The Frank Skinner Show - Big Green Egg

Episode Date: July 16, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Pierre Novellie. Frank has made a fashion faux pas and also made his publicist spit out her tea… The team also discuss the Other Johnson’s removal from Harrods.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I am with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Guten Morgen. Guten Morgen. Guten Morgen. Morgen. So, yeah, it's going to be hot, apparently. A lot of people have been mentioning it.

Oh. Mentioning it with, I would say, not mild threat, but threat. Genuine, we're not going to get through this, guys, kind of stuff. No. I thought you were going to start doing... Remember that DJ I heard once that I told you about who was going on about how hot it was and started saying, yeah, it's hot one out there today.

A lot of wasps. Wasps, I ate them. OK. That was it? That was his link? What do you think? I think it reminds me of a DJ who I won't name saying, I went down to take gallery this week,

take a look at that Turner Prize art. What's it all about, eh? Lady. Art. What's it all about, eh? Lady. But, eh, we should, you know, it's a job where one, as you will see in the next three hours, can make a damn fool of oneself. So, you know, there you go. I, um, oh, I'll tell you what I did this week.

Yeah. I did some gigs. Did you? And the last gig I did was Saturday night. And it's been a good week. A good, productive week of warm-hearted, bank holiday crowds. Well, they weren't bank holiday, but they were warm-hearted. And I was very pleased.

It was the last night. The show had gone well. I rounded it off and there was a guy said, speak to women. Oh. And I thought... You didn't have any problems with that in your younger days. No, I didn't. We didn't speak that much.

Oh, Frank. But... It's disgusting. I said, what? And he said, speak to women. He said, I've noticed everyone you've spoken to tonight in the crowd has been a man. He said, you spoke to him, you spoke to him.

And two women said, no, no, he spoke to me. And he spoke, I think he was a... Did he say, shut up, love? Yeah, exactly. Who asked you? Go home and wash the dishes. But it was, I think he got me marked down as a male chauvinist pig. Was he wearing a set of white armour?

But it was... I like that he felt he had to speak for the women. Yeah, well, I did point that out. And then he said, look, I said something, and he said, look, I love you, Frank, but speak to women. And I thought, it had that element of, I'm warning you in peace and love. I didn't want him to love me, do you know what I mean? I've got a pool of people who love me, and I don't want it poisoned by this bloke loving me.

And it just, for me, ruined the whole week. Yes. Yes. Yeah. How did you sort of bring the right energy back? Well, it was right at the end of the show. Oh, yes. So I had a couple of digs in, which always gets, you know, like applause. But it's still...

And he's ambushed you there. Yes, yeah, right at the end. And, you know, I mean, it's good to have someone on your shoulder pointing at your failings, but I don't keep a checklist of agendas I speak to. I celebrate woke

politics, but there's a lot to remember. Such a lot to remember. This guy as well, I like the I love you, but as if the withdrawal of his love is a sufficient threat to get you to modify your behaviour. Oh, but it was, you know, I brazened it out, but when I got back, I thought,

that's really spoilt it for me now. When I think of this club, I think of that bloke. That terrible bloke, I think of. Did you tell Kath about it when you got married? No, I haven't. In fact, you're the first people I've told. Well, you better start talking to her. You've got man's advice.

Speak to women. I spoke to you, didn't I? Yeah, I just got the lads around and we had a bit of a talk. We got naked, covered ourselves in body paint, ate raw meat in the garden and I told them about it. They said it was fine. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Rachel has got in touch.

Oh, yes. Loved seeing the very wonderful Pierre Novelli in Canterbury last night. Hopefully he got his train, as I've never seen a performer get out of the door so quickly. I trap pretty fast, as they say in the greyhound community.

Well, can see why he and Frank on the radio love touring together. A match made in absolute heaven. Yes. Absolute heaven, by the way, is my new religious channel that I'm doing for Absolute. Don't laugh, it's going to happen. I think Rachel might have been to see you. Oh.

And realises you like a speedy exit too. Yes, I don't like to linger. Once I've got my Doctor Who dolls from my admirers, I'm out of there. I've seen it. What? I've... What, my quick exit? Yes. Oh, yeah.

I would also like to share this with some of our readers. It's been sent directly to us, but this needs to be shared with the world because Iona Fass, who's one of our regulars... Iona Fass as well. She's just one vowel... It's a size too small for me, but I do wear it sometimes on Middle Eastern-themed nights. Yes.

She sent us a lovely picture. Re-niche birthday presents last week. My mum told me there was a visitor coming to my birthday party and walked round the corner with this life-sized cutout. Do you know who the cutout's of? I'm going to guess.

Paul Coyer. The former daytime TV presenter. Do you want to throw your hat in the ring? Emperor Hirohito. Incorrect. Both of you. It is a Frank Skinner.

Really? Goodness. You're wearing a tuxedo. Oh, right. You look absolutely not bad at all. Thanks very much. That's like Kat saying when I had my ascot gear in, some women would find that attractive.

What else? Oh, yes. You know, the whole British sitcom tradition of people having a drink of tea and then something shocking being said and then going... I came as close as I've ever seen to that actually happening this week. I was in Starbucks doing an interview with the Manchester Guardian,

which I think they're called the Guardian nowadays. Yes. And I was with my publicist, Lucy. Now, publicists sit in. Relatable. They sit in on these interviews because um they don't want you to you know you've got to keep an eye on what you're saying yeah and can I just say she's she's a good publicist

yes so anyway um she went up to get some tea or coffee or whatever whatever people drink nowadays and she went up to get to the can so um so she missed a small section of the uh of the uh interview anyway we came back and blah blah blah and at the end of the interview the guy said well i have to say thank you for being so honest and And she actually did one of those. And I was a bit anxious. It's not what you want to... I think my guard, you know, age means I no longer keep up my guard in these things. You don't want to see their eyes widen as they say that.

No. Wow. Thank you for divulging that. It was a bit like that. I don't know. I think I might have overshared. Oh, what did you say? Oh, I just don't even think about it.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I am... Ruth Jordan, sorry to interrupt. No, do interrupt. Just this is hot off the press from Ruth Jordan, one of our regulars. Morning, Ruth. She's very interested to know

about your interview. Was it with the Manchester Guardian? Yeah, the Guardian they call it now, I think. Refrank's oversharing interview. I'm liking this as a thread. Did he share the picture of the Tipton Slashers monkey with the interviewer?

That's my guess. I can't wait to pick up The Guardian in a few days' time and find that pic on the front page. We've all got our boundaries. I've been forbidden by my partner to share the Tipton Slashers monkey. Do you know about this, Pierre? I do, yeah. I listened in a rapt horror and I did attempt myself to try and find. Do you want a quick recap, Pierre? I do, yeah. I listened in rapt horror and I did attempt myself

to try and find... Do you want a quick recap, Frank, just for any of our listeners? They might think, what the hell is the Tipton Slashers monkey? Briefly explain. I was at the Black Country

Living Museum, which is fabulous and I'd recommend it. And the Tipton Slasher was a local bare-knuckle fighter Bill Perry and he had a pet monkey that he would occasionally spar with as an you know for hijinks why are you saying this like it's the most normal thing in the world? So anyway, there was an accident during their sparring. Bill had a bit of a tantrum, hit the monkey a bit harder than he normally did in his playful manner,

knocked it down some stone stairs and sadly it didn't make it. Yeah. I thought so with its family. But then Bill, in terrible remorse, had it stuffed. And it's not on display at the Black Country Living Museum. It's on a shelf in a room. And I asked if I could see it because I knew of its existence. And they took me and took the tissue off it. Pierre, you don't even want to know. I don't know if he went top dollar

when he went to the taxidermist list. It's interesting you say he got it stuffed in regret. I think I said remorse. Remorse, yes, that's different. It's a gay club in Dudley. It's a great name. I'd have enjoyed if he got it stuffed with one of

those sort of sort of wibble things where he could still punch it and it would come back out oh no if you saw it you could see

it wouldn't take it wouldn't take a good punch no if the producer passes me my fan the producer is currently

stitching my jacket yes which has got a hole in it. Can you believe that? It's an old-fashioned show. It is. I walked in this morning. It was like 1952.

Yes. When I hired Sarah, I'd say, how's your seamstress skills? Although, I really can't talk because... Oh, you can, Emily, you can. ...women shouldn't speak to women. I really can't talk because... What, again?

Do you remember I once... I have been known to help out with your undergarments. Do you remember that in Edinburgh when we shared a flat? Can I tell you my undergarments? I put them in the washing machine. You did. I didn't actually... Emily washed my pants. And I liked it.

Can I tell you, someone sent me some... You know last week I had an early Christmas gift and they sent me some pants. That's the only one I got home. I realised I did a thing about Calvin Classics on the show which are pretend calvin klein low budget pants right and today i that what they sent me was another another example like um southern fried chicken you know those versions of kfc chicken

well this is like um cal like Calvin Klein's less successful nephew made some pants. It's a bit like that. But I'll show you. Shall I show you on air? Have I got time to show my... What are you doing? I'm just going to pull the waistband up.

I don't want you to do a waistband. A wedgie. Here it comes. Here it comes. Can you see that? It's all happening, guys. Can you read that? It's all happening, guys. Can you read that? Calvin Klein.

It says... I think we might have to show the reason. Glein Klein, it says. Glein Klein. Yeah. But I'll put a photo up and you'll get the gist. I feel like I'm back in Australia again. Glein Klein.

I was going to say Calvin Klein sounds likelein sounds like my aunt to say. You mangrove. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So I tell you what I did this week. I took on the big green egg. You're familiar with the big green egg? No. It's a sort of Le Grand Earth Vert, as I like to call it.

It's a state-of-the-art barbecue. Yeah. Do you know, I am familiar with it. Yes. Yes. I believe Deck has one. Deck? Yes.

Oh, okay. I can't tell you how I know that, but I just do has one. Deck? Yes. Oh, okay. I can't tell you how I know that, but I just do. Yeah? Okay. That's good to know. It's not a dissimilar shape to Fat Man, is he called? The nuclear bomb. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, that's its name. I don't want to fat shame weaponry. I think that is its... Also, it's called Mark 3, isn't want to fat shame weaponry. I think that is its... Also, it's called Mark III, isn't it? Yeah. Is it? I think so, yeah.

I went to the museum in Los Alamos. Oh. Okay. Why did you encounter the green egg? Can I ask you a question? Sure. On the Mark III topic, does anyone, do we know of,

who's ever had several boys and called them Mark 1, Mark 2? That'd be perfect, wouldn't it? Why aren't people doing that all the time? That would be great.

That would be good. Yeah. Mark's really gone out of vogue. I think we need to bring it back. If you're about to begin a family,

exclusively male family, Mark 1, then yeah, you've got to go Mark 1, Mark 2, Mark 3 Oh yes that's a great idea Anyway it's

my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have one and we went to their place and they basically said you're flying the big green egg and something every man dreams of hearing And they basically said, you're flying the big green egg.

Something every man dreams of hearing. Yes. It's a smoker. That's the first thing I'd say about it. Is it? It really is a smoker. It's like being at a Bob Marley gig. It was a thick white smoke enveloping me.

But there's something about, isn't there, barbecuing that if you get it right people are really grateful people often aren't that grateful in life but if you get a barbecue right just for a few couple of hours you hold a man or woman

Barbecue for women Frank Oh yeah I did barbecue for women Frank I did barbecue for women I know what you mean I do have just for the period whilst the person of either gender is stood over the barbecue I sort of

have so much respect for them it says on the it was one of those, you know when you start doing something and then within 10 minutes you're looking at YouTube for how-to videos. It was a bit like that. But it says with Le Grand Oeuf Vert, it's possible to get the heat to one degree of accuracy.

So you can say, I think I'll have it at 204 degrees. You open a slight door, turn a vent slightly and it just moves. It has a very powerful reputation. It's become a real object of desire, the green egg. Can you get

e-barbecues? E-barbecue? Online-only barbecue? No, I mean... Do you remember when vapes were called e-cigarettes? Because I was thinking, this smoke is probably not good for the atmosphere. An electric oven, you mean? What I want is an e-barbecue.

An ex-boyfriend of mine, I recently discovered, became an e-cigarette millionaire. They don't call them e-cigarettes anymore. No, but that's what I like. It's a shame, I love that term. Wealthy from them when they were still e-cigarettes. You know when you do a joke and you think, you think of a joke and you think,

I can't wait to do this. This is going to be my signature joke that's told all around the world. It's such a brilliant joke. And whenever you think that, when you tell it, it always gets nothing. And mine was that, yeah, I'm a sort of a laid-back, bittersweet kind of a guy.

In fact, I actually smoke an E minor cigarette. Got nothing. I mean nothing. I told it about three times. It got less than nothing eventually. I had to drop it. It's a shame. Frank Skinner.

Absolute Radio. 012. Hi, Frank and team. Correct heat is only one of the important success criteria. I love criteria in a bit of correspondence. In BBQing. Is it? important success criteria i love criteria in a bit of correspondence in bbqing is it i find there is the sweet spot when it comes to the optimum level of cold beer too much leads to overdone and burnt too little and the food is missing the party life what i don't want though is i don't want barbecued sausages for example to look like

they've come out of a standard oven no i want them to have some scarring you want some lines on there i want them to be only identifiable by dental records i don't want to know anything about well mine would i go for carbon dating would be the best bet but no i, I want them to look like we're bat woodsmen. Yes. I like the phrasing, too little and the food is missing the party life. Yes. That's sort of what it sounds like

when a Swedish person speaks to you. They're almost perfect English. It sounds a bit also like Serena Vigman, the England coach, says she talks about we don't want to get, instead of, you know, we don't want to get carried away with ourselves, she says we don't want to live on the pink cloud. Is that what she says?

Which I rather like. I like that. We don't want to live on the pink cloud. I'll tell you what, I actually said last night, completely unironically, I actually think it's coming home. I said that to Kath. I said, honestly, I think it's coming home. Trust the women to have to get on with it.

Yeah. Turn the wine. Tortoise and the hair. No, it's... Anna Banana wants to know, did you cook ham on your green egg? Oh, that's very good. Would you,

would I like it in a box? Would I like it with a fox? Would I like it in a car? Would I like it in a bra? I'm making them up now. That's good. I've got a confession to make. I never really liked

Dr. Seuss as a child. Oh. I found it a bit silly. I just found I was a bit sort of logical, I didn't like things Did you like it in a fox or in a box? The trouble is then, you know

so many people that until you said I found it a bit silly and you said I didn't like Dr Seuss as a child, I thought there's a high chance she means the actual blood She met, yeah she met Yeah, exactly, yes Very dull man I found him... Very dull man. I found him a bit hoity-toity.

I once had to make a speech at his wedding and... If I met Dr Seuss and he spoke in something resembling non-rhyme, I'd be really disappointed. I found after I read Dr Seuss to my kid, I'd be thinking in rhyme for about an hour afterwards, sort of afterburn of his incessant rhyming. You'd also want... It sounded like Chaz Day!

Did you go up to him and say, you're incessant rhyming, man, and you gave it a rest? That was the letter I wrote to Dr Seuss. You've got more rhyming than Shelley. Wordsworth and the rest.

Yes. You'd want Dr. Seuss to sort of pull up in a kind of mad fantasy car, sort of pipes and wheels. Do you know what? I wouldn't. I wouldn't want Dr. Seuss to pull up at all. I find there's something a bit bleak about those books. They're great. I like the feel of them on my lips. Just saying all that stuff

and I found the top hat and everyone seemed a bit mean in them oh no but at the end the whole thing of rejecting stuff that you've never

even tried now I love it yeah I think that that's an important lesson to learn try it before you reject it

and I've used that in a few hotel rooms. Oh for God's sake. With rhyme and without. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio

with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli is with us this morning. You can text the show on 812 15 follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co .uk Can I ask you something? I will.

I came across something I'm reading a book at the moment and I came across something. I'm not reading it I'm listening to it. There is a distinction and in it I've never I'm not reading it. I'm listening to it. Oh. There is a distinction. And in it... I've never heard you say in it before. In it. I'm reading a book, innit?

I'm reading a book in it. Yeah. And there was a reference to the artist Sisko, the rapper. Are you familiar with him? Yes. He sang Thong Song. Oh, yes. It said apparently, it said he sung the Thong Song at his wedding. He performed it.

Oh, nice. And I thought, that's quite, can you imagine? And I wanted to ask you two, would you, if it was an occasion such as that, would you perform stand-up? That question first to Frank Skinner. Well, if it was your own wedding, I think every groom sort of performs a bit of stand-up. No, but you wouldn't say,

ladies and gentlemen, and then you're introduced and you're doing a bit, like the song song. No, I wouldn't do that. I went to a friend's wedding and Elton John did the song and he had changed the lyrics of your song to fit the Brydon crew. Oh, that's amazing.

Do you know that was 350 grand well spent? I think it was free. Was it? I don't know. There would have been celebrities. Don't tell anyone. He did it for the exposure. Yeah, and the speech.

And so he did the music and the speech, one of the speeches was done by Boise from the elderly fools and horses. What an occasion. Yeah, it was. It really was a very fine event. Something for everybody. It was lovely.

Would you do it, Pierre? I'd rather boil my head. Would you? To do like sort of irrelevant observational comedy on my own wedding day. To sort of put everyone through that. I just didn't feel Thong Song was very wedding-y. No. Thong for thong thong thong.

On my wedding day. No, I remember it. It sounded like the Chris Eubank version. There was him asking for the thong song, Chris Eubank. Yes, there is quite a lot of emphasis on underwear at weddings. There's garters and all that. And you have to wear something blue or something. It's very Roselle Clock, all that stuff. What does that something blue or something. It's very Rosea Clark all that stuff.

I'm laughing at that. What does that mean? What does Rosea Clark mean? Yeah. Oh, Rosea Clark. I get it. I thought you said Rosea Clark.

I thought she might be a famous wedding organiser. No, Rosea Clark. You know what I mean. I think doing, if you're a performer insisting on doing some of your own performance

at your own wedding has sort of, I would call them Gaddafi vibes. There's a level of mad narcissism there, I think. You're not one of my dad's girlfriends. Gaddafi, with Rosie O'Clock. I spoke to a politician who was at a big meeting with Gaddafi and he said something

and they disagreed with him. And he went outside and sat on the stairs. He was really upset about it. Anyway. Okay. Have we heard from Lamond Alfresco? We have indeed. Ruth Jordan gets in touch on Twitter.

Ruth Jordan again. Yes, yes. She's loyal, very loyal. Well, regarding your underwear pick. Oh, yeah. And other loyal, very loyal. Well, regarding your underwear pic. Oh yeah. And other things you don't

want to be sent. I put a picture of some, what would we call the mock Calvin Klein pants that I was sent. Snide, yeah.

Snide pants. Ruth says, Frank's expression in this pic makes it look like he's got lost in the street and he's showing his

waistband to strangers like some sort of medic alert bracelet, hoping it'll somehow help them get him back home safely. Nice interpretation. Perhaps that's what I need, my name and address on my underpants waistband. Yeah.

For when I start my wandering. Can't be that far off. Well, they did use that in Back to the Future. That was a joke, wasn't it? Yeah. That she thinks he's called Calvin. I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those people who says, oh, I've never blah, blah. Have you not?

I've never seen... Have you not seen Back to the Future? I haven't seen Back to the Future or any of its sequels. That's right up your strass side, I thought. I think you... You know, Frank, it's all your sort of things. That's what they told me about Donnie Brasco. No, but you love time travel and things like that. Sci-fi, silly things.

Yeah, well, I do love sci-fi, silly things. I shall watch it one day, I suppose. But, yes, it's a gap in my viewing. It's a bit expensively made, though, I think, for you. Is it? Yeah. Yes. All right.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank revealed something off-air. Did you reveal it off-air? No, it was on-air. I can't remember. I'm anxious about what it is.

What is it? Well, I'd better not say just in case. Go on. Did you reveal off-air? No, it was on-air, maybe, that you hadn't seen Back to the Future. it? Well, I better not say just in case. Go on. Did you reveal off... No, it was on air maybe that you hadn't seen Back to the Future. No, yeah, I haven't seen that.

It was on air, I think. Oh, OK, good. Cav has got in touch. Pagan Cav. The only Cav I know is Cavanagh. Do you remember Cavanagh? Yes. Not QC.

I mean Cavanagh the singer. I can make you feel good. Morning All. Kavanagh? Yes. Not QC. I mean, Kavanagh the singer. I can make you feel good. Morning all, I was thinking Doctor Who fans are called Whovians. Mm. So are Doctor Zeus fans called Zuvians? Zeusians? Zeusians? Then I thought...

Oh, maybe Zuv... Oh, yeah, it's difficult. Then I thought, what about other famous doctors like Kildare? Kildarians? I thought, what about other famous doctors like Kildare? Kildareans? Have I accidentally stumbled upon sci-fi writers alien naming codex? I said that in the wrong name.

Sci-fi writers alien naming codex. Zhivagons? How about Dr Zhivago? Yeah. Oh, I like that. Zhivagons. The Zhivagons could be in Doctor Who. Oh, yeah. That's a Zhivagonship. Zhivagons could be in Doctor Who. Oh, yeah.

That's a Zhivagonship. We'd better get out of here. Sort of gloomy with a Russian accent. What about Dr. Quinineos? Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman? Yeah, all right. All right. That's the second week on the trot that Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman's been close.

Did Dr. Quinn get another mention? Yeah. I said there isn't a show with the word quite in the title and somebody said dr quite medicine woman i'm i mean okay those are the only doctors we've got um i tell you what happened to me i went to glindborn this week you've changed Which is a sort of a big opera event where you picnic outside. And I picked up my friend Joan

and drove down there. And when we arrived, she said, so where's your jacket and things? And I said, what do you mean? She said, well, it's evening dress.

And though I have been before, I'd completely forgotten. Oh, no. So I had a short-sleeved shirt on, no jacket. No. And also, I know, and the shirt. I hate people who go to black tie events not in black tie. I feel that it's them expressing their individuality and if that's all they've got stay home so what did you do for a while i was uh i asked a lady

who worked there um sorry i've met a major faux pas will i get in because it Because it's quite a long drive for us down to Lewis. Lewis, as they call it. And also the shirt I wear, it's my Vietnamese shirt, in that it's got tigers on it. And around the tigers, it says, Saigon Sin Avengers clawing back the enemy. Right. And then on the pocket, it says Plyco Wildcats.

Okay. This morning's text in 8.12.15, what's the strangest phrase you've got on a piece of clothing? That's good. You know when you buy clothing and you've got on a piece of clothing? That's good. You know when you buy clothing and they've got those things on? I mean, clawing back the enemy. What does that mean exactly? Does that mean bringing them back?

You know, they've left. We want them back. Reconverting them. I always have an issue with the random years that are utterly meaningless. So 1983, good Times, LA. Why was that specifically Good Times? Well, there's that company that's just called 1970 on the

thing, isn't there? So, clawing, what is it? Clawing back the years? No, no, it's it's Saigon Sin Avengers clawing back the enemy. I imagine it's some... I thought it was some sort of

baseball franchise, but do they claw back the enemy? Do they avenge sin? No. Almost never in my experience. Now, hockey is a different story. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. It's a different story.

So, we were talking about my dress faux pas at Glyndebourne. Yeah. And it made me think of that. Did you see that story in the paper about, I can't remember what this guy's actual name is, but he's called, I know you saw it because during the music break, I said, why don't we talk about that bloke who was in the paper? So I know you saw it, but this is like my professional.

Of course. I don't know if you saw that story in the paper about a guy called johnson what was his real name he's a very posh bloke yes well you know not that johnson no no um he's called he's not his name isn't johnson is it but that's his nickname no his name is Lord John Somerset. Okay. And his nickname is Johnson. Right. But what I like, like a lot of lords or members of the aristocracy, they sort of have, it's like sometime music producer. It's like the one Kate Winslet's married to, who's called Rock and Roller or something.

They like to dabble in the music, these. Well, I generally, one of my, if I was going to, I don't collect really anymore, but if I was going to collect anything now, I think it would be

posh people's jobs. I love this, you know, two mornings a week as an art dealer. Yes. Well, not mornings, probably. I'd say afternoons.

Yeah. That sort of not really jobs. And then one morning a week land management. Yep. They go to Cirencester for that, don't they? Yes. It's a bit like, and I could be completely wrong about this, but when the royals are in the military,

I always think, are they though? Are they in the military, I always think, are they though? Are they in the military? Really? Really? The ones in line aren't, but then if you're the spare instead of the heir, I think they go,

yeah, chuck them in. Oh, is that okay? Seems to be the attitude. Yeah. But yeah, so he's a record producer. He likes to do a bit of lort on. I like jobs in inverted commas,

basically. Yeah. He's a rep for a champagne company or something. You go, right. Yes. His job is to drink it in public. I'll tell you what they are sometimes, yes. Rep for a champagne company or they're ambassadors often.

Oh, yes. Yes. You get a cigar brand ambassador. Yeah. Yeah. I, it's interesting this, because what happened to Johnson was he was,

he broke the dress code in Harrods. I think you'll find it's called Top People's Store if you're reading The Sun. Okay. I didn't know shops had dress codes. Well, most shops don't. No, I know that. But this shop...

It would be very galling to be hustled out of the M&S food court. It would, yeah. For breaking whatever dress code there would be. Of course, at the other end, we have the only two schoolchildren at any one time rule. Yes. Greatest rule ever invented that. So noisy.

Noisy. They steal. They do steal. I mean, God bless them, they're the future, but they do steal. So,

you know, you can dress it off any way you like. And to be fair, from Harrods, there's quite a profit margin there. Don't go in Harrods as school children.

I shouldn't think they're allowed in the school uniform. Well, it depends on the uniforms, there's quite a profit margin there. Oh, don't go in Harrods for school children. I shouldn't think they're allowed in with a school uniform. Well, it depends on the uniform. If it's got a tie. If it's got a tie. I think if it's... You don't nip in Harrods for crisps on the way home, do you? I think the rule is, if your uniform involves knickerbockers...

Then you're all right. Come right in. Yes. If you're dressed like a ghost. Yes. I think then you're fine. So we were discussing Lord John Somerset. Yes.

Who was apparently wearing, I think it was ripped jeans and a paint splashed jacket. Paint spattered. Okay. I think it was normal jeans. R paint-splashed jacket. Paint-spattered. OK. I think it was normal jeans. Ripped jeans is a different sinner. I think if it was paint, we know it would have been oil paint from old Lord John. Well, it sounds like one of those jackets

that was bought with the paint on it, though. That was my question. Is this reckless farrow and ball usage, or is this an artistic decision? Can I tell you what it is? With these potions, and I do like the expression, the potions. Do you know where that originally comes from, Frank? No.

It was from... Oh, it's from 7 Up. A documentary called 7 Up, which I'm sure our readers will be familiar with, and they interview children from 7. From 7 to 14 to 21, and still ongoing. And one of the, I'd say he was one of the bigger characters. They're my contemporaries as well. They're more or less exactly the same age as me, those guys.

And he was called Tony. He went on to become a cab driver, but as a child, this would have been in the 60s or whatever, 70s, and they interviewed him in the very earnest sort of BBC interview. It says, and what do you think of the upper class children? And he says, the potions, you just have to touch them. Which is his way of saying you can beat them in a fight quite easily. So ever since I refer to them as the potions.

So the potions, I would say with the paint-spattered jacket, it's sort of their thing, isn't it? Mm. It's battered suitcase. Mm. Well, not according to Harrods, is it? Well, that's what I mean. I think Harrods have got it a bit wrong with us.

What it said in the report was that he was almost frog-marched out of the building. Does that mean he was frog-marched but not completely out of the building, just saying to the foyer? Or does it mean he was put outside the building but his arm was at a comfortable waist level? Yes. You wouldn't exactly call it frog-marching.

They herded him like a cheap dog. Well, he was in the technology department browsing speakers. Oh, yeah. For chamber music. Speakers Corner, they call that bit. I really hope, I do hope that he said, when he was apprehended by the security guards, please let him have said, now look here.

I hope so but it says that he was frog marked almost frog marked almost out of the building right now he was on the fifth floor if you frog mark if a posh bloke is frog march down five flights, right, five stories down. You start off saying, now look here, and them telling you the dress code.

By the time you're on the second floor, you're talking about the Tory leadership race. You know what I mean? You're friends. Five floors is a long way

to be frog march, almost frog march. You're flagging by the way. Get in the lift. Yeah. I suppose it'd be awkward by... Get in the lift. Yeah. I suppose it'd be awkward if he was in the lift. If people got in and there was a man being almost Frog March.

It's not what you're expecting at Harrods Lift. Oh, it was a debacle. That's what I'm... Frog March. I'll come back to Frog March. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absol Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Absolute Radio

Don't show him that I'm Listeners This is my Initiation It's going to go black If you don't look at it That's how phones work

War of the Worlds moment I'm looking live now At the Tipton Slashers Bank here Oh my god Yeah Good lord I'm looking live now at the Tipton Slashers bank here. Oh my god. Yeah. Good lord. I'm not seeing that again. I don't ever want to see that again. You see the tooth?

I see the tooth. It's quite a, even in death a boxer's pose. To an extent. Frank, briefly. It is awful. It is awful and he's got to stop showing it to people. I've told him. To an extent. So, um... Frank, briefly... Yes, yes. We will... It is awful. Yeah, it is awful,

and he's got to stop showing it to people. I've told him. Frank, please stop showing it to people. You should get it put on a shirt and go to the opera. No, don't encourage him. It's already shown to everyone. Get it put on a stick. Frank, just delete it off your phone.

Anyway. A lot of people have got in touch, Frank. I say a lot, maybe have got in touch frank i say a lot maybe three for example jane frank did you get into the g event without a jacket you haven't you left people hanging i did the woman said well i like the tigers because there's tigers on that shirt and they were but people were looking at me, and I think that idea of, I thought I didn't need to wear a dinner jacket, I hate people thinking that.

You thought the cloak of celebrity would be enough. Yeah, but I always, I liked it. I like an excuse to dress up. You didn't want people looking at you thinking that you thought, time to shake up the world. Oh, exactly. I don't time to shake up the world. I don't want to shake up Glyndebourne. I like it the way it is.

He thought it was a bit like Paul Weller turning up in a leather jacket. I'll get my coolest shirt, the one with tigers on. I'll freak out those old farts. So, Lord John Somerset. Yes, back to Lord John Somerset. Yes, back to Lord John Somerset. Johnson.

Johnson, who you were saying, because Pierre was talking about Viscounts off air, not the biscuits. No. Are they biscuits, Viscounts? Yes, I think they were. I didn't know that. But there is a, is it a mnemonic for remembering the titles?

It's, does my lord ever visit Brighton Beach? Are you familiar with that? No. I think it's like Duke. What does it remind you of? My lord. Does my lord. No, my lord.

Yeah, Duke, Marquess, Earl, Lord, Baron, Baronet. Handy. Very good. Very handy. Now you say handy. But you should teach it to the security at Harrods. Get them Very good. You should handy. Now you say handy. But you should teach it to the security at Harrods. Get them out of all of these binds. Apparently, according to the article I read,

there's a bit of a history of people. I mean, some celebrities have been turned away for their clothing. In what might be the most 90s story ever, Jason Donovan was turned away for wearing ripped jeans. Oh, yeah. And he also, I've seen him out in a very garish coat he wears sometimes. His coat in many colours? Yes. Do you think the security...

But they're golden lining. I think Luke, is it Luke Goss or Matt Goss was turned away. And they said they didn't recognise him. Yeah. Hence his song, When Will I Be Famous, open brackets, enough to get into Harrods.

Close brackets. So it does happen at Harrods. People get... Turfed out. Yeah. Semi-frog marched. Do you think the security have a sort of copy of Burke's Peerage to hand? So when you say, my Lord, so I said, they go, well, we'll see.

They should have just remembered us. I think they do Burke's Peerage like the knowledge. They have to learn it. They walk around with it on small plastic see-through lecterns until they've learnt it. They walk around Glyndebourne pointing. That's it. Jigga Bowfoot.

Exactly. Royal Ascot. Royal Ascot. Marcus and Bath. Has to be memorised. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli.

You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or alternatively email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Now then, you were talking about your shirt. Do you remember that, Frank? It was a shirt you'd ended up inadvertently wearing to... Glyndebourne. A rather smart event. And if you could briefly remind us what it said on it. It says...

Just roughly, a vague approximation. No, no, I'll tell you. Exactly, it says, Saigon Sin Avengers clawing back the enemy. And it also says, Plycoo Wildcats. Yeah. Okay.

We've heard from John Jones. What? The Martian Manhunter? Morning, Frank. I heard you talk earlier in today's programme. You know, I like that. It makes it sound like

we're doing proper radio. Like sort of Radio 4 or something. I heard you talk earlier in today's programme about a bowling shirt. He's saying it's a bowling shirt. Oh, okay. Interesting. Based on the detail, this sounds like it could be talk earlier in today's program about a bowling shirt he's saying it's bowling shirt okay based

on the detail this sounds like it could be an off-duty party shirt he's put that in quotes made for the u.s forces these were popular or a design based on this yeah these were popular during the war usually the stitching is lazy machine. I don't think he's having a go. I think that's just what it's called. Or hand sewn. Yeah, he was good in Star Wars. Okay. I would be interested to see

that. That's why he's got the pen. I'll see what I'll do. I would be interested to see some pictures as I'm studying this period for veteran groups. He would be a lovely friend for both of you. You like studying periods in history. I like studying and war.

Frank, you need friends. I like studying and I don't like war. But you'd like some friends. I don't mind very old wars. But when there's programmes about World War I and World War II... Roses? Roses? Sorry? Roses?

Not Sorry? Roses? Oh I'm fine with anything I mean English Civil I love Oh Pierre? All of them

Okay You see I've got to be honest I'll put a detail from the shirt up and maybe that can help What was Sorry what was that? It's John Jones John Jones of course

Martian man. The wildcat element, I did think when you were describing it, I thought this does sound a bit US military. You thought it, and now someone said it suddenly. You thought it retrospectively. I didn't want to out you as a pro-Southern Vietnamese government. Well, I didn't recognise it. He was wearing his off-duty party shirt, and that's fine.

I didn't know such things existed. Well, I didn't know exactly that they had sort of formally approved military-issued party shirts. No. I mean, you know what? Buy your own party shirts. Don't party on my dollar. Yeah. Thank you. That's what I always say. on my dollar.

Yeah. Thank you. Well, that's what I always say. I was listening to Rockin' All Over the World recently and it really sounds like there's a car alarm going off in the background. Really?

It's an organ, I think, but every now and again it goes all the way through it, yeah. Maybe there was one. Are you sure about this? Maybe they were breaking into a shop as they recorded it. Why were you listening to this? Am I sure about it?

Yes. What do you mean? You weren't having some sort of medical incident while you were rocking all over the world? No, you listen to rocking all over the world and you'll say, you know what? He's right. Was this to do with a Live aid documentary or something because that's

normally the only context i'm not going to lie that i hear that song is in context with it is in association with life i think i was listening to one of our decade channels and it came on that okay okay i'm quite absolutely loyal in lots of i am too i like. I like Absolute 80s. When I say Absolute, I mean the whole Bauer family. You know, Magic at the Musicals, that's one of ours, isn't it? Yes. And Absolute Classic Country now.

I can get my Johnny Cash, Glen Campbell, Dolly Parton fix. Just saying. I'd quite like to know what Novelli Has been up to Okay Didn't that take off that little song I've done Frank Honestly as a friend

Be completely honest Do you like that I quite like it I think Pierre should come on stage I enjoyed it can I ask you Pierre by the way do you still wear the velvet jacket on stage? I do

I do because I have gigs this week including Monday and Tuesday which are the days from hell they're being sold by the news I've got red alert gigs yeah and I was wondering From hell, they're being sold by the news. I've got red alert gigs. Yeah.

And I was wondering if for the first time in my life I might wear shorts on stage. Do you think that is acceptable? I think it is acceptable. I mean, I'm an old man commander. But I think it's acceptable, but I will say I notice a tremendous drop off in my authority when audiences

can see my knees yeah I'm not sure why that is I did a gig in shorts for some students it didn't stop you this morning love no no no but I don't want authority

in this room I want to be free gloriously free you won't get it don't worry that's not on the prisoner not on my watch not on here yeah but you've got a muscular leg You won't get it, don't worry. That's like I'm a prisoner. Not on my watch.

Not here. Yeah, but you've got a muscular leg. I've got like an old, veined... What on earth is going on here? Knotted rope leg. I think any leg is a distraction to the crowd. Well, that's true. Limbs to stocking. Yes.

Are you done? Can I leap in here? Yes. Great. What are the shorts like? It's not the shorts that's the problem. It is. I don't think it is.

What are the style, please? Are they Bermuda? Are they... They're paramilitary. What, to go with your military posse shirt? Covered in tigers. What the hell is going on? Yes, they are.

Did you whimsically buy a 309th Parachute Brigade embroidered parachute? Why is everything military? I shop at the Army and Navy quite a lot. Do they still exist, Army and Navy stores? I only used to use them for webbing. You've got a big rucksack. I bought some webbing from the Army and Navy store,

stapled it to the back of an armchair in my house so I can pretend I'm on an aeroplane. I put magazines and stuff in the webbing. G.I. Are you going to have a crew cut? Yeah, pardon? Are you going to have a crew cut? I am going to have a crew cut shortly. You know I pardon? Are you going to have a crew cut? I am going to have a crew cut shortly.

You know, I like a short back and sides. Short back and sides. I say, no, not me, mate. Never had a cut since the age of four. Keeps away the breeze when it's hanging on my knees. I'll never have a cut no more, no more. Never have a cut no more. So, um...

Here's... I just need to know one other thing. Go on. If you're going to wear these shorts, military shorts or whatever, um, dog tags? No, it's too much um not dog tags what are the what's the shoe situation the nickname of one of the three musketeers musky hounds that was okay what is the shoe situation because trust me this matters i was thinking thinking just trainer.

Were you? Yeah. Were you indeed? I mean, I'm going to wear socks. I'm not a hipster. It's just that I'm going to be on stage, and it's going to be 40 degrees. Yeah.

You've actually not got a bad leg. It reminds me of the Punjab. I mean, I'm going to be, yeah, I'll be wearing my red tunic, button to the throat, and enjoying high tiffin. Pouring sweat like a guardsman. Exactly. No, it's daint.

I'm an old man. I could die up there again. Oh, man. Any advice? But, yeah, I'm at the Phoenix Club in Soho. Do you know it? Yes. Does it look like a place that's well ventilated?

It's a basement, so it'll be cooler. Just whatever you do, however tempting it is in these temperatures, don't go blues all. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We're talking about things on T-shirts. Ben, my wife has a T-shirt that says H2O, just breathe.

That's good. I really don't like it. I like a gibberish T-shirt. I have a few myself. Yeah, what have you got? I've got a couple that sort of say things like Camp Winnebago 1974 softball team. And you think, wow, mad.

Who's printing that? Why bother with that? It's baffling. Put something good on. Very strange. In fact, I recently bought a T-shirt from a popular online retailer for fast arrival because I bought a T-shirt, plain black, with the classic Batman logo on. Can you see? Can you see it?

Can I see it? Can you see the classic Batman logo? Oh, the yellow, I mean. Oh, yeah, okay. The original one was black on grey, and then he went... Yes, that's true. In the 60s, he went black on yellow. That's true, yes.

So black on yellow on black is what you've got, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. So black on yellow on black is what you've got, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Because my nephew turned four and it was to be a superhero-themed party. Okay. And he requested, imperially as four-year-olds do,

that everyone show up in costume. And I thought, well, I can do a Batman T-shirt. I'll be one of Batman's helpers, you know. I'd have sprayed you green if you'd have asked me. You were born for hulking. Stop offering. And I could have frayed your jeans.

Yeah. Would you have actually cut the serrated edge jeans a la Flintstones? I'm great at serrating. So that was it. He just wore a Batman T-shirt. Well, you see,

all the kids were coming in costume and so I thought, I'll fade into the background. Not in those shorts, dear. No. Well. It's too hot for a full arm. I think you should have worn the full thing.

Well, Batman showed up at the party. Did he? Yeah, and it was a very hot day to be clad in black foam. Did he have the full thing on? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, did he have the foam muscles?

Yeah. Oh, I hate that. What does a real Batman do when it's that hot? Well, that's what I thought. Well, you know what? Those plastic belts, I mean, I'm just saying he's wearing full plastic. I want to keep away from him. Oof.

Well, yeah. He's got the right guard on. Well, that bulletproof armor, that's got to be very, that draws you a bit. It's quite odorous. I was thinking, because I thought, what's wrong with this picture? As I saw Batman sort of knackered in an open playing field. Was he having a lie down? I hope so, or he was dead.

But I sort of thought, why does this look weird? And I realised, obviously, Batman comes out at night. It's very odd to see Batman in blazing sunshine. And then I did think, is it canonical that Batman fights less crime in the summer? Because there's just less time. But he does fight crime in daylight in the comics. The films have got this thing that it has to be dark.

I mean, dark, physically dark, but also Batman has to be morose and upset and all that. Even in Batman Lego movie, he's quite grumpy. upset and all that. Even in Batman Lego movie, he's quite grumpy. But I've spoken here before that my mother made me a very good Batman outfit and my cousin David, his mum made

him a Robin outfit and we used to go around in these and we'd like play football as Batman and Robin and also just sit around on the swings and stuff at the park, like Batman and Robin having a day off. Yeah, yeah.

Not sure what to do with themselves. Low crime day. Exactly. It's just Batman and Robin. Batman and Robin at leisure would be a lovely film. Coffee table books. Just having a coffee, having a chat, catching up. When you were playing football as Batman and Robin

presumably Robin providing the assist the kids always sort of felt that we had to be on the same side as Batman and Robin and it's not like

there was a joke at playing for the other team or anything of that nature and he wore little wellies it actually makes me cry thinking it makes me

well up is when he had little wellies I did yeah and i wore blue swimming trunks over the top of jeans nice but also if the kids would say stuff like that was a good that's a good goal you got yesterday and i said what do you mean i wasn't in the park yesterday still desperately trying to retain my secret identity. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.

Kat Ohtahanan has sent in, well, Kat is a big fan of t-shirts with random English phrases. There's one, Kat actually collects them. Oh.

Has one from Thailand saying, broken shed for you. Nice. I like it. Oh. Has one from Thailand saying, broken shed for you. Nice. I like it. I like that one. I've said it aloud at least 12 times to make sure I wasn't inadvertently saying something.

It wasn't a prank. Exactly. Sorry, I just want to know a little bit more because we're in the sort of sartorial area, which we have been a lot this morning, having discussed Lord John Somerset, Franks, what is it? Wildcats. Yes. Oh, yes, my Saigon. Your US military night off.

Your good morning Vietnam shirt. Yeah, exactly, my Saigon sin avengers. Yes. Clawing back the enemy. I'm calling it his GI party wear. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we don't know if that's true.

Have we put that photo up that I sent you, Sarah? Yes. We had already had a response, yes. Someone thought it said pickled wildcats. It doesn't. What does it actually say? No, I never eat pickled wildcats out of season. Well, as Pablo said,

by name alone, if any creature from the animal kingdom could benefit from sobriety it's the wildcat plico i don't know if you say it like that but it is it is a it is a city in vietnam oh okay fine okay okay um we are having people as well sending in suggestions for because you were talking about your about the about the Batman outfit and your outfit. But we've had, Jane says, of course you can wear shorts, Frank. As long as they're the thicker cotton, longer type. I know what she means. Let's not go the full keegan. I'm not going to wear an Argentina 1978 World Cop short. I mean, for goodness sake.

Imagine if you did. That's not feasible at my age. I was saying off air why don't you is it your be honest is it your legs your self conscious self

well you know I used to be I think of myself on stage in a suit and tie yeah but not when it's 40 degrees but are you concerned about your legs because they're lovely legs I just think people don't want to see

old people too exposed. Why don't you put a flesh colour tight? Yeah. Have you considered hoes? That would cool me down. Well done, Mike. Well done. Beautiful.

I had several choices there. Can I say respect? I took less funny but more respectable. Yes. Respectfully. And that I took less funny but more respectable. Yes. Respectfully. And that is what Breakfast Radio is all about. Any young amateurs out there trying to get into Breakfast Radio, I would take that moment as how it's done.

Discretion the better part of valor. Exactly. And the sacrificial lamb. That was your Jedi test. It was a huge moment for you. It was. For a man of my background, jedi test it was a huge moment it was for a man of my background i mean it was uh yeah it was a mountain to climb but i found a pass yeah 30 years of dirt yeah exactly yes what a great name for a show i've already used it um sorry i want to know can we just hear the ending to what happened to Batman?

Yes. Well, the thing that impressed me the most was that obviously when Batman arrived, it's fair to say the kids went ape. So the Batman was a children's entertainer. He wasn't just a dad who was trying too hard. No, he'd been recruited at a different child's birthday where I believe he'd been playing a different hero. Oh, okay. So he's got range, this guy.

Playing a different hero? Who else was he? He's got in his repertoire. Captain America's my favourite. Captain America. He's covering Marvel and DC, in case they have a preference. Oh, yeah. He's a franchise child hopper this guy

he's a bit limited does he do King Lear does he do anyone else he probably dreamt he would do King Lear yes I did hear him in his suits

muttering about how he'll never play the Dane oh yeah but Batman showed up and the kids went ape and the kid I was most impressed with

was the boy who immediately his first instinct was to immediately attempt to fight Batman. Oh, no. Just attacked him. And did Batman say, how sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child?

Was it Prince Louis? Bit of his King Lear. Well, my sister made sort of throat-cutting gestures. Don't, we said no Shakespeare. Okay. Cut that out. No, this kid immediately went for Batman, and I thought, I felt like when you hear about in documentaries,

trainers saw like a young Muhammad Ali, and they saw within these young boxers the rage that you need to be a great fighter. I think it's that. Any four-year-old who tries to take out Batman on sight. I always felt, you know, that Batman, when he finally dies, it won't be the Joker or the Penguin. It'll be some chancer at a kid's party. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. Michael Stone, where does Frank get his belt from? I used to have one like that from C&A. It was great. I'd love to find another like it. Mike Stone must die. That was what Elvis ran around shouting when his good lady wife left him for her karate instructor. What did he actually say there? Max Storm must die.

He walked around Graceland shouting that. Then he asked a couple of his associates... When you say associates... If they knew how to hire a hitman. Oh, God. And they, you know, this was Memphis where you probably could hire a hitman. And they were saying, no, no, Elvis, you need to learn.

But Mike Storm must die. He was like, he was very angry about it. Do you think he was wearing the cape when he said that? I hope so. Swishing it about. This belt is one of those where if you can twiddle the buckle and it's a brown belt or a black belt.

Which I don't know if that was true of Mike Stone. I think he just, he twiddled the belt a bit too often if you ask my opinion. Hey Elvis, Mike Stone was there.

I know. I know mate. Tell me about it. Do you think if you'd have been in Elvis's, as you call them, circle of associates, what role would you have played in that circle? I'd like to think I would be the sort of joker, but I think that was taken by Lamar Fyke,

who was a big laugh-along guy who was prepared to be utterly humiliated by Elvis, by the others. I think being prepared to be utterly humiliated by Elvis was part of the deal. I don't know if I could, as much as I love Elvis, I don't know if I could cope with that. Do you feel like you would have had the strength to be tough but fair when it came to Elvis?

I think I might have just walked. I'm skinning most eyes. I think I might have just walked. Brown skin or must die. Obviously I took a few shirts and jewellery things with me. You've done a lot for yourself. Rhinestone capes. Now listen, we need to refer, I'd just like to dip back in to our previously

we call this, our previously section, which is we have a, Sandra's been in touch about Flying Ant Day. We always mention Flying Ant Day. It does. Did I miss, has it happened, Flying Ant Day? Well, Bruce and Linda have been in touch.

They've actually sent photographic evidence. Oh. Bruce Goodwin, this is from. Hi, Mr Skinner and Co. Last year, I seem to remember you talking about Flying Ant Day. Oh, every year. Let's put that in bold. Every year, I seem to remember you talking about Flying Ant Day. Oh, every year. Let's put that in bold.

Every year. We are sat in our yarden, a cross between a yard and a garden. Nice. Yeah. On the evening of 7th July, oh, I'm loving this, when this fella walked in and there's a photograph enclosed, it's absolutely disgusting. Right. I've never seen wings like this in my entire life.

Oh, dear. My first thought was, have we got to Flying Ant Day already this year? I must tell Frank. That's from Bruce and Linda. They've enclosed a photo. We've had several other people get in touch about flying ants. The Flying Ants Day, some are saying, occurred on the same day as the Prime Minister's resignation.

Oh, really? There's got to be some sort of... If this was ancient Rome, they'd be seeing something in that, wouldn't they? As Charles says, what other visitations has he planned? Is it Flying Ant who's got the big green egg, or Is it Flying Ant who's got the big green egg or is it Flying Deck?

No, that's Deck's got the green egg. Okay. I saw it on a WhatsApp. All Ants on Deck, as they say. Oh, lovely. Frank, you haven't answered the question. What other visitations

has he got planned? Boris Johnson. Boris Johnson. Yeah, I think Silverfish will be next. When you put the lights on, when you get up in the night, you'll see. You'll see.

You heard it here first. Thanks for listening to us. Pierre, it's always great to have you on. Obviously, it's great to have you on, Emily, but you're part of the furniture. So if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week.

Now get out.