The Frank Skinner Show - Chez Bentos

Episode Date: March 20, 2021

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has questions about corned beef and feeding bread to ducks. The team also discuss the allium family, naming cars and Sally’s banner.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Emily just put her headphones on and she put them on from the back of her head and brought her whole hair forward. And it did remind me of when Nick Berry was a heartthrob on EastEnders. Remember that fringe that it looked like people could shelter under in rain? It was around the time he sung Every Loser Wins. Every Loser Wins.

Not true, sadly. No, true, totally not true. No. He used to live, I think he lived next door to Paul McCartney and Heather Mills on the beach. There was a little patch of houses. I mean, in homes, we should say. There was Norman Cook and Zoe Ball

and there was the McCartneys and there was Nick Berry. Are you sure this wasn't an episode of Stellar Streets? No, no. I mean, they're very fabulous. Well, actually, Al, Wixie, as I believe his

character was called, Wixie was a big fan of the Doubled Enamel. Was he really? Yeah, he, yeah. Mwah, mwah, oixie, yeah. Wixie was a big fan of the doubled enamel. Was he really? Yeah, he, yeah. Mwah, mwah, oh, see. And then I think he was in heartbeat. He went from heartthrob to heartthrob. That's right.

Anyway, that's Nick Berry's career summed up here on Absolute Radio. We're a fan of a late review and nothing's changed. Indeed. I was, when I get up on a Saturday morning, no one else is up, obviously, because it's pretty early. And so I'm a bit more freeform in my behaviour in the silent kitchen.

And I talk to the telly. I put BBC Breakfast on and there was an awkward moment this morning. But, you you know last week Does Mike Like Sport? We discussed whether Mike Hollis did like sport. This morning one of the presenters

asked him a quiz question about tennis and I thought oh that that is out of order and poor Mike crumbled. Did he? You know Mike follows us now. You can't, yeah I noticed him in my rear view mirror

the other morning. Jogging? No, he was sitting in a car outside my house drinking from a styrofoam cup. Oh, fine. No, but I thought that was out of, I mean I'd never do that, you know, that is the classic hospital pass as football fans.

No. But this morning, I was watching Mark Kermode do his film reviews, right? And I started talking to the, talking to Mark Kermode. You've got to go Mark Kermode. Okay, Mark Kermode. And he was upset. I was talking to Mark, I was watching Mark Kermode, I've got to go. Mark Kermode. Okay, Mark Kermode. He gets upset. I was talking to Mark. I was watching Mark Kermode.

I was talking to him. And what I thought is Mark Kermode, God bless him, and he's a lovely bloke. I met him at the Cornwall Film Festival. And he plays ukulele.

But if you stand back from it on your own in the kitchen when you haven't had much sleep, it is that bloke who you meet or that mate who's seen a film and starts telling you the whole thing and you think you're alright. on your own in the kitchen when you haven't had much sleep it is that bloke who you meet who start on that mate who's in a film and starts telling you the whole thing and you think you're all right yeah and i started doing that so he was saying um edward bride's head as the um cynical boss absolutely dominates and i'm saying yeah yeah i'll check it out anyway how's the family all right

yeah there were definite echoes of the East European film, Mater, in some of the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in the match, by the way. It was like that. I was trying to get him off the subject to get him back to normal conversation. Did it work?

No. I kept it up for ages, and he just kept going, as those people do. Oh, man. But if you think film and TV critics, that's what they are. They're those people who tell you all about something they've seen. And you're thinking, I don't want to hear this, mate. Do you think his mates say that?

Oh, no, Mark's seen the new Tarantino. Take a look at all the flutes. No, well, I'm guessing, like, he doesn't do it when he's... On his off days? Yeah. Off duty. But it really... Because while I was trying to interrupt and change the subject, obviously I could still

hear him talking about the film Underneath Me. It's very... It's an interesting... Just try it. Try it next Saturday. Mark Kermode was in a band with David Baddiel. Is that right? Was it a sort of 50s retro rock and roll?

Because I can't imagine Dave being in... I wonder if there's a way we could find out. If I was Mark Kermode, just one show a year, when no one was expecting it, I would secrete just on the top of my quiff a small model of a man on a surfboard. Just leave it there and see if anyone noticed it. He should just play that Hawaii Five-0 very, very quietly

every time he walks around. But I think he's quite a musical guy. I think he's a band's kind of... And he wears a little instrument on his lapel. Oh. You know those little badges for like a musical instrument? Keep music live. Mark Kermode there.

That's got a few cobwebs on it, that badge, I should think. Surprising amount of real estate on the show. Mark Kermode this morning. god bless him um that's my review so um bread docks what's the problem that's this morning's uh texting there's there's um apparently if you give um bread to docks they Now, I don't know if this is true. They have it. Pardon? They do take it, don't they?

They will take it. It's not like they go, oh, no, we're not into that. They're really into it. I know, but I mean, people take heroin. It doesn't mean it's good for them. Why do they die? Oh, don't tell me they're saying they're wheat intolerant. I rarely throw heroin to people like I do.

But for years, we've been throwing bread to docks. There are still docks. Your witness. Are they wheat intolerant? I didn't realise we were going to tackle the bigger issues today. Yeah, I think they get, I think they do get a bit of, I think it's the yeast they don't like. Yeah.

Frank, I've got some denim updates for you. Oh, yeah. Just from last week's show, do you remember we were discussing? Double denim and denim upholstery and all that. The double D look. Yeah. We've had, some of our readers got in touch. Glenn Maker

there was a VW I'm going to change the tone Text from Glenn Maker Text from Glenn Maker Text from Glenn Maker Text from Glenn Maker That's the jingle for when Glenn Maker sends a text Oh I love that

There was a VW Beetle in the 70s called the Jeans Beetle, which had denim upholstery. I told you I had a friend with denim upholstery. I think that might have been a Beetle. One of those new Beetles that isn't as cool as the one that, I think, well, the one that Hitler supported. I think that's probably what's took the edge off the old model.

Goodness me. Yeah, guilt association. What, blondies probably what's took the edge off the old model. Goodness me. Yeah, guilt association. Blondie's hairs all over the seats. But yes, and I seem to remember that he might have had brush denim panels in the denim.

This isn't... No, not Hitler. I don't think Hitler ever... Did denim exist then? I don't know. Yes, it denim exist then? I don't know. Yes, it would have, but I don't know if he was a fan. I've never seen him in jeans. Never seen a picture of Hitler in jeans. If you have, 8, 12, 15...

No, please don't. There's not many Dress Down Friday photos of the Fuhrer. No, I can imagine him in... You know those when they wear just dungarees with no top underneath? Oh, man. You know those when they wear just donguerilles with no top underneath? Being followed by a bear. But, yes. So, yeah, they definitely existed. I remember that.

There must still be cars out there with denim and holster. Well, Sarah Walker has pointed out, I bought a brand new Peugeot 205 Junior, I remember those, for a 21st birthday prezzie to myself. Oh, you were doing well, Sarah, at 21. Oh, I love the idea of presents to yourself. Guys, 21, getting yourself a 205? High up on its selling points, denim look seats.

Now, the key is in the detail here, Sarah. Denim look seats with the key is in the detail here Sarah denim look seats with rainbow stitching I loved that car 1988 are you familiar with rainbow stitching? no I'm not I thought it was mainly zips on there

ow have I misremembered this? Did you say last week that you had gained five kilograms of muscle during lockdown? And some fat, I think. I thought you were going to say and some. Yeah, and some. Do people still say that? I hope so. I am, because I'll tell you what I thought.

I went home and we had a roast dinner on Saturday and the chicken was two and a half kilograms and I thought, wow, this is half of the muscle that Al put on. It's quite a small

chicken. Is it a poosa? A little baby poosa? No, well, two and a half kilos is reasonable. And I thought if I sort of prized open the rib cage on this and then clipped it onto each of my shoulders, a sort of like chicken epaulets, that would do for me in in one help me to to sort of understand what had happened the transformation well that's i've also started to do that under a cardigan you have the wings i'll take the other areas of the bird but i do think i was pointing out it

wasn't as um self-aggrandizing no no no it was saying that you were registering more on the floorboards than you used to well we all are dear and also i read an article that other people apparently put on average seven kilos during lockdown one. So I still got outdone by people that weren't trying. Yeah, but you actually said half muscle, which most people, they just say, oh, I've put seven. Because putting on five kilos of muscle, that's a celebration. Whereas putting on five kilos full stop is the course for us. I put on at least five pounds of fat.

Not you. Pure fat. Not you, never. Not you, Mrs. Dean. We're talking about a denim upholstery. Do you remember when the new Volkswagen Beetle came out? It used to have a flower. It used to come with a flower.

Oh, yes. That used to sit in the dashboard. Gerbera. That's right. Pardon? It was a Gerbera. Was it? Is it what?

That's the kind of... It wasn't a real flower, though, was it? No, but that was very much the flower of the 90s, if you Google it. That was the Vogue then, was a single gerbera in a vase. Well, I imagined it would be Edelweiss or some other such German type thing, it being a Volkswagen. But, okay.

Yeah. I knew a woman who drove one and used to add a name for the car. And if someone's got a name for their car, that's it for me. Well, it's second only to eyelashes on the headlamps. I'd rather have eyelashes because there's a sort of, you know, the party starts here feel to it. Where the loneliness starts here if you've got a name for your car. Yeah, so people say, come on, Esmeralda.

Yeah. Oh. Let's get you started. Yeah, so people say, come on, Esmeralda. Let's get you started. I was listening to Ross Buchanan, my colleague Ross Buchanan this morning, whose show is on before ours, when I was driving in. And he played Derek and the Dominoes, Layla, which reminded me of, and I know I've told you this before but it did I even I got a bit tense listening to it because if you remember I went out for lunch with Eric Clapton and he said to me at one point uh don't do that I said what don't do what he said I don't I don't like it don't do that

I said what have I done he said you did you not know you were doing it I said I honestly hadn't got he said you were going

da da da da da da da da da under your breath I said oh god I'm so sorry I said I've been doing that all morning because I thought

I'm having lunch with Eric Clapton da da da da da but I didn't know I was doing it. Yeah, he did. He wasn't that keen on it. Of course he wasn't. Well, I met Anton de Beek and I could not stop

going da da da da da da. And he started, he was joining in. He loved it. So there you are. If anyone's doing a quiz, what's the difference between Eric Clapton and Anton de Beek? That's answer number one. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Don't forget this morning's texting.

Corned beef. In what way? Corned. 8, 12, 15. Oh, I know the answer to that. Do you know the answer? Go on then. Go on, you can be our first entry. Let's be having you.

It's nothing to do with corn. It's a salting process, but I'm not sure why it's called... Nothing to do with corn? What kind of talk is this? Really? I thought it was like, you know the corn-fed chicken that's fed so much corn

it goes sort of yellow? You know that thing? Yeah. Like I was at a publicity event with the page three stoner Maria Whittaker and she went up to the thing and she said, oh, I'll just have

just a carrot juice for me. I don't want anything to eat. And I thought, that's how you do it. That's how you get that. This is before the day of the tanning shop. You just live on carrot juice

and your orangeness comes from within, like a Jaffa cake. I think that's true, you know. I had a friend who got really into juicing who turned a bit orangier. Yeah, there's orangery. He's having juiced carrots all the time. That's what David Dickinson just has,

Lucozade, all the time. That is not true and I won't allow it. Is he in the orange chair still? I should think he's... I don't know if he is now. Who would be in the orange chair? No, he is in the orange chair, Frank. It'll be someone from the Island of Love.

Is that what it's called? No. Yeah, Love Island. It's not the Isle of Sheppey. It's the Island of Love. The Island of Love would be a much nicer programme, wouldn't it? Oh, and now we go over to the Island of Love. Hi.

Whereas when you get to Love Island, it's, oh, she's a bit of a war, isn't she? It's all that terrible. I guess so. Oh. Oh. Oh, sorry, I'll be all right, she. It's all that terrible. Oh, sorry, I'll be all right in a minute. I like the Benny Hill characters on Love Island.

She's a bit of all right, she. So corned beef does not involve corn. I'm sure one of our readers will tell us the exact process, but I, as far as I'm aware, it does not involve corn. It's a salting process. Is there any other corned meats?

No one ever says, well, I wouldn't mind a nice corned lamb sandwich. You're pushing at the wrong door number here. OK. Corned beef is, I don't think, I honestly think I've never eaten corned beef. Oh, man, I love corned beef. Alan? I love it. Every week on the Ocado.

I know we've gone Ocado in these times of lockdown. When it says, there's a section that says meat and there's sliced, fresh sliced beef and next to it, corned beef. And that moment when you press corned,

you think, yeah, come on, party. They had a meeting about that at Ocado. They went, we've had a corned beef order for leafy North London. Yeah, to a trench somewhere in Verdun. Excellent pun, by the way, Emily. Excellent pun that they had a meeting. Lovely, Alan.

Well, I got these chickpea crackers, they're very sort of super healthy and they come from a place where they're made by people who are not treated badly at work and all that sort of stuff and I got these things they've got little

sunflower seeds on them and I had corn beef on them and I thought this is a fabulous sort of class fusion meal that I'm having. I still love, made by people who are not being treated badly at work. Well, how many Copleys

could put that on their wrappers with no sort of oh, are you sure about this? I'm going to put my head on the chopping block on this one, Dave. There's a pedal bin. This isn't the beginning of a dramatic monologue. Like, you know, there's a green-eyed yellow idol

to the north of Kathmandu. It's not that. There's a pedal bin in the kitchen here, which I've been walking around for weeks now, trying to find the pedal. Everything about it says pedal bin. I cannot find the pedal. Do you know the bin I mean?

I don't go into the kitchen. Oh. Well, the pedal... Sorry, that didn't mean to come across quite so lady bright no I go I go into the kitchen

I liked it the kitchen area I don't know if it's broken or someone made it I don't know

I don't understand but it's may I moot something is there a possibility that it's actually one of the ones that you wave at

has it got a little sensor where you just wave your hand across it. What do you think? Is this some sort of TARDIS in here? When I've been walking around it on my pedal search, why hasn't

it just come because I've been there? This absolute don't have these modern... I think you need to wave a hand nearer it. Oh, pedal bin, where is thy pedal? If it's your business, I don't like to meddle. I don't know where that... I don't understand it.

I'll ask the bosses here. See, no one's in on a song on a Saturday. Sorry, Al. During the next long song, if you go and wave at it, I don't want you to think if it then doesn't work that I've pranked you, that I've sent you off on a full errand. I know you wouldn't do that. I will try it.

No. OK. It's not in my nature. We all stir here. Actually, I'll get the producer. Can you go and check the pedal bit and step on it? See, I didn't really want to do it. I just wanted to do that joke.

OK. I would never talk to the producer like that. No. Frank Skinner, Audio Broadcaster of the Year. Open brackets, nearly. Close brackets. So,

Oh, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Gather ye round for this. We get a lot of readers in Scotland. Sometimes we forget them. Well, this is especially for you guys. If you feel like dancing this morning, just do it.

Take your partner and swing them around. And let's come back again, shall we? Yeah. Lovely. Wait for it, wait for it. Here comes the punchline. Absolute radio, where real music matters. R-double-A, you see?

Oh, I see. Yes. I liked it, Frank. Oh, God. See, some people would have just thought, I'll just throw that in, but no, no. We had to get the music and everything. What was that?

That reminds me of that lovely show in the 70s I used to watch. Oh, the White Heather Club. Oh, is that it? Yes. Oh, yeah. It'll be lots of dancing on that. It was before people over... Jimmy Logan.

Oh, I've just come dune from the Isle of Skye. Sorry about that. And it was before women all sort of tended to dye their hair after the age of 60. So it was a sea of white and grey. Yes, lovely. The pensioners dancing. That was the Earl of Errol's reel, if you're interested.

I don't know if my family know him. No. Clive Silas. Yeah. He's golden. Well, he's one of our regulars. Okay. And it's interesting you should say he's golden,

because he's actually responded to my query, who currently sits in the orange chair. Okay. And Clive has, of course, reminded me, I know we don't have to talk about him every day anymore. Oh, yeah, you're right, Donald Trump sits in the orange chair. Trump continues to sit in the orange chair. Yeah, of course.

How soon we forget. That's showbiz. Yeah. I mean, Joe Biden is not Sol's orange. I think it's fair to say. Well, he's not Sol's heterosplanned either. Is that right? That's okay.

We've all got to chill him. I had a text from a friend this morning who said Joe Biden's had one of his falls. I used to do material about I fell over on the South Bank. You did? And people used to say, did you have one of your falls? By the way, Alan suggested that corned beef goes well with tomato in our mid-music chat. And I was just pointing out that I don't really eat tomato except for medicinal purposes I would never I have never in my life thought I could kill a tomato do you think anyone

has ever thought that Alan your views please yeah yeah okay well I'd say I would say, I would like to add to this I like tomatoes providing they're cooked Oh, well that's cheating I would say tomatoes in the food, in the film

of food world are extras, they're just extras they are not they are not named Are they non-speakeys? They're just extras. They are not named. Are they non-speakeys? They're non-speakeys. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram, at Frank on the Radio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Radio would be quite a good thing, wouldn't it? Yes. It'd be like a radio that you could,

you know, you get it. Okay. We have a lot of correspondence, don't we, Al, from our loyal readers. Have we found out what corned beef is yet? Al, do you have any corned beef updates? I do have some corned beef updates. I have corned beef alerts on my phone. Of course you do.

633 has settled what I like to call a family argument. I said I thought it was a salting process. I didn't think it had anything to do with corn as we know it. And 633 has said the salt used in corned beef is a grained rock salt, also known as corns. Oh. Rob in West Yorkshire. So I think that explains it. I'll tell you what surprises me about that.

I think of rock salt as a modern phenomenon. I always think of table salt in my youth, whereas rock salt is a bit more, you know, it's like artisan bread or something like that. Yes. Exactly. We've also, it's interesting to hear people's views. It's a shame, I really hope there was corn involved.

But you know. Well, as someone once said to me when I complained about not having the right chandelier bulbs in heels, madam be brave. What's an interesting most waspish shop assistant ever who i loved the most waspish waiter i ever had was one of the first posh restaurants i ever went to and i said uh can i have the uh chicken a la greek but rather than the saute potatoes can i have french fries with it and he said yes would you like that in a plate or in a basket oh i'll tell you what's the coincidence corned beef doesn't involve corn in any way and also this morning we were talking about love island the island of love yeah which obviously doesn't involve

love in any of its aspects. What was your theme? So, what else? I don't think they could call it Lost Island, though. No, you couldn't. You wouldn't want to. I mean, there's all sorts of things they could call it that they couldn't call it,

if you know what I mean. Graham McGrath. McGrath what I mean. Oh, exactly. Yeah. Graham McGrath. Hmm? McGrath. I'm going McGrath. My daughter and I eat cherry tomatoes like grapes sometimes. My son won't touch them,

since my wife told him to imagine he's eating eyeballs as he pierced the skin. Oh, no. And the innards oozed in his mouth. balls as he pierced the skin. Oh, no. And the innards oozed in his mouth. When he says sometimes, does he mean we eat tomatoes like they were grapes? Sometimes, as in when we're at a Paul McKenna show and have been hypnotised to eat tomatoes like those people who eat onions as if it was a lovely juicy apple.

Oh. Nobody surely thinks, mmm, yummy. eat tomatoes, like those people who eat onions as if it was a lovely juicy apple. Nobody surely thinks, mmm, yummy tomato, which is sort of like, if tap water could be rolled into a ball, that's what tomatoes taste like. Okay. Well, not as bad as

onions, or any of the allium family. The allium family, I love. Or any of the allium family. The allium family. Is it pronounced allium out? It's basically ordering a... I'm not going to lie. I've never known this. The allium family.

There's chives and there's onions. There's scallions. No, there's scallions, onions, chives. I was so looking forward to your rhyme for onions. I thought chives, you've got a chance, but no, you put onions at the end of the line. That's why I abandoned ship. Yeah, I mean, don't make things hard for yourself in life.

It's a man overboard, Frank. Oh, man, I was on the edge of my seat. Boz, my eight-year-old, was saying that he wanted to phone up Alice Cooper and say, penescence. And Alice Cooper would go, who is this? And it's because he says in Schools Out, he said, we ain't got no innocence. We can't even think of a word that rhymes.

And Boz, he doesn't say it has to be a real word. What about if you phoned him up and just said penicence? Do you think he'd get what you were talking about? I don't think he would. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking earlier. I was discussing with you my allium hatred. I must say, I hadn't heard the word.

What is allium? I may be mispronouncing it. I do hope so. I've always assumed, I've only seen it, because it's not a... And it covers all the onion family, as it were. The onions and the scallions. Yeah.

It's leeks. There's onions you went on the end with. Oh, was it? You would have been all right with scallions. It's Leek's Chives. There was onions you went on the end with. You would have been alright with scallions because you said they probably arrived in galleons. Delivered by David Walliams. Ah, yes. So much to rhyme here.

Zero, four, eight. Chives and onions. Wow, I don't know if I want to share this one. Do you want to share the lyric? Is it going to be anything? I'd rather lick your Onions. Well, Al, I don't know if I want to share this one. Do you want to share the lyric? Is it going to be anything that... They say I'd rouse and lick your bunions. Yeah, other than bunions, is there anything? No.

Okay, what was it? I mean, I think I said bunions, but it got lost in the wash. You're right. I don't want to claim... Oh, did you, Al? But I wanted something that was, you know, tied in somewhere with the Allium family. Well, I...

Well, Walliams is probably the best you're going to get. I did... They said that to me in the bookshop the other day. I recently... I lied recently. What? Because I put in an order with HelloFresh. Are you familiar with the delivery company? Hello Fresh.

Are those available? You know, the fresh produce to the door. Oh, I don't know if they do the corned beef. The corned beef. You've got the CB run. Yeah, exactly. CB radio, so you can just talk to people about corned beef

and nothing else. I'll go to those cans with the key opener. That's what I used to get my corned beef in. You know the can key where you put it in and turn it round? Yes, I do. It's a fantastic. It's still widely available. At Christmas, you used to have it on the Royal Oak Ham.

I don't know if you remember that stuff. Oh, I do. I bet there was no pig in it, not a hint of pig. It's probably vegan Royal Oak Ham. Very pink. Anyway, Hello Fresh. I had to fill out, sorry, fill in, fill in, fill out is an Americanism. Okay.

I had to fill in the form, and it said, please state any allergies. And I said, I think I might have said the Allium family, it might have even been. I just said Allium. Allergy to Allium.

Nobody who works at Alofresh. I mean, I'm sure they are, you know, smart cookies, but they won't know what that is. It's not Hello Fresh, it's Hello Fresh. You can't get a job there and go, Hello Fresh. Hello Fresh. Are you sure they're not just called Fresh

and you're just quoting the receptionist? Hello Fresh. Hello Fresh. and you're just quoting the receptionist. Hello, fresh. I always used to wonder whether the man who wrote the tune to Hello, can I help you? Got money every time somebody said it to that tune. But maybe not. You know, I met the man who wrote the Morse signature tune and he told me...

Oh, I've met him. Yeah, he told me how much money he'd made, roughly. It's a lot. He said at the time, everywhere in the world, at some point, every time, every minute of the day, Morse is showing somewhere. I doubt if that's still true. I think now it would be, what, red or black?

Other than that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. What have we got on the roll this AM? We have Ye Olde Oak Ham. Justine Mayer's pointed out. Oh, it wasn't Royal Oak Ham. It was Ye Olde. Okay, Justine Mayer's pointed out. Oh, it was a Royal Oak Ham. It was Ye Olde. OK, I've got the ye element of it.

Oh, that's marvellous. And that correction came from a text, 806, who said, hi, Frank, it was Ye Olde Oak Ham. And then they add the hashtag, same age, better memory. Oh. So they're not just correcting you but they're also zinging you a little bit i feel do you think they knew that um ye is actually a misunderstanding of a middle english letter which i think is called the thorn and if it if it's printed with the if you lose the top of it when it's cropped it looks like a Y but it isn't a Y at all

so they probably said the because it's a the sound so ye is probably a complete invention based on a misunderstanding goodnight I'm assuming we've fallen off air audio broadcast for the year next year I'm already working

at next year's nominations. I trust that will be on my show reel. This is a curious request from Julie Williams. Frank, will you do your Elton John impersonation? Fair enough, but then she says, I'm tilt-handing. I've got tickets for Elton in December. So is this sort of something to keep her going in the meantime? This was from the charity gig that he did when he went,

I'm still tending. See what I did. First put a shirt of hair. Put a shirt of heat. I'm still tending. I don't know what happened, but somehow Elton's tongue cleaved to the roof of his mouth temporarily. I think maybe he had a piercing that maybe got caught in one of his gold implants.

But we'll never know. We'll never get to the bottom of it. Well, Julie, you've got to say he delivered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Very positive guy. Does he say that all the time

to his partner, David Furnish, do you think? Have you put the bins out, Elton? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How's the weather, Elton?

I think it's cold as hell. Oh, imagine if life was like that and then David going on about all the stuff he's produced how does that

taste to you does it taste funny or ok come on what is it it's a little bit funny how's your

learn Indian in six months going sorry seems to be the hardest word What's happening? Home with Elton, ladies and gentlemen I've been there of course, lovely

Have you? Oh yes A lot of those Damien Hirst dots You know the dots? Collar dots designs. He had a lot of those. Is that how you referred to them? That's probably a Damien Hirst.

He's a bit of this and a bit of that. Did you walk into the house going, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, and Elton said, Frank, don't do that, please? I probably did. Yeah, he's a bit... Is he a damien nurse? He's a bit this.

Who are we, old son? Yes, very much so. He lives on Gov Island. All right, Gov. That was rubbish. You know what, I throw it all in. It's what they call blanket bombing. And some of it, you know, hits and some of it doesn't.

It's fine. OK. My missus other people would kill for as their hits. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. I'd like to share something with you from Gavin Wilmot. Oh, yeah?

Do you remember earlier, boys, in the show today, we were talking about cars being named oh yes you remember i think frank i think frank was uh dismissive of people when the cock when the cock ruled us crow three times i did um i did uh talk about i had a friend who had a one of the new volkswagens i still call them that and uh the new hillman imps and uh yes she had a name for it okay have i been we all do dear have i been reprimanded uh gavin wilmot i've named every car I've owned since 1995. It's not sad.

They have their own personalities. Especially the road trip cars from both Australia and New Zealand. I've never, listen, I've never written in to the radio before. But I felt absolutely compelled to after your statement. Regards, regards. Now, regards, may as well say, I hat you. Yeah. Well, what I would say, is this Gavin?

No, I think Gavin Wilmot sounds lovely, actually, from Plymouth. No, that's it. Dig yourself out the hole. Sounds well-travelled. Yeah, he does. Well, he lives in Plymouth. They're a very seafaring group. Yeah, he does. Well, he lives in Plymouth. They're a very seafaring group. Yeah, that's true.

What I would say about this is I believe when I said I hate people who name their cars, I think I said after leading Nazis. We were talking about the Volkswagen. And I think that might have... I think there was a technical glitch. I think Albert Speer's alright because he's the nice one.

But I think he's known as the nice one. Wow. Can you not call the podcast the nice one? Or Rudolf S. The early bath Nazi. Okay, everyone. Anyway, look, you know, I early bath Nazi. OK, everyone. Anyway, look, you know, I never said sad, though,

because I never used the word sad in that. I only used sad to mean melancholy. What about when you went to Elton and said, sad songs, please, all my... Yeah, but I don't like the use of sad to mean, you know, oh, that's a bit sad. I don't like... No, it's not a word know, oh, that's a bit sad. I don't like... No, it's not a word you would use.

But anyway, I take it back. I mean, John Pertwee, as Doctor Who named his car, so, you know, he cannot do wrong things. Fair enough. But Bessie was... Was it Bessie? Yeah, Bessie. And as you know, once during a... It was a low point in lockdown, I won't lie

I watched a video of John Pertwee collapsing a caravan in 1972 I remember that, and even that he did brilliantly what else? I want to know what's happening, Shay Cockrell we've also heard from a gardener.

Let me begin. 424 has said, Hi Frank, Emily and Alan. Allium is the botanical genus that onions, leeks, scallions, chives, etc. belong to, as well as the gorgeous ornamental

flowering bulbs. I listen and laugh out loud whilst going about my business as a gardener. And then there's some praise that I'll redact. Yes. What do they call this character? I like the sound of it. RK. RK.

Enigmatic, actually. You don't think he's RK? He definitely isn't a gardener. The fence collapsed in our kid's garden. Of course it did. He left it flat for so long that the grass grew through it and it could not be raised. It could not be raised.

The wooden pilings, they returned to the earth. I mean, it was a fabulous example of non-gardening. Could not be right. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. I like Rachel's contribution.

Please, please have a hashtag R Keith section on the show each week. Hashtag could not be raised. I don't know what could not be raised. It's immensely pleasing. Well, I'm glad you liked it, darling. Oh, we've had... People enjoy a turn of phrase, don't they? We all do.

We've had a missive, quite a personal one, Al. Do you want to share it with the world? It's from... We won't read their first three digits out. OK. But this is from a correspondent. OK. Known to you, Frank, I'm assuming.

It says, Frank, you have an allium next to the trampoline, the beautiful blue flower in the container under Penelope's fig tree. John le Carré novel. I'm actually working for the Russians. And I get messages, I know what it means. It means meet eagle eagle

those 70s Russian name eagles no yes well there you go I didn't know I'd got an alien that's from my mother-in-law I can tell oh the great Sandy Mason she needs her own jingle

I know the flower. I've never recognised it. Play her something that just signifies Sandy Mason's fragrant. Okay. Sleazy 70s nightclub. It's the smell of the Allium, getting stronger. No, I didn't know I'd got that. But then again, someone says the other week, oh, I didn't know I'd got that. But then again, someone says the other week, oh, I didn't know you'd got light switches over here.

And I said, I didn't. So I'm not the most observant of the house owners, I think it's fair to say. OK. What else? We've also been discussing corned beef earlier. And 995 has texted, corned beef, did Frey Bentos actually mean real meat in a foreign language,

or was that just an ad jingle from Bob in Birmingham? Was that an advert? Because I don't remember that. Well, Frey Bentos was the company, wasn't it, who made... Well, actually... They were the corned beef moguls of the 1970s. That is what they are here in the United Kingdom, but I think Frey Bentos is a place in South America that... Is it?

Is it? It sounds like a place in Scotland. Oh! When you said a place in South America, I imagined, like, a little beautiful bay. So did I. But then it's a meatpacking plant. Oh. I believe.

I might be wrong. It's been known before. I'm going to open a restaurant called Chez Bentos, which just has corned beef-based meals. What do you think about that? I'd be there like a shot. See, what I also do Cray-bentos Cray themed

yeah that'd be nice the underworld restaurant Cray-bentos I'm trying to think of one I could have in Soho oh I've got it anyway so I use

I use corn beef with pasta sauce. I mix it up with the pasta sauce and you have a lovely corned beef pasta. Little tip there. People who were watching Saturday Kitchen have thought, Oh no, we're better off on the Frank Skinner show for our recipes. for our recipes. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner, nearly Audio Broadcaster of the Year. The Frank Skinner Show, Emily Dean, Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

Yes. That's right. We've had a few people telling us that Frey Bentos is in Argentina. OK. You said South America, didn't you? I think that. Did you? I think so, yeah.

I think that's all right. I thought that's what I thought. I'd like to bring to your attention a news story. I'd like to bring to your attention a news story there's been a bit of talk about a banner that got put up in Birmingham the banner just declares Sally messed up

and she's so sorry and it's made the news and it's made local tongues wag I think it's fair to say. Well, I presume you've heard about it. Because people want to know who's Sally. I'm imagining Frank's Albigno WhatsApp group has been blowing up with alerts.

Well, it was on Birmingham Live. Of course it was. I looked at Birmingham Live and there was a thing saying an enormous meteor is heading towards the earth. And I thought, this is local news? Anyway, yes, it's in an area called Great Bar. Are you familiar with that? Oh, yes, my Aunty Lorna lived there.

And she was the only one in the family who could knit with pictorial elements. So she'd do a jumper with a vintage car or something like that. No one else had the skills. I imagine in your Birmingham drinking days, a place being called Great Bar was quite confusing. Yes, it is double R. I saw it.

Can I ask a a question about the area as I believe you're familiar with the locale I know what you're going to say you're going to say

when people turn round the corner and they can just see the sign Great Bar do they for a second think they're approaching the

Great Barrier Reef no I wasn't going to say that I was going to ask you why did I see it referred to elsewhere as Perry Bar?

Well, Perry Bar and Great Bar, they're not the same bar, so that was an error. OK, fine. Perry Bar, I used to go to the Polly in Perry Bar, also a home of a rather nice dog track. Lovely. I don't know what's happened to dog tracks in Japan anymore. You've got to whip it out. Any news on the dog track. Lovely. I don't know what's happened to dog tracks. It doesn't happen anymore. You've got to whip it out.

Any news on the dog track circuit? Yeah, she's not very dog tracky. She's more like gluten-free and not very keen on a walk these days. I think the dog track is considered very cruel. Is it really? I think it's at a certain party. Yeah, I think it's considered slightly.

What about the hair? Anyway. So Sally messed up She's So Sorry with a kiss. Yeah. The question being posed, Al, was it not, was this from a remorseful Sally or from someone else? Oh.

Alluding to Sally's poor behaviour. But why would that... And further questions, of course, is what's Sally's poor behaviour? What would she be so sorry for that would require a banner? Frank Skinner had a question here. It didn't occur to me that it was written by anyone other than Sally. So what does it say again? What it says is this.

I will repeat it once. OK. Sally messed up. She's so sorry. OK. Do you think it could have been written by John Bercow? It's a sort of a general statement to the British public. It'll all come out in the wash.

It could have been Wurzel Gummidge. Oh, yummy little anthaly. Oh, good point. It could have been the Salvation Army fessing up for some dark secrets that have been unearthed. I would say unlikely in Wurzel's cage. I think Wurzel was sort of borderline illiterate. Oh, harsh.

Well, I think he was. Scarecrows, where did they go? It's not their fault, Frank. I'm not judging them. You're judging them on, but I mean, they don't normally... Well, where would they learn to read and write? Well, where did they learn to speak and walk around? Where the dogs learn, in cartoons.

Okay, well, I'm sure. I don't remember Worthall ever reading. Well, there you go. I, uh... What do you think? Do you... Could it be a reference to Don Kirk? I think that was a Sally

that was messed up. Sally being a military operation, you see. I thought that was a Sally that was messed up Sally being a military operation you see I actually thought it was rather clever but sometimes one thinks this is clever and never really believes it's funny and you think well on this occasion

I'll sacrifice funny for a little bit of clever we'll move on to funny again and everyone will be fine. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So, Sally messed up. Yes, a lot of people have made the connection with the Oasis song. Oh, I see, yeah.

How I interpreted it as using my razor sharp Holmesian brain, it's always the detail you have to focus on, boys, okay? Yeah. So I would say, Sally messed up, she's so sorry. What I focused in on was the kiss. Yeah. That led me to believe that it was from Sally personally, because it's a personal sign was the kiss. Yeah. That led me to believe that it was from Sally personally because it's a personal sign of the kiss.

Hmm. That's good. That's good sleuthing there, Emily. It's also quite a moment in an argument when the person who finally apologises puts a kiss on, when you've had an exchange of, say, ten texts without kisses, you know that moment when you have an argument and then you get the no-kiss text?

I got told off by my partner the other day for apologising too soon after the row. What did you say? Yeah, so I sent a text saying, you know, that was... Sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that. I totally apologise. And it was a bit, I think Kath hadn't quite had time to get fully submerged in the warm bath of the post row. And then I got told off because she said, I thought that was a preamble to us then talking

that you were going to then come and talk about me. So it was very difficult. Still, it was a very all-encompassing and not too specific apology, which I think I'll be able to use again. We'll just resend. I like that. And sometimes the acknowledgement...

It's a template I can use now. Just copy, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like, on my way. A lot of people have a boilerplate letter for their company, but you've just got a boilerplate apology. It's very handy because it did cover all the bases. I regretted what I'd said.

I apologise completely. You know, let's move on. It had all the ingredients. Sign it off for regards. It had everything except the the corned beef as my dad used to say he never said that in his whole life but i probably will as a father i like you know when they have these stories they interview local residents as they refer to them and i like one lady um from the Great Bar area who said, I think Sally has cheated on her partner, but that's just my opinion. Now, I love a statement that ends, that's just my opinion.

I think if you've cheated on your partner, you've got to go a bit further than messed up, haven't you? That's quite a biggie. I wondered, messed up is a term that you see in cryptic crossword clues for an anagram. I wonder if the whole thing

could be a cryptic crossword clue. Oh, that is clever. That is good. Yeah, because people put stuff up sometimes. You know, in the age of the internet people are very clever, aren't they now? They're much cleverer. And they put it up as an event.

What's your favourite homemade public sign? 8, 12, 15. I like to... Nottingham Forest, gentlemen, no swearing, please. Brian. When Brian Clough tried to get the football fans to stop swearing. But the use of gentlemen. Will there be women there?

I doubt it. I like the simplicity, I've told you this before, of Big Ron's full-length leather in reference to his coat. It was a sign, wasn't it? That's all it said. I think there was a full stop-off. Of course, Wenger out was one of the Legendary Can I point out to you boys as well

There was a contributor Who commented I'm afraid it might have been to the Birmingham Mail What's Sally what you done bab And someone said Crashed his car The reply said Nah mate women don't apologise for that.

They say claim it on the insurance. Wow. And how did they manage to comment on something that just happened in 1972? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Boys, you know we've been talking about naming your car. We had Frank suggesting, he never said sad. No, I never said sad.

I repeat, that is not a word. I'll tell you the thing with me is I don't like cars. I don't even like my cars. I don't have any emotional attachment. Your car looks nice though. Yeah, it gets me around, but I have no like cars. I don't even like my cars. I don't have any emotional attachment. Yeah, it gets me around, but I have no emotional attachment. I get around, round, round, round, I get around. Did you say that when you saw Brian Wilson? I did when I was drinking.

Frank, please stop singing our song. I've never had lunch with Brian Wilson. I imagine it would be Elton John told me that he went to Brian Wilson's house What a fiery character And Brian Wilson had a room With a massive sand tray Like a cat With a piano in the middle of it

Because he liked feeling sand on his feet When he was writing songs about surfing And the beach and all that. And he said, and I'm not one to gossip as you know, he said that he kept saying to Elton, he'd say to Elton,

I'm just finishing writing this song, can you just give me like 20 minutes? Hope you don't mind. Hope you don't mind. And then he'd say, oh we haven't got any whatever it was. Hope you don't mind. Hope you don't mind. He kept doing that joke. Hope you don't mind. And then he'd say, oh, we haven't got any, whatever it was. Hope you don't mind. Hope you don't. He kept doing that joke. Hope you don't mind.

Which has sent Brian Wilson high, high in my estimate. You two seem to be cut from the same denim cloth. Yeah, me and BW. Anyway. Can I share with you boys... What was I... Oh, yeah, I was talking about... We were talking about cars being named.

Stuart Brown from Little Downham in Cambridge has contacted us. That's the sort of place a football referee would come from. They often come from places with two names. It's very Mike Dean. They're in places like Leicestershire or stuff like that. It's very Mike Dean. Stuart says this.

Morning, everyone. Just to let you know, it's a requirement for all Tesla owners to name their cars. The name appears... What? Hold up. The name appears on your mobile, on the web portal for your account, and on the dashboard. The forums are full of people sharing their Tesla names. Should I say Tesla or Tesla? Al, this feels like your area.

I like to call it Steve. Okay, Steve. My first Steve was called Star-Lord. OK. Star-Lord. And my current one is called Yondu. I've never named my cars before. There are lots of very imaginative names out there. It's actually quite fun, but a little bit sad.

Why are they so highfalutin? Why are the names like Star-Lord and Xanadu, why aren't they stuff like Steve and Barry? Yeah, well, exactly. I mean, Star-Lord suggests a certain formality between driver and car. Do you know Star-Lord? Where have I parked Star-Lord?

It suggests a regional sci-fi that never went to full series. Yeah, but that's some of my favourite stuff. I realise I've just described your fantasy night in. And was it the one Fondu? No, Frank, Yondu. Yondu. Why do you say that as if it was a million miles away. It's probably based on a misreading of the Middle English.

Anyway. Very fine. Very fine. The other plate that we have spinning is the Sally. Oh, yeah, Sally. Sally messed up and she's so sorry. And I think a lot of people are assuming that Sally has been, you know, in some nefarious activity like adultery. But what if it's smaller?

What if she just didn't use a coaster? Exactly. It won't be anything big like another person. You wouldn't apologise for anything that major, would you, on a roadside? Well, I've got another Sherlock theory about this. Well, okay. What's the best apology you've ever given

or received at 12.15? We've been discussing this morning, well, as you say, our various plates spinning. Jeffrey H. Wode... Oh, yeah. ..has referred to... That sounds like Jonathan Ross giving directions. Oh, carry on.

Telling Geoffrey Chaw which motorway to go on. He has been talking about signs, you know, pieces of memorable... How did you...? Signage, I suppose. Amateur signage. Sort of homemade public signs, I think I called it. Give peas a chance on the M40 southbound. Oh, I've never seen that. I think I might have seen it, actually. Yes.

OK. I like it, that. And 621 has contributed, a cafe near me had a sign saying, freshly made sandwiches, and that's sandwich apostrophe S, and they add wrong on so many levels yes well the apostrophe of course is a is a tremendous villain in public signage i think it's fair to say peas

takes me back to an earlier request i made about whether whether bread kills ducks because near me they say that one hasn't taken off in the way that you'd hoped. No, and they suggest near me, where the docks live, that you throw peas into the water, which of course sink immediately. So it's all very confusing. Cat Otterhan says in the lie in the black country... Down the lie. There was a large crude piece of graffiti. Don't worry

when we say crude I believe what cat means is sort of fashioned in a rather rudimentary way. None of your blue stuff. Which simply read support your cinema. It stood for decades and became a local landmark. Does Frank remember it?

I don't remember it but that is an excellent thing, isn't it? It's so fabulously unexpected in a piece of public graffiti. Support your cinema. Was Mark Kermode seen leaving the area with a large pint pot? Caught red-handed. Exactly. Saying I remember the scene in Suramar Paradiso. Yeah, yeah, but what about, how's that car going of yours?

I now realise that I will never be able to buy a Tesla because I'm not prepared to give it a name. Well. Good lad. We've had a number of people contacting us about that being a reference to Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, now, I have to say, Guardians of the Galaxy is one of... I only am familiar with them through the Avengers films.

I haven't watched their own stuff. And although they were an impressive group and highly comical, I couldn't have named any of them. So I hold my hand up on my lack of Guardians of the Galaxy

knowledge. Yes. Well, shout out to all the people that have called us ignorant for not getting it. I think, to be honest,

that's fair enough. I feel, especially as I've seen them in, like I say, the Avengers things, I should have got that, so I apologise. I shouldn't have. And I think also, I think anyone who gives their life to protecting a chocolate bar should be praised.

They have actual guardians, the galaxy. You still get a galaxy. Star-Lord and Yondu, Frank, sound like a type of shoe available at Shoe Zone. We've got the Star-Lord in a size nine. Yeah. No, the Yondu we've only got in a foot and a wide. Maybe a trainer, that would be.

A pair of Star-Lords. Yes, okay. What else is pouring in? That would be a pair of star loads. Yes, OK. What else is pouring in? Well, the article in question about Sally's sign mentions a lot of the neighbours saying, oh, there's nobody called Sally that lives around here. And that impressed me greatly, because that means that those people think they know the names

of all of their neighbours. I think that is that's possible in the West Midlands the way it isn't certainly down in London. Do you guys do this where you know some of your neighbours names and the other ones are given nicknames like I used to live in a cul-de-sac and a bloke wore a corduroy kind of trendy, almost rock and roll hat. He was kind of an indie pop dresser. And so I called him Mr Rock and Roll in my head for the full three years that I lived on the same street.

He wasn't wearing what they used to call Jeremy Corbyn's communist cap. It was very similar to that. Yeah, it was very similar. I remember him saying, well, it's not a communist cap, it's just a cap. It's a terrible sort of upset. Why?

Don't let him get to you, Jeremy. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. apologising for a fault in the actual sign. It'd be like one of those Escher paintings where the stairways all disappear into each other. Or could she be indicating that there's more to follow, that the sentence continues on a different banner? Oh, yes. She's actually running a commentary on modern living.

It would be great if someone else could do that, someone else could take over the banner thing and put up a sequel you see i also my assumption was that the reason it had been posted on the dual carriageway curious location in many ways well i'm sure it's someone going to work that way which she wants to see. Why? Presumably because they have blocked Sally from their contacts. Yes. She hasn't. No other way of communicating with them.

Well, maybe they work here. Maybe they work at Absolute and she doesn't want to pay 50 pence for a text. Good point. Well, some of our readers fortunately are prepared. Oh God, good on them. It's all put to good use. It pays us.

Including Al. We have, well, we have a few, don't we, who've got in touch? Yes. Including, we have Natalie West, who has some bread news. Oh, good. It's not that bread kills ducks per se.

Oh. But they eat the bread instead of other foods that provide the nutrients they need. Oh, that's like humans. It's like we're giving them junk food. Yeah, it's like when you get the bread bowl in a restaurant and you fill up on that and then you don't eat all the nice stuff that's on its way. There you go. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Cleared up. So bread does not hurt nice stuff that's on its way. There you go. Okay. Okay. So bread does not hurt dogs. That's the good news. It just stops them eating good stuff. I'm really... Zero... No, go on.

097 has contributed on the... ...for graffiti and signage, local signage. Hi, Frank et al. On Chelsea Bridge, there is still a poor quality graffiti that asks who shot JR. Tremendous. I don't want to know. I do know.

Of course I do. Yeah. But in fact, maybe I'll paint it on Albert Bridge, the next one along the river. OK, so anyway, I feel this is a thing that we, by this time next week, Sally will have been named and everything would have been sorted. The worst thing that could have happened for Sally, I think,

is to get a text or something, say if it was the husband, a text saying, let's just forget, you know, don't worry about it, let's just forget it. When you don't worry about it, let's just forget it. When you've made a massive big sign to apologise, that would really, I'd be frustrated about that. We have some breaking news just in from a member of our team, Frank. Have they found Arj again? It's the only news we ever broke in 11 years of this programme

is that Arj, the missing reality TV show person, had been found. That was it. That was my hold the front page moment. No. Instead, we have Sarah, our show producer, has just revealed that Father Sarah... I think we should share his name. Are you happy to share his name?

Old Man Bishop. Old Man Bishop. Archie. Archie, is he called? No. I was hoping he was known as Arch Bishop. I don't know if Old Man... I think Old Man Bishop will do.

Old Man Bishop. Old Man Bishop. He can use that as his ringtone. Yeah, I'm sure he won't. Old Man Bishop, who won't be using that as his ringtone, has a Tesla. Yes. And he has a name.

And he has told us that name via his daughter. It is Mistral. Yeah, Mistral, as in... Mistral. The wind. That wind. That wind. Mediterranean wind. I was once holidaying in Marseille,

anticipating warm weather, and the Mistral arrived, and it became overcast. Anthony Burgess. So, yeah, three days in Marseille, killed by the Mistral. So thanks a lot, Archie, for calling it that. Archie didn't call it that. Andy's not called Archie.

He did call it that. You get to name your own Tesla, don't you? Oh, I thought he was given that. Yeah, he must have picked Mistral. I thought Elon gave you the name. No, Elon has changed his name, hasn't he? No, I don't think so. Of course he had. He's trouble. No, no, I thought this week

I read somewhere that Elon Musk is calling himself Mr. Safe Car or something. Honestly, Mr. Planet Safe Car. Honestly,

I'm not making that up. We'll find out for next week. Yeah, Elon. Okay. We're going to call the scandal around that change

Elon Gate. Okay. Very're going to call the scandal around that change Elongate. Okay. Not very good. I like that. I feel we've ended in the right sort of place. And thank you for listening to us. And if the good Lord spares us and the Greeks don't rise,

the Greeks can do what they ever mind to, and the Greeks don't rise, then we'll be back again this time next week. The Greeks can do what they ever mind to. And the Greeks don't rise. Then... We'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.