The Frank Skinner Show - Anti-Stylist

Episode Date: September 24, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Pierre Novellie. Frank’s been sorted into his Harry Potter house, Pierre met a Knight on a train and the team discuss Therese Coffey’s ringtone.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli, you may have guessed if you recognise the exit. Straight in with the old. Straight from the vilt. So you can text the show on 812. You can do that one, I think. I think you can do that one. You'll be able to do that one for a while.

That one's all right. I think we've got payback on that one. But we can eat the fruit. In case you didn't know, relax. So you can text the show on 812. This is the longest one of these I've ever done. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram15. This is the longest one of these I've ever done. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram, at Frank on the Radio.

Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. It is done. The housekeeping is done. We can relax. Morning, boys. Good morning. Morning. You know what I'd like to say, Frank?

What's that? Morning, gents. Yes, nice. You know what I like to say, Frank? What's that? Morning, gents. Yes, nice. I'm just nipping to the gents. Do people still say that? Yeah, I think so. I'd never say that again. Would you be frightened?

I don't know. It just feels like the sort of toilets I go to now. What sort of toilets I go to? They're too nice. You know what I mean? They've got like hand towels and things

the toilets I used to go to I think of leaving the pub going across a yard and then going to another building that's what I'm thinking of is the toilets

I used to go to the toilets I used to go to with Frank Skinner to sort of what would the guest be that would be a difficult thing for the guest book to phone up wouldn't it Frank Skinner's be a difficult thing for the guest book it's a phone up

wouldn't it Frank Skinner's doing a show called The Toilets I Used To Go To we wonder if you would how dare you well put it this way

I could help you out I've got a few I've got a lot of friends well okay the sort of outbuildings where you can see your own breath

yes yeah yeah and your own all sorts of steam yeah I once wrote an article for the Evening Standard when you breath. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And your own, all sorts of steam. I once wrote an article for the Evening Standard. When you were their editor-at-large,

official title. Oh, editor-at-large. Where is Emily today? She's at large. Oh, well, could be anywhere. Every time I saw Frank, he would say, what is Editor at Large?

And I still, I never did answer him. No, I never did. I still don't know. But anyway, you wrote an article. And it was a strange idea I pitched, but sometimes these things get through. I pitched the idea how to find the toilet in sort of certain London restaurantson restaurants if you're too embarrassed to ask because there are certain places where there's a suggestion that you should

know where they are already that you've been there already so i did a guide i got someone to draw a little map it was great so it's places yeah because you know if you're if you're somewhere and you want to you want to imply you've been there before, you can't ask where the toilet is. So why did the toilet got hired? Well, not only that, but most of these posh restaurant clubs, they don't want you to know where they are. No sign outside or anything. What's going on?

No people to go in. What's fancy about anonymity? I did a show once where someone complained about... Sorry, was that a texting you just set up? Yes. Someone complained about... Look, it was Room 101. OK.

OK, I just don't like bringing it up. Oh, it was a great show, Frank. I know, but it now symbolises failure in all its aspects. But anyway... Wow. 8.10 on Upset Radio. Someone, I can't remember who, chose those signs on toilet doors which don't make it absolutely clear

whether it's male or female. So instead of having gents and ladies, there was one, so we found some examples of, one just got rope on the door and it was in different knots to represent the various private parts. Oh, God.

And they weren't well knotted. It was open to interpretation. Some of them, you get weird, artistic, psychedelic drawings representing maleness and femaleness. I mean, just tell us where to go. Or gendered terms relating to the theme. Uh, yeah. I don't know enough about...

Professor Higgins and Eliza Doolittle. I mean, all right. What about people who don't even like musicals? Or, I suppose, all plays. They call that in Pygmalion? 8, 12, 15. Oh! Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Pygmalion? 8, 12, 15.

Yesterday, in fact, I went to The Making of Harry Potter. Are you aware that that's a sort of it's a big exhibition in Watford. Oh. And, yeah. It is turning into me. It took me an extra second satellite delay to

process what it is yeah so i um oh is it is it the proximity to pinewood or something like that or i don't know it's at um it's saturday studios i can't remember which studios made harry potter but um anyway so i went along there and um the people said that i could have um priority parking oh all that means is you park a bit nearer yeah and you if you want to go i should say the parking is free there on like lego is that because you're a celebrity um no you can pay for it but they said look it's actually used up but there is additional um um priority park so i got there and i said to the guy on the guy on the ticket i said i told i gave him this woman's name and i can go in the additional uh priority parking he said uh no just just carry on uh up to my friends at the end,

they'll show you just parking the normal thing. Oh, it's all gone a bit Holly and Phil. It was that. You know what, I honestly thought that. As I drove up, I thought they've ruined everything. Yeah. I honestly thought it. And I should say, can I say,

some of the stuff on the internet about Holly and Phil has been unnecessarily cruel and unpleasant. I think they should stop, you know, at the end of the day. But I was watching this morning, briefly this week. We all were, dear. And they trailed a thing where a woman works in a cafe and the idea of the cafe is that you're abusive to the customers. And they showed a clip from it and Holly said,

that looks hilarious, I can't wait. And I thought, well, I know that. And it was one of those moments, I was in the room on my own and I thought, oh, I really, I wanted someone else to hear how fast I was on that. And I'll tell it on the radio, but it won't be the same as being there. I looked at the dog and she looked back at me, nothing. Anyway, so I've actually, I got someone to take a picture of me

queuing for a Professor Sprout's greenhouse at the Harry Potter, just to prove. Sure. White-haired celebrity queuing for a professor sprouts greenhouse at the harry potter just to brew sure um white head celebrity queueing i thought it might be quite interesting uh it's a picture sounds like a description of one of those stock photographs yes it's um yeah exactly yeah yeah google white head celebrity oh yeah there's one or two few A few examples. So, um... Get images. Yes. I don't know if you're into Harry. I've got to say, it was brilliant. Yeah.

It was really... You know when you get to these places sometimes and there's just a lot of reading and photos? This was, like, proper stuff from the films, including, like, massive sets and stuff like that. It was fab. But, um... The making of Harry Potter sounds like a piece of erotic fan fiction. Yeah, well, it isn't that. What if it had just been put together by...

In Professor Sprout's greenhouse, by the way, I don't know if you know the films, but you can pull mandrakes out of their pots and they scream. Yeah. And they've got them set up so they actually... Oh! It's a tickle. I know, yeah.

Do they have a lot of originals? Because a pet peeve of mine is you go to a museum dedicated to a film or something and there'll be not enough stuff there, objects. No, I know what you mean. What's that when you get to the birthplace of a writer or something, and he says, this is the sort of furniture they would have had. And you think, oh, I don't want to know what sort of furniture.

This is a hat, very like a hat he might have once possibly worn. A lot of them are very cobbled together. In fact, at the beginning, you get the Weasley twins. I don't know their real names. Forgive me. They work there. James and Oliver. No, they appear on a film thing,

and they say this is proper, real stuff that was really properly in the film. I would have been very upset to hear that they were working there. No, no. I would have been upset. Not totally shocked, but upset, certainly. It's typical for the child actor. But in The Sc screaming mandrakes that

reminds me i used to test people um their personalities and whether i thought i could be friends with them by asking them whether they could knock a nail through a teddy bear's face and if anyone said yeah i could do that i think no you're not you're not for me, I'm afraid. Could you knock a nail through a teddy bear's face? 8, 12, 15. You've been warned of the criteria. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So I'll tell you what I did. I did a questionnaire, Harry Potter questionnaire,

can you believe it, to say what house I would be in if I was a hogwart student and obviously you want to be in gryffindor because that's harry hermione and ron's house and i got ravenclaw that's the one no one wants isn't it well i looked it up i was i was gutted hufflepuff is the worst one i was gutted yeah but what i did is buzz has got this thing where you put like a dice in this thing. Oh, is it like the sorting hat? Yeah, it's like the sorting hat when it comes out. That said Rife and Claw as well, so I'm absolutely stuck with it.

But then I looked it up, get this, where those of wit and learning will always find their kind. And I thought, come on! So I'm totally committed. That concerns me, Frank, that that scene is not the best one to be in, if that's where the witty people are. So what's the best one, the sporty jock? No, no, Hufflepuff's the worst one.

Why? What are the characteristics? No, they're loyal. They just go loyal and kind. Yeah, no, that's a bit politician's wife after he's been caught up to something. You don't want people who are going to stand by you. Frank, what about when I had a real crush on this bloke and it got, when I was, I must have been about 15,

and word got back to me from one of his friends. You know, Dom said he thinks Emily's really kind. Oh. Oh. That's not when you said never tell me i look well or i'll think i'll put white on kind and well no hufflepuff are very much the red shirt star trek crew member of uh they're going to be killed their job is to loyally get shot who's the best one then gryffindorffindor? Well, that's where the big three dwell. It's the main character one.

What, the Trinity? But we get, when I say we, when I speak of Ravenclaw now, I'm saying we. We've got Moaning Myrtle, which is the best ghost there. This is the ghost of the first floor girls' toilets. That's what you want. I'm still enjoying Frank saying we like he's talking about West Bromwich To be honest when the dice

came up right I thought this is that's a bit freaky that I've done a sort of 15 question questionnaire that told me I'm in this house and then the dice told me. Fate and intellect. Frank, do you know enough about these people and their teams? What would Pierre be in?

Do you know, Pierre, what you are? I do know. What are you? How have you done it? I've done it, yes. God, what's it all going to be? What are you in? I'm Slytherin. I'm evil. Oh, wow.

Slytherin. Yes, I see that. Yeah, I think they probably just heard the accent. It's probably an old game you use from the bad days. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, have we heard from the outsidey worldy? We have. We have some advice for you. There isn't enough advice coming in from me

that I can read out on breakfast radio anyway. This is from Ian Loom. He dwells in Edmonton, Canada. Oh, Canada. Okay. Is the one in Kent, or have I made that up? There must be. Okay. Is the one in Kent or have I made that up? There must be. Yeah.

Most of the North American names are taken from British names, aren't they? Yeah. Okay, anyway, Edmonton, Canada. Nice. Hi, Frank. Fan in Canada here. The success of Frank. Fanada, I'm calling him.

From now on. He's a Fanadian. Frank, the success. I love that he begins it. He's very fanadian. Frank, I love that he begins it. He's very confident and I like that about Ian Loom. Frank, the success of Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse's fishing show suggests... Why bring that up?

Why bring anyone else's success up? That's what I say to anyone who's fishing. Suggests that gentle conversation humour is perhaps more in demand these days. Any plan to pull the old couch out and call up Badil? It would be widely popular,

as this kind of niche comedy, I know, I'm moving on, has a much easier time building a following thanks to YouTube. I'm 52 and had left... has a much easier time building a following thanks to YouTube. I'm 52 and had left... I thought he was going to say thanks to you two, but no. He continues, I'm 52... Oh, well.

..and had left England in 82 by the time you hit it big. Hmm. Sorry. I feel stiff with stress whilst reading this. No, that's all right. It was, I discovered your work

on YouTube and Mortimer has a now near legendary status among international fans. Oh, God. Carry on. I don't think I can.

Due to his Would I Lie To You stories, storytellers are making a comeback. Give us another season and there's some lovely praise for Piano Belli as well. Oh, nice. So he ends with cheers, mate.

Well, my problems with this is I did Would I Lie To You once and was never asked back. So there goes my international following based on my stories on Would I like to you I think you're too truthful you see I don't fish

Frank don't fish did you go on and did everyone immediately guess because they thought Frank's religious morals are strong enough and I think we could immediately know he's not lying I am a terrible liar so why do you think you weren't asked back Get me, I think I am a terrible liar. So, yes.

Why do you think you weren't asked back? I don't know, it's happened to me quite a lot on panel shows. Sometimes, because I've been too good, but not on there. Then I thought I was... Sometimes if you get regular host, they don't like anyone being too good. Yeah. But I can only think of one example and i think that was the case generally it's because uh they think you were rubbish and certainly

judging by the quality of the hosts on um would i lie to you it was because i just i just was bad at lying simple do you think reading a long email about another comedian's success to you is your nail through a teddy bear's face? No, you know what, I'm alright with it. I quite like Bob Mortimer. Bob Mortimer is someone who deserves to be successful. But I always said that it's like when the

bubbles come up from a glass of orange aid, the bubbles rise to the top, but sometimes they bring some of that sort of orange silt that you get they bring them up with them and that's what um success is like there are some people who've deserved the bubble status and some people just got stuck on the uplift i'm not prepared to name them but um if you go to my website I don't have a website

what's a website for? pictures? I don't think so yes I was trying to explain to my colleagues that it used to be on the back of shredded wheat boxes there used to be faces from history that you could cut out and they were flat but you could build them if you um secured the flaps into a 3d head from a person from history and i remember hen Henry VIII is the one that sticks in my mind.

I built that. And it was fabulous, a lompen cardboard-headed Henry VIII. I like that I'm getting all Field of Dreams. I built that. Yes, I'm glad he didn't come, though. So if Henry VIII had turned up in spirit form, I would have been anxious with his terrible calves. Anyway.

Tread on my dreams. Pierre's got shorts on today in the late September. Can we talk about the shorts? Is it inappropriate to say? No. You're the fellow gentleman. I think it's inappropriate for me to comment. I think Pierre's going to be one of those guys

who just wears those plastic flip-flops, sort of Adidas flip-flops and shorts all the year round. Am I right? Never branded flip-flops. Oh, OK, fair enough. I mean, they're quite short shorts as well. They're sort of riding up as a result of the radio chairs in a way that would be sexy to a certain sector of the community

but to very few other people. Yeah, I don't know who that would be. Oh. The bears. You said you don't know who that would be. It's come across quite rude. No, no, I just think of you as a very... I find you too big and frightening.

Like a centauraur like some sort of half centaur I quite like it I feel very safe here he looks like I don't know whether he looks like the front part of a centaur

or the back part of a centaur or just a full centaur with the front who's removed and the arms maybe a centaur who's been in

a three centaur pile up and been squeezed into a... squeezed so that it's all up together. I find his presence comforting. When we were on tour... Go on. Well, a few times,

people tangibly believed that I was your security. No, they did. Did they? Yes. And what I like is... Well, they didn't believe the tour manager was because he was invariably wearing pink Doc Martens and a furry coat, wasn't he?

So they thought he was my stylist. Yes, and before they asked you for maybe a picture or an autograph, they'd nervously glance at me. Yeah, they would ask P.S. sometimes if it was all right to approach me. I was still laughing at the idea of you having a stylist. I know, what kind of an anti-stylist does frank skinner hired i remember i was once introduced by bob moncos as frank skinner a man who hasn't let success go to his clothes did he say that yeah speaking of clothes anyway the reason i mentioned um henry viii was

car you one of the professional dancers yeah on um on street lee um reminds me of that um those heads he's got that sort of he's got like a lot of straight edges on his head a sort of 90s video game character yeah he looks like looks like Max Headroom. Do you remember Max Headroom? Yes. I had a bit of an obscure crush on him. Can we discuss a bit of stuff here? I was the same with Anna Nova.

Yes. No, that is quite you, actually. Yeah. Can we discuss... Did you guys watch any of the launch show? Oh, I loved it. Yes. Well, I feel we have to if you work um at absolute you're

under the bauer umbrella and we've got the compass kids um we've got tyler west and fleur east oh yes yeah and because they they had the adams family as well oh yes on the show they had I mean obviously they've got Kay Adams Jade Adams and Tony Adams or Addo

yeah of course as we call but one of the great moments this morning was oft name checked Faye our assistant producer

said they've got Tyler from Kiss on the show and I said from kiss wow thinking they were going to be wearing the makeup and all that and i thought it was kiss as in i was saying hello um i'm gonna rock and roll all night no but it wasn't it was was Kiss. But yeah, so we'll be back. Well, obviously I'll be back in Addo.

Yeah. Oh, thank you. We got her back, the donkey. Got her back, Addo, yeah. But it was exciting. Yeah. And I'm not often excited nowadays. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pien Veli is with us this morning. You can text the show on 81215. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. It's okay, a fay's gone out for crisps. My mouth is physically watering. That. It's OK. Faye's gone out for crisps. My mouth is physically watering. That's what's happening. So have we got more news?

We have. 5.32. Alfresco Monday. 5.32. Morning, Frank. Just so you know, it was Larry Lamb who put toilet signs in Room 101. Of course. It's the Warner Brothers studio tour for Harry Potter and the Phelps twins.

Warner Brothers, yes. That played Fred and George Weasley. Wow. 532 has been great on the Intel front. Great info. Larry Lamb also put in the High Five, I remember. Oh. Something he disapproved of as a modern phenomenon

and we found a clip from something like the 30s of a um of a vocal group doing the high five so it's been around a while apparently what was his what was his problem with it as a as a was it just too much handshake ah that's it i would avoid both if possible by the way um we took we spoke of string vests last week we did and then i was watching uh a show with uh frankie goes to hollywood on it and uh holly Holly Johnson was wearing a string t-shirt and I wonder if that... I see that's where I think it lapses into sexy away from comedy when it goes into a t-shirt. There's no real reason why those extra bit of shoulder coverage

should make a difference, but I think that makes it groovy. Anything bigger than a vest like a yeah a t-shirt dress anything like that. Dress?

A whole see-through leg. Sicko. Like being caught in a net. I can't get out because I love you too much baby. We're caught in a net.

We've heard from David Cromo. And what I like about David Cromo is that... Don't list everything you like about him. No, just the one thing. OK. He's put Location Lewis, and then in parenthesis, Frank's not a fan. Oh, no no of course yes And that would be to do with the

Satanic No they're not Satanic Lewis have kept the tradition of No potpourri I don't mean potpourri I was going to say That wouldn't have gone down well in my house So on their bonfire night celebrations

I would be like Pet so on their bonfire night celebrations um i would be like um pets are on bonfire night if i lived in lewis i'd have to be kept in the house yeah and i'd be very afraid and much more nervous than normal that's what it's like meanwhile the crackling sound of a pope effigy sound of a Pope effigy burning outside the window. Well, David Cromo from Lewis. Yes. Frank's not a fan. It's actually

a nice place by day. Yes, it's rather nice, isn't it? Something very Transylvania about that comment. Exactly. He says good morning, Frank, plus two. Oh, plus two. Is this what it's come to?

What about when I went to a party once and there was a woman who was a party organiser who was a good friend of Meg Matthews and she was a lady called Fran. And it had, I saw on the bouncers list, it said Fran plus ten. And I thought, I mean, that's quite a big ask, isn't it? That is a big ask.

Plus 10. Good morning, Frank plus two. Frank, have you ever seen the Paternoster lift? On my recent overseas travel, I came across this form of elevator initially called cyclic elevators the name paternoster emerged from the system's resemblance to rosary beads rotating in the hands of a catholic reciting prayers paternoster from our father the first words of the lord's prayer in latin the one i visited led to a bar sorry frank um not a good idea after a few ales to try and get on the lift. Best to take the stairs.

Anyway, apparently there is only one left operating in the UK for people to use, I believe, in Sheffield unless your readers know of any others, as I may try and visit as many of these as I can. A new hobby. Well, I'll give you my paternoster's answer after this.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, you left us on Tenterhooks. Oh, yes. With a Paternoster lift cliffhanger. Yeah, well, it's funny you should say that. Yeah, the Paternoster's, as you say, named after the Roseby Bees, because they are perpetual. There's no doors on them.

So you just look at this frame and sometimes there's a lift there and sometimes there isn't. They're just constantly going round. And I was at Goster Green Campus for Birmingham Polytechnic for a year and they had Paterters and um i think they covered four floors and i got in the top floor once and i got in the wrong paternoster and it was the one going up so you go up into darkness basically and then it shuffles across at the top, and then it comes down again.

And it was at first frightening, so I wondered if the whole thing might slap shut, like a suitcase, and then spin around to come to... But it didn't, happily. So then I got in with a young lady who I had a roving eye for, who I'd been giving the glad eye, as we used to call it. And we got into the paternosters a couple of days later and we got to the top floor

and I held her in because I thought this would be funny to reproduce. When Laurel and Hardy had an eye for a lady. Yes. So the problem was that with the extra weight of another person in there um when we went across the top it stopped so we were in utter darkness and just stuck in the sort of well it wouldn't be the bells could it be the top bit but whatever i would have thought you'd fixed that um and she went hysterical and started really properly hitting me and punching me and going what have you done what have you done and um i there's a tiny crack visible and i started going hello you know the hello when you're trapped. You know a trapped hello.

Hello? Hello? It's a certain kind of... You'd never meet anyone and go, oh, it's Dave. Hello? You'd never talk to them like that. So I did a trapped, and eventually, someone said, I'll get the Jarnie, the janitor. And he came and said,

what you need to do is throw yourselves at the walls, first to the left, first to the right. Well, she just wasn't. She was by now just sobbing. So I had to jump from one wall to the other. You have to get it back in the groove. Presumably each time you jumped, you had to leap over a sobbing claustrophobe.

Yes, I did. That made it a bit more difficult. It was like being at Aintree. Anyway, eventually I hit it hard enough and it went back onto its groove and it moved. And she, when we got to the bottom, I remember she jumped out and she just ran, ran, ran to get outside just to get into air.

Oh, that's not a ringing endorsement, is it? Ah, yes. And that woman became my wife, the mother of seven. No, she didn't. She didn't. It didn't. I don't know why. So Paternoster, Frank,

because I was only familiar with it from King Charles, that was the monstrous carbuncle wasn't it one of them um was it yes I believe a paternoster square by st. Paul's was one of the monstrous carbuncles he one of them was Birmingham Central Library one of his monsters how did you take that at the time he got quite a lot of people saying stuff like, oh, we should have a palace, like a free palace.

It's what we should have. But obviously, now he's the king, we all love him. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You were telling us all about Paternosters. What about my own Paternoster experience, certainly?

My Paternoster hell. Richard Pipe has been in touch. Paternoster was in Baker Building of Perry Bar Campus of University of Central England. Does any of that make any sense to you? Yes, that's the same Paternoster, but it wasn't called... Shut up. Yeah.

Richard continues, terrifying when full. Oh, no, he might actually... Perry Bar, that might be a different campus. It was all Birmingham Polytechnic, and then that became University of Central England in a sort of a, like, Tolkien was the principal. Oh, yes. And then... But in fact... And now it's Birmingham City University now, England in a sort of a like Tolkien was the principal and then

and now it's Birmingham City University now which I didn't like it sounds like it's named after the football team. In fact the it wasn't the Chancellor but your degree was awarded to you by? The head of the gas board yes that was the same institution

I have to say I went to Polytechnic and to University and Polytechnic was the same institution. I have to say, I went to Polytechnic and to university and Polytechnic was much, much better. What is it with Birmingham and the love for the energy? There's a lot of branding with energy because you've got Boilerman, the head of the gas board. Yeah, I think it's quite industrial. Yeah.

Birmingham generally and the West Midlands. Richard continues. Terrifying. This is and the West Midlands. Richard continues. Terrifying. This is regarding the Paternoster Baker Building. No, the Paternoster in the Baker Building, I apologise. Terrifying when full, if you were first in the carriage. So last out meant a jump down of three foot. You'll miss your floor.

Are you absolutely joking? Because he keeps going, the first people get out and it's still going, so then you've got to decide, can I still get out here? This is absolutely ridiculous. An Indiana Jones moment where you snap your hat. You said that.

I knew a guy who went running for the Paternoster, slipped, and half of him went in and half of him went out. He had to crawl out again, or otherwise he would have been scissored by the rising... It's amazing, though, in the age of health. I said health and efficiency then, which was actually a naturist magazine. I meant health and... Sounds like a German nature magazine.

Which, funnily enough... Probably was. Funnily enough, yeah, and I hadn't heard of it. Oh, okay. H&E. Spot the difference. Yes. Not that.

Health and Safety, which was what I... Health and Efficiency. What a prank. Why was a naturist magazine called Health and Efficiency? I think we can work it out. Anyway.

It's all black and white. What else did you... It didn't seem to make it so bad. Do you know, it's the first time in my entire friendship with Frank that I've seen him go a little bit coy. Would you agree? Yeah. He's a little bit coy, Frank.

Like a coy carp. A few little memories coming back to you there. Yes, yes. Hey, Sinead, that was very... Next time we're throwing in the Grattan catalogue. I don't really want to do a texting about if people remember H&E. No. I don't see how it's going to go, really.

Oh, no, and also, you know what? That's your private little memory. Let's keep it there. Yes. We've also heard from Steve. Oh, but it was all so simple then. We've heard from Steve Cooper. Oh, we all got really excited then

Thought it was going to be Steve Cooper Very close I remember that Paternoster See I'm saying Paternoster You said Paternoster No I said Paternoster Oh did you so it's Paternoster It probably is I don't know

We called it the Paternoster I remember that Paternoster There Pater, yeah. I remember that paternoster. There was a lightbulb in the void at the top when I took a trip over the top. Oh, he went over the top as well. See, I don't remember the lightbulb. Imagine it was the First World War. He went over the top.

I wonder if the lightbulb was added after the hysteria of my claustrophobic love interest. I imagine it was the result of an enormous lawsuit. My claustrophobic love interest must be a banner headline in some tabloid magazine sometime over the years. Frank, I don't know if you're a fan of any of those sort of films that use a train, a chance meeting on a train as a kind of... Well, one of the greats, and I can't remember what it is now,

Stranger on a Train? Strangers on a Train. Where a bloke's going to kill and wants to kill something like his wife or something like that. And the other one is completely strange. He says, well, if I do it, no one will suspect me. I've got no motive. They swap crimes.

Do they kill each other's victims? They swap crimes. It doesn't work out. Just as an initial idea, that is a... If someone came to me, I've got this idea for a film, and just told me that bit, two strangers meet, they both want to kill somebody, we'll just do each other's. There's no more.

I think that's fantastic. Yeah. Anyway. Do you want me to kill some acquaintance of yours? Well, now that you've said it live, I mean... No, it's this stuff. You two have spoiled your idea. Can I double bluff?

Because they'll say, well, no, they would never have discussed it on air. Yeah, that's true. Someone listening must have done it. Yes. We've been framed. Or someone in the studio. Oh, no.

Well, I had that exact experience. Oh, no. But this show will be called Pianovelli, A Confession. Just leave the studio. Because people love that real crime stuff. This could be our biggest ever podcast. That's true. Frank, we could be on that Netflix documentary.

And I'd be saying, well, I just, you know. And then it all changed. Yes. And they'd get someone who absolutely cannot do a South African accent to play me, as is tradition with all South African parts. Frank would do that Netflix thing at the beginning, you know, when they keep the bit in where he's going, can you hear me okay? Is the mic on?

Yes, yes. They always keep that in, don't they? Pretty rude. Anyway, sorry. I was sitting on a train to Cornwall, and I was sat next to an elderly and very well-dressed gentleman, where there's a level of dressing well where you think, this is a person of some status.

And he was sort of peering at his laptop and fiddling for a while, and eventually he turned to me and said, in a very sort of cut-glass voice, could you help me get on the internet? I have some e-mails to check. He pronounced the hyphen in e-mails. Oh, OK. Can I just say, could you give me his number?

Right, this is my idea. How do you pronounce the hyphen in email? He would have found it. Do you know, he would have found a way. And I had to sort of half take his laptop from him and get him on the train Wi-Fi.

And in so doing, of course, I was filling in his details. So I got his name. Okay. And you know there's a drop-down menu where you select your title? Yes. And sometimes they can be very elaborate. And you go, Captain?

Captain Reverend? And he was scrolling all the way down and very carefully selected, Sir. Okay. So I thought, okay, I'm sat next to a knight. Oh. I'm a squire. I'm sat next to, I'm a knight's internet squire. Right.

Oh, he was a sir. Yeah. So I thought, oh, okay. And I made a note of his name. So I got him online and then we had some light chat about him saying, I haven't been on a train since the 80s, I think. Oh, wow. He said, normally I drive everywhere

because you're your own master then, aren't you? I thought, yes, that's true. And while he was busy sort of checking his emails, I thought, I'm looking this guy up. Can I say, what sort of age are we talking? I would have said minimum 80. Oh, fabulous. That's ideal for me.

Just what I need. I don't know if you can top the fact that he had a laptop. Who's that old? Yes. Yeah. So go on. Well, so I Googled him. How did you Google him?

Just look up sir. No, because I saw his name name when he was filling in the form. Okay. And I was helping him fill in the form. Helping him him identity stealing and i used my phone to uh to google who he was which he immediately said it's funny isn't it you can get that on your phone without joining some sort of club but i have to type all this into my laptop anyway i'm going to leave this as a cliffhanger. Yeah. So here we've got a picture sitting next to the mysterious knight.

Oh. We have Pierre Googling to see who he is, and we'll find out after this. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. So listen, Pierre Nivelle is on a train with an old knight. Wow. 7-8-2, 7-3-2, I do apologise.

What a cliffhanger. Please, please, please let Pierre's travelling companion, new Smith song there, obviously it's Morrissey Smith, have been Sir Tim Berners-Lee. OK? Oh. Because we're waiting to know who the sir was. I don't know if Pierre will be able to...

What are you wanting? I'm wanting David Furnish to come in and say, come on, this is our stop. I'll tell you what I'm wanting. I'm wanting... And his wig kept tipping into my lap. The 80-year-old Pierre... To have my details, please.

That's just what I'm after. You don't have any guesses of who it could be. I'm thinking, you see, I think with this sort of thing, he sounds fabulous. I suspect he's a hereditary Pierre, though. See, I called him Pierre. A hereditary Pierre. Okay.

I've got a feeling he sounds a bit, you know I often speak of the elderly gentleman my father encountered, Frank, who famously said when someone commented on an antique grandfather clock, I believe it was, of his. Do you remember what he said? Of course, he said, fellow noticed me things.

Yes. He sounds like he has something of the fellow noticed me things, this chap. Okay, so come on. Yes. He sounds like he has something of the fellow notice me things this chap. Okay, so come on. It would be a terrible tragedy in some ways

if it was Tim Berners-Lee who invented the internet. Yeah. Couldn't get on it. Having to take my help. That would be really awful. I didn't mean

for it to be like this. Oh man, the sorceress of Francis. Frankenstein wants me. It's gone out of my control. I'm guessing it wasn't him, then. No, no. In fairness, I would have been surprised if anyone had guessed it correctly, but...

Okay. Sneakily, as this wonderful old fellow, old knight, checked his emails, I thought, here we go. I googled away, and it was none other than Sir Ivan John Lawrence Casey, King's Council. And by the way, someone has gone through all of Wikipedia changing all the QCs to Casey's, a long day for them.

Oh, they're King's Council now. Oh, of course. Someone had to take a day off work to sort that problem out. So Sir Ivan Lawrence represented over 90, he defended over 90 murder cases. Whoa. Including a few notable trials, e.g. the Cray twins, Dennis Nielsen.

Oh, he'd be lovely. I'm not because of that. I'm just saying I like the work he does. He backs an outsider, Casey. Oh, he'd be lovely. I'm not because of that, I'm just saying I like the work he does. He backs an outsider, Casey. Oh, he also says Casey, not his name. What's his name again? Ivan. Ivan, yeah. Ivan, yeah.

Ivan's outsider. He's a chancer. What I like is that he wouldn't be judgmental in our relationship. No, he knows. He'd cut me some slack. The Mount Nessing silver bullion robbery and the Brinkman's gold bullion money laundering. He loves a bit of a bullion case, this guy.

Yeah. A lot of murders. It's odd because if you said to me, what is bullion? I think I'd struggle to come up with a proper definition. But we are bullion. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of bullion stuff. Does it mean like gold stuff?

Yeah. Gold bars, so that bullion. I believe so. Okay. Unsort of minted precious metals, I think.

Unminted? I think coins are coins, aren't they? Okay, yeah. Not to be too controversial. So probably ingots. Yes. Let's say,

I mean, I'd like to imagine, but yes, I sat next to a guy who had not only met, but worked with the Craig twins. Yeah, wow. You know what? He's probably quite a sympathetic chap.

Do you know what I mean? He'd have to be. Because he'd have to listen to people and not rush to judgment. He was quite amusing as well about the train food. Was he? Yeah. They sort of come around. We were sitting in first class, of course.

Yes, of course. To be sat next to a knight, you have to pay. Yeah. And he very demurely accepted the egg and tomato sandwich instead of the hot option.

And after I'd finished the hot option, he looked over at me and said, was it edible? Oh. Well, you just said it. Yeah.

Oh, do you know I love him. But he could tell that I was a man who would have eaten it anyway. Oh, what a year. Well, that's, don't you, you didn't broach it. You couldn't really because then you'd have to say you Googled him. I saw the amount of trouble he'd had with the internet and I thought it might be unnerving to immediately say, so, Sir Ivan, the crate wins.

You didn't want to break the air. You could spring up stuff like if he passed you something, oh, thanks a bullion. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 8.12.15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Hmm. My dad has decided to bypass that instruction, Frank, and text me directly regarding the show. Oh! Is your dad in the Isle of Man? He certainly is.

Okay. He certainly is. In his croft. Oh, nice. Pear Novelli. Yes. As a participier. I love a bit of Pear Novelli.

That's good. That's good. So he writes in regarding the changing of QC to KC Okay. on the Wikipedia. Douglas Shaw QC

was a crusty old barrister in Durban in South Africa and an Oxford classicist. And when South Africa became a republic in 1961, they made everyone change to SC, Senior Council, from, you know, a monarchical one. Yeah. The Minister of Justice instructed Shaw to change his moniker. And he replied, by what authority does the minister seek to override the letters patent awarded to me by Her Majesty? And he remained a QC till his death in 2013. Oh, wow. Lovely news.

What a posh, tough man. Is Per Novelli in the, is he in the legal area? Yes. Oh, I knew he would be, Frank. I just knew it. Okay. So I've got something I'd like to discuss with you. Is he in the legal area?

Sounds like some terrible question at a meeting at a magazine publisher's. Yes. Is he in the legal area? And he is in the legal area. Yes, yes, I've checked checked that I think it's quite hard since Bouquet being impressed by the daughter's

boyfriend is he in the legal area well it's like not knowing any of the job titles it's like our dog clipper

who said yes and obviously I'll do the hygiene area I would say that was the absolute opposite it's really the

hygiene area especially in the case of the dogs I mean the amount of leaves absolute opposite. It's really the opposite. Especially in the case of the dogs. I mean, the amount of leaves Ray gets in that area. Really? Oh, it's a real problem. Because he's very close to the ground. Oh, of course.

It's like me. But I don't get leaves. He's like a Eubank sweeper. Listen, I need to talk to you both about Dr. Coffee. Dr. Coffee. Oh, yes. Ther to you both about Dr Coffee. Dr Coffee. Oh, yes, Therese. Therese Coffee. Yes, who is the new health minister, is that what they're called?

I'm a bit obsessed by Dr Coffee. Are they health minister or health secretary? I think they're still health secretary. Health secretary. Yeah. Deputy, yeah. She, Deputy... Leader. Deputy leader. And health secretary deputy yeah she deputy leader I quite like Dr Coffee

mainly because she's a health secretary who's a proud cigar smoker yes different and unlikely potential cover star for our favourite magazine

Cigar Aficionado yes yeah I bet they get her on there bumper edition do you know who

well we know can you guess who the three I mean they always have a bit of Stallone Selick that's normally their area

James Woods as well yeah I'm guessing Arnie. You smoke a cigar. Yes. Been on the most covers, I think. Oh, really?

At Selleck then. Anyway. I've tried. I remember Jonathan Ross gave me an enormous cigar at his house once. That sounds about right. I think I threw up for over two hours Oh my god In his bathroom

But he got some great photos on the wall Presumably because you smoked the cigar Not just at the offer No, every time I tried a cigar or a pipe I vomited Oh my word Well good for you in a way So she won't be on Cigar Aficionado

But she might be on the UK version. I think it's called Cigar Scene. Oh. Anyway, have you heard... And she's got a good chance of the tablet as well, which is the Catholic Journal. Oh, is she one of yours, Frank? She is, yeah.

Oh, Frank, isn't that lovely for you? It is, but she's also like a massive, keen defender of the Rupert Murdoch dynasty and various other... Yes. Anyway... She's definitely problematic in a number of areas. However... What I have heard about her is she is a fanatical hard worker,

that she's one of those who's the last to leave the office. She's also a fanatical grammarian. Ah. Which I think we need to discuss, because I know you might differ on some issues, but she's a bit of a git when it comes to punctuation. So I think she might be a friend for you, Frank. I wanted to quote, then, there's a poem called

A Grammarian's Funeral by Robert Browning. And he says something about he introduced us, and it's something like the eclectic day, and it's some sort of Latin grammar. It's about a bloke who gave his life to these minor, minor, obscure grammars. I sort of respect that. Frank, the producer's got a clipboard out. I've never actually seen that before. Oh, minor, obscure grammatical... I sort of respect that. Frank, the producer's got a clipboard out. I've never

actually seen that before. Oh God, this is your life. We're talking about Dr. Coffee this morning, and Dr. Coffee has been in the news, as I say, because because of her i'm going to call it obsession with the oxford comma let me say something about the oxford comma and i think this is a phenomenon that might have a name and if it's got a name tell me what it is but i i knew

what the oxford comma was just for anyone who doesn't. It's when you get something like, if there was pigs, sheep and cows in a field, you'd go pigs, sheep and cows. But some people add another comma, so they'd go pigs, sheep, and cows. And you would say, we don't need a comma if we've got an and. And you'd be right. Well, that's the argument. Now say, we don't need a comma if we've got an and. And you'd be right. Well, that's the argument.

Now, I knew some people added a comma. I didn't know it was called the Oxford comma till about three weeks ago when I read it somewhere in a different context. And I thought, oh, that's what they call that comma. Then I heard about Therese Coffey saying she was anti the Oxford Common. I thought, how weird.

I'd never heard of it called that before. And then I was watching a panel show last night and they had a question about the Oxford Common. And I think there must be a name for that phenomenon when you've never heard of anything and when you do hear of it, it starts happening all the time. He has put his hand up, which is adorable. Ooh, me, sir.

Yes. Fulfilling my role as a guy who knows things. It's the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Oh, yes, it is. It's one of its names. There's a few names. So that's because no one had heard of Baader-Meinhof and then... Suddenly every news story

seems to be about the Baader-Meinhof group. There's a lot of information which has to do with you are just more cognizant of it, therefore you are more aware of it. Yeah. So you think you're hearing it all the time. You probably heard it just as much, but you didn't know what it was. That's the theory, but I just think a phrase like the Oxford comma, I would want to know what that was.

That is surprising that you hadn't come across it and then you were barraged with it. Yes. Anyway. I mean, she actually uses very strong language. that you hadn't come across it and then you were barraged with it. Yes. Anyway. Theresa's, I mean, she actually, she uses very strong language. I abhor the Oxford comma. I refuse to use it. She then said, because this was, she was actually giving out directives to,

was it the NHS, I believe, saying. Or her ministry. Or her ministry, but it was saying, you know, this will not be used in official context. Okay. She also said, I cannot bear it and constantly remove it. And then she said something which you don't often hear these days at the end, rant over. Nice. Which is very Points of View 1978. Rant over.

But there is a self-awareness about that which is sort of I've gone off I've gone off on one here but you know I've said it so if you said to me who's your favourite

comedians and I said let's say well I'd have to say Frank Skinner if I said Laurel and Hardy and Groucho Marx

would you put a comma after Hardy and before the and okay oh interesting Laurel and Hardy and Grouch end. Okay, look. Oh, interesting. Laurel and Hardy and Groucho Marx.

That's difficult. Yeah, it's difficult. Well, I'll let you gentlemen talk about this while I go off pounding my nose. I think you'll be excusing me for the day. Dr. Coffey also instructed the civil servants. Remember, this has come from a woman initially. Yeah, that's it. Dr. Coffey also instructed the civil servants. Remember, this has come from a woman initially. Yeah, that's it. Dr. Coffey also instructed the civil servants under her command to, quote,

be positive. And there's nothing quite like being instructed to be positive, I find, to really lift your mood. I like it best when someone from SASRU Toughenhoff says to me, be positive. No, I find generally with the NHS, I'm looking to be negative, if at all possible. Oh, dear.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, if you were friends with Therese Coffey, would you struggle a bit to cease coffee jokes? cease coffee jokes well there was another um therese coffee story when she was being interviewed by nick ferrari the well-known car thief and um her phone went off did you hear this story and it um i really wanted it to be coffee and TV, but I just love the idea that you would have a personal. I must have told you I was in mass once on a Sunday morning and my phone went off. And that's terrible. But it was also three lions, which is like the most embarrassing. That makes you look awful. I know. It's so arrogant. I know there was no forgiveness in the air,

even in a Catholic church. Did your priest say afterwards, well, I think I'll kick us off? No, he didn't. I'm happy. He probably didn't recognise it. But anyway... So she did, she was listening to,

yeah, she was interviewed by Nick Ferrari and it was, did you see this? It was a bit, oh, I loved it. I was so shocked. Still dry. But what happened? Yeah, it was, did you see this? It was, oh, I loved it. I was so shocked. Still Dre. But what happened? Yeah, it was still Dre by Dr. Dre. Yes.

Now, could it possibly have been an I'm cool stunt? I did wonder if it was, or a bit of a time-wasting distraction. Three minutes of fun chat about not forgetting about Dre, replacing at least one awkward question. Well, she said a curious response, because Nick Ferrari, thanks for the tip, as you say, Frank, said, have you got a phone ringing?

Right. Impromptu Nick Ferrari impression there. Yeah. And coffee said, do apologize it's my i've just realized it's my my eight o'clock alarm going off and i felt as ferrari should have pursued that yeah because what is the like the eight o'clock alarm is a thing we all have the next question for what purpose yes that's the next question you don what purpose? Yes. That's the next question. You don't just have, oh, it's eight o'clock. Good to know.

Yeah. No one says that a lot. And if you're a famously workaholic minister, you're presumably up rather earlier. Well, it might be time to go home. Yes, exactly. Oh, you've got to pick a criminal barrister, comma, sir, rather.

Sir Ivan, I picked up, he rubbed off on me. Yeah, by osmosis, sitting too close to Sir Ivan. But I just have questions. Concerning the 8 o'clock alarm, Frank, for a start, I'm going to have a lot of questions about coffee anyway. I'd have thought she'd have had her ringtone as a strange brew by cream if she was going to be Dr. Coffee. But I thought, if you wanted to be cool and you're Therese Coffee,

you're probably not going to know something that's really up to date. So Dr. Dre is a reasonable place to go. She also, when it goes off, she said, oh, that was Dr. Dre. I thought, are you all right? We get it. And I think, I don't have any, I will say this of Therese Coffey, I don't have any grounds for this. Oh, stop staring.

But I did, I did. It just sounds, it's quite cool for her to be known to have a Dr. Dre ringtone. Good press. At the end of this. And Dr. Dre is still, be the name still running the game, as I don't think she'd be able to quote. I wish Nick Ferrari had pulled that off. So what other Dre stuff do you like?

I wish she'd said, I'm a massive Dre fan. Let's talk about it. And then she got out these pictures of Dre horses delivering beer barrels. It's all gone very messy. Anyway, at the end, I'm going to say after this break, I'm going to ask you guys what your ringtone is, so you better be ready. We're doing our ringtones now

and we've made sure that no one... I'm very aware of people on the telly carefully arranging their bookcases to make them look cleverer. No, what I liked is Frank... I've got two... Jen said Anna Millennial working on the show and I said, how do I find where this is?

And Frank said, with a great deal of authority, you go to Sounds and Haptics. I don't know what haptics are but I know sounds and haptics Do you know what? I don't ever want to know and I like it. Oh I wish. If anyone can tell me what a haptic is I'd be very good. And if anyone

says it's three goals in the same game I'm going home. I've got mine open Can I just get verification? There has been no tampering with this. No, okay. Let's hear it. Novelli I can't vouch for because he's on his own. God knows what he's doing over there.

Okay? Okay. Shall we start? Ringtone? Right. I will say, as a millennial, the idea of having your phone off silent is obscene to me and I would rather have a loose grenade in my pocket

than a phone that's set to ring. Okay. When you ring them, the millennials, the Gen Z go, what's wrong? Yeah. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. We won't get it all in in this way.

Okay. You go first, Pierre. All right, here we are. It's the A-team. Yes, it is. Yeah. It's the A-team. Yes, it is. Yeah. It's the A-team theme. Very, very nice.

So that's your ringtone? Yes. So you see your place in comedy. Okay. Mine's quite boring, but I think we should just go with what I've got. Okay? Standard.

Oof. Me? Me? A swan? Go on. Okay. Frank Skinner. Here we go.

Of course. Oh, for God's sake. We go to the mid-light on this. Wait for it. Here it comes. Good lord. Yes. I can make up for my ringtone, Frank.

Okay. I like to think with this, with my text tone. Oh, Chewy. Yeah. Oh, is that what that was? That's Chewbacca, yeah. Oh, okay. That's in honour of my dog, yeah. Oh, okay.

That's in honour of my dog. I thought it was a ritual of slaughter of cattle. Frank, can I just say, do you have the swoosh facility? No, I always walk like this. Oh, my goodness. Now, what is it? What is the swoosh facility? What a band name that would be. Well, if you're sending email, you can have the option.

Do you want it to go... Oh. As it departs? Oh, yes. I like that. Or do you not like to... I love to know. I love the sound of the airmail.

I like to... I enjoy that noise. I'm going to go... I think what I'm going to do is when i get an email arrive i'm gonna get the trapped hello for my thing hello hello get that come on that would work perfectly wouldn't it This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So, I've just been debating whether Therese Coffey, the health minister, deliberately set off a Dr. Dre alarm on Nick Ferrari's show to sound cool.

Stop Dre. Yeah, I think it's possible. If you were to do a list list I must say one of my worst being calls is I met Ricky Wilson of what are they called? Eyes of Chiefs and I said I really like that song of yours

Judy Judy Judy Judy and I gave it some I didn't just say it Judy Judy Judy Judy and he just say it. Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy. And he said, thanks. It's Ruby, but thanks. I like that you chose somebody else's 1960s name.

Judy. I think I got it from the Zachary Grant film when he says, oh, Judy, Judy, Judy. I think that was all mixed up. Well, he says he's responsible for the spate of rubies. But...

One of the most common names, I think, in the 90s, 2000s. I like to think Kenny Rogers kicked that off. I like the phrase spate of rubies. Yeah, the spate of rubies. That sounds like a Ryder Haggard novel. Yes. Or quite Anthony Horowitz, I think. Frank, what about,

we've had some people getting in touch with their ringtones, but back to Frank in the studio. No, I was just thinking of unlikely, I wouldn't have her down as a Dre fan. Maybe that's me stereotyping. No, I wouldn't either. And, you know, occasionally,

like I was at a Lou Reed gig and I met former Hampshire batsman Mark Nicholas and I thought I would not. I did not expect. And I was at a gig once and there was a bloke, I mean, he was honestly one of the, I mean, he's about, he could have been Sir Ivan. I think we call those blokes friend of Pierre.

Yeah, and he said to this woman, he said, of course, I'm an enormous fan of Sonic Youth. Said, I've seen them perform many times. I'm a tremendous fan of fabulous work. What? What? How could this be happening? Also, you're...

Sonic Youth. It's quite a good game is to imagine a band that doesn't have a single ennobled fan. Yeah. I've always enjoyed the dead Kennedy. I've always enjoyed Frank's mother-in-law being very into, not just being very into placebo, but didn't she go on holiday?

She went to Nicaragua with Brian Malco, the lead singer. I mean, we don't talk any... I think we should just leave that story there. Frank, do you want to know a few of these ringtones? Yes. So we have Pauline Atkins, Tom Jones and Keris Matthews, Baby It's Cold Outside. David of Partick has the Rockford Files theme tune.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Yes, very good. The amount of people who ask, what's that tune? I really recognise it. Not Frank. No, not Frank. He knew immediately.

Jonathan Joe, the Vision On theme, Left Bank 2. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I think that was Gallery, actually. Yeah. The Gallery section. Steve Huckfield, Public Image by P.I.L. Oh, yeah, I don't remember how that goes.

It's a little revolutionary for us. And then... Is that This Is Not A Love Song? Or maybe that's This Is Not A Love Song. Frank, you know how you find something about Bruce Springsteen really makes you laugh? Yeah. Something about Johnny Rotten trying to sound hard when he's singing really makes you laugh. Yeah. Something about Johnny Rotten trying to sound hard when he's singing really makes me laugh.

I'm sorry. Doing that forgot me. Myself and Glenn Moore, also of this parish, have a running joke where we try and sing about banal things in a Johnny Rotten style. Okay. And my one is going to the garden centre.

You can buy a coffee and a cake, a shed and a rake. That's it, we'll end on that. Fabulous. So, thanks for listening to us this morning. Thanks, Pierre. Always great to see you. Even in shorts. The morning. Thanks, Pierre. Always great to see you. Even in shorts.

The Guardian. So, if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.