The Flop House - FH Mini 86 - Watch Which?

Episode Date: August 5, 2023

Elliott points out that, pre-Barbenheimer, two big movies had frequently been released on the same day. It's true! You can look it up! He runs Dan and Stu through a battle of wits, exploring other mismatched matchups from cinema past.Tonight's the premiere night of FLOP TV, and you can buy tickets here! If you can't watch tonight, you have a two week viewing window to catch up at your leisure!Donate to the Entertainment Community Fund here, to support those affected by the WGA strike.

Hello everybody, welcome to another Flop House mini! That's right, this is the Flop House podcast, but today we're not talking about one bad movie and then Dan tells us why he liked it and it made him cry. Instead, we're going to talk about a bunch of different things that are all the things we want to talk about. My name is Elliot Kalan and join me, are my two co-hosts? Dan McCoy, emotions are not something to shame Elliot. And Stuart Wellington, I don't have anything else to add. I thought Elliot's was perfect.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I want to mention before we get into the main body of the episode that today, the day this episode is released. If you're one of those flop house diehards who listens to the episodes, the moment they drop, that today, Saturday, August 5th, tonight we will be performing the first ever episode of flop TV. Our streaming television version of this flop house podcast. This is a kind of streamlined visual in your face podcast TV program thing that's just like watching at the philosophy. Probably over selling.

It's the most amazing thing in the world. Secrets of the pyramids revealed. We will cure scruffy a la if you have it. And so that is tonight. It is 9 PM Eastern, 6 PM Pacific. Tickets are available at theflaphouse.simpletix.com. We're going to be talking about Beastmaster 2 through the portal of time. It's an exciting movie. It has a portal of time and a Beastmaster in the same movie.

And hey, if you can't make the show tonight, don't worry, you buy a ticket, you have access to a recording of the show for two weeks. The exact amount of time that Arnold Schwarzenegger says he's going to be on Mars when he's trying to sneak onto Mars in total recall, two weeks. So that's the flop house dot.simpletics.com. Join us tonight as Dan Stewart and I will be talking B.S. Master II. So the portal of time, I'm going to be doing an original PowerPoint presentation.

We're going to answer a couple questions from viewers. It's going to be a lot of fun, but you can watch it for two weeks afterwards if you buy a ticket. Season passes are of course available for our whole flop TV season. Guys, do you have anything to add before we get to the main body of this mini? I just want to add that while there are visual elements that presentation, there's some nice little video clips, interspersed in, I wouldn't call it particularly visual or in

your face. I don't want to set them up for it. There will be people saying, okay, you're right, we should make our- I'm fair in expectation. Our basic flop house waiver is lower those standards. Take those standards and take them down low, low, low, low. They hit the floor, those standards and the standards wall, so I'm doing boots with the fur and so forth.

Wow. Okay. So L.A. said his piece, Dan has said his, I guess what do I have to add? Let's see. Well, guys, I did, I did some really heavy weightlifting yesterday. So my brain is a little frud. It's pertinent to the front.

Wait, so when you, is it one of those things like, like when you don't, you pick up something heavy and you can feel your face tightening? Yes. Like, is it like that where you pulled something heavy and your brain had to give a little bit of extra oomph to get it to get it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, the mind muscle connection, Elliot. Exactly.

And then we'll find it. The mind muscle connection. I mean, yoga teacher, I was making a face and she says, does that face help you do this in my head? Wow. Kind of a little bit. Wow. No, I mean, she said, you know, you said, does your face hurt?

Because it's killing me. Boom. Get her on. No, it was. I mean, you know, it's true. You're supposed to relax and breathe through the, you're not supposed to clinch up. But anyway, Elliott, I believe you're in the middle of introducing the show proper. Yes.

Now I am the captain of this episode and I'm going to steer the ship. So let's see what happens. As everyone knows, a few weeks ago, saw the release of one of the most miraculously mismatched movie pairings in one weekend of recent times, Barbie and Oppenheimer. Mm-hmm. One film was the story of one of man's most physically

and emotionally traumatizing inventions and the other was about the atomic bomb. The endures going. The viewers go and blast. The viewers go and you saw it on my all the way. The internet went crazy over this idea that two movies could be released on the same day, and there were all these articles online, one by our old pal Matt Singer,

about how about other weekends in the past when two classic movies or big movies were both released. Like for instance, in 1984, when Gremlins and Ghostbusters came out the same weekend, a big weekend for the letter G, a very important weekend for the letter G and adolescent fans. And for the letter EK, Elliot Gailen. Very much so. I mean, I was about, I think it was what summer 84, so I think I was two and a half years old at the time, but you better believe if I've been old enough to go to movies.

Eventually, both of those movies played a very important part to me, but we're not going to be talking about Gremlins and Ghostbusters anymore on this episode because here's the thing. In the 1980s, so many movies were being released that multiple movies usually came out on the same day. And if anything, being shocked at two big movies coming out on the same day is more than anything, an indictment of how few movies are released to theaters currently and their tragic lack of variety. It's a serious issue, which I thought we'd explore in a fun way with a game I'm calling

Watch Witch. Welcome to Watch Witch, everybody. It's a new game you guys are going to play. Watch Witch is brought to you by John Montau, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, with her acting as first lord of the Admiralty, plenipotentiary to the Congress of Breeda, or member of the Hellfire Club. There's more to the fourth Earl of Sandwich than just inventing the sandwich. Learn about him, won't you? What was his mutant power? His mutant power was the invention of foods. Oh, okay. Yeah, he could combine foods in ways that had never been done before.

It's the same mutant power scene and the movie Ratatouille, for instance, and and in kitchens everywhere. Guys, am I mutant? Yeah, maybe not as good a power to use against the X-Men, but probably better just in life and in the world. I mean, when not as good a power to use against the X-Men, but probably better just in life and in the world. I mean, when you look at the actual Hellfire Club, the in the comics, not the actual Hellfire Club that John Montague was a member of the comic book one, their powers didn't really help them that much against the X-Men. Wolverine alone took out most of them in the classic dark fenix story.

So if the, if John Montague be like, hey, X-Men eat this, eat this, eat this. Now they're all sluggish, their bellies are full, they can't fight that well because they throw up because they're sick from fighting and eating at the same time. I think he could take those X-Men down. But they all had cool outfits, right? They dressed old-timey, like, they're tiny. I know, he dressed old-timey because it was old-timey times. It was the actual 18th century.

So that's why he dressed that way. Okay. What was their goal where they just kind of generally like, like they just did bad things or was this like- World domination. Well, domination, dude. Okay. Yeah, because it always felt kind of like

that maybe this was like a sex club that did on the side. It is also a sex club. Maybe it's on the outfits. Yeah, well here's the thing. So it seems unrealistic that these characters who are already rich, powerful, and able to pull the levers of politics, commerce, everything from the shadows.

It feels strange to believe that there's anything more that they would want and that they would go out of their way to cause trouble for themselves by calling attention to themselves. And yet, as we've seen, it's what rich people do every day. There's no amount of rich or power that you can have that doesn't, that you don't want credit for. And it leads, maybe it leads you to try to hypnotize the phoenix and thus unleash planet destroying power. Maybe it leads you to spend $44 billion

on a perfectly fine social media platform and then take everything that people liked about it and remove it. Destroy, it's only conceivable value. It's branding as a thing people know and replace it with the letter X. I think it's so funny. The letter that indicates don't go in there.

Yeah, the thing that I think is so funny is a, I mean, it's the turn it looks turns out Elon Musk is the real X man. Oh. Whoa. The funny thing I think of it as they're like, it's called X now, X is the everything platform. It's not Twitter, it's X.

You don't tweet, they're X's, but you still go to Twitter.com to get to X. If you're not at app, then you're not going to X.com, which I assume is the website of the X games, do not write in and tell me what it actually is. Anyway, so here's the game we're going to play. It's called Watch Witch. So in this game, I'm going to take you back

to a few historic weekends in the 1980s when moviegoers had a tough choice to make about what new movie to watch. I'm going to sign a scenario about a date and time when these movies are coming out and each of you will be assigned a move. Or actually, you'll pick a movie that you'll have to convince me, the third member of the party, to watch rather than your opponents movie. Now, we'll be taking turns with our opening statements and our rebuttals for each one you get an opening statement or a bottle and then I can turn into an argument that's fine, it's not a real debate.

And you'll also take turns picking which movie you want to champion. Now here's the thing, this is the 1980s, before the internet was around to tell us everything we'd want to know about a movie before we saw it. So you're going to have to make your argument based only on the poster for the movie and any information you could reasonably glean from the trailer. And we are not expert movie buffs in this. We are really ordinary people out for a night of fun at the movies.

Okay, so do you guys feel ready for this? Okay. So we're just like normal movie goers, right? We're not like a police movie goers, like Dan over here or yeah, I don't know. My our friend John who sees every movie like we have to that's why I think myself as a elite movie level. I mean, you do see every movie see all of them. Yeah, that makes me elite. My sedentary movie centered lifestyle. You're one of those damn elitists that are making things hard for normal everyday

assaults of the earth, movie goers by ruining our movies. Anyway, so guys, are you ready for, there's gonna be two rounds. Are you ready for the first round? Sure. Round one. We're gonna have two rounds and the middle, round one, then we're gonna have to add sponsor break and then the rest. And I'm gonna have to share my screen every now and then.

This might get a little clumsy, so Alex, please feel free to cut out any dead air that results. But don't lose all the gold. Yeah, there's already been so much of it. Oh boy, what am I doing? Alex, if there's some 10 in there, though, or some pewter, you can feel free to snip that right out. Just take it. Yeah, we don't need that. Or PyRite, Fools, Gold, it's also called. Yeah. Or PyRect, the glass that you can use that you make baking dishes out of Alex. If the sound to the movie Fools Gold is in this episode, please cut it out because we do not have the rights to that.

Please remove it. Please remove it. Yeah, we will get sued. Okay, guys. Number one, the date is July. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, do you think at one point when they're naming the movie Fools Gold, they're like, let's call this bitch Pyrite. I have to assume that was the working title. Pyrites of the Caribbean. Have a look at that. Yeah. That's why I actually have pen zance. And they were like, nobody knows what Pyrite is. We'll call it fool's gold. And the writers were like grumble, grumble, grumble. And the exact. My name off of this. We're geniuses. And then the movie, I don't know how it did.

Maybe it was a big hit. I guess if you want to alienate our strong geologist following. There goes the chemist audience. Yeah. So guys, here's the first scenario. The date is July 15, 1988. And we are a team of political operatives preparing Atlanta, Georgia's Omni-Coliseum for the upcoming Democratic National Convention, which starts in three days.

We know we won't have a lot of time to watch movies once the convention starts, so we better make a good choice tonight. So do we see, and let me put up, let me, let me put up, these posters, do we see, die hard starting the guy from Moonlighting that's all we know him as or a fish called Wanda, starring two guys from Monty Python, the lady from trading places, and one of the guys from Silverado. Now Dan, you'll get to choose first which movie are you going to say we should watch? I think I'm going to champion a fish called Wanda.

Not a surprise. So Stuart, you'll be taking diehard. Now remember, all we know is what you've seen in the posters. Maybe we've seen a trailer, but probably not. We've been busy setting up the Democratic National Convention. So, Dan, you can go first. Why are we seeing a fish called Wanda? It looks like there's a giant fish in it.

Yeah, that's so crazy about that. No, that's what I'm saying. Look, it's got a big kind of sexy looking fish that, you know, sort of intriguing. I really think, yeah. This is the sexiest fish, pre-s asserted in chicken. A real admit, yeah. This is the sexiest fish, pre-shape of water, which is the course of sexiest fish of all time. This reminds me, I got the very important note

that maybe we should describe visual things when we have them. We got a lineup of five people, one of the giant fish. A four people in a giant fish. Yeah, one of them is John Cleese. One is a giant fish lady. One is Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Klein, and of course Michael Palin. And they are, it's a police line up.

So this fish is committed to some sort of crime. I want to know what kind of crime a sexy lady fish committed. Also, Kevin Klein, we all love him from pyrites of Pins ants. So there's that Michael Palin seems to have been beaten up maybe by the fish. Who doesn't want to see that? So you're really leaning hard on the fish, which I understand the picture. Well, I mean, you know, John Cleese also, you know, obviously, Hullarius, remember, we're saying this in the past where John Cleese has approved himself to be an irritant on Twitter. It was just a beloved figure in the comedy world. And uh,

now keep in mind, we're not, we're not comedy snubs like in real life. We are three political operatives in the Atlanta area. Yeah, but if we're political operatives setting up for the Democratic National Convention, maybe we don't like which John Cleese has been saying today in 2020. But we don't know anything John Cleese has been saying today in 2020. But we don't know anything about that. That's my point. What are you arguing? I'm saying we don't know that. We might not even be aware of John Cleese's past work. You can't, you might be aware what are you talking about. You can't say that.

That's fair enough. Okay, well, you under fabrication. You've made a strong argument that we should see what this 60 fish lady did. Maybe she beat up Michael Palin. Stuart, okay, take this other movie, Die Hard. Now, it's the Die From Sure. There's a lot of text on this poster.

Yeah, there's a ton of text. We need the movie. The text is very helpful, I think, in this case. Because if you see, the movie is called Die Hard. And it's ours Bruce Willis, as he mentioned, is from Moonlighting. He appears to be much larger than an exploding building that he is standing next to. From this poster, I'm assuming that he's a giant man who maybe accidentally bumped into this building and is like, oh, what do I do? This picture, this picture, this poster is in black and white except for the title. Very cool looks like a war metal album cover, an album that probably is made by dudes with sketchy

politics. Now Bruce Willis's head takes up a large chunk of the poster and then next to his head is the, what we will later find out is the Nakatomi Plaza building, which has police spotlights on it and the roof of this building is exploding. Ellie, why are you taking him to task for bringing that? I was just about to I was waiting for his sentence to finish two things. One, we don't know it's not a Tommy Plaza. We don't know what this building is. And two, we don't know that those are police search lights. Those could be movie premiere search lights were to be honest. Those could be tentacles coming out of the building. We don't know because we

haven't seen the movie. Okay. So it appears that the the roof of the building. We don't know because we haven't seen the movie. Okay, so it appears that the, the roof of the building is exploding or maybe that's like a blob. It's really hard to tell. It's exactly like that. Yeah. It could be a movie about an ejaculating movie, a bit of ejaculating movie about ejaculating building. It does feel a little bit like when they design this poster, they're already like, let's make it easy for somebody to make a porno version of this movie. And what would that be called? I mean, I feel like you would, you don't have to change the name. It would be die hard on, I think, or something like that. Yeah, that's, you could say die hard on or dick hard.

Guy hard. Guy hard is good. Yeah, die hard. Yeah, that actually, that works really well. Okay. So let's see, tag line up at the top. Dive shark. Dive shark, and it's a very specific type of porno well. Okay. So let's see tag line up at the top. Dirty.

Die. Die. And it's a very specific type of porn open. Okay. So the tag line at the top 40 stories of sheer adventure with an exclamation point, I feel like that's that should be selling us already. I don't want to watch an anthology movie. Okay. So it's a good. It's a good Friday before. Yeah. But that exclamation point is rolling me in because you'll notice a fish called one

to the tagline is a new comedy about sex murder and seafood with a period at the end. That period seems a little passive aggressive to me. I don't like that. Now, we also, as you mentioned, there's a ton of text here. It says, high above the city of L.A., a team of terrorists have seized a building, taken hostages, and declared war, not accurate, but that's fine. One man has managed to escape, dot, dot, dot, and off duty cop hiding somewhere inside. He's alone, tired, dot, dot, dot, and the only chance anyone has got.

I'm glad that's two elite chance anyone has got. I don't know about that phrasing. I mean, I just maybe a second pass. I'm going to. Yeah, a second pass. I'm going to. I'm getting a hug. I've got notes for this movie poster for 40 years ago. I also have notes about, you know, clearly wasn't a

success. I knew comedy about sex, murder, and seafood period. I've got some notes on that. There's no need for a period. This is not a full sentence. It's just a tagline and it's not a sentence. So don't put that period there. And everybody except Anne, the first letter is capitalized also. And you know what?

There's no Oxford comma. And if anything, you should have an Oxford comma. It's, I mean, I guess, John Cleans was in the Cambridge footlight. So he was against the Oxford comma because they were. He liked the Cambridge, he liked the Cambridge period, which you put at the end of nonsense. Exactly. Well, you guys have both made, well, which you put at the end of nonsense. Exactly. Well, you guys have both made, well, you didn't really make too much of an argument. I mean, you described the post-presently detail, but you didn't really argue in favor of

it. So I'm going to have to give this one to Dan. We're seeing a fish call problem everybody. Okay, yeah, okay. All right, and we are going to laugh our way to defeat in the 1988 presidential election. So guys. our way to defeat in the 1988 presidential election. So. No, it's too bad. How did that did fish called one of that got got some Oscar nom's right Mondale. That was 88 was Monday. No, no, 84 was Mondale. 88 was do caucus versus.

Okay. Yeah. And it was well, he kept in client one the Oscar for fish called one. For best supporting that at best supporting fish. Yeah. And he was up against Alan Rickman, right, from diehard. We can only assume. We can only assume. Yeah, we can only assume. All right, guys, now we've got six more scenarios. So I guess I got to speed things up. This is our second scenario.

The date is December 13, 1985. Only two days earlier, a bomb sent by a mysterious figure who was starting to be known as the unabomber, took the life of an innocent victim. We are three investigators on the case who have already run out of leads and have decided to see a movie in the hopes that it inspires them. Are we Alfred Hitchcock's three investigators? We are not. We are real police detectives involved in a real case and I am in if anything disgusted

at your feet. We're not. We're not. You're making a fight of it. Pete and Pete Grinchon, whoever the third one was. involved in a real case and I am in if anything disgusted at your feet and a peak cringes on whoever the third one was. I've never been familiar with these characters. Okay, so we need some new leads on the case. So do we go to which movie are we going to see? Jewel of the Nile or a chorus line, the movie. Both came out the same weekend, December 13, 1985. So wait, hold on. So Stuart gets to choose which movie he is going to, he's going to, he's going to champion. Is it going to be, you know, the Nile or a chorus line, the movie? I understand that Stuart gets the choice, but I just want to clarify. So part of our, part of our desire is to

perhaps pick up some clues about the box by watching. Not necessarily clues, but just open up new, new angles of thinking in our minds. So we're doing, we're getting, like, this is kind of an agent Dale Cooper style of, you know, doing law enforcement where, you know, just bring your mind helps you. Okay. Yeah, exactly. Free your mind and the rest will follow the rest being clues. I'm going to select a chorus line, the movie. All right. So Dan, you'll be, you'll be championing the jewel of the Nile. So Stuart, you started us off. What do you, what

of, why are we seeing a chorus line the movie? And again, you only know what you've seen from the poster or what a person could reasonably understand. It can know that this is based on a Broadway musical. So, let's describe this poster. It's a giant white background and we have a bunch of dancers in gold outfits really have the time of their lives. It's amazing. They're loving it. And above it, it reads a chorus line and the title is inside the O of the movie. Yeah, which is way bigger than the actual title of the film. Yeah, so it looks a little bit like a chorus line is on a the bass drum of a drum set being

played by the words the movie and also made up the words movie. It doesn't know the title is the movie a chorus line, which is weird. Yes. If somebody was throwing together a poster for an event at like one of my bars and they use this kind of placement of letters, I would tell them to try again. But that said, remember you are arguing in favor of this movie? That said, the chaos of both the placement of dancers and the lettering scheme makes me think that this would be a great chance for us to see organized, the organized chaos of a filmed Broadway production. And maybe that will help us solve the crime that we are trying to put the pieces together.

Okay, interesting. It definitely looks like we're going to see something that will shake us up. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So. Yeah. But the jewel of the Nile, let's take a look at this, Dan. This could also shake us up. What tell us about the poster and also what does your investigator in 1985, what does

he know about the jewel of the Niles? Well, back story. Here we go. So better than the first one, we got our three stars. They're named by name on the poster and we see him. Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito are our friends from remancing the stone. And Danny DeVito.

Danny DeVito is in remancing the stone. He is? Yeah. Yeah. Who's he playing that? He's like the same character. Comic villain. Yeah.

I totally forgot he was saying that. I was going to watch it again. It's good. Yeah. So Kathleen Turner is swinging on a rope. You know what? You know, I didn't think Danny DeVito was in it. I was thinking of the movie Twins, which does not have Danny DeVito in it.

Oh, man. I think I can do it, buddy. Oh, no, you're right. I was thinking of the movie, but Jackie Chan, which does not have Danny DeVito in it. Yeah. Yeah. Jackie Chan's a lot to you. Guys, do you know, I have a rare eyesight problem where I see Danny DeVito and Jackie

Chan as the same people, but flipped. Anyway, can you know, you know when, when, when, when, when, Jackie Chan. Dany DeVito, you mean in drunken master? Have you seen Dany DeVito and drunken master? Amazing. Let us see what we got. Let me describe this book.

So we got, Kathleen Turner is swinging in through sort of a Middle Eastern looking opening of some kind with like columns and such. And she's wearing, you know, a nice dress showing off her gams. We got no shoes. You should mention she does not have shoes on. Yeah, Michael Douglas is also swinging in. I guess like clutching her, her stomach. I think it's the same rope.

I think they're on the same rope. Yeah, it's hard to say. He does have shoes on. He is wearing sneakers. Well, he's got sneakers on over here. Along with a white suit that looks very much like the one he danced in in Remanson to Stone. Uh-huh.

And he showed up. He showed up at a costume party dressed as Tom Wolf in sneakers. Yeah. And, uh, and he's not Tom Wolf in the movie sneakers. And he's not a pure. Tom was in sneakers. No, no, he's, he's, he's wearing sneakers because Tom Wolf, the author did not usually wear sneakers as far as I could tell. And he is, sorry, he is clutching Davido like a piece of luggage who was looking up at them like, oh, and he's wearing like a turban. And there's a bunch of, you know, people and camels and stuff in the back. So Michael Douglas is either pulling Danny Davido by the back of his pants, where his

hand is to shoved into Danny Davido's butt and is using that as a handle. And the tagline says, they're back again, romancing in italics so you know that that's important. A brand new stone also in italics. Remember romancing the stone and that's what I would ask you guys to do. If we're getting, you know, we got to go see a movie that's going to really just reset our brains. We've been, our, our thing about this case has gotten too uptight. We just got to go and have a shot of pure joy

and I can only assume that it's equal to such a great film as romantic the stone would be just as good and enjoyable and not at all just like a weird cash in that seems like it was maybe written as it was being made and not with a good idea. Like, we got to go see something fun, like, remancing the stone, jewel of the Nile. That's what I say. All right, so I'm going to get you.

Strong pitch. I'm going to, that's a solid pitch. You're putting, you're, you're really throwing us back to our knowledge of the original. And if it steward, on the other hand, a chorus line, you'd give a good, more kind of thematic kind of contextual, you know, psychic energy, a way of looking at it. You know what, I think we've been on this case, we need to just, we need to see something

that takes our minds off of it. So yeah, let's go see Jewel the Nile, Dan. If this isn't the funniest movie I've ever seen, I'm gonna be so mad at you, but I know it's gonna be hilarious. I was like guarantee it, it's gonna be great. Yeah you, but I know it's going to be hilarious. I guarantee it. It's going to be great. All right. So let's go to the third scenario. And Dan has already taken an early lead. This is quite amazing. Usually in these games, I rig them so that Dan doesn't do as well.

This time somehow, it seems to be he's already pulled ahead. So now we go to our third scenario. Okay, the date is, let's say, you know what guys, we're still gonna be three professionals, but we're no longer in the criminal industry. The date is March 29th, 1985. It's still 1985 again, earlier in the year. We are three stadium audiovisual consultants

who have just returned from the opening week of Expo 85, the World's Fair held in Sukuba, Japan, where we've caught our first sight of Sony's new Jumbo-Tron TV screen. We know this could potentially revolutionize the industry. Stuart has an idea for something he calls a kiss cam, and Dan has an idea for something he calls a wife's butt cam. Who knows which one will become a standby of sports stadiums in the future. Curious to see how traditional movie projection compares with the video wall technology, the Jumbo

Tron, we had straight to the local movie theater intending to catch the re-release of Return of the Jedi. They re-released it two years later after it's released, but bad news. It is sold out. Our only choices at this three screen pre-multilex leader. Well, guys, here are your options. Are we going to see either the Care Bears movie or police academy to their first assignment? Oh, man, double feature. So, Dan, you get to choose first. Are you going to be championing the Care Bears movie or police academy to their first assignment? So wait, we're sitting up a sound system and- No, not sound system, sir.

Not sounds that we are thinking about. There is an audio component, but we have just seen the jumbo tron. This is gonna change the way we project video in large spaces. And so we got it, we want to see, well, maybe a movie projector is the better way to go. The jumbo tron is untested technology. It's basically just a big TV. So which would show off the the sights and sounds we want to best test the Care Bears movie or police academy to their first assignment and Dan. You know what? I'm going to zag and choose the Care Bears movie in this case.

Okay. And so Stuart, you will be you will be championing police academy to two movies that were released on March 29th 1985 together I'll mention Dan you've got a little bit of a leg up if only because this caribor is movie poster We're looking at did hang in the basement playroom of my house growing up and so I remember almost nothing about the movie But I remember this poster well because it was in my house So you've got an nostalgia factor right there. And again, though, my character, the guy who installs projection technology in stadiums has not seen this movie, did not have it growing up in his house. He's a grown. He's a adult in 1985. That's where they introduced the non-bear

care bears, right? Yes, as you can see in the, on the poster, it says introducing the care bear cousins because they felt limited by the idea of bears. And they're really asking, what is a bear? Could a bear be any animal because inside all of us are two bears? Say, say, like, Bernard's mom. That's inside each of us are two bears, only one of which chaos. Okay, well, let me, I want to first off again, sort of describe this poster quickly. Yeah, please do.

A bunch of the care bears. And I guess the care bear cousins I'm assuming are the things that aren't bears on here. We can only show. We have seen the movie. We can realize that's my guess. We realize we entered Sherlock's money house. Because we got a bunny on there and a little elephant at Timothy Elephon. So there. How amazing would it be if that character's name was Timothy Elephon?

They're writing a big sailboat across the sea. It looks like and there's an evil looking, like Raven, maybe flying behind and beneath. There's like what I can only assume are you know the souls of the damd And there's a book with a sort of an evil looking lady who kind of looks like the Magic mirror from snow white. Yeah, I'm kind of a bald green lady with vampire teeth just the head. Yeah white. Yeah, a kind of a bald green lady with vampire teeth, just the head. Yeah. And so I'm going to argue that you know, mentioning it and an image of them being terrorized by a giant tree with a face and yeah. And the tagline is what happens when the world stops caring. And that's, you know, that's really key because Stuart, you know, wants this kiss can idea to get off. The, you know, I am trying to increase like the awareness of butts out there.

Yeah, awareness is the right word. People are not aware of butts right now. These are both, you know, I think at heart problems of caring. Can we care enough to kiss one another or to admire a butt? And also, look, look at all those vivid, vibrant colors on, you know, like, do you think there's going to be anything like that in police academy two, the first assignment with a jumbo tron, we got to focus on what's colorful, colorful, what reads from a distance, like a nice cartoon character. Well, it might not be to my taste to watch a bunch of bears running around shooting rainbows out of their stomachs. But this is what we got to do.

All right, job. Dan, I'm surprised you didn't mention the star power involved in this movie. As you can see, clearly from the title, from the poster down says, with Mickey Rooney as the voice of Mr. Cherrywood. Oh, wow. Of course, that indelible character by Carol King. Well, Mr. Cherrywood. Oh, wow. Of course, that indelible carol king. Well, title by Carol K. Yeah, other songs by John Sebastian. Okay. And I got to know with these care bear cousins or old but I just got to know. Yeah. Okay. So let's do it. That's a strong

competition. A strong argument for the Care Bears movie. Stu, what about police academy two, their first assignment? I know I'm already blundering. I'm like, please academy to their first assignment, but this is the second police academy movie. Stuart, sell this movie to me. That's the thing. So you can only assume that having attended the

police academy, it's time for them to go out into the mean streets and the poster indicates this. We have a jumble of bodies. They are smashed on top of each other. There are some kind of crazy amount of them. Because that sounds on top of each other. There are some kind of crazy

a match. That sounds like you're describing Guernica by Pablo Picasso. It looks like what happens when you throw that dust, the dust of Ibn Ghazi, Wilbur Waitley's brother. Thanks for it. Thanks for putting that in layman's terms. I appreciate that you really cleared it out. It's like definitely. That's what happens. That's what it looks like. The Duna Tours, what I'm trying to say. So, so right up at the top, we have text, a bunch of texts, and it says, watch out, which

I think you guys should really understand. We should watch out and see this movie. Now, there's a bunch of texts underneath that. I can't read it. Maybe my eyes are going. Maybe it says lean up eyes are going, maybe. It says, lean up. Yeah, you do it.

They've got to clean up the worst crime district in the world, but that's no problem. They're the worst police force in the universe. And universe is capitalized, just the you. Interesting. They're referring to it by name. Is the universe going to show up in the movie? Maybe. So we see all of our friends from the first police academy.

There's also a pair of eyes peering out of a manhole. Don't even know what that means. And there's a word balloon coming out of the manhole that says, and hey, be careful out there. It may be, this has got to be, there's eyes, there's eyes all over this eyes looking out of a mailbox, eyes looking out of doorways, there's eyes everywhere. But Dan, you were saying there's got to be what? I mean, this has got to be some sort of late addition to this poster.

These eyes look so tacked on and the word balloon, definitely, it's a blue balloon with just typewriter letters, clumsily put. It reminds me so much, I've talked with this on the Flapp S. for my favorite print ads of all time. The ad for, was it bringing down the house with Queen Latifa, where they, this was late in Twitch run and Eugene Levy's line, you got me straight trip and boo was the hit of America. And so they had taken the normal print ad

for this movie and they put a word balloon over Eugene Levy's head that said, you got me straight trip and boo just to be like, this is the movie where he says it, everybody do not get mixed up. If you want to hear him say that, you've got to see this movie. This is the one. This is the one. It really feels like this has to have been added though, like they're like, oh, there's so much of cops on here. Do people, are people going to know this as a comedy? Sticks the eyes in a word, real quick, real quick. If anyone who's listening owns the original painting of this poster, let us know if these are added afterward.

It looks, do you guys think this is a Drew Struzen? It might be, or it might just be a Struzen style. Yeah, yeah, that's what it looks like. So already, I mean, this looks amazing. Struzesque. And I don't think, I don't think any other movie can promise the jumble of characters, limbs that you can, and will really test the limits. Look at the number of screen experience. Sticking out of that, they're all holding guns, and the guns are huge. Yeah, really speaks to our overfunded police

have any guns around this police academy. Luckily, after this movie is released, they change things and took all their money away. Okay. So, here's something, here's a detail you guys might not have noticed, is that I think it's to show that they are dumb and they're not following the rules. They're enormous arrows on the street that are pointing in the opposite direction of the way that these characters are walking.

And it's like, what street looks like that? What street has huge arrows pointed at? Warning arrows. Sorry, neighborhood two dangerous follow arrows. There's no curb. They're just going or there's no end to the street. They're just going right down the block all the way. Just exit this way arrows. Yeah, it's it's weird. It's a true poster because I see a signature on it. This poster has layers wait, wait, wait. Do you have that, but it did. That goes such a song.

That was a really good, local girl. We'll be proud of you. We'll be proud of those ghosts. Clean it up the town. Dristrosin. Oh, man, man, the whole gang's there. I can't believe I even have to make this argument. You look at this poster.

You gotta see this move. I've got the scissors so far. I'm not really sold on either of these movies right now. So I'm going to give you guys each us a lightning round. Okay. Uh-huh. You've each got, I'm going to set a timer for this. Dan, you've got 10 seconds to tell me why we should go see the Care Bears movie. Stewart, I'm going to give you 15 seconds just because again, you haven't given me an argument so much as you've described the poster. So Dan and go 10 seconds. There's a heart in the middle of their chest, which is like the heart that Stewart is proposing

for the kiss cam. We see that heart, we kiss. Times up. Okay, Stewart, you got 15 seconds and go. If we want to test the limits of film and screens, we got to pack it with as many hilarious cops as possible. That's police academy two promises. You still got one more second? Okay, Boba Booey. Boba Booey, you know what? I'm going to go with Stuart. You made the point when we do these stadium screens, we're going to need to fit a lot of people on there. So we're going to have to see how they

fit all these people onto this screen for police academy two. We're seeing police academy two there first assignment everybody. Do you think that was the note to Drew Struzon was like, so you got to put all these people in there. Probably that probably was the case. It fit them all in there and he goes not a problem. And I have to assume that I- It's Sam and Jack Davis. I'm sorry. Jack Davis and Jack Davis, he's like too many characters and he's drawing hands. It snapped right off. It exploded.

Yeah. So it's smoking in burstedly. Yeah, poor Jack Davis, that's what happened to him. Anyway, guys, we've got one more movie matchup before we go to our break, where we talk about our sponsors. So let's just see it here. Okay, what's the date? Let's talk about it. The date is July 23, 1982.

And the three of us are freshmen at the University of Hartford, Connecticut, majoring in commercial whaling. Until we learned that earlier that day, the International Whaling Commission has declared an end to commercial whaling by 1986, right when we're scheduled to graduate. Our futures are in flux. Our careers down the toilet. So we decided to take our minds off the uncertainty of life by taking in one of the new comedies on the marquee at the theater that have come out this weekend.

The marquee displays a battle of the network stars of a sort. So do we see Zapped starring, Joni loves Chachi star Scott Baill or the world according to Garp starring Morik himself, Robin Williams as the hilariously named Garp. Is he an alien? We don't know with a name like Garp, it's gotta be good. So guys, so so Stewart, you get to choose first. Are you going to be championing zapped or the world according to Garp? Okay, so I mean- And I should mention, whoever wins we lose.

So Stewart. This one feels really easy. I think I'm going to go with the one that promises some sexy laughs. So of course I'm picking the world according to Garp. And Dan, so you, you see you have Zapt. I guess I'm promoting Zapt. So Stu, why don't we talk about the world according to Garb? What is it that should make us see this movie? Again, we're going right off the poster, which doesn't tell us much. It tells us, it tells us two words that

are important. John Lifkeau, that's all I need to say. John Lifkeau is in this movie, people later on, we will know him as an alien who's traveled to Earth, but that's not fair. That's not pertinent to this conversation because we don't know that yet. No, we don't. Someday our kids will know it and we're going to think it's cool. So John Lif Gaul rules and if you have an opportunity to see him in a movie on the big screen, you got to take that shit because after a while, he's only in TV shows and that's not cool. You know, again, this is 1982. So we're not, you don't know any of that. We know that Rob Williams is a big TV star and just to read the text that posted really,

yeah. Yeah, I just like to you absolutely have to describe the world's most boring post. We're all on the straight now. Okay, so the title, it very much looks like a guy looking at a restaurant marquee. It says, it says the world according to, and then in much larger, more fanciable letters. Gar, Gar, Gar, Gar, Gar, just a huge italic garp. And then we have a two tone rendition of Robin Williams who was staring up at his loving font at this title. He's amazing.

He can't give enough of this name. Garp, that's a name. And then the text reads, Robin Williams is garp, the most human being you'll ever meet. And right there, the tagline tells you nothing about what's happening in this movie. It's also placed in a weird place. There's a ton of negative space on this poster. So just like it really breeds, like there's a ton of space here. Oh yeah.

For you to fill with imagining John Lithgow running across the screen. Yeah, this looks like kind of like, I don't know, a really early invite or something. Like it was like. Yes. Yeah, they're inviting you to the movie, the world according to Garb. It does look like someone was challenged to make a poster with as little poster in it as they could. Like they brought in some kind of high coup masters to just boil it down to the essence of a poster. So yeah, it looks great. It promises that it is based

on a novel by John Irving, but you'll have to watch the movie to see if that's true. Well, so interesting. So you're saying poster can't be trusted all the time. No, I'm always opposed to trying to trick you. Uh huh. I feel like quite often horror movies trick me into thinking people are in the movie that are not in the movie. That's fair. So, but you're saying when the credit comes up on screen based on the novel by John Irving then a huge knot might come up right after it's quite possibly.

Okay, so that's, so that's the world of court. There's not much more to say about other than it's to what you again, you only described the poster you haven't given me much of an argument other than that. Well, I have repeatedly. And then John's finally in it. Yeah. again, you only described the poster. You haven't given me much of an argument other than that. Well, I have deleted. And then John's by the way, again, it's John Lith Go. I know this is a little bit. So you're saying we should John Lith Go see the world. Yes.

Yes. Dan, don't help your opponent because Dan, it's your turn. Why are we watching? I mean, not see the world according to my pronouncing. My pronouncing is name wrong. Yeah, he, I've seen him say before a couple of times that it's Sean with Go and everyone says with Gauss. So I don't think Tom to come on the podcast. We'll talk about that.

Yeah, we'll figure that out. Also, I should mention we were pronounced the title wrong. It's actually called the world according to GERP. That's why he's laughing. Yeah, he's like, that's a silly name for me to have. Can you believe it? I mean, this is what this poster really is, selling a lot on just the idea that a man could be named Garp. Like, what?

It feels like, so it feels like in the old days when they'd be like, we made the poster already. Now you have to make the movie. It has to have a snake, a dungeon, and a busty lady in it. And it's like, we made the poster. We know Rob Williams needs to be in the movie and It has to have a snake, a dungeon, and a busty lady in it. And it's like, we made the poster. We know Rob Williams needs to be in the movie and he has to be called Garp. Otherwise, we don't know anything about it. John Irving, write a novel that'll fit this poster. Okay, well, he's called Garp, right? Yeah. And the world is according to him. Okay. So what does that mean? You figure it out. You're the author of the Cider House rules. Get out of here. Do your work and so forth. And then, and then, and then, John Irving goes, I'll have to say a prayer. Oh, and meanie, please.

Oh, you mean Simon Birch? No, why did they call that movie Simon Birch? Dan, you have to tell me. Why did they call that movie Simon Birch? I don't know. I mean, that's another character in a prayer for Oh, and meanie, right? That's the main characters. I believe it would be weird for them to name the movie after a character in a prayer for O' and Meanie, right? That's the main character. I believe it would be weird for them to name the movie after a character from a difference. It is, it is odd.

It was something like, we made this movie a prayer for O' and Meanie. Let's call it Paul Bunyan and Babe is Blue Ox. Does it, it's not helpful? I'll be honest, neither the title a prayer for O' and Meanie, nor the title Simon Birch is gonna get me running to the theater, but of the two of them,

Simon Birch is so much more boring. It tells you nothing. Anyway, like a certain movie about a warlord of Mars, which they decided to take that part out of the title. It's a cool part. The cool part. It just named it. John Carter, I got to see this. Wait, you mean Jimmy Carter? I'm confused. I got to have my questions answered in the movie theater. Take me to the multiplex. And yeah, Jimmy Carter was walking by the theater and he went, that's not my name. Let me go. Let me see. That's how it looks like. One would take a face to the former.

Former president Carter. Okay, let me talk a little bit about this. Wait, he's sitting in the movie and he's like, well, I've never been on Mars. This is some other guy. I'm sorry. This is my mistake. I apologize. I only like movies that speak directly to my own experience. So, okay, the scenario is we're depressed that we can no longer. And then Jimmy Carter walks outside. He sees an ad for planters peen us with Mr. Peanut and he goes, they've learned how to wear clothes and hats.

Ah. Soon, they'll be coming after me. For all my kids. So many of them. Oh, I'm like, I've been made a peanut genocide. Season posted for the movie The House, The Jack Built. And he's like, but my name's Jimmy. I do build houses. Yeah.

Lars von Trier, okay. So wait, hold on. We're sad that we can no longer keep the way I want. Lars von Trier, looking at my Latin, that means Lars von III are. So, so we're sad that we can't be whalers. We want to get cheered up. We're going to go see a comedy. The world according to Garp, it's not giving us much to go off of except for John Lithgow,

a man whose name we're probably mispronounced. Yeah, well that's what I wanted to say. So tell me about this poster for his app and then tell me why we should go see it. That's why I wanted to sell Zapp. So there's these two gentlemen, we're really stretched. Yeah, I would call, I guess, what they're doing is not very gentle manly. No, ever I've seen two guys who could be described as blocs, the last. This seems like it, yeah.

Well, these two lads are Scott Beow and Willie Ames as the top of the poster says. And they are poking their heads through a window of a classroom and leering and, you know, Scott Beow seems to be using some sort of hand power to lift the skirt of a woman. We don't see her face now. We should mention that. We should mention there's little lightning bolts coming out that represent telekinesis because all of us can use hand power to lift a skirt. One, we choose not to because it's assault and two, it's just grabbing the skirt and pulling it up. But he's doing it with his mind rather than his hands.

Well, we don't know that. We don't know that, Ali, and I'm just going, this is wise. I was careful about the way I was saying it. Okay, so you're saying it's possible. This is the split second after he flips the skirt up with his hand. There's something going on with his hand that is causing the skirt to go up. And again, as I was saying, the skirt of this woman, we don't see her face. That would humanizer as a person.

We see her, or luscious games and high heels and hose. And it says, it says zap exclamation point, the comedy that won't let you down. And the tagline is, they're getting a little behind in their classwork, which is a saucy diplom-tongue. Yeah, and now I don't know if you noticed. I don't know if you've noticed the portrait of George Washington on the classroom role, which is also leering at this moment in the big smile on his face, the notoriously pervy and lascivious George Washington.

Yeah, well, here's the thing, fellows. Now we got to remember that this is happening back on the opening weekend. So as a red blooded American, we hold the viewpoint that non-consensual peeping is hilarious and delightful, sexy fun for everyone. It was official, it was official American law in 1982, yeah. It was official American law in 1982, yeah. So that's the first thing I mean, look, look, fellas. This is sexy. So you are going to exploit the fact that our characters in this scenario are on the wrong side of history.

Yes, yeah, why not? Yeah, this is like, this is a contest still yet. I mean, it's a win it. But the most important thing about this is the comedy that won't let you down. This is definitely a comedy. And it is telling us it won't let us down. And we've been let down so badly today. And we've been let down by the law for a long time.

By the law for a long time. And Zapped got an exclamation point behind it. That's true. Garb does not. Yeah, we don't know. Once again, we've got two taglines that are that have periods at the end. One of them is a sentence, Robin Williams is Garb that has a subject and object and a verb, but the most human being you'll ever meet is not a sentence.

It's just a description. It's a clause and it also has a period afterwards. This Cambridge period that we met on the official Donde poster. Yeah. Lastly, the Z is all electrical. Wait a minute, when that's also the comedy that won't let you down has a period after it. And the other tagline, when did they stop putting periods after taglines and movie posters?

Guys, I think I'm going to have to do a doctoral thesis on this. Do you think it has anything to do with texting? Because I used to text with perfect punctuation because I am a writer and a pedant and like that was what I was used to. And like a boomer, right? Yeah, I'm a boomer. I'm a tale and exer. Oh, I see.

And you are leading edge millennials anyway. Yeah, I used to do that, but then I realized that whatever I was saying was right, that when you text with a period, it seems sarcastic or... Yeah, passive aggressive. Passive aggressive stuff. I just started leaving law. In the 90s, I don't remember movie posters

having periods on them after taglines or anything like that. Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah. Maybe it's like the Fnords and I've just been brainwashed into not seeing them. And now that I'm seeing these periods at the end of these taglines, I'm going to be able to understand the hidden forces at work in our government, in our capitalist marketplace,

and in our very souls. I was going to say that they should sign off their taglines like I sign off all my text messages with an XOXO. That's a goal. All right guys, so we've got to keep moving. So I'll say, Dan, you were winning me over. Dan, so good at this game. But then, but then I started thinking about this John Lithgow and I'm like, Stewart seems

so impassioned by this. And you know what? My passion for whaling, I need to find a new channel for it. Maybe it's time I should have a passion for John Lufgo. We're seeing the world according to Garb, everybody. We did it. Stewart, you did it. Garb, I like that you're taking interest in the stewards. I think the posters what really did it. I think the poster is the true champion. The poster, yeah, the poster won this one. Okay, everybody. So we're going to take a quick break from the game because we've got some sponsors heading into the half time. This game is tied to to two. Both Dan and Stewart have convinced me to see two different movies in this, the 1980s, the greatest of all cinematic decades,

I guess. And before we go into the next round, let's talk about our sponsors. Hey, look, if you're a long time listener, then you know my stance on cooking. I hate doing it. It takes too much time, and I'm not good at it. If any of those apply to you, then you should join me in trying the nutritious and delicious products of Soilent, the original food tech company. Soilent is like a whole meal that you can drink with all the energy and nutrients you need to get through the day with all the hassle, clean up, and waste of time that comes with traditional, solid food.

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Okay guys, you ready for round two of Watch Witch? The only game show brought to you by John Mottecue, the fourth Earl of Sandwich. Yay! Okay, Stuart, I'm so glad you gave us a little taste of Deutsch in your Babel spot because guess what? The date is December 15, 1989, and we are three citizens of the former German Democratic Republic, more colloquially, colloquially, legally, referred to as East Germany. It's been only a little more than a month since the fall of the Berlin Wall, and we are

still drunk on our new freedoms. Defender, yeah. Yeah, finally, taking the opportunity to travel to the West, which we have fantasized about for so long, eager to learn if it is truly an ally or an opponent. We arrive in the United States of America and decide to sample the free speech expressed through the United States's newly released movies. So as we, I guess we've just checked into our hotel, now we're going to the movies. Are we going, we have two options?

Are we going to see, look who's talking to or the wizards, starring Fred Savage. Now, uh, Stewart gets a pick first. Oh, now Dan gets to pick first because you picked first last time. So Dan, are you again, you are a citizen of East Germany. Uh, you are now experiencing Western freedom and democracy for the first time. Are you seeing Lukus talking? Should we see Lukus talking to or the wizard? Uh, I'll go with the wizard. Okay. Stu, you've got an uphill battle. Look who's talking to. I like that you said that as if it was a choice and not just you being left with the thing that was left. Dan, go first and will I give extra points for

a period specific accent? Maybe, which one is it? Kamaraden, what are we seeing? I don't think I can do that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not playing your little reindeer games. So this is so funny. Rudolph wanted to play the reindeer games and we wouldn't let him. We want you to play them and you don't want to.

It's like you can't always get what you want, but sometimes reindeer gets what he needs. You know, yeah. So, do you need me to read you the text on the, on the poster of the wizard, Dan? Yeah, it's got, I mean, I can read it, but it's a little small if you can read it. Okay. So it says, they're on a cross country adventure to the world's greatest video championship. But for these three, it's more than a game dot, dot, dot. It's the chance of a

lifetime. And there are periods after both of these, but they are full sentences. So let's not take any points off for that. Yeah. And okay. So the wizard is in sort of this block pixel lettering. It's in green on a pink background. So really. Very detailed description, very detailed description. It really pops. It's being, it looks like it's track. I mentioned that your experience with video games is non-existent. Yeah. Well, so it's got this, this one, this guy kid and this lady kid. What are they called? Boy and a girl holding another kid up who has shades and he's got his hands up in a triumphant demeanor. How opposed.

And Fred Savage and Bright Green across the top only start to get that kind of treatment. And you got- You look at the bottom, Bo Bridges and Christian Slater to not get above the title billing. They are only in the credit block at the bottom. And not the not even not also the soon to be in in the star. Jenny Lewis, the second lead of the anyway, no name on the poster. Yeah. No name at all. Yeah. And things are shooting out of these people. It like, like a jet plane, Mario, I'm just saying that for the audience, I know that I don't know that that's Mario, it's just a- So how would you describe it if you're not the, if you're, if you were you?

There's a snap. He looks Italian, right? There's a man with a big goofy grin and a mustache wearing a bright red hat and overalls shooting out. I guess. And we're not used to seeing those things. Smiles or bright colors where we're from, the Eastern block. Yeah, and their explosions coming out. There's like a, so blocked a crab. There's a snake. There's a devil guy. And that's what I want to get into because like this poster screams excitement. It's bright colors, it's explosions, it's things shooting out of the back towards you out,

wherever you're looking at this poster. Sure, three kids on a road, that part is less exciting, but one of those kids has a skateboard and another one is wearing shades. So they're pretty cool. And I just think that, you know, this is like water in a desert for us. We've never seen anything like this. And I just wanna know what is going on.

And it's about a wizard. True. So you made a very, I'm surprised you didn't pull on the theme of people on the road, people traveling, facing an uncertain future as they seem to be, because that's all, you know, there's a lot for us to relate to here and to be amazed by and in all of that, there's another movie coming out on this date of December 15th, 1989. That's Lucas talking to Stuart.

Why should we go see Lucas talking to you? Tell me about the poster. But again, don't get so wrapped up in describing the poster that you don't tell us why we should watch the movie also because I know it's a lot done right here. It's cool. I feel like you shouldn't restrict my creativity. So we have a, we have a, like a white poster that fades to a light blue at the top. On it, we have two figures that are poking their heads over a title. These figures small children. One, definitely a baby, the other, possibly a baby, wearing headphones and sun glasses with colors that match their a certain gender bias. So we have a, what appears to be a

young man wearing light blue and a, a girl baby. That's what they call them wearing pink and they are. And they are. He's girl babies. Yeah. Poking their heads over a title that says, look who's talking to spelled T O O that has been hastily underlined. There's a lot of text on here.

We have a lot of names. John Travolta, Kirstie Alley. Obviously I would know her from runaway, right? Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. The world wide hit. And you know, you know, John Travolta from the movie, perfect.

Or perhaps what moment to moment was that him also? Featuring the voices of Bruce Willis, Roseanne Barr, and Damon Wayans. And it's coming soon to a theater near you. Now the text reads. In fact, it's Roseanne Barr and Damon Wayans and it's coming soon to a theater near you. Now the text reads. In fact, it's here. Mikey's back and about to face his greatest challenge, dot, dot, dot, his new baby sister. Now, the reason why we should be seeing Lucas talking to is we are trying to get a read on this country, on America. And I feel like the only way we're going to get that read on this country, on America.

And I feel like the only way we're going to get that is by listening to them talk about stuff. And this movie promises that in spades. Not all, and we're also going to learn a little bit about how they raise their children, which is really important for us, because, you know, we need to see what kind of values they're instilling

into their children. And you know, if we laugh along the way, all the better for us, you know, you could also say you could also not not to step in too much. You could also say that these two siblings who have to overcome their differences perhaps and learn together like that's us in our fellow Germans are the West Germans. We've separated from for so long. That's very true. In a way, we are Mikey or Mikey's sister who is unnamed on this poster.

Yeah, we will, perhaps goes unnamed in the film. We'll never know. Perhaps the reason. We will know because we're going to see it because it's better than the two options. It's possible they're just waiting to see if she survives past a certain age before they gift her with the name, you know. Sure, that makes sense. I don't understand their culture yet. Yeah, American culture is a mystery. It does. Well, you've both made some very powerful arguments. Stewart, that this is a movie that will teach us something very important about this new world that we're entering and this new nation we are now having relationships with. Dan, that this movie has a bunch of weird shit flying at us and it's or a shesa, I guess we would say.

And it's pretty overwhelming. I think I'm gonna call this one a draw. Stuart, you hit me in the heart and the head, Dan, you hit me in the funny bone and the excitement bone. So I'm gonna call this a tie, you both win. We're seeing a double feature of the wizard and Lukus talking to. Now imagine the match between you and that.

I'm begging for Dan to hit me in the excitement phone and he just won't do it. And what is and now my question is what? Not tell you subscribed to my old friends. And what do you think is the what do you think is the upshot of us seeing these two movies? Look who's talking to in the wizard. What is our response to this? Uh, I think we would have all of the bad we've been taught about the West reinforced.

Possibly. Yeah. Return back home. We turn back on. We go if they have access to something called a power glove. We must work on our military now. So guys, you did a great job. You really surprised me there with that one. This next one. So Stuart is going to, we only have two scenarios left. Stuart, you're going to get to choose which movie and you'll go first with your argument. So, right. The date is August 1, 1986, and we are a trio of gay nurses attending to the last days of notoriously evil and notoriously closeted lawyer Roy Cohn. We hate everything Roy Cohn stands for, and we're also angry that he's made able to use his connections to the supply of the experimental new drug AZT. We're also envious that he's a real historical person, and we are

merely characters in the play Angels in America by Tony Kushner. Knowing that cone is already being watched over by the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg, we decide we can leave the hospital briefly to take in a movie, since seeing anyone on the verge of death, no matter how sinister, still arouses a level of empathy. We are unsure of how to handle and what to do with. It is beginning to feel as if all the events around us are heading towards some great apotheosis or culmination, a sort of peristorica of the soul as the millennium approaches. So what shall we do as we await this change of errors? Shall we see either?

How are the dogs who are riding the 13th part six? Jason lives. So Stuart, you get to choose first. We are, we have been attending to the bedside of a dying villain. There's a lot going on in the world. Are we seeing how are the duck or Friday the 13th part six Jason lives your choice? We are a hundred percent seeing Friday the 13th part six Jason lives killer be killed. Why don't we focus on the positive Jason lives? Now, this poster we have a hockey mask, silhouetted in the background, backlit

with like a light, light pouring through the eyes and holes of the mask. We appear to be in a fog drenched cemetery with iron, wr rot bars around the back. In the foreground, we have the, the tombstone that just reads Jason lives with a funny thing to write on a tombstone. I'm so afraid of funny things. They'll do it though. They'll do it if you pay them. If you pay them, they'll do it. Yeah, they don't care. They've got no ethics. Yeah, sure. And I think they go, I'll make you a tombstone that says you're alive, but it'll cost you something nice. Now, what I love about this poster is that it does put into question what is the subtitle and what is the tagline? Yes. Yes. Now, if you were to look at this,

you would assume the tagline is Jason lives maybe, but the subtitle, like the tagline is killer, be killed, but the subtitle is Jason, the tagline is killer be killed, but the subtitle is Jason lives. And that's what we need to focus on here is the Jason lives. And you know what that's where we're going. You can tell killer be killed is the is the tagline because there's a period after it. Kill or be killed, which I can't remember. I can't tell if it's a sentence or not, guys. Is it? It's a command. Uh, yeah, no, yeah, it's a, if it's a command, yeah, that's a, that's a full sentence. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, yeah, it's a command. Yeah, that's a full sentence.

So, there's an implied subject, or yeah. So we are nurses, and while we are overwhelmed with the responsibility and the situation we are in, I think being surrounded with this fellow named Jason who seems to be alive. And the title would lead us to believe that, yeah. But then the movie also promises that there's going to be killing. I mean, we are going to learn all about the human experience here, where we begin, where we end, and that there's hope, potentially hope for us after death when we see a tagline like Jason Lives written on a tombstone.

So I feel like this would be the best way for us to not maybe not take our minds off our current task, but maybe help us focus and really put our task into perspective. Wow. That is, that's a strong argument. That's a beautiful argument. I want to thank you for that. That is the greatest argument anyone has ever made for Steve Brighton, the 13th six Jason lives. Now, Dan, now it's up to you to defeat him. Tell us, why should we not see that movie and instead see, how are the duck?

Well, let me describe what's going on here. We have what one would assume is a duck based on the title, like we don't see his full face, you know, we don't see a big, we do this. No, but there's some clear, covered in white feathers, yeah. Yeah, but this is like no duck that I've seen before, Elliot. This is a duck that is sitting in a recliner and smoking a cigar and reading a copy of rolling egg in the Rolling Stone font. And on that is of course, Beverly from the film, Leah Thompson, it says Beverly Sizzles. So she's big news. I like the other article listed is, whatever happened to Clack, which does it make sense.

I don't know what that's supposed to be, Joe God. I don't know what that's supposed to be, Joe God. It says, yeah, how are the duck in sort of how are it is in sort of supermanly letters and the duck is in wackier letters. And it says more adventure than humanly possible. And at the top, it says trapped in a world he never made. And which genuinely I like that. What surprised and now the comic, right? Stepping outside of this scenario we're in, that is from the comic.

The idea that he's, he would say that he's trapped in a world and never made. He never made. So I'm kind of amazed that they had the like the knowledge to be like, this is a good tagline. Let's just use it instead of being like, he'll quack you up, you know, or something like that. You know, it's a good tagline. Well, I want to speak to that tagline.

I am a little bit uncomfortable in this improv routine, taking on the mantle of a group I'm not a part of. Nurses, which is a gay man, but I would say that this character played by, who played him in the, was what Jeffrey Wright in the HBO, I think that he would find this to speak to him. Trapped in a world he never made. No, the character from Angels in America. The character from Angels in America, yes. I thought you met the character of Howard the Duck and I'm like, well, he's played by

himself. No, no, no, no. I mean, the idea of being trapped in a world, the idea of being an outsider in society. That tagline, I think, particularly at this time, would speak to me in this nurse scenario also, Beverly Sizzles. I like that. I like glam.

I like high glam of of of Leah Thompson here. We got a a duck in this movie. I mean, I would I would put a film. I would put first on the I didn't. Leah Thompson is high glam. The image is clearly a more of a punk. You know, she's not wearing she's not she's not glam. True. Anyway, you know, She's got very like teased hair. Like it's a punk glamour, I guess, but it's not like a diva glamour. Yeah, well, she looks like kind of like Susanna Hoffs. It's like from the Bengals. Okay. Yeah.

There's something kind of Joan Jettie about her. Joan Jettie, of course, is the famous large earthwork artwork. The way it's where it's a stone Jettie that looks like Joan Jettie, of course, is the famous large earthwork artwork, the way it's where it's a stone jetty that looks like Joan Jett, yeah. And more adventure than humanly possible, I think that speaks to the sense of striving for something beyond that is embodied in angels in America, a yearning for something greater. So now you're present, part of your argument is acknowledging that we are characters in a play.

Well, I mean, you're scenario acknowledged, so I felt like that was fair game. But you know what guys, maybe it was just because of, it felt like a more novel approach. It felt like Dan was kind of biting Stuart style on this one. But I'm gonna give Stuart this one, I feel like. Just because he went first, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, And take a first and then he said he did it first. He did it best. So I'll be first. You'll be worst. He's right. In 13th part six, Jason lives and hopefully walking out with a new appreciation of life, death, and everything in between. What a, what a beautiful, I can only assume in movies,

as beautiful as the argument that you made. When we see Jason's smack a dude against against a tree and in killing him, it also leaves a smiley face imprinted into the tree. It'll really make us think about our lives. Now that yeah, let's step outside of the historical context stew. I don't remember Jason lives that well. What is it? What's a good one? Yeah.

It's a good installment. Okay. It's probably like it's one of the sillier ones. Okay. And that's after part five was the one where there's no Jason at all. The one where you like the guy like digs him up just to like make sure that he's dead. He's on him and he comes back to life. Yeah, because he brings people back to life. Yeah. Well, it's now like I'm blaming him. Yeah, lightning hits him. It's very

silly. It's not like the, it is one of my favorite Jason resurrection stories, although my favorite, of course, is part seven where he is resurrected because the telekinetic girl is trying to resurrect her dead father who she accidentally drowned. And instead, resurrects Jason. It's an awesome mistake. It has to be more specific. People make that mistake. All right. We're running along in this episode, so let's just get to this next scenario. It's a great thing to have you more. It's a great thing to have you more. People make that mistake. All right. We're running along in this episode. So let's just get to this next scenario. It's a quick one. And this is the last one.

So going into it, Stewart has a slight lead. Whoa. And Dan, you're in the cat-bird seat. You get to choose which movie we're going to see. Okay. Or which movie. You get to choose which of the movies we're going to champion. Yes.

So here it is. Quick, easy scenario. The date is October 20th, 1983. And we are William Golding, author of Lord of the Fly, is the Inheritors, and Darkness visible. Two weeks ago, we were shocked by the announcement that we would be receiving the Nobel Prize in literature. Our selection came as quite a surprise, a positive one at first, but less and less so as many commentators noted that it most likely shuts out fellow Englishman Graham Greenene from ever receiving the coveted award, since it is unlikely the Nobel Committee

will return to the British literature well before the 79-year-old Greene passes on. And of course, the Nobel Prize can only be given to living winners. The author of the end of the affair and the quiet American has made it clear that he is quite unhappy, and word has come to us through intermediaries, that Greene is out for our blood. Fleeing our home, we have been spending our days in ceaseless motion and our nights in hiding. For Graham, green has spies everywhere. And word has been spread throughout the criminal haunts of London that he'll pay a pretty penny for the head of William

Golding. As the evening sets, we find ourselves in a rough neighborhood when we begin to feel unsafe in. Wait, is that the sound of footsteps behind us? Quick duck into the nearest building. It's a cinema inside two doors stand before us. Which show we choose knowing that if those pursuing us have followed us thus far and mean us ill, this film may be the last thing we ever see. So gentlemen, that was a simple scenario. Yes, which movie are we going to see? Is it National Ampune's Vacation or Class,

starring Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe and Jacqueline Bissett? Dan, you get to choose first, are you choosing National Ampune's Vacation as the final film for William Golding or Class? Oh boy. Keep in mind, we are William Golding. Keep in mind, we are William Golding. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to choose glass. Okay.

Interesting. Okay. And so, Stuart, you will be arguing the case of National Iippoon's vacation. Dan, you go first. Why should we, let's imagine these posters are on the doors ahead of us. Why are we going through the door with the class poster? Tell us about. Okay, first up, I will describe, we have three people sitting on a love seat, kind of an older classier love seat. And Rob Lowe is fully dressed to the far left as we face it. Jacqueline Bissett

is in kind of a robe, it looks like, revealing a lot of her cleavage. She's in like a sex again. And Rob Lowe is in a private school uniform. Yes, and Andrew McCarthy is fully nude but for the private school tie that he still has around his neck. And now I want you to, so this is not a paint, this is not a photograph. This is a painting, right? I want you to talk for a moment about the quality of the portraiture in this painting. I would say Andrew McCarthy immediately wrecked the best.

Yes, yeah, immediately was like, Jacklyn Bisset, I don't actually remember what she looks like well enough to speak to, but Rob Lowe took me a moment to be like, that's Rob Lowe. And Inter McCarthy has a real goofy look on his face. Yeah, he does. Rob Lowe looks like a super serious figure of himself. And Dan, we only have a few moments. So do we have time to even read the text on the poster? I mean, it says the good news is Jonathan is having his first affair. We only have a few moments. So, do we have time to even read the text on the poster? Yes, we'll have to.

I'll just, it says, the good news is Jonathan is having his first affair. The bad news is she's, his roommate's mother class. And do you know what? Here's the, you know, it's a true pronged argument. True pronged, those prongs are true. No, and I'll mention, I'll mention, these movies did not come out on the same day in the United States, but they were released the same weekend in England. Okay, I think I trust you.

I trust you. I respect your attention to detail. Yeah. On the wall on the run, I think William Gold, Golding, me, I'm taking in by number one class. I like class. No, no prize winner, sure. No, well prize winner. sure. No, no, no prize winner. Number two, private school.

I'm in England. They call it public school over there. Makes no sense. But, but not what he sends us on this podcast. And he did, and he did, yeah, if only he was here to tell us about England. And also he is perhaps one of the greatest chroniclers of the savagery of private school children with his novel Lord of the Flies. Yeah. So this is a real Lord of the Flies situation where instead of becoming violent

towards each other, they have become sexually aggressive towards their mothers, I guess. Yeah. Well, in number three, the last point that goes through my mind is I might die. This looks really horny and I just need to, before I go see a real horny movie. So, you're, so this is, so Dan is William Golding, Nobel Prize winning author. He's on the run for his life. He says, if I'm gonna die, let me die rubbing it out in a theater to a private school student having sex with Jacqueline Busset.

I have nothing left to lose. Yeah. They left to lose. I might as well live my bucket list dream. Okay, Dan, a solid argument for William Golding to go see class. Stuart, the balls in your court, why should he see national lampoon's vacation? National lampoon's vacation. Now this poster promises untold adventure and excitement. Now it is a, it is lustiously painted, almost fantasy, Boris Vallejo backdrop. Centered is Chevy

Chase ripping out of his shirt, holding up some luggage and brandishing a tennis racket as if it were Excalibur itself. And clinging to his legs are his, we will learn is his daughter and his wife. I don't think that's correct. I think his daughter is not clinging to it though. I believe the second woman is Christy Brinkley. Oh, that's Christy Brinkley. Yeah. Okay.

Back again somehow. And Beverly, DeAngelo, who, while they clearly scaled up Chevy Chase's hotness here, I feel like they had to tone down Beverly, DeAngelo. She's incredible. Okay. So tagline, every summer, Chevy Chase takes his family on a little trip. This year he went too far now. on a little trip this year. He went too far now. But I like about this is. Exactly. Yes, do you continue? Yeah. Chevy Chase plays himself apparently.

That's what I love is they're like, look, let's not even, let's not even waste time with a character name. Like, we just call him Chevy Chase. And me, William Golding, I am trying to escape, like physically, literally, maybe it's time to escape mentally as well, and go on low adventure into this land of Narnia that is national lampoon's vacation. That's it. I'm trying to escape. And also, I feel like if my pursuers were going to pick which one I would go into, they would assume I would be, go to the high brow sex comedy.

Well, instead, I'll be going to the low brow sex comedy to throw them off my scent. Oh, that's very smart. That's good strategic thinking. But you would think nothing less of William Golding, the man who was able to write a novel about cavemen. So guys, this is a tough decision. You have both made great arguments, not great choices, I would say. You have a great argument.

In life? No, certainly not. If this is, to be honest, your arguments were too good because I'll tell you how this scenario plays out. Let's choose your adventure on this one. He looks at class and things. That is the kind of movie I'd like to see. A sophisticated movie I can masturbate to right before I die.

But wait, they would expect that of me. I'll go to National Impuntance Vacation and I will trick my pursuers. He opens the door and unfortunately that split second of indecision gave them just enough time to catch up with him, put his hands behind his back and they're going to take him to see DeBoss as they call him Graham Green. And so it is a tragic end for William Golding. It's a green machine they call him. But I am going to give that one to Stewart because I'm going to give that one to Stewart.

No, I'm going to give that one to Dan. I'm going to give that one to Dan because honestly, Dan, I think you got in Sublingu Golding's head even more about what he would want. I think the minute he saw Andrew McCarthy sitting there naked with a goofy expression on his face and a private school tie, he said, this is the kind of rib-old sophisticated comedy that I'm in mood for. So, totaling up the scores, we see that Dan has one, two, three, four, and Stuart has one, two, three, and four. It's a tie, guys. You both win. It shows that you are both not just movie experts, but you are also at heart, just movie lovers, movie, movies, or movie

sex groups. I mean, the way you're talking about class is probably in zapped. You know what I see a theme between movies that Dan was choosing, Chan? Real quick. Before we sign off of those double features, which one would you most likely want to see in the theater? Well, should I should I go back through them and I think that early ones were good. It's called it's called heightening. Yeah. So die hard and a fish called Wanda. Uh-huh. A jewel of the Nile and a chorus line the movie. No, the Care Bears movie and police can we too their first family be it. That might be it. Zapped or the world according to Garb. Likus talking to or the wizard. How are the duck or Friday the 13th part six Jason lives or national improvements vacation or class? Which double features would

you guys want to see? Well, I mean, the one I would genuinely like to see is the first one because those are two movies. I actually enjoy. Yeah, there are two good movies. But for because those are two movies I actually enjoy. Yeah, there are two good movies. But for like inflicting random but came on myself kind of fun. I think I would go with Care Bears and please a cat. That's a strong, yeah. The magic is to excited yourself. Yeah.

And Stuart, what about you? What would you go see? I mean, it's tough because in a way, isn't Bobcat Goldthwaite the real care bear cousin? Sure. He's a cat. So, yay, he's named for sure. Yeah. Yeah, it's, I mean, it's probably Howard the Duck and Jason lives, although I've seen this

movie so many times. That was a close one, but I think I got to go with Jule of the Nile and a chorus line the movie because I've honestly never seen either of them. And they, I mean, of course, line the movie, I've seen little bits of, but it kind of baffles me a little bit and so but I'm like, I can't even imagine what what these movies are going to be like in a way. I would say like, like as much as I made fun of Jules and I like and it's bad, like, especially compared to Remanstead's zone, there's like fun stuff in it. Even like they both, like that in

course line, I think would be both good as very much like snapshots of the types of movies that existed at that time. And now what double feature would you like to see the least of these ones? Because I know, I'll say for me, it's zapped in the world according to Garb. Yeah. Is what communities that just don't seem appealing to me? Yeah, I might watch one of those individually or I mean, there's some scenes from one of them that you would watch.

You wear out the tape and there's just those segments, yeah. I think that as a double feature that would be too much whip. I was once those two with me together. No, I think it's the look who's talking to the wizard. I think I could. Yeah, yeah, I think they need to pour it's talking to the wizard. I think I could take it. I think they need to pour it. You'd be so mad at it. You're like the power of love was never that good. It was never that good. That's not how you play Super Mario Brothers 3.

Oh, God. Yeah. Well, you guys know me too well. Well, thanks, Dan. It's super playing this game. Thanks listeners for listening to this. I know this was a long mini, but I hope you enjoyed the quest we went on. I would like to thank our editor slash producer Alex Smith. He's on the internet as Howell Dottie, listened to his podcast FastTrack, where he and a guest make up a song right on this for the moment. We did one and it was a great fun episode. And I think the song came out really cool. We are a maximum fun podcast. Please check out the other podcasts at maximumfun.org. And hey, if you've got some extra time on your hands, and you feel like helping us out a little to get our name out there in the world.

If you enjoyed this little trip through movie history, why not leave a review for us, a positive one. Thank you on the podcast app of your choice so that other people can find out about the podcast and Dan and I continue to pay our bills during this strike. We appreciate it. Thank you so much guys. Do you have any final words before I end this installment? No, this is a fun one, Elliott. Let's do it again sometime. Let's do it again sometime. How about right now? Oh, okay. Welcome to the first mini. My name is Elliot Kaylin. We're going to play a little

game. I'll just stop me until again. So in this one, we're gonna play a little game, I was just... Fade out, the audience. Stop me, boy, kill again. So in this one, we're gonna talk about the 1930s. Two movies that came out at the same time in the 1930s. Okay, what characters are we playing, Game Master? Ha ha ha. A Worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.