The Flop House - Episode #166 - Pompeii

Episode Date: November 29, 2014

A returning Flop House director guides a cast of returning Flop House stars in an eruption of mediocrity named Pompeii. Meanwhile Stu asks a provocative question about Cenobites, Elliott reveals an early draft of a Robert Louis Stevenson classic, and Dan debuts his new hit character. Movies recommended in this episode:VolcanoHouseboundThe HurricaneThe Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith

On tonight's episode we watched... ...Humpei! It forward. Humpay it forward. Uh... What? Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey everyone, I'm Stuart Wellington. Elliot Kaelin here rounding out the cast as himself. Yeah, and featuring no one else

on just three first We guys special guest star the regular people like a one-man show Times three. Yep. We're like a bunch of three stuages except there's only one of us wait Yeah, this is one of those identity movies. Oh, okay. So we're all in John Q's accent. Yeah, and we're like John What's with the career choices you're making? It's like, multi-placity if they stopped at two clones. Plus the original guy. Yeah, exactly.

It's like Dr. Jacqueline Mr. Hyde, if there was a third guy, who was also involved. Larry. Called Larry. Dr. Jacqueline Mr. Hyde. This is Dr. Jacqueline's buddy, Larry. Called Larry. Dr. Dr. Jackal's buddy. Dr. Jackal's buddy, Larry.

Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde and Larry. Even Larry's like, I feel like I'm kind of extraneous here, guys. It's kind of a third wheel. But many things have three wheels. Tricycles that Mr. Bean car that's always getting knocked over.

Yeah. So what are the titles with side cars? I guess they've got four wheels, really. Yeah. I mean, not if it's not if you build them wrong. It's true. If it's built brokenly, then yeah. So would Larry be the ad, the ego or the super ego, Dan? No, he's the neighbor who's always like, what's going on over at the Jekyll place? I got to check it. Yeah.

You know, it's the kind of a three companies. The Mr. Rob. So we always walks in. Any thanks, uh, Dr. Jekyll's given Mr. Hyde a hand job or something? No, they're like, no, we're teaching each other to dance. That's not what it look like. It's only one of them at a time. But yes, yeah, certainly. It's called masturbating guys. Grow up. Don't understand where this conversation went. Dan, what do we do on this thing that we're doing?

What is this? I cast theoretically. We watch podcasts that you download it. Yeah. Thanks. I mean, they know that. Presumably, they know that far. Almost are streaming it.

Yeah, or they're like being trapped somewhere. And of course, look, you've got this podcast somehow. Maybe you download it. Maybe you found it in a bottle that you found in the ocean. Yeah, maybe a Genie gave you a compact disc to play. And you ain't get out of a hellraiser, guys. But the point is, we watch a bad movie. Maybe you're at an exorcism.

And the demon possessed youth is just repeating this to you. The point is it's a podcast. Yeah, the premise such as it is that we watch a bad movie and then we discuss it. Then we yak it, yak it with you. I mean, you don't really say anything. I mean, you can't say it, yeah. We just won't hear it.

We won't hear it. Not because we can't, but we as we refuse to. Whatever you're saying right now, I can't hear it. La la la la, not listening. Dan, continue. So we la la, not listening. Dan, continue. So we watched tonight, Pompeii. Pompeii. Based on the true story of Pompeii.

Well, loosely based on real events. Yeah. And I was surprised to find that Pompeii is about as old-fashioned a natural disaster movie set in a historical setting as you can get. Yeah. What are other historical disaster films? Well, I'm going to recommend one thing. Don Tayspeak. Well, you have movies like San Francisco, the last days of Pompeii, which is much, much

earlier movie about the eruption of a souviess. It's been the last days of Pompeii rather than the early days of Pompeii. It's been founding the city. This is the last days of pomfays rather than the early days of pomfays. It's been founding the city. It's like, when's the spoken? You know, get erupt. But I'm about to beside an adventure. No, not exactly.

What about Titanic? I think it was. Uh, Titanic kind of, I mean, that's not written less of a natural disaster, but you have a lot of these movies. This movie certainly

wishes it was Titanic at points. Yes, very much so. During the studio era, especially, you had a lot of movies that were like, we're gonna take a real life, like the San Francisco earthquake, or like the fire, great fire of Chicago.

And what you man, Mickey Rooney do it. Well, yeah, always. That was law though. Roosevelt signed that into law. That was the Mickey Rooney historical disaster film act because Rooney needed the work. Come on. He was just a kid. He was supporting his whole family. It was the depression. Anyway, so you had a they would say here's a natural disaster. Everyone knows it's going to happen.

So that's instant suspense. We'll have a love triangle between like a good guy and a bad guy and a girl. Okay. And then you know, that was the third point. Yeah, there's only two points. So she was the layering in this case. Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyden Larry. Oh, yeah, it's a love triangle. Did I not mention that? Dr. Jekyll has a crush on Larry, but Larry has a crush on a hide. Yeah, because he's a bad boy, dude. And so it's a real layer. He's changing into Hyden to get Larry to like him. And at the end, the Larry is like, Dr. Jekyll, I wasn't going to like you until you liked yourself. Exactly. And Dr. Jekyll is like, so you like me now? And Larry's like, no. Jekyll, I wasn't gonna like you until you liked yourself. Exactly. And Dr. Jekyll's like, do you like me now? And Larry's like, no, I don't.

I'm going out with Dracula now. The ultimate Mr. Hyde. The ultimate bad boy. Dracula, the ultimate Mr. Hyde. What a weird slogan. So speaking of Dracula's. There's no way he has. Kevers Elis.

How is he a Dracula? He was a Dracula and lost boys, is he a Dracula he was a Dracula and lost boys dude I Yes, he was a vampire he wasn't the Dracula Unless it was called Dracula's kids There's the track pack Little Dracula's little Dracula, Jr How was it well known fact about track track? I didn't have anything I just want to say just He has a kid named Keither.

So let's talk about. And then in the mirror roll. This is an old fashioned formula, and they did not add anything new to it until, let's say, the last 25 minutes of the movie, let's explain. We begin in Britannia in the year 62 AD. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a movie about the Roman city of Pompeii.

Well, technically Rome was just a city. It was a, it's the ancient city of Pompeii. It was part of the empire, I guess. All right, carry on. So carry on. That wasn't my concern. Like the British series carry on. Carry on up your mother.

It's a little bit. Oh, whatever. It was the unreleased one. Yeah. Dad's mom, it was called. That is our knees carry on. Dead's army's mom carry on up the Academy of your life. Up your bloody. Are you being served towers? Yeah. Python. It's that.

Why are you looking to me, Dan? I damn busters. Yeah. Yeah. Why were you looking at Stewart? I don't know. He's handsome. He is nice to look at.

Anyway, we start in Britannia and I know it's about Pompeii, but for some reason we start in Britannia and here's the reason because it's also dooms about to show up and kill Conan's dad and mom pretty much. Yes. So the Romans are subduing the Celts and in doing so they amassacre a village but they leave one boy alive by accident who has seen Keithers,

Harry Potter. Who's seen Keithers, other land who plays Corvus, a Roman general who becomes a senator later on. And. He's like nerdy bodyguard. And he has and his nerdy bodyguard who apparently Roman calls his bodyguard. His bodyguard who looks like a cross between like Paul Rubens and Jeff

Goldbloom and Eddie Dees and Anthony Weiner and Anthony we yeah kind of looks like those guys already. He did look like Anthony Weiner. That's right. And his name was like truck leaves. There's a lot of that. Braculous. Braculous truck. Brockyless truck leaves.

It's way, right? Brockyless may hand truck at least. Yeah, he was based on Brock my hand before he existed. That's former flop house guest host and great friend of us, Brock my hand. Look him up. Hello Brock. On the internet at rockmyhands.edu slash go. Plus or minus a B divided by the square root of two

equals X all for X dot tumblr. So so anyway, key for Southern London, truck Ulysse, rockulous, kill, key for Southern as a board, no, kill this little boy's parents, little boy escapes and isutherland as a boy, no, kill list little boys parents, little boys escapes and is taken captive as a slave. And 17 years later he has grown up to be Milo. Hey, uh, it's his name's Milo. Yeah, I'm just really realizing that looking at the Wikipedia entry, I had no idea what

most of the characters names were in this movie, but he turns it up grows up to be Kit Harrington. I hope the other Glaterators name is Otis. Yeah. And the end of the movie is the only way to escape Vesuvius is to transform morph into a dog in a cat into a pug in a cat. And they go, pause, don't fail us now. Oh, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. And they, one of them turns into a little helicopter and flies the other one to safety.

I think I can say there's a dog in of cats shaped hole in the screen of the movie. My low uses of the ears like helicopter blades and flies them above the smoking hot ash that's falling on the city. Like the Eagles in Tolkien. That's true. That's a accurate reference. Yeah. In that thing, that's a thing.

So anyway, he grows up to be Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones. Okay. You mean, Kit Harrington sounds like a girl orphan character. That's true. Like in the depression. Or like in Italy, like in Edwardian juvenile adventure novel. Yeah, there's a series of novels

starting Kit Harrington. Kit Harrington is like a girl gum shoe reporter. Well, she starts out as a boxcar child, and she works her way up to the- To be president. Yeah. The first little girl president, and she fights Hitler. In a jack's tournament.

No, okay. And she wins all his dollies, which leads him to invade Poland. No, it's actually dark ending, yeah. Ultimately, she goes more harm. Oh, there's a reason they impeached her. There's just, she was the first... It's an interesting impeachment based on things done as a little baby.

No, no, she was already present. She wasn't a baby? No, no, she was a little girl. She was like eight. Oh, okay. High crime. That makes more sense. That makes more sense.

Okay, that makes more sense. State. Anyway, high crimes and misdemeanor, the cops villain. Wait, misdemeanor was a villain? Yeah. Okay. That was a bad thing. And when my parents went to go see them

and we crimes and misdemeanors, and I was a kid, I thought it was about that character. Anyway, sexy. So my low with no Otis is eventually grows up to be a gladiator called the Kelt who is owned by the best character in the movie a sort of Foppish Dom Deloys in history of the World Part One. As you were saying Stuart he was basically what's the character from Vicharama? Yeah, he knows him bottom. He knows

a bot. I was thinking about how great a joke that is I mean number one just like the like the character But number two the idea that someone created a robot for the express purpose of being he to miss it Yeah, and he's like a robot couch that feeds himself grapes, right? Something like that anyway great But he's not in this either, but this slave owner is and he is leading him some, I guess the slaves are taking this guy somewhere.

He looks kind of like Guy Fieri's ancestor, basically. Yeah, but without the frosted tips, that's before they invented them. Yeah, back then when you wanted frosted tips, you had to put ice in your hair. Yeah, you had to climb the mountains and fight frost giants to learn the secret of their hair. Sure. Uh, continue. So on the road while he's being brought to Pompeii, uh, Milo runs across a carriage carrying

Cassia, played by Emily Browning, who is the daughter of Jared Harris as some big, muckly muck muck in Pompeii. Yeah. She's returning from Rome and her horse dies or something. Her horse is hurt. And she convinces the slave owner to unlock Milo's that he can soothe the horse to death because being a kelt, he knows horses. And he manages to whisper to the horse until it gets distracted and then snaps its neck

to put it out of its misery. But we should point out there's a there's a number of recurring flop house favorites here. You got Emily Browning who was in sucker punch and the uninvited. You had Jared Harris from the quiet ones. He's a selling from mirrors. You got director Paul W. S. Anderson from the three musketeers. It's a real flop coming.

It's a flop reunion. Yeah, who's flop coming queen? Emily Browning in this case, right? Yeah. You mean, uh, with her crazy cheekbones that were slicing people up left and right, there was so sharp. Yeah. Yeah.

Baby cheekbones. She has really defined cheekbones to the point that I wanted her to use them as a weapon at the end. Sure. Like, Keith or Southern would swing a sword at her and she'd catch it on her cheekbone and push it away and then slash at him with her cheekbone. You were worried that, um, the Mount Pompeii would erupt because of the proximity to the gravitational pole for enormous cheekbones.

Yeah, and no, it was Mount Vesuvius, Mount Paisa City. It's not Mount Pompeii. Mount Pompeii. So I watched the movie again. Maybe just read up anything on it, but yeah, your punishment is to watch the movie again. But anyway, Cassia is taken with this slave. Long story short, that's the love triangle becomes Cassia, who has a crush on his slave, who's becoming a famous gladiator, and who befriends Atta B.C., who is the previous star

gladiator. Yeah. And Mr. Echo from Lost. Yeah. The third point in the triangle is Kiefer Sutherland, who returns to Pompeii, not returns, just shows up. He's now a big Roman senator with an army behind him. He has not aged a day. He has not aged a day. He either has his Anthony Weiner sidekick. And he apparently casts you at Rand from Rome because Keefer Sutherland wanted to marry her.

Now he's there. And he's saying. Now he's there and he's saying, and he's there as a possible investor in Jared Harris' new building projects in Pompeii, and I have to admit, until two of the action scenes that came up later, the most exciting part of the movie was when Jared Harris was showing his proposed models to Kiefer Sutherland to show him what kind of projects he should invest in.

But I don't know that that was like, but I don't know that was the content of the scene either though. That was like you got two real hand bones hamming it up, uh, Gerr Harrison, Keith, there's other one. And giver settle and, uh, I enjoyed very much this movie. Like the more mustache twerly he got, the better. Yeah, yeah. As the movie goes on, he becomes more and more cartoonish and just smirks to everything. And like the like the movie needed more that let's just say this while we're talking about it This is a bland movie and it could use more charming character and GeForSoodlein provides a little bit of that the guy who plays the decadent gladiator owner provides a little bit of that

The hero has is like a blank sheet of paper. Yeah, his gladiator fun. His gladiator pal is more fun and has a more heroic climax at the end. I kind of wish that instead of kid herring to Milo's backstory or reporter. Yeah, the beginning of the beginning of the the beginning of the movie had just been Kiefer Söldle and like actively pursuing the Emily Browning's character, like awkwardly pursuing her constantly in Rome and her like, rebuffing him so that we're like, man, what a jerk and they played more of that up because I felt that stuff was way more exciting

than any of the other great people shit. And any of the Conan the Barbarian Gladiator rip off stuff? Yeah, exactly. Let's, to make a long story short, it all comes to a head when My lo has recognized the people who killed his family and For whatever reason you don't know you're somewhere. Yeah, didn't you kill someone? I know Like probably I killed a million people

No, no, no, no, it was someone close to me. But the whole thing is in it. I'm glad that he doesn't remember who, who he knows who got killed. Was it, no, it wasn't my teacher. I killed my teacher. Was it, oh, it's right on the tip of my tongue. It was a man and a woman. Sonny and Cher. You killed Sonny and Cher, right?

My favorite song and dance team? Personal assistance. You killed my mom. Biggie goes killed. My mom's my betmaw and my dad. Dad, you killed my digital audio tape, right? That's what it was. Why'd you do that?

Sometimes I'm awesome. I broke my tape on my archives run, man. I know it's going to break down eventually anyway. It's not a great archival format, but still all the same. At least give me time to transfer it to something a little more permanent. Anyway, great to see you. I'll get revenge later. How is the family?

How are the folks? Still not married, huh, Jason Cassia? Well, let me tell you, I'm interested in her too. That's amazing. It's the cheekbones. Yeah, got to watch yourself. I got too close and it was like, I didn't even touch her and it still cut me somehow. Like I'd master swords, meninges, sword, just slicing the molecules of air.

Anyway, I've tossed long enough. I guess he looks like he on board business to do. You got all these centaurians, and that guy looks like Anthony Weiner right next to you, he's looking pretty bored. I know you got a lot of important business. Jared Harris, I think wanted to talk to you. That guy is a really good actor.

He's got a little bit of the ham, and I'm still really great loved him on Mad Men. When is Mad Men coming back? Am I really gonna have to wait until next year for all the episodes? I better excuse me, I'm chatting too much and I gotta glad to get to Farty of the Death. Oh boy, anyway, it's a living as they say

on the Flintstones. Now, there's a Flintstones, how far away are we from that? Cause we're still living in stone houses and wearing like togas and like sandals and stuff. Like are we K familyFarrowy Romans? What age of the world are these living? No, I can't say like, where are we in relation to the Bible?

Like did that happen yet? Or because I don't know, it's AD, right? That's after Flintstones. After Flintstones, that's what AD stands for, after De Flintstones. I'm jumping in here and I'm ailing the key thers part. Anyway, but I'm rambling on but that's me and I have a lot of people to talk to in the slave pets. So what is new with you? What's going on? You look like you have an easy day. You heard me. It's my favorite animal.

Anyway, when you're asleep, you're looking for anything that'll live and things up and I found a picture of a canoe once. Just carry it with me. I'll show it to you right here. I can find it. Not a lot of pockets in this tote. I'm still having trouble finding it. Yeah, it was a drawn picture but it was really photorealistic. It's a word I just used even though we don't have those yet. Anyway, the thing about canoes is wrong. It's called a real debate. But I like Column of Canoes because it's like, is it new? Is it good new? I don't know. It's a mystery. And I love mysteries love mystery speaking of have you been watching Sherlock then to come

from that old man what it was. No, no, no, no, sure. This is why it was so good at playing Andy Rooney. Because because Andy Rooney would just do that stream of consciousness thing. Andy Rooney. The lovable girl from the depression who can play. Yeah, kid Harrington and Annie Rooney. The Sun will come out, but why does the Sun have to come out? The Moon will come out, nobody's saying songs about it. I guess there are a lot of songs about the Moon now

that I think about it, but I can't know all the songs. I don't have a digital audio tape in my head. I don't have a reason to keep going. Anyway, but that's the truth. The point is, it all comes to a head when everybody knows everybody else is there. Pompa explodes. No, no, it hasn't happened yet. It's not called that.

They're in the arena. There's in the arena, there's this big gladiatorial contest and they've decided to simulate the battle, reenact the battle in which Key for Sutherland subdued the Celts and they've arranged it so that our heroes Milo and his friends, the otheriator Atticus are gonna die because they're playing the parts of the Celts and Kiefer Sutherland says you're gonna give me your daughter's hand in marriage or I'm gonna not only am I not gonna invest in your projects I'm gonna tell Emperor Titus that you were bad melting. I mean you're all be hung to death. And so there's a big battle in the arena. So during this arena, this, this reenactment does Keith or Sutherland play the Robert, Robert, Robert Eurick is that who was a Robert Eurick? Who's on the list? He's all Mr. He's higher. I'm on Solven mysteries is Robert Vaughan, isn't it?

Yeah. Okay. Then that guy. So I don't understand. I thought it was a wrong plan. I don't know why. I don't know why. I think Robert Vaughan was a different person. Look it up. Anyway, Robert Wagner, maybe that's one thing. I'm not sure.

Look it up, please. I'm thinking Bob Euker. Anyway, why were you, what is that? I was doing. He said a reenactment. So who's the guy does all the setup and explains it to everybody? No, well, there's a there's a chorus. Oh, the other is a Greek man's speakers. Well, Roman chorus, I guess. Robert stack everybody. Oh, Robert stack. He's a rocker. Yeah, you see the bassoons on that guy. Under that. So many Roberts.

So we picked none of them. I mean, there many Roberts. We could have picked that we didn't. Yeah, there are. Robin Roberts. We didn't say that. Uh, rock and Robert. Should we. Brother Robert, who lead the word Roberts, etc.

Yeah, Robert McCoy, Julia Roberts, uh, Robbie Robertson from the Spider-Man comics. Anyway, the point is they have this big battle where in that this big faked battle, but it's real because it's gladiators that the heroes are supposed to die in, but through a ludicrous bunch of fighting, they managed to kill everybody who's thrown at them. Yep. Because they put the two toughest dudes on the loser side. And they put them on like a paper mishame mountain. And they, at least not your usual mayhem on all those people.

Not your usual may. Anyway, I'm tired of your usual mayo. Sig of it. I've seen it a million times before. Let's have some crazier mayhem. Like I don't know. We'll like throw like watermelons at a good. That's not crazy mate. Usually at all. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, They did do gladiator fights over reenactment of battles. They would flood the Colosseum and do naval battles. So at least they're taking the idea of a real thing and making a scene out of it. And I have to say, they really were making a scene. The head waiters should have ushered them out. It was ruining everybody's dinners.

But the point is they're trying to make a scene out of it, but it gets crazy bonkers and what good fighters these guys are. Yeah, and the chains that seem to get longer whenever they need to. They're changed to this paper mache mountain and yet the chains do nothing to hinder their movements. To the point that it becomes a benefit where Milo is riding a horse around the arena

just clotheslining all the enemy soldiers with his chain. But during this fight, when things look like it's gonna be lost and find some real Roman soldiers come in because Milo openly insults the Roman Empire. He for some sense real soldiers in there's a battle but then all throughout the movie there's been little shocks leading up to the eruption of Asuvius that start out like a horror movie there's a like there's a servant who works for a Cassia

who's taking her horse out to drink at a river for what some reason. And there's the ground rumbles up and swallows him up on the horse runs away. And then later the ground's rumbling around the horse. And it looks like the volcano is trying to erase the witnesses to the murder committed. So it's been leading up to this point.

And the only person who really noticed that there seems to be- She's one of the only one who survives the whole movie. Yeah, so here's the thing. The only person who's noticed that, hey, the ground keeps shaking. Maybe that's not a good thing, is the gladiator owner who is a total decadent hedonist.

Yeah. So he wants to get the H out of Pompeii. What? Hades. What? Hades. Yeah, he wants to get the Hades out of Pompeii. So, butades. Hades. Hades. Yeah, he wants to get the Hades out of Pompeii.

So, but what, so while right before the bad guys are about to kill the good guys, the Suviess erupts and we get into the disaster portion. And now this is the portion of this type of movie. That's like a good, that's almost the last half of the movie. I mean, I was like the last 40 minutes or so. Yeah, yeah. It's, this is the, this is the last third movie. This is the third act.

It's the part. And any of these movies where they're the natural disaster finally hits the lovers are separated. The concerns of man are put into are really strong to the start relief Tony Stark relief. And that Tony Stark needed to use the bathroom. You know, he's relieved. You know what guys. Man plans God laughed. I'm saying, guys, hmm. I mean, if the plan is funny enough, God laughs. Yeah. Like the man's like, I'm going to put a banana peel down. I'm going to slip on it and fall. God's like, that is rich. Yes. Laughter for the coming. I don't know. That's much left. Richie director. Like step A is put banana down. That B is slip one minute.

That's the two step plan. Step C fall. Look how complicated is the plan? I have to be damned. Awesome. It's Occam's prank. The simplest prank is the best. He's the correct one.

Yes. Yes, George. At this point, Paul W. S. Anderson has set up all the dominoes and is ready to knock them down. Oh, yeah. Master, Master Gameskeeper. So all the characters are separated. the dominoes and is ready to knock him down. Mastering games keeper. So all the characters are separated. It's a intricate design.

So step one is immediately kill Jared Harris and Carrie and Moss. Which happens? Carrie and Moss plays Jared Harris. It's a wrap on Harrison Moss. Let's get this Mossy Harris out of here. They call Carrie and Moss. Let's get this Mossy Harris out here. They call it carrying on Moss Mossy. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Mossy. Please don't call me that. Hey, Mossimo. I know. I was at a Matrix coming. It's over. Hey, you momentumed anything lately? That was one movie I made.

And other movies you made would be I can't remember Even carry on moss is looking up her I am due page. I'm like what did I do? Anyway, the you are furious. Yeah, the disaster natural disaster separates everybody They've got to find each other. They've got to keep their petty fights going as the city around them is destroyed And I will say this a lot of this movie looked fake. It should be a shock a lot guys. Shock a lot of the West kick rave and movie shock a lot. And disturb you.

Oh, yeah, she was in the stream. Go on. A lot of this movie looked fake and cheap. Almost all of it. The actual erupting effects. I thought looked really good. OK. Like if this was a seven minute movie,

those are shots of the Suvius erupting, I'd be like, that was a seven minute movie, there was just shots of Vesuvius erupting. I'd be like, those are pretty good movie, but it's not. Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna call movie, Pompeii, you're gonna have good shots of Pompeii blowing up. Yeah, it's the money shot. Yeah. Now, when you say Pompeii blowing up, you mean the city, Pompeii.

That's gonna be for you to figure out, though, yeah. I've gotta puzzle it out. We've gotta make it up. We've gotta raise some dominoes, you have to knock it out. We've gotta regular house of leaves going on right here. So, but then the movie gets, it's just people running around and fireballs falling out of the sky.

It gets pretty much not, and as the characters are running around, eventually though, the Atticus meets up with the henchmen who looks like Anthony Weiner. And finally, Cassia and Milo. And Milo meet up with Kiefer Sutherland. And you have two pretty good fights. They're not amazing. Some action sequences. Some action sequences as fires falling all around.

And this is when the special effects get so fake that they become fantastic. It's like something out of like a music video from the early 90s. Yeah. I mean, if you're trying to find Consistency with our tastes like in the long time listener first time caller maybe frustrated Trying to like

Stack one opinion of one movie up against the opinion of another movie But the thing is like that's a that's a fools game in the first place It's true sometimes we complain about how stupid CGI looks, but sometimes stupid looking CGI is so delightful that we can't help but be sure. Yeah, for recently we watched that other sorts and sandals movie, 300 Rise of an Empire, which had, by all means, better special effects,

but they were not as much fun to watch. They don't know. Well, it's like an uncanny valley thing it all means better special effects, but they were not as much fun to watch. They are no. Well, it's like an uncanny valley thing where the better special effects get the better they are and the worse they get, the worse they are, except there's this one dip, where like a spike where it's like, they get so bad that they're super enjoyable.

Yeah, if you have to look crazy. If you have to look crazy. Emily Browning changed to a chariot that's rushing away from us. Emily Browning using a fireballs. Emily Browning using a a chariot that's rushing away from using a fireballs. Yeah. Browning using a splinter of wood to pick the lock of her hands cuff on a chariot as fireballs fly all around and everything is weirdly flattened and distorted and

nothing looks like it's the same plane of reality and it's like it's just it's just so it looks like you're watching Mulan Rouge or something. Yeah. Everything there's all these weird... Yeah, like characters riding in front of a backdrop. And there's all these... And if Brombit comes out and sings like a version, then we're all going home happy.

It's like, there's all these weird like zooms and slow-mo for no reason and bad CGI effects. And it's like... It's called the Fall W.S. Anderson Touch. Yeah, are you guys familiar with the video art of Ryan Treckhartton? I think his name is Browns? He did a, he did an art video called A Family Finds Entertainment, which is crazy. And the reports of the end of Pompey

that reminded me of that. It's like homemade art video where he's using editing equipment to just make the screen explode into shards and things like that. So I guess when you start with youth queer artist homemade video art and a big budget, sort of sandal action adventure, and this is the point where the two converge in terms of the quality of their special effects. And that's kind of a beautiful moment.

Exactly. And it's punctuated by the Guated. It's very hard to find. I find it. But and it ends in a sword fight with kid Harrington girl spy and and Keith or Sutherland who knows. And Atticus has his sword fight with Anthony Weiner. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone swallowed up. Well, there's those swallowed up by ash Keith Irseland gets Chain to a wall and kid Harrington and Emily Browning escape on a horse He for Sutherland is destroyed covered in hot fiery ash Mm-hmm and they get to the outskirts of town and I guess just get off the horse and can hang the horse bucks

Yeah, all right, he's a fire I'm like you're slowing me down, dudes. Which now I just was a wise cracking horse like in racing stripes. We're hot to trot or a dog go. Does it? No, the horse does not talk. Okay, I haven't seen it. See biscuits. No, again, no talking horses in that. I mean, it's named see biscuits. He's like, I see a biscuit. I eat it. and no talking horses in that. I mean, it's named C-Bisket.

He's like, I see a biscuit, I eat it. It's big, it's big, it's big. No, that makes sense. See you later, you gotta roll this race now. See biscuit, see biscuit out. You're making it out tight out. He's making it in the third person. It's a big, I think the Oscar chance

is for this big girl. It's big, the most popular popular race and horse of the depression. See, Miss Kitt. See you later. Miss Kitt. It's my new character. But anyway, Kid Harrington says, Cassia, you ride this horse.

It's not fast enough to carry us both. And she goes, and you're thinking, oh, they're going to titanic. They're going to pull it titanic. And she's going to survive in 100 years later. She's going fast enough to carry us both. And she goes, and you're thinking, oh, they're going to titanic, they're going to pull a titanic and she's going to survive in a hundred years later. She's going to throw a necklace into my own presumably. As an old lady, she's going to take her daughter to Mount Vesuvius and throw a necklace in and go, oh, she does it. And, but no, she smacks the horse in the butt as if to say, run away, I'm sexually harassing you and the horse does. And she says, I don't want to live without you or something.

And instead of, she keeps looking at the amount that the eruption, and he says, no, look at me. Look only at me. And they kiss and are covered in ash and are forever immortalized as lovers in mid-kiss. They turn to the ash people. As they become a living statue that is dead. That's shot in like QVC fashion right before the credits.

Yeah, there's like a rotating camera around it. This beautiful ash statue can be yours. These, this pumpay moments. These ash covered corpses can be yours for only $499.99. You know what? If you call the next 10 minutes, $7, we're going to cut over $300 off this price. I have only $7. And nobody was buying it.

Okay. Speaking of not buying it. I was shipping it's $49.99. Oh, wow, what a wrap. Shipping is $700,000. You're going to either buy shipping for that or you buy a screenplay for me. Either way, your choice Hollywood. So and that's the end of the movie.

Yeah. So like it's like a pretty boring wrote movie and then there's Two scenes I would say that are like create just crazy enough to work. Yeah, I feel like we should get we should go to final judgments now I was kind of segueing into whether it's a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like Elliott you're already saying stuff about it. So why don't you continue saying the thing that you were saying. It's like 90% bad bad. No, 93% bad bad, seven% correction. Good bad. Yeah, I'm gonna go,

there's such potential at the end for this to have been a crazy bonkers movie and they're putting it off as long as, it feels like Dr. Jekyll for almost two hours struggling not to let loose Mr. Hyde. And the last 15 minutes, he's like, fuck it. I'll just let Mr. Hyde out. And everyone's like, yeah, this is what we wanted to see. This is what Larry keeps coming around for.

So I Larry's totally into you. I'm not you, but Hyde. But you were Hyde. So I think yes, he's into you. Yeah, I didn't like the first two-thirds of this movie. I was so bored by them. The last third I would go so far as to say I kind of liked it. But it got super hammy, which helps you fun and exciting at the end. You know, I'll give a, you know, I'll give a good review to go to see the actual Pompeii.

That's all when I was in Italy. Very interesting. I'd like to see it. I've never been there. It's fascinating. Do you feel bad being a tourist and someone else's misfortune? I mean, it's so far ago now. Um, does that make them not human beings? I mean, as the statute of limitations on compassion run out,

do you feel that way? And you go see a mummy in the fucking museum. The mummy was in a wristocrat who enslaved others. I've got no mercy for him. Yeah, but it is fascinating too. Also, they're super scary. And it's old and I don't want them to come after me. It's the whole city that'll be preserved.

But when I'm looking at a mummy in museum, I'm throwing a shit load of holy water on him. So he doesn't get up and strangle me. Yeah, sure. But it's a whole city But it's a whole city. It's an amazing whole city. It's a whole city. It's a whole city. It's a city full of holes. The steel is come up to junk.

It's worth it. Now you've got his car and he wants it back. Save up the money you would have spent on saying Pompeii and then add several thousand dollars to it. It's really in change into your travel jar. And when there's enough there to go to Pompeii, dollars to it. It's really, it's really in change to your travel jar. And when there's enough there to go to Pompeii, go see it. Just don't go when Vesuvius is erupting

because he'll turn into an Ashman. I'm a bad news. Ashman Brothers. Vesuvius, what do you have to say? I'm an Ashman, you guys own of that, but I mean. Yes. Dan's and other people's wives, Ash is man. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna say this is a bad, bad movie. I wasn't quite as charmed by the handy moments and I was hoping for more obviously. There was that great shot where kid Harrington is about to deface the Roman eagle and it cuts like a quick cut zoom on Kiefer Suttland's face and he's like, he's not going to. But other than that now is garbage. Yeah. Right. going to. But other than that now is garbage. Yeah. Right. Hey everybody, I'm Emily. I'm Lisa. We co-host baby geniuses every of the Monday. I'm Max Mubun. We interview comedians, musicians, cartoonists, circus clowns, and experts in the field of vacation. The afterlife, cool, a

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I listen to Bullseye for the moment when Jesse asks an artist an insightful question, and the artist goes, Oh, huh, and pauses. And you can hear in the pause that he is reassessing his own work in light of the question that Jesse just asked. Bullseye's your guide to what's good for MaximumFun.org and NPR. Before we move on to letters, a few quick announcements as is off to the case. On December the 13th, as I mentioned before, I will be appearing at the Slate movie party in Vidiology in Winsburg. That's at 630.

There will be information about that up. I hope soon on the flop house website details our sketchy set of this one. You said I hope soon as if anyone other than you is gonna be putting that up. No, I just meant if we can get our tech guide Jasper on it. I just meant that I hope for the benefit of our audience that that information will be available to them soon.

So yeah, put it up there, dude. I'm waiting on slate to give me the final Deats as the kids say, but I'm trying to avoid talking shit about Party But yeah honesty is your policy and then after worry about that nothing Dana Stevens of film creative slate will be the host and love other guests But if you want to see all of the flop house crew, I would you we're good looking until January, January 9th, January 9th, why do you say that?

At the Bell House. Dan, if you write this stuff down, I don't read it, then it's easier to remember. But January 9th, 10 p.m. The Bell House, Brooklyn, all three floppers for the first ever live flop house episode recording. Featuring you, the listener in the audience. If you've got an irritating laugh, you'll know you're there. You're going to tell me buy a ticket and show up. And then when you go, and you hear it on the podcast, you'll know you were there. But yeah, that's going to gonna be, buy your tickets online now

because one, they're cheaper if you're buying ahead of time. And two, they are selling out fast. That's so, I'm pretty quick. They're selling at a good clip. So if you wanna go and you're on the fence, buy a ticket and go. I overheard, I was literally sitting behind the organizer of this podcast at an event that Ellie and I got to see John Hodgman interviewing John Cleese, and I overheard him talking about how.

Now you said that as if we went together, you were sitting behind him. I was sitting way in the back because when... Well, not if you guys told me about it. ...that was a good job. Because I had to leave for the... I was a lowly writer. I got to leave work earlier than my head rider. So I got better seats.

Yeah. But I was saying, I need your input on the script. Dan? Dan? Dan died five years ago. But I literally, Dan McCoy, like he died 80 years ago.

I literally always say they can still hear him sighing in the night. Is that the creaking of the trees or the creaking of his knees? Women still say they can feel his spectral hand on their buttocks. I do not appreciate it. Spectral hand. I overheard a man. Special hand. Not the other one, the boring one. Special one. I overheard a man who did not know that I was sitting behind him and was one of the co-hosts. He was sitting in front of Kit Harrington, girl's five. He was talking about how well these tickets to the flop show were selling. So if you want, I believe he

compared them to a certain type of cake of the heated variety. Yeah. So get on that guys if you're interested. January 9th, 10 PM, Friday, flop house, live, bellhouse, New York pod fest, buy your tickets now. And I think we have another thing to plug, don't we? Yeah, in December, for flop house fans who like to read stuff, I know there's a few out there. Their Dynamite comics is putting out a the Flash Gordon holiday special featuring

three short stories written by the three of us, one for each of us. It's an all-flop house written holiday special. Now these are not flop house stories, these are Flash Gordon stories. These are Flash Gordon stories. Yeah, yeah, save your universe. Yeah. He'll save every one of us. Yeah, it's coming out in December. I think

early December, but I'm not totally sure. I don't know the exact date, but pre-order it through your comic book store. We'll tell them to reserve a copy for you in the whole day. If you Google Flash Gordon holiday and our names, you can find a site that will allow you to pre-order it on the internet. And if you Google Flash Gordon, Dan McCoy, you'll find some video that's horrifying. You should watch it. No, I think you should watch it. That's what I like.

No, gross. So the Flash Gordon Holly Special and just for me, if you want to read something written by just one flopper, December also sees the release of the first issue of Spider-Man and the X-Men, number one, written by me coming from Marvel Comics. Elliot Kaylin, take it over comics. Take it over comics. Two books at a time. But now, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. What moment's that?

Daiders from listeners. That's you guys, the listeners. You're the listeners. We're the guys who read the letters from you, the listeners. Listeners are you and we are the hosts. Let's just get this straight. You're too big for your bridges, listeners. You write us letters.

You think we have to read them while we don't. So you sit down. You sit down, sir. Sir, sir, sir, do I have to call security? Sir, sit down, sir, sir. There's a show going on, sir, excuse me, to call security sir sit down sir sir. There's a show going on sir. Excuse me. Excuse me sir Excuse me sir that kind of language is uncalled for sit down sir sir sit down sir sir I we do not have to serve you sir

Sir sir you getting loud and the performers don't appreciate it and I don't appreciate it. You and your date are gonna have to leave. I'm sorry sir. Sir, a security can we remove these plays from you the listeners today? Was that the security? What you said, scourity. Is that the security guy? Yeah, his name is scared. We call him scaredy. It's ironic because he's not scared of anything. So this first letter is titled, you're never gonna believe this him scaredy. It's ironic because he's not scared of anything. So this first letter is titled You're never gonna believe this guy's parentheses. It's about the hat

And it goes like this Is this the guy who lost his head? Yeah, the hat's gone again No, I'm not joking lock that hat up and I'm not baiting you to get it on the podcast again The hat is seriously going firstly shrink the kids blow up the kids What the fuck man? The blow up themselves now the shrink themselves That was the the movie but terrorists honey. I blew up myself. We're gonna boom That was like a jet done on a level joke

So for listeners who are just coming into this ongoing saga a guy wrote in who had lost his hat He wrote in later to say he had found his hat. Apparently he lost it again. Yeah, he says, I didn't wear it in winter because it's a baseball cap. And I have winter cats that are warmer than a baseball cap. So wore those hats instead. Not at the same time, mind you. I'd pick one winter hat. I'm revoking your life instead. We're at. I'm taking away your double-o hat status. Keep writing. But I don't think the hat is missing. I think the hat has been stolen.

I've narrowed down my list of suspects from the initial 32 to 16. So I make progress. Top of my list is my neighbor, Howie. He's really old, and I think he's a kidney stones for like a year and a half, which is not good for you. TV's how he'll help. So I hope he gets that up soon.

Unless he took my hat, in which case, I hope that's saying balloons to the size of a pumpkin and his wife has to roll him around a wheelbarrow. Whoa. I've invented a new device called a wheelbarrow. It's a replacement for cartiles, tires, made basically of an empty barrel. They break super easily and mostly just destroy cars undercarriages. In any case, here's a photo of me wearing the hat when I was in Boston a long time ago. Describe it, Dan.

No, I don't have to. Here, I'm going to show it to you. I mean, it's a little bit more. No, describe it to the listener, so. Well, it's just, they can't see it when you hold a picture in it. It seems to be a typical cap of the baseball style. It doesn't appear to be an actual,

it doesn't seem to be promoting any baseball. It does, it does see. It's hard to tell if there's a logo on there, not the angle is very bad. The person wearing it has at least one eye. It looks a little floppier than a normal baseball cap, like a softer type of fabric, maybe. I don't think that's the case. I think it's just been bent over time. You do think. Now look, it's been well loved. He mentions that he was wearing the hat in Boston a long time ago, so Bostonians, you'll recognize this hat. You'll have the scent. So I guess go sniff it out. Yeah. Anyone involved? See, we're one of the 16 Ronin

took it. Space block cap right in. Let us know. We're going to get to the bottom of this. No, we won't be together. You together, you and us, you and we here on the flop hats. You're going to solve this. You and me and everyone we know. It's gonna find this hat. What's the movie's about, right? Yeah. So thank you for writing in. No.

No. Next letter is titled Foggy Friday, slightly soggy Saturday, wet Wednesday, too cool for a tube top Tuesday. Yes, you're correct, Elliott. This is an email about Misty Monday. I don't know why, I mean, too cool for a tube top Tuesday? Yes, you're correct, Elliott. This is an email about Misty Monday. I don't know why. I mean, I feel like a I feel like Dan, I mean, we're, we all are familiar with

the work, but I feel like Dan's the only one who has been in contact with her in some way. Yeah, maybe the, the writer of the letter is nagging Dan to make Dan feel bad. Oh, in that case, mission accomplished. Look at him. He's crying in his boots. Crying in his boots. Colleagues the tears.

He'll snub his man and then little look comes up over and sniff some like shit. How is boots at one time? I've recently started listening to your back catalogs. Weird. And I do a headphone double take every time you mention Misty Monday. Prepare to be jealous boys because I've had one the greatest conversations of my life with the aforementioned starlet.

Before I get into that, I'm gonna put some tarp over here. You're gonna put some tarp over here. You're gonna put some tarp over here. Yes, these are the most absorbent tarps that we have, ma'am. How many women did you say would be on this tarp six? You're pushing the maximum load, but.

Not just cleaning off in bleach, it's simple. Just pour a little bleach. No, don't worry about mixing water with it. Now I thought you were back right and sprayed down with the hose. Now I thought you were saying this. Taking it in the back and sprayed down. Now I thought you were saying this soft corp pornographic film

of yours took place in some court, it's kind of middle earth setting. Do you worry about how you're gonna explain the tarp? No, okay. No, all right. Well, that's the best one we got. It's a tarp master. Let's see what the warranty says. More than four lesbians at once kind of voids the warranty. I hope you're okay with that. I mean, it's not an expensive tarp, but you would be able to return it if it was only three lesbians that broke it One of the ring race is gonna have to not be on the tarp Well anyway, this conversation Before I get into the conversation let me back up a bit my boring day job consists of sculpting action figures for video games and comic book movies

That doesn't sound boring at all every once in a while this Randy Bowen One of my co-workers does some sculpting for a science fiction or horror film. And I think, hey, that sounds like fun. Maybe I could do that someday. Well, that day came a few years ago. I got a call that a B horror film needed a bunch of classical nude male sculptures, preferably muscular and in slightly homerotic poses.

I had about five sculptures fitting that description ready to go. When I dropped off the sculpture just already You know I got this apartment is a Zalman king set When I dropped off the sculpture and said I got invited to be an extra in a few scenes while waiting around for a scene I started talking to Mr. You Monday now this point I had no idea who Mr. You Monday was or the nature of her uf. All I knew was she's a cute girl and this was a splatter flick.

This was our entire conversation. Me. So are you gonna get killed in the scene? Misty. No, but I do get a death scene. We're filming it in a few days. Me. Nice.

How do you check out? Misty. I get stabbed in the pussy. Me. Silence. At that point I started to realize what kind of videos she's gonna do. And then she went show business.

In case you're wondering, it does contain ding dong ripping incest in a plethora of real New Jersey bodybuilders. The name of this movie, sculpture. Alex last name with that. I don't know that movie. So, I'm really only familiar with her seduction cinema work.

Yeah. I mean, she is. Well, check it out though. It sounds like a pretty good recommendation. Yeah, sure. It's got ding-dong rip offs. Homorotic sculptures, everything you want in a movie. Yeah, I mean, that's what I mainly look for in my movies. King Kong, no thanks.

No homorotic sculpture in this. But a real rush with greatness. Thanks for letting us know. So real Hollywood tales, you know, the Flawpires. True Hollywood stories. So I guess if Misty Monday is listening, tell us if that story actually happened. We need to go on a mission.

Come visit, be on the show. No, I guess Aaron Brown talked about it. Aaron Brown, we could just start. Is this an official invitation? Yeah, this is an official invitation. Wait, we can just start inviting people to be on the show. No one knows Aaron Brown. I guess so. Tell her. Wait, we can just start inviting people to be on the show. The show, I mean, I guess so. Tell her to come, tell her about the podcast.

I'm gonna start working on. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so.

I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so.

I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean, Matt's making it so. I mean you're listening. Come on. I'm gonna show you some free time. David burn. David burn. Come on the show. All of our heroes. Wait, you didn't say Gabriel burn because I don't want to get one. No,. What was it cool to make cool? What was it like to have sex with a cartoon? Did you guys, was it awesome? Where did your penis go when you had sex with a cartoon? What happened? I mean, Missy Monday, you probably had to.

So this last letter is from PJ Lasting with Hell. Funny bunny. It's titled, Recasting Gary Oldman's Dick. I am increasingly concerned about the flop houses ongoing obsession with Gary Oldman's triviled, unimpressive penis. We mentioned it like once. Far be it for me to claim you doth protest too much, but you have to be be so negative if Gary oldman's penis had such a harmful impact on the scarlet letter why not provide some constructive criticism as you're called steward is already

spoken ad-miringly about Michael Fossbinder's penis yeah Ellie would probably enjoy seeing slice of the loan returning to his early pornographic roles. And Dan is a role singular. But what celebrity files could have saved this movie. Obviously the castle freak is out. Maybe the world would like to see Vincent Gallus penis obscured by Chloe stepping me a massive. A process. I don't know.

A massive process. This all of Boogie nights. Regardless, I see a real business opportunity for the flop house and opening a male nudity version of Mr. Skin. I think it already exists, but this is off top of my head. But you can call it Mr. For Skin. And the logo would just be the flop house logo, but you'd all be wearing turtlenecks. My main concern is that the site would break up the gang as ding dong gate would finally tear you apart debating whether or not to include the castle freak. If you go forward with it, I demand $700,000 in repayment for providing the ideas.

It's only $700,000. That's a good amount of money. Funny money. I'm on record as being a Gary Oldman apologist. Specifically for his penis. Where's penis? What's that? What record is this?

He was saying that because it's a cold like gold record. And specifically for his penis. Where's penis? What's that? What record is this? You were saying that because it's a cold leg. Is it not right? That gold record, they put on the satellite and sent into space? He's serving around on a cold leg. You cannot judge a man's penis by... You don't have to use a cold leg. I mean, but it's just a cold leg scene.

I've seen impressive, flaccid penis as movies. Yeah, but a flat block of rooms. You can't judge a man's penis by a rock. And in my own life, every time I look in little bit. Yeah, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat,

but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, but a flat, a Mad desire. Yeah. Yeah. To masturbate in the bath while a comely serving lady looks on. Puckishly. Was there like a magic butterfly or something? I don't know. I think they did.

Like a magic bird. Yeah, it was a bird or something. Yes. Like representing sex. Yes. The red bird of sex. The red bird of sex. The blue bird of unhapp blue bird of unhappynesses,

more much more popular sister. Yeah. So, but recasting Gary Oldman's penis. I mean, just take a plaster cast of it, so we have it for history. Maybe we could recast it with like the weasel and food fight. Yeah. I can't look like a penis.

What about one of the shy hallude from Dune. What about like lowly worm from the Richard scary books? Yeah. Yeah. Give me a lot of personality. Yeah. There's a little hat with a feather in it. Now if Demi Moore was stumbling through the forest

and saw Gary Oldman and his penis had a little hat with a feather on it, I get she would have to run to that bathtub to master bait. Or else she's just doing it in the woods right there Yep, or maybe we could go down to an Aztec temple and summon Quetzacadol The winged serpent, huh and videotape and then stick that in the movie. Yeah So I hope that answer your question. Yep, and now you know what beaker just stuff beaker on him and so Venus is going It's so very selfish

Venus. All cares about is me. That's what that her needs. Oh, Dan, did you just kick me in the gut with your words? Oh, I got a, oh boy, I got to sit the rest of this. I'm so out. You know, nothing makes me happier. The one thing that makes me happier than a laugh, familiar, is the sound of moans of pain. Anything that makes you drive Elliot away from comedy, and it's entirely... It's a good thing I already had a child,

because I don't think I can have one anymore after that joke. So, this is the last segment of the show. It's where we recommend movies that we actually liked, rather than Pompeii. I'm gonna go first, because I think this is the last segment of the show. It's where we recommend movies that we actually liked, rather than Pompeii. I'm gonna go first, because I think this is gonna be a controversial recommendation. Pompeii.

Don't speak. I'm gonna recommend a movie that I don't necessarily think is a particularly good movie, but it's one that I've had a lot of fun watching for you recommended. Whenever I come across this movie on television I usually stop watching for a while. Thank you baby. Yeah, open up shop. Yeah, DMX. Oh, I don't know that. It's a movie about a bike. DMX bandits. Yeah, it's another movie about a volcano erupting

in a highly populated city, and it's called volcano. All right, basic title. Tommy Lee Jones and A.W.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H.H. there's this was either pre or during Ellen Generus. Okay. Post. Her relationship with Ms. The Generus, but this is this was it's a silly does ask for movie, but it builds nicely. The ridiculousness of it is all fun. I enjoy the fact that they use concrete barricades to make lava flow down to the ocean. That's their big plan. Tom Lee Jones is barking at orders as LAs like disaster preparedness. I want you to search every handhouse, don't house downhouse with his volcano.

I just remember a lot of it took place in a subway tunnel and then some dude got all melted by the It's got fun like it's got fun volcano effect. Yeah, man, if you like it go with it at the end of it There's a big volcano in the middle of LA and they play I I love LA over the credits. Yeah, fun. No, it's what's fun No, yeah, it's a laugh. It's a larf. It's a larf. Check your's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's Whoa, whoa, whoa, what a hot volcano drunk. Yeah. I don't know what's happening. Oh man, okay. So Dan is not sick anymore yet somehow, it still doesn't make sense.

Am I allowed to recommend a movie now? I hope so, please. So if there was Dan any minute,'s going to start sticking things up but. I'm going to recommend a New Zealand horror comedy that I think should be made available in most streaming services. I think you can rent it in most streaming services now. It's called Housebound. It is a interesting little horror comedy, basically a haunted house story about a young woman

who has a criminal background, who is sentenced to house arrest in her mother's house. She realizes that her crazy mother, that the stories her crazy mother tells about the house being haunted might actually be true. And the interesting things, they do some good stuff with playing with the actual space, like the limitations of being actually under house arrest with an ankle model there. And the lead is very charming, and she's also very capable. But like a lot of lead is very charming and she's also very capable. But like a lot of, like a lot of horror comedies, after the, you know, the setup is great. And the first two thirds are a lot of fun. And it kind of drags in the final third. It could probably use some editing. But there's also a couple of good scenes of really gory stuff. So I like that.

A couple of qualified recommendations. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. well, I'm going to give two unqualified recommendations. See what the first is a movie that I hadn't thought of recently about recommending tonight, but it's a similar type of movie to what we watched. It's not based on a real natural disaster, but it's based on realish types of things. And that's the movie, The Hurricane, directed by John Ford. This is the 30s, The Hurricane, not the movie,, the hurricane starring Denzel Washington about hurricane Carter. This is a Bob Dylan saw. Yeah, in the drink. The song is based on a real person too. But no, this is this is the hurricane with Dredd by John Ford with John Hall, Dorothy Lamore and a number of star character actors of Hollywood's yesterday or such as

See Aubrey Smith, Thomas Mitchell, Raymond, Macy John Carradine, it's got a great cast. And me, C. Biscuit. No. We're almost pop your horse. Nope, not at all. And it's about you later to a man and woman who love each other in a Polynesian island. The man is goaded by, he's a sailor and he's goaded by a racist white man in a, in a, what it was, it's goaded mean like he gets turned into a goat.

Yeah, yeah, he's going to go, goaded. No, he's, he's, he's taunted. He's goaded and he's taunted into fighting and is thrown in jail and he, he tries, he tries to escape, he tries to escape to get back to the woman he loves and he just scape-tax more time onto his sentence. And so he's ground down by the system until finally a hurricane is going to arrive on his island, right, when he escapes successfully. And the hurricane scenes are when they hit are genuinely frightening to me.

I felt like there's every, it's this weird thing because it's a movie from 1937 so that you'll see one shot that looks super fake and another shot edited a second later in that looks very real and is very scary Like it looks like these people are in danger from this hurricane And so a lot of the effects hold up really well not all them. It's a very not you know naive simplistic tale of love between Kind of what Hollywood's idea of Tahitian villagers would have been at the time But it's a really good old fashioned kind of like pulpy romance adventure movie of a type that Pompey wants to be and doesn't quite pull off.

So the hurricane, I'd recommend based on this movie, but also I was originally gonna recommend a movie I saw recently that I liked called the chant of Jimmy Blacksmith, which is an Australian movie from the late 70s about that takes place at the turn of the 20th century. And it's a based on a novel that was based on a adapted from a true story about a, an aborigini who was raised by white parents and tried to do his best to kind of make something

of himself in the Australia of the time, which was at the time horrifically racist against aborigines. Now, I guess it's just maybe a little bit, but he is so beaten down by the system that he snaps and commits a horrifically violent crime and has to go on the run and is being hunted down by the Australian police and army. And so it manages to tell like an anti-racism story

in a way that doesn't feel totally heavy-handed and stupid and dull. And there are a lot of very affecting scenes in it. And the lead guy who I think was not a professional actor when he made the movie is really good in it as Jimmy Blacksmith. So the hurricane for fans of weather and weather-based adventures and the chant of Jimmy Blacksmith for... For fans of Blacksmiths. For fans of Blacksmiths.

I was the weather in that. It's pretty nice mostly. There's a few rainstorms for otherwise for fans of older Australian films. All right. We did a dudes. Yeah.

Mother. Sword and sandal movie down. Do can we not watch anymore? Every little stop. Oh man. Of all the inexplicably returning trends, sort of sandals weird. Well, here, here's a good, here's something to keep your spirits up. I think next episode we'll do the contest winner, listener choice from our song of the autumn.

Can that choice was, uh, what are we gonna say ahead of time. No, let's keep it a surprise for now. Yeah. Okay. It's not another Hercules movie, right? It's just to assume it's Ghostbusters and that we're gonna have a great time watching it. And we'll have no criticisms of it. And we'll just spend an hour talking about this. The criticism, well, the only criticism

will be that Ghostbusters 3 hasn't gotten off and been made yet, because the world's calling out for a third Ghostbusters 3. Thought it was their save another day song or whatever. Save in the day. Save in the day a third ghost. That is a save another day song or whatever. Save in the day. Save the day. Yeah.

Save another day. Save another day. For the fucking sequel or something. Yeah, yeah. James Bond goes bust across the over tomorrow. Never bust. Ghost finger. Such a ghost finger.

A spider's ghost. It's ghost finger. Octobus. I mean, it kind of was Octobus. See already. Dr. Ghost. Yeah. You only live twice if one of the times you count is when you're a ghost. So I guess that's the end of the podcast. We keep going with these. I don't think we can't go to bus lights that we've been making. For the podcast, call the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. Yeah, I'm also on the flop house. And my calling is Stuart Wellington. You're calling? It really is an application. And I'm on the flop house to some bizarre blessing bestowed upon me by a merciful God. And my name is Elliot Kaelin. And I'd everyone.

See you later. See biscuit. Uh, Dan, which centabyte would you now want to jack up a jack you off? Right, not mind jacking off? No, if you don't know. No, no, no, no. We are, we are talking about, we have to jack off a centabyte now. Dan, you totally misunderstood it. Who was doing the jacking? Although, this is a matter of question. This Dan you totally misunderstood who was doing the jacking Although

So Dan answered the question That's gonna that's gonna put new meaning to the term I don't yank in my chain Because they have chains for The night breeds there's that room base. Yeah, and I breathe all dudes jacking each other off. Okay, which is more than what you rather have sex with, Dan. Can't say lady smurf vanity smurf is off the table. You're taking a lot off the table. You can see the smurf is watching.

You can see between off a smurf with the other ones. Book smurf, there's not. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching.

He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching.

He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. He's watching. I know there's a few tricks. Yeah, I was gonna do, I'd pair. Yeah, I guess, yeah. And if you blur your eyes, is a beard makes his face look like a vagina. What? I don't think so.

I'm gonna call no on that. I think, is there a baker's murf? I think the one that would have food in his apartment after we're done having sex. Yeah. You know, to give a replenish my energy. the one that would have food in his apartment after we're done having sex. You know, to give a replenish my energy. Yeah, you're gonna lose a lot of electrolytes. The problem is, you know, to some baker and bake electrolytes in his bread. The problem is, this is sports bread. It's orange.

Oh, wait, somebody get those shark tank dudes on the line. Sports spreads a great idea. This purple sports spread. Now here's the thing. It's hard to have sex with a smurf because their dirty talk is so incomprehensible. They're like, oh, yes, smurf my smurf. Smurfier. Smurfier.

Smurfit. Smurf. Difficult. So, yeah, that would be an obstacle for you to overcome. Of course, because communication is the bedrock of sex. And the brain is the biggest irrogenous. Not if you have a 40 pound penis.