The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner - Guest: Boy George

Episode Date: October 16, 2010

There is chat about the Chile miners, optimistic dogs and Boy George pops in to talk about his new single.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Working towards a mintier world, with Dreamer Soft Mints. Absolute Radio. Ah,

that was Devo with Whip It. Not Whip It as in your pecs. Yeah, not the sort of small version

of the greyhound. Who you were reared with. Yes. Yeah. Are you on? Is your mic on? I can't hear you. I don't know you i can't hear you over here at all god i'd start it very badly some people think that's a good thing not well those people can um i'll

write it down i'll write it down what they can do okay i'm not gonna i'm not gonna say um oh no i can't say that one no don't don't ever don't ever think about it oh i did some good um let me tell you this i forgot about this. You know, one of my things is pedestrian racing. So in case you don't know this, new readers start here. I walk very fast. I just do, naturally. And sometimes people try to overtake me.

I won't have it. No. I'm in cars, yeah, but I'm in other pedestrians. So... have it no i'm in cars and yeah but i'm in other pedestrians so um i look forward for the that sort of you know people call it applause but it really it's it's flipper against flipper i mean they don't know what they're doing you can't call it applause there's no there's no um motivation they're. They're not pleased or approving in any way. They're just trying to hit their... Basically, they're rudders together.

So, I was walking down the road. This guy, I could feel him on the shoulder. He thought I'd overtake him. So, I did my normal thing. I increased my tempo. So, we had, I'd say, 50 yards, maybe 100, of walking shoulder to shoulder with him, trying to get past me,

keeping neither drawing away nor drawing back, just keeping at his side. So suddenly, like mates, I could sense his edginess. And just to rob in the fact that he couldn't overtake me, I texted in the very heat of the race. That's cold. I mean, imagine if in Ben Hur, Charlton Heston had started texting just as that other, you know, the other chariots right beside the wheels are touching. That's cold. that's his name. Anyway. It wouldn't have been historically accurate, but then there is supposed to be in Ben-Hur, like, a guy with sunglasses on and stuff, isn't there? What? Because there's so many

extras in Ben-Hur. Yeah. There's stories about there's a guy with sunglasses if you look hard enough, and you can see a sports car in one scene. Really? Yeah, apparently so. You sure you haven't got Ben mixed up with the Chilean mines coverage? Oh, apparently so. You sure you haven't got Ben mixed up with the Chilean miners? Oh, they look good in shades.

Oh, God. Shades crazy. It was the shades of Kimbo. Shades of Kimbo, that's what I'm going to call a band if I ever form one. So I, oh dear, what a weekend I had. What happened? Well, we had an email

didn't we? Someone texted in. They're very observant, the listeners. Have you got it, Gad, to hand? Because I can't move. You can't move? My microphone's in a strange place and I can't move. Emily's a little bit paralysed.

But basically this woman had asked what your brown bag was doing in the corner because she saw it on the webcam. She spotted my brown bag. So, Frank, what's in the big brown bag? Saw you in the webcam last week. Yeah. Looking in your big brown bag.

Is that a song? I think so. Big brown eyes. I had an image of a song. Wasn't there a wig song that went... You need a big brown bag. Wasn't it? What's the name? You can text us on 81215. If anyone's listening thinking these people need resc you can text us on 8-12-15. If anyone's listening and thinking these people need rescuing, text us on 8-12.

Amanda Thornton. OK. Yes said on our OK for email. Amanda Thornton? Amanda Thornton. Oh, Thornton, OK. I don't know if it was Brown. Sorry, Amanda.

I would describe it as Tan slash Oka. Well, I'd say Tan. Anyway, look, I went away for the weekend. And what I actually... I went to Karadok at Tregardok. Which is... What is that? It's a cottage. It's a big cottage.

Well, it's a sort of a, it's a yoga centre. Right. Right? Don't look at me like that. I went away for a yoga weekend. The idea was to relax. I mean, just for a couple of days, to relax, to chill out. And did you go with Kat?

To find the inner me. Do you know the inner me? No, I don't believe we've been acquainted. What is that little bloke in the grey suit in Austin Powers? That's him, isn't it? Inner me. Oh, no. Yeah, so I went down there, but things went very wrong.

Oh, I love it when things go wrong. Yeah. Do you really? Oh, good. Well, I'll tell you after this. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner.

Absolute Radio. Boy George is our guest. Oh, yeah, I like him. Well, that's exciting, isn't it? I'm very excited. No, he's a proper big star. Boy George. I've always quite adored him.

You told me I was a bit starstruck yesterday because I was going on and on about him. Well, you kept calling him George, you see. And it's a thing about, if your name is Boy George, I suppose people, you know, you don't... Can't call him Boy. Don't call him... Come here, Boy.

If he comes in, don't call him Boy. That's my advice. I don't want him to walk in and walk straight out again. No, it's anyway, Boy George. We should have, if anyone wants to ask Boy George anything, you can text in a question. On 1815. We'll see what happens. A bit like

Twitter Tombola on Gonzo. Frank, Lara has texted in. Lara. Hey there, loving your show. Just a minute. What is that Lara's theme from Dr. Zhivago? Obviously that's on a barrel organ.

Yeah, very good. Lara says, loving your show, so what is in the brown bag? Well, it was all my... It was my mat, my yoga mat. Oh, I see. Yeah, my... All the gubbins. It was...

You see, I did... I know yoga is regarded as a very... Can I say poncy? Hold on. No. It's regarded as a bit hoity-toity, but I started doing it a few years ago, basically because I was doing a TV show with David Baddiel, and he said he wanted massages and paid for by the production.

Yeah. And I thought, if he's getting something paid for by the production, I am damned, I am damned, if I'm not going to get something, so I went for yoga anyway. I was a bit worried because they do, a lot of the chanting is, you're chanting to, you know,

the gods of the East. Right. You know. And I don't know how, um, for me being a Catholic, I don't know how the Pope's going to be about me chanting to the multi-headed blue elephant god. Oh, Vishnu's one of my favourites.

Is that what it is? Well, what happens, anyway, I do a kind of a Catholic yoga, is what I'm saying. Oh, I don't like the sound of that. Yeah, you get flexible, but there's more guilt. So, anyway, we went to this place in Cornwall me and my girlfriend and we went off to do some chanting on the Saturday night right now

so I don't join in with the full the blue elephant chanting they're going Hare Krishna and I'm under my breath going

say Merry Christmas it mixes in but it's got the Christian theme right so we're there you know and Kath

my girlfriend... What was that? It sounds like river dance. Yeah, well, there was an element of that. I like to bring a little flatly into everything. I do. So, my girlfriend has got a chest infection. So, she had a coughing fit. Well, you don't want a coughing fit in a chanting session.

You're trying to get cosmic. You don't want a coughing fit in an Undertaker's. Because that would be... Well, you want it. You don't want one cosmic. Don't a coffin fit in an Undertaker's? Because that would be... Well, you want it. You don't want one that's a bit tight under the arms. So, anyway, so she dashed out. So we carried on chanting for about half an hour. I got in the room, and what had happened, she'd run across the lawn, barefoot, in the dark,

kicked an upturned cauldron. Don't ask. Cauldron? Yeah, I don't know what other weekends they have there. Exactly. I think they did Macbeth as the Christmas play. Don't mention Macbeth. That's bad luck, isn't it?

Not an absolute. Do we have absolution? We were planning to do Macbeth later in the show so it might be bad luck. Is that right? Are us three going to dress as witches and by George

we're going to tell him he's Thane of Cawdor? Apparently he loves that. Can I just say something? Tut tut Emily the elephant headed goth is Ganesh not Vishnu.

The elephant headed goth did you say? God. I was going to say I'd like to see the elephant headed how much black hair would that need to have to cover all that?

No fielding. Was that a troncourt? So, yeah, so she ran across the thing and she kicked an upset and she was calling out for help. She broke her toe. Of course, we couldn't hear her over the chanting, you see. I started off with sing when you're winning. That was my first one.

And then I did my favourite chant of all time. We will follow the Arlbjorn over land and sea and water. Which I've never worked out, ever. Anyway, so when I went in, she said I broke my toe. And I said, yeah, yeah. Because she's an exaggerator. Was she crying? I would have been crying.

She looked shaken. I think that's fair to say. Because we were so chilled out. She said I broke my toe. Oh, it's going to be fine. Don't worry about it. So I looked at it and I said, well, she's just dubbed it. I looked at it.

It was at a 90 degree. It was just sticking out at the side. I looked at it and I think one can have visions possibly after half an hour of chanting. And I had a vision of me sitting in A&E at four o'clock in the morning. And sure enough, that proved to be true. I like this. It's become a serial.

Frank, you've got to do what I did when I broke my toe, which is I just got Phillips Govefield's driver to take me to A&E. It's much easier. Yeah. Yeah. Does he live in the Bodmin area? I don't know. But I broke my toe. It is very painful. I want to hear more about this.

I imagine he's a hectic driver, because they do say when Marie Antoinette was driven through the crowds, when she'd been arrested during the French Revolution, that her hair went completely white overnight, so she was so horrified. So how dangerously does Philip Schofield drive? That's what you've got to ask yourself. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Ah, white stripes. Well, Frank, talking of white stripes, we've just had

Don't blame me. We've just had a text in from Lisa in Essex. Hi Frank and team, you mentioned about hair turning white with shock. This happened to my uncle the other day after his frying pan caught on fire while he was using it. The other day? Next day, his hair was pure white. Quite incredible.

Was he doing meringues? Somebody was frying it? Really? Yeah, isn't that extraordinary? As in that Crash Test Dummy song with the mmm song, I go, don't run black into bright white. Oh, is it? I've got all the song references.

I don't know why, because this is a... Big Round Eyes is a Bob Marley song as well, by the way. It's all gone a bit... Something. A bit Joe Whiteley? Joe Whiteley, is that right? Joe Whiteley? Joe Wiley.

Oh, Joe Wiley, that's it. Oh, soon they forget. They're showbiz. She turned to Whiteley when she had a shock ring. Yeah, exactly. She was driven through Paris after she had a snowboarding accident. She snowboarded, didn't she, Joe Wiley? Yeah, she mentioned it quite a lot.

You know when people, as they move towards their middle years, do sort of exciting things? They talk about it a lot. In a kind of a, Dr. Fox, I've got a big motorbike, I'm not dead yet kind of a way. I don't do anything exciting apart from the odd yoga weekend. Have you got any other texts

just to keep things flowing? We've got some lovely texts. Frank, is Emily coming to Liverpool soon? She's a bit of a spinner. I'd show her around. 239. Spinner? Spinner.

Oh, thank you, 239. What does that mean, though? Does it mean she makes her own thread? Any Scouse ones listening, can you please text in and tell us what Spinner means? There used to be a band called The Spinner, so I think it came from Liverpool. I really like Liverpool.

Was it the... I love Scousers. The hollownout of man keeps growing. The hollownout of man keeps on raining. Oh, gather round the far side, children. Didn't they do a lesson to Uncle Frank's songs? They did. What I always see as the precursor to Ebony and Ivory.

The ink is black, the page is white. Together we'll learn to read and write. Remember it? It's a good one, yeah. I sang that at school. That was The Spinners. Was it? Yeah.

Oh. So, do they mean you're some sort of folk singer character? I don't know. Nylon roll neck jumper, medallion over the top. Is that what they're saying? Text in 8-12-15 on what is a spinner? That's the most professional thing I've ever done on this show. Keep it clean.

Keep your spinner clean. We've had another text. Emily, buy your dream home financial circumstances always improve eventually you might hold on

let me just financial circumstances always improve eventually is that like Carol Vorderman on daytime TV is that true

sounds like the Lehman Brothers yeah I need to take a moment to let that quite sophisticated financial joke sink in. I'm starting to think that the real Gareth is in a cupboard

sticking tape over his mouth, sticking table, sticking tape over his mouth going, and we've got some sort of, someone who's awake has turned up. Some shock jock. Is it because you had a happy meal at McDonald's on the way in? That made me feel so sick when I heard that. It made you feel sick and he ate it. Imagine how he felt.

I'm sorry to break this to you. It wasn't a Happy Meal. It was a bacon XL, bacon double cheeseburger. Yeah, funnily enough, I don't know the subtleties between the two meals. It's fine. Can you get a melancholy meal to go with the happy meal? You know, mood meals. You can bet a burger that changed colour.

That's a good idea. It will calm, it will calm, it will surely calm. So what financial circumstances? Financial circumstances always improve eventually. You might meet your dinky within months. Your fan 990. Oh, I'd love to meet my dinky. I haven't met my dinky for a few months.

Do you know what a dinky is, Frank? Text him, what's a dinky on 8-12-15? I know what a dinky is. Don't text him. No, it's clean. It's double income, no kids. Suits me down to the ground. Double income.

So it means, yeah. Rich man. I don't, that's a dink, isn't it? Oh, come on, don't split hairs between dinkies. It's dinky, double income, no kids, so it means you're a kind of urban metropolitan couple, is how I like to see it. It's sort of double income, no kids, I expect, would be dinky.

Oh, OK. Double income, no kids, yes. Yes. I didn't like the... I wasn't sure about the accent. You know, we'll let it pass. This is Frank Skinner. Absolute. I wasn't sure about the accent. You know, we'll let it pass. This is Frank Skinner. Absolute.

Radio. That's The Phantom Band, Into The Corn. Can I recommend their new album, which is fantastic. I've done that now. It's gone very Joe Wiley, indeed. Do I snowboard? Do I buffalo? So, yeah, so I ended up... before you do this can i just say you know we were saying double income no kids yeah and we said what does the

y mean dinky we've had loads of people saying it means yet they haven't left their names double income no kids yet 137 137 536 and um and um 060 no don't36 and 060. No, don't read that 060 out because they call us dumbos. Can you not do that thing of... When Boy George is here, can you not do the thing of calling people by their numbers? Yeah, just get over that. I'm going to have a bit of respect.

So there I am. My girlfriend's got a broken toe. I'm at the yoga retreat. New readers start here. And so we had to go. I had to... First of all, I didn't have a car with me, because I went by train.

So I had to get a cab. It's two o'clock in the morning. We have to go to Truro A&E. Wow. That's in Cornwall, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, can you imagine what... I spent the night in Truro,

where people look like Subo. And, um, not all of them. I'd say 80%. Get some texts in now. Just come in. Oh, no. Will they be fans of Truro or fans of Subo? I'll never know.

So I got there, and when we got there, there was, um, you know, I don't, I don't, I'm not going to use the term, but you know, there's a famous sort of double act that's in Viz Comics, two women that wear short little black dresses. I know exactly those women. Well, they seem to be outside having a cigarette. Oh, okay. I think they had a friend being operated on. Oh, dear.

You won't ask what had happened. No. I mean, it was, I mean, you can imagine, true. I mean, the people at work, they were absolutely lovely. But there were some people in there who I think had been drinking. They're all God's children. Yeah, they are. But some of them was the prodigal son.

There was a man covered in blood. I mean, imagine my horror. Covered in blood, sat into this nurse. No, all I need, you see, is a bit of fresh air. And I thought, that won't do it, you see, is a bit of fresh air. And I thought, well, that won't do it, will it? You'll require stitches, surely. So that's where we went. You know what people always say about the nurses, they were really nice. They were really nice. And so she had the towel.

They're always quite relieved when you're not drunk as well, aren't they? I think they couldn't believe. I noticed the first person said, so when did it happen? And I thought, do I look that old? And of course, you couldn't imagine that I wasn't absolutely smashed or stoned or whatever. So anyway, they did a foot up beautifully, but they didn't have any crotches. Can you imagine that? True row A&E. So she had to hop.

They're using them all for the drunks, aren't they? Well, she had to hop for a day and a half. Did she? She had to switch to a sports bra. It's true. She said this hopping is absolutely, well, I won't say what she said. Once again, just do what I did. Just use Philip Schofield's driver.

That's how you get about. Well, he just holds on. Oh, yeah. Well, instead of a sports driver, I was going to say he's a little forward, Philips Go Field's driver. If he's listening, get out. So anyway, so that was, we ended up,

we got to Paddington Station, and for the first time in my life, you know those sort of electric trucks that drive people on, that you see with old people? Oh, those sort of Joan Collins ones at the airport, yeah. The ones that make a noise, go, ooh, ooh, if you get in the way. One of them came to pick her up, because they saw her on crutches,

and I actually drove through the crowd sitting on one. I think they couldn't see her bad leg. They thought I'd just got a celebrity lift to the end of the thing. I waved to a couple of to the end of the thing. I waved to a couple of people, which didn't help. And I thought, this truly is what fame is all about. I thought you were the new Pope. Exactly.

Yeah, the Pope stunt double has been sent for a second run. Lap of honour. And then the man driving it said, so how come you're not on telly anymore? So that was ruined. Had to go back to A&E. Yeah, I had to send my ego into A&E. It was completely fractured.

Frank on radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Gareth, you're looking like you're trying to attract my attention. I wasn't trying to attract your attention. Do you know what winds me up sometimes? I don't know, but I wish it had turned up this morning. Carry on.

What do you mean? I've been very perky. Oh, OK. I've been very parky. I haven't been very parky. Because if I had been parky, I would have been slagging everybody off. Can you say slagging everybody off? Let me just check that in the absolute. Yeah, that's fine. Or Michael Parkinson, you mean. Yes, he's been having a go at Russell Brand.

Oh, yes, he is like him. He says, what's the point of Russell Brand? That's not Parkinson. He says, I don't see the point of him, frankly. I don't see the point of him. A lovely thing to say about another human being. Would you pick up a book called a bookie-wook? Come on, bookie-wook.

What kind of stuff is that? What kind of stuff is that? I think that's... What's happened? He's picked up the book. There's something on it. It's soiled in some way. And he said, what kind of stuff is that?

They must have got a personal copy from Russell Brand they must have what do you mean by that this was when he was being interviewed by Richard Bacon wasn't he it does seem to be

his thing he's criticising because he did a big thing about how all chat show hosts are rubbish which he does annually he comes around it's a bit like

Whitson Michael Parkinson slagging off the he's missed he's missed the boat a bit with Russell Brand though that's a bit five minutes ago having a go at Russell... He's missed the boat a bit with Russell Brand, though. That's a bit five minutes ago, having a go at Russell Brand. I also liked when I heard that.

He says he thinks that Saxscape was wrong. Does he say that? Yeah. Fancy. Well, that's a whole new perspective on it. He thinks they shouldn't have made that phone call. Well, I once met Roy Slow Talker Walker, who you may remember was the host of Catchphrase.

Oh, yes, I used to like it. It's good, but it's not right. Yeah, good, but not right. That's what Saxgate, they said about Saxgate. Can you stop talking about Saxgate? Yeah. Leave it alone. Saxophone, I call it.

So anyway... I like them. Shut up! About Saxgate. So, Roy Walker said to me that he was once with Eric Morecambe Yeah In the car park of the BBC I love any story that starts like this

And this was in the time When Michael Parkinson Was a bit of a cool dude Back in the 70s Really? Yeah he was He was seen as a bit of a sex symbol Michael Parkinson

He was And So he's 70s Very 70s time The door They're waiting for the lift to go up into the studios

the door opens, there's Michael Parkinson he says in a full length black leather coat and a black leather cap a matching black leather cap like the Matrix and Eric Morecambe says

alright Parky have you come as a wallet cat. Like the Matrix. Yeah, he's standing there and Eric Morecambe says, all right, Parky, have you come as a wallet? And I think he's been bitter ever since. Oh, yeah. Of course, now, as we know, he advertises death on daytime television. And apparently you get a pen just for inquiring about death, which is a good thing. So you're anti-Parky then? Well, he says um you don't have to be particularly talented to have a career in hollywood he's still talking about russell brand um he said i've been i would say he's been a very lucky man i mean rin tin tin had a very big career in hollywood and he was a dog so not a very lucky man no also rin tin tin was working

around 1918 so that's quite an ancient reference. Well, I went, I remember I went, we used to have a kids' cinema club thing at the local Regent Cinema in Langley Green, and we went and they had Yellow Submarine on. Well, Yellow Submarine is a cartoon, but no-one had really checked that it's not really a kids' film. And I remember somebody about ten minutes into this,

this is the Beatles we're talking about, somebody shouted, Get Rintintin back on! So I'll always remember that, better than the Beatles in Langley Green. Boy George is our guest after the news. I'm excited. It is exciting, there's no getting round it.

And on 40th, the next song we're playing is called Back on the Chain Gang, which I feel people will think we've themed now. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio, the softest, mintiest show in town. Sponsored by Tree Boss Soft Mints. Absolute Radio. I love Boy George so much that I actually feel a bit nervous about him coming on.

Yeah, I do. I think we're all a bit nervous. It's Boy George. I remember watching him on top of the pops, a bit of about him coming on. Yeah, I do. I don't think we're all a bit nervous. It's by George. I remember watching him on top of the pops and people in the pop sign. Did you see that bloke? Apparently he's from Birmingham. I read my fact sheet on by George. He's not from... I always assumed he was a Brummie. He's not a Brummie. I think we tried to

claim him, you know what I mean? Yeah, but anyway. So we've had a text in, Frank. Hi, Frank. When you're a pedestrian racing, do you ever adopt the gait of marathon walkers to show you mean business? I do. Oh, that one when... Obviously, I can't do it on radio.

The only thing I do is your feet. A part of your feet is at all times on the ground. Have you ever tried it? Otherwise, it's jogging. Yes, I have tried that. The wiggly walk. Well, yeah, it's sort of wiggly. Yeah, it looks like a man has got a toffee and he's trying to chew it.

Yeah, anyway, I wasn't going to use the word up. I thought, oh, you pushed it too far, which is obviously bad news. No, I tried it. Really, it's so difficult. You get all pains in your leg muscles. But I don't do that anyway. You can't do that. It's like if you see a man running in the street

or a woman and they've got their running gear on. I see it all the time. Because I live near the river. A man running. Honey, I see that a lot as well. I'm in my direction. And you see people running and you think nothing of it.

They've got their gear on. But then I find in central London you see someone running you think nothing of it you know they've got their gear on but then I find in central London you see someone running who hasn't got sports gear on you become completely terrified you think there's a

you know someone's going to get shot so think on so what about the minors I want to talk about the minors I want to talk about the minors

I've already picked out two to have hot crushes on number 4 and number 16 that's another story they're just numbered now the minors well no but I've already picked out two to have hot crushes on. Number four and number 16. That's another story. Are they just numbered now, the miners? Well, no, but I've learnt their names. They've got difficult names. Daniel Herrera, number 16, 37 and single. He was what I called paramedic

miner, because he attended to their needs down there, apparently. Oh, did he? And there's baby miner, who's Jimmy Sanchez. He was the little one, the teen one. He's the one who... He's called Jimmy Sanchez. He was the little one, the teen one. He's the one who... He's called Jimmy Sanchez. He's gone into a sulk, hasn't he, since? Has he, why?

I think they said he sat in, he didn't talk to anyone. They were worried about him, he was... Oh, I can't bear people like that down there. Just get on with it. Well, that's what I think. Put yourself together, Jim. I mean, I'm saying a sulk. It could be some terrible post-traumatic thingy,

so I don't want to lay it. You know who I like is number... I think he's number four. Oh, yeah, number four. I know who you mean. Victor Zamora, who I call Comedy Miner. He was the Joker, apparently. And he's got quite a good comedy name, Victor Zamora.

Is he the one who brought rocks up as presents? I think he might have, yeah. I think you'll find he was number two. Oh, sorry. I think they missed a trick when they were coming up out of that pod. What they should have done is have the old theatrical trap door and a puff of smoke as everyone appears. Because they came and then you saw all that there to be unstrapped.

They should have had a platform built so all that was hidden on the ground, all the unstrapping, and then they just go up. Ta-da! But the shades, to be able to legitimately wear shades They all look cool And they had a reason So it's not like they were doing it, as you say, for

kind of like rockstar, trying to look cool versions They just did inherently look cool Did they send the shades down to them? They did, they sent the shades down A shipment was sent what do you think of number 21 cheating minor oh cheating my well there's more than one cheating minor isn't that he's the one who said he's going to continue to have his wife and his mistress

i like that in him well i i you'd have thought that time underground would have given him time to think things through and make a positive decision. What I liked is that West Brom defender, Gonzalo Jara, who's a very good player, can I say, who's Chilean, he sent them a signed shirt while they were underground. Did he? It's just what you need. If that didn't lift their spirits, what would? That was Cruisers Creek by The Four and Boy George is in the studio.

Good morning. Good morning. It's fabulous to see you. I have to say, we were all admitted that we were all a little bit nervous before you came in. Really? Yeah. I have that reputation, but I'm lovely.

No, we weren't so much that. It was, you know, you see someone on top of the pops and then you're all talking about in the pub at the time when you're working in a factory and then suddenly you're sitting next to them. Well, speak for yourself. Oh, sorry. Emily never works in a factory and then suddenly you're sitting next to him. Well, speak for yourself. I'm sorry, obviously Emily never works in a factory. Emily's quite glamorous.

Emily's already fretting about the word quite in that sense. Sorry, you know what I mean. Very glamorous. So, George, I want to start by saying that you are very, very busy at the moment because usually people plug one thing on

this show, but you've got you're doing loads yeah well i'm kind of making up for lost time because i lost time where i couldn't travel for about um eight months so um yeah i'm sort of like in a bit of a frenzy but it's great it's great to be working and uh it's nice to be busy i like doing things yeah that's i love doing stuff so i'm happy when i'm busy can i ask when you was when you was in uh prison did you um is it a time because everybody thinks wouldn't it be great to just get off the merry-go-round for a bit and sit and think about your life and blah blah do you get to do all that stuff or is it just people rattling metal tins against bars you do get a lot of time

on your own and you know at a certain point you you do actually think oh this is actually quite good because you get time to think the only thing is it's kind of an enforced situation so it's not like going to india you know because the last time i kind of had that experience was when i went to india in the 90s when i sort of really felt like i had some time to me but that was a different kind of experience. But it wasn't that dissimilar. I mean, I got to read a lot. Yeah.

I read a lot. I read all the books that I thought I'd read. Everything from kind of, you know, Wuthering Heights to Catcher in the Rye, you know, Catch-22. I read everything. So I thought, well, have I read this? Or am I just pretending that I've read this?

I read all that. And that was a really good thing. See, already I'm just pretending that I've read it. So I read all that and that was a really good thing. Already I'm getting sentence envy. To be honest, when I knew I was being released, I did have a moment of like, do I really want to get out?

And I thought, you know people talk about people being institutionalized. I did actually think well, I can understand why. Because you know what you're doing. I had a really good job. I worked in the kitchen. I really liked the people I worked a really good job I worked in the kitchen I really liked the people I worked with and when I left they were actually

really sad that I was going was it like when you leave a job did they have a leave in part well the last week you don't have to work and I went in every day

and people were like why are you going in and I was like well what am I going to do sit in my cell all day of course I'm going to go in and they actually said to me oh you're one of the best

workers you've ever had here oh marvellous yeah I'm going to go in and they actually said to me oh you're one of the best workers you've ever had here marvellous and we go after yeah I think that freedom from responsibility

I would quite like that aspect because it becomes really normal you see that's the thing after a while when you first get there

it's like oh god you know you just would do anything to not be there and then once you kind of settle in and people have got over

sort of shouting out a karma chameleon and whatever else they want to shout out, once they got bored of that, then you just become another person that's there. And that's when it kind of gets a bit easier. I must say, I felt sorry for

George Michael coming out the same week as the minors. He was overlooked, wasn't he? I'm sure he was probably quite pleased, though. So, I just want to start off with, the first thing is that you're working with Mark Ronson. Yes, I've just been doing some gigs with him. He's gone off to America, and unfortunately I can't go to America at the moment. So he's off doing that, but the single comes out on December the 6th. You're not allowed in because of...

I'm not allowed into America, quite a few places, but there's lots of other places I can go. Yes. OK. They need to learn to forgive and forget, don't they? Well, we're quite forgiving this way, though. You know, we let anyone in. I know, they're very uptight over there. I think we should try and change the rules a bit, really.

Well, I'm all for free movement. Yeah, you know. You've done your time, George. Exactly. Exactly. We only have this tech service. This is Frank Skinner. Absolute. Radio.

Boy George is with us. And George, you were just... I nearly called you boy then. That would have been a very difficult moment. Is there a problem being called Boy George? In America, everyone calls me boy. Do they? Or Mr. George.

And I just smile. Oh, I like Mr. George. I thought you could extend it me Boyd. Did they? Or Mr. George, yeah, and I just smile. Oh, I like Mr. George. I thought you could extend it to Boyd George, and then it sounds a bit like Lloyd George. It gives you some gravitas. Anyway, the Mark Ronson thing, he didn't really say what you and him were doing together. Well, I've done a track on his album with Mike Snow,

which was sort of like a duet, basically. Can I own up? I don't know who Mike Snow is. He did that song Animal, a great song called Animal, which you'll love. Okay. Yeah, really good. Very good writer. He wrote it, Mike Snow wrote it, with, I think, Mark,

and quite a whole cast of people. One of the Libertines and one of the drums. It's a whole drama, but it's very good. It's all gone a bit Feed the World again, hasn't it, really? Not quite. But I've done a few Feed the World again, hasn't it, really? Not quite. But I've done a few gigs with him over the past few weeks, and, yeah, it's been really good fun, actually. Nice guy.

So apart from the Mark Ronson, you've also got a sort of classical tour. Yeah, I'm going off tomorrow to Arnheim to rehearse with this 70-piece orchestra, which is part of this kind of night for the proms thing that they do in Europe, which is huge. And it's kind of classic. It's a bit like what we do here.

It's classical artists, and they chuck a few sort of contemporary peeps in for good measure. And I'm doing that with Sir Cliff. Oh, really? Ray Jones and Kierkegaard and the Coconuts are doing it. What a fabulous combo. Yes, it's going to be quite interesting.

Do you know Sir Cliff, then? Have you met him? No, I only met him once in an airport, and I was wearing this Jesus Christ is the Real Thing T-shirt, and I think he got a bit like, it's like, no, no, no, being ironic. Yeah. But I've never met him properly.

I'm looking forward to meeting him now, actually. Yeah, I interview, he's nice, actually. Yeah, he always comes across quite nice, yeah. And I don't know if you saw those pictures of him in his Speedos in the post. Amazing, I know. He looked unbelievable. Very well preserved. Oh, I must dig those out.

No, we look everywhere on the list. He looks great. But as I said at the time, he doesn't need love handles. So what's the point? And you've also got a single out. On Monday, yeah. Pentaville Blues. So tell us about that, George.

Well, I wrote it when I was on holiday. Yes. At the health farm. I was actually only in Pentaville for a few days, but it does leave an impression because it's kind of like a classical... It's like all the prisons you see in movies. So when you first go in there, you know,

it's like being in a movie. You're just literally, oh, my God, I'm in scum or whatever. I mean, do they actually, this sounds like a naive question, do they still have bars on the doors or is that all? Oh, yeah. Because when you see it sometimes in films, it's just like a peephole and a solid metal. Yeah, no, no.

Well, it is, yeah, there is a hole in the door, but there's bars on the windows and a toilet in the corner with a sort of horrible plastic. The thing is, I hate saying all this stuff because it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, which I'm not.

I'm just describing. Well, no, you were celebrating. What a great time you had in the late 80s. I'm calling this the other. It's dark and light. Well, Pentonville is, I think what they do is they put you in those holding prisons

to shock you. Yeah. I think that's the idea that you go there. I mean, Pentonville is quite stinky. Yeah. It's not the nicest place And then the next place I like to just review a Pentaville What I like is

You know, I never thought for a second, George It was the nicest place you've ever been to No, but you know, you expect a bit of sanitation Well, yeah This isn't the sort of, you know They haven't sorted it through Obviously not. But no, it's not a holiday camp, as you say.

But I think those sort of places, the holding prisons are a bit run down. And I think maybe, I don't know, my theory is that they put you there to kind of horrify you and then they send you somewhere a bit nicer. So this song is about being in Pentonville? Yes, it's called the Pentonville Blues. And it's more about kind of the emotional aspect because, you know,

people talk about tough guys in prison but actually they all cry when their mums come. Yeah. The truth is that actually no one's really that tough when you strip away the kind of, you know, the veneer. No. I agree with that. It's in that tradition of sort of Oscar Wilde writing

the Ballad of Reading Jail. Well, I could not do it, do you know what I mean? It was, yeah, I just... Well, it's a big event in your life. Exactly. Anyway, let's hear Pentonville Blues. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Welcome to Frank...

Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. That was Pentaville Blues by Boy George. I love that. You made us sit in absolute silence. We did. We listened to every word. So you might be going back to Pentaville. This is not, I mean, deliberately.

Yeah, no, we might be going back to perform. I did that record with a group called Glide and Swerve, and we might be going back to kind of do a little performance there, which I'm hoping will happen. It'll be great. It'll be like Johnny Cash in St. Quentin. Yeah, it'll be great to do it. Because I went back recently to visit a friend,

and sort of thought, oh, do I really want to go back there? And when I got there, actually, it was quite nice. You know, people were quite friendly to me and stuff. So I was like, all right, George. An old boy. Yeah, it was really nice, because I really was terrified. Oh, do I want to why George? An old boy. Yeah, it was really nice. I really was terrified. Do I want to go back?

But yeah, it was nice. I think it's like Las Vegas. It's nice to visit. But you don't want to stay there. I say that about quite a lot of places. Now, you're also touring with a thing called Here and Now. Yes. Which is a kind of a celebration of the 80s, I think it's fair to say.

It is, yeah. It's a kind of big old 80s party. I've done a few of them, actually, this year, and they're great. They're really good fun. Something I probably wouldn't have done ten years ago. No, well, I was going to say... I would have run screaming.

Well, I'll tell you what's interesting. I think people often do them because they don't have any other work. So it's great that you're doing a thing with Mark Ronson and a classical orchestra to it and you're still doing one anyway. Yeah, I think there's been a bit of kind of reclaiming of the 80s for me in the last

kind of five years because I did have a big problem with it for a while. I'm actually doing a Culture Club reunion as well in 2012. Are you? In for a penny, in for a pound. That's very exciting. Have you kept in touch with all those guys? Yeah, we have.

And, you know, they did that kind of very ill-fated attempt to reform without me. I don't know if you saw that. Oh, yeah. Which obviously didn't go down too well. We didn't speak for very long. Can I say, John said that with a very warm smile. But no, we don't talk about that. No one mentions it.

What a fabulous elephant in the room. Exactly. But we've got our 30 year anniversary is in 2012. talk about that no one mentions it what a fabulous elephant in the room exactly but we've got our 30 year 30 year anniversary is in 2012 so if we don't do it then we'll have to do it

when we're 60 which probably wouldn't be quite as pretty so I've kind of instigated this because I think it would be a really good send off in a way

for us what did you think of the drama that they did recently on the telly which we told I thought it looked brilliant and I thought the acting was fantastic Douglas was really beautiful

you were beautiful if you don't mind me saying absolutely it was lovely and my dad was a cockney so my family got quite a laugh at the fact that they had my dad saying your mammy's all upset with you and of course my mum you know had her all downtrodden

with the curlers in. She wasn't impressed by that at all. Look what they've done to me. Was she hoping for Amanda Holden? Well, my mum was quite sort of,

you know, quite glamorous and quite vibrant and she wasn't impressed by that at all. I suppose they wanted you as this glamorous flower that had grown

amongst the rocks and that kind of thing. Yeah, which is not really true but also there was no like, I've got four brothers and one sister, there was no sign of them at all in the rocks. Yeah, which is not really true. And also, there was no, like, I've got four brothers and one sister. There was no sign of them at all in the piece. Right. I think they kind of scrimped in certain areas

and then sort of overdid it in other areas. I like the squats looked quite like nice stately homes as well. They were, they were. They were not far from here in Great Burton, Carl Burton Street and Warren Street. The thing is, I think the mistake they made is they kept jumping decades. They should have been stuck with the 70s instead of doing the drugs thing. I think that was a mistake.

They could have spent more money on the rest of it. Drugs thing? It's not on my notes. Exactly. Can I say there is a sentence on my notes that says, George's life has not been without controversy. I wish people would just say that and then move on. So,

who else is on the Here and Now tour? I've got a list here. Jimmy Somerville, Jason Donovan, Belinda Carlyle, Midyar, Flock of Seagulls, and Pepsi and Shirley. Oh, I used to love Pepsi and Shirley. I'm going to go to that, Frank. One of them married Martin Kemp, didn't they?

Yes, Shirley. I think it was Shirley. It's always a surprise, you know, when you do see a lot of these acts, because you just wonder what they'll be like. And actually, Jimmy, the last one I did with Jimmy Somerville, he was amazing. Absolutely fantastic. And is he still hitting those notes? Oh!

Yeah, absolutely. Sounds like a record. He hasn't done it, I think he hasn't played for about 13, 14 years. Really? Yeah, he's really good. Can I say, George is wearing, by the way, in case you're wondering, a red fake fur jumpsuit and a canoe, which he's forced two armholes in,

so he's wearing it as a kind of a shrug this morning. No, you're actually incredibly... If you dress down, do you not get recognised? Well, the tattoos... There is a lot of tattoos. Yeah, the tattoos that kind of brand me. But maybe with a beanie hat or something, maybe. Yeah, I think if I put my hood up,

which I sometimes do on the tube, people don't recognise me. But the minute they see the tattoos, or my eyes, I usually wear sunglasses. Or you speak, I'm guessing. Yeah, my voice really gives me away. I've actually had operators on the phone say, here you go,

George. I thought you were going to say you've had an operation to change your voice. That'd be a risky business, wasn't it? Well, look, this is a bit late, but it's great to have you back, if that's an odd thing to say. So, best of luck with the single. Pentonville Blues is out on Monday.

Monday, yeah. We've already had someone texting saying, Frank, that song was brilliant. There you go. I don't know how you did that, George, without us noticing. So, thank you very much, and that was Boy George. This is Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio. I love Boy George. Wasn't he great? He was lovely. He's paid his debts. Forget about it now. Okay, so what else?

There's a text in that I liked. Liza from Rygate, who says, My friend thinks perhaps everyone on the surface, this is about the miners, my friend thinks everyone on the surface should have been dressed in Planet of the Apes I like on the surface....should have been dressed... How's it going on the surface? ...should have been dressed in Planet of the Apes outfits.

I love it. I don't know why that's good, but I do like it. No, it is, because then they'd think the Earth had been taken over. I think... And they'd all come up and go, Oh, you damn dirty apes! I think for the last three or four, maybe, they should have hidden when they came out, so they thought, oh, everyone's gone,

then they got bored with all. And also, the President, he's got a nice smile, hasn't he? He's done the bleaching. Oh, yeah. Take a look at the shades on. He had the really, the Simon Cowell smile. I don't want that

from a politician. I like the high-maintenance wife as well, enjoying the publicity and her moment in the world spotlight. There was a bit where she applauded and she slightly blocked the president in the camera and he physically pushed her out the way. That was a little hint in what their marriage is like in the very midst of the miners' celebrations. So, did you see the thing about some dogs are optimistic and some

dogs are pessimistic? Let's call the whole thing... Rough. Yeah, I found it very... they did experiments. They used to put the dog's food in a certain spot every day, and that certain spot... I don't mean... I'm not referring to an actual dog.

And then they moved it to another spot, and so and then they showed them where that dog. And then they moved it to another spot. And then they showed them where that was. So when they did the whole process, one dog would come in, it would see that its food wasn't there. It would run off excitingly to spot B to get it, just knowing, just knowing it would be there. Some dogs come in, they see there's no bowl and think,

that's it. I'm never going to get fed again. So interesting. So dogs are either optimists or pessimists. It's a bit like me and Gareth. In that respect. Which are you? Well, I think I'm quite an optimist.

Don't you? Oh, you've all gone all quiet. I think I am. I'm a little bit. Can you have a look at my, this contact lens is a bit, no, Oh, God.

I'm an optimist. Oh, God! Oh, an Opti... Oh, sorry. My microphone is... I wondered why that dog was inspecting your eyes. No, some dogs are optimists. Oh, I thought they were optometrists. I'm going to save some money by getting that Labrador. I would quite like to listen.

So, Frank, in the... There are sort of show dogs, really, I call them, because you talk about them so often at Shep and the other one that you had. Yes, so that were they. Was Shep an optimist? I think Shep was definitely an optimist. I remember sitting in the house once

and I heard this terrible clonking noise, which I found a little, a bit worrying. It sounded like ghostly footsteps. And the door, which was already open, creaks up a little further, and Shep, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, black, grey-mozzled And the door, which was already open, creaks up a little further, and Shep, Staffordshire Bull Terrier, black, grey-mozzled at the end, deaf, actually.

It was great when he was deaf. He could sit on the step, he could get right behind him and go, ooh, grab him, and he never heard you. Anyway, what's the point of having a pet if you can't taunt them? So I heard the... And I thought, oh, my God, who's this?

And you know, on a slip-on shoe, there's like a leather gosset behind the front panel. Oh, yeah. Shepard got his back leg in between the leather gosset and was walking with a size 9 brown slip-on on the back leg. I think it was a hint that he wanted to go for a walk. I think he was putting that... And optimistically, he was right.

It did work. Oh. My girlfriend has got something of the... She's the most pessimistic person. Well, I was going to say, your girlfriend's got something of that sound effect at the moment when she walks down the corridor. Yeah, she has with her poor broken toe.

Can I say, get well soon, Kath, if you're listening. But she... Look, we had a row yesterday. Oh. And we can have a row about whether I put sugar in the tea or not. And she'll say, look, let's, you know... Obviously, it's not working.

Let's just face it. We might as well sit up. We've been together ten years. So that doesn't help. Can I say, last week, as we... I said, do you like the music I play? She said, I wasn't sure about that Katie Turnstile.

It's like Kath Malaprop, isn't it? Oh, I love her. So, look, that's the end of the show, and thank you very much for listening. Next week, our guest is the magnificent Tim Key, who I had dinner with the other night. That's the sort of deep research I've started doing on our guest. You can listen to Not The Weekend podcast on Wednesday.

No, not just the whole host of people. I won't name drop you to death. Speaking of name dropping, Ben Jones is next. And I mean I'm dropping it, I don't mean he drops names. Anything I say about Ben, I think he's taken it the wrong

way. He looks at me. You can feel I'm filling up in the throat. Like a pessimistic puppy. Yes, now you see, I'm going to leave you on that. Have you ever seen a pessimistic puppy in a baseball cap? Maybe in some sort of cartoon, but not in the real world. I say I'm at that stage where I don't want to go. You know, that's some weeks I get that.

I don't want it to end. I just don't want it to end, but it's going to have to end. Good day to you. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Treeball Soft Mints, bringing a softer, mintier feel to your Saturday morning. Absolute Radio.