The Frank Skinner Show - Chewing Globes

Episode Date: April 6, 2024

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been to see Slash and visited Paris. The team also discuss becoming Harry Styles tour guides, an underwear vending machine and leaving Golden Square.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Anyway, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215. We're live today. You can actually text the show. We've missed you and your money, I'm told. So follow us on X and Instagram at frank on the radio and email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk no I we have missed you

we um of course um so um what did I do last night I hear you ask me what did you do last night

I went to the OVO arena um oh it's all gone a bit boiler man yeah exactly I went to the OVO I don't even know what OVO Arena Oh it's all gone a bit boiler man Yeah exactly I went to the OVO I don't even know what OVO is

I do they're my provider Of what? Energy Oh ok I thought you meant ladies products Do you know they give me a lot of energy Do they? That's lovely So Me and my child Me and my child,

me and my child, went to see Slash. Not the guitarist. Yes, the guitarist. We didn't just go to look at urine. That'd be a terror. That'd be the worst Friday night out I could imagine. At an arena show as well.

Yeah, exactly. So far back. What's the point? Yeah, exactly. Well, the screens. Yeah, that's true. back. What's the point? Well, the screens. Yeah, that's true. It's no worse than the snooker. Is that what they say? As long as you don't leave yellow on the bottom cushion.

Oh, Frank! It's disgusting. So you started it. I didn't go on about the bottom cushion. No, I know. Okay. So anyway, meanwhile... That was the clean version. It's I know. Okay. So anyway, meanwhile... That was the clay version. It's usually brown.

Fine. Anyway. Please. Calm down, man. What's wrong with you? It was brilliant. Yeah. You're familiar with Slash's work.

Anyone who isn't, he is the lead guitarist with Gons and Roses. Gons... Roses. Has he still got that lovely perm? I was thinking this when I was watching him, because he's got this shower of, this waterfall of hair,

black hair, and a hat, and massive shades. And it was a big, you know, it's a, I don't know how many's at the OVO, but it was, it was a lot, it was packed. And I thought, must be lovely, even in all this roaring and noise, must be lovely and cosy in there. Or you must think, oh, I'm glad I'm in here on my own, in my little tent. You know, he's got his little, it's a phrase you don't often hear these days,

but he's got a little man cave on his head. It's cosy because he's got the br man cave. Yes. On his head. It's cosy. Because he's got the brim of his top hat and his shades and his hair. And it's a bit like, he might as well go on in a mascot outfit. Yeah. Because I was once the mascot at West Brom.

I was a throsh. Oh, right. Yeah. I was a giant throsh. The bird, before you ask. How to depict in foam head form. Did you have a beak? What, a throsh? Yeah, of course a giant thrush. The bird, before you ask. How to depict in foam head form? Did you have a beak? What, a thrush?

Yeah, of course I had a beak. I was a thrush. All right, calm down. Calm down. Yeah, I'm a beak. I don't know how much effort these people make. No, it's very... You'd recognise it as a thrush.

It had, like, the spotted chest. What were your feet like? They were large, yellow yellow claw-like things. Actually, I think I had football boots. I had like sort of mock football boots on. Oh, right, yeah. But for me, my mind. But it's like that. I felt very

safe. No one knew it was me inside. Obviously, they know it's Slash inside his shelter. He's Slash Shelter. What do you think he looks like on the inside, or is it just slashes all the way down, if you see what I mean? If you were to remove the hat and the hair and the glasses,

it would just be the same but smaller. Like a babushka doll. No, I don't think he works like that. He's a human being. We don't know. Is it his hair, Frank? Is it a wig attached to the hat? No. Does it come off when you lift the top hat up?

Funnily enough, Boz has got a Slash hat, which is a hat with the wig. Because at this stage in the game, if I was Slash, don't go to all that effort. Just attach the hair to the wig with the shades. Have it all in one. It's a triumvirate outfit. Like a judge's wig. Yeah. Whip it off.

Yeah, but I did think how nice and because when i when i had that on i must have told you this before i was people want photos when you're the mascot so i was put my wing around people's shoulders and for photos and for the first 20 photos i was grinning like a fool, and then I thought, there's no need for this. Of course. So I just stood stony-faced while I had photos taken with people. It was lovely. Did that feel controversial? No, it felt good.

It felt like Slash. I had my own little private... I mean, for all we know, he could be winking furiously at the front row. He might have his eyes... He'd think I'm having my eyes shot for this one. I mean, the freedom. Yeah. It's really,

I respect it. I envied him. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Pierre actually played air guitar to the last track that we played. I spotted that, but we're talking about Slash, so we can

Yeah, well I played air guitar a lot last night at the OVA. Did you play air guitar at the OVA? Yeah, I don't see much air guitar at rock when I used to go to rock gigs phase one, when I went because I was just mad about

rock music, not because my because I was just mad about rock music, not because my 11-year-old was mad about it. I played air guitar all the time, and so did every other man in the audience. I don't know, and I know this is a thin ice, I don't know if I've ever seen a woman play air guitar. Did it look to the actual guitarist like an enormous invisible orchestra? Maybe. Eric Clapton, I interviewed Eric Clapton,

I asked him if he ever played air guitar, and he said, why would I? I play normal guitar. And I said, you just don't get it, do you, Eric? Was that the same dinner when you started? No, this was on telly. OK. No, not when I hummed Layla.

You know when he did that? Yes, and he was upset. Well, he wasn't, but I come out from the toilet going to myself, and he said, don't do that. He doesn't like air guitar, he doesn't like humming. What do you like, Eric? Just the real guitar. Yeah, real stuff.

That's the trouble with the modern world. Any belief in the unseen is almost gone. guitar. Yeah, real stuff. That's the trouble with the modern world. The only... Any belief in the unseen has almost gone. Air guitar's one of the last vestiges. Do you have one of those blow-up guitars? I find those a bit tragic. No, I stick with air. I mean, that

obviously is an air guitar, but it's been encased. It's plastic. That's a preserved air guitar. Keeping it for best. Exactly.. It's a preserved air guitar. Keeping it for best. Exactly. I don't want my air guitar to get

all dirty. I'm going to put it in an inflatable cover. Oh, man. I tell you what, I do like air guitars. I adjust,

can I just say, I adjust both volume and tone on my air guitar. Oh, wow. And do pedals. And nod to roadies and point to my ear, but it needs cranking up a bit.

I absolutely love it. But he did a solo last night, Slash. I am not kidding you. It's the greatest guitar solo live I've ever heard. And it lasted, it felt like three weeks. But I don't mean in a bad way. I just fell into, I swam in it. All the thing about being sacked from the radio show,

getting old. Wow. The impending death. Did you see that coming presenting the Brits that thing on my foot that

barmaid in Wigan in 98 it's all that, none of it mattered I felt like I'd been cleansed by this solo and then it went on even further. It was a beautiful experience. I came out of it refreshed.

Shriven. More than that. It was holy. It was a holy guitar solo. I like that, man. Yeah. I was discussing seeing Slash there was one of the

a moment which I think you'll like this Emily in particular but a moment that one would not expect I certainly didn't expect it is that the lead vocalist would not expect, I certainly didn't expect it, is that the lead vocalist Miles...

Oh, I feel bad now. I can't remember his surname. Anyway. But he's brilliant. As Boz said, he's got great pipes, hasn't he? I'll look it up in a minute. But he was brilliant.

But anyway, he's very Kevin Bacon-ish. Okay. And he said, right, you know when you hold your phones up with the light on for the slow songs

and stuff like that? He said, right, I want to do something. It's about, he said, if you've got a pet, like a furry pet of any kind,

get a picture up on the phone and hold it up. So me and boss was holding up pictures of our dog. Miles Kennedy's name is... Can I say that's the most adorable thing I've ever heard? That's a slash gig. It was kind of incredible. And was there one person sort of down the front

who thought, well, I've got an iguana, so... No, he said... I won't show. Well, he didn't rule it out. He said furry. He said preferably furry. OK, so he didn't exclude the various snake owners in the room. No. I think a lot of metal concerts have quite a few people with pet snakes.

I think they have, yeah. They like reptiles. Do you have, like, 500 photos of your snake on the phone as opposed to your dog or cat or rabbit or whatever. Well, it's sort of, look at how cute he is sleeping. And it's just a coiled serpent. Yeah. There's probably people there that had the discarded

skins of their pets. They're not very expressive snakes, though. I mean snake. I'm talking about snake. Expressive now, there's a lot of tongue action. That's mainly it. They're not very demonstrative, I find. No.

But I wasn't expecting that at a slash gig, hold up pictures of your pets. Yeah. But we did it. Loyally, I tend to do what I'm told. Yeah. At gigs.

And the final surprise of the night was that the solo, the encore, featured Rocket Man. Oh. Yeah. And I still, I'd completely forgotten that bit that goes, Rocket Man.

I still don't know what that bit is. We've talked about this before, and I refuse to look it up. So I was singing, the whole crowd was singing it, and when it got to that bit, I instinctively went... Even though Elton wasn't there. Anyway, it was a brilliant gig. If you get a chance to see... Oh, that's why you were singing I Miss My Wife when you came in this morning.

Oh, that's right, yeah singing I Miss My Wife when you came in this morning. Oh, that's right, yeah. That's it. Exactly. That's how you learn that Mars ain't no place to raise a kid. Is that what he says? Cold as hell. That's what he says, yeah.

Well, I don't approve of the swearing. Sorry, Frank. Yeah, but when you're up there on your own, you know, who's monitoring the swear box? Frank, which came first, Space Oddity or Rocketman? Someone copied someone's homework, that's all I'm saying. Very good. I think...

Well, readers all know. Yeah. I mean, what would your guess be? I'm going to... I mean, I would always go David Bowie first, only because I just think he's such an innovator, but I may be wrong. I think it might be Elton first.

What do you think, Pierre? I go Bowie. Readers tell us. Pierre is... Readers... Pierre not being able to look this up, I can actually see the veins in the side of his head rising up and down in horror.

He's in physical pain. Grinding my molars to powder. The second I press this button, he'll be on that phone like Jack Russell on a runaway rat. Frank, we have some clarification. I thought we might. A question posed earlier by me, which was, who copied whose homework?

Well, we don't know anyone copied anyone, but what came first? I'm just being playful, come on. I know. But which came first, Space Oddity... Do you know what Elton's like? Well, this is true. This is true.

Space Oddity or Rocketman? Similar themes, I was just interested. Well, none of us were sure, interestingly. I guessed Rocketman and you two guessed Space Oddity. The answer is, Geoff Featherstone says Space Oddity, 1969. Rocketman, 1972. Oh, well, he was well in early. He was.

For three years. Okay. Boy, was I wrong. I should say, I've had a lovely package from Tash Skinner. Do you remember Tash? She is the brains behind Radish Soap, who've sent us a lot of lovely soap over the years. Ah, the free gifts.

Hint, hint, hint. Yeah. And she sent us specifically titled and mixed and manufactured soaps for each of us, which, so, Pierre, what's your soap called? Mine says Piano Billy's Shower Buddy. Oh, nice. Piano Billy's Shower Buddy. Oh, nice. Piano Billy, you may remember, was based on a mishearing.

Pierre's my support act at the moment. When he was announced by himself, I should say, as Pian Billy. But one of the people thought it was... A lady in the crowd thought I was introducing Piano Billy. Yeah. So Piano Billy, the Wild West saloon pianist was going to come on. So, yeah, what's yours, Sam? I've got While the Gentlemen Smoke Cigars.

Very nice. With an illustration of a fan, which is when I do my southern bell. Oh, good. While the gentlemen smoke cigars. I'll leave that business to Oh, good. While the gentleman smokes to go. I'll leave that business to you, Frank. And I've got On Your Bike and Lavender, which I think is a reference to my

dismissal. Oh, that's, oh no. I think it's said with love. Okay. And indeed lavender, for the elderly. Yeah. I should say on the subject of leaving, this is our last ever show at Golden Square. Yes.

Which is the building we've been in for 15 years. Yeah. Not as emotional as it might have been, I'll be honest with you. I think when you go into Australia, you don't think, oh no, I'm going to have to leave my cabin. But, yeah, I think they should have...

Can we actually move? Absolute, right, the absolute kingdom of all its stations, I suppose the kingdom of Bow is moving to quite luxurious. Good for them. Yeah. stations. I suppose the kingdom of Bower is moving to quite luxurious. Good for them. Yeah. And we get, we do get, how many weeks in the luxurious? We get five weeks. It's called the Lantern, the new

place. It's very succession. Yeah, it is. It is lovely. Oh, it is lovely. But we get five weeks which is a bit like the old bullseye ending when you didn't win... Look what you could have won. Yeah, if you didn't win the speedboat, they'd show it to you anyway.

Let's see what you would have won. It's like you go home with three darts and a tankard. Exactly. We are going home with three darts and a tankard. And like... And 20 quid in 10 shilling notes. They didn't believe they'd received the money, so they had to show them the cash.

It was like Prince Harry's wedding when he had three ex-girlfriends invited. Let's see what you would have won. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Yes, so the last ever Golden Square Today

They should have They should have left me You know those old blokes who won't move And they have to build the motorway around their house Yes What if I just keep coming into these studios And nobody knows there's some sort of regulation

that as long as you stayed on air live they couldn't come in oh wow we just have to keep broadcasting we're not into this real marathon with me with a big beard still talking nonsense surrounded by takeaway boxes

yeah yeah people like kind well-wishers putting them a meringue pie up on a drone outside the window. You'll be like one of those businessmen who doesn't want to tell his wife he's lost his job. Yeah, like Michael Douglas in, what's it, Falling Down? Falling Down, yeah.

Paul Monty, I believe, as well. Oh, yeah. And you'll keep going in. You'll say to Kath every Saturday, bye. Radio show. Go sit in Golden Square and broadcast to the pigeons. Son, I've got to go and be trying now to operate the desk at the Lantern. Yeah?

Yeah. We got a message from Richie Ridge who says, regarding the move to the Lantern, it used to be NHS offices before its recent overhaul. Oh, good. He says, having sweltered in there with broken aircon and broken loos, it definitely wasn't the swanky space you'll be enjoying. Yeah, well, we won't have the lantern for long.

Soon we'll be plunged into endless darkness. No, it is a very nice place. They've got a proper coffee bar. I think we share it. There's other people. It's like a fashion label. Men reading fashion magazines. So that's nice to know there's a nice corporation.

I love hearing how great my ex looks when he's just dumped me. No, but I know, it's nice. No, no, we're pleased for them. We're pleased for them. It's like Succession in that they have a big atrium and lots of those little gates that you scan through, very corporate. And I look forward to...

It's quite cinematic. You see it in a lot of TV dramas and movies, the guy trying to scan into the office, but it's not working. What's happening? I'm afraid there's been some news. We've found out what you've been up to. A man in a suit comes down to tell him that.

Yes, exactly. I'm glad we get a few weeks there. So there. Okay. Yeah, luxurious. It is. If I can get in that stationary cupboard. Don't forget, by the way, this morning's texting.

In cafes and restaurants, at what age do you stop being automatically given a drinking straw with soft drinks at 12 15 no i went out with buzz yesterday for lunch and we both had similar drinks and he got a straw and i didn't i thought when when is that decision, Meg? And also, when do I get to the point where they think, maybe back to the straw for that guy, that drooling guy. What is a straw? What's it for? It's the idea that it's drinking from a glass. Straws are becoming phased out, aren't they?

No, not paper ones. Paper ones are disgusting. They get so soggygy it's like trying to drink through a book the only yeah the only place you see them i think i did that in the 80s you get them on fashion shoots a lot oh because the lipstick yeah well you don't want to ruin your your look and you get them backstage a lot of the time you see them at award ceremonies and things the ladies do like a straw but are they based on the idea that drinking out of a glass is not as easy as it looks is it is that why it's given to children they might not be able to manage they sort of tip it all over themselves or something

yeah maybe he's 11 my son he's still getting a straw yeah i got a slap in the face for him. I got a straw the other day. Did you? Yeah, I did, yeah. Wow, we'll give you a straw. You better not. God, Mr. January on the firefighters' calendar. Wow, that was brave. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. On the internet front I'm giving the editor a chance to get in nice and easy off that thing On the internet front I've been I'm on the West Bromwich Albion news site so all the latest West Bromwich Albion news site. So all the latest West Brom news comes in.

And you get adverts on it, ofs. Yeah. And I've started getting a lot of quite raunchy ladies underwear ads. And a lot of ads for pro Donald Trump t-shirts. Now, what does it mean? What does that mean? What have your searches been?

Well, I haven't searched either of those things. Since you got the MAGA cap. Were you standing near your phone saying, gosh, the only thing I love more than Trump is lingerie? Yeah. Your phone heard. One of the things, one of the T-shirts says,

yeah, if you want to make something, if you want to make everything electric, let's start with that wall around Mexico or something like that. And I thought... Which is an odd... I don't even want this on my phone. It's an odd sentence, that as well.

If you want to make everything electric. When did I say that? Well, yeah. Everything electric? What do you mean? What does it mean to get rid of, you know, fossil thing fuels? Oh, right. Look, don't make me defend this. Yeah.

And as for the women's underwear, I thought it looked very shoddy. Maybe it was from the same company. But what's that? Is it just, it's a football site, and so this is the sort of thing football fans like? Often, as I understand it, a company would just approach a website and say, can we just put whatever ads we want?

I'll tell you what, the underwear is Etsy. Then it's homemade. Oh no. Homemade underwear? Yeah. Knitted pants. You're making it sound like

it's put together with sort of safety pins and masking tape. It's not. It's a very lovely... It's arts and crafts. Oh, OK. It's often sustainable... Sustainable erotic...

It looks stainable. I'll say that. People can look at lingerie and say, well, this isn't sustainable. It wasn't all... I mean, some of it was lingerie, some of it was swimwear. Frank, do you know the worst underwear I've ever seen? Go on, I'd love to hear this.

8, 12, 15. No, maybe not. It was in a vending machine in Blackpool. What? I was certain you were going to say Osaka, but then it became Blackpool. In Blackpool. And I was there with some friends and I said, good heavens.

I did say good heavens. I hope you do. Yeah. They said, what do you mean? I said, look at that vending machine. And it had eggs in it. Right. A little like the sort of Kinder Eggs.

Yeah. Yeah, Kinder Surprise. Yes. And wow, this was a surprise if you wanted something nice it was half of the egg was green half of it was transparent a standard kinder set up and i had to get one i was so desperate to know and it had a big sign saying sort of underwear so it was like if you needed clean underwear in an emergency. Oh, that's what I would think.

I thought maybe like a white sloggy brief or something you might get. Yeah. But au contraire. But it was scant. The egg hatched. Yeah. I opened it. It was a teddy.

A nylon teddy. Are you familiar with it? Like an all-in-one, ladies. Oh, God, that's quite big for an egg. What? Who'd have known? But it was such thin fabric that it could fit inside the egg. That's one of those.

It's like when you get the tent out of that circular thing. You'll never get that back in the egg. What's a teddy? A teddy is a bit like... Over to you, Frank. Yeah, it's a... Our lingerie correspondent. It's like a swim...

a flimsy sort of see-through-ish sometimes swimsuit. Often with like... Like a one-piece. Poppers on the bottom. 100%. Like a body. Are you familiar with a body? Poppers on the bottom, by the way, is the name of my memoir.

It's about my time on the gay scene in Manchester in the 80s. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Oh, man. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yeah, I tell you what I've never tried is the chewing domes that you get in vending machines if you don't have a toothbrush.

Oh. Yes. They're like little plastic, not domes, globes. Globes, yeah. vending machines if you don't have a toothbrush. Oh. Yes. They're like little plastic, not domes, globes. Globes, yeah. And you chew, they look like really hard. Sort of tentacly things, like a big rubber brush. They look more like Meccano, if you remember that.

I've never tried it, but I will. I'd like to go out for a night in a vending machine teddy with my mouth freshened by one of the Meccano toothpaste globes you could have a whole themed party yeah I could have strong coffee from a can

yes and I don't yeah and just bristling with phone chargers have we Yes. And I don't... Yeah. Okay. And just bristling with phone charges. Have we... Have we heard from Alfresco Mond? Well, yeah, we have. 201. Hi, Frank.

I love the show, but I thought I read you'd been fired. Yes. That's correct. But there's a delay on the release. Notice period. I love the way they've broken the news. You've been fired. Fair enough. I think that's a reasonable summary.

And we also have 322. When George W. Bush took over the White House, the previous administration removed all the W keys from every keyboard. I don't... Do you think they did that? I have heard they did that.

It's a sort of prank. He's George W. Bush. He was W. Distinguished him from his dad. The thing about you phone the speaking clock in Tokyo and leave the phone off the hook and charge... The company has to pay for that call.

Oh. Is there still a speaking clock? Does that still... 8, 12, 15. It's just a voice that says, figure it out. No, but is it still the time sponsored by accuracies? Is that still happening? And there was that man who sounded... Oh, they got a sponsor. Time got a

sponsor and we can't get a sponsor. Time got a sponsor. What does sponsor and we can't get a sponsor what does time do it just exists no jokes no music what else has a sponsor or does it the ocean these things can get sponsors yeah um i mean but that's ridiculous that time can get one and we can i would love it if that was sort of led into everyday conversation sorry excuse me do you have the Times sponsored by Acuris? As you ask people. It could happen. Do you remember the man who did it?

What kind of Times sponsored by Acuris do you call this? I speak casually about the OVO arena. It's true. And the caribou cop and all those things. I've just mentioned the vending machine in Blackpool that sells underwear. Surely they've got some money to throw our way. We don't know who... Soiled coins.

We don't know who operates that, but it's probably the mafia. National Trust? Well, you know what? Money's money. National Trust, it's that old toss of a coin. Do you remember the man who used to read The Time? He was a very...

Whenever I had... I couldn't ring The Time for that reason because it so sounded like one of my parents' friends in Doctor Who. Do you remember how actually... At the third stroke! All right, mate. Calm down, you're not Hamlet. He obviously thought,

I'm going to get discovered here. The Time is sponsored by Ecclest. He thought Peter Brook's going to want to know the time and hear this and say, who is this guy? Have you heard the time? Previous credits include Troilus and Cressida and speaking the time as himself. Oh, it's like being the ring, voice of the ring.

Anthony Howard, I believe, was the voice of the ring. A very fine Shakespearean actor. I saw him both the second and the third. But as the ring, he went... Oh, I can't bear it. Who is this? Time. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

No big drinks. No big, oh God, I've seen a lot of big pints last night at the Slash gig. Pints are so big, aren't they? Pints are ridiculous. I only want to carry, No wonder people drink them. You're going to carry around for very long. I mean, you wouldn't have a pint of any other drink. Carry on your fat gut, maybe. All right, fine.

Anyway. You wouldn't have a pint of any other drink. Yeah. Well, you say that. Oh. You haven't dined with Piano Billy here. What is Piano Billy like? Pints of any diet Coke.

Really? Pints of diet Coke. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Donald Trump. Yeah. He likes a diet Coke. And lingerie. You can see him, he's directly contacting me.

He is, he's going. It's the best bras. Terrible fabric, though. Terrible fabric. Terrible fabric, though. Terrible fabric. Terrible legs. Yeah, I like them. Little pants. Over.

I like, when it's over, I spell it O-V-A. Okay, so... Okay. I don't think he's ever done any spelling. He has people for spelling. Yeah. Anna Banana sends us a tweet That says any good April Fool's pranks

This year my friend and loyal reader Tried to get me this year By saying she'd seen Emily and Ray In our local park in York Quote looks like they're setting up for a podcast And then something about Dame Judy Dench In an Alsatian Oh I love that April Fool.

That's pretty good. Yeah. We were in York recently, me and Pia. Were you? Yeah. Did you not do one of your famous April Fools? No, I didn't do one. Because previous years, just FYI,

our readers will be familiar with these absolute classics. Yes, I didn't. I was away this week. Oh, Paris. Oh. But Frank has done in the past. His back catalogue includes... Well, my most shocking and unsuccessful one

was when I told my partner that I was going to do a TV show with Gok Wan in which I wore avant-garde outfits, walked around northern towns and cities with him, and we noted the responses of the locals. And she said... And it was called, Why Are You Wearing That? And she said,

You're not the person I thought you were. I feel like I might have to split up with you. So that one was a mistake. Normally when a prank backfires, it's that, you know, the wrong person got hit with the custard pie. Yeah, exactly. I still think,

why are you wearing that? Was a better April Fool than you shouting downstairs, the toilet's broken, the toilet seat's broken. And also you had somebody stolen the car. Yes, that was, my son did a great one with, when I scratched my car. I just touched this barrier. This terrible narrow road in... Not far from me.

Yeah, terrible narrow road, which I tried to avoid. And I just touched, just with the sort of rubber, I thought... Is it the Bollards Road? Yeah. And then Bud said to me, if he's seen the car, it's got a massive great scratch on it.

And I thought, how much is that going to cost? And then it was a sticker from the Beano that he put on it. I think I had one of those back in the day. A sticker of a scratch? Yeah. Yeah, obviously, if it had been Gnasher,

I wouldn't have thought, oh, that's unusual. That's unusual, that's common. Of course it was a sticker of a scratch. It's the Jackson's Lane board. What do you think of one of these people who sees, like, Jesus in a gatto? The very idea. You have been in Paris. It's changed you.

I remember. I tell you what, they had Mickey. Oh, it's gattos now. Oh, monsieur. Well, they had cake at breakfast with the Mickey Mouse head on it. Okay. On it?

Did you get what I got? You see, it's changed these days, Disneyland. Not back in the day when I was there and they had the sangria, the ashtray, Mickey Mouse ashtray. Well, I had a great... In France. Really? Yes, in Disneyland Paris they had a Mickey Mouse ashtray.

That's fantastic. Cendrier pour les enfants. Well, we were talking to a person who worked there who we got to... Was he called Michael Mouse? No, he was a Frenchman called Fabrice.

Michel Souris. And Fabrice was talking about something, and I said, oh, yeah, I did a gig there. And Kat said, yeah, Frank's a comedian. And he said, yes, I know, Mickey Mouse recognised him. What? What? What?

So, yes, I was at Euro Disney, Disneyland Paris, whatever it's currently called, last week. Yeah. I stayed in the Spider-Man suite. Yes, I bought the slippers home. I can't quite marry that combination of fanciness and Frenchness with Spider-Man. Monsieur, we have for you this Spider-Man suit. Only the best.

Oh, God, the Avengers logo on the soap. Oh. And a big picture of, behind the bed, a picture, like above your headboard, a big picture of Spider-Man swinging above the Daily Bugle building. Yeah. And you could, there was a light on it, so you could backlight it.

So, you know, I mean, I struggle, Frank. You know, that's one of my problems I have, is a themed bedroom. Really? Any themed hotel, I actually can't bear it. Like, it's chocolate themed. It's like, stay out of my luxury. Yeah.

Oh, I see. I was so happy in the Spider-Man suite. Really? Yeah. But red and blue were the last time we went,

which was a long time ago, was the Tinkerbell suite. I can live with that. Tinkerbell I can, but red and blue and net. That's not my idea of luxury.

Was there netting? Was there cobwebs in the corners and things? Yeah, no, that's my bedroom. That's mine. Mine's slightly spider-themed. No, what this guy actually said to me, what about this foot? You know when people said

there's a lot to unpack in that sentence? Yes. When he said I was recognised by Mickey Mouse. Yeah, he said I was recognised by Mickey Mouse he said yes Mickey Mouse recognised him she said he was a big English

comedian and I thought no she so she was an English I don't want any kids listening put your fingers in your ears but she was an English lady disguised in the most She was an English, I don't want any kids listening, put your fingers in your ears, but she was an English lady. Inside? Disguised in the mouse.

Oh, he shouldn't have revealed that, really. No, but, you know, we got a bit careful. You don't get that in L.A. The French are much more honest about these things. Yeah. Of course, it is all lies. Very good mouse. I believe in telling children the truth.

But it was interesting, as I left the Mickey Mouse photo opportunity, Mickey shook my hands with tremendous gusto and I never quite understood why, only lighter. Oh, she was a bit of a fan. You thought Mickey was a bit over-familiar. Yeah. Well, Mickey kissed my sister-in-law.

Really? It's great because we're taking photos, obviously, because the kids was with Mickey and stuff. And she's got a picture when Mickey really goes to the camera. Really terrifying. Right, Mickey's... Oh, man, it's just the face of Mickey. It's the unchanging.

I love Mickey Mouse. I know people are against the Disney. I love Mickey Mouse. I know people are against the Disney thing but Mickey Mouse. I mean years, the years to struggle off that vermin label.

It was a very, it was a brilliant rebrand. Yeah. Now, did you see Pete? No, Pete wasn't there. I didn't see Pete.

Pete's not, he's not called for anymore. Can I just, as we haven't got long left on this show. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. I couldn't tell, it's a story I've told before, I'll tell it very quickly. The story about someone I knew was working with Ry Cooder, the musician, and Rykuda's agent came in and said you've had a million dollars offer to play at Disneyland Paris and Rykuda

said I don't twang for the mouse it really is rather special Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Did you see asks Ruth Jordan the story this week

about Lulu not speaking before noon. Yes, I did say that. What was her reason? She doesn't get up to one. Ruth says, does anyone on the team think they could manage to do this? Well, we'll soon find out. Yeah,urdays maybe why does she not speak before noon because she's a you know she's preserving her amazing voice

oh she has got a great voice lulu yeah um i i can't there's a story about lulu which i can't tell because it's got swear i could cut the swearing out, I think. Why don't you? So I did Lulu. Lulu did one of those audience with Lulu's. Oh, yes. And I came on dressed as Lulu in the 60s with the wig and everything. As a joke. We didn't know. Did she recognise herself?

I think she did, yeah. She laughed. Did you have the patent boot? I can't remember now. You wouldn't. But I had the fringe, you know, the redhead fringe and like a big stock-on flower on the... I think it was based on an actual thing she wore.

Anyway, on the Monday I got a call. I didn't recognise the number and I said... She said, is that Frank? the number. And she said, is that Frank? And I said, it's Lulu. She said, Frank, I just wanted to say thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming.

It was such a pleasure. And I could hear a bit of a noise in the background. And she said, no, really, it was such a pleasure. I'm on that something phone and I

can I just say and it was like a real broad glass I'm on a phone but with with a bit of swearing in it and I thought

good old Lulu still got the voice because it was two minutes past twelve she called me no I think I think actors do it as well because it was two minutes past twelve she called me. No, I think actors do it as well. Unless, face it, they don't do much.

But I think that, yeah, I mean, when they're working in the evenings, I mean. They preserve the voice. Yeah, I think they often don't. Do you do it when you have one of your gigs, one of your little gigs? No. Ideal to get a job at Disneyland,

inside one of the suits. Oh, yeah. Completely silent. There you go again, there's children listening. I mean, if that happened, if that ever happened, I'd tell you it would be at home. You know what's less frightening? A giant rat that runs a castle

and dangerous rides. Why do they make... I don't like those rides. I went on Beak Thunder Mountain Yeah. And I don't normally do the, you know the scary ones. How did you find it? Why does everyone hold their hands in the air? What's that about? Oh, I can't bear it

Because they just don't care. Oh, okay Well, is it to show how daring they are? I don't know. It's like look no hands. Yeah. But yeah, when I was on it, there was a bit where we were going, you go into utter darkness

and all you can hear is the really loud rattling of the thing on the rails and screaming. Oh. And I remember thinking, I don't know why people like this. I don't either. But you know, it's very popular. My nephew, who's eight nearly,

he just goes on all the very most dangerous rides and then comes off like he's just been on a roundabout at the local playground. It's unbelievable. He doesn't feel fear? Nothing. Interesting. Nothing.

He just has his hands neatly in his lap. It's not the most terrifying ride I went on. I once went on a big wheel in Paris, just in Paris, with a woman I was going out with, and we had a terrible row on the wheel. I mean, a massive. And that was a horrendous ride. Is that the worst, most frightening ride

you've ever been on? I tell you what, I wish I'd bought that photo at the end because there was all these photos of people looking happy and then me and her like and obviously we didn't buy it but now I wish that would be framed on my walk

because that's what the relationship was. And it was there summed up beautifully. I'll tell you what struck me about Disney. I don't know what it's called. Is it called Disneyland Paris or Euro Disney? I think it's Disneyland comma Paris these days. Okay.

Well, you couldn't get the classic plain black ears. Really? You know, the sort of... What do you mean? Do they classic playing black ears really you know the sort of what do you mean do they not have any ears you know the hair slide I bought the whole family ears the LBEs

we were one of those families as somebody said to me we all had ears but like my brother-in-law was I think Lilo from Lilo and Stitch I love that for him

and stuff one of the country's leading playwrights. Kath was Simba. But I could not get just the plain black ears. Now, they've got the wizard hat from... Oh, were they all themed around a specific film or character? No, but you want the classic plain black ears.

Calm down. We've all had a drink. I felt like, you know, when the old Volkswagen Beetle went. Felt like that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text the show on 81215.

We are live today, so you can do that and we'd love to hear from you. Follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluter absolute radio.co.uk ben harrington frank has got in touch what the jacket manufacturer oh i love a harrington who's your classic if you think of a harrington wearer who do you think of i mean james dean was in that seat for a long time but i believe believe young people have no clue who he is. Yeah.

What, the red Harrington? Yeah, I think of him as the classic Harrington wearer. Ooh. I didn't even realise that was a Harrington. I think of them as black with the tartan inner collar. Yeah, yeah. OK. I think mainly Willie,

who was a mate of mine who always wore one. Oh. And as we've already established on this show he would have only had one coat yeah exactly you know the guy in the harrington yeah there you go people didn't have more than one coat hello peep says ben harrington oh okay on a school trip to alton towers in the 90s my teenage twin brother Dan was once quite abusive to some Disney dress characters, resulting in Goofy putting him in a headlock.

He's now an accountant. That's all. Ben Harrington. It's a great potted biog. What I love sometimes... Do you think Goofy took him onto the straight and narrow? I'm going to call that email

the power of what's not included. There's so much connecting tissue that we don't have there, which is why I love it. What did Goofy whisper to Dan in that headlock? I love Goofy. Right, pay attention.

We're going to become an accountant. Take it real slow. You need to sort out your life. Thanks, Goofy. I would go back and see Goofy and say, thanks, Goofy, for helping me. Remember I met you in Florida, and then Goofy says, sacre bleu.

I like if Goofy stayed in character and went a little bit West Ham on him. Like, you want to get sucked in? You want to get involved? Yeah. Oh, Goofy. You want some? You want some, huh?

I'll give you some. Goofy got, you know what Goofy was? A little bit naughty. Yeah, he was. Is he a dog, Goofy? Well, come on, Frank. We don't have time to debate this. This was one of the great debates.

No one knows. Pete was the one that we... No, so is Goofy a bit of a debate. I think Goofy is a dog, but he's a dog in a suit who does menial work and clothing. I hate to break it to you, they're all in a suit, mate. Pluto is a dog. Yes.

And owned by a mouse that's larger than him. The mouse isn't. Anyway. Anyway. It's an absurdist world. You can see why the French have gone in for it. Yeah, I like it, though. It makes a mercury of nature.

I like seeing the characters. I saw the bad guy. Who's the bad guy from Aladdin? Jafar. Yeah, so Jafar was walking along, storming along in character through Euro Disney. And this girl went up to ask for a photo and he just shoved her away in character.

Do you know that's a good joke? Yeah, that was great. That's great. It's probably Slash. Slash's weekend job. That's the role you want, isn't it? Oh, yeah, rude character. You don't want to be the nice lady with the birds around you

singing, oh. Well, I'm looking for a new job. And I saw... Join the club, love. I saw a nice little job this week come up, which is tour guide. I'm sorry, you're going to have to fight me for this one.

On a Harry Styles tour. Yes, but not just any Harry Styles tour. In his home tiny village. In his home village and you look at interesting sites that were relevant. You know when I slept in Dylan Thomas' bedroom the other week

and Pierre slept in the room he was born. It's that kind of... I mean, they need to get their house commercialised. So they say, this house is exactly

as it would have been in 2005. Exactly. The internet's not great. Doctor Who's back. There's not a smart TV, there's no Netflix, there is Sky, though. Yeah. There's not a smart TV, there's no Netflix, there is Sky, though.

Yeah, and the young girl's going, oh, how did they live? And they're using the first iPhone, first generation iPhone. Oh, wow. There's a Nokia charger in the wall. Yeah. And the landline is used. And people are throwing up, they're horrified.

Yeah, and googling landline so we're talking about a job which the three of us are fighting for which is tour guide around the area where the Stiles lad grew up it's a Cheshire village isn't it which is called

holmes chapel is that correct yes and there are so many fans there because there's the bakery he worked in can i just say on the subject of fans i was a bit disappointed to learn you know you get believers and stuff like that for Justin Bieber. Fans of Harry Styles are called Harrys. Oh, come on. That's rubbish. They must have something better than that. Yes. So 8, 12, 15, what

would be a better name for Harry Styles fans than Harrys? Harrys sounds like a sort of pre-war kind of... It's just Harrys. There's sounds like a sort of pre-war kind of... It's just Harry's. There's a bunch of Harry's down there. There's no thought into it at all. Style council.

I don't know. St. Simeon Stylites. Why are you bringing all your saints into this? People who love Harry Stiles so much, they sit on top of a big pillar and refuse to come down. St. Simeon Stoilites, in order to pray and meditate correctly, lived on top of a 50-foot column for 30 years. Like David Blaine. Yeah, but with a soul.

Yeah. So you get on the tour. The examples of where they tour are the, is it the Mandeville Bakery? I believe so. Where Stiles had a Saturday job. A Saturday job, lovely, yeah. And the bridge where Stiles had his first kiss.

Well, yeah, they say, there's a lot, again, to unpack here. They have the Harry Stiles wall, and they say it's actually a viaduct. Twemlow viaduct. It's all gone a bit Roman. I'm going to go into further details. It's a 23-arch viaduct, the Harry Styles wall.

How much kissing did this boy do? A lot, I'm guessing. I'll see you at Arch 7. No, no, Linda's in Arch 7. Better make it 10. He must have just come from Arch to Arch kissing them. Do you think he leaned round the corner of the Arch saying, I will get to all of you. Yes.

Be patient. Be patient, please. All of your kisses are important to us here. I don't remember my first kiss. Do you? Is that a thing that people remember? Oh, I remember mine. Do you want to share?

Okay. Was it a Twemla Viaduct? No. Oh, no, there was that one as well. Mm. I just want to check with you off air what we think about this. OK. There are some aspects of it I want to check with you.

No, no, it's all fine. It was very innocent. Let's call it your first similar age kiss. Yeah, first similar age kiss. That's good. He was a lovely boy, actually. He was a lovely boy, actually. He was a charming boy. And it was in the garden of a friend's house in Hampstead,

not far from where you live now, Frank. Okay. He was charming. And he went to Westminster. I do remember that about him. Wow. And I had a real crush on him, but I didn't really know what to do.

How old would you have been? That's what we'll discuss off air. Okay. I think you can say. We were all young and innocent once. Yeah, I mean, mine was very much spilt by the fact that I was wearing a gas mask. Did you have a Mickey Mouse one?

I'd love a Mickey Mouse. That would have been great for the war. He was around then, wasn't he? He was. Oh, they had Mickey Mouse one? I'd love a Mickey Mouse. That would have been great for the war. He was around then, wasn't he? He was. Oh, they had Mickey Mouse gas masks. Did they really? Yeah, they did. I believe my mother might have had one.

They did it to make it nice for the children. Oh, right. We're going to paint one from Lidl. Actually, Lidl's German, isn't it? Yeah, they were. No, no, no. No, I'm not trusting this. We're getting other people's first kisses.

I told you a bit about mine. Lovely chap called Nick. And Pierre has been Googling his family whilst we've been... Can we say for anyone who is anxious? Not my family. Emily was very reticent, but it's only a two year age difference. Don't panic anyone at home.

I know. My first one was, you know that thing where sometimes I don't even know who would do this, but someone organises a sort of disco for people who are under 16. And people go. I've no idea if that's a sort of government initiative or some sort of local attempt to keep everyone under control. But one of those was put on. Right. And I went to that.

Where was this? Isle of Man. Isle of Man, yeah. And I went to one of those, and I had my first kiss on the dance floor with a red-headed girl who had to really, really, really

kick my thigh to get my attention. Oh, I thought she was climbing you for the kiss. But crampons. She kicked you? I think she had been trying to get my attention and I was just completely oblivious obviously so she's really full on. So you weren't dancing with her?

I don't know. Okay. Not deliberately? No, I don't know. So hang on. I was oblivious. How did you go from her kicking you to passionate embrace? I just felt someone...

It's like Wordle. It's like Wordle. You only have to change two letters and she's kissing you. Passionate embrace now No I don't I wouldn't I didn't say passionate embrace

You're leaving the witness Okay I thought you did No but I sort of turned around Because I presumed That the person Who had powerfully Kicked me in the side Of the leg

Was a man Right Who wanted to fight me Or something Yeah It turned out It was a lady It was a lady

Who wanted to kiss you Was it just the one kiss Yeah Okay I couldn't deal With any more kung fu moves It turned out it was a lady. It was a lady. Who wanted to kiss you. Was it just the one kiss? Yeah. Okay. I couldn't deal with any more kung fu moves to any more kisses after that. I can't really... I don't really have a...

We played kiss chase a lot at school. You were aware of kiss chase? Yes. So you'd cast... Chase someone and it was a bit like tick but instead you'd catch them. It's a bit like tick, but instead you'd catch them. It's a bit problematic these days.

You would chase the girls and catch them and kiss them, and that was kiss chase. I think they were willing participants. So my memories are more sporting than emotional. It was a game. Well, in many ways. And it developed into, you're right, a more physical game later called British Bull Snog.

Oh, I don't like that. There was already a game called British Bulldog where you had to stop someone running from one side of the playground to the other. And so the girls or the boys, whoever turning it was, was lying up and then you'd have to grab them and then kiss them. It was a long time ago. As they tried to grab them and then um kiss them it's a long time

ago as they tried to sort of flee past you to the other side of the play but they were like i said they were taking part they lined up for the game sure but who knows what the social pressures were i've seen barbie i know how the world's made this is frank skinner. This is Absolute Radio. We have, we should say as well, Frank, can we share that off-air, we've been discussing... We've been having an off-air. We have.

Do you want to say what it is, Frank? Should that be a term? It's too late now to come up with regularly usable radio terms. What a waste, Frank. It's too late for a template, Mike. You need a one-off. Yes, we were talking about the move. This is our last show from Golden Square,

where we've been for 15 years, and we move into the luxurious surroundings of a building called The Lantern. For five nights only. Which is, yes, it's not that far away, but it's one of those, it's the longest journey you'll ever make. It feels like a lifetime away.

It is lovely. You know, it's like I believe they said in the film Jerry Maguire when she looks back longingly into first class. It's not just a different class, it's a different life. That's what I feel about the lantern, if I'm honest. It does feel like that. We were enjoying being a bit chaotic here in Golden Square and the idea was that we'd move to the lantern

and there'd be a sort of tyrannical, like a mistrunchable figure or something. I don't know how you used to do things at Golden Square. But here at the Lantern, we run rather a tighter ship. We do things very differently here at the Lantern. That won't be tolerated in quite the same way at the Lantern. I do hope you can adjust to our standards in your short time here with us. Sort of icy maitre d'. and adjust to our standards in your short time here with us. Oh, what I love.

Icy maitre d'. I'm viewing the lantern figure, the mythical lantern figure, more of a sort of the butler in Saltburn. I often say in Saltburn, I understand. Well, you don't need to, because it's quite a big character. It's a bit road, isn't it? A bit road.

Oh, Frank. You sound like a Coronation Street pen. No, I don't. Honestly, I fast forward to sexy bits. OK, I'm telling you, what I would say, it's a bit of a trope, that character. Let's say Mrs Danvers. Yes. That's how I'm seeing our lantern figure.

Definitely. Standing at the top of the stairs, silhouetted as we come in. Jangling keys. Well, I went... I just went to the toilet here, and most of this building there, Golden Square, is closed. The top... I think we're the only floor open, this and the ground floor.

So I went to the one toilet, and one of the bulbs has gone in there, but they haven't changed. It was like being in a Beckett play. I thought this is just perfect for the end. Old man in a badly lit room. There's a real Indiana Jones vibe where as we're leaving, the sort of temple is crumbling behind us.

Big boulders rolling down corridors. Anyway, we have got a job opportunity and that is the Harry Styles tour guide. Yes. Now, what about, we've had 597 has got in touch regarding sort of names for fans. Yes, because we were saying,

in case you've just switched on, thanks for that, catch us while you can. We don't tolerate lateness at the land sorry 597 because harry styles fans rather tragically are known as harry's yeah what a meeting that was i mean the simon of sundry they were that that was a group of young women thinking let's decide the names of our fandom but the can just saying that the bubble tea shop does close in 10 minutes what about harry's come on off they won't so simon of sudbury

one of our regulars yes he says uh it would perhaps it'd be a great name for a bathroom fitter but he suggested har's tiles. Oh. Yes. Oh, you don't like that. Well, I can't see why they're tiles. You hate that. What about stylists? Stylists would be good. Many of them will grow to be that. 220 has said

super stylies. Super stylies. I find you two very critical. Yes, well, this is our living here. Wordplay. Super stylies. I'm feeling there's one there that we're not getting. 740 Stylistics.

Yes, that's quite good. Okay. That was an old vocal group. And then we have 164, Harry Files. Harry Files. Harry Files. Oh, yeah. That's rock from York. It rhymes.

It is. Kind of works. I find it a little unsettling. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Peter Sheridan has got in touch.

Oh, yeah. In the manner of one of your colleagues at... It's a bit of an afterthought. I'm thinking the initials. Yes, lovely. In the manner of one of your colleagues at West Brom has said, is you still here? Oh, right.

Which is a bit Sid and we've seen you. It is a bit, yeah. We are still here. I think we've got five more weeks after this. Yeah, five more weeks. Five more weeks. Five more weeks to go. I would have thought...

Five more weeks to go. I mean, Frank, I would put that in the category of things you sing to yourself. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I thought I had something to say. Five more weeks to go. Maybe we should do the last 20 minutes of the show just in the style of 10 green bottles. They won't put up with that sort of thing at the Lent.

Simon of Sudbury has pointed out, yeah, I didn't really mean it as a name for Harry's fans. Oh, he's getting a bit... We've lost the dressing room. We've lost Sudbury. Oh, no, they're turning against us. lost the dressing room. We've lost Sudbury. Oh, no, they're turning against us now. He's really turned... He's angry with me.

I'm sorry, Simon. I was going a bit off-piste. You could have stylistics to be a bit retro. I'm sorry, Simon of Sudbury. We've come so far. Maybe it's better for everyone if we slowly alienate our audience as we fade away.

When we leave them... All the regulars one by one. Yeah, exactly. We need a downward ramp. We're making it easier for them. Exactly. They won't realise that till many years later. It's like those people who passively, aggressively break up with you

by just becoming increasingly difficult and impossible. Yes. Yes, we've all been there. Oh, yes. To do incredibly complex text-ins. By the way, I had a look at some of the graffiti on Harry's wall, as it's called. What was it like, the graffiti?

The viaduct. Was he graffitied on it originally, Frank? He did, yes. And then the local council pointed out it was illegal because it's a listed viaduct. So there doesn't seem to be any move to arrest Harold Stiles for it. I assume he'd be called in court.

But some of the large, the picture I looked at, the graffiti included, You are our Stevie Nicks. Oh. Which I thought, really? Whose? That's an odd. Yeah. I wouldn't have quite gone equivalent.

No, I wouldn't. Between those two. Stevie Nicks. Turns out Stevie Nicks is the brand name of the underwear vending machine in Blackpool. Not really. With the eggs, the nylon eggs. What I like about,

what's the name of the place? Holmes Chapel. Yes. Is that they've said that the tour would include history of Holmes Chapel. So what they're trying to do is get a bunch of teenage girls who just want to hear about Harold and then bombard them with local. Of course, it does appear in the Doomsday Book.

All these teenage girls checking their phone time. It will be like feminism on Barbie, delivered in a lovely pink case. Some friends of mine once saw the band Weezer. Oh, yes. Who obviously did Teenage Dirtbag. That's Frank and Kathy's song. Yeah.

Well, obviously, everyone in the crowd wanted to go and see Weezer and hear Teenage Dirtbag and go home. But they knew that, and they really left it to the end. Oh, quite right. And they would play the intro to one of their other songs that sounded a lot like Teenage Dirtbag. Yeah. And everyone would get excited, and they'd go,

no, it's another one. Did they do a lot of jazz? They did Jazz Odyssey first. And so that's going to have to happen at the Holmes Chapel History Tour because they'd say, and of course the Norman Lord of the Manor was a part of the rebellion

with Simon de Montfort. And do you know who else was quite rebellious? That's right. A local weaver who decided... Because the obvious choice to do the tour And they go, that's right, a local weaver who decided... Damn you! Because the obvious choice to do the tour is one of the other guys from One Direction, isn't it? They're all kicking their heels playing Candy Crush Saga.

They could all be an odd guy. What an accusation. Right, 072, quickly, this is good. Harry Styles fans should be named after the sweets. Harry Bowes. Oh, yes. Harry Bowes. I think 072 has nailed it.

Yes. Okay. So, look, that's it for this week. And for this building. Okay. Oh, and for this building. Yeah, to hell with this building. So, um...

What happened to my no-delete guarantee? Anyway. Um, no. Um, I'd be happy to discover it had burnt to ashes. Frank! Oh, my God. Not with anyone in it. I mean, empty.

Oh, my God. Empty, I it. I mean, empty. Oh, my God. Empty, I'm saying. What if it burns down now? First, first phone call from the police. No, look, it's been 15 fantastic years in Golden Square, but obviously it's not quite the farewell we... We thought it'd be farewell lowercase f. Anyway, Sarah Champion's up next do listen to sarah we still love her and our colleagues obviously um um and wish them well at the lantern where we will be delivering from next week

will you yeah um i believe it's known as the swinging lantern locally. Oh, I don't want to get involved in that. No, it's too late for me. But yeah, good to know. So look, if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.