The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #42 - Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Episode Date: August 2, 2009

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme0:31 - 3:09 - We introduce our guest host, Brock Mahan.3:10 - 30:55 - We watch that mall cop movie. No, not that one. The dumb one.30:56 - 34:00- Final judgments34:01 - 39:42 - The sad bastards recommend.39:43 - 40:50 - Goodbyes, theme and a special message about Stuart's penis.

And now one from the Blart. We talk about Paul Blart, Mall Cop. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. Hello, and I'm Brock Mayhem. Hey Brock, Brock is here, not Elliot. Yeah, I don't know what his deal is, but. No, we don't know what his deal is. He didn't even give us an excuse this time. Like, he's like, I don't think I his deal is but no we don't know what is deal is he didn't even get this excuse this time like he's like i don't think i can do it this week

yeah i like that i showed up with a big uh big bag i guess a bag of Popeye's chicken and uh yeah he he wasn't here very hot because he never misses a chance to uh and like expound upon an issue yeah yeah or have Popeye. Yeah, like I have expected when I opened up the bag I guess of pop eyes chicken that he would like come floating in like Like his nose lifted up by the smell of the pop eyes Yeah, I think Ling is toes or something I you know in his absence I think we should all feel free to make up reasons why he's not here. Okay, Stuart. Do you have one? No, I you just sprung the saw me reasons why he's not here. Okay. Stuart, do you have one? Uh, no.

You just sprung the saw me, dude. I'm not actually that good. Okay. Brock. I think he's thrilled killing somebody. Okay, that's pretty cool. I believe Paul and Amanda are lobe. Exactly.

I hear this the only way he can maintain a reaction now is through taking someone else's life. Nice. And then capturing their soul that is mouth at their moment of expiration. So Brock, yes. Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? I understand that we don't know who you are. Well, I'm a television writer professionally. Wow. Professionally. Professionally. Yes. Showing yourself well, sir. Thank you. It's on my resume. I write for a a show on on true TV called the smoking gun presents world's dumbest call your cable provider for details.

So that's what I do professionally amateurishly. I guess I used to host a podcast on East Village radio called Fist City, in which Dan was a frequent contributor. Wait, fish city or fist. Fist, yeah. Wait, Fis city or Fis city? Fis city. Fis city. Okay. Named after the Loretta Linsong.

Okay. So you're familiar to the medium, the low rated medium of podcast. I am, but I gotta say, I hats off to this setup that you have here. I'm impressed by the microphone screens that you have on here. Which is something that... You're impressed that they're not bare microphones. I am very impressed. The lack of S's brought to you by Dan McCoy's technical know-how.

You know, say all the P words you want. No pops. Yeah, amazing. What do you guys talk about? You know, sound geek stuff. I was just looking at a magazine. Hahaha. Oprah's magazine, I see. Yeah.

It's pretty good this month. So we watched a movie tonight and it was called, Wait, what do we do on this podcast again? Well, to reset it, that's what you're saying right here. You got to reset it. We watch a bad movie and then we chat about it a little bit. Sure. And so tonight the movie that we watched was Paul Blart,

Mall Cop. It's pretty catchy title. Yeah. I don't remember when Blart Manias swept the nation. Yeah, the name Blart was on it, the tip of everyone's tongue. Yeah, it was like when, when, how I would thought the name Chuck was really hilarious, right?

What, what arrow was that? It was like a good luck Chuck. like when when how I would thought the name Chuck was really hilarious right what what arrow was that it was like a good luck chuck uh... nbc's chuck uh... is you chuck in a layery yeah there was a man also star in kevin june you at three examples that you can according to the new york state regents you can draw a line i by your

i by your argument i think that that is what's required to write a new york times trends piece. So, good work, Stuart. But I'm out of here. Okay, well, goodbye. Footsteps, footsteps, footsteps. Doors slam. I need a fucking foley, guys. The radio know how it's just, you're exuding it at this point. Kevin James. Yeah. Star Kevin James. Yeah. He played the the titular character, right? Mm-hmm. Eponymous, we call it. I like to say titular. Yeah, because there's a tit in there. Yeah. Well, at least for you like. Yep. Paul Blart is what I like in fact. Um, so, you know, what's the what's the story here? Hey, Brock. Yes.

This is your first time yes it is summarize the movie oh man summarize the movie so there's a mall cop um right he does something amazing he's given the chance to not be a mall cop anymore and he turns it down that's pretty much what I learned from this that's really fast normally Elliot takes like a zillion years describing the movie.

And yeah, that's basically it, right? He's kind of a loser. And then he's put into like a mall style die hard. And with a bunch of like extreme sports bad guys. Yeah, the villains from... Well, not the villains from hackers. I would say the heroes from hackers, although I guess Fisher Stevens also skateboarded in the movie hakers.

Yeah I mean I think all hackers are probably villains. Okay they're they're lovable rules. So imagine uh they robbing hoods villains in the mode of the movie hackers take over a mall very into urban sports and parkour. Yeah like most criminals are nowadays. Well, you need to do something to keep yourself in criminal shape. It's very physically demanding to hijack them all basically.

You need something to tone yourself up when not hijacking. Yeah. I think what happened is that their online video career that they'd kind of started up with their extreme sports videos they made was really going poorly poorly like maybe they broke all their video equipment and thus they had robbed this mall you think this was the finance their extreme sports habit i think they probably couldn't find any venture capitalists who are willing to to bankroll the

no no no after like the failure of the x games and the xfl maybe they just get off on the rush, you know, like in point break. Yeah. Okay, so it's like Bodi. Yeah, it's a lot like the Bodi Soppo. So, okay.

That's what he's scared of. Yeah, and these extreme sports enthusiasts take over them all. Yep. And Paul Blart has to pull a diehard. What was his name? What? Diehard's name.

John McLean. He's got a pull of McLean. Yeah, a diehard. Well, and he's got to save his huge eyed, do-odd, do-eyed, hopeful girlfriend. You know, like, yeah, the object of his affection and his daughter who are hostages and you know yeah he does i think that the bumbling buffoon comes through in the end

yep there's a couple there's a couple twists but yeah if you setbacks yeah but it's pretty obstacles to be overcome although i don't know if you necessarily overcame them or sort of stepped around them they were very large obstacles that were thrown in his way i mean i think he gets shot at like three or four times but there are a don't even come close and then they people stop shooting at one

of the things that we learn from watching the film is that uh... these mall hijackers despite being heavily armed uh... didn't bring enough bullets really to get the job done assuming i mean either that are you know they they have their guns and i think deep down they're like, you know what? I don't want to murder anybody today. I was just way into extreme sports and the idea of this like mall heist was really cool but I don't actually want to kill another human being because I don't know if I can deal

with that in the dark hours of the night. I can't see that dead man's face. Right. And the movie takes place on Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving. And I assume that just the holiday before probably put them in the mindset, like, you know, what are all these things

that I'm thankful for? Sure. And I'm sure they don't want you to. I thought about all those dead Native Americans, and they're like, I don't need to add malt cops to that total. No. Like, yeah, that's not what America was founded on.

They had deals. No, but, oh, this movie. So let's see, anything else weird. There's a couple twists and turns. There's a lot of moments where he is incredibly proficient at doing what he's supposed to do. And then there's a number of moments, for every time that he's incredibly proficient, there's also a moment where he, you know, falls down a lot.

Well we see at the beginning of the movie that it became very close to becoming a police officer. Within six inches basically of becoming a police officer. Yeah, he was going through the police academy. We can only assume along with Steve Gutenberg and Michael Lindzlo. Sure. Lisa Academy we can only assume along with the Steve Gutenberg and Michael Winslow sure and that high tower character and Kim Katrell and then Tackleberry sure I guess basically I get in the opening sequence I guess the the premise was established that he is technically proficient at some things but

bumbling at other things because he's kind of you know uh... he he's running through the the police obstacle course he's sweating in in very strategic areas underneath is man bros and right around the bell are those the only two places that he apparently sweats he's having a hard time uh... you know keeping up with the with the other uh... academy members yet uh... it is incredibly obese exactly but yet one point he does swing on a on a rope and does a flip uh... and lands on his feet So I guess it's it's maybe he just has the ability to to every once in a while

Put it all together. Yeah, he's got a lot of I need to I need to retract a statement Kevin James is not incredibly obese. Okay, he's just a lot of yeah, he's all stuck. Yeah, I think that there's a muscle mass underneath it Yeah, I mean, you know, but the thing is like he's not about yeah he's all stuck yeah i think that there's some muscle mass uh... underneath it yeah i mean you know but the thing is like still pretty cute he's incredible romantic lead for paul barton all-time absolutely clop mull clop mull yeah he's on he's on horseback

for most of the time in the mall that's why it's called mull clop of course uh... but no he collapses right before he collapses right before getting through the obstacle course because he's hyperglycemic. And one thing that you point out to it is there's a lot of exposition in this movie. And you see that right off in the dinner scene between Paul Blart and his family when his mother says like, oh, you're hyperglycemic, you need to have sugar around

or else you're gonna pass out. And you expect Paul Blart to be like, I know her hypoglycemic is mine. I've been living with it all my life. It's a condition I've been to the doctor. Yeah, don't, and now that you say this on the day that my hypoglycemia costs me a job, I think it's really insensitive of you, mom.

Yeah, and then it didn't say that. you, mom. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then he puts peanut butter on some pie. And he eats it. So beautiful. Which is really a way you should tag all scenes. I would like this movie a lot better if at the end of every scene, just like out from out of frame,

he picks up some slice of pie with some peanut butter. I would like every movie better, if that's out work. Like the scene in heat where Robert De Niro and Al Pacino meet for the first time in that diner, it would be so much better if for the whole time they're just smearing peanut butter on pieces of pie. There's a lot of simple touches that would've made a heat of better.

And so, most of them involve peanut butter. There's a love interest. And basically early on, you're just like, oh, this guy's a nerd. He'll never get a girl. A lady's totally into this girl who looks like she's pretty young.

It's got a crazy mustache. Yeah. So the first 25 minutes, a better title for the film would have been Paul Blart, Maul Voyeur, because he's basically just spying on this girl through whatever means he has at his fingertips, through the most security cameras, through sneaking around the kiosk where she works. On his segue.

I can't say enough about the segue use in this movie. Ridiculous. Dean Kaman is incredibly thrilled that the product placement in this movie worked as well as it did. Yeah. So yeah, so it's such a like it's such a slow start. You have like the asshole the happy this is a happy Madison movie of various. I have a sandwich movie thing. Yeah. And so they had to throw in like typical happy Madison style douchebag character. Like what about that? There's that one guy. Alan covert. Yeah. Uh, you

shows up. You were talking rock about how like characters in this movie, once their usefulness is done, they just disappear from the film. It's it's ruthlessly efficient. That character, his character had no usefulness in the film. Uh, he had one, uh, he had one moment of usefulness, which is he's the first one to make visual contact with the mall hijackers without him uh... suddenly there just be these dudes with guns roaming about through the mall yeah

but yet at that point you never see him again he wrote he literally runs off uh... i assume this day he is just we're still running somewhere running into other films that are being produced uh... so somewhere, running into other films that are being produced. So the, I want to touch on the these hijackers or criminals or whatever, they all go by reindeer names. I'm guessing because Black Friday is a key Christmas shopping day. And when I thought I was in homage to the hit film, reindeer games, I didn't even think about it that way. I'll have to think about it like that later when I'm watching reindeer games.

So they're using these stupid names and then they actually show up to the mall wearing jump suits with those reindeer names on their name tag. That's a lot of effort. And I mean, either it's a lot of effort or it's not a lot of effort. If you look at it like maybe these crooks were too lazy to learn each other's code names. Okay. Or maybe it's one of those things

where they don't want to know each other's real names. So when the heist is done, they can go their separate ways and never turn on each other. The thing that I'm most interested to see is what Neo Tarantino is going to use this as inspiration for the criminals in his movie 20 to 30 years from now. Yeah.

That is a good idea. Reservoir Blart. We call for sure that's where New York City gets his water supply. So the one thing I did like about this movie, surprise, surprise, the setup is Paul Blart has a daughter and she does it look exactly like Kevin James. Yeah. And you find then so you're like, hmm, this daughter appears to be Hispanic in some way. Am I racist for thinking of that? Yes. And then you find out you're not racist for thinking that. Because he's a single dad because he had married a woman who was an illegal immigrant.

Apparently they were married long enough for him to get her pregnant and then she's out of the picture because she was only there for a green card. And they don't think like have like some crazy, speaking of racism, don't they have like some crazy like photo of her on the wall, like wearing a sombrero on it like a mural? Yes, yeah, that's very weird. I saw they honeymoon at the Grand Canyon.

They wanted the donkey rides down into the, and to the donkey rides. Yeah, they have donkey rides down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon to the Colorado River. Wait really? Yeah. Oh Donkey rides. Sorry, I thought you were talking about something I'm the film donkey punch. Yeah, no, I wasn't thinking of that either. The so it is weird though that that burrow was Supporting both the weight of Kevin James and and obese And then this woman cheap was obese. Yeah, she's not stock. He's like,

hey, honey, we took this picture of me and your mom on top of a borough wearing some brows. Just to remind you that your mom was Mexican. Like he, Kevin James feels it's important for his daughter to know her cultural roots. I guess. Do you think it was just too much effort to have a picture of like a traditional Mexican style wedding where he's marrying this woman? I think in an early draft it was a bright day of the dead maybe sure maybe have a Quincy era or sure I'm Good better. It's pronouncing it but the traditional celebration that in Latino cultures comes at the a girls 15 maybe a Burnt Kings in the era is that yeah I think that's it. I don't know. I don't know.

So I thought that was a good setup because I've never ever seen a movie that used that setup before. Yeah. So you're missing mom is an illegal immigrant who was just there long enough to shard out a little kid. You appreciate that like they're like, OK, we wanted to be a single dad. Let's think of a slightly more interesting reason

Yeah, like so that the mom isn't dead or maybe the mom could have died in some kind of a mall-based heist that Causes him or maybe the mom was an international jewel thief, which is why he hates criminals That that makes a lot of Yeah, so that happened that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, so that happened. I think that's gonna be something to describe many points in this movie. That happened.

It was noted and then we moved on. Yeah, the criminals use invisible ink. Invisible ink features highly in their plan. That happened. Yeah, that was weird. There's a lot of skateboarding. Okay, it was happening. That's something that is interesting.

A cell phone features highly in the plot of the movie. Okay. Basically, just the fact that Kevin James has a cell phone. It's featured highly. Like, okay, we need to give Kevin James a cell phone. Rather than just giving Kevin James a cell phone, they come up with this elaborate backstory. No, they doesn't have one, right?

Yeah, he's like, oh, okay, I can't text the girl I like because I don't have a cell phone. And so the guy who works at the cell phone, like, Kiosk. VJ, is his name? Yeah, he has to give Kevin James's, Paul Blart, sorry. It was to get Paul Blart his daughter's cell phone Which he's confiscated from her because she's I don't know. I don't know. She went over on her minutes Okay, that was that was what happened. Yeah, there were there at points

There are logical reasons for things that happened in this movie. Yeah, so he he he loans his daughter's cell phone to this man so Paul Blart can text the girl that he likes, and then that gives Paul Blart a cell phone that he can use to take pictures of various things during the robbery, too. That he can keep in text, contact with the hostages.

But couldn't he just have had a cell phone like the only reason? Well, it's interesting. I think that's something that maybe was weed did out in all the different graphs of the film is that pulbart has blood-eyed tendencies he doesn't have a cell phone he doesn't allow us daughter to have one he still listens to cassette tapes uh... uses a very old computer

he does write around a segment sort of walking like a normal human that's the absolute yeah but i do agree that he does listen to cassette tapes rather than having that happened. Do you listen to cassette tapes? That was an interesting choice, perhaps an unmotivated one. The only reason that there is to justify the fact that he didn't have his own cell phone was that there was an Indian American young man character who was in love with the girl who had the cell phone. And so he kept the beginning of the movie called up Paul Blart and basically like accused

him of having some sort of a fair- Which is really creepy, the girl. Because the girl is only about 14 years old. Yeah. But this kid played by- Yeah, that's crazy. fourteen years old. Yeah. But this kid played by a Navy. If you saw the short-lived WBC, aliens in America, it was played by the... So like the angels in America?

No, that's a Fantasia on gay themes. Oh. This is a... Aliens in America was a Fantasia on modern American paranoia towards those of Middle Eastern descent. Yeah, but so they weren't like aliens? No, no, you're thinking of closing counters of the third kind. Okay, but Roger. Yeah. Wait, so far it's a lot like V, right? It was a V with a laugh track. Oh, yeah, that sounds pretty good. But the guy the guy played Raja in that movie Basically plays like this jealous guy said it was a sitcom dance. Yeah. Yeah, sorry

movie and Thanks for the End of the Movie Paul Blart Mall cop it comes up that He Raja calls him back and they're all the sun, he had Paul Blower or buddies. Their best buds. They're all pals. He's like, you know, Paul Blower,

Sally's blowing up because I know it's Raja. Colin, just to see what's up. I think maybe it's just, you know, to use a metaphor drawing their water from the same well, makes them, makes them friends at that point. They clearly both like the same thing. Yeah, this 14 year old girl. makes them friends at that point. They clearly both like the same thing. Yeah, this 14 year old girl.

But the point is like plot wise was then that I guess because he's like an Indian gentleman, he's good with computers. I don't know, like let's go down to the stereotype road again. He's able to GPS the cell phone, which allows Paul Blart to find the hostage. A lot of stalkerish behavior going on on the part of male characters in this film towards their female counterparts. Paul Blart, using Moll security cameras to spy on his would-be paramour, the Indian fellow,

installing GPS on his girlfriend's phone to keep in contact with her at all times. Well, but also there's a lot of really unnecessary plot mechanics to explain things that don't need to be explained. Explain, Dan. Well, earlier in the movie, there's a scene where Paul Blart makes an ass of himself in front of his intended, his loved one, the one that he's interested in. And he does this by getting drunk in front of her and acting crazy. What seems like the first time in his life,

he tipples too much. He's not a drinker. Well, he says that many points. He's not a drinker, right? Yeah. The sugar converts into blobable balls. Yeah, he starts like tripping balls or something. He starts acting really weird. It's as if the grateful dead somehow dozed

Whatever he was drinking at American Joe's but to explain this. Is that a real restaurant name? I don't know I was trying to figure it out Wikipedia that show. Yeah, yeah, if not a restaurant name American Joe's sounds like maybe like a like a morning show on some radio Radio yeah, Joe Scarborough should host it American Joe's sounds like maybe like a morning show on some radio. Yeah, Joe Scarborough should host it. American Joe's sounds good. No, but like they have to explain Paul Blark getting drunk. And so they do it by all the sudden he's in a nacho eating contrast with a gentleman who runs the hot sauce kiosk, who we by the way have not been introduced to before.

I don't believe he was ever introduced by name, either. No. And so that, that, that, that, that, that notchuating contest was a good scene. He's in the middle of this notchuating contest. And he eats a really hot pepper. And so he needs to grab a pitcher full of margaritas from a nearby table and basically drink it all down. There couldn't possibly be a situation

where he just drinks too much because he's an adult. It's been sometimes indulges. And stuck in a dead-end job with the pressures of living with his mom and supporting a teenage daughter. I would assume that he'd want to drink. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't even need that. He kind of believed in that.

He would afford a cell phone. So, like, it's not the audience is going to be like, he's really drunk in this, uh, in this scene. I just don't buy it. If only there were some sort of nacho eating contest, everything's going so well for him. Well, you know what? A nacho eating contest would give us a great opportunity to have a scene filled with people trying to talk to each other with their mouths full. That's hilarious, right? And we don't need to write dialogue for it. But Stuart, I mean, when he gets...

You thought that was all improv? I assume, yeah. I don't know. It seemed pretty tight. Too tight. Really tight. That's true. Like a really good episode of Curb.

I mean, yeah, in retrospect, like seeing just the like how choreographed the nachos when into each other's mouth, never at the same time. So that one couldn't talk to the other. Well written. Now Stuart, you've been known to a bive. Sure, you're a drinker. Kinda. You're currently dating a bartender.

Sure. So Kevin James. Bar actually. Pretty accurate the way he was drunk, right? That's exactly I often when I drink too much in the night Climb over people I tear off my shirt and fall out of window You punch a guy who's singing karaoke punch guy who's in karaoke and then I get massive tattoos all over my back Yeah, like incredibly intricate. Miami ink level tattoos.

Yeah, basically, you know, when you get drunk, it's like you've been dosed with some sort of hallucinogen, like some sort of very powerful. I mean, I wouldn't know because I don't take a lot of hallucinogens, specifically powerful ones, but when I start drinking, I just get crazy, man. Like it's like one of those movies with Alice and Wonderland and all that kind of business.

I hear one of those movies like Paul Blart, Paul Bob. It's a lot like this scene in Paul Blart, a mock-up, Dan. I can't say, it's not saying mock-cloth. By the way, the Blart. I think maybe that was the design of the film that i think it's a great scene where he's just he's on horseback and he's really he's just like he's

we're he's whipping this this thoroughbred harder and harder to catch up with skateboarding criminal and then uh... at the very last minute he he yanks hard on the rains the the horse rears up on its two legs and just comes down right on top of the uh... hijacker and then he was not a true one. Then he then he throws a jackal lantern at the criminal. What? Wait, I think this is why you were in the bathroom.

Oh, fuck off. You should have row wilded it. Oh, man. You guys just submitted a lot. I went to the bathroom. Makes me look in professional things. Makes you look like a human being. With a bladder.

Nope. So yeah, so far, so good. Like I think we're doing a really good job summarizing this movie, so I don't have to guess. Yeah, I mean, the daughter was kind of weird. The love story was kind of awkward. It does have a mustache, which is pretty cool. The mustache, frankly, is better characterized than most of the characters in the film. The bad guy has a really cool bad guy code.

A cool bad guy name. The bad guy, by the way, you're introduced to him as Paul Blart's new partner in the most security business. And then, uh-oh switch route twist he's the leader he's actually the boss of the hijackers he's the bowser and uh... you know yeah as you say he's got really cool uh... i'm a thief uh... clothes that he wears like apparently he had his bad guys bring them to him like the like the long Duster or yeah, so the cool collar. Yeah much more tech savvy than Paul Blart as well. Yeah using every bit of technology I believe Paul Blart even mentions that he's good on computers

Then that's one of the ways that he he admitted that the the arch his arch enemy was better than him Yeah, the great thing about this this bad guy is the arch his arch enemy was better than him. Yeah, the great thing about this bad guy is like the writing in the script is so tight that they give him a lot of really good like monologues where he basically just summarizes all the things that Paul Blard has done up until this point that have been stupid.

It will be like, you know, you're overweight, you didn't make it in the police academy, you fell down that one time, like, it's ridiculous. I'm surprised you didn't start going into other elements of his backstreet, you didn't graduate high school, you got rooked in a marriage, etc. You peed the bed four times between the ages of a 10 and a 23. You didn't have a male role model growing up, I assume.

Your father was not in the film uh... it's true you prefer ghost but just to do the original ghost but there isn't even make sense haha how could that be uh... yeah you know there's not a lot to this movie is the thing when it comes down to it i mean we have i guess we haven't mentioned uh... bobby canna valley yeah

is in this movie with the station agents bob Bobby Connovali. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The station agents Bobby Connovali. He's the, um, he's the man who's watching. Yeah, and lip sinks in the nude to, uh, to Roberta Flack in the, in the 10. Yeah, no. For the 10 people that saw that film. And he, uh, Sorry, David Wayne. Bird.

Oh, it was a pretty good movie. No, it's a it's ups and downs. Yeah. Uh, it's on Netflix watching. We've seen with the one with the live strivers really funny. No, well, yeah, because it's a high point. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, and there's twists.

It's not. Yeah, it's one involving Bobby Kennevali. Yeah, true. Uh, we want't explain that. Yeah, you could figure it out. I'm sure. Judge Falen from the wires in it is the head of security. As a would be wisecracken. I'm not going to stay in this because that guy, that guy, there's a switcher runie at the

end where that guy turns out to be a bad guy. Right. Bobby Kennavali. Yeah, but why did he drive with Paul Blart to the airfield, just so that, like, why would he take the good guy, the hero? I believe this was actually explained to Stuart, which is that he could eliminate all of the witnesses at once.

Well, why didn't he just shoot him in the car? That's true. He could have killed Paul Blar in the car and then transported it. I guess he would have bled all over the car. One thing that I didn't need that car. That's a question that you can ask yourself a lot in this movie is,

why didn't they just kill Paul Blar already? Yeah. And I think it goes back to the point where they just didn't bring enough bullets to get the job done. Sure. Or he's just too good. I think is what the movie's trying to show.

He's just too damn good. And they showed it instead of telling it yeah yeah well and anything else now I think we can wrap up on Paul Blart and give our final judgments on this movie now to again to reset this yeah for new listeners we have a three official flop house categories, although we often discard them in favor of just some rambling. Just doing what feels right. Yeah, just doing what our body wants feels good. Number one is this a good bad movie. Movie that's funny, some way in its badness, a bad bad movie, a movie that gives no enjoyment, or a movie that we genuinely liked in some way.

So Stuart, what do you think? Well, this isn't a good movie. I can't say that it's so bad, that it's a bad, bad movie. I got a couple of yucks out of it, which is all I'm really asking for in a comedy nowadays, just get a couple of smiles out of me. So in that, I bring you, the purge of laughter.

So to suit the pain of me alive, just a little bit. Just make me, you know, just make me forget for roughly an hour and a half. Forget all the things I've done. So I'm going to say a good bad movie. Like, you know, I had fun making fun of it. Kevin James is pretty easy on the ice. And he's up for it, you know? Like he makes an effort.

Yeah, I'm gonna say, I don't, we've been doing this a lot lately, so I feel bad, but I feel like this kind of falls outside of the categories, like, I don't think it's a, I don't think it's a good bad movie because I don't think it's like hilarious and it's badness. I don't think it's a bad bad movie because there was a couple, like I had a couple genuine laughs in it, but it's not like I actually't think it's like hilarious and it's badness. I don't think it's a bad, bad movie because there was a couple,

like I had a couple genuine laughs in it, but it's not like I actually really liked it. Like it felt short of being like good, but you know what, it moved fast, it moved faster than 12 rounds even, which moved pretty fast. Yeah. Kevin James, as you say,

you know, made the most of a bad script. Like he seemed likeable and he seemed like he could be funny Kevin James, as you say, made the most of a bad script. He seemed like he could be funny if it was given good material. That's bad all I can say for it, though. Yeah, I'd have to echo the sentiment so far. I feel bad not towing the company line the first time I've part of the podcast. I agree. It falls somewhere between good bad movie and bad bad movie. You know, it's, I guess, uh, yeah, like Kevin James tried hard and I think the movie did try to deliver laughs. It just didn't do it very successfully. Yeah. Um, so 50% of the

time you got a laugh, right? No, it looks very high. That's being charitable then. Yeah. Okay, well I'm not gonna try and come up with another estimate. How about 14? I was gonna say 15, so let's do 14.5. Okay, and I mean we'll have to watch it again to actually test that, but I think that's not.

That's not what I was thinking. New, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new i will say i was going to count the number of hearts out effects used in the film and there's only one so i guess you know what i'm willing to give that last point five percent back to the film go to fifteen percent so michael bays transformers to re revenge of the fallen beets paul blart on number of hearts out of the so uh... now we're going to move on to the portion of the show where we actually make a few recommendations to prove that we're not hateful people filled with bitterness and spiders. So if there's something that we've seen recently or not recently depending on how busy our

week has been. Sure. That we might want to recommend. Now's the time to do so. And Brock, I believe you actually have a recommendation. I do. I saw Moon last week. And I didn't love it, but I enjoyed most of it. You know, it's a... A qualified recommendation.

Yeah. It was... I went in having very high expectations for it just because it's the type of film that I like, I like Ponderous Science fiction films. And I guess it just wasn't quite as ponderous as I thought it would be, but I appreciate it for. But you wanted it to be more ponderous. I wanted it to be more ponderous.

It was like ice pirates. It was ice pirates. Yeah, like ponders. Is like ice pirates. Is ice pirates. Yeah, like ice pirates. The movie ice pirates. It was like, Rimo Wames, the adventure begins. That's not a science-fake world-cooling game. Well, yeah, I just keep going. Well, either way, it's a film that had ambition,

and I appreciated that even if it didn't follow through on its ambition all the time. I like Sam Rockwell a lot and I thought he gave a fine performance and it was pretty much a one character film which is very hard to pull off and especially for our first time director. So, um, I would say, I would recommend Moon. Do you have any recommendations? Yeah, I'm going to recommend something that I might have already recommended, but I can't remember so I'm gonna recommend it anyway. Sure. Just take it to mean that it's totally worth watching. It's a little movie

called The Granny. Premise of the movie is this old lady, super rich, doesn't want to give up her money to her like money-grubbing children. So she meets this weird mystic guy and he gives her this weird potion. But she fucks up the instructions a lot, gremlins and drinks too much. And then she dies and then comes back as like a crazy demon lady. And begins murdering all of her horrible offspring except for the one beautiful granddaughter who had been taken care of her, who is the perfect definite, like picture, like dictionary perfect definition of the, like, beautiful girl who has a ponytail in glasses. So everyone's like, oh, you're gross looking. Like literally

people in the movie are like, you're so plain and gross and you're like, that's crazy. And yeah, it's a totally awesome movie and gets way weirder than I could even describe right now. So the granny, you need to go watch this movie. It sounds like a George Sonders short story. Yes. Well, I don't, I actually can't verify that. So, just, seriously, very agreeable.

What do you have for us, Dan? I've been racking my brain and podcasts. Listen to them. Yeah, I'm going to recommend the flop house. Okay, it's a really good podcast. Okay, I don't know if I can agree with you. Oh, man. Well, what's good about it?

I don't know, there's this guy, Stuart. Okay, you're winning me over. I'm already Stewart's. He's got a really like enticing low voice. The ladies like it. Baratone. Jesus Christ. I don't, you know, it's a TV show and I'm actually like only halfway through it.

Like an episode? Yeah. You're only halfway through one episode I'm halfway through like the first series of it okay so it had two episodes four four being a British series I'm gonna recommend Prime Suspect I don't think it needs to be recommended because they made seven series of it and it started Helen Marin and it's obviously, you know, as a BBC series... Got Benny Hill?

Goes, it's probably successful. No Benny Hill is not in it. The Monty Python guys? No. Does Helen Marin chase scannily-clad girls to sped up footage? No, that'd actually be pretty good. She does also doesn't like, you know, go into a changing room on a beach and, you know, surprise, a bucsum blonde at any point. However,

she stars in it, Tom Wilkinson's in it, a bunch of you know, you know, unpleasant looking middle-aged British men are in it. You know I love Tom Wilkinson, Dan. Yeah, and I like that just for me. No, okay. And I like that British people are still unafraid to put ugly people on television Which is something you don't do in America anymore You know just if you're looking for a You know hard-boiled Accurate police procedural like like you get a real feel that this is the way You know like police station. It's probably work

It it seems like in that way kind of like a British wire although more like focused on like police station, it's probably work. And it seems like in that way, kind of like a British wire, although more like focused on like the who done it, rather than like, the, you know, like the institutions of a city. But, uh, I'm really enjoying it so far. So that's what I recommend. So wow. Yeah. What else do we got to do?

Well, I think we pretty much just sign off of this point, Stuart. Hey, you were saying something about American not putting ugly people on television? Yes. You need to watch the show, the millionaire matchmaker. Okay, I'm sorry, I meant not in, they won't put ugly people in scripted material anymore. Oh, okay, yeah. Is that because that chick's busted. No way, no.

Okay, so what do we do? We sign off at this point. Okay. Well, I want to say thanks for having me. It's been a lot of fun. It's a short notice. Okay, well, I've been steward Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy and I've been Brock my hand. Good night everyone. Yay. You like how I messed up the thing at the end where I started talking first? I haven't even been drinking. There's some kind of actual confirmation. Like when girls are like, hey, you know, you're not bad down there.

There are figures on like average penis size that you can find. Yeah, I know. But like, when I discovered that I actually had to upgrade my condom size and then I had to go to the fucking store and buy like regular and I'm like maybe I'll get a small pack of these. By the way this is what's going on the end of the podcast just to get the word out. Sure and more so. Make me embarrassed.

It's not gonna work. Oh no no I'm trying to help you out. It was gonna eat well. It's important for you to get the gonna work. I don't know, I'm trying to help you out. It was gonna be a lot of fun. It's important for you to get the word out. I will help. Thanks.