The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #23 - Wild Hogs

Episode Date: September 14, 2008

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 2:45 - We welcome back Elliott Kalan, make fun of Stuart, and reintroduce Ritch Duncan.2:46 - 40:22 - We make up for our spottily-released late summer shows... by making this our second-longest episode ever and spending far too much time discussing Wild Hogs-- possibly more than the screenwriter took to write it.40:23 - 44:30 - Final judgments.44:31 - 49:10 - We congratulate Elliott on some huge news, and spend a little time discussing the Ewe Boll contest (with a brief R.I.P. for Dan's local video rental place).49:11 - 55:56 - The sad bastards recommend.55:57 - 57:28 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 On this episode of the Flop House, we discuss Wild Hogs. It's like city slickers, with to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Ellie Kaelin. I'm Rich Duncan. Yes, Ellie has returned from his exodus, covering the conventions with the Daily Show. However, Stewart now is gone. Apparently, we cannot have all three of us in the same room. The new Flop House rule that there cannot be all three Flop Housians in one place at the
Starting point is 00:00:56 one time. What is this better feud that you have with Stewart? Stewart's a great guy. It's not my fault if he refuses to be seen with me. You know, he's just wearing his scorpion bell buckle somewhere else right now. He does have a very large buckle that has a scorpion. It's also a scorpion. We mean one that used to be alive like a real scorpion. An actual scorpion in like a glass bubble. Imagine there was a scorpion paper rate. Wait and then imagine that that paper weight was on a belt. I mean, I'm sure Stuart. I'm sure Phil would feel like he missed nothing from this movie since there was no female nudity and it was terrible and nothing blew up. No, actually, there was one explosion.
Starting point is 00:01:33 This is my second time I've put that on me. Yeah, really reintroduced Rich to the flop house audience. Rich was with us for good luck Chuck. Oh, right. I blocked that out. He was the editor of just magazine. You only get the bad comedies
Starting point is 00:01:46 he uh... he's a stand-up he's currently uh... writing a comedic book about werewolves yes and yeah he he apparently is the only call when we're gonna watch a comedy which is a bad thing because as you uh... probably know if you're bad movie efficient auto bad horror film or a sci-fi, or a thriller, often very funny. Bad comedy is usually painful. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Well, that's the thing. It works both ways, where a bad horror movie will change into a good comedy, because you have the same tension and release in horror and comedy. It's very similar the way those two films are on his work. However, when you are expecting a comedy and it goes backwards and it turns into horrible
Starting point is 00:02:29 then it's uh... you know what you didn't want horror and it's uh... it's horrifying part of the world belt uh... it's a regular out got one round table here the flop has uh... yeah have another witty bond modder than uh...
Starting point is 00:02:44 but what movie did we watch today mister mcclennet what we watched uh... wild hogs a star-studded vehicle this is one of the most are studied movies we've seen yeah with i think one star in it that i think we can all agree we like and others that we don't what's uh... they have mixed opinions what's announced the four stars and then you the podcast listener in your brain can guess who we liked and then we will reveal it
Starting point is 00:03:07 So this movie starred Tim Allen John Travolta Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy So take a moment to pond But what are we pondering again? Who out of the four of them who we thought was passable in this film? Okay, yeah, but there were a lot of there were a lot of smaller parts also played by stars. Yeah, there was a... Ray Leota.
Starting point is 00:03:29 Marisa Tomei. Steve Sklar Brothers. I don't know if those are stars to us. Maybe. Twin comedians. Very funny stand-ups. Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Steve and Toblerowski, the actor's name. The dude from Scrubs. Oh yeah. John Cena Gammley. Yeah, I can tell Blorowski the actor's name. The dude from Scrubs. Yeah, John Seymaginley. Yeah, KG from Tenacious D in an all singing. I galaxy of stars. Again, Alex, as I assume we're watching it, it seems like there was the regular director who wanted to make a shitty movie and then like an assistant director who was like, I'll just hire a lot of comedy people. Yeah, let's get some cult figures in here. Hey KG from Today's D.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Why don't you show up as a guy who just sings in shots that are completely unrelated to the rest of what's going on. Sort of like gay western disco. That would be funny. It's been in contrast to the other gay jokes, though. This was packed with gay jokes, and then there was one other gay joke that seemed to rise above the rest. Yeah, well, as you said, Rich, this movie was a lot of montages of
Starting point is 00:04:28 Motorcycling through the country. Motorcycling, that's the very right motorcycle. Yeah, motorcycle. And in between there was a lot of gay panic humor. Where I mean, I don't know why. I saw that movie gay panic. So in the 60s where the guy was the terrors who set off the gay bomb is going to turn everybody gay
Starting point is 00:04:47 there was a panic and then Walter math out and uh... bruise during ravell to discover its location and it's for nine was terrified the leader of the gay terrors taking the taking of gay panic one two three and it's for nine and all pink but uh... yeah that was that was the sort of level of sexual humor you could explain what you can understand the movie about four guys who are vaguely dissatisfied with their middle-aged life
Starting point is 00:05:11 who take a more of a cross-country wearing leather and are caught in a series of situations that imply that they're gay and then they vociferously doesn't deny their gain is and all of the takes up is our left turn when they piss off some biker's and get punched in the face like a million times I think that this movie like would make a lot more sense if you if you read it for Subtext and you just believed that these are actually four game in who are coming to terms with their sexuality and to that end
Starting point is 00:05:38 They take a trip across country, but yeah, I can see that well similar to my theory that jaws to would be a better movie If there was no shark in it it was just it was just roi shider you know insisting that there was a shark this time and it was post-traumatic stress disorder the entire time and it turned out there was no shark so like a curse of the cat people to jose the jose the first jose is cat people there's no actual cat people in the second movie i didn't know that it's just now it's just about a little girls overactive imagination that's exactly what you should have been what we're getting off topic from wild hogs we get it's been a lot of topic yeah i think i think that uh... you know if these guys actually were gay men the entire time
Starting point is 00:06:17 and that uh... they they had been engaging in gay sex acts that would then be revealed in a big flashback although all I'm good doing is getting around to the idea This is how wild hogs would be better and an exercise of so many You know if William H. Macy were to catch fire and die that would make it, you know Well, they were occasional they're occasional jokes where they went very big in terms of like crazy things happening Like John Dervol to being hit in the face by a raven while he was driving his motorcycle happening, like John Dervol to being hit in the face by a raven while he was driving his motorcycle. It was like, oh, somebody had a sense of humor who worked on this.
Starting point is 00:06:48 But otherwise, it was a lot of, you know, booh booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, booh, were like, I got to be in this project or a Disney or whoever made it said, listen, we have Tim Allen, John Dervolta, Martin Lawrence, I'm really made to make it sound to contract.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Someone write an idea. Someone write a movie around these. I thought for a second that you'd be like wild hogs was floating around. It was like a year. It was like a Shane Black screenplay. It's what it did, like millions of dollars for the screenplay. It's a gold screenplay. And they're like, all right, give me a list of four middle-aged actors, three Caucasian, one Black, and we're going to put them in a zany road picture comment. Oh, it was like the script for unforgiven where it had been around for about 20 years. And then finally, the right people picked it up, except it was a terrible script, as opposed to the one for Unforgiven.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Well, it was a radical comedy experiment with their like, all right, what if there's four straight men? And no, I'm on the road. And they're all just constantly setting up a potentially humorous situation. Well, I think you've reached one of the main problems, the movie, which is that every one of them had the same personality and no,
Starting point is 00:08:03 except for William H. Macy, who was the nerd. Well, let's start. And Marlorensacy who was the nerd well let's start and marina who was the the vaguely black guy he also couldn't stand up to women which would have been easier to ascertain if there were any women in the film that he was that the one woman he glanced at earlier in the film and then his his voice activated Mac laptop oh misheard him and started looking up very loud porn sites the morn Lawrence i'm talking about it. Oh, Martin Lawrence. Oh, yeah, well they, they showed him being yelled at by his wife. Well, he worked on his how-to book, which they never explained what it was about.
Starting point is 00:08:31 That's right. His wife goes, listen, I know your how-to book will be a big hit, but you need to start making money. It's like, what, you can't just say a how-to book and expect to. Ellie, you don't realize America has a real thirst to learn how to. I guess you're right. I've always wanted to know expect to. Ellie, you don't realize America has a real thirst to learn how to. I guess you're right. I've always wanted to know how to. That might have been the through line of truth, though,
Starting point is 00:08:49 in the movie, where the person who wrote this was actually attempting to write a how to book. And somehow wrote wildhogs. Yes, instead, like, while procrastinating from writing his how to book. How to write a hit. But did you want to circle back around and do the plot again?
Starting point is 00:09:02 No, I wanted to start from the beginning, so we don't lose the audience. Because wild hogs has so many in, so many outings. So many in. Yeah. It goes wild hogs on the levels of complexity. Goes last year at Marion Bad, wild hogs, and then I guess what, woman in the dunes or El Topo,
Starting point is 00:09:22 in terms of complexity and hardness to penetrate. Yeah. So this movie starts out with, there's four guys, you know, who own motorcycles? Flayed by your favorite actors. They do own motorcycles and other jackets and are part of a motorcycle gang called Wildhawks. They already have, they already have
Starting point is 00:09:39 leather jackets with the logo and name on it. Any film viewer, someone who's seen mainstream Hollywood movies over the past 20 or 30 years let's say 45 years yeah you might believe that something drives these characters to become a motorcycle gang called the wildhogs yeah no once we joined them they're already a wimpy motorcycle game there already is suburban motorcycle gang of four one of you cannot ride his motorcycle here's the way I would have structured this movie I would have had these four guys who are friends explain how they became friends
Starting point is 00:10:08 because they're really very, you know, they don't explain it ever. And they're not that they're similar in that they have no personality, but otherwise they're not similar. Different socioeconomic backgrounds, different ethnic groups and so forth. I would have had them lament how boring their lives are
Starting point is 00:10:22 and then one of them would have seen that four motorcycles were for sale across the street at the motorcycle warehouse and they can he come on guys let's let's join a motorcycle gang we always want to do this and you know what to be wild starts playing then and somehow they see like two signs back like when says like wild animal park and then like a hogs truck backs up in front of the side and says wild hogs that should be our name and then born to be wild starts playing and they drive off like you with the inciting event of the movie should be them buying motorcycles and going out of moat bike trip but instead you're forgetting that i think that the it should be just the three friends and then william h macy who's the nerd that they all
Starting point is 00:10:58 hate is just fixing their computer he sees there's a motorcycle he joins to but be in the gang, nobody wants that guy. So yeah, that would bring a dynamic that doesn't exist. And well, he, like because of his many hours on the internet where all information resides, he knows everything about motorcycle repair. So he becomes a valued member of the group. Instead, what happens is these were friends already
Starting point is 00:11:21 own motorcycles, they're already bad at driving them. William H. Macy falls off his all the time in ways that would kill a man or at least snap his neck in real life or another person yeah what is that flies into the street and it's a danger to yeah he should not be riding a motorcycle and there but they're hanging out together and they're unhappy that they're not a real motorcycle gang
Starting point is 00:11:41 and then someone drops by with the news that tom Peterson passed away a character is a peterson all you are it's already to me as in as we learn from the dialogue was their age and is now dead he was never mentioned before and he will never be mentioned again and he's it's like it's just a name but they they've conjured up this whole human figure who existed and is dead now uh... just for the purpose of pushing the plot forward slightly
Starting point is 00:12:05 and there was something insulting to the idea of tom peterson in that but they didn't even i mean they still wanted to go on the trip before tom peterson dot they were gonna go on the trip before tom peterson died this just you know pushed him out of the edge they go well tom peterson died then oh man tom peterson we don't know what his relationship is to tim alan i guess i don't know how they always talking about taking a trip across country. This is an honor of Tom Peterson. Tom Peater like at the end of at the end of Wild Hogs there should have been a memoriam of Tom Peater. But they don't even tell you how he died
Starting point is 00:12:33 is the other thing. You just know that he could have died because a safe fell on his head, you know, like or because I think they would have kept that in. Well, there's always something that I like bothers me. Maybe he committed suicide. Like I don't know. I know you're saying this is sort of that bothers me. Maybe he committed suicide. Like, I don't know, I know what you're saying. This is sort of a city slicker setup where it's like these men have sort of like midlife honks. Let's call them city slickers for lack of a better term.
Starting point is 00:12:52 These city slickers, you have no business being on a motorcycle. They have, they're unsatisfied with their lives, but their lives don't seem that bad. No. You know, like the worst of them is John Traval to who apparently his like his like this wife who is who is abandoned him and he's broke and he's obese yeah and he's and he's gay and does want to admit that
Starting point is 00:13:15 his closet game and who's losing his his shape and any acting ability he once had i thought as as an actor though it was amazing the way he wove into the performance that he was a clausard gay man. The script didn't mention it, it never called for it, but clearly he was a man who was obese and was gay and upset about it, and he brought that to the role. That's a matter. Even though it didn't seem like it was mentioned in the script at all.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Well, that's your classic method. He's just, you know, using his own experiences to bring the character to life. What do you mean? No! No! And let me be clear, although wild hogs was a strangely anti-game movie. This is not an anti-game podcast. In fact, I felt bad for Travolta thinking like, if he is in fact a
Starting point is 00:13:57 closeted game, man, as has been suggested by the tabloids press, say, does he feel bad appearing into the film that has so much humor based on the idea of just Panicking whenever like someone thinks that you might be gay Do you know if you guys remember that the candy bar commercial where the two guys are eating the candy bar from either end And they actually all commercial yeah, yeah, and then they start hitting themselves with wrenches and car batteries because they're so They need to push this gay moment out of their bodies. That with this movie was kind of like that at times. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Well, the idea of being, the idea of being thought of as gay was so repugnant to them. Although, to be fair, John C. McKinley was coming on to them in a way that made it seem like if they didn't very actively say they weren't gay or come up with a side story, he would have raped them. Yeah. Well, that was alarming, but that's not a good idea. It doesn't play also that there are gay cops roaming the countryside looking for men to do.
Starting point is 00:14:51 But during the rape season, there would have been like a tin whistle sound. You know, it was wacky. I'm just saying, John Travolta, don't hate yourself to appear in wild hogs. Don't punish yourself in a way. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Wild hogs too, the script comes across the way. Yeah, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
Starting point is 00:15:06 It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
Starting point is 00:15:14 It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
Starting point is 00:15:22 It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Martin Lawrence had sort of a bad life in that his how-to book was going nowhere Yes, how to book was going nowhere and on the side he was like a janitor who cleaned up shit-filled Oh, that's right in In convenience stores, so that's that's not very good and his wife was always mad at him and right But and there was there was so much shit in the bathroom that they had to put not one but two strings of police tape Yeah, it was a criminal amount of shit I mean it's possible someone might have
Starting point is 00:15:45 Shat themselves to death. I assume you pile. Maybe they died and evacuated. It was just like an Ed the Happy Clown Thanks the Chester Brown concert really obscure reference to make whatever But I assume he's the guy that please call him like the place is so dirty that it's breaking a law, but you know Only Macy is clearly just sort of a clumsy dork. That's the worst you could say about him Yeah, and Tim Allen with seemingly no experience with women Tim Allen is a dentist granted dentist, you know High Suicide rates, but a well-paying job. That's true. That's true. It's very high suicide rate job And and because of that it's like movie shorthand for depressed guy. Yeah. I guess because you got your hands as someone mouth all the time. I mean, it seems like it's not, yeah, not a great line of work. I mean, but Alan,
Starting point is 00:16:32 Alan Arkin was happy with it. Yeah. In the in laws, Alan Arkin was very happy being a dentist. However, though, Tim Allen in the medical field, obviously well off has a beautiful house has a gorgeous wife. You're saying you're saying they should have made him a Proctologist. Yeah, I'm They would have been that much worse if they were gonna go for a zany medical field. Yes. Yeah, why not? Well, they his he's unhappy because his son doesn't think he's cool. Right. Is that why? I mean, I'm gonna turn 27 in a couple months. I have to I assume that your son doesn't do so I don't have a child when I have a child someday I could be a rock star
Starting point is 00:17:06 Astronaut who has a dinosaur that he rides to work and I assume my son will still find me uncool That's just what being a dad means like that's but apparently he creates so much distress in him that he has to drop everything This is an audio podcast, but I would like to bring up the point that Elliott made that point while wearing a shirt of a vampire riding a dinosaur. That's a coincidence. That's just a coincidence. I didn't even notice that. Aren't there UFOs in that shirt? Yeah, well this is Andy. This is one of the best shirts that Threadless has to offer. It's UFOs zombies and dinosaurs in a vampire. What sold it for me was the vampire riding the dinosaur. So podcast. Threadless.com anyway.
Starting point is 00:17:41 That's your sort of thing. So. I realized I was basically describing buckaroo bonsai But even Peter Weller's children probably think he's not cool Well, let me put this to the table We talked a little bit about the gay panic to the panel to circle around to the the gay panic issue You talk about the candy bar thing where they do the gay panic They talk about all this gay panic. It feels to me like they're echoing a scene in planes transit automobiles all this gay panic, it feels to me like they're echoing a scene in planes, transit automobiles that I think worked pretty well. You know, we're talking
Starting point is 00:18:06 about the that's not my hand between two pillows, those aren't pillows. They go nuts. They run around. They talk about wanting to watch sports. Somehow that scene comes off like two men who maybe are scared of homosexuality and it's it's funny that they are scared of it. Let me put this. Why does that scene work and nothing in this? I would say for one thing that the talent involved in that scene is. Also, you know, let me, let me make, Macy is a talented actor. Yeah, that's true. Let me put this out there.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Ten albums made good comedy. We're all pretty liberal people at this table. However, we're all voting for Obama. If I woke up next to either of you with my hand between your buttocks, I might be a little distressed. But yeah, I might overconfess. You would be gorgeous. You would be gorgeous. That's like something that like anyone can relate to. There's no, there's not necessarily like some sort of inherent prejudice involved in that scene.
Starting point is 00:18:53 It's more of like, this isn't absurdly uncomfortable situation that we need to cover up for rather than like at any moment in this movie. They appear to have hair triggers of people thinking of their day and they need to overreact to that. I'm saying that if you guys were thinking of placing your buttocks around my hand, if it were for a round to your hand. You're saying that it would be- I would object to that. It'd be very easy to laugh it off as something that would
Starting point is 00:19:18 happen and that'd be awkward as what you're saying. Or that there's, it's not so much the homosexual aspects of it as that kind of intimate contact out of nowhere and by surprise is yes uncomfortable especially especially with someone who you're not romantically involved where's this this movie has a scene in which how many fingers we talking about let's get on let's get going to the stinker five in the state how is that if the thumb is involved that all right now you see we're doing it but what if we become what we love what if it's two fingers from one hand and the three fingers from another hand?
Starting point is 00:19:46 Does that, is that different? Oh, better way of... You're gay, though. Ha ha ha! I, I, I... Wild dogs. We... Oh, by the way, this is a family film.
Starting point is 00:19:55 This is the least as a family film. There are tons of... A lot of male-ass, though. And I get a lot of male-ass, and a lot of sweat, like, they say the word asshole probably 20 times, the word shit probably 15 times, like... And I can only assume that the gay panic is what makes it a family film like the people in the heartland like the dads are like I'm gonna take my kids at wild hogs because that's a movie about people who are terrified of the gays look see that of their son that's how you react in that situation
Starting point is 00:20:18 uh... tremendous amount of classic rock in that movie too how about yeah sort of the whatever the boilerplate music, what are some of the titles that we heard? Although I don't think they played born to be wild, did they? To be fair, the DVD broke at the end. That's true, they probably ended with that. Yeah, we fuzzed out a little on the end, but...
Starting point is 00:20:35 As we were saying, we reached Wild Hogs' kill screen, and the DVD could go no further. No one's ever gotten that far. There was movie love. There was Oh Jesus God. What's the one? They didn't play Battle on the Steel Horse I ride. Oh, yeah, I want to debt her a lot by Bon Jovi. They did that one pretty much any stock like rock highway to hell Yeah, highway to hell they did any stock rock and roll rock and roll song that might have any slow-rod Yeah, anything that would both riding or riding or driving or biking. There's an 85 to 90% chance that it was in this movie. Basically, the soundtrack producer for this movie had the easiest
Starting point is 00:21:13 job in movie history. They just gave it over to the soundtrack 3,000. The magic. Andre 3000 son. soundtrack 3,000. He does Hollywood soundtrack. Yeah. Yeah. Andre, can we borrow your kid for a little bit? Sure. Soundtrack. You got a summer job. We made reference to John Seymour Gennie, anti-gay panic, and the thing was early in the
Starting point is 00:21:36 film. You said it as if, Jens, they were both people. You know, gay panic. The popular track queen. Yeah. Opening for head- opening for head a lettuce I believe Excellent. Yeah, oh, but at the happy clown. I can't make a reference to that. That's too obscure Anyway, you're saying head a lettuce was on project runway. That's a national show Yeah early in their adventures
Starting point is 00:22:00 they camp out and We made amazing manages to wing if flaming marshmallow into the no tim Allen does that right tim Allen and i don't know that he was a marshmallow he has a bag of shit well we may be in a wood
Starting point is 00:22:15 if you're wondering whether we may miss a shit's the forest the answer yes tim Allen uh... pulls a marshmallow out of the fire and he goes and it's on fire and he goes well this one's done or something like that, and flings it over his shoulder. And luckily it just hits their tent and burns that to the ground, but he could have destroyed a forest. It is, I made the point. I went right to the tent. Yeah, I think it was so, the marshmallow was so hot.
Starting point is 00:22:38 I have to have a little rest. The tent could have been made out of spun sugar, and maybe it just, you know. I went camping literally last weekend And I made s'mores and when a marshmallow's on fire you just blow that fucker out and you eat it It has a delicious charred exterior and the inside is melty. You're not like oh well this is ruined Like a golden brown marshmallow. That was a problem with him flinging you know You're out on your own with your with the wild hogs. You got something fire. You're gonna throw it. All right, but here's one of my problems If you're gonna throw a marshmallow on fire at least you throw it you can see the
Starting point is 00:23:10 Way ahead of you. That's awesome. You're doing a mini comment. Mm-hmm. Well the point is anyway I've delicious. Yeah, but that was a funny moment because he is sitting there talking about a fire and then suddenly Pulls the flaming marshmallow out of a marshmallow out of nowhere into camera range So that was kind of funny that something on fire popped up out of nowhere, but Very few blind shot listen for wild hogs. It was wild hogs funny. It wasn't you know it was it was wild hogs funny Yeah, that's a good point. That's so Raven like it is when you're in a desert And there's like a puddle of water that someone peed in and you're like, oh, this is great I'm dying the point is like after burning the tent down. They all of course sleep together on
Starting point is 00:23:52 On the ground on the ground together and it implies that the only Emily shows up But a bit of a tent would was smaller than where they were sleep I mean what they would have stuck together anyway in the tent wouldn't they have I mean I I guess maybe there was a second tent that they forgot to put up and that scene was cut Maybe and it's on the DVD now. I don't know the point is I Really, I'm seeing but you only shows up as a cop and you think he's gonna be this like the gay hating cop There's there's a series of wacky Things that they say very threes company sort of oh my job hurts from all the blowing I did yes he was blowing on the fire and it hurt his job
Starting point is 00:24:29 and also the like no no one was meant to have something that big between their legs you know something about the motorcycle but it turned out that John McGinley after threatening them with with with crime with charges criminal charges it turns out that he is which as far as he knew they were guilty of yeah turns out he's out and proud and wants to join in the orgy so it was a similar turn to that one episode of studio sixty
Starting point is 00:24:52 where uh... nate cordry was pulled over by john goodman as the hick sheriff and john goodman's like now i'm gonna throw you know you're going to no that's what you think i'm gonna say actually it was that same exact turn but pulled off justice poorly except in six to six it was done to make a point i guess about society small town prejudice so the point is
Starting point is 00:25:16 uh... even though john c mcgamley was really nice and not charging them with crimes uh... they all tore away on their motorcycles terrified that the gay man might attack them he is a big guy they'd ran away from the they'd like to wait for me and actually i think told him they implied that they were two gay couples that there is no room for him right then they got the hell out of there i think they implied it though through uh... william h macy's total misunderstanding
Starting point is 00:25:42 of it like he's just like an innocent his character He's the heartbone marks. Yeah the group John McGinley says five is a crowd and then Travolta says no, it's an odd number if you know what I mean So I mean does that mean that I mean the two guys are gonna pair off and and be having anal sex with each other or You know 69 or 69 and I know but but I assume is anal sex with each other? Or, you know, 69ing. Or 69ing. Or 69ing. But I assume it's anal sex, Rich. Come on. Is this your impression of gaming? Well, I mean, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:09 It's just anal sex. It could just be my advantage. No, no, that's exactly my point. I mean, you know, we could do, I don't see why one more in a reach around is going to hurt anybody. All right. Fair enough.
Starting point is 00:26:16 By the way, I didn't want to go there. You pressed me. You pressed me. But that's not the scene. That's not the scene with the male nudity of the strange leg. There's also a scene where they go, skinny dipping in a lake
Starting point is 00:26:25 Where you see far more of them than you want to yeah? If there any ladies out there who are real Do you see any fans real willy-match? You see where the mitch mitch mitch? Yeah, that's true. You see his ass and you're tired of watching the cooler over and over again This is your other choice. I don't know when that day will come Yeah, so there's another scene of panic where they they all start skinny dipping together and a family comes up and Resins their offer of potato salad once they realize that they're all nude and then John scene began. We show up again Also nude also nude and what's it implies is that he was watching them from I guess a rock somewhere
Starting point is 00:27:02 I assume he was just masturbating while watching them and then he's like oh i need i actually need to get in there on the sweet action check out what you made from it and then of course rule of three is in comedy the third time something happens is the funny time john c meganley never shows up again throughout the film twelve two appearances
Starting point is 00:27:20 then he's done oh and now we forgot in the beginning they all choose to throw away their cell phones. Yes. In a very contrived bit of business. Yeah, so if you're wondering, hey, this is a modern film, they seem like they're getting into a lot of shenanigans. Why don't they just call someone? But then even then there's no moments where it's like, uh-oh, we had a, no, we had a cell phone, everything would be okay. There are scenes that it would have been better off if they had had a cell phone. Like, there's a part where they get past, they leave a gas station because their John DeVolt is being afraid they're being chased
Starting point is 00:27:48 by the bikers who is bar he blew up by accident. They see it, they drive, they leave this gas station and then you see the sign, last gas station for 200 miles, cut to them, walking their bikes through the desert, complaining about how thirsty they are, then all of a sudden they look with a vulture, with a vulture following them. Then they look to the side and there's a whole town there and there's a diner right there, like they've they've managed to walk 200 miles with their bikes in the same day. That introduces the third act of the film, but before we get to that, we want to learn just amazing that this herculean feet of these four middle-aged men walking their bikes 200 miles in one day.
Starting point is 00:28:28 You're saying that song should be sung with a wild hog. This is an epic feat. Like that like that's the Israelites had about the same distance to travel and took them 40 years. That's well the Israel like unfortunately they didn't have the wild hogs. I was trying to think of a Semitic wild hogs pun. I love that I can. Well, they couldn't have come to sell wild hogs
Starting point is 00:28:48 because it wouldn't be kosher. Yeah, I was hoping it wasn't going to be that one. Yeah, that's the one I could think of. So earlier in the film, before they reached this town, though, they managed to run a foul of Raleota and his cronies. I'm right back. I'll explain you some more. L is leaving right in the middle of the podcast, everyone.
Starting point is 00:29:03 He's offended because we're talking about juice Really in his cronies What happens is they get into they go to a real biker bar and Ray Leota Dresses them down for being suburban posers and and we need Ellie to describe the The Ray Leota laugh. I mean, I guess we all knew this already It's just it's tough tough to do in radio, but it's hard to, it's hard because you gotta see it really, but Raylio to has a special laugh where he opens his mouth
Starting point is 00:29:31 and doesn't move it, moves no muscles on his face and just goes, it's just a frightening laugh because it's literally like he's just opening his mouth and then shooting cannon fire of laughs out of his face. There's no, it's not like a ha ha ha. Like it's just like propelling laughs. That's a gambling gun. And he looks so jailless.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Yeah. That's what it is. The jaw locks. It's like a picnic shooting venom. Yes, exactly. He's like a built control with Stony in the open position. But also in his face gets so intense while he's doing it, even though it's not moving, that you think he's going to have
Starting point is 00:30:04 in a heart attack. You think it's doing it even though it's not moving that you think he's gonna have a heart attack you think it's wallest shot in the princess bride laughing as he's being poisoned to death and then falls over like that's what you expect and i can say one more thing about this by a car bar to real by a car bar real tough full of biker's strewn with christmas lights around because biker bars look basically like uh... girls college dorm rooms yeah but they run a foul these guys really addresses them down for being not real biker's look basically like girls college dorm rooms. Yeah, but they run afoul these guys.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Railiota dresses them down for being not real bikers, which to be honest, they are not. They are not. They are not real bikers. Fair enough, Railiota. Giltia is charged. And so he tricks them into a trade for a shitty bike, like a disassembled bike.
Starting point is 00:30:40 And so they go off, the wild hugs go off cowed. And then Jonathan Volta turns back, he's like, no, this will not stand. like and so like they go off the wild hugs go off cowed and then John Foltar turns back is like no, I this will not stand really makes me by the way is in a side car Yeah, and I think it it's possible that there are jokes that must have been cut out with with macy in the side car Why would you put macy in the side car? Yeah, I think that's I think that's like a Hollywood thing like never put macy in the side car You know, let's got a gag, but um Yeah, they've been saying that for 80 years Hopefully goes back to the Keaton who said that first and he clips all of their fuel line and Leo to run
Starting point is 00:31:16 I'm gonna get those wild hogs Confound them and they got away with it you too. Warview wild hugs. They try found them and they got away with it you too were you wild hugs and they try hey they try and give chase the only the only the only time it's okay to laugh like that is when Joe Pescius just said something that's the only okay time when it's right they try and give chase but uh leota manages to set the gas aflame and all of their bicycles blow up and and the bar and the bar blows up to bar as i said at the time that someone's business
Starting point is 00:31:52 and that was dan being a uh... really champion of the small business owner really took it to heart that that this roadhouse owners livelihood to just get on up in flames so it's not for all to feel very guilty possibly that he's murdered all of these bikers. Well, us, the audience, we're not sure whether he's murdered them or not. Like a lot of times you'll get in a funny commercial that has violence in it. They will, something horribly violent will happen to someone.
Starting point is 00:32:17 They will show the name of the product and then immediately afterwards you will see them get up and dust themselves off. And you see, it's okay that I just do something horribly violent. You can buy my product, yes. Don't worry. I'm okay. This film had John Travolta put gas all over the place. He drives off. You see them drop a cigarette.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Huge explosion. Gasoline. Entire bar blows up. Travolta sees it in the review mirror as do we the audience and it keeps following the wild hogs. Like the end of Mad Max, basically's he's just committed multiple murder at the very least he's blown up a building which is a crime say say what you will let them get in put up on these on these bogus Sodomy charges he did just destroy private
Starting point is 00:32:57 property in a really dangerous way yeah so but he keeps this from them and then eventually they they wind up at this town. This is where they meet called Madrid Yeah, they meet Stephen Toblerowski who's the sheriff they meet the Sklar brothers with the deputies There's a tome a local diner owner. Yeah, who we may see finally has sex with one master imagine It's the first time in his life After an impromptu dance lesson that lasts 30 seconds and he's ready Yeah, then he's an expert dancer and he's he's ready to remancer at the chili cookoff. By the way, there's a one good line in this for Steve it wasn't actually at Tablowski. There's a name where he he's
Starting point is 00:33:34 trying about they have to go to the chili cookoff. Last year a guy his eight chili is too hot and his throat started bleeding. Changed his life and that's his only explanation. Changed his life. Yeah, that his life. And that's his only explanation, changed his life. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's well-hull explaining. That's well-hull. I just like any of the lines that don't kind of don't make sense, you know, or they hint at a bigger story.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Do you think it's possible that they talk a lot of these, the montages of them riding bikes, and then they put them together in scenes and kind of said, let's let these guys improv, and maybe they'll come up with some Intertaining comedy based on their characters and then they came up with nothing and then so they were like I guess just do the gay sketch. Yeah, and John Travolta came up with a character that was completely different from scene to scene Like his boring is all the characters were John Travolta's character had no arc He had no arc, but he was also someone insane. Like he would get really angry for no reason.
Starting point is 00:34:26 He berated a child in the beginning. That was... Be raided a child, yeah. It was a joke because he was talking on a cell phone. You assumed it was a professional business entanglement. No. And it was a child that was raking his over-large lawn. That's the comic twist.
Starting point is 00:34:41 That was where the audience grabs their belly and goes, you got me. Well, I'll talk. I didn't see that comment right in the red basket. The movie suddenly turns into like a sub three amigos, a K.A. seven samurai style or walking tall. Yeah, or the wild one. But they come in like the in that there's a town and all of the Terrorized by a gang and then some out of town this time that the town really wasn't being terrorized by the gang until the out of town It came in. No, there was some discussion. It was only Initially terrorized by the wild hogs as you will remember. Yes, they first stop off for 200 miles without gas Excuse me. They're only terrorized because they thought
Starting point is 00:35:25 that there were the Delphwegos, which was Raleota's gang. No, they came in, they came in drinking beer, and stealing people's beers. That's the only reason they were scurrying the families. Because they thought that was Delphwegos, and then they realized, oh, no, these are people who will pay for that beer. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:40 So I didn't get that, so they thought it was the Delphwego first. And then they realized, oh, these guys are just fucking assholes So it's better these guys are dick suits her Affiliated assholes, right. Yeah, but the Delphiago's come by looking for to bruise some people and the wildhogs Dspendatively defeat them by getting punched. Oh, well they make the diner their target They say we're gonna destroy your diner because you destroyed our clubhouse and The wild hogs stand up for the diner and get punched a lot and they keep getting back up and keep getting punched and this goes on for what like four hours Well, they also stand up for the larger concept of wild hogs. They're standing up for yeah, hog on the back of the jack It is more important than the name on the front. It's like a it's like an old Marvel comic where like Thor and Hercules would be punching each other
Starting point is 00:36:24 But they'd be talking about their life philosophies at the same time. So I say the nay a man's freedom must be decided by his wits Not his fists punches Hercules Hercules. No, it is brown that show in this day You know punches it was kind of like that except the wild hogs were doing all the talking and Ray Lio to was doing all the punching Well, there was a piffin at one point where they decided that it was in fact the biker gang that was, that were the posers because they didn't have jobs and espoused the very lifestyles that they had wanted at the beginning. This is where we get a little fuzzy on the plot of the game. Since the DVD was breaking down.
Starting point is 00:37:00 It starts breaking down. But we were clear up to that point because they decided, no wait, the way we should settle this because we're not posters is through violence. That's what we should do. We should fight. Yeah, we'll fight for real. And then they realize it's stupid to fight because these guys are losers,
Starting point is 00:37:14 even though they're beating us up. The DVD just sort of started like pixelating. It was like, the psychedelic freak out in the middle of the end of Wildhog. It was sort of pleasant. It sort of gave it a little hard thing. It was sort of like when that cat walks by in the matrix and then walks by again, and you realize there's a serious problem. Of course,
Starting point is 00:37:30 I realized like when you, when like your family's having to get together, and you've got to take the train to get there and it turns out the trains aren't running that day and you're like, yeah, I can stay home. It's really like that. It felt like to me. The end of wild hogs, you don't have to really watch it, but they are saved by And they get saved by Peter Fonda They're saved by a ghost of
Starting point is 00:37:47 Viker movies past Peter Fonda Who is triumphant speech at the end We lost most of because the disc was Fixed later and it turns out he is Ray Leo his dad he found the Delphi Goes and then he left it because he Would decide to be a loner Did they mention him wasn't there a
Starting point is 00:38:01 foreshadowing earlier in the film Yeah, they mentioned this epic Slater something or other yeah darkrew thunder boots the funny thing is like if people have people haven't seen easy writer once chance we'll like to imagine that um... that people haven't seen easy writer watching the book by what you would mean the audience of this film because it was for children
Starting point is 00:38:20 for the most part but i like to imagine those people are like oh it's the guy from ghost writer that's what they're making reference to. That other Biker film, Ghost Rider. Oh, Peter Fonda from the famous Biker movie Ghost Rider. Well, that's an interesting question, is it for kids or is it for middle-aged men? You feel like there's a lot of jokes in the beginning of the film where they're trying to appeal to the middle-aged man, or that the baby boomer that maybe is now taking his kids to the film.
Starting point is 00:38:43 I don't think it's for retarded people. Really stupid people who don't like jokes. And then at the end, there are why it's all over again. What this movie is really for is for overseas sales and airplane showing. This is a really great airplane movie. This is a movie that will live on on TBS and TNT for years to come alternating with the green mile in the shash anchor dynastie and i have to say at the very end all the why i've show up in a minivan to be like what have you been doing but i have no idea how they found it because they threw away their
Starting point is 00:39:16 cell phones and they've been driving on a cross country like coast to coast road trip so i have no idea like they like they could be like they've gone to every town in the US. They could just be big fans of the Delphiagos and they saw on the website that they were after the wild hogs. Oh, the Delphiagos are finding the wild hogs and Madrid. We were on Delphiagos.org. It's supposed to be
Starting point is 00:39:38 Delphiagos. Go to UDU. .gov. Yeah. Maybe CNN was covering the story. I don't know. I were glass did a piece about it on this American life Then anyway, we should yeah, we should wrap this up because you I got to go I have a I have to get up early in the morning for my 7 a.m Flight to Santa Barbara, California Yeah, you I was such good I lead a glamorous life. You've been out of town as we said covering the conventions
Starting point is 00:40:02 Maybe later on you'll favor us with some stories. I won't make them you tell them. Oh sure we could do we could do a flabhouse non-movie minute sometime Or I can talk about working with Ian McShane. That's right from deadwood Ian McShane You may know him as you may know him as ghost and scoop the ghost and scoop or the evil polar bear in the golden compass Well, we'll give you that later actually let's go to final judgment on this film was this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie that you actually genuinely liked in some way ellie if I'm gonna say this was a bad bad movie not only because it wasn't funny because it like failed at the very rudimentary tasks of giving its characters personalities and then giving them things to do
Starting point is 00:40:43 like it would be so easy just to have made one guy, the sports nut, and like, one guy is the rock'n'roll fan. And like, there's other guy, you know, he loves, I don't know, surfing, but instead they kind of vague, drab, middle-aged men. It felt like a Raymond Carver story in that way. Yeah, I'm gonna say... But in a bad way. If you have friends that enjoy like watching shitty movies
Starting point is 00:41:05 This might be a marginal good bad movie just because I feel like it is such a Compendium bad comedy cliches like every bad comedy cliche you could imagine might be in a movie Most of them show up here not all like like it's not the perfect storm of like like bad comedies but it could have been written by it. Yeah I don't think there any screenplay writing computers. I don't think there any fart jokes in it over there. Yeah but personally since they go to a fucking chili festival. That is extraordinary. What the fuck? They go to a chili festival and there aren't any farting jokes. All right you convinced me. I've changed the bad bad movie. I don't know. I feel like it's like let's take the The when he gets hit in the face with a raven. Okay. I'm watching the film and it was one guy gets hit with a bug
Starting point is 00:41:50 Then another guy gets hit with and oh a lot of money guy hit with a bug. I think I said with a lot of bugs I said in jest in making fun of the funny bad movie. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if he got hit in the face with a goose All right now he's hitting the face of the raven, but he doesn't fall off his bike. The raven is still alive. The raven is still alive. It's still alive. There's a shot of the raven. It takes four shots and four cuts
Starting point is 00:42:13 to get this piece of physical comment across. All you need is a white blur and a poof of feathers, and he's down, and you've got a half decent. So I feel like there are some jokes in here, but it's like when you go to the optistration and they put the thing over your eyes and it is go better or better, better or better. But I think this is too clicks away from funny, but the funny is there, like you just, I don't know. I don't know what that means, but take it, take it. Well, for what it is. I'll sum it up this way. I
Starting point is 00:42:40 think that for me it was a good bad movie and that it's fun to participate in the flop house. Right. And you know, it's like getting a chance to meet Bruce Springsteen. Like if you got a chance to meet Bruce Springsteen, they said, hey, you want to come meet Bruce Springsteen, I'd say, yes, that'd be a good time. Let's say just come on over and he's going to slam your hand in a desk drawer over six times. I'd be like, I don't know whether I would like that.
Starting point is 00:43:02 Thanks for coming over. It's nice to meet you. And he's explaining that you're doing this. I just like it bang bang and it's he's the boss He's explaining to the mom You know, and you're like this is uncomfortable and I don't enjoy it, but this is still somehow a pleasurable experience Bang Slam your your hand. He else thunder road Bang, bang! That's the phrase in every time you slam your hand,
Starting point is 00:43:23 yell, thunder, road. You know, I would hate it. It would really hurt my hand a lot, but at the end of the day, I would walk away saying, you know what, I just met fucking Bruce Springsteen. I met the boss. Maybe the quies are hand in the cast. I'll tell you later. That's the flop house.
Starting point is 00:43:38 That's pretty good. I don't know, I'll take that. It was no Bratz movie. Tell you that, wow. It was not any Bratz movie. You guys watched the Bratz movie? I don't know why, and I'm sorry. That ended up being, it was a terrible movie, tell you that was not any brats movie you guys want the brats movie that was that ended up being so it was a terrible we've been in the big so much
Starting point is 00:43:50 documentary from Wisconsin about sausage preparation the brats movie brats this ranks six point five it was much easier to watch than 10,000 bc so much more don't America if it comes down to a choice between 10,000
Starting point is 00:44:06 BC and wild hogs. I never thought I would ever say this, but choose wild hogs over the movie where they fight mammoths and giant birds. So if you're in a public library, in a small town in Indiana, there's all video tips on the shelf. You're going to want to pick wild hogs. Probably video tips, actually. Yeah. So you can either watch Brideshead Revisited the PBS series again, but I guess it was BBC or you can watch wildhogs or 10,000 BC. Let's move briefly to business before we do our recommendations. Gentlemen, dividends are down this quarter. No, no, I want, first of all, we talked about your day job briefly, Elliot. I want to extend congratulations to you. Elliot has been hired on as a writer
Starting point is 00:44:47 for the Daily Show. Haza. He had been producing there. And now... It's basically, it's your basic racial, elder story. Started as an intern, worked up to being a writer.
Starting point is 00:44:58 It really is. It'll be in my... It'll be in my president. You know, very fun time to be writing on that show, I would imagine. I'm, but I gotta say, it is a testament to the work ethic because, uh, no, because I'm, I'm bitter. Because I could have given up.
Starting point is 00:45:12 I'm bitter that I am. I'm bitter that I don't have like a good comedy writing job, but what the fuck have I ever done? Well, you, you on the other hand, like started off as like, what, like, a, like a PA on the show? I was an intern at the show, and they heard me as a PA and then all the way up to right. PA to AP the segment producer that's genuinely admirable. Well thank you. So this is Dan's way of asking you if you can get an intern gig. Yes I'll see if I can get you an internship you need to get school credit for. Wait for the point where that would be a tenable but it'd be surprised. Anyway well we'll get we'll get interns in and it's like hey
Starting point is 00:45:44 nice to meet you. Yeah, well I'm I went back to school to get my degree. I'm 35. Oh, okay. What are you studying? Not something TV production related? Well, that's very strange. Yeah, and anyway, but you were saying I was pretty much done. Okay. Okay, thanks on dear That Stuart Wellington. Yeah manager. He's off doing business someone air and look at elia i just heard he has a cool little uh... to recover all playing story yes he's a strategy gamer speaking of gays i think here's how here's how pathetic i am i think that's
Starting point is 00:46:16 awesome no it's pretty awesome i think it's kind of cool yeah he's a he's a he's a good man and uh... i think he's a huge dick i just think he has a cool job okay all right is a terrible human being He's a good man. And I think he's a huge dick. I just think he has a cool job. Oh, OK. All right. He's a terrible human being. Look at me wrong. We were just looking for a reason
Starting point is 00:46:30 to work this piece of information into the podcast, though. And that's that we look at, you know, you look at stats for how people come to the Flop House website. You can like look at the stats. And like what keywords get there? You get you there. And and the keywords Stuart Wellington gay that was me and gay Stuart Wellington have drawn first one was me I can't say for someone to the site so whoever Stuart Wellington's gay admirer is out there we want you to contact
Starting point is 00:47:00 he's gotten he's gotten straight admirer letters before yeah he has got some some girl is totally in love with it So now we know that gay joke. I just made that was gay panic was a little bit of gay panic right there in my Party it backfired. Yeah, tonight it's southpaw gay panic Opener Murray Hill anyway Murray Hill so let's go on to What was the other thing I wanted to say? What was the other business?
Starting point is 00:47:26 The, the uva bowl contest. It's pronounced uva? Yeah, it's pronounced uva. I didn't know that. This is the video game director guy. Yeah. Uva? Really?
Starting point is 00:47:35 I always said uva. I mean, it is, it is German, so it makes sense that it was a... I know this because of the... He actually was on a screenwriting podcast I listened to. I don't know why. Wow know why one would want to take advice from Moveable, but he was on there. So I now own Wildhugs because our local DVD store is going out of business.
Starting point is 00:47:55 A screenwriting podcast, wow. And I tried to rent this movie. Interior podcast recording studio. Two men sitting microphones talking about screenwriting i tried to rent the film wild hogs for the purposes of making fun of it on this podcast and i was not allowed to rent it i could only purchase it uh... so for three dollars i now own wild hogs i don't want to keep wild hogs but the winner of the ufa bowl
Starting point is 00:48:20 contest uh... in addition to getting the first season of Rocky and Bullwinkle on DVD You will now get a signed by the flop house copy of wild hogs the the very copy that we use to do this You could have sent that to the Smithsonian to plan a Hollywood you could have shot into space as an artifact You could have buried it for in a time capsule for future generations to discover you could have I mean ease on the open market auction house It was easily would have fetched millions you couldn't have done Watched it again because it's defective it's a defective DVD that DVD is not going to what you can't What we miss you would have not thought the only defect was that wild hogs was the movie that was recorded on it
Starting point is 00:49:00 But it has more than one defect all the facts. Yeah, but if you just want a memento then enter the contest and that will be added on to your prize. So with no extra charge. Let's rapidly because Ellie it's got to go. Got to get out of here. Let's talk about recommendations. Movies that we've seen recently that we actually enjoyed. Ellie, go.
Starting point is 00:49:20 I haven't gotten to see too many movies recently. I was out of town for a couple weeks and I didn't get to really watch much But a movie I watched before I went out of town that enjoyed I enjoyed a lot was the honeymoon killers Which listeners to this podcast may have seen before but I had not in some ways. It's kind of like if John Waters had made a really creepy dramatic film instead of a campy comedy And not just because well made a lot of it's because of the lead female and it is very overweight. But this overweight nurse and her accented boyfriend, basically the boyfriend meets lonely heartswomen via personal ads. Then they go to the women's houses, murder them and steal their money.
Starting point is 00:50:00 And it's done in this very low budget style that helps it a lot. But also, there's a lot of really great shots in it. It's beautifully shot and the acting in it is very like it reaches that really nice edge between extreme and realistic. But it was very good. I'd read a lot about it, but I'd never seen it before, but I enjoyed it greatly. I have a lot of movies that I could recommend, but in the interest of keeping it short, Great. I have a lot of moves that I could recommend, but in the interest of keeping it short, I'll quickly say that the bank job is a good, like sort of like, bee thriller if you want to see that of recent years.
Starting point is 00:50:32 And also, I watched the naked jungle, which was based on one of my favorite short stories as a kid, Line Engine, versus the ants, about a plantation owner who, you know, fights back against a horde of ravening ants that are threatening his plantation. I was not a land again. Yeah well uh in the movie they pronounce it a linogen. I thought it was studs lonegan. I thought it was lonegan. But the movie is sort of weird because it largely dispenses with the ants and is a sort of a meldromatic romance for I would say a good 75 minutes of its 90 minute runtime.
Starting point is 00:51:09 But then the ants come in. Yeah, for the last 15 minutes, oh my god, they're ants. It's like a picnic. But it's funny because like a terrifying, it's like the movie picnic. It's a picnic, but with ants at the end. Yeah, but the other stuff is good too, because it's got Charlton Heston acting like a dick
Starting point is 00:51:25 Like it's not one of his movies where like the guys like a rough guy But you can see underneath that he's really good and you can understand why the woman is falling for him Honestly Charlton has an act like complete tool through most of this film and it's kind of amusing But also the woman that he's called down to his plantation in South America to be his male order bride. When she arrives, she sort of lets this young native boy carry her parasol and the head of the plantation, like Charlton S's number two guys, like, oh do you want this boy? Would you like this boy for your own? And she's like, oh, won't his parents be upset if I take him like, no, they'll think it's a blessing,
Starting point is 00:52:09 they'll just make more. And then she takes the kid. She takes the kid with her. I don't know whether she's that guy that gets her slave now or what. But it just seemed like a very strange, you know, indication of the time the movie was made. Never tell you about the movie on borrowed time.
Starting point is 00:52:27 Yeah. It sounds kind of like that. Lionel Barrymore is this guy who is very close with his grandson and death comes and says, it's your time, you got to come now. Lionel Barrymore is like, forget it, I'm not going to die, whatever. And then his grandson... Like, 7 SEAL school, death shows up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:43 The character playing death, okay. Exactly. And then the grandson falls out of it like death tricks him into falling out of a tree and He's on death's door and Lino Barrymore's like no, no take me take me I'll go and the movie ends with Lino Barrymore and his grandson walking off to heaven together and you're like No, you're supposed to give your life to save the boy. Like, it's supposed to be exchanged. You're supposed to die in addition to him. This is terrible. It's like a shoddy deal.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Yeah, not a great movie. Anyway, my turn for recommendations. Sure. I think this is one that, again, film buffs who are, listen to this podcast, may know it. But I'm bringing it up with the recent launch of the Trueblood show on HBO. There's sort of a resurgence in the Vampire genre.
Starting point is 00:53:28 And it made me think, I have not seen it yet, but someone who I respect a great deal has watched the premiere and said that it was schlocky and a little bit to look how sensual and sexy our vampires are. It's funny, the schlock was what I really enjoyed about it. I haven't seen it so to be fair It it very well maybe okay, but the the aggressive marketing campaign that's been Barrage me for the past nine months has led me to Seventhly shlocky. Yeah, it's led me to it will have to be much much better than I expect for it to impress me at this point
Starting point is 00:54:00 But anyway, I just thought for looking back for actual really good creative vampire movies, one of the first movies that put Guillermo del Toro on the map as a movie called Cronos, which is Spanish movie, and this is of course Director of Pans Labyrinth and... Hellboy. Well, Hellboy, sure, of course, Hellboy. Hellboy 2. Hellboy 2. Blade 2. I like Blade 2, actually. Yeah. Blade 2 is certainly the best of the blade. It is. It's the best of the blade movies. Mimic. They took that movie away from him. I will say that. Okay. That's another one of those movies that's based on a five page short story that how many times have I told you people I don't want this show to be a
Starting point is 00:54:38 referendum on me defending the film mimic. That's a fair point. You mentioned that before we started. Seven or eight times, at least. And someone that, Elliot, you and I have met directed mimic three, so there's that. Directed mimic three. J.T. Petty. Oh, I forgot J.T. directly that. That's right.
Starting point is 00:54:55 Newly wed J.T. Petty. Regardless. Anyway. Chronos, interesting film based on ancient medieval technology and the vampire comes through this artifact that this grandfather finds and not to spoil the film, but it's a very, very interesting take in which the grandfather finds himself embroiled in this situation and having to raise a very small child at the same time and a lot of the same themes that you see in Pan's labyrinth in terms of childhood and innocence and also on a very low budget, very, very worth a Netflix. All right. If you ever saw Monster Squad and you were like, there must be a better way to make this
Starting point is 00:55:32 movie. Wait a minute. Better than Monster Squad. If you saw Monster Squad and said, I want to see a grandfather looking blood off a bathroom floor. Monster Squad is on the shelf behind you, Ellie. So I don't know what that proves. To some of us.
Starting point is 00:55:48 We're Wolf Scott Nards. We're Wolf does have Nards. Is it Wolfman? No, he's Wolfman. Wolfman's got Nards. I'm the We're Wolf author, hang. Scary German guy, anyway. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:55:57 Let's just, you know, he's got a like a recap of what we talked about. Maybe he's gotten short shrift in this podcast the director of manic 2 hey who's that guy I don't even know listen if Charles has done not in it I'm calling to the show it's not it's not a college but calling calling to the show that has no phone number tell us who directed me mc2 but in the meantime we just want to say uh... again congratulations to Elliot again uh... we miss uh... you you Stewart. I hope you're having good time on your business trip
Starting point is 00:56:29 Thank you to rich for coming down and watching a movie that you you would not have enjoyed otherwise I had a great time So for the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Elliot K. Allen good night I'm Elliot Kaylon. Good night broken. Wild Hearts can't be broken. The story of a woman who did something useless and then kept doing it, even when people told her to stop. If you like films about diving horses, then this is the one and only film for you. Are we on?
Starting point is 00:57:21 Yeah. We're always on. Sweet. Are we on? Yeah. We're always on. Sweet.

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