The Flop House - FH Mini 49 - YOU Choose a Commentary

Episode Date: February 19, 2022

We're going to do something a little different for this year's Maximum Fun donors exclusive bonus episode -- our first full-length movie commentary! And we're going to let YOU pick which of our previously-discussed Flop House faves we're recording a commentary for!We've put together a bracket, and starting on Monday, and going for four weeks in total, we'll be running Twitter polls at @theflophousepod to determine which fan-favorite movie will be revisited!But fear not! Even if you're NOT a MaxFun member, this episode is a lot of fun, with highlight clips from a bunch of our best episodes, our current thoughts on the bracket matchups, and the three of us in silly high spirits... Although, c'mon, if you're not a member by now, don't you think this year's upcoming drive (dates still under wraps) is the time to change that?Thank you to our sponsor, Lumi Labs.

Excuse me. Shouldn't have had the spicy clams tonight. It's backing up on you. You know what? We did eat muscles. The cat? Stirs cat muscles, but thank fucking God. It would make me realize that if my cat was eaten by my friend.

But worse than if the cat was eaten by a stranger, right? Because at least, you know, it wasn't scared. That's true. I mean, I don't know. Like I feel like a stranger would see a delicious cat and would just want to gobble it up. But Dan would at least hold for a moment. I feel like I know that cat. I shouldn't gobble it up.

How would gobbling it up affect my friendship with my close friend Stewart? Well, but cats are for gobbling. Yep. There's a chance that Dan might just steamroll right over that and just think about his tummy. And I get it. The problems that when Dan looks at the cat, what he sees is an enormous rose turkey. Yeah. Actually, a small rose turkey, because turkey is going to be bigger than cats, but that's what he sees. Yeah. Hey, let's start this. I thought we did. Well, I mean, it's an open question whether Alex kept an e of that, but if not, hey, everyone, welcome to the flop house. Now, often in the flop house, we talk about a bad movie that we three have just watched,

but we also have episodes that we have dubbed flop Flop House Minis, a name that as time goes on, is more sadly ironic. Because the episodes are very long, you're saying? Yes, yes, yes. That was the... Now you're Dan McCoy, right? Now both my gist. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Elliot Kaelin. How are you?

And there's the third person here. That's right. Stuart Wellington. Hello. I can see into both of your houses through my computer. So, what we're doing on this many, the flop house, as you know, perhaps you don't, if you're listening for the first time, but many of you know, is sponsored largely by listeners. Upcoming, we have our max fund drive drive where we offer bonus content to folks who

become members to show their support, keep their running. Shake a little bit extra chain jetty or pockets, your cheap skates. Wow, yeah, I mean, yeah. In past years, I have been very thankful and I've been very kind, but this year I'm all about threats and threats and abuse. It's going to bust goals. We got to get that change. We got to get that cash.

Wow. I like it. It's pulled out a little switchblade and he's dragging it across his beard stubble. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I do need to shake. Like he's one of the reasons for Roger Rabbit. We don't want to, we don't want to linger too long on this because this is not the max fund drive yet, but The point is that we provide bonus content to members and this year we wanted to do our first Commentary track for a movie, you know similar to back in

Ye olden days when you had DVDs and you would listen to the director's commentary Yeah DVD of blade two and you'd hear Guillermo del Toro and Wesley Snipes talk about how Blade needs to get laid more often. But that was the original plot of the third one, Blade 3, Blade gets laid. That's what Wesley Snipes suggests. That's the exact title. But Joe, this is a factual podcast at this point.

We've yet to equal, we've went to enter the humor section. This is still just the informative section. Yeah. That was very helpful because Nathela Snurf, of course, understands what a commentary is. Having had a great example of it. It is a, we will prove, we're recording a movie length audio track that you can sync up with the movie you're watching and it's like you're watching the movie with us three annoying guys We will not stop talking throughout the entire movie, but don't worry Yeah, the movie will not be a good movie that you want to pay close attention to it will be a bad movie that you want to hear us talking about

Yeah, and we wanted to get listeners involved in choosing which movie that we would do a commentary for So we are letting you guys sort of Guide the ship about which movie we you'd like us talk over now Of course we cannot have unlimited choices because we are we're not the The Amazon dot com with podcast. We have a pre-feme menu prex fix the Amazon.com with podcasts. We have a pre-feme menu, prex fix. Perfect. Perfect. I mean, just a menu, Dan. I mean, like any restaurant you go to, they don't, they don't just hand you a blind piece of paper and say, write down any food and we'll

go make it. They give you a, you know, you're right. You're right. You're a rowed selection of dishes. No, you're a question. You're right. But depending on the diner in New Jersey, you go to. I mean, but even, even you have to, even the New Jersey diner with the thickest phone bookiest menu still has a finite number of dishes. Like you can't you know what you're you're making a good point. It was misleading what I was saying. I was trying to indicate, you know, that we just provide you with a certain choice and

that's your choice. But if it was a Pricks fix menu, of course, there would be multiple courses with no choice and we're not we're not gonna provide. No, we're just doing the work. Yeah. We're doing the one movie. But the point is, we thought we would do a bracket to decide what movie, a tip of the cap

to film spotting in blank check to find film podcasts that have already done. You would leave better podcasts. And to end it for you to the late comedy movie star Eddie Bracken, whose name sounds like bracket. Yeah. So we've we've picked 16 movies from the flop houses back catalogues or movies that we've done episodes.

Well, in this case, bracket catalog because it's a bracket. Good. Yeah. Elliott was right. Thanks. Yeah. Fact checking out an open open. Okay. Check it. was right. Thanks. Okay. In fact, checking out an open open. No, check that. Yeah.

You've heard of snopes. How about stoops? Yes, doops says pants not on fire, but wouldn't it be cool if they were? So Dan, we've set up a bracket of 14 choices and they're going to be going head to head, right? 14. I thought it was 16 choices. They're going head to head. You're the one who's running the other cabinet the ship, Dan. I don't know why you let me run up and just start rolling the wheel this way. And then it's very much the killer. You can use me. Yeah, you really. So anyway, starting this Monday, the 21st, we're going to be running a series of polls in the this coming week to determine the winners of the first matchups.

And you can participate in those polls by going to the Twitter, our Twitter feed, which is at the flop house pod. And obviously, we'll have to run more polls in the early weeks, as there are more contenders. It'll be for the first week. I think it's two a day for four days is what we're looking at. And then as other contestants drop out, our defeated fewer polls, you understand how brackets work. And there's basically four rounds, right?

Four rounds or four weeks, I think. Four rounds. And we're going to try, we're going to try to drop in maybe like little mini updates on where the brackets are just into the feed, like short updates, because because of our production schedule, we can't, you know, always be up to date on what's winning. What does this early edition? Yeah, exactly. So thanks, Elliot. Just want to make sure that anyone was listening, this is not the CBS show early edition. Yeah, because there's a chance they could have assumed it was that we already know the answers.

Yeah, very. Like where the currencies and RuPaul's drag race, where every contestant when they're eliminated, opens up a fake candy bar to see if it's chocolate or the single gold bar that'll allow them to stay. But they had to like sign that shit out and it's not like they're like carrying that fucking chocolate bar with them the whole time. So it's like the producers already know who has that shit, right? And you can tell us right here. Gold or a chocolate bar, right? Exactly. I think we're doing an excellent job at explaining this. So we're going to, I actually pulled some clips. We're going to hear a few clips from the original time we talked about these. Yeah, let's name our competitors. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, obviously, I mean, just obviously when we do the commentary, it'll be a little different than like our usual talking afterwards. It'll be talking during. It'll be a different type of thing, but just to remind you, some clips from these shows. And the first matchup, the first matchup, this is a tough one, guys, is a fateful findings versus brats. Round one, fight. What about the scene where he passes out and spills coffee on his face? Oh, no, I'm not talking about that. And then he starts making a face

like he loves it and he can't get enough. To the car accident, he's having headaches because of course he would, he was hit by a car. Sure. And yet he's like, oh, and he's got coffee precariously placed in the keyboard, his laptop. And he knocks it over and he like, he falls, it's like, his head falls on the paper and then he knocks

the coffee over there. Well, his head falls down and then he's like, regaining consciousness and he sees his coffee and he's like, oh, that's what I want coffee. And he tries to drink it and it tips it all over his face. And it just spills over everything. Well, yeah, instead of being like, ah, hot coffee on my face, his look is like,

he's like my skin is absorbing, his fresh is caffeine caffeine I love it. I needed one of my pen to facial caffeine baths. That's what makes me feel better. Versus. Let me reiterate however that the brats have now broken up his friends and gotten back together. Two years later.

And it's 30 minutes into the film. 30 minutes in. What's the remaining hour and five minutes of the film you may ask, which is the running time of the movie? Sure. Without credits. With credits. The credits includes two music videos. You don't want to skip the credits. One of them involves the piano with the word Brad Pitt, not in big letters. You'd be doing yourself a disservice, I'd like.

Roar! So guys, what do you have to say? I mean, those are too big heavy letters fan favorites. I mean, obviously, I think you guys know that I'm rooting for Bratz. Partly, I guess I don't like signal boosting Neil Breen, because he's a maniac. But you prefer to signal boost kind of, well, I won't even get into it. Never mind. The Bratz dolls have a number of problems with them as well. Yeah. Yeah. It's, but I don't know. Like, there's something joy. I get there's, I won't even get into it. Never mind. The brats dolls have a number of problems with them as well Yeah, yeah, it's but I don't know like there's something joy. I get there's I don't they're both great That's what I'm trying to say. Well, I think well brats I remember we all saw brats originally and we was surprised it wasn't the impact it made on us

Since we thought it would just be a forgettable movie and faithful findings is a peak inside the mind of a madman So you know They both have you know, they both have, you know, pretty tasty. Don't describe Bratz's tasty. I don't like that. I also have the film. I've seen Bratz more times since we did the episode. Yeah, I haven't, I haven't watched Faithful Finding

since we watched it for the episode, so that might be fun. Well, we did a, we did a rift show on Bratz back in the day and somewhere floating around the internet is the audio for that, which we never put out officially because we were worried that you could hear the Bratz soundtrack in the background. Obviously, no one really cares, but it also probably didn't sound that great. So that's another problem.

But we could correct history by having an official record of us watching Bratz. True. Finally, for future generations or aliens to find. Or we could, you know, we could watch one of the strangest movies, fateful findings that we have watched in the history of the show. So, I think that's a strong category. Coming up next category. You're all ready for this? The happening versus the country bears.

Round one, the fight. The best part is when they're about to go to bed and they're like, man, this lady's totally crazy. That's paraphrase, obviously. And not that paraphrase. It's pretty good. And like they hear a noise. So Mark Walbert goes to the door and he sees the old lady in her night Gound down there and she's like like you're talking about stealing stuff. You're gonna kill me and at that point I feel like what the fuck you talking about kill you Mark Walbert doesn't say like no of course not. What are you crazy? He says? No, no We weren't talking

And then like this way I was kind of like the next shot is him like waking up like what the fuck are you talking about It's like you're trying to kill me aren't you no no don't you well time to go to bed Versus this is followed by lovely interlude where Christopher walk in wearing a three piece suit without the jacket from the waist up and boxer shorts in the waist down is just smashing models of the country bear the country bear hall over and over again and each time he smashes and goes oh no bear hall and this match again oh no bear hall and it is so great I. It's so great. I like how is this not a gift that I've seen attached to things,

just saying, oh, smashing, oh no. Oh, no. And then he just dumps the smashed pieces on a pile. And I could tell, is he in a building or is he in like a trailer of a truck made up to look inside like an office? I couldn't quite tell where he was. But he's inside all of us.

Roar! Well, I mean, country bears is a fresher in my mind since we watched it more recently. And obviously, I'd like to get drunk as shit with Dan and watch country bears and talk about it. But I also haven't seen the happening in a long time, and I hear that Jeremy Strong is in it from TV succession, So I'd like to see that. The happening there, it was years and years ago that we watched it, but there are moments that are burned in my brain. A guy just lying down in front of a lawn mower because he's given up on life thanks to the hypnotic pollen. And of course, the scene where Mark Walberg has

to deny he's trying to set up an old woman to kill him, Rob Her. And it sounds like he really was going to do that because his denial is so bad. But, but, uh, you know, the country bears was also a surprising amount of joy for a, what you have to admit, kind of a cynically probably greenlit movie based on a Disney attraction, you know. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the, like, the happening, obviously, M night channel on multiple movies that we've done of his. That's what I'm stands for multiple night channel on. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and the happening is kind of the consensus pick

for like, what is like the funny, bad, channel on movie. The country bears, by this point, I've seen twice. The first time I laughed so much and in the second time, you cried. You know, I went, I was like, is this good? Was it like, was my response wrong before that it wasn't just like that was silly, but is it actually good? It's hard to tell sometimes. And if he watches of the third time, maybe he'll that love will turn to hate. And he's like, this movie must be destroyed.

Yeah, it caused a lot of comment. And when you're, when you're top 10 list for sight and sounds, annual poll put country bears at number one. Well, and for to go at number two, number three, of course, bikini coverage company. There was a lot of representation of city bears on the list already. And I thought, you know, what, the flyover bears are not going to be ignored. Thank you. Here is a, this is a monster matchup. A flyover bears monsters. What is this? Born by James VanderMeier? I mean, that, oh yeah, green movie. Not literal. And by movie book, which is a movie for your eyeballs to look at, which is also what you do with movies.

I'm saving it. I'm dancing. That is, that is, that is the equivalent of someone running across a rope bridge as it falls. All right. You ready for this? Yeah, yeah. Here it is.

Food fight versus a talking cat. Wow. Round one fight. It's almost like somebody heard the idea of Toy Story, then got hit in the head with like an eye beam. And then it was like, it mumbled this while they were in surgery because they didn't give them enough anesthetic to keep them on You know what children love they love the grocery store and more than that they love the cast of characters It opens with this elderly grocer shutting down the store for the night and as the lights go out

There's this plaintive music as if like well the funds over for the day This world of magic and whimsy that is a food store. This is preceded by the way by not even a real title screen. There's just like an animated thing that says, food fight, just like a DVD menu screen. Versus the talking cat. Duffy, who is a straight cat who roamers around and he's like the incredible Hulk in the

TV show. He just wanders into people's lives and fixes them. Here's the thing. Does he talk? Usually he just thinks out loud in a kind of Garfield way. And we hear it. And all the way to the end. We hear it.

We hear it. We hear every soliloquy about how much he loves the woods and hates what he calls beeping machines, which sometimes seem to mean phones and sometimes mean computers. Yeah, the thing is, Elliot, the line is blur between those two things. That's true, more and more these days. What is a phone but a computer in your pocket? And what is a book, what a movie in your mind?

But all of this monologue seemed to be like a combination of pseudo poetic dialogue that has been written for air croppers. And maybe aircroppers, just improvising, whatever he's thinking about at the time. Yeah. Roar! Oh God, well, any opportunity I can not watch Food Fight would be sweet.

Yeah, that's a match up for the Miss Begotten, a talking can a movie that fails to even reach the bare minimum standards of a movie. And Food Fight, which is like shoving a knife in your eyes. Yeah, like hopefully people will vote for a tongue cat so that I don't have to lose these baby blues. You know, yeah, this is one of those matchups. Well, I mean, it's not necessarily the...

Well, yeah, that no matter where it doesn't matter who wins, we lose. Well, kind of. But also like, when you put this up against the other movies that are on the bracket, we're really going to see about whether people voting want to give us a good experience or what they like to do is to like, you know, to try to choose the shittiest thing. Yeah.

Because if food fight wins, then I'm just going to spend the whole time regretting not staring directly at the sun when there is that last solar eclipse. And I want to remind people that to get the full benefit out of an audio commentary, you should be watching the movie at the same time. So you would have to fight, you would have to watch food fight also. Yeah. As I said, you would have to fight food watch, which I'd rather do than watch the fight of food watch. So, okay, the next matchup is a little, I would say that these are not necessarily

the movies that people talk about a lot. If they happen to talk about old episodes of movies that sounded just, you know, like off the charts, but they are, they have the power that maybe they can be sleeper choices. All right, we got here. It's a easy writer to the right home. Now, this is the movie where I just for people who have forgotten, I remind people that this is a movie made by people who bought the rights to the easy writer name made a sequel that was in essence the exact opposite of what the first movie was both plot-wise and politically and and released it as easy writer to the right back and there's a great montage of the end that involves just a shot of an old man getting a haircut. Yeah and there's that scene where the old man is like the full emotional weight

hits him and his lower lip quivers to such an extreme state. All right, wait, wait, say it. Don't talk to him. We haven't we haven't even done the full match up yet. Is there right or two the right home versus street fighter, the legend of Chun Li round one fight. Motorcycle bandit says, Hey, I don't drink this shit. You go sell to someone else to give me the money

That's not how it works. That's stupid. No, that's not how bars work It's not like you now have ownership of the beer and you're gonna Like I can't handle this I can't handle the acid that tomato based drink you take it back Maybe someone got some I'm good I've. I'm getting exchanges for Storkcred. And I'll think so. I'm going to jump like a token I can use against this. Just give me two free plays in the June box.

Cops, quair. Okay, tell you what, you take back the drink and I'll pay a dollar. Give me like a hot dog. It's not hard. It's not hard. It's not a party. It's not, it's not.

It's not. No exchanges, sir. It says it right over there. And another guy walks up. Yeah, I decided I don't want half this shot of whiskey. Can I get like a bucket of popcorn? We don't exchange, sir. No exchanges. I ate a quarter of this pickle leg

Versus and while she is there she knocks out a bunch of gunman by kicking them while swinging around the stripper pole and Moon I can't sounds more exciting than it is. Yeah. It's really not. And Moon, blood good, says to him, like, maybe she's just an angry stripper. And Chris climbs like, oh yeah. And I rate bold answer decided to go ahead.

And it's like, sorry, at the level. Your hand motions definitely. They can't see the hand. But it's literally like damn you're saying we're watching it's like the director said like here you're being sarcastic and Chris may be like no I got it I'm in practicing yeah I know how to do this I got this one coach so really there's a big like it is the it is the most ridiculous sarcasm now that this is the movie does feature one of my favorite movie performances of all time by Chris

Klein as I don't know what his character's name is and who's the bad guy in that with the blue eyes Neon McDonough. Neon McDonough, I mean, the thing is like the Chris Klein, I've seen a super cut of just when he's on screen, you know, saying a line. And it's only five minutes. It's one of those things where the choices he makes are so weird that it over and it's amazing that he won best supporting actor for some little screen time. Yeah. Yeah. When I would think that's more of a lead role. This is easy writer to colon the right home versus street fighter. Colin, the legend of of Chen leaves the clash of the colon.

Yeah, two solid choices. Yeah, that was the original title of clash of the Titans, by the way, was clash of the colon's. Uh, and it was about the next. The next. Oh, uh, yeah. And in the remake of clash of the Titans, instead of release the crack, originally said, they said release the colon in an enormous lower GI tract came out and attacked them. I guess I'm in a track. A real American tract. GI tract is there in your butt.

I was for so for reasons that are not important to go into. I was listening to the G.I. Joe theme. Why not? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, early Friday. I was laughing because like the guy that they have to sing it, like he has a nice voice, but he's also clearly just like working to get the rhythm of the way the, the lyrics we're supposed to go because he's like, G.I. Joe versus cobra, the enemy. G.I. Joe versus Cobra The Enemy. G.I. Joe was there. Anyway, so that was an important thing to say. Yeah. Yeah.

Hi, I'm Biz, and I'm Teresa. And we're the hosts of One Bad Mother, a podcast about parenting. Parenting is hard, and we have no advice, but we do see you doing it. Paul, if you like to do it, what was, didn't we have a bumper sticker a while back that was like,

Paul, if you did it? That's what I thought. I think it was honk if you're doing it. Why did we not ever make them? We did like them. I think they're still in the max fun store. Paul, honk, you're doing it. Thanks, Ms. So are you.

Each week we'll be here to remind you that you're doing a good job. You can find us on maximumfun.org. Ha, conk, tuh, tuh. I listen to Bullseye because Jesse always has really good questions. What did John Malkfitch wear when he was 20? To the... I don't know how to describe it.

There's always that moment where Jesse asks a question that the person he's interviewing has not thought of before. I don't think anyone's ever said that to me or acknowledged that to me and that is so real. Bullseye, interviews with creators you love and creators you need to know from MaximumFun.org and NPR. The flop house is sponsored in part by Lumi Lads. So here's the thing, you probably heard about microdosing, if you look around on the internet, you see stuff about people microdosing to feel healthier and perform better. Our show today is sponsored by

microdose gummies, which deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. You know, if you don't want to, it may be impair yourself if you don't want to like feel like the normal like stone feeling, but you want to feel looser, more relaxed, more pleasant, happier, you know, I've used these. It's a way to chill out. They're already dosed properly for that level of experience. Yeah. The Lumilabs, gummies, taste good. They don't have a lot of THC taste.

They just taste like tasty gummies. So it's a microdose, microdose, pardon me. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC just do a quick search online or go to microdosedgummies.com and use flop to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that's microdosedgummies.com and code F-L-O-P. F-L-O-P. This podcast is also sponsored by StitchFix. Your style isn't one-size-fits-all. It's about what suits your body and what suits the moment. That's where StitchFix comes in. Whether

you're a cool dad, a hip bartender, a sexy college professor, they've got you covered. Now, they'll help you with refined workwear, casual basics, anything to kind of elevate your look. You can schedule a fix and a style expert, we'll send you five pieces that fit your style, size, and your price range. Or if you prefer to shop, but don't want to endlessly browse, you can check out StitchFix freestyle and online shop built just for you. To get started, you take a style quiz. So StitchFix can learn your preferences. Again, whether you are some kind of like nerd friendly,

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So get started today by filling out your free style quiz at stitchfix.com slash flop house and get free shipping and returns stitchfrix.com slash flop house. We've had a lot of great sponsors on the show today, but we've gotten even greater sponsor. It's us. We're sponsoring ourselves kind of. I'll explain. You may have heard already, and if you haven't, then we're not doing our jobs that we're doing a live online show on March 19th.

That's right. In roughly a little bit less than a month or so from when you're hearing this, we'll be doing a live online show. The flop house guys are taking it to the streets. And by the streets, I mean the screens, the screens of your computers for a talk about, that's right, masters of the universe. Oh boy, we're going to be talking about the 1987 Masters, the universe movie, the movie that boldly asked the question, hey, should we make a masters of the universe movie?

Because they didn't really go all the way and actually do it. We'll explain more when we talk about it. It's really more the fourth world kind of grafted onto master's scene verse. And there's also a scene where the chicken, which really stuck out to me when I was a kid for obvious reasons. So that's Saturday, March 19th, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. We're going to be talking about the masters of the universe, but it's a live

flop house show. So we're not just talking about the movie, we're going to have new presentations. We're going to be taking questions from the audience. We're going to have some other sort of comedy bits. It it's a live flop house show. So we're not just talking about the movie. We're going to have new presentations. We're going to be taking questions from the audience. We're going to have some other sort of comedy bits. It'll be a lot of fun. It's like we're throwing a little Masters of the Universe party for the three of us, and you're all invited.

Very exciting, isn't that the case? How do I get to this party? It's not a real party. It's just a computer show. Anyway, go to theflophouse.simpletix.com. It's that easy. Theflophouse.simpletix. The flop house dot simple ticks dot com. And for only $10 that's right. One Hamilton, the $10 founding father without a father, you'll get your access to not just the show, but also.

One week of being able to watch the recording of the show after it actually happens. So let's say you're not available Saturday, March 19th at 9pm Eastern time. you're not available Saturday March 19th at 9 p.m. Eastern time, you can still see the show if you buy a ticket anytime up to a week after the show airs. So just go to the flopphouse.simpletext.com and get ready for laughs and maybe to think a little bit as the flop boys take on masters of the universe 1987 edition. We hope you can make it. It's going to be a lot of fun. you can make it, it's gonna be a lot of fun. The next matchup is a very... two movies that are important to the flopphouse, I think, for different reasons. We have The Wicker Man versus I Know Who Killed Me. Round one, one fight. Meanwhile, everyone's getting ready for the big harvest ritual.

They're wearing animal masks. They've got face paint on. They're dancing and parading to pipe music. It all feels very renfessed, precious. While Nicholas Cage is having a, you know, knuckles, knuckle-dragging balls out, lily-so-be-esky fight. Yeah, balls to the walls. Which ends with him back kicking her into the wall of photos.

And she just, I don't know if she did or what. She's certainly not dead because she shows up later. But like, she gives a look like they were, I feel like Neil the beat was like, okay, hold on her for a moment. We will digitally add some birds tweeting around her head. Yeah. Yeah. And, and much like the bike jacking earlier,

this is a bear suit jacking. Like, Nicholas Cage steals the bear suit. Burses. I'm going to play the role of Aubrey Fleming, okay. I'm trapped in this glass. Which I think you could do better than Lindsey Lohan. I appreciate that, Elliot. Now, okay, I imagine like, okay, I'm getting into character.

My hand's been chopped off. my foot's been chopped off. I'm in a weird glass coffin with a weird like 19th century melt made stress on the fucking veil over my face. I've been bare in a lot of, oh shit, I'm gonna die weird. Oh man, I'm running out of air. Oh wait, is that light? I see like moonlight? Oh, somebody's, you know, digging me out of my coffin.

Oh my God, the thing's open. Somebody let me out with their robot hand. Who is it? Oh my God, it's my open. Somebody let me out with their robot hand. Who is it? Oh my god, it's my fucking twins. Like somebody looks exactly like me. That's my twin. How am I gonna respond? I'm gonna smile quietly.

And allow her to help me out. And then snowing up to me. And that's the end of the fucking movie. Roar! So like the importance here, I think, you know, if I got to spell it out, the Wicker Man, a Nicholas Cage movie, the only Nicholas Cage movie on the bracket. And the one that we did for I think are 300 to 300th episode because it was before we

had the podcast, but it was like the Cage film that everyone talked about when they talk about movies that are maybe not so good. Yeah. the cage film that everyone talked about when they talk about movies that are maybe not so good. Yeah, and I know who killed me, of course, the first episode that Elliott was on. And the movie that so the more I think about it, the more I'm kind of coming around on it. Yes. Our conversation with Jordan the other day really helped crystallize what I like about that movie. There's a real school of revisionist. I know who killed me history and we'll have to see if we if we join it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we'll see. Whereas the wicker man, I think we'll continue to be not good when we watch it. If we were we're talking about the Nicholas Cage one and not the Edward Woodward one, right? Not not the yeah, not the good one. No,

okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because that would be weird if we watched that one that we didn't cover on the show and it's a good movie, right? Yeah, it would be strange. I mean, we didn't joy it more. I mean, we just mainly be singing along to the songs, right? Mm-hmm. And talking about this release fashion, right? Yep, dancing naked, pounding on a door too.

Yep. Just playing our naked buttocks, too, and fro. Okay, I mean, it's audio only for people who don't get to see that unless we, I don't know, post it on Instagram live. But we'll describe it verbally in a way that really brings it to life, yeah. Okay. The next category. Now this is, this is the epitome of what we were talking about before, to our listeners

like us or to they like us to torture us. So we're going to torture a show. And yeah, yeah. So what we got here is tango and cash versus the ogie loves in the big balloon adventure. Round one fight. Jack Pounds is henchman go, why don't we just kill them? And Jack Pounds was, no, no, we've got to do it this way. You don't understand killing them would only make them stronger.

They're not all the one can only. If we're just now, do you see why I don't kill them? And the henchmen are like, no, not really. We had them. We would never have to worry about them ever again. Then they would become martyrs to the police. No, they wouldn't. Then they'd be faced with an entire precinct full of tangos and caches. Of tangos and caches, yeah.

Much of hot dogs. Nobody's doing paperwork. That's delicious. Much of hot dogs. Nobody's stealing pizza. No pizza would be safe on the police station. Versus? They have to get to a windmill to get the last balloon, but a shitty llama won't let them ride their bikes or run on the grass. That sounds crazy when you say it.

So it's the only way to get across is to flag down a giant floating Sombrero. Of course. On and by Lola and Lero Sombrero, played by Jamie Pressley and Christopher Lloyd. Jamie Pressley. It sounds like a climax. Jamie Pressley does almost all the talking and Christopher Lloyd communicates through his bongo drums. And they dance because that dancing is how the Sombrero is powered and they go and get it. Oh no, they hit the, they get to the windmill, then they have to play a flute to make a tulip grow

so they can climb to the top so they can use the fish to finally grab the balloon. So this, you're making this sound like it's some sort of computer game. Like, use fish on windmill. Yes, use the fish. And it gets the balloon. It goes off of the windmill.

They got all the balloons. Great. Roar! I mean, one of those, one of those is a movie that holds a special place in our hearts because it almost killed us. And the other one is Tanguacash. So Tanguacash and movie that, I think we all enjoy

on varying levels of irony. And yeah, the Ugi loves, which I still have a week up in the middle of the night, the cold sweat, wishing wishing, wishing praying to the Lord that it was not real. That it was all I think that I think that the intro of that episode had you screaming at the heavens Ugi loves. So what a movie that was. Yeah, I mean, I feel like if Ugi loves wins, I will have to travel the travel the world to find some kind of ancient incantations so I can age myself backwards so this will never have happened. I will say I will say you know what like In terms of

Defending about go for it. Yeah, no, I'm not gonna fit OU. I'm gonna like make a plea for our own laziness like OU. G. loves is one of the shortest movies on the list. And, you know, the problem with the editor went mad. That's why the movie was never finished. The problem with doing like our normal show on Oogie loves is like, we watch it, but the terror isn't over. Like, we still have to record an episode on it. If we're just doing a commentary for Oogie loves, like, that's less than 90 minutes, I think. Yeah, that's true. Which is bet it might help with the listeners too, because there's not as much that you guys are trying to trick the voters and not vote for that one.

Little reverse psychology. Oh, you won't get as much 5-prose content. Oh, but that's okay. Yeah, we would like that. So okay, we've only got, I will mention that. It's got a star-studded cast. We've only got, I will mention that. So that's star studded cast. We've only got two matchups left. Okay.

I will say, I don't think. You're about to say two catchups left. One was going to be Heinz. But what's the other one? Probably a hunts. Hunts, yeah. I guess they're casing tens. This next matchup, I would be surprised if either of these movies went all the way.

So it's a bit of a, these are, you know, long shot movies, but they're both real classics. The first, no deposit. Okay. And the second Angelo Serenity. Round one. Fire. Jimmy Valenti slash Frank Angelo is a saint as a hero. Robllo J. Deliver's. what I thought was the first best line until I remember Joe's argument with his wife. The second best line in the movie, which is bring a structure for this good man.

Get garbage bags for these pieces of shit. And the hospital beds are wheeled out. And then... Everyone seems to have forgotten that Mickey was part of the the hostage situation by this They like that's how they pitch it though like they like say literally like these two guys Well, it's hostage and they like I'm like what what do you mean these two guys? There was a third man Now their favorite of mine versus at this point, I was like,

oh, I know what the twist is. Let's see if you, the audience, can guess. Yeah, Matthew McCunney should have turned to the camera and said, have you figured it out yet, folks? All right, all right, all right. We're going to be revealing in about 20 minutes. See how close you got. Raw daddy.

Oh, wow. That's a big name to be playing Crawd Daddy. Oh, yeah, in the movie, well, I wanted to get, again, cast as crudetti in the movie, since it was my character that I do on television, on SNL, but they wanted a bigger star. So Matthew McConaughey's gonna play crudetti. I think he's good casting, he's good casting.

I believe him as a guy who raised in the swamps among the moss and the guk, who's now living the middle class life in a suburb of Connecticut. He works in insurance. That's why he's in Connecticut too. And he's always embarrassing his kids with his down-home, bio knowledge, but that's what gets them out of the jams too,

is all those things he learned, wrestling gators and catch-a-crawdads and shit and nutrients. That's true, and I think it's that. Is that what he's talking about, Rod? And he ain't even. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's about to clarify what kind of jam

his kids are getting into. Another Jeremy Strong. So we got, yeah, a tour and uh, serenity, one of the movies that, you know, like is one of the stranger big budget movies of recent years. Yeah. No deposit includes the moral line, of course, delivered by Robert Lozia, uh, get a body bag for this good man, get a stretcher for this good man and bring, bring some garbage bags for these pieces. Oh, Elliot, if you think that I just pulled that exact clip, we talked about it, but it bears repeating. It does. Yeah.

A good, yeah, a good cast deserves a second mention. Let's say a perfect line reading doesn't exist. And yeah, and serenity, which is, yeah, it's just a straight serenity is one of those movies where I think if I could live to a thousand years old, I'd never fully understand what was going on or why it is, why it happens. All right. Now, the final match up. Okay.

Guys, I think we're, I think we know who's going to win this one, but, but that's because the probable winner is such a juggernaut. I don't know if anything else is gonna happen. I think I know one of them. But here we go. Final match up. Geostorm versus cats. The original Geostorm.

Round one, fight. And Chang Warns Max that if Dutchboy breaks down, it could cause a chain reaction of storms and bad weather. Called a Geostorm. And once the Geostorm starts, nothing can stop it. Not even the power of love. The most powerful thing in the universe. So get out of here, youy Lewis. And that doesn't

take money, it doesn't take fame. Don't need a credit card to ride that train. No, that's very ahead of the time, his time, that he's trying to find a train ticket with a credit card. You don't really do that at the time. Yeah, that's right. Huey Lewis futurist. That's more than Raymond Kirstwhile. I don't see any fucking singularities going on. Huey Lewis, any notice that it is hip to be square these days. Am I right with these tech billionaires and everything? Huey Lewis, it should have been called Huey Lewis and the No Stradamas.

All right. It's that kind of forward thinking that reminds me of that Van Halen's long Panama, where one of the scat lines, I'm pretty sure David Lee Roth says, set your cell phone down. Which is wild. Good thing.

It's just like, there was that Charlie Chaplin movie from while ago where people were like, a woman's using a cell phone in the background. Look at that. She's like, well, she's clearly not, but okay. You know what, if that's the world you want to live in and sure, Kazam starring Sinbad was a movie. Like, you're okay.

Okay. Versus. The moment I first started giggling, I'm controllably, and just genuinely couldn't stop was thinking about these introductions, and imagining if, like, that's how I, like, life went for me. Like, if I met a new person, they were like, hey, I'm m-mumbly pegged, the skull re-human.

Like, my deal is this. I'll tell you for nine minutes. You'd be starting a new job and be like, well, tell us about yourself, Dan. I'm Dan McCoy, a clone kind of fellow, sometimes a man, and sometimes a mellow. And I'd be like, yes, perfect. Now that's a good one.

Not to stop you, you don't have to tell me your extra. I already know it. I want to give my condolences to Geostorm on this one right off the bat. Geostorm is a super fun dumb movie. It's one of the dumbest disaster movies I think I've ever seen in my life. We're somewhere where the villain decides he's going to kill the president of the United States using a storm And then he's also in the same bill It's the perfect crime, Elliott.

And is they going to put God on trial? And it's also on a I'd like to see them try It's on a space station where people are playing video games with wired controllers I haven't had a wired controller in like 20 years. It's going to come around. It's going to be a big, big trend. But of course, it's up against cats, which is, I guess, the movie that they should bury in a time capsule for 10,000 years.

To explain what society collapsed. I think it, I think it's the first movie to be, to be inducted into the Library of Congress on the day of release as culturally and aesthetically significant. No, no, you're thinking of the Bizarre O'Lightbreak. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's where everything's filed backwards. Yeah, me and love bad movies.

That's the Library of Bizarre O'Lightbreak. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. The Cats is a librarian of course. Yeah. Yeah. The cats is a super fan favorite. Yeah. Yeah. So those are the, those are the, um, the matchups. As I said, uh, you can start checking in on Monday of this week or these polls. And then once we get winners on these, obviously, the winners will go on to battle each other and tell, you know, in the words of Highlander, they can be there can be only one,

not really accurate here because we could do more before just not a guy. Yeah. Obviously, yeah, so head over to the Twitter account where you can vote and also you will see I'm sure us all lobbying for the movies of our choice. I'm sure I will be on my Instagram constantly lobbying for anything but a food fight. I'll be making these like heartfelt videos like smearing ashes on my face, wearing a hair shirt, anything to convince him not to use it. You got to do the Blair Witch up the nose crying video. Just begging please. No, you're so sorry. No food fight. Yep.

So those will be over at the Flapphouse pod. You know, I'm if you are not currently a Max Fun member, but you want access to the bonus content. As we said, the the drive is coming up once a year. If you don't know, we asked people to go to maximum fund. maximumfund.org slash join become members to help support the show and supporters at all levels will have access to this commentary and a bunch of other stuff. We're just getting ahead of the game by finding out what you would be interested in to hear for that bonus content.

If you're not members, I'm sorry that we took up your time, but I hope that you found enjoyment in hearing us take a walk down flop memory lane and talk about these movies. And if this is your first episode, you picked the wrong one, dude. Yeah. Very confusing.

I, you know, I recommend checking out, checking out one of the shows that we pulled clips from maybe those are, those are generally considered to be good ones. Yeah, go for it. But thank you to not a legend of tunnel. I can't vouch for that one. I wasn't there. Thanks to Alex Smith, our producer, who we may do a little extra work this week

for the clips and such. Thank you to Max Bumfun, the network that we belong to, go to maxbumfun.org, check out other great shows. And normally there might be more spiel, but we've done a lot of technical stuff. So I just want to say thanks for listening. I've been Dan McCoy.

I've been Stuart Wellington. And I'm Ellie Kaelin, I'll rev up for Max Fun Drive, coming to you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye. Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture

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