The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #102 - Cowboys & Aliens

Episode Date: May 19, 2012

0:00 - 0:31- Introduction and theme.0:32 - 2:15 - Stu talks Puerto Rico and celebrity beefs  2:16 - 36:29 - 'Allo 'allo, it's me, Danyul Craig, wot's all these Cowboys & Aliens, then?36:30 - 37:50 - ...Final judgements37:51 - 53:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag53:01 - 59:21 - The sad bastards recommend. 59:22 - 1:00:30 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 On this episode we discuss one of the mash house. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington. And hello, I'm Elliot Kaelin. Hey, we're all back. We're all back. Yeah. Yeah. See you for turns back from the slammer. Where to Rico?'s what they call Puerto Rico. Yeah, they call it Puerto Rico Jail. Yeah, yeah, I'm back. I'm not on vacation anymore. And you you rested dry your eyes. You rested your place in the flat house back from Mr. Alagmadrigal. Would you wait what? He Al was. Oh, did you guys get another celebrity to replace me? Yeah, and he wanted to stay, but apparently you were too much for him. Yeah. I mean, only a celebrity can plug the Stuart size hole in America's hearts. Okay. Well, Al Madrigal's from that show you guys were going to.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Madrigal. Yeah. Madrigal. It's true. He is from that show we work on. He's in those commercials, which is what bewitched. Which shows that F-troop. So Stuart, you're back. Would you say you're better than ever? I think the audience can answer that. Now, so I'm gonna wait for the call. It's not a phone and joke. This is actually before the... They could still call me. It's pre-recorded. How do you name your number?
Starting point is 00:01:38 At least your number on the air? 555. Uh-huh. 22444. No, that's made. Any live in any town USA 1 2 3 Main Street. Yep 1 2 3 Fakes Street. Everyone's parallel to Main Street. Now they say that once you go black you never go back. You're back so you obviously didn't go black right? That's well yeah I guess. Okay. Logically. I can't argue with that logic. Okay. I just wanted to test Snipes his theorem. I'm gonna call it. So we thought... We thought... The 57, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:02:09 The 57, yeah. Well, this is the Cotta-Soul to Theorem 57, which is always bet on black. We thought that to honor our big return with all of us, the first show with all of us, post our 100th episode. We should do this. This is what a 102nd episode. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:27 There was a one episode. Yeah. No. You make it like this is this Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis reunion. A big Hollywood film. A film that everyone went out and didn't see. Yep. A movie that was a huge lack of success that took Hollywood by drizzle and swept the
Starting point is 00:02:48 nois the awards that don't exist. Cowboys and aliens. Cowboys and aliens. So to celebrate me coming back we watched a really fun big explosive movie right with tons of energy. From the if you were judging movie by the title. Yes. Okay. It's got everything you like cowboys you love them wild Olivia's aliens you love them ampersands You love them. Oh, man. Oh, Just a thing you guys were fucking working on when I was going. Nope. Dan and I have just become one we become one in the void. The cabling and alien merged. Which would have been an interesting thing to have happen
Starting point is 00:03:29 in this movie. It didn't. Yeah, I would like to see something where one of the alien cabloids, that would have been amazing. There's one alien that joins the team of the cabloids anywhere in a six-cam. And they call them like space text. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:03:43 And they teach them earth expressions. I think this is getting ahead of ourselves a little bit, but I think that the largest basically he'd be like Rango or something, right? Yeah, exactly. He'd be like Rango, lizard. There's a cowboy. I think we can all agree like getting this is getting our head ourselves. But he's a robot, I guess too.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Sorry, I should've said it's a little westworld. I should've said draw a sucker, Gleep Glorps. That's how aliens talk. And if he said beep Glorfe be a robot alien. You know what, man? That's a bridge too far Stewart. A robot alien cowboy. He can't combine all of those things. Stretching to, says who? And that's like a Neapolitan ice cream. You don't want that. Wow. An Italian slur from Dan McCoy. They don't make good ice cream. They're lazy. All those flavors don't go together. That's what I say. Wow. Anti-multiculturalism and anti-melting pot. So it's a movie that you would think would have a sense of zaz, a sense of
Starting point is 00:04:36 verb. And what I was about to say was for a movie called Cowboys and Aliens, it was very drab. Yes. not a lot of sense of fun to it. And when you read about it, they make a point over and over again, I'm talking about the people who made the movie about talking about how they went really far to not have it being movie people with laugh at. They didn't want it to be too goofy. They didn't want people to get the wrong idea that this was a silly movie. And it's like any movie where a cowboy's fight aliens,
Starting point is 00:05:02 the, if you're gonna do it in a way that's not silly, you have to work so much harder than they did when making this movie. Also, I mean, I understand the impulse, like I would have hated this movie probably as much if it was campy. Yeah. But there's a way of doing this
Starting point is 00:05:18 with a spirit of fun, like tongue and cheek, playing, you know, paying homage to old Westerns and old sci-fi movies at the same time. Or just not even paying homage, just doing it in a way that's fun as opposed to like overly serious. Well, and I hate to point out the obvious, but if you're trying to make a serious movie, don't just name it Cowboys and Aylon.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Don't just name two things that are in the movie. Yeah. It seems very... No, that's the way most serious movies are named. Oh, there's a list. Two things. There's a guy. He's got a list saving private Ryan. Private Ryan. I mean, that's what they're not great. And great, and great savings. Name it. Plus. There's a great value in that movie. It's a tons of berry pepper. It's a memorial day. So you're getting savings on private Ryan? Yes. And in addition, savings on other merchandise in the department. So private Ryan is sort of like a lost leader. It gets you in the door. Well, you're saving and on products that are equal or lesser value than private Ryan. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Still, you're working really. You couldn't get anything about this. So you're going to get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of
Starting point is 00:06:26 a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:06:54 I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to be a lot of people. I'm not going to extended warranty on one of these private runs. Are you because it is a great machine. Yes, you won't experience a lot of problems, but safety is not a good thing. This is a manager makes him ask that.
Starting point is 00:07:10 I know. I just want to be up so they look so bothered. Oh, I'm the computer showing me that that's already been included. I'm so sorry. I can talk to my manager, but usually he's not so crazy about special offers. This is my ass on the line. I know, but I'm willing to do it for you. So saving private Ryan was there. Dan the manager's looking at you now.
Starting point is 00:07:28 I know. Oh, God. I think he's coming over. So I heard you. The man who boarded you. You don't want. You don't want this warranties. It's called a well in the setup. So come with Nalien's big cast.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Big stars. Daniel Craig, a well in set up. So, come with Nalien's big cast, big stars. Daniel Craig, who I believe sounds like. Hello, hello, it's me, Daniel Craig. Beautiful Harrison Ford, who sounds like. It's me, Han Solo. It's pretty good. I'll live your wild, who sounds like. Yeah, that's good. Oh, it's me! Olivia Wilde! Let's not forget also Sam Rockwell, Paul Dato, Keith Cairdys.
Starting point is 00:08:12 It's weird how everyone heard him since their name. Well, here's a forward list of the characters he's best known for. Okay. That's good. So good point. They didn't all say their name. Listen, the character's in for a drill name is Han Solo. He's got a short potential, man. So, so so big cast big a lot of big people, Steven Spielberg was a producer of this movie. John Faber,
Starting point is 00:08:30 John Favreau, Adolf of the Iron Man, Adolf of the Iron Man success. Yeah. Uh, it took seven people at least to write the screenplay. Uh, you'd think this movie would be just jam packed with great jokes, dialogue, character moments, exciting. And you're going to get a lot of scary, they were working on the light of the old spills, right? And for fact, maybe a couple guys named Will. Why not? And they're working on it for 14 years. So that's like, that's like a slow roasted
Starting point is 00:08:56 piece of meat. So this movie should have been dripping off the bone, just self-pulled. Yeah, a lot of flavor. But yeah, this movie was in development for roughly 14 years. Two or three years. Juicy. But yet, what comes to you, it really is the plan is the most boring way this movie could be. So you're not juicy at all. Should we bother going through the plot of it?
Starting point is 00:09:17 If you could do it as fast as possible. So Daniel Craig wakes up in the middle. We're not allowed to do this. I'll try to come down. I'll find my zen space before I recap this inopsies. So Daniel Craig is a stranger. He wakes up in the middle of the desert, no memory, and he's got a gaudy metal bracelet on his wrist. Three drifters come along and try to attack him. He kills all of them. He's a tough guy. He knows how to fight. Walks into a town. He kills all of them. He's a tough guy. He knows how to fight. Walks into a town. A town's being run by this cattle barren, played by Harrison Ford.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Yep. The cattle barren's son, Paul Dano, is a big asshole who walks in and shoots up the town. Sort of a disillute drunk character who was just like a petulant teen. I mean, these are all your classic Western tropes. You have the mysterious drifter. You have the kind of bad guy, cattle bear who has who is good at heart. You have his Nerduel spoiled son. You have the noble sheriff. You have the mysterious lady who is you think might be a prostitute. But it's not. Maybe wearing her pajamas the whole time. Yeah, the pacifist barkeep who learns to be a man.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Pacifist barkeep. you got the toughest nails preacher who's also kind of a doctor. The pacifist barkeep's Mexican wife. Yeah. And you've got the little kid who's the grandson of the sheriff and has to he has to get over his fear of the outside world. And that's most of the characters from the first third of the movie.
Starting point is 00:10:42 We never get to know them any more than those two line descriptions. They are occasionally we get like little details, but they're basically very boilerplate characters. They don't have a lot of household. They don't have a lot of heart. Eventually, they run into a gang of outlaws that the mysterious stranger turns out used to ride with turns out he was a wanted outlaw Jake Lonergan. And you're saying it made up name. Yes. And when they're going to take it, well, they're all made up names.
Starting point is 00:11:06 It's a fictional story. None of these people are real. Uh, when they're going to take him to see a judge because he's there's a price on his head. He's a criminal. When they're attacked by aliens, wait, demons? They call them demons, but they're aliens and spaceships. I mean, they call them demons for like a minute and then they just and then again later in the movie they bring that back. So these are like super smart aliens to come down with their tractor beams and they, you know, they uh, not so much clever plans. They're kind of big brutish aliens that don't seem to have a spoken language of any type. Okay. And run around like guerrillas and bite people, but they also have these kind of fluttering planes that shoot grappling hooks out at people and pull them up into the sky and kidnapped them.
Starting point is 00:11:46 So the aliens are going around kidnapping people. What's their M.O. What's going on? Where are they trying to do? Oh, we don't know. It's a mystery. But we'll find out. So basically the characters band together to find the missing townspeople who are taken during the alien attack. They ran into Jake's old outlaw band. They get attacked by aliens a couple more times. They run into an engine tribe. Basically, every time you have lost interest in the movie, they dump 20 more characters into your lap and those characters fail to bring any interest to the movie.
Starting point is 00:12:14 It turns out you learn more and more that Jake was going to leave the gang and he wanted to take up with this prostitute he fell in love with when aliens attacked them and stole their gold. Kidnapped kidnapped both what they will get that the aliens are here to get gold. Okay, so didn't they didn't they like melt the gold and vacuum it up into the sky? Yes, that's exactly what they did. Okay, because that's easier than just like just taking some coins up into the sky. Well, they know, you know, they had a melted first. They're trying to be something we're kind of liquid. and just like taking some coins up into this guy. Well, they, you know, they had a melted first.
Starting point is 00:12:45 They're trying to be something we're kind of liquid. Second. And I think straw. Jake has been framed for the murder of his, what many fell in love with, it's kind of complicated how they even know she existed. And he's running around with his bracelet that turns into a laser blaster.
Starting point is 00:12:59 Well, it's because he escaped from the aliens. He's got a master blaster, you might say. I've done describing it as a master. I think that's the only way you can describe it. More perhaps some blaster master. But he saw him for his very eyes, the woman he loved, turned into ash by an alien on an operating table. Then that same alien attacked him,
Starting point is 00:13:18 and he took the alien's laser-risk blaster and attacked him and escaped. It's almost like he actually just accidentally flailed his arm out and the blaster leaped on to it. Well, the blaster seems to like him and do what it wants. Like it's a weapon on his wrist that seems to function like a magical object in a fantasy story. Like, I'm listening.
Starting point is 00:13:40 It leads him along his way. It acts when he doesn't know he needs to act, it's acts at that moment. Like, the wrist blaster knows what he wants to do before he knows it. It doesn't really, they never lose finally. I hear you're saying that the blasters are more active protagonists than Daniel Craig. I would say the blasters most charismatic character in the entire movie. I mean, it accomplishes more than he does.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Yes. He is basically just a mounting for the wrist blaster. This movie should have been told from the point of view of the wrist blaster. You should have been called a wrist blasters in Lee. It should have been called laser wrist. How much gravy that poster have been? Daniel Craig is laser wrist. This summer get rusted. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field of. Field, come on. I'm not a serious movie about a wrist. Blaster a serious movie called laser wrist about a laser wrist. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Uh, so all these characters team up in the end to destroy the aliens and save the people who've been kidnapped. It turns out that the big plant Olivia Wilde it she reveals way later than she really should have. She's actually an alien who's taken human form to get revenge on these other aliens. She explains that these aliens go from planet to planet stealing gold and kidnapping the inhabitants of planets to learn their vulnerabilities. So basically, they're just like Daniel Craig.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Kind of. In a way, in a way. No, that's good. Well, we did to the Native Americans, these aliens want to do to us. What? Which is a parallel that is really never made super clear in the movie, but it's kind of jumping out at you the whole time. But what I didn't get was the aliens are trying to learn our vulnerabilities. They learn pretty quickly that humans are vulnerable to lasers, fire, electricity,
Starting point is 00:15:21 getting stabbed, blowing up, things, having things fall on us. How much they need to study us, they've got lasers. But basically normal stuff. I mean, the funny thing is that's all stuff that the aliens appear to be vulnerable to themselves. So they're like, oh, okay. Yeah, like destroying their bodies will kill them. I would have seen a couple of scenes of them testing out things
Starting point is 00:15:41 that don't work at all, like tickling at you, man. And- Displ splashing of the water. Maybe like some simple like mind play to see if they can make us laugh, etc, etc. It's putting a pie in our face. Yep. At the end of the movie, though, they're fighting the aliens. Yeah, mostly aliens get killed by having their heads blown off with guns
Starting point is 00:16:00 or being speared with spears. Yeah. It's not like you need a spe... This is not usual style stuff. you talk about aliens that are covered in almost like an armored shell, except in the middle of their chest, they can open up their armor to release these two weird little arms and expose their heart.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Yeah, it's- By the way, that's a bad idea. Yeah, I don't know why evolution's selected for people exposing their internal organs like that. It was like a, you know, party trick. It's probably part of their intercourse, that. It was like a party trick. It's probably part of their inner course, too. Yeah, you think so? I mean, the evolution is all about...
Starting point is 00:16:30 If I got two little hands, I'm using them to jack off another alien. Okay. Wait, that's not intercourse. I mean... Wait, what? I mean, there's no reproduction. There's no reproduction value to drain all the sugar. He's jerking him off into your eggs.
Starting point is 00:16:47 I don't... Wait, what? I'm just like scrambled eggs? Yeah, come on, like an omelet. Dan, that's not a seasoning. Come on. All right, don't I try it? That's all I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:16:58 It's not what Holland saw. Well, when we release the Flap House cookbook, I do not want to see Dan McCoy's famous sperm eggs in that book. All right. So we're talking about a movie. So Cowboys and Aliens in the end, Olivia Wilde gives her life to blow up the wrist blaster inside the alien spaceship and destroy it.
Starting point is 00:17:18 And everyone's happy and they got the gold that the alien stole, which revitalizes their little town. And every character that the head, they're short coming. They've kind of, they've all gotten a lot better. Harrison Ford stops being a crusty cramudge and becomes kind of, and he gets a new hat. An open-hearted person. Sam Rockwell is not so much of a pussy anymore.
Starting point is 00:17:38 He has Sam Rillock. He totally blasts it off an alien's face. He's the classic character of the like Winpy Guy who's a pass-fist who learns he has to use a gun and shoot an alien in the head. He's basically Darleen's boyfriend from saving private Ryan. Yeah. To bring us back to some great savings that I really think you should take a look at again. Don't think I don't think I need a new private Ryan. Let's get out of the grass. What do I need to do to see? What do I need to do to see you walk out of here?
Starting point is 00:18:00 I got to talk to my wife before I make any private right. Hey, what better surprises there? You go home, you go, honey, look what the dog left in the driveway. She's going to think it's poop. She's going to have to clean it up. She walks out. She sees a private. She sees a private friend here in the store. Thank you. She walks out. She sees a private Ryan with a bow on it in the driveway. Oh my God. Do you remember her anniversary? I'm going to get you a novelty-sized bow. Yeah, of course. Of course.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Thank you, sir. Ladies love those. And Mother's Day is right around the corner. Oh, Mother's Love Private Ryan. We have a child. No, you have a mother, though, don't you, sir? Yes. Or are you so heartless?
Starting point is 00:18:42 I know. Did you spontaneously generate from some seeds I just got a lot to think about look. I gave it like two seconds before I brought a midi-chlorian I'm growing guys, so so all the characters have their arcs the little kid Kills an alien improves himself that way Indians and Americans and settlers learn they can get along You know, it's the aliens fighting these aliens is really brought everyone together. Yeah, the end fighting guerrilla aliens with wrist blasters and Daniel Craig rides off into the sun's set sunrise. Yeah, having had both his, his love interest. His lady loves to have two babes at one point and now has no babes. He has lost 200% of babes. And now has no baves. He has lost 200% of baves.
Starting point is 00:19:27 And one's reduced to ash. One is blowing up all over the world. One of them, according to Stuart, was merely hamburger. In another world. That was before I knew she was an alien who gets brought back to life by being set on fire. We should, before Stuart knew that she was a mom. Right now, now he's trying to mom.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I wish we could put an aisks next to next to that reference go see the in-time episode flop fans smile and stand but yeah so you you feel differently about Olivia Wilde now that she can you know she can be revived from death by fire yeah there's that really great scene where Daniel Craig saves Olivia Wilde from being grappling hooked they climb out of the river that they were just sunk in and they're sitting on the on the river bank and a giant alien pops up and he sees a guy with a wrist blaster and a small woman and the alien decides to just punch the shit out of the woman. Like he hits her out of the frame. And then of course he gets wrist blasts. Well, that might be a clue that she's an alien because we don't know at that point. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:20:28 I mean, sure. He's doing his wrist canal, so it's like this is the real. That one's an alien, but she never seems to have any special abilities other than fire revival. Yeah, rising like a phoenix. We also can speak and she can speak Churukawa. Yeah, Churukawa, she can speak. She speaks to the Indians.
Starting point is 00:20:45 We also, I didn't mention the part where Daniel Craig gains his memory back by having a spirit walk with a spirit animal, which is a hummingbird. This happens after Olivia Wilde's brought back to life by the magic of fire. Yeah. And then we see that hummingbird later. So it wasn't, I mean, at that point,
Starting point is 00:21:02 do we know it's in his head or what? That's your, it was all a dream or was it a moment? I was just checking on Wikipedia to make sure that there wasn't any sort of post-credit scene because we did stop as soon as the credit was full because it seems like a little while should come back. If she got burned up early and moving and regenerates. No, but I mean this time she exploded in mid-air. She's in tiny vaporized pieces. I don't think she...
Starting point is 00:21:26 What do you think? The last part's gonna be just... The camera's gonna sweep over the alien wreckage and then she's gonna be there in her eyes. They're gonna open and then she's gonna wake and go. Cowboys and aliens too. 2014. Guitar squeal. Wooo! Cowboys!
Starting point is 00:21:39 And of course. Okay, so that's an original song. I like it. The original title song for the movie. Performed by ACDC. Yeah. Oh, okay, nice. Your song seems to be. Got some cameras!
Starting point is 00:21:51 Your song seems to be kind of like steward's impressions of people. It's just saying the thing. But it is. I mean, many songs. Probably why I was drawn to it, Ellie. Yeah. It was really. They really spoke to him.
Starting point is 00:22:03 So this was an exciting movie, right? No, it was not. It was full of thrills, chills, bills, and bills. And as Ellie talking, Ellie brought up that Daniel Craig's body double got a lot of a lot of screen time riding the horse around. Yeah, there are a lot of a lot of scenes padded out by just shots of a Daniel Craig-like figure
Starting point is 00:22:21 in the distance riding a horse. I mean, I really feel like there should have been more clever ways to mash up the genres. If they're gonna do that, there's one scene where Daniel Craig leaps from his horse onto a space ship, like one of the tiny little drone things. And there's one scene where an alien gets lassoed. But I feel like there should be more of,
Starting point is 00:22:43 you know, like there should be Native Americans like you know, like, like, there should be Native Americans like shooting like more arrows. I mean, they did shoot arrows at me. Yeah, but I think I know what you're talking about. Like, I, I don't know if I'm going to say campier, but like, if they had made more of an effort to play up conventions of both of the two separate genres, I mean, part of it, I think one of the big problems with the movie is that the aliens are basically gorillas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:07 They're... This would have been a better movie was called Cowboys and Gorillas. And it was about Gorillas kidnapping people. Like a circus train. A circus train overturns in the old west. It kills everyone with the gorillas. There's a bunch of rabid gorillas running loose. This is a great movie.
Starting point is 00:23:24 Yeah. Yeah. It's the, the, well, it's, it felt like the movie would do a scene in the cowboy movie, then a scene in the alien movie, then a scene in the cowboy movie. It's especially especially if you're playing on the idea that like the aliens are to the humans, what the humans are to the Native Americans, well, Native
Starting point is 00:23:40 Americans are also humans. Well, okay, we're gonna stick. So if the aliens are to the white man What the white man is to the Native Americans? Yeah, like if you play up this like distance more a loop I don't know like less. I don't know. Well also the idea that you know what I mean No, I know exactly like they they had an interesting theme there that they didn't do anything with and that would have at least Given the movie some kind of, like, made you think. It would have had a concept behind it beyond, well, we got some cowboys,
Starting point is 00:24:09 and then we throw some aliens in there. When we talked about all this while we're watching them, the movie, like... But how boring it is? The idea that the aliens are here, specifically, to steal gold, is hilarious. Like, and if this was a sillier movie, that would be a really fun idea.
Starting point is 00:24:22 I'm really, really, I've been a shot of an alien, just grabbing a handful of good points out of somebody's like, like, pouring gold. Gold, I tell you. He, he, he, he, he, he, Alien.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Pouring gold from one hand to the other, you know? Or like a shot of a miner and a mine and he's like, I struck gold and then you see a silhouette behind him in an alien shape. Yeah. Oh, oh. That would have been great. Alien gangs in town.
Starting point is 00:24:45 Uh, intergalactic gold rush. I mean, I think we could have that would have been a way better title. Intergalactic gold rush. It would be great. And again, already see Daniel Craig baggy golden his hand just running for his life while he's being chased by aliens. Uh, some maybe some pretty girls, the sheriff space prospectors. Yeah, basically one of those one of those.
Starting point is 00:25:04 The jack Davis, basically one of those Basically a Jack Davis poster with caricatures of everyone Kind of it's in it's a mad mad mad mad world type thing and would like a literally Literary trail of gold desk behind them all. Of course. Yeah, I think we could have been overlooked these conceptual flaws of the movie had been exciting, but it was in fact very boring. The action scenes were incredibly kind of dullly paced and shot. Everything was just boring, and this is something I mentioned to the other floppers while I was watching it. I'm a big Western fan. I love Westerns from your silent Westerns like the Iron Horse, your 30s, 40s Westerns, your John Fords, your psychological Westerns, the gunfighter, and what have you,
Starting point is 00:25:44 your spaghetti Westerns, you know, whatever, yours, later Westerns, like the Culpepper cattle company, I've established my Western bonafines, but there's nothing. Silverado. You're Silverado's, your young guns, twos. There's nothing more, having said that, that I love Westerns, there's nothing more boring than a boring Western. A boring drama, a boring science fiction movie, a boring thriller, all the way more exciting than a boring Western. A boring drama, a boring science fiction movie, a boring thriller, all way more exciting than a boring Western. And this is a boring Western. True. Yeah. But there was that scene and the overturned boat where they sat around and talked along time. Yeah, and there was also the scene where they were in the saloon they were talking
Starting point is 00:26:20 for a while. Uh-huh. There's that don't get that scene. That had that intense scene where a bunch of people surround Daniel Craig and then they get in a fight. Yeah, or that scene where they are in there with the Indians and there's a lot of cut like tension and could erupt at a moment and Harrison Ford just kind of squabbles like an old man with one of them. I do like that there that Harrison Ford gets to play the reformed racist character in the movie as he begins by hating Indians. And then by the end, you know, he kind of respects him. Similar to Donald Logan, the patriot.
Starting point is 00:26:52 When this movie started, I was enjoying it more than you guys a little bit like. And you were you were ready to like it. I was ready to like it. And then and then actually I liked it the most when it was just a straight up Western at the beginning It was a rare movie that like gets worse as soon as the aliens show up Yeah, it certainly was better earlier when there were no aliens But it's like the opposite of earth girls are easy Right, yeah, which gets back off
Starting point is 00:27:21 Yeah, the opposite of most of the first frame which gets really takes off as soon as you see it. Yeah, the opposite of most of the first frame, I think. But most movies with Aliens. So you're just like, it starts off at 10. Yeah, and then just go to the list. Yeah. It actually gets to 30 somehow. Around the time that Julie Brown does the same song
Starting point is 00:27:41 about being blonde. Yeah. What's great about Earth Girls Rezzy is that those aliens are super into Earth Girls right from the beginning. Yeah, those Earth Babes. They have no problem with the fact that these Earth Babes aren't covered in cat hair. Like, they are. Well, I'm an alien.
Starting point is 00:27:58 I'm an alien. I'm bringing it back to Catboy's and Ali. This day of Craig doesn't seem to be that concerned. They're gonna live you a while. It's an alien. She's making that happen. Because she looks like you live you a while. If she has three eyes, maybe she's a different. I mean, she's a lane. The day of Craig doesn't seem to be that concerned. The never to live your wild as an alien. She's like to live you a while. If she has three eyes, maybe she's a hamburger, but who cares?
Starting point is 00:28:08 So the earth girls in the old West, she's, she's, she's steak. She's not, I mean, she's, wow. Heart girls are easy, though. On the other hand, a movie that makes a virtue out of the fact that its aliens are stupid Yeah, sure and here if it was like I it would have been like it was one of those things where it's like These are the maybe these are the early ground troops of an eva sophisticated alien race
Starting point is 00:28:36 They're pretty they're not great thinkers. They're kind of dumb Like drool like we never really learn a lot about the aliens and when you read I was reading the Wikipedia entry afterwards They put a lot of thought into the design of these aliens and into like how they interact with the environment But we don't really see any of that in the movie like they put a lot of thought into things that never factor into The plot with the characters or anything. I wonder if they got too caught up in like When the aliens find when the aliens get wounded, they're not used to this environment. So there's a yellow fungus that grows on them. It's like, all right, well, like, I guess I kind of saw that for one frame when one of
Starting point is 00:29:11 them got shot, but like, I don't know anything about these aliens, except they love gold. And they're kind of stupid. They seem to have no language. And they just run around like a realist fighting people. And they have a lot of thought into details that you've not planted. I think they really, I think they really drop the ball when Olivia Wilde dies and then comes is reborn in flames. And we realize that she's an alien by not making her look
Starting point is 00:29:33 more like an alien. Yeah, she just comes back as Olivia Wilde. I would have been more interested to see, you know, have an alien, alien woman with a cowboy hat running around. You want to have three. Yeah, it's okay. Three boobs. But no, don't look at me like that. Both of you, if she had three boobs, all of a sudden would have given me a high five. Well, I mean, it certainly would have been through the movie. It wasn't your idea.
Starting point is 00:29:54 I mean, you were high five. Well, because I mean, maybe you missed me. I mean, great. He would be the closest, geographically, the closest party dude to either of us. Yeah, that's true. And I sit in between you during the movie. That's true.
Starting point is 00:30:08 You gotta give somebody high five. You're not gonna like run into the other room and give Dan's wife a high five. While she scowls at us. She's like, you're mischaracterizing my wife. Okay, she would not scout. She would be confused by why she was getting this high five all of a sudden.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Well, I was really, really good at scaling to the. Well, I was running out of gel. I would get running out of an ideal. Three boobs high five. And then I leave. And she would give you that high five. Oh, yeah, of course. She would be a little mystified. Scowling all the while. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, uh, so it's hard to say like this is a very boring movie.
Starting point is 00:30:47 There's not a lot to dig into. I mean, we could try to, they try to tap into the, the craze of cowboys that America was obsessed with for a while. Well, that's the thing is, western movies are not, haven't had like this huge comeback, but you've have seen like a steady number of western movies each year. Like, and some of them like three, ten to Y Yuma did well and some of them don't do so well Trouger it. Trouger it did well. I mean this is tapping into America's sudden craze for mashups. Yeah that's true I mean with fucking like Abraham Lincoln vampire hunter coming up. You must love that you love history Oh, yeah, you're a big like a fan. I may have thought this is a podcast. Probably based on a comic. Can you love comic books?
Starting point is 00:31:25 Well, it's based on a novel, but I'll just I may have touched on this on previous podcast entries, but I like Abraham Lincoln a lot. I'm actually tomorrow leaving on a trip to Springfield, Illinois to visit his house, tomb law offices, and where he announced his candidacy for the presidency and all that. I'm pretty much a lunch. I love vampires. They're great. Neither of those two things. Like all vampires or not all vampires. I like the concept of vampires. Some of them like Dracula holds a special place in my heart or you know, Count Yorga or whatever.
Starting point is 00:31:51 But neither of those two things gains anything by being combined. Abraham Lincoln is this singular historical figure of great nobility and character who accomplished amazing things and he's a great character by being combined. Abraham Lincoln is this singular historical figure of great nobility and character who accomplished amazing things and was also an amazing speaker and writer. I don't see what he gains by becoming like an ass-kicking martial arts vampire fighter when what he accomplished was so much more
Starting point is 00:32:19 interesting than fighting vampires and the vampires. I don't see what they gained by being shoehorned into the history of the Civil War, you know. But the Raven though the Raven right around Poe is a crime. There's this based on his cages. I mean that's pretty awesome. Right? I mean like you gotta like that. I'm doing a necklace cage impression. I guess it's it's the laziest type doing an English plate cage and pressing in that he's taking a job for my Laziest type during a negligent cage in prison in that he's taking a job for money. Yeah, it's more of a matter of impression.
Starting point is 00:32:47 What would need this cage to? He'd take this role because he needs the money. It's the Laziest type of storytelling, which is let's take a thing that exists and have it solve crimes. And they do it in television all the time where it's like, grim is like a fairy tale guy who solves crimes or like, you know, like a fairy tale guy who solves crimes. Or like, you know, Forever Night or Moonlight or any of those where it's like, it's a vampire
Starting point is 00:33:10 who solves crimes. Forever night. I think you're supposed to. But like, to do the Raven where it's like, well, Edgar Allan Poe was this bizarre character, great poet, strange man. There's any number of stories we could tell with him. Let's have him stop a serial killer.
Starting point is 00:33:23 All right, like, why would you do? I'm sure at some point there's gonna be another attempt at a movie where like Harry Houdini solves it stops a serial killer or like another. Sure, it's already in development. Yeah, I mean, it was announced a while back. But like there's all, there are two, I think, two competing movies where Arthur Cronan Doyle
Starting point is 00:33:39 is up against a serial killer. Like, come on, that actually makes a little more sense because Arthur Cronan Doyle did help solve a few crimes when he was. Well, it's grown po invented the detective story. Yeah, I know, I know. But it's just a lazy thing to do to be like, but that's the thing. Like we'll take this historical figure.
Starting point is 00:33:54 If they're going to do the crimes, like why not do like a movie about how Cone Dello actually solves real life crimes and just like do those actual. Because they've got a car because they've got to come up with like the gimmick that the serial killer has. Yeah. And vampires and stuff, right? Well, and with Abraham. So my point is Abraham Lee vampire hunter. You're taking two great things, mashing up in a way that doesn't work.
Starting point is 00:34:15 And it's former flop house guest co-host, Halley Hagglin once said to me, I like Spana Copa, and I like chocolate. I don't need them combined in one dish that wouldn't work. Yeah. That's how I feel about Abraham Lincoln and Vampire Hunters. That's not how I feel about Cowboys and aliens. It could still be done. Okay, so in fact, I'm working on. So this is part of your your attempt to prevent people in general from seeing Abraham Lincoln vampire. I don't care if people go see it. You're one of the smear campaign campaign right? Yeah, I'm gonna put a lot of negative. Abraham Lincoln says he's a vampire. Like if it was Abraham Lincoln, alien something, that would be more interesting to me because it's like what would a guy like negotiator? Well, how would someone like
Starting point is 00:35:01 Abraham Lincoln interact with an alien intelligence, you know, rather than Abraham Lincoln has had nose kung fu somehow and is like a badass fighter or something like that? So we're a little long tangent about Abraham. We learned in the Orient. He was never in the or he never left the United States like Come on and I think I mean I think Chicago has a pretty large Chinatown didn't he we didn't really spend a lot of time in Chicago Well just a little bit so I've been the Chinatown part he really was more in the Wushu Springfield Don't really think it has in my time either Well, I mean every large city has a Chinatown. Yeah, yeah I get it down the busling fish markets of Springfield That's where he learned just who to.
Starting point is 00:35:46 The dusty plains of Springfield, speaking to someone who's been in Springfield. I'm also something bustling about that. I'm going to go there. I'm excited. There's also, I'm not a big, this is a different subject, but I'm not a big fan of the like bad assing of everything that every character has to be a bad ass. And what kelbo is, Nalians, it makes sense.
Starting point is 00:36:04 The main character is going to be a bad a badass because he has to fight aliens later Mysterious ranger, but he's also such a good fighter that no one ever seems to be much of a threat to him. Yeah, including the aliens Yeah, as soon as he gets that fucking wrist blaster. He's also got a wrist lady. Yeah, they're done like They just keep popping up and he keeps slaying them. Yeah, he never seems to have to try very hard They just keep popping up and he keeps slaying them. Yeah, he never seems to have to try very hard. Uh, I think it's time to, uh, move along and give our final judgments on Cowboys and Aliens. This is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie you kind of like. Just do work, go.
Starting point is 00:36:34 I'm gonna surprise both of you by saying it's a bad bad movie. I'll go up my heart. Uh, I thought you were gonna say good, great movie. Yeah, it, uh, it's just so slow and long and filled with scenes that don't matter or really advance anything. Yeah, no. The fact that I made a joke about a reformed racist and they actually had one. Yeah, and man, this is terrible.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Yeah, I said during the film, they managed to make a movie where Indians are spearing an alien boring. And also, I mean, this movie has people I like in it. I mean, I like Daniel Craig, despite him being in other floppas films in the past. I like Harrison Ford. How could you not like it? Walt and Goggins is in this. Sam Rockwellwell always entertaining.
Starting point is 00:37:26 Come on, Clancy Brun. Not he's only in serious non B movies. Sure. So yeah, bad bad movie. Yeah, and I'm also going to agree bad bad movie just a wasted potential and just boring. They never found what was exciting about this concept instead they just kind of went through the motions and went by the numbers and it was dull.
Starting point is 00:37:49 So, Dan, did you point your iPads that you can play like? Yeah. Are you gonna play Sonic again? Sorry, if you hear the noise that's from my iPad because I'm at home, I did not print out letters. I'm gonna be reading them be reading them off of them dance gone paperless everybody. He's entered the 21st century but Before we move on To letters. I want to thank four donations. I want to thank John K
Starting point is 00:38:18 I want to thank Evan M and lastly, I want to thank one second, Demetri T. Then you said four donations. No, I said I don't want to thank people for donations. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, I think so.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Yeah, that's so. Well, thank you guys. Thanks for helping keep the flop house going. You know, it's pledge time. If you enjoy the flop house, you want to receive more flop house like things like this. Why not stop into your local private Ryan store, pick up one of the great savings on sale right now.
Starting point is 00:38:55 We're running our private Ryan sales event all through June. I did not authorize this. Well, it's just side business. I'm working on, just gonna drum up some publicity for the No, but thank you very much for your donations appreciate it every donation you get a lock of stewards hair Yep, not his hair on his head though. No, so You can opt out of receiving that everyone has have a message here from
Starting point is 00:39:22 Kenny last name with health logins here from Kenny last name with held logons. Something about a danger zone, but he's all right. Nobody worry about him. The title. It's played with the boys. He put loose. The title is planning that my mama don't dance. Good movies ruined by shitty engine endings.
Starting point is 00:39:39 He says hello. There are fellow Shelby Villains been listening for a couple of years. And I'm a huge plant fan of the years, and I'm a huge flant fan of the Flaw House ice cap. I'm a huge flant. I'm a god-assentiate bowl of flan. Said it, an email. Huge flant. Anywho, I'm curious.
Starting point is 00:39:55 It's a Flaw House fan. About what you think are really good or even great movies that are ruined by awful slash stupid endings. For me, it's the wages of fear. And incredibly tense, French flick about truckers smuggling nitroglycerin through the rugged South American jungle. That's all but unraveled by its cheap bullshit final scene. What say you, floppers?
Starting point is 00:40:16 I actually have an answer for this already cute up in my brain, coincidentally enough, which is the movie Hell in the Pacific with Lee Marvin and Toshir Maffuni, which is directed by John Bour the Pacific with Lee Marvin and to Sherema Funi, which is directed by John Bourman, I think, which is a really great movie about an American soldier and a Japanese soldier who are trapped on a deserted island together during World War II and go through a series of ambushing each other and taking each other prisoner until they realize they have to work together. And the movie literally has, is great up until maybe the final 35 seconds, 50 seconds,
Starting point is 00:40:46 when it has one of the cheapest, most slapped on crappy endings. And it's a really disappointing way for an otherwise really good movie to end. So hell in the Pacific, I'd say watch it and then don't watch the last, you know, minute. Yeah, I mean, I think the closest thing that immediately comes to mind is unbreakable, which, you know, I'm not sure I'm on a movie, which I like a lot of the stuff leading up to the very end. And then they have, you know, the twist. And then they explain a bunch of shit in just text from the screen.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Like we could show it. But we're kind of bored of this. Let's get out of here. Well, it seems like they set it up in case they wanted to have a sequel or just to have an ironic ending. And then it was almost like they were like audiences want to know that the bad guy was brought to justice. So they just threw text up on the screen that says like, you know, Mr. Glass was brought to justice. Yeah, it's it's weird. Like when that movie came out, I was much more went to with the college. Unbreakable made a fortune in dry goods. When that movie came out, I was much more with the college. Congratulations. Unbreakable made a fortune in dry goods.
Starting point is 00:41:48 When that movie came out, I was much more apps to give in night channel on the benefit of the doubt because he hadn't screwed us over yet. Yeah. So at the time, I was like, oh, that's kind of a funny ending. Like, it's like, this guy has set himself up as this mastermind criminal, but it is a complete anticlimax. Like, no, this is just a regular fucking guy
Starting point is 00:42:07 who then the police came and arrested him. And I thought that was kind of cool in a way. But now that I'm not a channel on has proven. Is revealed is true self to be not very good? Yeah, I'm more inclined to take stewards. I mean, on some level, signs is equally bad, but I mean. Science has a couple of good moments in it, but it's not even throughout.
Starting point is 00:42:30 And the ending is just dumb because it implies that millions of people have been afflicted with asthma throughout centuries because Mel Gibson's son needed to survive, getting gasped in the face by an alien's wrist, you know. Yeah, there's so many problems with. There's a a lot of you based on aliens that are allergic, like, violently allergic to water coming to a planet that's pretty much all water. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:54 And also that his wife's dying words during a car crash were planted there by gods that years later, he could tell his brother-in-law to hit an alien in the head of the baseball bat. Look, as if he's just staring at the alien and staring at the baseball bat, he could tell his brother-in-law to hit Naly and then head to the baseball bat. Look, as if he's just staring at the alien and staring at the baseball bat, and he's like, I don't know what to do with these two things. No, this is why my wife years ago said this. She had to die.
Starting point is 00:43:14 She had to die. So you would know that a good way to hit Naly and is with a baseball bat. Yeah, I don't have anything cute up in my brain, although I do agree that. You had a lot of cute things up in your brain. I do love wages of fear and I think that the movie is like sort of a French nihilist bullshit, but it's easy to I think it's easiest to see this kind of thing in movies with twists.
Starting point is 00:43:39 Like I think that the movie identity isn't necessarily that good a movie, but like up until the twist like it's kind of a solid with on killers and junk use X brain. Yeah, well junk use X also in another guy's brain. I'm gonna tell the twist. It's kind of like a solid fun like beam movie like oh we got a bunch of great character actors. We're gonna put them in a motor lodge that I'm gonna get killed off. This is fun enough and then it's just like wait there're all personalities in this other guy's brain, and this kid is running around killing them off to be the only personality. Like brains don't work that way. That's not the way.
Starting point is 00:44:12 My favorite thing about that shitty ending is that, this is, it's revealed this is all happening inside the head of a crazy person, and that the personality who's killing the other personalities is this little kid, then it flashes back to the kid manually killing each of these people And it's like well if it's all happening in someone's brain He doesn't actually have to be doing anything like oh wait
Starting point is 00:44:31 He couldn't have been here because he was over there at the time killing that person. No, it's all imagined anyway Like you can do it every once. He's in a world of pure imagination just like in the water wonka So that would have been better if he had picked a flower off the ground and eaten it like in Willy Wonka. The audience needs to know how a child could kill grown people. But it's not none of them are real. That's how the brain works. Yeah, I don't think so. Science. This is from Scott last name withheld and it's it's titled Uh oh So it's about Stuart I guess it says Hi floppers congrats on making it to 100 episodes
Starting point is 00:45:11 May you reach 100 more thank you I was re-listing to the Jonah Hex podcast better known as the secret origin of the flop house house cat when Stuart broke out one of his trademark flop house sound bites a drawn out uh oh whenever anyone parenthesis Dan made a mistake broke out one of his trademark flop house sound bites a drawn out oh Whenever anyone parentheses Dan made a mistake
Starting point is 00:45:35 Given that Dan mispronounced his basic words on a near constant basis. Yeah, he can't talk Lindsay low in anyone. I was looking forward to many more Uh-ohs in the flabcasts of the future But though the house cat managed to claw his way out of Jones Hex into both future podcasts and flopp or hearts, the uh-ohs have been nowhere to be found. Stuart Embrace your role as the Michael Winslow, the flopp house, and bring back the uh-ohs. Maybe you could even add a few more sound bites
Starting point is 00:45:59 as 100th Flop first represent, maybe a hubba hubba. When Elliott makes a lude reference to former Flamie and Hathaway. and We're gonna have to go. Wait, so we'd interrupt you and then Stuart would interrupt himself or me with a foghorn? We've got to workshop some of these ideas. I thank you Scott for the suggestions, but I don't know. Yeah, well, okay, so I smoke on test. Rise will be TBA and it's, I don't know, I can't think of a new thing for me to shout. What should Stuart's new shouty say catchphrase? Or should uh oh just come back into the regular road date.
Starting point is 00:46:50 I mean, I like uh oh coming back because it sounds like a little kid. Who cares? Let's go on. But the Flophouse house cat is of course, you know, a fan favorite. Or as Dan would say, a flan favorite. What do he say that? Like when we're recording all the time? Yeah, constantly. It's you may not know that Dan's
Starting point is 00:47:11 dinner runs actually has a course as he calls them. Dan actually doesn't have a tongue and hire somebody else's tongue. So he can't it's a quality control problem. It happens when you hire somebody else to do your tongue's job. I've got a very rare kind of list, but we're instead of adding like an extra S sound, I just add an L where it does not work.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Or mispronounced things in other ways. Tech-Tor-Elizandro, the kind of thing. All right, well, this one is from Andrew last name with Hell. It's titled Ghost Hunters. Okay, now we're talking. Dear Flop House, I write this as I finish listening to the 100th episode. As usual, the podcast was hilarious.
Starting point is 00:47:47 However, that's not why I'm writing in. After hearing you mention a series of YouTube videos that you started in, I had to investigate. The first one I laid my eyes upon was this, and then there's a YouTube link in which you pursue the Jersey Devil inside a house. Oh, that's technically the third in that series, but. Two things. Dan looks like a more handsome version of Brendan Frazier. And Elliot looks and sounds like an annoying child. Wow. Especially when lying belly down on the floor playing
Starting point is 00:48:14 Mario Kart 64. And wearing a big medscap. It's too big for me. I imagine slash hope that as you read this out loud, your fellow flappers will at this point accuse you of having written yet another self-brandizing letter. Well, that was my first thought, yeah. Nothing can be further from the truth. More handsome red-haired. And Drew. Dan.
Starting point is 00:48:32 And Dan. Oh, my goodness. Dan, that doesn't work. You puzzled at another one, Puzzle Master. They just high-fived. The letter goes, nothing can be further from the truth. Wink. Dan, you should also wink at this point.
Starting point is 00:48:48 Anyway, keep off the good work. I'll review your other Ghost 100 parody videos when I have more spare time. Wait, this is not... I'm glad that he was so... Like, he liked the first one, got him so worked up that he wrote the letter. But there were, what, like, two minutes long? Yeah, well, there were about four minutes long, and there's three of them. I do appreciate being called a more handsome Brindan Frazier. That's a bit... Yeah, well, there were about four minutes long and there's three of them. I do appreciate being called
Starting point is 00:49:06 the more handsome Bringen Frazier. That's a bit of a nice. Yeah, well, you really, you appreciate being called that? No, it's one of the nice things you like being said. Yeah, I mean, you know what I like this compliment. Well, look, Stuart gets so much time being the dreamboat or the flop house. Yeah, true.
Starting point is 00:49:19 To spread that around a little. How long ago did we make those videos about four or five years ago? I just gotta be a little, I mean, five or six. Five or six years ago. So, yeah, you've aged terribly since then. Yeah. Now you're kind of like that.
Starting point is 00:49:30 I have a wreck of a meter cushing. You're like, you're like, you're more handsome, Peter Cushing. You're like a less handsome, Peter Cushing. And we're not talking young people cushing. This is Star Wars, Peter Cushing. Wow. I mean, he's got a certain dignity. Like he's got a commanding presence.
Starting point is 00:49:47 That's the only thing that's real difference there between, no, you don't have the presence, but the skeleton face. OK. You do have the skeleton face, OK? Yeah, but that was another series that we did for your live show. When I used to have the New Kaelin show. That's one of the, was that the prime time Kaelin? I don't know, but it was another series that we did for your live show when I used to yeah, I used to have the new Kaelin show That's one of the was that the prime time Kaelin. I don't know
Starting point is 00:50:08 But along with the Superman series. That's the other yeah series of videos that we did the ghost hunter series Yeah, that one and by the way flop fans and Was named Drew who wrote in that house is my mom's actual house that I grew up in so you can just imagine me as an actual kid Living in that house. Playing Mario Kart 64. You better believe it, yeah. OK, well, the last email for this episode is from Chris Last Name with Held.
Starting point is 00:50:34 It's titled Movie Novelizations. Greetings, Flop Master Flex, the floppy bunch. I will let you three decide who gets to be Flop Master Flex. Probably Dan. Yeah. I was inspired by Stuart Wellington He's like a more handsome More handsome George Frazier
Starting point is 00:50:51 I was inspired by Stuart more handsome Frazier great well Mentioning he once wrote a paper about the novelization of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie to share a brief factoid with you in ninth grade That book rules at the end. In ninth grade, I was required to bring a book. That was my factoid. That was my factoid. In ninth grade, I was required to bring a book to my English class once a week for silent reading.
Starting point is 00:51:18 I brought the same book each and every week, the storytome, the novelization of D2, the Mighty Ducks are bad. I also have a couple of quick questions for Stuart regarding the turtles book was that the novelization of the first movie or secret of the ooze or turtles in time second if you were if you were if Stuart was doing book reports around the time that turtles in time came out I'd be worried about his education second was there any original material in the book?
Starting point is 00:51:45 The novelization of D2 and a handful of stuff ended that wasn't in the movie. Therefore, I suppose I need to read the book to get the full canon. You are the wind beneath my wings. That's nice. And the answer is yes, there's a ton of extra shit in there. Well, there's that whole sexy in between Raphael
Starting point is 00:51:59 and April O'Neal. I didn't want to bring that up. Well, that's where Kasey Jones watches on. With his Hockey mask. I don't like where we went. Sorry. I apologize to everyone. I apologize to Earth for that. Oh, so ooze.
Starting point is 00:52:17 That's the secret of the ooze. All right. But a lot of times those novelizations are based on early drafts of the script. And that's why they have different material. I didn't know that. And then they get like R.A. Salvatore or somebody to write it for. For Alan Dean Foster. I think trademarked Elliott Kellen. Hollywood facto.
Starting point is 00:52:35 The end. So this is the most. Yeah, this is the most times we've used the word factoid and podcast. Factoid. Well, except for the fact that this under factoid episode. Yeah, and for the fact. We'll set for the factoid episode. Yeah, and the fact house. Wait, what? Our podcast about facts.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Wait, wait, wait. I've never done that. Yes. You get really drunk, wherever you have a set. We've been sneaking into your apartment and doing it while you're asleep. Yeah. It's a very broad-based podcast, though,
Starting point is 00:53:03 just about facts in general. Yep, we just say things we think are true. Not a lot of research because they do it. So, now we move on to our final segment of the show. Final segment. Which is recommendations, movies that we think are... Those are explosions. Listmers might enjoy...
Starting point is 00:53:20 Or being on a big door. To actually watch movies not like Cowboys and aliens movies that are good not enjoy Ellie do you have a recommendation you want to I do I don't think this is the movie I recommended last time right Even said yet, so I can't tell you do you remember what movie I do not I do not I kind of don't either but I'd recommend to move a kind of to move a kind of, a more serious-ish comedy from Norway that I saw recently called a somewhat gentle man with a Stalin scars guard. You may know him as the scientist from Thor.
Starting point is 00:53:52 He's a very good in it. He's the older brother of Peter scars guard, right? No. Peter Sars guard, the different names and families and nationalities. Okay. But it's about a guy who has just gotten out of jail. Also Peter Stormer is a different man.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Yeah. So going. And yeah. Uh oh. It's about a guy who has been in jail for 12 years for killing someone. He was kind of a low level soldier for a local crime boss. Now he's just gotten out of jail
Starting point is 00:54:20 and he kind of needs to get his life back together. He has a grown-up son who wants nothing to do with him. The crime boss has arranged for him to live in the crime boss's sister's spare kind of basement room and he gets a job at a local mechanics and it's just kind of this series of him, incidents of him trying to get his life back on track, confused by how people are treating him and eventually having to make a decision about whether he's gonna go back into crime or not And it's a very low-key movie, but there are a lot of funny moments in it. I liked still in scars guards performance a lot and there are some very funny Sex scenes that I don't want to say too much about but his relationship with his landlady
Starting point is 00:55:05 that I don't want to say too much about, but his relationship with his landlady becomes based mainly around her demanding sex from him and him giving it to her and then her acting as if he demanded it from her. But in a way that starts out really kind of gross and funny, but becomes kind of touching as it goes on. And I just enjoyed the movie a lot. Well, is that again? It's called a somewhat gentle man. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:27 It's a Norwegian release from about two years ago. Well, recently I watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, which I, what's a mouthful, huh? I greatly enjoyed. It was as advertised difficult to understand. Like like I don't believe that I fully Could parse the plot and I doubt that anyone who hasn't read the book which I haven't Could understand everything that goes on in but it doesn't matter. It's it's a it's a movie that's based mostly on atmosphere and that atmosphere is
Starting point is 00:56:08 based mostly on atmosphere and that atmosphere is how I imagine spying really is. The atmosphere is a mix of nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, and other gases. There's a lot of sitting around in drab rooms, just sort of waiting for things to happen. A lot of ugly paint and wallpaper. I'll say this about I like that movie a lot of us. That's great. Ugly painting wallpaper. I'll say this about I like that movie a lot. And considering Cowboys, Nalians is a move about Cowboys fight Nalians. And Tinker Taylor's Soldier Spy is about unhappy people sitting in grim rooms, lying to each other. Tinker's Soldier Spy is way more exciting and thrilling.
Starting point is 00:56:37 It's a ripping move. And Cowboys Nalians. But it's got, you know, it's got a real rundown of great British actors. You got your Gary Oldman You got your John Hart. Yeah, Colin Firth. Mm-hmm. Toby Jones TV's Sherlock, Benedict Cumberbred Matt It's cover bad to send it. Cure and Heinz Tom Hardy Toby Jones. Yeah, and Toby Jones. I think I said Toby Jones Tom Hardy Yeah, you mentioned what's his name from Bridget Jones's thing Colin Firth and Toby Jones
Starting point is 00:57:07 I think it's a mix Thanks pal. Yeah, but TV Sherlock Benedict cover that I'm movie that sort of operates on that your old man's and I think he's the big yeah Toby Jones It operates on the same principle as TV's the wire in that you may not understand everything, but the storytelling is so confident and well done that you will understand enough. By the end of it, you'll get it. Yeah, and they use a lot of real spies.
Starting point is 00:57:37 I don't think so. Like in The Wire. Wow. Yeah, it's a movie where you will have moments where you're like, I'm not sure what this character is referring to, but I will eventually. Yeah. I'm supposed to not be sure at this point in the movie. Mr. Wellings.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Oh, it's my turn. Okay. I'm going to recommend a Gritty Revenge movie called Lies and Illusions. It stars Christian Slater and Cuba, and Cuba, good in junior. And I believe El Magical. Well, okay, the two of them are radio hosts to their disjackies. And they bring in a substitute disjackie played by a played by El Magical. He's a struggling comedian. And he's replacing like a really awesome disjackie played by, I don't know, and he's replacing like a really awesome just jaggy played by on now like somebody cool like a powers booth, I guess.
Starting point is 00:58:31 And it's pretty great. The powers booth character is like, oh, stud. What kind of things is like really awesome. What kind of things does the powers booth character do? What I think his name is what were it's telling to well That's not a name So it's not name like power's booth so you like you know, he's picking up chicks going to parties be hilarious but you know so Al Madrigal's guy ends up taking his job so Yeah, the power's booth has to get revenge and he totally beats him up and uh
Starting point is 00:59:07 yeah it's it's pretty awesome was that a confession or a recommendation no it's a recommendation it's a great movie guessy lies and illusions uh i think you can find it at uh at gas stations and rest stops all right well uh unless unless anyone has anything else to say, I think that it's time to sign off. Yeah, time to put this cowboy to bed with an alien. Let's see if they free. Will they get the extra arms or, you know, because the aliens have extra arms in their chest? They have a little quad oarms Yep quad oarms that they grip their hearts with all the time. Yeah, all right
Starting point is 00:59:49 Well for the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kalen Good night everyone boom Glamo and and and and and and
Starting point is 01:00:14 and and and and and and and and and N3 2 Hey everyone, welcome Say it again N3 no wait 2

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