The Frank Skinner Show - Denim Samosa

Episode Date: October 16, 2021

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank continued on his tour and went to the cinema. The team also discussed couples sharing clothes and Emily admits to having an odd crush.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 81215. You know we love to hear from you. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. That's it. Choices. Good to have choices in life. Morning, boys. Just give us a little hint of your ability to do that fast voiceover. Just a tiny hint.

Yeah, what I'm... I used to try and do it really... What I'm after at 20 New Readers, I'm after work doing Terms and Conditions. T's and C's. You love T's and C's. You've really got to speak very, very fast. But there, I wasn't by any means in full flow i was i was teasing no just a glimpse yeah exactly just moments of

anticipate moments where i just accelerate a little okay but thanks for noticing i appreciate much i appreciate them as they said in ancient rome oh frank I've read my contract and that's what I'm here for good lad I asked them if they could highlight that bit can I just flag that we're getting a lot of love for your work in Halifax

this week Frank ok we've had this is my new stand-up theme tune. Whereas some people think my stand-up theme tune should be... Go on. Oh, good. I said go on. I mean, obviously we don't read praise out on here,

but I'm glad people liked it. I will go on because Glenn Maker, who you may recall... Tell me about Glenn Maker. Tell me about Glenn Maker. The very same. Glenn Maker has... He's inserted some praise, but I think it's fine because he's done it in a sort of Trojan horse style.

OK. It's within the context of something else regarding the show. Do you remember we were discussing Follow the Bear Boys? Is that the first Homer reference on the show this morning? This morning, yes. We'll see how it goes. Follow the Bear, which we were discussing... Yes.

The Hoffmeister ad. Follow the Bear, yeah, was that a Hoffmeister ad. Follow the Bear was a Hoffmeister ad. Follow the Bear was the Hoffmeister bear and apparently Orson Welles directed the advert. He has

I mean obviously a lot to unpack there but he has a name George Oh yes I remember that now he mentions it.

I do wonder if he has an origin story though. Good to see you at Halifax, Frank. Praise redacted. Text from Glenmaker. George's origin story. I'd watch that film. I recall.

I'm right that he wore a satin bomber, didn't he? He wore a yellow satin bomber. He wore white socks with a black slip-on loafer. He wore a jaunty trilby. Well, I think he wore what's called in Scar Records a pork pie hat, if I remember. In a pork pie hat, Rudy got married. Did I slip into the accent? No.

Oops. Yeah. Okay, well, that's, yeah. we still follow the bear spiritually on this show yeah um although i can't follow him to his ultimate destination anymore because i'm a recovering alcoholic nevertheless let us move on uh oh i went to the uh i went to the keynote this week, as they call it in Germany. The cinema. Yeah. Did you?

What did I see, you're asking? Well, here's a clue. If I was publicising this film, I would definitely, definitely invite, invite, invite. We're so Birmingham there. John Voight's not in it. That wasn't a clue. Invite John Terry to the premiere to make sure that you've got tabloid coverage. Yeah. Ah.

It's a tricky one. I went to see Dune. Then the headlines would be Terry and Dune, obviously, which would be guaranteed. Yes. So, you know Dune, D-U-N-E. I do. Are you familiar with it? Yeah, I went to see that this week in a sort of

pre-screening situation. Oh, lovely. And it was, it rocked, I have to say. Oh, man. And I had Seven Up. I haven't had that for a long time. Oh, nice. Lovely. That was nice. I had a bottle of 7-Up that I made, the film's like two minutes

two hours forty, rather. And two minutes forty. It actually might have been the trailer that invited me. No, two hours forty. I made a bottle of 7-Up last for the whole thing. In that, you know the Steve Davis style of drinking?

Tiny sip. Oh. Yeah. And I managed, like, I created a sort of 7-up-ness in my mouth that lasted for two hours, 40 minutes, without really feeling like I'd consumed any liquid at all. It was really quite a thing. Do you love, fancy a 7-up? I always find it the compromise, if I'm honest.

I think... Apologies to anyone who works at 7-Up. Isn't it the rough draft of Lemonade? 7-Up. Yeah. I think that probably Lemonade was like the 9-Up. That was the ninth draft. And then they think we'll

stick with that. But, I'll tell you about the film as well. I'm not just going to tell you about the free stuff, obviously. As ever, that holds a warm... Oh, yeah. Free 7-Up, free popcorn, free film. So cheap, you two.

Yeah, I know. You should have changed the way I listen to that now. Shall I say it again off-air? You can enjoy it more. Yeah, OK. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I went to see the new sort of sci-fi, it's sort of like romance sci-fi, if you know what I mean.

Mystical, mystical sci-fi. Is it a remake of Dune, then? Well, it's, yeah, I think there's been two Dunes before, and this is the third. Dune? This is the third. Dune. This is the third. Dune. What if they called it that?

If everyone in the film said dune. I think the word only cropped up once. They do talk a lot about desert power. Yes, we will use desert power. It sounds like a board meeting at Newcastle United. But I tell you what, it's quite, I liked it,

I really liked it. It's sort of, you know, it's got lots of spaceships in it and people getting shot with sort of guns that aren't proper guns

but they fire like electric stuff. I've not seen that in a decade. aliens, all that. And it's very Star Wars-y I think.

They're in the desert, you know, and there's people with beige bandages. You know that look that they have very Star Wars-y, I think. They're in the desert, you know, and there's people with beige bandages. You know that look that they have on Star Wars? Star Wars. Beige bandages and a cloak in the desert. And just your eyes showing and maybe goggles or something like that. Are you referring to Tatooine chic?

Yeah, all that. Yeah. And there's a bit of, like, the force in it. And there's, like, a Jabba the Hot figure but who's like a bloke instead of a made poppet thing. OK. You sure you didn't go to a fake Star Wars film? No, it's much darker.

Like when people sell mocks instead of crocks. You sure you didn't just do that? No, it was darker and more menacing than Star Wars. It's not really for the children. I wouldn't take the children to it. Oh, OK. In fact, it's so dark and menacing, I would call it, gather round for this,

Noir Wars. Come on! I think we all know what you'd actually call it is Noir Wars. Yeah, OK. So, yeah, I liked it a lot. And apparently, I'll tell you what, obviously you've got to be very careful of any minorities now in films, but the bald have really been cast as the villains.

I mean, every bald person in it have really turned on the bald. I mean, it's like... A bit of a spoiler. It's like Hollywood's been thinking... Well, you know, they're pretty upfront about it. But it's like Hollywood's decided, well, who's left for us to tear down here?

I know, the bald! And, yeah, if you're a bald person... They still do the Germans quite often. Yeah, well, there's no Germans in this because it's like on another planet. Also, Al, often the upper-crossed Englishman has never come out of those sort of franchises particularly well. No, well, I think Richard Wattis is the man from the ministry.

He's obviously officious, but likeable deep down. And there's a reference I wasn't anticipating this morning. Richard Wattis. What is the baldness thing? Wattis, the baldness thing. What is the baldness?

Is it a sort of... What's that man's name? Is it Vin Diesel? Well, I'll tell you who's in it. Oh, I'll perk top, thank you. Aquaman's in it. You know Aquaman? Oh, yeah.

OK, I can't remember his name. Yeah. Something like Morbius. Jason Moammer also. That's it. I knew there was a name in it. Yeah. But he's got hair

so we're all right with that but yeah I would I would definitely recommend it and it's one of these that it ends but it doesn't end

you know what I mean so there's going to be more like a dot dot dot I'm hoping the sequel will be called July but with a D that would be so perfect.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Hold on, here comes the jingle. Outside world, outside world, the outside world. I can smell the haddock. I like the slightly abrupt ending. Yes, well obviously I didn't actually do it as a jingle

I didn't mess it about on the show and it's been grabbed It's not what I would have dreamt of No, I like that abrupt ending It's like suddenly someone's just embarked on the someone's just landed on the ship and they've got

evil intentions I've had to break intentions I've had to break off I've had to put down my squeeze box and deal with the admin Ultra Magnus hello Ultra

he's one of our regulars yes I remember he has something to add you were talking about how the bald get something of a rough time of it in movies the bald have to pay for their

mistakes that's um very fine okay i i want in shane too which was never shown i uh um i i go into a pub and give the what the woman says that will be a 98p, and I give her a fiver, and she says, have you got 2p? And I say, no, I've just gelled it this morning. And I think we know why it wasn't broadcast. I like the idea that rather than being broadcast on television, you just tell us a joke a week. Maybe we'll have a little section where I do a little reading from Shane too every week.

Although it could be ribald at times. Some of it wasn't really suitable. We could eke it out for quite a number of episodes if it's a joke a week. No, it's time for another episode of Shane 2. You'll recall that Shane has taken a homeless man into his home and he's talking with him about the way of, that's one of the episodes, Homeless Man Paid by Matthew Kelly. Oh.

I could do the bit where it says, previously on Shane. Yeah, exactly. Oh, lovely. Oh, man. When I was a kid, I used to listen to BRMB, the Birmingham station, and they used to have a serial on there. It was like a Western serial. Oh, set in Birmingham.

It was a comic thing, but it was on Les Ross's show. Les Ross was our sort of cult hero DJ. Yeah. Anyway, that's that. Okay. What else? Would you like to hear some further communiques? I would.

From our lovely readers. Yes, I can't reach my squeeze box from here. Just dish them out. We've had Paula Wright has got in touch to say, do you remember we were discussing dungarees not so long ago? Yes, I think we were on about the age where you had to start wearing them if you were male.

Exactly right. We have a question from Paula Wright. One of the guys at work she helpfully adds mid-thirties has come in today wearing dungarees. I cannot remember what was decided on the cut-off age for men. Over to you, Frank Skinner. I think we said eight.

I think that was where we got to. There is a caveat for what work, though, isn't there? I think we were allowing white dungarees for painter and decorators. Oh, yeah, that's all right. I think if anyone over eight wears dungarees for painter and decorators. Oh, yeah, that's all right. I think if anyone over eight wears dungarees other than that, they have to have the days on the bib bit, the way babies' bibs have the days on. So you have to wear them on the right day, I think.

But I once said I remember that the cut-off point for rolled-up jeans was about eight, and I remember Alan got quite upset about it. What about Mark Kermode? I don't know where he fits in on the whole thing Maximum height

seven foot Mark can't get in apparently Has anyone got a hair in it? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, I know we're not allowed praise, but it's getting very difficult because I'm getting all sorts through.

OK, what, on your Twitter? For you. OK. Daniel Peckick, comedy's my medicine, and Frank supplied that to me for a few good years now. What have you got involved in? Yeah. I mean, honestly.

Yeah, I'm one of these underground doctor guys. Oh, did you hear Lucky barking? I did. Lucky doesn't like Saturday mornings. My dog's sparking a bit. I don't know why, but I'm assuming that a family member will deal with her shortly. I quite like the atmosphere.

I like a bit of a bit of canine background stuff i think that's good we've actually received a text in that i'd like to bring to frank's attention if i may um 036 has said hi gang enjoying the show with a cuppa now here's a thing that we don't do on this show we don't ask people what beverage they're enjoying the show with, and I think we should perhaps encourage that. I mean, what if you'd asked me 35 years ago, and I'd said Rickard. Diamond White or something.

It was Rickard for breakfast at that point. Oh, was it? Yeah. Yeah, not recommended. No, no, can I say, if anyone's listening, that's not good for breakfast well i suppose it depends on what time zone they're in if they're having an evening in and just enjoying it yeah but you know when people say our cocoa pops is at quite high sugar for breakfast

yeah but they're better than ricard that's the general yeah i think they should use that as a a stat line. That's lovely and child appropriate. Yes. The text message from Nige034 continues. Could I ask if you have ever seen a film called Subtitles, a 1941 film? I would really like to know what you thought of it. I found the film two days ago and

do you know it's in my top 20? Wow. And that's from Nige. But I like the idea of people messaging saying, what does Frank think of this? Frank think of this old thing. Could you repeat the name of the film again, Manchester? We lost you briefly there. Oh, Sullivan's Travels.

Oh, yes. In fact, I own Sullivan's Travels on DVD. I saw it. And, yeah, that guy, Prestonurgis who made sullivan's travels made a load of incredibly enjoyable you know when films just had like stories uh in oh yeah and not people trying to get oscars with their shirts off and he just yeah preston sturgis is like proper proper you know my view that people get, or men now certainly, get Oscars in the gym, not in the rehearsal room.

Oh, yeah. And I, no offence, Al. And, yeah, Preston Sturgis. I'm not in the running for any Oscars. Proper scripts, Preston Sturgis. So, yes, I know that film well. Okay. No one's got in touch.

Can you please tell us, did Orson Welles... I mean, have I been a very great fool in thinking perhaps there was some truth in the Glenmaker claim regarding Orson Welles directing By The Bear? You'd like to think that you'd recognise the Orson Welles directorial style. You know, if it have been called Citizen Bear or something like that,

there'd be lots of black and white shots of George at a desk, shot just over his shoulder, just see the paw tapping on the desk. Maybe a little brief comfort break in a woodland area. And then there's like a sledge with Hoffmeister written on it.

Sorry if you haven't seen Citizen Kane, this makes no sense at all. And we're not here to make sense. This is radio. We're here to have fun. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio 275

has got in touch regarding dungarees oh yeah with the burst of dungaree wearing in the last few years what

they've said dungarees wearing in fairness I've missed that burst well interesting a spate was there a spate yeah i think there has been i went for the singular there and this person's gone plural yeah it's all right it's like sometimes you can say she was wearing an orange trouser i think that i think well emily does i think that's the fashion background, actually. Sometimes you can say, why would one say anything else? Exactly.

With the burst of dungarees wearing, I'd go dungaree, but there you go, in the last few years, I wonder if there is someone new and cool in the dungarees wearing chair. For many, it is very much still Kevin Rowland of Dexys Midnight Runners. Oh, yes. Although for a group of millennials, I don't like that term. It's so dismissive.

Let's put a pin in that. I think the title was taken by Demi Moore. Or Demi. I wonder if some modern-day heartthrob has set the trend ablaze again. That's from 275. You see, I think, like I say, I think women seem to be able to carry

them off at any age, but for a bloke, I've seen like a young, good-looking bloke, what they do is they leave one of the straps down and let the rectangle, the chest rectangle, fold

into what looks like a samosa, a denim samosa. That's their look. You know denim samosa is chic. You're aware of that. Yeah. Yeah. I've got samosas on my mind.

I ate five yesterday. Just the five? Yeah, just the five. Curious admission. I must admit, I'd had three the day before. What happened? You didn't. My tour manager's cousin, Ruby,

and I think Ruby, I think they anglicised the name to help me. But she's Pakistani and they brought me like that. Pakistani people can't arrive without food it seems so i had a box of samosas and those sweets that ought to be sweet with a capital s because they're so sweet so the samosa yes i've been stuffing my face is what i've been doing um so that's what that's led to a fashion revolution just think that box of samosas with the denim samosa chic thing that'll be used by everyone now i'm guessing wow um russian conaty i saw not long ago and she had a pair of dungarees and she looked i mean i'm gonna say stunning in them yeah i keep saying

women can carry them off who who is the man in the in the donguerries chair that is that's i know that's a text and you hear a lot on radio but anyway i still like to know if anyone can think of a modern male celebrity who you can picture in casually in donguerries i'd love to hear their On 8-12-15. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is the Frank Skinner Show on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 8-12-15, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio.

Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Can I share some of the marvellous correspondence we've had from our loyal readers? One of our most loyal readers, John Hopkins. Are you familiar with his work? Well, every time you say his name, I find myself saying Hopkins

and that's because I saw a one-man play about Gerard Manley Hopkins, the Victorian poet, and it begins with him just enjoying the sound of his own name. Just saying Hopkins. So I always, it's some

sort of tick I've got. Okay. John Hopkins, Regarding Men and Dungarees. Ah yes, I like regarding. I like it. It sounds like a wonderful bit of poetry. Sadly, they shall now forever be the domain of the male stripper.

Oh, I didn't know that. I did. Oh, OK. No further questions at this time, please. A point worryingly confirmed by my 75-year-old mother, who recently went to see the Dream Boys. OK. Can we all do? Point worryingly confirmed by my 75-year-old mother, who recently went to see the Dreamboys. Okay. And returned regaling me with stories of dungaree removal

that would make your eyes water. They are very, very much a Dreamboys thing, I believe. Okay. That's put me off them a bit. Oh. Yeah, I went to see the Dreamboys, is how I describe sleeping. Yeah.

Well, when people wore them, when I worked in factories and people wore them, they didn't call them dungarees because you could go to the store and get overalls and stuff. A store? You could go to the store and get overalls and stuff and some people you could go to the store there sesame street and say um you know can i get a new cow gown or something like that but if people wanted dungarees they'd ask for a bib and brace oh nice yeah which i think covers the sort of strappage and the rectangle at the front. The very part you're describing being made into a samosa.

Exactly, exactly. It was the pre-samosa stage. It's the bib, yeah. Kramer 2021 has got in touch. Do you think there could be some relative of Billy J. Kramer who was back in group? The Dakotas had a hit with Lil' Children. Yeah. I do.

I think it might be a nod to the Seinfeld character. Yes. And I know how you love an American box set. Oh, man, it's the best thing. you love an American box set. Oh, man, it's the best thing. You love an American box set. What's that one you used to like? Baking bread. Baking bread.

What was it? Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad, yeah. That was the one you were talking about when I brought up Merlin and you laughed in my face. This was in the days you could laugh in people's face without killing them. I know.

But, you know, I deserted you. I broke bad myself. I won't do that again. Kramer2021 has got in touch. Hi, Frank. The Les Ross cereal was Yesterday Never Comes. I don't think it's the one I'm thinking of. I don't think that's the one i'm thinking of i don't think that was the uh

the western one i can tell you the theme tune it went but i can't remember um what it was called it was something like you know those western things that have the word gulch in them? It's had that kind of... There must be some... I mean, it's not... I can find out. I don't want you to be worrying your pretty little heads about something I listened to in the 70s.

But, yes, it's just only just if you're now on the... Well, you know what I mean. People's got... That's the sort of Doris and Dave film. People have got, you know, stuff to get on with. They don't want to be worrying about Les Ross's Western serial. I appreciate that.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Boys, I enjoy this from 705. It was interesting hearing you contemplate whether or not the chap Kramer was referring to Billy J. Kramer or the Seinfeld character. Someone should make a movie about that discussion. Just can't think of a title.

I like that. That is a very fine joke from Phil that is a very good and those of you who don't get it I'll you know I can't help you

with that it's a flock yeah no that's very good and I love that Phil didn't state the movie title no exactly

that's what's great about it the kind of minds we need it's those moments like the one in Fawlty Towers, when Basil Fawlty's angry with his car and he leaves the shot. And the director has the great wisdom to just stay on the long, long shot of the car when nothing happening. And then he comes back in with the branch. A lot of people would have gone to the tree.

Well done for not doing so. Well done, Phil. He didn't go tree. We've also had a long text from 339, much of which is good, but I'm going to crop just almost like a public health warning part from the end of this lengthy text from Celia. I wanted to issue a word of warning she says about dressing gowns though

I also don't wear mine often but if the house is cold in the winter I will don it I appreciate the use of don however the last time I went to put it on there were hundreds of baby spiders lurking in it good job it was black and I spotted them before to put it on there were hundreds of baby spiders lurking in it. Good job it was black

and I spotted them before I put it on. Urgh. Hundreds of babies. Hundreds. Hundreds of them. And also I think of spiders as being quite black so I don't think it would be a thing to see that they were against

a black dressing gown. No. Surely that makes it harder to spot them than if they were, say, on a white or a silver effect. The dressing gown was black? Yeah, apparently. What are you doing? In a black dressing gown? You deserve it.

Celia might be a goth. I don't care. You never wear a black dressing gown. Actually, a goth would have don't care. You never wear a black dressing gown. Actually, a goth would have kept the spiders. The point of the morning, fresh for the day, fresh start,

get up and go, put a lovely white toweling robe on, a black, a loose black dressing gown. It's an evening wear only. Look, Celia only

dons it in the winter. I think she's wearing it over her clothes. I think it's that kind of dressing gown. Do either of you have a black dressing gown? No, but I don't. You know my problems with dressing gowns. Problems? I'll tell you what I discovered.

99 problems with dressing gowns. Yeah, I just can't find a window. I've said this many times. I don't know when to wear it, but let's not go back into that. We were talking earlier about older people dyeing their hair too dark. We were. And if you're going to dye your hair dark

when you're a bit older, you have to sort of dye your face as well. Otherwise, the contrast is unbearable. And you do get that Lego figure contrast of the black hair. But this week, I was looking at a group of pensioners. Oh.

And for the, yeah, not online. They were in the street. Got new binoculars, have you? Yeah. Specialist. And, you know, they had a sort of traditional that lots of beige, which used to be a thing that pensioners wore a lot.

And for the first time, it occurred to me that that is why pensioners wear beige. Because they want to break you in gently when you reach their face. If you start at the feet and scan up. And I'm thinking now, I need to get some lighter clothes. But I've always wondered, why do they all start buying

beige? But it's just to reduce the contrast, isn't it? Of course. It gets much harder to carry off certain colours. Yeah, well, you know, black dressing gown. And relax. I would very much, boys, like to discuss a story I came across this week

about a couple of old sphinxes. Oh, I love these kind of stories. Go on, me too. Do you think that's what the crew members call us behind our back? A couple of old sphinxes, probably. I'm okay with it. Probably.

This couple were described as elderly. Oh, were they? I hadn't picked up on that. I didn't know they were elderly. They were elderly. They were retired. I mean, in this day and age, you't know they were elderly. They were elderly. They were retired. I mean, not in this day and age. You're called elderly, 35.

Oh, well. But they were, yeah, I believe they were retired. They were gobsmacked to discover that these stone sculptures they had in their garden, in the shape of a sphinx, they were sphinx sort of ornaments. These sphinxes, would that be the plural i like to go for would it just be sphinx i had two sphinx i like to go for sphinxes okay okay sphinx i yeah i like sphinxes okay uh they were so they must have thought they were worth some money if they put them up for auction. I think that the auction house said three to five hundred pounds is what they should expect. I think they'd actually cost them three hundred pounds because what I'd like to describe as a bitter person in the comments on the news story I read said,

said, so the people who owned them were already pretty wealthy. I don't know anyone able to afford to spend £300 on garden ornaments. No. That's a comment from a bitter person there. Yeah, I mean, you know. I mean, I know loads of people that could afford that. I don't know what you can do. Maybe they've worked their fingers to the bone to get that kind of garden ornament spend in budget.

It's all gone a bit Maggie T. Anyway. These were actually 5,000-year-old, I'm going to say, artefacts. What I mean, the weird thing is they were sphinxes from, like, you know, the sphinx age, it turned out. I mean, it's like the weirdest thing. They were actual Sphinxes? They were from, they were in situ.

It was, yeah. We, Frank, were going to throw away the Sphinxes. It turned out they were taking part in pyramid selling. That needs a jingle. Oh, OK. I like that now I I tell you what

I had an unpleasant experience in Egypt once when we went out on a trip and the person the tour guide was very keen that we went

to her cousin's shop and I thought that's fine you know and the cousin he said come on I nearly did the voice but i'm fine he said i'm gonna have to do it a bit he said you're a television man yes and i said um he'd obviously

got that from the hotel i said um well yes and i thought he's gonna say can you fix my radio rental 12 inch screen he said uh you come come with me to the back room so I went to the back room he said you don't want to be buying the rubbish in there, I thought it was your shop dear and he had some actual Egyptian

artefacts and he said I said hold it you're not supposed to say, he says no one knows you just wrap them in a jumper or something and you can tell. And I just felt really bad about it. I know this didn't bother Lord Elgin, but,

in his, in his, in his Grecian trips, but I, oh, I know, I didn't like it. So we don't know how these got here,

but they were valued. So they got sold for, was it 195,000? Yes, very good. Not bad. I mean, you've got to say. Nearly 200 Gs. That results.

They had been repaired with modern cement, though. Yeah, well, I saw a picture of them. They looked like someone had painted them white. They'd all gone a bit fresco of Jesus. Someone had painted him white. They'd all gone a bit fresco of Jesus. But even so, they're real McCoy, as it were. Just to clarify an earlier grammar point, it says in the article I was just looking at that um sphinxes so it's pluralized i thought

it might be like sheep like yourself frank sphinx yeah exactly no it says sphinxes and i know a lot of grammar fans are interested in that yeah the sphinx well i'm a grammar fan as you know from when i was talking about looking at pensioners in beige clothes and i like cheers so there you go very good sphinxies there's a lot of unexplained jokes happening the best mind i find yes sphinxies they let's just recap here they are the centaur build but it's the lion waste they favor rather than the different we should define they are the head of a sphinx is often um tends to be human falcon cat or sheep okay the body is a lion um with the wings of a falcon so it's like if you were a taxidermist that only used available roadkill

and you had to do composite creatures. I think that's probably... It's like a sort of a stew of the ceramic world, isn't it? Just anything goes in. It's a bit of everything. I've seen, you may well have as well, seen the Sphinx in Giza. Have you seen the

big famous Sphinx? No. Oh no, I haven't seen that. What you're supposed to say now is how does it smell? How are you? Because it's got no nose. Very good. These ones actually, I looked at the pictures of them and I think the noses

had come off these two sphinxes as well it's obviously a bit of a design I'm starting to think the pharaoh should recall the sphinx on a design fault of a loose nose issue with them generally

apparently I don't know if you know this, but they found out, people who've examined the, you know, scientists and things, that the Sphinx, the nose of the Sphinx at Giza, the sort of, you know, if you say a picture of the Sphinx, the one you'll see, that big statue, didn't just fall off with age and that,

that somebody used a big long rod type thing to sort of prise it off as if... Oh, be quiet. Yeah, I mean, a long time ago, like early third century or something. Why did they prise the nose off? They had no business doing that. I think they were probably...

Who knows? I think it was one of you know those weather houses where there's two doors and a little man comes out when it's fine weather and a woman comes out when it's raining I think they were making those and they couldn't find the two door housing so they prized the noses

off the local sphinx population I find these sphinxes I know it's strange I mean I know this is a weird one, but I feel I love you both and I'll read as well enough to share this with you. OK. They're on my odd crush, my sort of shouldn't but would list.

Oh, the sphinx. Oh, interesting. I've got a real thing for them. I don't know what it is. They just make me feel, I don't know. It's a strange thing. Do you not get it? I'm just glad that we're so broad-minded about stuff like that. Yeah, I'm okay. Do you prefer the head of a human, falcon, cat or sheep?

I like something about, oh no, I always go high status. I want the proper pharaoh. The sheep is an interesting choice, isn't it? Knowing that Frank got very angry about the meerkat dating a human, I'm surprised that he's been so liberal about this development. And that bulldog, Churchill, went on a holiday with, what was that woman called? Melanie Sykes. Melanie Sykes.

I just, no, there's so much squalid about it interspecies. Not being the Sphinx, though. But I think with the Sphinx, the great thing is you've got so much choice. So many animals. It's a sort of Noah's Ark of boyfriends. Frank Skinner.

Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. of Boyfriends. We've had a bit of an update on the Sphinx that you were talking about. What's the famous one? The Giza. The Giza. Sphinx. At least I'm assuming that's the one that 929 has texted about. With this little bit of gossip, 929 has said,

the French shot the nose off the Sphinx with a cannon. Well, that's... Obviously, I don't know. I'm no expert. I seem to have... You don't want to be casting aspersions. I seem to recall reading that it had been prized off early doors. I like the way you set that up, I seem to recall. Yeah.

As if this had happened in your lifetime. No, but I mean, that could be, I wouldn't need to go to the bottom of this. I mean, it's a bit post-Brexit, the old hour the French did it. Yeah. Yeah, 929 has actually finished with 17 union flag emojis.

I have something else to say. I mean, you know, I appreciate... You always have something else to say, Emily. That's why you're here. Oh, I love that. The Sphinx. Obviously, I adore the Sphinx, as you know. And I do, the centaur I've always struggled with a bit, I'm not going to lie.

I'm saying what my problem is. From an attractiveness point of view. My problem with the centaur is I imagine they're like people with luggage on wheels, that they walk right across you and forget there's a lot of stuff behind them that you're about to fall over. right across you and forget there's a lot of stuff behind them that you're about to fall over also i don't like the way things change halfway you know they go from one texture to another i feel i appreciate the sphinx is meant to be it's lion on the tomb isn't it lion waist yeah it is lion i think it's no it's lion. I think it's... No, it's lion. Couchant.

Couchant. Lion down. It's got, yeah. It's a lion body on the two, I believe. Yeah, lion body. It's got... I think I like it because it's quite short-legged, the Sphinx. And I enjoy that. Well, when I was in West Africa with Comet with comet relief i went to a school and they did a

song about a lion all the kids sang it and one of the things says it it has it has a a big head i think it said and a very small waist i remember that was the lyric and uh very small haste the lion and it is it is beautifully slim I must say I feel we can't, we should point out that the auctioneer who sold this for a start off they're from Sudbury which is, remember we've been talking about Simon of Sudbury

oh yeah so they're from Sudbury but what I liked is the bloke who conducted the thing I assume from that auction house, was celebrating that they've set a new record for that auction house, the sale, and also that it's the highest sale of the year in something like domestic auction houses.

Didn't mention the fact that they'd valued it at 300 to 500 quid, which I would have thought was not a great advert. Yeah. Because someone could have come in and got it for 500 quid. Yeah. And they'd have been thinking, well done. Well said to the old couple. You're landing on your feet there.

Do you know any auctioneers? I've met several. It's like the start of a joke. But I don't know any auctioneers? I've met several. It's like the start of a joke. I don't know any auctioneers, no. I just think it's quite an interesting professional choice, isn't it? I've conducted charity auctions. Oh, I'll be

stiff with stress doing that. Oh no, it's very good squeezing the last little bit of cash out of these. Oh, do you do that trash talk where you sort of play one table off the other yeah all that all that stuff i remember getting timmy mallet up over the the uh over the thousand mark i think it was the thousand how appropriate that's generous man timmy mallet there i'm wondering if i should phone someone about that 60 foot pyramid I've got in my backyard. I use it to just dry my tents

on. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 8 12 15. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website.

Someone complained that we haven't got our own individual email. You have to just go through the general website. Yes, they did. Well, actually, they've got that wrong because I have my own individual email and you have your own individual email. Yeah, don't tell everyone. Have I misunderstood that? wrong because we do i have my own individual email you have your own individually yeah that don't tell everyone if i misunderstood that yeah i think some shows on absolute have their own apparently no one told us simple as that we've been been emitted probably too late

they get on with their thing we do our thing rebecca m, the Velveteen Dog, has been in touch. Oh, OK. High-fived Emily and Alan. Hmm? Bald men aren't always villains. No, I'm just talking about one film. I'm talking about June. I'm not saying all bald men are villains.

She's pointed out The Rock. Yeah. The balding and sexy John McClane. Is it McCain? Oh, no, that was a Republican senator, John McCain. John McClane. What's his name, Al? That's very much something you'd know in the Die Hard movies.

Oh. John McClane. I thought it was John McCain, but I probably am thinking of him. I think you are thinking of the Republican. The ultimate hero restoring good versus evil all by himself. Bald men are yummy. Hashtag bald. Yeah, let me just clear this up.

I've got nothing against bald men. I've seen your Brenner 17 times in The King and I. I'm glad you added that caveat at the end. Yeah. It's a punchline of an old joke where the bloke says, can I have a James Dean haircut? And the barber shaves his hair. And he says, don't you know who James Dean is?

He said, yes, I've seen him 17 times in The King and I. Okay. It's a very old joke with lots of old references, but nevertheless. Like it. No, I'm just saying in this one film, because Hollywood are running out of people that they can show in a negative light,

then bald men seem to have got the short straw this time. But obviously, you know, bald men are great. We'll all be bald eventually. Yeah, but it'll be in the grave. Anyway, Absolute Radio, breakfast show. Oh, here we are. Exactly. Well, not me.

Whilst there's still breath in my body and wig stores are available. Okay. I see. Previously, I would like to, you know we have a little section we sometimes do, which we call Previously. Yeah, where people refer to stuff that happened on the last show or sometimes the show before that. I don't think we have a jingle, Frank, do we?

No. OK. I feel like we need one, but maybe we'll just... OK, what about this? Oh, sorry. Previously, previously. It's from a show that used to be. I like that.

OK. That's good. Do you remember we were discussing the concept of the retail intruder? Frank Skinner, if you could briefly

summarise that concept. Well, I purchased the new kids trend. When I say kids, I mean kids, not actual, you know, not cool people,

but kids, children, is the poppet, which is like a sort of a industrial version of um a bubble wrap that you can keep using and using and using and i bought a poppet incredible hulk in blackpool um 12 coin i know and um monitor burn yeah and it was well speaking of monitor burn it was from a vape shop and I

I was talking about retail intruders this was when you find the product in a shop and you think why do they sell it in this shop so why

a Hulk poppy in a vape shop didn't make no sense and I actually if you remember sang poppies in a in a

vape shop. I know, I know, it's serious. So, more examples of that. Sarah in Sunderland. Nice alliteration, Sarah. Did I say that like it was Disneyland? It's like Sunderland. Should I say Sunderland?

It could be a Sunder. A Sunder means... Rent a Sunder. I like saying Sunderland. Should I say Sunderland? It could be a Sunder. Well, a Sunder means... Rent a Sunder. I like saying Sunderland. It means open, does it? A Sunder. I know I should say Sunderland. A Sunderland would always be the place that was always open. I like it like Disneyland.

Sarah in Sunderland, she says she's a long-time reader, first contact with us. Okay. A couple of years ago whilst living in Saudi Arabia I was downtown in a jewellers. They sold everything you would expect. Sarah from Saudi Arabia in those days. Okay all the S's in

her life. Is it Sarah did you say? Yes. They sold everything you would expect. A massive array of bright yellow gold plus plus gold trophies, medals and ornaments. But in the middle of the jeweller's shop was a display of megaphones. What a bullhorn, as they call it in America. I asked about them and the shopkeeper kindly offered to make me some Arabic coffee whilst trying to convince me to buy a megaphone as a home security system.

See, I think if you're wearing a really expensive watch or something, have a megaphone for help. Help, this person is trying to grab my... What a brilliant idea that is. I mean, security. Street security available at the same shop. Respect to Mondo. Friendship on Absolute Radio.

I was laughing at something one of our readers had sent in. Oh, yeah. That's how smart and funny they are. What was it? You'll find out presently. Okay. Okay? When are you going to tell

me all in good time okay i'd like to um keep us on the topic that we were previously discussing of uh let's say retail intruder or mission creep in uh in certain retail places so if they're selling you know vape goods and then they suddenly start selling, what was it that you bought? A poppy thing. A poppet. A poppet. It's strange, isn't it, the retail intrusion? What did you call it?

Mission creep? Yeah. Oh, I don't know what that means. Oh, OK. Oh, sound like you out in a military time. Well, it's in the news quite often. I've never heard it before. Sarah Walker has sent us

a tweet and an amusing picture. I've just walked past this mirror shop in Greenwich stocking items that don't fit the shop and she sent us a photograph of the exterior of a mirror shop which also seems to sell huge plastic

statues of animals. So there's a shark's head, five pit bull terriers, a giraffe's head. But these are significant things. And an E.T., a plastic version of E.T., which seems to be £6. Are they for wall mounting, though? They're life-size sculptures. Are they to hang up on the wall? No, they're sort of on the floor.

Why are they in there, then? I don't know, but, I mean, it doesn't reflect well on how the mirror sells. Very good. Very good. Order. Can we return also within previously I appreciate they have

emerged before on this show the dressing gown but I'd like to dip our toes back into the dressing gown waters because we posed the question last week was it?

When does one wear a dressing gown? Possibly it was prior to last week. Yeah. It doesn't matter if it was Richard prior. I still would like to return to this subject, partly because I enjoy very much Andrew E's response. OK. To when does one wear a dressing gown? Only children, the frail and the elderly wear dressing gowns. Healthy adults should never consider it an option.

I feel quite chastised by Andrew E. I feel slightly justified. He's not fun at a spa. What about if he's having a treatment? You know when people are having a treatment? I don't know if he's having a treatment? You know when people are having a treat? I don't know if they're having a treatment.

They're having lunch in robes. I think, oh, no, I don't want that. We're not in ancient Rome, dear. Oh, no. Yes, and people are very, the way they refer to it, people at Sparrow's get quite self-important. They say, well, I've got a treatment. Yeah, I've got a treatment at three, so I'll be able to do that.

OK. Yeah, I'm going to have some stones rubbed on my back or something like that. Jojo has also... Stop that. Jojo? Sorry, Jojo has also suggested there's only really one occasion when playing a shepherd in the Nativity play. Yeah, that's fair enough. Absolutely fair enough.

And then Jim Robb, who sounds like my kind of man, not going to lie, whilst one is having one's breakfast. That's good. Call me. Yes. Yeah, I'd only get Ricard all over my dressing gown. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. card all over my dressing gown. I'd like to bring up a new story that has a central

theme that, as we all know, is close to my heart, that of thrift. Oh, here we go. Yeah, here we go, strapping. The Sun Report revealed how she saves hundreds of pounds when buying new clothes by sharing them all with her husband. Who's this? What's the lady called?

This is Grace Sergai, I think. Sounds a bit... From Nottingham. And she's recently saved what the uh red top tabloid describes as a whopping a whopping 764 pounds on a whole new winter wardrobe they don't add in brackets but she has to share them with her husband um but you know she does i have to say i've i've heard some thrift measures in my time um i know someone who used to buy um jumpers from charity shops cheap and then unravel them and knit them into new jumpers that is thrifty yeah but i have never

heard of this actually buying clothes that you can both wear this to me is a revolutionary idea well well it's not new i mean i um i used to share clothes with a girlfriend that i went out with before my wife and it's why i was arrested for impersonating a police officer Be careful. I love it. Excellent. It worked out for her next boyfriend. He was a stripper, Graham. He had his donguerilles, of course, to fall back on. He had the samosa flap. I don't quite understand the rota in this.

Because if they're both going out together, obviously they can't wear the same jumper, but there has to be things in the wash as well seems to me by the time you've bought the three four things that you need in order to operate that road to you might as well have bought two each yeah well i would say it's sort of uh it's quite fashionable at the moment because it's kind of genderless dressing really i would say uh the gucci were very big on this they were spearheaded this oh really when would that have been i would say would you remember styles the lad the styles lad frank oh yeah harry styles He's done a lot of that. You've seen him.

He sort of dresses like Agatha Christie now with the pearls and what have you. That's right, yeah. And Alessandro Micheli, the creative director who you're obviously familiar with. Yes, of course. We've both got alerts for Alexander Micheli on our phones, me and Frank.

I hope he's got a song called You. You, Michaylee. Sounds a little bit like ukulele, which I don't know if he'd appreciate anyway. Anyway, he's... I would put a lot of it down to him, really, this revolution. And when did it begin?

I'm keen for a timeline. When did it begin? I'd say it's been happening for a while, but certainly the last four years let's say I'm interested in timelines because I was talking to a gardener I was talking to my gardener yesterday

he comes twice a year but nevertheless I still call him my gardener and he was saying that the office the garden office people who have like a shed, a sort of Roald Dahl style shed built to work in.

He said it really exploded in 2012. I said, that is fantastic, fantastic info on the rise of the garden office. We've actually put a number on it, not just a vague. So, yeah, i was impressed by that so we're talking about this the new craze of buying unisex clothes yeah i have to say they have what there was a revolution of sorts at Golden Square, the home of Absolute Radio, when all the toilets which were previously designated either male or female became male and female.

But what they did is the ones that used to be the male ones says male or female in a on a blue plaque and the ones that used to be female says male or female on a pink plaque and i have yet i realized this the other day the other week that i have yet to go in a pink plaque toilet there's still something telling me no, no entry. Oh, OK. That's probably me standing there. I worked in a posh hotel in Scotland last week and I think this might have already caught on there because many of the male staff were wearing their wives' tartan skirts. Oh! Fantastic.

Alan is Scottish, shall we? He's the only one who can do it. He can make that joke. He can do that gag. I'd like to think that people could just take a joke. You don't have to actually be Scottish to tell a joke about Scotland. Oh, well, okay. But you stick with it.

That's what I'd like to think. Yeah. I think these couple would have been very happy in Mao's China, wouldn't they? Where everybody basically wore the old grey tunic and cap. But you know what? It was the Steve Jobs syndrome. It made life a lot easier.

I'm just saying. The menial... You know, this was a Steve Jobs thing. If anyone's not familiar with this, I'm sure you are, because it's very well known, isn't it? But the idea that he only wore black polo necks because it gave him time to be creative rather than focus on menial tasks like clothing choices every day. Yeah. And he tucked them in. He tucked them into his trousers, which was, that was a choice that I wish he'd have reconsidered. Increasingly, I get it, though. He'd probably like to stick biros in the top of his trousers

and that mid-idea. I think they think it looks dramatic, the black polo neck. It makes him look mysterious. It just makes him look like backstage crew at a comedy gig. But don't tuck him in. That's my advice. You know what? I've got to be honest, though. I'm starting to...

I do think he's got... He had a point. Because I had to do a shoot this week, and they said, you know, what are you going to be wearing? We just need to check the... A photo shoot. Yeah, a photo shoot.

Oh, very nice. And I said, what are you going to be wearing? And do you know what I thought? And it was a sort of black tie theme they wanted me to. I thought, oh, I think I might just go tuxedo. Wow. Well, it feels like a statement, but actually it's because I couldn't be bothered

to do all the extraneous, get the fake tan for the legs out. It's quite Marlène Dietrich as well. Marlène Dietrich. Also, don't have to drag out the Spanx and all the other bits and bobs. That's why I wear one. I like Frank's slightly strained, Frank's voice. Well, I'm pretending I'm not embarrassed, oblique, horrified by that.

When I said Spanx, you went, no. Yeah. No, I imagine you'd look He went, no. Yeah. No, I imagine you'd look great in a tuxedo. I worried I'd look a bit Max Wall. I'm not going to lie. Especially since it's Bond season. No, I'm sure you wouldn't. I thought it might be a bit Charlie Chaplin slash Matt Walk.

Okay, okay. You say that like it's a bad thing. What a lady. Yeah. But, you know, I took care of my upper lip area first, so it's fine bad thing on a lady yeah but you know I took care of my upper lip area at first

so it's fine okay well that's I look forward to seeing those where will we see them you'll find out shortly okay

it's not in no it won't be okay Frank Skinner Frank Skinner Absolute Radio Absolute Radio No, it won't be. OK. Is it irresponsible and cheeky to use the readers as a sort of Shazam service? No, I think it's fine. Great. There was an ad, 70s, 80s, can't remember,

where there was a song with the lyrics, they're tasty, tasty, very, very tasty. They're very tasty. And I can't remember what it was. If anyone could solve that conundrum, I'd be most grateful. Right. You are asking during the last link of the show, which seems a tease, doesn't it? Let's hope it wasn't some publicity for the Spice Girls or something of that nature. Okay.

So we were talking about the clothesharing thing. I've got to say, my issue with this is I dress a lot better than my partner. Oh, that's problematic. I get the thin end of the wedge on this. I'd say Kath deliberately, Kath is a dressed-down person. That's what she does. She makes, I mean, I'm not by any stretch a dapper, but she makes me look like an Edwardian dandy.

And I don't mean a crumpled and faded old comic. That's what you're suggesting. I see. So if you've got a couple with very, very contrasting styles like that, that is difficult, isn't it? Or physiques. I mean, I'm much taller than my wife, but I am interested in thriftiness, so I did look into the possibility of divorcing her

and remarrying somebody similarly sized to me, but I think you only break even. Sharon Davis, that's who you need. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Or a smock, a smock, an industrial. size to me but i think you only sharon davis that's who you need oh yeah yeah um okay or a smart an industrial imagine if mrs cockrell just tunes in at that point and all she hears is sharon davis that's who you need mate i think she'll be fine okay my master's to solve the problem he's solved the conundrum thank you okay what was, what was very, very tasty? Well, I don't know if I'm allowed to mention a brand. Oh, go on.

Okay. I think so. Okay, I'm getting nothing for this. Bran flakes were tasty, tasty. Really? I mean, are they, though? Well, that leads to an investigation. I think that might be... Yes, everyone's saying it was bran flakes.

Oh, okay, fair enough. I don't think that's why people I think... Yes, everyone's saying it was brown flag. Oh, OK, fair enough. I don't think that's why people have brown flags. Gross. I mean, I hope that proves that we're not getting anything. I think that people eat brown flags because they're hasty, hasty, very, very hasty, I would say. Also, can I feel sorry for this couple? Because it's... Have you ever seen the meme online

where it says how it started and then there's one picture and then how it's going and then oh yes yeah it feels a bit how it started how it's going like it started with presumably intense physical attraction and then how it's going buying clothes clothes together to save money. It seems a bit like it's not as losty as it once was. I think it should be how it started, couple in the same T-shirt, how it finished, couple in pantomime horse. That seems to be the slippery slope that they're ascending. I am interested. I mean, I think I like the sort of, for me,

at least to me, it's an original idea. By the way, we've had a lot of Dongaree stuff, which I think we've got such a cluster that we'll look at that next week in a retrospective Dongaree special. And thanks for all your brown flakes correspondence. Now that, well done.

I would never have guessed brown flakes in a thousand years. I mean, taste, it's not the adjective you took off the shelf first. Oh no. No.

And you know what? If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. rise. We'll be back again this time next week. Now get out!