The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner - Guest: Stephen K Amos

Episode Date: November 6, 2010

Frank, Emily and Gareth talk about halloween parties and flash frames, plus Stephen K Amos pops in for a chat.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Sponsored by Treeball Softments. Absolute Radio. Oh, that was good shoes with City by the Sea.

Sort of a lilting, gentle, hmm, hmm, hmm, kind of a start to the show. You can text us on 81215, by the way, if there's anything you feel you want to say. Because sometimes, you know, maybe you're on your own or you're with children, you don't know if you can have an adult conversation. But it's something you want to get off your chest, so, you know. Maybe my neighbours would like to apologise for the noise they made last night keeping me up. That's all I'm saying.

Well, they'd be listening, though. They'd be sleeping off a big one. Let's hope this wakes them up. Well, yeah, I always think about if neighbours keep you up. The next morning, I'm really, really loud as I possibly can be to get my own back. Do you think I was loud this morning? I imagine so.

Oh, yeah, a lot of doors were slammed. Yeah, I am. I remember I used to live next door to a guy and he couldn't... you think i was loud this morning i imagine so yeah a lot of doors were slammed yeah i am i remember i used to live next door to a guy and he couldn't he had to have the telly on when he slept was it gaza no it wasn't gaza but um it was in the ballpark it was from the same strain as gaza but he had a big dog he's in a small flat with a big dog it's a terrible combination and one time at three in the morning he had he was he had mtv on really loud and i thought i'm gonna go it's always a scary moment because you know you don't know what's gonna happen and i knocked on the door and i i heard sort of like it's horrible

noise and then i heard this dog's paws hit the door really hard and i could see in the glass the dog's paws were like right up to my shoulder height and i thought oh no turned out the bloke wasn't even in the dog had just had a few friends around there was like a very attractive blonde girl then there was a guy with a little goatee beard hippie type and then there was a little squat woman in glasses i should have seen the psychedelic transit outside i never never tumbled to it steven k amos is our guest today who some of you our regular listeners might remember didn't turn up last time but we have our fingers crossed fingers crossed yeah um so me and emily went uh party party party yeah we had a halloween party

it was um well i should say our celebrity friend jonathan ross yeah um i've heard of him yeah you weren't invited oh Oh, sorry. Well, he's more your celebrity. I'm a hanger-on, let's face it. Yeah, you are. But, no, you're not. No, we had a nice time though, Frank, didn't we? I think every week, every day, really, you want to make a discovery

about yourself of some kind. And I discovered that if I just brush my hair, instead of having my hair sort of flip back as it is, if I don't gel it and I just brush it to the right, I look exactly like 83-year-old Hugh Hefner. That was, in fairness,

your costume. Yeah, but no make-up required to look like an 83-year-old man. Just a flick of the hair, I find that slightly freaky. I had a blonde wig. You were very nice about it, but I thought I looked a bit like the late Lynne Perry. I was worried it wasn't quite, it didn't really suit me. Yeah, I think that slightly frightening. I had a blonde wig. You were very nice about it, but I thought I looked a bit like the late Lynne Perry. I was worried it wasn't quite, it didn't really suit me. Yeah, I think that's your spirit emanating from me.

There is a Lynne Perry element. No one knew who I was. I saw two pictures of me in the paper. One said Red Devil, Frank Skinner, because they had horns with the Hugh Hefner outfit. And the other one said Frank Skinner turned up in pyjamas and a dressing gown. Well, no. So what a waste of time that turned out

to be. But it was a fabulous... I tell you what I did like, the pipe. Oh yeah, you liked that pipe. Because you smoked a pipe. So I had an empty pipe. And it's a joyous thing, a pipe. I'm thinking I might... You wouldn't mind if I smoked one during the show, would you?

Maybe a shisha. I might get a big shisha in. What do you think? I wouldn't like that at all. Oh, OK. It really suited me. It was a good costume or so, wasn't there? I love some of the costumes. Except David Baddiel, he had... Well, he just basically had some mask on. But he said, I can't talk with it on. I'm finding it very difficult to talk. And I said, well, take it off. And he said, no, then I'm it on it it's my I'm finding it very difficult to talk and I said we'll take it off and he said no then I'm just a bloke I've got no costume to be fair to

me was the Phantom of the Opera I know but only when he had the mask on when he took it off he was just a bloke no but that's true of the Phantom of the Opera generally you know if I don't know if you've ever seen the Phantom song mask at least he he's disfigured. Well, exactly, he's disfigured, yeah. But what I liked is that Dave wore the Phantom mask, but he wore his spectacles over the top. If you can imagine the Phantom of the Opera reading in bed, he looked like that. He might do.

I imagine he reads the opera. Hey, what about Jimmy Carr? He had a good costume. He was a stormtrooper, but there was nearly an SDN, a same-dress nightmare, because I heard there was a stormtrooper but there was nearly an sdn the same dress nightmare because i heard there was another stormtrooper coming i thought we can't have two stormtroopers the shame of it i have to go home was there another did they get sent away no but there were two medieval executioners john bishop and jason manford that's true yeah there was

there was some doubling up there was no other um no one even noticed there was a you, Hefner. I had an interesting incident when... Next time I speak to Nicky Clark... Can I just say, we are name-dropping so much, it's actually making me feel sick. Yeah, but I think Nicky Clark is that kind of wicky face where you can say Nicky Clark and people think, oh, Frank, he has to suffer a bit. He's a lovely chap. I don't know if you know Nicky Clark, people think, oh Frank he has to suffer a bit. But he's a lovely chap.

I don't know if you know Nicky Clark, celebrity hairdresser. A bit like, many of you will remember Mr Teasy Weezy Raymond from the late 50s. Close personal friend of mine. Tiny pencil moustache. Anyway, Nicky wore one of those Gautier kilts. Oh yes, I noticed that when he

squatted down. But he said to me, he started talking to me about music and he said, who's your favourite band? And I said, The Four. And he said, I've when he squatted down. But he said to me, he started talking to me about music, and he said, who's your favourite band? And I said, The Four. And he said, I've never heard of The Four. And he settled himself on the ground, cross-legged, in front of me, like I was, like a school child being read Sting of the Dump by a supply teacher.

And of course, that's the way he sat, cross-legged, with the kilt. I am mean. Was he wearing it in the traditional way? No, he wasn't wearing it in the traditional way, I'm glad, but it was still a... He was wearing a kilt. I am mean. Was he wearing it in the traditional way? No, he wasn't wearing it in the traditional way, I'm glad, but it was still... He was wearing a kilt. Yeah, he was wearing... Was that his idea of scary, being Scottish?

But it was a black kilt. All right. So it had a gothic element. Yeah. You want a gothic element, I think, in that kind of thing. But, yeah, so I sat Nicky Clark down and explained the fall to him whilst trying not to look at his underpants. That was my night.

That is scary. You know, I imagine there's people at home thinking, well, you live it, you people. So... I stayed in. I stayed in. Watch X Factor. There you go. That's Garrett's contribution to Howie.

Was it my mistake or was Sher Lloyd's version of stay, in truth, appalling? Oh, I quite liked it. Yeah, I thought it was good. No, but it was somebody who couldn't quite get it crying and thinking, this will turn it round. Oh, I always do that. I might try to get out of this link. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I might try to get out of this link.

Frank, we've had a little email in from David, David Bucknell, who says, Hi, Frank, when you shouted the West Brom football song finishing over land and sea and water... Ah, yes. ..you advised you had no idea what the last bit was about. I don't think anyone knows for sure, but it may be worth throwing out to the listeners for their guesses. Shall I just do it one more time?

Yeah. This is a genuine chant that West Brom fans do, completely unironically, that goes... We will follow the Albion over land and sea and water! David goes on to say, The way you said it, it sounded like you were partway through singing the footy chant, then had barked urgently at a waiter in a posh restaurant to fetch you water with your meal. I don't think you would do that.

Cheers, David. Well, thanks for that vote of confidence, David. But I like that, yeah. We will follow the Albion over land and sea... Oh, and water! Yes! Bank, I think you should say it like the Speaker. Like the Speaker that, yeah. We were familiar with land and sea. Oh, and water! Yes! Bank, I think you should say it like the speaker. Like the speaker says, order.

That's how you should say it. Water. Now, someone once said, I didn't think it would make any sense, overland and sea and water. And this guy seriously said, perhaps it means like fresh water as opposed to salt water. Which I thought was a lovely idea.

Overland and sea. But if there's any rivers or estuaries... Actually, an estuary, would that be salt water or would it be... Oh, I don't know. That's this week's phoning. I guess some of the salt would seep in. Someone will know. We've got some really bright listeners.

They'll know estuary, salt or fresh. You can probably tell by the wildlife. Just reach in, take out a small perch or a job. You know where you're working. Or taste it. You could taste it. I'll tell you what I was... Yeah, you could taste it if it was salty, etc, etc. What did we... Oh, yeah, there's the Jack Whitehall story.

Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Now, Jack Whitehall, it's not really a story. He was seen in a cab with Kelly Brook. But, hey, who hasn't been seen in a cab with Kelly Brook? Well, if it's not Danny Pitbury, aren't they? I haven't. Charlie Drake wasn't.

Do you know Charlie Drake? Hello, my darling. Never seen. Did a lot in his career. I think he died before she rose to eminence. You've never been in a cab with Kelly Brooke? No. Jack Whitehall's my comedy friend. We started

comedy at the same time and I think Nat... You've got a name drop just because we've been doing Halloween. You feel embarrassed. It encapsulates the difference that our careers have gone is that he's in a cab with Kelly Brooke and I'm not. You're sitting here with us. Is that what you're saying? I'm pleased to be here.

He is. You see, he is good looking, Jack Whitehall, for a comic. Hmm. Don't take that the wrong way. Well, what is the right way to take that? Well, no, no, no. Just because it is extraordinary for a comic to be good looking, I think. He is very young as well.

No, Frank. Let's not interrupt this, Frank. I know what you mean. Well, I've just mentioned Charlie Drake. He was an Adonis. No, Frank! Let's not interrupt this, I thought. I know what you mean. Well, I've just mentioned Charlie Drake. He was an Adonis. No, but in fairness, if you're halfway

good-looking, it's like Noel Fielding. It makes you like, you're like a superhero. To be good-looking and funny is extraordinary. It doesn't often happen, What's the Phantom

of the Opera halfway? It is. I think it's a disadvantage. I've often said that if Lauren and I, I haven't often said, I've said it about four times. I think it's five disadvantage. I've often said that if Laurel and Hardy... I haven't often said it. I've said it about four times. I think it's five times. I'll check my journal. Four times. That if Laurel and Hardy had looked like Robert Redford and Paul Newman,

they wouldn't have been funny. Well, you've got to think that, haven't you? Well, how often do you laugh? Otherwise, how depressing is life? How often do you laugh at really good-looking people? Unless, you know, they've, say, fallen down some stairs. But Jack Whitehall is funny. Sorry, guys, Jack Whitehall is funny and he's hot.

Yeah, as you say, it's a rare combo. But I thought you said you'd gone off him. I did go off him briefly because I saw him on Mock the Week. And you know when they go in what I call that testosterone pit of doom? Yeah. And they have to go and do stand-up. Can I just, I'd like the listeners to brace themselves. This is what put, Emily used to think he was lovely and gorgeous and sexy this is what changed their mind right go for it he went into the testosterone pit of doom to do his gags where

they all have to step forward and then he lost his footing and he fell over he fell over yeah and he just i don't know it kind of eroded away at his handsomeness. He looked all vulnerable and like some little fawn in a forest. I completely went off him. I didn't fancy him at all. You'd be a rubbish footballer's wife. I was, yeah, but that's another story. I mean, oh yeah, sorry, I forgot that.

Yeah. Well, not wife, exactly. Let's say friend. Sorry, did I look like I was going to press I was going to press a button I changed my mind I'm going to press it now Now you've just stopped with that Play to the whistle That's what they say

This is Frank Skinner On Absolute Radio I don't like the last bit Oh god you don't like Cher You don't like the last bit. Oh, God, you don't like Cher, you don't like the last bit? No, it sounds like some sort of winged insect trapped in a biscuit tin. Do you think? Maybe it is. You know, they use all the stuff in the... I think it was, wasn't it, Body Hollies? Every day when the drummer just got a cardboard box and went...

Did he? Yes, I'm going to... Well, you're full of the facts. By the way, you can text us on 8-12-15. Don't think you can't. Yes, we've had a couple of estuary texts. Estuary, where a river meets the sea, therefore a mixture of both fresh and salty water.

As a result, it's salty. Matt, geography teacher. I'm glad that we get geography teacher. I asked whether an estuary was salt or water. As a result, it's salty, Matt, geography teacher. I'm glad that we get geography teacher. I asked whether an estuary was salt or water. I can actually outrank you with the geography teacher. Can you? I'll see your geography teacher.

I will, actually. You probably will, actually. I have a text in from Rob, an oceanographer in Qatar. Thank you, an oceanographer in Qatar. Thank you. An oceanographer in Qatar makes him sound like a microbe. Tiny microbe in my nostril.

Rob says estuary water is brackish, although when the tide is coming in, the water is then classed as seawater. You said brackish? Yes. What does that mean? I don't know. It's full of bracken or something. Don't question what Rob says. Full of bracken? It means salty. It does mean salty. Does it? Is that right? I don't know. It's full of bracken or something. Don't question what Rob says. Full of bracken? It means salty.

It does mean salty. Oh, does it? Oh. Is that right? Oh, brackish. Anyway, that was from Rob. Well, I'm liking that. I've decided this is my post-expert sting.

Boffin. Post-boffin. Can you change that from Magnificent Men to post-boffing. So any boffing inquiries or information we get, we don't get boffing inquiries because they know everything, obviously. So we were talking about

Jack Whitehall falling over. Yeah. And that put you off him. It did slightly. And I was just saying, sometimes when you start dating someone, I don't know, know i mean it's a bad thing to say but i've been with someone i fairly knew and it's been going well i say new it could be the first day it could be weeks in and they say or do something it's what i call the flash frame moment they say anything oh no this no this't the one. And it can be all sorts of little things.

A woman I remember once described Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch to me as a novel. That was that. That's quite harsh, Fang. How do you describe it then? It is a novel. It's a novel, Fang. What is it, a pamphlet? What is it, a leaflet? Oh, you see? No, that's happened with me. Do is it? What is it? A pamphlet? What is it? A leaflet? Oh, CC.

No, that's happened with me. Do you not find me attractive anymore? It's more that I've written you off as a human being. Oh, right. But I know it's wrong. Well, that kept it sailed. One should be more... I think it's currently being raised from the ocean bed.

Or do you always sit like that? No, I... I know it's wrong that but you know what it is just the little someone who just says that I was on a first date once

I said a woman said something I quoted some a line of poetry I know you might hate me but I did and she went oh clever boy

and I thought oh god I thought no that's the end of that I understand that yeah oh I had there was a guy once that I quite fancied at a wedding. I was about 15.

I thought, oh, I might snog you. And then he was listening. Yes, we were in London. We were urban children. We weren't playing in the gutter. And I don't mean that in a horrible way. I just mean you literally did have a game you played in the gutter, didn't you, Frank? I did, yeah.

To be fair, that sounded worse than it got. I wasn't in Snobby. You were on about Kirby, me playing Kirby. I was. I was on about Kirby. But no, so this guy was singing along, because that's what we used to do was smoke, silk cart and listen to, now that's what I call music. Yes.

And he was listening to the cassette of that, and it was the Bon Jovi song, Wanted. You know there's that lyric and he goes, wanted, dead or alive. The bloke sung along to it, andvi song, Wanted. You know there's that lyric and he goes, Wanted, dead or alive. The bloke sung along to it and as he sung Wanted, he pointed an imaginary pistol in my direction and then blew imaginary smoke off the top.

Wow. Trying to be sexy. Very cool. I almost felt sick. I could never look at him again. Yeah, I didn't like women pointing at me during the dead or alive section. I thought that was... Especially if I was lying in a pool in my own urine, which I so often was in those days.

They were heady times. Yeah, I just... If anyone else has got any... Have you got any, Gary? We'll call them flash-frame moments. Yeah, I went to school in Essex when I was in the sixth form. And there was a girl, I think she was in the year below, who I fell very deeply in love with.

She was very, very beautiful. And then one day in the dinner hall I heard her talk and that was it. What was the nature of her voice? That would put me off. Can I say this?

Hold on. I'll just check the manual. Also, in the hall one day, she was getting off with someone in the football team, and I thought, well, you've let yourself down. Oh, now we get to the real reason. You've let yourself down. No, this is a bit... Because I once...

I had a brief. I was seeing... And she said to me... Why did you stop? You went, I had a brief. I was seeing... I'm trying to not say anything that... Is incriminating. No. I'll do that... I'm trying to not say anything that... Is incriminating.

No. I'll do that. I'm trying to only say what you can say on Absolute Radio. And she said to me, you know, you're the first person I've had physicals with that wasn't a rugby player. Goodbye. Goodbye. goodbye you're listening to Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio the softest mintiest show in town sponsored by Tree Boss of Mints Absolute Radio I really like that that is Helicopter by Deer Hunter

oh you used to play it it is and I really like them Helicopter by Deer Hunter. Oh, you used to play it. It isn't. I really like them. It's a coincidence. I just happen to really like them. I think they're a very fine band indeed. I'd recommend their album. There, I've done it. You can text us on 81215. Why do you keep giving that bit of paper? How many times can

someone say you can text us on 81215? Do you want me to say you can text us on 81215 all morning? Is that what you want me to say you can text us on 8-12-15 all morning? Is that what you want? No. OK. Just need to calm down a bit. So Fever Bitch is a memoir, is it?

It's an autobiography. It's a memoir. I thought it was a novel. It doesn't count if you have to Google. I always say that. I always say that if I get recognised in the street. I thought it was a novel. I thought it was a novel. I thought you were a novel, eh?

So if anyone... I mean, I feel a bit bad now about the flash-frame things. It does sound a bit beastly, but we're all put off by something. If anyone has begun a relationship and something has been said or done or something's happened and they've thought, oh, no. Let us know. Carly and Lester, she says,

I fancied Verlin Kaye like mad until... And I assume she didn't have a relationship with him. Well, let's hope not. Although she's clearly a texter. Unless she was texting him, yeah, exactly. I fancied Verlin Kaye like mad until Beau Selector made a character of him and gave him really scrawny legs.

Now I can't look at him, Carly and Lester. Well, Lee Francis of Beau Selector made a character of him and gave him really scrawny legs. Now I can't look at him. Carly and Lester. Well, Lee Francis of Beau Selector should think about that, that he could be nipping very fruitful and loving relationships in the bod with his satirical parodies. Exactly. Satirical parodies. Didn't she marry Johnny Depp?

I could have got that wrong. Did you hear about Chris Evans's, um... Well, I don't know what you'd call it. Oh, yeah, I call it a rant, Frank. Well, it was a blog. Can you rant on a blog? I suppose you can. I suppose that's partly what blogs are for. Little blog rant.

It was interesting. He'd been driving into the radio station, I think, and he'd been caught up in a traffic jam. It was the day of the tube strike. I thought you were going to say the day of the Triffids and I got all puffed up with pride. Yes. I like the idea of him driving.

And there wasn't much driving going on during the day of the Triffids because the whole nation had gone blind, if I remember rightly. When they heard a car, these staggering blind people looking for food, they knew there was a seeing person and seized upon them as some sort of guide or helper anyway so chris is uh saying that he uh he was on

his way in and um this thing happened at the traffic jam and he said that um he felt that that somehow the world had become like a carrier bag yes and he said um he felt that it was symptomatic of the broken society that we were living in yes because his driver was stuck in the traffic yeah i'm assuming it was his driver well i don't mean he might drive himself he might drive himself um he said it's like constantly he says we seem to live on the brink of everything all the time it's like constantly over packing your carrier bags and praying the handles will never snap of course ultimately one day they're bound to well there are two things there first of all can you live on the brink of everything all the time i mean that's where would you live some tiny pinnacle in the center of a great network i don't think you can be live on the

brink of everything all the time all the time no you can't live on the brink of everything because while you're living on the brink of one thing you're not living on the brink of everything all the time all the time no you can't live on the brink of everything because while you're living on the brink of one thing you're not living on the brink of something else surely how many brinks is he multi-brinking and also um he needs to double bag yeah with his carrier bag anxiety if ever i've over packed a little i just double bag who over packs in this day and age especially he should be using a Hessean environmentally friendly bag anyway, if I may say. Yeah. What, metaphorically though? No.

I think he's being metaphorical. I think he's being very literal. I think he's packing that metaphor to the brink. He's packing it so full that one day, eventually... He's not putting glass bottles in with vegetables, is that what you're saying? Because it's not the first time he's put glass bottles in with vegetables, if I remember.

But what if he's right? He could be Nostradamus in a polka dot shirt. Then we'll be laughing on the other side of our faces. Nostradamus in a polka dot shirt. Yeah. Isn't that a novel by Beryl Bain? Well, I'm coming back to this. She said something else which I found absolutely fascinating.

Yes. This is Frank Skinner. Absolute. Radio. That's the fabulous Clash. Rock the Casbah. Frank, we've had a couple of texts in on 8.15. That's tremendous news.

Some flash frames. Ange from Nottingham. This is when you go off someone, they do one thing and it puts you off them forever. She says, I had a moment. I fancied a boy for ages. He turned up to my birthday party in a polo neck jumper. That was it. I avoided him all night.

I understand that. People are very strict. Lee from Lee Stourbridge said, I once went out with a girl and couldn't get past date two as she stated Critters as her favourite film. She also had strange toes. I'd like more details.

Are we got as far as the toes? Quite a lot of information for date two. Yeah, I want to know. Yeah. I wish she could have had an open toe sandal. There's Lee from Stourbridge. Yeah. I used to live in Stourbridge.

I used to live on the lakeside estate in Amblecote. You'll know that that's where the bloke lived with the dog oh it's all the threads are coming together I feel like I'm living on the brink of everything all the time Dave from Worcester says hi Frank I once took a girl out on our first date and we were talking about the film

Pirates of the Caribbean and she said that's if pirates even existed that was the end of that at least she didn't question the Caribbean look on the bright side She said, that's if pirates even existed. That was the end of that. At least she didn't question the Caribbean. Look on the bright side. How marvellous. And Leslie Guinness says that brackish water is a mixture of salt water, i.e. seawater and freshwater.

And she's an avid scuba diver. So it's kind of there's salt, there's seawater and there's freshwater. And brackish is what you get if you mix them. Okay, well, that's good. I like the idea of learning. I'll try and get that into conversation today. Oh, great. Say, for example, if I go around someone's house, their dog bounds right up my chest, puts its tongue straight into my mouth.

I'll say, it's odd with the dog's saliva. Although it's of a creamy substance it's almost brackish and then they'll go you'll see him do the sly look to the OED he's just French kissed our dog but that's very good vocabulary he was thrusting

we didn't have to carry it on for so long I didn't have to put my hand at the back of his head Rhett Butler embrace oh no I don't have to put my hand at the back of its head. Rhett Butler embrace. Oh, no, I don't do the dog kissing thing. I think it's... Oh, that's unusual. Guess what?

FYI, nor does anyone. No, people do. You see people letting their dogs lick their actual mouths. You must have seen that. No. I'm sure. Not just the lips, the outer lips. You know, not the... Obviously, I exaggerated into a Tonguey Dog Kiss. Tonguey Dog Kiss.

What a band they were. Do you remember their first album? We were talking about Chris Evans, Frank. Yeah. Oh, you were... Something else that Chris Evans said. He said, we seem to live on the brink of Earth all the time. And then he says, we may have pushed this world of ours a little too far.

We shall see. Oh. It's a tube strike. Not a nuclear holocaust. And also, how shall we see? What are we going to see exactly? The oceans? I mean, and also, how shall we see? What are we going to see exactly? Is there going to be bracken coming up through the Earth's crust? Is that what he's going to suggest?

Oh, he likes his dystopian nightmare. Is it bracken? That's what you mean, the kraken. No, I mean bracken. Bracken like leaves. No, that mixture of salt and clear water. Oh, no, I don't think that's called bracken. Brackish water. Oh, brackish. You can't call it brackish. I don't think that's called bracken. Brackish water? Oh, brackish. I can't call it brackish.

Bracken's like leaves. Actually, bracken's my girlfriend's rabbit, I've just remembered. Well, if he came up through the earth's crust, that would be the end of the world. It's possible. I don't see rabbit coming on from a nice crust. I don't know about you. Bit of gravy.

Top notch. I'm just going to do a rabbit noise then and I'll just remember there is a one. There essentially is a one. Why does Chris Evans say, we shall see? I think that's quite a strange way to end it as well. Well, you've identified him

as a sort of ginger Nostradamus. He is a Nostradamus of our time. And he's doing that, isn't he? Oh, yeah. Isn't he being slightly threatening that he knows something about Armageddon that we don't know? Who told him that? Moira Stewart?

Yeah, well, I think she is. She's into that sort of end-of-time type philosophy. I remember reading that somewhere. She sounds like she's swallowed a winged insect. She's got that sort of buzzing sound. Attractive, though, I have to say. Still. So, um,

that's it for the first episode. Stephen K. Amos is our guest in the next hour. And he's already in the building, so worry ye not. That's fabulous news. Okay, and I'm going to press this button and see what happens. Frank on Radio.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Florence and the Machine, Rabbit Heart, continuing the rabbit theme. Sorry. It's a freeze-frame thing I've just read that's really made me laugh. OK, we're asking people if you've had that moment, which I call freeze-frame,

when you start going out with someone and they say or do something, you think, no, that's it. Do you want to hear this? Yeah. Well, you don't know if you want to hear it yet. Well, I want to hear it. Well, exactly.

I don't know if you'll enjoy it. Let's hope so. Anyway, on we go. Should I start saying that before every record, I'd say? Or just the whole show? Start with a little speech. You may not enjoy this. Go on, carry on. It's not the little speech. You may not enjoy this.

Go on, carry on. I do it before every relationship. You may not like this. Let's see. Or maybe you won't. Maybe you will. It used to be my one-night stand opening gamut. I actually had it on an embossed business card.

Less conversation, the better. I always said, go on. My freeze-frame nightmare. This is from Rob, I should on. My freeze-frame nightmare. This is from Rob, I should say. My freeze-frame nightmare. A former girlfriend trying to show the world how fun is had by getting up and dancing on a trestle table at a party, oblivious to the fact she was trampling the remains of the birthday boy's cake in front of his bemused mother.

Oh, dear. And that was the end of that? Yeah. I had one a bit like that actually I was sitting in a park Listening to a band play on a bandstand With a girlfriend And she suddenly spontaneously

Started dancing And she danced right the way around the bandstand She looked swirling Like a sort of a Like some sort of old fertility rite She looked completely abandoned And free And it was in many ways a beautiful thing like some sort of old fertility rite. She looked completely abandoned and free and it was in many ways a beautiful thing

but it was the last nail in the coffin. And it's a shame really because really it was, I suppose it was the excitement of youth. But I don't know what it was but I thought, no. Well, that's the end of her. Gareth, you had a text in didn't you yes um i got i once got told on a first date that i had absolutely nothing in common with a certain young lady it's been almost a year and she is my girlfriend now by the way she does this annoying

tapping sound with her toes and thinks it's really funny can i just say thanks for the apology on last week's show from daisy and i love that. Emily Dean. And that's from Jermaine. You told Jermaine. That's Daisy's Jermaine. This is Daisy, one of our team. I'm calling it a team. There's five of us in total. It's just all of a team. It would be in basketball.

Yeah, so you told him on the first date, Daisy, that you had nothing in common. Yeah, we didn't. We don't really have much in common. Oh. It's all gone a bit... Oh, we do. Can't he crack his toes? Is that what you're getting at?

I didn't think we had that much in common. No. Sometimes you can have too much in common. We all want a bit of Pamela Stevenson on the couch there. Yeah. Yes. Can you have too much... Spite, Victorian child. So, yes, I think you can have too much... Spite, Victorian child.

So, yes, I think you can have too much in common with people. I think it was Billy Joel who said, I don't want clever conversation, I don't want to work that hard, I just need someone, someone to talk to. I love you just the way you are. Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba. The Piano Man, you remember the Piano Man? You can start the fire.

I'm town girl. People think I've got smooth. We've got smooth on. I told you we never have smooth on. I had someone on smooth. Oh, I won't go into that anyway. Criticising other radio stations. That's not the way forward.

You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Working towards a mintier world with three more soft mints. Absolute Radio. That's the four-spot Victorian child and Stephen K. Amos is in the building. He's in the room. I can't believe

I'm actually here. I've made it. I've turned up. Hi, Frank. You alright? In case you are regular listeners, the last time Stephen was on, he wasn't. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Do you know what? I've got to be honest. I was sitting in my house, and I put my phone on silent the night before because I was at a gig, and I didn't hear that.

I thought, there's cabs in here. The road I live on is right at the end, and you have to turn left, and there's black gates, you can't see the house. And he wasn't on that road, so I thought he wasn't there. And nobody phoned me, and I sat in my house thinking, have they cancelled me? I don't know. I didn't even think to put the radio on and listen. I like the idea that we might have cancelled you.

I thought, actually, I don't fancy... I like the idea that he lives in a property with gates. I like that. You've already won, Emily. I'm all over you now, Stephen. It might be an asylum. They are manual gates after stress. I have to get out of the car and open the gates.

Oh, that's not to say. With fear of somebody jumping into my car with the engine running and speeding off down the road. Hasn't happened yet. I think you've won back your working class credibility with that one. You know, I was just thinking, this might be just through my own absence from the comedy world, but I don't remember you as an up-and-coming comic. When I saw you, you were already fully formed. That's because when I started, you had already gone.

Was that what it was? Yeah, you had already gone. I was like, oh, my God, that's Frank. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, of course that's Frank. I'm like, who? The guy off the telly. Yeah, because I wasn't around when you were on the circuit still. Yeah. And when I sort of started about 15 years ago,

I was doing a club run by a woman called Delphine Manley, who now, well, she used to run the Leicester Comedy Festival, and now she's an agent. And she opened a string of clubs called Big Fish. See, they were after your time working. Yes. Big Fish Comedy. One was in Richmond, one was in Putney, one was in Cheam,

all in the South East, and I was an MC of all of them Because one thing I never do when we have comics on I never really ask them how they got started which is the most obvious question maybe that's why I avoid it. What did you do before? Did you ever? I was actually studying I had never been to a comedy club I never thought I'd do comedy at all

at home, you know late 70s, 80s, family only watched you know lenny henry if he came on the box oh my god look there's one um otherwise i'd bought something i thought i would ever do and then i was doing a law degree and i went traveling to america and i met a friend who had emigrated out there and this woman delphine was also visiting the same person and she said to me oh you're really funny why don't you do comedy? I was like, don't be ridiculous. I might be funny to you and a one-to-one. And she went, no, I'm going to open a comedy club in London. I want it to work for me.

I thought she was joking. About a month later, I get a phone call, and she went, I've opened the comedy club. Come and do it. And I did. And that's exactly how it started. So you never got to do the courtroom thing. You never got to stand there in the gown. I never got to do the gown thing, but I have a gown at home and a wig.

Not appropriate for a courtroom. No, I never got to do it, which is quite good, because, you know, let's think about it. It's all about performance, isn't it? You know, trying to convince a jury to let your guy off. Same as doing stand-up, trying to convince an audience that you're funny, you've got a funny take on things. Very similar.

Well, Clive Anderson was a... he was a legal person. Clive, Felix Dexter, there's quite a few. Ah, there's a connection. Mmm. So... Show-offs. So, your TV show is currently on. Yes.

The second one went out. So it's a bit late to plug it now, but we'll still plug it. There's four left, aren't there? There's four left. Very exciting. It's at ten o'clock. We were talking about your... My favourite bit was the Nigerian TV.

Oh. Now, is that in any way based on fact? Because I've never been to Nigeria, so I haven't seen their TV. It can't be as bad as that. No, but it's more about... You know how they go, Nollywood, like Nigeria's got the third biggest film industry

in the world. Just watch any Nollywood film. It's kind of more based on that it's a bloke with a camcorder okay he's just gone let us film now okay no script it's hilarious and that was a kind of idea and uh yeah i can't do you know the house we tried we got trying to get that passed uh but really yeah it was like oh can we say this and it was like it's funny really i gotta tell you i'd heard the And I was like, it's funny. Well, I've got to tell you, I'd heard the phrase Nollywood,

because when you flick through the Sky Plus, there's a Nollywood thing that comes up. I had no idea what it meant until you said it on air. Oh, really? So you are not only entertaining the audience, you're educating as well. If you have got the Sky or whatever um cable check it out it's there one that one of the lower um channels yeah nollywood films and programs well you've solved it incredibly well they'll be racing to watch that the thing was you don't know if it's comedy or if it's meant to

be serious but you just got to watch it with a pinch of salt and love off i want to check it out tonight we'll be back with with more Stephen in a second or two. We only have this accent. This is Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Everything must go. Manic Street Preachers. Did I do something wrong then? The producer leapt in. I think I pressed the wrong

button. Is that supposed to be smoke? So we're with Stephen K Amos. I don't want to drop you in it, Stephen, but we were talking about that moment when you're in a relationship and somebody says or does something and you, we call it the flash frame,

and you think, oh, no, isn't it working? Have you ever had one of those? Well, I'm going to say, many, many years ago when I was trying to woo a particular person, went out for a romantic dinner and dressed up to the nines, looking quite the business. I started eating,

and said person started humming while they ate. And I just... I think the restaurant stopped. I just looked... Oh, no. That's quite cute for a four-year-old child. Yeah. For a grown human being,

it just... That was it for me. What was the tune? That was it. It wasn't actually grown human being, it just, that was it for me. What was the tune? That was it. It wasn't actually a tune. Oh, no. It was that thing you do when you, like, oh, no. We're not talking anymore. You're now humming at me with steak

in your mouth. I think that's nerves, isn't it? Oh, no, no. No, what it was, when you see a child hum, they lost all of their inhibitions. They're like, no, in a happy place. That person was too much in a happy place. Too much too soon. You don't want to go out with anyone too happy.

No, no, no. Keep it real. You want some torment. Now, we were talking about Stephen's Nigerian TV sketch, and your parents are from Nigeria. Is that correct? That's right. Now, there is another person in this room.

Me, Emily and Gareth. Yeah. One of us has a Nigerian grandfather. I do not believe it. Now, you have to guess which one. I like the way he's looking at this. He's trying to spot something. A lot of jewellery.

Frank, I feel like we're on that Nevermind the Buzzcocks panel. Yeah, we are. And you have to keep a poker face. Yeah, and none of you look the same. I'd say it's not you. Definitely not you, Frank. I can't see a grummy connection there. Okay, I'll get it down to two to one.

So it's between me and Gareth. And Gareth is being very quiet and he's wearing a cardigan this morning, so that's not a Nigerian cardigan. Too quiet for a Nigerian. Why are you wearing a caddy gown? So I think it's got to be the very stylish... Ooh. Yeah.

Well, actually, yeah, my grandfather is Nigerian, but he was one of five grandfathers. What? Yeah. It's quite a long story, Stephen. And it turned out he was a bigamist as well, which was a bit unfortunate. Really?

But he was a lovely man. He was called Bayo Lulea. Ah. Do you mean Bayo Lulea? unfortunate. Really? But he was a lovely man. He was called Bio Lulea. Ah. Do you mean Bio Lulea? That's what he's trying to say. I like a name you can dance to. I always say that. Have you been?

I always say that. No, I haven't. No? I would like to go and see him. It would have been amazing. Maybe we're related somehow. Oh, that would be good. That would be too spooky.

I would love it. I would love to find out on air. Can you imagine? We should say that you're going on tour. I am going on tour, middle of January next year. And it's a grueling I was just looking at your days off. What I like is, I like

six days on and one off on tour but you, you don't do that. I used to like to do that but the thing was I found myself kind of getting out of a groove. Once you're in that, you know, one, two, three, four, boom, boom. By the time you get to the fourth or the fifth one, you're really up for it. And then you take a day of rest and everything comes down.

And normally that day of coming down is actually a day spent travelling back to your house, wherever that may be, and then literally you have an evening in your house and go out again. So you might as well just carry on. See, I used to spend that day explaining that I wouldn't be able to see that person ever again, but it had been a marvellous evening. And I find also when I come back to my own house, having spent like six, seven days on the trot away, I try and get to my bedroom using my Nectar card.

Think of the hotel room. See what I did? Dareth, laugh. I laughed. There was no did? Dareth laughed. I laughed. There was no need for the footnote. So, when does the tour start? I think it starts I think something about the 11th of January, and we

go all over the UK. I mean, once you've done the UK once, you kind of know where you're at, because, you know, nowadays, sadly, a lot of the city centres look the same, but the people that come to the gig, they're the ones that make it so exciting. And the whole travelling, I always go with a tour manager, a very good friend of mine

and a support act and another guy. There's four of us on the road in a van. Oh, it's like being the Beatles. Oh, wonderful. We haven't yet got groupies chasing the van, but we have avoided staying in kind of horrible, grotty places. We try and make every night an event, an exciting journey.

We try and find something. I stayed in a hotel once in Leamington Spa. I got in and the manager went, are you staying here? And I went, yeah. He went, all the others stay across there. Oh, thanks a lot, mate. We'll be back with Stephen in a second.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner. We've done the TV show. Let's get all the plugs out the way. You've got a DVD out as well, Stephen. I have. I've got a Christmas release as well. A Christmas release coming out on the 15th of November.

And in fact, yesterday, when I got back from Amsterdam, I made a little TV ad for it, which I'm hoping is funny. Okay. It's on the cusp of being cheese or funny. It's a very fine line. It's a very fine line. It's a very fine line. If you don't get it right, then oh my goodness.

I want to know what it is, though. Can you give us a hint? Let's just say there's a grown man sitting on my knee in a grotto. Oh, okay. It rings a bell. And for me. Doesn't he ring a bell?

I'm not wearing a red suit and a ridiculous beard. I didn't go that far. I have to say, and don't take this the wrong way, but you make a very fine middle-aged woman. No, but when you play your mum... You do look quite attractive. Do you shave the tash off, or is it covered with make-up? Oh, it's all gone.

Yeah. All off, yeah. And it's really weird, because when my brothers and sisters saw it for the first time, they were like, oh my gosh, that is mum. Oh, do you actually look like your own mum as well?

They're very similar. Very similar. I didn't see it myself. No. Although my dad was like, hey! Because my mum keeps going, because obviously it's an exaggerated version of her.

Yeah. She can't, she's like, no, not like that. My dad's like, yeah, I like that. That's exactly what, he's portraying you as. But is he slightly, is he wishing he was in it?

Why aren't you playing me? Are you getting any of that? No, actually, because what I do, he's always the kind of voice you hear in the background. So she's always shouting off at him. So you never see him. I had an idea of just seeing his legs, but that reminded me too much of Tom and Jerry and Thomas! I didn't want to go down that route

It's like Ron Polo the Bailey's wife I just bring back the legal element She must be obeyed Exactly, so we like that Good. Now, I should say what the name of the DVD is by the way Oh yes, of course, it's called The Feel Good Factor

and I recorded it at the Hammersmith Apollo the end of February last year and it was the end of course. It's called The Feel Good Factor. And I recorded it at the Hammersmith Apollo the end of February this year. And it was the end of that last year's tour. It was really good fun. And it was the last three nights at Hammersmith, and I just had a ball. It was like coming home, back to London. Yay! So, and what about your acting career? Because you've done... You did one for Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

I did one for Over the Cuckoo's Nest. You actually did a restoration play as well. You did... School for Scandal. Is that something you're developing, the acting, or is it just a sideline? Do you know, it's nothing that I actively pursued. I mean, they asked me to come and do Cuckoo's Nest

because it was a comedy cast, and basically I originally said no. But then they went, oh, it's coming to the West End, Christian Slater's going to be in it. originally said no. But then they went oh it's coming to the West End, Christian Slater's going to be in it. I said no why do I want to go on stage for six months in the West End doing somebody else's words? And people were like are you mad? It's the West End. People will take their right

arm off to get into the West End. But it's easier than comedy isn't it? Well it's a lot less stressful isn't it? Yeah you don't have to write it if people don't like it it's not your fault. We're going to's loads of actors writing in now, angry. They won't be up this early. Oh, that's true. I'll be sleeping off the hangover.

Yeah, and that whole thing about there's 15 of us, I think, in the cast, so you're not carrying the play yourself. You just turn up there. Although, I've got to say, I didn't realise that there is etiquette in terms of theatre. Some of my mates came to see the show once, and in the interval, I went to the pub across the road.

I didn't know you weren't meant to do that. You probably came from a heart attack. I mean, it's really bad. I mean, we were sitting there having a drink in the interval. Did you go round the back or did you just hop straight off the stage and walk down to the audience? I did give them the grace of allowing me to leave backstage.

I actually signed out as well. In the little car. Back in time. I bet they thought it was a bit Stephen Fry. And I was actually in my outfit. You know, my stage wear. Was this one floor of the cuckoo's nest? Yeah.

So you were dressed as someone from an asylum? I was dressed all in white. Okay. And very, very odd for the West. I was dressed all in white. Okay. And very, very odd for the West End. A man all in white. Well, it depends where you are in the West End. Basically, the company... If it's a dairy.

The melt's churning scene. The company manager went, Amos, get back in there. And I'd missed the opening minute of the programme. Oh, man. Because you were in the pub. Because I was in the pub. And that apparently is a sacrilegious offence. So basically, I had to make opening minute of the play. Oh, my. Because you were in the pub. Because I was in the pub. And that apparently is a sacrilegious offence.

So, basically, I had to make... Yeah, funny, that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Well, I'm a funny news theatre type. I didn't know that. I thought, gosh, you know, they can cover.

So, I got back, and at the end of the play, I had to make a backstage announcement on the intercom to everybody else in the dressing room, saying, I'm very sorry, but I can assure you this will never, ever, ever happen again. Oh, really? Cap in hand? Yeah. I bet. Did you have an understudy on that?

I did have an understudy, but... I bet they thought this was my moment. Yeah, I think he probably lured me to the pub. That was what it was. Hoping that he'd probably push me through the saloon doors and watch me fall over. They're like that, aren't they, on the stage? They're looking at you for your health all the time. It's a strange old joke.

So you're not desperate to be an actor? Well, I mean, if there is a remake of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and I get a phone call from Hollywood, I'm quite happy to go for the Will Smith role, obviously. Or Will Smith's mum. No, just because you play that role well. I've draped up well, yeah. Master William.

It depends. I mean, I did two episodes of EastEnders as well. Oh, did you? I didn't know that. Do you know the weirdest thing? When I played... Were you in the background playing darts? Was he one of those?

No. No, I think he was in the market. I wasn't in the market. Oh, OK. I wasn't in the market. Dream on out of the market. You're saying he looks a bit common, is that what you're saying?

I'm more up market than that. Apples and pears, what are you talking about? Are you one of the people that got asked to watch someone else's stall? You know, when they had to

hand over the apron and say, can you just watch my stall a minute? I've got to have an emotional crisis. What did you say? I played a doctor for two episodes. Oh.

Oh, that's good, Stephen. It was quite weird because I had about six lines and because it's such a fun show. Oh, that's good, Stephen. It was quite weird because I had about six lines and because it's such a fast-paced show... Before you went on. Because it's such a fast-paced show, you don't get a chance to rehearse with all the actors

and so they're all on top of things and I go there going, what do I say? Mr. Truman, you're going to die. Mr. Truman, you're going... die. Steve, you do it again. Mr. Truman, you're going... Steve, could you sort of act? And basically, I had to do my scenes without them. Because that was not good. Did you nip off to the pub, though?

The Queen Vic was just down the road. You could go for a drink in between takes. I did go to the Queen Vic, but as we're probably all aware, it's not actually a real pub. Hey, more fool me. Not anymore. Okay, well, that's... And what I'm hoping for is to do Coronation Street, which is my favourite soap.

It's so funny. It's so camp. It's just like pantomime. Are you working your way through all the soaps? I want to. Can you imagine me just walking into the Royal of Return? I look forward to seeing you on Albion Market. So that was Stephen K. Abos.

His show is on on Friday nights at 10 o'clock on BBC Two. He starts touring on January. January, mid-January. And the DVDs are... On the 15th of November. And what's most exciting of all is he turned up this time. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yes, it was Oasis.

You don't get much more Absolute radio than Oasis, I think. The 38-year-old man with the black T-shirt, just a hint of patchouli oil. He's dancing around his squalid bed seat as we speak. Good luck to you, Dave. OK, speaking of Dave, I did a bit of filming this week. Oh, did you?

Yeah, and who wrote the film and who directed the film? I did a bit of filming this week. Oh, did you? Yeah. And who wrote the film and who directed the film? Orson Welles. Yeah. Oh. Well done. Oh, he's lost some weight. And the sherry, I must say, was top notch.

I need a sherry. Nothing like him. More Fern Britain came out. No, what was it genuinely David Baddiel has written a short film for Sky

I think I've mentioned Sky on here and David Baddiel what's it about what you have to do they asked several comedians

to do you take an anecdote from your life and you turn it into a film short film. Oh, God, I hope I'm not in one of them. Check my emails about that.

I'm sure they must have got in touch. Yeah, have another look. It's not too late. They'll come out at Christmas. Anyway, so Dave's doing one about... Well, I can't tell the story, obviously, because you won't watch it. But let's just say that David Baddiel plays David Baddiel. Frank Skinner plays Frank skinner oh and alistair mcgowan plays norris mcwhirter oh i think that's all you need to know so i played me which is it's not the first time i've played me i'll be

i played me in emmerdale farm you didn't i did you're getting mixed up with Amos, and that's Stephen Cahill. Oh, Mr Wilkes. No, what's that sheep you've got? That's no sheep. That's Frank Skinner I've got in my van. That was when the time I used to wear the sheepskin coat. You're into some extraordinary Twilight Zone. What's going on? And the horn hat.

Remember my horn hat? No. Okay. No, I didn't appear. I was a voiceover on a radio, funnily enough. This is one of my first radio experiences. And what it was, it was like I was the mystery voice on radio, whatever it was called, Radio Farmer.

That sounds glamorous. Combine Harvester FM. I was on that. And so I went in and I did the voiceover. And you have to guess who the singer was. And they said, yeah. And the guy said, and if you can get that mystery name, you win £50,000.

And I said, have you listened to much local radio? And he said, what do you mean? I said, you don't often get mystery voice prize £50,000 on regional radio. And they all went a bit, oh, he's coming, telling us our job. And it was a bit, you know. Oh, it got ugly ugly it will get ugly on emmerdale anyway he went to be awesome well some findus advert viver at that when he says

what do you in the depths of your ignorance i think i should say anyway so i i played me so they said don't grige about because at the time of the film at sort of late 90s you you didn't used to do that and can you bring jeans and trainers and um something you know that looks a bit so i did that i actually brought a jacket that i wore on fantasy football jacket i had in there so anyway i walked in in the morning into my into my office where i write so i had a bit did a bit writing before i went people saying all right frank how doing? I got recognised more than I've been recognised. Oh, in the jacket. Because I was dressed as me in the 90s.

Suddenly, everyone knew who I was again. That's tragic, isn't it? That's why people like Willie Thorne have to keep the moustache in the bald head. Otherwise, people forget who they are. So if ever I feel I've been neglected, all I've got to do is put on an England shirt from Euro 96. Punch the air at me.

Anyway, we turned up. And I don't want to tell you the whole story because I hope you'll watch this on Sky at Christmas. But Dave was directing as well, which obviously made it a little bit tense. And there's a bit where i have to look at him what we had to do was um radio acting in other words we were listening to the radio in the car and we have to act as if we were listening to the radio oh okay now there'll be

people at home now who are listening to the radio and i just want you to just look in the mirror. Are you pulling a face that suggests that you're listening to the radio? Because I found myself slightly tilting my head and looking puzzled towards the radio. A bit like a dog. Yeah, exactly. But in fact, when you listen to the radio, you don't really do anything, I don't think. I don't think you pull a face at all.

Well, you probably do something else while you're listening to the radio. I beg your pardon? What do you mean by that? What are you getting at? What are you getting at with that? No, I don't mean that. I face at all. Well, you probably do something else while you're listening to the radio. I think it... What do you mean by that? Yeah, just what are you getting at? Disgusting. What are you getting at with that? No, I don't mean that. I mean, like, other things.

Disgusting. Like, when I'm doing the washing up. You are. You are. So, um... And when I... Also, when I got there, the make-up woman said, oh, I've got you a wig.

What? To wear. A wig? I said, what do you mean, a wig? She said, like, a sort of Frank Skinner wig. She said, this is what Alistair McGowan used to wear this when he was Frank Skinner. So I said, I've got to wear what kind of upside down world when I'm going to wear the wig. Sometimes the camera does funny things.

So probably on camera, you don't look like Frank Skinner. You have to do things to make you look like frank's yeah for the camera nice try gary stop reaching i was being frank was presumably you had to wear this wig because you don't look as much like frank skinner in the 90s as you once did maybe i had a hissy fit i said no no i wouldn't wear the wig why not i I wouldn't wear the wig. Why not? No, I didn't want to wear one of Alistair McGowan

cast-off versions of me. I thought that would be outrageous. I didn't fancy it. He's too swarthy. So, anyway, it was a fun day, and I think it'll be great. I very much recommend that you watch it. It was a fun day, and Dave, I think it'll be great. I very much recommend that you watch it.

It was spectacular and funny and all that. And good old David Baddiel, that's what I say. I'm putting all this bit at the end because he listens to the show and he'll be absolutely making sure that I'm saying all that. But no, it was. It was incredibly enjoyable. And it'll probably, at least I'll appear this time, not when Ben Miller was our guest and said, do you want to be in a feature film?

Do you remember that moment? Where, what? He signed me up on air. Did you end up on the patio floor? That was me playing. No, I played me, but where did the film go? I'm going to be like one of those actors. Well, you can't help that.

You just have limited screenings. Where do these films go? You know when you read a theatre programme and it says films under the actor's name, films, and it's always things like Kestrel on Fire, A Night in Westminster, The Blue

Strawberry. Things you've never... Just make a name up. Anyway, we must move on. Ben Jones is banging on the window like some sort of ape in the zoo. Completely naked. And a bulbous red behind. Where did he get that from? is it a stick on?

is it some sort of is it red bomb day for comic relief? next week Jeremy Hardy is our guest on the show oh marvellous oh I didn't know that he's a bit posh for us isn't he

we're a bit why trash for him? no I like socialist up this week I like yeah and you can listen to Not The Weekend podcast available on

that'll be available on Wednesday, with material that you won't hear anywhere else. In Europe. I think there's some guys doing it in Japan, doing the same stuff. We'd better go now, Benny's getting fed up. Get your wig on. Oh, yeah.

Hey. Get your wig on. Good night to you. You're listening to Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Treeball Soft Mints, bringing a softer, mintier feel to your Saturday morning. Absolute Radio.