The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner Not The Weekend Podcast: 16th November 2011

Episode Date: November 16, 2011

It's Movember so Frank, Laura and Alun feel it appropriate to discuss the moustache, plus further chat about adult half terms and chicken pox lollies.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you about how you can get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win a five-night trip to the New York Comedy Festival while you're there, too. But I've run out of time. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner. Well, it's Christmas time again, and... Oh, sorry? Oh, no, sorry.

Wrong intro. This is not the weekend podcast. This is Frank Skinner through the horse pieces of Absolute Radio. And I'm with Alan Cochran. And I'm with Laura Solon. That's a sort of a French name. That used to be my favourite show when I was eight. Oh, there you are.

Yeah. What is your favourite show now? Choose very carefully. Damages. I like Damages. Okay. And 30 Rock. I think the hint was to pick a Frank Skinner. choose very carefully damages, I like damages ok and 30 rock I think the hint was to pick a Frank Skinner vehicle no that is my show damages

yeah it's about me suing various restaurants workplaces, yeah all sorts it's a lovely thing I tell you that speaking of television which I try not to on the radio, because it just makes people bitter.

Well, if you try not to, can I say epic fail? Because we often talk about television. No, we do talk about it a lot. But I always used to believe that everyone in radio desperately wanted to be in television. But never do I want to be more on radio than when I'm on television. But this is, anyway, this is just alienating the entire audience. We're probably on the number 17 boss on the way to the abattoir

as they listen to this. They don't want to hear my complaints about this, that and the other. I was watching Match of the Day. I hate to stereotype myself, but I was watching Match of the Day the other um i was watching a match of the day i hate to be to stereotype myself but i was watching match of the day the other night and i thought blimey i thought gary linnet has grown a mustache what a strange choice yeah and i mentioned this to somebody and they uh they explained to me that it was movember yeah which of course made me even more confused because um you've always known it as no yeah i mean i must have

misheard it i thought it was a and as in and for not it's m for monkey as it turns out now they explained to me um i'm just going to call it that forever now. They explained to me that it's because people grow moustaches in November for charitable causes. Men.

I had to pay ten grand to Susan Boyle last year. I didn't think she could do it. Turned out she looked like a Victorian gentleman come the December 1st. No, no, yeah, men. I don't think women do it, do they?

That would be quite... That would be great. Women who normally do the top lip think, no, I won't for November. I remember, I think Cheryl Crow told me she didn't shave her legs in the winter because she liked a little bit of extra lagging. Sheryl Crow?

Yeah. Sheryl Crow, that's weird, isn't it? It was Sheryl Crow or Shania Twain, it was one of the two. If it was Sheryl Crow, wasn't she married to Lance Armstrong for a while? Yeah. Who presumably, while she was leaving her... I don't think they were married. I think they might have been, anyway.

But they were certainly a couple. Presumably while Sheryl Crow was leaving her legs hairy for the winter, he's shaving his because he's a cyclist. Maybe that was it. Otherwise, when they made love, there'd be nothing to hold on to at all. So she took the bullet, the hair bullet, for Lance Armstrong. Yeah.

Sorry, I thought I got the name wrong. It is Lance Armstrong. Yeah. Sorry, I thought I got the name wrong. It is Lance Armstrong. I'm thinking of Stretch Armstrong. Do you remember him? Yes. If she went out with him, of course, there'd be no worry about holding on. He could have held on to the door handle

with his elongated arms. So, yeah, Mo, remember, it's confusing for me because I have to admit that Mo is... Well, that's what we used to call homosexuals when I was a young man in Birmingham. Really?

We'd say, yeah, I think that bloke might be a Mo. Oh, as in what? Not in a derogatory way, obviously. But that's what, yeah. So, homosexual. As in short for homosexual. Mo. When I first came down to London doing comedy,

I did a gig at the comedy store. And I remember saying, I've just been to the new gay musical down the road, Five Mo's Named Guy. And everybody just looked at me, what? And then I realised that the Mo thing hadn't caught on. When parochial puns bite you in the bum. Yeah, exactly.

So, yeah, Movember. But did Gary Lineker... Sounds like a big gay event. Gary Lineker, he looked worse with the moustache. Well, of course he's not. He hasn't got the moustache. Oh, he's had that difficult... It was on its way.

You know, so, yeah, it looked odd. See, I think that's critical. When it's on its way, you can tell, oh, this is for Movember, whereas somebody who's got a proper moustache, you think, I daren't say to this guy. I had this the other night, where I wanted to say to a guy,

huh, Movember, and I had to stop myself in case he went... Don't say it to a woman. Can I give you that as advice? No, definitely not. Ah, Movember. Oh, well, that hurts. Well, I think I could have got that from him. He could have just been one of those serious men that was like, no, that hurts. Well, I think I could have got that from him.

He could have just been one of those serious men that was like, no, I've always got a moustache, actually. I don't understand why a man wants to grow a moustache. Scottish or works on the railways. Those are the two... He used to be motorcycle police. Always, always. Well, it's like...

I don't think they make men more attractive. It's like any other sort of question of composition. It's that, you know, if you move the furniture around in your living room, sometimes it looks better. I think if it's part of a whole facial theme, beard, the David Beckham moustache, beard, you know, it looks like they just haven't shaved for a while, it's casual. But when we're talking Poirot

waxy care for a moustache, or just the moustache, it feels to me that it's just, it's incomplete. Poirot's thing must be weird when he had his shower, because like I sometimes pop a little bit of wax into my hair, but when I'm straight out of the shower, it's all lying flat. So when Poirot gets out of the shower,

has he just got like a dro a droopy, hairy top lick? They didn't do that. And then he has to style it upwards. They didn't do that episode. They never did the Poirot shower episode. Do you think he has days, Poirot, where he just stays in, like, tracky bottoms for a sex set and then he starts just dangling?

I'm not even doing it. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah. Done me tea. What else do you want? Over to the waxing and he said, oh no, empty. I'm meant to get some more wax. He can't even leave the house for her. Can't go and

get wax. Has to phone someone and say, can you bring some wax to the house? I can't leave. The crimes that would be committed if he had a hair wax. I'm not even going to think about it. No. I'll only get you down. Yeah, I can't. When. I, uh... I'd love to get you down. Yeah, I... I can't...

I... When I had a beard, I, uh... I had a moustache with it. I didn't go, like, the Amish community who did that thing of just having a beard. From the chin. How much do they hate a moustache?

They'll just have a beard. I wonder if they grow one for Movember. Oh, I don't think they would. The Amish? Their sort of... Their faces surround, they're like a sort of post-nuclear sunflower is what they look like.

Their hair goes all the way around it. They're encircled by their own hair but nothing in the middle to sort of break it off. It might be, if I had a moustache

on its own, it might look better. It does things like it takes the attention off your eyes or something like that. It sort of underscores your nose, doesn't it? It's a face punctuation.

Some men can make them look a bit like a jester as well, can't it, on some men? Can he? I wonder if they put bells on the end. Well, the local cafe I go into, there's a guy there that's doing more of them. In fact, two of them. But one of them, I was talking to them about it the other day, and one of them was going, I've cheated, I started early.

He started in September because... September is really early. No, it must have been October. Yeah. But he gave himself a head start because he knew that even by the end of November he wouldn't have much of a moustache. But he looks all right.

Well, when i grow uh facial hair like that my problem is you know a moustache has got like a gap in the middle yes uh mine has got quite a big gap i mean two they they look on they're about the same distance apart the two halves of the moustache as my eyebrows right Right. So it looks like there's some more eyebrows. If I grew a beard and I cut that into eyebrows as well, my face would look like it had been... It would look like a sergeant face. You know a sergeant as those three in a costume?

It would look like that. Because it's all slopey and unconnected. Or like the middle of your face is doing that trick in a costume. It would look like that. Because it's all slopey and unconnected. Or like the middle of your face is doing that trick in a shop with the mirror, where it's moving its... and just using its own reflection. Yeah, I don't like the gap. I've got a very clear, hairless,

sort of central spine to my face where nothing grows. That means you literally don't have a moustache, you have moustaches. They're two separate entities. Yeah't have a moustache you have moustaches i have two separate entities yeah but they don't look like they don't look anything like moustaches have you ever thought about just going something to color in well i have a tiny bit of the same thing happens when i when i grow sideburns they don't join with the hair they start about half an inch further down my face and when I

I once grew them for charity and the makeup lady on the show I was doing used to colour in the top bit with pen to join them to my hair so all my they say no man is an island but my facial hair is like an archipelago it's a series

it's like the west coast of Norway my facial hair. None of it is connected. Good reference for the podcast listeners who are now Googling images of Norway. You know, they're like hair fields, is what I'm saying. So I couldn't do it, really. It would be rubbish.

Apparently at the RSC they put mascara in their beard so that it looks nice and dark from the stalls. Sometimes make-up ladies do my eyebrows a bit darker because they'll say to me, oh your eyebrows are very blonde, aren't they? They mean grey.

I know they mean grey. Why don't they just say, there's snow on the eaves and I'm done with it. So then they'll darken that. Yeah. On the charity front, I was quite moved this week to hear that

Jimmy Savile, in his will, has left me all of his catchphrases. Oh, that's good. That's useful. So I'm going to auction some of them off for charity. I'm just going to auction some of them off for charity. I'm just going to keep as a memento.

I think. Yeah, Jessie J has already put in for guys and gals. But, you know, that's her business. So I won't be growing the tash. You must have had a tash, Alan. You've got that looked about you. I've had a beard, but not a tash. I think I might have shaved a beard off

and left a bit of a handlebar messed up. Just to see what it looks like. Yeah, that's what men supposedly do. It lasts about a day and then I go in there. But don't you get things just stuck in it? I quite like that, though. I'm a keen snacker. He's a man who doesn't like waste.

I think it's fair to say Yeah, and even that I think I favour the full beard but it doesn't suit me so well and the money I'm wasting on Mac 3 blades oh, they're exorbitant Anyway Don't get me started

Anyway Anyway So, I was going to say I had a really weird moment this week. I was getting off a train in Manchester, and as I was walking towards the platform, I saw a man taking a photograph of the front of the train, which seemed to me to be a bit weird.

He definitely didn't look like a train spotter. And he was there, and it's a Pendolino, like it's a virgin train, it's not like a particularly... What did you call it, a Pendolino? Yeah, they're called Pendolino tilting trains. That's what they're called. Sounds like the name of a little fairy sprite in a... Pendolino.

Pendolino, Pendolino, find your little train. Yeah, exactly. I've never heard that word before. It's a tilting train, it goes faster on that line because it tilts. It sort of cuts the corners a wee bit. It's quite a modern red train, not like a steam train that you would take a photograph of. Does everyone from the north know about trains? I thought so, yeah.

I really did. So I'm thinking, that's weird. This guy's taking a photograph of the front of the train. I get to the front of the train and I turn and have a little glance and I see oh that's why. And there's a bird spattered across the front of the train. It's properly slammed.

The idea of having a photo of that. That's exactly what it occurred to me. That would be part of my dead bird gallery. And when he's going through it going yeah that's my daughter or the picture of a bird spattered to the front of a tree, that's my son, oh, there's a horse on the front of a car or whatever.

You know, it seems a morbid, weird picture to keep. Poor thing. Death by Pendolino. That's a Poirot episode. That's the one where he just loses his motivation. He ends up with the moustache drooping down. I've got that. But he's having his duvet day. It's become a thing, hasn't his motivation. Ends up with the moustache drooping down. I've got that. But he's having his duvet day.

It's become a thing, hasn't it? I used to say on the show that whenever conversation dried up, I always used to start, not on the show, but generally in life, when I grew up, if conversation ever died, somebody would bring up the Bermuda Triangle. Really? Always, and start it. That was always a nice...

That was your first port of call. There used to be also spontaneous human combustion. People bursting into flames. And the fact that Stonehenge was built by aliens. These would be the three things that would come up. They're the go-to. But now what people do is they start getting their phones out and showing photos.

When that happens, you can say that conversation has dried up. I've seen weird ones in there. I've got, pathetically, you know I've got no sense of direction at all. I mean, it's like it's a clinical problem. I've got photos of places where I have to remember to turn left. photos of places where I have to remember to turn left. Which I

take things, or where I've parked, I'll also take a photo of where the car is in relation to somewhere else and I'll find it again. I occasionally put the street into notes or a blank text message. Send it to yourself.

But a photo is always a good way of doing it. That's a good idea. Yeah, but the turning. So if I had to find my way into the car park at the BBC from the BBC building, and they came and collected me from the car park, and as I walked with the researcher, I kept stopping, turning around and taking a photo of key points

so I'd be able to find my way back there on my own. It's a sort of a technological Hansel and Gretel, isn't it? Approach. Throwing down handfuls of rice everywhere you go, isn't it? I've got lots of trees. Lots of tree

pictures. Have you? I mean, a lot. Can you tell, I mean, some of the trees look quite similar so what if it's the same tree they're all from exactly the same angle really that's my favorite if ever i've um in any way morose which i don't really suffer in that i'm very glad to say i'm a very happy-go-lucky kind of guy but sometimes if life's just getting a bit you know stressful i like to sit with my back to a tree. I have been to the park on several... Been to the bark, you see, Freudian slip.

Been to the park on several occasions with the specific purpose of sitting with my back to a tree for 10 or 15 minutes, just to not feel better. And when I'm doing it, I'll often lean up with the phone and take a photo up into the branches. So then when I can't get a tree, I can at least remind myself of the view. Oh. You look at me and I become a bit strange.

No, I think that's good. I think these days with phones, with smartphones, you've got to be very careful of showing someone a picture. Because people then assume they're allowed to flick through the rest of your pictures. It's a little bit of a social etiquette problem for me, because if you're showing someone the picture and someone goes, oh, and then they go through, then you suddenly think, what's on my phone? The secret is to slightly enlarge the picture before you show them. They don't flick so easy once they're slightly enlarged.

I've often thought that. Trees. No, trees are a big thing. I always think if there was no trees, if there was never a tree, and there'd never been a tree, and I put a tree in an art gallery, it would be regarded as one of the great masterpieces of the 21st century. What about that?

We've just finished what I call, where I live, a big leaf season. I get very excited every year come autumn because the little leaves come down first. And then you get these leaves, which I've got pictures of on my phone, that are... Of course you have. That are 13 inches across.

And I made my husband pose with a lot of them, his lung-suffering face, with it near his face to prove that this leaf is bigger than a man's head. Yeah, I remember a group who did that with me in a 50 pence piece once. I was so humiliated. I mean, I don't think

that close to the face of our beloved monarch I felt improper. Yeah, and I've got Pob, the popular children's cartoon character. Do you remember Pob? Pob, the popular children's cartoon character. Do you remember Pob? Pob? Was there one that didn't say any actual words?

Sort of strange language? Probably. Pob-ably. Pob-ably. As opposed to Morph, who spoke plain English. If I get picked up by a car, someone will, from the office or Sarah from this show, will text me and say, has the car turned up? And I used to text back POB, which is passenger on board.

Yeah. And I got a bit fed up of doing it. Someone suggested I used Pab. So I just send the picture of Pab. Obviously, everyone under 38 just thinks, well, I don't understand this at all. But it's better than the 50 pence piece. They should think themselves lucky.

I think I still have a photo in my phone of a Pez dispenser that I then sent you a picture of. Oh, yes, that's right. My son had a Pez dispenser and you liked all the other toys and I know that you were quite excited by that and then I realised, oh, Frank loves a Pez dispenser as well and he didn't even see this was in the bag. The fun he could have had.

He's missed out on it. I was very appreciative of that. I've got loads of... I've got a photo of a deli, like, you know, these sort of ovens that have got the glass top. Do you know what I mean? Ovens with the glass top? Yeah, like a heated area with a glass top

oh yeah just full of quiches and I took this picture of these glowing gold and beautiful looking quiches because I hadn't realised that this old quiche is my mum loves quiche I made a mental note right next time my mum's visiting I'll come back here and get some quiches you see I'd have said that's one for the notepad rather than the photo. It's only when you flick through.

You have to try and remember the narrative of your thoughts. Where did I photograph these quiches? Oh, no, I knew exactly where. It's in Barbican. Anyway. Fair enough. Not plugging them. I don't think they'll be listeners.

The Barbican quiches. That was a strange mystery, wasn't it? I'm Poirot. That was a strange mystery, wasn't it? Yeah. On Poirot. That was on Poirot, yeah. Was it the not very popular sequel to The Witches of Eastwick? It is weird, because most of the stuff that you take photos of are stuff you're excited about, like, you know, quiches. Celebrities.

Or trees, or celebrities, about like you know kishis celebrities or trees or celebrities or you know i've got pictures of uh of a whippet in a red jacket i've got pictures of a in a red whippet jacket yeah yeah you know small blazer i'd be quite excited my trap my rules. Yeah. So I think every time, around this time of the year, when the nights close in and all the big leaves have fallen off and been collected,

there's no joy anymore, and it's off and been collected so there's no joy anymore and it's starting to get cold big leaves are my joy was it the scandinavian writer nut hansen that began a thing said it was autumn that time of the year when everything goes brown and dies sounds scandinavian yes yeah and it gets to that point in the year where it's nearly the end of the year and it's nearly Christmas but it's not quite and as we've all been through schools we're all conditioned to expect

regular holidays throughout our year and I think that what would be nice and helpful for the happiness of the nation is an adult half term which you could nominate you could have it during the Christmas season if you wanted to, maybe you have it around March you can choose, because you don't want to stagger it

you don't want everyone taking it at the same time you should be able to have a week off schools have different half terms a nice week off a nice week off go to the science museum buy a jumbo pencil in the gift shop

and an eraser shaped like a dinosaur probably have to go to the natural history museum for that go to a burger restaurant, have some ice cream do all those half term things sounds like your half terms are a little different from mine I'm thinking go to a mate's house

and drink Advocar when you were 10? Well, certainly when I was about 13, Advocar was the one thing that people had. Are you familiar with this? It's a kind of eggnog. Yeah, sweet. It's before Alcopops,

so you had to have something that children could like that had alcohol in it. Yeah, it was sort of the dark side of custard, Advocar. And we used to drink that trying to get a bit drunk on it. I like the idea of sort of getting high on eggs. Yeah. Like being a weasel. But yeah, so that's what we, that's how I remember half term.

Really? Is dabbling with Advocar. Is this before Bailey's? Was Bailey's even called that? I don't think Bailey's, I don't know, maybe. And we used to build dens. Build dens, yeah.

But I think after Dale Farm. It's not worth the risk, is it? Yeah. They have a half-term holiday, that was happening there. They're all set up for it. I like the idea of a week of doing absolutely, you know. I think it would stop everyone being so cross. A lot of people are cross this time of year. There's a lot of anger this time doing absolutely you know. I think it would everyone being so cross

a lot of people are cross this time of year. There's a lot of anger this time of year. Pushing. If I had the week now I think I'd you know I'd eat pork pie and look at the internet it'd be like somewhat really lazy. That's fine because it's adult half time you can do what you want.

Have you tried a microwaved pork pie yet? I haven't. Remember that guy that emailed in saying that he puts his in the microwave oh yeah it's a bit sweaty no i haven't his idea was you you weren't there this week yeah he microwaves that and all the jelly and that around the meat um melts into into liquid so it's sort of the meat is sort of bobbed. It's a bit like a Coke float. If you can imagine a Coke float that was fat and pork. In a pastry cup. Instead of Coke and ice cream. Laura looks physically repulsed. The reason I could never get on board with pork pies was because of that jelly.

The texture of it. So maybe this would be the solution. But it still feels like it would look disgusting. That's been on my to-do list since that email came in. You'd have that choice that you have with the Coke float, whether you go for the ice cream or whether you drink the float. Do people still drink Coke floats? I remember drinking them.

Oh, God, yeah. I love a Coke float. I'm not sure about them. Yeah, it's like a sort of a very primitive ballpoint pen, I always think, the Coke float. It's like someone's of a very primitive ballpoint pen, I always think. The Coke block. It's like someone's dropped the ice cream in there, the waitress has dropped it in there by mistake, taking someone's dessert.

No, it's great. That's probably how it started. The finding of penicillin, chance is so important in these things. I think probably what happens is that one of those scoops that the dinner ladies used to use for mashed potato, so that that fell into, and someone thought, oh, not very nice, that, but what about if it had been ice cream? You can imagine how it evolved.

Yeah, the evolution of the Coke float. Did you used to get mates who used to... I had a mate who I hadn't seen. We had a kind of a get-together. He'd been a mate of mine when I was a teenager, a young teenager. And about 20 years on, we got to be mates again. And he phoned me up and asked in Birmingham, he said, why don't you come round our house and we can listen to some music?

And I thought, no, that's what you say when you're 13. No-one ever says that any more, do they? But how do you invite someone round to your house? That's quite a odd thing to say, is, like, come for dinner, or let's go meet for a coffee, but come round to my house. And we'll listen to music. Yeah. But that's what you do when you're youth, cos you can't afford to go anywhere else.

That is what you do when you're youth. I went, anyway. Good. I had a mate when I was a teenager who sort of fell out with me and said yeah, he's just a bit boring to somebody else. He said all he wants to do is listen to music and go for a pizza. I was thinking, yeah, that's alright. When you're a teenager, that's a

brilliant time. That's all you can do. Can I just say that pizza didn't exist when I was a teenager. It did, but not in England. I never heard of it. Well, the pizza Carino in Merfield took a lot of my teenage money off me, I'll tell you that, for nothing. He was right, actually.

Probably did listen to music and eat pizza too much. I'd like to start my own pizzeria, you know. But it's a big ask. Is it? It's a big ask. Is it? It's a big ask. A big ask? It's a big ask. I don't get it.

I don't get it. I say it's a big ask. It's a big ask, isn't it? Anyway, so let's carry on. Still don't get it. Ask pizzas. Have you ever seen that? No. Have you never? No. Still don't get it. Ask pizzas. Have you ever seen those? No. Have you never? No.

Oh, move to London. I lived in London for eight years. Oh, it's like Dick Whittington. Turn around, Alan Cochran. Come back. Well, that's quite a nice... I'm not sure about... ...segway into a news story.

Oh. Oh, God, I like that. Did you see this story about chickenpox lollies or lollipops that people are buying them it's a great brand name, isn't it? To give their children so they'll look at them and so they'll get the chickenpox virus

and so that means they will be immune from it forever. Is it a parental prank? A prank or is it, you know... They give their children chicken pox with a lollipop. Yes, you buy the lolly with the virus. No, what you do is you buy

the lolly that a child who's got the pox, shall we call it, has licked. Oh, what? That is not true. This is made up. They cost $50. Oh, it's in America. Oh, well, fair enough not true. This is my dog. They cost $50. Oh, it's in America. Oh, well, fair enough. Exactly. In America. And actually, your old, in America makes everything believable bit,

I think could now be on the internet. I think on the internet, everything is believable. And so they're ordering it online, and these stupid parents who want to give their children chickenpox, which is a certain amount of common sense, but what they're overlooking is that it's an airborne virus. You can't get it from licking a lolly, I don't think. Is that right?

Don't think so. I think it's really unlikely that that would work. So you're wasting your 30 quid. You may as well just hang out with some more pox. The woman who's invented it, Ms Workit, has been reprimanded by the state courts who have told her that sending viruses or diseases in the post is illegal. Oh, God.

So my nephew, I've just sent him some... ..some sugar mumps through the post. Would there be a problem with that? Oh, I had the mumps. I quite have fond memories of being ill when I was young because you got to drink Lucozade and get off school. And it's prissy cellophane wrapping.

In what? It used to come in like cellophane wrapping, Luke. I feel like I've completely lost the power to communicate. You're both looking at me. What's he talking about? Ask. Lucozade used to be a clear glass bottle wrapped in orange cellophane paper tied around the top. Lucas said it used to be a clear glass bottle wrapped in orange cellophane paper tied around the top.

I think it was a brown bottle that I remember. It's the only bottle I ever knew that came in wrapping. Oh. Mm. Thanks for that. Yeah, I... I don't know. As an adult, if you could buy something that gave you a minor stomach infection you wanted to get off work. Like a kebab? Yeah.

Kebab lolly. I've got a thing that I say, I'm doing a TV series at the moment and if ever I'm doing a TV series and I don't think it's going well for any reason, now, from now on, I'm going to

say, how's the Duke? Because it said in the paper that if the Duke of Edinburgh or the Queen die, there'll be no comedy on the BBC for 12 days. The show's going not very well. Any news on the Duke? I feel he could pull me out of this one. What is the 12 days? Is that worked out by an equation? I think it's based on the 12 days of Christmas. So they do something different every day instead. It's a series of symbols of bereavement. Obviously there are no pipers piping, there are mourners mourning.

Leaping lords. Yeah, and all that, yeah. And I think they've dropped the five golden rings because of the Olympics. They don't want to drape it in an image of death. I think that was what they said in the Express. I might be misquoting that. Yeah, so that's our big hope. I'm not sure that the chicken pox lollies thing works.

I like the name, though, Lollipox. Lollipox is a good name, this is a weird thing because I was looking at that story on the internet and ended up surfing. I very rarely have that thing of what used to happen of surfing the internet and I found a link to a column by

Chuck Norris about this. Martial arts film star Chuck Norris it turns out About Lollipops? It wasn't quite about lollipop is a well it wasn't quite about lollipops it was a it was about something that's in the vaccines now so he's doing that knee-jerk reactionary nonsense that happened here years ago with the mmr thing where he's saying we shouldn't give our kids vaccines but then thinking this is a weird... It's exactly that thing of, on the internet, it's believable. Chuck Norris is writing a column about vaccination.

What next? Jackie Chan on the globalisation. What's happened to the world? Jean-Claude Van Damme on the collapse of the Eurozone. I read that. Chuck's still working, though. Chuck Norris is writing... if you Google Chuck Norris columns I had no idea what he'd been up to Chuck. Are you familiar with Chuck's work?

I'm familiar. I haven't watched. I don't think I've watched any of his work. But I'm familiar. You can imagine what it's like. If I say martial arts. I'm not familiar with his vaccine blog. I'm going to look it up. Vaccine blogger Chuck Norris.

That's what he's going to be known as. He's just a blogger. I think he writes columns about various things. I'm going to read it. Quite a lot of it about security in America. I'm my favourite. It's next to Kim Il-Jong looking at things. Try it.

Honestly, it's the best ever. Oh, God, he looks at things. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner.