The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner Not The Weekend Podcast: 15th Feb 2011

Episode Date: February 14, 2012

This week Frank is joined by Holly Walsh and Alune Cochrane. They discuss Peeping Toms, break-ups and Dragon's Den.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-draw comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. Frank! Frank! Frank! Skimmer! Frank Skimmer! Absolute Radio! Guess what?

What? No, guess what? What? What? No, guess what? What? This is the Not The Weekend podcast with Frank Skinner. Hello, Mr Radio. The Governor. Alan Cochran. The Cockerel.

And, um, Holly Walsh I thought you were going to get friend of the show there no I think she's gone beyond that friend of the show let's face it it hasn't not far enough it's that limbo when you're too in

to be a friend of the show but not quite far enough in to be a friend of the show, but not quite far enough in to get your own jingle. She looks solemn now. Sobbing gently. Could that be my jingle? Just a really quiet sob? And Holly Walsh. It's a thought, yeah.

OK, let's do it. I went to renew my driving licence, by the way, the other day, and the post office. I had to have my photo taken. And the man behind the counter got two enormous skull rings. You know, like he might be involved in some sort of cult. Satanic group. Yeah, and I love it when... What fingers were they on?

What's, like... They were like... Wedding? They were quite... I can't remember now what they were on, but, you know, sometimes when you come in touch with someone who's wearing the suit and tie because they have to, but there's things like the ponytail and the tattoos and the rings and you think you don't ever dress like this

in your normal life you're a crazy demon worshiping heavy metal enthusiast a friend of a friend is a horologist which is a clock expert oh yes and he has very tiny, thin tattoo that comes up the back of his neck. Just a long line. Is it a second hand? And when he takes his, and he has to wear a sort of suit all the time, when he takes it off, he's got a full longoustine on his back. Really? And what is, is that just like one of its

antennae sticking up? Yeah, it's a full, like it wraps around his ribcage and everything. Amazing. I've slaughtered a long-wisting as part of a cookery course I did with Raymond Blanc. Nice. Yeah, I had to kill a long-wisting and also a horse. I had to kill a horse with a lump hammer.

And what did you use for the long-wisting? A toffee hammer? No, I just used my bare hands. How do you kill a horse with a lump hammer. And what did you use for the long whiskey, a toffee hammer? No, I just used my bare hands. How do you kill a long whiskey? You pull the back off it, basically, I think, and it has a heart attack. You don't just put them in water? No, there's a strong sense of pulling its trousers down. But I think some of it's in... I mean, looking back, I'm not too happy about it,

but we had to do it as part of the course. Yeah. Is that one of your biggest regrets? I think it's the biggest regret of my life that I allowed Raymond Blanc to use me as an angel of death. You know Raymond Blanc's name is in English?

Ray White. Yeah. Just saying. Hashtag. And now it's time for the Very Hungry Englishman with ray white it wouldn't work at all would it i think i killed a a white ray as well what's a white ray you know like a ray those fishes those big flatfish i'm scared of that that's what i've got a phobia

about those they're like the duvets of the sea i know what you mean they freak me out that's what i'm scared of that's what i do i touched one at the you know the touching pool at the london aquarium no yeah you can children love it you take it like a petting pool yeah it is so you can stroke the fish and that in there and there was a ray in there and i was with a small child and obviously he was very keen to to uh to touch this ray that's like the main centerpiece the other things are quite small little fish so the ray was going in the opposite direction so i just grabbed one of its um floppy fins and and pulled it back and the woman said to me oh don't can you not can you not pull the rays out because sometimes they just you

know pieces of them just come away in their hand and i thought i wouldn't like to have done that in front of the small child oh i've pulled the side off a ray i hate it when that happens i love the idea of this ray trying to move away from you and all you could do is just reach out it was there to be touched that's the, that the kids get to touch the ray. I bet the ray hasn't consented to it. Well, then it shouldn't be in there. Well, it doesn't want to be. That's the whole point.

If it had signed something, that would have... I don't know what tog it was. You'd think a good, sturdy tog would have... Do this. You'd have thought that you couldn't have pulled it. If it was a 24 tog, you couldn't pull the side off it. No, certainly not if it had momentum. You'd be dragging it.

It'd be like a tog of war. Yeah, a tog of war. No, it's had some momentum. It's not a big pull. It couldn't... I wouldn't say it could build up steam in there. Maybe when you've got the swimming concourse, you could get in there.

Are you allowed in? No, you can't actually get in. The only way I could do it is to swim under a very big ray and hope I wasn't spotted. What's happened to me? When you said you can't get in, there was a bit of me that was thinking, health and safety gone mad.

What have they done to the world? What's happened to me? If I swam under a very big ray, I imagine my girlfriend would also swim over it and pull most of it over to her side. That's who they are with the rays. What was we talking about? Oh, I'll tell you something else I saw this week,

which will leave you on the seat of your pants. Hey. Is I was in my flat and I looked through the window and in another flat in my block, I could see Duncan Ballatine. Bannatine? Is that what he's called? I could see him. Bannatine.

It's Bannatine. Is this a story actually about a non-celeb? Yeah. Ballatine. Called Duncan Ballatine. Is that what... Bannatine, is it? It's Bannatine. He has gone to some trouble to make... Is it like Hammer Time?

He has gone to some trouble to make you aware of his name by calling his chain of gyms Bannatines and his hotels Bannatines. Okay, well, I thought it was... Bannatine. You have met him, haven't you? Wouldn't it have been great if when I kill that horse that Michel Blanc...

No, Raymond Blanc had put on It's Hammer Time. Oh, no. And he doubled up with The Black Beauty. Anyway, so I saw Duncan Bannatyne being measured up for a suit.

One of those tailors that you never see anymore. They put the tape around the neck. And I was looking up from my window at the Ballotine measuring, and I was playing ukulele at the same time. So I stood in the window playing the uke while he was measuring. I thought, we've become showbiz clichés, Duncan and I. Our home life is exactly what people expect. Yeah, yeah, you're playing George Foreman.

But it was quite exciting to see, because he was... Did he look down at you? Well, I was worried that he might look down, and so I stood slightly back from the window and went into peeping Tom mode. Traditional stalker's mode. What was he wearing, though? I mean, if he's being measured for a suit, was he in a suit or was he in boxer shorts and a string vest, as I'm picturing him? He was in an official Olympic swimming leotard.

Where he'd got that from, I don't know, probably from his gym. They probably get a few advance copies. No, he was just in, you know, trousers and dress shirt. Not dress, dress shirt. But he looked... I got the feeling that this... Why was the man at his flat? Why didn't he go into the shop, obviously? He's a busy man.

You reach a level where they just come round your house and mess you... It's like Alan Partridge being allowed in Dixon's when it's shut. Did that happen? Yeah. Did you know that he was your neighbour? Yes. He once, actually, he, I met him in the foyer, and we shook hands and talked about show business.

It's an incredibly show business story, this, that you can see through flats and see people being tailored. The nearest I've got, I live in Manchester and I'm a bit more earthy than you, I think it could be said. I occasionally see people trying a shell suit on in JJBs or something like that, walking past. Elton John. What is it with Elton John and the shell suit? He's a very, very rich man and yet he really likes a shell suit. He thinks he's in The Sopranos, that's what happens.

You get to the other end and you just go, oh, yeah, I'm going to really relax now. It's just that if Elton John is entering a room, I want to hear... It's Sir Elton John. What I don't want to hear is... As his jobby thighs rub together. I don't want that.

But why does he wear the shell suit? Often he'll wear quite a white one, so he doesn't even try and go subtle. Anyway, my thing is, I tell you what I've come to, in later life, what I've come to do, is if I hear, sometimes in the night you hear a blood-curdling scream where I live. You're not quite near the House of Commons. Yeah.

London, just general London. Yeah, so I hear what could be distress, is what I'm saying. What could be distress is what I'm saying. And one could argue that what I should do is I should go out and make sure everything's OK or at least look through the window, call the police or something. What I usually do is I make a mental note of the time. I do that. Yeah, I think 4.14.

So if they say to me, did you hear anything on the night of the murder? I can say 4.14 and that will help them in their enquiries. Also, if I see a car driving off in a sort of suspicious manner, I try and remember the last three letters of the number plate. Alphabet. X, W,

R. Do you do that? Yeah. Well, that's moving into the area of amateur sleuth. That's what I'd say. They're often together, those words, aren't they? Amateur sleuth. When you said amateur, I knew sleuth was coming.

Yeah, well, sleuth's such a lovely word, though, isn't it? It's great, yeah, yeah. Do you have neighbourhood watch? Do you have some sort of neighbourhood monitoring system? I imagine there's staff for that, isn't there? No, well, the thing is, you see, my flat at the front is very nice and at the back it's a dark netherworld.

So that's where the screams come from at night. The back of your flat? Yeah, so not the back of my flat. The back of my flats. If I heard a scream from the back of my flat, I'd be distressed. You remember. 4.14 in the bathroom.

I must remember. All right, off to sleep. Yeah. So I don't go and investigate, but I did once see from my flat, well, a couple completely in in the act i saw that i saw that on the top of a bus on the top happened on the top of a bus or from the top of a bus no i was on the it wasn't on the top of a bus it was on the top deck of a bus okay but it was happening it was happening

and this is it was at night was it out and topped huh it was a night i was the only person on the top deck sitting right at the front like i own the bus you know that feeling yeah i love that sitting at the back do you ever do you ever do just a little bit of mime driving when you're sitting at the front i i don't i don't steer so much now but i do occasionally change gear in that front seat it It's an amazing feeling. That's when you feel like you've really made it. But I do worry there isn't a seatbelt on that seat. Surely everything about the seatbelt law

tells you that there should be seatbelts on the front seat of the top deck of a bus. Carry on. So it was dark, obviously lit up within the bus. So it made the whole of the front window like a giant mirror. Ah, yes. So, I was innocently sitting there, while the couple at the back were... Less innocently.

Less innocently sitting there. Yes. Well, they're sitting, they didn't lie down. No, they were both sitting. Okay, let's not go into too much detail. And I could watch it all. Really? Yeah.

Brilliant. That's what that was. You know that big mirror? You know that big circular mirror at the front? That's how the driver could watch it as well. Everyone knew it was happening. Oh, man. Oh, goodness.

But I was being really British about it, thinking, I don't want to embarrass them by looking like I've noticed and leave. So I just stuck it out. Did you? Did that help? I used to live in Coventry, of course, which is the home, the historical home of Peeping Tom. Is it?

Yeah, Peeping Tom. Is that Godiva? Yeah, because when Lady Godiva went past, I think the deal was that Lady Godiva said to her husband, I can't remember what she was after, but she said, if you do blah, blah, I'll drive, I'll drive, I'll ride, I'll drive through Coventry on a Segway PT, naked. No, I'll drive through Coventry on a horse, naked.

And so he did it, and then she told everyone that they had to, no-one could look and they had to shut everything up, so no-one saw her. And then peeping Tom, I think he drilled a hole in one of his shutters, and so he could watch her go past. An early peephole. Yeah. This is where you get the saying, you know, that Channel 4 have made a hole

in the shotters documentary about... I've never heard that saying. No, I made that up. It's better than Fly on the Wall, isn't it? Because there are flies on the wall, but do they really pay attention? Also, if it's a Fly on the Wall documentary, you'd need several pictures all mixed up together

like they used to do on top of the pops. Yeah, you're right. I used to sing a song at school about Lady Godiva. Is it one that you could sing? Galloping Godiva was a brave and plucky dame Nudity and nakedness, the essence of her fame Hold on, were you taught by Richard Stilgoe? and plucky dame. Nudity and nakedness, the essence of her fame. Riding out on horseback. Were you taught by Richard Stilgo?

Riding for a dare. Riding into Coventry, stuck naked in the square. Galloping, galloping. Yes, okay. Brilliant. Did you write it yourself? Yeah, I've since written another one about the top deck of a bus. Well, don't sing that.

There's something exciting about seeing someone when you're not seeing yourself. top deck of a bus. Yes. Well, don't sing that. No, it's terrible. Keep your time. There's something exciting, though, about seeing someone when you're not seeing yourself. I mean, you know, Ballantyne. What's he called again? Bannatyne. Yeah, Bannatyne.

That's the beauty of television, though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So I could have just watched him on Dragon's Den, looking back. He's actually

responsible for the funniest I've ever been to my wife. And I'm not saying that this is funny. But she found it funny. She was eating a marmalade cake at the time. A marmalade cake? I've never heard of that. It was nice. Sounds delish. I remember because I made her laugh

so much that she got a little bit of crumb stuck in her back and that she couldn't get it out for days. It's still stuck in there. And we were watching Dragon's Den and I was airing my theory that I think a good product on Dragon's Den

would be the driving nappy. A nappy that you can wear whilst doing long drives so that you don't have to pull into the motorway. I then said, I reckon Banner Time would go for it. I reckon he'd say I've actually got a haulage company and when my driver stopped for a job he'd say I'm not making

me money. I'm in. And it ended her. It's the funniest I've ever been in 10 years of marriage. Honestly. Not marriage but 10 years of a relationship. There was a really weird story in the paper a few years ago about an astronaut who went to murder another

astronaut who was having an affair and she drove across the whole of America in one go and she never stopped because she had all the food and drinks she needed and a makeshift nappy. Yeah, what I didn't get about that story, she wore a NASA nappy, in fact, which is what

astronauts wear so that they don't have to... But it said that it was something like a thousand mile journey and she didn't have to stop to go to the toilet. But how big was her petrol tank that she could do that non-stop? Perhaps she had a BMW 320

diesel with stop-start technology. She could have used a stingray as well, would have been another solution. Instead of a nappy. Stingray? Just a ray. Okay. Like a duvet. Like a duvet. A do-ray.

I understand. I don't know, what do you mean? Just wee into it? Just wrap it round you like a giant nappy. Wee into a ray? Is that what you're suggesting she should do? She should wee into a ray? And that would make're suggesting she should do? She should wean to a ray? And that would make it all right to go and kill somebody? No way, Joe Say.

As they say in the Marini. No ray, Joe Say. OK, I'll settle for that. On the subject of Dragon's Den, I don't know if you've seen that story, that one of the guys that was on Dragon's Den got some money out of Theo Pafitis and Peter Jones. Bannatyne is not in this story. Oh, this is the satsuki, isn't it? They stumped up 230 grand or something and the guy hasn't seemed to have developed the product.

It seems that he's blown it on a luxury lifestyle. Well, we don't know that for sure, but there's allegations, certainly. It may, it seems. I mean, maybe he's got a sat ski, but he's meant to have gone to court, and he hasn't. I've never skied, but I imagine that...

Isn't it just down? Don't you just go down? Why do you need a sat nav for skiing? It is one of those... I've only skied once, and i didn't like it um and and yeah i agree it's either up or down in it i've only skied uh in wales in a um dry slope skiing and you didn't you find the bottom all right you knew where you were every step of that way yeah yeah or every slip every slider that way you know there's no steps so what do they do

why do they do? Why do they need that? Is that to find your way to the... I think it's when people go off-piece. Oh. When they go off-piece. Okay. Fair enough. I don't get it.

It doesn't seem like it's worth all that, does it? But maybe they know more about these things than we do. I would love it. You know how sometimes they do behind the scenes with Dragons' Den? I should get a big spreadsheet i know it's not interesting tv but i would be interested and showed all the things that they'd invested in and all the returns they'd got for it and how much money they'd actually lost because you never see what happens afterwards they only show you a few success stories i bet you 85 of them fail no yes surely not yeah well two of the things that they've said no to have done really well, haven't they? I like that, when that happens.

When they say, oh, no, don't deal by this, and then you see them in the high street. Double glazing, I think they turn that down. Do they turn double glazing down? They turned down those little children's suitcases with wheels, didn't they? Yeah, the wheels, yeah. They turned those down, and they're immensely popular. One thing they turned down that I would definitely...

Television, I think they turned that down. Yeah. The volume. The bag. They turned down the bag. Oh, no, I turned it down when they came on. I remember now. They turned down the bag.

The bag. You'd think, you know, the bag. Yeah. It's very famous, isn't it? The bag. When people talk about sliced bread being the most amazing invention, I do think you're overlooking the bag. Yeah.

Because that's really useful, isn't it? But is that an invention or a discovery? Because we have various, you know, there are bags in nature. Like a pouch. A pouch and a joey. But I suppose an orange is like an early prototype for sliced bread. That is true. Yeah, I was very disappointed when I first saw Dragon's Den.

I really hoped it was going to be Leslie Grantham doing a big Dungeons and Dragons programme. She never used to do that Fort Boyard. Oh, yeah. Like, it was based on a sort of... Like an oil rig with dwarfs running around it really quickly. And it is a real island, isn't it? Well, is it an island, or is it a...

It looked like some sort of a structure. I've been to the sea forts. Are we talking about those? I don't know. You used to work on the rigs. No, no, I went out to a sea fort in the middle of the... Just about six miles off Whitstable Coast. And they were used for all the

pirate radio stations were there, but previously to that they were built by, I think, the Navy or something for, um, cross, you know, missiles and gun, to, and gun. You're right, it's just, what is this? It's my attempt to be on the History Channel.

I, um, I am Lord of Sealand, which is... You are? Yeah. Oh, are you? Yeah, I interviewed a guy whose father claimed this place. It had been a sort of military thing out in the sea, and the bloke claimed it.

And he made it a principality. You met the Lord of Sealand? Yeah. I thought you said you were the Lord of Sealand. No, no, I met the Lord of Sealand? Yeah. I thought you said you were the Lord of Sealand. No, no, I am a Lord of Sealand. This bloke is the absolute boss of Sealand. He's the absolute boss? Is that the level? Yeah, he granted me lordship.

Interestingly. Do you get a seat in the House of Lords with that, or is it just a title? No, I asked him that, and he looked at me. I think that's the place... Some dismay. Sorry, carry on. I think that's the place, one of those big Swedish download sites. You know those really big download sites on the internet? What are you talking about?

They tried to buy... Swedish download sites? They tried to buy... Music. Music download. They tried to buy that island so that they could... What, Sealand? Sealand, because it didn't fall under any sort of jurisdiction,

so they would have freedom to make up their own rules or whatever. And the guy, they said, how much can we buy it for? And I think they offered him, like, 7 million or something, and the guy was like, it's 50 million, and they were like, screw that. I don't know the details, but there was... No, I guessed you didn't know the details. But why let that get in the way of retelling the story? That's my motto.

Well, yeah. What? I agree with that. The one thing I would say in this man's favour, the man who made the satsuki, which makes me think he's an all right bloke, is he's called Baumgartner, which is German for tree gardener.

Isn't he also called Jean-Claude? Yeah, but that's alright. I just like the idea that there's a headline, Jean-Claude damned if you do, damned if you don't. There must be a Jean-Claude Van Damme headline in this story. But the Baumgartner, I love the idea of him tending trees, mending branches.

The tree also, the arch enemy of the skier. I thought the avalanche was the arch enemy. No, I think they're all right with the avalanche. If you're late, that could be a godsend. I thought the summer was the arch enemy of the skier. Again, they're fine with the summer. I think it was Sonny Bonner, wasn't he, who skied into a tree and died? Was it?

Anyone who's a big Sonny and Cher fan didn't know that. I'm sorry I didn't break that more gently. I couldn't think of a diplomatic way around it that would still hold the attention of those that already knew. What else? I saw someone get dumped this week. Oh. Really badly.

Was it a cat? And was Mary Bale involved? Too soon. Too soon, sorry. The cat lived. Not enough Mary Bale references. The cat lived at least once. When you say you saw someone get dumped,

do you mean a surfer who was too high up and fell off? Is that what they call it? I think they call it getting dumped, don't they? Surfers get dumped, yeah. But you don't mean that, do you? You mean a relationship break-up? I was in a service station just outside Oxford. Right.

A couple on the table next to me. A little glimpse into the life of a comedian there. I was... A listener. I was fag-ending on a conversation. What's the word? Do you use that phrase? Eavesdropping.

Eavesdropping on a conversation. Oh, yeah. Very serious, good-looking couple. Oh, really? Having the talk. It was very, very upsetting. She was, like, close to... Were they at a plastic table like that in the cafe?

Yeah, yeah. Oh. She was very close to tears. Oh. He was explaining it, and it was an awful i mean absolutely awful he was trying his best was he giving sort of support and evidence as to why it was like you know it was one of those like it's not you it's me but it was clearly you know one of those things and uh i just thought what an awkward place to dump someone because the chances

are you're both in the same car so you're going to have to drive on that journey is going to have to continue I've done that journey have you? Oh god, terrible you did a service station break up? no, but I've split up with someone and then I've had to drive them the rest of the journey

and that's very difficult, the thing about services you can usually get a 20 great break up hits from the shop. What does he talk about? You don't talk about anything. You don't even put the radio on because it seems disrespectful to the air of bereavement. So you're just driving otter, otter silence.

Otter silence. Otter, otter. Otter silence. He is the lord of SeaWorld, isn't he? Yeah. Exactly. The stingrays and the otters. He has silence. He has otter silence. I is the lord of SeaWorld, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The stingrays and the otters. When Frank has silence, he has otter silence.

I didn't want to talk advantage. No, it's a very awkward thing. And also getting dumped in the services. I couldn't trust myself being dumped that close to a pick and mix. I think I might go over the top. Yeah. Have you got any bigger scoops? It would be a double whammy for me because I'd be like oh no i've been dumped i really fancy a cup of tea three quid for

a cup of tea exactly but it was quite the double whammy i don't know if you'd get over it but then i was thinking about it i thought maybe there is a logic to it because they're they're never really going to go back to that place i mean could always, and he could always avoid that service station. Well, I don't know. That depends on petroleum spirit, highly inflammable. True. If you're, you know, if you're on, if your light's on, you're going to have to start with it, whether it brings back heartbreak or not.

But you're only going to have to spend seven minutes tops there. Yeah, and about 40 quid. That's enough there to wrench your heart out of its awnings. Yeah, but I've been dumped in places that I really liked. You know, I've gone to, like, nice restaurants and cafes, you know, nice places that I thought, you've just ruined this spot for me. Now they're drenched in sorrow.

Yeah, now I can never go back there. Really? Do you think that? Oh, no, I did the... Bella Pasta, just off the Charing Cross Road, is ruined for me now. Really? Yeah. Oh, well, I've got a Benapasta, just off the Charing Cross Road, is ruined for me now. Really? Yeah. Oh, well, I've got a terrible food suggestion for after here today.

Whoops. Oh, I was once dumped by a woman, and without any... There was no place. She just didn't turn up, didn't answer my phone calls. And a friend of hers said she doesn't want to see you anymore. I asked the friend, and she said, apparently, she doesn't like tonguy kissing. Now, that's something that we could have...

We could have cleared that up. You know what I mean? She could have driven you to a motorway service station, had a chat about that. Yeah. You could have had a cup of tea and then carried on with your life. Yeah, and I... Instead she became a missing person. Yeah, that's...

It's a crazy thing. Why not just say, excuse... Oh, oh, oh, excuse me. I don't actually like the tonguy kissing thing. To be honest, I wasn't that crazy about it myself. I thought she'd expect it of me. Maybe she was using her tongue to push your tongue back in your mouth. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, maybe. I wondered what that was. I thought it was a... Or langoustine. I know... I nearly said espadrille really, I had to stop myself. I know one girl who, uh, who was with a bloke before he turned gay. Like, she was his last girlfriend before he was out, as it were. And so I think it always sort of played upon her mind

that she might have put him off women. I wonder if there's a similar thing. Do you think you've put this girl off tonguey kissing forever? Well, I mean, who knows now? I mean, at the time it was relatively new. Tonguey kissing? Yeah, I was... Oh, did it only come in in the 70s?

Well, this was in the 70s and there wasn't much of it. I think I was a pioneer. Was it just that the moustache was more prevalent and people were trying to lick their lips or something? I don't know. I mean, I just remember hearing about it and thought, well, this is obviously the way to go forward. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

French kissing, of course. That's what it's called in the technical terms. Is it? French kissing. Is that French kissing? Yeah, with tongues. French kissing. OK. It's like French trumpet playing. Same that French kissing? Yeah, with tongues. French kissing. OK. It's like French trumpet playing.

Same principle. Yeah. That's corny, isn't it? It's a discussion of the embrasure again. The embrasure. I think you're thinking of the French horn. I, um... That happened to me.

I had a very brief, um... I mean, very brief relationship with mean very brief, relationship with her. We were talking one night. And she... With a what? With a woman who then turned gay immediately afterwards. Oh. And I, you know, obviously friends pointed out to me, you know, it must have been so horrible that she thought...

Friends, of course, with a certain glee My theory was you know, her lying back and thinking I'm not going to top that Yeah, this cannot be bested Yeah, I need to start a new chapter but who knows, but I remember we spoke about her ambitions

because, you know, she was 50 no, she was she was about 20 at a time when the world is, you know, she was 50. No, she wasn't. No, she was about 20 at a time when, you know, the world is, you know... Your oyster, as the sea lord would say. Yeah. Well, funnily enough, she said to me that one of her ambitions, she wanted to be a marine biologist. Next best thing, I suppose.

Anyway, so, yeah, so I didn't feel bad about it. I felt happy that I was there at a heterosexual farewell. Yeah. A sending-off party. Yeah. Heterosexual. You were a sending-off party. I am.

I have to say, the heterosexual farewell would be a great name for a pub. That would be a heterosexual farewell. Good name for a band. Well, could happen.