The Flop House - Episode #378 - Amityville in Space
Episode Date: September 10, 2022Even though the last few years may have made everyone feel unstuck in time, there are still some things you can depend on -- namely that, come the fall, Dan and Elliott will argue about whether it's S...malltember or Smallvember. Anywhooo, we kick off the smallest time of year with Amityville in Space, the movie that dares ask the question "What if Amityville... but in space?"Movies recommended in this episode:ResurrectionBodies Bodies BodiesThe GangsterEver tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
On this episode we discuss...
Amityville...
IN SPACE!
To be clear, we are still on Earth.
It's Amityville, it's in space.
Well, technically we're all in space, Stewart.
What the- Hey everyone and welcome to the Flap House, I'm Dan McCoy.
Hey, it's me, Stuart Wellington.
I'm Elliot Kaylin, guys, ask me if I was that IKEA this morning. Hey, Elliot's me. Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliott K. Lynn. Guys, ask me if I was
that Ikea this morning. Hey, Elliot, were you and Ikea this morning? How did you guys
know I was that Ikea this morning? Okay. Stop watching. Well, get out of my life.
That's where Audrey is right now. At the same Ikea in Burbank. Well, probably not. I mean,
who knows? I guess I could have textured asked just to be sure. Dan, you don't, you don't
put a track in the whole life on your wife at all times.
How uncharacteristic of you.
Don't start.
Don't start lies about me.
Um, no, why do you bring up Ikea, Elliot?
Cause it may explain why my head hurts
and why while I'm doing the summary of this movie today,
it may get a little unorganized. What's the word for it?
They're not organized. Well, were you watching the movie while you were in IKEA?
Unfortunately, yes. That's well, they were playing it on all the screens.
Were you watching dishes in their kitchen section?
I walked into one of their fake kitchens and went to a fugue state and started washing
the dishes that I was in my kitchen. Yeah, everything clean, must get everything clean, punished, punished, etc.
Well, look, let's back up.
Well, I'll say this, if you're taking kids to IKEA, they are going to want to open all
the refrigerators and freezers.
They will never not find a hilarious when there's a sign in the freezer that says, take
your favorite meat balls home advertising that you can buy frozen meatballs at IKEA.
When that sign wasn't in the freezer, they were noticeably disappointed.
And they said, let's check the next one.
And they don't open up and go, take your favorite meatballs home.
Like this is hilarious.
So.
Yeah.
No, man.
I can put myself there.
I think the power kid I'd feel the same way.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you've done a lot of acting exercise.
So you can really sense memory.
Yeah.
What we call it. The sense memory of knowing that meatballs exist.
Uh, uh, I was going to set up what this podcast is.
So this is a podcast called IKEA memories where we talk about things that have to do
us that I can't, uh, it comes out four times a month, uh, two of those times our episodes
like this one where we talk about a bad movie, watch a bad movie, we talk about it, or sometimes it's not bad,
but the word on the street is it might be.
We hear a lot of rumors.
We're kind of like movie investigator.
Yeah, we go down to the shoes and we,
and we go, you hear about any bad movies there,
Curly, and he goes, I don't know,
maybe I see in a bad movie, we hand him a tan,
and he goes, all right, all right,
there's a new bad movie coming out.
It's called,
how many villain in some ways, but my memory is fuzzy.
We hand him another 10, he goes,
oh yeah, now I remember space,
how many villain space, yeah.
Inflation is also hitting curly.
Yeah, and he's like, yeah, you know,
maybe I can tell you a little bit
whether or not people like it or not,
if you refresh my memory,
and then Elliot slams him up against the wall,
and he's like, how about I don't rearrange your face, Curly, and Curly's like, well, my
face is already Curly, that's how I got the name.
And I'm like, Curly, how can a face be Curly?
Is it a beard or is your face just weak?
Look at me.
Well, when I was born, they didn't have four steps.
So they used a spiral cut, ham spiral cutting machine, and I was left with these
teeth spiral face.
These teeth spiral face.
Curly. Yeah. That's why I wear this big hat with the shadow that goes over my face. So you
can't quite see the curliness of it. And I'm in.
Yeah. All his portraits have to be drawn by Genji to etc. Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah.
I have to commission them. Especially. I never forget when I first read Uzumaki. And
I said, finally, a story I can relate to. Yeah, finally, I can see myself in comics.
And we're like, just tell us, just tell us what they said about this on Rotten Tomatoes.
Ah, I'm going to need another $5.
Listen, your face is going to be rotten tomatoes if you don't tell me.
Because my face is covered in a mask of rotten tomatoes.
It hides the, the curlyness.
When it's curly and it's covered in tomatoes, is his face spaghetti?
And then he goes, you caught me and he runs away.
Wait, that was spaghetti tones, the bank robber after him, boys.
Oh my God.
We could cut curly out, you know, and just check what I've
written to the tomatoes ourselves.
But you know, he's a small businessman.
Yeah.
We want to support.
He's also small.
Yeah, he's a small man with a very small business.
A very specific business that really only caters to us.
Anyway, I hope that's an all important backstory, but another important piece of our
back stories as the summer comes to an end in the fall months.
So much world building.
Yeah, keep going.
What is this rings of power?
Come on.
We get a couple of theme months.
And we're entering the first of our flat pass calendar theme months.
Small timber or small, small,
Vembers. There's a little bit of disagreement over whether it's called small,
one third of the flop-house Dan calls it small timber. Two thirds, Stuart and me,
called small Vembers. And amazingly, this is the, this is the beginning of a feud that will
eventually tear the galaxy apart as two sides, one calling it small timber, one calling it small member war against each other for eons until, until really the universe has
laid waste.
So if any future historians are wondering where did this civilization defining clash begin?
It happened on this podcast.
It was just a clarify.
It was when the other third called it small member and then we laughed and made insisted on calling it small Fember for the rest of time.
Yeah, well, anyway, the whole point is it's the one month year where you give in to the
worst angels of our nature and don't punch up at big Hollywood movies, but find some smaller
movies to talk about. And oh boy, did we find a small movie to talk about this time?
Yeah, I would believe the sigh of relief as we're not coming after.
There is an interesting bit of backstory with this.
I, Ellie, I know you probably, you know, you've started doing some research too.
You may have come across this.
Mark Polonia, who directed this movie, and wrote it.
He's, he's, and wrote it.
He started, he started making low budget
horror and sci-fi movies back in sort of the director video era and his movie feeders
came out blockbuster video picked it up and close after Independence Day came out and I
guess feeders feeders okay so I guess. Peter's.
Peter's. Okay. So I guess I was saying
theaters weird. Yeah. The very
fact that it had aliens in it,
apparently. And again, this is
Wikipedia research. So take it
with a grain of salt. But it
catapulted it to the top
independent rental of that year.
And he's had a career of just like,
he's a low budget. Like he's had like career of just like he's a low budget like he's had like 70
movies. He came out in 2022 alone he came out with one two three four five six seven eight
nine movies and I'm sure these are all I don't think any of these are getting
the theatrical releases. It's all directivity or VOD you know. This is also the fourth movie
in the Andyville.
He's made Andyville.
He made Andyville Island,
Andyville Extracism, Andyville Death House.
Well, I want to talk a little bit about that.
Right where you know.
Before we start, so anyone listening
is not familiar with the Andyville House.
In the 1970s, there was a book called The Andyville Horror
about a supposedly true story, it's not true,
about some people who moved into a house
where murders had taken place and they were haunted by things and this led to a
Brief burst of movies that were about the first a movie in 1979 based on the book and then a sequel to that and another sequel to that
But then also amity that it's a true story so nobody can really own it completely
So for years and years there have been amityville movies and then in the past
So for years and years, there have been Amdivil movies. And then in the past 10 years, there was this sudden explosion again in new Amdivil movies
all made by different companies with different angles on them.
And I want to talk about some of the angles after you say, okay, I just wonder if
that some of the new explosion comes because of the conjuring universe being big and the
two hucksters
at the center of the country world,
the purported actual ghosts investigators,
real life, you know,
people who just wanna make money off of the idea of ghosts
at the center of the country are also the figure
into Annieville lore.
And I wonder if that's the real-
I think that's probably the part of it.
I think ever since,
I mean, ever since paranormal activity,
there's been like a haunted house,
low budget haunted house resurgence.
But that the amnesty since 2011,
there's been the Amnestyville haunting,
the Amnestyville asylum, Amnestyville death house,
the Amnestyville playhouse,
Amnestyville no escape, Amnestyville vanishing point,
the Amnestyville terror, Amnestyville prison,
the Amnestyville murders. That's not, and these are not the big budget one was Amnestyill vanishing point. The Amnivill terror, Amnivill prison, the Amnivill murders.
That's not, and these are not the big budget one
was Amnivill the awakening.
The Amnivill harvest and Amnivill poltergeist,
which is of Amnivill Academy,
then Amnivill Island, Amnivill Empire, Amnivill 1974.
But then on IMDB, these are the ones that showed up
when I looked up Amnivill in space alongside it.
There was also, hold on, there's also, let's see,
Amnivill Cop, Amnivil Germany,
it's coming out next year, Amnivil Bigfoot, Amnivil Toybox, Amnivil Scarecrow. There's
one, Amnivil clown house. There's a movie called Amnivil Poo Killer Poope 2. Amnivil Ghosts
was another one. And the one, let's see, there's also Amnivil in the Hood, which I don't know
how this haunted house in a very specific place ended up in the hood.
A comedy called Amnivill Karen.
There's one called, I mentioned Amnivill Bigfoot,
and of course Amnivill Vibrator,
which is a comedy about a haunted vibrator
in a haunted house.
So there's a lot of-
It's full moon picture.
I mean, I'm sure a full moon is in the picture at some point,
but it's, it's,
it's, it's, it's, it's, it's become a shorthand for haunted house.
So it's very funny that this one specific house, it's now just shorthand for it.
Yeah.
The way that you could say, like Loch Ness monster, I mean, any kind of sea serpent, no
matter where it is.
But I, so you, you have answered, I guess, a question that I had. And that's because this is based on real life made up shit.
It is not copyrighted in the same way that like-
No, and that's why there's why there can also be a movie
called Amityville House of Blues
because you can't apparently,
because you can't copyright the idea of the blues either.
But yeah, so Amityville is a real,
it's like the movie,
Casablanca exists. Yeah. Yeah. And they, when the Marx Brothers were making the movie, a night in Casablanca, Warner Brothers said, don't do that. And the Marx Brothers were like,
well, it's the name of the city. Like we can use it. You can't copyright the name of the city,
you know. So Amity Villasablanca should be coming out soon. It's about a haunted cafe during
World War II. I also, this is kind of, oh, in development according to IMDB is
Amityville bulldozer, which is just killdozer, I assume.
Yeah, this is a slightly roundabout story.
So I implore you to cut down on the interruptions.
But did I mention the Amityville leprechaun already?
Oh, God.
I think I did.
I'm just asking for trouble.
No, I, you guys know, I don't think you've been able to drop by and see them because you're
way too busy for such shenanigans.
But I do a thing sometimes called, Send Him a Pandemic, where me and my friend John, we
like trade off times.
And then we also have guest people just to edit like an hour of clips of like on a theme
a bunch of, like it's just a thing we started doing
during the pandemic to spend the time.
And I was putting together a new one
and it was gonna be called Shark 2020.
Well, it is called Shark 2020.
And it's like, I looked at all the movies tagged Shark on IMGB
and I paired it down to the ones
that were actually about sharks and were fiction films.
So not like swimming with sharks, which has no actual sharks in it. Yeah.
But I mean, like in one hour, super cut of like shark movies from 2020 that doesn't really follow
a normal narrative logic, but I tried to give it at least sort of an exquisite quirk logic.
And one of the movies I downloaded was this Amityville Island by Mark
Polona. And I had to not use it in the thing because I was like, I scanned through the whole
thing like three or four times being like, where's the shark in this? Like, why is this tagged
with the keyword shark? And then I'm like, well, I guess it's not, I can't use it. But it was
kind of, I wanted to do it because it had some of the same actors
as closing counters of the shark kind,
also by him, and I'd be like,
oh, it'd be so confusing to people being like,
yeah, the same actors,
are like totally different characters
on top of all the other editing I'm doing.
Anyway, that was a long walk,
but I'm just to say that this amity-ville thing
is sweeping the nation.
It is.
It's just the other day.
Yeah, I, you know, you guys might know that I'm a bit of a horror movie buff, but I have
to admit, I've never seen an amityville movie up until this point.
There was, there was one with Ryan Reynolds, right?
Yeah, that's one of the most of it.
That's one of the most of it.
It's sort of the big budget remake.
That was the more he keeps his shirtless psychodad, yeah.
Yeah. The original with Josh Brolin and I a shirtless psycho dad, yeah. Yeah.
The original with Josh Brolin and I think Margot Kitter, James Brolin.
Is that right?
James Brolin.
James Brolin and Margot Kitter.
You would have been a bit, yeah, it's about Margot Kitter marrying a baby and a ghost
is like, that's crazy.
Don't do that.
That one was a big hit and it's kind of inexplicable because it is so boring.
But I forget what you had you wanted was either two or three
is kind of a bonkers war movie, which I have that you like. Yeah. Well, it's being a bonkers
coming up next year, I think, or maybe Leo this year's Amityville Thanksgiving. So there's
even more Amityville enjoyment to going on. But today we're talking about.
Elliott has bonkers candy on Thanksgiving. That's why that was that was the only. Yeah, it's a Jewish. Yeah.
Yeah. So the, so guys, let's talk about Amity Villain's space. That's the one we're here to talk about.
Now, you know the background everybody now. Amity Villain's a haunted house.
Murders took place in this house. Now, it's full of ghosts and goblins, ghouls and, and guists.
That's Pulsaric guys. Not like Willie Geist, the former media person.
That's scary in its own way, but.
Yeah, very much so.
So we begin, we're watching through a video camera review finder,
which makes sense because the movie is entirely shot on video,
on digital video.
And I will mention right at the top.
Just like Michael Mann's movies.
Yeah, at first I was like, did Michael Mann
wrap this?
Did Michael Mann be?
No, the image were actually a little clearer
than some of the Stevie movies.
So this is, so small Vembrer, this is maybe the smallest
small Vembrer movie we've ever, I mean, guess a talking cat
is a little smaller than this, but.
Well, yeah, because like Andy the talking hedgehog
at least had like, what was it, Dean Kane in it?
Like this movie, it is so,
this is one of those movies where they're like,
let's go to the spaceship computer
and it's clearly editing computer.
And everything is taking place inside
the same living room or the same conference room,
you know, or edit.
Well, this is very small,
but it's small in a way that movies never used to be
now that computers
have given people the illusion that they can make anything look good.
Because I feel like this loosely is a mockbuster in its way.
It's got its name that plays on a known quantity, and then it tries to do this special effects story, but it
does it by just, you know, compositing a picture of like a house into space, you know, and
then put it, put like putting up some like aluminum foil on the wall to make it spacey.
Yeah, so I was trying to figure out, I guess I should have looked it up on I&G maybe.
I was trying to figure out what the, what the budget of this movie was.
And I can't imagine it was more than two or three thousand dollars. If that, what do you think?
Yeah. And we just contributed to paying back that budget. Well, that's the thing.
Like this is one of these movies where I'm going to, I don't want to get too ahead of myself.
I texted Ali and I'm like, this movie shouldn't be so boring for how silly it is.
Yeah. But and I got to say looking at the, looking at the poster art, I was kind of excited because you have
the houses on like a rock that's a skull and the whole thing kind of looks like a late
period Iron Maiden album cover.
Yeah, sure.
I'm like, why not?
Eddie's a house now.
It's on a house.
It's on a house.
He's traveling through time and space
have twisted him into a haunted house, sure.
Yeah, but it's hard to, like, what I,
that being said, it's hard to kind of make fun of it
as much as I want to, just because it's like,
yeah, well, clearly this, this is this guy's business model.
He makes movies that cost almost nothing.
You can sell them off and he's a successful,
independent artist because of it.
Well, there's a thing watching it, I was like, I admire that someone got together,
like a bunch of people got together and made a movie regardless of how bad they knew it was going
to look, which is the kind of confidence I have never had. There's nothing stopping me from
picking up a DV camera, making a movie at home, not worrying if it looks like garbage and just making
it, but it except my own fear that someone's going to look at it and say, this looks like garbage, but these people don't
care.
And clearly, their business model is to make a movie for nothing, get guys who do a bad
movie podcast to pay to rent it, and then make them move money back that way.
And it's a brilliant business model.
The day's with the explosion of podcasts, you know, I can only assume he's doing great.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess, I'd rather assume it's the same way that you had he made his bones, I
guess, in the direct to video market where video stores needed stock to fill their shelves.
It's kind of similar or driving theaters the gears before that needed movies to show.
So they'd show low budget stuff that like Amazon Prime and Netflix and others, they need
poster thumbnails to just fill their screens with
and nobody's ever gonna choose this,
but the poster will fill a spot.
So.
Pretend they have a lot of cars.
What was that one we watched where the guy morphs
into a dog for a while?
What's the love on a leash?
Was that it?
Love on a leash, yeah.
Oh, but you know what, that was pretty low.
I forgot about that one.
We did see some stinkier small boys.
So yeah, this is a small stinker, just like those ones.
So we're watching, so again,
Michael Mandar acted,
we're watching through a video camera viewfinder
at a house with a ghost in the window.
It's end, and the ghost in this manifest mainly
as like two glowy eyes that float around,
or glowy lights that look vaguely like eyes.
And there's police tape around, and there's a reporter.
You can tell she's a reporter
because she's wearing a zip-up sweatshirt.
And she says, And there's a couple of police you can she's a reporter because she's wearing a zip-up sweatshirt. And she says,
And there's a couple of police you can tell
because they're wearing berets.
Yeah.
And it's in the greatest tradition of student film,
you just have your friends pretending
to be police officers and they look nothing like it.
This person says something is going down
at the Amityville House.
And she says,
I was talking about the evil that resides in this house
in our neighborhood and in our nightmares. And it's right about the evil that resides in this house in our
neighborhood and in our nightmares.
And it's right that the band was like, I'm enjoying some of the dialogue.
So there's some reintroduced to one of the main characters.
This is Father Benna, who, it's hard to take him, he's a priest, but it's hard to take
him seriously as a priest, partly because he wears kind of like the kind of hat that
like a white jazz musician wears, but also he has air like Larry Fine from
the three studions.
And so I kept thinking, he has this air about him like a clown with his makeup off.
Is that how you guys felt?
Well, I mean, I first, you know, this actor first came to my attention of course in a little
film called Close Encounters of the Shark Kind.
We all remember it.
No, Dan, did you take anything from their other movie
apparently? He's in Charcula. But I just Dracula bites a shark. Yeah. Well, he, I mean,
Elliott, it could be that a shark bites a Dracula. That's fair. That's a good point. That's
a good and more likely to be honest. But this character so convincingly embodied a chatty of two goons that I can't see.
And there's anything else.
Yeah.
Now you say you can't see him as anything else.
He of course, he does play Father Benna in another movie apparently, Amityville Extracism.
This is a recurring character.
But oh, yeah, because I mean, when he shows up, the reporters like it's Father Benna.
So like he's clearly everybody knows him.
You also probably don't take him seriously, Elliot, because his priest scholar seems to
be falling out the whole time.
Always.
And later when he throws holy water around, he has a little bottle with holy water printed
on it.
But Dan, some of the other roles that I don't like to make fun of people in love, which
are things completely, but just so this actor, he's been, he's played a lot of parts.
He also, he also played Father Mena in a movie called Noah's Shark.
So Dan, I hope you, it also. Now that is Mena in a movie called Noah's Shark. So Dan, I
hope you can also see it. Now that is a movie name. Yeah, Noah's Shark. That's a, that's
a title to spark the imagination. Yeah, because what a, what a, what a, what a
bot of bananas and fresh shark Noah's Ark is there's two of every animal on there. He's
also in a movie called Jurassic Shark to a quapalit, aquapocalypse, but he was in the movie.
He's in a lot of these movies that are the same director
made.
There's Doon World, which is, I don't know what it's a rip off of.
And the Empire of the Apes movies, but he also played a character named Yamodo in a movie
called Zilla Foot, which makes me worries that he played a Japanese character, which would
not be okay.
Anyway, there's just like someone, you know, who was born in Japan and was given a Japanese.
That's possible. He also plays Captain Bermuda in the movie Land Shark and Clouston the
movie Sharkinstein. So, Dan, there's a lot of shark movies for you to look at.
But anyway. If anything, at this point, we can agree he's probably an amateur,
ecthiologist. But he's also kind of an amateur priest. He's not very good at it.
He mainly just remains calm. And house into space. Well, he did do it
You'll see he wrote he says this is the final conversation
He tells the reporter in the cops to leave and he walks into the house and suddenly there's spooky lights and growling laughter
Immediately and there's kind of this glowing cloud of flame describe the house. That house. This looks like a house
Just looks like a standard walked into a random person's house.
Kind of a standard.
And what we're going to do about her, and you can see, you can see like a nice selection
of blue rays and Xbox games.
Yes, that does happen later. Most movies takes place in the living room. So it's kind of
funny. It's kind of funny later when one of the jumping ahead, one of the astronauts
shows up, oh no, a cyborg shows up in the living room. Thank you.
And then it just looks over and sees that there's a demon, some sort of demon into just standing
on the stairs looking at.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
So this glowing cloud, he taunts him.
He says Christ is powerful.
A Christ is very powerful, but this father is this priest is weak and he splashes holy water
around from a surprisingly tiny bottle that just says holy water on it with a cross
ring.
Looks like a little hand sanitizer bottle.
There's a real bad luck wills, which comes to a head or should I say a hand when the
demon uses telekinesis to twist Ben as surprisingly mannequinny hand right off of his arm.
And it falls to the ground clearly a mannequin's hand, not even attempting to make it look otherwise.
Ben a winds though somehow and he says he's going to sacrifice his life.
And he calls on God to remove this house from the earth,
causing the house to lift up into space
and in a sort of gileum-esque animation.
Not exactly.
Yeah, a transition would be fitting
for one of my PowerPoints.
Yeah, there's a real, there's a real,
there's a cut rate element to the whole movie.
And the house disappears, taking the priest with it. Then we get the titles,
Amity, Villain, Space, and those run for a while over a year.
A charitable, long credit secret. Yes. For a movie that's an hour and 15 minutes long,
a fair amount of it is opening credits. Suddenly, we don't have time for our own credits. We're in
space. It's the year 3015. That's right. Not quite a hundred years from now, but pretty close. Yeah.
There's a readout on screen that says it's 3015. This is the deep space cruiser, Wyoming 227.
That's floating by a space cruiser that I like is named in honor of both the state Wyoming
and the hit sitcom 227.
Starting to OK.
What if I'm going to be like this, just have like, you know, be like the future, 30, 15, all
disease has been eradicated, but one government rules the universe.
Pants are optional.
Like what if it just ended with, yeah, let's let's strap you into this part.
We'll fill the.
I mean, it asks a lot of questions and I hope the movie answers them.
But that's the future liberals want.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I guess we need the poo and dumb.
My style icons.
Yeah.
And Porcupay.
Porcupay is the leader and he goes, well, we did it, did, to discover it.
I won't do any more stuff.
It's offensive.
We discovered that we can remove people's freedoms to speech, religion, protest, and
community, and other things as long as we gave them the freedom not to wear pants.
They just comforted those pants that was doing it.
And then we panned down to hell and Hitler is like, oh, if only I realized pants was a
key.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, back to the movies.
And back to this movie, which has put even less world building into it than we just put into hours.
So the mission is that this space you're going to is to destroy rogue black holes in space.
This creates the idea of a rogue black hole, which is a funny idea because black holes are naturally occurring things.
They don't have, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're good ones, you know, and they destroy them by throwing nukes into them, which shouldn't work.
A black hole's gravity is so dense, I assume it would just suck the nuke and the radiation
right into it.
But again, this is a movie about haunted house that flies into space.
So we can't really be that upset about them not getting the physics of black holes exactly
right.
We, and we will see, later on in the movie, we'll see animations of those nuclear rockets
being launched from the launch bay.
And the animation does look a lot like one of those animations when you get a strike at
a bowling alley.
Yep, very much so.
Yeah.
And what is a bowling alley, but throwing something into a black hole?
Exactly.
Yeah, I mean, it's not like whole full of pins, but still.
So the crew, they all get their names on screen.
Let's meet our robot row call here.
There's the captain, Captain Hallsted. There's the medical officer, Dr. Nermy. She's the only names on screen. Let's meet our robot row call here. There's the captain, Captain Hallstedt.
There's the medical officer, Dr. Nermy.
She's the only woman on board.
There's Jacob Witts, the weapons specialist.
He appears to be managing things from the editing bay for the movie and he has sunglasses
on, which is how you know he's a cool dude, I guess.
And that's the extent of the character personality building for Jacob Witts.
There's Maitland, he's the navigator.
He has a beard and as well learn, he likes to complain a lot.
So he's kind of the Dan McCoy of the group. And he's basically always seated.
Yes, and he's always sitting down again, kind of the Dan McCoy of the group.
And then, and then there's Vox, the cyborg analyst, which is.
Can you explain the look of this cyborg?
I really love to.
I mean, that's what you're going to get into.
So we got to talk about Vox. So imagine you were wearing a child's Halloween costume that's meant for a like a hazmat suit,
but it's silver.
And he just kind of moves.
Turkey jerky like a robot and talks like this and is very logical.
And I wonder if part of his that him is a cyborg because it's clearly just a man wearing
you know some mylar or whatever.
Now, so Dan, that was your lar. I thought, some mylar or whatever. Now, so, Dan, that was your
are l. I thought it was my
l. So now the question is, do you think he's the, the character is supposed to actually
be an Android or do you think the characters actually supposed to be guy pretending to be
a
Oh, everyone on the ship is just sort of entulging it.
Yeah, I mean, I would love that. I mean, Rudry Bert said, you know, rest in peace said that you can't, you can't bring
in things from outside of what you're shown on screen.
Really, it's not fair.
But I like that reading of it that in the future, there's a subset of people who just
pretend that they're robots and everyone has to, has to deal with it.
And, and one of our conservative listeners now is like, well, that's where we're heading.
Kids are going to decide their robots and we're going to have to allow it.
And I'm like, let's come on.
That's the thing that just makes it, and stop listening to our podcast.
I mean, keep, keep sending us money, but don't listen.
So Nermay, she's in the middle of giving Halstead a checkup.
He kind of hits on her, but it's, as the movie unfolded, I was like, oh, he's just kind
of being like a, like a, like a, uh, the way that like a friend would like make a joke
about a friend. It's not a, he's not, I was worried there's like a, the way that like a friend would like make a joke about a friend.
It's not a, he's not, I was worried there's going to be some scene where they have either
a romance or harassment, but it's just, but she denies him anyway.
He is tired of this mission and she has a son back home who's waiting for her and he's
like, how old is he now?
And she goes three.
And it's like, uh, thanks to the theory of relativity, that kid is probably like 50 years
old now.
Sorry, Dr. Murmie.
Yeah.
If the, if the deleted scene from aliens taught me anything, it's your kid is probably like 50 years old now. Sorry, Dr. Murmey. If the, if the, if the deleted
scene from aliens taught me anything, it's your kid is a dead old person by now. So,
um, Jacob it's, he programs a black hole destroying missile, which as Stuart said, is, is
CGI very, very flat graphic. It's great. And Mateland, he's getting annoyed at Vox's logical
thinking, oh, why do you have to be so damn logical? And Midland appears to work at a local news desk that has had foil put behind it.
I think that's exactly what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is one of the more inexplicable choices because there are like a couple,
there are a couple of shots in this where I'm like, okay, someone who kind of knew what they're
doing, like worked on this.
There's like, you know, it looks cheap.
Wow, I praise.
No, no, I mean, it looks cheap, but you're like, you've got these CGI built environments
of a spaceship. And then you have, you know, a wall that just has like billowing metallic
fabric on it, shooting lights back into the camera.
Yeah.
Like always not spot.
Yeah. So it's similar to when they go to the,
he goes to the futuristic comm device
and it's clearly a desktop with an Apple logo
right on the front of it.
Yeah, I actually want to get to that.
But like with this scene,
I'm just like, this is the same director look at this
and be like, yeah, okay, sure.
This is a believe like,
it seems like a director's pumping
at about a movie a month.
So I don't think he's spending that much time on it.
I know, but some of it has effort.
But the thing I thought about when the Apple computer came up, I'm like, yeah, like in a
better movie, like this could be like a sort of an alpha-vill thing where not everything
is modern.
Like I kind of wonder.
Or even a satirical thing where like they work for Apple.
Apple's the world government now.
And like Apple has sent them out to blow up black holes or whatever.
Yeah, you could work with it. But it is, I mean, it is a movie in which not everything is futuristic
because almost nothing they have is futuristic. But I like that this guy is sitting down to
what is clearly just a computer on a desk because I'm like, yeah, why wouldn't that still exist
in the future? Why in the future does everything have to be built into a console or the wall?
So you have to like, what happens with that wall needs to get ripped up or what it, you
know, like, yeah.
That's a good point.
But also when they walk into a house, as we'll get to, they act as if they have no idea
what it is because it's so far in the future, which I think was very funny.
But anyway, so house reports is reporting to Madam Tice, who seems to be at some sort
of galactic president, but also she keeps hitting on him and she invites
him to get drinks when they come back for a rest break.
It's kind of a wild interaction.
Yeah, it starts out business and very quickly becomes pleasure.
Well, also she talks in such a, like, clearly, like, I'm making a double-entrondra, like,
sort of voice where there's like, I've always found you to be very accommodating.
Is it me into, like, this thought spiral where I'm like,
do I know anyone who has ever talked to me in that tone?
But it's not an opt-on.
Conor of the fact.
Conor of the fact.
Unless you give it that tone, because otherwise,
it just sounds like, I don't know.
It's interesting acting.
She may have just been like, I thought maybe we. I mean, it's just it's interesting acting. She may have just been like,
I thought maybe we could get together for some sex quotes. So hold on, is that is it? Is
that it not even on Tondra? Like, is that a zero on Tondra? Yeah. If you're going to be that
obvious, why don't you just say like, Hey, I can't wait to come back to Earth so we can fuck.
Yeah. Well, this is because this movie is PG, I think probably technically. Yeah.
So they encounter, oh no, there's some swearing in it.
They encounter that so it is our hard-ar.
They encounter the largest black hole on record and they're about to shoot it with a missile
when Vox says to stop because there's an item floating through space and they're baffled
as to what it is.
It seems to be made out of wood with some metal and there's organic material.
It's a house.
They've never seen a house.
This is less than a hundred years in the future.
No, strange. Oh, sorry. No, this is less than a hundred years in the future. And they're strange.
Oh, sorry, no, this is less than,
oh, this is less than a thousand years of future.
I did my math so wrong earlier.
This is less than a thousand years in the future.
I meant it's earlier.
And they don't know what a house is.
And it's like, if you went back to the year 1022
and you walked up to, you were in a village and you saw a house,
you wouldn't be like, what is this?
This thing, it'd be like,
it's just some kind of mud-based domicile.
Yes, I'm looking inside, I'm seeing some sort of bed-like thing. It's straws in some kind
of primitive sleeping horizontal. I meant to, early when I said 100 years, I mean, say
1000 years. It's less than 1000 years in the future, but they keep saying that later
they're like, you're religion disappeared eons ago. And it's like, eons ago?
I don't think that doesn't make any sense.
But anyway, there's a house floating.
They don't what it is.
It gives Dr. Nermia scared feeling
and vox detects a life form inside.
And then they experience a shock wave
which creates a goat head pentagram floating in space
between them and the house.
And it's now alliant steward.
As a metalhead,
see you both just
jump leap out of your seat and just sort of psychically ashtroll projects you can high five each other
I'm eating it played. Have you been look have you been secretly looking at our text threat?
Our collective text no this to the store in Elliott secret text thread. Yeah, yeah
I mean you would do that to me.
I mean, Dan, you and I have a separate text thread from our
floor. Sixth thread.
The stoke tells what?
The, the, the, you said I was special.
You are special. Just not that special. Anyway, I'm going along. I said that
cannot make eye contact with me, Ellie. That's a clear sign that you're lying.
The, no, but Dan, you're right. I immediately stopped listening to all three albums from Green Lung, the English pre-Christian
metal band.
And then went back to this one.
And they're all like, they're like, it seems evil.
And then maybe the captors like, good vehicle incidents.
Like as if this is some just cosmic thing that happens.
Yeah, it's just a normal thing that happens.
So and we get a lot of shots where we will get to see, we see the spaceship, we see
the black hole, we see the pentagram, and then we see the house.
And it looks really cool, and it would be a great desktop or background or a screen
save.
Yeah, it's got a real adult swim type quality, a lot of this.
So, uh, mainland is, send Vox to investigate.
Now, we don't care if anything happens to him.
He's just a cyborg.
And that's when Dr. Nermy, for the first time,
we get to see the kind of like the ship,
CGI hallways with someone actually walking through them.
And it doesn't work that great.
It's just so in front of a green screen with this CGI.
And I imagine Dan, the reason it looks so much better
is they probably bought these pre-made from somewhere like these are. I imagine this is stock
spaceship hallway graphics. That's a good, that's a good point.
And that's where the majority of the, of the $700 budget went to probably. And she,
since as a presence, right before something falls and narrowly misses her and the way this
is framed, I could not tell what it was. It seemed to be a support beam, but I don't know
why you would have one of those in
the spaceship hallway.
It might have been a pool noodle.
What was it that fell on the stator?
It might be the sloppy as cat scare I've seen in a horror movie.
It was like a mop, right?
It was like a mop candle.
I knew it was a long straight line of some kind.
Yeah, it was basically just like the rake gag from the Simpson. Yeah.
Yeah.
And then she goes into her office and she's attacked by, she describes them as tentacles,
but they look like pool noodles that are coming out of the camera.
So it's like our monster's eye view of these pool noodles is hitting her and then they disappear
and she's like, what?
And so Vox.
And I know about, I don't know about you guys, but at this point, I'm like, I think we're
in for a good movie.
Yeah, this is, this movie is a tech of all the boxes of quality. So Vox beams over to the house,
and Nermy is like, no, Elliott, let's clarify. So this spaceship has a transporter technology,
which involves somebody walking into like a little closet, and you can clearly see on the back
of the closet, it says revolving dark room door. Yes, yeah. Printed on the wall.
Similar to the previously mentioned Apple logo
on the Apple computer.
Yeah, they did, they were very,
I mean, there's maybe there's something kind of pen
and tellerish about how open they are
with the everyday props they were using for this.
I mean, clearly they were relying on the performance
to sell the elution.
This is the first.
It's like dark time.
It's like dark time. It's like the first. It's like dark by 95, sci-fi movie.
Much like Frederick March and, sorry, Frederick March, Fred McMurray.
And Barbara Stanwick had to mime using an ignition key in a car in a, in a, a double indemnity
because the fake car they were in did not have a real dash.
So they had to mime turning the key, the engine not starting, being
nervous, turning it again, the engine starting. Just as they had to do that, these people have
had to use the fall, fall on all their object work and they're acting training to mime,
being in a transmitter that is not just a revolving dark room tour.
Yeah. No, I saw that sign, the revolving dark room door sign. And I immediately thought
of like the moment in Edward where, uh, where
Tor Johnson, like walks into the way, walks into the doorway. And that was like in real
life, you deal with that problem every day because besides. And there is a moment later on
with it with a disembodied hand, it's just like the scene with Belagosi having to wrap
tentacles around himself and then pretend that he's fighting an octopus.
So, so, so, a holster, so, a nermiest like, I was attacked by a tentacle monster and the
disappeared and holstered goes, hmm, sounds like you got a case of nerves.
Vox, he transmits into the house.
We get his POV of just wandering around a house, very house to the devil.
And he IDs it as a vivid living quarters with oxygen and Jacob, which is like, I don't
believe it.
Everyone is always rude to Vox. They're so anti-cyborg, it's like, I don't believe it. Everyone is always rude to Vox.
They're so anti-cyborg, it's really offensive.
And he wanders around for a while and there's a, suddenly,
and there's a hooded demon man on the stairs.
And who's like standing like he had just come down
to like meet his date.
Well, he was upstairs in his main cave and decided,
yeah, I will have some ice cream and walked halfway downstairs
for realizing there was a cyborg in the living room.
Dan, can you describe this demon creature?
Well, you only see, I mean, don't you see like half its face because like the town has got a little fringeesty veil. Yeah, I mean, he's, I don't know, he's kind of like a dark, like a gray or
purpley kind of thing. He looks kind of pruny face. Yeah, you're standard sort of demon, you know.
Spirit Halloween demon mask. Yeah, off the rack mask. Yeah.
Wearing a lot of black, he does have bare human hands. And when he moves his head in different
directions, you can see he also has
bear human skin in his neck joint. And as the movie goes on, I mean, you can obviously, his lines
were dubbed in afterwards. There's no moving mouth. But as the movie goes on, he gets more and more
overly effusive with his head movements when he's supposed to be talking to the point where he
looks like he has had, he's just jerking his head around at times to represent speech.
So Vox sees this demon, but his visual feed back to this spaceship is not showing it.
And the demon calls himself Legion and, uh, and Vox says does not compute, which is hilarious.
I wish Legion is like what you're supposed to know all the names in the universe.
Come on. Vox, not a Tobin spirit guide. I don't know. I wish that Legion had said well Vox is a pretty messed up name too
And Legion grabs Vox's face and the feed goes down. Oh, no, and Jacob it's goes
Let's just blow up the house who cares about Vox and Halstead is like no, we should rescue him and actually
Good point. Yeah, we should rescue. He's got great infographics, can sort of explain difficult things on the news to us.
Yeah.
Oh, did you just have Fox, the other things of the box does.
Yeah, they're very good at explaining ends of movies that needed no explaining.
Plarity.
Do they recognize the union by the way?
I would say Fox tends to actually stick itself to the ones that actually
explain other sites have no problem being way.
Yeah, before he prays them too much, they recognize their union or no.
I don't remember. I don't remember.
No, I don't know anything about the working of them.
I don't want to make any claims for them as a work site.
They do explain the news well, but they should pay people for right. Yeah. So we hear it's a flop. I agree. We stand up for labor organization
and fair wages. In fact, more than fair wages, forget fair wages, generous wages. Yeah.
And I was traveling it. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Ludacrously extravagant wages and healthcare.
So, uh, Halsted and Nirmy, they take plastic guns and they beam over,
these plastic guns are so funny. They're just toy plastic lasers. And when they're almost,
every almost throughout the movie, whenever you have the firing, they're very noticeably
pointing them off frame. So you just hear the sound effect. And later on, they have to check
their weapons before they all go into the haunted house. And, and, uh, Maitland is checking
the weapons and just kind of shake some or like squeezes them a little bit. Because
there's no way to check them. They have no moving parts.
Yeah. I mean, also, you know, the one I remember most was like just sort of flat red.
They did no additional painting to sort of give it sort of like a bad boys.
Like, uh, like a hot fuzz style gear up monta.
To these crap.
There's, there's no indicate, like, no of the actors are making any effort to indicate weight.
No, not at all.
Plastic weight weapons.
Yeah, yeah.
I wish they were just sticking them in their side pockets or their pants.
So they'd be, so the two of them beam onto the ship, they transmit over.
And they just kind of spend their time again, more house the devil stuff, just walking around,
they try out recliners, they laugh at no TV.
They're like, this seems to be like some kind of primitive nutrition center.
Yeah, when they go to the kitchen.
That was the part that made me, when they laugh at the TV, they're like, look at that monitor.
They're like, I'm like, you were just using like just a normal iMac Pro earlier.
They're in, in, in, in, in a bunch of the scenes, they have tube monitors.
They have old TVs that are hugely law deep because they have vacuum tubes in them.
Like that's crazy.
Exactly the same.
Or whatever kind of tube it is in old TV.
But yeah, a flat screen TV, you'd think they'd be like, cool.
Look at this.
And Normie is briefly spooked by a hand scuttling along the floor.
And Halstead rolls his eyes at her, ugh, medical officers, always seeing things.
And they find Vox,
deep powered on the floor.
Halcid goes, looks like something,
torn to pieces, which is not the case at all.
He's in one big piece.
It's a ridiculous.
That's when you kind of have to go off script to kind of deal with your actual
environment, right?
I guess that's another actor, you know,
you got he just had to radio play it a little bit just to just to give the audience more
of a excitement.
And then a legions glowing eyes appear before Nermy and she walks up stairs in
a trance and points to a closet door while the zombie hand is creeping around.
Halcid opens the door and it's a closet inside his father, Benna, in what appears to be like
a coma or something and Nermy comes out of her trance anxious.
She doesn't remember it.
And they transfer back, taking father, Benna with them.
Maybe this retired clown can tell them what's going on in this haunted house. And he keeps back, taking father, Beno with them. Maybe this retired clown can tell them
what's going on in this haunted house.
And here's where I want to stop and say one thing.
Watching this movie, I was like,
when we picked Amity Villain's space,
I was like, this is a dumb idea for a movie.
And then watching it, the more and more,
I was like, this is a good idea for a movie.
Like, it's a really cool idea to have,
don't have the opening.
But I have a spaceship find a haunted house,
like a real house floating in space,
and they got to put on their spacesuits
and wander around this house.
Maybe the house is much bigger on the inside
than appears on the outside, it's spooky, you know?
And there's ghosts in the house.
I love the idea of, astronaut, like,
spacemen having to explore a really scary haunted house.
But this movie has no budget,
and it doesn't have any ideas of what to do with this.
So I felt like,
what do you think this amazing?
The movie is wasted, you know? The movie you're describing, Elliot, is not far from Event Horizon. and it doesn't have any ideas of what to do with this. So I felt like, what do you think this amazing is?
The movie you're describing, Elliot,
is not far from Event Horizon.
I know, which is a really good movie.
It is really good.
And I wish that Event Horizon could have gone further
and been instead of a haunted spaceship
that takes the place of a house.
Like a real, I think there's something really
scary about, like you go to, like finding a house in space
and wandering through it.
And like for some reason, it has gravity.
The laws of reality don't affect this house. It's really cool, but it's not what they do in this
movie. But anyway, the version of that I want is they find a haunted, fun house.
And so it's like for the sequel.
So you ask from how it's walking around. And then like just like a spring loaded skeleton
pop that. That's a very good sequel to Killa Fonser Matters, like some air bursts into
their face.
Man, I did the Spooka Rama at the, at the Coney Island recently.
There's a part that we went by that was just like, it was like when you go to the eye
doctorate, your eyes tested and they burst a bunch of air into your eyes.
And that was all, I guess the scary thing is I don't know what diseases
just can't have my body.
You said I know the Spooka Rao is in 4D.
Whoa.
So they find Benna, they take him back and Nirmie examines
he goes, oh Benna's not dead,
he's in some sort of suspended animation.
And it's a surprisingly casual conversation
because it's when they found an ancient house
with a person in it and brought him back and he's still alive.
It's just kind of very casual about it and then Benna opens his eyes.
And he's clearly, he's clearly missing a hand.
Yes.
The space pentagram starts glowing and Benna starts choking Nermy, which you think you
wouldn't be able to do that well because he just got the one hand.
And then he snaps out of it and yells, no, no, and runs away.
Red alert, red alert, uh oh, quick cut montage of stuff as Benna wanders through the green
screen corridors. There's a red alert siren. He runs to the weapons room and
starts typing on a keyboard and then Halston, mainland, hit him with a stun ray and they're
like, how did he know the launch sequence? And we never learned that how we know the
launch sequence. Then we get a demons eye view of wandering around the house for a while.
And Legion is just going to talk to him himself about how there's so many places to rule on high in this new future and
The the crew it goes into it appears to be their utility room or conference room and they interrogate Benna and
They and he goes I'm from earth and they go earth. Oh, yeah
That was that planet that was destroyed by an exploding sun centuries ago and he's like oh, yeah
I believe in God and they're like, huh, that's an ancient thing. Nobody remembers that anymore
It's things have changed so much in the less than thousand years.
And it's pretty impressive that he has such a good grasp of galactic common as well, right?
Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that universal basic and English still remain the same language.
That's true. There's been no language drift over the centuries and more than a,
yeah, or ethnic drift. You could still have an all-white crew of this of this intergalactic ship.
You never see a non-white person in the entire movie, I think.
Benna handles all this and he learns that he handles this information pretty easily.
It's not that big a shock to him to learn that he's in the future and the earth has gone.
You can have a lot going on back in his time.
That's true.
And he's like, I mean, he's still coping with the loss of a hand.
That's true. Everything, everything, Paul's before that. Well, you know, every, you know, it
seems like a small sacrifice to him. That's true. In the face of state. I mean, to defeat
Satan, I'd lose a hand too. It's a pretty, that's a pretty fair, because you'd be famous
for one thing. You get a cool robot hand, like, and I know who killed me. It's true. Yeah.
And I will say, maybe it's that it's the enormity of the thing. There's that scene in Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy where Arthur Dent can't quite comprehend the enormity of the thing. There's that scene in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,
where Arthur Dent can't quite comprehend
the idea of no more earth.
And so he has to think about how there's no more McDonald's
hamburgers, and that's something that he can kind of feel
something about, because it's small enough for him to comprehend.
And I think about that all the time, how there's going to come
a point when either I die, and Popeyes is still around,
or Popeyes ends before I die.
And I don't know which one I'd be sadder about. If I die, and I know there's still Popeyes is still around, where Popeyes ends before I die. And I don't know which one I'd be sadder about.
If I die and I know there's still Popeyes chicken out there
that I'm not gonna get to eat,
or if Popeyes runs its course before I do,
and I have to live a life without
that amazing delicious chicken.
Because I love that chicken from Popeyes.
Guys, which do you think would be worse?
Oh, I thought your sadness,
what, I mean, like you're gonna die either way, Elliot.
So I thought that sadness in the one.
I'm not so sure, Dad.
Sonario.
It's just, yeah.
You know, your children and your children's children
are the way to die.
There's a chance to know the deliciousness of the stories.
I mean, that's, I mean, my children already know it well,
but yeah, I want my grandchildren to know it certainly.
There is a chance that Elliot will be loudly
having a conversation in and in about how he will never die.
And then death and the Lord of dreams will be walking by over here
him and grant his wish and he'll live for every deal.
And every hundred years, I know I don't have to make plans on one day
because I already have plans.
Yeah, so occasionally it could happen that Elliot, you know,
takes the bag that death has and He orders death into the bag.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And all I really wanted was said, all I wanted was a deck of magic cards that never lost.
But instead I decided to put death in that bag.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there's all good possibilities.
These are all things that have happened.
Pick your own.
Choose your own adventure.
Choose your own death venture.
So he's like, well, anyway, it's a house and I, there's evil in it and I
fought it and I lost my hand and God took us up into the heavens. And Halstead is like,
this guy's crazy. And Benna says, this demon won't stop until it destroys the galaxy, which
I don't know why he would assume that. It's not what the demon is saying. The demon wants to rule
the galaxy. Yeah. And Nermy is like, I believe him. And Halstead says, it's all series of coincidences.
And they lock up Benna, they take him out of that room and take him into it looks like the same room
and lock him up.
And but Bena vows to the university,
he's gonna finish this.
And Nirmus, Nirmus is like, are we ever gonna get home
and also goes to Sherwie Will?
And Bena gets those demon floaty eyes again
and then the eyes go down the ship's corridor
to the Apple computer that Hals did use is.
And when he calls Madam Tice, the Legion calls Madam Tice and then chose her through the computer and turns her
evil. And you kind of wonder, after that point, why is Legion bothering with anything else
on this space?
Yeah, man. There's no other transport over normal radio frequencies.
And he's already converted at the Empress of the Galactic Kingdom or something to eat.
At the very least, the head of this corporation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Those are the title matter.
And mainland falls asleep at his post.
And this is the series.
This is a series of scenes in which each of the crew members has a dream where Legion
transports them to the house or somewhere and messes with them in some way.
So here, he transferred, Maillain wakes up in the house and it's implied, I guess, that
Legion is crushing him.
You hear like crushing noises, but Maillain's just going, ah, ah, ah, and then he wakes up
at his desk and goes, what the fuck?
Which was hilarious.
And then Legion wanders into the weapons room and he sends Jacobits into sort of a space
void, re-encounters an evil vision ofna, and the zombie hand grabs Jacobi's head,
and he tries to shoot off the zombie hand
and shoots himself and then wakes up and goes,
huh?
And then Nirmy's been transported to the house
and she gets a headache and she's attacked
by evil versions for crewmates and Vox stabs her,
and Nirmy goes, why?
And Legion goes, because I want to.
And the delivery is hilarious.
Yeah, yeah.
And-
Like that last one causes damage.
But up until that point, she's like, okay, I guess they're having bad dreams.
Well, this is still a bad dream because he's Legion snaps her neck and she wakes up crying.
Yeah.
And then Ben is tossing and turning in his sleep and, uh, and Halstead.
Now he finally appears in the house and he gets surprised by Legion and he goes, what the
hell?
And Legion says exactly hell.
Oh, that's great.
He and Halstead for some reason can now go on to have a very casual conversation
about the nature of evil.
And Legion, his personality is never quite good.
I love it.
Yeah, he goes he goes, he goes, I am, shall we say, malevolent? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And I'll say that not to put too fine a point on it. Some have described me as pure evil.
Yeah, and it's very weird to have legions suddenly be like the like chatty kind of
charming devil when before he's just kind of a mean devil. Don't worry, I'm the baddie.
And they talk about good Nevehall and Satan's backstory and Legion goes, do you like devils backbone?
Yeah, the devils backbone and the devil's staircase, which is part of the West Highland
way.
It's a devil's funny bone.
The devil's devil's power.
Yeah.
The devil's anvil's syrup and other bone in your ear hammer hammer.
That's what it is.
And Legion goes, do you like to play games?
And Halston says, no, which is a hilarious response.
It makes you wonder, in the beginning of Scream,
when he says, do you like scary movies?
Does she say yes or no?
Because if he was like, do you like scary movies?
And she goes, no.
And he goes, oh, well, then I guess you don't have
a frame of reference for what I'm doing right now.
Oh, yeah.
Is it what I expected?
She indicates a general fondness for the genre.
Okay.
Yeah.
And Halstead's eyes start to bleed and he wakes up,
seeming slightly perturbed.
Halstead is never really affected by much of anything.
Anyway, Ben, Ben, Awakes Up, he sees Legion on the ship,
and Ben, it seems more annoyed than scared.
Wait a minute, is this where he wakes up on his cot?
And you can clearly see somebody standing in front of him.
And he like, takes his time, He puts his hat on his head.
He sits up in his cot.
And then he looks up and then it cuts to Legion just standing there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Legion was very politely ready for him to adjust himself and get ready for the conversation.
Legion is like God is gone.
Evil has won.
We're in the void.
There is no God here, which implies, okay, Dan, your dad is a minister, right?
So, uh, Well, he was at one point. He was kicked out of the church, right? But he
knew he has a basic, he's a basic understanding. So he was a minister. Then he became a theology
professor and now he is retired. Okay. I thought you said something about failed exorcism.
Yeah. So many failed exorcisms. So the idea that in the void of space, there's no
people, I guess. So there's no God really runs up the idea that in the void of space, there's no people, I guess.
So there's no God really runs up against my idea.
My understanding of God, which is that the entirety of creation is his and he's everywhere
even the places where there's no people.
And I'm nepotens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I maybe he means that like in the same way that, you know, there's certain
parts of my life that I don't
think about at all because it would just be a waste of my time.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, so maybe God's just not paying a lot of attention.
So the vast reaches of outer space are kind of like a gym membership God has that he
just forgets about.
Yeah.
And it gets it gets auto-build every month.
Okay, I can see that.
It reminds me of the time when I went through a really rough patch.
And I went, and I said, God, what's going on?
And he said, look behind you in space.
And I said, well, there's just one spaceship.
And he goes, those were the times when I was piloting the spaceship.
And you were in a hypersleep.
And I was like, God, I don't think the metaphor really works the way you wanted to.
What is hypersleep anyway? He's like, you know, it's kind of like a cold, I don't think the metaphor really works. I didn't do that. You didn't, God. What is hyper sleep anyway?
He's like, you know, it's kind of like a cold hibernation of some kind.
Well, wouldn't you want to say it's crime sleep plus?
Yeah.
It's like sleep plus.
You know, right?
He sounds pretty good on this.
This is even better.
Well, it's like a full night sleep, but you do it in 10 minutes.
Yeah, amazing, but it lasts a hundred years.
It sounds pretty good, actually.
So they talk about how evil's over in Legion says,
why don't you join me and serve at my right hand?
Wouldn't that be ironic?
Which, it's a good move.
He almost got him.
He said that it would be ironic.
I love the irony of that.
And this is when he's really overacting his head bobbing
for the conversation.
Anyway, it goes on for a while.
They talk about privacy.
He's been a realizes.
He's lost his cross.
And he asked God why he's forsaken him.
And then evil, madam ties calls,
halted and berates him.
And you can tell she's evil because she ununciates
everything she's saying, kept in a halt, stead.
Because that's how evil people talk.
Is that-
Her hair is kind of in her face.
Yeah, and her hair is a little bit messy, are you? Uh-huh. And she says toe the house back.
Hold on, sorry.
Not full, like, ringoo or anything, but, you know, it's, you know, right?
That's right.
That's not brushed.
Uh, go T for, like, hair indicator.
Yes. Yes. Hair and face, go T, you're evil at that point.
Yeah, yeah. And she says toe the house back to the home plan at the Council of Elders
has spoken. And he goes, well, I disagree with, yeah. And she says, toe the house back to the home plan, that the council of elders has spoken.
And he goes, well, I disagree with the elders.
And she threatens them.
He calls an emergency meeting.
And that's what Halston encounters, Legion the Hall.
And we hear, but don't see the blaster fire.
It's like, hey, what's up?
Yeah, Legion is just going to hang around.
And Halston points his gun off camera.
And then we hear blasters and Legion disappears.
Everybody meets up.
Halston's like, I believe Benna now.
Now that I know that the Empress is evil, and there's a demon on the ship, I've seen him. And Benna goes,
we have to destroy the house to stop Legion. He says, quote, it's, it's life for, that's
the point of it's life force for whatever reason, because the movie's not bothering. It's
kind of like in, in a, in the rise of Skywalker where they were like, the Empress back somehow.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Imper.
And they say they're going to set explosive charges in the house, blow it up, and then
nuke the black hole.
And my item, Tice calls, but they pretend they can't hear that the call is coming in.
Oh, like, oh, terrible reception.
Oh, we're going through a space tunnel.
Literally the joke for you.
Yeah.
They think they do say terrible reception.
They prep their equipment, which means just kind of shaking plastic guns and a bent a praise.
They beam into the house and Bena finds his dropped holy water and Tyson calls an order's
jacoits to stand down, but he gives away their plans and she demonize them.
And they plant the charges and then he blotten.
And the charges are, they're like bombs, right?
Yes, yeah.
They look like tiny little, like they look like the little magnetic things that you put
your keys in or something.
Yes, which is probably what they are.
And Jacob, it's Blast, Madeleine, and a trance.
And I was like, oh no, how are they going to beam back?
The zombie hand attacks and then the house shakes.
And a kind of, how would you describe this monster?
I, he seems to be like a coughed up hairball covered in eyes and tentacles.
So okay, so a little backstory.
I mean, I would describe this monster as sort of like a monster made out of yarn that's
sort of unjulating and it's got a bunch of like, googly eyes on it.
Now I, a little backstory, Audrey's nephew, Si, was here last night in part of today.
We were babysitting basically.
You do not tell me you showed him Amity Villainspace.
No, well, I, he was the thing, like we went up early,
which is the park with the understanding that I would leave at a certain point.
They would stay out, they'd meet size mom, they'd go, I'll go to IKEA's, previously said,
you know, and the point was, I feel like I'm watching go. It's different
stories that are all intersecting out of order. Yeah. Don't want to, don't want this kid
to see any of Amity of Ellen's space because it is a nominally horror movie like ahead of
watching it. I'm like, it's probably not going to be scary, but probably best not for
the kid to see it. And then Audrey, at a certain point,
was like, it's too hot. We got to come back. We're going to hang out in the other room.
Like, that's fine. This movie is just boring. It's not scary at all. And then the one part
that Si was around where a monster was there, it was this monster. And I'm like, this
monster is just kind of cute. It looks like something at a yoga baguette, yeah.
Yeah, Cyrus looked over and he goes, pretty cute.
And so I guess I would say that.
So wait, his hair was in bleached white from terror.
Yeah, this film, this horrible, this ostensible horror movie
has failed to scare a six year old.
So probably it may not have, you know, reached all its core
common disease.
Yeah, and the thing we didn't watch it for shocked overs, what you're saying.
That's true.
So this monster, he starts out, correct me if I'm wrong, he seemed to start out, stop
motion, and then he was clearly just a model they were waving in front of the camera,
right?
Yeah.
That's what it looks like, yeah.
Yeah, and they run away from it really easily.
They escape into a closet, and that's when they learn Jake Woods has been corrupted. corrupted. And oh, yeah, Bena throws holy water on the monster. That's right. And the captain reveals,
and so this, I was like, how are they going to beam back? And the captain goes,
oh, well, I do have this pocket, this machine in my pocket that I never mentioned before,
that is the power to be must back. And it works just fine. They beat up jacobits. They set off
the charges and blow out the house, bleach and yells. then Jacob it's creeps out cartoonishly like that it is
So this thing they're like we did it. We blew up the house and they're all bent over a console and Jacob it's
He might as well. She must just be on tiptoes with a piano going do
Yes
He creeps out so easily. It looks like he's trying to it looks like he's a performer who's just trying to
Like slip off stage without anyone noticing. Yes. There's a real children's pantom, it looks like he's a performer who's just trying to like slip off
stage without anyone noticing. Yes, there's a real children's pantomime kind of like, where's
Jacob Itz behind you, behind you, what behind here? No, over there, over there, like that
elephant to it. He's about to start the missiles to launch. I'm not sure why. And Nermy shoots
him and then they redirect the missile after it's been launched to nuke that pentagram in space.
Which means that pilgrim.
Which means also that the black hole is still there and Benna says, thank goodbye.
I have accomplished my mission and just wanders off.
He's on the same spaceship as him.
Like I don't know where he's going or what he's doing.
It's such a funny like.
It's a long time.
Like the thing is, sometimes you just need your own space and you need to have this feeling of control where
you can control your physical environment.
That's fair.
And I have to imagine like, he's been waiting a thousand years almost to defeat Legion
and they finally did it.
And I'm sure he's feeling glad, but there's also got to be an emptiness about that.
Like, this was his whole life for a long time.
And now what does he have?
Not everything he knows is gone.
He stuck on the spaceship.
He's missing a hand.
Yeah, although it's the future, I bet they can give him a new one.
They have cyborgs.
And the heroes' regional realized their engines were knocked out
and they're drifting towards the black hole.
And Nirmy says they should pray.
Then that's when Ben, a sprinkles holy water running
and he lures Legion into the transmitter.
I forgot Legion is back, is still on the ship and he starts strength. Oh he's he basically walks
into the transmitter and allows Legion to walk in with him and start strangling him and then
he
Trit calls to beams them both into space and then blast them with the ship's lasers
And then we get a took moment where Ben arrives in heaven and is told he did a good job.
It's amazing. Yeah.
No notes.
And the ship falls into the black hole.
Oops, oops, all black holes episode of this.
And Tyson's fleet arrives to find only the black hole and Tyson laughs evenly and her eyes
grow demonly.
So that's.
And she says all according to plan, which is like, yeah, what was that plan?
That seems, I, you know, that's gotta be just for, well, I'm like, you know, her greatest enemy, her greatest enemy,
father, Ben is dead and haven't. Yeah.
Yeah. And then the legion's gone. The house is destroyed. The pentagram is pentagon.
Uh, yep. It's, it's, it's like, whenever anything happened under under President Trump
and he'd be like, yeah, like we meant to have happened.
This is exactly what's supposed to be.
So, uh, and that's the end.
I meant to slip on that banana and dive into a pile of shit.
It's dream I had about Trump once anyway.
And so Amity Villain's space, uh, it does not leave you with a, the end question mark.
No, it could.
It could easily have done it.
It ends with oversight.
It ends with a nice-sighted end.
It ends with a nice, conmation point.
Yeah, and here's, and I'm just learning this now from the MTV page. Here's the tagline
to the movie Screams Go Unheard in space.
What?
Yeah.
It's a bootleg mock bus of a tagline for a different movie.
Legally distinct from it.
Legally different enough.
So this is the part of the podcast where we do final judgment.
Clearly, we were all pretty into it.
This is a good movie.
A bad, bad movie or a movie we kind of liked.
I'll just go really fast, which is that, as I said, I text it all, it's a little too boring
for us silly. There's a charm
to this kind of movie that goes for me beyond mere irony. I don't find a lot of joy
just being like, that we're dumb. That's a little bit of joy doing that.
Maybe sometimes. But in general, I watch a movie like this.
I kind of enjoy the genuine sort of joy of low budget filmmaking where it's like, you
watch something like Be Kind rewind where they're sweeping all these blockbusters and there's
get their homemade versions of the special effects.
Yes, the difference with that being that Be Kind rewind is a medium budget movie where
they're pretending to make a low budget movies.
Yeah, sure.
But I was there.
It used to like something charming about this kind of movie a lot of the time.
Unfortunately, this version, I just felt was a lot of, as Elliot said, walking around
halls, people having conversations and not enough genuine strangeness. I, if you're gonna watch a Mark Polonia movie,
go back to the beginning,
where he and his twin brother,
who has since sadly passed, did a bunch of stuff
at the beginning where I think they were trying
a little harder, maybe?
Yeah.
And before it became an idea of like,
okay, well, this is our business model.
And I saw feeders too and found that a lot more kind of goofy fun. But this one I found bad bad.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I feel like this is pretty close to a good bad movie.
It's very silly.
But you're right.
There's not enough effort involved to be like, I don't know, to get like joy out of it.
Like it feels like it's just kind of cranked out.
Like let's get this done in one take.
Let's spend as little money as possible and hopefully we'll get some, make our money back,
which would be almost impossible not to.
I think this movie, it's fairly boring.
I think it is short enough that it could be a good bad movie if you're with other people.
It's very short.
It's very short.
It's very short.
But I think on its own, yeah, it's a bad bad movie.
I was hoping it would be, like Dan was saying, sillier and like, I thought I was hoping for
more of a bonkers energy, you know, but instead it feel for
a movie that didn't, certainly didn't have to be made.
It felt like a lot, there's a fair amount of kind of going through the motions of what
a movie like this is, but if you want to laugh at extremely low budget things, then this
is, it's not the worst, but there are better ones out there.
Like, for instance, I was just looking, well, Dan, while you were talking at the, without It's not the worst, but there are better ones out there.
For instance, I was just looking,
well, Dan, while you were talking at the,
without the sound I was looking at the trailer
for Noah's Shark, and there is a part
where someone is being attacked
by what appears to be a hand puppet of a shark.
So, you could try that, Mike.
That sounds pretty good.
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That's correct. The paranormal. And you knew that you do research online, but more importantly like we do in-person
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Elliott, do you want to plug anything?
Perhaps the graphic novel I just read?
Sure.
I'd love to.
Dan is referring to maniac of New York volume two, the Bronx is
burning. That's right.
It's the second maniac of New York comic from aftershock comics.
I wrote it under a moody.
The great artist did the art for it.
And it's continuing the adventures
of all your favorite characters from the first maniac of New York book, maniac Harry, of course,
the mindless slasher that is plaguing New York, but also Gina Green and Zelda Petty Bone,
the two women determined to stop him. And I, no Dan enjoyed it, right? I mean, he was texting me
when he was reading it. I mean, part of that was me, you know, sort of wanting to get credit for being a good
friend in the same way that, you know, a petty person such as myself, like has a hard time,
you know, putting a tip into a tip jar without letting the person know that they have it,
and exactly been tips, because I'm just so scared
about the way other people think of me.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure.
Whether they think that I am doing, but on top of all my personal issues, I thought it
was a very, very good comic that I enjoyed.
I gulped it down in one sitting and I think all of you, if you enjoyed the flop house,
if you enjoyed the sort of thing, maybe it's something that you would enjoy.
Yeah, I think so too. So that's the maniac of New York, volume two, the Bronx is burning.
If you haven't read the first one, maniac of New York, volume one, the death train,
pick them both up. And perhaps we'll see more of maniac Harry in the future.
But this is all there is right now, the two books.
Perfect, perfect stocking stuffers.
And if you've got kids, I mean, they are.
If you've got for the horror fan in your life,
if it's a widening stocking.
Yeah, I guess, if you're not, yeah,
if you're not afraid of the trade paperback,
maybe bending a little bit.
Yeah, careful about how you inserted into the stock.
I mean, you don't know what my stockings look like.
Yeah, yeah, sure, it's known for his wide stockings.
And if you have kids, don't show that comic,
but do play them, the Who Was Podcast,
a podcast I co-host with Megan O'Neill,
and it's on I Heart Radio,
but also available wherever your podcast is available.
And it's a history quiz show podcast for kids,
kid contestants, kid listeners, adult historical figures.
No swairs, right?
No swearing, no inappropriate humor.
It's the opposite of the flop house.
It is very focused and all ages.
So, and worthwhile, there's information in it. It's the opposite of the flop house. It is very focused and all ages. So and worthwhile. There's information in it. So if it's for kids, it's basically just
like minions shit, right? There's a lot of, no, there's no minion stuff in it, which my
children are very unhappy about because they're obsessed with minions right now. But that's
the who was podcast. Get it with podcasts for kids. Let's do what about you? What have
you got to promote? Oh, hey, I have two bars in Brooklyn.
We have Hunterlands bar and Minis bar just come by say, hi, why not?
Also, if you email, if you're like, I want to support Hunterlands bar and my favorite
podcast in the world, Stuart Wellington, you can just, you can get some Hunterlands bar
merch.
We just got our supplies back up to stock.
You just need to email Hunterlandslandsbarmerch at gmail.com.
And that'll start the sales conversation.
And if you want to buy merchandise that I get a taste of,
you can do that at the Flapphouse podcast or Flapphouse podcast.
Wow.
So which one is it, Dan?
Which one is it?
Flapphouse podcast.
Without the, so normally this is the point in the podcast where I would say we get
letters and listeners and we read a few letters, but we passed an important milestone just
recently.
15 years of the flop house.
Last month, it was 15 years on from the first episodes release, stealth, which Elliot was not on, but he joined
very quickly thereafter, episode eight.
And the 15th anniversary is crystal.
So if anyone wants to send us anything.
Yeah.
Well, you know what, Elliot, that's the perfect segue because the little bit I was going
to do in replacement of letters was crystal themed.
Oh, okay. The little bit I was going to do in replacement of letters was crystal themed. Oh
I'm on the 15th anniversary. It's it's gonna be a little taste of of a mini
right?
A very short game.
A very short game. Is this a quote from Crystal Bernard, female lead of the sitcom Wings.
Okay.
Sorry Steven Weber and Tim Daly.
Yep.
About a small regional airline.
Mm hmm.
I mean, and in there also Thomas Hayden Church, uh, Tony Shaloube, you know, big name
stand there.
But look at their stacked cast.
Is it a quote from Billy Crystal, of course, beloved funny man?
Oh, sweater wide, the Oscars, etc.
And or is it a quote from Crystal, the monkey, one of the most famous monkeys, you may
know Crystal from community, the hangover, and night the museum.
I would challenge the idea of one of the,
of Crystal being one of the most famous monkeys.
I think probably a widely seen monkey,
but known by name.
Okay, well, not, okay, well, yes.
Not personally famous,
one of the biggest monkeys in Hollywood,
along with that monkey that's in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then one of three friends that, that's your friends. I think the Pirates one the Caribbean movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then one for friends, that's your friends.
I think the Pirates one is the friends one.
Oh, Johnny Depp was on friends?
Yeah, oh man.
Okay, so, piece of trash.
What, is it Crystal Bernard,
it could go from Billy Crystal or Crystal the Monkey?
All right, okay.
I knew that I did not want to be a statistic,
that I wanted happiness within.
And I wanted to be present because I knew
what a great mover I was.
I could move things and make things happen.
That doesn't sound like a monkey.
Yes, it does.
Who we take turn?
This is a free, this is free for.
A buzzing, and a Billy Crystal.
That was Crystal Bernard, That was crystal Bernard.
That was crystal.
A guard egg on Elliot's face.
Okay. Here's a new to you.
A crystal.
Another a Swarovski crystal egg on my face.
Ow. Here's another quote.
Oh, I got this.
Yeah. Billy Crystal.
No, no, again. Oh, I can this. Yeah. Billy Crystal. No, no, again, I can't believe it.
Well, it's crystal, the monkey. Here's one. You know, let's do steel.
Consider the rose. The rose is the sweetest smelling flower of all. And it's the most beautiful
because it's the most simple, right? But sometimes you got to clip the rose. You got to cut
the rose back. So something sweeter smelling and stronger
and even more beautiful grown in its place.
That's from who, anyone buzzed in.
I believe that is from a commercial for Crystal Light.
No, I'm afraid not.
That was Billy Crystal.
That was Billy Crystal.
Okay.
How about this one?
We actors have to be conscious of ourselves.
There's vanity involved.
There's competitiveness.
There's something that's not appealing to me about myself
that I try to get away from.
I'm constantly trying to see that in others.
That doesn't feel like home to me.
And yeah.
Crystal the monkey.
That was Crystal Bernard.
Oh, oh. Crystal Bernard. Oh, oh.
Crystal Bernard.
Okay, here's, here's, uh, there's just two more.
What's the score?
No, Dan, what's the score?
Zero to zero.
Oh, Tai Gay, many ones.
Anyone's game.
Yeah.
Here's one.
What's so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you're constantly
starting over all the time and I love that.
Hmm.
Yeah. Tough one. Okay. all the time and I love that.
Yeah, tough one.
Okay. I got rid of that one.
I got rid of that one.
Is it Jesus Christal?
That is not from Jesus Christal.
Jesus Christ was Jesus Christal.
No. Were you trying to say Jesus Christ was Jesus Christ. Super crystal. No. What are you trying to say? Jesus Christ, super small and he said,
graces jeans.
Yes.
Got a graces jeans.
Well, let everybody in the words of our Lord, graces jeans.
When he said, he said,
earn the other reach.
Jesus jeans when he said he said during the other each.
I get one.
Let's let's remember the words of our savior when he said that truly the me the
meji would marry the girl.
Yeah, what about a quote here it is.
Yeah. Yeah, what final quote here it is Yeah, yeah, it was yeah sure fucking it was Greece
Yeah, I'm gonna say Greece is also
Greece is during an impersonation of crystal the monkey
Everyone's a winner.
That's the way we do it. And that's that was our that was our gift to you listener to celebrate 15 years of this podcast.
15 years. You've been listening to this garbage for 15 years.
This complete crap.
Examining. I think our show is really cool actually.
And the people who listen to it are also cool.
No, it's true. We We're uncomfortable with our own selves. So we discount accomplishments.
Anyway, let's move on. I was thinking about this too real. I was talking to my wife
others and I was like, it's been 15 years, which means like it's in five years. It's
conceivable that we'll have 20 years of this show. And at that point, I just don't know
how we stop. It just keeps going. Someday, we might have 50 years of this show. And at that point, I just don't know how we stop. It just keeps
going.
Some day we might have 50 years of this show.
That's the problem.
Yeah. Well, I think once we have to, we're, what we're aiming for, let's be clear, is
what is it? The Mark Twain award for American humor.
Okay, that's our goal.
So we got to elect a flop house president
so that they can curry favor the Kennedy Center Honors.
I don't know how it works.
But we want one of those awards.
Give us one of those.
So we'll just keep going for that award.
But you don't like an MTV Kids Choice Award
or Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award or whatever part.
Just dump a billion MTV Movie Award for a greatest, uh, what the moment or whatever.
Yeah, yeah.
Our best kiss from the MTV Movie Awards will take it.
It's always fucking Spider-Man.
It's always Spider-Man having a side down.
Everybody here.
And you know what?
I get it.
It's hot.
They're up there, you know, Harry Styles and, uh, I don't know, the Olivia Rodrigo opening
the envelope.
And they're like, uh, Spider-Man again.
Why do we still do this?
Yeah.
Why do we do this?
Spider-Man is the best.
Why are we trapped in this, uh, you know, like Sardin Hellscape where we are constantly
just saying Spider-Man wins the best kiss.
Yeah, that was the original, the original myth of Ciciface was really kept having to
announce Spider-Man as one of the best kiss. The myth of Spider-Kiss.
And they got the kiss of the Spider-Kiss. And they go, Spider-Man will accept this award via
satellite and using his office as a cheerful, MTV movie awards behind him.
I can't believe you say myth of kiss a face.
Or kiss a face.
Kiss a face.
Kiss a face.
The myth of kiss a face is that he's just trying to smooch that boulder, but it keeps rolling
up the hill.
The myth of kiss a face sounds like something that Jerry Lewis made sort of like later in
his career.
Yeah, but it's like, it's a, yeah, it's a Jerry Lewis kind of Greek, Greek myth type
thing.
Yeah. Um, I said, it's a, yeah, it's a Jerry Lewis kind of Greek, Greek myth type thing. Yeah.
Um, I said, that's the, uh, that kind of stuff.
Well, let's, uh, recommend, uh, movies that we saw.
That's what this is.
The movie podcast, talking, recommend movies that we saw.
We love the clicks here at the old flop house.
Yeah, flop house has the movies recommendations.
I'm gonna, I'm going to recommend a couple
of things. The first thing is more on, on behalf of Audrey who said that I should give
honorable mention to a movie that we watched. We went to the wedding of one of Ellie's
and my old coworkers in the daily show. And Audrey and I did, Ellie was not there.
Not in a way that I was not invited.
What are we going to get to the move confusing?
There's a lot of backstory for what's just going to be the title of a movie that you're
recommending.
Yeah.
We went up to Albany for this. We've been trapping during the day.
We're out in the sun.
Not like a lot of travel, but we, you know, say, yeah, everything getting out of New York is a hassle. It's true. Just ask Bill, just ask a Bill Murray in that one movie. Yeah. Oh, boy.
Quick change. Yeah. So we were looking at something just took a long time to get out of
that anymore. That's the thing, the titles ironic. That's what makes the movie so good. We were
looking for something. That's why Father Benna considers it. Yeah.
Very light and easy on the brain at the end of the day.
Like pie.
We were going through Netflix.
It was easy on the brain, pie.
We're going through that.
The movie, not shoving a pie into you here.
Yeah.
It's like, that was a pie easy on the boy.
Yeah, that was when I watched the movie pie,
I'm like, what's he gonna stick a pie in his ear?
Right.
Right.
Point is, we were scrolling through Netflix.
I saw the description for the movie worket,
which had the words dance, competition, and Ragtag group.
And I knew that those are three of Audrey's key keywords
when it comes to things that she might enjoy.
So I'm like,
Seaky words?
Key keywords.
And point is,
Now you're not talking about work at the sitcom
that barely existed about two guys who have
to dress and drag to keep their jobs.
Yeah, this is not even my main recommendation.
I'm just saying that.
Certainly a lot of backstory for it.
She is.
She likes it. Well, there's been a lot of roadblocks on the way. If you like that kind of thing,
it's a fun example of that kind of thing. It's not much beyond that, but you don't always want that.
Yeah, and you're not like begging the academy to work.
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm like, you're like a fun dance competition movie that one might be for you.
Okay. But the more challenging, much sadder movie I'm recommending is Resurrection,
starring Rebecca Hall about a woman who has, and you know, it's a horror movie.
There are levels of reality. It's hard to say exactly what happens in the film. Let's just say
that someone who was part
of abusive relationship with her reenters her life and she has sort of a mental dissolution
from that point, which makes it a very painful movie to watch in a lot of ways.
And also a very Rebecca Hall movie. She likes to make these about women whose minds dissolve.
Yeah.
That's what I was going to say.
The best in the biz when I talk to brutal women.
Fucking love Rebecca Hall.
And it's particularly though, in horror movies about trauma, I loved how good she was in
the nighthouse.
She is great at just being someone who is very strong, but also dealing with forces
that any, with shake any strong person. And in this case, the forces Tim Roth, who
is like equally good on the other side, just like a horrible man who clearly is just a
malevolent force and talk about it. Did I ever tell you my story about when my brother
met him? No. My brother met him and then asked him if they could take a picture and he went, no, and just walked away. I love it. But this movie just before warned, like I said, it is about
someone who is sort of re-experiencing the trauma of past abuse, which might be not for everyone.
But it's a horror movie that goes some very strange places. The acting
is so good. And I just really had a great time, even while it being almost unbearable,
uncertain points to. I've been watching a lot of, a lot of horror movies lately. And the
one I'm going to pick out of my horror movie bag, I guess it's a horror movie is a body's bodies bodies, a kind of a thriller with a bunch of
young ins all in a house and somebody dies and they're trying to figure it out and they
all suspect each other.
Some important points is that Lee paces in it and he is very tall.
And let's see Rachel Senot, I thinknaught, I don't know how to pronounce
your name. From Shiva Baby, which I recommend previously and was shot in this very neighborhood
that we're sitting in right now, mere blocks from where I'm seated. She is.
We're getting a lot of extraneous world building and all.
I'm going to be a lawyer in my spot.
Yeah, when the when the when the when the Shiva Baby tour comes through. I'm going to be loyal in my spot. Yeah, when the, when the, when the, when the, when the Shiva baby tour comes through, it's
going to be a lot of fun.
That's it.
That must be Dan McQuay's apartment.
Yeah.
But she gives a really great, almost star making turn.
It's, it's fun.
It's light.
It's, you know, got some jokes.
I liked it.
Body, body, body.
I'm going to recommend a movie from 1947.
It's called The Gangster and it's a late noir film. I guess it's a medium time noir film.
And it stars Barry Sullivan as a gangster with the kind of funny name of Shabunka.
And the movie is trouble getting over the fact that the main actress name is Shabunka.
But he is a
numbers guy, he runs the numbers racket in somewhere in Brooklyn, I think. And he has this
view of the world where he trusts no one, he's always thinks everyone's going to betray him,
he suspects everything and he refuses to let himself relax or care really deeply about somebody
else or let someone else care about him,
and that ends up biting him in the end
as a large organization moves in on him,
and he finds that he has nowhere he can turn.
And it's got a really great supporting cast,
Kim Tameroff is in it.
There's a Lysha Cook Jr. has a small role in it.
All these people who are great in old movies.
And there's a couple of side plots
that are kind of that are surprisingly funny or tragic.
There's a tragic story about a man who owes too much money because he's been gambling
and has embezzled some.
There's a funny story about the soda jerk at a soda fountain who is, considers himself
a, a, just a ladies man, but can't really seal the deal.
But overall is a kind of dark movie.
And one of the things that's real cool about it is it was super low budget for the deal. But overall is a kind of dark movie. And one of the things that's real cool about it is
it was super low budget for the time. They did not shoot anything on location in New York,
which meant they had to create these kind of very artificial New York street sets and kind of like
Coney Island style boardwalk sets. And so it has this weird kind of like dreamlike quality to it
because the street seems so artificial in a really cool in a way that I thought was really cool. So that's the gangster. It's just a it's a nice little strange noir movie.
So hey, we did it. Yeah, 15 years. Happy birthday to us.
We celebrated that birthday with Amityville in space and the game of the Crystal Bernard.
day with Amityville in space and the theme of the Crystal Bernard. Just like the flop house.
Hey, if you like this nonsense, there's a chance you'd like the other nonsense over at
MaximumFund.org.
Some of it's not even nonsense.
Some of it has real information if that's your flavor.
And also, you know, tweet about us, review us, do what you can to spread the word.
It really does help.
If you've done it in the past, hey, we're not talking to you.
Don't get mad at us for bothering you about it again.
Okay, it's, it's fine.
It's fine.
Everyone's okay.
Everyone's friends here.
Yeah, right?
Calm down.
Yeah.
But um, Dan, are you okay?
Also, I think so.
One, one other thing, this is edited by Hal Dod Dottie, Alex Smith, Howell Dottie on Twitter.
There's a podcast called Howell Dottie's Fast Track.
Yeah, you're just a guest, right?
I was recently just a guest.
I forgot to plug it during the plugs, but I'll plug it now that we're talking about how
great Alex is, our producer.
We wrote a song in half an hour, and then I I sang it and you can hear me trying to find
like the notes of a song that I've never heard before because we just did it.
I mean, Alex gave me the notes, but it's so much harder than singing like a karaoke
song.
We've heard a million times.
I'm like, I think this is the tune.
Anyway, if you want to hear me sing a bossa nova about being an adult crybaby, then that's where
you can do it over at Bass Track.
So check that out.
But for the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy.
I've been Stewart Wellington.
I'm Elliot Kaylen.
Bye.
I don't know.
Should we start?
Is that how we do it? Yeah. We don't. Yes, sure. If we don't start, should we start? Is that how we do it? Yeah, we all, if we don't start, never finish.
That's true, yeah, no.
That's a good, that's true.
That's not true, as true as it is, unnecessary to say.
What is a podcast if not saying words as Jesse says over?
Yeah, what is a podcast if not saying unnecessary as Jesse says. What is a podcast if not saying unnecessary stuff?
Yeah.
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