The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #17 - Untraceable
Episode Date: June 8, 20080:00 - 0:30 - Intro and theme.0:31 - 1:40 - We welcome back co-host Elliott Kalan after a brief break, and he pitches us a Kalan-centric TV vehicle.1:41 - 26:42 - A perfectly pleasant conversation abo...ut sticking your penis in various foodstuffs is ruined by the film Untraceable.26:43 - 30:00 - Final judgments.30:01 - 36:16 - The sad bastards recommend.36:17 - 38:03 - Shilling for the website - now with fan art and videos!38:04 - 40:14 - Some final thoughts about Untraceable, fan art, and penises.40:15 - 41:19 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is the untrasable episode to the flop house Elliot your back after
We took a back
We were also
Thank you ladies. Thank you. Hey whoa our audience folks
You seem fine, so no LEK, but you know that's I'm just saying I'm one of a kind geez
So any any big life changes since we last saw you well
I was hoping to get my own TV show off of my brief cameo on the recent daily show episode
It was gonna be called correction with Ellie Kalen
Walk out correct people in their every or every day ordinary life when they made common mistakes
Yeah, such as if someone was like man that guys are real Frankenstein
I would walk out and say is he a mad scientist because if not you mean Frankenstein's monster
That's like a really irritating. Well, that's what the that's what the people at the network said. So that didn't happen. So otherwise, no, not very much has been going on. All right. Well, but now we're all back together.
And we have the original peaches.
What?
This from the American classic illegal their own. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, this used to be my playground. Tom Hanks was in that movie.
This used to be my playground Tom Hanks was in that movie. You know Tom Hanks's son was in another movie
Movies that orange County oh
Mr. X Zing
But he was also in a film we watched tonight, which is a untraceable and I have to say we were we were really looking forward to watching untraceable
Yeah, for some strange
Like the reason that I don't know. I was really let down
I've always liked movies that start with On and End and Abel.
Yeah, dude.
You're basing this on Diana Lane's other film on Faithable.
Well, Faithable, Unbreakable, the aborted Rob Schneider project, Unrapeable, all sorts of
things.
That's a long story, anyway.
You know, I watched on Faithable once.
Yeah.
Oliver Martinez was hot.
That's not where I saw you going with that sentence.
Yeah, so the, I think the real problem with this movie was we pre-suited it by getting
or like crowding around your computer and going to IMDB and watching the trailer for the
movie Twin Citters starring the barbarian brothers.
Certainly, nothing could live up to that
Yeah, we got only not untraceable. We all worked up and
Yeah, so I guess what we're saying is maybe you guys should watch that movie
I mean, we haven't seen it but just based on the trailer or at least just watch the trailer like five times
Just watch it. It's a great trailer. Yeah, it's really good
But untraceable was about an internet killer. And I think
that that's probably what excited us about it. It's always been a flop house favorite theme
to watch films that vilify the web. Or that just used technology incorrectly. Yeah.
Off the bat. Or that sling jargon left and right. Oh, sure. To no discernible purpose.
Yeah. That's what I was going to say. i don't know whether this movie was accurate or not
because i couldn't understand any of the technical explanations that gave
everything was vids and packets and data finder
mirror sites and bots and and we're so
underage russian teens
under yeah it was all oh no he's's mirroring his sight with a Russian IP address
Firewall, you know and so forth
Panoplaying pandas well, and here's here's my problem with if we haven't gotten into the plot of untraceable in case anyone in the audience
Hasn't seen it untraceful is about a man who has a website called come kill with me. No, it's just called kill with me
Tony Bennett's out.
Inspired by the, uh, Friday the 13th films.
Uh, so he has a website called Kill with me where he tortures people to death and the
more people who watch the faster the person dies because either more poison is injected
or more heat lamps come on.
But the thing that struck me is crazy.
He's almost making his viewers
into accomplices, Elliot.
Yes, and that point is made many times.
Just like we were made into accomplices
for this film untraceable by me spending $3 torrented.
So you're like an accomplice to this crappy movie.
Not me, I didn't pay nothing.
But here's my problem with the film.
My experience to the internet is that people
Maybe unlike the late 90s. They were sending around like crazy videos of guy, you know blown his head off
Oh my god, but now all the videos I get sent are of pandas or like a pet hippopotamus or like a cat playing a piano
Yeah, check out this awesome flight of the kind of words clip. Oh my god
Oh, yeah exactly, but it's like the big hit at the office a while ago
was the screensaver where it looks like a dog is
liking your screen from the inside.
And it's really adorable.
No one's really interested in blood and guts.
It's always like.
So you're saying that come be adorable with me.
I think cute with me, Doug, come.
It's very, it's like, for every 10 people who watch,
I'm going to add another kitten to this box
On the ducklings I've said too much. This is we could be making a lot of money
But certainly more costume on this duckling
Certainly kill with me.com would not be getting the viewership numbers that he is reporting on his site readout
Which at one point go into the 14
millions yeah that's a lot of people dude yeah I would think that just time zones would now
yeah yeah time zones all sorts of things I know bad bad connections yeah slow a slow hookup
speeds I don't want to like I don't know I don't get the jar I don't want to compel you to name drop
but because I'm not on television you are like you've got a
better idea of like what an average show might let me tell you the ship if 14 million viewers or even
7 million viewers as the site seems to normally get is a fantastic rating like that's really good
a cable show can get by on less than a million viewers much of the time like cartoon network I'm
sure list listeners to this
are big fans of adult swimming, all that stuff,
but their shows don't make,
let's say two to three million viewers,
most likely, maybe family guy, I don't know.
But like 14 million or seven million viewers,
like that's crazy.
Yeah, by the end of the film,
I believe they top out on 30 million.
Really? I don't even remember that.
See, to keep with them perspective, that's ten percent of the united states of america that's as if you
were walking down the street
with apartment buildings on either side and one out of every ten apartments
someone's watching kill with me dot com
it's very sad just like people it's come like there's people computers and that's
that many computers yeah
there could be like ten people close to right Yeah, as in this movie much of the time
That was just like lazy screenwriting on behalf of the screenwriter, too
They're like he's like I don't all look up like how many people
Exist in the world and like how accurate it would be I wonder if they hire what's a big number like I bet it
I totally bet if like someone was getting killed online 30 million people would watch
Well, I wonder if that if it was a more realistic number,
originally it was like 500,000,
and then in the punch-up sessions,
they were like, we gotta punch up these numbers, man,
they're not impressive enough.
All right, what about a million?
All right, that's good.
Third draft, we gotta punch up these numbers, man.
How about two million?
That's good for now, but we'll see, you know,
fourth drafts.
Let's make it 20 million.
Yeah, sounds good, whatever, man, let's keep keep going the first guy to get killed by the let's let's go through the way
Yeah cover the way first guy was a kitten
Well the first guy was a kitten which I refused to watch you know well you miss watching people getting tortured
I couldn't tell what the torture is supposed to be it was slightly like we were teased we kept being shown like this kitten being put on the floor
And then it was like, oh no.
I really sleepy.
He's dirt-rigging a kitten.
Yeah, and it didn't seem to, nothing happened.
He's not playing with the kitten enough.
It's time.
That's on the door, oh.
He's sleepykitten.com would make a lot of money
or get a lot of viewers.
There's no way to make money on the internet.
But that's the thing is like, it's not
that I want to see anything happen to a kitten.
That's the last thing I want to say.
But you can't just show me a kitten lying on the floor and have me expect to be horrified.
The way that Diane Lane is and that she's obsessed with this site almost instantly.
Yeah.
But this guy, S. Cyruchilus, do.
He starts out torturing kitties and then he moves to, and bedwetting, he moves out.
And the first human, his first website was pnm-a-b-a-b dot com
that didn't do as well the first guy that he kills he kills by he engraves
kill with me uh... i don't know what he says great that he adds the dot com
i don't know how you know it's implied here's why this is a flawed advertising
thing carving the name your site in your victims chest
the customer already has to be at your site in order to see the ad.
That's like that dominoes ad where if you, uh, it's the get the door.
It's dominoes like if I'm hearing this ad and dominoes at the door, I've already ordered
the dominoes.
Yeah, that's, they're not randomly giving you ad, giving you a thesis.
That'd be weird.
I'd be scared of some random dominoes guy came to my door.
But it's like, if, it's a really conceptual criticism.
Like, as if you're seeing this commercial, it's like if we it's really conceptual criticisms
As if you're seeing this commercial. Let's just get the door of dominoes and you're at the door I'm like what the fuck I did what you told me TV. Where's my pizza?
Outside oh my god, he's a killer
In a in a terrible coincidence there was a killer outside the door.
But I don't get about just when you're supposed to get out of the house.
But I don't get about big sausage pizza.com is none of the women ever seem to be surprised
that it beats they never seem to be like no I don't want this pizza they're always into
it.
And the weird thing is that what's what are the odds that they always find willing women?
What do they do with the little circle of pizza from the middle that they cut out?
You assume me I assume they donate that to homeless.
I like the thing that they can't play with this.
I'm not playing with this, but I've just gotten an idea
of what it is.
I like the thing they sneak it under the couch, or.
Which, weird, it's, it was.
I can only pleads to them that now that we've given them
free advertising that they link to us,
because I think that they're probably more popular.
Possibly.
Then a movie.
Also, you have to carry the pizza perpendicular
to the floor. You think you've you got me the whole time drawing level too
I'm growing level. Yeah, that's and but the pizza everyone who was no delivery person holds a pizza like that the pizza would slide right to
I was thought that they would they'd wait until they
Until they determine that the the woman who can't pay for the pizza obviously because she has no money that they just wait until
She's not an ego and they're like, oh, okay, time to get out
my circular pizza cutter, okay?
I remember like my flasso pizza
into the hot steaming cheese pizza thing.
I remember that comic strip Nancy and I go.
Well, I was talking to somebody the other day
about the penis in the bucket of popcorn prank,
which has a similar failing, which is,
you either cut the whole,
well, there's popcorn in it, popcorn starts spilling out you've got a jam
your penis in or you go up or you go up to the snack counter with a bucket with
your penis sticking through it and you say quick pour some hot popcorn in this on
my erect penis I got a hurry over before I get a flaccid from the heat of the
popcorn around it you know so I can pull this prank on the girl I think we're not
realizing is that like that's really the fetish.
Like people are really, oh, they love having it.
They're exposing themselves to concessions people.
So the manning that they pour popcorn on their salt, possibly hot butter, liquid,
possibly they now have like, they've like barbecue powder now.
You can get on your dick.
I'm gonna feel good.
I don't know.
It's not like gold bomb, medicated powder.
It's going to feel good. I don't know. It's not like Goldbomb, Medicaid, patterns.
You can see that it pops.
So what are you saying?
They don't get such a immediate, like, strong erection
that it busts through the bottom of the popcorn.
I know a thing like an eruption.
And like the popcorn kind of shoots out
like a gram was in it.
It's always assumed that there's some premeditation
about this.
It's not like when the girl sticks her hand and feels as Venus, it's as surprised to both of them.
You know, it's...
It also, you need to be a whole...
My face is red.
Who holds popcorn, literally, right on their crotch, in such a way that's sticking outwards.
It's...
In case you're wondering how busy I am at work, yes, we did discuss the mechanics of this.
By the way, I was first made aware of this technique.
Older brother.
No, the video cover, I believe the video is called Feeling Up.
It looked like an 80s or 90s TNA comedy. It was like a nerdy looking guy and your average
80s nerd glasses
Looking really happy when though like a blonde woman reaching into the
And I'm like oh
I see what's going on. He's already got her out on a date. What's he so like?
He's on the hard part right there. Yeah, cuz he likes popcorn
He's not that's a well you didn't what you couldn't see because it's just the box covering you know
Our movie is he's actually just enjoying that movie a lot
He doesn't even know it's going on below the way it's optimistic
Feeling up. Yeah, but it's that's such a good title because it's got three it's got three meanings
Yeah, he's feeling happy all feeling up. Uh-oh my penis is rising feeling up. It's probably gonna feel up that girl
Yeah, that's a brilliant title like a Shakespearean pun yeah there's three
meanings that Tom stopper would be shitting his pants if you could come up with
that it'd be so exciting like get get somebody on the on the horn get
bas lerman on the horn I want to call I wanted to make this movie man I could
talk about this all night I could talk about anything but untrasable so untrasable the thing was is really boring yeah I wanted to make this movie. Oh man. I could talk about this all night. I could talk about anything but untraceable.
So untraceable, the thing was, it was really boring.
Well, I wanted to say though, this guy gets killed with me,
carved on his chest, and then the way that he's being killed
is the more hits, the attack gets more anti-coagulant
goes into him, so he's bleeding out.
And I made the point that nightmare.
Before there were a bunch of hits.
Like, wouldn't this blood actually clot early on
in the process?
Yeah, you have to imagine that business would start slow.
Yeah, and you have to imagine that then,
like, once it did clot, the guy has to go in
and like re-carve in, come kill with me
or at least clean up the scabs.
Yeah, it seems like a weird way of that.
I mean, I don't know about you guys,
but when I get like hits in my web box,
my online web mailbox, I usually get like,
I get these hits from like,
I don't know, like penis enlargement,
podcasts about bad movies, things like that.
And like most of the time I ignore them,
but I guess eventually everybody went right to the site.
That's the thing is, whenever there's a new killing
people rush to the site and the numbers are racing up but it means that either he's sending out
email notifications that there's a new killing on the site where people are just lurking around
kill with me waiting for something to happen. Yeah they in the millions. They saved it and then they
opened up a new tab on their web browser. They just sat and monitored that. Yeah, of course.
You're saying that there's got to be an email blast,
is that what you're saying?
Well, you used that term earlier.
When we were watching, I've never actually never heard that
for an email blast.
Any e-blast?
Yeah.
For an e-worm.
It's like finger blasting.
No, it's like a movie episode of the Love House.
No, it just seems that, yeah, the only way that people
would know is if you sit out a mass email to like his list server and be like, hey guys, I got a new victim.
You might want to come check it out.
I'm throwing this guy in a tank of piranhas.
I had a new piranha every time someone clicks on it.
Let's find out the answer in this equation.
30 million piranhas plus one news reporter equals question mark.
You'll find out.
Yeah. The French would say an angel just passed over us. That's what that
silence was. Okay that's that's nice.
I like it. Good night everybody. So they killed a guy with an echo egg.
Yeah well they killed a guy with acid. Battery acid, a guy with heat lamps. And
those lamps must have been
i don't know how hot because he looked like
he had been
onsite
when herosium i was hit
it's body was charred
and he would like
it looked like the scene in x-men
where
the senator crawls out of the ocean after being hit with magnetos
mutant making machine
and he's just turning into a blob of kind of human water.
Yeah.
That's a glow to like, like I said,
it was like the lava guy from altered state.
Yeah, I kind of wanted him to have magma powers all this.
That would be awesome.
And use those to take down the serial killer.
Magman?
Magman.
What a terrible name.
He's a man.
He's the powers of mag.
Sure.
Think of anything, magazines, mag wheels.
I don't want to tell you.
I think it's mag, though.
So, um, Magman.
I can't really follow how they actually
tracked the guy down eventually.
Oh, he is the internet.
Oh, OK.
So it is good for something.
Hoist of my zone, but I don't know.
You wouldn't know that watching this movie,
because it had this weird reactionary quality to it.
Like Diane Lane
Make some sort of off-hand anti net neutrality comments. There were a lot of there were a lot of comments against
Movie and song piracy against net neutrality against there's that weird that we're there's that one weird bit where
She she was setting her daughter up to play with like a weird like internet horse game because little girls like horses
They do and like she made sure that she had like a nice plate of
Apple slices to eat like what kind of nerd eats apples like
She was eight years old. Well, come on. It turned out that was a backdoor Trojan in it
That he has an horse program was actually a backdoor Trojan. It sounds really dirty was I
Couldn't follow because I was thinking about how I'd like to give Diana in a backdoor trojan. It sounds really dirty. I couldn't follow it because I was's the message that if like Comcast is controlling which websites get through that we won't have
Killing websites. That's the other it's it was it's in be very much in government oversight of the internet in every way
It was also very heavily pro eavesdropping pro entering buildings without a warrant pro wiretapping like it was
Pro entering buildings without a warrant pro wiretapping like it was
Interrapment of people by chatting with them online. That's the thing we didn't mention Diane Lane plays an FBI investigator who is works in It seems the internet entrapment department. It's three people one of whom is deaf who sit around and look at computers all day
And basically entrap people are look they look at gross videos and they're like oh get loaded in shit
You're arrested buddy. Yeah, that's you know and they it doesn't seem like they're going
about in sort of a scatter shot way too it's like oh here's a pop-up I'll click
on that that looks like it might be no it's nothing that's how she's
done what is it song thief or something yeah oh that's like that naps are
thing yeah remember that guys?
As if that lived through Napster being around.
That's an extra thing that my grandpa told me about.
Nearly 2000s.
That's like the Napster thing from seven years ago.
Yeah.
I guess it was eight years ago.
So Colin Hanks was one of those guys though.
Yeah, we played the character of Griffin.
Yeah, Griffin Dowd.
Was his last name Dowd? I didn't remember that part. Griffin Dowd played the character of Griffin. Yeah, Griffin Dowd. Was his last name
down. Yeah, I didn't remember that part. Griffin Dowd is a big internet data. He's always
dating girls on the internet. And in his day job, he said about him. It is day job.
He pretends to be a underage girl and then traps older men. Wait a minute. This just
in guys his character dies in this movie from too much acid. Yeah, spoiler alert
That made me sad in guys. You got a breaking news
Breaking we just breaking news he gets trapped by the killer who uses a really good voice modulation device to make his masculine voice
Sound exactly like a girl's voice a girl. He's never met. Who the character is actually met before. That's the crazy thing is that the voice not only is a girl's voice, but it's a girl that the character knows. That's the sort of thing you can do when you're really good at technology those tours. I'm not very good at technology clearly.
And who was the killer in the end? Should we give it away? Well, was it was it was it was it the ball day.
No, he was the star of the film as far as we're concerned. The
ball day. We're quite taken with ball day.
I mean, a man with a mustache Asian ball kind of have you said
appeared in the backgrounds of different scenes. Yeah, and he
had more charisma than everyone else in the movie put
together. But yeah, the person who was the killer was mad was mad at the internet
basically. Sure. And so he used it as his tool to destroy others. Which answers the question,
there's a hilarious line at one point where they're doing an FBI briefing and one guy goes,
why is he using the internet to kill? And that's answered because apparently some
to kill. And that's answered because apparently some YouTube video of his dad getting, you know,
killing himself became a big hit and people were watching it all over the place.
And so too, I don't think you can watch that on YouTube.
No.
Well, I mean, it would be, it was a YouTube issue video.
At this point, YouTube is no longer a brand name.
It's a clean excerpt.
Oh, okay.
It's a clean excerpt.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, so he was infuriated by Xerox or flop,
how it's like it just comes to typify a certain type of thing.
Our gawking society.
That's what he hated.
A rubber necker.
A rubber neck and internet and gang.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really good country.
Yeah, it was a rubber neck and internet and gang. I mean, the climax is really boring because it was really good country. Yeah, I remember neck and internet and
game. I remember the climax is really boring because it was just her hanging over a
rototiller and then she falls down and shoots the guy. Well, she got trapped by
how ironic her car being taken over by the web. I guess he hacked them through with
a GPS. You can do that with hacking, right? Through the on-star system.
Well, I think that you can actually do that.
Which I guess means that you could hack into the Batmobile
since we, as we learned, he has on-star on there
in the film Batmaine and Robin.
I don't think that's canonical, Batmaine and Robin.
I want to believe that untraceable is part of the same
can in the films as Batmaine and Robin.
No, but the thing is, I'm willing to, you know, take the movie's word for it that an evil hacking
serial killer can hack into the on-star.
I don't believe then that means he can lock the doors
on the car.
Because I think that's a simple electrical circuit.
I'm like a computer computer has anything to do with that.
Like locking the doors now, Diane Lane's character.
I can't do that, Diane Lane.
The computer knows that she's an actress playing this part.
It was really difficult in the filming of the movie because it never referred to her as her
character's name. Well, you can't explain to robots the concept of acting.
Yeah, sure. So what's the got a robot? I don't understand Diane. Why is he calling you a different name?
So what's the guy robot? I don't understand Diane. Why is he calling you a different name?
Robot genetic imprint reads
But I one of the disappointments I had of the film was that the killer did turn out to be kind of a random
Character and it wouldn't realize as it wouldn't real life and not like a side character who was you know one of the I was expecting Bald Asian cop to be a possible suspect.
I was expecting Griffin to maybe have done it, you know,
all these sorts of things.
We're moving in, that it was like a sort of a jagged edge
sort of thriller where...
Well, yeah, you know what, I mean, let's just say...
Kiss the girls.
There's a reason Stanley was right,
and his argument with Steve Dicco
about who the Green Goblin should be.
You know, if you introduce a totally new character,
it just doesn't mean as much.
Yeah. Although Kiss the Girls was one of the worst revelations of who the villain was.
This Carriel was the whole time, dude. But why? Go back in time.
He's got a corporate sponsor in Sierra of Killer. That's why.
As in... I think I'm mixing up two movies. You got to think backwards and imagine all the scenes
that Carriel was in where he said really cryptic stuff Like I'm not cooling these
I wonder who's murdering these girls
Now I know why you were winking at me Carrie
Yeah, it was just disappointing because it was like you see these everyone was for was ominously
Introduced and the whole thing takes place in Portland, Oregon and which was apparently the most ominous place in the world. Rainy. Never stops raining, always gray.
That nothing but overhead shots of bridges and things.
But everyone's kind of ominous and quiet, so you're like, well, wonder who it is, is it him?
Is it him? And then this guy isn't introduced to as evil eye, and you know, immediately that it's him,
and we've never seen him before, and you know, and he kills a guy by hitting him with heat lamps.
The only thing we ever learn about him before his motive is that he likes Korean things.
No that was just the house he had stolen to bring that guy.
So that was untraceable.
Yeah that was really scary.
But this is a movie that the most to give you an idea of what watching this movie is like
right about a little bit before the climax, the CD, the DVD, sorry,
I thought we were using a Phillips CDI.
The DVD paused because it was, I guess it scratched or something.
Yeah, it scratched, it started skipping.
Well, it was a part of the movie that got worn out, right?
Yeah, because people wanted to watch it.
Don't you think everyone was like, what happened?
But it stopped and...
It went apart with the back door program.
And Dan sat on the couch and said
I don't care enough about this movie to fix this so he sat there for a little bit
just hoping it would restart itself because we couldn't muster the enthusiasm
to any any of us to get up and press the play button and try to see how to get
passed this one. I'm not taking it out and clean it.
You can do the technique that you used to do with Nintendo cards.
And then stuff another cartridge on top. You can do it. I did try and stuff a Nintendo
card to top of the CD, but I think I broke my CD player. This was also the most, it was
both, we couldn't get the enthusiasm. And this was also the most suspenseful part of the movie. Was,
uh oh, is this disc broken? Are we even going to be able to finish this film?
Are we going to have to review something else entirely?
We're just going to talk about the twin-sitters trailer?
40 in a june.
There were three points in the movie that because of a bad DVD, I skipped ahead and then reversed to like I don't know 40 seconds after where we stopped so that lost
120 seconds might change my opinion on this yeah
Redeemable question mark. Yeah, I
Unredeemable. Oh, I'm the movie. I would make about this move
I'll just like
Let's just stop talking about it. I mean I
Think I know where we're all gonna go, but I'm gonna go home soon. That was a good bad movie.
A bad bad movie or a movie that you like in some way.
This was a bad bad movie for me.
I've been on a pretty good role of Fluff has movies lately.
I feel like brats
dragon wars movies that i surprisingly found something to like him but this one
was no good
yeah this this is really rough right at our right on the heels of uh... avp r which was
really bad
uh... this was a terrible movie then
i agree i mean i i like
bad internet thrillers. I think I am lanes really
cute. Sure. Call him, thanks. What's not to lie? He's adorable. He's a likable actor. I
was sad to see him burn. Well, you can't talk about how sad you were thinking about Tom
Hanks being sad over the death of his son. I mean, you forgot the difference between an actor and a character at that point too.
Like the car.
Sorry, your son has been burnt.
Now why would he learn by telegram?
His son didn't die overseas.
I don't imagine that everyone who sons die, they get a telegram about it.
Yep, so many from the word apartment chairs.
Well, he was an FBI agent.
Sure. It's not even close. Not even close.
He was telegrammed. But ultimately there was just Teddygramms. I'm sorry. All the world were two wives whose
husbands were dreaded. Those Teddygramms. We're sorry about your son. Here's some Teddy Rams.
Maybe that'll cheer you up.
Those chug loans are so gross, see.
They're a little bear cookie.
Maybe that'll take a place in your heart.
Maybe this will ease some of the sting.
It's a little cracker.
It looks like a bear.
Anyway.
Oh, come on, thanks.
I got a lot of Teddy grams to give out today. I'll see you later, I guess
It's a little it's just tasteful to hit on a woman just then but he knows she's single He's gonna come back with more teddy bears
Yeah, so looks like a like a teddy grand delivery guy can give her
That's what it was like in Europe after the war the Iksberg I just had to give girls teddy grams and they could do whatever they wanted
You know, I don't know that
It's a teddy gram based economy
So we we all really hated this movie that's too bad. I was really hoping it was gonna be fun
So somewhere on this episode devoted to the movie untraceable we've talked about about Teddy Grams, cutting holes and things and putting your penis in them.
What else? Anything else of note?
Oh, I don't know. The internet? Wait, that was relevant.
Oh god. Oh, let's just move on. Let's move on.
Got org. There's an internet joke.
So, okay, so we agree that this movie sucks. What's the next part of the podcast, Dan?
Is it the recommended, recommended,
the most recommended?
Okay, LA you go.
LA Kalingos.
All right, man, I'm on top of this.
I got two movies.
The first is for anyone who won a little action,
which this movie did not have,
a little movie called The Driver,
which is a Walter Hill film from 1978,
starring Ryan O'Neill and Elliot.
Why I say, I was about to say Elliot Gould, Brewster, they look similar, a little bit.
No, they play similar characters.
Ryan O'Neill is the best getaway driver in the business,
and Brewster is the cop who is determined to take him down.
And, you know, they're both kind of swaggering
macho guys though, Ryan O'Neill's very quiet.
And there's a lot of good car chase stuff.
There's one scene where he's got to show these guys what he can do to earn this bank job and he drives through a parking
garage doing these really close turns and almost hitting walls and stuff and they're
like okay okay we get it we get it and he goes just to prove it he slowly destroys the
car with very very accurately done moves and things like that driving just close enough
to a pillar to knock the mirror off and things like that
It's pretty awesome. I just said we've talked about how the 70s were magical time when people like Bruce Stern
Could start a movie but also there were an odd time when Ryan or Neil could play a very masculine
It could very play a very tough silent guy
Where and and Bruce Stern's character is hyper masculine. Like he talks like Bruce
Dern, so he's like, yeah, kind of like, ah, well, you know, you know, I'm going to catch
that guy. But it's, you know, it's, he's still like a badass. In the other movie, the 1966
Czech film, closely watched trains, which I saw a week before last and was awesome. It's a very kind of funny, deadpan comedy drama about a young guy who becomes a train
dispatcher in his village in Czechoslovakia during World War II, and he really wants to
get laid.
And those two things kind of intertwine.
The bureaucracy is living in this train dispatcher, in this train job, and the fact that according
to this movie, everyone in Czechoslovak the fact that according to this movie everyone in check
Aslovakia was trying to avoid work all the time and also
Him his kind of getting older and trying to be a man through sleeping with women, which he's very bad at so there's some pretty joe
There's a pretty funny jokes in it. I
This is Stuart and Stuart is going to recommend our voices don't sound anything alike. This is Stewart and Stewart is going to recommend the movie
Them it's a French movie and it has it's basically a couple in the middle of nowhere in near Bucharest
I think getting terrorized by who knows
Strangers or with strangers or with the old movie themangers. Or with the old movie then, about giant ants.
Yeah, it's not about giant ants.
I don't think, wait, oh my God, Elliot.
It's boiler alert.
The, yeah, it's going to be a long movie.
It's really, it's got a lot of tension.
There's a lot of good like long shots,
and it does a lot with like light and sound,
and it's just really tense.
So if you like, I watch it with two girls and they and it's just really tense. So if you like I watch it with
two girls and they spent most of the movie with their hands over their eyes because they're
scared. And you like scare girls. I do like to scare girls. I like to wear a cape and
scare girls. So it's all on his Facebook page. Yeah.
The tape is not going to do it with the other part, but um what about you Dan? I would like to break the rules and
Recommend a British television show. However, there were only six episodes of set show and was intended as a six episode close
So it's like a three hour movie. Yeah, so I think I think I can maybe make it work and say that
People should watch a state of play
The great Series was directed by David Yates who make it work and say that people should watch a state of play. It's a great series.
It was directed by David Yates who he just tried to do the last very
Potter movie but this movie is about journalists. Basically it starts out with a
woman falling on train tracks and you don't know if they should commit suicide or or what but because of this death
It is revealed that she was having a an affair with a
You know high ranking British government official and
From that you know war developments and more of them that's spin out and it has
Bill 90 in it the science guy the science
guy he bill nine and James McAvoy is a small rule there's a bit a pretty big
name cast and uh... kind of a Donald is in it yeah I like her she's Scottish yeah
I was I told Sarah that's the accent It's hard to sort of concentrate on what
she's saying because she's so adorable and like, and then she's like with the Olsen twins.
Exactly. Abs exactly. And the reason I wanted to see this show was it would recognize it
to me as something that, you know, people who really enjoy the wire might like because it has sort of like similar storytelling.
Set in Baltimore.
Take a lot of attention to what's going on.
Like untraceable.
Yeah, so it could be distracted by an adorable Scottish accent is a bit of a problem.
But it's really good.
And it's part of some of the main guys, the guy who was the star of the TV show,
Light On Mars, if you have never seen. I've heard that's good. I have also
nuts. That was on BBC America on demand for a long time and I never got
around to watching it. I feel bad. Man, so that's a lot of good
recommendations guys. Man, if I think I'm gonna go out and watch some of these
movies. Yeah, I'm gonna watch it. Andems and states of play or what was it? Yeah, it's a state of grace state of state of Maine
State of Maine David mammoth state and Maine is my recommendation
So gonna take that out of context
Make it look like you have bad taste
That was a terrible state
Listen when you're doing the satire of the movie industry and you just keep pulling your punches the way he does in that, um,
got John and cats in it.
Okay, I'll give you that. It does have John the cats in it.
But he's better in the Spanish prisoner.
Yeah. Um, I just want to tell people that you go to the Plot House podcast dot blog spotcom. For more than just going and voting on our behalf
and writing good reviews of us,
recently, in the last full episode,
we asked people to draw their own version
of an Alien versus Predator fight.
And we did get a piece of fan art
that I enjoyed quite a bit,
that's posted on the site now. And last week, when there
was a new show, or I guess I'll be for that, I stuck up this episode of a Captain's Space
a web series that I write for. And the reason it sort of flopped how it's related is that Stuart came up with the
story for it.
Yeah, I did.
It was pretty impressive.
And the party, like, side-alup to be drunk and he's like, you know that captain's
face thing you do?
Yeah, you do an episode where the captain's getting moustaches.
Yep.
And then a great story was born a great yarn
So it's just like it's just like that castle in
In Switzerland where Frankenstein and Dracula were both born
Exactly
If you like pictures or video
You can go to the website if you're tired of listening to things with your ears
when you're tired of going to
kill with me.com and watching guys
being killed
or kittens
or kittens
there's a lot of other good stuff
on the internet
sure
it's not related to killing
sometimes it's
podcasts
yes like this one
sure
let's listen to it shall we?
so wait are we done? yeah I think the high point of this show was actually the stuff
that didn't add anything to the movie. Yeah, well, because fucking untrasable sucked it.
It was so long and boring. It was, I think it wasn't even long. It was 95 minutes. But it
was so boring that it felt like it was twice that length. Like, oh my god, there she's
staying in a hotel because the killer knows where she lives. I know the killer's there, he's untraceable, he's caught her.
I know she's surviving and killed the killer, yay!
I was hoping this movie was just about a guy who wants to copy a picture from a book,
but the paper he's using is too thick, so he can't trace through it.
I like to think that it's a guy who's trying to copy a picture through a book,
and he has the appropriate uh...
the
thickness let's say
the paper of the appropriate
gurs and then he's got like a like charcoal charcoal or a pencil sure
and uh... but he starts trying to trace it but like the alien geometry so the picture like
his brain can't be exactly
and worst yet the picture like his brain can't comprehend. Yeah, exactly. And worse yet, the girth of his penis is too big to poke through the pizza box and or popcorn that he has.
Mm-hmm.
So too much girth yields.
That's got to be enormous.
It has to be enormous to be too big to be through a pizza box.
Which is probably the size of a shield.
That's...
Also, you're like a fucking manhole cover.
I mean, that's how it did.
That's like he has elephant eyes.
Is there something like that?
Arguably, arguably make a whole of any size.
A whole so big that it encompasses the entire piece of it.
The penis box.
So that's crazy.
Does that mean like the size of his penis go out onto his thighs?
Or is he just incredibly obese?
Yeah, how does he walk? Love as listeners. If you'd like to draw a picture of this horrible thing
please feel free to do so and give it to yourself and not show anybody because they'll get the
wrong idea. Sounds like the giant guy from Big Fish. He did it. He did show us. He did send it to us. We will not post it on live. We may look at it and describe it on air.
But I think we're making it through.
I don't know they're going to do that.
Well, speak for yourself, Ellie.
Lots continue this conversation off air.
But for now, I'm Danny Boy.
I'm Ellie Kaelin.
And I'm Stuart Wellington.
I don't know. You know? You were just in Ohio, weren't you?
My favorite part about that scene is when the crystal skull flies up and magnetically attach
itself to the bones of the neck and the neck bones noticeably go like sproiling away.
Oh my, we're gonna turn into an alien soon.
Oh man, that's gonna be in the after- after-
credits music.
I think it has to be, yeah.
After-
It's fucking alien school attached to this other thing. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh you