The Flop House - The Flop House Movie Minute #13 - Rainy Day Fun

Episode Date: September 27, 2008

We give you directions on how to make your own Flop House at home.

And now the Flop House Movie Minute. Today on the Flop House Movie Minute, instructions on how to make your own Flop House. Reading your own Flop House can be a simple and fun, rainy day activity for the whole family, provided that your family is a legal drinking age, and engages in a lot of casual swearing. First, choose a title for your podcast. The title should follow principal's skinner's advice on the Simpsons. It should seem witty at first, but seem less funny every time you hear it.

It should also contain a pun on the word flop, meaning that you'll have to explain to people over and over again that, yes, they're right that a particular movie was a box off the success, but that you also cover critical flops. This will help you maintain an adversarial relationship with your devoted audience. Next you should pick a film to review. Try to pick a movie that was lousy, but still major enough to justify you beating up on it. Some poor indie filmmaker probably has enough problems about three jerks who have never

made a movie rousing him. Ideally the film should star Hayden Christensen, Dane Cook, or Jessica Alba. Science fiction thrillers and horror movies usually provide the best comic ammunition, whereas comedy is should only be used to torture a flop house guest hosts. Then you need to assemble a group of three co-hosts. Your team should be comprised of a strategy game store manager with a low Seth Rogan-like voice. A writer-producer from a hit cable news satire program who sort of sounds like an old-time newsboy,

and a largely unsuccessful comedy writer with a pleasant baritone except for when he erupts in girlish giggles, which is all the time. You should make that guy be the show producer, which means he does all the editing and pays for all the equipment and most of the beer. Speaking of beer, two of your co-hosts should drink heavily while watching the film, while one is tea-total, which might help explain why he's the most successful of the three. In addition to drinking throughout the movie, you should also talk over most of it, mostly

wisecracks about the film, although general discussion about the day, other movies you've seen, and talk of ordering takeout is also permitted. This ensures that you absorb just enough of the film to dismiss it, but not enough to make your opinion actually worth anything. After you're done, you should then have your producer set up the recording equipment, including the microphones, mixer, and the laptop, in a configuration that only he understands, but doesn't understand well enough to produce something with quality sound. Then you should talk for approximately an hour, despite repeated pleas by friends and

family to make your podcast shorter. Be rambling and digressive, and occasionally let your cat caught the microphones. Afterwards, the producer should edit the program, not for length, but to remove the constant stream of ums and other verbal ticks. And to normalize the volume, because when recording, it is vitally important not to modulate your voices to a steady level. Then, release your podcast where it will be enjoyed by a steady but never increasing core of devoted bands, despite your half-assed efforts to publicize it, except for the

one-movie-minute episode where one of you pitches a movie version of a second-rate comic strip, like The Wizard of Id or Howard Huge. That will become a brief internet success, but will largely fail to introduce you to a larger audience. And it's as simple as that! So please, the next time you're looking for a fun way to pass the time, why not try making your own flop house? We could really use the copyright lawsuit money. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪