The Flop House - The Flop House Movie Minute #15 - Hor-nutz!

Episode Date: October 26, 2008

Stuart's harrowing tale of survival is now a zany comedy starring Seth Rogan.

And now the flop house movie minute. Yeah guys so I was I just got back from vacation. It was cool. National Ampouleins vacation? It was kind of. I was in California. I think they went to California in one of those movies, right? I don't remember.

Yeah. So we would camping in Yosemite, me and my lady. And that's where they make veg amite. That's where Yosemite's sand was born. Yeah. So I was in Yosemite National Park. And we got there a little late, and we're looking for a campground.

We finally found one. Because it closes. Well, it gets dark, dude. There's bears and shit. So we're there. That's what the science thing Neosimony bears and shit. Yeah, we find we finally find a campsite and You know, we don't have any firewood because we didn't bring any with us and they don't have like a guy selling firewood So we go wandering around out in the woods and it's getting late So we we did that first because we're like fuck we gotta get some firewood

We don't have like a hatchet or anything I'm not like a woodsman in that sense or a killer or a killer. Did you know you were going Eosemite or was it like man versus wild and they just dropped you out of a helicopter? Yep it was like I was like one of the saw movies where I wake up and like look play a game you're in Eosimite find some shit. That's a great game. It's called Oregon Trail. Yeah No, don't cock the wagon There's a key to the bomb inside your skull. Are you willing to get it? River die you

Okay You recognize that cuz I was like yeah, that makes sense. The key to stuff of all. OK, peanut. Of course, you'll get into your skull and take that key out. So with all that stuff in mind, we're looking for wood. I'm kind of jumping on a tree. Like I'm kicking this tree that fell over to try and get wood up. And then I'm like, fuck it, this isn't working. And I go and find my girlfriend.

And she's found this down tree and she has the bright idea to nylon tree. A very made of goose. Yep. A fluffy tree. A very depressed tree. Yep. This tree that has fallen over or been cut over.

I can't really cut by like a chainsaw or something. I can't remember. She has the idea to take this giant rock and smash it into the tree to break off chunks of chunks. You really brought no things with you. No. it was kind of like 10,000 BC actually like we're like oh stick broken by rock or so I don't know so we're and she picks up this giant stone and she's smashing it into the tree like hey I'm gonna break some off some wood and you know I'm kind of lazy I'm just watching her do this and then I start hearing a buzzing sound and I'm like it did something

die is there a dead body nearby, or there's flies? Because they buzz. Yeah well no, like the body's not buzzing, it's flies. Somebody had set the body to vibrate and it was getting a call. Usually when I call dead bodies they vibrate. So, and then I look down and there's a hole in the tree and hornets are pouring out of this tree and I start I start shouting bees bees and

My girlfriend throws down the rock and goes like running off in the distance like flailing your arms like like a Benny Hill character sketch thing and and I start flailing my arms because I started getting stung on the face Oh, yeah, it was rough and and then we And then we kind of stumbled through the winds for a while and still being stung and avoiding bees. And then she realized that there's a bee in the hood of her sweatshirt. So while being stung, she makes me hold on to her undershirt so she can pull off her sweatshirt.

Which is probably, she's modest. Yeah, was she worried the hornets would see her belly? I don't know what it is i think i mean now i know well hornets like milk so they're attracted to the human but well that's your girlfriend is talking about i know what the fuck dude so uh... okay with danna i'm not making comments about my girlfriend's boobs now uh... i just don't know why she would be lactating

it's not like it's not like boobs are just bags of milk. Yeah. Wait. She's lactating, but she was stung in the womb by a hornet. She's getting worse than a hornet, man. Uh, so we'll find out about that later though. Right now with the rest of the story, she throws down her sweatshirt on the ground and then goes stomping off just leaning on the ground in the woods. I be a gentleman pick up the pick up the sweatshirt on the ground and then goes stomping off just leading on the ground on the woods. I be a gentleman, pick up the sweatshirt and like stomped after trying to find my way back to the campsite. About 10 minutes later we're done swatting the bees and shit that are stinging us and we're like okay well that totally sucked.

We don't have any firewood and it's dark now. Let's get into the car and at least set up our tent. And I go, I start patting down her sweatshirt that's sitting on the picnic table because the keys were in there. And surprise, surprise, we've lost the keys somewhere in the woods. So I then had to go stomping out of the woods, being very, very careful not to get stung by more hornets. And eventually about 20 minutes later, some other guy found the keys and gave them to us. So I swear there's some kind of like a comedy in this story guys, like a buddy comedy. And it's called Roughin' It.

Roughin' It, or without a paddle? Yeah, maybe it's without a paddle and it's during set-groom. And, and Dax, Shepard, or whatever that guy's called. And it's called The Sting, but not that The Sting. Okay. It's called Owl Hornets. I got stung.

It's an exclamation point. I got HORNUTS! I got stung on my face and I'm out of food away from my genitals. So... A foot is a fair amount away from your genitals. You're what? Six feet tall?

No, give or take. So that's one-sixth of your body size. So a foot's not that... But blood flows down there right? I mean I hope so if you're growing Yeah, sometimes Certainly I have you been having trouble achieving an erection since you were stuck always in sex that I think you might need to poison sex now On the

That book now I also read somewhere in a book that vampires should bite dudes on the crotch because there's more blood down there What do you guys think I think that make a good movie? It's it's I I'm dare gay vampire I guarantee you there is a gay porn movie that it has vampires in it where they bite guys penis is I saw a porn a movie And it's probably called like Count Succula That's why the Daily Show pays you the big bucks isn't it? Yeah for the for the Count Dracula blowjob jokes. Yeah. Oh Count Dracula, I thought we were talking about Count Succula. It's called like it's called the segment John Hodgman tells a vampire blowjob. It's called Nose Felatio. Man. Man, I need you. You can't switch off, can can you i need to write the

monster column for penthouse is what it turns out so but yeah i think i see a movie in there definitely should i should i go to like come to just go to hollywood population fame right now right right a letter to the right right a letter to sathorogian okay because he would play me right yes who would be my girlfriend sandy

donken i gotta say probably not sandy donken probably be like milacunis or something Okay, because he would play me right yes, who would be my girlfriend Sandy Duncan? I gotta say probably not Sandy Duncan probably be like Mielecunis or something Mielecunis, okay? Sandy that can might be a little old at this point. Okay, and who would be the crotchial the crotchial play the hornets? We'll get to the hornets in a second. The hornets would be CGI, except for the scenes where the two hornets are talking to each other when it'll be like the cast of human giant or something like that.

I think that we should do the hornets like the Irwin Owens this warm and just throw much right in front of the camera. Okay. And who would be the crash of the old camper next to us shaking his head as we get into high jinks? Well Lloyd Bridges is dead. Let's see. You can go like the, um, Adam Sandler, root and have like Steve Bouchimmi play that character. That'd be pretty good, yeah.

Or like Steve Bouchimmi's dad. Or like Rob Schneider. Yeah. That was all there is. And makeup, yeah. Yeah, and there'd probably be a few more penis jokes. Like when, when my girlfriend takes her sweatshirt off, he would make a comment like Dan made, like about my girlfriend's boobs.hirt off, he would make a comment like Dan made

like about my girlfriend's boobs. There's a lot of milk in there. Like, yeah, whoa, let me get my milk and school. He's pointing it and you go, hey, why, Yada? And then you look a little further and he's pointing at like a big carton of milk that someone just left on a stump. There's a lot of that kind of thing.

Now, now it's more of like a like a wet-hot American summer movie I I wish it could be um I wish we have his name is Walter William William Walter Brennan Because then to have and have not he's saying would you have a bit by a dead bee? And that's the way he test people is how they react to that question Which is not which is like it's supposed to be like oh I get it so that's but at this when I when you watch the movie You're like I wouldn't know how to answer that movie And I consider myself a pretty good person, you know, it would be great. I imagine I'm running away with Hornits hornets hornets are coming

You're done waking up the hornets again. That was where my pet hornets That's even in that tree. So that's pretty good movie A plus from entertainment weekly out of Imagine what I think these are shorts from would like it own Gleeverman would not like it Okay, balls in your quarters call I would an Anthony Lane would write a whole bunch of shit that doesn't make sense And there'd be some like about the class implications of the some naive style work. It would be yeah, it would be so witty And half the way way should be in it What is she one of the hornets who is she playing? I don't know. Is she the voice of the car? She's She's the the car totem spirit that speaks to you lost my keys

I give you this quest find the key is to me and Seth Rogan Stewart would not has had and go running off into the woods. And then there'd be like 20 minutes of him just ad-libbing dialogue about bees. Yeah. So it's a good movie. Well, I didn't know where the whimper. Yeah, you didn't have to say that. Again, Dan likes to undercut things by pointing them out. Right for the nuts. Right for the nuts Right for the nuts for cool nuts. That's why you got Hornets nuts instead of hornets nest. Yeah, I think a lot of people would get that You like hornets When you go to the different phrases involving hornets that that could be

Let's let's rent this one from Netflix. Oh, it's on watch instantly. I'll end it's over now, because it's 20 seconds long. What a great feature. I would have rented this. I would have paid $11 to see this one in the movie theater. We're selling something with bees in it that it could be. Bees nuts. Yeah, that's right. or so what's something with bees in it that I could be bees nuts

yeah that's right you