The Frank Skinner Show - Coffee Claw

Episode Date: October 7, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has had some very odd encounters. The team also discuss a chocolate bomb, indoor fireworks and an otter on a plane.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215. Follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Every time I see X like that, I think of Leonardo's Vitruvian Man. Oh.

There you go. I've said it. I've said it. Yeah. It's out there. I've had some very odd encounters. Really? Oh.

Very odd. What happened? First one was in Birmingham on last Saturday and there was a group of people a man and two women

and he said are you you're you're Jasper Carra aren't you? I said no I'm not he goes

oh you are I said no I'm really not Jasper Carrot, aren't you? I said, no, I'm not. He goes, oh, you are. I said, no, I'm really not Jasper Carrot. And he said to me, I told you he was Jasper Carrot. I thought, where are you getting your confirmation? I've just said I'm not him. I said, I'm honestly not. And he went, yeah. And then as I walked away, he said it was nice talking to you.

And I said, you weren't. And it wasn't. But they weren't talking to me. They were talking to some other person who wasn't there. They were firing a series of falsehoods at you. It does raise the question what you could possibly have said to ever successfully deny being Jasper Cary. Now I know. I could have done Cary. No, I know.

I could have done a joke. No, no, that was a joke. Oh, my God. That was a joke. A gut punch there. That was a joke. Well, it was... Obviously, there's some sense of he's a comedian, he's local.

Yes. And then you go into a whole mix of I could have been A-knock and A-lie. But the confidence. Yeah. A-knock and A-lie. A-knock and A-lie was a black country double act. Apologies for not instantly knowing.

They were legendary in the area and they would talk about stuff like, I took me, I got be over to pick be there why look have you a lawyer I took you down the park this morning for a flyer and did it was shot it was stuff like that but the legend period was a operating in? Oh, not like... I'm not talking about the 1900s. Oh, OK.

They were around in the 70s, 80s. They may still be around, God willing. So what were your other encounters, please? Well, then I was at a bus stop and a lady, I think it was a Chinese lady, an older lady, came over and said, Are you Mr Frank Skinnerner was she announcing it was like i was going on to work in men's club but now ladies and gentlemen mr on the drums yeah i said

obviously i said i was just picking no i didn't yeah and what did you say i said yes i am and she said can i have a photograph? I said, of course. And she was a small lady and had quite short arms. I said, shall I do it? She said, no, no, it's fine. And it was quite unsatisfactory. Her arms were short and it was a selfie. And I didn't feel I was enough of me was in frame.

I was just like looking in through a... If I was a prisoner who'd got drunk last night and been thrown into the cells and someone was looking through my peephole, it was like that. If you'd heard something break in a different room, just looking around the door.

I'm in the top corner of the frame and I offered to do it because it's hard if you've got short arms, you know. What did she say? She didn't fully extend either, I'll be honest with you. I didn't want to tell her, but you've got to fully extend. Always hand the phone to the longest arm in the group. Yes, exactly.

But, I mean, I can understand why people don't want to hand their phone to someone else, lest I should run away with it. Yeah. You've got international representation. No, I can understand why people don't want to hand their phone to someone else, lest I should run away with it. Yeah. You've got international representation. No, I know. But it would have been a great story. I handed a little, little old...

Well, she wasn't old. She was about... She was probably younger than me. Yeah, she was old. And imagine that, though, on the news, saying, like, I handed it to Frank Skinner for a selfie, ran off and my car... Imagine if you'd have suddenly licked it.

The thing is, with one of those, you'd start running as a joke and you'd realise you'd done, like, a half a mile. It was too late to turn back. You just kept running forever. Just crime watch. Jasper Carrot is being sought by police this evening. Yeah. You'd become folklore.

Just running, like, ragging with a beard, still running with the phone. The battery's gone out months before. You're like Spring-Heeled Jack, some legendary figure. I didn't do that. There'd be all those little... You know when you go on YouTube and there's a woman

talking about the news roundup. Frank Skinner in an apparently motiveless cry. Coming out of Fox News. There'd be one picture of me. Not quite in Frank. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Frank, I'd like to share something with you. It's from one of our readers, and I'm going to say it. This character is called Darren, and he sounds like... I'm all right with that. You said it like I might say, let's just stop it there, shall we? Oh, I think he'd be what I call a very nice friend for you. Do you want to hear why? Yeah.

He says, Frank, knowing your love of the venerable bead and all things Anglo-Saxon, I couldn't help thinking you would enjoy the book I'm currently reading. It's a novel that covers the many years spent by the monks in the wilderness trying to find a resting place for St Cuthbert's corpse. And then he says in brackets, too dark for breakfast. Right.

It's well researched and beautiful. It's a happy ending. He says it's beautifully written, plenty of bead quotes as well. Why didn't you say sooner? I'm well in. It's called Cuddy by Benjamin Myers. Google it.

Okay, I will Google it. Okay. It sounds good Cuddy by Benjamin Myers. Google it. Okay, I will Google it. Okay. It sounds good. I like a historical novel. Yeah. Yeah, if it's properly researched. They generally are pretty heftily researched. I think they know their target market is disgusting little pedants like me.

Yes, exactly. I'm getting the sense Pierre's not a fan, Frank. I'm a fan of what? Historical novels. Yeah, you like them. Yeah, if they're done well. If people have done their research. I think generally it is a sort of a sugared

medicine for most people. The way of getting history. I think that's true. What you don't want is a lot of that, no one called Napoleon will ever be the emperor. Oh, no.

No, you don't want that. I can't even say it. Next thing you'll be telling me, Leonardo, silver birds will fly in the sky with people in them. Who is this artist? Picasso, you say?

Well, I don't think that looks much like a face at all. Yes. Have you known any of that? No. Oh, no. But what was it called again? Cuddy. Yeah, Cuddy.

I'll write it down. They could have thought, you know what? Love the sound of you, Darren. Don't even mind the venerable bead. Don't love the title. It wouldn't make me want to buy it. Have you got a copy of Cuddy? It's not very...

I think, yeah, it sounds like a pet cow's name, doesn't it? It sounds like a sort of Bromley swear word. Yeah, well, we won't go into that. I'm just going through my card index just to check it isn't. Just black country

dialect being ruffled through. Yes, I seem to remember A-Knock and A-Line doing a routine about it. No, it sounds... I wasn't Sincospite separated from his head at some point. Yeah, sounds like an area for you rather than me. No, that was the king who was decapitated by Penda, the pagan king of Mercia.

Oh, of course. The last pagan English king. And other things I love to hear on dates. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Especially speed dating, when you get like a mini... Imagine Pierre on a speed date. It'd be awful.

Have you heard of Mercia? Oh, well then... He just mentioned... I'll get you on the next way round. On the next way round. Any feedback on that guy? He just talked about decapitated kings and I didn't like it.

Yeah, what was he getting at? So, uh... Oh, here's another. Oh, yes. I tell you what I went to this week. Occasionally, one goes to a show where you just at the end of it feel like you could fly. You've enjoyed it so much.

And it was Old Friends, it was called. And it was a Stephen Sondheim tribute, including Buddy Langford. What else could I ask for? It was, oh, man, it was so brilliant. Was it? I'm going next week, Frank. Oh, I don't think I'm just going to go every week for the rest of my life.

And Janie Dee. They're all there. Joanna Riding. He won't know that. He likes Decapitated Kings. It's true. Do you know Bernadette Peters? You know that? He likes decapitated kings. Do you know Bernadette Peters? Do you know that? She's in The Jerk.

Yes, yes, yes. So anyway, anyway. So I sat behind Helena Bonham Carter and I told her a story because my son had... I was talking to my son in the street and he suddenly stopped mid-sentence. Our Ronnie Biggs.

And I looked round to see why he'd stopped talking so abruptly and Helena Bonham Carter was doing a three-point turn nearby because she's Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter. He was in awe of her. Of course. So I told her this, and she liked the story. And then afterwards, she came up to me at the after show. I said, are you getting a cab home?

She lives quite near me. And I said, no, I'm getting the bus. And she went, oh, no. She's very funny, to be fair. I think it was irony. We'll never know. I can't believe you caught her in a rare moment of not being in a Tim Burton film.

I know, yeah. Also, did she not have the broomstick with her? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Something over the years, and I have mentioned this before on the show a long time ago, pre-Novelli. What? Is that whenever conversation dried up,

if conversation dries up nowadays, what do people talk about? Strictly? Sport? Mercia? No, I go straight in with Strictly. Yeah. I go straight in.

It used to be, if conversation dried up, people would play their Bermuda Triangle card. Oh. What do you mean? Well, Bermuda Triangle was the godfather of conspiracy theories. Oh, yeah. It was the first one I read. I mean, I'm sure that there was before,

but that was very popular. Oh, Barry Manilow had a lot to do with that. Of course. But people would talk at length about their theories about the Bermuda Triangle. And it's gone a bit now with phones.

You don't need it. You start showing people, what do they call it? Viral comedy. In inverted commas. Were you terrified of it though, Frank? What do they call viral comedy? In inverted commas. So anyway... Were you terrified of it, though, Frank? I was. I was terrified of the Bermuda Triangle.

Well, I didn't know it. I didn't really fly anywhere then, so I thought I'd be all right. I was very happy for other people to go down for the sake of a bit of pub chat. Anyway, this week I watched a documentary and the latest theory is that there's an undersea volcano there. Right. And what it pumps out is, get this, is,

and I want to quote this to get it right, it says it's the most magnetic naturally occurring material. OK. Do you know what it's called? Charisma. This is what really upset me. The most magnetic naturally occurring material. Yeah.

You want any guesses? Oh, yeah. It's called... Oh, yeah? It's called... Magnetite. Oh. That is... Oh, come on.

Is that the best you've got? Come on, guys. That's a real 5pm on Friday. It's a real copper. And also, can I say, it's also one of the Pokemon as well. Oh, well, I mean, that's even worse. It would be Diggersby next. Diggersby

is my favourite Pokemon. Frank, I love that you know the Pokemon. You know more modern Pokemon than I do. No, I don't know much Pokemon. I was browsing my son's card collection just the other night. Oh, isn't it shiny and pretty?

Very pretty shiny. It is, yes. I imagine Gollum collected Pokemon cards, chucked away all the matte finishes, and just kept the shinies. Oh, me shinies. I didn't say that. I'm just improvising.

I'm riffing on a golemic theme. Why has Gollum turned into Steptoe and Son? Oh, me pretties, me pretties. Don't leave me, Harold. He's a East End figure. Hasn't he got a hologram of a watch? Oh, that's giving me a pain in my coddy. I can hardly breathe.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'll tell you what we did this week is my child lit some indoor fireworks. Indoor fireworks. And they're supposed to be indoor. Yeah, they're called indoor fireworks. Oh. You must have heard of indoor fireworks. No.

How do they work? This sounds like tartan paint or like one of those other things you make up to screw with someone. How do they work, indoor fireworks? I mean, they can't... Presumably they're not fizzing around everywhere. Can you only use them once

and then your indoors becomes outdoors? Do you use a flame? No, no. You put them on, ideally on some sort of metal tray yeah and then you light them and most of them go a bit of flame comes out and they go and a bit more flame of a different color and then and you put them on and i put Handel's Royal Fireworks music on. So it was like this in our house.

So Handel after a big lunch. Can I say? Oh, there's the worm one. There's one that you light and a worm just comes spiralling out of it I know about the worm I just instinctively reach for a poo bag

I don't want a worm on fireworks night I don't want a worm ever no it wasn't fireworks night we just declared our own thing I thought I'd celebrate other than the oppression of Roman Catholics well I'm with you on fireworks night because I'm not a fan, as you know. I don't want to worm on fireworks night. It's like one of those old doo-wop songs.

My dog absolutely loves her firework. I've taken her out on the heath. Nothing even, never even notices screeching, banging fireworks. It's really weird because she's quite a sort of nervy dog. But she's fine with the fireworks. Used to screeching. I better not. Yeah, exactly.

Used to screeching at our house. I'll better find out that Boz has poured wax into her ears on November the 4th. No, she's honestly not bothered by it. It's really weird. Lucky, I know I saw there was they sold CDs of

remember them they sold CDs of firework sound effects that you could play to your dogs to get them used to it so they could be frightened the whole year round or to punish them don't make. So they could be frightened the whole year round. I was going to say, or to punish them. Don't make me put on the CD again.

Woo! No, it was quite an event, I must say. I won't be purchasing them, Frank. I don't know, it's the worm is really upset to me. To me, the worm is, I think I saved a particularly spectacular piece of music. It's about Buzz when the worm got to the worm said, can you put on Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue?

I never got the reference. I don't know if he just wanted to hear it. We all do sometimes. I suppose. Girls, girls, girls. Yeah, that is a number I would have thought of as a popular playing track. If they haven't already expired.

Women, women, women have to put that in over the top. You know when a computer thing comes on and the following train goes to Oxford when the different voice comes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women! Women, women, women. I don't like it when the robot voice is a bit higher.

The next train is to Oxford. No, I don't like it. I'm horrible about that. I love a robot voice, generally speaking. It's one of my favourite things. But there's an old Roy Wood track about a computer that falls in love with a lady. Do they have computers in Roy Wood's day? Just about. They had big ones that you had to keep the room cold. Those kind of computers. And it falls in love with her. And it's a love song.

The whole thing's done in computer voice. That was quite a retro preoccupation, the idea of a computer falling in love with a lady. It goes, I know why my engineer came today. And he talks about how sharp the screwdriver is and stuff like that. It's very moving. Have we heard from those outside?

We have. Marker gets in touch. Frank Marker from Public Eye? No. I don't know. Could be. Dear Frankenteam, indoor fireworks are a bit of a damp squib, he opens with. Very

droll, Mark. Mark, you must come to more of these parties. Hi! No, he's joining in. Mark, you must come to more of these parties. Hey! He says so. Now he's joining me. Give us a chance. It's good.

I love a joiner, isn't it? I love Mark already. Indoor fireworks are a bit of a damp squib. However, should you ever come across something called an indoor chocolate party bomb, do try it. No, thank you. I bought one nearly 20 years ago from the Conran shop which I do not know what that is oh yeah the Conran shop

it's like a sort of design place still is you might buy a lamp for your bedroom in the shape of an ostrich egg might I it's a sort of innovative design store

ok so it makes sense that they would sell indoor chocolate party bombs. Yeah. Well, that sounds to me a bit like that, more like the party, party, party shop around the corner. Yeah. It's got a picture of a sexy little red riding hood mannequin thing. Yeah, next to a sort of grotesque horror mask. Yeah.

I can imagine it selling sort of Philippe Starck fireworks. Oh, yes. Okay. Do you know Starco? No. I stayed at one of his hotels in New York once. I can imagine. He's from West Brom.

You stayed around Starco's? Very dark. I remember the urinal had got like a waterfall element to it, which ran above it, which cleansed, but also looked beautiful. And a woman stopped me and she said, would you take me into the men's toilets? And I said, well, I'm in a relationship. Met him those days behind me. Yeah.

She said, no, I really want to see the water feature. So I went and checked it out so she could go. And I said, I've heard it called some names. Hey, I said. No, and she went in and looked at this. 851 AM. She went in and looked at the toilet. Yeah.

I hope someone's just tuned in and heard that. I'm trying. Well, it was art. Anyway. So, the indoor chocolate party bomb. Mark bought one nearly 20 years ago from the Conran shop and littered it at my wife's baby shower. The thing exploded with such ferocity and smoke and cordite.

Great reference. It is, yeah. That the attending party screamed and hit the floor. When the smoke cleared, we found the room covered in sugar shrapnel and a large scorch mark on the tabletop. Wow. Banned in most countries

and I hear they've now been removed from the market. But where does the chocolate element fit in? I suppose it vaporises. I like that, Mark, we should say also ends with, well worth it if you find one. But does it fire chocolate into the air? It certainly seems to fire sugar into the air.

Okay. Why would you want chocolate in the air? Well, I can see it's a sort of a do-it-yourself piñata. Yes, that's true. Piñatas are out of date. It's too labour intensive to beat them up with a baseball bat. A hand grenade will do the job just as quickly.

Do you know, I was very, I never liked piñatas. I never did. Watching children queuing up with a bat to attack an animal. It was disgusting. It's bad when you put it like that. Good training.

There's no bats required to attack an animal hung from a... It was disgusting. It's bad when you put it like that. Good training. But this, you see... What were people thinking? There's no bats required in this. It's a bit like the old... Do you remember the old sheep... No bats required. Do you remember the old... That's my Halloween motto.

Do you remember the old sheep illness where their bellies used to absolutely swell up? It's the sort of piñata version of that, the chocolate bomb. But they go up and toffees at that rain down from, with a little bit of entrail, but not as much as you'd even notice. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. Text the show on 8-12-15. Follow us on X on Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Okay. You can't smell the incense at home, Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. OK. You can't smell the incense at home, but it's thick in the air in the studio.

Oh, Mark Ryan. You remember he. He of the exploding indoor firework has sent us a photographic evidence of the exploding chocolate bomb. That was quick. Did it come on Von Ryan's Express? Can't have Vons anymore. Pierre.

And Pierre was just telling us. In Austria. This is the kind of information Pierre supplies us with, or fair. No more Vons. Has it come back? Have Vons returned? They are forbidden. That was the letter that was sent out.

We should explain why there are no Vons in Austria. They were too naughty in the war. Okay. Do you know any Vons? I know some lovely Vons. I knew an Yvonne. But they wouldn't have gone for her as well, surely. Much less that at immigration.

She was naughty during the war, if I remember right, though. No longer with us. Anyway, Mark continues. And we'll show you the picture. Perhaps we should put this picture up. I mean, it's a bit shocking, Pierre, isn't it? This is the chocolate bomb. Mark continues and he says,

For your info, the chocolate acts as a fragmentation grenade and has to be scraped off the walls and ceiling. Oh, my goodness. And I really can believe it, seeing this picture, can't you? The picture is... I was imagining a sort of a round cartoon bomb, like from Donkey Kong or a Batman, 1960s sort of Batman. Yeah.

It's not. It is very much a kind of war horse artillery shell. It's early 20th century anarchist round bomb. I'll tell you what, a sort of cartoon acme bomb. Yeah, the sort of bomb you'd throw at a von. Yeah, exactly. If you were an Austrian anarchist. It looks like something out of, remember that program Danger UXB?

Oh yes, I do remember. Anthony Andrews. It's an artillery shell. It's a massive artillery shell. Oh my goodness. And it's called Standard Chocolate Bum. And you can only buy them from France. And what I like is it comes with a data sheet. Do you remember those far off days when whenever France

was mentioned, someone would go ho-hee-hon. I received a great deal of that growing up, as you can imagine. I've been ho-hee-hon-ed at by all sorts of luminaries and scholars. When it's described, it's called the standard chocolate bomb size three. I don't even want to know about one through two. Dark chocolate bomb, ten people, dragees and ten gadgets.

What are the ten gadgets that it comes with? It comes with ten gadgets. The description is, the famous Brachiae chocolate explosive bombs. Unique in the world, the dark chocolate shell explodes for real to let sugared almonds and twenty various gadgets escape. OK. The gadgets escape. The various gadgets escape. Okay. The gadgets escape. Do various gadgets escape.

Finally, would you like to guess how much the chocolate bomb costs? £19.99. Incorrect. Okay. It's quite a lot. I can exclusively reveal. Can you do a quick Euros conversion? We'll tell you in Euros.

It's actually not that far off these days. Basically, we want to win actually. 86 euros. Oh my. 40. 86.40. Yeah. It'll set you back the bomb. Wow. So 75 quid. I went to the the

military museum at El, was it Los Alamos? Oh, yeah, yeah. Anyone who's watched Oppenheimer might have got a reference to it. And there you could buy chocolate versions of the two bombs that were dropped by the Enola Gay.

I know. Oh, my God. I know, it's really offensive. One could argue it was too dark for breakfast! No chocolate armaments! Yes, it was shocking. Yeah. There was a

science museum at Los Alamos. Los Alamos is where they developed the nuclear weapons. And there was a science museum at Los Alamos. Los Alamos is where they developed the nuclear weapons. And there was a science museum, and they were very, very sheepish about it and talked about it being the peacemaker and all that. And there's a film that you watch that ended before the big bomb was dropped and all that.

They were kind of in denial. And then in the military, they were absolutely... You could have your picture sitting on models of the bombs and stuff. With the military it's all in a day's work. It was really shocking. We finally made one really big. Oh yeah. It was unbelievable.

Dr Strangelove Museum. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Stephen Vadgarma, could you please make yourself known? I just realised when I said that it had the air of a sort of tannoy now. Stephen Vadgarma. Stephen Vadgarma has got in touch.

Guten Morgen, Frank, Emily and Pierre. Frank, Emily and Pierre. As a teacher of German, I felt I should correct your pronunciation of the German word von, of, from. Yes. Often occurring in the surnames of nobles. He's going to say von, isn't he? The German V is, correct Frank,

according to Stephen, an F sound, as in Frank. So it should be Fon. Okay. Stephen's right, but I don't think Stephen is prioritizing mass communication over accuracy, which is the key to radio. If we'd said Fon, there would have been people who thought that we'd started talking about phones in a black country accent. Or Fonzie.

Or Fonzie. I'm afraid, Stephen. Was he known as Fon for short? No, I don't think so. He didn't have for short. He didn't laugh much, Fonzie. He was called Fonz for short, wasn't he? That's a bit rubbish.

Take one letter off. He didn't laugh much. Did you ever see Fonzie be He was called Fonz for short, wasn't he? That's a bit rubbish. Take one letter off. He didn't laugh much. Did you ever see Fonzie be funny, Frank? He would sort of be Arch. Yeah. Arch. We can all be Arch. Anyway, let's not shoot the German teacher down. I did German in school.

I love Steven Vadgolf. Chew the meat out of that. Mike Wright was not with him. We would all like to live in a world where we say Volkswagen instead of Volkswagen. But I'm afraid. I'm trying to go in my hair. We don't.

Yes. Looking at... Just can I bring us back to... When you say that, you do sound like Falco and Rock Me Amadeus. Yeah, man. We used to have... When we were taught German,

it used to go... Beispiel, hört zu. And then you had to repeat. I find it interesting. So you were taught German as standard and not French. I'll tell you why we were taught German. I went to a thing called a technical school which is an experiment it was neither a secondary modern

or a grammar it was something in between it's supposed to be for working class boys who might get to be like not not in the offices but at the top end in the factory you might blue blue collar would you call it? White collar. It might still be. It's starting to be white collar. Yeah, white collar. Almost white collar. So like foreman, a bit past that.

Duck egg blue collar. Yeah, exactly. Halfway between. And so the idea was, and this is absolutely true, it was explained to us, that the future for trade in Europe, Germany would be a bigger deal. Adorable. And so we were taught German because it would be more practical in a world that smelt of swarfiga.

And for technology, though, it was definitely the right call. Was it? Yeah, oh, yeah. I can see that would make sense because there was, you know, French is a bit off to study at the conservatoire. It's a bit ho-hee-ho. It is. It's a bit hoity-to-hoity.

What I like is a citron that when you press the horn, it went ho-hee-ho. Just in terms of the Frenchest thing I've seen, to briefly return us to the chocolate bum. Yeah. It comes with a data sheet. Okay. And it sort of tries to tell you where best to employ your chocolate bomb.

Yeah. Event type. All kind of event. Oh. Gender. Mixed. It does not matter who or what or why. It's a bit vague.

Blow up the chocolate bomb. Very vague. Sorry. It's a little bit louche. It's like the Hard Rock Very vague. That's what it is. It's a little bit louche. It's like the Hard Rock Cafe, love all service. We should put the picture of it. She won't believe it. You actually won't.

It honestly looks like the sort of thing that would be found under a secondary school. Everyone has to be a vacuum. It really does look like a big old--fashioned, dangerous World War II bomb. It really does. And it's for children's parties. And can they be bent? I've just passed around the Takis. Why did you give me that, Frank?

Explain what it is. Well, I've got a bag of Takis, which I don't know if you're aware of Tacs. They're little tubes. It's a snack, but they're quite spicy. They're quite, they're sort of like, if crisps were sort of pancakes, they're sort of rolled up like little cigarillas. If crisps were pancakes.

If crisps were pancakes. The opening song of my new musical. People used to say when I was a kid, if you said if, or if I don't eat, people would say, if ifs and ands were pots and pans, there'd be no need for tinkers.

They don't say that anymore, strangely. I wonder why. To which I would have responded, well, that profession has kind of died out now, anyway, I'm afraid. Well, that's why Ibsen hands were taken. Did you ever meet him? Was the tinker like a pots and pans salesman?

I don't know. I think it was... A repairer. Oh, OK. Was it a repairer? Well, you get tinkering. Oh! To tinker with him.

Fair enough. Well done. I remember the rag and bone man of yesteryear, but tinkers I don't remember. In fact, your fellow black countrymen, my friend George, who we went to go see in the Shakespeare play, grew up in Wensfield in the black country in the 90s and still remember the rag and bone man going around.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, even in the 90s. Wow. Indeed. It's a different world out there never knew when he shouted all right all ringers all rhiners give me 10 pounds i'll give you half an hour that's what he used to show i would have mixed it up if i were a rag and bone man i would have said excuse me out of the way please excuse me your rags and bones. They put a lot of faith in repetition, the rag and bone men. Yes.

Yeah. They were called tatters. That was their nickname. Frank, what are these things you've given us? They're very spicy. Takis, T-A-K-I-S. And they come, you know, they come in bags. There is a blue takis, which I've never tried,

which they tell me is really nuclear. Oh, even more spicy? Yeah. Oh. I've never heard of these before. It's lovely to see. It's lovely to see quite profoundly. You'd think that something,

an emotional story had just been told. Everyone's slightly teary from having a tacky. So I've already, I'm deep into them. Why are people quite obsessed? You know, there's quite a competitive element to this sort of hot sauce. What temperature can you take? I think these are a thing now that,

do you remember I told you about Prime, that soft drink that people were selling for 15 quid a bottle and stuff like that in places? It's just Tropicana. I've seen these. I'm told this large bag was three pounds, which I think must be some sort of mistake. Why? Because usually they're more like, you know, one half this size is about a fiver.

Right, it's an artificial scarcity thing. Yeah, exactly. Who knows what it contains? Pure internet. Yeah, exactly. That's why it's so spicy. Dipped in internet. The internet can be pretty spicy, let's face it.

What a great sort of gentle description of the internet content that's spicy. What a great, sort of gentle description of the internet content that would be. Frank, we've had in some correspondence regarding Rag and Bone Men. Oh yeah. Which seems sort men. Oh, yeah. Which seems sort of peak us, really.

And this is from Sally King. We still have the rag and bone and scrap iron men come round. Really? Both in my hometown of Worcester and where I now live in Stoke. Do they still employ a bugle? Well, Sally elaborates. However, their call is now a recording played through a loudspeaker. I still have no idea what they're saying. The subject of that email is Rag and Bone Judas.

They've gone electric. I didn't even see that. That's brilliant. That's great. They are. In case you don't get that, that's a reference to a Bob Dylan gig at the Free Trades Hall in Manchester, I think, where somebody

shouted Judas because he'd gone from protesting into a sort of electric music. See? So there you go. Yeah, there are some churches that use their church bells are on tape as well.

Oh, I don't like that. Why not? Use a real bell. You're in the business of authenticity. Yeah, aren't you? Oh, well, you lot in your cathedral, you're purists, aren't you? It's all recorded. I think mosques sometimes the call to prayer is recorded.

But then that's got to be clearer, doesn't it? It's words rather than a bell sound, I think. Don't get me wrong, I love a church bell. Okay. Thank you for that version of the Pretender song. And that was from the Hunchback of MD. Keep them anonymous. was from the hunchback of ND.

Keep him anonymous. OK, anonymous, he always kept a low profile. Oh! Oh, hunchback. Oh, hunchback. Anyway. Anyway. Hunchback. Hunchback.

Anyway. Anyway. May I return us to a subject covered only last week on this show? I love a reprise. That's why I'm going to have another Takis as you read this. I mean, can I say those Takis? I noticed when you attempted to offer me another one, I declined. Thanks, but no thanks. I noticed it said on the bag,

face the intensity in a sort of fiery font. Yes. And there was also a temperature gauge, which was bright red. There might be people thinking, oh, God, is this advertising that they're getting a backhand of the tackies? But I can say on that strength

that most of the people in the studio hate them. I loathe them. There was a French subtitle to that needlessly extreme branding as well, which was, Bravez l'intensité. What does that mean? Brave the intensity.

No, you're all right, thanks. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, so last week's show, we were talking about the Robinsons factory. Do you remember that, Frank? The Robinson brothers. Brothers, I do apologise. They generated smells.

Yes, professionally. Profession, deliberately. I was going to say. I think we need to explain a bit. Yeah. We should come to this after, but it was really a revelation. It's one of those times when we hear from one of our readers and I was genuinely, I went onto my heels.

I normally operate on my toes. That's because you'd had those tackies. But I went back and thought, wow, that's almost unbelievable. But almost, of course, it covers a long area. Frank, I was in the middle of telling you about the Robinson factory. I wasn't telling you. Robinson Brothers. Robinson Brothers. They make smells.

I'll give you a bit of background. I went into a big deluxe sweet shop in Edinburgh. And the first time I went in, I said to my son, Whoa, it smells great in here. I really just want to get like 10 pounds of pick and mix and pig out. And then the next time I went in, I saw them switching on a machine which emanated that very smell which drew me in, which I was a little bit disappointed by. It was so synthetic.

And then we were informed that the synthetic coffee smell was made by Odd Robinson's brothers. Well, it hadn't even occurred to us that there was such a thing as a faux coffee smell was made by Robinson's brothers. It hadn't even occurred to us that there was such a thing as a faux coffee smell. So when you break through the foil of an instant coffee jar and you get that paw of coffee. That was more indoor fireworks.

I was going to say. A little snake coming out. It opens and you get that smell of coffee. Apparently instant coffee doesn't smell of coffee, we were told. Is that right? That's correct.

By the way, what do you use for your piercing implement for the coffee? Well, because I play ukulele, I've got sharp nails on my right hand, so I can just tear it. You've got a coffee claw. Yeah, I have. I don't like that. I used a thumb and go round and go round like that, like it was a little tin opener.

Is your thumbnail long enough to use it as the spoon for the coffee as well? Well, I hope it's the coffee he's using it for if you know what I mean.

It was around in the 70s my friend. If it would be, I could do maybe if I did half a dozen scoops. Yes, yeah. But I don't drink coffee that much

so I like to use a spoon just because the novelty of using eating irons oh rag and bone so anyway this is from

Sarah who contacted us during the week look I'm only human after all okay that was rag and bone man I know didn't use a bugle on it all the old ways of dying out. Him and his recordings.

Have you got any washing machines you don't want? Have you got any fridges you don't want? Have you got any hoovers you don't want? Put them on my cart. Yeah. Any old iron. Anyway, that was Rag and Bone, man Carry on Okay

This is from Sarah Dear Frank and team I grew up in Hilltop, West Brom Oh yes, I know it And we sometimes used to get strange chemical smells in the garden. Sorry about that.

My mum would say, oh, it's from Robinson's again. Oh. It's a memory I'd forgotten until your coffee smell conversation, probably due to memory loss from chemical inhalation. Probably. P.S. It was my idea to send you pies from the Pie Factory a couple of years ago.

Oh, yes. I wasn't responsible for the mix up. No. Yes, I got pies from the Pie Factory. There's the place I used to do a gig in Tipton called Maddo Rock's Pie Factory. And they sent me a selection of pies, which is lovely. And then I got some addressed to Lenny Henry. And then I got some addressed to Cat Dealey.

And they just thought that all the West Midlands celebrities live in the same house. Mine. He redirected Lenny's to Premier Inn. A big West Midlands house share in London. It's expensive in London, you know. We finally found a supermarket to sell faggots.

We all moved in nearby. Frank's Case Gimmons on Absolute Radio. Okay. Frank170 has texted us. Please, please, can you accept my invitation so that I can get free cash?

Any response there? What does it mean? I don't know. What is the invitation? I mean... It includes an exciting-looking dodgy link. Which we haven't clicked on, surprisingly. No, don't click on that, the whole thing.

I got a letter from... I've never had a letter like this before. What is it? It's from Neil Hatfield and he includes a thread, an email thread

to show how the letter came about in the first place. The letter arrives with its own backstory. And it's a letter full of emails. Yeah, it's an interesting... It's a bit carp before the horse, isn't it? It makes an interesting point now that full of emails. Yeah, it's an... It's a bit carp before the horse, isn't it? It is, it's interesting. He makes an interesting point, though,

that you don't get many PSs in emails. That's true. Yeah, I wonder why that is. I still do, then. Do you? Oh, I'm clinging on to the PS. I'm not letting it go. Anyway, he sent me some poetry

by an American poet called Wendy Wynne. Mm-hmm. Nominative determinism. She's going to head for the heights. And he said very nicely, she listened to your poetry podcast whilst having a wisdom tooth removed. So it is used as a...

An anaesthetic. Yeah. Thanks for helping me with that word, by the way. I imagine it would be... See that? P.S. I was reaching for that word and hadn't got it and he came in.

Lovely. He's very useful for that. Little word butler. He's sick. I like help the aged approach to comedy. No, I also like the idea of him being a word butler. Yeah, that is good. Oh, I love my word butler.

Your evening word butler. Yeah, that is good. Oh, I love my word butler. Your evening word, sir. Remember the opening of The Importance of Being Early? Still one of the things I've laughed at most in the theatre. There's a bloke sitting at the piano

and the butler comes in. I might slightly misquote this and he said, did you hear what I was playing, Lane? And the butler says, I didn't think it polite to listen, sir. But they drove him out of town like a dog. Anyway, so...

Extraordinary. Where were we? We were... In the realm of Robinson's Brothers Smells Limited. And we've heard from someone else who lives near a flavour factory. This is Seville or Sevilla, however you want to say it. I live near a flavour factory. The smells escape and so the air around can smell of chocolate

rhubarb and and custard sorry i'm going to say that again chocolate comma rhubarb and custard or whatever scent is in production that day and then seville says uh who seville also suggested the shop name smell fridges and what i like is just a little aid memoir there that we haven't maybe credited seville in the way that we should have so seville was responsible for smell fridges yeah is that right as our as our potential shop name for uh where you go to buy the smells oh i see produced by robinson brothers limited we've also had from robin lee's uh was sent me from Robin Lee's Wasent Me. Wasent Me. It was sent me. Wasent Me.

That's the proposed fake smells company. Wasent Me. Sir, your word. Oh, Wasent Me. I get it. I get it. Sorry, that was...

I've got a bit of a cold. Communicating with someone on Twitter. Or X, I should say. These tackies are slowing me down. It's this infernal heat. Oh, why don't they come?

Can you no longer face the intensity, Frank? No, I can't. We can no longer bravay l'intensité. I might steal the concept of face the intensity and just wear it on a T-shirt so that people are warned when they meet me. I don't think you're that intense, are you? Am I as intense as one of your spicy snacks?

No. What are they called again? Fueg, Louis Fuego. We can't keep saying their name. Oh, no, we can't. We'll get into it. Although... We have absolutely slagged them off,

and apart from me, everyone thinks they're monstrous. I think my words were, I loathe them. So I'm not sure they'd be able to match with that for their ad campaign. I enjoy them as a sort of personal challenge. Yeah. Is that what you want from your snacks? Sometimes. Also, is that what you want from your slogan on your ad campaign?

I enjoy them as a sort of personal challenge. This is just a personal challenge quote. I loathe them, Emily Dean. Few want to scorch you, Frank Skinner. And a picture of me pulling my collar to one side, as people do when it's hot. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. What are you laughing at,

you people? We were enjoying, Emily did a good impression of the end of a lot of the songs that you like, Frank. Oh, thanks, Pierre. Go on.

Sir, Emily was making fun of your songs. Tell him how I said it ended. All the songs end with la la la la la Oi! Sorry, Frank. I didn't say it ended. All the songs end with... Oi! Sorry, Frank. I didn't say that. These are the songs that I play, not on the Decade channel.

So if you've just heard I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston, it won't really work. No. I do play some shouty songs. I like shouty. I grew up with shouty. Shouty's part of my life.

I would like more sort of Whitney Houston or sort of classic love songs to end with. Oi! Good for me. You know. I would like that. I don't like a fade. It can be avoided. No. No. So. Boys.

That's what you say to your barber. Oh yes. Do you know what? We're talking to Frank's barbers. I was thinking, if I had, by the way, a travelling dermatology company when we went around dealing... I'm listening.

We could be called Paw Patrol. What do you think? Also, would you run it in the fashion of a rag and bone band with a recorded message on a tannoy? That's good. That's good. Bring out your dermatitis. Oh, God.

Exfoliation. Can I ask you a question? Big can of stand calendar on the back for dispensing. Do either of you use masks ever? Masks? Yeah. Only on weekends. Well, for what purpose?

For making your skin look nice. You better wise up if you're going to start this dermatology business, Paw Patrol. Do you mean those things that you sleep in that have, like, traditionally a slice of cucumber over each eye? you can get those disposable ones.

I sleep in two old coppers on each eye just to save the family a bit of time. That's on vampire. It's the ferryman skincare plan. Oh,

God. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. No, Frank, you know those ones. I don't think I've ever slept. How do you sleep in one? Don't you get stuff all over the pillow? None of your beeswax. Do you not know those ones?

No, I did use one with a bit of beeswax. Have you not ever used one of those disposable ones? They tend to be from Korea, actually. You know, the white ones you put on your face. Oh, yeah. The fabric ones. I've used... I've never used the fabric one. You know, the white ones you put on your face. Oh, yeah. The fabric ones. I've used... I've never used the fabric one.

Do you know those ones? I put on face masks. I got a free sachet once. Oh. And I just sat watching the telly in a face mask. You've got very good skin, though. Thank you so much. So it does make me think you'd be a good brand ambassador for Paw Patrol.

Yeah. Yeah. Good. That'd be good. I grew up to be honest. So it does make me think you'd be a good brand ambassador for Paw Patrol. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That'd be good. I grew up with two sisters, so yeah, I know the things you mean. Yeah. This is slightly frightening white Halloween masks.

I grew up with two sisters. They live three doors away, but I enjoyed it. So, um... Oh, my God. No, but what's your face mask point? No, I just... Oh, I'll tell you what I have done.

What is this, having the House of Commons, Minister? Will you get to the point? I'll tell you what I have done. I mean, if we're going to start going back and hauling over what was your point, sit down. I know. I didn't come here for points, but I was once in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland.

Oh, yeah, I've been there. Been there, Pierre? No. The Blue Lagoon in Iceland. Oh, yeah, I've been there. Been there, Pierre? No. The Blue Lagoon, many people think, is some sort of natural, warm spring. It's actually heated by a nearby factory. Is that right? Yeah, but...

Like Robinson's. There is a grey clay under your feet. Disgusting. A thick, grey, squidgy clay. And what people do is they scoop it up and put it on their faces while they're in there. I didn't. I did it.

So my face was covered in this white thing like I was in ancient Egypt. It was minus 28 that night. So, of course, when we went back in to get changed, I locked David Baddiel out of the changing area in just his trunks just to watch

him freeze 28 degrees, quite dangerous I didn't leave him too long I didn't go for absolute bright blue, I just went for a little bit around the edges. You see, I didn't scrape when I went there.

I didn't put the clay on my face. No. I think what concerns me is a lot of men's old feet there. Well, there is that. They were stamping on it. It's obviously men's old feet. They're not quite so alienated to me as I operate five feet, ten inches away from them at all times.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I need to get to something this morning. I've been meaning to bring it up. I would like to discuss the otter on the plane. Not just the otter. Is that like the elephant in the room? Yeah. Well, it is now, because I'm adopting that phrase. But actually, it was an otter and a rat, strange bedfellows, were found running around a plane,

which was travelling between Bangkok and Taiwan, I believe, earlier this week. Now, I was so obsessed by this, because the rat was described as a giant albino rat. For any Americans listening, albino. Yeah. There's a fabulous James Stewart film where he plays a dad and the daughter brings home this boyfriend who's very blonde. And he says, is he some kind of albino? blonde and he says is he some kind

of albino? So the rat let's deal with the rat first because they did the cabin crew did or as the Daily Mail chose to refer to them, the air hostess. They were still sticking to the

1974 air hostess. They actually did a particularly fine quote from the Daily Mail in which they referred to bongling airport chiefs. I love that. Nowhere else outside of a newspaper would anyone talk about... Can you imagine someone losing their temper at an airport? A bongling airport chief? It's like insecurity.

You bongling. It's such a Beano speak. Apparently this woman's bag was x-rayed and they saw animals inside it in the x-ray and they waved it through. And the related scene that their

pockets were bulging with currency. I know, but to let that go through without... It's now we're all over again. And it was quite some haul, Frank. Do you think it was the first day of the guy and he went, Oh, it's just a bunch of skeletons. You're moving skeletons. It's just a bunch of squirming skeletons in that bag.

Can we go back to the play? Yes. Yes. Let's go back to the play because the rat, the giant albino rat, who is described as having glistening red eyes. Yeah, that's a bit... They're getting a bit...

That's a bit unkind. Literary. What is it unkind? Well, it's albinism. It's, you know... Would you rather the rat had dry red eyes

yeah exactly you know he is what he is that rat if it's a he I am what I am it might be a lady rat I always associate

the pet rat was very much the default companion of the self styled colourful character yeah to get people

in Birmingham who had their own at their own right and you think, all right, mate, we've seen you. Oh, yeah. Sit down. I remember someone shouting that at the West Brom game, sit down, we've seen you.

And some bloke had gone up and protested. We could say that of so many people in reality television. Yeah. Sit down. Sit down with Sid, yes. They should get a letter saying that from the king. That's what you should get when you retire.

Yeah. I think that's a sit down with Sid. At your funeral. I'll happily have that at my funeral. I think the BBC sent me a telegram with it on. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. We're discussing the otter and the rat

that was discovered on the plane. I'm saying the plane. Yeah. But, you know, I think it was discovered on the plane. I'm saying the plane. Yeah. But it you know, I think it was discovered. I'm not sure. I'm not actually sure. Was it going to, it was between Bangkok and Taiwan. It was in the air. Yeah, it was in the air. Someone said

they got back to their seat. A friend went to the toilet or something and came back and said I've just seen a rat on the plane. Would you think it was just a dirty plane? I was going to say, a rat is too medieval a pest for something as advanced as a plane. That's what's wrong with it. It doesn't quite work.

Well, what they said, which I found interesting, is they relayed the conversation and they said, my friend whispered gently to me, there's a rat on the plane. When does anyone ever whisper the sentence beginning, there's a rat, gently? I'll tell you when, in the Mafia. Why?

Actually, there's also a UB40 song. There's a snitch. There's a rat in the kitchen. Yeah, well, if I was in the Mafia and I was on a plane and someone came in and said there's a rat on this plane who's talking to the FBI oh I like that anyway it wasn't that

no it was a real one and they took the rat they seized the rat first they took it to the kitchen well and got bitten in the process yeah why were they taking it

to the kitchen that's a whole other just see if it was a ratatouille it's a bit dodgy to see if it could cook that is other... To see if it was a ratatouille. It's a bit dodgy. To see if it could cook. That is a worry. Or what if they put the rat under the pilot's hat and it flew the plane even better?

Like ratatouille. Or did they put a little chef's hat on it? Why was that rat cooking things up? It's disgusting. But they did make... Why did they, Frank, let the rat be a chef? It's awful. I know, it is. Why you don't have a rat in the rat be a chef? It's awful. I know it is.

You can't have a rat in the kitchen. I always thought hairy bikers was as bad as it could get. But an actual rat. Hairy bikers with no sort of... None of those hair things that Margaret Thatcher used to wear when she went to a biscuit factory on a tour. Nothing like that. Just hair dropping into the food.

Disgusting. Have you ever seen a beard net? With the little claws stirring the stew. Yeah, there is a beard. I've seen beard nets one. Yeah, for the same thing, but every biker's never bothered. It all just drops in. No. Oh, what about the rats?

Don't you see what they're dropping in? Apple crumble. The top millimetre is just dander from their facial hair. Geordie Dander? Yeah, Geordie Dander. Keep your feet still, Geordie Dander. Anyway, they found out about the rat

because someone started shouting, pet rat, pet rat, it has a white body and it's not small. There's a lot of things that could be described that way. I love an on-plane quiz. I love a riddle. Just the pilot. On a flight.

Ladies and gentlemen, what has a white body? It's not small. There's one on the plane. It is quite small. What has a white body and it's not small? There's lots of things. Me? The UK's...

The UK's strongest man, I was going to say. Yes, yes. You already answered. I've seen them. You would have been very good at that competition. What about when I was on an American Airlines flight and there was a dog in the hold that just started really barking

and it's somewhat horrible about hearing a dog barking from the hold on a thing and I've never heard it before or since on a plane and I remember it crossing my mind that maybe American Airlines used dogs like miners used canaries to be the first to sense a crisis, and that was giving off the alarm. Oh, really. I don't do myself any favours. We've been talking about the otter and the rat on the plane. There were more creatures, I should say.

There were 28 live turtles. Yeah, they found the passenger and there's 28 star turtles and a snake. Sounds like a Hollywood, 28 star turtles. A snake, astar turtle. Yeah. A snake. A marmot. Yeah. I don't even know what that is, but I understand people either love them or hate them. And best of all, two otters and then two unknown rodents.

That's reassuring. Do they not have a Shazam app for rodents that you can just point it at. Frank, I don't love the known ones. No, exactly. Don't get me started on the unknown. I empathise with the lady who brought on the 28 turtles because you always buy more than you need and duty free, don't you?

Exactly. You would never normally buy 28 turtles at once. You'd get one. Duty free, they're on offer us it's a family pack yeah the perpetrator who you're rather kindly referring to is the lady who brought on the 28 turtles yes i really like the sound of her though because her response when she was confronted they did a very plain thing which was, can anybody who knows anything about these creatures please make themselves known to cabin crew, which is the ultimate, the plainest...

So David Attenborough put his hand up. I've got something to say. Went on for hours. The star turtle. Yeah, all right. Otters don't normally operate at 30,000 feet above sea level. That's what they say. They say we've seen you when he starts talking about his natural history.

The marmots spread themselves pretty thinly. Carry on anyway, sorry. I'll stop now. We'll stop. The perpetrator, the response was great. She went for the attack and delay. Yeah, that's always good. Do you hear what she said, Frank?

She said, I want a refund. She demanded a refund. For what? The animals? Yeah. It was a bit Trumpian almost in the tactics. Terrible play. Very bad play.

Got a lot of turtles. Got a lot of turtles. Very well behaved. You don't hear a lot about them. Totally unknown. The rodents. No one knew. No one knewents no one knew no one knew no one knew totally anonymous a lot of people are saying yeah yeah so the trump woman as i'm calling her yes she um she was i presume apprehended wasn't she afterwards? Yes. She's in trouble. Was she in trouble? She's in trouble.

But the unknown rodents has disturbed me. I mean what fresh hell was that? Well also it said that they were taken to Pongtung University for confirmation before disposal. Catholics

obviously. Oh, God. Deathbed conversions. Exactly. Well, Paul from Manchester. Very briefly, I work in pest control. I used to treat aircraft with a pesticide, including the cabin, galley and luggage hold.

If rodents are ever found on a plane, that plane cannot fly again until it's been expected for any damage to cables and wires. It's a very serious thing. Of course. I'm the pest control man who told you about flying ants. That would never occur to me that they might gnaw at the wires. What about the unknown rodents? I dread to think what they'll do.

Well, we don't know what they'll do. I think the animal I'd least like to see on a plane is a bird. They wouldn't be team players if anything went wrong. Well, they do sometimes. They make their own way to safety. They find the kestrels and the birds of prey. Frank, what animal would you least like to see on a plane? Lion.

A shoeless man. But you're right, birds. Would birds bother to land on a plane or would they just fly? Wouldn't we just keep banging into them because they'd be flying at a different speed. I can't work it out. The taxi would be like,

anywhere here is fine. I was once on a plane with the Olympic swimmer, Mark Foster, and they read out the bit about, you know, the life jackets and stuff. He looked at them with absolute contempt. How dare you? Yeah, I was just going to hold on to him.

That was whether he crashed or not. He looked fantastic. Anyway, Sarah Champion's up next. Do listen to Sarah. Thank you so much for listening to us. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.