The Frank Skinner Show - Beef Art

Episode Date: March 2, 2024

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been to a Coverups gig and learnt something unexpected about Courtney Love. The team also discuss the Willy Chocolate Experience, rules in clubs and Mr Piper.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli as far as I can remember. Text the show at 8.12.15, follow us on X at Instagram at Frank on the Radio, email via frank at absolute radio dot co dot uk why do they have to be so long couldn't they come up now with just names like blip what do you mean

really blah at dot email blip well everything else most things at least have got smaller

as they've advanced shouldn't you start in the morning a complaint. Yeah. So anyway, I had an exciting night last night. I went to HMV Oxford Street. Oh, how was 1979? Yeah, well, those shops there, the re-rise of vinyl has saved a lot of those uh record shops can i ask a

question do they still have as the logo the the dog they do oh do they with the gramophone uh nipper that was his name i believe yeah the hmv dog they haven't changed it to a dog on tick tock on the bus no no they've stopped i think they've slightly stylised the logo, but a lot of people, all the football clubs, slightly changed their boundaries in the 80s because they realised that no one copyrighted it in the 1890s. So they needed one that they could control. No, it was...

What was happening is that Bruce Dickinson, the voice of Iron Maiden, was bringing out a new solo album and signing them. So I went along with my child, who's mad about metal. And we did all that, got the album signed. Did you see BD? Oh, yeah. Oh, God, oh god yeah we spoke i actually presented him with an award completely somebody said well you do you mind giving him a war i said yeah okay

and i gave him you know do you know what a silver play button is no it's on if you get a hundred thousand subscribers on youtube on youtube yeah you get uh you get us and000 subscribers on YouTube, yeah, you get a spot. And I gave him the award and he said, oh, look, I could shave in this. Can you see that? Because it's kind of reflective in the middle. He said, honestly, I could actually shave.

I think he was seriously thinking about it. That would be pretty great, to have an award on a sort of, you know, those mirrors that come off the wall on a sort of arm. It would also be a great photo wouldn't it? Bruce Dickinson shaving in his own award. That would be great. Was that Buzz's first encounter with

him then? Well we've seen them live but obviously they're at a distance. But his first meeting group, was he excited to meet him? Oh come on man. I mean he was all the way home he was still absolutely

I mean I was excited to meet him he's one of our nation's best fencers and pilots yeah that's true to insane things

is he from Birmingham no he's very I don't know exactly where he's from he's very south east they're very

West Ham maiden there's a lot of claret and blue on stage what a little bit naughty exactly where he's from he's very south east they're very West Ham maiden there's a lot of claret and blue on stage what a little bit naughty yeah a bit naughty

at home West Ham are naughty yeah they're a bit that what is Bruce's style now I'm interested so has he gone for

you know I call it the it's that LA sheet with the sometimes they go call it the LA sheep with the sometimes they go a bit Mick Jagger with the raised black platform trainer no he gone the elasticated

side gossy waterproof practical boot you know that yes there's a name for those there's a brand yes and I've got some you just sort of slide on in there and get out the door. Come on.

You're not talking about a... You're the fashion brand. I need to visualise what you're talking about. So not a Chelsea boot. No, no. You might guess if you weren't in

that it was a Doc Martin boot, but it's a different company. Like a desert boot, but not quite. Yeah, but there's a name. There's a brand okay anyway yeah those

I've got a pair of those they're pretty cool bootcut jeans and you know you leave that thing no no it's not like that it's not

what do you use something like that I'll sing a line up here on stage he wears quite a lot of goggles on stage and I love goggles

sort of you know or steampunk yeah very steampunk got Yeah, very, very steampunk. Like a long, grey, slightly mashed coat with goggles. Before he sings a seven-minute song about the Battle of Jutland. Well, yeah, like he'd arrived in an air balloon. Like with a strange machine that looks like a deep sea diving outfit.

Yes. Anyway, I was very excited to meet Bruce. And still, as everyone said, the voice is actually getting better. How does that happen? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I had a letter from Adam Lethbridge, who works for Kozo, from Adam Lethbridge, who works for COSO,

and he has sent us some finest handcrafted biltong. He certainly has, with our picture on. Yeah, he's put our picture on the biltong. That'd be weird. Beef is a terrible photography medium.

Yeah, you don't see much beef art. No. Captain Beef Art, of course, is famous for his... Can I say, we received these packages beef art. No. Well, Captain Beef Art, of course, is famous for his... Can I say, we received these packages this morning. Yes, all right, Neville Chamberlain. I hold in my hand a piece of beef. I hold in my...

It's a German Chancellor. Hitler sent me some built. I am still perusing mine. Pierre, straight in, within seconds. I thought, what could go wrong? If you get Biltong close to Pierre, he's in. Biltong, can you explain it? Is it the South African thing I associate it with?

Yeah, it's dried beef. It's like beef jerky, but good. Take that, beef jerky, if you're listening. Take that beef jerky if you're listening. So it's like gummy bears for people who would eat bears if you could get the actual thing. Yes, if you could cut off the strips of bear and cure it. Yeah, I'm sure. No, you can't eat cure it.

That would be completely wrong. Even if they are Anglicans. wrong even if they are Anglicans he's also sent me one of my, well it is my favourite writing utensil the four colour pen

oh you love a four colour he said there's one word for the show and then he said ask Pierre, I don't want to read it out in case he's trapping me into saying something terribly

obscene a notorious obscenity but I'm guessing it's Frank's handed it over in a sort of be my eyes

Pierre move my please my eyes he helps me with the trains when will he come home read it

have you read it lecker yeah lecker is is like me with the trains. When will he come home, Reedus? Have you read it? Lekker. Yeah. Lekker is like, it technically means delicious, but it's also, you could say it when something's cool. Okay, Lekker. Lekker. Lekker, yeah.

Okay. I think he's winding us up, humiliating us. We're going to use that in the wrong context. Yeah, when we go, because I've got a South African lady's hairdresser friend and I think she uses a lot of liquor. Oh my God. Listen. Do people still use lacquer?

I've completely, I'm guessing. Yes, on furniture. We don't call it lacquer. Oh, I see. What do you call it now? Yeah. Yes, but I think

it's gone the way of rouge. Oh, it's, what's it? Rouge became blusher. Very good, Frank. And lacquer became hairspray. You don't even need me anymore. You're literate. You're very beautiful.

Can you still get a shampoo and set? I used to like the idea that the hair was set like a trifle at the end. You used to see old women coming out of shops and their hair, you'd go... There's their hair on moving in the wind. Just bullets ricocheting off. Their faces were blowing all over the place, but their hair was absolutely intact.

It's for that real, what we used to call the astronaut's wife hair. Yes. It was very much the look. Well, this, the astronaut would not have needed a helmet. And also, of course, the famous blue rinse, which now has become like a thing that cool people have. And old ladies would have, it was more of a,

they'd have completely purple hair. Do you know any blue, I'll tell you who I think was sitting in that chair was Molly Sugden. Yes. People are familiar with her. Yes, but Molly Sugden thought it was a joke thing, but there was old ladies, and not that old ladies.

Did you know any? Oh, they're all over the place. I did find it, when I learned about this growing up in the UK, hard to comprehend how the nation's sort of old ladies, not sort of very rock and roll as a demographic, it's like, oh, of course, it's tradition for them to suddenly have purple hair. Yeah, it was like a retirement home finance by Willy Wonka.

Where all the old oompa loompas ended up. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I went to a gig this week. What kind of a gig? Well, let's put it this way. The lead singer and guitarist came on and said, right, we're a covers band. This is basically a glorified karaoke night.

If you want to sing along, just go for it. We're just going to do songs that we like, like we play when we're sitting around at home. Was it Jive, Bonnie? It was Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day. So he's got a sort of side project called The Cover-Ups. And that's what they do. He's the main guy.

He's not the eyeliner man, is he? Yeah, Sarah, the producer. He has, not always. Okay, don't get offensive over it. No, no, I'm okay. He may be the main eyeliner man. But they did, no, well, it's, no. Robert Smith is Mr. Eyeliner.

Come on. That's true. Yes. And also, who's the Australian piano player comedian Tim Minchin yeah he's very oh god

yeah he's very high liner anyway so they did a load of covers it was absolutely joyous experience what did they do

because I would be fascinated to know what he enjoys in playing in private there was stuff I expected like they did

I want to Be Sedated by the Ramones, and Should I Stay or Should I Go, for example. Which, you know, by Clash. But then they did I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany. I'm in. I'm in already.

And Summer of 69 by Brian Adams. Oh, wow. It was of 69. Oh. Brian Adams. Oh, wow. It was so great. But for me, the highlight, and I wouldn't, if you'd have said to me what are they going to cover, I wouldn't have got this if I'd had a million guesses. They did Fox on the Run by Sweet.

I don't know if you're familiar with that. Oh. But it's a real 70s glam rock. Oh, right. Classic. As it unfolded, I couldn't get my phone out quick enough, so I thought, I won't believe. Tomorrow, I won't believe this happened.

I need to film it. You must have kept getting this wonderful sense of anticipation every time a song ended. Yeah. What are they going to break out now? It could be anything. I was constantly thinking, these were the best days of my life.

And then he says, we've got a special guest now. And then you think, oh, OK. And I love guessing a special guest. Always start with Roddy Wood. That's always a very, that's a good bet. And always a mister as well, as we know. Mister! Roddy Wood!

He didn't do this. So Billy Joe says, we've got a guest now well, as we know. Yeah, mister. He didn't do this. So Billy Joe says, we've got a guest, though. Here she is. And I thought, I'm thinking, ooh. And it was Courtney Love came on. Wow. Which is great. And did a sort of cheap trick cover and Tom Petty.

It was... She did that one, you know that mum... Was it Daddy's All Right, Mummy's All Right? Oh. They both look a bit weird. Surrender. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just telling you about the gig,

which I'm sorry, but it was great. And so did you go to this with Buzz? I can't answer that officially. I understand, yes. Yeah. Okay. But there was something. I don't do many officially. I understand, yes. Yeah. Okay. But there was something. I don't do many clubs now.

No. But there is a golden, what I thought was a rock iron rule in clubs that was just in place. And it seems it's been, behind my back, it's been totally rescinded. What's that? Well, I'll tell you after this. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. The last time I was in clubs, really,

I only go there if there's a gig now, there was a rule which I thought, this is it forever. It was a way of keeping the place, you know, calm and social. And the rule that no longer exists is no Burberry. Really? There was a guy next to me in Burberry and I thought,

you wouldn't have got in last time I was in a club, mate. And he didn't look hostile. They've re-energised their image, Burberry. Well, they've tried. What a phenomenon. It's like that Lout suddenly started wearing top hats.

I suppose it's a bit like the bowler hats in their clockwork orange. But if you were wearing Burberry anything, you couldn't get into a clock. No, it had taken on a very thuggish element. And it was so posh, though. It was, when it started,

I remember reading this, in the late 19th century, I think mid-late 19th century, its target thing for publicity is it supplied the outfits for Arctic Explorers. Doesn't get any posher than that. We dressed Roald Amundsen.

I mean, that is a cool slot to fill. That is great. When do you think that the sort of sagification of Burberry began? I think it was a 90s thing, was it? Was it? It was. It was associated with a word which I hate.

Yes, we don't like. Which is basically suggesting that all working class people are thoggish. I think you can say it, can't you? I think you can. It was chav culture. Yes. But it was a real, it came with a lot of elitist stuff behind it

but that was the costume of that and you would occasionally see aggressive dogs with a little kerchief do you know what I mean a dog in a kerchief that's such a festival thing to see not a Burberry one

not on a Burberry. That means something very different. That's what the XL bullies would be wearing. You see the XL bullies if they were going to wear a kerchief. Is there a current taboo brand that I wouldn't be able

to get into a club in? Tweet, tweet. Speaking of brands, by the way. Yes. We had an answer to the elasticated We did. hardy boot.

And this is the boot that Bruce Dickinson was seen in. Well, look, if it wasn't, it was very cool. I've got a pair elasticated we did hardy boot and this is the boot that Bruce Dickinson was seen if it wasn't it was very I've got a pair and it's got that

thing on the back you know the loop on the top of the back of the boot that you're supposed to use for pulling them on but what they

really do is they just keep your trousers all ruffled up over the top oh yes I know that they give it

that informal LA look which I rather like what would it be called, that? The boot or the trouser? Like a boot loop. No, the loop, the pulling loop. I like boot loop.

Let's do that. Josephine Vinder, I'm going for. Okay. W-I-N-D-E-R. Are you thinking of the Australian Blundstone boot? That's exactly what I'm thinking of. Blundstone? Blundstone? Who knows?

However, that was from Josephine Vinder. And I think she's solved it. She has. I think we can close that particular Vinder. Come on. This is why. Sellout run. What about when Courtney Love came on,

she said, great to see you guys. I've been living in a cave in Birmingham for nine years. I did. I didn't say that in the Express and Star. Did she say that? Yeah. What does it mean? If anyone out there knows about Courtney Loves... In a cave.

Does she mean our Birmingham? What does she mean? Yeah, that's true. Did she mean Birmingham, Alabama? Does she mean in old Alabama? She's lived in a cave. Did you say... Never mind that.

That's why the Central Reservation. There's a Little Richard song that goes, Going back to Birmingham, way down in Alabama. That's his rhyme. Yeah, but what? Is this something that people know about?

That Courtney Love lived in a cave in Berlin? She's been spotted in the bullring. Has she been confused with Ozzy Osbourne? It definitely wasn't him. It was her. Well, if anyone's got an answer, I'd love to know. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio.

Anyway. Anyway, listen. Mark Allen. That's a great... People don't say that enough on radio. What? Listen. Listen.

Mark Allen has been in touch. You referred earlier to going to see... The cover-ups. Yeah. And they brought on Courtney Love. Who said, at one point... Who said, I don't know how this is going to go, I've been living in a cave in Birmingham for nine years.

Which slightly threw you. Well, it did, yeah. Understandably. Because I thought I would have got that on the grapevine. I like the Birmingham grapevine. So, Mark Allen has some information. Read this. Courtney Love has been living

near the George pub in Worley for the last nine years. Not exactly the Ritz, but hardly a cave, dear. No, not a cave. Have you heard of Worley or the George? Well, I lived in Worley. In a cave? I lived in

what we used to call Old Wall-E, which is like the original Wall-E, which was then expanded. But, my dad was the captain of the Domino's team at that pub. That's mad. At the same pub near Courtney Love? Yeah. Courtney Love's been hanging out.

You know that sort of what's that thing about six connections of Kevin Bacon six degrees of Kevin Bacon six degrees of

separation yeah I mean who would have thought as I was watching Courtney Love that I think you know she lives opposite

where my dad used to be Captain the Domino's team why is she there 8, 12, 15 a guest star in an unrealistic

sitcom where you'd have a sitcom set in that pub and they'd go that Courtney Love would come in Why is she there? 8, 12, 15. That's like the guest star in an unrealistic sitcom. You'd have a sitcom set in that pub and they'd go, Courtney Love would come in and the audience would cheer. When she says okay. What do I have to do to get a pint of bitter around here? The audience, whey! That's her catchphrase every week. Is that Courtney Love?

Aw. Aw. Die off. Courtney. Hey, Courtney Love. I bet they do that. Courtney Love, come here. Yeah.

She said at the end, I'll be back with Hole. Now, Hole was her band, which I don't think have performed for years. I quite liked Hole. So it could be quite a revelation. Unless she meant she was bringing her flat with her from Birmingham this time. which I don't think have performed for years. I quite liked Hull. So it could be quite a revelation if that's she's actually unless she meant she was bringing her flat with her from Birmingham

next time. What if all her songs with Hull now are about sort of West sort of West Midlands things?

I think this one's called Park Scratchings. Yeah. She might she could collaborate with you Frank. It lends itself to grunge I think the area. Yeah, exactly. She could collaborate with you, Frank.

It lends itself to grunge, I think, the area. Oh, very much so. That's where metal began. Yeah.

Frank, does the bullring still exist? It does, yeah. What is it? Is that the shopping centre? It's a market,

really. Oh, okay, yeah. We used to go and get, there used to be blokes who used to pile up about 70 plates

and cups and the way they piled them up they were like stall holders they were locked in each other and they would

throw them like 10 feet into the air and they'd catch them again and obviously they were selling them but it was very

very attractive and then there'd be someone two stalls away doing it with lamb cutlets yeah it was one of the places

you could really smell the raw meat when you went in there I remember when I did Naked Attraction oh my god it's fine

this is Frank Skinner this is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Bill Tong in my teeth, but also Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show at 81215, follow us on X, and Instagram at frankontheradio.

Email via frank at absoluteradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. That's nice. Ruth Jordan, morning all. Did you see the story this week about England's strongest man

who can roll a frying pan up like a taco? Wow. Maybe a challenge for the team to try. Wow. Ruth says, I reckon Pierre

could give it a go. What say you, Frank Skinner? Well, oh, that's reminding me of... Not a non-stick one. Obviously, I don't want to have any prejudices in life, but occasionally I feel a sort of... I see something and think, grrr.

And I think, I don't want to dislike this, but that just reminds me, if I see any man with a yoga mat, I just think, oh, get away from me. That's really bad. They're probably good people. I don't know why. I 100% agree.

Oh, no, don't agree. It's bad. I'm afraid. No, it's not specifically yoga. I think at least put it in a carrier. Be ashamed, is what I think. Be a bit ashamed. Put it in a carrier.

Put it in, you know, those pasta containers. Those tubes. Yeah, put it in one of those. But don't just walk about blatantly with a yoga mat like it's all right. What if they're just ground mats and they're sort of on a camping trip? No, they're not. You can tell that they're ground mats. I think when I see the yoga mat and the man bum,

I suspect you might be the kind of man that won't return calls. I don't mind. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to make judgments here. I don't mind a man bum, but a rolled up yoga mat. It's wrong. I don't want to be that person who judges. What if you saw someone with a yoga mat,

but it was sort of in place of the umbrella, and other than that, they looked exactly like a sort of 50s British civil servant bowler hat? I think they just found a yoga mat and were going to the police to hand it in. Is what I would think. Anyway, but rolling up a frying pan is incredible. And as you know, I do have experience of the world's strongest men.

Having been on a foreign trip with them to Malta, I spent a week with them in Malta. Yes. And I would say, I mean, they wake up, as you know, Frank, I've told you this, at about 3 or Malta. Yes. And my, I would say, I mean, they wake up, as you know, Frank, I've told you this, at about 3 or 4am, they set the alarm to eat food. Smiles, bars, eggs. I won't tell you

how I know that. They reach across to their bedside table, unfold a frying pan, and there's three eggs and nine rations of bacon still in there. Like a little wallet. Like a coin purse. I'll just seeations of bacon still in there. Like a little wallet. Like a... Night wallet. Like a coin purse.

I'll just see what I've got in here. Yeah, yeah. It's for you! Like euros. Full English. And... It must not be... What's the non-stick stuff called?

Teflon. Oh, yeah, Teflon. It must not be Teflon about folding and unfolding it. That's it. These guys have got to be folding past that. Well, in my experience, they preferred boiled.

Ten eggs sometimes. Ten eggs at breakfast. Ten boiled eggs. Must be hell in there. Well, it was. It was, trust me. I wonder if there's like the really strong, strongest man do a skillet instead of a frying pan.

Or they like a griddle. And what about, well, Phil Pfister, as you know, broke a, he needed two seats on the plane. Yeah. Bank. I know. Yeah. That was just to boil eggs. I'm surprised he didn't just pull the plane all the way there

with his teeth isn't that one of the things they do they did i watched them for the plane yeah but that's great rolling up a frying pan that's a new one on me taco yeah i mean i struggle with bako foil i don't use foil much i'm'm very much a baking paper person. When was the last time you used foil? Well, like I say, I like that. What do they call it? It's baking paper, isn't it? Yeah, grease-pooed paper.

That sort of brown, oily paper. That's what I like. Do you still have that? I say oily. It's only ten past nine. Oh, my God. That's my repeat joke. You know that thing of every time anyone says anything is oily?

I always have to say that. And you know what? It brings me genuine pleasure. I can see that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I can see that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, I would like to share with you some reader correspondence.

Good. We've had some correspondence from Eddie, who states... Not Iron Maiden, Eddie. No, and what I like about Eddie is that he simply gives his location as overseas. Oh, OK. Already I'm in, Eddie. None of your beeswax. It's a bit Lewis Hamilton, isn't it? Lewis Hamilton right into the Inland Revenue.

I was going to say, it's a bit 90 days maximum residency. Anyway, this is from Eddie, comma, overseas, man of mystery. Dear Franken team, long-time reader, first-time writer, read last week's discussion and critique of ABBA's song Waterloo. Ah, yes. You may recall. I was pointing out the fact that Napoleon is name-checked very early

in Waterloo, but Wellington who actually was the victor. This theory that history is written by the winners, not true Eurovision entries. No, it's written by the Swedes. Yeah, Wellington's got nothing. Eddie

brackets overseas has pointed out another, what he describes as the most blatant of historical inaccuracies in that song. Despite the song's oft-repeated first line, Napoleon did not, in fact, surrender at the Battle of Waterloo. Although soundly defeated, our friend Bonaparte fled the battle a free man. Our friend Bonaparte. Overseas. Didn't he have terrible emeroids? I think that was one of the things that damaged his...

Don't drag him down here. Okay, I think that was one of the things that made him not be able to... Give him the man some dignity. To do his... What's the thing they do in military? Not tactics. Something like that. OK.

Eh? There's a word for it. Strategy. Strategy, yeah. Anyway, our friend Bonaparte fled the Battle of Fremant, returned to Paris in a vain attempt to rally further political support, then proceeded to Rochefort on the coast. It was there he eventually surrendered,

600 kilometres and four weeks distant from the battle. Yes. When I first discussed the erroneous lyrics with my wife, her mouth dropped to the floor. She still considers the song to be an act of the utmost betrayal by the Swedish songsters and songstresses. Unlike Pierre, not to jump in on this. Keep up the good work, everyone.

Eddie overseas. Yeah. Rochefort, that's the cheese place, isn't it? It's got to be cheese. That's Roquefort, isn't it? Oh, isn't it the same place? I think Roquefort with a Q. Oh.

Rochefort. What's the point of naming two places so similarly? I'll say Eddie don't encourage me as well. I'm trying to do that less. Yes. Eddie Don't Encourage Me would be a good, I wouldn't mind that as a name, a stage name. Eddie Don't Encourage Me.

Who's your favourite Eddie? My favourite Eddie, Eddie Reader. I don't know who that is. It's a singer called Eddie Reader. Yes, I do, at Fairground Attraction. Now, mine would be Eddie. It's got to be perfect. Eddie Cochran would be mine.

Oh. A 50s rock star. Ah. I like, there was an, was it Eddie Roach? Oh, maybe I've got that wrong. There was an Eddie from Coronation Street, and I liked him. Oh, I don't remember. The dog from Frasier.

Oh, Eddie Yates. Eddie Yates. I liked him. That's my favourite. Played by Geoffrey Hughes. Very good. Okay. I like the idea of Eddie's wife

her mouth dropped to the floor when he explained that Napoleon didn't surrender at Waterloo yeah he's lucky to have

a wife that responds so dramatically to his historical facts yeah she might have been on the floor at the time that's true that's a less distance

isn't it yeah in my experience when I tell women what I think are shocking historical facts they go

alright well Eddie three little jaw dropping moments going round when I tell women what I think are shocking historical facts, they go, all right. Well, Eddie... Very little jaw-dropping moments. Going round, oh, here he comes, Pierre, and his shocking historical facts. But his tray of snacks and his historical facts. Which he calls game. My partner often comes up with historical facts,

but they're from our relationship. Are they jaw-dropping? They are absolutely jaw-dropping. Frank Skinner did surrender. Yeah, many times. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, Eddie from

Colston has been in touch. Oh, okay. And you know what Eddie from Colston was responsible for? Well, I'm going to remind you. Colston replacing cool in the English language. Well, Eddie says, Morning, Frank, Emily and Pierre. I'm a bit disappointed not to be included in the list of favourite Eddies.

After all, did Eddie Cochran gift you a new word for cool i think not i can't i remember he did an interview with marty wilde on a on a british pop show in the early 60s i think i think eddie cochran died in 60s that must have been very early and marty Wilde said, and I hear you like hunting. Oh, no. And Eddie said, yeah, I like guns, don't you? And Marty Wilde says, yeah, fabulous. But he thought, oh, man, what are we discussing here? Fabulous.

Fabulous guns? Yeah, my cold dead hands, fabulous. Fabulous guns. So so I can only apologise no I can see he's he was responsible for something very important

on the show we had a correctione from Jean this is from Jean Vincent who I think was on the last tour

with Eddie Cochran what's happening Eddie Cochran Jean Vincent what is this turning into? Gene says, Dear Frank and Associates, I'm a long time reader for many years. Associates? Associates, these are my associates

for many years I have waited for you to address the subject of the Rock Island line and for you to finally issue a correzione about the song Rock Island line and for many years I have been disappointed. I used to, when I said what we got on the show,

I used to end by saying, We got pig-eyed, we got all pig-eyed. Which is a thing that Lonnie Donegan used to shout out. Well, Frank incorrectly credited the song to Lonnie Donegan when the song originated with the great Huddy Ledbetter. Yes, but that wasn't the version I was familiar with. And Lonnie Donegan's whole style was to do those old American sort of folk songs. Yes.

I'm sorry. Well. I missed the Led. I'll do a bit of Huddy Ledbetter just for you. Here's me and a bunch of cowboys we're on the western plane me and a bunch of cowboys

on the western plane that's when me and them cowboys bumped into Jesse James singing hi-yi-yip singing hi-yi-yip yippee-yay There you go There you go

Please enjoy that as he signs off cordially Jean Pocket Oh nice Good name Yeah From Seattle I now have off cordially, Jean Pocket. Oh, nice. Good name. Yeah. From Seattle.

I now have an image of a Jean Pocket. Yeah. The tiny one. Yes. The main pocket's younger brother. Not the one for your... What is it for? For your viking hailer. Yes.

What is that Jean Pocket for? I think it's for change, isn't it? Loose change. Is it? Are you sure? I suspect it's for... It feels like the early days of Levi Strauss. I think it's for Babybel.

Well, I think it'll be some construction. I think you'll find... I think it's for preventing Babybels. Oh, God, Frank. A different sort of wax seal. Stop it. Oh, yeah. Stop it, please.

You're not on your little lad's tour bus now. No, it's true. The most unladded tour bus. It's a good job we don't broadcast from the tour bus. Oh, man. I'd listen to that podcast. Yeah, once. It doesn't strike me as very locker room your band.

No, it's not. A lot of it is very hardcore historical cathedral based if there was a locker room of some sort of Anglo-Saxon

studies institute yeah when they're all toweling off after a long day of manuscripts we never towel off

can I say that what's that we don't towel off we drip dry we don't towel off no drip dry we don't towel off no no definitely not okay

I have been I don't know how long I've been doing stand up comedy but I've done many I've been in many dressing rooms with a shower

I've never ever showered before or after a gig I don't know who does that Lee Evans oh yeah

I hope and the strong men if they do a that. Lee Evans. Oh, yeah. I hope. And the Strongmen, if they do a live show. Lee Evans was a shower. He just generated his own fluid. He was self-basting like a turkey. Frank, I'd like to share some further correspondence with you, this time from Edward Tilly. OK.

You think related to Vesta Tilly, the male impressionist? Probably not. I don't know. Has a slightly Edwardian vibe, though, as things with the name Edward often do. I occasionally listen to an earlier episode during the week, Frank. Right. You OK with that?

Yeah. OK. Just checking. When I'm commuting... He's up front with a big fine gal. I'm just thinking of Esther Tilley. How dare you? I'm thinking of Esther Tilley following my father's footsteps.

And there's a bit that he's following his father around town and it says he's up front with a big fine gal, so I thought I'd get one as well. We didn't know, you see. We didn't know then. Carry on. And Edward continues. That'd be another good stage name.

What? Edward continues. That'd be another good stage name. What? Edward continues. Yeah. I like that. And I recently re-enjoyed the discussion you once had on celebrity memorabilia. Well, we've had so many because we all own so much of it. We don't really.

Frank owns a few bits. I've got some bits. All I've got is... I've got schnorbits, actually, stuffed. He has a lot of schnorbits. There was a few schnorbits. Was there? Yeah, I think got is... I've got schnaubitz, actually, stuffed. He has got schnaubitz stuff. There was a few schnaubitzes you could probably have. Yeah, I think he just... That's the great thing about having a dog,

he just matches the breed. Tell me about it. No-one gets close enough to tell you. I think you're on your fifth ray. You're on number six. Yeah. And I thought I'd share... Number six.

I thought I'd share this. My mum used to work at Sotheby's in the 80s. Nice. I'm already all in with Edward Tilly's story. And Faye Dunaway came in one afternoon to have an item appraised. Oh. I love the idea of Faye just turning up. Hello, is that something?

Let me guess, a dress from Bonnie and Clyde. Well, during the meeting with a specialist, Fay smoked a cigarette. These were different times. Yes. Imagine in Sotheby's now with all sort of Monet paintings around the walls. Have you got a light?

They've done away with it now. Just vaping all over a priceless wardrobe. I know. Let him just say it, so we can all move on. Frank, can you say? Anyway, no, I've said it now. I know you've said it.

Come on, I want to know what happens with Faye. After Faye left, the cigarette butt, which had a considerable amount of bright red lipstick on it, I bet, was kept in a small frame in the Sotheby's department as a souvenir of such a glamorous visitation.

Best wishes, Edward Tilly. Edward doesn't, I note, tell us what she was selling. I think maybe he's being professional and discreet. Yeah. Was it 19 cigarettes? So, yes. A cigarette butt with bright red lipstick on is a very film noir clue. Yeah, it is.

Back for good as well. I kept the cigarette that Marky Smith gave me, which I'd smoked with him, but I kept my butt, as it were. But then again, I was Rear of the Year in 1999. Let's not forget that. With a considerable amount of bright red lipstick on. Robert Smith. I was very popular at the time. He was dealing as Robert Smith.

Mel has been in touch. Oh, this is an enormous sense of relief. Good morning, all. The little pocket in Levi jeans was originally intended for watches. What sort of a watch? What sort of a watch? What sort of a watch? Well, I'm guessing a pocket watch.

A gentleman's pocket watch. Good to put on my Levi's and check the time of day. Yeah, well, I... I'm going to get a Rolex in there. Look, I'm going to show you this. I know we're not visual. What's going on? I'm going to show you my little pocket there.

I don't want to see it. And in it, there are two things, two items, yeah? Okay. The one ring. It's got a Vicks inhaler. It's not a Vicks. It's a... Well, it's actually an old bath soil.

Old bath soil. And the other thing. It's a... Ah, Dice Man. He's got a dice. It's a dice. I've got a dice in my pocket. In case I have to make a decision that I just can't come out as quick as that.

A die, I suppose. Yeah, exactly. When was the last time you rolled it? Mind your own business. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

Frank Holt from Magnus, one of our regulars, has contacted us. Have you mentioned the Willy Wonka experience yet? I'm afraid I've got the parents round and they're too interested in talking about redecorating our house. Well, the people have put on the... which I believe was called a Willy's chocolate experience. Yes, it was. Which is great because there was

a Sol's chocolate. Yes. They got no chocolate and they got one jelly bean and a quarter of a cup of lemonade. To be fair, it is lent. That's true. Can I say Willie's Lent Experience?

Exactly, that would be great. Brian, you could throw that in your house. She's catering on the Willie's Lent experience. There isn't enough fasting-based events in this country. 40 days and 40 nights. Just Willy Wonka, incredibly serious, thin. So in case you've missed this story, it's been everywhere,

in Glasgow, they staged a, I don't know about, to paraphrase, I think it might have been Joseph Goebbels, when I hear the word immersive, I reach for my revolver. And this was an immersive experience. For me, that's swimming or nothing.

And it was called Willy's Chocolate Experience and it was a themed Willy Wonka thing. For copyright reasons, it was Willy's Chocolate Experience and it was themed around the abstract notion of some sort of top-hatted, sweet-making man.

Who's to say what kind of... Oh, were they not allowed to use Wonka? God, no. No, no, no. Who's Wonka? This is Willy's chocolate experience. Who knows who Mr Wonka is? As it was, of course, it wasn't even chocolate's chocolate experience.

You've got to have chocolate there. Why didn't they? Do you know there was one child who said there wasn't even a Freddo I mean that is unacceptable there was a five year old child who said there wasn't even a Freddo they would have gotten

a few customers with what I like Willie's single jelly bean and half cup of lemonade experience but a parent I like the parent quote it was an absolute shamble so we decided to call the police

wow is that how people complain can we discuss the calling of the police so should we just set the scene a bit and it isn't it is in glasgow where the police i understand can sometimes be fairly busy well it was it was in glasgow it was in a sort of converted warehouse wasn it? Which was quite sparsely decorated. Well, it looked like an S&M dungeon. Except too light. Too light. No, there was strip lighting overhead. What were the cleaners in after?

There was the Chocolate River, one child described as an old strip of dirty brown carpet. Yes. And there were some actors playing. There were three wonkers. One of whom said he got so depressed at the sound of all the children going,

he went and sat in his car during his lunch break and stared at the floor. Well, there is a great photograph which has gone around of an Oompa Loompa with a chemistry set looking so ashamed. And there aren't enough pictures of actors looking ashamed, I think. There should be many more. That Oompa Loompa picture.

It looked like it should be like a sort of sponsor. For two pounds a month, this Oompa Loompa could be given a proper chemistry set. It looks like we'd captured the exact moment when she'd realised she wasn't going to get paid. Cold Place Fix You is playing in my head when I look at that picture. Oh, OK. Mine is Don't Give Up, Peter Gabriel, Kate Bush, maybe. For me, it's that, you know that Chopin...

DOON, DOON, DOON, DOON, DOON, DOON, DOON, DOON, DOON. But what it should have been, of course, is World of Imagination. That's what should be played over that picture. Yes. And what pure imagination. Yes, that's what should be played over that picture. Yes. I want pure imagination. Yes, which is what you would have needed. I actually hate Willy Wonka. I hate all the variations in the films.

I hate the original film. It's the worst children's thing. Hard day. Really. I mean, when they're all about, as I say, changing the words in Roald Dahl's books, I mean, why not just change them all? How do you feel about The Grinch?

I like The Grinch. So do I. One of my favourites. I'd happily go to a Grinch experience. I mean, this is from... This is one in a way. Yeah, it is. Except he choreographed it.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Nafeli. You can text this show on 81215. You can follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio and you can email via frankatabsoluteradio.co.uk. You were talking about Woolies Chocolate Experience.

You were. So were you. In Glasgow. And what we haven't touched on yet is the concept of possibly my favourite character ever, The Unknown. Oh, yes. Are you familiar with the work of The Unknown, Frank?

Yes. Well, look, I never got through any of the Wonka films, so I thought maybe he's someone that appears. Oh, no. No, no. I should say he's an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls. Yes. It's important to note at this juncture, I feel,

that the script upon which this immersive experience um was based and the way that the guy sold it to whoever funded it yeah was generated by ai and all the images on their website were generated by ai yes it's interesting that because I think it's the first sort of populist major article in the news where AI has absolutely been shown as the villain. There's all this stuff that AI is going to be bad, but in this one, AI

makes children cry. It's the subtext. It's reassuring if you're a creative where they go, we'll just get AI to write the script. Yeah, well, I have a bit of the blurb. Oh, yeah? Oh, is this from the script, Frank?

No, this is from the way they sold it. Oh, come on. Entering Entertainment. Yes. Entering being E-N-C-H-E-R-I-N-G. Entering Entertainment. Catgocating.-gocating, yes Exaceradray lollipops

A passadice of sweet teats Mmm That's a different Williams chocolate experience But who read that and thought Oh, we should go to that Someone went What is

See here, there's a passadice of sweet teats. That sounds good. A passadice is good. That sounds like somewhere your pass will get you to every aspect of it. It sounds a bit Twas Brillic. It is quite accidentally quite creative in a way.

But the AI script makes it clear that the Willy of Willy Chocolate Experience is not Willy Wonka brackets please don't sue us but Willy McDuff famous Glaswegian chocolatier

hang on what about the unknown because what what I saw no he works for walls is he a bit more low rent yeah he is well they clearly said

to the AI okay we need an antagonist in this immersive experience. Please, Mr. Robot, can you put it in the script? And the AI decided to invent something called the unknown. But they've got three Willy, open brackets, walker question marker. Three of those and the unknown. So four chocolatiers on site.

But the Willy McDuff's were in rotation. Yeah, but even so, there should have been some chocolate somewhere. You get to Cadbury World and they stuff you up from the beginning because chocolate coming out of your ears. Yeah. I think the AI didn't take that into account. If you look at the script, what I like about the script, and I recommend finding it online,

there are no Oompa Loompas, by the way. They're called Wonky Doodles. Yeah, fair enough. Oh, because it's copyrighted. No, because they had Wonky Doodles. Oh, my God. It's very Halloween costume. The Jedi Eye is still in its infancy.

It's very Halloween costume. You know, it's not Tinkerbell. It's Glitter Fairy. Yeah, oh, I see. I love copyright infringement avoiding terminology. It's my favourite. And it had all those costumes.

I mean, you know, I find fancy dress so depressing. Blade-handed goth. It makes me want to go and lie down in a dark room fancy dressed. When I saw this, I thought,

this is your horror of the Reebok trainers sticking out from the ghost costume. Oh, yeah. Why do you want to dress up as other people? Be comfortable with yourself. There's a... Depressing.

There was like a rainbow arch, a glitter rainbow arch, was one of the few things. I remember seeing something very similar at a working men's club in Aston. The night when Zoe Springsteen was on, I remember, it was a woman about 50 and came on and started clapping her hands

above her head at which point a mini dress rose up and everyone went, oh, darling. Oh, darling. She said, clap your hands if you like, Tamla Mortown. And it was like that. That's what this reminded me of. I hope she's still working, Zoe. Springsteen, real name. Springsteen real name.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, the unknown. You're obsessed with it. I really am. You honestly expect me to have information about the unknown. He was the central character. He was the sort of jump scare character. He was the antagonist

of Willy's Chocolate Experience. Why I got obsessed with him is I just wanted to talk a bit about who did his make-up and hair. Well, he had a mask, didn't he? Well, he had a silver mask,

but he had a sort of Dorian from Birds of a Feather black wig, a nylon black, what was it, like a sheet or something? Cloak thing, yeah. And it was quite odd

because the set up for the jump scare was him hiding behind, you know one of those long Ikea mirrors you get, like rectangular My First Flat mirror. Yeah, yeah.

And he jumped out and I've seen that video where he jumps out and you just hear a lone child going, ahhh. It's the start of an air raid siren. The kid's going, As the tears begin.

I think that's the only moment when I felt sorry for the chocolate experience. Did you? Why? I thought that some of those noises were, ooh. No. No, that wasn't. That child was in distress, Frank. With a single jelly bean ruffling around its head. That might have been the unknown, that noise.

True. He alone realised he wasn't going to get paid. Well, the actors got the script a day before. This mad AI written script. That was plenty. Well, the script's very elaborate. The script promises talking flowers mad AI written script. That was plenty. Well, the script's very elaborate. The script promises talking flowers and floating bubbles with lights glowing inside them.

Well, the organiser has been very... sorry. Is that from the House of Illuminati? Yeah, this is... That's not going to make people think there's a conspiracy theory. He said, I'm really shocked that the event had fallen short of the people on paper. Is he AI as well?

He gets AI to do his apologies. What's great in the script is the stage directions specify how good of a time the audience are having, specify how good of a time the audience are having, which, as a performer, I think, is such an amazingly optimistic... In brackets, in the script, it's saying, the audience are delighted and laugh uproariously. We were saying earlier about the police being called, though. I would like to discuss this, because, I'm sorry,

you can't call the police every time you encounter a disappointing entertainment experience. Well, it was 35 quid a ticket, so perhaps it was daylight robbery, wasn't it? But I mean, you know, you've seen some terrible things. You haven't called the police. I've done some terrible things. Excuse me, I've just watched Shane 2. But maybe we'll do that.

Maybe we'll look back and think, well, this was one of AI's early gigs. It was just, you know, learning the thing. And now look at it. It's writing major Oscar winning movies. To be fair, if they had a budget of one to 200,000 pounds, they could have come close to the script, but not with sellotaping a small banner.

We love these stories. I mean, when I say we, I mean the people of... Britain. Yes, I think that's what I would call this. In the genre, I'd say that this one, this edition would be winter wonkerland. You know, they're usually quite seasonal,

these stories, and they're Christmas-themed places where there's a German shepherd with some antler-shaped dealie boppers on pulling a cardboard sleigh. And some very muddy snow. But people love those stories of terrible immersive events. Well, it makes them feel better, you know, all of us feel better about our own lives.

Well, there you are then. So well done, Illuminati Industries, or whatever they're called. Industries, like Superman villains. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I've been picked up on my... The other day I was criticising from my point of view of having moved here as a kid from South Africa how frightening I found British Kids TV. A lot of sort of handmade puppets and men in sheds and so on.

But we've heard from Greg. Excuse me. He says, Dear Frank and team, we've been listening to Pierre talk about scary puppet animals on British Kids TV. But has Pierre forgotten Hartley Hare's South African twin, Haas Das Senuskas? Oh, wow. Oh, I like the sound of Haas Das. My wife was born in South Africa

and has been shouting at the radio, surely Pierre remembers Haas Das Senuskas? Apparently, he was a hare that read the news from the animal kingdom. What, the actual news? No, from the animal kingdom. Oh, I see. What sort of story? What sort of breaking news? I actual news? No, from the Animal Kingdom. Oh, I see. What sort of story?

What sort of breaking news? I thought you meant he was from the Animal Kingdom. And he read the news. And he read the people's news. Now, there were lots of characters with great names. Bettina Bobillan, the baboon. Dr. Carlos Crabbe, the crab. Anyway, love the show.

Looking forward to seeing you guys at Warwick Arts Centre. Greg Taylor. So I thought, I thought, I don't think I know. I should say, we're on tour, me and Pierre. We're not just hanging out. We're doing an in-conversation. We'll discuss kids' TV from different nations.

We're on tour with the Locker Room Bands. About the Beatles. Do you remember those South African... Well, I thought like... What does it mean? I don't even really know. I looked it up, so I thought, have I really... Of course you looked it up.

Of course I looked it up. And? Hastas enuskas, Hastas' Newsbox, was a weekly short TV show in South Africa about a rabbit and a mouse running a news broadcast. Created by Louise Smit in 1976. Smit? But I said,

I was born in the 90s. I remember a few. Louise Smit in 1976. Smit? But I said, you know, I was born in the 90s. I think I must have. I remember a few. There was a... Ex-niece or aunt? Sorry, go ahead. There was a sheep poppy that was known rather distastefully

as Lamb Chop. Yes. Don't remind us. I've heard of Lamb Chop. That was Shari Lewis's thing. And there was an Italian mouse, Topo Gigio. Do you remember him? I do.

Oh, you're so tall like this. Oh, no, don't do that to me. No. He was very much like that. And he was very much people in completely black outfits standing behind him, operating him, you know. See, you don't get the celebrity puppets

in the way that you once had them they were celebrities in their own right they were whereas now they don't want these young people

the tatty old puppets they want the cartoons is there a puppet now that you could get on the Graham Norton show yes yes

Hackety Dog is that the nice one that works Hackety Dog. Oh, yeah. Is that the nice one that works with... Hackety Dog. Hang on, is that Reece Stevenson, the nice one we like? No, no, you wouldn't...

I know, the one when there's two dogs. One's called Hacker and one's called something else. Can you keep this to your locker room, Bantz, on the tour bus, please? Hackety Dog was

a friend of the Perishian Sterling sidekick. They wouldn't get interviewed on Graham Norton. He's really funny, Hackety Dog, to. They wouldn't get interviewed on Graham Norton. He's really funny, Hackett, to be fair. Has he been on Graham Norton? Not yet.

No, you haven't. But that's down to Graham Norton's prejudice. No, what we are talking about here, we are talking about, there was a time when puppets were as big as, in the way that horses were famous. Horses were celebrities. You would see them on the red carpet, Frank, wouldn't you?

Well, I did a personal appearance thing with Red Rom. Did you? Horses were huge. Yeah, it was in a ballroom standing on a carpet, Red Rom. Did you interview him? Old and eaty, huge. I think it was Double Guy's in salesman of the year awards whereas they don't get the VIP

invites now I think he had his box done double glazed free I have a question for you guys at any point in the UK or growing up or in your whole lives did you ever come across something called the old man of the mountain sort of puppet oh do you mean watch or

in real life i met a few of those yeah i am the old man with a lot of philosophers no well um when you're a kid sometimes or silly when i was a was a kid, you end up having these sort of slightly mysterious VHS tapes of kid shows. Because South Africa, like a lot of sort of third culture countries, you've got American TV and British TV and Canadian, Australian, all over the world, and many languages. And as kids, we had this VHS tape called The Old Man of the Mountain. And it was a sort of stop-motion animation, like, puppet thing about this old man who lived on

a mountain and he was his job was to sort of protect the spirit of the mountain ah see personally if i'd have been living with my parents and had seen a vhs called old man of the mountain i'd have left it alone just in case yeah okay so no i don't know if you'd have seen in vhs as kids we no one else had ever heard of it. We couldn't tell where it had come from or who had made it. I think everyone, when they get to a certain age, has got a television programme that they become uncertain that it actually happened because other people haven't heard.

We started to think we'd imagined it. And it had this great, booming narrator. And I looked it up the other day and it was Brian Blessed. Oh. You got Blessed? He was Blessed and the... Was it a South African production? It was a Czechoslovakian...

Of course it was. ...communist puppet piece of propaganda. Communist puppets? Yeah. I went back and watched it on YouTube and all the storylines are like, and of course he had too much money saved up so the old man of the mountain came

and scared him into giving it away. But I remember watching, I've become another radio show, I hope this would never become as we talk about kids' shows, but there was a programme called Mr Piper, which I've never met anyone else who has heard of it, and it was a man who had a bag with lots,

the answer to every problem was in his bag. Oh, it was a sort has heard of it. And it was a man who had a bag with lots, the answer to every problem was in his bag. Oh, it was a sort of form of therapist. And he would say, ha ha ha, come and see all the stories there may be in my stories, in my songs. And then he'd catch right, I put fun where

fun belongs. Well, we'll be the judge of that, Mr. Piper. Tell us where fun belongs. It's the'll be the judge of that, Mr Piper. Tell us where fun belongs. It's the sort of thing someone would say as they bend a toy. Also, that would be your catchphrase if you were the unfunniest comedian in the world.

What about if I walked into Bush and Ritchie's show, just stormed in and said, I do not believe that fun belongs here. Stop having it. They'd be outraged, quite rightly. What does he look like, Mr Piper? He was clinically obese in a sort of a...

Falstaffian, you mean? Yeah, Falstaffian, in a sort of an elf outfit. He sounds grotesque. Well, yeah, but I've never met anyone else who's heard of that. And those other... And now we're going to go down to Animal Farm with Kooky the Kitten and blah, blah, blah. Animal Farm, that's big news.

What are you doing? Mr Piper. You're sued. Maserata Cake Shop. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. What, then? All right.

Well. Too late, we're out of time. So anyway. No, we're not. I'll be the judge of that. Because Mr. Piper has been remembered by a number of our readers. However, it has been suggested by Russell in Nottingham. Yes.

Hello to all the merry men. It's difficult to access his programmes because I think, I don't know why, but he was let go, I believe. No, I think, yeah. I'm not surprised. I don't know why or what happened. I'm not saying I liked it. Oh, now you're backtracking think, yeah. I'm not surprised. I don't know why or what happened. I'm not saying I liked it.

Oh, now you're backtracking. I'm saying I watched it. I put fun where fun belongs is quite a Cromwellian thing to say. The bin is where it belongs. You'd wear a T-shirt with I put fun where fun belongs. There's an intimidating energy to it. There is. Because it mentions fun, but it doesn't say I like it.

It mentions it, but it doesn't say I like it. It mentions it, but it compartmentalises it at the same time. Can I be absolutely clear? Also, there's a suggestion. There are places where fun is just not welcome. You could wear that T-shirt and say, look, I think this is one of those places where fun just doesn't belong. Let's leave fun as fine in its context. Yes.

Can I be absolutely clear here? I know I sound like I'm a Tory and Fiatan inquiry. But Jimmy Lutkin says disrespect Hackety Dog on national radio again and there'll be

serious problems. Right. We were not disrespecting Hackety Dog. No, I'm just saying that he hasn't been on Graham Norton. And Hacker Tea Works, I believe Hacker Tea Works with Reece Stevenson, one of our personal faves, Frank.

To be honest, in recent years, I was on Ian Graham Norton when the other big guests were afraid to come on because of COVID. So they were on screens. And I was established as one of those people that showbiz felt it could afford to lose. Have you been asked back on at Graham Norton? No, no, I was in the front line. Now that the war is over, I've forgotten.

Are you? Yeah. But, you know, I'm fine with it. I really got on with Graham Norton when I met him. I really enjoy things to not do. You'd have thought puppets would be the ultimate COVID-safe guest. Yeah, exactly. They could have a host puppet, host puppet.

Do you know what I realised? When I met Graham Lawson, I'd gotten so well with him, and I thought, oh, maybe we'll be friends. And then I realised, oh, no, that's what he's good at. Yeah. And he's so good at it. He's a perfectly nice man. Oh, he's lovely.

But I would like, I've said on here many times, I wish most of television was puppets. There's no reason why. So you don't have to work with people. Well, there's no reason.

There wouldn't have, all the people saying, oh, this is the third series, I want three times the salary. If Friends had been puppets, it would have been a lot cheaper, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's true. I think you'd like Hackety Dog. He been a lot cheaper, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's true.

I think you'd like Hackety Dog. He's a good puppet. Isn't it all in Afrikaans, though? Hackety Hunt. Hackety Dog, hey, where's my

biltong? Yeah, it wouldn't, I don't think Friends would have been as successful if it had only been available in Afrikaans. If it had been called

Burtis, Burkis. Yeah. Or it would have been that's Friends. Buddies. Marvellous. Yeah. Is that what it would have been? Berties, yeah. Buddies. Marvellous. Buddies Chinas.

So look, enough of this. You know what? Ross. Let him do his bit. Thank you for listening today. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. No, get out.