The Flop House - FH Mini 43 - FlopTails Part 1, with Zhubin Parang

Episode Date: November 27, 2021

Stuart leads Dan, Elliott, and friend of flop Zhubin Parang in part one (of two) of a short role-playing game. Listeners may already be familiar with the Hogsbottom Three from our appearance on The Adventure Zone, or from bonus episodes only available on the Maximum Fun member feed. (If you want to listen to the latter, consider becoming a MaxFun member!) This adventure is kind of like those, except what if our characters were cartoon dogs?

I'm not a fan of the game, but I'm just a fan of the game. I'm not a fan of the game, but I'm just a fan of the game. I'm not a fan of the game, but I'm just a fan of the game. I'm not a fan of the game, but I'm just a fan of the game. I'm not a fan of the game, but I'm just a fan of the game. I'm not a fan of the game, but I'm just a fan of the game. Don't throw in the wedding plans Terrap dangerous, certain death I should have faced you on your quest But don't worry the hog's bottom three

I ain't again a bowl of chili Fluff dance Everybody's favorite true in Fluff dance Protect cutie pine top to stew To to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to You know and I'm playing scraps. Superdance, your silver fur. And me, your boy's stew. Never about as favorite crew in. You know and I'm playing scraps. Superdance, your silver fur.

And me, your boy's stew. Tails. Never about as favorite crew in. Tails. You know and I'm playing scraps. Superdance, your silver fur. And me, your boy's stew. Tails.

Never about as favorite crew in. Tails. You know and I'm playing scraps. Superdance, your silver fur. And me, your boy's stew. Tails. Plop Tales Protect cutie pie and talk to stew Plop Tales Not ponytails or some kind of birdtale Hello and welcome to FlopTales, an actual play RPG podcast. Now normally if you're tuning in you're probably thinking what I would normally listen to the Flop Us. That's not what we're doing tonight though, we are doing something completely different because it's one of our mini episodes where normally we watch a bad movie and talk about

it. Tonight we're gonna do whatever the fuck I want. And in fact, we're going to be playing a story from our ongoing flop tails, extended universe of tabletop role playing games that we have recorded. And I force these guys to play with me. If by chance you enjoy this episode and you want more of this, there are additional episodes found in the our bonus feed, which is available to max fund supporters. And there's also a couple of episodes buried within the adventure zone feed because this show kind of started out as a spin off from the main adventure zone.

I can't believe you guys sold all the rights of that. That was very silly. Yeah, I was just tossed them tossed them to the way that was foolish, but we're in it for the love and not the money, unfortunately. Uh-huh. Although you're money, uh, uh, they're cool as selling was keeping the merchandising rights. All those action figures. Yep. All the, uh, hogs bottom three action figures.

Uh, now instead of playing Dungeons and Dragons or are like weird boiled noir game, tonight you will be and you as in the players will, yep, you will be taking the role of cartoon barnyard dogs living together on farmer McAllister's large farm. Now do it. Before we, can we say, who are you? By which I mean us, which I mean, yeah, introduce the right. Who are your players today? Yeah. Thank you. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm the game master tonight. And I am joined by Dan McCoy. Hi, Elliot Kaylen. Hey, and Juben Perang. Hi. Hey, guys. Now, I briefly mentioned that you were going to be playing cartoon barnyard dogs. Now, think of it as like Don Bluth animated dogs.

You're not, you're not like a bunch of Goofies. Okay. Does that make sense? I mean, way ahead of you, man. That was immediately when I was on Bluth. I mean, right here to see and okay, I got it. They're the types of dogs that all go to heaven. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, the tattoo on my belly that says, goof life, does not not apply to this. No, but I'm glad you got it. I wasn't expecting you to be able to sit through the whole thing. Was that a six hour tattoo? Yeah, well, we did it in two sessions. They did goof first and people were like,

that's a weird tattoo and I was like, wait till next week. And then they did life in the next month. People were like, oh, I did it in two sessions. They did goof first and people were like, that's a weird tattoo and I was like, wait till next week and then they did life in the next one. People were like, oh, I get it now. And then when I went back and I pulled up my shirt and I said, what do you think of it me now? They were like, what? Put the shirt back down, they say. Now, today on farmer McCallister's farm, the farm is a hive of activity because the farmer's eldest daughter, Rosalyn, is getting married.

Oh, one ceremony. Oh, that's great. We got it. We're gonna stop it. Well, I mean, we're gonna see. The ceremony and the party are going to be held in the field next to the barn, and the whole town is invited. Now, before we get into exactly what's going on, I think

it's time to introduce your characters. Juven, since you're our guest, why don't you introduce your character first? Sure, my character is Dancer Silverfer. He is a prize winning level Siberian Husky, beautiful pure bread, the gray and white type, except for a streak down his back that is actual silver. Wow, the medal. It is silver metallic elements. It's not clear where it came from.

It's not clear how was it, but he has it. It's a given in this universe. Maybe it's a secret to be discovered somewhere in this episode, maybe future episodes that will be owned by the Adventure Zone crew. Yeah. Okay, Dan, who are you gonna be playing today? I'm Lucky Bone Watcher.

And in Quisitive Hound, I'm an Afghan. I mean, I, like most Afghans, I'm sort of a gunt dog with long fringes of hair. And my hair is sort of a chestnut brown with streaks of gray. And it's, I love this, okay. And L.A.D., who are you gonna be playing today? And of course, you know what I'm playing scraps.

He's a lovable mutt. He's a terrier, specifically a West Highland white terrier, but you wouldn't know it because he's pretty filthy most of the time. This is a dog he likes to get into scrapes, likes to get into scraps as his name suggests. So his hair is, or fur that is, is pretty thickly matted with dirt and some, some kinds of mud, but only makes them that much more lovable and You know when you see him coming along you're like scraps. What did you get into this time? Oh no What kind of troubles he in there's a weird farm that is these three separate types of dogs on it. I'll tell you that

What is that what is the farm raise again? I mean, it's it's like a classic farm. So there's like a cornfield. There's clearly a farm. The farm has no idea what he raised. There's a pasture with cows. And there's a there's a apple orchard nearby. Okay, very diversified portfolio. That's good. It's not just one crop.

Okay. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so now no celebration, including this one would be complete without the McAllister prize-winning chili. That careful blend of juicy meats, savory spices, and fresh herbs is the star of the county fair. How many? I just want to say for people following these stories, we've had at least one other chili story Chili's a real is a real Suddenly designed motifs I put in my games

I did what I like it so so in Michael Morecox We're a key talks about the eternal champion who revered rates throughout time and dimensions with suited the eternal chili, which appears in all dimensions in some form. Well, exactly. Let's hope this one doesn't turn you into a lava zombie. So, unfortunately, this delicious chili is not for dogs. But ever since you were a puppy, you'd heard legends of the time that Bruiser, Rest in Peace, was given a bowl of chili as a reward. Now this might be your chance to get some. However, to make matters worse, earlier this week you bumped into Buttercup with O Stove Kettle's companion dog, and you may have promised that you would score some of this delicious

chili for her, and if you play your cards right, maybe you'll get a date in the bargain. We're all three of us with buttercup. My exact question. Thank you, thank you Silverdog. My exact question. Well, I mean, that's up to you. I, it could just be one of you. It's up to buttercup Stewart.

Yeah, it's up to buttercup Stewart. Yeah, it's up to buttercup Stewart. Thank you, Dave. I like to think that your chances of getting a date exist entirely in your mind is opposed to any kind of reality, but we'll see. Okay, and, but thank you for for bringing that up, Dan. And if this was not all, the farmer's youngest daughter, Lizzie May, has to get ready for the wedding So that means that her favorite kitten cutie pie has been left in the barn with you So so that cutie pie wouldn't be a distraction

However, if anything were to happen to this danger prone feline Lizzie May would be beside herself So you're all trying to get a chili if that happened. Sort of a three dog stooge's situation. Yeah, somehow my Adam Warlock explainer was less complicated than the bar nerd cast of characters. So your mission of course, you need to get some of that chili. You need to keep a cutie pie from getting killed,

and you need to not cause too much trouble. Now, the way you're going to do that is anytime you're gonna try and do something that might be challenging in any way, you're gonna need to roll two six-sided dice. If you roll a five or six on either the dice, you succeed. If you do not, you may still succeed, but there could be consequences, like a bodily harm, or you might generate heat. Heat is a kind of a representation of the chaos that is being caused around the farm by you guys. If your heat score, which currently starts at zero,

but if it ever reaches 10, the scenario is over and you are ruined the wedding. Now, if you ever attempt a task that matches one of your traits, I think you have them listed before you, you can roll that number of dice instead. Be creative, and you also all start the game with one good boy point each. You can spend a good boy point to roll an additional die when you attempt a task.

Certain actions may result in you earning additional good boy points. One of those good boy points. So it is right about noon o'clock. It's a lovely fall September Saturday. The farm is bustling. There are workers and carts coming up from the main road, bearing tables and benches and supplies for the party. The guests are going to be arriving soon. Barmer McAllister is already in his cups and smoking cigars with some of his friends over by the entrance to the field

And looking out of the door from the barn you can see the farmhouse Farmhouse where dogs are not allowed inside except for that's right capped in the old bulldog who guards the front porch Wow capstone ruser. there's a real old generation here of dogs that we're not having access with. So what's the plan? Alright, guys, here's my idea for a plan, right? It's very clear that it's our job to take care of QDPy, right? If we've been told that, yeah. Right. If we make it look like she was in danger before we rescue her, then that's going to get us some chili. So I suggest we simulate some sort of accident that we saved her from. Maybe we, I don't know, like, dunk her in water and then tell them we saved her from drowning

in the river. So maybe we, let me, I just want to make sure I get, I get just right. So, so we've been explicitly tasked with keeping cutie pie safe. Your plan is to endanger cutie pie, then save her. With in the controlled bounds of us saving her, yes, to simulate a danger that we saved her from and therefore deserve possibly good boy points, possibly chilly. And then what I guess, this scenario where either we all go on a date with buttercup or each of us individually gets a chance in a bachelor's style competition. A single litter can have multiple fathers. So it's not. Is that true?

competition. A single litter can have multiple fathers. So it's not. Is that true? Yes. So dogs it can happen. Okay, you know what? There's something in in the back of my of my terrier mind that says this is probably not a great idea, but on the other hand scraps can't turn away from a scrap. So the I'm kind of I'm I'm a little curious. I think this might be the way to go. But at the very least we can see what happens. Worst case scenario I'm a little curious. I think this might be the way to go. But at the very least, we can see what happens. Worst case scenario, I'd hop a box car and I find another farm to live in. I've done it before I can do it again. Yeah, you have a real escape plan for a dog. Yeah, he's got a book of matches just ready to like the

hay loft on fire. It's not his first farm. The catalyst for farm is not your first one. There's no doggy bridge. I'm not afraid of burning on my way out. So, but what do you think dog watcher? What was your name? Lucky Bone Watcher. I'll write these down. And I'm dancer silver fir, if you guys forgot that. And you know me? I'm scraps. Yeah. Well, you know, stepping outside the game

for a moment, I have a cold. So I'm going to be bringing that energy tonight, you know, stepping outside the game for a moment, I have a cold, so I'm gonna be bringing that energy tonight. You know, that sort of, that loopy cold medicine energy, so. Love that. I don't know about this. And yet you're like, I'm gonna bring this loopy, crazy, wacky, cold energy. Guys, I don't want us to do anything to nuts.

Wait a minute, damn. This is the time to do it. Listen to me on your phone. I'm gonna talk to the wind. I'm the time to do it. I mean, I want to be your car. I'm going to the wind. I'm a tap. Come on. This seems like a bad idea. I want to lay by the hearth and cock and eyebrow at things once in a while.

That's my dream. Yeah, but that's not going to get us any chilly. Are we in a barn? This is in the barn, right? Yeah, yeah, you guys are in the barn. You're not allowed. I'm not. I'm not.

It's a heart in the barn. Here's what we're going to do. Here's a worthless barn. That goes to that. It's a hearth in our hearts. Here's what we should do. Is there a second floor in this barn, like a hay loft? Absolutely.

There is a hay loft, of course. Great. And I assume there's a window at the top of this hay loft. So I'm sort of thing to create a draft, keep things dry ventilation. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys all go up to the hay loft? I suggest we throw cutie pie out of the second story window, but with a bunch of hay at the bottom. So she lands all the hay. We tell everyone that we broke her fall and then we get the chili. Okay, here's why I'm gonna say that's a bad idea. Not because we shouldn't throw cutie pie out of window,

but because cats always fall, always land on their feet, everyone knows that we're not gonna get any credit for saving her natural feed skills. We're gonna give her that credit. So let's not do that. On the other hand, what other ways might we get some chili other than endangering cutie pie?

Is there, is there? No, I do like, I do like the idea of using the tools that are, that you have available. That's true. I, well, are there, does it, do we know of any jobs that need to be done around the farm that are dogable? I mean, I think it's, it's, it's tough. At this point, there's not a lot of farm jobs going on. It's a lot of setup for, for the wedding.

I think we've been handed our job, which is to look after cutie pie. Uh-huh. Okay. Well, here's my suggestion. Here's my suggestion, which is not to after cutie pie. Okay. Well, here's my suggestion. Here's my suggestion, which is not to throw cutie pie out of the hay loft, but to instead, you, because it was your suggestion, you run out. My suggestion is to mimic it. So for example, scraps you run out to everyone and say, Oh, no, cutie pie is falling from the top of the hay loft.

Then when everyone turns to, through barks, when everyone turns to see what's happened, I, having walked out with QDPI in, her name in my mouth, will throw her up and then catch her. So look like, as everyone turns, I've caught her on her descent from the second story window,

and boom, here comes buttercup, maybe with chill. Now that's something, huh? This is the closest to a scheme that I can back because there's no actual danger towards this. Now I'm not, I'm not saying no to the, to the fake, to the fake, uh, her endangering cutie pie scheme. Yet what I'm wondering though, okay, it's a wedding.

Guys, what do people love of weddings? Cute stuff. What are we? We're dogs. Let's see if there's some bow ties we can put on. Go out there during the reception, beg for some chili. People are like, oh, look at that cute dog. You know what, I'm gonna slip him some chili.

We get some to taste. We put some in our mouths. We spit it into butter, it cups mouth. When we get, or when we get, when we see her. So she can have some. And then we're all just gonna poop our brains out because we're dogs eating chili. And we just have to do that

a certain distance from the reception. Hopefully not during our day. So now here's not, so that's our alternative plans are either to fake a cutie pie, I ask a paid, or to see if we can cute ourselves up, so we can get some chili from the guests. What do you guys think? Your plan here is to roam the farmhouse looking

for bow ties that fit from the guests. What do you guys think? Your plan here is to roam the farmhouse looking for bow ties that fit us as dogs. Hey, look, were these magical bow ties, should they even exist in the farmhouse? How are we supposed to put them on? We're dogs. Okay, I'm blue skying, but you're right. That's a good question. We don't have hands.

I was kind of hoping that they would be hanging from nails and we just be able to kind of like put our heads through the loop and just stick them on that. Sure, yeah. Now that we can easily do both. Two of us can do the simulate cutie pies near death. Well, the third use that as a distraction and hides it to the farmhouse to look for these magical, already tied looped boat adon- A lot of bow ties are already tied. It's the people get the pre tied bow ties and I know that because I'm a dog. I mean, I don't want to sound class this year, but probably Farmer Callister is probably

the kind of guy who clips on if I am, right? Almost certainly. Yes. I mean, he's probably going to wear overalls with a clip on bow tie to the wedding. So while you are, while you are having this in-depth meeting of the minds. You notice that QD Pie has left the stall that you are hunched over in and is now walking out out of the barn and into the path of sweet foot, the draft horse. No, no, no. Oh, no.

When an ironic name for a horse, those feet are not sleep. So which one of us is gonna run out and try and get it right? I'm gonna try and run out and grab her by the nape of her neck. The scruff. The scruff, such as her mother would, to rescue her from being trampled. Okay. You have a trait that would make that easier for you?

I don't. I guess if one of you has that. Well, I have a scamper, which could probably help me get over make that easier for you? I don't. I guess if one of you has that. Well, I have a scamper, which could probably help me get over there fast enough to do it. Because I just had to do it. Yes. I just said right away, what about you Silver Faw? Silver fur.

Silver Faw. As you can see from this metallic streak of Silver that goes down my back. Well, no-one's why it's there. It's a mystery. Or is it what my discovery was? I assumed you had laying down for an app on a wet flagpole and now Pepple of you thought you were a skunk who was chasing after you. I'm sorry. Possibly, but I won't tell you possibly. I have pure bread, I have stubborn and scrapper, so none of those are,

I think, I like this. I think you should do it. Stress. I'll do scamper. I'll scamper over to to to cutie pie and try to get a red and try to pull her from sweetfoot's path Okay, I'm running behind the shouting. I'm running behind scrap shouting. Oh, no cutie pie might be trampled by the horse to maybe we can maybe simulate this. Yeah, let's take a man a joke. Yeah, buzzer on the farm So I'm getting to get people talking. Just to make it pretty clear for the rules of this universe, animals can talk to each other, animals can understand humans, humans cannot understand animals.

Can humans talk to each other? Yeah, you can talk to other animals, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can humans talk to each other in this world? Yeah, if they tell wait you can talk to other animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they talk to each other in this world. Yeah, the same rules that govern the world of house broken coming back to Fox next year. It was not going to it's not it's available on who Lou now house broken written by me. Yeah, maybe I was inspired by something written by Ellie. Yeah, and so I'm gonna scamp over it's according to my character sheet. That's 3d 6s

Okay, so you got a roll three six-sided dice. Do you want to use your good boys point? No, well, what do you guys think? I'll let it ride? 50 50 odds. I'll let it ride. I might need it later. I don't know if 50 50 odds really is the really out of lies here I'm running behind barking drawing attention to the horse. OK, I've got two fours and a one. Oh. Oh. OK, so it might succeed. Maybe I just get a hoof to the head.

OK, so you run after QD Pie, you dive and catcher, rolling over in a pile of dust. It's OK, I'm very dirty already. Dancer's shouting alerts Sweetfoot foot who rears up and upends the cart the cheese dragging, causing all kinds of chaos. That adds one that adds one to your heat score. No, no.

And some of the workmen start shouting. What are they shouting? Get out of here, dogs. They're just like, hey, oh no! Calm down, sweet foot! Just sometimes wonder whatever happened to the kids at your school who really loved Star Trek. You might remember a kid like me, the one who read the Star Trek novels and built Starship models. I also took music classes to avoid taking gym classes that required

sharing after, but I don't see what that really has to do with- Or a kid like me! I introduced myself to kids at my summer camp one year as Wesley, but when the school year started and some of those kids were in my new class, I actually had to explain to my friends that I had tried to take on the identity of my favorite Star Trek character. The shame haunts me to this day! I'm sure some of those Star Trek fans from your childhood grew up to have interesting and productive lives, but we ended up being podcasters.

On the greatest discovery, you'll hear what happens to two lifelong Star Trek fans who didn't grow up to be great people. They just grew up to be people who love jokes as much as they love Trek. Season 4 of Star Trek Discovery is here, so listen to our new episodes every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun. It's the Thanksgiving season, and I want to take this opportunity to thank you, the members of Maximum Fun. This Max Fun Drive, your generosity and your love of pins helped us raise over $90,000 to help bridge the digital divide. Families without internet access struggle to

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And thanks for being awesome people who want to do good in the world. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ The Flop House is sponsored in part by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you can turn your cool idea into a new website, blog or publish content, sell products and services of all kinds, and more. Squarespace does this by giving you beautiful,

customizable templates created by world-class designers with everything optimized for mobile right out of the box, a new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions and free and secure hosting. Head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode we also have a juju juju jujumbo tron. That's right. And it's a message for That's right. And it's a message for the super Mikey, the messages from Sarah, the head nerd. Surprise Mikey, it's me. You are the lion and winter to my sneakers.

Mary Festivus nerd. Very sweet. And now back to the show. I have another trait right here that's described as can't stay mad at you. Do you think that we worth doing that now guys to try to win over the workmen? Maybe that would lower the heat a little bit. What do you think? I, yeah, let's do it.

Is there? I don't know how this mechanics works, so sure. It's true, just like. Yeah, how are you going to do it? Is there a limit of how many times I can do these things? In reaction to each situation, yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna have like- So you can't do the same thing twice in a row, basically.

Okay, so what I'm gonna do is I'm going to start nuzzling cutie pie and it's gonna look like kind of like adorable animal friends, like, oh look at these unusual animal friends, a scruffy old dog and a little cutie cat. And in the hopes that that will smooth things out with them because they'll be like, oh, well that's sweet. You know what, I'm not mad anymore. I'll just be a little bit swaggin'. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm rolling for can't stay mad at you. Let's see. 3d6.

Let's do it. A 5. Nice. Oh, heck yeah. So you reduce the heat back down to zero. Oh, thank good. No, these mad at you anymore. And you earn a good boy point for your trouble. Oh, wow. This is what a total reversal of fortune here. Very nice. Yeah, they literally can't stay mad at me. This is where I start lecturing to the others. Now good boy points in my cosmology

cannot be awarded by humans. They are here bestowed upon us by a creator. The humans are the same, but Scrap's got the good boy point. I don't want to tell you. I don't know if this is, yeah, I mean, it's a practical reality. I understand it doesn't fit in your religious world view, but like it happened.

I don't know. I don't know what to tell you anyway. Anyway, you still need to know about the good boy points of this world when the points of the next. I mean, is there Chile in the next world? I don't know, so I'm focused on buy you a good boy. Points of this world when the points of the next. I mean, is there Chile in the next world? I don't know, so I'm focused on this world right now. Qtpie. Yeah, we're living for today.

And I say, Qtpie, please do not run off like that. Like, we're worried about you. We got it. We got to keep you safe. That's our job. What if you fill out that second story window of the Halo? Now that would be a disaster. It would be.

Unless. Yeah, Qtpie gives you a look of complete and total innocence like Who me and then starts wandering off again What Okay guys, we got to be close to Qtpie I mean, we're certainly not gonna get put chilly if this cat dies I do like the idea of one of us going to the farmhouse and trying to see if there's a way we can I do like the idea of one of us going to the farmhouse and trying to see if there's a way we can, we can cutify ourselves.

Maybe we'll see some kind of danger that we can avoid. Now you like the idea. Interesting. It received nothing. It received nothing but, what, what, what attacks? Nothing but slander and columny when a, when a collaborator. I was not, I, I don't see anybody trying to pursue my idea, but I'm going to take all other ideas.

No one will say that silver fir isn't a team player. We kind of just did your idea and is my mouth. Let me open up so you can see. No, no chilly in there. Just a regular dog ton. No, because of your failure, we're not getting chilly. Is the chili being prepared right now? Yeah, the chili is being prepared right now. You can smell it. It's coming from the kitchen, which is. We have heard cutie pie toward the smell of the, yeah, easily. Okay. So yeah, let's, let's head towards the chili. It's very, yeah, famously easy to hurt a cat. So let's do that. So you guys are, are you guys going to try and sneak around to the back of the house? Are you going to try and sneak in through the front? I think we should probably try to go around the back

rather than walking through the house where people are getting ready for the wedding, right? I'm imagining this is like the house and meet me in St. Louis where the kitchen is in the back. There's a back door to it. Is there any crawl space beneath the house that we can use to? Well, there's, yeah, there's a, there's a storm seller underneath the house. Yeah, we can try going through there.

We're a root seller. And there's a, there's a wrap around porch where, uh, captain is patrolling to make sure no other dogs try and get in the house. But he knows that we, oh, is that include us, even though we live here? Yes. He's the only dog allowed in the house. Oh, he's stickler for the rules who let the dogs in someone I hope. Oh, man. Uh, we'll find out. I'll tell you what I can do. I'm a pure bread and stubborn traits. I can confront him and say that I should be the one allowed in the house. And while I'm doing that, you guys can sneak around and get inside the, uh, inside the

kitchen. I love this idea. What do you guys think? Let's try it. Yeah. Well, uh, we'll bring cutie pie along. Uh, and yeah, you do that. You, uh, take take, take his attention.

So you, you, you march in past the, the, the gates of the fence that lead up to the house. You can hear farmer McAllister laughing loudly and at some terrible joke, somebody told him and he keeps slapping the shoulder of his son-in-law to be his name. If only it was Paulie Schoeller. That would be great, but no, it's, what is his name here? Oh, Philip Beesley. He's a meek.

He looks like he looks like Anthony like animated like boy, like a Ratatouille or how to train your dragon type fellow. The kind, the kind that women in the movies eventually find a resistance will even though they're, they're incompetent most of the time. I don't know. I mean, is voiced by Jay Barra-Shell. So he knows people are going to like it. I mean, he's proving he can get someone who's out of his league.

That's true. That, that movie is proof canonical. So in the bearish universe. Dancer, you go marching up to Captain What's Your Play? What's your argument? I quickly pre-myself in the mirror of what I assume is probably some busted pickup truck on the, yes, out in the driveway. And I want to come to the house.

This is the most coastal lead episode I think we've ever done. No, I'm not. This is very much, it's not the, it's not the, it's not the, it's the, it's the, it's the, Hillbilly, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, busted old truck. Yeah, you slick your hair back. You pull out a comb. Yes. Before I announce my run for Senate, but I'm going to what is the captain's, what's his breed? He's a whole English bulldog. He's an old English bulldog.

Yeah. So I walk up to him. Yeah, he's got a couple of, he's got a couple of medals. He's got a monocle, you know, sure. Yeah, little bowler hat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I so I just walk up to him and I tell him like, hey, captain, maybe stop breathing for a

couple of minutes so then the audible noise of your labored breath can be quiet for a minute for me to tell you that you should not be the, that a house dog. I am, I am deserving of the house. Look at me. I have, I have actual metal on my back. I have an actual precious metal on my back. Get the hell out of here. It's my, it's my, so while this is happening, are we like trying to like sneak in on tiptoes with like a zylephone sounds or? Yeah, you're trying to sneak in the front or you're trying to sneak around the back of the house? I think I've accepted the captain while he was on the side of the house going around the wraparound

floor. So you guys go through the back entrance. Yeah, let's go through the back. Yeah. Okay. So captain is like, oh, well, I never on the day of the wedding. Why? You never want to be more than six days tall. I'm just roasting this guy. Yeah, you're shredding him and he's like, you can see he's getting redder and redder in the face. He doesn't know what's going on. Why don't you, why don't you give me a role for purebred to see if you're getting, because I'm assuming you're using your, your, your, your breed as a way to your, your natural. Yes.

I was going to use stubborn, but I can, which gives me a bit more, I get, I get four D six instead of three D six. Okay. Yeah. You are, you, are you just being an asshole and not listening to his arguments or are you just showing off how great you are? Um, because it gives me more chances. I feel like I want to show, I want to just be an assholes. I'm being stubborn.

Okay. So why don't you roll, why don't you roll your stubborn dice? Do you have some dice? I have a, I have a random dot org dice roller on my phone. Oh, that's great. So, so roll it. I'll just add the dice. I'm rolling it. Radly, radly, radly, radly, dice, dice, dice. Okay. So I got a two, a three, a two, and a four. Why? Oh, no.

Oh, boy. So you guys turn into a dust cloud with fists sticking out of it. You guys don't want to run and fight. Oh, no. That's going to add two heat. Oh, no. The Kalashar has to send. Farman's over to split you two up from your fight.

Okay, meanwhile over on the side of the house, the two of you and cutie pie are sneaking around the side. There's the back door. You can also see there's a window to the kitchen that is open and there are delicious smells wafting out. And the the back door is propped open and there

are workers, cousins, et cetera, going in and out, carrying bouquets, and napkins, and other, and trays of bread, and things like that. Now, is it possible in this world for us to smell the delicious smells and then let them lift us up and carry us in through the window like in a cartoon. Well, that would be, yeah, I mean, you can attempt it.

I don't know what I would, I don't know what I would roll to attempt a smell transportation. I don't think one of your traits would cover that, but you know, two dice and hope you're all a five or six. Good boy. It's going to be spent. I'm going to try just the two dice. It seems unlikely that the smell would literally lift us modeling into the kitchen,

but do you want to spend a good boy point for that? No, I want to hold onto that good boy point for a moment. Okay. Five in a three? Yep. Oh wow. So Scrabbs goes, you smell the delicious chili and it,

oh man, you're, you're stand on it. You can describe it. What do you, what does it look like when this happens? So the chili is like a wafting aroma that comes towards me. And then it turns into a beckoning finger that is going, here, come this way, come this way. And I smell it and the finger from the beckoning hand sticks me in the nose.

And my ears go up and my eyes go bug-eyed. I'm just like, my mouth opens up, tongue rolls out, saliva everywhere, tongue rolls back in, and then the finger picks me up by the nose. It's kind of painful, actually, and lifts me up and pulls me in through the window into the kitchen, and deposits me, it deposits me on a counter

behind a big cookie jar shaped like a terrier. And while that happens, I turn to, I turn to QTPA and I say, that's the most baffling thing that I've seen involving a terrier since the ad campaign for terriers. A show about detectives that was advertised almost completely with dogs. No one watched it. Good show though. Gideypie, not a big fan of Donald Log, so he's silent this whole time. Yeah, so what do you chase after? Do you also get dragged along by the smell?

What's up? Me? Yeah, I see it, and I pick Gideypie up by the scruff of her neck and I say Do you have a trait that would work or do you just want to hold two dice? I don't what is strange coincidence What do you want to know? It feels like that would work for this, maybe. That feels the only thing that works for this. Yeah, I mean, certainly would be a strange coincidence

if I could also do this floating thing. Okay, yeah, yeah. So let's see what I have two fives. I can't do the grinch of, describe how you get into the kitchen. Yeah, the smell wafes towards me and then, like, it, you know, briefly, like, un-delates like a snake in front of me, you know, and with some stereotypical and canceled snake-charmer music that Leonard Molten would have to appear in front of the cartoon to tell us to disregard and

Then it just turns into the smoke turns into like an escalator that I ride up through the window Oh wow And I was how do you religion explain this? Are you are you carrying cutie pies? Cutie pies just walking along with me with the I have a have her in my teeth. Oh, that's adorable. And does the does the smell also deposit you on the counter next to the terrier shaped cookie jar?

Well, because this is a strange coincidence, there's also an Afghan shaped cookie jar that defines me next to. You land next to scraps and cutie pie lands on her little butt and goes like sliding down the the counter. As you would imagine, the kitchen is very full. There's a stream of cousins, aunts, I mean aunts, sorry, and other. Very different. Thank you. Coming in and out. And you can see on the McAllister farm, it's probably.

Yeah. Yeah. Over in the corner, you see on the big wood burning stove, there is a massive pot of bubbling chili. Oh, that is where the smell is coming from. You cannot wait. There's also trays of biscuits, pies, cobs of corn, all sorts of goodies. Obviously your eyes are only on the prize of chili. Kee-Dee-Pie goes sliding down the counter, and you can see Kee-Dee-Pie is about to go right in the path of what looks like, like a large stack of plates is starting to wobble and tip. I know.

Is it somebody has pushed those plates on top, like they're trying to knock the plates on top of Kee-Dee-Pie? Why would they do that? What do you do? like they're trying to knock the plates on top of Keatingpile. What do you do? I mean, I can scamper again to pull her out of the way of those plates and try to push them back up again. Dan, you're gonna leave here. You're gonna leave your cover?

I've got, I mean, I couldn't, how is it gonna help us to, if Keatingpile knocks a bunch of plates over, you know? Unless, of course, you... Well, you sheagle take the blame for. No, wait, as opposed to defend. Yeah, it's hard to keep rid of trouble in the live. Lucky, what do you have any traits that could be useful to this,

do you have any like telekinetic cat pole or something like that? Other than strange coincidence, I have curious and unaffected, which I'm not clear of my mind. See mutually exclusive. Yeah. To be cute about that. So, you know what? So I'll scamp her over again,

and I'll try to pull her out of the way but also pushing the plates back up so they don't fall over. Oh, okay. It's like I'll run over and then it's like a spin move. Like push her in with my, and with my push, like put the plates back up. Okay, so I'll roll that's 3D6 for scamp her. Oh boy, I wonder if I should use a good point on this.

What do you guys think? No, we're 50-50, let's do it. I don't think it's 50. I don't know who you're getting this as you get. Two fours and a two. Oh man, those plates go everywhere. We are adding another point of heat. You are now at, no, we're going to add two points of heat. Haha. Oh, no, we're at four. Four. That's not good. And

the plates go, the plates go splatter scattering across the, the floor. They shatter. And you can see running away from where the, from behind the plates is Tabatha, the, the, what, the tortoise shell old cranky cat that is mad that cutie pie gets all the attention and love. That's right. This is farm. I mean, also Tabatha is literally the old cat from House Broken that is jealous of the younger cat that's getting all the attention in her family. Yeah.

Oh, man. So I guess what I'm saying is you got a copyright infringement thing on your hand. This one. Not plagiarism if it's an homage. So out we are, Captain and dancer have been separated. What's the plan here? What's your play? Yeah. Shuban, what's your play? You're out in the front. You're having my blood sprayed onto that window as we're talking, right? Like, as these guys are inside the fridge, wait, wait, what? They're in there with the cat. No, they pulled you apart, right? Yeah, so they pulled you, they pulled the two of you apart.

Oh, so, oh, so I am just, I'm outside right now. When Sue said pulled you apart, he didn't mean they literally tore your body apart. Like, he meant they pulled you from the cat. you from like you opened, yeah, you opened the limit configuration. I thought this is all happening simultaneously. Yeah. Now, now I'm going over to you to give you a chance to do something. So it's not just your friends having all the fun.

That's part of the great thing about role playing games, passing the spotlight. So now the spotlight is in the front yard. You and Captain have been separated. Captain is going back to guarding the front of the house, although he, you know, he, he lost a little bit of face with the farmer there. And that's a phrase, Jouben. He doesn't, he doesn't mean Captain lost some of his face. No, yeah. In the fight. I, after that fight, we both did. After that fight, we're both a little less of face.

And this actually supports my long-term plan to eventually become the dog that's allowed inside. So this isn't so bad for me. Okay, if they are, if the heat is this high, I'm going to look around and see if there is anybody at the farm who looks like they're in distress or looks like they might need help. Sure. I'm going to see if I can find some way to help them. Sure. I'm going to see if I can like find some way to help them. Yeah.

So there's a pair, there's a baker walking up and he is being helped by one of his assistants. They're carrying a large wedding cake that is on a piece, unlike a large metal platter. And the cake is, you know, it's heavy and it's windy and it's starting to like tip a little bit. Okay, all right, here's what I'm going to do. Using my purebred traits, I'm going to run up to the, to the baker and the, and his assistants, and I'm going to set a pace for them, walking in a way that will stabilize the cake and allow them to safely return it to the farmhouse.

Okay, yeah, yeah, all my show dog skills. Okay, so why don't you give me a role for that? Okay, now this is 3d6. I'm gonna use my good boy point because I think failing this will be disastrous. So I'm going to roll four dice knocking over the wedding cake might be bad. Yes. It's hard for me to find a pass from knocking over the wedding cake to chili. Yeah. Yes. So I'm going to run over to them and I'm going to walk in front of them at a pace that alleviates the frequency with which they are walking right now that is affecting this cake so dramatically. And it is going to be two fives.

Oh, great. Okay, so describe what happens. What they get the. Oh, so as you like, I walk the cake to the place with the white guy, the sun delinting off my fur provides a perfect steady metronome for them as they walk and as they walk in pace with me They kick slowly begins to stop because it's just a regular enough to stop it from beginning to To be amplified and it just slowly settles maybe even improves I think the taste because of the initial jostling and then the settling

And then I lead them into the farmhouse through the front. I'm just kidding. As a case science. I lead them through the front. And oh, I'm sorry, they're not going to the farmhouse. It doesn't matter. I'm going to make the farmhouse. Yeah, they'll go into the farmhouse.

I like this. They'll follow me as I walk past Captain, who's tending to his wounds. And I lead them through the front of the farmhouse to the applause of everyone there. Yeah, so they you lead the yeah everybody, everybody cheers, somebody says oh go dancer. Yeah, you're a heath by one, you're down to only three heat now. And the baker leaves the cake on the table in the dining room that is stacked with non-shattered plates. And let's see, farmhouse, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

yep, dining room. And on this ground floor in these front rooms, there are... This is the the wedding party is getting ready. They are, you know, checking each other's hair and make sure their bouquets look nice and it from the the chatter you can tell they are about to go out or the ceremony the guests are starting to arrive. The food will be served after the ceremony. And now you are also in the farmhouse.

And you know what? I think now that our heroes are on the farmhouse, I think this is a good place for us to end, come back in two weeks, and we will see if the three of you guys can ruin a wedding. Oh, that is the goal. I see. Oh, we're doing all. Yeah, we should be just messing things up much more. Yeah. That's much easier came to finish. Stone here in the dog house Make a move when it's your turn Get some chili

Take for the cup of alba Don't disrupt the day's events Don't ruin the wedding plans There are dangers and death I should have faced you on your quest But don't worry the hog's bottom three I ain't again a bowl of chili Fluff dance Don't worry the hog's bottom three I ain't again a bowl of chili

Fluff dance Everybody's favorite crew in Fluff dance Protect cutie pine top to stew To to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to You know and I'm playing scraps. Superdisk, your silver fur, and me, your boy's stew. Ever about his favorite crew in? Flop, tails. Particularly cutey pie and talk to stew.

Flop, tails. Not ponytails or some kind of bird tin.