The Flop House - The Flop House_ Episode #165 - Robocop (2014)
Episode Date: November 15, 2014Detailed show notes canceled on account of Dan being sick with Mongolian death flu. Movies recommended in this episode:The Woman ChaserShort Term 12Phase IVJohn Wick ...
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On tonight's episode we watched a movie about a robot cop.
Robo cop.
Dude!
Dude, are you okay? Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy.
Hey Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington.
Hey Dan, it's Stuart.
I'm Elliot Kaelin and I'm worried about Dan. That's with all the check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-le-check-le-check-check-le-check-le-check-le-le-check-le-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-le-check-le-check-le-check-le-le out on the table right from the start. Dan maybe you should summarize the movie tonight.
What do you think it was about?
It was about a guy who came a roll of cup and then nothing happened for a minute hour
because I was asleep.
That's right.
Tonight, Dan found the movie literally snorrifying.
Like, let's be clear about this.
I have had a cold for the past five days
and given a choice between watching Robocop
and staying awake, catching up on your sleep
and falling asleep, my body chose to shut down.
Sure.
Much like Robocop was shut down by his evil master.
I was down.
Did you do like a fluid like robot robot cop did?
Like, wait, robot cop was row cop. He has a name Elliott
That name is Murphy
He was just do cleansing the whole thing
Look, I was awake long enough to know that the point is that there's a point at which the programming takes over and
that the point is that there's a point at which the programming takes over.
And the man thinks he's in charge, but he's not anymore.
And that was what happened to me tonight. I thought that I was in charge of my body and said, Hey,
body, stay awake.
See the podcast.
What's what's happening?
And the sleep center of your brain said, sorry, Sleepyhead,
we're going to dream sound.
Omni-lo-me-mo.
The one ticket to slumber lane.
And for you, I'm issuing it right now. ticket to Slamberland for you.
I'm issuing it right now.
OCP demands that you power down.
So this will be a fun journey of surprise.
As Dan watches Robocop for the first time.
For the eyes of an innocent child, they'll get kicked.
From out of the mouths of babes.
Yeah. Yeah.
So.
So let's go just to be clear, the movie over which watch tonight was the remake of Robocop,
a which we get all been eagerly awaiting.
So and Dan Trellis sleep about 30 minutes in.
Yeah, and I think I was the one enjoying it the most out of the three of us at the point
that I fell asleep.
And so what's interesting is that you must have worn yourself out.
Yeah.
You were cheering or laughing.
It was so, it was so excited that his body couldn't handle it anymore.
And it shut down into a hibernation phase.
Yeah.
Well, we saw the movie as it was meant to be seen by the filmmakers with a snoring
man on a couch next to us.
Look, I have a tendency to snore.
I cracked, I had surgery to correct a deviated septum because of this.
But what?
It didn't work.
It didn't work.
Well, when I'm all stepped up.
You overrated it, rode your rope.
I'm just saying, I wish I could paint a word picture for you of what Dan looked like sleeping.
But I don't have to.
Check out Stuart's Twitter feed where you will see exactly that.
Hold on, I'm just giving a lard into this right now.
Similar to some lower robot cops talking.
L.A. and I had a scrolling text in our vision stream called Twitter.
Twitter is the robot cop on your phone.
And we just look at this.
Filled with criminals.
Yep, and Murphy's.
You keep talking.
So I want to point out before we get into the needed this robot cops. Yeah, and Murphy's. You keep talking.
So I want to point out before we get into the media
of this Robocop scene.
Because there's not much meat left.
He's mostly robot now.
We watched a handful of remakes for the show.
Yeah.
And this is probably, I don't know about you guys,
but of all the remakes we've watched,
this is a remake of the movie I'd like the most.
You liked the original?
I liked the original Robocop the like I have the most I'm bringing the most bag. Oh, it's a fantastic movie. Yeah, it's
I mean, I think all of us have a fondness in our heart for even more than like we'd watch
total recall which I love but not as much as Robocop. And totally call the regionals like okay,
as far as I'm concerned, but Robocop is a genuinely great, like, funny, original, total recall.
I mean, it's awesome.
It's okay.
Okay.
But look, we're not here to really get total recall.
We're here to talk about,
cop of a bot.
I gotta say, I look, cop and a roo.
I look very peaceful in this photo.
Exactly.
I'm probably the happiest of the three of us.
Yeah, you're the angel.
Yeah.
It's so lifelike.
I don't know what the mortician did, but you
look just like your sleeping.
That's what it sounded like. Every time there was a feather on your mouth and every time
you breathed out and snore the feather when you lived up and then descend down.
Yeah. The weird part was when that little circus mouse started whispering ideas into your
ear.
Yeah, I was telling me to kill.
Classic Inception move.
Yeah, mice, always incepting people to kill.
So anyway, robot cop.
This is a movie we all have not just fondness for the original.
I think it's fair to say we all love the original.
Sure.
I certainly do.
And so we're not going to be able to separate it.
No, we were going into this.
We're only humans.
We're only humans.
A big striking.
A bit of this are robots.
Well, as far as we know, bringing Omni-core employee in here,
see if I can shoot him or not.
Shoot him or not.
Yeah.
Just scan him up, scan him down,
scan him all around everybody's scan in these days.
Scan in USA.
If everybody had a scanner, and like a visor thing that came down
on their head when they were shooting creeps, we'd all be robocops doing Robo stuff. How long
is this? Fighting crime, crime, crime till her daddy takes her Tshirt away. Wow. It's a real turn. Oh, wow.
That was the twist ending.
Was it Daddy the Robo?
It was a different song the whole time.
It's like an M-night Shyamalan song.
He should do that.
M-night Shyamalan should do an album of cover songs where the song in the last verse,
it's revealed it's a different song.
That was, I like it.
It's weird.
It's weird that it would be a whole concept album.
Yeah, yeah.
The concept album is M- Night Shyamalan Twist songs.
But the real, and the song The Twist turns out to be like, what?
What?
Land of the hand, born to hand, Give?
Turns out it was a different song.
Land of the hand, Give.
Yeah, born to hand, Give.
The land of the hand, Give.
The land of the hand, Give.
The land of the hand, Give.
The land of the hand, Give.
The land of the hand, Give.
The best hand, Give.
The best hand, Give.
The best hand, Give. The best hand, Give. The best hand, Give. The best hand, Give. The best hand, Give. and Trevor and I think that's I think that's always by two shorts. It's called a hand jobologist.
It's that way.
Anyway, that song is by weird L. Kalang Kavish.
Okay, works.
Anyway, Robo cop is that what we're talking about?
The movie dance.
We're trying to sleepy cop over here.
It keeps.
Robo snore over here.
What's your name, son? It's the last couple of lines of
merphe, all half man, half machine, all sleepy. He hides in the wall until you need him.
Murphy bed. Nice swinging out of the wall when I needed to go to bed son. What's your name Murphy bed?
So Robo Cup. It's late. We're tired. Let's talk about the movie. So it's the future.
Or I mean, movie opa, the rest saving alert.
Yep. Close up on Samuel Jackson's backhand.
We start with Samuel L Jackson playing a Bill O'Reilly character, hosting a loudmouth
political talk show because it's the future and in the future, even black men can be
curmudgeonly old white men.
So Samuel Jackson plays a care named Pat Novak.
It's just like.
They're like Pat, say, Jack.
It's like pets.
They were like, we want to do a pet.
It was like the character was originally in like fill
O'Reilly, you know, like you know what? That's a little too on the nose. Well come on patting no back and steady ocean
Anakin's
Shenanigans and half it out on the patio.
It's like a
patio shenanigans
like
what Yeah, like, I don't know what, the basically normal shenanigans are just outside.
Yeah, a fight with lawn darts.
Yeah.
I mean, that's not shenanigans, that's violent.
They can first show.
So if I got taken to jail, I wouldn't get booked for shenanigans.
You wouldn't be found with Tom Foulary one.
Yeah, Stuart, I don't have to tell you this, but shenanigans isn't a legal definition,
a designation. It's not, it's not felony tell you this, but shenanigans isn't a legal definition designation.
It's not, it's not felony misdemeanor and then shenanigans.
You've been found guilty of Tom Foulery in the first degree.
Just Goofin.
Can I plea bargain to down to a lesser charge of just Goofin?
I'll allow it. Squeak, squeak.
The judge has a squeaky mallet because he's a clown. Yeah, okay. The honorable judge clown presiding. Okay. It's pretty. That's pretty on the
nose. Join the rubber nose. Yeah. Robocop. Anyway. So Robocop, it's the future. Bill O'Reilly
as Samuel Jackson is a Bill O'Reilly type host. And he's talking about how America's full
of crime. Do we ever see this in the movie? Not really. No.
But America's full of crime because while we're allowed to use robots overseas for our military
fighting, we're not allowed to use them at home because of this stupid amendment that
some dumb senator put through.
Probably a liberal.
A P.E. Herman sort.
Yeah, he's got a bow tie.
And they take us to Tehran where I guess America has invaded Iran in the time between
now and the Robocop time.
We're a bunch of Ed 209s and a bunch of C3PO's with guns under the command of Jack E.R.L.
Haley.
We're in like an exosuit, get into a fight with a bunch of terrorist bombers and end up
killing a kid holding a knife and this is taken as a huge success by Savile Jackson,
like, hey, everything worked out okay.
We got to bring more of these robots over here.
And we need to bring over more products of our,
the big American hero, OmniCorceo,
Raymond Sellers, played by Michael Keaton.
And his top scientist, Dr. Dennett Norton,
played by Gary Oldman, in the fakes in a movie since Dex Dog Detective. But the
since Dennett, as far as I know is not a name since Cam
Gaganja. And that's his real name.
The terrible point of movie such as it has been made at
this point. Yes, all the satire is basically packed into the
first 10 minutes. And then it gets recycled over and over
again throughout the film.
Like the chorus of a beautiful song.
And you would point it out early on
that it felt more on the nose
because unlike compared to the original Robocop
because that movie uses, in addition,
it's very obvious, but it's also funny.
Like the satire in the original Robocop
is sledgehammer satire, is not subtle. It's not elegant, but the jokes are also funny. Like the satire in the Ridge and Robocop is sledgehammer satire, is not subtle.
It's not elegant, but the jokes are really funny.
And like the fake commercials are really funny.
Everything is like over the top in a really funny way.
Whereas here it's satirical, but it's not funny.
Like in the whole same LJX thing,
there's no actual jokes.
He's just doing this kind of like
slightly exaggerated impression of that type of person. But there's no jokes or funny lines or anything like that.
It's like a little bit like certain scenes in Dr. Strange Love where you're like, I'm watching a satire,
but there's like nothing funny in the scene.
You're watching it.
Except not as good as Dr. Strange Love.
Yeah, sports like this is sports like a sitcom with no jokes.
It's not a satire.
It's not a satire of sports. I don't think so. And what's interesting about this movie, you mentioned we've like a sitcom with no jokes. It's not a satire It's not a tire of sports and I think so and what's interesting about this movie
You mentioned we've seen a lot of remakes this movie includes a couple different flop house alums Gary oldman
Yeah, it was in a couple other like five movies we've watched right?
Abbey Cornish, which I think this was the third movie she was in we'd seen and
Not having been in a previous movie watch. I was Jennifer Ealy, who I'll just say,
let me just bring it out here, I've seen on stage.
So anyway, the play was coast of Utopia.
And she was nude on stage in it.
All right, well I'm listening.
And she was really good.
So anyway, Tom Stopperd's coast of Utopia,
I saw it live on stage, Jennifer Ealy was in it,
no clothes, back to Robocop.
She was in what that, that, uh, that, uh, zero-doctorie, right?
That was what she was like the pal and then.
She was the friend and then, and then, yeah.
She was really good in that movie.
She was good to blow that.
She got blowed up real good.
Yeah, but of course she'll, RoboCop.
She's, yeah, yeah, yeah, but zero by RoboCop 30.
I haven't seen it, so.
Yeah, we'll get, this sequel is gonna be a Roboop zero dark 30 crossover. Okay. It's called Robocop 30
Okay, can Robocop's turning 30?
Yeah, his 20s are over. What's he gonna do?
Robocop and it's called this is Robocop 30
And it's a Judd epithel Catherine Bigelow Paul Verhoeven joining five hours long. It's five hours long
It's mostly improvised and it's about ah
He's turning 30 and all he has to show for it is that he's insanely
wealthy and as a big house and a beautiful wife slash girlfriend
and what's a robo cop to do mainly him both shitting with a bunch of other
successors mean that you're happy no that's well in my case it does
all right well yeah
but anyway
so uh... omnicor says hey legally we can't bring robots to the streets of the
United States.
We have to make some kind of mechanized human, and then we'll get around through this
legal loophole, but we need the perfect candidate for the prototype.
Enter, Detroit Police Detective Alex Murphy, and his partner Omar from the wire.
Okay.
So Omar gets to be the Robo Cup?
No, although that would have been the most dramatic one.
So it seems like he would be the choice.
Yeah, but they went for the actor who is robotic,
even before he turns into a robot.
He's taller and skinnier.
He's taller and skinnier and wider.
Yeah.
And he lacks the charisma of Peter Weller.
So let's just let that sink in.
I like, shut your mouth, sir. He could have played vision. Ellie.
Buckaroo.
Let me just tell you the least charismatic character in Buckaroo
Bonsai is Buckaroo.
Bonsai is a thank you should have been the hero that movie
Jeff Goldblum arrest my case. Well anyway, but the point is really
no reason Jeff Goldblum couldn't have played Buckaroo. Bonsai when it comes down to it. Yeah. Well, but I mean, other than contrasting
eyes, the Peter Weller has. And just saying, I don't buy him as an astrophysicist brain
surgeon rock star. But you would have bought Jeff Goldblum. But you throw Jeffrey Goldblum
in there. And yeah, I do. I bought him as a flyman and as a mathematician who knows things
about dinosaurs. Why wouldn't I buy him as this? Didn't he also download a virus onto an
alien starship in the movie? He did. That movie, the big chill. Anyway, this new robot cop, though,
is played by Joel Canaman. The people might remember from the terrible the killing television show.
I haven't seen it. People also might remember I thought you might remember him from the vast cinnamon
fortune that he's heir to.
I said, cinnamon.
It's actually pronounced cinnamon.
Yeah.
Every time you say like a cinnamon bun,
it's really a kind of bun.
Yeah, every time you go into your participatory
and you order the cinnamon bun.
Yeah.
And he's of course the son of fame,
Santa, comedian, Sam,
cinnamon.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
I'm glad you turned that down. Yeah, come on. I can't just scream to turn that down.
Yeah, come on.
I can't just scream right now.
I bark that's been shaved into latte.
Ah!
That's just famous words.
What?
Say what a cinnamon is.
Can't even, I'm sorry.
Say I'm cinnamon.
Say I'm cinnamon.
Quite again.
Say I'm cinnamon.
I'm a stick that grows somewhere.
And a little bit of the deep thing.
I'm a cinnamon would have been a perfect food fight character.
That's true.
Really food fight line of action figures.
Or even a garbage fail catch.
Come on, art speagloman, where were you on this?
Yeah, listen to this podcast later on. it's just gonna be a fever dream.
Yeah, it is as we live, as we're living it.
So anyway, cinnamon, it's a thing that it's good when there's a little bit, but the
too much and it doesn't taste good.
Moving on, so it's similar to the original Robocop.
These two accept a little different in that instead of these cops being on the trail
of Clarence Bedaker, the...
Yeah, Kurt Wood Smith.
That's the name.
That's the classic villain.
They're on the track of two corrupt cops working for Antoine Villon, a arms dealer of
some kind who looks like a swanly handsome or Brad Dorif meets Eric Stoltz.
Yeah, he looks like a Brad Stoltz riff, but it's not.
It's a different guy.
It's an actor who's not related to either one of them.
You like if Brad Dorif had never shaved his eyebrows off, so they never grew to be horrible monster worms?
Monster worms. Yeah, like that caterpillar from Labyrinth that tells it to go the one.
You know that story, layer of the white worm that's about Brad Dorif's eyebrows. Wow.
And that tremors? That is about his eyes. Bras are tremors. They're like furry. He's like, you ever see the
never ending story? You know, the luck dragon fell. That was
one of Brad door of Cybras. It took a side job.
Falco. Yeah, when Falcore had that hit,
Austria's Falco. Yeah, rock me. I'm a Treyou. Boom. Boom.
Finally, the Falco never ending story pun the world is asking for so we're about 15 minutes into the movie
There's a very I'm still awake at this point. There's a very very boring Dan will tell you when we get into the therapy drag
In section of the movie for him where he doesn't know what it is
There's a very boring shootout between
Murphy and his partner and two other cops or two other
good bad guys.
Undercover, I guess.
Undercover as possible gun buyers and they set up a buy, but they get caught out and Omar
is shot and sent to the hospital.
Murphy is okay until he goes to his house. That's just like Omar Caman on the gurney.
The doctor's like, that hasn't helped me.
I asked you for a sponge and a spreader.
Why are you whistling the farmer in the Dell?
Anyway, and the nurse is like,
did you not watch the wire? You got to watch it and the doctor is like, did you not watch the wire?
You got to watch it and the doctor's like,
I'm tired of telling people to tell me,
I'm not gonna watch the wire.
I'm a busy doctor.
I'm gonna put it off this plate and then spread apple butter
off the top of a piece of bread.
Do you call it knife as a spread?
Yeah, when you're spreading things with it,
anyway, stop talking about the wire.
Wow. You are a raisins through the cans tonight, Stuart.
Anyway, Murphy goes home to his wife and child, always a mistake in these movies because
it means you're about to die.
They make out a little bit, but do not take her top completely off.
Or his wife, it takes off her shirt in preparation for sex, but his car alarm goes off.
And when he goes out, just turn it off.
Uh oh, car blows up.
Car bomb, he is almost killed,
but it turns out he's the perfect candidate
for the Robocup initiative.
I do have to say the scene of him being exploded by his car
is shot very matter-of-factly,
like instead of doing any slow motion
or like any other kind of camera tricks.
The camera pulls back and you just see him open the door
for a second, then the car blows up,
but he flies into the background.
It is almost hilariously deadpan the way it's done.
It's like a European or a Japanese movie
and that they chose not to move the camera at all
in a movie that moves the camera all the time.
Constantly, I mean, the way it's based
is like something out of a Steve Odekerk movie. You expect like a thumb with a face on it
just time out RoboCop. Anyway, they turn him into a RoboCop. He doesn't like it. He is aware
through the whole process. But a weird what? A weird cop. He's the way at the during the full moon.
He turns into a cop. He is, he is like, what are you doing to me?
Ah, and so over time.
Stop touching there.
Over, yeah, kind of.
That over time to make him less afraid and anxious
as a human and a better robo cop, they start taking away
his brain and making it more computer-y.
So he's already just ahead and lungs and a hand, and now they're breaking down his brain and making him more computer-y. So he's already just ahead and lungs and a hand,
and now they're breaking down his brain
and taking it more computer-pro-ling.
A genuinely creepy and cool stuff.
There's a part where he says,
take this stuff off of me and Gary Alden's like,
all right, and they remove all the robot parts,
and he's just ahead and lungs and a hand.
And it's-
And it's those brain.
Yeah, and that's a genuinely brightening
in his car of fire. Interesting image. Yeah, there's a couple, like, like brightening in its core of fire.
Yeah, there's a couple, like,
let me get this straight by this movie.
I didn't like it very much,
but it has some neat ideas in it and neat moments.
There's a shootout scene later that's almost entirely lit
by just muzzle-fot flare while RoboCop is running through a room
and you just see the red of his visor slit
and this muzzle flare lighting people up
and occasionally night vision goggle visions of what's going on
and that would have been a really neat way to do that scene.
Like that but.
I mean, it wasn't pace particularly well.
No, it was not an exciting scene.
Like not the action scenes in this are.
It's a nice idea.
I'll say the only exciting action scene is this
is later in the when he starts fighting the 80209s.
Yeah.
And that's more just because there's almost no way
to make a man versus giant robots
not exciting. Exactly. The only way is Magnus robot fighter the comic book never exciting.
Oh wow, burn. Actually, that's not true. It has some. I want to burn Fred Van Lentil.
No, the old ones I'm saying, the gold gold key comics. I'll play something out here, though.
This is a significant deviation from the original Robocopop where Robocop doesn't know that he's murphy because his memories have been
they try to erase his memories.
There's that great sequence where they keep bringing him to life to check him and you just
see it through his point of view and then putting him back to sleep.
And by the time they ring him out, he's more robot than man.
He doesn't know who he was.
But hey, let's not play the game of in the old Robocop.
Oh, we could build two airs of this. I'm telling like an essay for it's.
It's well, it's similar to the idea of like class.
Robocop studies. Well, it's similar to the idea of this movie begins, uh, where is the
other movie begins, like upping the stakes stakes showing how like horribly violent it can be
Making you totally scared of those criminals. Yeah, and totally scared of Ed 209 when it totally rips that dude up with its machine gun
Oh man defining moment of my childhood when I saw the first movie does not have any any of that no this movie
What it's like they tell you at the beginning?
There's too much crime, but they never really show you a city on the edge
or a city with too much crime.
It just kind of looks like a regular city.
There's two cops on the edge.
There's like, there's two spoiler three com madness.
There's three bad cops in the Detroit Police Department.
Otherwise, it seems like a normal city,
but here's the thing, RoboCop,
after he's been de-emotionalized and computed up to the point
where he doesn't even recognize his own wife and child anymore.
He's unveiled to the public and he is an instant hit and crime drops like a billion-zillion
percent as he just goes on the run.
Because the public doesn't like personality, you know?
That's true.
There's a reason that Mickey Mouse is worth a billion dollars more than Bugs Bunny.
Let me tell you.
Anyway.
So boring. and now this is worth a billion dollars more than Bugs Bunny. Let me tell you. Anyway. Uh, sobering.
But over time, Murphy begins to realize that something's up.
He realizes that his wife, when she confronts him,
that her emotions are anxious and unhappy,
and that his son is also showing anxiety.
And he decides he's gonna solve his last unsolved case,
his own murder.
Whoa. He's a regular Boston brand, Dead Man. to solve his last unsolved case his own murder.
Well, he's a regular Boston brand, dead man,
solving the case of his own killing.
Although, oops, sorry about that.
What I do like the sequence where robot Murphy
is trying to identify-
How much better would this movie be called
if that was robot Murphy?
Robot Murphy sounds like a sitcom
of a lovable garbage man who's a robot. Sir, I think we can come up with a better name than robot Murphy. Robot Murphy sounds like a sitcom of a lovable garbage man who's a robot.
Sir, I think we can come up with a better name than Robot Murphy.
I mean, the guy's a police officer that seems like it's more important to call the guy
a robot.
No, no, no.
What's the name of the main character, Murphy?
And I quote Shakespeare, what's in a name?
Actually, I'm sure with that to deny that a name is important. And it did it did it. Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Robot Murphy.
So robot Murphy.
I'm not sold on the whole cup idea either.
What about like a robot fish tank salesman?
Like he works at a fish store, eh?
Mm-hmm.
And here's the catch.
The irony is that the band fish doesn't care for him.
What's the irony?
The irony is that water normally is robots worst enemy now. We're making a movie
I really I really is his body's made of iron every
So he's super irony
So every every time he gestures towards a fish tank to sell it to a customer. You're like, uh-oh
Is this the end of robot Murphy?
Good movie, anyway.
Oh no, so what I was saying is I like the way
that Robocop is trying to come to terms with his,
like the alienation of his wife and his son
like by being a robot by being a robot.
The way a robot would, yeah.
He has to read in his programming that they're upset, you know.
And there's, and like, that's another thing that
works kind of well
until he starts investigating his own murder.
Yes, it's terrible.
He goes to his house and he watches the video footage
because there's part of the thing at concept
is that there's closed circuit TV cameras everywhere.
He has four around his own house.
So his murder has been captured from four angles
and he keeps watching it,
but he never rewinds the tape to see who put a bomb in his car,
which seemed to be police work 101.
And Stuart, you were saying like he should rewind back
and it should turn out like the tape was deleted
for some reason. Exactly.
And only a cop can do that or something.
Cause the arms dealer he's after is selling guns
that were stolen from the police evidence locker.
They shouldn't be on the streets.
They shouldn't be in criminals hands.
He manages to...
But instead he uses the footage from these close circuit cameras
to create like a virtual 3D world
that he in his brain can wander around
and analyze everything.
Yeah. What?
Which is totally, it's totally stupid.
It's kind of like in Rocky Bell Bowen.
Rocky's just walking through his memories.
You guys can make up any bullshit right now. Well, then there's the part where RoboCop, he walks into that lesbian sex show.
What?
And there's just the two girls who are doing it, but then three more girls come in and do it.
Yep.
And then, what was Dan?
What was that actress you really like a lot?
They have a big crush on who said she wouldn't do nude scenes.
Yeah, that one.
Well, yeah, she's in it.
Sure.
Uh-huh.
And she is sitting on the lap of Dabney Coldman.
Oh, my God.
Wait, is that, is that a snowman who started in Drexel's class?
He was a low-run Spider-Man villain.
Dabney Cold, man.
Why would it make the scene hotter for Dabney Coldman?
Is there?
God, he's got a mustache.
And he said my famous.
I mean, he is famous.
He was in war games.
He was in Cloak and Dagger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Doesn't get more famous than that.
Can I recommend Cloak and Dagger?
There's nothing.
There's no law against it.
All right.
What else did they do that Dan would have liked?
Did I mention that talking heads reunited in the movie?
No, the way with David Burns said that would never happen.
No, Robocop made them bury the hatchet.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
And then LCD Sound System was there.
Oh.
And who's what's another baby like?
They think they're about to torch, yeah.
Yeah.
To a new generation of a robot art rock.
Yeah.
Anyway, so he's investing his own murder.
He tracks down the guns to the arms dealer, kills him.
He tracks those guns.
Have you had a little bit of old-fashioned police work?
Yes, a lot of it's a lot of leather shoe gum shoe.
It's really weird that in where they try to paint the picture of a futuristic society
that's under Cononston observation.
And yet RoboCop has to go like fall back on old school methods to track down this one
dude.
And yet they never take it all the way to RoboColombo.
One more thing man.
One more thing valedine.
Yeah, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
Be boop.
One more question.
One more thing, creep.
So it looks like your penis got shot off.
Oh, because it's the specific creep from the original rollout.
His question about the shooting that he just did.
Yeah, you shot me because I was trying to rip that woman.
That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.
But one more question. How do I shoot you so well that I. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. But one more question.
How do I shoot you so well that I shot through her dress
without hurting her and shot you?
You're a robot, sir.
That makes sense.
That makes sense, people.
Uh, terrible detective.
So it's ironically, I'm only becoming a robot
made him a worse detective.
Great shot.
Terrible detective.
That's the tagline. You've got the tagline for robot Murphy
Great shot terrible detective anyway, he's just a robot Murphy bed sales
Wait, so he's a robot or the Murphy beds are robots
He's a robot. He's just you selling his brother and then slave
selling his brother's into enslaved me. Yeah.
For our games.
Oh, terrible.
We'll be, we'll be, we'll be, we'll be,
we'll be, we'll be, we'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be.
We'll be, we'll be.
We'll be.
We'll be.
We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be.
We'll be. We'll be. We'll be.
We'll be. We'll be. We'll be.
We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be.
We'll be. We'll be. We'll be.
We'll be.
We'll be.
We'll be.
We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We'll be. We of them. Sleepy Dan. Sleepy, sleepy Dan.
Anyway, also your favorite musical duo.
Sleepy Dan.
Sure, Donald Fagan's great.
Or Donald Fagan.
Or Fagan from Oliver Twist.
So anyway, he tracks these guns down to the corrupt cops.
He takes them down.
He's about to take down the chief of police,
but he is shut down by he's about to take down the chief of police, but
he is shut down by the Omnicore people. Uh oh, specifically by Jackie Rolhavi, a, a,
a, a, a, a, a, Jackie Rolhavi as the military connection for Omnicore who earlier was, we skipped
over. He was training Robocop and taunting him a lot. He wears, uh, he wears the exoskeleton
and a real Freddy Krueger, bitch. He's a real bad news bear.
He's a real pedophile from Little Children.
He's a real Rorschach.
He's a real, come on, Dan, we're Jack.
A real, uh, the other guy from Hard Target.
That's not Cheamie Bride.
He's on that TV show.
Oh, not the movie Hard Target with Wilford Brumley.
I wish Wilford really had been the action hero star of hard target.
I mean, he's on, isn't he?
He pulls his head back and that blade passes by and snips off part of his mustache.
I mean, he taught Chance Boudreau all Chance Boudreau knows.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, is that Game of the Treeel name?
No, that's Jean-Claude Van Damen, hard target.
That's his actual name.
I thought Jean-Claude Van Damen was Game of the Treeel name.
According to Wichon Magazine, it's circa 1995.
Anyway, let's keep going.
Meanwhile, I'm starting to think that I slept through the same.
They shut them down and then they want to like eliminate them.
The company decides if he starts going after corrupt politicians, Robocop, that is he's
going to reach all the corrupt politicians that we've had dealings with because I guess
Robocop is going to go nationwide and just become America's top Robocop.
So they say, we're going to shut him down for good.
We're going to present it as a hero died,
trying to take down corruption.
People are gonna love it.
They'll give us more money to put more Robocops
and more towns on the core wins, hooray, hooray.
But Gary Oldman, who throughout the movie,
let's just say Stuart and I really liked this character
for most of it,
because Gary Oldman was not outwardly evil
the way that Michael Keaton's character
Is as the head of Omnicore and he is not a do-good or noble guy because he is slowly selling out his principles as he works on
Dehumanizing Robocop. Yeah, he starts out wanting to
help people who have lost limbs regain their abilities
He's given this opportunity to rebuild a whole man who would have died. And now over time, in order to appease his bosses who are paying the money, he has
to be kind of like you're saying that he's becoming less human. He's becoming less human.
Accounting to the stars, less for human. It's a shit job. But his journey parallels the
roboticness.
If this was a better movie, I would have said that
because unfortunately, Gary Oldman
who has had this kind of complex moral shading
now just becomes a hero.
And it's like,
we got a save from a robot cop.
His performance deserves so much more credit
since the person he acts opposite is Joel Cinnamon
or whatever, it's like a name as who is not not but a real cinnamon.
Gapord star.
But yeah, it's Gary Oldman isn't given a lot to work with here, but he does good stuff
with it.
But at this point, he decides we got to save Robocop.
They bring Robocop back to life and Robocop goes on a rampage to at the OmniCore headquarters.
He fights a bunch of ED 209s in a pretty cool fight scene
where he's like running underneath,
he's standing underneath 180 209
while others trying to shoot him
and on the Ed 1029's display it says,
trying to get a clear shot.
As if that Ed 209 is like,
I don't wanna kill another one of me.
That would be a friendly fire casualty,
but then he just does anyway.
Omar, who is back to good health,
saves Robocop by showing up and standing in front of him
with no guns in his hand,
because Ed Tuenine can't shoot someone who's unarmed.
So in this case,
just like in the original.
No, in the original.
Like the opposite, my friend.
And this is like in the original. No, no, in the original opposite, my friend.
Robocop gets up to Robocop's wife and son are for some reason
in the Omnicore headquarters.
Like Michael Keaton is going to kidnap him or something.
I don't know.
And he reaches him up to the top of the building where Michael
Keaton's going to helicopter away to freedom.
Case closed, I guess.
It's a real end of die hard type moment. And
Robocop tries to shoot him in Jacky or L'Haley, but uh oh, they're red assets. And he's programmed
not to be able to shoot them. Uh, what's he gonna do? Turns out, shoot them anyway.
This Michael Keaton overplays this hand, threatens Robocop's family and Robocop gets so
mad that his emotions, I guess, overload the system.
What this was set up earlier in the emotions, I guess, overload the system.
This was set up earlier in the movie.
I remember it because I wasn't asleep.
There's a really little bit of they say that when he gets emotional, the programming acts
up.
But that was before they removed half his brain and put circuits in there.
And also, that's a stupid thing to put in there.
Just a stupid reasoning. And the reason he's able to shoot Michael Keaton
is because Michael Keaton goes on this awesome long monologue where he's like threatening
him. Then he threatens his family and he's like, you're just a robot. You can't shoot me.
You're a robot. Blah blah blah blah. Robots can't do anything. Your arms moving like you
can shoot me. I don't think that could happen. I think, well, you know, you're pulling a
trigger. Like you're going to shoot me or something. Now, bullets coming out of your gun. Like you think it's going to hit me? The only way that that thing that could happen. I think, well, you know, you're pulling a trigger. Like, you're gonna shoot where you're something? Now, bullets coming out of your gun.
Like, you think it's gonna hit me?
The only way that I think that could have saved
that scene where he was like,
I could kill your family right now
and you can't do anything.
You're just a robot.
I made you, checks his watch.
How much longer to the helicopter gets here?
Like another minute?
All right.
Okay, let's kill this timer.
Hey man, you're just a robot.
Like, this monologue is because he's just killing time
and waiting for the helicopter to come get him.
Anyway, in the end, Michael Keaton's dead.
Robocop is...
Oh my God, this is for Jack Frost.
Lambo.
And he says, just kidding.
I love you, Michael Keaton.
I'm glad you're having a comeback.
Just kidding.
Beetlejuice was great.
Glad you're back on top.
Birdman forever.
Which multiplicity did he kill?
He killed the really dope one. Yeah.
Yeah, he killed he killed the CG one. They're all CG. No, cash grab.
Oh, I see, I see. So Murphy wins.
What? They were all CG like their George Lucas hair.
George.
It's a good. It's CGI, right? Man, I missed a lot. What I was like their George Lucas is here. George is here.
It's CGI, right?
Man, I missed a lot when I was asleep.
Yeah, this was all in Robo cop.
You're doing a busy dreaming of Robo cop.
Your movie about a Robo cop.
He's half man half Robo.
This is some of the stuff we came up with earlier.
I brought Brendan Gleason, I would imagine.
You would be a good robot with that.
People would, I would pay so much money to see that.
You do a great job.
I mean, like, he's a fine actor.
He is a great actor.
Yeah.
He really, really makes a care for robot cop.
The man who's half man, half robot.
Bad guy in that movie, Cole meaty.
But he wants to just send me that check, please.
He just wants to sink all the robots.
Anyway, evil tugboat.
Meanwhile, the Senate passes a law that says that you can allow robots to just fight crime
in the streets.
But now that all the truth has come out about Omnichor because Gary Oldman's character
testified before the Congress, Murphy's back on the force,
the President vetoed that law, and Samuel Jackson is not happy about it. It ends with this kind of like
satirical but not funny rant, and we're out. And I will say that, here's what I say, and I'll say
in the favor of this movie, there are a couple of action scenes that were all right. It had some
neat, good ideas to add to the Robocop concept that didn't quite pan out.
And while we were watching it, we came up with Robocop and also the Black Exploitation
version of Robocop.
Robocop.
So that's a bad bad movie for me and our final joke.
Well, I think it was, yeah, unfortunately, bad bad movie.
I had high hopes for it.
Yeah, and I'm with you.
It almost feels like some of the ideas were genuinely
great ideas that if they had managed to work them
into the original RoboCop.
Yeah, it would have been nice.
What it was, here's what I'll tell you
about this movie is missing.
The first RoboCop has in spades, Verve.
There's like,
Zaz.
Zaz, let every one of you want to call it, energy.
Like the first-
Personality.
Yeah, well, the first RoboCop is entirely, it is a movie with a lot of charisma and energy Zazz, let everyone call it energy. The first- Personality. Yeah.
Well, the first Robocop is entirely, it is a movie with a lot of charisma and energy.
And this movie had none of that, you know.
It was a real list list kind of walking around robot.
Almost all the performances are understated.
Yeah.
And whereas it kind of works for Gary Oldman's performance because he's Gary Oldman, but
even Michael Keaton, he could ham it up a little
bit more. I know he can. He's got it in him. The only guy who hamps it up is Samuel Jackson
and they didn't even write any jokes for him. But he, like, he barely hamps it up. He has
some ham in there. I think you're underestimating his ability to ham it up. Do you see that one
where he's like wearing that movie where he's wearing a kilt and he's got a wee little soul patch?
Oh, yeah, yeah, Highlander
formulas something yes like a number formulas something
Unnumber. Oh, yeah, he's got a golf club. Yeah, anyway, I I give this movie five out of five stars
It's a great nap at the movies. You what as I said, it was
For the first time we watched a movie that you found literally snorrifying.
I don't recall that.
This movie reminded me that the original Robocop deserves a watch in for me.
Yeah, I want to watch it again.
If they made this movie as a, as a loss leader to get me to watch Robocop again, then yes,
it worked.
I mean, this movie was a, was a hit.
It made a lot of money.
So I guess we're in the wrong.
Let's move on to,
I wanna make a few announcements.
Before we go on to letters,
our minor that the flop house is opening the New York
pod fest.
He's not very excited about it.
On January 9th at the Bell House.
January 9th,
2015, 10pm at the Bell House,
the Flapp House Live,
the first ever live recorded
episode of the podcast.
Come see the Flapp House,
have your laughs be immortalized
forever in this
podcasting history event.
Just like Asomandius.
Okay.
Yeah, look upon my laugh, C. Mighty and despair.
Long after you have passed from this moral coil,
the eerie sound of your ghostly laughter
at a joke about boobs or butts will be
floating on the winds of Egypt.
We will be spreading out through the ether of space
for alien civilizations to discover.
Awesome.
So that's a thing.
Future historians will reconstruct you from your laughs.
And perhaps your questions, spoiler.
I also wanted to plug Slate's Gotten Touch about...
That's the website Slate.
The website Slate. It's not the rock formation. got in touch about that's the website slate the website
not the not the rock formation and not Fred Plinson's boss.
The Mr. Slate is there's got to be a slate character.
Yeah, come on, Mr. Rockley or something.
Now his name was Stone's Rock Stone.
His name was what is a Italian name is Pebble Rock Boulder. Before the January 9th show, I, out of the three of us,
so not as good, but still pretty good.
But hey, you won't be sick or tired at the time, right?
Yeah, I'm hoping.
Jesus, if I'm still sick in December, shoot me.
Jesus, pull out a gun from your holster.
Shoot me dead. So, no, there's a gun from your holster. Shoot me dead.
So there's a, Slate is doing something at a videology in Williamsburg.
Brooklyn.
At 6.30 p.m., which I assume that's a door's open time to start at 7.
But the details are fuzzy thus far.
But they do this show where there's video clips and people talk about them and it's hosted by Dana
Stevens, Slates Film Critic, who you probably know from the Slate Cultural Gap Fest. If you
listen to Slate a lot of podcasts. And the last one was $10. I'm sure that this one will be comparable $200 because they got a big celebrity named Dan McCulley. Yep
But it'll be a lot of Dan McCulley. It'll be about a holiday holiday movies
Is this topic and that is on
December the
13th
Dan how much cough syrup did you drink before we record it? Yeah, I'm robin right now. Okay, Dan. How much cough syrup did you drink before we recorded?
Yeah, I'm robin right now.
No, I...
Robin cup.
Robin cup.
About a policeman.
I thought I had written a lot of robotas.
I thought I had written the date down here, but I didn't.
So I had to pull it out of my sleepy brain.
Okay.
That was always going on.
And before we move on to letters, also I'd like to thank
Shannon for sending
us these lovely t-shirts we're wearing right now. Are you talking about the queen of
flot prom, Shannon Camp? Yeah, I am talking about that. She sent us some shirts from Pizza
Rea Deville. Are you reading my shirt? Yeah. Well, it's right there, man. It's all, I'm
pulling a Marlon Brando.
My lines are on your shirt.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Pulling a Marlon Brando?
We used to just say masturbating.
He's a, he's a real big, man.
He's a real big piece of meat.
This is the first podcast that a host will die during. So that's the thing.
Maybe one of us should have done the announcements.
That's the thing with the family.
So where are we, that things?
We should go on the letters letters.
Well, it's going to be a tumble with bell.
I know.
Pulling them out of a bag.
Elliott bottom should grab a handful.
Letters.
I know. Thanks, guys.
Um, on that loan, some letter trail. Thank you guys. On that Lonesome Letter Trail,
Roping Cattle, Read Letters to Cattle,
Dear Cattle, Here's a letter for you.
It's Lonesome out here. Readin' Letters.
Under the stars.
Yippee-ah-kai-oh.
Letters.
Get along, little letters. Yippee-ah-kai-oh! Letters!
Get long little letters!
Little letters, okay.
So...
Get long time letters!
Do you have an Indian flute?
So, uh...
I don't know if you can play the flute, I guess.
That's all I guess that it's done.
That song went along enough though.
I'm gonna skip over the first letter.
Oh, come on, Dan.
Move on to the second. I think you're over the first letter. Oh, come on, Dan. Move on to the second.
I think you're coughing slow to start.
Yeah, come on.
Now we're just running slow anyway.
So let's go to this.
Dear flop guys, I'm a big shot executive from CBS.
No, sweet.
Please do not check my LinkedIn profile.
It's that it's bad form and we'll upset the deal.
I just want to let you guys know that everyone here at our television network, CBS, loves
what you're doing with the new media MP3 paradigm as such you are now all hired
to make it children's variety television show.
Hidal the flop house.
Naturally, all three of you will be living in a wacky and a wild house with crazy animatronic
characters and goofy hygiene and animatronic.
What was that did animatronic?
You'll each have your own bedroom and rubed gold burguine breakfast machine of your own design
and maybe even a shed in the backyard to keep pets and family
now we're willing to give you guys a lot of free reign but you're
can crackfully obligated to do the following segments
snack time with Stuart I don't think that's gonna be a problem
Stuart gets hungry and goes to the fridge fridge to meet his friend
Warme Boenner a worm who lives in an apple famous for his remarkable bone density.
Together, they prepare a healthy calcium rich snack,
brought to you by the bone in sardines and milk trust of Canada.
The Ziggy Drone with Elliott.
Elliott uses his mad scientist technology
to bring his favorite characters from the newspaper funny to life.
Using nothing but a 1970s era cray supercomputer,
some leftover pop-wise bones placed in a pattern to divine which spirits are in the room.
An improvised song, watches ink become flesh and newsprint become bone.
Learn the true voice of Rose from Rose's Rose.
That's what my favorite college would be.
Become aware of Gilbert's attitudes on men's rights.
Just kind of sit uncomfortably while the lock warrant is bicker.
The portal of time with Dan.
Dan McCoy is a lot of great memories.
Watch the ship's window.
Nice to Dan's favorite knee-friendly recliner sparking Sputter to Life.
As Dan describes movies, he saw in the plane or something he saw in the history channel
that afternoon.
I don't watch the history channel. No, come on. Dan hates history. the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the day and the Please submit blueprints for each of your rooms and await by the helipad for extraction.
Helipad?
Is that where the helimonsters live?
CVS, AK, so thin and less.
So my room's going to have just like one giant round bed.
Yeah.
Yeah, because round beds are sexier than normal beds.
Yeah, because you like to be
dizzy when you're having sex. I'm not saying it's moving around the circle. We've already talked about
this. I'm just saying, because the only, because the sexiest shape is round. And pillows should fall off
all the time. Hey, look guys, real beds have curves, okay? I mean, all this talk of beds and pillows
just make no with it.
This is the first time I've ever seen a real life person do a cartoon thing where you're
so tired, your body just floats in the air into a bed and then this sheets roll up to
tuck you in and the moon blows you a kiss.
Oh, the moon and I have had a thing for a while, Ellie.
Well, I didn't realize that.
Yeah.
Here's a body sometimes when he plays the piano with the journals.
As Mack tonight.
So Dan, you had asked tonight.
No, it was.
It was Jay Leno.
No, Jay Leno was reflective pain.
Jay Leno was Doritos jumping Jack cheese.
No.
It was just why as a kid, I thought his name was Jack cheese.
Yeah, I did.
I didn't understand. I didn't understand. It was just something G. Yeah, I enjoyed, you know, I imagine that Jay Leno and Michael Shannon would be enough
like to see who would play back tonight in the live action, the hard-core movie,
hardcore porn movie.
Jay Leno would be like, look, didn't you see me in collision course with
hammery?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Michael Shannon, we like, didn't you see me and my son my son what have you done?
And Jaylen will be like nobody saw that movie
So next letter so letters dad. Yeah, so those all sound like great show ideas. Let's do it CBS
Thanks, welcome home. So then it's next one. I'll start dusting off an M e spot or golden glow
What do you earn for being on a TV show?
Uh, money. Okay. Not just statues.
No, the statues are fine, but the money's better.
Dear Elliot, it's not only Elliot. If absolutely anyone else who reads the
email will be struck by a gypsy curse.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Gipsy Curse is to meet. Tired.
For some reason, I can get a gypsy to play as a curse at a reasonable rate.
They're called Romani.
I've never called him a button or some kind of Wampum or something.
That was maybe the most racist thing it's ever been said on this slide.
We'll continue, Dan. Get us into more trouble.
If I recall correctly, on a previous episode of the flop house, you mentioned that Mystery
Science Theatre 3000 is one of your favorite shows, if not your very favorite show.
Very true.
Well then, perhaps you'd be interested in knowing that I have a book coming out about
that very show.
Titled The Comic Galaxy of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 to 12 classic episodes in the movies
They Lampoon.
It's the sort of critical analysis of the show, but also it has references to the Simpsons and the Tall Man stuff. Feel free to check it out.
I'd appreciate it immensely, maybe even tell Dan Stewart about it. I'd hate for them
to be left out of this opportunity. Why I could even be mentioned on the podcast.
Did Dan did a spam bad send us a letter? And what about a great deal on sunglasses?
Dick Pills?
Would you like those?
What else can I get you?
I was recently mugged in Wales,
and I need you to send me money right now.
I'm an Igerian Prince.
My name is Jonah.
You like, is it mugged in the way?
Yeah, I get it, yeah.
Keep up, Dan, come on.
These are the jokes, Dan.
Unfortunately, continue reading, please.
Anyone who's interested in the book can find it on the internet by searching for the
comic galaxy of mystery science theater 3000 by Chris Morgan.
Again, that's the comic galaxy.
A mystery science theater 3000 by Chris Morgan.
Chris last name with help.
Wait a minute.
I thought it would be nice to do a little something that is nice for a fan. Now we're going to read that book. Don't expect it everyone else.
So offensive. We got a story of an amortizment. How did that is this guy pay?
He didn't. Well, he paid by writing his letter before I demanded money for these things.
He got it just under the wire. Yeah. So this last letter.
The Grandfather clause is a. Yeah, you you can fool me. There's no grandfather clause my grandfather's got terrifying clause
names Wolverine
Grandpa grandpa show me your claws. Yeah, yeah snake snake. Okay, whatever grandpa's
He
That's it the two thousand year old growing up as a kid on Madapur is tough
Even when your grandpa's patch.
Call me patch.
Call me dog.
What is it doing?
That's the whole brain.
It's too much.
All the characters I can talk about.
It's Touert's One Man Show about growing up as Wolverine's grandson.
What are they? The hand ninja's always bugging you.
Yeah.
They just are always bugging you.
I'll never forget when Jubilee took my virginity. That's just that's one of the scenes.
There were fireworks that night. I'll tell you. So this last letter is from L Kennedy,
who you who you may remember is our romance novel author. Oh yeah. So L Kennedy
writes, she wrote that book about Jubilee and the young teen boy and the billionaire dinosaur.
And the billionaire baby dinosaur. Feel free to not to read this note on the podcast because
it's actually kind of pointless. Well, I felt free to ignore that.
But I had to share this with you.
So I totally used one of Elliott's silly description for abs to describe the hero of my latest
book. Well, this might be stews, actually.
Yeah, yeah.
Harrow and remarks that he's shredded like lettuce.
That's stews. Yeah.
That's a stew or a shred of like a ninja turtle.
And my editor comes back with nobody would say something that weird
As a joke I changed it to shred it like an ninja turtle
At which point she says and I quote that's a lot better
You guys need to describe a dude's body you're out of the room
Yeah, she didn't go for com gutters your usual phrase you guys need to describe a dude's body in You're a dude's body. You're a dude's body. And yet she didn't go for com gutters. Your usual phrase.
You guys need to describe a dude's body
in a bunch of new ways for future podcasts
because I'll be taking notes.
Keep on flopping in the free world.
What about like all nobly down there for abs?
Yeah, like like like smogs belly.
Like half a mile or rough road.
How about cobblestone ebs
Smog's belly'd be appropriate if you consider the belly button as being the missing chink in the armor the black arrow finds the one jewel
That's not there that jewel is testicle the singer
His testicles were craggly like the cracked mud of a desert.
No, that doesn't work.
How about this?
I was this.
His scrotum hung there like a crane,
flinging for dear life to the edge of a cliff.
How about that?
His scrotum hung there like a bat playing upside down
from the bottom of his taint.
His Donovan's brain pouch was immaculate.
It's romance novels.
I'm primarily concerned with describing this scrotum, right?
I think so, yeah.
The most romantic part of the man's body.
Yeah.
I just know that there's that one, that famous one,
Scroat Learning.
What?
That a wrote learning.
Oh, anyway, Scroat Remarization, that's what you would call it.
Yep, so let's, so anyway, other things for abs, we'll work on it.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, his abs were like the pebbles in the bottom of a fish tank.
His abs were bumpy like abs.
His abs resembled nothing more than a bunch of sexy abs.
His weiner looks great like a giant combo.
Oh, oh.
Like a pizza flavor.
Of course.
So we leave it up.
The Reader's imagination is to what kind of combo it is.
It's the reader, whatever their favorite combo.
Yeah, whether it's pizza, cheese,
or pepperoni.
It was the one that can fill in that information or so.
Yeah, yeah, because the most erotic place is the mind.
So, it's a harnessy, you know, in my day,
you may need a larger sound, I'll be right back.
In my day, we had to use our imagination
to decide what combo man's penis was.
It wasn't just bent to us like TV does.
On the shadow when they described a man's penis
as looking like a combo, we had to fill in the details.
And fill in the details of what a combo was.
It hadn't been invented yet.
It wasn't made out of a pretzel casing.
It was some kind of a cracker roll.
Back then, combos only had one thing.
There was no combination.
Because of the war, cheese filling was desperately needed
to beat Tojo and Hitler.
All the pretzels were rations. And we liked it, Vandagnavitt.
So that's the history of the rocks.
Gummy worms were made out of tin.
And Nurgs candies were made of real nerds.
Because of the war.
Neckelwapers made it the same thing they always have been made out of dust. We made a real nerds. Cause of the war.
Mechookacing, neck away for some made the same thing. They always have been made out of dust.
And we renamed Swedish fish freedom fish.
So anyway, um, now's the point and the podcast where we recommend movies that we liked and didn't sleep through.
It's possible.
There are there such films?
You just got back from Austin, guys.
What do you guys watch on the plane?
The plane really didn't have...
No, it was an old plane that did not.
It played a movie, but everyone had to watch the same movie on a tiny screen above you.
I won't say what terrible airline it was, but it was Delta.
Great. Now they're never going to sponsor us. I mean, while I was in Austin,
I did see Birdman, but that's not the movie I'm going to recommend tonight.
Oh, wow.
Burn.
Is that right? What?
Right? More like Burnman, which I guess would be what fire starter?
Yeah.
Or the human torch.
Uh, is there a movie called the human torch?
It will be.
Okay. Fire starter.
Burn a little lady or three burns a little lady.
Mr. Burner.
You know, I'll just, Dan seems to be finally going into his post-nap fugues date.
So I'll talk.
The movie I'm going to recommend is a movie called The Woman Chaser, starring Patrick
Warburton.
It's from 1999.
And it's a movie I've wanted to see since it came out and yet only got to
this year because it just wasn't readily available for a long time.
But then the AV Club tipped me off that it through the form of an article that it was
available on Netflix streaming and I just finally got to watch this movie I've been
wanting to see for a long time.
And it is a movie set in the 50s. And Patrick Warburton plays a really tough,
but good used car dealer,
who is tired of his life selling used cars
and finds himself in a rut.
So he decides to enter the film business
through his stepfather who is a former film director.
And he makes a movie that he finds to be perfect,
but the studio wants him to change it.
And so he basically goes mad.
And he plays this weird, uncompromising character
who's a real dick to everybody,
but it's Patrick Warburton,
so there's this kind of level of charm and likability to him.
And it feels at times like he's kind of testing out
for eventually playing Brock Samson on Adventure Brothers.
The movie itself is an interesting one.
It's got a lot of like wannabe cone brothers, wannabe tarantino stuff about it.
There's some stuff that it does that the man who wasn't there would do better a few years
later.
But I like a lot.
It's this, you know, tight little 90 minute weirdo kind of comedy kind of
noir movie. Patrick Warburton is really good in it. So the woman chaser on Netflix is
playing at your computer rated R. I guess. I'll probably have a little swearing in it.
I want to argument to movies. I'll try and do a fast thing.
I'll sleepy.
One's a movie trailer.
No, they're both available on Netflix streaming.
I watched short-term 12, which is a movie about kids who have had, who are in sort of like,
they've been taken from the family or in dangerous situations, family at home,
and placed in short-term care.
And-
So is it like short-circuit too?
Yeah, it's exactly like short-circuit too.
There's, they play old songs on a keypad.
How are the, how are the locoes represented?
Does anyone kick balls into outer space?
There's a point.
There's a point where Fisher Stevens goes,
it takes a tough man to make it into chicken.
Yeah. The Locos gang rhyme took me a little while,
but it was very important to me to master it when I was a kid.
Yeah. You break it out right now.
Those Locos kick your ass, those Locos kick your face, those Locos kick your weight those logos kick your ass those logos kick your face those those
logos kick your balls into outer space. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well anyway short-term. Well
It's a it's a little film
Stars Brie Larson only two inches high who I had seen in
Less than like rolls that would not normally be standout roles in 21 jump
street and a small role in the worst season of community, but she always
impressed me in those and this is-
She's got Silrum too, right?
Yes, but this is like she's a star, she's without question the star of the film and
is tremendous and the movie at its
best is a very like sort of sensitive realistic portrait at its worst it
gets a little plotty and unrealistic and the stuff that's too much
pilates well the stuff that's really good kind of throws the stuff that's a
little false into greater relief, but overall, I liked
it a lot.
And I also want to recommend Phase Four.
A lot of movies with numbers in the books.
The only movie that Saul Bass directed, thanks to Zyre.
Saul Bass, who you know from things like, say, the North by Northwest Credit Sequence.
Or the Psycho Credit Sequence.
Yeah.
Or the Academy of Immersed Credit a murder credit sequence yeah so many credits were claiming credit
for the psycho shower sequence that you can direct or people on the internet
reimagining things as if they're saw best things you may know it from that yeah
I mean I don't really give him credit for those well these influential he could
be a person on the internet but but so it's lawnmower man.
It's all bass, aka the lawnmower man, has been terrorizing the internet with his credit sequences.
It's a movie about there's this sort of disturbance from outer space that gets all of the ants
on the earth talking to one another. Like my aunt Wendy and my aunt Carol?
Ants, ants, insects.
Because they're on different sides of my family.
They don't really talk to each other.
But the ants have become smart and they start working together and they start working together
against humanity.
And a couple of scientists are trying to figure out a way to stop them, communicate with them,
whatever they can do.
And it's a very interesting movie
because they take this sort of absurd premise,
the answer kind of kill us, and they treat it as seriously,
I think, as such a premise, it could be treat,
it's this weird combination of sort of like hard science fiction and dreamy like 1970s
like
semi-sorealism and like saw basses design
I is beautiful and it uses a lot of footage close-up footage of real ants in
a way that doesn't look like nature photography. It looks like it was
in a way that doesn't look like nature photography. It looks like it was somehow I taught these ants to act.
They got some acting ants.
Yeah, like it really tells the story visually
through these ants and it's pretty amazing.
So, like in a bug's life.
Yeah, exactly like you have a bug's life.
Yeah, perfect.
Then Kevin Spacey plays Hopper.
That's a Dennis Hopper.
Yeah, it's the Dennis Hopper story,
but it's still all through ants.
So it's my turn to recommend a movie.
So I'm gonna recommend a movie that might still be in theaters
or you might have to wait a little while to catch it.
It's called, Have it one night.
Catch it on the show.
I'm not sure there's some theaters,
but you can check it out.
It's a movie called Jonathan Wick starring
at the new Jonathan Wick Mickey.
It's starring Kiano Reeves.
He's called the John Wick,
and he's from the Matrixes.
Oh, the Matrixes.
Or the first of the speeds.
Yep, the first of the speeds.
So this year
2014 people has been a great year for action movies. You have your raids too. You have yours the guests
You have your live dies repeat etc. Well John Wick continues that tradition
With for your book
John Wick is with a hard-hit address
for your book.
John Wicke is with a hard dress with a
extra dictionary to find John Wicke as a total man.
And it's something that's in a candle.
This is a hard
head Mark Chow Mark Twain once said, don't let John Wicke
get in the way of your education.
I believe this is true.
John Wicke, John Arieives, yeah. So this is like
a take in type movie. Kind of. It's a, it's a, it's a straightforward revenge story about
a former super bad ass who left the life behind after performing the impossible job.
Hmm. But he comes back to the life after his spoiler.
Impossible job. After an opening to WIC with a John like Bakyado.
After an opening monologue to Stewart with his movie recommendation.
After an opening montage where we find out see Keanu Reeves mourning the loss of his wife.
She his dead wife gives him a final parting gift of a very cute puppy, which gets murdered by the guy who
plays the thing and Greyjoy from the Game of Thrones show, I think. I don't want to make.
What ifs? And then he goes on a Toats Awesome Revenge spree. Now, the thing about this movie is it's
directed by a former stuntman, I think, or a fight choreographer. So the action scenes are all very readable.
It manages to be very fun,
and they are smart enough to surround Kiana Reeves
who is kind of a boring dude
with very fun and exciting side characters,
including Ian McShane, Lance Retic from The Wire,
Willem DeFoe, et cetera. So. the wire, Willem DeFoe, et cetera.
So.
When you said Willem DeFoe, I thought you said
a little DeFoe for a second, like Willem DeFoe.
A little DeFoe.
A little DeFoe.
A little DeFoe.
All right, our little Rob is in the crew, so.
And a little Malfe landers.
So run, don't walk to your movie theater
because it's probably not going to be there very long,
but it's great, it's fun.
How many wicks do you give it?
I'd give it five wicks.
Hmm.
It's good.
Out of 200.
Oh, it's not regular at all.
But 200 wicks is a terrible score to have.
Oh, so the fewer wicks you have, the better.
Six wicks is the best.
But this score is crazy bonkers.
This system is.
You got to see the movie.
That's all I'm saying no spoilers
Fans of the movie will get it
So now do we do then now do we talk about letters we like to sleep?
I like the movie we're talking about tonight, no, no, no, I'm caught in a time loop. Oh, yeah
I'll never get to that so Robo copop is taking the words cop or police officer and Robert.
Yeah, it's Robert O'Cop.
All right, come on, guys.
He's in it.
He's actually that's the joke we did on the daily show when the star of RoboCop was a guest
was that the movie was called Rob O'Cop.
It's about Irish release man.
The audience loved it.
Stuart. Cop. It's about Irish release man. The audience loved it.
So anyway, it's called Rob cop. It's about a cop who's depressing doesn't get out of his robe and get dressed for
his job, but he's still cracking crimes and solving
slimes.
That's my name.
Throwing creeps in jail, but not reading his mail.
Tarfins throwing creeps in jail but not reading his mail.
Is that making him a bad bad boy on the edge? Did I read his mail?
Yeah, a bad boy on the end.
He's still throwing the book at him, but the book is a book of photos of his ex-wife.
That's why he's so depressed.
He got to vote.
He's almost as happy as he is.
He's a man of the public rating system.
He's a man of the public.
Sure. Yeah. He's a vanity manager. Yeah.
He's still kicking ass and attending mass because he's got like
it's the most terrifying book you'll ever read.
Pictures of my ex-wife. Boom.
So anyway, we'll learn what other things that this cop likes to do that rhymes.
But for now, we should sign off.
I've been to Amacoi.
I've been steward wellington.
He's still shutting down creeps and making beeps.
When he pushes buttons, they make a beep sound.
And I'm Ellie Achaelin.
I get ahead everyone.
[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪
There's a box upon your house, Dan.
House McCoy is.
House of flops house
hey everybody
flop house time this is the loudest I'm gonna talk this is the quiet
I'm gonna talk that was where I've hit the quiet
okay I never get ready to
are we can just tuck you back in been ready, let's pull the sleeping bag up on them.
And raise its first call.
Just put you to sleep in a little matchbox bed
inside your mouse hole house.