The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner Midweek Podcast - 18 August

Episode Date: August 18, 2010

Frank, Emily and Gareth are in Edinburgh and in this podcast they talk about all of the things they didn't get chance to get through on the radio.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you Thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absolute radio.co.uk Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though Hello and welcome to Absolute Radio. Welcome to Frank... Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Hello and welcome to Not The Weekend Podcast. Oh, how lovely to say that. And this is Frank Skinner and I'm here with Emily and Gareth.

And it's all under the auspices of Absolute Radio, I think it's fair to say. Yeah, but did you say where we were? We were in Edinburgh. Oh, yeah, we were in Edinburgh. Yeah, sorry, I confused me. Did you say where we were? Yes. I've been all over.

I was at the World Cup, I don't know if you know that. I was at the World Cup in South Africa, and then I was in Norway for two weeks. Oh, yeah. And now I'm in Edinburgh. I haven't seen you since Norway. How was Norway? Well, I... I'll't seen you since Norway. How was Norway? Well, I, um...

I'll tell you what I did. I'm not a treatments person. No, you don't look like one. I'm not one of those people who walks around a hotel in a white robe saying, I can't be able to get dressed

because I'm about to have a seaweed wrap. Yeah. Do you know these kind of... Yeah. Yeah. Hot pebbles. Not dirty. Yes. Do you know these kind of? Yeah. Yeah. Hot pebbles. Not dirty.

Yes. No, not dirty. Hot pebbles. You were a bit young, I think. So that was a Flintstones dialogue. I'm with you, friend. A cooker. A cooker.

Barney Robble. Who ought to be played, surely, by Eddie Izzard. Oh,. A cuckoo. A cuckoo. Barney Robble, who ought to be played surely by Eddie Izzard. Oh, yeah, that's good. Anyway, so... Yeah, so I went for a treatment. I took my girlfriend because I thought I'd pamper

a bit on holiday. I've been away at the World Cup. We're in Scandinavia. Let's live it up. So they invented sex, of course, Scandinavians. Right, exactly. As you may know. um we we got the

robes on and we went down to the spa and we walked through icy cold water we had a a shower called scottish rain oh how was that yeah i've had that shower in edinburgh yeah quite a few times since i got here yeah but, but it was alcohol. I mean, I wasn't expecting it. You're just supposed to stand with your mouth open and then... No, so it's sort of cold. It's cold. The idea is that Scottish rain is refreshing in its coldness.

Yeah. Anyway, I did all this. And then there was a thing. I had the saunas and the finished sauna and the... etc. And then we went into a thing called the relaxing room. Oh. Now, I think of myself as a pretty relaxed kind of a person, but goodness me, I mean, goodness me,

it was one of those places, they had the sort of what I would call yoga music. Oh, I know that music, yeah. And big sort of couches, I mean, really big. So you lay on it. You know, it's almost impossible to lie on a couch without overlapping in some quarter or having to bend in some way to fit on. This one, you could lie absolutely full extent

and you didn't go over the sides. This is the treatment couch, not just a random couch in the sitting room area. No, this is in the treatment room. The relaxing room, as it was called. So I got to a level of relaxation where I became afraid that I might die. I think it might be possible to relax to death. Your body thinks, well, he's so relaxed. I think he's passed on.

And it was incredibly... Oh, man, it was... So we left there anyway. I got clothed. And then we got lined up for the evening meal. And I sat in the bar at the hotel just waiting. And there was a hotel pianist. And I've always dreamt of being a pianist in a bar

or a hotel. Oh, aim high, why don't you? I think that'd be great. I love the idea of when you play the high notes, pull in a bit of a strange face. Really like, you've just had a bite of lemon. On the very highest note, just always pull that face. Whenever

I mind playing the piano which i do quite often yeah um i've started playing air zither just lately which is involves a lot of uh flapping about of the left hand but anyway that's a digression so i'm sitting in the bar feeling as relaxed as anyone's ever felt ever and um the hotel pianist plays um autumn leaves you know that autumn leave and it was just a blissed out experience anyway about i suppose four or five days later i was in a a bar and they had pipe music coming in and um autumn leaves. I mean, not a live piano, just coincidentally, it was autumn leaves. As soon as it started, I felt incredibly relaxed. I mean, incredibly.

It was like Pavlov's dogs. Well, that's what it was, Pavlovian. Yeah. Have you ever seen Pavlovian? What a act that was. Yeah. They used to have to squeegee the whole stage down after for the dog saliva. Right.

Anyway, so autumn leaves, I think now, is instant really relaxing. I'm hoping that will last for the rest of my life. Oh, so it's like a trigger now, isn't it? It's a trigger. Like one of those Darren Brown hypnosis things. Yeah. And what a strange experience it was. Oh, man. One of those Derren Brown hypnosis things. Yeah. And what a strange experience it was. I, um...

Oh, man. Anyway, so, uh... What else? That's my... That's my Norway story. I wasn't happy with the ending. Why? I just thought it should end with a fanfare.

But it's hard to tell a story about, um, relaxation without just ending... Frank. Hmm? Calm down. Okay, chill out and relax I like the idea of being so relaxed you think you might die because did you stop being relaxed and start to panic slowly? No I think I was so relaxed I thought and would death be so bad

I don't even care if you love me whatever if they had come in and said oh my god the Germans have invaded meaning of course the treatments are on the contrary I would have just said Okay, whatever. If they'd have come in and said, oh, my God, the Germans have invaded. Meaning, of course, the treatments are on the contrary. I would have just said, that's fine, you know. Forgive and forget. Well, Frank, whilst you were relaxing,

well, not whilst you were relaxing, but you've been talking about relaxing, I was stiff with stress this week. Because we'd been up in Edinburgh, and I decided in a moment of madness, I don't know why I did this, I decided to go on this event called Festival in the Sky where you sit around a dining table which gets suspended. It goes up 100 feet in the sky up by Edinburgh Castle.

Goodness. Suspended in what way? Well, it's hard to explain, really. You were on a crane of some kind. No, it's a dining table and the crane lifts the entire dining table. So you were on a crane. It wasn't that hard to explain. It was a dining table lifted by a crane.

You're not on the crane. You're at the dining table. You're on the dining table. So you're sitting around. Oh, it's horrible. It was horrible. Do you swing in the wind? Yes, your chair, she says, the woman says, the chair swivels 360 degrees. Chinese meal.

I thought, why would I be doing that? Why do you want to swivel 360 degrees at a dining table? Well, also, why would you want to look down that far? Anyway, as soon as I got on, I started panicking, because you know what I'm like. I make a fuss. I do make a fuss. And they started playing, yeah, it's the only way is up,

which I hated. And I went, I can't believe this is the last song I'm going to hear in my life. No. And she went, can you please not panic others? She actually told me off. Please don't panic others. It's that kind of sympathetic approach

that has met the Scots, famous throughout the Western world. I got told off for panicking others. I did keep saying, we're going did keep saying we're going to die you didn't say that but I often say that before meals before gigs you sometimes say that and I'm often right no you're not

and then I did keep saying I hope my mum's got a nice picture of me to give to the Daily Mail oh she was getting upset at the woman so then you go up there and you get to look at the castle but you can't really enjoy it because you're so terrified and are you upset at the woman. Yeah. So then you go up there, and you get to look at the castle, but you can't really enjoy it because you're so terrified. And are you eating at the time? Yes.

What's the food like? Oh, it was very nice, but I couldn't eat it because I was moving my head like a thunderbird puppet because I didn't want to look down. Okay. So I didn't finish most of it. It was salmon and kind of cheese, lots of cheese. There's a lot of cheese up there.

Don't talk to me about cheese. I've been living on cheese for two weeks now. I mean cheese every meal. How come? Because Absolute sent me a cheese hamper. Which is nice of them, but someone else

had recently sent me. Didn't I talk about this last week? Was it on the show or was it on the Great Lost podcast? Oh my god, was it on the Great Lost podcast? Oh my god, was it on the Great Lost podcast? The podcast tapes. Yeah, I had so much cheese that I had veins coming up on my legs, which I realised were just

like on blue cheese veins. Blue Stilton veins. Yeah. I had this hard red skin on my shoulders. Yeah, it was... You know, cheese does... Does cheese keep? Well, it keeps in a kind of a... Smell terrible kind of a way. Yeah.

Yeah. When I open the fridge, it's like I've gone into the home of a pensioner who's been dead for two months and been undiscovered. That's what the fridge... Oh, God. Get yourself a Tupperware. Get a Tupperware, put it in a Tupperware.

Well, it's too late now. I think the damage is done. I've got chocolate in the fridge. I thought I'd have a bit of chocolate. Tastes exactly like cheese. Everything. Everything is like cheese. The eggs. The eggs taste like cheese. It permeated the shell of the egg. Why did Absolute send you those? It's a lovely thing.

I'm not condemning it. But what occasion do you say with cheese? I think it was thanks for all your work at the World Cup I like to say thank you very much I wonder if Fabio said David Beckham some cheese That's exactly what it was, thank you for your work

at the World Cup They pre-empted Fabio Capello's highly insensitive remarks No one in the World Cup squad got cheese. Fabio said, no cheese for you! No, exactly. He's strict. They like a bit of cheese. So the pie in the sky...

It's not called pie in the sky. Well, it damn well should be. It's called festival in the sky. No, I should say... I knew a woman once who had a... She'd had a pig roast in a company. And she'd have any pigs. She used to have to snare them in the early hours of the morning.

No, she had a pig roast. She used to do pig roasts at parties. You know, you're looking at me as if it's... Hog roasts. Oh, piggy roasts. A pig roast? Piggy roasts? What did you think I meant?

Hog roasts. You looked at me like I was talking about some terrible thing involving seven or eight professional footballers. A pig roast on a spit. And she'd turn up in the morning. It takes eight hours, apparently, to roast a full-sized pig. And it's a little... I'm just going to write that down.

Yeah, write that down. No, we did recipes. That's not exactly a recipe, is it? Put it over a fire for eight hours. There you go. On a spit. On a spit. So, anyway, her company was called Pigs Will Fry.

Oh. And I hadn't got the heart to say they're not actually frying. Oh, it's still quite good, you roast it. Yeah. Oh, I think that's fair enough. I'm glad I have that. OK, fair enough. Don't be so rude about her.

Anyway, so I'm saying it should be called Pine in the Sky. Pine in the Sky, you're right. But, you know, for those that like heights, congrats, you're well done, you'll love it. For those that don't, Daisy, who works on the show, oh, she turned round to me next to me. She's being so smug, sitting there in her aviators.

She went, I love it, I love it. I love heights. How can you love heights? No, that's not right. right i love depths why would you say that i love width i love width i do quite like stop it um no that is one of those but when you're a bit frightened and the person you're with isn't a bit frightened they don't just enjoy what they're doing they enjoy the fact that they're not a bit frightened and you are i'm so not frightened I'm so not frightened, I can't believe it. I can't believe you're frightened and panicking, everyone. I'm not sure I'd like it.

I was worried about you on there. I don't think you would have liked it, Frank. Also, I'm the sort of person who will occasionally say, drop a knife or fork when I'm at the restaurant table. I mean, you could... Was there a net or something beneath you? No. Oh, there's no net?

Well, I was worried my phone was going to fall and put your phones on the table, please. They're very strict. You had to put all your stuff in the middle of the table. Right. It sounds like a seance. It'd be a great place. If they did a night version,

they could do a seance 100 feet above Edinburgh Castle. I mean, what would be brilliant about it? Yeah, because it wasn't scary enough. I mean, how big is the crane? You could lower a seance onto people's roof gardens. So you could just nip out, I'll just let the dog out on the roof garden, go out, there's a seance

going on. I mean, how terrifying would that be? Yeah, they made you wave at the crane driver. This is him, he's responsible for all of our safety, give him a wave. He didn't look very trustworthy. No. I worried about him. How much did it cost? How much did it cost, Daisy? £20, but we didn't, very trustworthy. No. I worried about him. How much did it cost? How much did it cost, those?

£20, but we were given tickets. You were given complimentary tickets. Oh, now I've been rude about it. Yeah, exactly. Well, I don't know. As you say, people who like the thrill bit, obviously some people are going to be terrified. Yeah.

Well, I think it's an interesting idea. I've been watching a lot of morning television this last fortnight, and I don't normally watch morning television, but I've become slightly obsessed with the Naomi Campbell. Yeah, it's a very fascinating trial. What an attractive woman she is, physically. Carol White? No, not she.

Carol White's been very worried about this child. She hasn't slept for, I would say, two and a half months, judging by her face. Oh, I love Carol White. She'll be safe for those who don't know. So she was Naomi Campbell's ex-agent, wasn't she? Well, she was her agent, yeah. And she looks like someone who was once

Naomi. She's got that harrowed, brow-beaten look. When I say bro-beaten, I don't mean with a phone. I mean metaphorically. Yeah, and... Sorry. That's not Naomi is at the door. I'll tell you what I love about this.

The story is that she was... This is Naomi's version. There's several versions knocking it back. She said she was in her bedroom at night, having been to this dinner, and there was a knock on the door, and two men stood there with a small pouch. I think they were probably marsupials,

judging by the evidence. Two men stood there with a small pouch and said, a gift for you. Yeah. And I'll tell you what I love about that. It's that a gift for you is and i'll tell you what i love about that all right it's that a gift for you is something you only ever read i know you know when you read the magazines from the news the world and stuff and you get like a cuckoo clock based on the sound of music and it'll say something

like a gift for you or it'll be a plate with the queen mother on oh I mean pictorially. I don't mean her remains. That would be unsightly in the extreme. Just ashes and the little wooden teeth. It says something like a gift for you. I imagine they slightly held their hands up like the girls on the

Price is Right. I love it. I'm enjoying, Frank, about the courtroom scenes. I'm watching it as well. I'm liking the fashion aspect of it. Right. Naomi, I'm loving her courtroom chic. Yeah, she's sort of dressing to say I'm a bit more sensible and decent than you think.

Wearing a little cardigan. A beehive. A beehive and a sort of cream. That's on her. A bit noisy. Yeah, she's... No no but i like her look she's got her look together i think because it's quite innocent isn't it her look there is a certain courtroom look i used to know some like bad lads in in the skinhead days yeah back in the 70s

and they used to talk you know when you have your haircut very very short you asked you asked used to ask for a number one or a number two or a number three, and that's how they set the clippers. So number one is really, really short, and number two a bit less so, and number three a bit less so. And they used to say, I have number one, number two for course appearances. So she's gone in for that.

And the other thing was the Grand Master of Flags. Courtney Griffiths? That was marvellous. Now, that's one of the barristers, isn't it? And he's brilliant. He's become a bit of a hero. See the one I saw a clip where he was saying, the woman was talking, he said,

well, I suggest that you're lying. Yeah. He said to her. And she said, that's very nice of you. Thank you. Said Carol White. Carol White, you could see suffering from going like 40 minutes without a cigarette.

That's the general sense of her. But, I mean, she's paid over the years, I would have thought. But anyway, yeah, what did he say to her? Courtney Griffiths said, I suggest to you. No, no, he said, there ain't nothing funny, it's all about the money. Which is a grand masterful.

That's the message. It's reminiscent of during the OJ Simpson trial. Judge Ito, my favourite judge. Yeah, Judge Ito. Favourite judge ever. He was sitting there and there was a woman and she said she'd been driving past the house and she'd heard noises, screams.

And the defence tried to suggest that she had on a car radio so she wouldn't have been able to have heard it. And she said, yeah, I did have on my car radio. And he said, at what station were you listening to the defence? I was having a go. And she said, I can't remember what it was, but it was something like KJWD. And Judge Ito said, I can't remember what it was, but it was something like, oh, KJWD. And Judge Ito said, classic rock.

Came in like a... Can you imagine any English judge saying that? Like, they'd have any idea what it was. There's no... I don't think there's any cool judges. Our judges say, who is this gazza? Who is gazza? That's what they say, yeah. So that was very wonderful. And it's been a bit of a week for emotional women in the press.

Something which Emily was on about, which I found particularly delightful. Oh, yeah. Lilia Koppelova are you talking about? I have no idea if that's how you pronounce her name. No. But that's how I'm pronouncing it. She said she's been fired. She's been let go, I should say. By Strictly.

By Strictly. Oh. So she gave a quote and she said she was so upset that she cried for a whole 40 minutes. Now, I really respect that. What I really want to know is this. Did she, was that prescriptive or descriptive? So did she think, I'm really, really upset. Let me see now, what time is it?

I'm going to give it, say, 40 minutes. So I'll be out of tears about eight minutes past. And then start crying. Or did she start crying, just note the time, and then when she finally finished crying, she went, so that must have been what? Then start crying. Or did she start crying? Just note the time. Yeah. And then when she finally finished crying, she went, oh, so that must have been, what, 40 minutes? God, I'm upset.

Well, it says as soon as I put the phone down, I burst into tears, then carried on for around 40 minutes. Oh, so she... So I think it was afterwards she thought. So how long was that? It's interesting, though, to have lied. But I sometimes do that, to be honest. I might think I'm upset. I have to, like, if I don't have time to cry,

I might be upset. If I go home, you might factor it in. If you don't have time to cry. I might be upset. So you'll take a rain check on tears. I might just think I'll sort out all my errands and all my little bits. I'll do ten minutes now,

and then another 30 later. Yeah, just do it later. Are you a droid? Philip Schofield droid I find that very peculiar it reminded me of there used to be a thing they used to have on Sky Sports

in the early days is that on the Monday night game which was often not one of the big games of the week it would be something like Sheffield United versus Oldham Athletic On the Monday night game, which was often not one of the big games of the week, it would be something like Sheffield United versus Oldham Athletic, right? And they used to have a thing called the Star Strikers, who were these dancing girls who would come on before and dance on the pitch.

And then at the end of the game, they used to have fireworks and play Land of Open Glory, which is, after Sheffield United and Oldham have just drawn nil, nil is not really what you want. Anyway, one of these sky strikers, the dancing girls, what are they called the girls who dance? Like cheerleaders. One of these cheerleaders, on one night, they had her on

with the pundits, so there was Andy Gray and stuff, and they had this cheerleader girl. They were all, all the men got a bit giggly and started making fools of themselves because there was an attractive woman in the studio. And they said to her, so how did you become a Sky Striker? And she said, well, you know,

I've got this call now and it's a great honour. You know, I'm so thrilled about it. She said, because, you know, it's difficult at the moment, you know, she said, in that line of work, she said, because, you know, there's a recession going on. This would have been in the 80s. She said, there's a recession going on. Maybe the 90s.

And she said, the thing is, she said, whenever there's, you know, money short, it's always the arts that gets caught first. Oh, God bless her. Oh, the arts. God bless her. Actually, speaking of football, I always think that footballers are promiscuous.

I don't know if that's controversial. It's a very idea. But the most surprising thing for me was the Peter Crouch of all people. Oh, with Abbie Clancy and... Because you can't help but thinking, look when you see it there, there is a man who's batted well, well, well above his average. In normal... By his own confession, I remember reading an interview with him when he said the funniest thing I've ever heard a footballer say.

They said, what would you be if you weren't a professional footballer? And he said, a virgin. Yeah, which I respected him for. Yeah, that was a really good line, and it was fab. And you just think he'd be so... I know you can't judge what goes on in a relationship, but he seems brighter than most footballers. Fina?

This is where you're so wrong, Frank. Do you know what you've got wrong? What have I got wrong? Well, always watch the ugly ones. Come on, what have I got wrong? Always watch the ugly ones. Watch the ugly ones? Yeah, because when the ugly ones get a bit of fame and money,

they're the worst ones for putting their hand in the cookie jar. Because they're not used to the attention. Good-looking men like Gareth and yourself have had attention all your lives. Used to the attention. So you're used to the attention. No, but you've always been funny, haven't you? So you yourself have had attention all your life used to the attention well so you're used to the attention no but you've always been funny haven't you so you've always had attention in that respect i haven't really i i didn't really i struggled struggled struggled um to to get girls until i got a bit of celebrity i'll be honest with you i got my chance and i took it with both hands found someone who liked me went in in for the kill. No, well I did

I kind of, I went I took the cookie jar in both hands Did you? But you know it was, I was really the terrible thing, I mean it said that she that they were in a cab, in the back of a cab

and it said she performed an act I think she did like 10 minutes of stand-up. I don't know how it went. I imagine by that point it was a pretty... I know how it went. So, you're very tall. But she performed an act, I mean, in a cab. I imagine... Peter Crouch as well.

I mean, it'd be like... I imagine there was a knee out of each window. Oh, right! No, but he's so... He's so long and spiky. It'd be like, I imagine there was a knee out of each window. Oh, right. No, but he's so long and spiky. It'd be like, you know those, do you know what a hill's hoist is? No. It's one of those. Hills from a moose moose.

Is that something to do with that? No, no. Okay. I thought you'd invented it. It's one of those things that you dry your clothes on if you've only got a very small garden. Oh, we had one of those in our flat in Edinburgh last year. It's one of those things that you dry your clothes on if you've only got a very small garden. Oh, we had one of those in our flat in Edinburgh last week. It's like a police system.

There's one central strut, and then there's all these spiky bits, and you can't get very close to it because you might have your eye out. It's very... That's what I imagine it was like in the back of that cab. Oh, God. It was like...

She wasn't bad-looking, though, the woman, which is always annoying, because what you want to say if you're the wronged girlfriend is say something rude about how she looked but she was actually quite pretty. That's a let down. But they're going to stay together it said. They're going to give it another go. That's what she told the girls who work on the counter

in white clothes. I don't think she's quite worked out this press conference. I think she should have said thank you for helping me to work up. I think that's what she should have said. Too thin. Too thin, almost translucent.

She told a girl on the checkout counter. She told a woman who once walked past Waitrose. But she said that the cab driver was... He was involved. He gave some change and stuff while this was going on in the back. Bear in mind, I'm a man who just a couple of weeks ago was told I couldn't have fish and chips in a car. So I need to find out that cab company where they have a more broad-minded approach. I didn't tell you about that, did I, Gary?

No, I didn't. Yeah, I said to the guy. Oh, God, he can't let it go. I was so, I can't tell you how angry I was. We'd just been talking about, I'd been talking about, I'd just got back from Norway, where we ate massive meals every night, buffet meals.

People would, as my girlfriend said, the crowd would descend on this food, as she said, like seagulls on a dead lion. I don't know how that happened. I imagine a circus ship had gone down. It was floating on the surface of the water.

Anyway, this bloke, I asked if I could have fish and chips. And not only did he poo-poo that, but he said, all you can have is water. He said, no Coke, cola or anything in the back of the car. But he's allowed to poo-poo in a cab. I knew you'd seize on poo-poo. When I said it, I thought he was going to seize on that. And then Peter Crouch is getting away with infamy.

I don't know. So he's got a yellow card. He's got a yellow card. And if he does it again, then maybe he'll be sent off. Or maybe he'll get another yellow card and won't be allowed to play in the next relationship. Yes. I think, yeah, you'll get a two-relationship suspension.

I don't know quite how that works. They need a disciplinary system, don't they, for these footballers. They're out of control. That's the only thing they understand. So, I tell you what, you haven't mentioned Ethan for a long time. Ethan? You remember him, your child. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

I've seen him around the house. No, he's very lovely at the moment. He does kisses now. He can do kisses. So he does a little kiss face and says, I want a kiss, and I give him a kiss, and his mum gives him a kiss. But he's taken to doing it when he's first met people.

So what's wrong with that? You say that like it's a bad people. So what's wrong with that? You say that like it's a bad thing. Not in a way that is fashionable. He sounds very arts and crafts. Not like, oh, darling, darling, both cheeks. No, not like that. Like me, you mean? Yeah.

How old is he now? He's one in a couple of months. OK. And a couple, so 12 months, 14 months. How old's a year? How old's a year? How old's a year? I'm medieval. I'd be 14 summers.

Poo-poo me. How old's a year? It starts at the opening of a fabulous poem. It'd be three autumns. Okay, so he kisses, if you have someone

come round, he kisses them. We met two, we met Alice, who you have someone come round, he kisses them. We met Alice, who you know, and Niamh, who's my tech person. Two nice young ladies, and he demanded kisses from them. He did his kiss face. Do you think he's taken advantage? Well, it was a bit awkward, because they'd just met him, and quite pretty ladies, and he wanted kisses.

I'm sure he did want kisses, but you learn to just, you know, work towards it rather than demand it. Yeah. And also he did it to... We were in the ark. In the Pleasance, there's an ark where you can take children, which I suddenly realised...

Two at a time. You had the joke when it started raining and you went, oh, yeah, this is why they've got an arc here, because it's going to rain constantly. Oh, they're always about the comedy up here. They're sick of it. What? And he demanded a kiss from a male comedian friend of mine.

Oh. How did that go? Well, he dealt with it very well and just sort of... Emily does that to me all the time. It's very embarrassing. Oh, dear. Well, anyway, so we're near the end of the... Do you think we recorded it, Em?

Yeah. You do? Yeah. Oh, never mind. In case any of you don't know, the last one we did, it was a mistake. God, I tell you. When Emma found out and said we haven't recorded it,

I got so, I said, it was very nice of her, I said we all make mistakes, but I put the phone down and I thought, that was the funniest thing. And I, honestly, I really needed, you know, you really need to scream and, oh. Oh. Happily. You know, you really need to scream and... Oh. Oh. Happily, just in time.

The autumn leaves. That's just about as chilled out as I can get. So, look, thanks for listening, guys, and we'll be back on Saturday morning with the show Live from Edinburgh. And can I just say, we love you all.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Frank. Frank Skinner. That's the radio.