The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner Not The Weekend Podcast: 18th April 12

Episode Date: April 17, 2012

On this week's Not The Weekend podcast, Frank, Emily and Alun chat about Frank's witty comebacks, foreign objects in food and 50 things you should do before you're 12.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you about how you can get two-for-one tickets for top-draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win a five-night trip to the New York Comedy Festival while you're there, too. But I've run out of time. Absolute. Absolute. Absolute. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Well, this is not the weekend podcast with Frank Skinner, Alan Cochran and Emily Dean. That, ladies and gentlemen, comprises our dramatis personae for this podcast. Relax, enjoy yourselves. I know you might be on public transport, you might be on a bicycle, you might be wandering down the street, you might be on public transport. You might be on a bicycle. You might be wandering down the street. You might be sitting at home at your laptop. We get a lot of commuters. Did I tell you that a few people have told me that they listen to podcasts on their iPhone on times two?

Have I told you that? Did I mention that? Oh, we speed it up. Speed it up. People listen. People are so busy now. They're listening to us speed it up. I imagine I sound normal.

I'm finding it disconcerting talking to you. Yes. Can I tell you why? Because your headphones have Eloises sort of taped across the side. Oh, well, I hope she's not listening now. If you say Eloises, they're not things. There's a sticker that says Eloises with an apostrophe S at the end. Yeah. Suggesting that Eloise doesn't like them being worn by other people.

She's mastered the possessive apostrophe. She has. She's not only mastered it, but she's used it as a weapon. Oh, God. Well, all the other headphones stink, that's all I'm saying. Anyway, we've had a... It's very sensitive to the smell of earwax. It's a rare thing. You never hear people say,

God, your ears stink. We've had a missive from the outside world titled Frank's Witty Comebacks. I like the sound of it so far. This is going to be a long one. Settle round the fireside, children. Exactly, I might get myself a cocoa.

Hi, Frank and team. I just wanted to drop you a line to say thanks for saving my dignity in an altercation with my ten-year-old son this evening. Dignitas? Just give him a dead leg. There was an advert. Dignitas would give him a dead leg. It would, yeah.

Is it hemlock that works its way to the legs? Could you go to Dignitas and say, can I just get a dead leg? One leg, please. Can you give me a price? Give me a price for a dead leg. You might get a knockdown price for that. I did the other one in Fiverside

and I just want to even it up. Or could I go to Dignitas and say, I'm not sleeping very well. Give us a price for like eight hours. If Dignitas start to undercut Night Owl, then they're in trouble, then. I mean, do they only sell in bulk? There was an advert for the new Avengers film on TV

and I enthused that we should go and see it together. Now, already he's a different sort of father from I am. How? No, you're a dork, was the reply I was given. Oh, dear. Oh, my God. I was a little shocked and more than a little upset and could only think to reply, you are... Excellent.

Cheers, Frank. Dignity intact, I am sure you will agree. Chris in Southport, Prisoner 350. Well done, Chris. Is that a reference to the Avengers, Prisoner 350? No, that's just a reference to being one of our listeners. Oh, is it? I think it's his phone number thing, because we call him by that. Oh, right.

Yeah, I know that. I knew that. Oh, sorry. I knew that. I just thought it was a reference to the Avengers. Oh, first row. Love it. Loving it.

Loving it, the row. I know that. I presume we're talking about the Avengers film, the Marvel one, when he says the new Avengers film, aren't we? We're talking about the one with Captain America and the Hulk and stuff. I can see you're anticipating Oh, I was thinking Steed.

You were thinking Avengers. And I thought that's why he'd called himself Prisoner. Yeah. Why? Aren't they? I don't know. I'm out. Because there was also a 70s TV programme called The Prisoner. That's it.

I think it was 60s even. I've got two different things confused. I bet Chris, though. Is Chris thinking when he's getting there, there's going to be Gareth Hunter's Gambit? Because if so, he's very mistaken. But Frank, that's your little catchphrase. You are.

And it works. It worked a treat there. And you see, it's timeless. I get frightened when you say it sometimes. And I bet... Well, if the son is calling him a dork... Ten years old, he's slammed him there. You are.

Yeah, he's owned. He's owned the son is what he's done. Got all this to look forward to, of course, being abused by my own children. You are. I think I have to build people to abuse me. No, the Avengers are like, they're a sort of a,

they're a group of superheroes who work together, like the Justice League or Legion of Superheroes. They're a bit like Super Heavy. Do you know Super Heavy? No, but it sounds a bit carbonised. No, it's the Mick Jagger Super Group with Josh Stone and Dave Stewart.

That's right, yeah. Super groups, they're great, aren't they? What happened to super heavy? You can't be super heavy if you've got Joss Stone. No. She's too light. Well, she doesn't even wear footwear. She's too rubbish.

I don't know what she is. She's not too rubbish. Oh, my God. You were involved in that plot, I hope. You are. Yeah, very good. Frank. Excellent.

Did you see... There's this extraordinary... I'm calling it a bucket list. It was 50 things to do before you're 12. It's early for a bucket list. That's a bit pessimistic, bucket list. Yes, I know. OK.

You should have seen my childhood, darling. You should have seen a bucket fitted very strongly in my childhood, but it was in the corner of the bedroom. It's a different thing altogether. So what this is, it's the National Trust. Love the National Trust. Marvellous organisation. Do you?

No, but my parents used to say that when I was a kid, so I'm quoting them. But they've compiled a list of 50 things that children should do, ideally, before they reach the age of 12. And is it things like go to William Wordsworth's birthplace and pay full price?

It's to encourage children to get very good. To buy lots of erasers at Chatsworth House. It's to stop them spending so much time in front of a computer screen. Well, that's a no-brainer. It's to get kids outdoors, isn't it? So this list has everything.

It has climbing a tree, building a den. God, we built a lot of dens. That was our summer holidays. Did you? God, we built. Of course, this was in the 60s and 70s when house building was at a premium. Yeah, we could knock up a den in an hour

and just sit in it. Yeah. A lot of sitting about in dens. It's also got flying a kite. I only did that once, but that was in character for a TV drama. Oh, really? Yes.

I played child with a kite. I never... I had a character's name, Amy. It was a play for today. Brilliant. But I've never actually flown one in real life out of character. Is that right? As soon as they said cut, I dropped that thing.

Well, I have to say, I didn't fly one before I was 11 and three quarters. But I discovered kite flying in adult life. A friend of mine lived in Bishop's Cleve in the Cheltenham area. And he had a little sort of cottage in the middle of some land. And he had one of these with like a two-hander kite so you could make it swoop. Oh, like you'd see in Brighton.

And it was, what do you mean? I'm saying that. That's okay. That was quite aggressive, that exchange. Yeah, exactly. Slightly withering. Yeah, exactly. I don withering. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what you're getting at about the kite.

It's perfectly ordinary. You know. Anyway, so I thought this is, I loved it. You know, I'd missed out on my childhood. I loved flying the kite. I loved that feel of the strength of the wind against your hands. It was brilliant. And it was one of those things where I made up my mind

I was going to do it on a regular basis, and then I never, ever did it again. Like hula hooping. Yeah, or hosting the Brits. Don't mention the Brits, for God's sake. No, but I did. I thought, I love this so much, I'm going to fly kites every weekend. Never touched another one.

But it was brilliant well frank also on the list i bet you did do this calling an owl now our terry as if i remember correctly our terry actually was an owl keeper well he had a hell we had an owl on top of the wardrobe um yes but um i never i didn't have to call it It was there. Did they mean sort of going... But you don't get owls in the built-up urban areas, do you? No, that was easy. When we had an owl on the wardrobe, it used to squawk at night,

and we used to get other owls. You didn't really have an owl. Yeah. It'd fly around the bed. Where did it do it? No, no, it was in a cave. We've covered this before. I remember thinking it was like a weird Hogwarts fantasy book.

No, it is true. It was in what I would call a very snog cage. A cage where a chaffinch might have thought, I wouldn't mind another square foot in here. Can I just say that, you know that noise that you just made, the vrrr, that you do with your hands? I hadn't heard that done for perhaps 30 years until the other night I was on my way to the comedy store in Leicester Square

and a young man in the street was beckoning somebody and he went, hey! Oh! I was thinking, how bad at whistling and shouting do you have to be that you try the owl sound as louder than just shouting, hey. But I can't do the proper owl. There is a really good owl that some people can do. And I can't do that.

But I have to say, my previous attempt, I realise now, in hindsight, was wood pigeon. Oh, yeah. But I can do the whistle through the fingers. Can you? Can you come back juggling all is forgiven. I've never been able to do the whistle through the fingers. Yeah, I think it's...

The two fingers in the mouth thing. I can do that. I don't want to talk about owls anymore. You brought them up. These are the things you should have done before you were 11 and three quarters. It's too much owls. That's not how owls do it. You don't see the owl, the talon go up to the mouth.

I'll cover this, Steve. Steve, the owl. I bet Terry did call his owl Steve. I don't think he ever named it, actually. I, um, I, did I, I think I climbed a tree once. Did you? I couldn't because I wore a lot of knickerbockers. Why once?

What? I wasn't, um... I remember trees being quite hard. They're quite high. They are high. I was once in a tree and another boy jumped out of it and landed with his arms sort of bent and broken both. So there... I mean, I'm surprised that the... Is that on the list, break both arms? I don't think it's on the list? Break both arms.

I don't think it's on the list, break both arms, but climb a tree is on there, and, you know, these are the things that can happen. Boys, could you enlighten me? Make a grass trumpet. That doesn't sound appropriate for 12-year-olds. No, it's not. What is it? You hold a blade of grass... You know this?

Yeah, between your fingers, and you blow... Oh, it's not more owl sound. No, it's more of a sort of it's like that. You never did that? I did that, but I didn't ever call it a grass trumpet. And it sounds even worse when I say it,

doesn't it? No, I called it a dog urine harmonica. Which is usually what the scent was on the grass. I don't think there was a blade of grass in the West Midlands in the 70s that hadn't got dog urine on it. And if there was, well, it was an oversight. Why didn't he go quiet then? Stop it.

Quite a lot of them are dangerous. Bury someone in the sand. That's not an instruction. No, that's not a good thing to encourage kids to do. I think that always ends in tears. I don't think that's a good idea. Look at that time on Brookside. Oh, yeah. With Beth.

The patio. Yeah, under the patio. What was she called? Beth Orbach or something. Jordache. Jordache. Trevor Jordache. She was lovely in those days.

But I didn't have much of a... This may surprise you, but it wasn't a particularly outdoorsy childhood. Oh, really? You were indoors making cocktails, weren't you? Well, I spent 15 years of my childhood trapped in a flat-pack wardrobe. It was a... You smoked a lot, though, didn't you? You did a lot of smoking in there.

I smoked tea as a child now and again. That used to be a thing that kids did then. They put tea in a pipe. Dry tea leaves. We did that. We put avocado leaves in a... Avocado leaves? Avocado leaves?

We did. Where did you get avocado? Was that when you lived in Australia? Look, we'd heard a rumour. I wasn't that young. Someone had said you should smoke avocado leaves. So we did that. It was from a little avocado... Well, I say avocado

leaves. Someone had planted an avocado stone. Mm. And that's where we got the leaves from. Avocado stone becoming... Apparently. Who knew? Yeah. Avocado stone of course is the less talented sister of Joste.

And she's pretty Yeah? Avocado Stone, of course, is the less talented sister of just her. And she's pretty, but she sings like a corn crake. One of the things on the list, I noticed, was use a map and compass to find your way. Oh, yeah. That's a very sort of 1950s thing for a child to do, isn't it? You can't imagine. I mean, you get a compass on your iPhone. Yeah, you use an app. Oh, yeah. Do you recall a pair of shoes called Wayfinders? Wayfinders? Yeah. No, but they sound like that's an attempt to rip off a better brand or something.

Well, what, like... Like the original would have been called Wayfarer. Yeah, like things like American-style chicken. You mean, that was kind of... Dixie Pride cottage. Exactly. Are they the shoe with a compass in them? Yeah, they had a compass in the heel. Oh, yeah.

Did they? And they also had animal tracks on the soles. Yeah. Oh. With the name. So you could, if you found an animal track, which of course I never did ever, unless occasionally you get a dog foot in cement. You do.

No, but you know when you used to get cement round, if anything. That's how you know you're growing up in an urban area. I never got cement round. When people put anything in and they had cement as a basis for it, it was like every dog in the area. News used to go around. Rover, there's wet cement on Landsward Road. I'll be right there.

There always used to be dog footprints in it after. They couldn't resist it. I'll be right there. There's always used to be dog footprints in it after. They couldn't resist it. Anyway, yeah, so you'd press the sole of your shoe down and then you'd be able to compare the tracks on your shoe. It'd say, like, fox or badger or whatever. And you'd be able to compare that with the real one

and work out what you'd missed. And then you get cracking with the grass trumpet. Yes, exactly. I love the part. Things that are sold to children, sort of slightly boys' own adventure type stuff. It's kind of nice, isn't it? It is. I mean, they died out a long time. I never owned a pair.

I think Colin Washbrook had a pair. Did he? I thought he would. Yeah, he had a pair. Bury him. I had a book called something like How to Be a Secret Agent that was full of, like, kids' versions of, like, having a compass in your heel and knowing how to get home and putting a hair over the door and stuff like that.

All that. I loved it. Loved it. Used to be a brilliant... Used to be a thing about putting polythene over a hole in the ground with a bucket underneath and um and put soil in it and and the um perspiration whether it's called what's this when you get globules of water condensation condensation would drip down drip into the bucket then you got a nice drink the next morning yeah nice drink yeah didn't come in that handy, West Bromwich, but if I'd been in a true mill... One thing that's not on the list is throwing bricks at windows,

which is something I remember doing a lot of. I mean, you know, you used to have that moment when a factory closed down and there'd be, like, 50 windows in it and the kids would be queuing up to throw bricks and you'd get the ones that had gone in early that just took the paint, by the time we got there you're basically removing the potty

by the time, you had to just a little bit in the corner but oh man I used to Frank I've got another, I'd like to, what about get an equity card, that should be on there as well is that not on there? It's not on there. I can't believe that. There's almost no

cruelty to frogs on there. Yes, there is. Find some frog spawn. Yeah, but not put a matchstick through its head. That's kidnapping finding frog spawn, as far as I'm concerned.

There were some kids who used to do those. I used to go with this one kid and he used to do cool things. Don't lie, animal cruelty. Yeah. And I used to, not exactly join in, but I sort of wanted to be a part of the gang and then I used to go home and cry. I used to go home and cry about the frog.

Because you'd enabled it, really. I was one of those people in Nazi Germany who didn't say anything. I don't like animal cruelty, but I don't like to admit to it, because I worry that Hitler and serial killers also don't like animal cruelty. Do you know what I mean? No, they do. They love it. No, do they? No, I think they're sentimental about it. Blondie!

Hitler was. Hitler was very keen on the old animals, wasn't he? Strict vegetarian and all that. Take it from me, he was a nutter. Is that the definitive word? He was a nutter. Is that the definitive word? He was a nutter. I've read up about him. Nutter. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

So, Frank and Alan, I know you love a bit of DeLoglio news, don't you? What's happened? Nancy. Oh, that. She? What's happened? Nancy. Oh, that. She's been up for all day. I thought it was Lawrence. Delolio. Let's call the hot. She's got some unconventional beauty tips this time round.

Well, she is. She is. Yes. Well, she told the ladies on Loose Women she loves a Loose Women appearance. Yes. With the gals. She was born for Loose Women. She was. She said she told the ladies on Loose Women she loves a loose woman appearance. Yes. With the gals. She was born for loose women. She was. She said she sleeps with her makeup on, and her exact words were, sometimes it saves a lot of time if you sleep with makeup. I'd like you to do it in your voice, please, Frank.

Okay. Sometimes it saves a lot of time if you sleep with makeup. Does she mean the department? You know, the young men who work in makeup. Saves all the small talk. And handy in the morning, because they can just work on you like a big pit stop. Like giving a Ford Escort a respray. No, she says you should go to bed with it, because then, still talking about the make-up, by the way.

Yes. And she says then when you wake up, you just give it a light spray with water and it stays in place, apparently. Janet Street Porter was aghast. I've never seen her so aghast. She looked so shocked. Really? Where does the spray in with, what does that do? It sets it. What does that do?

It sets it. So sometimes on a night out, if I'm going out, I'll do my make-up pre-bath because the condensation will set it. Really? The humidity. Do you think Leicester Fire Services have ever had a phone call from that to Delolio saying, can you just come and give me a quick spray down? I've never heard of that.

What a helpful tip that is. Could I, if, don't take this the wrong way. Do you never get out? I've already taken of that. What a helpful tip that is. Could I... Don't take this the wrong way. Do you never get out of... I've already taken it the wrong way. You never get out of said bath feeling like you've still got a dirty face because you got in it with an unclean face, as it were.

The point of the bath is not for... You do it to scrub away all sorts of crevices. I do it as a luxuriant experience me too I like a book in a bath Frank approaches showers and baths like a sort of inmate don't you

and I've got a bath shelf now I clean everything in the same order every time rigorously and then I get out I never wallow I know his order I have talked about my order have you got it like on a laminated sheet next to the back i did initially i've memorized it now you know you learn by repetition it is yeah no it's i i knew a woman called uh called pam who i used to

work with when i worked in a factory and she she told me on one occasion, she told me that her husband, and she'd been married about ten or so years, her husband had never seen her without make-up. Yeah, I find that odd. And she used to sleep in make-up. Did she? Then she used to get up in the morning, go off into the bathroom, do it all up,

and then come out again. No, you see, I have to say, I do love make-up. As you know, I have an entire room devoted to it. However, I'm afraid i will take my makeup off every night and i won't i have a very strict skincare regime and i'm not putting it on hold for any shenanigans well so if you went back with a handsome young man just let's just say that i do my three stages what are they oh i haven't got time to go through it all but you wouldn't say oh then i'm just going to remove my makeup, would you?

I might do, yes. It depends. No, not on date one, not on the first occasion. But a few... You've got a bookcase in the bedroom. Fairly early on. Magazines. Like a wasting room.

Exactly. Oh, I feel like I'm on Chris Moyle's show, boys. I love a bit of that, though. I love lipstick on a coffee mug the next morning. I mean, I have been known to leave makeup on the pillow. Oh, yes, when you've been performing. Yeah. No, it wasn't mine.

It was toenail varnish. No, it wasn't. It was, toenail varnish. No, it wasn't. It was, yes, because I have to say this, and this is how television has declined. When I first started doing television, I used to come off stage and the makeup women would be waiting in there with cleanser, moisturiser and all that, and they'd do it all and it'd be lovely.

Sometimes now I finish a television show, I go to the make-up room, everyone's gone home because they didn't want to hang around, and on the side, on the work surface, is two slightly drying wet wipes. Yes. Waiting for me to do my own business. Can you imagine it? They don't do it for you. God, they've gone.

Oh, my God. Standards have slipped. When that happens. Insight there. On the few God. Standards have slipped. When that happens... Insight there. On the few times I appear on television, if that happens, I just assume that they're trying to save themselves about an hour and a half's work because of the size of my face. It's sort of a two-person job with them doing half each. You haven't got a big face.

I think I've got a big head. Have you? No. I think so. I think I've got a big old head here. What about when I killed us television. Does he? It's like the fourth bridge. By the time you get back round to the forehead, you have to start again. Although, sadly,

they've fixed that now, haven't they? You can't use that as the clichéd reference for never-ending work anymore. But I already have. But they've fixed it. They've developed it. I already have, because I think the news is a bit like the fourth bridge. Yes. By the time the news filters through, it'll be time to... That's true, yeah.

Oh, there you go. They're not going to need to do it for 20 years. Did you know that? But there's... There's latest Forth Bridge news. I'm absolutely right. I love those updates. I think they clean it with a pineapple crush.

Yeah, I think they do. What? So basically, Frank, I just feel if someone's lucky enough to get you back there, they get what they get. I think they've got to see you. I mean, yeah, what I'm saying, it's hard to put this delicately. I'm not saying I get back there and immediately take it off. No. What I might suggest is at some point in the evening, I might take it off, if you know what I mean.

Right. After they've gone to sleep. No. Well, well no they don't have to have gone to sleep i'm just saying that um perhaps oh no i can't say it's too rude no no you better not say it because um oh yes it doesn't really matter i mean once once they've got the goat head on doesn't really remember what they're wearing underneath. And once my mask is fully zipped. Can I play you something that will take you back? Something I used to play on the show quite often. Listen.

Foreign object in food. Beautiful, isn't it? Oh, I love that. I've done that so much. There's actually been a foreign object in food story in the papers this week, and I love them. I'd say that there has been a slight, because they used to be, I'd say, biweekly. There haven't been that many just lately.

I don't know if standards are rising. I hope not. Yeah. Because I look forward to those stories. Well, this week if standards are rising. I hope not. Yeah. Because I look forward to those stories. Well, this week there's been a filthy dishcloth. Yes. In a beef and onion pie. Imagine sitting

to eat a beef and onion pie and there's a filthy dishcloth in it. It happened in Milton Keynes. What's happened there is that person has bought a pie eatingeating kit, which includes a pie, and then cleaning up things afterwards. The whole, everything is there.

I think if they'd looked further, there'd be cutlery in the back. It's like matey. Do you remember matey, that bath? The bubble bath? Yeah, that cleaned the bath as well. Oh, did it? Yeah, that was the song. That was the USP. Yeah. I just knew it was bubble bath. The bubble bath? Yeah, that cleaned the bath as well. Oh, did it? Yeah, that was the song. That was the USP.

Yeah. So you finish your pie and then you're able to dab your mouth with the attendant dishcloth. With the filthy dishcloth. Yeah. Well, the wife... So filthy, be fair on the dishcloth. It has been in a pie. Exactly. No, they described it.

I say they, that's the Daily Mail. Also, the wife, Vicky, who served up this offending pie, she said it wasn't even clean. It had stains all over it. But don't cook it, love. She probably means non-pie stains. Oh, how could she?

What is she? She's got a forensics team. Yeah. She has no idea. I would have welcomed it. How big was this pie? But it held a dishcloth. Are you sure she didn't just buy a novelty dishcloth holder? Accidentally.

Pie-shaped. And this poor husband has been duped by her foolishness. It's a dishcloth, it's not a tea towel, is it? It's like one of those little... Like a J-cloth. Those things that always have that strange stitching around the edges. Oh, it's that sort of dishcloth. You know when people who

have been in prison come to your door selling stuff, have you ever had that? Yes, I have had that. They often sell those kind of dishcloths. Looking a bit shifty. Yeah. I'm not thinking J-Cloth. Oh, okay. Okay, sorry, I got the style of the cloth wrong. Jessie J-Cloth, I think, is what

Jessie J is now. That's their new sponsorship deal. As you know, she's always looking to make cash. It's all about the money. Yeah. Apparently, on tonight's or on next Saturday's The Voice

at one point she pulls a string and her very uniform fringe opens and there's an ad for vitamin water on her forehead I'm looking forward to that So I tell you what what spoils this story for me

is the beef and onion pie element. Right. Because I've always thought it's such a cop-out beef and onion. What?

Don't talk to me about onion, that'd make me wretch. I'd rather dishcloth. Steak and kidney is the proper pie, isn't it? Right.

Oh no, chicken and mushroom. Some people are, they're anti-awful. I'm not really pro-kidney particularly. No, I'm not. What people don't like is occasionally you'll bite

into a second kidney pie and the kidney can look a bit green oh my god but I like that, I think that's it's like opening Pandora's box you think oh I'm gonna you know there's a Russian roulette element could this be the killer kidney

well that's what I felt for the bloke, because the wife that served it up said, this has put him off pie forever. I can't believe that. I bet he's already had three since then. I bet he has, yeah. Definitely. And slightly disappointed that there's

no dishcloth in one element. To be fair, they were given a £20 voucher. And then £50. I think they turned down the £20. Oh, really? It's like, we don't want to give you that. Yeah. They said, it's an offence, a £20 voucher.

And then they went, oh, yeah, you're right. There shouldn't be a dishcloth in your pie. Have £50. That's good, though. When I found a maggot in my soup, I only got £2.50 in vouchers. Did you? How long ago was that? It was a Scottish company.

Well, I was in a cafe, I'll call it, in Hales Owen in the West Midlands, and there was a spider in my... dead. Spider in my salad, and I said, excuse me, there's a spider in my salad, and this guy went, hold on, and carefully picked it out, and then he went, hold on, there's one leg left, and he took that out, and then he went... That was it.'s one leg left. And he took that out and then he went. That was it.

And I ate it. It's a good job you weren't a vegetarian, really, isn't it? Yeah. There's another bit of leg you don't want. Yeah. Animal protein, do you? Who's going to argue about the leg? I like a bit of leg, though. It's my favourite bit.

I like this leg. It was a Harvestman spider. I don't like the raisin. You know, the body, the raisin body. I like a leg. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.