The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #163 - Dracula 3D

Episode Date: October 18, 2014

Shocktober continues/ends with Dario Argento totally forgetting everything he knew about filmmaking (and we don't even like him that much) with Dracula 3D. Meanwhile, Dan reveals the alternate, director's cut ending to Escape (The Pina Colada Song), Elliott out-pervs the pervazoid with his demands for more nudity, and Stuart once again astounds with his facility for accents. Movies recommended in this episode:Shadow of the VampireDuelThe Hitcher

Shocktober continues with Dario Argento's Dracula. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellingtown. Hey, Stuart Wellingtown. And Daniel McCoy, my name is Elliot Kalin. They're a little joke in there, cause it's, Shocktober. Does it make sense?

Does it make sense? It's throwing a joke in there. I'm far away. Number one, you're throwing a joke because it's Shocktober. Normally we're dead serious. Yeah, this is a very sober-minded podcast. But number two, town.

Town is the spookiest thing. Maybe it's a haunted ghost town. It's weird crime, Sarah, but this town... Coming like a ghost town, specials, everybody. Classic, classic song. You lost me a long time ago. No. Do I ever have you, Elliot? No, did I ever really well?

There's only one way to find out let me go and we'll see if I come back spoil alert. I'm not What if I fully effects fully effects distance distance what if I stand outside your room with a boom box with a boom box A box full of bombs What is that? A bum box full of bums. What do I still think we're doing with a DVD copy of the bum bums? That's weird. Usually if I thought Dan would be holding something called a bum box, I thought it would be butt related.

Nope. No, it's a bum. But the bum's have butts. Oh, sexy. Oh, nice. They were thrown out to the curb. But the costume you don't see too often are Halloween. A lady who's like, you know, like stippled on and a little some five-clock shadow and

has a cigar. She's wearing a bikini. Me and a hanker chips, a top hat with the top pop top and a bin. She's wearing a barrel and nothing else. Sexy bum. It sounds like a sexy barrel costume to me. I mean, she's eating. I'm going as a sexy barrel costume to me. I mean, she's eating. I'm going as a sexy barrel.

Real, this sexy costume thing is going too far. She's dripping those baked beans all the way down. Wait a minute. Wait, beans come on a barrel? Is that in your way? Is that how they? Because that is maybe the least arousing sex Todd. Those baked beans go all the way up.

Okay, let's stop right there. Real lines. Race this from human history. Dan, what is this thing that people are forcing their ears to be torched by? Certainly not a food podcast. Okay, well this is a podcast. This is going to sexy baked bean podcast. As we said, it's called the Flop House. We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

And right now we're knee deep in Shucktober where we watch horror movies, movies about horror-fying things. Horror-like things, yep. Yeah, terrible bosses. Nope, we didn't watch that. It's Bosstober. The month when you watch movies about bosses. Bruce Springsteen. Boss Hog. Yep. Things that are in Boss. Mighty, Mighty Boss tones.

Yep. All of them. Big Boss Man, my favorite wrestler. Now, isn't he a police officer? I don't really remember. You're thinking of a... Police so a wrestling guy. Sure.

The fun dirt taker. Okay. The fun under. Is that the undertaker when he does kids party? That's when he joined NW. NWA. Wow. I know what a crossover event.

Yeah. The wrestling wrap crossover of the century. How are we going to top the rap rock crossover of Walk This Way? We'll get a wrestler. One known for not talking and jokes, layman people. They're trying to one up the wrestling 80s lady pop music of Captain Lou Albano hanging out with Cindy Lopper. Yep. Yeah, exactly. You know, what are we going to do?

That you'll take a little while to get to it. Let me remind you that Paul Abduel had sex with a cartoon cat. It's wait a minute. Well, you didn't see this sex. It was the subtext of all the thing. I guess they had a lot of chemistry, Dan. Yeah. Speaking of chemistry.

Well, let's see how the speaking of chemistry is the segue for Dracula movies, too. So we watched Dracula 3D. Speaking of chemistry, you know what doesn't follow the rules of science, vampires. We did, well, we watched a movie called Dairy Argento's Dracula. 3D.

It's released as Dracula 3D, but we watched it in its 2D form, although as I've corrected in the past, it is a 3D movie and that it involves the dimension of time. The third dimension, 3D movies are in fact 4D. 110 minutes of time in fact. Readers, if you want to wedge the Elliot, send your hands through the mail to his butt time. Sounds like a pretty attack.

Please don't send your severed hands to Elliot's butt crack, care of Elliot. I would appreciate if you didn't do that. Also, Dan, do you know how wedgies are given to grab someone's butt crack? I think you're out of the butt crack. And you slam the two sides of the butt together. And you go, wait a minute.

How do you do that from inside the butt crack? You go, slap and he's slimbing. And I think I'm finally understanding why you went to Juvie when you were 14. Well, we saw this movie, Dario Argento's Dracula. And now Dario Argento, none of us I think a particular fans of his, but you know, if I recall Stuart wants Threaten

to fight him, I was fine. I very drunkenly threaten to punch him or get in a fist fight. And so I thought this was a chance. Yeah, I mean, I would totally win, I guess. But here's the use of the chance. This was his chance. I was about to go to him hat and hand, ready to eat that hat in front of him.

And your own hands. Possibly. Hat and hand ready to eat that hat in front of it. And your own hands, possibly. So you already turn around and say, Dary Argento, put your hand in my butt crack and wed you me because I was wrong. And you know what, the Goblins is the best band ever. I mean, I will say. Yeah, I won't say that.

Goblin is the thing I like the most about Dary Argento. But here's the thing with Dary Argento. I like the movies. But he has a clear knack for vivid imagery and for the use of music. And I'll tell you two things that were missing from this movie, vivid imagery and any but the cheapest sounding music. I hope there's a lot of Thereman in this movie. Yeah, because when we think Thereman, we think of vampires.

Yeah. Nothing like a real 50 sci-fi Dracula. Thurman works for two things. Ghosts and aliens. Ghosts and goblins. Now unless you're making a movie about it. That game is super hard by the way. Unless you're making a movie about a ghost alien vampire in which case I say sell me a ticket right now Because I want to see it. You can't don't use the Thurman. I think there was, I think there was like an old Buck Rogers episode about like a space vampire. I mean, there's kind of a, there were probably ghosts. Yeah, there's a, planted of the vampires.

Yeah. And I think there was this two zero in adventure book I read one time. Yeah, yeah. And there's a ghost of Mars is ghost in space. And ghost aliens. A venerized movie probably has not and and bitey in space. Bitey in space.

Yeah. Wait, the vampire name's bitey. Is he not even count bitey? Is he a little kid on a dog vampire? No, you know, there's he's got he's not of the of the what you call it. The nobility. The nobility. Yeah, it's not there.

This is your pet cockney peasant vampire in space. Hello, hello. It's me, Bitey. Welcome, Ajupa. Adiya, do. Sean, your shoes, Gabna. Bite your neck. It's me. Bitey neck.

Bite your neck, Bob. Bitey, I guess. Yeah. Don't let him bite your neck. Come on. That's a good price for neck biting. Toppins. Well, well.

Toppins to bite your neck, sir. If it isn't theins. Well, well, Toppins to buy your neck. If it isn't the queen of space, ma'am, a pleasure to bite you. It's me Daniel Craig. Yeah, you work. Clive Owen, you joined right in.

Stewart, are you okay? You're going to be right in. No, okay, so we don't like Dario Gentile. We were really going to give him a shot. His movie is, I'm not a huge fan, but everyone I've seen has at least a moment or I'm like, oh, that's an interesting moment or an image or whatever.

Yeah, look, and I will say this about, I mean, you know, everyone, he co-wrote once upon a time in the West, give him some credit for that. Everyone's loves Susperia. I don't like Susperia just because I, what I like out of a horror movie is usually having a very clear sense of the rules of the world. To me, that makes it scarier because I know

what the confines are. Susperia is just a bunch of crazy shit that goes on. I'm not fine with it. I'm so dreamlike that dude. It's crazy shit. Yeah, come on. I don't know. I'm a scariest part of how Sue is when that watermelon starts laughing for no reason behind that guy.

Yeah, I mean, I guess there's like, to me, there's a difference between a dream like, sort of off-putting like weirdness that you get out of a David Lynch, and the sense that like, you get out of him how like, you squeeze it out of him, like a whole element. But like a linchin' aid.

I don't know, like the Italian horror just seems to be sort of shoddy put together like they're not interested in anything other than like the crazy image. That being said, there are a lot of great crazy images and something like Susperia. And I enjoy the vividness of that. None of that is here. And look, showtime has labeled the man a master of horror, right? Yeah. How do we fight against it? A lot of holes up in a carous. Mick Garrus, everyone's favorite master of horror. Well, and you speak of it in this. Well, Stephen King's favorite.

Yeah. And you're talking about vividness. And this movie clearly has a relatively low budget. And these high definition cameras do it no justice. No, everything looks super cheap, super fake. But also, just something you point out when you're watching this story, it's like you light a low-budget movie with Shadow

to kind of hide those flaws, but also the cheapest, there are two cheap movie effects that will draw viewers in, boobs, the cheapest effect, and shadows. All you need to do is not light something or light something in the right way, and it instantly looks more beautiful or more dramatic or scarier.

And instead, this is the best, most like flood lit, evenly lit Dracula movie I've ever seen. Yeah, well speaking, it was like they made a Dracula movie in a supermarket. That's how well lit the grips and caves of this movie are. Speaking of boobs, like this movie resembles nothing more than a

software porn film like in its even lighting and its digital cinematography and bad acting everything's but there's a surprisingly small amount of nudity in it what small I mean Compared to your average model film, there's a ton of movies. Compared to a software point. Still, no. I mean, it's for the movie that has enough nudity

that you expect more, not so much nudity, not so little nudity where you're like, oh, okay, this is a classy movie, but they made a choice to have nudity. It feels like an exploitation movie where they halfway through, they were like, write the nudity. Well, we'll put it in later and they forgot to put it back here.

Also, the nudity dries up like about halfway through the movie, which, yeah, we thought there'd be a rich vein of nudity. So we start panning for nudity and yet it dried up, we got to go mind somewhere else. It reminds me of, you're gonna have to go west. It used to be a lot of nudity in this town, but the nudity dried up just to go astound now. People picked up stakes. Used to be, you could go down the street and just pick up just to ghost town now. People picked up stakes.

Used to me, you could go down the street and just pick up boob from the ground. It's a cusher. No, but like, it reminds me. If you're netting the lake, come up with butts, not anymore. We all have a fish, the nudity, not the left. Now you got a farm raised the nudity.

No, but this reminds me. That's why this reminds me of the nudity conservation core. We're all about sustainable nudity. We don't, we look for every nudity we pluck. We plant two more. This reminded me, though, of a rule that I, you know, I discovered when I was a young man who desperate to see naked ladies in the area and then the era before the internet.

When you're looking at the TV guide, don't look for nudity, look for sexual situations. Well, no, that's good. That's a good rule of thumb. I discovered that one. But also, my rule of thumb was basically if there's no nudity in the first 20 minutes of movie, there's generally not going to be any nudity. Interesting. So that's McCoy's law.

That's McCoy's law. That's McCoy's Law. McCoy's Law of Filming the Future Down. Yep. 13-year-olds who for some reason don't have the internet. But they can still download a podcast. So what is it being mailed to them on a CD by their grandma? It's on a copy, sir. See.

Have we even started talking about the movie yet no we have what we're doing cheap it looks well here let's just let's do the direct listen this is basically Dracula well it's called Dracula it's not a big scoop like look they just stole the story from Dracula called it Dracula and that was the internet it's a yeah rip the wool off the eyes. It's stupid sheep. It's this is wake up sheep. Oh, this is a rock you're saying Obama tried to sell this to you who's not a Dracula movie by putting Dracula in the title. It's a double reverse psychology. It's the prestige. Devil reverse St. Colossian. Yes, study of sinks. Yeah, sink quality So study to sink horse. I see. Anyway, well, we're

like this. So we all know the plot of Dracula. This is this is at times a fairly straightforward telling of the Dracula story, but then it's clear that they wanted to put more action in it and could not afford certain things. So like instead of harker going to Transylvania, then Dracula coming to England, everyone just goes to Transylvania. There's no English stuff. Instead of like the three suitors who are all in love with Lucy and help ban Helsing track down Dracula, those guys don't exist. And there's, it's just at times it's a very rushed through telling a Dracula and at times it is a surprisingly slow moving embroidery of the story. You have a lot of scenes that go nowhere for no reason. And only one of them is a lesbian spongebath.

So there are only lesbian undertones. There was no, yeah, I mean, it was no explicitly less. We've got sex broke out. Okay. That's true. But, uh, there was a woman, a woman, a woman, a spon sponge bad, but it's a pretty giving the daughter of the director.

Sponge bad. The, this is not, and it's not the first time he's had his daughter take her clothes off. No, Ajiya Argento is known for taking her clothes off in movies more so than I think anything else. Wait, more so than her acting abilities? I, or that she's the daughter of a famous director. I feel like I'm like someone telling I'm tongue stew with the Santa Claus.

Doesn't it? Yes, RGR Tento is mostly known for being naked in movies. But there's also that it's there's a couple scenes where the movie is like, oh, yeah, we should be totally crazy and gets nuts. And so it's this kind of bland, classic illustrated low budget. Are you afraid of the dark version of Dracula? But then there's suddenly seen where Dracula's just ripping people's throats out and- Knocks the person's head off.

Knocks the person's head off. Knocks the person's head off and then has someone shoot themselves in the mouth with a slow moving super bullet. And then later- Well, it wasn't a bullet time for a brief time, enough so you could see the bullet go through his gaping open mouth, and then it goes back to the normal time, juke-spload out of the top of his head.

And then later in the best scene in the movie by far, Dracula takes the form of a giant praying mantis to kill. Is it Lucy's dad or Mina's dad? I think it's Lucy's dad. Lucy's dad. Mr. Kisslinger. Mr. Kisslinger. Henry Kissing, Glitter. Yeah. Well, it's Lucy's dad. Lucy's kiss. Mr. Kisslinger. Mr. Kisslinger. Henry Kissing winner. Yeah. Well, it's a movie that begins with like. I believe that my daughter has been bitten by

my Mr. President. We must we must Bob and Translvae. Yeah. A lot of stuff happens in the fog of vampires. But not like yeah like yeah a big prank man just hand goes through this guy. He this guy is sitting outside of someone's door I guess guarding it in a cow in an arm chair he's falling asleep and suddenly something scrambles off the stairs it's an enormous praying mantis which kills him and then just and then just leaves right yeah there's also there's some well this is working there. There's some I mean if it's a real praying mantis it would have sex with him and then bite his head off. There's a lot of really bad news. Which is too bad they didn't include that in the movie.

Yeah. They take advantage of Dracula being a shape shifter, which he is. Oh yeah, if he turns it all over, he's a cloud of flies, he's a praying man, he's a cloud of smoke. And then, so, He's a shoe, he's a shoe horn. He's a horn, he's a horn dog, he's a hot dog.

He's a traitor Joe's. He's a DVD copy of HOTS. He's a traitor Joe's. And he just eats people as they walk through the doors to find cheap wine. He, here's the thing. We don't have to go through the plot of Dracula, do we? Anyone, because I want to say this.

Stop and Harker goes to Transpany, et cetera. Anyone who- It's been- Anyone who is not familiar with the plot of Dracula. There's this great bit where Dracula is an owl, you know, taxigirl, or- You can come from the guardians of Gohul. Here's the thing.

It's happened in this movie that's shot at the Harker. If you haven't read Dracula. Unless you count death and escape, which it is. It's the ultimate escape. He's a colossal dog. Predecessor is ultimate escape. It's you being bothered talking about it. It's the same song, but you just hear a gunshot at the end.

And the singer's body falls. Yeah, he realizes. Is the key colossal, he realizes the end. Yeah. It was written by Rupert Brooks, right? From a Rupert from a, I from I remember when it's it's Jimmy Bobby Okay, but I like the idea that at the end when they realize that it's a husband and wife who have like Met up each that's the whole plot of it. Yeah, they're pretending they're pretending they're meeting for the first time to make a

Looking they're like trying to find an escape from their boring married life, and then they're like, they're like, they're like, trying to find an escape from their boring married life. And then they're like, oh shit, it's you, my wife and husband. Oh, so you're saying what is one of them wearing a fake mustache? Do they wear a wig? How do they not recognize it? No, but it's all about placing a personal ad and responding to a personal ad. Oh, I was thought it was the library sex game

where they pretended not to know each other. Yeah. Well, you're, yeah, it's like a red shoe diorama. I mean, it's a much more healthy relationship thing than putting out personalized. You know, you're doing that. It's healthy. Like, although at the end of the song, they all laugh and they're like, presumably, their relationship is recandled. But I like this version. Where the escape is dead. I tried to have an affair, but I just ended up with you. So I guess we're just gonna... It's the piniacalada feudal Japan version.

Yeah. I love you. Do you like piniacaladas and being reincarnated on the same pedal of the Lotus? So I guess we're gonna have to be love suicides on the bridge at Yokohama. Anyway, so if you don't know the story of Dracula, go read Dracula.

It's a great book. It really holds up for an 1870s, 1880s. A pistol airy novel. It's not totally a pistol airy. I think it is. It's all, it's not just letters, it's diary entries. Yeah, that's why I'm saying that. Not totally a pistol airy.

But it's not, I mean, there's no like, there's no omniscient, there's a personality. But part of it is told through newspaper articles, right? When the ship washes up. Yes, that's true. The ship full of dead men. And a black dog is seen escaping from the ship. No, it would have been great to have that in this movie.

Yeah, it's a great scene, but Dracula doesn't go anywhere. No, no room for that. He couldn't have gone away on a cruise. No. Like a carnival. Like a Norwegian cruise line. Yeah. If they could...

One of those poop cruises. It's a poop cruise. It's a poop creases. It's a specialized crease for people to poop. But now I imagine a Dracula, like if they could see me now, those friends of mine on the carnival crows. But he can only go out at night.

Carnival crows. One pool. Two pools. Ah, ah, ah. Shuffle board. One pool, two pools. Shuffle board. You say it's a midnight buffet. I call it breakfast. Dracula. Welcome aboard the SS track.

Cool. It's my own cruise line. This Eagles cover, man. The welcome beautiful music. line. These Eagles cover, man, the welcome beautiful music they make. Get something doesn't carry on here. Welcome to the hotel, California. One 19 bank cock makes. That's what I assume Dracula sings. Yeah. So anyway, Dracula, this movie takes a lot of liberties as it goes towards the end as the hero of the Dracula story, Abraham Van Helsing, the vampire hunter, he played by Rutger Howard, his sleepiest appears and Rutger Howard is a lowest.

But I feel like he's taking five seconds between every worker. But at the same time, he is a one. But I feel like he's taking five seconds between every worker. At the same time, he is a one-man army corps. He's just taken out vampires left and right with his magic fists and knives. It's like there was a clause. I think you said Storten Rutger Hauer's contract that was like, I have to kill all the vampires instantly. I can never be in real danger. Every day it is it. Yeah. Every vampire or goon who attacks him is immediately dispatched. Like, my favorite's when they won goon attacks him. And he basically just turns the guy onto a spike through the eye.

No, here's the thing also. Dracula seems to run the town. This is Transylvania, but it's a town with a population of about eight. And now Dracula seems to run the town like Ben Gazara in Roadhouse. He's just like a local crime lord. So there's a scene where his lieutenants get together and they're like, we gotta stop listening to Dracula. And Dracula shows up and kills them all.

And it's like the most horrible. First he shows up as a cloud of flies, which elicits no reaction from these kids. They'll like stand around looking in and I'm like, oh, what's the flies? Oh, they're turning to Dracula. Oh, they like stand around looking in and I'm like, oh, what's a flies? Oh, they're turning into Dracula. Oh, hey boss. What's going on?

We were just talking about you. Now, I was never sure if they knew he was a vampire or not. I mean, he's something, right? He's a cloud of flies. I mean, before the cloud of flies scenario takes place. He's a lord of the flies. There's also a priest in, I guess out I guess kind of like Satan right yeah Mm-hmm think about it

About the book lord of the fly Good book. I don't know Priest spooky that's an intense book the end the climax that whether chasing him through the jungle Mm-hmm, and it only ends because that adult shows up and it's like what the hell was going on I said it in the chaos. Yeah, yeah, it's like there's a real moral in that book. Yeah, anyway. So, It's Lord of the Flies, guys.

Look, let's just recommend books to rest a podcast. Dracula's great, Lord of the Flies is great. You don't want a scary story. How about like, Hey, Chargers guy at the Galaxy, I don't know. I'm reading three musketeers right now. I never read the original. Is that, is that based on the candy bar?

Yeah, you ate the bar bar now read the book. It's been a long time. I just haven't had a chance to finish this quickly. I feel like at least a year ago we were on a train and you were like oh yeah I'm reading three musketeers. I was reading Lama's Roblet. Oh okay I'm getting my French books mixed up. You're gonna move on to Mounds Next or Payday. I'm in joy. Oh, no kidding. Now, back to the movie. Wait, what? Twix is two stories and one.

It's a real, he said, she said, tail. It's a real gun girl. Anyway, so actually there you go. That'd be the time. Twix, the gun girl of Candy Barz. Now, Dracula, let's just say Van Helsing comes in. He is kickin' ass and chewing bubble gum. There is no threat. What if they invented it. There is no threat strong enough to stop this slow moving elderly man

Dracula hypnotizes me in a harker and it's they steal from Brent from a Francis Ford Coppola's brand stoker's Dracula The idea that Dracula is drawn to Meena because she looks just like his lost love Which is not in the book, right? I don't remember it being the book. I don't think so. I don't think there's a room. I don't think there's a room.

Any of the other adaptations that I can remember, like the Bel Lagosi Dracula takes a lot of liberties because it's based on the stage play, which took a lot of liberties. There's nothing like it in that. Yeah, and we were talking about the Terrence Fisher Dracula. During the movie, none of us are a fan of the Dracula as romantic hero, Liniage of the Vampire story. I think there's something in it if you don't lose sight of the fact that he's evil. That he's evil.

And what's subjective about him is a life without rules to follow. Like the only rules are don't get in the sun and don't get a stake through your heart, but otherwise you are the morels don't apply to you, God's law doesn't apply to you. There's a romantic notion in that in the idea of the romantic movement, like romantic poets and things like that. There can be an appeal to him. And there's, and there's like,

I mean, the appeal to sin. He should not be a sympathetic lover. And there's like an Eastern European Old World Charm to it as well. Yeah, very much so. There's this idea that he is, there's something intriguing about a man who comes from a different era a different place where The savage bloodlust of men rises to the surface and people live, you know in more in terms of state of nature

It's supposed to like the button down industrial aid exactly your Victorian, you know, Prudish chimney sweeps and you're Mary Poppins isn't forth. And men were men and women were brides of Dracula. Well, like, three women, except in this movie, it's just one, because again, low budget. Yeah. Only one of BuzzFoos over in three. Yeah, she's the main source for the news. I get it.

Yeah. For letting the spare, there's enough boobs to go around. That was a great scene where she seduces Jonathan Harker, gets toatts naked, starts biting him, and then dragulous jumps in. And then he like, force pushes her across. This isn't, I mean, it is just an extreme version of a scene in the story, but like.

It actually happens in the book, yeah. But yeah, it is done, it's like they're gonna have a Jedi battle all of a sudden, right? Yeah, just right. It's like, right it's like yeah which would have made this a more fun movie anyway we get to the end Mina is under spell Dracula is totally gonna vampirizer and Van Helsing has made a some silver bullets that he's gonna use to kill Dracula this is the first time a vampire has gotten the jump on Van Helsing as Dracula punches him in the face of everybody.

He's wasted everybody. And this is one of the things that I don't like about a lot of vampire moves are Dracula. Okay, he can shape shift, he can bite people, he has claws, he's basically, he's a monster. And yet, whenever he fights the hero, it always turns into like fisticuffs. So that like that, yes, this is the most boring climax in the world. It is literally Dracula. I don't know, last year at Marion Bad. I think Lick Lee is not exactly the most exciting film.

We're a movie about a vampire. Okay, yes. We're a Dracula movie. This is literally just Dracula punching an old man while a woman watches. A woman watches. And then eventually pulls a gun. Eventually, it's like, oh, there's a gun at my feet. I guess I'll shoot Dracula with it.

But yeah, like after urging Dracula, after urging Dracula to totally kill Van Halsey. And Dracula gets shot and he's like, you were sending me such mixed messages. Do you think she was urging Dracula to attack Van Halsey? Because she knew that Van Halsey just roasts these whims.

No, I think she was under his spell. Yeah, but for Dracula who earlier, like, he put a scream in Jayhawk and spell on her. Earlier this Dracula knocked a guy's head off. Maybe Rucker Howell like side his head on or something. No, speaking of that scene, it did my favorite thing, which is he's about to swing and then it cuts to a shot of the guy screaming going,

and then it just cuts to a shot of Dracula's swipe in his head. And then it cuts to a shot of the head bouncing off the wall. Now that's how you make a movie. When that one thing that never helps a scene is a close up of someone screaming, like, it's, whether it's a comedy and like someone is go like falling down a like a like someone's slide. I think this happens in the movie Deeds. He's like sliding down a bandster and it cuts to his face going, and then it shows him he had a potted plan or something or a vase. It's like, well, it's a lot less funny that you slowed things down and show him yelling in the middle.

If you're someone's about to die and you cut to them going, and then cut back to them dying. One, I mean, it's in an action shot. It's supposed to be a serious action scene. It definitely makes it funny here. It makes a comedy less funny and in a horror movie more funny. It's unlike slowing down a bullet, so you see it through a guy's mouth before it blows that off.

Now that was, that was scarifying. Now here's the thing. There's nothing scary about this movie. Is that what you're gonna say? I this is the least scary vampire movie ever and that includes Dracula dead loving it. Vampire and Brooklyn. Vampire and Brooklyn. Translating to 65,000 once bitten. What's that George Hamilton vampire movie? That's what's been once bitten. No wait. No, once bit is the one with you carry. No, it's a hold on. Oh shit. Let's just call it Dracula the gay blade. Hold on. Oh shit. Let's just call it Dracula the Gable. What is it called? This movie is less scary than like the the mega death song Prince of Darkness,

which is a pretty goofy song. Yeah. Yeah. It's the it's it's not a scary movie. And I'll tell you what it is less scary than a box of Count Chalky. Yeah, that's actually true. Love first bite. Love first bite. The George Hanson movie. There are probably kids who are a little scared to count. I'll tell you what, Yeah, that's actually true. Love the first bite. Love the first bite. Love the first bite of the Georgetown family. They're probably kids who are a little scared to come. I'll tell you what, when I was a kid, I remember very vividly, child's play came out on VHS and there was a big cardboard standup of Chuckie

in the local video store, Video Town, and it scared the hell out of me. I hadn't seen the movie, didn't know much about it, just seeing this evil doll was so scary. In this movie, I feel like if that same kid had watched this movie, he'd be like, what's, I don't understand, what's scary about this? This is not scary as a cardboard stand-up of a doll. I think if that kid watched this movie, he would just keep rewinding the beginning to see the boobs, yeah, probably. Yeah, speaking of what? What boobs, child's play? There was a video town. There was a really great sex scene really on.

That's what I was gonna say. There's no sex tarp in this movie, but they did put down a blanket. They did put down a cape in this like super well lit barn. They go into a barn that is lit about as well as your average family restaurant. Yeah. Every scene characters in this movie,

every scene characters are bringing like a candle into a room that's already super well-lit. But it was like a seduction cinema vampire, sexy vampire, soft quartz, and a man. With a man making the longest thrusts, I've ever seen in a movie. He is an awesome dude, apparently.

This is end to us. It's too bad, of course he has to die early on because he has already been blessed with what is I'm assuming and incredibly long penis. It's so long he needs to die early on because he has already been blessed with what is I'm assuming and incredibly long penis. It's so long he needs to stand back a little. Exactly. It's less enjoyable for everybody. That's the thing.

Now this is the guy who in the very beginning, he has sex with his girlfriend in a barn and then it says like, I'm leaving. You can walk home through the dark woods yourself. Just wear this cross that'll protect you and she goes, you can take that and she leaves. And then he hangs the cross up in a tree and goes home. Sure. Was that the lady who gets killed by one of the hours of go-o?

Yeah, she's attacked by an owl while Renfield watches. And, or no, it's not Renfield. It's the guy who looks like cross between JK Simmons and Pitchett and Afriya, Eastern European dub a little bit. And she becomes the bride of Dracula. But here's, there's, let me mention one thing I wanted to be for. There's a Renfield in this.

He is maybe the sloppiest, dumpiest Renfield I've ever seen. And Renfield's supposed to be a sloppy, gross guy. He eats bugs, he's crazy, foaming at the mouth obsessed with the master. But Renfield has always been one of my favorite aspects of the Dracula story because he's like, not really scary

in terms of being dangerous. He's scary in terms of being a madman who has lost all control and is totally within the will of another. And it's like. He's an interesting character because he's like the guy who's in thrall to Dracula. Like he doesn't have like the sex same sort of sexual

for all, but he's got the same kind of like. He wants to be, well it's like Austin Powers, women of one and men of one of him. That's Dracula. Dracula Powers. There's like a weird kind of like, he wants to be, well it's like Austin Powers, women, women, men, men, women, women, women, that's Dracula, Dracula Powers. No, there's 20 or 60, a weird kind of sexual element to it, but it's like this sort of twisted, like he kind of doesn't understand the for all he's in.

Yeah, but at the end, he's not necessary for the plot in almost any version of the story. But he's like this added random chaos element who's just there mainly for atmosphere in a lot of ways and to show you how Creepy Dracula is like Scenes you don't need Dracula in a scene because Renfield is there and you're like this guy's nuts if the master is worse than this guy Oh boy I wouldn't want to be walking down a dark alley and meet this drag cool fella

But the Renfield the only version of Dracula That's not cool, fella. But the Renfield in this is like- He's a handy version of Dracula. Yeah, the Dracula in this, oh, the Renfield in this reminded me, if you guys remember the character of Barf, the chef on, then you can't do that on television. Like, that's what this version of Renfield was.

He's a Barf the Dog from Space Ball. No, he's a Morg, dude. I ask that man. He does not have the dignity of the Morg from Space Balls. He is the cook from from you can't do that television who serves vomit to children. Well, but also this ringfield seems to be like list out and ecstasy the whole time. He's always wondering around like just touching walls and looking at people, cutting his arm so that

brideskin suck his blood out. He is cutting his arm. He's got a CGI blood squirts out. You're thinking about it. He's got pretty good. He has the least impressive... He goes to jail for a little while. He gets out of jail. Yeah, Dracula lets him out. But you're kind of wondering like... He's in love with him. He chops long dicks head and a half with a fucking shovel.

But you're wondering, why did Dracula let this guy out of jail? Cause he doesn't seem to help him very much. He's just like, would you want your, look, you're a Swavkount. Okay, maybe you look like a Russian Craig teen else in this version. You're not the scubukiest, most charismatic Dracula.

You live in a castle, hot and cold running babes. Why do you need this dumpy guy who looks like an out of work butcher walking around? Real talk. This is the guy, he should be in a Bucharest Community Theater production of Marty, not playing Renfield. The thing about Renfield is I like the idea that Dracula takes a human servant to do his bidding and he kind of uses him up and he slowly drives the guy crazy and eventually

he just discards him. And this guy has been a turd the entire time. Well, but it's written on Renfield Discards receive three mana of your choice. Oh, wow. It's pretty valuable. It's not bad. I mean, it's not like your most powerful card, but you're gonna, if you're building a deck, you want it in there.

Yeah, yeah. Magic, the Dracula. So, let's go. There was one other thing I want to say and I forgot who it was. Basically, this movie's not scary. We barely talked about the guy who played Dracula. That's how Lil' and Preshney made on us. Dracula is, I'm just gonna say. You might be the worst Dracula I've ever seen.

Oh, by far. And this is counting the George Hamilton, the Leslie Neelson versions, Blackula, which is not a good movie. Dracula from Monster Squad. That's a pretty good Dracula. That's a pretty good Dracula. He's taking out by a bunch of kids, which is lame.

But Dracula is one of the most... You little girl. He's one of the most enduring characters in literature, like he's one of the most charismatic characters, I would say, in literature, considering he doesn't appear that much in the book named after him, you know, he's an offstage for most of it. But what didn't Rucker Howard play Dracula and Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Do you play it? No, I'm thinking of playing like the master was his official. Oh, we know what that subtext for. All right. I wish the vampire. I must that must have been why a tough time killing Dracula had this one.

Yeah, so he's like, oh, it's me. I'm looking at a mirror. We're not so different you and I. Why couldn't they have like, like, you know, here to reprise this role of Dracula? Yeah, from Blood for Dracula. But anyway, here's the important thing. They take them one of the most interesting characters and move in film or literature,

and they just kinda throw them away. It's like in the Dracula movie, Dracula was the last thing they worried about. They're like, let's just get some dude, we'll turn him into a bunch of flies or wolves or whatever. Yeah. But let's go to final judgments. Is this movie, oh hold on, I almost forgot our chocktober category.

Yeah, is somebody forget this? Is it vitally scaring? Is it shockally stoopifying? Or is it eerily good blood? Is this movie totally good blood? It's good blood. Tilly is terrifying, totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny.

Yeah, Stuart, you want to take this one? I'm just watching Dan try this first. I don't know what's going on with Dan. I'm gonna try not to sneeze. Okay, success. Dan's head explodes. Ah! Scanners!

Ellie, why did you do that? So we are going to say we, the collective we, I'm going to say this is almost a good bad movie. It's really stupid. Well, that's not one of the options in October. Wait, finally funny with that. Yeah, I'd say frighteningly funny. It's a good one to watch with some pals and pop some corn, see some boobs.

I would say it's a good one to watch the pals if you ride the fest forward button little. It's at times totally snorifying, but then you see a big pre-ment as Stavaguy with its claws. It does have the slowest, stupidest climax. Yes. But the climax is more fun than a lot of the like sitting around watching characters talk about nothing, you know. Sure.

He goes back to the point. There's a lot of scenes where you see your dad. I know a couple episodes Yeah, he goes back. There's a lot of scenes. Like, you know, a couple episodes, uh, sign fell or something. Yeah. Now, what if Seinfeld was about Dracula? But yeah, it's back and forth between Snorlax and Framing. And what if Seinfeld was about... I think I'm gonna do a bit of something.

One thing we realized while we were watching this movie, though, or at least I realized, Woody Allen wasted a huge opportunity by not doing a vampire movie. I can see an amazing Woody Allen 70s movie where he is like a nebish who goes to do some work for like he's an accountant who goes to work for a vampire. He's constantly- And the sexy like new to vampires.

He's always trying to get the sexy right of vampire right into bed. And he but he's a nervous guy. Eventually he gets bit and he's like this nervous nebishy vampire who like slathered sunscreen I remember I write into bed and he, but he's a nervous guy. Eventually he gets bit and he's like this nervous, nebyshy vampire who slathers sunscreen all over his body or things like that. There's a lot of funny jokes in there.

Woody, why did you have to make interiors? You could have made this Dracula movie. Count Dorkylo. Sleepers pretty good. Sleepers all right. Yeah, but I feel like those would have been the two scripts he had, either Count Dke-Ella or Sleeper. Yeah.

And don't do not tell me, he might as well just made fearless vampire killers. That is not a funny movie. No. It's an interesting movie. It's interesting. It's interesting. Yeah.

But that's what I'll say about that. So before we move on to our letters. Letters. OK. We've got a few matters of business to take care of. So before we move on to our letters, okay, we got a few matters of business to take care of. Housekeeping, if you will. Yeah, number one. I'd like to say. Housekeeping.

Wait, what? I was gonna say housekeeping. Then I changed the floor housekeeping. Okay, that's better. The floor house is honored to be part of the opening night of New York PODFEST 2015. Ooh. be part of the opening night of New York pod fest 2015. Oh, January 9th of the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York.

The festival will kick off with the risk podcast, which is also from the Maximum Fund Network, hosted by Kevin Allison of the state. That will be at 8 p.m. And then the flop house, that's us, goes up at 10 p.m. 10 p.m. Friday, January 9th at the Bell House. And tickets for our show are 10 bucks. 10 bucks?

So you got to make your money at a metal. 10 bucks. Thank you. And if you want to make it a whole night and see risk, that'll cost you another 12 bucks. We don't go on till 10. So you have plenty of time to get out of work, have a couple of beers, you don't go on to waste, and then get mad at us for fucking up stuff. Now here's the thing I'm gonna say about this.

Most Vlog House live shows, in fact, all of them, have involved us seeing a movie, and we riff on it before a live crowd. That's not what we're doing. This is for the first time ever, we will be recording an episode of the Vlog House in front of a live audience. It's doing the same bullshit that you're listening to right now.

But it's not people. You'll see our dumb faces while we do it. And if you're listening at home, you're gonna hear it sometime because we're gonna record it and put it up on here. Don't, don't, don't. And you're gonna be like, Oh man, I wish I was there.

So, you know, Tom, that we gotta buy a ticket. Oh, yeah, you gotta buy a ticket, too. Just buy a ticket anyway. If you don't, if you listen to it at home, you're not gonna get a chance to ask a question while it's on the FOP house question. Yeah, that's true. On the flop house, so. You can interact with us. Live.

From New York. It's the flop house. Starting me, the late Don Pardo. As a go go go go go. When some man taste. Yeah, musical guest. Also me, playing the harp of an angel. Cause I'm dead now.

Terrible. Or playing some skeletons. Like a chest. Also me, playing the harp of an angel, because I'm dead now. Parable. Or playing some skeletons, like a chest. Like a top. It's like that one Disney cartoon. So, dance. No skeleton dance. Bye-bye, I works. So Dan, how do you get tickets to this amazing event?

This live recording of the floppers. Do you put 10 tin bucks in an envelope in May, let's go right now. Yeah, I got the tin tin bucks. They've snowy space on them. What do you do? Why don't you just go to our website, flopphousepodcast.com,

and I'll throw up a link there where you get tickets. Feel like tin tin bucks can only be redeemed for Nutella. Um, so, uh. Whatever the gel is, he puts in redeemed for Nutella. Um, so, uh, whatever the gel is, he puts in his hair from the Nutella. Next little bit of housekeeping. Uh, this episode's coming out right. Uh, house care.

So, but remember, let's just sum it up again, January 9th, flop house podcast live at the New York POD Fest at the Bellhouse by tickets online. I think it's gonna, it's gonna sell. 10 for 10. 10 at 10, Leno at 10. But so this episode's coming out right in the middle of Max Fun Week, a week long celebration of Maximum Fun Podcast with lots of ways for fans to get involved, so head over to MaximumFun.org to learn more about that. And as part of that, Mr. Stewart Wellington and I will be taking part in a Reddit AMA

on Sunday the 19th. What is AMA stand for? Ask me anything, but there's two of us. Should we be a UA? Ask us anything, yeah. Unfortunately, I can't make it because I've got a life.

No, but continue. Yeah, it'll be on Sunday the 19th at 6.30 PM. That's Eastern time. What, it'll be on Sunday the 19th at 6.30 p.m. That's Eastern time. What, 330 Pacific. So check 11.30 p.m. London time and ask us anything in Japan, you're asleep. Don't even get involved. And that's the day after this podcast, there's you know, yes. And while we're on the subject, we'd like to reiterate how glad we are to now be on the Max Fun Network with a lot of great shows. I've said before, Jordan Jesse Goh.

Josh John Hodgman was one of the things that inspired me to start producing a podcast. Yes, Josh John Hodgman, our friend and colleague has a his show with the Max Fund Network. If you like our show, check out my brother, my brother and me, which I feel has a lot of kinship with this sort of show we do here. There are a ton of great shows. We talk about movies and stuff. There's three dudes who... They don't have like Ninja Turtles.

Oh, there's dudes, okay. There's three dudes who like theoretically are doing a show out one thing, but it's mostly about just nonsense. Okay, so... So, three dudes make sense, but like three ninjas, for instance. If you like this podcast, don't necessarily go watch three ninjas. Well, what about three ninjas strike back kick the kick back What about am I think the Empire strikes back the three ninjas kick back? It would be weird if it was the Empire kicks back. Would they like side kicks though starring who wouldn't like

I don't know. I'm the brand is Chuck Norris mr. Miyagi, right? He's in that probably probably Mr. Miyagi your deck shepherd. I don't remember Joel Gray maybe I know Lancaster is he in that I know how you get you've got a plug So why don't you do that before you do my last little bit here? Okay, I'd like to plug a non-flop house thing

But it is kind of related in a way, but not really. I wrote an essay for a book called Never Can Say Goodbye, writers on their unshakable love for New York, edited by Sarri Botton, and it's out in bookstores now where you can order it online from Simon & Schuster, and it's ostensibly writers writing about New York and their feelings about it. But my essay, it's called City of Mundane Fantasy, and it is about the things I imagined being a grown-up in New York would be like from the movies I watched as a kid. So basically like Muppets Take Man, Hatton, Gremlins 2, Ghostbusters, like what watching these as a kid made me think living life in New York as a grown-up would be, and the reality when I got there. And I'm very proud of it. And I hope everyone can buy a copy and enjoy it. It's called Never Can Say Goodbye,

writers on their unshakable love for New York. There are a lot of other big names who wrote in it. Bigger names than me. That's when my name is not on the cover. But you won't mention them because this is... Because fuck those guys. Fuck it. Fuck those guys.

Close. But last little bit of housekeeping. We have a winner for a contest seeking the new song of the autumn. It's called Rocket Crocodile and the World's Tomorrow. We'll be playing it as our outro music at the end of this very show. Congratulations. Congratulations to the winner, Jason Mekaiser. They're a lot. MacKazic, sorry, I fucking like wrote a fucking typo into this.

Congratulations to the winner Jason MacKazic. So your inability to pronounce things has now spread to your writing as well. Yeah, my typing fingers. No, congratulations, Jason MacKazic, for taking our round ones. I wondered why you wrote me a top 10 list the other day. Yeah, it's especially weird

because the Daily Show doesn't do top 10 lists. Sure, but they do do lists of precious metals do do wait There you got me But I was did wait is tin even a precious metal it not that precious, but I guess you would could buy it and sell it You know, it's useful. I mean it's precious in that Wes Anderson's it's precious in that it's based on the novel push by saffire Anderson's it's precious and that it's based on the novel push by Sapphire Continue dad, so I love that lap

Twice he's an owl That's how it works. That's how it works. Dan is officially- I'll be right up this contract real quick. Government update your files on Dan McCoy, so it says, species colon owl. I'm now an owl magical. He is now homo-allensis, the man owl. He's amicizing. We're taking our ramblings.

Thank you for turning them into a catchy pop song. He is doing a great job. Very, they might be giants. I thought it was kind of like a flaming lip scene. Yeah, it felt more flaming lip scene to me. Okay, I like that. The flaming's lips. I mean, check him out.

He's at Stupid Chewbacca on Twitter, if you want to follow him. And they'll be a t-shirt coming his way. And he's given us a few choices of films to talk about. Awesome. A few short episodes, so look for that soon. And all the other entries are really great. I was really, really good. And I was a lot of fun. I was a little partial to the Castle Freak one,

if only because it reminded me that my voice sounds awesome all the time. Yeah, and I like the one about me liking movies on planes, which came in a little too late to be a part of the official voting. It's a lot of fun. I liked the rock that one because it was my voice. Yeah, and it won. You sound like a permit when you're out. You tuned the great. Yeah, that would be fun. I would love to know what's on the insult. Yeah, as opposed to my... I always thought you more as like a like a gonzo. I would love it. I was on the insult. Yeah, as opposed to my... I always saw you more as a like a, like a gonzo. I mean, personality wise, yes, gonzo all the way. And who's my favorite as a kid? But voice wise, I'm more like a mosquito trapped inside your ear.

You can't get rid of. Sort of a scooter. Uh, let's say things get fixed. So, you know who you are? You're the most boring, blandest, muppet, pre-the-muppet's movie. Pre-waltor. Pre-waltor.

Although, you know what, as a kid, I thought of myself as a gonzo, but I was probably a permit. So let's get on to letters from Lester. I was really a Dr. Teeth. I think of myself as more of a zoot. Letters. I was really more of a zoo. Letters. I was really more of a frugal.

Yeah. Yeah. Dozer. So moving on. I was more of a... More of a skexies. Again, my favorite. In dark crystal, skexies were the heroes as far as I'm concerned.

So... I always preferred the more lizardy characters to the mammal characters. Sure. Just like I preferred the German dog with the heroes as far as I'm concerned. So I always preferred the more lizardy characters to the male characters. Sure, just like I preferred the German dog in the whole of a while. So we get letters from listeners. Oh, cool. And these are some we never get songs. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

These are the letters of the flop house files. The names have not been changed because no one is innocent. Watch now as we answer these letters. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- Letters can't you see it's the time for letters the time for batters the time to one leash those Fedders for the letters It all becomes the same song You said a thousand typewriters to a thousand letters songs, but eventually all become the same letter letters and feathers So this goes let's get those letters tonight. This letter goes like this. High floppers in honor of Elliot's new baby. I've composed

a series of questions for each of you relating to babies. When you consider your new baby, more of a baby Herman, the titular baby from babies day out, or the zombie baby from dead alive. He's just a normal baby, I don't know. I'm gonna let him make his own choices in the world. All right, as long as he's not a baby Huey. Let's do work. In a hypothetical situation where you're in a post-apocalyptic world with an awesome 80's soundtrack.

That's kind of his life already. And you could only have one sexy girl for a named baby. Who would you pick, baby from dirty dancing, baby from Sucker Punch or baby from the Devil's Rejects? What about baby from baby legend to lost dinosaur? That would be great although I don't know if you could fit that baby dinosaur into some fish nets Like a spiked collar, but that might deflect the bullets that the The poachers are gonna shoot at her. So answer the question.

I would I would say baby from dirty dancing. I mean, I was always a pre-nosed job, Jennifer Gray guy. She's got a certain charm. Oh, yeah, it's right in the nose. Why is the star of a major motion picture? The middle nose. I think and and she was one of my probably my favorite part of Ferris Bueller's day off. Yeah, really? Okay, that's just good in it. You know, you could also do with if it's pre-nosed job, you put a scarf around her mouth and a fedora hat on.

It's like you're having sex with Lady the Shadow. It has to be Lady the Shadow. I can't just be having sex with the Shadow. Oh, be weird. It's Lamontina Cranston, Lamont Cranston's sister. So, okay, last. Okay, pretend you're the shadow. Not Lamartha.

Wait, wait, wait, what's his last name? Cranston. Just like Brian Cranston is son. Okay. A lot of people know that Brian Cranston's the son of the shadow. Did he inherit the psychic powers? Yes, that's how he's convinced everyone

he's a good actor when he's a bad actor. Are they psychic powers? Whoa, he's one of the 15 actors you thought were great, but are actually terrible. Well, who are the other? I don't know. That's some kind of Buzzfeed article. Roasted Buzzfeed.

You burned. You've been burned. I'm really. Brian Klanson's really good. Anyway, last question. Dan, if you were in charge of the remake of bringing up baby, who would you cast in a carry grant in Catherine Hepburn parts?

Also, what would you do? Captain Heigel, Gerard Butler, does- Modernize the script. Explosion, CGI and boobies would be expected. That's from flapjack Riley. Is- is- is- is he like a pilot in a 30s movie? I think it's a lady, but I- She- They could be pilot's in a 30s movie.

Yeah, dude. Okay, I'm sorry. Just look at Amelia Earhart. Although modernizing a movie, I don't feel involves boobs. Here's the boobs are like the titular baby kind of a dinosaur. I don't think, no, baby is a cheetah. In the seduction, yeah, in this, he's a leper. In the seduction cinema, it would be bringing up booby, it would be the like porn parody.

I would not remake bringing up baby because I don't care for it. We've talked about this before. To me, overrated. Yeah, it's an overrated film. The best carry around favorite Howard Hawks movie. Monkey business. No, I. My favorite screw ball Howard Hawks carry around.

Howard Hawks made screw balls. Yeah, it is as a ghost. His go Friday. His go Friday to me is. His go Friday is amazing. Yeah. So you should remake that almost perfect movie. I mean, they've made it, remade his, well, no, you know, they remade bringing up baby is who's that girl with Gryffindon

and Madonna and what's up doc is pretty much a remake of bringing up baby. But if I'm forced to recast bringing up baby, I don't know, carry, carry grant will be George Clooney and Catherine Hepburn will be at Christian Charles. Let's do that. Christian Charles be great. I would like to see, if there was a major motion picture, I could easily see it being Emma Stone

in the Catherine Hepburn world. And the carry grant role, it'd probably be like, like, Shilah Buffer, or whatever, someone terrible. And the leopard will be a sassy robot Bringing up space baby, but what if it was Tom Hardy in the carry ant rant roll he can do comedy, right? And he's kind of sure no. I saw this means war and I'm like he's kind of funny and brawns in at times So this next letter goes like this I'm honestly confused.

Is David Mammoth a very good or great playwright and screenwriter but the worst director in the world? Or is the worst director, Spike Lee and David Mammoth just can't get people to talk, move, or hate human behavior in any way? Regardless, he married Rebecca Pigeon and that makes him a genius. Love Trevor middle name with Helg Grimshaw.

Now come on Spike Lee made... He's made some very great movies. Which is an amazing movie. To the right things of a great movie, she's got to have it as a really good movie. He's made a number of really good movies. Inside Man is a lot of fun. Inside Man's really good movie.

He got game as a good movie. She hate me as a terrible movie. He's done a lot of good work. So let's lay off Spike Lee, but... It's not all the miracle at St. Anna. So it's time to trash David Mammoth. I mean David Mammoth, I like a lot of his stuff too. Terima part, Teramonu, when I laid. I don't know. There's a plenty of it. I like the Spanish

prisoner, you know, he's made a lot of great movies. I was just having very strange theory of acting, where he wants the least amount of acting costs. Yeah, like the most affectless and the thing except it becomes an effect eventually. yeah, you become so monotone that it becomes Flat distancing effect, right and and also I feel like his theory of what makes good acting in that way is dismantled by people who actually are good actor like you know like Joe Mantaine yet when he's in those movies is not listening to what David has to say about that He's just doing his Joe Mantaine thing. Yeah, he's bad those movies, he's not listening to what David and I have to say about that. He's just doing his Joe Montana thing. Yeah, he's batting me all the way.

And David and Mamma wrote the verdict, right? That's a really good movie. But he's, I mean, he is a genius for marrying Rebecca Pigeon. House, house, house, I find her very attractive. Yeah, but I mean, well, otherwise, so she's got to put this not good action. Pretty good.

Is it, does it make you a there was, so she's got to put this not good at. Chris Nolan's movies. Yeah, does it, yeah, does it make you a genius for appreciating somebody's beauty? I would say that David Mammott is a crazy person. That's one of the reasons his mom even crazier lately. But like John Carpenter's made his share of crap, but he's also made his share of great movies, you know, no one's 100% except maybe.

Stuart Gordon, maybe. Yes, yes, except's up Stewart Gordon. Maybe John Vigo, who made only one feature length film in a couple shorts. Yeah, it's very almost no directors or writers are 100%. Yeah, it's hard to make a good thing, just one good thing. So if someone makes one good thing, we should appreciate the prervac. And after watching Daryl or Gentus Dracula, I think we got a pretty good case that neither Spike Lee nor David Mamma were the worst director. Yeah, but moving on, Adam Lashman's called rights, greetings from the UK, or perhaps by the time you read this decay, I think that's how it will work.

No, don't worry. No, don't worry. Scotland's cited not to secede. After a long night of drinking warm beer and wearing a boulder hat, I decided to listen to my favorite podcast. 17 minutes in, Ellie, it says something very similar to the line I had read in the big sleep just hours before. They set off a train of thought that eventually led to this question.

Did Raymond Chandler rip me off? Yes. Are there any characters from other media that you love so much, no actor would ever be able to portray them well enough for your standards. Yeah, you were having Lincoln, dude. Have you ever thought there was a character like that and been proven wrong?

What the podcast? You guys are my favorite bi-weekly event that's at last name withheld. So you say Abe, Abe- I mean, he's not a character. I'm the, I mean like- Oh, he's a character. Oh!

What, with the rail splitting and the emancipation? I mean, that's because, Zeynny, I definitely have such a strong image of reeling in my head that I think no performance is ever going to be quite what I'm looking for. But when it comes to like fictional characters, I don't know, there's probably like superhero characters or something that if they ever made a movie of the man who was

Thursday, which is one of my favorite books of all time, I think it'd be hard press for them to find the right people for that. Now that Orson Wells is dead because Orson Wells would have been perfect for the role of Sunday. The mastermind criminal who is larger than life and just his very face, brightens people with just the power inherent in it. It would be hard to find someone who can do that, but I don't see them ever making a movie of that, even though it'd be great. I don't know that I have that sort of attachment

to a particular character. For instance, the fictional character, I feel like I might have the most attachment to, is Sherlock Holmes, but I actually have, I've enjoyed Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes very much. More recently, I've enjoyed Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes. I don't have, like I haven't gotten angry. I mean, I have gotten angry at portrayals of Sherlock Holmes, but there are also good ones out there. I have a lot of fondness for like the Lewis Carroll's Alice books, but it's not like I've got a particular fondness for the character of Alice because it's not really a character

there. It's more than I'm mad at movies and shows trying to like capture that quality. Well, in that place, the character is the world that takes place in. Like even the Cheshire cat who's like a, a popular character, like he doesn't have, doesn't do that much. He doesn't have much of a, he has one characteristic, basically.

But nothing for me has, like Boba Faye, exactly. No adaptation has captured those books, but it's not a question of the character per se. Yeah, I think in my, well, I'll do a you answer, and then I was gonna say something about the reverse. Oh, I actually think it's funny.-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A And I guess I kind of went in there not holding it as a sacred cow, and I thought it didn't well enough that I don't really care. I'll think of one Stuart, Game of Thrones.

I think your connection to that will make it very hard for any... Well, portrayal. But that's the entire thing. It's something I know that there's nothing this TV show can do to make me like I've read those books way too many times and it's, I don't need a cliff notes version. I'll tell you one where it's kind of the reverse is the thin man speaking of not Raymond Chandler, but Raymond Chandler like Dashal Hammond.

That I saw the movie before I ever read the book. I love the movie so much. Nick Charles is maybe my favorite. Particularly that performance of it, my favorite fictional character ever. And I read the book and the book was too different to character and I couldn't accept it. It was like to me, this is the William Powell is Nick Charles and the version of the book is much nastier. He and his wife are mean to each other.

They're really much drinkier and it was, I couldn't handle it. Drinkier, the movie, wow. Because in the movie, they're like, they're like pretty, he's Wow. Well, because in the movie, they're like, they're like, pretty, he's a fun drunk. Yeah, a fun drunk. And in the book, they're always drinking but in a way that makes them like,

snip at each other, you know? It feels much more like a crutch. More like an Andy Cap sort of fellow. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Nora's always kicking them out, hitting them with a rolling pin. But the rolling pin always hovering just behind the scenes. Sure.

It's like a guillotine. But like, if there was ever like a movie version of like peanuts or something like that, I could see being not happy with it. You know, I mean, there's the TV specials. But, you know, but last letter, this is a handwritten note. Says, I have your white. It goes like this. Dear peaches, I wanted to thank you for the many hours of delightful entertainment. Please find and close a hat for Dan, a beer cozy for Stuart, and a tiny hat for Elliott or his newborn son.

If you guys have any other knitted miscellaneous ding dong, cozy coasters, etc. Let me know if you guys need any more Sorry. I did it, Miss Laney. Pervon, Pervisoids, Kitty last name withheld. PSM watching great bikini off-road adventure at the moment. It's everything you said it would be. But I don't know what a girl would get out of that movie. I think of all people. Kitty would get something. Kitty is a regular commenter on the Facebook page and someone who likes the lily sex.

rings a lot of life and pervacity to it. Thank you very much for the hats. Yeah, we, uh, yeah, we were seeing my beer hat. You're knitted materials. It's a hat for my beer's bottom. And Sammy looks super cute in your hat. Yeah, I, I have to report with sadness that my wife looks much cuter in the hat that you knitted than I do But that's probably good in life. Yeah

They shouldn't that make you happy that your wife looks cute I'll take I don't I hate to break it to you again. What your wife is cuter than you? Yeah, I'm assuming she looks better in most articles of clothing than pretty much anything I mean you're a Pretty much anything. I mean, you're a gentleman. Wow. I think you're, I thought you were a gentleman. I'm a stunt at that. I'm giving you a taste of your essence.

Poised it by a zone, pervert. Pervert. Pervert. I really genuinely don't care. I appreciate your appreciation. Anyway. The way you said, I don't care. It makes it weird, don't I?

Now you made me feel really gross. No, it's fine. This was supposed to be, you were supposed to be mad. And then, not mad. You were too open and a little weird now. Now you made you feel really gross. No, it's fine. This was supposed to be, you were supposed to be mad. And then not mad. You were too open and it made you feel this. I'm glad that you feel that way. No, I don't. Okay, let's stop.

Thank you everybody. I don't like it. This became like the scene in computer chess where that swing or a couple tries to get the one chess player to have sex with them. And I don't like that. But now that the letters section has been put to bed, if you will, now we move on.

Now that we've tucked it into an envelope. We stared the right at you and he said put to bed, too. Cause I put a baby to bed. Oh, wait. Now that we've tucked the letters into their matchbox bed and blown out the birthday candle they use as a light, the letters are a mouse, I guess, in this. It's time for us to recommend a movie that we actually liked.

And it being shot topper, if we can, horror or scary movies might be the order of the day. Well, here's one. I'm going to recommend a movie called Scary Movie. It is a scary movie. No, it's not. No kidding. No, that's not. I'm'm gonna recommend who wants to go first You started talking. Okay. Well, I think I'll do you one better not just a horror movie But a vampire movie since the movie we watch today was about It is not a vampire in Brooklyn Neither is it a tree grows in Brooklyn or a vampire tree grows in Brooklyn. Is it innocent?

No, is it? Keep asking. In brief of the vampire. It is not that. It's not vampires. Kiss. It's none of those things. It's not a movie about like a Chinese vampire who hops around and counts.

Yeah, I'm sure you have. Instead, I want to recommend a movie called Shadow of the Vampire, which people may have seen with John Malchovovich and Willem Dafoe, and it's the movie in which John Malkovich plays FW Murnau making, it's Murnau, right? Who made his fraud to it? Yeah. Making Nosferatu and they have hired Willem Dafoe, who is an actual vampire to play, Count Orlock, the vampire in the film.

And it's a surprisingly creepy movie that is also a surprisingly funny, but also sad look behind the scenes of a movie and also how depressing it would be to be a vampire shut up in a castle. Like I'm not a fan of the vampire as like tragic romantic hero, but there is something about the tragedy

of outliving everyone and being an outcast that this that is genuinely It's a curse. It's a curse. Yeah, it's not just the gift of eternal life It's also a curse and this is a movie that I remember when I first saw it in the theaters Which each 14 years ago I didn't know I said I don't know the It was I was surprised at how far it went with its premise and kind of that it wasn't afraid to follow that story where it most plausibly would lead in terms of a man who is so obsessed with making a movie that he doesn't mind that his stars eating people and the star who is a vampire and is driven to feast on the people he's working with.

So 14 years ago, would you even have been able to get in that movie? Yes, I was. Did you have to take off your beanie with a propeller on it? 18, 19 years old. Yeah, I had to stand on my friend's shoulder and move the trench, move around. I was in college, Stewart. But shadow of the vampire.

Real doogie house are over here, I guess. It's a movie that has kind of fallen by the wayside. And I'd like to recommend it. I think it's a good vampire movie. I would like to recommend a movie that I rewatched recently by a unknown filmmaker by the name of Steven Spielberg. And it is called Dual. One of his very earliest movies,

it was made for television, but released theatrical, theatrically in a slightly longer version. It's a Richard Matheson's scripted film about a mild-mannered man played by Dennis Weaver, who is driving along a abandoned desert road and gets into a battle with an unseen truck driver of a very scary rusty smoky truck that tries to kill him basically over the course of a his trip. And what really struck me rewatching it recently is how even like that early in Spielberg's career, like really like

one of the very first feature-length things he did. I think he did one earlier thing that was a feature-length for television, um, movie, just how skilled he was, particularly in the, um, sound design of the movie, there was, uh, the sound design of this film with like, the sound design of this film with like what's going on inside the car, what's going on outside the car, the kind of what's on the radio in the car in a way that kind of provides a counterpoint to the tension of the film. The fact that the movie takes about half an hour before the music ever kicks in. And then when it kicks in, that actually means something that the score is happening.

Like, it's a pretty amazing film on that technical level. And it also does some amazing things, just like this is a film that basically just has one guy in it as the focus of it in a limited location inside this car. And you've got him interacting with people at different times in the moving. You've got some voice over, but mostly it's just like a very limited amount of resources that Spielberg has to work with. Restricted point of view.

Yeah, but it provides so much tension over the course of the film. It's just an amazing, I wouldn't say debut because it wasn't really as debut, but it's a dry run for the sort of thing that happens in jaws. I Spielberg later said in his career, it's lot harder, eliciting fear from a truck than it is from a shark. And it's impressive what he was able to do with all that. So, uh, big garris and Stephen King. Yeah. Which say otherwise. I guess it's just a little film called Max Mo over. It's a little fun called Max Fun over drive with a with a green goblin of a truck and a soda machine that shoots a guy in the balls with soda can.

But I read man played straight not to laugh at all. Not a fun scene. I mean, that happened to you. You would not be laughing. You would be in serious pain. You'd have liquefied testicles. Yeah. Right?

I mean, liquefied. I didn't really know that. But he had that hard. Okay, so. So thanks Dan for selling us on Steven Spielberg. Well, but dual is a pretty little scene movie. I give you that. Even now.

It's more known than it is seen. Yeah. So, to continue this theme of cars. And I don't, that was just me. My movie, I guess they drive a car to get to the castle, that's the thing. And Rucker Howard movies. I'm going to recommend what? I don't know why the while you need to stretch so hard

for your segue thing. I recommend a movie called Castle Break. Neither cars nor rucker Howard. Speaking of those, tons of cars in Castle Break, bro. That's what's known for it. And you might say that Rutger Harlowers, the spirit, hovers over the film. I'm going to recommend a movie from 1986 called The Hitcher,

starring C. Thomas Howell, Soulman himself. That's right. You might know him from Soulman. Society himself, C. Thomas L. And he is son of Mr. Howell of the millionaire. Oh, he died on that deserted island. Oh, I dig. And this is also someone.

And this is someone, and this is the real life subject of the film The Howling. I, who turned into sea Thomas Howling. And that he's bitten by a sea Thomas Howling. And then the moon is fully turned into sea Thomas Howling. Yeah, go on, Stuart. The Howling for my sister is in blackface. The only thing I remember about that movie is there was an ad for it where there's a joke about how he's in blackface, but he has a white penis and some guy sees him peeing in

a urinal and he explains that sometimes it happens like that. And even as a kid, I'm like, this is a bad taste. I'm not going to watch that. I'm like, I'm comfortable. Like Jamesville Jones, I'm like, this is a bad taste. I'm not gonna watch that. I'm on film. Like James Joel Jones, why are you in this? And so the premise of the movie is a young man is driving a car. I believe across Route 66. And he runs a foul from a mysterious stranger. Yeah, he runs a foul restaurant.

Okay. And he called Rutgers Chick-a-Chack of Sea Tom's Hours' Tuger. Yeah. So he runs a foul of a hitchhiker played by Rugger Howell and almost said Rugger Howell. Let me finish this recommendation quick. Rugger Howell

where you quickly realize there's something off with this hitchhiker and the hitchhiker attempts to kill him. Yeah, you realize it's Rucker Howell, which means he's crazy. And he's super intense the entire movie and the entire movie is basically one long chase. And he had a young Jennifer Jason Lee and the young Jennifer Jason Lee in the mix. And it's a very intense movie and it's a movie about a normal guy being pushed too far and It's it's it's very gory and it's a very tense movie without a lot of characters and I think it's great And it's much better than the the remake where Sean Bean played the hitcher role and I think you like shoots a

where Sean Bean played the hitter role. And I think he like shoots a helicopter out of the sky with a pistol. So don't watch that, watch the original. And the movie was directed by a guy who was like his second movie. And he went on to do basically, he went on to be a working director, but they're all like Tom Seleck starring TV movies. And I just remember the hit your head, those Jesse Stone movies. All the Jesse Stone movies.

Nice. I guess he's a cop or something out of it. It's just the box that I'm gonna take. All the Quigley Down Under movies. He just knocked right quickly down on the series. Now, there's Quigley Down Under. There was Quigley in the center of the earth. Yeah, quickly in the mummies too.

Quickly goes to the moon. Quickly in the time of the dinosaurs. Quickly under the rainbow. Yeah, quickly meets Mr. Baseball. It was a total of sorts. It was a total of fours. It was a lot of digital, right? Three men at a quickly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Doesn't make any sense. Well, it's made of cheese, I guess, and Quigley's like cheese.

It's what you think, that's his character. He loves cheese. I love it. I love it. The towel and Mr. Quigley. There you go, thank you. You're gonna say magnum PQ.Q. If you say it for Quigley,

we're saying Quigley. PityQ Bach. Well, guys, another Shacktober limps to a weird end. Yeah, I mean, it's not a real thing. So, first of all, it's told me that at the beginning of every October, she prays that you'll see a ghost. Yeah, I can't remember who said that.

Well, then, but every Shoktober, I begin the month by praying, I'm going to see an actual good horror movie on the flop house. Has it happened? Has it happened? No, never. Hardly ever. But't. No, never. Hardly ever. But never? No, never.

Well, hardly ever. There's hardly ever good horror movie on the flop house. Give, sorry. Well, maybe next year. Maybe next year, guys. Okay, so stay tuned for the song of the autumn. Put a fucking, put a tooth under your pillow. Did it have to be one of mine?

Because I need mine. Maybe. Can I get someone else's teeth? Well, maybe we'll be rewarded with a good. That's why you got a baby, right? That's basically a factor. Yeah, and then his mouth, no teeth. Thanks for nothing.

That's amazing. Every day I look in there and I start tapping around. Look at her teeth. Nothing. I want a lot of money into this kid. I'm getting no teeth out. That's how every day I look in there and I start tapping around looking for teeth nothing I want a lot of money into this kid. I'm getting no teeth out Well, I'm very weird no on that very weird note. Let me just say do not mail us your teeth Stay tuned for the new song we got them. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been steward Wellington. I am proud to be Elliott Kaelin. Good night everyone. So sad something.

Let's move on. Okay, what's next? Recommendations. Movies that you may have seen recently. Can we recommend movies we haven't seen? Yes. In which case, I'd like to recommend it's's called Rocket Crocodile in the world of tomorrow. It's a movie that doesn't exist and I'm making it up as I go along. I think I've seen this movie in my dreams.

I'm giving it five out of five. It involves a rocketile astronaut, falls through a time machine warp and becomes a rock star in the world of the future. Which also has dinosaurs and genie Gershundas mood in like every single rocket crocodile in the world of tomorrow. It's a movie that doesn't exist and I'm making it up as I go along. I think I've seen this movie in my dreams. I'm giving it 5 out of 5. I'm a six. out of 5. Amazing. You're thinking of the Devil Wars Nada.

I thought I was thinking of the invisible maniac again. I don't know what I've tried, man. This before, but he kills a guy with a submarine sandwich. Wow! No! I'm not about to ask him! I'm just gonna sign off. No, no, I got a recommendation to make. A real one?

Sure. It's called Rocket, Rocket, and I'll go to the past. It's a movie that doesn't exist, and I'm making it up as I go along. I think I've seen this movie in my dreams. I'm giving it 5 out of 5, I'm basing. Rocket and I'll have to go to the 15 to get his parents together. Otherwise, he won't be born. They guess to stop the clothing bandit who's stealing clothing from all the beautiful women in the world.

Soundtracked by Talking Heads and Danzig. Clan Danzig and David Byrd finally working together. Did I mention that Rocket Crocodile's sidekick is a wise crack in zebra? No. And he's a girl. Rocket Crocodile in the world of tomorrow. It's a movie that doesn't exist and I'm making it up as I go along. I think I've seen this movie in my dreams. I'm giving it 5 out of 5 for May 6th. Thank you.