seen a movie that starts with Book Being Opened, with title of movie narration, explaining book, it felt very old, sort of fairy tale. Isn't that how super bad opens? That big leather mouth book, this is super bad. That'd be tell you about the tale of super bad.

I don't know, that book says it's super bad. No, no, no, no, no, it's actually bad meaning good. It's a marketing team would have done another pass on this one. And so, so Julie Andrews tells us,, I assume from the line at the bank where she's catching the check, uh, that this is the story about, uh, Marie Joseph, the, she's the titular King's daughter. She's a secret daughter. She doesn't even know the King as her dad. It is normally if you hear the name King's daughter, like that's a princess. I don't know why they're going through all this rigour roll. It turns out she's a bastard.

Yeah, she's, well, yes, a natural daughter. She's our best stitch as Lobo would say. Thank you. Yeah, for all the Lobo fans out there, just to put it in terms of understanding. I mean, this is one of the changes from the book that I was able to see that, like, in the book, no relation to the kids. In the book, there is no Kings daughter.

Yes, exactly. She's just a lady. What a mentally different. And she's played by a Kaya Skodalario, and actress I'm not really familiar with. Not familiar, but I think she does a good, like, I think that there are a few good, like, acting performances in this and they're stuck in a movie that was never going to be rescued by anything, but I think that she puts in her best effort. She's a young woman. She's living

at a convent run by the evil head abyss Rachel Griffiths Academy Award nominee Hillary and Jackie and the head avis is horrified that Marie is always running off to go swim in the unholy sea. The devil's water. Maybe it's just because I just read a big chunk of L Rick stories, but the idea of an unholy sea is so much more interesting than anything in the movie. Well, also this sets me up to believe that this movie's going to take a strong anti-religient hand. It's clearly to be like, oh, you can't swim because of God. That's like that's something like that. But then later on, I'm like, it's so, it's, it's movie comes so anti-science and pro-religient.

Yeah. And also this setup, having recently watched Better Dead, I'm like, oh, this is going to be good. Oh, baby. It doesn't say in the comment too long. But I was I was like, this is movie gets so anti-science. It's like that. Yeah. That Chinese dance show that advertises everywhere in LA. I don't know you're talking. Oh, and you and Shen Yuan. Yeah, yeah. Where there's things songs about evolution is bad. But anyway, so that's the the craziest thing about like I've seen ads for Shen you in all the time. Like all the time I've been in New York every year. But recently they've

been changing that the pitch is now see China before communism. And I'm like, oh, gross. So meanwhile in the in the court of the King of France, King Louis the 14th, Pierce Brosnan. And this is this create this begins the or he continues the the movie's theme of having French characters played by people from the British Isles, Ireland, where it's like there's almost no French people. And except for Pierce Brosnan and and John hurt, there's no one doing a William hurt William hurts. All right. John hurt. Oh, what one doing a William hurt William hurt. Sorry William. John hurt. Oh, what a performance. That was great. But he passed away before the movie was made as

possible. I'm hurt. It passed away after the movie was made. But nobody is attempting to do a French accent. See, if all these people with English accents, including the titular king's daughter running around France, and it's ridiculous. Okay. So anyway, King Louis, he's just returned from a very expensive war. He's just rang a tank. He wants to see, wants a secret of man's red fire. So he gets, he's giving a speech and he gets shot and he survives giving the shooting, but it makes him wonder about his own mortality. And I'll just mention, it's actually happened to Teddy Roosevelt and he didn't go around killing Mermaids to become immortal.

He just dealt with it. So thank you, Teddy Roosevelt and he didn't go around killing Mermaids to become a mortal. He just dealt with it. So thank you, Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah. And then we'll kill Mermaids to avoid going to therapy. Yeah, I do know you mean. There's ever a guy who's going to go out and kill a mermaid. You'd think it would be Teddy Roosevelt. He killed every other type of man.

Yeah, he's so excited. So end up. Also, I like that the speech he's giving is to like a crowd like 10 people and one of them hasn't got run. And so King Louis talks to his head priest, a pair of lasheas, the inventorized sum of the chair of the same name. And that's William Hurd in what I assume is his last role. I don't know of any of them. It was his last role released. I don't know what it was made so long ago that he had a gun. And he's talking to a pair of las the shoes and Dr. La Barth played by a published writer and

La Barth tells him that that's a Nick Sabatka. You got a Nick Sabatka in your movie. You know, is a thing or two about water. He's worked the ports. I mean, his dad is really the one who knows. Oh, no, his uncle is really the one who knows about it. Yeah. And if only he was his uncle's son instead of that wasteful Ziggy.

Yeah. He's always causing trouble and showed off his penis. I feel like washtrull is like the shorthand for that. Yeah. So that's a lot of wire season two talk for the Kickstarter, but they shouldn't have cast Pablo Shripe. Yeah. And so La Barth tells tells the king there's a secreture who has the secret of eternal

life. So now we see this Atlanta's expedition. It's led by Captain Eves returning flop star Benjamin Walker. Yeah, Benjamin Walker. What he was in Abraham Lincoln vampire. He was also, he looks like a combination of like de aged Pavlapascal and Liam Neeson. And I looked it up. He actually played young Liam Neeson and Kinsey. So he also, he's also known for when he went when young Liam Neeson and Kinsey. So he also he's also known for when when young Liam Neeson goes to talk to Alfred Kinsey for his report. He also he on stage, I think he was interjects and in bloody bloody interjects. That's a great segue to our new segment,

The Great White Way Too Much hosted by me, Elliot Kaylen, Dan and Stewart. Can you guess how many actors in this movie I have seen perform on stage in the live theater? Okay. Say five. That's gone over. Hi. I'm going to I'm going with three. Okay. You went over to the answer to actually two. As far as I know, I saw Benjamin Walker in the original public theater version of bloody by the ender Jackson report, moved to Broadway and failed. And I also saw two, as far as I know, I saw Benjamin Walker in the original public theater version of bloody by the underjacks and report moved to Broadway and failed. And I also saw Pablo Schreiber in a 2006 Broadway revival of Clifford Odets Awaken sing. And this is where we get the way too much information section.

Sorry, I was like, no, no, no, Elliot. Don't say it. It's because the cat was coming up behind me. I assumed to attack me. I was trying to distract my cat from Elliot. Yeah. I was a sleepwalker. The, um, I'm not know, Elliot. Don't say it. It's because the cat was coming up behind me. I assumed to attack me. I was trying to distract my cat from Elliot. Yeah, Elliot's a sleepwalker. The, as you know, I don't know what to do. I'm not doing my story.

Okay. This, this show Awakens saying featuring Pablo Shriver was the show that my now wife's parents took me to when we first, when I first met them. So they came into New York to see their daughter and see this new amazing guy she was dating that guy was me. They went because we're all Jews. We went to go see Awakens saying on Broadway the story of a Jewish-Lawry site family. New York to see their daughter and see this new amazing guy she was dating that guy was me. It went because we're all Jews. We went to go see a Wakin thing on Broadway, the story of a Jewish Laurie site family.

And Pablo Shriver was in it. So that's two people in this movie this far as I know I've seen on stage live. Now, wasn't Benjamin Walker was also Patrick Bateman in the American Psycho musical, right? Yes, I believe so. And I believe he was married for a while to Mamie Gummer, Meryl Streep's daughter. I don't know. And then he heard his, her daughter with Louis Gummer, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the got a divorce and he is now married to. That's right. The King's daughter herself, Kara Scolarion. What a great name is. Did they fall in love while making this movie? It said they got married in 2016, so I'm assuming yes. So yeah, I think so. So this was a real, what was it? Dreamhouse, the movie that, or bad house,

the movie that a Rachel Vice and James Bond fell in love on. Uh-huh. I mean, Daniel Craig is called. I mean, I can only assume that Daniel Craig was in love with Rachel Vice since the movie saw her. Oh, yeah. I mean, finally, we're able was in love with Rachel vice since the moment he saw her. I mean, finally, we're able to. Yeah, we all are.

Yeah. So anyway, we see this Atlanta exhibition featuring Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln himself, Benjamin Walker. He's throwing exploding barrels into the scenes or in a storm. I'm not sure how this is helping them to catch a live mermaid, but they do. They catch what we call mermaid bait. The mermaid's eat explosion. That's how they stay young forever.

And they catch a female mermaid. They throw the male away. They let it swim away. It's useless to them. But we don't really see the mermaids yet. Their visuals have been hidden from us. We just see they've caught something, something murderous. But they're also dangerous.

Yeah. They're dead. These aren't your daddy's mermaids. No, in fact, I mean, they're, I mean, they're, I mean, they're are pretty much traditionally mermaids are dangerous. So yes, they, lure sailors to their death. Then I guess they're not your daddy's mermaids. Just like the manatees.

Just like the manatees are mermaids. That's what I was looking for. To be fair, there's a lot of woodcuts where you can notice that back in that day, manatees were a lot more makeup. And then they go, you. Love a boy.

And as they would lower sailors to the rocks. Yeah. So anyway, and also, you know what? People make fun. They're like the sailors looked at manatees and thought they were mermaids. You know what? If they're attracted to mermaids, to manatees, I'm not going to kink shame them. You know what?

If that's what they're into, you know, my friends always made fun of me because when I was younger, I liked mermaids that look like manatees. But now I love my manatee mermaid life. Yeah, Ellie is finally the same. I'm a hero. As a man who is admitted that he would get murdered by a species, I feel like if I was in the manatees, I would totally like kill myself thrown myself out of a clear political list.

You'd crush on the rossies. It means of course. Natasha Hensridge. Natasha H'd crash on the rossies. He means, of course, Natasha. Natasha has been, she has been, the alien from species. No, not just any species. No, not any species.

No, not any species. No, not any species. The species, the character, the alien. Yeah. Despite species, like all the red flags. No, I want to see the sitcom where, where it's called species roommate. And it's about, and it's like species.

Could you take a man home last night, maybe, and eat him? Maybe. I'm not eating the blood out of your blankets again. So, and it's because the roommate has a crush on species and doesn't like that she's always bringing other people. So anyway, so that. So will they won't they until the final episode of the first season when she eats them? Yeah, where she eats them.

Yeah, they recast me. So just like you can be witched when she murdered him for a sacrificial right. Yeah. They as she ate the heart of the first Darren and they had replaced him. So Dr. LaBarreth tells the king that if they sacrifice the mermaid during eclipse, and in the book apparently has to eat the flesh of the mermaid, but here it's not quite clear how they're going to transfer the immortality of the mermaid to the king. By the end of the movie, you know, they're shooting at the mermaid in the ocean.

Yeah, it's like, I guess just as we kill it during this time span. And I guess the mermaid soul will leap out and the king just has to grab one of and catch it before somebody else can get it. So Dr. Liberty says, if we sacrifice the mermaid during the eclipse that's coming up, they can transfer its eternal life to him. And Fatherless Shays is like, I don't like this plan. And he, I guess as part of his plan to stop the mermaid, to stop the mermaid stuff, he goes to the comment and gets Marie Joseph and brings her to to the court of Versailles. She doesn't know that she's the king's daughter. She thinks she's being brought there to be a new court musician. And she is an awe of Versailles, who wouldn't be. And they shot it at Versailles, which is amazing. If there's any reason to see this movie and

it's doubtful, it might be that, yeah, they shot it at Versailles. Although then they populated it with a bunch of people wearing just seemingly like random flashy clothes from the past. It does not look like clothes of the time. It looks like they just were like, I mean, some people look like they're flappers. Like, if this movie, it looks like it was popular. It was popularly by vampires. They're all from different different areas where they go on party. Yeah. Well, and if this movie is clear about its intentions, like, it does feel like a a large basically acceptable because it's like, is this trying to do like, I don't know, like a bathroom and stuff. Yeah, if it's trying to do like, or like a, or like a marine internet, yeah, where it's

where it's like, we're deliberately mixing times because we want to give you the impression of what it was like. But it's the only way that that comes out is in the people I've received. Yeah, it just feelsilles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so King Louis, he gets woken up every morning with a orchestra or a small orchestra, like a quintet playing for him.

And he yells, he just, this is my favorite moment when he wakes up and goes boring because he thinks the music is boring. And he tries to get does this, my favorite moment when he wakes up and goes, boring, because he thinks the music is boring. And he tries to confess to, to where's that new sound I've been looking for? Listen, the, to this. And so she tries to confess to William hurt his father confessor, but he can't, he even remember which woman he had sex with last night. And, and Lachese has to, has to correct him. And meanwhile, Marie gets brought to her small room at Versailles, which she's enchanted

by. And she meets Marguely, her attendant. In the book, this character, I guess, is a slave who's trying to get her freedom, but here that's not touched on at all. And this is, and later Marie, it will be brought to a better room. And I'm like, why didn't you just cut straight to the chase and have her brought to that room at the beginning? And I'm like, why the extra room? So anyway, it's have her brought to that room with the beginning? And I'm like, why, why the extra room?

So anyway, it's the King's birthday and this really annoys him because it just reminds him of his mortality that he's getting older and he still needs that mermaid. But he looks great. But he looks fantastic. And he meets Lentilac, Lentia, or Lentit, something like that. He's a young heir to a lace fortune who has a lot of money. And the King is like, I need that money because that war really put us in debt. This is back in the era when like nations didn't really have budgets. It was all based around

like whatever finances the king could could steal away from everybody else and kind of royalty was always and countries were always running at a money and they hadn't realized about debt financing. A lot of modern day mercantile budgetary financing just wasn't there. So anyway, the court. Thank you for that. So anyway, the court is all that. Thank you for that. So the part. Quarters. It's a big plot development that he needs this lace air's money to keep the country afloat. And it's like, well, why don't you just do the things countries do? I don't understand.

But the court is all it's all preening. They're all dressed up like they're, yeah, they're their trust fund kids going to like an antiquated club or something like that. Their idea of what a Versailles themed party would be. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, then I would like, I would have expected a larger wig budget, but that's okay. That's fine. It pretty much went to Pierce Brosnan's wig.

Yeah. Yeah. And everyone's got a wig. That was a wig. I hate to figure it too. Everyone's gossiping about Marie because she just dresses plainly and they're like, what's her deal? And meanwhile, the king thunders around on a horse in slow motion. And he startles her into falling into a fountain and the and Lintiac, the or whatever, have a pronounced Lintelac or Linteloo. It's just for reprimanded a million times.

Yeah. He helps her out of the fountain and seems instantly smitten. And so Marie is hired as the new court composer and she gets a fancy apartment. This is great. And meanwhile, the mermaid is being kept prisoner in a sort of underground steampunk cavern. It's pretty cool. And it's supply, it's like a layer. It's very much a layer and it supplies for size fountains with all their water. Yeah, it definitely feels like a part of a level in an uncharted game where I'm like, oh, how do I figure out this fucking puzzle? Okay, do I got to push that

box on this other fucking thing? If I push the box onto the water wheel, then stop it or will it maybe the box will fall over? How am I going to time all these jumps and draw these fountains? So, uh. So father Lache is in the king. They go down to stare at the sad mermaid, which won't eat in the king. Man's Benjamin Walker kept me. He was, you keep it alive. We're also I'll throw you in jail. And it's like, is he going to, I guess he's got a force, like doing an animal force feed

on this mermaid? But where do you find the butt? I don't understand. It's a mermaid. That's true. That's a good question. Listeners, why don't you write in tell us where the butt is? It seems like they were having trouble.

Only out of mermaid. I know where the bud is on other animals. They're like, what is this mermaid eat? And it felt like they threw a stick in it. Well, not that, I'm assuming fish. Well, they're not dead fish. It's obviously the mermaid is also not eating because it's been in prison. No, I know.

But the issue is, but also you'd think that they'd be throwing in good food. It is France, but that night. yeah, shouldn't they be throwing in like a peacock brain. Yeah, that's not your shit. Macaron. Yeah. Here's a certain. Manuel Macron. Wow. So that night, Maria's called to the cave by the Mermaid sad song. She's the only person who ever saw who can hear this song. And we finally see the CGI Mermaid, who is, it's like the characters at a Bay of Wolf, the Roberts and Mekis movie or Polar Express or something like that.

Yeah. It looks like a, like a Navi mermaid. Yeah. My guess is that maybe a fan Bing Bing who plays the mermaid, she has a huge star in China. She's a, she's one of the highest paid stars in China. And my guess is that she was like, I'm not getting into a mermaid costume and like swimming around in a tank. Like let's mocap this.

What are you doing? Yeah, just like Andy circus. Yeah, exactly. Oh, have you guys ever been to the Andy circus? He plays all the animals. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's so amazing. Anyway, they don't have to use real elephants because it's there.

Well, that's the thing, like you have to wait though, you have to wait around. I feel like place one at a time and it's like, wait, we're going to composite the sin. And then by the end of the night, it's amazing. Yeah. It's just like five to 10 seconds of actual circus content, but you see him doing it throughout. It's really fantastic. Yeah. And then it's his his motto. There's a circus more than every minute. So this is where Captain Benjamin Walker shows up. He was sitting up late in his room, reading a little book that I'm assuming is a little manga and I mean, guess what else are you going to do at night? Like it's, you know, you got to read something.

It's going to be manga. Well, it's a tiny little book. That's what comes in tiny books, sir. He's just reading his little lone wolf and gov or something. He's a little Tosh and Bonner. And so it's, the mermaid is kind of whispering this mystery language to, uh, to, uh, Marie and Eve catches them and Marie says, I'm going to use this mermaid song in my music. Steelers song.

Yeah, I just get a culturally, culturally appropriate from this mermaid. We'll not help her get free, but I will steal her music. And the next morning she plays the song and the king loves it. He loves this new song and this new composer. So she gets invited to the king's grand ball, which would be awkward if she wasn't invited because she lives it for a sign. It's true. She's sitting in her room hearing everybody dancing.

And she's not going to wear all this makeup that Margoli puts on her. So she goes down, you know, plain Jane and everyone is astonished by it. And the king is like, I love it. You're an individual. You remind me of a woman who wants new. Like every weird dude who is like, I love it. You're an individual. You remind him to be a moment when one's new. Like every weird dude who's like, oh, you look so much prettier without makeup lady on the internet. And this is what leads us into the section of the movie that is the like creepy daddy

daughter dance. Yeah. Yeah. There are other like we know she's his daughter. She does not know that so she would probably be assuming this Lethra's king is like I can't wait to get to stavin Wow Is that the way she puts it? I mean yeah Yeah, that's what you put how she put it letters to me

She's running a comment where the head happens told her that a man's penis is sharp like a knife See I do agree though like like there's this sequence. Yeah, like this area in the middle of the movie where you're like, this feels like quasi-romantic in a way that I'm like, I was genuinely confused, like does the king know? Yeah, and he's also French though. So that's just the way the French are, but the obsessed. Is it?

Yeah, I mean, I mean, let's hear his right in. Let's just the way the French are. But the insensitive. Is it? Yeah. I mean, I mean, uh, let's hear his right in. Let's see. Uh, uh, what's that? Louis mall movie? Sorry. The one where the one where the guys is in love with his mother. Anyway, so, uh, the, uh, so my father, the hero, yeah, my father, the, again, a Frenchman. Yeah. Um, little 112. They, well, they, they're, they call it La Huntred to Mew. Uh, it the hundred to me. Uh, so the king is like, oh, you're a real individual.

And he starts dancing with her. And the dance goes on for a while. She's enchanted. And then he suddenly sees her as a different woman. And he's unearthed and he has to stop. And we, because we've seen stories, we know that he has suddenly seen, he's suddenly imagined that it's her mother that he's dancing with. We know is some woman that he loved and lost.

So anyway, Marie goes to visit the mermaid and tells the mermaid all about the ball, which seems like rubbing it in her face that she's trapped in a cave. It was so great. I was walking around in my cool legs. I could go wherever I wanted. No one would stop me. There's a thing called dancing. You wouldn't know anything about that.

And then you want the mermaid to sing part of the world, but she doesn't sing it. And maybe she doesn't have weird language. Anyway, and she ends Captain Eve start bonding over their love of the sea, but, uh-oh, they're being watched by Dr. La Barth. So earlier, Marie went down to see the mermaid and was watched by the captain. Now she and the captain are looking at the mermaid and they're being watched by Dr. La Barth. Who's going to watch them when Dr. La Barth joins them?

We'll find out. And the next day, the king starts telling Marie about Louisa, a woman he loved who Marie reminds him of, because obviously it's gonna turn out to be her mom. And later, the king is doing like all drawing, right? He's doing a drawing of her, and he's like, I used to sketch her as well, and there's a fountain that looks like her.

Later, the king sells, wait, so when, so in Titanic, when King wasn't says like, draw me like one of your French girls, does she mean draw me like your French daughter that doesn't know that you're her dad? Yes. You know I had to the tension and the little car there. Okay, the little car. Whose car was that and they got to it and they were like, oh gross.

Yep. Well, they made sure to put that car on a light Yeah, like that sink with the Yeah, well the 40 but he went to make it with the fish got into it and is like why is there jizz all over the place? I think it goes I know we'll drive away. I brought my car with me. He opened the door anyway. Oh Steward this fish is like oh now I got to wait for another car to say. They start thinking those subway cars to make artificial reefs. And they're like, not what I wanted.

Mass transit gross. So the king sells a dukedum to a lentilack, an exchange for a ton of money. And that night, lentilack is rude to the sailors. And they spar verbally and almost come to blows. Because they're sending up one at the Captain Eves as the man of the people and Lintelac is my bad boy. Favorite fancy dinner scene in a movie that still goes to Dark Crystal where the skegs are chanted down on all the roast nebriens shit.

We showed Dark Crystal to Sammy and I was like, just get ready for this scene where they're just eating and he was not impressed. And I was like, are you kidding me? I was a kid. I watched it over and over again. Yeah, I liked it so much that for years, like, I think to a current day, whenever we eat, like whenever we eat meat at dinner, my mom would call it roast neighbor. That's sweet.

As we know, you have the best mom. She's really willing to meet her. Yeah. So it's another night, another song inspired visit from Marie to the mermaid. And the next day Marie and Eve's, they're flirting around Versailles and everyone's watching them and they start riding horses together. But Marie falls off and breaks her arm. Of course, Dr. LeBart says they need to empty the door.

Which is nuts. Like that's lockers. Yeah. And even in 18th century medicine, they weren't like your arms broken. I guess you have to empty it. Which is nuts. Like that's blockers. And even in 18th century medicine, they weren't like your arms broken. I guess you have to lose it. And then he looks at the camera. He's like, she said she wanted to lose some weight. It does look.

It's crazy. Here. You know, he looks at the camera. And he goes, he goes, as a doctor, I did swear to do no arm. Oh my god. Dan, did swear to do no arm. Oh my God. Dan, you got to do it now. I'm going to do it now. Uh, I would amp you tape to this is hard.

Yeah, this is difficult. This is like watching a kid ride a bicycle. First time you can't help them. One. You want to say some arms? Say you took the hippocut it off. Instead of the hippocritical. The.

Okay, so anyway, the king is like, wait, maybe let's wait one day until you put cutter arm off and the captain brings Marie down to the mermaid who heals her by swimming around her until they're engulfed in glowing light. That's right. The book powers. book is glowing light from the book. No, the mermaid was a mermaid in the book. That means so many of the book was based on had no mermaid. Well, how the book? What the book you put about? See if there's any entry for glowing

white. Well, that's like there. I remember reading there's an article in the New Yorker years ago when about Schmidt was was coming out with the author of the book about Schmidt and how it was like in the book, it's not set in Nebraska. The characters are apparently very Jewish. I think it's like barely about Schmidt. It's, it's on the, it's on the, the upper east or upper west side. And they're talking to, um, two hours in a pan and he's like, well, I changed it all, but of course, I'm keeping the title. It's a great title. It's like, okay, so really you just like the title and you made up the rest of it. But anyway, Marie Tellt says, like, says the king, the mermaid healed me.

And the king kind of lets Marie believe that he's going to use the mermaid's power to heal the common people of France and then let the mermaid go. He got to assume there's a lot of injuries in France at that time. Yeah, that's going to take a while. I mean, even if he's telling the truth, like that mermaid's never getting out of there. Yeah, it's still not great. And Captain Eves is like, no, the king wants to kill the mermaid to be immortal. And he's like, you're wrong.

You don't, you need to trust people. You're too cynical. But they walk around for a long time and he shows her his little lighthouse that he lives in and eventually they kiss. I have to say, Ellie, every time you say Captain Eves, there's a, every time I expect you're gonna say Captain Eo. I don't know. Now, how would this spin it for me?

How would this really be different if it was Captain Eo instead? Obviously, there'd be some good elephant robot dancing, but it'd be a different kind of dancing. True. So instead, so it would be what like Angelica Houston as a spider queen trying to live forever? I've never seen Captain Eo. I don't know anything about it. I saw it when I was a kid and I thought it was so strange. And it felt what was strange is about I think was that as opposed to this where they have all that voice over in the beginning, Captain EO treats at the story as if you know who

Captain EO is, you love these characters, you're very familiar with them. They exist outside of this incredibly expensive like 20 20-minute movie. You can only see it a theme park. Like it's, and I didn't understand it from one moment to the next, and I know there's a robot that turns it to a drum set. Like I remember that. Love it. That sounds good.

But it was, I remember seeing it as a kid and just being baffled by it. It was so strange. But it feels like a cultural artifact from a completely different dimension. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, so if it was Captain E, it would be a very different story.

One because it would be Michael Jackson. And also because there'd be like a lot of aliens running around and stuff, but maybe better movie, except for the Michael Jackson part, because, you know. Not a known actor, also dead. I mean, he was in movies. True. He was in the Wiz. He was in Moonwalker, which is really more compilation of videos.

True, he was in the thriller video. Yeah, he was in the most basic movie. The thing is also he made a bunch of like direct to video, not full length, but long, like 40 minute or so things that I remember reading about them after he died. These like things that would be released on video that people didn't really see very much. And we're often like thinly veiled defenses of his of his bizarre lifestyle, you know, but anyway, so he did Michael Jackson's not in this.

It's not captured. He nailed it. And so they're in love now, but the king has promised Marie's hand to the to the new Duke Lintelac. Uh oh. That's not a big deal because she's not anybody's daughter, right? Uh oh, because after another night of mermaid communing the king tells Marie, I'm your father. It's just like an empire strikes back spoiler alert because then he because then he cuts her hand off.

The doctor is like, yikes, we did it. But no, he tells her he is her father and she's excited. First, and he says, you need to marry the Duke. So, France kind of money. And she's like, I don't want to. And he says, and he says, you have to obey me. I'm your king. And so she's mad. And she says, of course, for France. And she walks out and collapses crying in the hall. And at this point, that the movie goes through a number of sequences with like kind of pop ballads in the background. Yeah. And father Lachese, he goes to visit the mermaid and he tells the doctor in the king that

he is risking damning the king's soul forever by killing this mermaid. You got to believe this king has done so much that has already damned his soul to hell. Yeah. He's the king of France. Yeah, now that we've gotten here, let's talk a little bit about this is we we fainted towards talking about it, but this is the weird thing about the movie where like the man of science, the doctor, is the one who's like, okay, what we've got to do is as science teaches us, we murder this mermaid and you get to be immortal. Whereas the Christian advisor to the king who

is played by William Hart and you're set up by every other movie you've ever seen to think like this guy's bad news. Yeah, he's the one who's like, no, no, no, you can't go this man. The only thing immortal is the soul and the love of God. This is wrong. This is wrong, sir. Rather than in life, what I would assume being the case would be like, this is an abomination of God. Well, but also like there are, you know, science does go overboard often. That's why we have like atomic bombs and Facebook. But the movie.

And the overboard remake. And the overboard remake. Which was, scientists never asked what they should do it. They only asked to think that too. Yeah. And, but this movie goes so overboard in being anti-science.

And the idea that science, it's not just, this, that science causes the need for ethical inquiry, but that science itself is. Science was to murder mermaids. I mean, you think I'm not as much of a history buff as you guys, but in France at this time, the church was a force of good, right? It was such a force for good that they soon afterwards when they killed the king, they tried to eliminate the church from France.

It didn't work out because the common people wanted it. But yeah, it was a, this is, I mean, it's like not, it's, if I'm getting my time right, and I'm probably not, it's not that long after like the Huguenots were massacred and forced to leave because of religious differences. Like it's, this is, yeah, the, it's a historical. I mean, and again, it's also a movie with a mermaid. So of course, in real life, the King of France never tried to kill a mermaid. For you to be dead.

You know what I can't, I can't prove a negative. So you're right, there's still a chance. Lack of evidence is not evidence of lack as Duke Lintelak tells us. But that's why it's called Lintelak. But I mean, the, but it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's weird to set up a movie where science is, it's not just like, it's, it's not just, oh, we shouldn't tamper in God's domain, but like, no science, please. Yeah, science says we got to cut off your arm and kill this mermaid.

Yeah. And so, so, uh, Leshez is like, and it's ironic since Leshez himself, again, is an adventure. He invented a type of chair. So he's saying you're going to, you're going to damn your soul if you do this. And the king's like, well, if God doesn't want me to do it, may he strike me down right now. That old chestnut, which implies that God has doesn't have more important things to do with this time. He looks superman.

Yeah. And the mermaid calls to Marie again and kind of mind melds with her in the water to show her that when she was taken from Atlantis, she was taken also from her baby who was waiting for her back in Atlantis, a little, a little mermaid baby. Yeah. Take her back to her baby. She wants her baby back baby back baby back. She wants her baby back baby back.

Mermaid's babies are back. What? Okay. Anyway, Lichies and the doctor and the king, they'll are arguing about it. And the king is like, look, if we kill this mermaid and I become immortal, clearly it's God's will that I be immortal. So just let me do this thing, which is a bad argument. Yeah.

Yeah, I like it though. It's very throw someone in the water to see if they're a witch. They died. They weren't a witch. So it's kind of funny because obviously he's the king of France and I assume he's a baddie. But leading up to about halfway through this movie, I'm like, he's not that bad. They're setting him up to be a character who you want to like. He's not an out and out. It'll be a barth is the villain of the movie. And he has that real. He has that.

And lintel like it's like Barth was the villain of Martin literature. A little bit. Yeah. A barth of you can do that. A television. The chef that served Barth to me. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

That was the. He's so bad. Like when you have a name like Barth, I guess you're assumed like, yeah. Well, that's like there's a restaurant that I drove by a few weeks ago called gorps That was like I meant to look at him and see if I know who gorf was yeah Just imagine being the person who the host and they like it goes yes, this is gorf Welcome to gorf's yeah I guess we have live jazz music. Mr. F like yes.

It sounds like a weird contraction. Do you have Gorphs? What? I was thinking the other day about a movie called Snow White in the Seven Dwarfs. Where is, where is her in Seven Tim Conway? I mean, you can't go wrong with that. The guy is a comedy genius. He's hilarious. Oh, he's just like, he's like, this is going to be, this is a hot take, but Tim Conway is like Martin Short and that he is an objectively hilarious person

who also made a lot of very unfunny things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So anyway, the sailor, he's the two, the captain he was his friend who I don't remember his name, but he's another sailor who's kind of the goofier of the two. But he doesn't have enough time on screen to really develop a personality.

They're searching the doctor's study and they essentially just find drawings of him killing the mermaid. I guess that's his plans for the next day. He drew in Casey for Godhead a read that day. In-sert knife here. I know. It's like, it's like,

Ikea, it's like two people to carry this mermaid, not a one person job. So, and they slip that under Marie's door right before they're arrested and locked up under the orders of the doctor. And Marie sees the plans and she's so mad, she smashes all of the things. She's sending me this shit. She's like, I don't want to vote for Caruso in the LA mayor election.

Stop slipping this stuff under my door. That's some local humor for a city I'm not in right now. Anyway, we're getting a lot of flyers for this guy that we're not voting for. And she says, it tells the king, I'll marry the Duke. David Caruso right there. Yeah. David Caruso of J. E. Fane. Yeah, that's what he's most. That's what he's most important. That's known for it. Yeah. So she says, I'll marry him if you free the mermaid. And the king goes, no, you're going to marry him. And I'm going to kill the mermaid. Yeah, turns out when you're not the king, you don't have that much love. Yeah.

King is like you have, you have nothing over me in this situation. And he looks and then everyone's preparing for the eclipse and you get this, this dramatic stutter zoom in of Pierce Brosnan on a balcony staring straight at the eclipse as if trying to stare it down, you know. And so Marie, she's like, let's chase, you've got to help me save the mermaid. And her room is guarded, but he helps her sneak out of the guarded room so that they can go to the cave. And I forgot how Captain Eves got out of jail, but he's, he gets out. And he's in, they're in the cave and they're like, hmm, if we drain all the fountains in Versailles, we can raise the water in the cave enough so that the mermaid can jump over the retaining wall.

Free will. Yeah. It was like, it was, then we push the box on the fucking water. Yeah. And that's going to tip over a candle which burns through this rope that frees a mouse that goes for the cheese which turns on the fridge. But if I don't do it fast enough, it'll reset. Yeah.

We got a, we got a principle perjure of this fan. But if I don't do it fast enough, it'll reset. Yeah, we got to, we got to principle Persia this thing. And so they, they do it. Anyway, but while they're trying to do it, uh-oh, Dr. LaBarth shows up with his gunmen because he's a doctor. He can order around soldiers and they shoot eaves, but he keeps fighting the baddies until he and Dr. LaBarth tumble into the water, only the doctor resurfaces. Oh, no. Yeah.

And Marie fights doctor. I gotta say, the doctor resurfaces in like no, and Marie fight doctor. I gotta say the doctor resurfaces in like the, this was my pick for cool shot of the movie. I like the compliment it. Give it something nice. Show or not. Yeah, like the our hero is looking down at the water, you know, like not knowing there's blood in the water.

She doesn't know who survived, you know, her love or this evil doctor. And meanwhile behind behind her, we see the evil doctor rising up on the water wheel slow. And I like that. I like that. That was a nice shot. Good work shot. McNamara.

You did it. That was the only thing I enjoyed. One perfect shot. And doctors like great. I killed this guy and dropped him in the cocoon pool of healing. Yeah, well, that's the then he he fights her and he manages she manages to tie his ankle to the water wheel. So he's dragged under in drowns take that and the mermaid. Give it to him. He lived by the water wheel. You die by the water wheel asshole. Yeah. So the mermaid escapes with with the captain. Marie rides off on a horse

leaving the duke at the altar and then the king chases her on horseback. And suddenly they go from because we already know he's a bad ass horse. And I've only been to Versailles once. I've never I don't know the French geography that much, but they're in minutes horse ride away from the ocean and a cliff. Yeah, I don't think it's accurate. It's true. I don't think that's accurate. Well, I'll let it, uh, correct me, uh, do mermaids exist? You bring an extra little point up that this is that the most, the biggest difference between our reality and that one is the mermaids. So who knows what other different variants there might be?

Uh, that, uh, that, uh, Versailles might be an ocean side of state in, uh, in this world. Uh, and they chaser this cliff and she gives an impassioned speech. And she looks down and sees that the captain has been healed by the mermaid. They, the mermaid and the captain kind of shoot out of a hole in the cliff into the into the ocean. And the Kingsman are ready to shoot the mermaid dead, which Kingsman from the Kingsman movies. No, I hate sorry, I hate to say the men who belong to the king. No, I hate to say I hate to say to you. The men who belong to the king, who work for him. And it's one of those things, as Dan said, like, I don't know how this is going to say,

give him immortality. If they just shoot, they just snipe a mermaid from thousands of feet away and its body floats away into the ocean. But it's like they say in Riddick, you keep what you kill. Yeah, I looked it up Versailles, I wouldn't say is the most landlocked place in France. Okay. You get further inland, but pretty far. It's not a, it's not a two-minute horsey ride. No, no, no, no, no. I would, this would take a quite a while on horse to get to the ocean. Okay. And so they're in a shoot of dead. And Marie says, if the mermaids live, it will save my life. And she jumps off the cliff into the ocean, breaking her body to pieces.

And the doctor, if you were alive, would be like, got to cut those pieces off. They're broken now. And the king is distraught and he sees the eclipse is taking place. It's time to kill that mermaid, but he tells them and not to shoot. And the mermaid pulls her glowy swim move on Marie and saves her. And they all swim away to the captain's ship, which is waiting offshore. And the king says, don't stop the ship. Just, just let it go.

Please don't stop the music. And I've learned my lesson that even kings die. Yeah. And Lyshez, and he kneels to in repentance before Lyshez. And Lyshez says, you were a great king, which is debatable. And now you, now you've become a great man. And Lyshez forgives him. It's so debatable.

Yeah. And forgives him for sins. This only love is immortal. Now, we get back to the Julie Andrews voice over, wrapping up telling us how the captain phase forgives him. So debatable. Yeah, forgives him for sins. This only love is immortal. Now, we get back to the Julie Andrews voiceover, wrapping up, telling us how the Captain and Marie, which is, which is, which is, which, and to Neil. Maybe that's to Neil's first name, I don't know. They're searching the seas for Atlantis and they finally find it.

And rather than throwing exploding barrels in, Marie dives in and her mermaid just happens to be there right at right there. You can tell that's her mermaid. I mean, like I'm a secretor. It's like, hey, like unless the legend of her, I mean, they say that crows, that later generation, some crows can recognize people that they never met somehow, that a person who encounters a flock of crows, who then returns months later or years later when

it's a new generation of crows that they will recognize them. I guess because the story of that person has been passed down by the crows. So maybe it's something like that. You find this to be true in your work with the Crow Puppets, the mystery science theater that like future generations would still recognize the generations of Crow Puppets. They would still, I mean, they would still know me depending on the puppeteer operating them up. And the mermaid takes Marie on a ride through Atlantis, which is kind of like an underwater So, the pro puppets, they would still, I mean, they would still know me depending on the puppeteer operating the puppet. And the mermaid takes Marie on a ride through Atlantis, which is kind of like an underwater

Las Vegas. Yeah, it's very glowy and pastel and like a puppet. And you kind of wonder what it's made out of and the mermaids have no hands. So, how do I get sculpted? Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, these mermaids, what we haven't really said that instead of hands, they've got like big razor sharp on the first. They're huge fins.

Yeah. So they have no hands and they, but they somehow maybe they hired, maybe Steve, when built this whole mermaid complex. And at one point, the doctors or the captains suggest that the mermaid could slice you in half with their fins. Yes, although we never see anything like that ever happen. I thought that was just them kind of being superstitious about the Mermaid. Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.

But I could be wrong, but in that we'll see. Because I mean, if they had that ability and you're making a movie, you know, you got to have them slice shit. Well, maybe they were saving it for the King's daughter tournament fighting game. I mean, if the Mermaid is up against Blanca, like, and he tries his electro move, she just cuts him into it. Yeah, your breaker meter goes all the way up and then you can do your super moves. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, I don't know whether this sort of gentle, fairy tale-esque story ever had anyone being murdered by a mermaid, but I do think that's probable that a lot of things in this movie that seem to go nowhere. That's because it got retooled so many times and could have been improved by a mermaid murder. Yeah. Now, Dan, you, you, maybe, if you want to start final judgments, we could, a good say is the, is the, referring to it as a fairy tale type movie because it is, it is attempting a kind of like, I'm not, I assume it's supposed to be a family kind of picture

for a fairy tale because there's nothing particularly violent in it. There's no particular sex in it. It's a, it's like like you could show it to children, but at the same time, it's so boring. Why? And so overcomplicated, you know, I don't see a kid liking it. Unless you're trying to teach them

that, you know, like not everything in the world is going to be good. Yeah. Well, there's no jokes. Like it's not fun enough. It's not fun enough for a kid's movie, and it's not sexy enough to be kind of like a grown-up romance in a time of course it's not fun enough for a kid's movie and it's not sexy enough to be kind of like a like a grown-up romance in a time of course It's in actually see them much of the mermaid. So we are

Currently soaking in final judgments whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie a movie kind of like yeah I'm gonna I'll kick us off on that tone. I Think it's a bad bad movie and a large portion of it is, like I don't know for whom this movie was made. It is not like I have faith. Chinese investors. I have faith. Yeah, well, it was made for Chinese investors

that wanted to break into the Western movie market. But at the same time, this wasn't always this movie. But yeah, that's the best. That's actually a really good point, man. Because if you're gonna spend a lot of money making a movie, why don't you make a good movie, right? Well, but the thing is, I see there could be a good, I can, this movie, different people have been

very passionate about making it for 20-some-odd years. And it's, I can, there's a good version of this movie that has a certain amount of like, wit and lightness and magic to it. The way that like, the Princess Bride exists exists, like that movie exists and it's great. And like you could do this movie like that and they just, but they didn't know how to do it. But that, but that movie is to some degree like, you know, it's, it's taking the piss out of fairy tales. Except it's, it is, but it is, but it's so, it so it's so and the same way that like we're watching

My kids love the old Lion King and there are parts in that movie where you can tell our is that different than the animated Lion King movie I mean, it's that me they're both animated it's the it's the wait a minute ones alive action No, one is an animated movie it looks like a 2d cartoon and one is an animated movie that is faking live-action animals And which is the one on Broadway? That's not a movie. That's a stage play. And just human before I was okay. And yes, yes. And the stage.

Yeah, so but the old, there's the scene where Zazu the bird has played by Ronat Kinson. Sean Oliver. In the new one that scar played by Jerry Mayerans, I don't know who plays him in the new one. To a tell J for it. Yeah. He, he, he told us him to sing a song and he starts singing, it's a small world and Scar goes, oh, no, no, no.

And at that time, that was kind of a taking up the piss out of Disney joke. But that joke seems so quaint now compared to the new one where in the old one, they kind of hinted at the word fart, but they don't say it. And the new one, they just say fart and they talk about the word fart for a while. And it's like, I'm always farting and shitting. It's me, Pumba. I'm sure when the fart, I'm known for it.

I'm just shit big. That's what I do. Hey kids. And Timone is like, I loved it. Like, this is the Lion King 2020. And so the end of the video, I loved it. Like, this is the Lion King 2020. And so the, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Princess Bright at the time was like, oh, it's a tongue-in-cheek kind of winking fairy tale, but you watch it

now and it just feels like a fairy tale. Like it, even the jokes feel like fairy tale. Yeah, it's not, it is not that sort of cynical, like, let's say, like, shrek, you know, like the worst version. Like, you know, like William Goldman wanted to write like a tale of high adventure, and he wanted to like put like jokes in it and make it like sort of sophisticated for a modern audience. But like, it's really a throwback. And this one, it wants to be a throwback. And it has no height. It wants to be a throwback, but it has, yeah, it has very little of the things that you like of those or that I like, so that maybe there are people who love like, like,

there's a very heavy romance element to it. It's not a particularly well drawn romance, but like maybe that's, maybe that is something that doesn't. Yeah, I mean, it's not as well drawn a romance to say like the romance between Shrek and Fiona. Where they learn that it's okay for she can love him for being ugly because she is also an ugly ogre. They are on the same level of attractiveness. So it's okay. Just don't try and punch above your weight class. And also it's okay to make fun of the king's height because he's a bad guy so they can

make fun of his appearance as much as they want. I know. He's not so much about that movie I don't like. So are you saying King's daughter is better or worse than Shrek? Oh, don't mean this is a real song and choice, you know. But I will, so I'm also going to call the King's daughter a bad, bad movie. But there's the part of me that like, I think I've said in the past, I like the idea of like adventure movies.

Like they don't make them really any more the same way. And so there's part of me that wanted to like it because it's a throwback kind of fairy tale movie. There's no adventure. They just hang out at Versailles the whole time. No adventure and there's no, the characters are not fun or exciting. There's no excitement or fun.

And an adventure movie should be both exciting and fun. Or else, what, what do I mean? Or else, why be going on an adventure, you know? I mean, I guess there's like sorcerer. That's an adventure movie that's not exciting. That's an adventure movie that's not exciting. Show me a movie more exciting than sorcerer. I mean, it's 10th. I mean, it sounded like that. I'm so much like billbo right then. Like if an adventure is not going to be exciting or like, why let me just stay here in my hobbit hole and have

some tea. Well, yeah, basically come in here coming in here sing songs and fucking my place. My place down you mean Jerks. Oh, that movie I wish this is remember, I mean that plate scene goes on for so long and I kind of wish every time they were about to go on the adventure, they just started seeing the picture. Oh, yeah, another plate. Give me more of that shit.

And Peter Jackson's like, actually, it turned out to be a five movie series because they don't go on the adventure till movie two. After the first movie is three hours of the mean bad house guests. Yes. Oh, man. Now I got to wish that the poster for the first movie

was Bilbo opening like his mailbox. And they were like, all all the characters were like all the dwarfs are sticking with the mailbox And they're all looking at the camera. They're all looking at the assortment. How else do you make a fucking movie poster? You have to look at the camera Because you actually it's like, you know, there's a lot of extra songs in the summer. Some are all in that we weren't using So we just put them in here. We paid for that shit, put them in. A lot of people don't know that the movie house guest was based on the Silverillion. We took that in. We paid for this.

I'm very curious about this, this Amazon Lord of the Rings TV show that they spent a billion some odd dollars on. Because I'm worried that there aren't enough stories left that people are that interested in, in the realm of Middle Earth, you know, I could be wrong though. So Stuart, you thought it was a good movie? Oh, yeah, it was, well, the thing is, it's tough.

Is there a category between good, great and best movie ever? No, this is a bad, bad movie. It, yeah, there's just not, it's an adventure movie with no adventure. There's no real, there's no jokes. Yeah. There's no sense of magic and it like it should, at the very least it should make you feel like, I'm seeing something that I can't see otherwise.

I feel like there's a bigger sense of connection between our hero and the mermaid than her love interest. Maybe she should have fallen in love with the mermaid. She should have real life actors. Should have married that mermaid. Marry that mermaid Mary that Burma. Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, don't watch splice if you want a mermaid movie John candy scarders fucking grosses hell and splash I watch it recently. It's fucked up

I haven't seen splice in a long time and I have to assume that there's a lot of stuff wrong with that movie That doesn't fly these days or swim I should Can't do that over zoom and And it's also yeah, we can't. Well, we could try to have a zoom. We break our computers because we hit the screens. It's the great dance computers. It's the, I watched a video about it a while back. The splash is one of those ones where it's the idea of like, like, um, sexy born yesterday

or something like that, born sexiest, where it's like, finally a sexy woman that I get to teach about the world. Yeah. Um, hey, I guess that I get to teach about the world. Yeah. Um, hey, I guess that aliens gonna be your new stepmoth. Honey, I'm married to species. Yep, that, that, that terminator's looking thick. Hi, I'm Jesse Foreign America's radio, and I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Our comedy podcast, Jordan Jesse Goe, just celebrated its 15th anniversary.

It was a couple months ago, but we forgot. Yeah, completely. Our silly show is 15 years old. That makes it old enough to get its learners' learners permit and almost old enough to get the talk. Wow, I hope you got the talk before then. A lot of things have changed in 15 years. Our show's not one of them. We're never changing and you can't make us. Jordan Jesse Goat, the same forever at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm going first. It's me, Jackie K.

Shud. Man, she's always this bossy. I'm Laura Kilhart. We're a bunch of stand-up comics, and we've been doing comedy like 60 years total. We both love the most, but we look amazing. And we're running out. We drop every Monday on Max Fun, and it's called the Jackie Laurie Show, and you could listen to it and learn about comedy,

and learn about anchor management, and all the things. And Jackie is married, but childless, and I'm unmarried, but child full. So together, one complete woman. Is that just what that one's gonna say? Yeah. And we try to make Kyle that just what that one's gonna say? Yeah, yeah. And we try to make Kyle laugh just like that and say, oh my god, every episode.

It's a good job. Jackie and Laurie show, Monday's only on Maximum Fun. Hey, listener, we got sponsors. One of them is Loomy Labs. You've probably heard about microdosing. If you search around on the internet, you'll find all sorts of people who are microdosing to feel healthier and perform better. Our show today is sponsored by microdose gummies, which deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. If you're having trouble with, I don't know,

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and use code flop to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that is microse.com and code F L O P. Plop! Hey there! Are you a proud cat person? I know I am. My cats, muscles and meatball are the apple of my eye. You must love your cat. Yeah, they are both apples of my eye. I can have two apples in my eyes. That two eyes? So you love your cat, but that doesn't mean

you have to love having a litter box in your home. Kittipoo Club takes care of the more unpleasant parts of cat ownership. So you can get back to loving your furry friends, like I love muscles and meatball and archie. Don't look at me like that. Every month, Kittipoo Club delivers affordable and recyclable litter box that's pre-filled

with the litter of your choice. When the month is up, just recycle the used litter box and KittyPoo Club will automatically deliver a new one to you. You can easily customize your subscription at any time too. Maybe add some toys, treats, accessories. I know about you, but my cats love treats and toys and accessories. Whatever will make you and your Kitty happy. Now what kind of accessories? No, man. Yeah, little hat. Yeah, little hat. Yeah, little chain belt, bullet belts. Yep. Despite gauntlets. You often tell your cats before you go out, take off one piece of jewelry. Mm-hmm. And they're like, no, no, no, dad, I know better. And then they come back and they're

like, you were right. And right now, Kitty Poo Club is offering an awesome discount for your first litter box order and free shipping when you set up an auto ship. Just go to kittipooclub.com to save on your first auto ship order of litter boxes with free shipping and be sure to let them know that the flop house sent you after you check out. That's kittipooclub.com. Elliot, hey, you're in town.

Do you have anything to plug? Because of being in town? Yeah, I know. So, to our, hey, you're in town. Do you have anything to plug? Because of being in town. Yeah, I'm in general. So to a press tour, you're on there. Not exactly. Yeah, yeah. I'm only appearing on my own podcast. Sure, I'll mention, I think I've mentioned before.

I have a new podcast on I Heart Radio that's just for kids. That's JFK, just for kids. Uh, that's when JFK airport. What happens if just for kids airport? What if an adult like me shows up wearing a mustache or something? Well, don't wear a mustache. That makes you look like more of a pro. But that's a disguise.

I mean, but disguised as a grown up, I mean, at least show up with like a backwards, facial cap and overalls. I don't know. I feel like I'm kind of jealous that like, oh, the, that like these like these like 20 year old zoomers can pull off like little mustache issues. Like, I wish I could go back in time and have a little mustache. Yeah. You get a mustache. I'll tell you go back in time and have a little mustache. Yeah, well, you could have mustache issues.

I'll tell you a piece of advice that I got from. And like a curly mullet. Could I have a curly mullet? Yeah, I'll, this is a piece of whatever you want. And like a single dangling earring. Yes. And here's the piece of advice that a fashion person gave to me.

If you act like you can pull it off, you can pull it off. Oh, that's good to know. Be the change you want to be in your appearance. Anyway, I have a new podcast called The Who Was Podcast. It's a quiz show about history for kids. It's on I Heart media, but you can get it wherever on wherever podcast apps are. So that's the Who Was podcast. And it's a fun podcast for kids about historical figures. And also what's this all about? Many act of New York. Sure. That's still in comic book stores.

I think the collected volume two comes out in July. Yay. Array. And I own some bars. Go to them. Angelions bar and Minnie's bar. You pee. I'm sure I do something. Hey.

Not yet. Let's move along. Move along. In his own house, I said that. Wow. Dog in a mouth. Letters is a thing that we get from you, listeners, who are listening. And now we will read them.

I will read them. Okay. Some of them. Well, Stuart and Nellie, it's staring you uncomfortable. Yeah. Hey, this is the letter section. Section. Thank you.

Hey, this is the letter section. Hey, letters are things that we get. What are some other things that we get when we get older? That's for sure And we get oxygen in to our blood when we breathe That's another thing that we get if we're outside in the sun too long we get discoloration Again, we're older. That's something we get when we go to the store we get groceries If it's a grocery store us or this serve this is a best buy. We're not getting groceries there. What are some other things that we get? Well, we get wet when we jump in the pool. When we're in the shade, we get

real cool. Those are things we get things we get if we shave a sheep, we get wool, which doesn't quite rhyme with pool, but I tried something I tried something I got and now we're getting letters from you and you We're getting letters from you if you sent us a letter if you didn't send us a letter then we're not gonna get a letter from you That's something we're not gonna get not yet send us that letter better yet I run yet with yet you bet We got some letters because that's something we get Chana na na Say to boost it good dog Hey flopporinos this was this was from Monty last name with held

Monty Helman director of Tulane Wtop. Since Stuart is an amazing dungeon master and the other two of you know how to play games now thanks to him. Yeah, sure. I taught us everything we know. Yep. I thought I'd ask what movies would make the best premise for an adventure? Thanks. Monty last name withheld.

What movies? Yeah, that's it. I mean, that's a tough one. Like, I feel like a lot of times when we're reviewing movies, I'm like, this would have made a good, this would have made a good RPG adventure. I don't know if the King's daughter would have made it pretty good. I don't know. It's such a localized specific incident and like our hero, we don't have a party.

Like, they do have a party. They go to a big ball. Oh, that's true, but that's not what I mean. Oh, right. The, that's true, but that's not what I mean Oh, right The I will say though this doesn't directly answer the question the number one best example of a RPG adventure on Screen is still Conan the destroyer. That's the best D&D movie that isn't a D&D movie What about you guys? Well, I was trying to think like what I mean What about you guys? Well, I was trying to think what, I mean, honestly, the most interesting RPGs to me now are

the ones that go off in like, weirder directions. Are less tied to what's traditionally thought of as like RPG stuff? I mean, example. Well, when Stuart made us all play cartoon dogs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, if there was something like creative where we all got to be like the March Brothers

ruining a party. Oh, that does sound fun, yeah. A role-playing game. Like that's like the new way. That's the kind of party I was talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the party would be the March Brothers but they go to a party.

But in terms of things that are already ready made for that sort of thing, I was thinking about Something like Buck Rubanzai, which is already sort of set up to be in that tradition where it's like you're already part of a party that is like Scientist and a rock band and you travel the world like Buck Rubanzi is more successful as a world building module, as a movie. Yeah. I was thinking, so I think those are all really good answers.

I think that I was thinking instead of an RPG, if it was kind of like pandemic style, timed board game of taking a Pellum 1, 2, 3, the hot, and you've got like the train on the board and you've got the dispatch center and you've also got the car that has to get the money over to where the to the train station and it's all you got to coordinate those elements. You got to get that there on time.

We'll say start killing hostages. Oh man, you had some like classic euro resource management in there. You're like, oh man, maybe some kind of an like an action bartering system and auctioning system. Yeah, it's great. And the turns are timed because you got to you got to keep talking to the host. Yeah, there's a lot of people playing the kidnappers or just someone are there also people playing the kidnappers. That's a good question. I feel like the kidnappers would make an excellent, uh, that would be

like a bot element. Yeah. Maybe like the game against you. So yeah, I feel like a cooperative, cooperative makes the most sense. Unless you can see victory conditions applying to the different, players, because each player is playing a different, what city agency. Yeah, well, you have someone in the, so here you would have, you'd have Victor Garber, Transit Cop, who's doing the negotiating. You'd have the Tony Roberts character who is the, the mayor's a, the deputy mayor. You'd have someone playing maybe the cop who's on the tracks, who's a, the police officer who is like a in the middle of the, the, the, the crossfire.

And, you know, and then maybe there's different victory conditions for each, but ultimately, I think you'd be cooperative to, to stop the hostage. Yes. To stop the hostage takers. The hostage is, you don't want to stop. Let them go. You don't do this game. Oh, wow.

That's a big, that's a big thing. You know what? And someone is playing as the undercover cop on board the train. And in the movie, that person does very little. Yeah. They do very poorly in the game. Yeah, but in the game, that person does very little. Yeah. They do very poorly in the game. Yeah, but in the game, maybe they have a chance to shine, you know. Great answers, all now, the next, the next letter goes like this. You see, you see

matter, okay, Dan? Okay. I was mad at the burp that was coming out of me. Get back in my throat, bird. In the last 40 seconds of episode 123, hey, another taking a poem, 123. Allow. It's the secret thing that runs the world. In the last 40 episodes of episode 123, Stuart seems to be in the middle of describing a wrestler named, a wrestler. Name's Dr. Nuts, who his thing is he always got his nuts out. And after an extensive Google image search, Google image search and some psychosexual confusion, I find this character

just not seem to exist on our earth. Andy follow will be much better. Maybe in the galactic dress like the rich. Thank you for opening the door to that possibility. Any follow will be much appreciated. Exo exo John Ham from Mad Men last name. Wow. That's a big star right. But that makes sense. That's actual with his interests. So yeah, I feel like that was an inside joke with some friends of mine where we're our own pending wrestlers that we would like to have in our in our wrestling Federation. And Dr. Nuts was one of them. I probably could remember some others, but you know what guys, might drink a lot in my memories, bad. That was before you became a healthy stew.

No, I still drink. My memory is still bad. still drink. My memory is still bad. Hey, let's move on to recommendations of movies that we saw, that we enjoyed, that why not? We might. Yeah, let's do it. Let's just, let's give it a go. Yeah, let's go. You know what? I'm gonna, I'm looking back on my diary. I wrote your diary. Well, my movie diary on, uh, to your diary, I'm seeing Elliot and Stuart today. I can't wait to talk about movies. This is my diary where I only talk about things that haven't happened yet. All right. Yeah. I watched a lot of movies lately because, uh, Audrey had COVID for a while.

And so we were quarantining on opposite sides of the apartment. And I was, uh, you're just going through the cinematics late night offerings. Yeah. All of those, uh, showtime as well. Uh, no, um, the showtime ones I always found were not, I mean, not that I've looked at any of them in years, but the showtime ones always found were not quite at the same level of, of, uh, sleaze. Yeah. As the cinema, with the showtime ones, it was like, the showtime ones, it was like, we're making a TV show that has some nudity in it, but we're still pretending we're making a TV show where it's in an act was like, we know what you're here for.

Well, they have owner police for, but it's only pan and scan. That is the direction intended. Um, you know what, I'm going to recommend to movie though that I saw a ways back at a actually at a weird winds day. So why were you telling us the story about watching movies on the other end of the apartment? Well, I mean, the point was.

That's not relevant at all. No, it's not really relevant. I'm establishing a connection with the show. I'm establishing that I watched a lot of movies but nothing like really like stuck out to me. But you're showing us your work, okay. But the movie that did stick out to me is a movie that I cannot sell to you as a good movie per se,

but it is an interesting movie, a movie that has its own weird corner of film history and that it was the first shot of a video horror movie that was released theatrically. It was a direct video movie and then they blew it up to 35 millimeter, which my look very strange It's called boarding house It is a weird movie about a guy who who there was a There a lot of incidents in this house, this house had some sort of paranormal energies,

like they did like telekinesis experiments in it, but also like it just seems like maybe there's like super natural shit, I don't know. That is super natural shit. Well, but like, you're like, there might be ghosts in the house, but there also might be super natural stuff. Well, I mean, telekinesis is like pseudoscience stuff

whereas like, okay, well anyway, it's not, you know what I'm just going to do. Yeah, I mean, Telkenesis is like pseudoscience stuff, whereas like, okay, well anyway, it's not. No, no, no, it's cool. Yeah, yeah, dubious. I'm saying that it's not ghosts, but then later on it seems like maybe it's also ghost. It's like one of these like movies where, you know, in the, in the tradition of like, house tour, or poltergeist, where like, there's not necessarily a clear, um, through line, through all of the scary stuff that happens. It's just like, I don't know, what are some scary images? We'll throw those in this house. Yeah, you know.

To put it in layman's terms, you can't tell if it's actual supernatural stuff or if just Losis Spooky's are on the case. It could be. But it's funny, this guy starts this morning house and he puts in add in the paper saying, like, looking for young women from my boarding house. That's what works. It's not a red flag because a bunch of hot young women show up and there's a lot of like hot dubbing in this movie.

But also, women lodgers from my boarding house must be young slash topless. Yeah, but also there's like telekinesis going on like this is the main the makers of this movie like where they did a transcendental meditation. Like that was the David Lynch made it. Yeah. But this movie postulates that if you just meditate hard enough, you can get to Okay, these are now yeah, that's cool. Anyway, like so I should make it so all of this should make it clear not a traditionally good movie, but a very fascinating, weird one like it

feels like a half-remembered dream of falling asleep to late night cable programming. It's a beautiful way to put it. Yeah. Boardinghouse. It's not for everyone, but if you like the kind of thing that I'm talking about, this will interest you. I'm going to recommend a Korean action movie from 2017 called The Outlaws. It's based on some real events about a gang war that took place in Seoul between Chinese Korean gangs.

There's some really great inspired action scenes. There's some fun performances and it's also the whole movie is anchored on its star. That's right. The massive Ma Dong Sayok, who performs also under the name Don Lee. He is the beefiest dude. Oh, body goals. What a monster. He's great. I believe they actually, you know, this guy. See, yeah, yeah. He's the, in his character is referred to as, his character is referred to as the beast cop. Yeah, he's, you know, from train to Busan, he's also in the eternals as Gilgamesh. You know, everyone's favorite character, every, every, every, every, every, every, every general character. That was a big MCU character.

Gilgamesh, the forgot one. Yeah, but it's just such a beefy dude and he's great. And what you should do to brighten your day, just Google, Ma Dong say, who's kitten and you will be covered in a deluge of pictures of him cradling the tiniest little kittens in his beefy hands. That's amazing. So that's why I'm recommending the outlaws. And I think there's a sequel that Roundup.

I'm gonna recommend a movie from 1931 because I'm me. This is a movie starring Barbara Stanwick and Clark Gable and Joan Blondell and director of William Wollman. It's called Night Nurse. That's right. It's one of the more, I guess, risk a, it is one of the more notorious pre-code movies from the 30s. And I thought I had seen it and turns out I had and I watched it. And it's super fun. It's a really fun movie. Barbara Stan makes a young woman. She comes in nurse. She is, she and Joan Blondell are roommates who are frequently just wearing skirt slips and

bras. And they, she, and she gets a job as the night nurse for some rich children who it seems are possibly being allowed to wither away and die by the people in charge of them because they are heirs to a lot of money. But anyway, it's really fun. It's super fast and snappy. It's less than 80 minutes long. And there's a couple of scenes in it that are really funny. There's a couple of scenes that are just fun.

The characters always yell on each other. And you get to see Barbara Sandwick in her underwear. So it's super fun. It's really wins, I guess. And there's a cut. And it's one of these movies. So William Wollman was a director who was like really great at doing kind of like snappy action and snappy, like, you know, thrills and suspends and all sorts of things.

And this is very much in keeping with that. So that's Night Nurse. If you like old movies that are kind of fun, it's well worth seeing. I spaced out on an alley, I'm purving out on Barbara Standwick, because I was looking at this picture, purving out on Madelangue, holding kittens.

He's, his, his arm is so huge. Yeah, he's a big arm and a little cat. Yeah, that's why he plays the Beast Cup. Mm-hmm. Huh, well, what a pleasure to all be in the same room, guys. Yeah, but maybe feel the energy. Hear the noise. Mm-hmm. Bring into noise, bring into funk, bring the kittens.

Unfortunately, we only have enough room for denoise. Okay, okay. We can't bring into funk right now. I don't think the noise out. I feel like we've made reference to bring into noise, bring into funk more times. Really? I don't know if we can't bring in Defunk right now. I don't think we can't do noise out. I feel like we've made reference to bringing the noise, bringing Defunk more times. Really? I don't know.

Maybe a more times than zero. Yeah. Well, I always just think of like, do you remember Charles Holman from Erlom? Yes. He was our theater professor, and he was this big, shambling, like, 60-year-old gay black man

who had, like, he was just, like, gravel voice and, like, loved all the kids. And he was, like, he was, he just, he would just, like, read the newspaper to himself in the arts office where I was working as a like work studies student and he was like bringing the noise bring in the fuck. He'd like turn to me like I'd like to see you and bring in the noise bring the fuck. I was

like I don't think I can't I don't have either. I'll bring I'll bring in the snacks. He's like oh you bring in the it in this next. Okay. He was such a, he was a great, he was a great professor. I wonder if he was trying to challenge you. If you like, I'll show you, I will be in bringing to noise bringing to my mind. I mean, you only get into stomp and he's like, not the same thing. Captain Mike,

Captain. Oh, Captain, my noise and fun. So this is where we're gonna sign off. Do we want to thank any one of you? Oh, yeah, we should thank the Academy, of course, of course, all of our agents. Yeah. Thank you to Maximum Fun for having us. They run the network that we are on the MaximumFun.org is the website where you can go and look at other podcasts on our network.

If you go to floppaspodcast.com, you can find our official site, which has links to merch and all of our socials and stuff like that. And I don't know, poke around. Take a look. Alex Smith is our producer. If you want to find him on the internet, he is at Howell Doddy on Twitter. It's like H-O-W-E-L-L-D-A-W-D-Y. Yep, you did it. But that's it. I think thank you

for listening. For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. I think thank you for listening for the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Stewart Wellington. I've been Elliot Kellen in New York City of all places. Oh, what the mop of New York. That is where Elliot is now soon he will go. He's a go. He's a go.

But now he's in New York. Donkreet jungle, where Ellie is. So that's not a Muppet type. When he goes to New Jersey, no, it's not a Muppet type song. No. Bye everyone. You're going to like the way you. Yeah, it's where. That's meant to sleep you wear You're gonna like the way you look I'm so good That's a little ridiculous game too

We're all live the way you look Alright, let's do it, let's do it Yeah, why not do it, let's do it. Yeah, why not? Do the thing. Okay. Okay. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned.

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