The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #99 - The Three Musketeers

Episode Date: April 7, 2012

0:00 - 0:36 - Introduction and theme.0:37 - 5:37 - We discuss In Time's "Olivia Wildegate" scandal5:38 - 34:34 - The Three Musketeers has inspired at least twenty full-length film adaptations and many... more sequels, shorts, and cartoons. It is timeless tale, impossible to ruin. This film does its damnedest.  34:35 - 38:19 - Final judgements38:20 - 51:20 - Flop House Movie Mailbag51:21 - 1:00:09  - Our longest recommendations in a while1:00:10 - 1:03:00 - Plugs, theme, and outtakes.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We discuss that classic work of swashbuckling, airships, and I guess Kung Fu, the three musketeers. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington, and I'm Elliot Kaelin. Hey, hey guys. Hey Dan, what's up? What's happening? Are we just meeting? It's nice to see you. Yeah, do we bump into each other on a podcast?
Starting point is 00:00:53 Dancing meeting you here. Somebody's in somebody's ear drums. Dancing meeting you here in front of all of these microphones. It's not that fancy. I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt. Hands are covered with chicken grease. Before we start, yeah, we got something to show you. We got to address a flop house scandal. We got to clear the air. Provide a retraction, correction, and direction. Yeah, a lot of people pointed out that last episode,
Starting point is 00:01:17 the ints, ints, I'm. And by a lot of people, a couple people. A couple of people on the internet pointed out that the int time episode, a couple people. A couple people on the internet, pointed out the int time. At so, int time. We mistakenly refer to Olivia Wilde as Justin Timberlake's girlfriend and thereby the hamburger.
Starting point is 00:01:38 No, let's not bring back the hamburger. No, actually I was gonna ask Stuart. That is an insult to all humanity. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, insult to all humanity. No, you know, she was she was not a student vanity. She was not as girlfriend. She was his mother. She was actually his mother. Would you would you like to revise your camperger snake analogy based on that go? So I guess in this case as somebody's already pointed out that would make somebody's mom to be a hamburger and that your, I guess girlfriend would be steak. Fair enough. Fair enough. I mean, to say for you. When before you were just judging the relative physical attractiveness of those two
Starting point is 00:02:10 audiences. They're hotness or they're not in the crewdest possible manner. Yeah. In the least humane or human way. Stume mean. Yeah. I would probably need. I would probably need.
Starting point is 00:02:22 You know, for some stume, stume, and noodles. You know what, this is, I think, a more complex question. I think I'm gonna have to take some time. We're gonna, after we're done recording this, we'll do a flop house movie minute. I don't know. About 10, 20 minutes where we, where I actually kind of talk about this at that line. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Just two to three hours. So you get this. So you get into it. Because you'll probably not be invited to speak at the Ted conference, you'll have to give what your lecture would have been, which is hamburger steak. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:51 When a woman is a hamburger or a steak. And the properties of different types of hamburger moms. Or steak girlfriends. A steakburger girlfriend. And some steak girlfriends, all kinds. But I'd like to. I mean, this is a flaw. I mean, like, you know, in our defense, this is a flaw. I mean like you know in our in our defense
Starting point is 00:03:06 This is what happens that movie was very dull in our defense. We're in a movie One of the tropes of the movies that everyone's 25 years old so they're all the same age. I think trope is the wrong word there but whatever but But also yes, you know We're talking when the movie started. Yeah, one of the stripes of the movie. Uh, we do talk during during a lot of these films. This, I remember that one in particular.
Starting point is 00:03:32 I had to ask you guys more than usual if you could shut up because I was having trouble hearing. Well, a lot of people got sassy on the internet about how we missed this plot point. And to them, I have to say, I think why are you expecting us to be good at our jobs? I mean, haven't I been listening to this? Like this is not, so you were kind of angry about it. No, no, I'm just really pissed off. This is not even listening to this shit.
Starting point is 00:03:56 No, no, no, no, I think it's, I don't go down to where you listen to podcasts and slap the dick out of your ears. I think it's emblematic of a basic misunderstanding about the flop house. Which is this is a this is a podcast about movies. It is rather than a podcast about three dudes saying gibberish at each other. There it is that too. Yeah. I'm surprised at people getting up in arms about a factor. I don't know that this really cuts to the heart of the flop house the way you feel it
Starting point is 00:04:31 does, but I am in both touched and impressed that we mean so much to people that they wanted to point out that we got it wrong. Because the worst reaction is in difference. The more you know. No, I think the worst reaction is people making fun of something on the internet. I think that's the worst way. Look, I've been made fun of on the internet.
Starting point is 00:04:50 It's really easy to take. All the time. Constantly. Yeah. Your general size. One of the regular comments that this podcast receives on message boards and things is how irritating my voice is.
Starting point is 00:05:04 And I find that hilarious. So All right, I have no so if people make fun of us on the internet, it doesn't bother me that much. Okay, fair enough So then again, I have a heart of stone so to so to sum up people are making fun of us Well, just you. Oh, good. To sum up for our fans for our fans to sum up we love you. Yes, and fuck you Yeah, but also we love you. You're perfect now change. Yeah in the words of Broadway We'll pay closer attention to the movies we watch starting next time because this time it was very hard to this time We watched a little movie called late rawtwa-musketeers Or in American
Starting point is 00:05:47 It's a Japanese The French- the three musketeers The French musketeers The French musketeers In English the title is the French musketeers Also there's three of them By the way this is an American movie that was made in English Yeah shot in Bavaria
Starting point is 00:06:06 We watched the three mus Musketeers 2011 version. Yep. Many foam. Paul W. S. Anderson, not Paul Thomas Anderson or Paul Wes Anderson, who is real hitmaker. Yeah. Yeah, he made a lot of big movies like what Resident Evil killed a lot of the Apple is what you're thinking. What else did he do? Paul was Anderson. Oh, he did the first modal combat movie, right? He did, um, soldiers. Is that him? Yeah, soldier was him and Magnolia. There will be blood.
Starting point is 00:06:33 The Royal Ten of Vams. All of us Anderson now. Wes Anderson. Uh, he wrote, uh, wine's, wine's brother Ohio. Uh, they don't even know what that reference is. Sure with Anderson. Okay. Read a book sometime. Come on. Possibly the three musketeers by Alexander Dumas. He's that gray haired probably gay anchor man. That's Anderson Cooper. Oh, oh, there's more white. That's what threw me off. That's what we're doing now. I guess. Yeah. He's a Sean Connery movie about a bank robber trying to rob a farm building. That's the Anderson tapes. Wow. Okay. So three musketeers, uh, Elliott. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Usually pay attention to the movie the best. I tried to this time. Yeah. Let's. There was a lot of twists and turns on you this time. So if you fuck something up, it's just going to be your fault. Oh, who may? This movie had more twists and turns than, uh, then a rattlesnake in a jigsaw puzzle. Exactly. Now, the three musketeers is, of course, based on the popular candy bar, the same name. And it just goes to show like, they're...
Starting point is 00:07:34 Who played peanuts? Peanut's was played by... Hillary Swank. This played by the music of Vince Garaldi. Hillary Swank played peanuts. Yeah. And of course, always a laugh. Nougat was played by Armin Mueller-Stoll.
Starting point is 00:07:52 And chocolate was played by, I don't know, the late Roy Scheider. So we're in six. He's really digital performance, I would imagine, right? Or was that actually an consumed corpse? No, no, he just, he shot it actually 30 years ago in case anyone ever made a movie of three must of tears. He wanted to be part of it. So he had it made in his spare time,
Starting point is 00:08:16 and he just loved the material that much. He just loved the candy that much. So it's 17th century France. Everyone's favorite place, favorite time. And we're introduced to a four sum of adventurers, the three musketeers, Athos, Portos, and Aramus, and Milogevović as Malady. Now they're basically French ninjas who break into a place. Fringes.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Fringes, if you will. Who, I think that's lady fringe fans They're basically French secret agents in the 17th century. They all have their quirky personalities One of them is a strong man one of them is really yeah super religious super religious and the other one is a guy Just a guy. He's the leader of the group The Leonardo if you will Leonardo the Cyclops the Dan McCoy the boring one The mummy if you will of the group. The Leonardo, if you will. Leonardo the Cyclops, the Dan McCoy, the boring one, the mummy, if you will, of the group. Wait, what? And they're in Venice, Italy, and they break into the mummy, the leader of the monster. The leader of the monster is obviously Dracula, but he's super exciting. Dracula. What? So yeah, let's, let's let's leave your pronunciation of Dracula's name as if you were a recent Eastern European
Starting point is 00:09:32 immigrant. It is hilarious. I grant you that, Dan. But let's move on with the- Yeah, you're breaking new comedy ground with your Dracula character. All right. But so our muskets, your friends and Milo Jovvich as Malady, they break into- Yeah, Yovovich.
Starting point is 00:09:47 I know this because, Mie Yovovich has pronounced her own name on cosmetics commercials recently. And somebody puts something in your drink? Well whiskey, some of it was drinking, that was me. Do you have a lot of pixie sticks before the recording? Oh, did I? Okay, let me continue- Just far I'm almost through the first two minutes of the movie. So Venice, Italy, the three musketeers break into Leonardo da Vinci's secret vault. Wait, you got you got one for that leave of an adventure Italy
Starting point is 00:10:22 That is you are wasting our ears. This is a waste of ear. And they steal the plans for some kind of floating airship Zeppelin type machine. Now, of course, do that. They have to get past a bunch of booby traps because this is a movie set in the past made nowadays. There's all sorts of steampunk shit. And not sense.
Starting point is 00:10:40 A lot of slow motion fighting and acrobatics. A lot of the Yovic sliding around with her cleavage exposed. Yeah, and a lot of like as you said to it like kind of Wushu style Fighting in in medieval French fish markets So they steal the airship, but then bump bump bump they've been betrayed by millage of Ova Vitch and Orlando Bloom as the Duke of Buckingham They're English nemesis though everyone in the Duke of Buckingham, uh, their English nemesis, though everyone in the movie has an English accent. Yeah. If they're French, he looks like a rock and roll vampire.
Starting point is 00:11:09 And then Orlando, it looks like a rock and roll vampire and has the one hanging year ring that all villains have in these movies, uh, drugs their wine to, I guess, put them asleep. He's a crypto game. And I guess the thing like that's like, it's like from like a, like an old movie where a game man who loves puzzles? Yeah. Is that like if crypto the super dog is a gay man?
Starting point is 00:11:30 No, I'm just saying like it's like in an older movie where they're like coded. Yeah, so like this is why you don't like this guy because he's a feminist. So like the critic characters in Laura or all about you. Right, exactly. Okay. And he likes puzzles.
Starting point is 00:11:44 And he likes puzzles. And he likes puzzles. Maybe this mainly Sudoku. What go on? What? Thanks to it. I just needed some punctuation to separate me from Dan's incredibly stupid remark. For the, for the editing later.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Yeah. So, so the airship plans get stolen by England. Now it's one year later and a young man, Dartanian, who's kind of a fourth rate shy love buff character. He's really irritating and very very cocky like a third rate Zach Efron. Unlikable.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Yeah, Zach Efron. See, I can do it. I'm Zach Efron. He's like a second rate Nora Efron. He, his father teaches him how to sword fight his father's an ex musketeer. And he says, you should go to Paris and be a musketeer. So, um, Darterian rides into Paris three days later, he just, the scene is basically the exact same as if he was going to college. Like, I think they just cribbed it from any, any like college
Starting point is 00:12:42 buddy comedy where this character is about to go party hard and get laid all the time. Well, from the famous college movie, the three fats, Fratz Kateres, but his dad tells him make mistakes, have adventures, fall in love, get in trouble, and it's like it's terrible advice. This is bad advice. You just gave him a sword and told him to do that. Yeah. So me there are a bar or a linder B to thine own self be true.
Starting point is 00:13:09 This is this is the sort of advice that a young musketeer should get. Yeah. From say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say,
Starting point is 00:13:21 from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, from say, Someone who, I do mind a curtain, we'll get stabbed thus making them goofy. Yeah. As someone whose advice actually should be, we'll be undercut by everything else about that character.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Yeah. So we watched Hamlet. And so he goes to Paris and proceeds to get into a lot of trouble and irritate all three of the musketeers who challenge him to a duel. But then their duel is interrupted by the guardsman who work for the cardinal cardinal, Richelieu, right? Richelieu, best known from history.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Or those modipiva and uh, yeah, where Michael Palin would play cardinal Richelieu with that weird accent. Yep. We go, way instead of we, I did that thing. Yeah. So that's actually these wait, they had silly. People do say money by them. Yes, they did. People do say le though in front of that. But the way he says it is. That's like our equivalent of yeah. But the way he says it is particularly good. It is funny.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Uh, I'll give that to Michael Paley. Okay. And in the fight with the guards men in which they kill a lot of people. Like the muskketeers Well, they team up like initially they're going to kill this kid because he's an asshole I'm a model I'm a This this kids beaten all these dudes to death like he's killing all these guys. Well, let's join in help him kill these people And then the leader of the guards played by one-eyed mad's michaelson mad's make like hmm Just kill them and then he leaves like no, they're losing already. Oh, I forgot that Dartanian has already run a foul of Mads Mikkelson earlier in a scene that was cribbed from a fistful of dollars.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Yeah. Where Dartanian tries to make Mads Mikkelson apologize to Dartanian's horse for insulting it. Instead, he gets his ass kicked by Mads Mikkelson. Well, basically, yeah, Mads Mikkelson shoots him when Dartanian pulls out a sword in a scene crib from right over the start. He never ran a sword to a gunfight. So there you go. Two, so they all, it's by being shot shoots him when Dartanian pulls out a sword in a scene crib from right. I never ran a sword to a gunfight.
Starting point is 00:15:06 So there you go. Two, so they all so the old double crib. Yeah, double crib in one scene. You got a double crib that thing for the baby's safety. Yeah, double crib it. In what? In what case there's an oil spill. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:19 In the baby. Yep. So the team, the three musketeers team up with Dartanian. It's pretty clear. No, it gets out of one crib. Yeah, they need that second wall of the house. That's the second layer of crib. What if he gets out of the second crib?
Starting point is 00:15:32 Well, no one could foresee that. That's never happened. Never, really. In the history of babies. What is so different about the second crib that it's so much harder to get out of? Does it have snakes in it? Yeah, well, is it a hundred feet high?
Starting point is 00:15:45 Yes. The second crib is planet earth. Whoa, think about that. So it's a space baby? I'm dead. I'm not saying this is a space baby. And this is a baby in like a space zoo, like aliens. I think it's really telling a value
Starting point is 00:16:01 that he assumed that this wasn't a space baby. I think it is telling of me. Yeah. No, racism is really the, it says about me. Spacism. Yeah, maybe space is the best. So three musketeers, is that where we're at? Anyway, I'll make a long story short.
Starting point is 00:16:17 There's the cardinal and millageauva vich are plotting with the Duke of Buckingham to overthrow the French King through the elaborate plot that involves the stealing of a necklace. It's really dumb. Which is actually like not a million miles away from the original story. Except the original story has to deal with trying to ruin the honor of an aristocrat, whereas this has to do with the fight over plans for magic airships that shoot cannons and flame.
Starting point is 00:16:43 True. Which are also both the best and worst thing about the movie, which we can talk about at some point. But there are a lot of very long scenes of the villains plotting with each other that break up the action scenes, interminably. The musketeers go to France, the musketeers come back.
Starting point is 00:16:58 There's an airship battle. There's a very long sword fight between Matt about Mads, Michelson and Shia, Zach Erefen, Guy, Dartanian. Dartanian. And the, there's a girl that Dartanians in love with and they kiss or whatever. She turns out to be one of the ladies in waiting to the Queen of Austria. Oh man. It's a really. It's a great intrigue.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Yeah, there's a lot of twists and turns that are all equally boring. There's a way to chunk in the middle where it's just the musketeers kind of following around the king of England or king in France. Everyone has an English accent other than Miyagawa Vich Krasn, an American accent. And Christoph Waltz, who has his Christoph Waltz accent. Yeah, Christoph Waltz plays Cardinal Richelieu and it's maybe, if you saw... The most Germanic Cardinal Richelieu. But it like, if you saw Gloria Sparcer's and I'm sure you did, I'm sure one of the things that struck you is that struck me was,
Starting point is 00:18:00 I've never seen this guy before in anything, but he's amazing. Like this guy is fantastic in every scene, Chris Duffelts. He's great. He should be in so many more movies like he's fantastic. And then you say, like the green hornet, say green hornet and three musketeers. And you see the three musketeers and you were like, this is the worst actor I think I've ever seen in my life.
Starting point is 00:18:19 He's really bad. He's like sleepwalking through the entire role, you know, whereas Orlando Bloom is chewing up the scene and spitting it out. Orlando Bloom. Who put a nickel in that guy? It's like no one thought I could do it, but I can't check it out. Check me out. It's Orlando Bloom seems to think that he is the star of the movie and is just like cut and loose. It's we it's an Orlando Bloom. We've never seen before. You put a pop-a-door Orlando Bloom apparently becomes 20,000 more interesting. Yeah, he was he was great. Yeah, he has a he has a goatee and it's almost enough to make me think that Orlando
Starting point is 00:18:55 Bloom's evil twin filled in for him and it was just like well and actor I shall be the the the the the the the the the
Starting point is 00:19:11 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the
Starting point is 00:19:17 the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the France and the Queen of Austria. And I'm not sure how that helps England, since in the end, the true power seems to belong to people with airships. And I don't know how breaking up this relationship affects who controls the airships. Well, I guess what it is, they lose faith in the king is what they said. And then Cardinal Richelieu swoops in and takes over.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Wait, but they lose faith in the king for being cuckolded. Like, that's not really how royalty works. Yeah, it just mean that like he would He would kill the queen of all. He find a new girl like it's just a king of friends He's probably banging like 18 broads. Hey, oh As I was as I was saying that I was confused. Oh, and the French king in the movie is a dandy like he's a dandy Ish guy who only cares about his clothes. Well, also at the beginning of this movie, the Duke of Buckingham reveals himself as the bad guy.
Starting point is 00:20:11 And then later on, he's like, traipsing around hanging out with the king of France and the musketeers are never like, hey, this fuckers the guy stole the airship from as the beginning of the movie. He probably has diplomatic immunity. Yeah, but- So they, what they need to say was
Starting point is 00:20:24 you dig the better communities about to be rev He probably has diplomatic immunity. Yeah, but, but, so they, what they need to say was, you diplomatic immunity is about to be revoked and then shoot him. Yeah. Case for the list. I'm glad they're giving him warning. Yeah. Like, so we can make plans. Other way.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Yes. Like, so if you want to get a lawyer, that's okay. Bang. I guess what really happened is that, they took the three musketeersers a solid story that has survived many film adaptations. It's been around for 150 years and decided to fill it with a bunch of steampunk spine on sense and that
Starting point is 00:20:56 warped and twisted and distorted the story so that things that were of paramount importance in the original mood original story seem trivial when it's like if you set, and it's like if you tried to set the story during World War II, and it was like, we've got to get those letters and the necklace back or the atomic bomb might be dropped on us, and then they're dropping atomic bombs on each other.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Oh yeah, what's your name? Well, the necklace and the letters really didn't have, didn't really didn't mean very much, did they? What's your introduce? I'd like to talk to, did they? After airships are involved, you're not going to care about where some jewelry is. And it's one of the things where it's like, if the movie had only chosen to be either faithful to the story or totally over the top stupid and bombastic, it could have been a lot of fun. Because at the, by the end, when the villain airship arrives and it's got this huge, it's the
Starting point is 00:21:44 figurehead on the front is literally like a grim reaper with a cross and a bishops hat with with busty dark tangans love interest strapped to it. Strapped like a awesome album cover. Yeah, it's like it's like a heavy metal album cover come to life. Like if the movie lived up to that one shot, it would be a very fun movie. But instead, it's like these long stretches of dialogue where you can't, it's really boring.
Starting point is 00:22:09 It's supposed to be like faux witty, but it's not witty at all. Millageau-Vivich has a lot of screen time for a character who is not very important to the plot when it comes down to it. Yeah, one of the things that I hated in terms of the like, we... In terms of Endearment?
Starting point is 00:22:23 In terms of like the weird updating of this movie was the The whole movie down was a scene where Mia Yovovich was Was playing the cat burglar character like trying to steal the necklace in the first place and they're like okay We can't have lasers back at this time. So what we're gonna do is she's gonna like throw her ribbon out in the air and Instead of being cut apart by lasers is gonna be cut apart by razor sharp wires There's like a lot of like lasers and she's still gonna have to do that stupid fucking thing that happens in movies nowadays Where she acrobatics her way through the Where and dances
Starting point is 00:23:03 I don't think it was Gab where itere. It was more like one leap. Yeah. But it's also like, there's this long Cappburgler sequence where she's like, fighting guys and sneaking through passages. And it's like, it feels like they tried to ocean 11 up, uh, three musketeers. Like they had very little faith in the materials that like, let's put some like, let's put some sneaky spy robbery scenes in this. You know, it was, they, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Yeah, I mean, it was all, it was all very unnecessary. We've already brought up that the guy who made the movie is married to Mia Jovevich, Mia Jovevich, whatever. So, yeah, she's gonna put her in the movie or she'll load. Yeah. Or else, when they get home, she's gonna be mean to him. Wow. This is what I assume married life is like. You're married. Like you should know what married life is like. Still, still, still gets all this information from the lock horns. That's a man from Andy cat. That man has a has a rolling pin hovering behind his head at all time. I just imagined Stuart coming home now with a cap over his eyes when love. I didn't mean to
Starting point is 00:24:10 stay at the pub all night love. Selling hot fries. So he walked through the streets of London, like, up prize, up prize. Yeah, so in that, for I mean, he almost doesn't have to say anymore because people recognize him from the package. But that's what I'm wondering. In that universe, how is he famous enough that he puts himself
Starting point is 00:24:33 on the packaging? Oh, well, because it's his company. But it seems like a... When Henry Ford named his company Ford, it's not like people were like, oh yeah, Ford should use that name because he's famous. You get famous from putting your name on the phone. Now, are you arguing that he's not like people are like, oh yeah, Ford should use that name because he's famous. You get famous from putting your name on the phone.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Now, are you arguing that he's not like, that he doesn't show the wealth of being a popular hot fry salesman? I don't think he's that wealthy from the hot fries. He gets by. Hot fries are pretty expensive to make. He also spends a lot of money on booze. He spends all his money on pints down the pints. The profit margin is a razor thin,
Starting point is 00:25:02 and that all goes into drink. Yeah. No wonder his wife is mad at him all the time. Because I mean, I don't know if you guys have tasted hot fries, but they use only the finest ingredients. The margin is really. Yeah, it's organic and artisanal. There's 80 cab hot fries. That's why they sell them in vending machines.
Starting point is 00:25:21 They use only the finest hot one, they know the finest hot and the purest bread fry. Only free range pure bread fry. There's a lot of giant models in any cap's hot fries. No, in the movie we watched. You mean like Tyra Banks? No, no, like wait, she's giant. She's like 30 feet tall. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Statue S because then we're doing. Yeah, she's a statue. Well, there's a lot of small statues in this movie. Yeah, one of the things I like to vet it was when they segue between locations, they don't do it enough, they would turn into like a model map with model cities and the camera would zoom on it. Yeah, it was like a 3D version of an old-timey map. Yeah, or like a risk board.
Starting point is 00:26:03 Well, they did that early on, and then they stopped doing it. Yeah, and I don't know why they stopped. Well, they didn't go to many other countries after, you know. Just England. Okay, sorry. I mean, that's one. That's not many. One thing I like to buy this movie is how well defined
Starting point is 00:26:21 all the different characters were. I mean, Well, they all had one personality. I just like sarcasm there, Dan. You have a, you have a finely tuned ears, Stuart, because I could be a musketie right now. I could be a musketie right now. Musket ear.
Starting point is 00:26:34 Now that you say it, it does seem that, uh, Athos, what was he known for? He was either religious one or the boss. He's the boss. He's the boss. He's the leader. He has no question. Who's the boss? He's the boss. He's like generally dower and sober minded and glums. Who's the Dan? Porthos was the muscular Awesome. Yeah, the lover of life. The Stuart. That's the Stuart and an aromis was the religious one. So me obviously
Starting point is 00:27:04 That's the Stuart and an aromis was the religious one so me obviously More the d'Artianian was the top young asshole that nobody likes Irritates everybody the guy who comes into town Pisses off the three musketeers and then Somehow worms is way into our affections. Yeah, if the shoe of being less Evil than the evil people and bags the busty broad. So it is me I guess yeah, yeah, that was great. The I love how at the very end of the movie the guy who Dirtanian picked a fight with blade by mad's michaelson. Yeah, they're getting in the sword fight and you may know him as citrone from flame and citrone. Yeah, or what events a movie in Danish history
Starting point is 00:27:43 and the three of us were one eye from the three musketeers. You may know him for the three musketeers. You played rock for it from the jeans for it. No, you know, this is a bleeding face from Cinorea. Leshyfra. Yeah, bleeding face. Um, so and the three of us the whole time were kind of rooting for the villain to because he was way better.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Yeah. You have this eye patch. An eye patch, a ponytail. he was way better. Yeah. You have this patch. An eye patch, a ponytail. He was not irritating his shit. Like he was way better. Just shut up and did his thing. I got to assume he designs that airship with that bitching mast. Yeah. Or bitching figure hair. Yeah. I mean, I'm assuming he insisted on that. Yeah. Like he, I assume he sketched it in the margin of his math notebook. Then he showed it to the engineers and he said, put this on the front.
Starting point is 00:28:27 But this on the front and tie a babe to it. Well, he didn't say that he had to wait for them to stop owing an eyeing over it. It's like, yeah, it's whatever. It's nothing. I just scribbled it out, whatever. Anyway, you're a really good drawer. No, no, I'm all right. I'm all right.
Starting point is 00:28:40 It's all that shading. Can you draw something on the front of my notebook? Yeah, you have a motorcycle driven by a skeleton. That'd be awesome. I forgot to mention the ending of the movie. Orlando Bloom disappears for roughly a hundred hours of the film. And then at the very, at the end, Milo Jovovich has been,
Starting point is 00:29:02 she tried to sneak away and escape. She was captured by the three miscutiers and then she jumped overboard off of their airship over the ocean. She's surely dead. A couple hundred feet. Yeah, at least into the icy waters of whatever the rise channel. Uh, at the very end of the movie, she wakes up Orlando Bluma has rescued her from the English channel and he says, we're going back to France to get what's mine. And you pull back, they're in a fleet of ships in Armada.
Starting point is 00:29:29 You pull back even further, they've got an Armada of airships floating above them, which begs the question, why the ship does he care about those other two airships? It's just like a hundred airships that he has. Uh, he wants Dartanian back. Oh, did he fall in love with Dartanians? Yes. Okay. So the whole thing is to show force to get him back. Oh, did he fall in love with Dartanian? Yes. Oh, okay. So the whole thing is to show force to get him back.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Yeah, yeah. We haven't mentioned now there's a fourth musketeer character, not an official musketeer. Who is a... I mean, wouldn't he be the fifth musketeer at this point? Well, when Dartanian comes in, he bumps him down to five. Okay. He is a fat guy who takes care of the musketeers,
Starting point is 00:30:01 is their housekeeper and cook and steward and butler, and they treat him like garbage. And their mean to him for no reason. All he wants to do is be their friend and help them out. They do nothing but shit all over him. He's kind of a Phillips Seymour Hoffman and Twister character or a Phillips Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Night's character. Yeah. Or a Phillips Seymour Hoffman and Magnolia character. Early Phillips Seymour Hoffman, not a late a Phillips Seymour Hoffman and Magnolia character. And an early Phillips Seymour Hoffman, not a late period Phillips Seymour Hoffman.
Starting point is 00:30:27 But it's one of those things where like, if he was really clumsy, or like a big buffoon, you could almost understand it, but he's not, he just happens to be fat. If this seems like to be a fairly capable guy, he has a key role in kidnapping Mia Yovic later in the film, so. And with this were a Wushu Kung Fu movie,
Starting point is 00:30:48 the his character would be called Fatty or Fatso, and they would treat him the exact same way. So he would be oddly fitting in that case. Except that there, it would be so ridiculous the over the top. Because it would be a fat anklumsy and stupid. He would be super clumsy, super in there, in that kind of movie, the question is always, why do they keep the city at around? Since all he does is screw things up, whereas three musketeers, he literally takes care of them all the time. He's like the Alice from the Brady bunch
Starting point is 00:31:13 to their three musketeers. He does not make any mistakes or errors. Never. Except he's like kind of loud when he talks sometimes. And at one point, he's air sick while he's on an airship. He's literally one of maybe the first seven people to ever have been on an airship. True.
Starting point is 00:31:28 There's no way to prepare him for this experience. And he goes, I hate air travel, which is the dumbest line, because he should still be in awe of the fact that he is hundreds of feet above the ground. Yes. Slowness of the air like a bird. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:40 I don't know. I mean, I've had new experiences where I go from awe to dislike very quickly. But you're a glum bastard. Yeah, sure. But it's just it's one of those things where to build up the it never helps build up a group of heroes. If you give them a fat guy that they taunt for the entire movie for no reason. Well, to make them look like bullies. Okay. Like, doctor bully ass.
Starting point is 00:32:01 I mean, it's a taunting based friendship on all sides though, but like they taunt when that must years taunt each other It's like oh, well, I'll let's fence if you think you have the guts No, you're the one who will be Soiling his bridges this time like they know that they have a mutual respect for each other So it's okay, but they have no respect for fatso like they're just mean to them the undercurrent of every But they have no respect for fatso like they're just mean to them the undercurrent of every insult is you suck You're so lucky. We let you hang around with us and clean up our fucking shit. Yeah, oh fatty. You're the fattest But it hits just it makes the characters like Billy's startanians and asshole he gets the last line of the movie I think he does well that's the other thing is the the the
Starting point is 00:32:43 he gets he gets the last line of the movie I think he does well that's the other thing is the the the what caring food on the shoulders before the to be continued see that's up the movie like food and he got that way Dan the the musketeers say all for one and one for all their classic motto movie should end right there instead it holds on them for a second and then fatty walks up and starts talking and they all walk away in disgust and fatty like fatty you ruined the end of the movie and that's the end of the movie is not this heroic image of solidarity among heroes it is fatty making them all mad for some reason and then he he wanders off with a giant fish on his arm. Because he's about to eat it, I guess. What does it need to be prepared?
Starting point is 00:33:29 Like he's just going to dip it into his mouth and pull out a skeleton with a head on it. Look, he's got a real shwada of ebra. He enjoys life. This is also after the Rishluse behind the whole plot. But the musketeers in order to free themselves from, I guess, getting in trouble, make it look like Rishlou was behind the uncovering of the evil plot. So the movie ends with our heroes, the musketeers, aiding the cause of an evil man and then making fun of a fat guy. Yeah, an evil man who gives a final
Starting point is 00:34:02 threatening speech to them while holding up his skirts with one hand. Because he's wearing cardinal robes. Yeah. Well, so intimidating, a classic of literature. Yeah, I don't think we got across how boring most of the movie is. It's super boring. There's a lot of people talking about their motives and talking about stealing jewelry and it doesn't really matter. Everyone explains what they're gonna do in a elaborate detail. Then they do it, and then they explain to everybody what they just did.
Starting point is 00:34:31 It is ridiculous. I think it's time to give a, render our final judgments. Oh, also, I would just mention this was one of Quentin Tarantino's top 10 movies of the year, according to his list. Yeah, I think that that's loyalty to Christophe Vaults and nothing else. Green Hornet wasn't on the list. I think he liked Green Hornet. Maybe it wasn't on the top list, but anyway, it was in a private conversation. Was this a
Starting point is 00:34:55 quint? Quint. You don't come tin tar? No, he likes it because he's such a joist man. I'm tin tar. No, he likes it because he's such a job. Hey, that's my friend Tino. Wentino. Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie you kind of liked Elliot? I'm going to go to you. I would call this a bad bad movie that could have been a good bad movie. There are some scenes in it that are ridiculously silly and show an over over the top style that could have been dumb and a lot of fun, but instead it was got just got bogged down and boring. So it's a bad bad movie, but it had potential that was lost.
Starting point is 00:35:33 I would say. I would say. Yeah, I'm going to agree with Elliot. It's really really on the fence there. I think if we'd had a little bit more of my and I think Elliot's favorite character in the movie, I think you we'd had a little bit more of my, and I think LA, its favorite character in the movie, and I think you liked him too, the sad bluesy guitar riff that they would play every time he was a sad ex-
Starting point is 00:35:52 The score of the movie is mostly like rousing, bombastic, normal movies. Or like goofy, like. Or like, dude, dude, dude, like the kind of music you would hear in the background of like a goofy kids adventure, I guess or a cartoon of some kind, but then occasionally you get that like, Yeah, it's the music that like the hard-boiled detective would hear.
Starting point is 00:36:16 We have a murk-talk shows up. Yeah, yeah, it's murk-talks. The when the hero of to live in Dianna L.A. is staring out over the rooftops of the city, like that's the music that plays in the three Musketeers movie. You want a little more of that? Yeah, if I'd gotten a little more of that, it would have been a great good movie. It reminds me of the movie 300, which I enjoyed, because it's totally stupid. And there's a moment when they're fighting, and I remember seeing the theater going like, why is there not an electric guitar playing right now and then the guitar kicked in and it was like, oh,
Starting point is 00:36:48 okay, good. They finally realized there is no reason in a movie this dumb to pretend that you're going to use music from this time period, you know, or from that like that general time period of the past. So classical music is okay. So some electric guitar in there. You got English accents. Check. You got classical music. okay. So it's a melodic guitar in there. It's totally stupid. You got English accents, check. You got classical music, check.
Starting point is 00:37:07 It's old time-y. The whole time-y time. Everyone's English. Yeah, I say this is a bad bad movie because it's sandwiches, opening and closing scenes of like weird, steampunk kung fu bullshit versions of three musketeers. And in between it has boring versions of three musketeers. And in between it has boring versions
Starting point is 00:37:27 of just the three musketeer story that we've all heard several times already. Yeah. So we've eaten it. The worst thing. In Candy Bar form. Yeah. I will end Stuart to do say,
Starting point is 00:37:38 you said, what did you say, bad, bad also? I say, I think it straddles the lawn. I think there's things about it that were good bad, but not enough. Not enough to make it worth watching. Yeah. I will say one thing that came up while we're watching that I think should be recorded for history in this podcast is my wish that there is a Danish teen heartthrob magazine that has Mads Michelson on the cover and the headline is Mad for Mads. Danish teens So, the Danish teens are mad for meds. Yeah, I mean, somebody's gonna take that idea now, did you realize?
Starting point is 00:38:09 Can you copy right? Well, I'm just putting it out in the world. It's like my Jerry Cornelius. Just use it for whatever. Yeah, it's the main. Public domain automatically. Yeah, creative commons, everyone. Very creative commons.
Starting point is 00:38:18 That's my wiki idea. I'd like to thank. I'd like to. Are we in the letter section? We are in the letter section like to think I'd like to Are we in the letter section? We are in the letter section, but first I like to thank for donations I like to think hey That's got he likes donations like I think Gina L. Hey Paul Michael a seems seems greedy to have two first names
Starting point is 00:38:41 But whatever and He's he donated money to the podcast and Dan. Why are you biting his hand? No, that's what that's what they get that hand out of your mouth. You donate that, that's why they donated. It's like, uh, it's like, uh, Don Rikkels, they like the abuse. Oh, okay. Um, I don't think that's true at all. Vlog house fans write in and say if you like Dan abusing you when you are so
Starting point is 00:39:00 very kind and generous enough to help support us in this endeavor. We appreciate it. Dan doesn't, but we do. So this first letter from the Flapphouse mailbag is Flapphouse mailbag open in the letters, reading it up, is it a reply into them sending them back? No sender at this address. Where did they move?
Starting point is 00:39:20 Find it out. Did they leave a forwarding one? Very active. They didn't track it down use the internet Public data basis. I guess I'll pay the membership fee Time to find them out send it back last known actress was the one we already sent it to I guess we'll wait to hear from them They know where we are. The whole premise of this song is like they're using snail mail when these are all coming in via email, but all right. Not enough postage. So I've this first letter. Part two of the song. Okay, we
Starting point is 00:39:59 got an idea of where they live now. Send it to them as a package with some flopp house merch and dice do we have any now yet? You don't understand why anyone can get on that. We should be able to get on that. It's a good idea. We have a good idea. We have a good idea. I got out there in the world. Well no they said my voice was irritating.
Starting point is 00:40:17 My personality is also irritating. So this. That's totally different. This letter is titled Boo. Ah! Oh god. Oh, this is Boo. Ah! Oh, God. It's not- Oh, it's a scary letter I've ever heard.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Wait, wait, wait, wait. This letter's titled Boo. Oh. I mean, that's- I mean, at least I know there's not a ghost writing this letters. And it says, did Dan just recommend real steel? He totally did. The movie with a dancing kid who programs robots
Starting point is 00:40:42 to dance with him as he dances and is very annoying. That sounds pretty great actually. It should have called it Robo Dance. Is it because of the butitude of that mechanic girl who walks around and skipping clothes? Because I'm pretty sure her butt isn't even married and as such should prove of no interest to Dan. I'd reluctantly agree. Very good, very good flop-ass continuity callback. Dan is only interested in the butts of married women. I had reluctantly agreed to a spookly good bad for this, but a recommendation really steves my cheese. Boo, the rest is okay.
Starting point is 00:41:14 We'll never listen again. All the best. That was really wild. You're last name felt. So, this deal was not that real. No, I gotta say, in my defense, I was recommending three movies very quickly that day. Yeah, to, in your defense, you were recommending
Starting point is 00:41:29 just movies you would happen to watch out on an airplane recently. There were, there were qualified recommendations. I had a short, a period of time, and I did in fact think to myself, should I mention that there is a very shitty aspect of the movie, which is the kid dancing and they robot dancing along with you?
Starting point is 00:41:44 And why didn't you mention that there's a very shapely aspect of the movie, which is the kid dancing and they robot dancing along with it. And why didn't you mention that there's a very shapely aspect of the movie? I mean, I didn't find it as but a two to know is this... Callipigian. General, gentlemen, did. That's correct for term as Callipigian. Evangelion Lidley plays the mechanic.
Starting point is 00:42:00 You may remember as Kate from Lost. Is she from Neon Genesis Evangelion? Yes. Yes. So that's the one where the space ship's You remember as Kate from lost is she from neon Genesis Evangelion? Yes, yes That's the one where the the spaceships transform into robots and you songs as weapons against aliens who are also angels somehow Okay, Japan, but I want to I want to make it clear that I also was irritated by the dancing robot But because you look joy. I'm not I'm not a issue voter, all right? What about the scene in short circuit? It's not he dances with the little short circuit. That's pretty awesome.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Okay. Good. As long as you're not against all dancing robots. Yeah. This second email is titled three questions for the flop house house cat. I can eat. Okay. I hope the answer is a little pressure.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Dear flop house house cat. I can eat okay, I'll be answer Dear fluff house house cat Wow Wow Wow one It's really good We can't just a killing time bad guest Are we short this week? And three.
Starting point is 00:43:11 Since the early Eric asked, Dan, have you ever heard what a cat sounds like? Look, I'm just reading. It sounds like a male. It wasn't me. Charlie Brown's mom. It sounds like Charlie Brown's cat. So there's three questions for the flop house cat. Okay. Looks like he's going to answer them all. Uh, I guess that's all. Okay. Yeah, that covers everything I think.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Fair enough. Uh, wait, he's leaving. He just left on a skateboard with a sling shot hanging at his back pocket. After, after spraying his urine all over us. But in a cool way. This he gave us a hang 10 signal. He was spraying us for this urine. This email is titled no more mournful size.
Starting point is 00:43:58 And it goes dear floppers. There shall be no more mournful size from Dan when he finds out the entirety of the Seminole epic and classic movie Hots is now available on YouTube. And there's a YouTube link. And he says now the cinematic masterpiece can be known to all with a simple interweb connection. Yours floppy Chris last name with Hots. Interweb connection yours floppy Chris last name with hots He has flop house house catch should be spade and or neutered for his her own protection Yeah, yeah, it's too late. Yeah, he has already littered America with his litter. I did I did I did check on this link Which I'll stick on the the web page for
Starting point is 00:44:41 Reference not for masturbation No, I was, I was curious. I, at how hard it would make you. No, I know, I know. I've seen Hots before. I'm familiar with it. Too late. He's already seen it at all.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Can't put their blouses back on. No, they tried. They tried, but. I've seen everything. No, it's, I was surprised to find that YouTube apparently is now just allowing 80s TNA films to be uploaded on Edmonds. It's just totally uncut. Yeah, no the the topless football Game from the end of plots is now is is intact. Yeah, I think that falls under fair use for news
Starting point is 00:45:23 Yeah, that's why they can do that. But that is good news. I don't think it's enough to quit me from signing forever more. No, for that would take real good news. By the way, Dan, have you heard the good news? What is it? Hotz has risen. Hotz has risen indeed. Hotots is back. But I am excited that that's freely available to all. Oh yeah, finally. Finally, that great resource. It'll no longer be hidden behind the cruel lock and key of having to pay for it. If you out there.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Well, you don't have to waste memory on your smartphone by downloading the movie. You can just watch it directly on YouTube They're people in the world who are imagining Now finally people in the third world in developing nations only need an internet access to hot shots I only hope the Chinese government doesn't block the hot video government doesn't block the hot video. Wait, it has so many other sides. Across the nations, wondering to themselves,
Starting point is 00:46:27 what would it be like if there was a football game with women who were topless? Hot. Hot is unimaginable. No way to see that unless you actually watch it. Hots will solve that issue for them. They will know now. Lastly, though.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Lastly, email-wise. So last email? Short email. From Dave. We're from Dave Elliott's brother last name with hell. Uh, lastly though. Lastly email wise. So last email? From Dave. From Dave Elliott's brother last name with hell. Really, another one. It's titled, responding to Elliott's mockery. Oh man, see, it's like a fucking like a hobo.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Like if it comes around, you give him money, he's gonna come around again in the future. Like we should just not make eye contact, guys. I mean I have to make eye contact with my brother at some point. You can probably get around it. Alright. He writes, Dear Flop House gang,
Starting point is 00:47:15 My brother made a big point to tell me this past weekend that I should listen to the show because my letter sparked a raucous laughing fit as I became the butt of several jokes. I expected nothing less and was amused that Elliot referred to me as dickipedia, considering that I've been called David Pety a multiple times due to my useless stores of crap, even though Elliot has far more useless bullshit in his brain than I have in mind. All the Kaelin boys are garbage brains that's. And I have a lot of garbage in my brain. However, there are a few issues in your discussion. I must take Umbridge with, which I'm sure you're all very interested.
Starting point is 00:47:52 We know Livy Wilde was his mother and not his girlfriend, okay? For one, Ellie said, Steve Tish didn't deserve either. When I noted that he is one, both the best picture Oscar and the Super Bowl. Well, Ellie, it might be right on the Oscar assumption as force gump couldn't have been the best picture with such other strong candidates as Pulp Fiction, the air up there and the mortal cabin boy all coming out that year. I don't believe the air up there was nominated. Cabin Boy was and deserved to win.
Starting point is 00:48:19 That said, the chair. Chris Elliott earned his best actor Academy Award. The heir of there. That said, the 2007 and 2011 New York Giants of which Steve Tish was a co-owner, despite unwelcoming regular season records, clearly proved on the field in both post-teasons. They were absolutely deserved. Or was his podcast about.
Starting point is 00:48:40 It's a super full champion. Is this a sports cast all of a sudden? Secondly, Andy Rooney is not at all related to the family, though. It's the pepper and Steelers. Neither is Art Carney. Lastly, when I bring up women, I've dated my brother. He regularly tells me he can't remember who exactly I'm
Starting point is 00:48:57 talking about because there's so many of them. Well, that makes my dating life seem far more exciting than it actually is. It does make his comment that I put more effort into emitting the show than I do into dating spacious at best. Given that this will almost certainly lead to Elliot making fun of me again, rather than honest heartfelt me a culpa, I'm not entirely sure why I'm sending this email, but I look forward to hearing my brother defend himself since the early day of last name with help.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Look, I'm sorry Dave that I mocked you. I'm glad that the Flop House on Budsman wrote in again to remind us what we got wrong about the things we care about the least by which I mean sports. And no, my brother does have a very active romantic life. There you go. I've heard he may have even gotten to the dugout, not first base exactly, but eventually there with girls. It's kind of like a walk to first. He got a walk to first
Starting point is 00:49:56 once and he got beaned once. So we sound like a couple of sports so files. A less sports ainiacs over here. Sporting in J sport. No, but yeah, Dave can continue to write in and tell us what we got wrong in his role as an elected flop house proofreader. I really don't think we should do many more attention. She's going to keep coming back. Oh, so that was great. We had some laughs over letters.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Thanks to L over and Mr. Summonerizing. It's a really kind of a lame Batman villain. Mr. Summoner, but you know, well Batman you've foiled all my goons and now you're about to beat me up. Oh you struck again, Mr. Summoner. You've ruined it. You've somehow ruined it. I was really looking forward to it and tell you spoil
Starting point is 00:50:47 Wait, Batman before you read that New Yorker article allow me to explain He lost his face and electrical accident but through transflets surgery they gave him a new one Well now why it's even the point of me reading it sum it up It's kind of like the contest ruiner, but for her one. Well, now watch Stephen the point of me reading it, sum it up. It's kind of like the contest ruiner, but for summarizing first things, and have a narrative. Well, they we've never seen them in the same room together,
Starting point is 00:51:18 except we have when they teamed up to ruin contests and novels. So this is the this is the last segment. Everyone's favorite segments. By everyone, I mean... No one. Yeah. And why do we keep doing it? I don't know. Okay. People need a touch of good movie just so that we know they know we don't hate everything. We need to send them out of the podcast singing song. Singing a song for the podcast. Yeah, song in their hearts, smile on their face, gum in their hair.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Oh, so we're talking about something they actually like. Yeah, exactly. Blood on their hands. Blood on the tracks. So a top of old spaghetti. I've been to the States. Made it in America in a New York minute. Beneath the Valley of the ultravictions. Up above buildings.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Oh, we're in the river and through the woods. I'm not playing the game. Under the rainbow. Inside outside, upside down, living the Vila Loka. Beyond the green door. Beyond the green door. Behind the red door. Beyond the green door makes it seem like there's a fantasy world behind it. It's like Narnia. It's a kind of porn Narnia. Against the logs.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Beyond the green door lies in champion and text beyond your wildest imagination. On the top. Sture. Free toy inside. Of all the top. Stewart free toy inside Of all the movies man of a lot. Yeah, every movie I've ever seen Let's try to keep it recent maybe what the movie you might recommend to listeners out of every single movie I've ever seen let's see if you can maybe try to name a movie you haven't named before okay, so Don't cancel free Wait shut up guys
Starting point is 00:53:12 Done head of the family Actually, I watched a movie recently stop joking guys is serious Actually, I watched a movie recently. Stop joking guys, this is serious. Yeah, let's get serious for a moment. Let's get serious. Let's go for up. I watched a movie called The Inkeepers, directed by Ty West, the guy who directed.
Starting point is 00:53:34 How's the devil? How's the devil? Great movie that one of us recommended, probably me, because I'm awesome. I reckon that logic spent that. Yeah, I mean, that works. You showed your work, yeah. In Keepers is about a couple of people working in a Ben breakfast on the last week and that
Starting point is 00:53:55 it is open and this Ben breakfast has a history of being haunted and the two co-workers kind of try and have fun and at the same time figure out whether or not there's any truth to the ghost stories about the place with terrifying consequences. But it manages to be both funny and super atmospheric and yeah genuinely scary. So I recommend it, the in keepers.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Well today I watched one of those viral internet videos fellows. It was called hot. They're a tough list football game. Now I saw an a video that's towards you. You'll like. Yeah. They'll put. No Dave is going to write it and tell us how it wasn't regulation football. They didn't play by the rules. There's some byline in the football hands. I can't play topless. No, I saw a video that someone puts together. There's nothing in the rule book that says you can't have boobs.
Starting point is 00:54:54 I'll allow it. You don't have to be an Amazon. So this is a video where someone did a composite thing of all of the rear window shots, the back courtyard shots of rear window. They stuck everything in the geographical place that it would have been and they do like focus and pull it in and out or focus to show. You know, if something wasn't happening at the time, I guess, in the movie, they would pull that out and like, pull focus just to the area where there actually was action. But what this video kind of made me realize was just, again, it made me realize how brilliant Alfred Hitchcock was spatially, like, to think of a movie where like, this actually all
Starting point is 00:55:42 works. Like, if you can pause composite all of these shots together, it makes geographic sense. And it made well, he was a space baby. So he had a real understanding of space, but it meant he, they needed two grips. But I, I feel like like that's, that's, I mean, Alfred Hitchcock, are you fucking making fun of me for the space baby thing? I thought we dropped that. It's a callback.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Alfred Hitchcock clearly doesn't need mind or something, but that is something that in modern thrillers don't have, which is this inherent sense of geography. And this movie is airtight in terms of where everything is in relationship to everything else. And this video just drove it home again. And so I recommend going back and rewatching a rare window or if you've never seen it in the first place watching it once because it is one of the great Hollywood thrillers ever made film
Starting point is 00:56:35 What do you have Ellie? I'm gonna recommend two movies bird on a wire bird on a wire and bird on a wire to which has been made yet But here's the pitch the bird is back and so on a wire to which has been made yet but here's the pitch the bird is back and so is Hans wire. Her arch nemesis. I know we thought that Hans wire died at the end of bird on a wire one. I did think that. Bird on a wire to the return of Hans wire tells us differently. He's now has his own brain inside a robot body.
Starting point is 00:57:00 The bird is of course still a half bird half woman created by the evil scientist Dr. wire and She's trying to live her life her fashion dreams as a fashion designer in New York City But what dr. Wire comes back to try to take her back to his evil menagerie, okay, and Kurt Russell's in it I guess okay and He plays snakepliscum, but we can't call him that because it's copyrighted so instead his name is lizard pletkin I can't call him that because it's copyrighted. So instead his name is Lizard Plutkin. We still got that.
Starting point is 00:57:28 We still got that. We still got the eye patch, the blue camo pants, the sleeveless shirt. We got two eye patches in the magazine version. Anyway, Bert on a wire to the return of Dr. Wire. So that's my first recommendation. No, two movies, let's get serious for a moment. Two movies I saw recently, one is,
Starting point is 00:57:51 and the two of them are on very opposite ends of the scale in terms of subject matter. One is the messenger, not the messenger, the Joan of Arc story, starring Milo Jovich, but the messenger with Woody Harrelson about the soldiers who are tasked with notifying next of Ken that they're that they have lost someone in in combat in Iraq or Afghanistan. And it's a very good, just kind of serious movie about that.
Starting point is 00:58:17 And almost the best scenes of it are less the drama scenes because the story kind of runs where you think it's going to go, which is not necessarily a terrible thing, but the scenes where Woody Harrelson and I think it's what Ryan Philip be. Ben Foster? Ben Foster, that's who it is, they all look the same to me. And Ben Foster are going over basically how to do this job and what the technical rules of it are and things like that. And it was just very well done.
Starting point is 00:58:44 The other movie that I want to recommend on the totally upset out of the scale tone wise is Movie called the good the bad the weird a Which I don't have that hasn't been recommended on this podcast before right? I think so which was a Korean action venture movie from a year to ago Which was I think the highest budget Korean movie, it's South Korean movie up till that point, which is basically if you crossed the Good the Bad and the Ugly, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Kung Fu Hustle, and beyond
Starting point is 00:59:17 Thunderdome kind of, and set them in Manchuria in the 1930s. That's pretty much the movie. It's pretty much the movie. It's these three guys who are all after a treasure map and they keep crossing paths and there's a ton of enormous action scenes. And it was just a lot of fun and very over the top and silly and like actiony in the way that I hoped three musketeers would have been when I saw the commercials and saw that there was like a giant airship with fire cannons on it. So those are the movies I recommend, The Messenger and the good, the bad, the weird. Don't necessarily
Starting point is 00:59:48 watch them together because it would be like two teams of hot and cold. We'll not side by side. Don't don't don't watch them same time. For one thing, the good, the bad, the weird is much is like 20 minutes longer. So. Oh, yeah. They say yeah, they think I'm totally fine. But they those were both movies that I appreciated recently or enjoyed recently. Well, before we sign off, guys, we should plug our upcoming live flat house event on June the 8th and 92 Y Tribeca Friday, June 8th at 8 p.m. I believe. Should we reveal the film? Should we reveal the film or should we keep people guessing?
Starting point is 01:00:27 Yeah, I don't care. Stuart doesn't care. It's really non-committal. We probably should have figured out whether or not we're going to reveal it before the podcast started. Yeah, this is awkward that we're discussing this. We'll awkward in front of everybody. We'll say it for next time. Let's just say out behind the curtain. We'll give people a clue. And the clue is that stars James Remar. So James Remar is the star of the film. And let's see, well, you know what,
Starting point is 01:00:50 let's reveal clues over the next couple months. Oh, man. Like Hansel and Vukkantz. The contest runner doesn't show up. Oh, oh. And we'll reveal the title in like May. And then we can promote it for that month, you know. So it wasn't June 8th.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Yeah, clear your schedule. June 8th in New York City, 92 Y Tribeca. The same place that we held the Twinsitters screening and the 12 round screening. And again, we're co-presenting it. Both. Cell out or almost cell out crowds. This is called cell out crowds. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Both and co-presented as a cell out. We'll sell it. By the I Love Bad Movies team of San Diego Eroish and Matt Carmen. Uh-huh. A great, uh, Zine, if you want to pick it up online. I put out a great scene. A real, real dope is not available online. And if you want to pick up, and if you want to pick up that scene in person, they're
Starting point is 01:01:34 have, they're actually hosting the Brooklyn Zinfest on April 15th in Brooklyn, in New York. Uh, I don't know the website. Google Brooklyn Zinfest, I guess. Yeah. A real professional operation or anything right? Yep. Well, we, yeah. uh... i don't know the website google brocclans the infest i guess real professional operation or any of the well we yeah any who uh... but juney is the movie so james remar is in it so it's going to be hilarious
Starting point is 01:01:56 uh... that just leaves uh... sign off right sign off yeah so for the flop time time to sign off i've been Dan McCoy I Been stealing off. What did that throw you off? I'm no, why do you sing through his and not mine? I've been Stewart Wellington there. I'm done. I'm out. I got out and I am Elliot Kalen I got that. And I'm Elliott Kaelin. Goodbye everyone.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Boom in the can. That even done yet. Why would you say that then? Alright everyone. Yep. We got it. Wait, that's not how we start we got it buddy We got one
Starting point is 01:02:51 We'll be with the new battle go goes Clean it up the town you

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