The Frank Skinner Show - Austerity Clipboard

Episode Date: October 29, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Pierre Novellie. This week Frank has been to a guitar shop, Pierre has been to the British Museum and the team discuss pollical lecterns.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novella. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk So Jerry Lee Lewis died. I know the papers are going to be... via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. So, Jerry Lee Lewis died. I know the papers are going to be... Can I say, can I read you the BBC obituary? Please.

Jerry Lee Lewis, colon, a toxic cocktail of scandal and violence. Oh, my God. What happened to RIP? They've learnt their lesson, haven't they? He's not going to get to affectionate documentaries. I think they just say that of everyone now, just to be safe. Yeah, exactly.

Just to be safe. I have to say, of course, we all love the BBC, but they completely destroyed Strictly Come Dancing last week with their terrible 100th anniversary. They had people dancing to, like, the casualty theme. Oh, no. Oh, stop it. I turned it off, Frank, and I thought,

what on earth is going on? They were dancing to, like, News 24 and things. That's one of them. I remember Jed Mercurio, who wrote Line of Duty, telling me that in the RAF, or just in flying general, I wish I could remember the term. Someone out there might know it. But sometimes a plane will fly into a mountain

because there's two people in the cockpit. And one thinks, well, he'd say anything if we're going to really fly into the mountain. And the other one thinks, well, she'd say anything if we're going to think. And then you really fly into the mountain. And the other one thinks, well, she'd say anything if we're going to think. And then you just fly into the mountain. And I think that they had the meeting about dancing to TV themes and nobody said anything and they just carried on

and they just crashed into the mountain. Let's celebrate our 100th anniversary by destroying our most popular show. Did any of them work, Frank, the dancers? Without doubt, the worst Strictly Come Dancing episode I've ever seen in my life. What was the worst one? The worst? Well, you know, I love the Doctor Who theme,

but it's quite hard to Charleston to it. And they had to... Oh, they danced to the Blue Peter theme and diddle, diddle, oh, you know. Anyway,

look, I know a lot of people out there don't watch Strictly but you should watch that one because sometimes when stuff's really embarrassing it's good to watch. Jerry Lee Lewis,

who died, I have to say, I was, I saw him about 20 times live from Wembley to Memphis Tennessee

I saw him did you I saw him in Memphis before it was a big Lennox Lewis fight I think it might have been Lewis Holyfield

in Memphis I think it was Holyfield very lovely peak 90s fixture there and we went to see Jerry Lee

the night before. And he spent the first ten minutes moaning about how much boxes get paid compared to what he got paid. Really going on about it. A toxic cocktail. I saw him arrive at a gig in Cheltenham. Yeah, were you watching Top Gear beforehand? He was in a convertible Cadillac with enormous cow horns on the front.

Like a cartoon. Yeah, he was a bit of a cartoon. Massive cigar about a foot long. Wowee. Like I say, he was a bad man. I had the chance to meet him in Memphis, and I said no. Because I think if he shoots at me retrospectively

that's going to spoil my enjoyment of his music did he do that quite often to people? he did a bit of shooting at people I think he threatened Dennis Quaid with a gun when he played him in the film Elvis did that a lot didn't he? that's another one of your heroes well Jerry Lee

crashed his car into the gates at Graceland, got out waving a car, drunk, I think, and shouted, come on out, Elvis, and we'll see who's the king of rock and roll. Oh, my God. Anyway, enough Jerry Lee Lewis. I thought you were agreeing to the obituary. He's ramming the gates of heaven now.

Yes. Come on out, God. the obituary he's ramming the gates of heaven now yes I'm on a outgoal he is yeah we'll see who's god there's one more there's a

great you know when they this week they've released Revolver the Beatles album

and there's quite a bit of them talking on it you know before the track plays and there's one in Sun Recording Studios. I had a box set. Mark Lamar, the comedian, recorded an entire CD box set onto cassettes for me of Jerry Lee Lewis. And you hear him talking to Sam Phillips, the boss of Son Records, about how they're all going to burn in hellfire

for making music like this, including himself. Sort of stuff I don't imagine Ed Sheeran's chewing the fat about in the studio. Anyway, Jeremy Lewis, I'll miss him if no-one else does. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Boys, can I ask, actually, specifically you, Frank, I'll miss him if no one else does. Boys, can I ask, actually, specifically you, Frank. Mm-hm. You were talking about ramming the gates of heaven.

I was. Earlier. That was to Pierre, by the way. Yes. As is my want. Yes. Yes. I think that was off air.

In a hushed whisper. Exactly, beautiful, poetic turn of fries there. Anyway, carry on. And I have a question. Excuse my ignorance in advance, but I always think it's better to fess up, and I know you'll approve of fessing up, Frank. OK.

You know, people often, as soon as you said that, I immediately thought of St Peter. And then I realised I only ever associate him with jokes about the gates of heaven. And I know nothing of the man. Why is he, is he a bit of an ambulance chaser? Why is he only present at the gates of heaven? That question to Frank Skinner. I think it's because the Nazarene, Jesus, sort of gave him the keys. That was the idea.

So his symbol is the crossed keys. So because you've got the keys, I think the presumption is that you'll be at the gate. I mean, it's not the best job, is it? Doorman. No. Yes, he's essentially a bouncer. Yeah, exactly. That's what they got him doing, door work.

To be fair, his nickname is Rock. Yeah. He was obviously the toughest guy in the game. That is true, but I can't see him in a tan leather bomber jacket with a shirt and tie. Hey, Rocky, you're going to be on the door. No, he was the top man, and now he's the gatekeeper. I can see you in a tan leather jacket, though.

In fact, I have seen it. Yes, you have. That is true. Yeah, but I'm a very unique individual. So I went to what I did, and this is something I think a lot of absolute listeners might recognise. I went to a guitar shop, something I haven't done for a long time. When I was a teenager, I mean, every Saturday we went to guitar shops

with no money, but we just looked at guitars. And I went in and I think the same bloke who was playing in a Birmingham guitar shop in 1972 was in the one I went in, still playing the guitar. You've got to have real chutzpah to play a guitar in a guitar shop, I think. What, do you mean was this person a customer? Yeah, customers go in and they sort of try a guitar. I'll tell you what was really annoying,

then another bloke came in and started trying a bass guitar and they weren of try a guitar. I'll tell you what was really annoying. Then another bloke came in and started trying a bass guitar and they weren't playing the same. I thought, come on, don't you compliment each other? Or don't play? Create a magical moment. Yeah, that was great. There was a bloke doing like lead runs and then a bass. But hang on, they're just playing this in the middle of a store.

Yeah, it's like you trying a coat on. It is very much not like that. It really is, they're trying. I don't disturb other people's quiet. I mean... Well, they're all... I say no one who... I mean, I wish I had the guts to get one on and then just play. Like, I was in a Chinese takeaway,

and the man behind the counter said are you Frank? And I said yes and he said what do you think of this shirt? No, no, he didn't mean Frank, he meant my name Frank and he said

he said you play, no he said are you Frank? And I said... Blankety-blank. He said, you play... No, he said, are you Frank? And I said, yes. And then he reached underneath the counter. Oh, Jerry Lee Lewis. And we'll complete this after this break. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

The man in the Chinese takeaway reached underneath the counter, having established that I was called Frank, and took out a ukulele. No. Yeah. And he said, I'm learning ukulele, will you play? And I played, and I could see real disappointment. I mean, real.

And he said, I am currently learning the song Autumn Leaves. I said, OK. He said, do you know it? La, la, la, la. I said, I know it. And then he went, la, la, la, la. I said, I know it. I do know it.

So he's one of the new, obviously one of the new obviously one of the new breed who learned the melody line whereas us George Formby's we just bang it as hard as we can and strung the hell out of it and I really it was really like he thought I was going to play some fabulous melody

and nothing came out that's why I don't pick up guitars in guitar shops goodnight whenever I've seen people playing the guitar, possibly in a park, it does happen sometimes, on a bench, it always seems to be Bad Moon Rising.

Yes. Why is that? Well, it used to be, traditionally, of course, Stairway to Heaven, people used to play in guitar shops. But Bad Moon Rising, yeah an it's quite an easy chord sequence is it could be oh do you know i love do you know i suddenly felt quite impressed by you that you knew about the chord seat did you the phrase chord sequence i thought there's

going to be some technical stuff coming in i wasn't disappointed I saw you as a bit of a muso Frank just for a second I tell you they had banned stickers, I don't mean stickers that had been banned, I mean with banned logos on them and I recognised them because

Buzz had got, you can buy a job lot off the internet and you get a hundred for, I think it's eight quid. And they were selling the same stickers two quid each. I mean, two quid each, as they say at Hogwarts. I thought that was a scandal. They had plectrums, handcrafted plectrums 12 queen what how much should they be these things pound if that yeah it's a plectrum you know you usually drop drop it halfway anyway that's enough

oh one other thing i did think of what i've noticed that both these blokes had leads in their guitars because they were electric and and they were straight leads now we our headphones are the old traditional curly oh yes lead which i find very handy for extension i don't think the curly i think the curly leads gone slightly out of fashion well i tell you it reminds me a bit of 1970s businessman arranging his affair on the landline. Well, it reminds me of the smoke that comes out the chimney in children's drawings.

It's got that lovely feel to it. The curly lead has gone out of fashion. It has, hasn't it? As with female movie stars' hairdos. What, is that not curly anymore? Very few perms, and you watch a film from the 80s or early 90s,

there's always big perm, curly hair. I don't know if the curly lead ever was fully utilised. What else do you see? Security men have them at the ear, but there's a tiny curly lead.

I'm not really counting it. Yes, they were almost, I would go so far as to say they were fetishised in the 80s. Yes. There was a vogue for the coloured plug lead. Do you remember this? In the curly mode. Oh, yes. I remember my best friend Jane, her father Stu.

You're familiar with his work. In his office. Oh, it was an 80s haven, white tiling everywhere with curly coloured plug leads. There might have been a red or a blue or a pink. It was an accessory. It was a height of fashion with very curly leads on them. Well, where would you expect to find a curly lead? These days? Well, where would you expect to find a curly lead? These days?

15. Speaking of smoke coming out of chimneys, I'll ask you this. I need to read the manual to see if I can even bring this up. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank? Uh-huh? Elon Musk has tweeted,

comedy is now legal on Twitter. See you now. Oh, OK. OK. I'd like to... How do you feel about that? I'd like to do a series of interviews on the telly a la Louis Theroux's thing now and call it Billionaires...

I know. And then interview and just let them be strange. That's good. They are strange. Is that how you get rich, is to be strange? Or does being rich make you strange? 8, 12, 15. Very good.

Frying. So here's my question. Sorry. You know, in cowboy films, when you see Native Americans doing smoke signals, is that a real thing or was that just invented by Hollywood? Pierre might know this. I think it's a real thing for some groups,

but not because, you know, there's so many different tribes. But how does it... You put the blanket over there. No, I know how you do it, but, I mean, how do you do letters and words and stuff? I think there would be more just sort of distress signals and stuff, I don't think. OK.

But how would you form the shapes? Is that what you're asking, Frank Skinner? Well, I know it's usually the blanket over the smoke, but, I mean, you couldn't say... It couldn't be Morse code. You couldn't do... It's usually the blanket over the smoke

in films I was just thinking when we were talking about that curly smoke that comes out the chimney in kids or joined up writing as the Native Americans

no I just wondered if it was real or if I think it'll be sort of like dots and that's a distress signal or a war signal

but I don't know how complex the messages can get. No. If there's anyone out there who speaks smoke signal, I'd love to hear from them. So, what else? A couple of things. 466, lovely curly lead on Paul Simon's bass on the... Oh, Paul Simenon's.

Does he mean... Isn't it... Paul Simenon was the Clash, yes. I thought it said... In fairness, before I saw the Clash, that was a forgivable mistake. It's never occurred to me before that Paul Simenon sounds a bit like Paul Simon. Yes.

You'd think that would have occurred to me, but it didn't. I didn't see the Clash, so I thought there was a typo. I do apologise. Lovely curly lead on Paul Simenon's bass on the't see the Clash so I thought there was a typo. I do apologise. Lovely curly lead on Paul Simenon's bass on the cover of the Clash's London Calling. Much coveted by me when I was wee.

That's from Rory. I think it sort of felt like it was like when I first saw the umbrella hat and I thought the handheld umbrella is done. I think when I saw the curly and I thought the handheld umbrella is done. I think when I saw the curly lead, I thought, well, that's it for straight wire. Yeah. And no, didn't take it on.

We've also heard, I mean, I don't know if I can even single this one out because, Pierre, it's fair to say it's been overwhelming. So this might be something that we'll have to uh come to again later in the show which is chai gate oh yeah now last week we um discussed a um a cafe in um preston in l Lancashire and it was called Chai Stop because they specialised in chai, the popular drink from the Asian subcontinent

so I said I wasn't happy with Chai Stop and I think my own suggestion and I will repeat it was because it was a place that thrived on politeness I think we should give us a bit of an, because it was a place that thrived on politeness. Let's just, I think we should give this bit of an introduction, because it was certainly unforgettable, what Frank came up with.

This is Frank Skinner, comedy legend. Someone would say one of the greatest comedians of his generation. All right. I'm not interrupting this bit. Stick around. This is what he came up with. So this is for a very polite place that sells chai. It should be called...

Chivalry. It wasn't one of my best. I'm not going to pretend it was. But we did have some very good ones from Outsidey Worldy but then the one I noticed that I elected the winner which was Chai A Little Tenderness

was actually the headline in the Daily Mail so I felt that I I remember once I judged the only time I judged a stand upup competition because i follow the advice um judge you not for us you judge so shall ye be judged and the guy was much better than the other so when we got into the with the judges one of whom was janet street porter i think i said well there's only one person in this. He's brilliant.

And so he won, and I had my photo took with him and all that. And then after I saw... Ooh, I think it was Mark Lamar, second mention of the morning. I saw him in the bar, and he said, I can't believe you gave it to that bloke. And then he told me where all the jokes had been stolen from. Oh. So what can you do?

You can't check everything, can you? Well, Frank, I'll just leave you with this. A little trailer here. Danny Tolhurst has got in touch. First line of his tweet, I've been thinking about chivalry all week. I'm sorry about that. Who is it from?

Henry VIII? It's... Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Here's a question. Do you have any idea what the perimeters of Shazam,

the app, are? By perimeters, like limitations? Yeah, well, I... When I was watching The Queen's Funeral, there was a piece of music and I thought, oh, this is a nice bit of music. So I held my phone to the telly with the Shazam...

You know the Shazam app, in case you don't know it? I don't know the identified moment yeah maybe not many people shazam looking queen's funeral respectfully john and um it wouldn't it wouldn't tell me it didn't recognize the music and my partner said oh that's because it's not like a recording it's like a live version i thought you could whistle to Shazam and it would tell you what the tune was. Is that not true? There's a Google one that you can whistle or hum to,

designed with that in mind, which is okay. You can sit and sort of try and do your best to hum famous music and see if it works or not. So you should write a review. Yeah, that's okay. Okay, so you don't know what. Yeah, that's okay. Okay. So you don't know what the perimeters of Shazam are. Well, the producer just nodded at Kath's assertion

that you couldn't do it with live music. And as she works for a radio, I'm assuming she knows her onions. We're saying live music. It's not like Bob Dylan doing Blowing in the Wind with a completely different melody. If you're doing Beethoven's Funeral March, it doesn't change much.

There's not much improvising with these guys. No, there's very little jazz. Who say these guys? You know, these military musicians. I think Shazam has often fed the waveforms of pre-recorded music and it sort of remembers them as opposed to analyzing them. Of course, you would know that. That's why I love you, Pierre.

Because you know that Shazam has fed the waveforms of music. I don't know what that means, but who cares? Who cares what that means? I love it so much I was talking about the power of literature I I saw a friend of mine and he got me a gift and it was a book called saga it's not for the elderly it's a comic book it. It's a mighty, like, omnibus edition. Like, I bet it was, I'm going to say, two and a half inches thick. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Can you convert that for us, Pierre, for our younger listener? Seven and a half centimetres, I'd say. Do you know, I find that an unforgettable measurement. I'll tell you why. That was the height. We weren't allowed at my school. We were told heels could not be higher than 2.5 inches.

Oh, OK. As a result, I'm very good at measuring heel height. I saw what you were going to say. You know, I believe some schools have eight inches above the knee skirt regulations. We had that also. God, these young women getting dressed next to some sort of the usual suspects wall chart. I was called in once because I was told, and they had to measure my shoes. They said, we think those heels are past the permitted height.

They have a slight, and I was told they have a slight kitten heel. Oh. Which they didn't. Unforgivable. They were measured, Frank. I sat there and the heel was measured. It's like in Gulliver's Travels, two warring groups, the high heels and the low heels.

Wow, that's amazing. They measured them. Of course, Emily's got the best school skirt anecdote I've ever heard. Do you want to rattle this off quickly or do you want to wait until after the break? Why don't we... Okay.

In case some of our older... If you want to trail it, Frank, maybe. I'm going to trail it. Tease it. I'm going to trail it, Frank, maybe tease it. I'm going to tease it as the best school skirt anecdote of all time. If you've got a better one, then let's hear it, guys. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. And they have. And we've heard from Ruth Jordan. Oh, every week we hear from Ruthie. And I love Ruth, but in this instance, I'm going to have to... I love Jordan.

As was. I'm going to, in the China White days, I'm going to have to say au contraire, Ruth. Oh. Because Ruth has said, I was referring earlier to the school rule I had, no pun intended, with the 2.5 inch maximum on the heel

height and Ruth has said surely Emily's school only allowed heels of 2.5 centimetres not inches. If it was 2.5 inches, I'm picturing a load of very tall 12 year olds. Now I would say Ruth, go into your wardrobe can you do that for me lovey?

Consult your boots and your block heels and sandals. Get your little tape measure out. Because I will wager that you'll find a few, surprisingly, will be coming up to that 2.5-inch mark. Pierre and Frank. This is a bit awkward if Ruth lives on Weiss Ground. Let's hope. Let's hope that isn't the case.

Regarding smoke signals, we've heard from 6002. Oh, yeah. Puff, puff, puff, puff. I get that text most days. Who is that? Who is that? Jack Tartrader says, morning all from sunny Kenya. I'm not sure if this is a mo moment or just a more general moment of clarity,

but it just came to me that eight out of ten cats could be called four out of five cats with a simple fraction reduction. I'm not sure what to do with that information. That's true, they haven't taken it down to the lowest common denominator which is something they're strangely famous for. Oh, they don't mind doing it morally but mathematically. Well, you'd have thought that, what's the

lady called called Rachel Riley she might have picked up on that it's part of some sort of NDA you mustn't mention the fresh she told me

she got a 2-1 in maths so yeah what the lady I think she might have said a 2-2 because I think

I said a 2-2 and she said Carol Vorderman got a third so yeah I think that's a very good point 4 out of 5 or no would it be? well we should really

4 out of 5 I should say Jack you should be taking issue with the cat it was a we're allowed to say who it was it was Wh whiskers yeah we're allowed to say that it was whiskers it was based on their campaign and obviously the younger generation may not be aware of that are you aware

of that yeah no there you go it was an advert it said eight out of ten cats prefer whiskers is what it used to say yeah but you know what So they basically said I'm having that. Yeah, but if one accepts some sort of concept of progress, once you've taken it, it's still all right to reduce it to the lowest common denominator. Apologies, you'll make it yours. Mm-hmm. Never mind.

Now... It's not my business. It's not my business. It's not my business. Anyway, I think it's a good observation. We've had a few... Oh, Andrew Froggatt, your Curly Lead thing... Yeah. All right.

Took me right back to getting a bass from Musical Exchange on Broad Street in 1980. That was the shop that I used to hang around in on Saturdays. I'll tell you what they had in the window for ages at musical exchanges. Dave Hill from Slade, they had his super yob guitar, which was a weirdly shaped silver thing.

Very Selfridges at Christmas time. Would you ever have the confidence to walk into a shop that sold sort of musical instruments and microphones and things, and instead of picking up the guitar and trying out Stairway, just going up to a microphone and doing some bits of stand-up to see how it sounded? Yeah, exactly. Or walking into a bookshop and...

Reading aloud. Yeah, exactly. She dwelt among the untrodden ways pretty good pretty good i quite like it beside the springs of dark yes that does sort of happen in hampstead and places like that i reckon i've never heard anyone read it out loud in a bookshop but i often do read poetry out loud to be completely legitimate for me to go and try it out in the shops, if it's all right. That would be fair. I guess you could sit down in front of a shelf of books in a bookshop

and then put Zoom on your phone. How does this look behind me? Oh, yeah. How do these look behind me? If you don't want to buy a whole bookcase, that would be crazy. No. You end up with, like, four of one book or something. Do they do that?

In bookshops still? All in a row? What's that? Have the same book three or four times because it's so popular or do you have to ask at the desk? Don't answer this because ultimately I don't care about that. Sometimes you wonder about things and then you think, does it matter, does it, if that happens?

I know the answer anyway. In fact, they only have it on the dump table. Yes, it's an unfortunate phrase, but not my choice. Yes. But they have it on the dump table. Okay. Thank you. I am leaving it there in case anyone at home is wondering

who's having their breakfast. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. When I didn't get to the bottom of was, so I was walking home alone with my book, which was two and a half inches at the spine. The saga book. And I saw some hooded youths standing on the pavement. Was that in your manner?

Yeah, and I thought thought if this goes off, I'm going to go in with the book. Because it was such a big book. I thought if I can get one good hit with this, I think, yeah, I think they could. The power of art and literature. To any passers-by, it would look like a strained metaphor. For?

Using the power of education to sort of beat away the cruel forces of ignorance. And you can imagine the friends the next day seeing the guy and saying, God, you look like you've been hit by an omnibus.

I'm sure that's exactly the reference they used. I honestly did honestly, honestly think, if this goes off, I'm going to use this book. So what happened? Nothing, they didn't. When they saw what it was. They were just mild applause as I went through.

God of honour. Golf clapping. No, they had bigger fish to fry. Did I mention that they had set up a small stove? A Calagas stove. Anyway, what about the skirt story of the century? So, yeah, picture this thing. That's its last century, I think.

Oh, dear. Are you suggesting I'm like, was it your grandmother, Frank, who remembers being at school when the teacher came in and said, girls, there's some very sad news. I'm afraid Queen Victoria has died. That's right. There you go. Oh, my word.

I love that. I love examples of my relative was so old that dot, dot, dot. So, come on. OK. Skirts dot, dot. So, come on. OK. Skirtsville, USA. Picture this in a... It's not really an adventure park, but it's the playground area,

apres school, of a park setting, specifically Highgate Wood. Lots of children, not just from my school, but from the boys' school. Stakes are high. At that age, we were trying to be a bit cool.

And I would say there was probably at least 20 to 30 children gathered. And a dog runs in. Cue much hilarity. Because the dog in the playground, it's funny. We all know that. It's a big thing. It seems to be a stray dog, a bit on the loose. Everyone's going, oh, the dog, the dog in the playground, it's funny, we all know that, it's a big thing. It seems to be a stray dog, a bit on the loose. Everyone's going, oh, the dog, the dog.

Suddenly the dog's making, showing a bit of an interest in me for some reason. Runs straight towards me. Grabs hold of my skirt in its mouth. And before I knew it, has whipped it off round my waist and run into the woods with it in its mouth because it had a wraparound style effect

and I'm stood there in my pants. Like in a farce. Like in Bucks Fizz. Yeah, like in Bucks Fizz. If I had making your mind about my fingertips,

I would have played it. But yeah, I mean, obviously... How did it come off in one go? Because it was a wraparound effect tied with a button. And if the button... So it just came straight off. I bet that dog had got a pile of skirts six foot high in its basket.

Humiliating. It's one of those stories that does make you wonder about reincarnation. Yeah. Yeah. We have some communiques from En plein air.

I don't know if I'd use it in that context. It's only really used in a dining context, isn't it? En plein air? Yeah. Does it mean outdoors, like al fresco or painting? Yeah, exactly. But it's only really, exactly. I'm not sure you can use it in the way I was.

What I was being was pretentious. There's no such word as pretentious in my vocabulary. That's why I love your vocabulary. 597. Pretentious is a word invented by stupid people to stop other stupid people just trying. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what...

I'd like that on a T-shirt. That would be great. Wouldn't you? What could they say if you wore that? Nothing is what they could say. Well, it could lead to... I'll tell you what's fallen out of favour. The concept of sued.

It was the very 70s. Oh, sued. Oh, yeah, sued's corny. I thought you meant being sued. No, that's still very much in favour. Still a risk. 597. Hi, Frank. Why not just say 80% and be done with it? That's from Simon of Sudbury.

80% of cats. Yeah, really big. You really want to know what that's about, don't you? Yes. If someone muttered it to you as they passed you on a crowded train platform, you'd certainly have questions. 80% of cats. Smiley's people yes um two because it's

one of the great television i'm having that's of all time was that eight out of ten cats and countdown yes is there any other example of a program just hijacking another one being eaten by another program yeah surely i'd like some examples if any of our readers have any. 240, also on this subject, the Whiskers advert, they've spelt it E-R-S. I believe it was A-S, wasn't it? It was. They put a twist on it.

Yeah, I think it was Gaz. The Whiskers advert had a little caveat to it, which stated... Is that the full word for cat which stated from owners who expressed a preference yes it did it didn't have that originally okay well the 240 continues frank so cats were forced to eat it really yeah and i should say our cat uh danny was in That's Life, did a test of this. Do you remember the 70s sort of consumer programme presented by Esther Ranson, That's Life? I do.

They tested it. Jack Thackeray was a weekly appear up on there. And there was Cyril, remember him? Oh, yes. They did an actual test of it. Do eight out of ten cats prefer whiskers? To what, as well? And in those days, they didn't have those sort of, you know, you say we pay rules.

They just said, they rung their friends, people on the show, and just said, can you bring your cat along? Yeah. So we did. So I believe... So your cat was on the telly? I think Esther Ransom called my dad and said, you've got a cat, haven't you? Can you bring one along? That's how we did things then. Yes. That's why they didn't call us. So your cat was on the telly? I think Esther Anson called my dad and said, you've got a cat, haven't you? Can you bring one along?

That's how we did things then. Yes, that's why they didn't call us. My cat had three legs and a clothes peg supporting the missing leg. Our cat was a Burmese with a diamante collar. That would have been a whole different show. That would have been, that would have been, that would have been, that's life, hijacking animal hospital in the same way as eight out of ten cats does canter. They would have had to say 80% of this cat is not a clothespin. Yeah, it's hard to make that theme run every week. Not that it could run the full theme. See, it was coming off as a shame.

It fought a lot. Don't fight. Anti-violence on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. 6199, regarding your Shazam queries, says, Hi Frank and team,

I also wondered what a piece of music was during the Queen's funeral. Sorry, that sounds like a real what a piece of music he is. Yeah, it was a real sort of jukebox event in lots of ways. There was some, you know, I think funereal music can be really hot stuff. Yeah, well.

I beg your pardon? They tried to use Google, which told them it was Gary Barlow and Sing, whereas it was actually Highland Cathedral by a pipe band. Yeah. It took a few tries before it got it right, Maggie and Swansea. Yeah, that's really wrong, though, isn't it? That's quite far from correct. Yeah, quite far from correct. Yeah, quite far from correct.

That'd be a good title for a rather loose with the facts autobiography. Anyway. I'm still reeling from funeral music can be pretty hot stuff. Well, you know. It's getting hard in here. What's that James Bond film where every time a funeral goes past, a secret agent gets attacked? Is it Live and Let Die?

I don't know. It feels like it is. I think it's more modern than that. It's sort of like one of those, what would it be? You know those sort of New Orleans funerals? Live and Let Die? Live and Let Die? Yeah.

It's Live and Let Die. I'm not sure. I am. There's a man on the train at the end. What time is it? It is Live and Let Die. Can our readers please confirm? By the way, Sprechen, as they say in Germany,

Sprechening of caveats, as you were earlier, and I often wear one. Whatever happened to people of a nervous disposition? We're always being warned before things on the telly. People of a nervous disposition shouldn't watch this programme. Oh, yes. Where have they gone? They're all so frightened.

They don't even watch telly at all now. They've all just burst. Yeah, exactly. They're on the roof. Why warn them? They can't see anything from up there. Well, it's changed now because it's anxiety. People will often say, because back in the day as well,

they'd say, oh, my nerves. You know, the mothers would say that a lot. Yes. Oh, my nerves. Attack of nerves. Yeah. I love people of a nervous disposition, though. Where are they?

I don't know. What's the warning now? It's a good point. That's the original trigger warning, isn't it? Was it? Well, everyone talks about trigger warnings as if they're new, but... No, no, that was around for... The nervous dispositions were around.

The original trigger warning was, of course, the red triangle, Frank. Do you recall? I don't know if that was the original, but that was... I think Channel 4 used it for... Smot. Yeah. Was that what the film was called? Whatever it was.

Where the big red triangle would appear on screen. In the corner, saying, you know, watch out. Really? Oh, yeah. If there was a film, and that was pretty much what I watched, but it meant this contains adult content, Frank, maybe? Well, they had a series called Band or something, which I anticipated with some enthusiasm.

I was going to say, I love the or something in an attempt to sound uninvolved. And then episode one was a formerly banned documentary about the miners' strike. Oh. Well, I mean... Oh, Frank! Yeah, because don't build it off and then...

You know, I'd put aftershave on and everything. Dip the lights down. Yeah. I feel we haven't spoken of your life this week. Outside these four walls. Yes. I'd like some music that would represent Pierre.

Yes. I don't know what's been happening to him. What about something that gives a flavour of the man? Okay. There's that. We used to have, I don't know if people remember, but we used to have our own sort of personal jingles for the show. This was mine.

Nevertheless. I like Simply the Best, because it's very... Do you want to hear Emily's? It's quite confident. I would like to hear Emily's. Low carb. Yes. Cheap day?

Well, for this particular, for what I've been up to, Walk Like an Egyptian would be the song of choice because I've been, Frank, to the British Museum to look at all the hieroglyphs. Oh, okay. Special exhibit at the moment about how they decoded the hieroglyphs. Oh, yeah.

I used to, there's a blue plaque um and when i used to buzz to school in the morning there's a blue plaque which refers to something it's one of those that sounds like grampus eight and it's a technical name grampus is a japanese football team it's not that. It's a technical name for a certain thing that some translator recognised. Ring any bells? Oh.

Were they two hieroglyphs? Yes. Oh. Stop, I don't like this part of the conversation. It's too tortured. I quite like it because it's slightly like when you'd often, you'd sometimes tune in, by mistake,

to BBC Two and watch those open university programmes with two professors having discussions. That's what it sounded like. So you should have had kipper ties on and you should have had beards that smelled of smoke. I wouldn't mind a kipper tie. You make us one?

Do you know what? I'm starting to look back on chivalry with misty water-coloured memories. Well, it might have been the guy... A surprising amount of the exhibit focused on there's a Frenchman and an Englishman who are sort of racing each other to decipher the hieroglyphs first

and sending each other terse letters accusing the other of being insufficiently grateful for their insights. That's what academics do isn't it? They just snipe at each other all the time. But over letter they do it so eloquently as well. They usually do it through journals

and things. Oh do they not tell them? Picky, picky, picky that's what they are. Pickypedia that's what they are. Yeah. Pickypedia, that's what they edit. Anyway, carry on. There's some great stuff there. Sincerely, one of the most amazing things

is a piece of pottery with hieroglyphs on that's from, I think, 5200 BC. That's old, isn't it? I remember looking at it and thinking, that's three and a half Christianities old. That's a great measure. What's that in inches, Emily? How many Christianities were your shoes allowed to be up in the air?

Hey, don't make me the inch monitor. All right, lads. What's that in moments? All right, lads. Hey, don't make me the inch monitor. What's that in Mormon? What's that in Mormon? All right, lads. What about the length of religions? All right, I don't want to be the length monitor either. I like that Pierre said there's some great stuff there of the British Museum.

To be fair, a lot of it they've got lent. They've got lent from bits from France, bits from Egypt, bits from Germany. Oh, Frank likes that. They've really gone for it. You love Lent, Frank. It makes a change, doesn't it? Yeah. It makes a change that they're using stuff that they plan to give back.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text the show on 8-12-15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Very nice.

Smooth. Yeah, I might get me some of those terms and conditions. Voice over jobs. Anyway, you're at the British Museum. I'm at the British Museum. I'm wandering the hieroglyphic alleyways that have been set up for the public's pleasure. Just a quick pit stop for me.

You don't strike me as one to take advantage of the guide. He's not the type, Frank, is he? I can't imagine with the audio guide. No, the audio guide. He would see that as a bit amateur. Whereas's not the type, Frank, is he? I can't imagine him with the audio guide. No, the audio guide. He would see that as a bit amateur. Whereas I would need it, frankly. I don't want to be next to a bloke, in this case Pierre, going when he doesn't

agree with their interpretation. I think he might even go, I think you're fine. Going around with a sharpie, just correcting the exhibits. He's braved it. He's braved the accent. I didn't go there, but he braved it. Respect. I'm just happy that it's in an academic context

instead of sport of violence. That's just a nice change. Anyway. So I'm going around with my pen correcting the various captions. Were all the captions in hieroglyphics? It was part of the challenge, yeah. The various captions. Yeah. And you sort of have to move. Were all the captions in hieroglyphics? It was part of the challenge, yeah. They said, let's see if you can do it.

It was cool. Oh, them little figures. Yeah, birds and hands. Yeah. You're going around, and the two things that happened of note, I'll tease the funny one, which is I overheard something. A grandmother was taking her granddaughter round the exhibit

her granddaughter was maybe 7 or 8 it was quite ambitious but you know good for her but before that obviously they have the Rosetta Stone in the British Museum which was the key to decoding hieroglyphics and is incredibly important

and I hadn't realised that it was yet another artifact that they discovered when they were just building a fort somewhere. Okay. Or pulling something down. And I did think, what is it with people all over the world and using clearly very valuable, interesting bits of stone work as chunks in a wall? You think, are there no plain rocks for you to use on a wall?

The Elgin marbles, they were in a fort as well. I know, people don't care. They just don't care. I don't care. No respect. What's the matter you hate? Gather no respect. I went to a Roman villa. Oh yes. And the guy said

there was a whole settlement around here. I said so there must be loads of artefacts around here like in the ground. And he went safest place for them. And I thought well that, well why did you dig the villa out?

That's your attitude. Leave it all then. It's probably a good point. Yeah. They are quite safe there They do fill stuff back in sometimes If it's too fiddly for the technology we have now Too fiddly for crows Yeah Sorry, there used to be a slogan

Too orangey for crows On Keora Do you remember Keora, Emily? Yeah, of course I do Okay, lovely I have to say, that's more my area Keora Yeah, aye?

So We're wandering the exhibit, and I'm maybe four or five patrons behind the grandmother and her granddaughter. Oh, when you said the grandmother, I thought that was some sort of slang. Really big B. That's in there. We call it the grandmother. Yeah. It's been in the BM for for decades so you just can't get it out it's because they built that atrium

so we're going we sort of form a semicircle around the Rosetta Stone oh how lovely Pierre the crowd sort of pools around the Rosetta Stone can I say I did have quite an emotional moment at the Rosetta Stone about three or four years ago

because my son had studied it at school. He's only like six or something. And I said, I'll take you to see it. And we went and he pushed his way through a crowd of adults and went, oh, wow, the Rosetta Stone. And virtually everyone in there went, oh. It's just really nice and keen to appreciate it.

But see, that is exactly what I was after. Right. Because I'd seen this dynamic and I thought, what I want is a heartwarming, intergenerational, educational moment. Yes. And I thought, here we go. We're standing around the Rosetta Stone, it's time. And the sort of seven or eight year old stood contemplating the Rosetta Stone, it's time. And the sort of seven or eight-year-old

stood contemplating the Rosetta Stone frowning. And the grandmother leant down on her knees. This is more like a sort of tough grandma than a loving grandma. That was her vibe, I'd say. And she pointed at it and said, do you know what that is? And the girl shook her head.

And she said, it's a very famous stone and it's not going anywhere. Oh. That was it's not going anywhere. Oh. That was it. Oh, gosh. Did she then say, now we're going to look at the Elgin Marbles? Yeah. And you'll find, same rule applies.

You'll find a theme is developing in that. It's not going anywhere. Grandma said, that's just what I need for the hole in my garden wall. Yeah. Grandma said, that's just what I need for the hole in my garden wall. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. That plaque, I found it. It's Michael Ventris. And it says, architect and decipherer of Linear B script lived here.

Which I think is one of those... That sounds like cuneiform to me. Cuneiform, you say? That's going to be my guess. What's that? It's the... Oh, is it Asrian or Babylonian script? Oh, I thought that was what they were on a cuneo-cruise.

A cuneiform. A cuneiform. Oh, that would be good. It's the shape of your body after a long cruise. It's what the people, the marshals, on the Queen line in State Q all wore. The cuneiform. Do you know what?

I've said this before and I'll say it again. I love a marshal. Don't you, Frank? The marshal, by definition, would you suggest it was a temporary role? By definition? Yes. Would you?

And for me, no tabard, no marshal. That's my motto. That's your back tattoo, isn't it? Exactly. Who's your favourite tabard wearer? Pierre, I'd like to ask you that question as well. Do you mean by name or profession? Profession.

The sort of event they work. I don't need an instant answer. I'll let you mull on that while I just share this with you. 848. Frank, was it Chedworth of which you speak? Little Roman settlement at the top of a valley near the Cotswolds. Yes. Nice mosaic floors.

That's from Matt. Yes. He says cheers. That's exactly right. I think it was Chedworth. Okay. Well done you. Dinner ladies, tabard-wise.

But do they have... Is there one across the board? I mean, perhaps. I think of it as... Is there a dinner lady across the board? Not anymore. I think of it as sort of come as you are more with the dinner lady. And also, they're called something else now, aren't they?

Almost certainly. You couldn't have dinner lady lady. And also, they're called something else now, aren't they? Oh, almost certainly. You couldn't have dinner lady. What do you feel they're called now? They're called hospitality vendors, I should imagine. Yeah, and quite right too. Yes, that's a lovely moment there. One of the Gen Z-er on the team. Yes.

I'm afraid, Sarah, there is only one now. That ship has sailed, love. Happens to us all. She has just scribbled down in a notebook, lunchtime supervisor. Really? Nice. That's very formal.

It is, yeah. Well, it would be, but that's good. I love a lunchtime supervisor. It is, yeah. Well, it would be, but that's good. I'd love a lunchtime supervisor. I would like to, I'd like to talk about a news thing and something I was very interested to see this week, which I did not.

Do you remember some time ago I was talking about what a rubbish lectern Boris Johnson used outside number 10 for various announcements. It really looked like one of those plywood, three-star hotel, corporate meeting room lecterns. It was very trouser press. I didn't know, but it turns out that every prime minister gets to design, gets to choose their own lectern. As a special perk. Yeah, and apparently at Tory Party HQ,

they keep all the lecterns as a sort of, you know, for their, I think they use them for their, they have a lot of craftwork tribute nights. And so they've got them, they've kept them, so you can go and see who are the Tory, you know Boris's lectern, David Cameron

Liz Truss's apparently Theresa May you didn't finish my sentence Theresa May thanks for the tip and Liz Liz Truss's they've got Liz Trusses lectern, which is actually made from ice.

And last in the whole run, which I thought showed tremendous foresight, something she didn't show that much. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. We're going to return to the lectern. Can I say before the lectern? Sure. That I, as soon as we went off air,

Pierre said to me, what was the name of that Linear B guy? I said Michael Ventris. And I saw him looking him up and I heard Pierre go hmm, I thought so laughter laughter

laughter Marvellous Anyway, sorry Briefly, 848, Frank, we are three weeks from the WC and you know what he means by that and as the writer of our anthem

and custodian of our broken dreams, could you hazard a prediction, could you Eden it, of the chances of it actually coming home this time? I realise you get asked this a lot. I'm just saying we're going to get this question a lot, Frank, so I'm going to field them but that's just an early one for you.

Well, as I once heard a Scottish historian say when asked if there'd ever be another Scottish Enlightenment the future is not my period. So, I don't know. Okay, thank you.

A lovely message just with regards to me being, you know, playing to type. Yes. Harry in Brooklyn, of all places, gets in touch, which is very cool, isn't it? Quite true. Yeah, very. Well, it is for us, Pierre. We don't normally get Brooklyn, Frank.

Harry from Brooklyn says, Hello, team. I wanted to call attention to a moment from last week that I think perfectly encapsulates the show. Okay. So this is Harry's attempt to perfectly encapsulate the show. We get ready for the producers reach for a pen for the trailer. Frank was recounting his trip on the Ulysses ferry to Ireland

and said he was intimidated by the ferryman. Emily interjected with, oh, don't pay him, referencing the 1982 song Don't pay the ferryman by chris de burgh pierre then replied with caron which is the name of the ferryman of the underworld in ancient greek mythology absolute radio i think who pays the ferryman comes from a bit earlier than chris de burgh by the way Don't Pay the Ferryman he does reference it in his song, he has a song called Don't Pay the Ferryman I believe

but there's a literary, is it John Donne or something who plays the ferryman anyway, you see that was back in the day with the rock stars, they loved a literary reference I think we've just given Harry more food for thought there so meanwhile back at the lectern

you were saying Frank because Rishi More food for thought there. More food for thought. So, meanwhile, back at the lectern, you were saying, Frank, because Rishi has gone... He's gone for austerity clipboard. Does one of them look too past with a lectern? He's gone a bit... The back of an aide. Make do and mend. He's gone a bit make do and mend, because I believe it usually takes

three to four weeks doesn't it to order these things. Oh and he's been it's quite a big quick turnaround. This is like when you get three batsmen

go quite quickly and the next guy hasn't got his pants on yet. Hasn't it? Rishi's come out in a string vest. Oh hello. Rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Speaking of austerity, I went in a shop and they had a section in the shop that I thought was somewhat bleak about it. It's actually said across the top, lottery and tobacco. And I thought, oh, just as how you get through. How are we going to get through it oh dear oh

let's not end on that no please okay here's my favourite bit Gordon Brown had a lecture on wheels oh yeah

and I love the idea that he would he'd actually be coming through the door having already begun I like that and then there was the time that,

oh, hello. Didn't realise there was anyone. I'm just having a little wander around. Hello. By the way, the economy. Like a Segway.

You know that thing he does. Yeah. Oh, I must have. I've got more I'd like to talk about with that lecture on wheels. I mean on wheels. Because it made me physically ill.

On wheels. My list trust was there so short she should have had you know when people do the knowledge and they have those little perspex lecterns she should have just gone gone past on a moped no need to switch the engine off listen frank skinner frank skinner absolute radio so we're talking about the revolving lectern. They've been so many in recent years, haven't they? I hadn't noticed, though, that they have their own, that you choose the one you want.

Do you think Rishi might go for a sort of Game of Thrones made of the forged of the destroyed swords of his many enemies sort of lectern? Yeah. Sort of spikes and things. I think maybe a non-recyclable plastic one that he can throw straight into the ocean afterwards. The dolphin choker, it's called. I'll tell you what he won't do,

because my favourite lectern, and probably all our favourite lecterns, are those ones when you put the stuff on an eagle's back. Yes. Frank, do you know I love the eagle at school. I suppose they're worried that the image of a subservient eagle might upset Joe Biden

in the trade deal. You don't want the eagle in a servo position, it's true. Would that be called a spread eagle? The wings out like that. I suppose it must be. Absolutely fabulous work, mate. So Dumbledore's, which is an owl,

would that be called a spread owl? Never hear that. It's not my area. Dumbledore's has got candles on as well. I mean, they don't do many night speeches, the Prime Minister, but can you imagine an owl and candles? I mean, that would be fantastic. Some scented ones.

Just for the Halloween. Yeah, just for the Halloween announcements. Exactly. Maybe some spider web, you know, joke shop. And the candles make sure they've got plenty of wax running down the side like the covered bottles in Tavernas.

Yes, yes, yes. And when they turn round at the end, Frank, it's a tradition that they have a little Vincent Price laugh and the fangs. That's great. Can I just say something, though? The wood troubled me. Right. Rishi's wood was, I would call it a sort of caravan kitchenette.

Oh, OK. I don't like that colour wood. What is it, light? I can't remember. It's a light, cheap wood. Oh, OK. Boris at least went for the sort of 1970s TV. It's teak, we know where we stand. Yeah.

It's not great. But I don't like that. I think they've got that wrong. He didn't have time, Frank. No, that's probably a caretaker lectern. Man in the 70s bringing on the audiovisual equipment. Yeah, well, the guy that does bring it on, of course, doesn't wear what we used to call a cow gown,

a brown, you know, those brown long coats and a cap. In fact, he's become some sort of... Thank him more. Are you referring to Hot Podium Guy? Hot Podium Guy, even though it isn't a podium. Yes, this was pointed out in terse terms by the article. A podium is what athletes stand upon. Yes.

Is that a friend of yours? Not just athletes, but yeah. It's what you stand on. It's a raised... You have a dais. I like that... A Rubin, as we call it. I like that Hot Podium guy is called Tobias.

And he's 39. Is he? Yeah. I mean, I have to say that celebrity is losing a little bit of its specialness in recent years. You just have to really work for it or kill someone. But no. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, we've had Raoul Miranda getting in touch regarding the lecterns.

Raoul says, favourite lectern, Truss by Goddard Mile. Gorgeous it was. Everything you could want from a lectern. I have to say, she did go for a good one. It's a shame that's been used up. She went for the sort of medieval castle spiral staircase sort of thing was it?

I can't remember which Disney film is it Merlin in Sword of the Stone when they go to his place he's got teetering piles of books I've never heard it referred to before as his place Merlin's place yeah you know Merlin was back at his place tell us some bachelor past

yeah his place what about what do you think of Mickey Mouse's place Frank well look there's a Mickey Mouse

fun house yeah step inside it's fun inside yeah cheeky to rhyme inside with inside no

rubbish but they did write M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E which I've always loved the Trustlectin though fetch a good price, only used twice yeah yes

and you get a free copy of the Beatles Hello Goodbye with it celebrating its two uses. Good, isn't it? It is a nice one now. Fair play to Liz. I might call her in as a lectern consultant if I was Rishi. Todd

Nicolick has got in touch in reference to the Gordon Brown lectern, which is already established. It was sort of a child's desk on a wheel. Can I, if I may interrupt, I was sort of a child's desk on wheels. Can I, if I may interrupt, I was recently at St Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin, which is where Jonathan Swift, the great writer of God Lovers Travels, etc., was dean for many years.

I call it St Patrick's Place. Okay. And Jonathan Swift had a lectern, had a pulpit rather, on wheels and he had instructed to minions that if he saw anyone

sleeping in the congregation they would push him over towards that person and he would shout, they would increase the volume until they woke up. I don't know if you've ever seen Jonathan Swift, he would increase the volume until they woke up. That would be, I don't know if you've ever seen Jonathan Swift, he's a terrifying, big, eyebrow-scary bloke. You don't want to be woken up by him shouting at you.

It's a sort of preaching Dalek. Exactly. Drifting across the tiles. Well, he's a bit like the Popemobile, but I don't think Jonathan Swift would have liked that comparison. No, no, an immodest proposal. Todd has said, I love, in reference to Gordon Brown's, flimsy lectern on wheels with the extending wire. The cable is what upsets me.

He needs a curly cable. That's what he needs. Todd says, I love how it has stabilising screws on the bottom, like a pub table so you don't spill your pint. I never noticed the stabilising screws. Norman Stanley Fletcher, 1976.

Carry on. A lot of people pointing out the truss one obviously resembled Jenga, as it was so symbolic. Yes, yes. Which we're obviously aware of. But let's, you know, let us, the Theresa May, let us please, attention must be paid, because that was a very good wood.

Okay, I don't remember the... It was a sort of, I call it hyacinth bouquet dining table. Oh. You know, that gleaming, very polished, beautiful. Yeah. I'd still go for the eagle if it was me. It's a bit grand for us, Frank. It isn't going to be me, let's face it.

No regret and slight surprise in his voice. Oh, no, I'd rather work on the toilet cleaning duty. Full respect to anyone who does that, by the way. You know what? If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio.