The Frank Skinner Show - Custom Kicks

Episode Date: October 15, 2022

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Zoe Lyons. Frank has been to the Royal Opera House and is has had a realisation about one of the Strictly judges. The team also discuss the Pope’s gifted hightops, how long it takes to tune a piano and cheese.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Zoe Lyons is with us this morning. If you want to text the show, you can do it on 8 12 15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co dot u k Hello. Morning. Alright ladies. Alright Frank.

Alright mate. I don't know about that. I had a lovely sort of post off his picket line. Yeah. I enjoyed it. So this morning's texting uh i felt i had a lovely sort of post office picket line yeah feel to it kind of like i enjoyed it so this morning's uh texting uh cheese on its own why is that wrong that's a 12 15. um i am still reeling from this week's strictly come dancing Come Dancing. Oh, what happened? Well, Richie went. Oh.

Now, I don't know, you might not be watching Strictly, but... Not Richie from Absolute Radio. No, no, I wouldn't mind. No, yes. Oh. No, but this guy is a West Bromwich Albion fan. I've met him several times. He used to be the announcer at the Albion at one time.

Is he the radio man? He's Zoe Ball, sir. Oh, yeah, OK. I think they use the term sidekick on non-commercial radio. Not a term I've ever liked. But I always say my co-presenters. Very inclusive. I say sidekick.

But he was really good, and I thought really looked like he could be brilliant. And then he went this week. Oh, did he make a big boo-boo? No. Oh. It's a mystery. It's a mystery.

It's like quasi-quartang. No one can work out why he got... Oh, no, that doesn't work as an analogy. But, no, I was genuinely upset. It was awful. If you know what, Strictly, we're not going to talk about it all day, but can I just say one other thing about Strictly? You can say plenty of things.

There's a thing they do at the beginning where they say, ladies and gentlemen, the judges. And the judges appear and they do a little dance yes and one thing i can't any longer avoid is that craig revel hall would can't dance he can't he's like the most embarrassing unmarried uncle coming down and just he's awful and i thought hold on this bloke's like a leading choreographer. It's very difficult to nail a manoeuvre in 20 seconds, though, isn't it? Well, the others do it every week, that's all I'm saying.

Every week. Who's the, I mean, Shirley knows her, she knows her right names. They do, they don't try and do too much, but they have the lovely lines. And then he does, oh, man. You know he's constricted with the clothing. Well, I don't think it's just the clothing. I think if...

I suspect he drives a tuk-tuk, as it were. Oh. Now, look, I love Craig for his horribleness and all that, but he can't dance. Craig can't dance, and that's just the... Oh, this is going to be in the song tomorrow. It's a very bold statement. Would you like to do Strictly, Frank?

I've been offered Strictly several times, but I think of myself as a confident man in any situation. Once I got a degree or two and had a bit of success, I felt you could put me in front of the Queen or a bloke digging a hole in the road and i could i could converse and be happy to you know to walk with uh kings and keep your etc but as soon as i start dancing i become so self-conscious i think i might faint on the floor i think you'd be good at it no you've got an athletic figure.

I know, but I move like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. But nobody'd notice that if you were in a skin-tight shirt slashed to the navel. No, I don't like that. I would be... I don't like that, Zoe. I'd be the comedy old guy. Do you know what? I used to talk about this on stage,

that I'd be dressed as a giant pheasant dancing to George S. Rush. Shocker. talk about this on stage, that I'd be dressed as a giant pheasant dancing to George Ezra's Shocker. And I can't. I can't live without it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So the thing is with

cheese, is that when I'm preparing like a cheese sandwich or cheese on crackers, I often, you cut the cheese and a bit falls off and I just eat that on its own. That's better. Oh, I love those remnants. That's better on its own. A bit of solo cheese.

Oh, yeah. Do you like a cathedral? I do. It's not my favourite. Okay. It's Frank's favourite. I like a very crumbly Wensleydale. Ah.

Okay. A slight saltiness to it, a slight tanginess. And because it is crumbly, lots of corners do fall off. So before you know it, you've eaten an entire block. What I'm saying is why bother with the crackers and stuff? Why not just eat massive chunks of cheese on there? That's what I want to do from now on. Are you? i think it's because the cracker is like a fascinator it's like the same way that women use fascinators at weddings it sort of distracts and i think the

cracker distracts from the fact that you're eating what is essentially a large block of fat no i'm I'm all right with that. It was good enough for Robert Falcon Scott in his Arctic treks. What, he had cheese? They used to have big lumps of fat. I mean, they literally had properly big lumps of fat that they used. It's got a technical name. It's something like Pantechnicon, but it won't be that. What's the big lumps of fat that Captain Scott used to eat on his Arctic expeditions? Or Antarctic, I can't remember which is which.

8, 12, 15. Why don't you think of a more original text? Yeah, you're probably right. It's somewhat like Pantechnicon. What is a Pantechnicon? Is that a lorry? That sounds like a geometrical square. Oh, don't start.

Yeah, Ruth Jordan has been in touch. Who? Ruth Jordan. Laurie. That sounds like a geometrical square. Oh, don't start. Yeah, Frank, Ruth Jordan has been in touch. Who? Ruth Jordan. Of course, Ruth. I like that you say that like some grumpy old headmaster. Oh, boy. I love it.

Who is Gazza? Who is this Gazza? Ruth Jordan, she's one of our regulars. Yes. Frank could never do Strictly because he'll never beat that dance he did in Y-Fronts years ago on his TV show. He once said a man dancing in Y-Fronts would always be the funniest thing in the world.

He wasn't wrong. I remember that when I had the idea for that sketch, it came to me accidentally. I got out the bat, i put white pants on and the venga boys came on the radio and i danced i danced because on my own i can dance and i know they say dance like there's no one watching but when you're a catholic that's very difficult because there's always someone watching anyway i danced and i saw myself in the mirror and burst out laughing and i thought i i'll put this on telly wednesday yeah and i said to the producer i've got this idea for a sketch i'm in white pants dancing to the wenger boys and he said okay and he pen was poised and

then what happens i said no that's it and yeah um it's been mentioned many, many times. Someone asked me if I worked out. Did they? Yeah. What did you say? I was so stunned that anyone would, I mean, I look, it looks like poor Ogandy first thing in the morning. Thing, I mean. Yeah.

Can I ask you a technical question i um parked my car recently i know i talk about parking a lot on this show but it's such a big thing for me and my car the body of my car i'm calling it the chassis. Eh? I'm calling it the chassis. I remember that name because it used to be a thing people did. They did a spoonerism and they used to say, Shirley Bassey, she's got a burly chassis. Oh, that sounds like a vocal warm-up for a theatrical person. Yes.

But I've got a question. When you park the car... Mm-hm. Oh, I'll ask after this. Friendskin on Absolute Radio. Ros Bridges. Yes? Briefly, I like a piece of cheese with a thin slice of grape applied to the top.

Thin slice of grape? I like your piece of applied rocks yeah he needs to employ a grape dangle which i think we spoke of you won't get that so we know um yeah we were talking last week there's a rest new restaurant that's uh advertising for a grape dangler to uh great dangler and to feed people it's sort of ancient Roman themed. I mean, it is a grape feeder, but I like grape dangler. Oh, was it feeder? Okay. Grape dangler does sound like something you'd apply a cream to.

That doesn't sound so good. They do dangle them in order to feed people, don't they? When you see ancient Romans eating grapes, they're sort of underneath them. It's always from a height, isn't it? Yeah, I think they attack from below generally, the grapes. They're sort of underneath. They're underneath them. It's always from a height, isn't it? Yeah, I think they attack from below, generally, the grapes. Is it the satyrs? Satyrs, they were fond of a grape, weren't they?

Were they? I don't know. They had goat's legs, as I recall, which is a whole other story. But a sliced grape, I'm thinking there's a lot of wastage on a sliced grape because you've got two round bits of it. There's just basically, yeah, there's...

No, you'd have two pieces. Would you get two slices out of a grape? Yes, of course. Would you? Yes. Well, you need a sharp knife for that and quite an accurate hand. Anyway, you'd be dicing with death.

Oh. So, when you part... Now, I'm asking this question because zoe lyons has said on this show i am brilliant at parking i am she is brilliant yeah obviously i'm not i'm terrible my postman confused me for you and when he delivered the mail he said oh congratulations on being such a good parker i thought he was genuinely looking at my parking outside such a good parker i thought he was genuinely looking at my parking outside he was listening to the show oh um oh you looked so terrible that morning he was comparing you with parker from thunderbirds anyway um when you park in a bay yes if you're a chassie

a bay yes if your chassis when you park in a bay and your

chassis sticks out does it legally have to be in the box

or is that just the wheels? Do they care about overhang? I don't know I don't want to be

Whatever that thing is that they put on your wheels. Fine. Clamped. Clamped. Yes. I love that part of the song. Yeah.

Thanks. Anyway. Yes, so what is the answer? I don't know if you were listening to the lyrics. clamped clamped yes I love that part of the song yeah thanks anyway yes so what is the answer I don't know if you were listening to the lyrics wheels in box wheels in box wheels in box so chassis can be extended

you can have a slight chassis hang you can have a very slight wow that's made it much easier chassis overhang but so yes I've already got that thank you if you

as long as as long as your wheels are in the box yeah you're allowed a little bit of chassis hang when you say a little bit what do you mean by that well i suppose it depends what you're driving for are you driving a truck i drive an e-type jaguar he's got one of those chris eubank 18 wheelers yeah i don't drive a e-type jaguar i made that up. Yes, I've always assumed it's fine to have my trunk hanging over. I had a mental image of a parking attendant with a plumb line dangling it from the outer reaches of my bumper and going down. If it's over the line, you're illegally parked. But that was incorrect. I think

as long as your wheels are in you're alright. This is great news. That's my motto from now on as long as your wheels are in you're alright. You're allowed a little bit of chassis hang. I'm glad. That's great. That's given me a lot more.

Does that make parking easier for you Frank? I like to get in the general direction of the bay. So that's good. I wish you wouldn't shake your head and look at me like that. I just can't stand people who can't park. I just can't. Parking elitist. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Let me tell you something I did. I went to the Royal Opera House. Ooh. Let me tell you something I did. I went to the Royal Opera House. Ooh. To see Mozart's Don Giovanni. Oh, nice. Proportions. Well, it was actually, you see, I knew the AD. And so I just went to the dress.

Oh, not the DJ. Now, so I was at the dress. And to be honest, a dress rehearsal at the Royal Opera House just went to the dress. Oh, not the DG. Now, so I was at the dress. And to be honest, a dress rehearsal at the Royal Opera House just feels like an amazing opera, generally speaking, except that the orchestra are in their caches. So they, honestly, you will see someone play a bit of harp and then read a newspaper for five minutes. And then, it's really, it's so laid back, it's very weird.

newspaper for five minutes and then it's really it's so laid back it's very weird but there was an announcement before the uh the dress rehearsal began and a woman said um she said uh let me get this right it said that some of the cast this is a dress rehearsal and some of the cast may be marking tonight are you aware of parking yes now i didn't but this uh for example i know someone who went to a a la mise rehearsal and a bloke went um who sing and said and when the beating of your high resembles the beating of a drum in other words I'm not doing the high note because I'm resting myself oh is that

yeah we're beating so it's like and when the beating of your high resembles the beating of I just thought assumed he'd sort of seen somebody known I know

yeah so you save your voice it's like if I just assumed he'd sort of seen somebody he'd known. I know. Yeah. So you save your voice. It's like if I did a tryout gig, you know, new material, and said, well, I might not do all the punchlines. Just to save them. Yeah. I think I have done many tryout nights when the audience thought I was marking.

So marking is this thing where you don't, it's a rehearsal, I don't want to push. Oh, yes. No one did it that I noticed. I'm no expert. I thought it was fabulous. Well, we've seen, because I'm proud of bringing this to your attention, the George Michael Somebody to Love video, Frank. He did not do that.

He did not, Mark, did he? Well, he was in a rehearsal. There's a rehearsal thing that we love on YouTube and it's him singing Somebody To Love, the Queen song. Yes. And David Bowie and Seal are in the corner. David Bowie's smoking, if I remember right. Everyone's smoking.

And they're watching him. Well, they're not watching him, but first they're talking and he's singing. And I'm not going to pretend to be a George Michael fan, but when I saw that, I thought, I know why people love this bloke, because his voice, even in this rehearsal, was unbelievable. He never went somewhere. anybody find hi and he was amazing and and in the end they were they stopped chatting and we're both looking a bit old bullies at the back initially. Laughing and joking. Boy, did he win that.

You see, if I was doing a full dress of an opera, which, let's be honest, is highly unlikely. You will, Oscar. You will. It's highly unlikely. But I'd want to make sure that I could hit those high notes before the big night. Yeah. I would not feel confident just going,

hi, I would want... I'm just thinking, oh, God, I hope this works on the night. Because, you know, if you haven't tried it. But they've always got a little bit of a throat, opera singers. Have they? Yes. It's like in my past, I dated a couple of professional dancers, as British comedians have to do.

They've always got a bit of a twinge. Twinge. Yeah, always. Constant. Stretching. Always stretching. Have you got any opera singer friends? I've only got one.

She trained at Maastricht. No, I've got... I have a friend who was a singer and then went backstage, you know. What do you mean? They died? No. That's what they call it.

That's what they call it in opera. I'm afraid Martin's gone backstage. Oh, no. I only saw him a couple of weeks ago. It's a great show. But there's someone I wanted to ask Zoe about this. It made me think of. And I'll ask it now and you can answer it.

No, if I do that, you'll tell me why the thing's... Zoe's very... Zoe's too funny off-air. I save it all for off-air. I know, you do. It's brilliant. No, you don't. Of course you don't.

Silly sausage. Hi. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. The thing I was going to ask you and this is on the marking theme we were just talking about the fact that some singers in rehearsals and even dress rehearsals

open to the public don't do the high notes to save themselves how do you feel maybe you do this, I have never taken, I've never used notes on stage for new material stuff. Oh, wow. I really disapprove. Okay.

But when you're doing a stand, just explain to us non-comics, please. Sorry, if I'm trying out new stand-up, you see some people just read from notes. Sometimes they get the iPad out. Yeah, I've seen the iPad out. And I think, oh, no, we don't want to see them working out, do you? No. No, it's a show. But isn't that, is that what people do for the work in progress?

Yeah. They're called, aren't they? But you don't like doing that? No, I learn everything for the work in progress. Oh, do you? Yeah. Get him. Now, I won't have notes, but... You know what you said about people who can't park? Yeah Get him No I won't have notes You know what you said

About people who can't park Yeah yeah yeah That's how I feel About people who have notes Ok ok I mean it's a performance dear Yeah I mean the wheels are in

But my chassis is hanging out That's in a work in progress show Yeah I will have I will occasionally have notes If I'm in an audience And someone has notes I think I'm going there. Really?

Just email me. Email me this show. Although I've done an interview on my podcast and I've had a guest say to me, have you not got any notes? Where's your question? I don't mind. I think an interviewer having notes is fine.

No, but on a walk, on a dog walk, I wouldn't be holding cue cards. But I also want people to believe I'm making it all up. Yeah. I wouldn't be holding cue cards. But I also want people to believe I'm making it all up. Yeah, I understand that. On one level, on one suspension of disbelief. That's very good though, Frank,

because to learn new material that isn't bedded in is quite hard because you don't really know whether it works or not. No, and it might not be worth learning. Often it isn't. Yeah, then you've wasted some hard drive. But, you know, I respect my audience.

That's what I'm saying. And I have less respect for my audience. Oh, good. Just wanted to establish that. Now I can move on. So, listen, I left the Royal Opera House and a man came up to me called Hugo. Of course he did. And he said, I work at the Royal Opera House and a man came up to me called Hugo. Of course he did.

And he said, I work at the Royal Opera House. I've been there about 20-odd years. And I thought, now, what does he do? Because he wasn't in costume or anything, and he wouldn't have got out of the show fast enough if he'd been in the orchestra and everything. Was he backstage? And I don't mean that in the new sense of the word. Well, it's something that it's,

I suppose it's so obvious, I wouldn't have thought of it, that they would need one. He was the in-house piano tuner. Oh. A lovely job for Hugo. I mean. How many pianos do you have in an opera?

In an opera house where they're rehearsing, you have loads, I should think. I'd have said one was enough. In the entire opera house? Would you have said? There's a lot of them moving about if you did that. Do they use pianos in opera? I bet. 8, 12, 15.

No, but I'm on about in rehearsal. It's all piano initially. Do you know Hugo's got his hands full with that gig, hasn't he? How long does it take to tune a piano? There's a lot of questions about the piano. I like that you're looking at me. Why would I know? You look like you might know. I'm going to say an hour.

Oh. To tune the piano. Okay, sitar. Sitar? Yeah. Oh, 20 minutes. No, no. Sitar, that string's all over.

Someone says I'm having a week off work. You go, why? No, I'm tuning the sitar. Sitar. We used to have a lovely piano tuner. He used to take about, he took a while. I don't know if he was stringing it out. Oh, very good.

Intentional. Thank you. I'm going to go in there. Any tuners, please get in touch. There'll be tuners listening. At least tuner chonks. I think we've got quite a tuner demographic. I wouldn't be surprised to find that we've got six piano tuners who listen to this show.

To keep music live stickers. No, seven. Okay. I'm going to go 90 minutes for a piano tune. Hmm. Frank? I'm going to go two hours. Oh, right.

Well, I went low. I went low. I went an hour. Okay, well, we'll see. We'll see. How long's a tune of piano? Eight, 12, 15? I love it.

It's much better than five words or whatever it is. And if we phone you about how long you text to tune a piano, can you say, make me a piano tuner when you answer? This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Zoe Lyons. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk.

Frank, we've had... Our readers have got in touch regarding a question we asked. We've asked numerous questions this morning. But we were interested to know roughly how long it would take to tune a piano and a banana first up. The key is to find someone

who doesn't charge oh wowee by the minuet. How about try Chopin around. I mean we're getting it all here.

We've also we are getting Ben norris says about three chancellors which i like oh okay that that is that clever topical stuff can i say also um it was good chopin around because chopin is a piano player by thing so. So it's not just chalked in any classical name. Well, listen, the length of time it takes to tune a piano, the scales have dropped from my eyes. Again, marvellous. How did this happen? Because listener 4423 has texted in to say

it takes about an hour to tune a piano. And I believe, I believe I said an hour. You did. I believe I said an hour. Zoe, sorry to rain on your parade, but Ben Brigden, it depends when it was last tuned and in what condition it has been kept. Minimum one hour, maximum two and a half hours oh that's not a

retune that's a rebuild that's having the whole thing up on a ramp it makes yeah gonna have to ramp it don't 11k yes okay a lot of people i mean that makes sense actually if's really out of tune, it's probably going to take a bit longer. How? I don't understand. You've just got to get it back to the... Further to turn it. No. Some of them might be all right.

I don't even need to touch that one. I'm happy with that F sharp. That's held well. I think you, if it's minimum an hour, I think Zoe does win. I win. Okay. I'm going to I think Zoe does win. I win. I've got to take that as a win. It's a great moment. Going further back to start the show.

Not a sad little life, Dave. I know, it's a win. Emily, it's a win. You are very competitive. I'm quite competitive. Honestly, on the parking thing, I was owned, utterly owned by Leon. Yeah. Well, Ruth Jordan, one owned by Lyon. Yeah.

Well, Ruth Jordan, one of our regulars, re-franks parking bay query. Although she says bay parking query, which I like. Sounds like she's in the San Francisco area. It's much more fun to have a small car and park it as far into the bay as possible in between two other bigger cars. Then the bay looks empty and you can have fun watching drivers approaching what they think is a space and having their hopes dashed. I've done that many times thinking there's a space and you go over and it's got a smart car in it. You know, Ruth has confirmed what I've always suspected is that they're enjoying it, possibly sitting in the car watching our faces.

Yeah. Mind you, I'm such a good parker. Oh, I don't know why you haven't brought this up before. before i i've i think i've parked my car in a space that's that's smaller than my i think i've broken physics in the past yeah maybe if you went diagonal it would be possible to do that i'm really really good it's like getting uh you know getting a table through a door frame yeah if you go off to one side it's amazing amazing what the removal guys can do. Any removal guys listening? Good morning. Bit of sort of ordinary radio there.

We don't do much of that. Make that reassure everyone. That's what they want from radio, reassurance, not entertainment. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. reassure everyone. That's what they want from radio, reassurance not entertainment. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I was going to go back to the beginning of the show and Frank mentioned

Antarctic fat that was consumed by Scott and his colleagues on the boat. Yeah, which I don't know if it's on the boat. Well, it would have been on a boat, wouldn't it? I think there was a lot of trekking. Yeah, but he would have gone there on the boat.

One of the things with Scott's thing was they didn't eat the dogs, which is why they think they didn't make it. Should have ate the dogs. Not advice you often hear. No. Yeah, so I thought it was called Pantechnicon, but I do think that's a lorry. Well, listener 7541 has texted in to say he believes it's...

I believe the fat Frank is talking about is pancetta. No. It's a salt-cured belly. I don't think it is, is it? I mean, I'm not an expert on blubber, but I don't think it was pancetta. No. I wouldn't have minded that. That's more of a cruise if you got pancetta.

Yes. Isn't it? Yeah, I don't think Captain Oates would have said I'm going out for a while. I might be some time if there was pancetta in the cupboard. No, I'm going to have a carbonara with a bit of pancetta in it. Doesn't anyone know the name of that fat stuff?

I can't believe it. It's a nightmare getting a hold of quinoa round here. Maybe sometime. Maybe sometime. That's what my mother used to say when she went off to get special herbs and spices. Frank947, Dear Mr Munch & Co, this is a reference to your love of...

Oh, yes. Yeah, Monster Munches. I very much enjoyed the conversation from two weeks ago. this is a reference to your love of oh yes yeah monster munchies I very much enjoyed the conversation from two weeks ago I've got more news on monster munch okay in case you didn't know Zoe I've started eating bag after bag

of monster munchies because there's less than 100 calories in every bag I think you've told me this before yeah I'm quite tedious yes I'm nothing special in fact I'm a bit. I'm nothing special, in fact.

I'm a bit of a bore. Next. If you tell a joke... No, I don't think that's true of you. I would say your material is quite original. Thank you very much. If Zoe tells a joke, she's probably just reading it off a bit of Eiffel.

Off a post-it. Dear Mr Munchenko, I very much enjoyed the conversation from two weeks ago about Frank's new-found healthy, in quote marks, just FYI,

snack. It had me reminiscing on my fond Monster Munch memories and was wondering if Frank remembers the vanilla ice cream flavoured Monster Munch.

If not, I would like to propose he uses his fame, I love uses his fame to start a campaign to bring them back. To think we could have a three course meal for 300 calories.

Love the show. The cowardly, oh Repo Man. Oh, okay. Yeah. Ordinary people. I hate them. That's a line. I've cleaned it up, but that's a line from Brie Pomer.

Well, first of all, I was looking the other day at dessert Pringles. They don't do such a thing. You can honestly get stuff like baked Alaska Pringles and stuff like that. No, you lie. There's lots of sweet Pringles. Wow. I quite like the sound of those. I think it's an American thing.

An American. An American. But yeah, I don't fancy the sweet crisps. I seem to remember that a shop, a pop-up shop opened not a million miles from this studio that just sold crisps. Do you remember that? And they had some sweet crisps. I'm not into the sweet crisp. No.

A vanilla ice cream crisp. And a vanilla ice cream monster munch crisp. That's a lot of powder. Powder. I think the combination of a monster, which is a dynamic, frightening thing, with vanilla, which is a very sort of bland thing, that seems wrong to me. Oh, dear. I didn't think I'd go out on a moral note

on the Monster Munch chat. Strange morality. Monster Munch. Exactly. That wouldn't have been a bad thought for today, actually, on Radio 4. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Are you all right? Look, do you know what?

I'm not going to lie. I wasn't all right. I was all over the place. Emily's sort of... Obviously, her chair is on wheels. That's many office chairs, but I've never seen it move that far before. It did go slightly Davros. It did go a bit Davros. How's he getting on, Davros?

He hasn't been in Doctor Who for a while, but he'll be back. I think the forthcoming special, which is next weekend, 90 Minutes, there's a few old faces coming back. I haven't heard anything about him, but he may appear. I'm not sure. He feels a bit old school, if you don't mind me saying. No, no, but that's one of the features of Doctor Who is that old school suddenly reappear.

Like, there's a character called Alpha Centauri who hadn't been in it, I think, since the Pertwee era. And then... Anyway, I don't want to bore people. Sorry. He does. There was a Pope story this week. Oh, yes.

Yeah. And I love a Pope. Any Pope Francis news is good for me. Was there ever a Pope story? This was a... I liked it. Yeah. I loved it.

I particularly enjoyed it because it's a subject close to my heart. Not the Pope or Catholicism. No, that's a subject close to my heart. Well, we should say... I was going to say, because he got some custom kicks. Well, he gets a lot of... Custom kicks. He gets a lot of gifts, the Pope.

If you go to the Vatican Museum, it's crammed with... And they're often things like enormous tusks from the 19th century that have been engraved or big golden things. But this was a bit... This was a pair of trainers. It's quite Versace, the aesthetic, isn't it? The papal aesthetic. What...

Well... The Pope was given... Yeah, yeah, the branding's quite... Yeah, I just mean it's quite go Yeah yeah The branding's quite Yeah I just mean It's quite You know It's quite There was

We should We should describe The trainers The custom kicks Now I don't know All the terms But they're High

High tops High tops Yeah New Pope trainers Just dropped Yeah And So they're

Yellow and white The purple colours with the paper badge on the side yellow and white i have to say um i was sad when it said on the box size eight because i thought look if you don't want them oh is that the same size no i'm a nine but i thought what i was saying because i would have worn them until they perished can you wear a high top though Frank because I worry for the Pope being 85 trying to get you know it's harder on your arches

isn't it trying to get them into a high top might be good for he has sciatica the Pope it may steady him he was spotted and this wasn't in Heat magazine in the Chemist once buying this is true Well, he was spotted, and this wasn't in Heat magazine, in the chemist once, buying... This is true, because he was buying shoes. And I remember thinking that was a bit of a strange...

Buying shoes in a chemist? Yeah, because he was buying orthopaedic shoes. Oh. But isn't he quite... He does his own thing, the Pope. Thank God. What? Are you going to tell me the Pope was buying in a chemist? That was a terrible moment.

It's all right, I'm ready. I'm OK. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right. So we're discussing the Pope, Pope Franny. Come on. Oh, is that not allowed? I thought it was allowed. Pope, Pope Franny. Come on. Oh, is that not allowed?

I thought it was allowed. Okay, sorry, Frank. I'm so sorry. Anyway, these... One thing is that the shoes have Pope written on them. I mean, they've got the papal badge and they're yellow and white. I mean, are they thinking that should cover it? If the Pope goes ten pin bowling,

I think that will clear up any confusion about who's trying this thing off. It says on either side of the high tops, which just dropped, it says Pope on one, and then I think it says Francis on the other. Okay. I mean, no one,

I don't think anyone calls him Pope. No one in the Vatican puts their head around the office door and says, Pope, can I have a word? That doesn't happen. Or Franny. Franny is not. I'm sorry about that, Frank. I'm sorry.

I think a matching Franny pack for his high tops would be lovely. Oh, come on. Yeah. I, um. What about when the Pope got his orthopedic shoes and the chemist? Do you know what? That really made me warm to him.

That is nice, I think. Sorry. I think he's one of the good guys. Do you think the high tops come with those little wings? Do you remember the word trainers you could get at one point that had little wings on the back? I remember them well. I think they were made famous by Jedward.

Claire Rayner advertised them. I remember them well. Or Jedward. They Rainer advertised them. I remember them well. Or Jed would. They're so interchangeable. So that would be lovely, little wings. Fabric. Wings. Leather stitched wings is what I'm picturing. Oh, I quite

like the sound of that. You would love that. Actually, they'd be a lovely gift for Frank. Yeah. He'll be celebrating his celestial relationship. We'll dig some out, Frank. There's a bit of Greek mythology in there, of course. The winged heel. I think I might have some of those. And also, I think the original Flash,

the one who used to wear a tin hat, I think he had winged heels. He did. The iconography of the messenger. In fact, the Flash might have winged heels now I come to think about it. Anyway, let's not dwell on that. Meanwhile, back in the Vatican. What I'd like to know is, do these shoes have an imperishable soul?

Oh, lovely. I mean, it was a very little theology comedy on commercial radio. Frank, they were given to him. I've gone a bit of a deep dive on this because I'm rather obsessed by it. I mean, it's fashion. It's the Pope. It's everything I love about life. And they were gifted to him by Father Jim. Oh.

Are you familiar with Father Jim? No. Father Jim is based in somewhere near Texas. Right. He's a motivational speaker and a Catholic priest, as you are. Okay. He went over there. He had these created specially for the Pope from a company that...

Well, some people say they evolved. Oh! So, what make are they? Sorry, no, carry on. Carry on with your story. Carry on with your story. Carry on with your little story. They're from a company, Frank, that's called True Blue.

Oh, so they're not Nikes or any of those? They customise your Nikes. So the man would have taken the Father Jim, hard as this may seem to imagine, bought the Nikes, took them in to True Blue and said, can you customise these for the Pope? True Blue say they have had requests, they've customised trainers before, also for Paul McCartney and Snoop Doggy Dog.

Wow. I love that you call Snoop Doggy Dog his full name. I do, I do. I'm very polite. It's very formal. It's quite a roster, isn't it, that they've got. The Pope and Snoop Dog. But the man who works the trainer company,

what I liked, just gave a quote and said, they said, you know what, you've done some amazing people. And he said, yeah, but the Pope is kind of like, he's like the top level.

A-list. I mean, I think they're a nice trainer. And I'm going to go to our trainer expert about this to find out what she thinks.

Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. We've been really, I've been digging out some pictures of the Jeremy Scott wing trainers. Oh, yes. I think you quite like the look of them, Frank. Some of them seem to be for reversing.

The wings are pointed in the wrong way. I think you need external wings, don't you? Coming out the back. Yeah, that's what you need. Like a classic. Yeah, Mercury. Yeah, exactly. I don't think Achilles.

Wasn't it Achilles? He's a warrior. Oh, I got that wrong. You've got Pegasus you can stick with. You're thinking of his heel. Yeah, his heel. Oh, that's what I'm getting confused. Do you got Pegasus, you can stick with Hermes. You're thinking of his heel. Yeah, his heel. Oh,

that's what I'm getting confused. Do you know what, his heel played him up all the time, he had a nightmare. He had a really hard time getting into

high tops because of his heel. Yeah, the shoehorn. If I remember rightly, in the Iliad, he doesn't have the heel, I think that was

added later. Just saying. Age. Glututen Morgan, this news just in, don't know but it costs about a grand. That's going to be a piano tuning joke, of course.

I think it will be. I hope it is. So you're a trainer's person, Zoe, am I right? I'm often... That sounds like the Latin for a personal trainer you're a trainer trainer person i do wear a lot of trainers but are you uh are you like the sort of person who would pay no i have friends like that who've bought have got like box loads of trainers that

none of them they don't wear any of them and they just sell them off. I'm confused by that. They buy them for lying down. I very much wear my trainers. Is that what it's like when wine people buy it for lying down? Yes, yeah, yeah. I found when I had wine, I often did quite a lot of lying down and thank you. I really, I would wear these. I think they look great.

The people trainer. Yeah. Yeah, I tell you what I'm appreciating with it is the colour. It's a beautiful sort of rusty yellow. It's very nice. I'm going to say on brand. It's very, yeah, it's of the moment. Is it?

Yeah, yeah. I think if you offset that. Yellow is the new black. Yellow stroke orange, if he offset that with a sort of slightly military green, I think he'd really

pull that look off. No, we have a problem here straight away. Is the Pope only wears white? Yeah. It's very restricting as a wardrobe, isn't it? Do you know what?

It's a lovely choice, though. It's the wardrobe of affluence because it suggests well Jerry Halliwell only wears white Jerry Halliwell only wears white that's a stranger list than the Pope and Snoop Doggy Dogg Jerry Halliwell the Pope

and Wimbledon players yes now can I clear something up it used to be said that Pope Benedict, the last pope, still around, that he wore Prada slippers. That was right. And in fact, he did wear red sort of moccasins,

which he used to wear under his white gown. And in fact, favourite fact about Pope Benedict, other than he was known as the Pope's Rottweiler at one point, is that in 2007, a squire voted Pope Benedict Accessoriser of the Year. That'll be you next. But I discovered recently that they weren't Prada. They were made by one of those artisan... Oh, yes, it's one of those Antonelli...

Cobblers that lives in... I think it was actually Daniel Day-Lewis made them for him. Do you remember he trained to be an artisan cobbler? It'll be some back streets of Ferenc. For a part. Yes, he did. No, he actually gave up his job of acting to be a cobbler. Yeah, so those red...

No, but it was prepped for a part. Fashion designer. No, but then, don't you remember he then said, I'm quitting show business, I'm going to be a fashion designer or something. Oh, silly. Anyway, so they're handmade. Can I just say how much I love the word moccasin?

Do you? Oh, isn't that, it's so comfy. Handmade shoes, though. If you were feet, you'd feel a bit inadequate if the hands are making your stuff. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I think, you know, source locally. That's what I think.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, you've got to do your bit. Have you done your bits? Oh, I've got to do my bit. Do your bits, love. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Zoe Lyons. You can text this show on 81215.

Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk It wasn't that professional. Oh, wow. You just went a bit Liz Truss there on me, Frank. Sorry, everyone.

It was quite Trussian. It was a bit Trussian. I liked it. I listened to Dave Berry on The Mornings and he's as slick as you like. He's so slick. What a pro. I tell you, Kath's a big DB fan. She loves him.

But the five words, I've never... Do you know the five words competition? How does it work? So if I say to you, bored, first word that comes into your head, B-O-A-R-D. Black. Black, okay.

What would it have been for you, Zoe? Dart. Okay. Summs up the difference. Good. So this is what happens. So someone phones in and does that with five words. Oh, yeah. And then a member of the show um does likewise and you have

to get exactly the same things it's impossible best i've ever got i think is one okay it's absolutely impossible they have words okay first one that comes into your head upheaval Oh, it's, yeah, hesitant. Kind of money's safe, that's what I think. Listen, listen to me. It's very good, though, it's compelling, can I just say that? Is it? Do you like that I've started a link on breakfast radio with, listen to me, listen to me.

I'm talking about the Dave Berry show. It's all in-house. It's good. I'm being a good company man. No, I just wanted to ensure that you two had come across this because whilst we were speaking of the Papal Trainers custom kicks, I'd also like to discuss the Tattoo Trainers. Did you ever come across this? Oh, yes. It wasn't that long ago. No, yes, the tattoo trainers. Did you ever come across this? It wasn't that long ago.

Yes, the tattoo. Yes, did you see this? A man had a pair of training shoes tattooed on his feet. Yes. I mean, it's sort of genius. Is it? He was so tired of paying for new shoes.

He'd be a nice friend for you, Frank. He got a tattoo artist, a South African tattoo artist, Dean Gunther, to design... You've Googled, haven't you? You scoundrel. I thought you just knew Dean Gunther.

But you know that's my party trick, is obscure people. No, it is. You are brilliant at that. To tattoo these trainers, this party trick, is obscure people. No, it is. You are brilliant at that. To tattoo these trainers, this trainer design, onto his feet. And Gunter was so happy with his design, he can't stop. I mean, it's all over social media.

He's putting these pictures up. Did you see them and what did you think of them? Well, they reminded me, I've a tattoo of um navy blue speedos and no one at the local swimming baths has noticed a damn thing no no no they were um i'd say what i didn't like about the tattoo trainers they were what I would called opera centric so they're all about the offers but there's no so there's like bare toes sticking out the front I didn't try with No, he hasn't got that seat. They sort of sit on the top as if he stepped through his trainers. Oh, I see. You know what I mean. Yes, you know those.

They're sort of where the trainer meets the slide. Okay, like a sort of trainer sandal type. Okay, yeah. It's trainer slide meets... The trainer meets the slide. It's a bit like, is it, when the north wind blows. It's got that kind of fabulous... I'd love to read that novel. When the train meets the slide.

A novel by Beryl Bainbridge. But they can't, they've got a bit of an identity crisis, I agree. And I sort of think, make your mind up, pick a lane. Yeah. Which are you? Because they've also got a bit of Birkenstock thrown in. Oh, no, you're on a tattooed Birkenstock. Oh, yes, Birkenstock thrown in. Oh, no, you don't want a tattooed Birkenstock. Oh, yes, the exposure of the toe.

Oh, yes, that is, yes. And I feel, I mean, my issue with it as well is that I don't like exposed toenails unless they're very, very well cared for. I agree. These weren't. Right. And they're now tattooed. Does he call them tass shoes?

Tass shoes. A bit like tass shoes. You haven't got a tass shoe, have you? I'm having them done Thursday. Sorry. Shoes tattooed on. You'd definitely go to the trouble of having a pedicure as well to make sure that the foot...

Exactly. You'd go the whole hog. Socks that looked like trainers would have been cheaper. Do you know what looked like trainers? Trainers looked like trainers. I mean, that is just easier.

That's a good point. That is easier. I think we'll end on that so we can give it some thought. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, 283. Hi, Frank. It takes me one to three hours to tune a piano Frank, 283.

Hi, Frank. It takes me one to three hours to tune a piano, depending on condition. That seems to be the window, one to three hours for it. The average seems to be one, which is what I went for. I'm just going in there. Does every instrument need tuning? Would you tune like a clarinet? Come on, Zoe.

You know all about parking. You alter your reed, don't you? Do you know what? Do your bit with a reed. If one of those lovely gents from the orchestra pit could get in touch, and I only want them. Or Ackerbilk. I don't want randos.

I want one of those lovely men. Sorry. You know those men, Frank, you see in musical theatre? They're so... They're a lovely man of a certain age. And they wear... They always wear a nice bow tie, maybe. Waisco.

Oh, Waisco Waisco often called Allah they're lovely men Martin Frank listen to this 053 re-winged heels yes

the Martian from the Looney Tunes cartoons always had baseball boots with wings did that is from Ralphie at Ralphie Customs. What does that tell you about Ralphie? Ralphie can knock up a sneaker. Ralphie's at Customs.

Oh, he's not in Customs. Oh, I see. I was imagining him sitting at a desk with a box of rubber gloves and some forms. Apparently, the guy who's had these trainers tattooed, in his will, he said that when he dies, he wants his feet severed and hung over a telegraph wire. I mean, it's a beautiful, beautiful way to go.

Oh, imagine seeing that. Yeah. That would be scary. That would be slightly alarming. He's ruling out a lot of functions he can go to with these trainers, because presumably the idea of the tattoo... Bear with me, Zoe.

..is that, oh, that's great, I don't have to wear shoes. Yeah. I'm presuming. But there are certain events that would not be suitable at. He can't go to a toga party. That's out. but there are certain events that would not be suitable at. He can't go to a toga party. That's out. Well, no, I think he exactly could because Emily's pointed out many times fancy dress nearly always falls down at footwear.

Yeah. Often people look great and then they just put some trainers on. Which is why I make the most effort with footwear because I just have to write someone off. You put all that effort into the ghost and the whole look and then, Frank, what do they put on their feet? Well, it's usually trainers, isn't it? Tennis shoes.

Yeah. Not even a tennis shoe. The amount of ghost trains you see let down by Reebok. It's true. Yeah. It is true. Dracula's in black trainers. I mean, as he is. At least wear a patent's true. Yeah. It is true. Dracula's in black trainers. Yeah.

I mean, as he is. At least wear a patent dress. Yeah. I mean, I actually, when I went to Jonathan Ross's party as the Frankenstein monster.

You always make an effort. I actually bought some bulky boots. Did you? Yeah. Oh, I thought you got them from the Pope.

Which is what he wears, what the Boris Karloff one wears. I think he may be barefoot in the book, but I think he's got tattooed chunky boots on. No, probably not. I might get tattooed gloves because I'm always losing gloves. I work with a woman who had tattooed makeup.

She had mascara and eyeshadow and all that tattooed on, lipstick. Yeah. You really got to commit to that, haven't you? Yeah, she said it was just better for skin. Okay. And cheaper in the long run. My niece is like face painting. easy, mate. And cheaper in the long run. My niece is like face painting. Oh, yeah.

But it's very expensive. And I just wonder at what point you could just get that tattooed on. Yeah, that is a commitment. Yeah. I don't want to be when you're 35 going to a job interview with Simba. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. job interviewer Simba. Frank 356 says, Hi Frank, you can tune a clarinet by adjusting how far apart

the separate parts of the clarinet are. Not from the pit, but the non-prose no-to. Okay. So it can be tuned. How about separate parts of the clarinet? You just adjust all the bits. You could have bits in different rooms.

That wouldn't work. No, that's too high. What are you, some sort of surrealist? If you could be great at any instrument, which one would you choose? That question to Frank Skinner first. I think piano. Because the trouble is,

if you're great at clarinet, you never go into a pub where there's a clarinet on the wall. But piano. What I've always, and I have fantasised, I mean, I often fantasise about this. I still daydream quite a lot

that I'll go into a pub and go, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, and someone say, can you not mess about with the piano? And I say, okay, just one more. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And then do a Scott Joplin. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

You've turned it into some sort of revenge moment. I just like the idea of people thinking you're rubbish. I do. And then absolutely dastard and then absolutely so what would you choose i'm with frank on the piano i think the show-off potential with the piano is enormous so for me again that very much appealing uh or the double bass i see you with that yeah when's that gonna to crop up? Well, you know, I'd just bash it out.

I can see myself wearing a sort of 1950s denim turn-up jean and a flannelette shirt. Oh, you've gone rockabilly. That's what you've done. I see a bit of socks. Yeah, I'll quiff off my tuft. Quiff off my tuft. Please don't.

Yes, Good idea. I would go for, yes, I asked that question so I could tell you. Yes. I would go for the drums because I do like a female drummer. I do. But what about a middle-aged female drummer? Come on. Less.

But I do like a female drummer. No, because there aren't any. It would be brilliant. Would you do all the twiddlies? I do all of it. And I would be so high up on that roster, let me tell you. What do they call the drum platform?

It's got a name, hasn't it? The drum platform? No, it's got a special name. Any drummers, please tell us. Plinth. The Rise. Oh, yes. I'd be so high up on that Rise.

I've always thought one of my, I don't know, I'm trying to work out what words, no, it's possible to use, but the sort of super cute female drummer is when Karen Carpenter was a drummer. She was amazing. She looked fabulously 60s as well. It just looked great.

She should have stayed there. And the xylophone. I think the xylophone doesn't get enough recognition these days. I don't like it, it's for kids' TV. You know when they have two sticks in each hand? That's impressive. I'd go three-stick xylophone, three in each hand. I always found it depressing.

There'd always be an old man that would come on and play that on kids' TV. Another one of my daydreams was a violin. He's playing the violin, fretting it with your right hand and the bow in the right hand, rather. And then throwing it into the air and playing it the other way, like Ronnie Sullivan switching how he holds his cue. Plucking it with your teeth. Like going a bit Hendrix on your violin.

I don't like the taste of resin. No. Or horse hair. Or morning. Yeah, exactly. That would have been, if Apocalypse, what's it called? Apocalypse Now. Apocalypse Now would have been about a travelling orchestra.

And he'd said, I love the taste of resin in the morning. Charlie, don't play the violin. No. Oh, man. Hi. I've had an exciting week, Frank. I've made a big life decision. Oh, yeah.

I bought a tracksuit, top and bottoms, and I've been contemplating it for so long, so long, and I finally been contemplating it for so long so long and I finally made I made the leap and I went bold colors and um I've never been happier how bold like really shocking yeah yeah yeah yeah and I bought it slightly oversized as well and I wore it out into the garden the other day to discuss some work with my carpenter and that's so difficult yeah i was having my deshing replaced it really was shot and um he said i look quite hip-hop and i felt very happy with that yeah i've did you have your beats on i had um i didn't have my beets on. Okay.

I'd combined the oversized tracksuit with a beanie and a pair of garden crocs. So it was quite a strong look. At last crocs have crept back into the fashionable. I wanted to ask Emily about this. What are your thoughts on tracksuits as a fashion item? Because I've wanted one for so, so long. Could it in any way be described as a shell suit? No, no, definitely not.

It's a lot more comfy than that. And it's not a lounge suit either. It's not sort of like a sort of velvety lounge suit. No. For law, usually, aren't they? Yeah, velour. I am very, very into this idea. I love a tracksuit.

The Luxe Leisure Wear, as you know, I'm a big fan of. And it is that sort of elderly Italian gentleman. Oh, yes. Possibly based in Miami now. I couldn't. I'm too old for a full tracksuit. No, I think you're the perfect age.

No, no. Really? Trust me. Not even with a ring zip? I'd look like I just... Oh, with a ring zip? I see you with a ring zip. Oh, yes.

People would think I'd wandered off if I was seen out in one of those. I'd wear a top and I'd wear tracky bottoms, but I wouldn't wear the full ones. This is the thing, the combo together is quite a brave move, I think. It is, it really is. I could totally see you in a track suit. Brave or foolish? No, I feel very, I'm really happy in my track suit.

Well, I can imagine you carrying it off. Would you not even go for the retro Gucci? The sort of 70s. Oh, yes. I see you in there. With an aviator sunglass. I know this is going to happen to all of us. And a Peaky Blinders cap. Oh, yes.

You know when you see an older man in like a suit and that, but with trainers because the feet won't handle a leather shoe anymore. So I'm holding on to not looking like that if I can avoid it. The full tracksuit, that's behind me. I haven't worn it to the shops yet.

Well, I'll tell you what's back in. Where do you wear it? Just around the house? Just around the house and to talk to my carpenter. Less brave. I mean, it's quite niche

having a specific outfit to dress your carpenter in. Yeah? Sorry, I just need to pop up and put my tracksuit on. Where's my carpenter outfit? Wait till you see my plumber outfit. Often when Zoe's on here, she tells us what clothing she's just bought. Do you remember the weighted...

Weighted vest? The weighted vest. Oh, that caused chaffing. It's a lovely pop. That absolutely caused chaffing, that weighted vest. Oh, that caused chaffing. It's a lovely pop. That absolutely caused chaffing, that weighted vest. Do you not wear it anymore? I've given up on the weighted vest. It was foolish.

Well, that was a waste of money. It was a bit of a waste. It makes a beautiful doorstop. Oh, is that weighted? It's really weighted. I thought it might be rounding the shoulders of a mannequin in the local office. As we speak.

We were discussing tracksuits. Zoe, you referred to your new purchase. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Thank you. You're asking me if I had a tracksuit. Now, I tell you, when I've owned a tracksuit, I'm thinking of reinvesting.

Do you remember the Vogue for the, they were called Juicy Couture. Yes. These people are paying me FYI. Oh, yes. I have no financial relationship with them. But they, it became, they were very much associated with the sort of Paris Hilton,

Britney Spears, and then it became a bit of a reality star thing. Do you remember those, Frank? The pink one, particularly. No, I do remember them. I have a vision now of Britney with a big,

always with a big drink. Big drink from McDonald's. And the point of them was they were quite snug. So you would expose the midriff, maybe pair them with a jean, a low-slung jean. Oh. OK?

Yeah. I'm thinking of going back to my Juicy Couture tracksuit days, but maybe with more of a mom vibe. I see. That's Juicy Couture mom. So what sort of colour would we be thinking of? It's a bit Hollywood mom. OK.

The colour would be Cerise. Oh, Cerise. Okay. With a gold trim. What is Cerise? What colour is that? Ish. It's a beautiful pink.

With a gold trim. With like a gold bit of gold trim on it. That's what I'm thinking about Juicy Couture. There's a little bit of gold going on. Absolutely not. Okay. No gold. Anyway.

Have we heard from... This has become a podcast. Have we heard from the outside world before we make our way off into the distance? We have. We have some... I'm taking that as a no. So look, on...

On... I'm going to go back to talking about Dave Berry's show. They have a thing they're doing which is a brilliant idea called the Band of Mom and Dad. Are you aware of this? No. Where they get people who used to be in bands and when they had children, they sort of gave it all up. And they're getting them back together. I was assuming, you know, we're doing this big charity gig for Absolute.

I was assuming they were going to close the bill. Is that correct, Sarah? I don't know, to be honest. I mean, that would be brilliant, wouldn't it? If they are, I'm saying that they have to or I'm not doing it. That's fair enough. It's such a good idea, all that talent lost in parenthood. Yeah, yeah.

Never mind. Something else I was talking about earlier off air was the new trend of what I'm calling let's do that, which is where you see a TV show, for example, or a film and think, oh, that's good, let's do that. And then you just make something that's more or less exactly the same. Television, it's... I had a thing saying, would you like to do this programme?

It's called Family Footsteps. So what you do is you go back and trace the history of your family and see what... That sounds very familiar, doesn't it? So I'll fly through who do you think you are let's let's do that let's do that yeah stop it i have some original thoughts you're full bike trip yeah exactly yeah no it's um oh antiques everything now oh they't they? That's my goal in life, is just to present antiques. Is that what you'd like?

Yeah, I'd like to do... I'd like to tell you my dream, Emily. Lose women two or three times a week. The show, not a hobby. That's my dream. And then just a bit of antiques, road trip. It will come, it will come, it will surely come. Do you think?

Yeah. I think you're made for it. And then maybe to finish off a bit of Rip Off Britain. I don't think you're quite old enough for Rip Off Britain. I'm getting there, Frank. I'm getting there.

What is Rip Off Britain? It's when people talk about how to get ripped off with scams. Consumer, what do they call it? Consumer, not how to get ripped off. How to avoid getting ripped off. Oh, I know that one. Is that with Gloria Hannaford?

It is. Do you remember Rogue Builders? Yeah. It's that kind of vibe. I'm bringing that back, Frank. I looked at that and went, let's do that. Do you know what? Rogue Builders 2.

Forget sexy, you're bringing that back. I'm bringing that back and I'm going to present it in my tracksuit. I'm going to bring back Rogue Builders, but in this one, builders go into your house when you're on holiday and build something. Just, you know, well, yeah, we got back from Tenerife and there was a well in the garden. An ornate wishing well.

I mean, I think there's been a mistake. I'd watch that. Zoe, it's always lovely to see you. Thank you for coming in today from the seaside. Yeah, pretty much from the seaside. And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.