The Frank Skinner Show - Afterlife Interlude

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

On today's podcast there is a generational encounter over the phone torch and Pierre shares some BPA problems. Frank is reunited with Takis and the team have an afterlife interlude. Email the podcast [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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French name, we're from South Africa came, they're all here, open brackets array, close brackets today. Yee-haw! This is Frank of the Radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Pierre Nvelli. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankoftheradioatavalonuk.com. Yes, do that. And Happy New Year to all our readers. There you go. That's the New Year theme sorted. Keep it topical. By the way, I arrived at Spiritland

this morning. This is where we record our podcast in case we're one of your New Year's resolutions. And it's awesome Duolingo, I think, shoulder to shoulder in the New Year's resolution charts. And... Where's our hectoring owl? Yes. To remind people to listen. He was a nightmare when I was trying to learn Latin. I was so... I laid off my German so long. We've all done that too. The owl went post-snotty and his skull started to implode. Honestly, I mean it looked, it was like horror.

It was like someone had hit you with an axe. And then I accidentally pressed on the app and then it appeared and I thought, oh, I'll go into German again. And it's like I've been at his bedside now for a week and I've watched him, he's turned the corner and yeah, he's starting to look a lot better. Oh, is he coming through? His nose isn't running anymore. He's skull is unbroken.

And emerged. Yes, it's yes. Whatever the opposite of being smashed in. It's reformed. It's repaired itself. I think they knit, don't they, skulls? Don't they knit back together? Oh, do they?

When broken. Okay. Yeah. Yes, I remember reading a story about a man who'd hit someone with an iron bar. Happy New Year everyone! Is it too dark even for a podcast? Too dark even for a podcast! But he said he hit this guy over the head and then he heard this loud cracking sound.

He looked around to see where it had come from and it was from the head. It had sort of echoed across the room. Anyway, as I say, Happy New Year. Quite a naive man wielding an iron bar thinking, what's that cracking sound? Quite retro, the iron bar. It was just not the sound effect he'd expected. He'd probably seen a lot of like colombos and stuff where it's just doof. He's played too much Cluedo maybe.

A lot of old batmans, he was expecting it to go womp. Anyway, so I... Sam. Yeah. Pow. It would have been crack, yeah. Implode. You arrived at Spiritland.

Yeah. And there's a sign outside, have you seen this, that says, Deep Music Policy. Is that what it is? What does that mean? Is that a modern term? It's not one that I've come across. I should ask Jenny Foote, our assistant producer who represents, I found out this morning very much that Zed. Are you going to mention what happened? It was so mortificado.

As if I'd gone, nurse! She came over to me and said, I think your phone light is still on. As you can imagine, being the coolest cafe in the world. Your torch we should say. My phone, yeah. Yeah, your torch. It's a light. I think it's referred to more commonly as a torch, but just to be safe. Is it a phone torch?

Yes. Weird. Anyway, it would not have been rubbish if Frankenstein had just been written and the villagers had turned up holding up their phones outside the house. That would be the modern metaphor of like, oh, and the villagers all showed up and they filmed him to death. Yeah, exactly. With their phones that they're addicted to. That's why they'd be outside, not to destroy the moths, but to film him.

Yeah, Frankenstein's most afraid of social media. Anyway, honey, he won't get fired on foot. Excuse me, I've got to film him. So Jenny came across me and said, I think your phone torch is on. I said, I'm reading. You can't read in a cool cafe without a phone torch. You can imagine what the lighting is like in Spiritland. Yes.

It's like a ghost train. Actually, I think it's pretty unforgiving as well. Because of bright red. Because they do have the Roxanne red light. Yeah, there is a red light in it. I took some pictures of Sarah Sprackley, the producer of our radio show, with her new baby and they're both bright red. Oh no, that's awful. It's very Roxie.

The lighting and atmosphere in here is very, two detectives go to the interview head of nightclub. So you didn't know her even though she worked here for 10 years. Oh dear, anyway that's what happened. And did you have some friction on the way in? I did. The Piccadilly line has half as many trains as normal for reasons that are beyond me. So it's been very, very crowded. And a guy got on, may I say he got on only thanks to my ability to create space in a crowded train carriage. Well any train that you're on is crowded.

Yes. All right, Premier League football. I thought this man does not know that he benefits from the world I have built at an earlier stop by prodding people further down. Oh, yes. And he got on enjoying all this space, but he had his rucksack. Oh, not that VPI Pack awareness and he was spinning around

He wanted to look at all the adverts at the top of the little train carriage and the rucksack was smushing the face of a little lady that was standing by Woman lady that was standing behind him. A little lady? A woman? I don't know what you mean. Yeah, one of them. What? One of them. I know what a lady was. I'm picturing her in a crinoline.

So yes, yeah. Florence Nightingale sort of outfit. No, I hate that. It's terrible, that backpack. And he was spinning around and sort of hitting people with it me included and so as I sort of Was in his line of vision. I just sort of pointed at the backpack because I was that I was there with mine between my feet Yeah, like a good citizen. Yeah, and I pointed and he's but he thought I was pointing saying look at this lady behind you Yeah, he went and looked at the lady as if to say yes, what is it? And did he do a massive wolf whistle? His face became a big wolf's face and rolled out

With the lady did you think this was some sort of bro contact from you? I think he thought I was saying this lady wants to talk to you or you've something with this lady Yeah, and she was at right she was at backpack height So really was like imagine a bag Smooshing a human face forever And he looked at the lady and looked at me like well, what's this then? I don't know the backpack anyway, and then eventually he took his headphones off I just said if you take your backpack off, there's more room.

Oh my God. I got the admiration and gratitude of the lady and the resentful scorn of the man. Yeah. I would say this, I think on the last podcast. If I had your tools, I'd have just knocked him out. I wouldn't have even bothered to think. Just killed him with the backpack. But you know what I mean? Because I would think, well, I haven't seen him. You've got

a size, people. That's why God has maybe perhaps not given you Hippie has tools. Yeah. But you have so many other tools for hanging. I wonder if small garden creatures do podcasts and say there's this snail on the train this morning. You know what they're like? They've got no idea. The worst thing is when you tap how long it takes them to turn around and look at you. Excuse me, half an hour., you've already got off by the time they... Obviously it's better than suitcases on wheels as I established. Oh, you can't. But do you know what bothers me about them?

I mean, I think you have a slight sort of aesthetic issue with them, don't you? Well, it's many reasons. Yeah, you just think it's against... Sound, laziness, we've got a national obesity crisis and people can't carry something the size of a postage stamp without wheels. It's actually the sound that I find offensive. I'm sure you relate to this.

Yeah. It's so loud, Fax. It's horribly loud. I mean, when I get older, I might need to have my luggage on wheels. I might need to have my scrowsum on wheels. I don't know if they provide that service. I don't know if the government provides that service. No, no, I can get my own. I'll get a private if it comes through.

They'll stop you using the escalator at airports. They'll say, sir, that's gross to me. I have to use the lift. It's too dangerous. Exactly. I'll prefer to carry it on the escalator. Like a dog. Like a dog. I don't want to go back into the luggage thing, but one thing. My sister, Anora, when she was, before she got married, she had a thing called a vanity case. Oh yes, I've had one of those. They are! I mean, I can still picture an Aura's vanity case.

It was small, but it was a suitcase. When it opened, there was a mirror on the inside lid. And a silken pouch. And like a silken pouch that was slightly frilled. And you'd have, so you could do your, whatever, your makeup and lipstick in that. Yes. And, and, and it was great. It was called a van, it was an acknowledging that it was based on one of the seven deadly

sins. You know, it fronted that. It was a vanity case. So I thought you could call those suitcases on wheels, sloth cases. Oh, yes. Because it represents our other of the seven deadly things. You could have a sort of a gluttony case. There's a picnic basket filled with various foods.

By the way, I mean- And the wallet could be the avarice case. The avarice case. I'm eating takis this morning, which is something I used to eat when we did a radio show. It's the hottest snack, the world's hottest snack. And as someone was, you can only really get it in shops that are basically money laundering enterprises. You can only buy takis while you also buy a vape and have your phone screen replaced. Exactly. And get ignored by the man serving there.

When you get out of that shop, you're just glad that you haven't been sent off to be enslaved somewhere. Have you ever gone into one of those shops and anyone's not talking on the phone and refuses to even make eye contact? There's no till. Oh, there's no till? And you think, I've been in one that was so not trying to be a real shop, there was no till and I went in and the guy went, cool.

How dare you? You have to at least pretend to expect customers. It's just bad acting. And there was some Willy Wonka bars that weren't Willy Wonka bars. They were like nearly. Oh yeah. You've got to be careful when you're dabbling really Wonka bars, they were like nearly. You've got to be careful with your dabbling with Wonka.

They had an allergy issue because the Wonka bars were labeled plain Wonka bars but they were repackaged stuff with nuts in. Well it's almost like they don't prioritize health and safety in the money laundering shops. These criminals don't care about nut allergies at all. Do people actually fall for those nearly name things? What do you mean? Oh, like...

Well, you know, if Shania Twain is on locally, do you think, oh yeah, I love her? All the people that haven't met, they don't know, their knowledge of them isn't quite clear enough to know that Shania Twain is a different thing. Yes, yes. I think that goes on. It's like, you know, Southern Fried Chicken. Do people think, oh, I'll go and have a KFC and they just go in there and they don't? Yeah, do they get fooled?

I've often, because I often think Times Radio. Are you familiar with Times Radio? I worked on Times Radio. I think they deliberately called it Times Radio. So people say yes to doing interviews because they think it's radio time. Oh, I see. Yeah. Why would that be more of a...

Because they sort of think it's Times Radio. Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, I'll do that radio times thing. And the person thinks, oh, they're just doing it like it's a phone book entry. Yeah, so you end up doing it and think, oh no, I thought I was going to do Radio Times, I'm doing this thing. Why would anyone ever say that? Oh damn it, I was desperate to do Radio Times. Still are very high circulation. Well, also we like Radio Times, apparently they were nice about us this week.

Were they? Yeah, one of our readers has told her, me. Okay. I don't quite know. No, let's not go into just the me. Okay. I don't quite know. No, let's not go into just the praise. Oh no, I won't do praise. You know what it's like as well when you think it's praise and then you think, is that praise?

There could be a sting in the tail. Yeah, exactly. I don't want any of that. We've been talking recently, I think I think anyone would argue with that, about odd pride, moments of odd pride. When you do something, it makes you feel really proud, even though it's not one of the standard, like, you know, winning an Olympic medal. Medalling, I believe. It's not a head of smalls and people moment. It's our moment.

No. And mine was the other day, my odd pride, was being the first motorist in a queue to realize that the boss lane time things had just passed. So it was 10 till 4, it was about 10 past 4. And I realized I could go in the boss lane. And then my moment of shame was even having done that, I didn't have the courage to go in the bus lane. I never wanted to be first.

In case I got mixed up in some way. So I knew I could go in the bus lane and I still didn't go. Absolutely pathetic. Frank, that takes such courage to do that. To self-believe. No, to be the first one in the lane. I can't ever do that either. What if we've made a mistake? You don't you don't experience that self-doubt do you?

No, not with timetables. Okay, no, that's what I mean. Yeah. What do you experience it with? Human things. Human things you're doing now. Yeah, I know. I'm this is my newest resolution. Me and... Become a human boy. Pierre and I worked together only last night. We recorded a show for Radio 4. Oh yes. How was it? Well, Pierre was very funny.

That's what I'm saying. And yeah, it was good. It's called One Person Found This Helpful and it's about internet reviews. And I host it. But I did a joke on it. After Pierre went home, we did our Christmas special and I did a joke on it, which by now, by the time you're listening to this podcast, the Christmas special would have gone out. But I would be amazed if this joke, and it wasn't really a joke, it was like a question.

But it really, it's one of these things, you know the other week I told you about that Gauguin bringing gonorrhea to Tahiti joke that no one laughed at except me. Yeah, loving that. But that made me proud. It was, this was it. We were talking about, it was a Christmas special, so we talked about pantomimes. And I said one of the things that pantomimes,

it has, you know, star name and blah, blah, blah. And innuendos that would make Greg Wallace blush and the audience didn't like it, ooh. But I said, actually, where on Greg Wallace's head would a blush stop? Which I won't get in but what a shame. I really enjoyed it as a concept. I'm glad you found a home for it now. Yeah, well that's it. I don't want it to just die. You don't want it to wither and die, Wallace's head.

No, but it wasn't fully appreciated at all. Like the Duolingo Owl. Yeah, it is. That's what I would have been like. But the audience just looked at me. Oh. It brings a whole new meaning to the Wallace collection. Yeah. How many people listening to this know of the Wallace collection? I wonder. It's an art gallery in Greater London. It's the Frank Skinner podcast.

A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's goin' Junior Chicken, McDouble or Chicken Snack Wrap plus small fries and a small fountain drink. So pick up a McValue meal today at participating McDonald's restaurants in Canada. Prices exclude delivery. Maybe we should go outsidey-worldy because it's so me, me, me this podcast. One of our old regulars, since we're bringing back Takis. Oh yeah. Bring back an old radio regular from when we were analogue. Can I eat a tacky while you're doing this?

Please. If you must, if you must, Algernon. It's our old friend Ian Angle. Oh yeah. He says, he says... The Pondmeister. Is it loud? Yeah, it's very loud.

It's quite HD sound experience. Now that's my shoulders. You sound like a foley artist. Yeah, I was just doing my chicken tonight dance. That's what my shoulders sound like. Oh God, that's disgusting. That's so disgusting. My bones are essentially like an arrow now. Anyway, carry on with the angle.

So regarding Frank off the shoulder and all the other ideas. Oh yeah, we were talking about spin-offs of this. That's what all the others do. Yeah, because the rest of has got a load of. The rest is. Yeah, the rest is. The rest is history. The rest is politics.

That's right. So, surely a new podcast for you could be aimed at victims of your Medusa touch, e.g. the Dole Museum. Yes, there is a theory that this show is a curse attached to it, because I talked about being on Hard Talk, the long running BBC World Service chat show, which is now gone. I talked about Dirty Dave Dennis' wrestling career, he retired 24 hours later, or before, I can't remember, but next to it. And and yeah the Isle of Wight Dole Museum. It's temporarily, permanently closed?

Well we don't, permanently is a big word on the Isle of Wight. Yeah and we did once close down Clinton Cards I think inadvertently. Did we? Yes. No I think it was BHS. No we did that too. Yeah I thought BHS had closed and there was a big rush on shares when I said I'd finish them off.

Well, so Ian Engle suggests a podcast about these incidents and the curse should be called Frank's A Lot. No. No? Right. It's got to be Frank Off. It's got to be Frank Off. Frank Off and Don't Come Back.

Well, yeah, it could be that. That could be that one. The curse one. That could be the curse one. Because they don't come back. Frank Off. Well, TBC on the terrifying doll museum of Tudor. Yeah, Hard Talk, I suppose, could come back.

Will it though? Could come back for the modern age and be called more flexible? The trouble is, a lot of those sort of intellects and formidable people aren't really dying out really aren't they? I don't know if it can survive. It would be some sort of Instagram, hi guys I'm just here with Batra Al-Assad in Moscow. I don't think it's going to quite survive. What's it like to move to a new city?

Oh my god, head goals. Head goals Robert Mugabe. I don't think he's going to be a guest anymore. No, I said no. Probably for the best. Nick Smith from Chalfont St Peter. Oh okay. How many Chalfonts are there? Because there's Chalfont St Giles, which used to be Cockney Ryman's thing for emeroids. People say, oh my Chalfonts are playing up a bit today. Whereas what's this one called? So this is Nick Smith from Chalfont St Peter.

So that could have been confusing because that could have been my St Peter. What was he the patron saint of St Peter? St Peter is the rock on which I built my church, the keeper of the keys. Oh, what keys? The keys to heaven. Oh yes, he's that one, isn't he? He's the guy who greets you in all the cartoons and newspapers. He's the doorman. In all the atheist newspapers. They still say things like, if one of the Moors murderers dies, may they rot in hell.

But you don't believe in hell most of the time. Now suddenly, when it's convenient. When you really want someone to be so. Yeah, exactly. It's like a pop-up shop for the tabloids. You've got to find something to say when you're banging the van that takes them into the court. Yes. Mate, they're rotting now. Yeah, it's harder to bang the van and go, they'll go. When they're dead, they'll be

gone. But we'll remember. Yeah. But they'll be gone. Yeah, exactly. I believe nothing exists beyond this realm. They'll go when they're dead they'll be gone, but we'll remember yeah, but they'll be gone But I'm still upset what happens in the realm while I'm in it as well, but then when I'm gone I'll be gone too It's not as good. Yeah, but then you get things like I'm pale. I'll be watching us from heaven from what vanted point From what vantage point? Also, why would he watch us? Why would he watch us? We've got more interesting things to do. Exactly. If he's looking at us

it might be not as great as it... He's like some terrible old pensioner at a window looking at people in the street. Watching pointless all day. God, I'm ever not so great. Everyone's at the window, twitching the curtains. I see Frank Skinner's had a haircut. Pelle, you achieved a lot in your life. Is there anything else you'd rather do up here?

Think of all the people you can meet. No, I'm focusing on Skinner for now. Come on, Pelle, they've got every streaming service. Desperately sad Pelle, sitting and watching football on Earth from his heaven window. Football on Earth! Oh man. He's got wings as well, he's just sitting around, could fly. Do you know who I think probably does like watching a little bit of telly up there is Elvis, with the greatest respect. I think I'm really sad he missed out on the streaming era. I think it would have been right up his alley Well, we're assuming he's gone up of course. Oh, do you believe? No, I'm hoping he's gone up But you know, he did a lot of amphetamines during his national service

Oh, I see you think he might have gone to... I think he went up never came down You think he might have gone to what I believe Eton referred to as the other place. Yes exactly. Okay. Anyway so that's a nice little afterlife interlude. Anyway back to Nick Smith from Chalfance and Peter. Chalfance and Peter. Yeah. What could, what rhyming slang could that be? Chalfont St Peter. Greta? That's an American thing though. Yes.

What a Greta. Jeter, Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter, they station. Could be a cheetah. A cheetah. Yeah. He's a bit of a Chalfont. Yeah.

And then you'd have to go, a hemorrhid, and then go, no, the other one. You go, all right, Jeter. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Right, right, right. Yeah, she's going out with Dave Brook-ish. Oh yeah, he's a bit of a Chalfont St Peter.

I've seen him with a few women. And other things no one will ever say. A bit of a CSP. Hank, stop trying to make Chalfont St Peter happen. Okay. You know, I never, after my failure with Caulsden, I would like to invent. I like Dave Brookish. No one has ever been called Dave Brookish. I'm just trying to think of an ordinary person's name.

No one has called that though, Frank. Dave Brookish. I bet there's a Dave Brookish out there. That's a very office name. Well yeah. I'm calling to Dave Brookish and he says this next quarter is crucial. Yeah, exactly. If there is a Dave Brookish, please get in touch. The Anderson deal, we're going to need another 10k.

You still sound a bit wrong when you're trying to talk about corporate things. Well, I don't have much corporate experience. Did you ever work in a lot of things? No, I started doing this podcast. Now I've become some sort of Don Draper figure at the centre of the advertising world. Oh yeah. Don Draper. Oh man. Even he knew how to operate the torch on his phone. He didn't have a torch on his phone.

Alright, that's one thing you've got over him. Speaking of the ad for the torch, I will come back. I've still got to get back to Nick, but I'm keeping you warm. Nick will keep, yeah, just bookmark him. Yeah, I will. That'll keep him listening to the end of the book, which is an achievement we rarely pull off. Stop being so negative. No, I'm being totally positive. I was watching Pakistan versus England, the test match, and David Gower, do you know the former left-handed England batsman? Fabulous hair he was had.

Yes, and sort of Harpo Marx with a really good makeover. And a bit Mrs. Santa Claus as well. Yeah so he's for some reason he's been giving all the advertising jobs. So if there's any advertising mid commentary the other commentators sort of stand back and David Gower has to do it. And I don't know if he has to do it or if he said that, if anyone said, look, if you do the adverts, then you get a bit of extra money and Gower said, yeah, I mean. So there's a bit where it cuts to, and there'll be like four Pakistani people, men and women, sitting at a table with these cups of tea. And he says, and David, David Gimmer says,

oh, now it's time for a Teapal tea break. And they all drink simultaneously. There's obviously a guy like with a headset on, standing just off going, and sip. And they all sip at the same time. It reminds me, you know when the judges sit down post introductory dance on Strictly, they never ever synchronize it. Have you noticed that? They're supposed to sit down on da da da da da, and then like Anton finally sits down at the end. It's really annoying. Oh yeah, messing about with his man bag.

It reminds me a bit of that. Do we have any news on this from the outside? Remember I was asking about the feasibility of the Chinese tidal wave. Oh yeah. It used to be a theory that if the people of China all jumped simultaneously they would create a tidal wave that would engulf the United States of it. If the people of China all jumped simultaneously, they would create a tidal wave that would engulf the United States of America. Oddly, it hasn't lit up the switchboards. I wonder what that is.

No geologists have decided to devote any of their time to investigate. Just so you know, Nick Smith from Chalfont St. Peter is still pending whenever you're ready. I was just thinking it couldn't work in a cap couldn't work in a capitalist country because Everybody would want to jump a bit higher The other but we're the timing would be a we're fat. We're fat. You speak for yourself We even say fat I don't know. Yeah, can we just can't say with a negative inflection? You can I think I can like I can do old jokes.

Anyway, I'd like to know if it's doable. Okay. Are you still on David Gower and the T? I've been playing a lot of catch just lately at home. Oh, how are the 50s? I've decided it's really very good game because it's competitive but also there's a shared responsibility. There's very few games like that. If you drop the ball, you know, you're like, I won. But if it's from a bad throw, then that is all spoiled. I recommend you play catch with your family.

What sort of a ball do you do in the family? We use any ball. We used the dog. Does Poppy get involved? No, Poppy knows her place. Does she glower at the ball from a distance? Actually, Bullseye is coming back, did you see that? With Andrew Flint hosting. And it reminded me of that thing about that they couldn't use a category called Geography because they weren't confident their viewers would know what geography meant. So they got... What? So Jim Bowen would say, and now you've scored your category Places.

God! Didn't they call maths, did they call maths, or sums? No mathematics was numbers. Places. Most of television operates on the idea that the audience can't dress themselves. That's why I've moved to podcasts most deliberately. Anyway, what's this guy beating around the bush to get to the point? Got to the chaise? As they say in Wetleg. You mean Nick Smith from

Chalfont St Peter? Yeah. Let's return to him. Dear Frank, Emily and Pierre, I've become a bit obsessed with the idea of getting Frank on the wheel. So here's my pitch. I know we talk about this a lot, but it does seem to have really struck a chord with our readers. They really want you to go on. I agree. He continues, broken arm, maybe not going out to incur a real injury, but surely rocking up at the studio with your arm in a sling, maybe even a neck brace thrown in for good measure, would allow you to participate without being forced to dance. They couldn't boot you off the show for being injured, could they? Praise regrettably redacted.

Yeah. This is an expensive... Yeah, I could, I could quite like it. I think the neck brace is a little OG too. Yeah, I don't want them to think I'm the Reverend Richard Coles. It's just turned up on the off chance there might have been a light cancellation. But a sling. I think he's there most recordings just hanging around.

Who? Red Richard Cole? The RRC? Just smoking and intimidating the guests as they come in. Flicking the butts at them. I did a West End play and every night you arrive at the theatre, the understudies are like, sorry, looking at you, see if you look a bit pale or peaky. Really wishing illness on you.

I didn't know this. Did you know that some productions have sort of double understudies or they swap? Yes. Well, my mother was an understudy for many years. And when she got the call, oh, it was that difficult thing, as you say, because I think it was Jane Asher she was on the studying in a play, the actress. And yeah, but you had to say, you had to pretend to be upset that they were ill. And my mother would tell us that she'd say, you have to say when Jane comes back in, because we'd go into the theatre and say, you have to say, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so glad you're

back. No, it's like football is on the bench wanting their teammates to get injured so they can go on. I heard that... We shouldn't dig too deep into that aspect of humanity. Because the people who are in, say, Book of Mormon, sometimes used to be in Les Mis. So in a situation where the actor's sick and the understudy's sick, they'll find an understudy for a different play or even a starring cast member

who used to do that part in Les Mis. So a friend of mine is in Les Mis and they said they took the understudy at the Book of Mormon got his chance because the main Book of Mormon actor had to be the understudy in Les Mis in an emergency. Cause he could sort of remember the words from sort of seven years ago when he did it. You know I did I did art in the West End and then about six weeks later I was in a... Before you were moved on by the police.

Yeah, exactly. Even though it's Banksy. Yes, in case you don't know art, it's a well-known play. Yes. And I'd done it six weeks previously. Who were you in that with? Art Malik? Nick Wooderson and Art Malik. Art Malik wears, he's quite trobian silk scarf.

Yeah, he's an international playboy. Love that. So I don't mean he's a gel font SP. I mean he just a gel font SP He just enjoys to find a life SP it's so obscure. No one's gonna understand it Frank and people are gonna think you're weird anyway So I was in the Eds Diner having cheesy fries and a butterscotch And remember Eds Diner yeah, Yeah, that is not rhyming slang.

And I got a call saying, two of the understudies and one of the main actors is ill, could you come in and do your old part? And it was six weeks since I'd even thought about the script. And it's a very, it's a big part. There's only three of you in the play and I thought I'm just gonna pretend I haven't got this because I can't I can't do this it's it's you know it's setting me up for terrible humiliation and then I thought no next thing I know my feet

when this happens to me sometimes my feet were moving one in front of the other without really asking me and I ended up at the theatre and I went on. They were trying costume on me to see anything that would fit. They must have been so thrilled to see you. And then someone was going through the lines with me and then they said, now we need to talk about blocking at the end, you know, just where you stand on that on stage. And I said, look, I'll be out there. You'll have to find me. I've got the lines.

The lines are in my head. So yeah, so I ended up doing two performances out of nowhere. And did it go well? Well, I think the audience were confused because they'd say, and tonight blah, blah, will not be appearing. They go, oh, and he'll be replaced by Frank Skinner. Eh? Understood it'm like, eh? Understood it.

Yeah, what? So, yeah, it was very exciting theatrical moment. I did not know this. I love this story. If there's ever a group of people who you want to be grateful towards you, it's the theatrical because they're going to express it. Yeah, and guess what? Oh yeah, they'll express it. Guess what I got as a thank you present at the

end of the second what nothing oh no no not even a bouquet of roses not even a backward glance Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. TD Direct Investing offers live support. www.cavalonuk.com