The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio - Journalism

Episode Date: August 30, 2014

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The team are back in London and Frank has already decided on his 2015 Edinburgh show. The team also discuss the Brangelina wedding and Dynamo's wires.

You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. We're back in London. Yeah, we've got a new desk, so I thought I'd give it a bit of a spin. Wow.

Get the jingles out. It's good to be back. I like the fact that the jingles have been back out. It's sort of retro, almost. Yeah, I don't really bother with the jingles much nowadays. Tell you what, they've given this place a lick of paint, haven't they? Frank said when he came in there was a new machine, he was so excited and back to school, I don't really bother with the jingles much nowadays. I tell you what, they've given this place a lick of paint, haven't they? A nice spruce stuff. Frank said when he came in there was a new machine,

he was so excited and back to school, and he said, look at this baby. Yeah, it is. Yes, what's happened here at Absolute Radio in Golden Square, London, is that we now share with several other radio stations. I think we've got Magic FM, have we? Yeah. Magic.

I think it's Kiss in the Basement. Magic, Kiss in the Basement. And Awful by Beryl Bainbridge. I had to bang on the floor and say, keep that noise down. Yeah. And Planet Rock we've got. Is that right? What else have we got, Dave?

That's it. That's it, yeah. I think we've got... You don't want to start saying ones that aren't part of the group no no yeah in trouble hospital radio uh-huh which is very noble don't get me wrong can't say anything say anything like that you see what'll happen if someone will say oh frank's gonna make a disparaging remark about Hospital Raider. Then you phone up someone who represents a charity that does opposite. And then they say, yes, it's really wrong because blah, blah, blah. And then you've got a news article. Yeah.

Similar as that. Yeah. That's how you do it. If anyone wants to be a journalist, young children sitting at home saying, how do you do it? Get someone to say something slightly controversial. Phone a spokesman for a charity which represents vaguely that area. Put the two together. Hey, presto.

Okay, journalism there. Absolute radio. So, what else we got? Well... I'll tell you something that happened to me. I was... When we were still in... We've been in Scotland for the last four years, in case you've... It wasn't four years.

It's not. It wasn't four years. It wasn't four years. It felt like that for me one night. He's lost his mind. I haven't queued for fresh vegetables for many a long time. It was lovely up in Edinburgh but we

on the last day but one I was crossing the road at what I believe they call a pelican crossing. Oh, yeah. And there was a man crossing the other way. And I looked at him, and he was a well-built chap. He looked in good shape. He looked handy.

Was he ripped? He had a T-shirt on. On the T-shirt was a dolly bird. What you can only call a dolly bird. All right. I'm not being disparaging. This is a woman who probably calls herself a dolly bird. A photograph of a dolly bird?

I bet she has a business card with dolly bird on it. Yeah, a photograph of a dolly bird. Not a caricature. No, no. Not only a photograph of a dolly bird, but she had Union Jack knickers on. And behind her, her backdrop was another enormous Union Jack. So it was quite a combo of...

Oh, OK. And as we passed on the crossing, he said to me, brilliant show last night. And I thought, these are my people. Why don't I just accept that these are my people and stop trying to fight it? So I, here we go. Yeah, king of the lads.

Then he said, all right, Frankie. No, he seemed... He didn't seem foolish. He seemed... He just said... The combination of Dolly Bird and Union Jack I found a bit terrifying. Sorry about that.

Sorry, I feel like we should end this on a lighter note. Probably giving you flashbacks to the Brits, wasn't it? Now someone will phone the charity that represent you, Kip. There's another news story saying that I made a derogatory remark about Dollybirds

and the Union Jack, which someone will then text in and say it's actually the Union. It's actually called the Union Flag. It's on the Union Jack if which someone will then text him and say, it's actually called the Union Flag. It's on the Union Jack. Another fact that I think they're the only person that knows, but everyone knows it. I mean, actually, the fact for the people that protect the Dollybirds,

that's the RSPB. Oh, yeah? How is it? Yeah. There's still a page, I didn't even know that. Is there? Yeah, it still exists. There's still a page for me. I didn't even know that. Is there? Yeah, it still exists. Absolute Radio.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, thank God. I felt trapped in the last link. I couldn't get out of it. I thought we were going to open with, like, a three-hour link and then just say thanks very much. Oh, no, I don't think people would like that. The advertisers would be absolutely furious.

Yes, I was trapped in a link. What happened? Yes, you just can't find the door. It's happened to me a lot, of course, getting lost. Anyway, so Edinburgh is over. I had an interesting gig in that last weekend where the audience clapped a lot. Oh, really?

Oh, like an American 70s talk show. Well, they clapped more than they laughed, I thought. Well, only you could see that as a negative. No, I'm not seeing it as a negative. Can you stop clapping, please? That, to me, it's for political comedians. They're so hard to please.

They're clap-led. Whereas, you know, if they said to me, say if I did it, and the audience said they'd elected a foreman, and that person said to me, look, we're thinking we might clap this.

You know, we'll do that bit of a laugh and then it'll glide into applause. What do you think? I'd say, no, take the energy that you're planning to use on that clapping and put it into extra laughter. Yeah. That'd be better for me. Save your claps.

Yeah, why don't you do that next show? Save your clap for someone who says stuff like, yeah, and that would be better for me. Yeah, why don't you do that next show? Save your clap for someone who says stuff like, yeah, and that would be, that's Cameron's Britain. Then you can applaud. I'll have the laughs. I can't wait to see the show where the real zinger is, that's Cameron's Britain. Yeah, they exist.

Tickets still available, I imagine. I once completely, a mate told me i'd completely destroyed his stripper gram experience by shouting this is thatchers britain in the middle of it this young girl had turned off and i just it just seemed like she was she needed work i saw an american uh comic once and it was a tv show and he put his put his agent sat in the audience. Oh, yeah. And when a laugh was slightly bigger, just slightly bigger than average,

he'd start it and the applause would come in. You know, that's the thing that old Shakespearean actors used to do when they'd finished a soliloquy, as they walked off, their leg, their hand that's on the side of the stage towards the curtains. Yeah. Downstage, upstage, which is it? Anyway. Oh, here we go. Drama school, not wasted.

As they walked off after finishing their big speech. That's about how you want drama school. After finishing their big speech, they would slap their own legs, so it sort of begins the round of applause. It's a subtle way of making the crowd get going on. Oh, my God, you're amazing. I worked with an actor once who... You've worked with them all, haven't you? He did some... I won't name names, but he did a thing,

and the director said, oh, yeah, well done on that thing, and he said, yes, yes, I was listening that day at RADA. So is that why principal boys in Pantomind slap their thighs? You know when it's a lady? I want to try and encourage punters to laugh. Yeah, or to clap. I'm sure not.

Might be. Works for me. Anyway, so, yes. I'll tell you what, can I run a piece of audience chit-chat with you just to make sure it's all right in retrospect? Yeah. Sure. I'm sure I'll be fine.

I don't feel remotely tense. I asked a guy... Daisy doesn't look tense. I'm sure it'll be fine. I don't feel remotely tense. Daisy doesn't look tense. I asked a guy if he was in a relationship and he said, yeah, actually, he said, I'm getting married next week. I'm flying out to China. Lovely. My girlfriend's Chinese. We're getting married in China.

And I said, well, you'll be all right for rice. That's all right, isn't it? I think that's fine, yeah. Isn't that all right? I think it's fine, yeah. Isn't that all right? I think it's okay, I suppose. I mean, I don't think it's the most heartfelt sentiment you would ever see at a free wedding. In a comedy show. Yeah.

It's not a negative stereotype, is it? No. The rice industry. I think it's factually accurate that the rice industry is alive and well in China. I'm fine with it. It's such a tense business comedy nowadays. Now someone will phone up the Chinese embassy

and get a quote and then that'll be another news article. Yeah. Honestly, I don't know where to go next. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, you know there was a picture posted of you earlier up on our website

and you were eating a Cornish pasty. Yes. Someone has tweeted us. 709, I had a Cornish pasty this morning. Cumbria guy 1970. Yeah. He sounds a crazy character, has just tweeted us to say that is definitely a picture of a man ready to go on radio rather than TV.

I think it's rather fine. Very good point. I think we once rather fine very good point I think we once had a debate about how early can you eat a pasty the problem is we don't have a toaster at the moment part of the refurbishment here making this place a more elegant and pleasant place to work is getting rid of the toaster

so when Charlie texted me and said there isn't a toaster, what would you like instead? Yeah. I said I'll have a pasty. And the first week I did that, she took it as a joke. She didn't get any pasty.

Took it as a joke. You are a known joker. I am, by trade, a joker. But on this occasion... No, I knew you were being deadly serious. I'm going to do this sort of rather in the fashion of Saddam Hussein. How do you mean? Well, I feel...

I ate a big statue of Charlie with a pasta. I feel you were rather disproportionately cross about it. Well, I mean, I came in. You know when your mouth is ready for a certain foodstuff? You know your mouth is almost like they've decorated in preparation in your mouth. My mouth was slightly watering. I'm ready for the pasty. And I think I got a pan au chocolat.

It was a completely different experience. Listen, I think I've worked out... I've been homing and ahhing about this. I think I've worked out next year's Edinburgh show. Oh, good. Are we going again i mean well i think it should be i think i should have an angle i think people have had enough for stand up now yeah they want a gimmick uh-huh so um this doesn't sound this is going to be embittered no

people like a theme they do like a theme though you'd agree with that alan do people have you have you got a theme no you have a theme now see if you don't have a theme people say it's all right but didn't have a theme and should the See, if you don't have a theme, people say, it's all right, but didn't have a theme. And should the theme be connected with your personal life or some sort of big thing that's happened to you? Yeah, the theme should have an air of sadness about it. Oh, should it? Oh, is that better, is it?

Well, it had that, but that's a different story. Was it deliberate? No. OK. Yeah, it should have a serious, a little serious bit. I saw both of your shows, and I can exclusively reveal that neither of them had themes. No.

But that's no bad thing. You didn't think mine had a theme? No, that's no bad thing. I thought mine had subtext, at least. I've got nothing against themes, I just think... You're both very consummate stand-ups, you don't need a theme. Yeah, no. I'm actually a consulate stand-up.

I smoke menthol cigarettes throughout. And you know what, they really clear my head. But if there's any children listening, they're extremely bad for you, so don't even try them. Anyway. So it's based on me having to learn the basics of haircutting over the next 12 months. Oh, yeah.

But I just thought, I often have conversations with the... I've often thought in the barbers and the hairdressers, whatever you call them nowadays, imagine what a pleasant experience this would be if the barber was a wit and rack-on too. Yeah. Yeah. And so I thought if I learned about...

And I spoke to a man who's a professional hairstylist. He said six months I could get the basics done. That's good. Really? Yeah. For a simple haircut. So the idea is I do an hour show. I'm serious.

I'm serious. And for 20 minutes, I said, how long is the haircut? He said about 20 minutes on average. So you get three ponters up at of the audience and give them a trim whilst talking to them and you find out about them and stuff. And you're guaranteed a few bums on seats just from stingy people that want a haircut as well as the show. Yeah, well you'd be

there every show. I'd be there. It wouldn't clash that year. So what, can I just ask a practical question? What separates this from a This Morning makeover? Because that's essentially what you've just described. Well, there'd be at least one person involved who wasn't an imbecile. And that would change things considerably.

And this man, I spoke to this professional, he came in to cut my hair. I had a photo shoot this week with one of... I was thinking you should say that. ...a major comedian. with one of a major comedian and

so this guy who I met actually used to work for Mr Teasy Weezy Raymond Who's that? Well I'll tell you after this Skinner Dean and Cochran

Together the Frank Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute radio. Mr Teasy Weezy Raymond was, to my knowledge, the first of the celebrity hairdressers. When I was a little boy, you used to see him arriving at premieres with Princess Margaret, that kind of character? And this bloke who cut my hair, he was a very nice bloke.

He was like an apprentice at Mr Teasy Weezy Ray Moulden's shop. He must have been packing in some years. I said, I bet you got some celebrities in. He said, yes. I remember that Salvador Dali coming in for a haircut. That Salvador Dali. That was a surreal experience. Oh, very good.

The amount of times you hear people say that was a pretty surreal experience, and they don't, they don't order surreal experiences until they've had Salvador Dali in the chair. He said he was very, um, preoccupied. Like he was thinking about other things all the time. Dali. Is that what they said? Anyway, so I'm going to call it, uh,

what I'm going to do is I'm going to learn one haircut. Uh-huh. Which is basically a bit like Jim Carey's in Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yeah. All right. A sort of swept back thing. No, it was a fringe. I'm going to call the show the Edinburgh Fringe.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a good idea. That's good. And do you know what? That'll help you with your Google searches. Yeah. But not just that. It's that there'll be an extra three people on the town every day

advertising my show with their extraordinary fringed haircut that I've cut. So it'll be like sending out, you know, sandwich board men, except I'll have done it myself out of the head. Looking lovely. It's got everything. It's great. I've often thought, I used to think about a chat show, because when you've sat on the sofa for whatever it was,

11, 12 years, you think, there must be another way of doing this. I had an idea for a chat show where instead of just sitting we were shearing sheep. Yeah. And we spoke while we were doing it but I thought the clippers would be too loud. It'd be hard for the sound man. Snooker. Not least because his boom mic might look a bit sheep-like as well. Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Yeah. But Snooker, I thought was another possibility. You play Snooker in a celebrity, but some of them, uh... I used to have a bit of material that, uh, very similar to what you're saying. Really?

Yeah, about how, uh, they should, uh... I hate it when this happens. They should spice up the snooker by whilst they're sat down, they have to be getting a haircut, so the next day you'd be able to tell who'd been really given an absolute basting, because they'd have a massive perm or something. Oh, this is too completely set. But the idea of chat shows where they're not just sitting there doing things. Because people talk more when they're doing other stuff, don't you think?

Well, you could have all the guests on at one time. Decorating. You could have people decorating. You could often have a chat while sanding the woodwork and somebody else is doing something else, isn't it? Yeah. Prep. Or, yeah, trying to get someone from under a sofa you know you're

talking about you know when there's some under a sofa you have to look around for anything that looks like a stick in the house you realize you don't really have any many stick like things gone yeah why haven't we got hockey sticks it's a bread it's a bread knife it's not long and then you think we've got the umbrella but everyone's umbrellas now those little squat ones you know you get the long umbrellas well you don't tend to keep pokers either in that area anymore, do you? No. No pokers they've got. No.

So you end up sort of, you know, luckily my son now has got a sword. Oh, that's handy. So I'm able to use that. We fish lost stuff out from under the couch using a plastic golf club. Yeah, it's so... Do you feel like Lancelot's father? I like that. Because Sting loves, stuff loves to from under the couch using a plastic golf club. Yeah, it's... Do you feel like Lancelot's father? I like that. Because Sting loves... Stoff loves to get onto the couch. They ought to have a thing in the couch that sort of comes up and fits into the handle.

That's a long stick thing that you can get onto there. I had a car that had an umbrella in the passenger door once. No, but with a car, you can just back it up a bit. You don't have to get underneath it. That's true, yeah. You haven't thought that through. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

We've had, I think, a really good suggestion for your next Edinburgh show. 441 has texted us. Hi Frank, if you want an angle for your Edinburgh show, then perhaps you should call it Reflex Obtuse because sometimes you are deliberately difficult.

I love that. And it's so true. Do you know what? Maybe I'll go for it. Reflex Obtuse is a good title, isn't it? Yes. Might keep some of the riffraff out. Two hard words. We've also had a text. what was the name of that?

that was 441, I believe he's called Ash Ash441 he calls himself, that's his surname you discussed earlier that you were a bit worried that you had an audience that clapped more than they laughed yes and we've had a text from 760 hi Frank, don't know if this reassures you or not, but my rule when watching live comedy is you laugh at funny

and you laugh and clap together, either at really funny or at clever. Does that help? I like a man with a formula. Yes. He's one of those ones where he comes in, he knows what he's going to do. I like that about him.

So if he thinks, oh, that's funny, hold on, it's also clever. Yeah. Good laugh. I suppose that's all right. I felt that these people were... You suppose? I think they were substituting applause for laughter.

Mm-hm. And that's no good. I don't mind them as a combination. Yeah. Can I tell you what it's like? It's not combination. Yeah. Can I tell you what it's like? It's not like a reel. Can I tell you what it's like? It's like when you're...

You know when they come on and they do the ovation at the end of a musical, and you're clapping, and then the clapping turns into just clapping like that? Oh, yeah. So you're not actually applauding them. I don't like that. Because you're not giving them their proper zen.

They're just clapping along to the song. What about me? Is it that? Yeah. You know, stomping. I don't like that. Frank, we've had another text. Yeah, that's three this morning. When I saw Slade at the NME poll

in his concert in 1971. Depressing much? We stomped so much that we... It's like all the seating moved a bit further from the stage. We were further back. Cheered yourselves out. Yeah, we did. We made our seats cheaper, accidentally. Frank, we've had a missive about the OC.

OK. The OC, I should say, for new listeners, is Christian O'Connell, the captain of our breakfast show, our flagship show. I'm going to call it that. This is from Joanne Sutton. Morning, Frank and gang. Frank, Christian O'Connell claimed yesterday that you kept him waiting an hour to meet you this week. Deliberately difficult.

Yes. In order for you to have a £500 haircut, can you confirm or deny these claims? Well, I don't know how much the haircut costs, but I'm glad that Christian's researched it. Well, Jo says, I can't see your barnet justifying 500 quids worth of work. No disrespect. Well, it was a very fine haircut, and it was cut by a man who was an apprentice to Mr Teasy Weezy Raymond. So this is a very same haircut. I don't know if we kept an hour, but me and Christian had a photo shoot together this week,

which we're probably supposed to, I'm surprised surprised he mentioned it because I think we're supposed to keep it quiet in case the other presenters on the station got really upset that they're not featured on the billboard posters. Uh oh. But as long as we don't mention that I think we're alright. Absolute, Absolute Radio Frank Skinner

on Absolute Radio We did a photo shoot me and Christian O'Connell, for the new Absolute Radio poster thing campaign. And it was... Did it go well? It was a laugh. I mean, it was me and Christian O'Connell and some other people. And I don't see him very often, you know.

And it was almost as if as if the creator had um had appeared above the room and said let there be banter oh yeah and and there was banter banter ensued if you took if you took had a photo shoot with the ocm spryce he didn't ask me to take the picture because that's what he normally does when you two are photographed together what we did we um we recreated um the photo was that we recreated janet jackson's iconic 1993 rolling stone cover how did you he was behind me copying my breasts uh-huh it was all right didn't mind it it wasn't quite the same i was standing on the chair no no he was... Well, you'll see.

I don't think I'm allowed to reveal the thing. But can I say that one element of it... Yeah? ...involved wearing house slippers. OK. And I said to the designer man, whoever he was, the creative, I think they called him, I said, the trouble is with this is that these slippers

don't really... They are house slippers, but they're not what you think of when you think of house slippers. And you need the most stereotypical house slippers. And when the people see it, they think, oh, he's wearing house slippers. And you speak as an authority on this as a man who's recently worn house slippers for a television programme with a suit. I also speak, as ever, as a bit of a git.

Because in the best obtuse reflex tradition, I then said, of course, you can completely ignore my input on this, but the last time my input was completely ignored, we ended up with the Victorian Asylum campaign, which was

the last absolute radio campaign which was, I thought, a bit of a bit of a bummer. So in which all the presenters are in a Victorian asylum. Which is the theme. The theme was

cruelty rules. How did it go down when you made this observation? Like it always does. You know. Has your life just punctuated by bouts of silence? It's not so much silence, it's the whirring sound of people making a mental note of what they're going to say when I leave the room. The Frank Skinner Show. Listen live every Saturday morning from 8 on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran.

You can text the show on 81215. Some of you have and have been rich, funny and interesting examples of the human mind expressing itself in text form. Follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio. I think we've had three of those that are all rubbish. And email the show via the Absolute Radio website,

which again proves often the brightest people are the stingiest. Alan. Hello. We actually have had a text. You know, you said that you might do haircutting whilst you do your Edinburgh show Because hairdressers are often not great wits And it's a bit of time to spend there

I don't think I said that I inferred it certainly Well 8000 Carl has texted Frank maybe instead of haircuts You could try tattooing people I mean that's even more time intensive so it is it's quite a permanent error if you're stuck i like the element of jeopardy as well you know i think

you could call it something like pain for pleasure or tats with chats oh that's a good chat show you could call it tat sure yeah and i have a friend who is a tattooist who is an interesting guy. Frank Skinner, ink. Very good. Oh, lovely. Very good. Yes, but I think, whereas people ultimately would forgive you for a bad haircut. True. If I did like, you know when you get these people with misspellings on their tattoos? Yes. You never forgive anyone for that, that's what I'm saying.

All right. It's true. Okay, but yeah, I still think it's a great idea what i did once so you know that i must have talked to that story it's the closest i've been to being in a joke i went for a haircut and the guy said how do you want it i said well yours is all right what do you have he said i have number i have number two all over i said okay then i'll have that so so he cut it i said whoa well this is a lot short it I said, whoa, this is a lot shorter than yours. He said, oh, yeah, mine's grown out quite a bit.

It's honestly like I was in a joke. I lived in a joke for a short time. What about when I went for a haircut and I was on tour and the guy said, how do you want it? I said, like that. Oh, for the hair. There was a poster of me. Very good. I was the one with my hair short and he copied you want it? I said, like that over there. And there was a poster of me. Very good. I was around with my hair short.

Oh, that's handy, Frank. That's what people should do. Yeah. It's like I had a haircut, as I said, before this photo shoot, as the OC tried to out me. I had a haircut and I didn't look in the mirror or anything. I went, I had the haircut and then I went and did it. It look in the mirror or anything i went i had the haircut and then i went and did it it's like quite a big poster campaign we're doing so then so i did the

poster campaign without seeing the haircut so they could have cut no into the front of your hair they could have cut anything anything but you know when they you know when they hold a mirror up at the end of an air court and you say yeah yeah i love For me, I went, I'm doing it with a major billboard post the campaign. Yeah, yeah, it's all right. Thanks for it. Lovely. Thanks very much.

That's what I'm going to say every time I drive past one. Oh, that's lovely. Thanks. Lovely, yeah. Great. That's what I do, me. I did a bit of, I mimed a bit of driving then, even though it's on the radio.

It is. It's all about committing. I loved it. So why are we holding back? It's all about committing. I loved it. Sorry we're holding back, but it's all about committing. It was, uh, Suggsian. Thank you. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Frank, never mind all this haircut nonsense. Well, you say that. Well, no, but there's somewhere he attended this week, which he still hasn't told me about. Can we get tattoo go at the wife? Oh, shall we? Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, say what happened. Yeah. Well, we just

had some texting with people saying Edinburgh Tattoo would be a great name for that. Which is great. I think it's brilliant. We've had two texts, was it? Just the one, four through two. We had two texts, and I'm afraid I'm going to say it, Daisy, the producer, also came out with it. Yeah, I think she probably read it off the text.

She didn't. It's a bit of a coincidence. She'd never come out with anything funny before. Suddenly. Thank. That's her horrified laughter in the background, by the way. Look, it's no good having ideas and not voicing them. That's how Nazi Germany happened.

I knew she was pleased with it, because she did, I observed, she took a sip of water, like they do on University Challenge, when they've got the answer right. Yeah, and the snooker, after a good break. Just have a little sip of water, yes. I chew on that. I'm afraid you've been picked up somewhat. Ian Stewart Dootson

has texted, Frank, you implied barbers aren't great wits, not inferred. Another person infers what you imply. Oh, yes, that's absolutely correct, and I apologise. Well, I did notice it, but I wasn't going to pick you up. Did you? Yeah. Yes, you did.

Yeah, like Daisy came up with that. It was his pleasure, his corner. Now, thank you for correcting me because that was wrong. I apologise for my good manners. But perhaps even though I'm down, I'm beaten down at the moment with my wrongness, can I ask a favour of our readers? There's a song lyric in my head

and I'd really like to know what it's from. It's just a tiny, a tiny it's over, let it go. What is that? It's a line. It's over, let it go. And it's from a song. Is it Frozen? Please. Pardon? Is it from Frozen? Oh, it won't be anything that trendy. Trendy?

Not Albert Tatlock. You and your trendy music. I won £60. Clear off. On Albert Tatlock. Did you? Albert Tatlock. You and your trendy music. I won 60 quid on Albert Tatlock. Did you? Albert Tatlock's a Coronation Street character played by Jack Hareworth. The sort of man who'd say to you, he's clear off. Yeah, me and some friends had what we used to call the death list, which we'd put together every now and then.

Oh, I remember you talking about this. Absolutely disgusting. Yet again, it's the first celebrity to go down. And a friend of mine had Gorbachev. Gorbachev was, I mean, he was on a life support machine, but we wouldn't pay up. And then Albert Tatlock came. You know like those runners come through,

you'd written off a run and suddenly they burst through at the end and break the tape. Oh, along comes Albert Tatlock. I was watching the morning news with my parents and it said the popular actor Jack Howard, the three-player, has died. And I went, yeah, righty! Which confused them somewhat.

Can I say I had massive respect and affection for him, being a 60 quid, 60 quid. Especially with a habit like yours. 60 quid, 60 quid. Especially with a habit like yours. Yes, I was into monastic cosplay at the time, so I was spending quite a lot of money on habits. And the tonsure.

I used to have a tonsure in those days, the hairdresser. Oh, I'd love it if you had a tonsure. It took a bit of explaining. It's over, let it go. It's over, let it go. So far, no texts have come in explaining that please tell us about where you went this week yes i was at the center of the universe on tuesday night you know when you're at an event and you feel like everybody in the world is talking about book launch no it wasn't no i haven't been to one of those for uh ages um i was at the opening night of Kate Bush super duper

fabulous and you know what did you love it well my girlfriend is as obsessed with Kate Bush as anyone I've ever met to be obsessed with anyone and she

when I knew Kate Bush was touring I had to get her a ticket and I really wanted to get it for the opening night and I wanted to get good tickets. So I paid. I paid 135 quid. It wasn't a showbiz as your padre. As we say in the monastic cosplay world.

But we ended up, we were in the centre stalls. We were basically in line with the microphone. We were so central. In the fourth row on the opening night. Not too near that you'll get a crick in your neck, but not too far that you're watching a dot in the distance. But near to see that Kate Bush is still a very beautiful woman.

And there's occasional moments when she'd turn her hair one side and you could see that 19-year-old girl singing Wuthering Heights, even though she didn't sing Wuthering Heights. But I tell you what she looks like, and I really don't mean this, but I was looking at her to think, you really remind me of someone, Kate. Who is it? She looks like a very beautiful Brian Clough.

Thanks. Honestly, you look at some pictures of Brian... I mean, not when he... Well, I look like Nigel Clough. That's my look-alike. Oh, well, there you go. I don't mean in his later days, when, as David Bodin always used to say,

he looked like a black corrent crumble I mean when he was a bit younger than that if you look at it and just squint a bit you can see Kate Bush which, I don't know what that says it says that Brian Clough was perhaps more beautiful than we think Absolute Radio

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Oh,ner on Absolute Radio Oh, I suddenly sounded a bit echoey. Am I all right with it? Do you? Yeah, I don't mind. I'm a bit... Citizens of London, return to your homes.

While you were... What if that's just blasting out of someone's car radio? That's going to be a bit of panic, like when Orson Welles did War of the Worlds. Yes, it's very like now going past. There's going to be a bit of panic, like when Orson Welles did War Of The Worlds. Yes, it's very like that. Yeah. There's been a lot of missives onto 8-12-15, the text number, saying,

Frank, the song, you were trying to identify a song. The line, it's over, let it go. Yeah, well, guess what? I don't think that's enough of a clue, because we've had a lot of people say, it's Tom Waits, Tom Waits, the lyric. Frank, it's Tom Waits, let it go. I don't know if they're saying let it go as in stop asking or the title of the song is let it go frank it is because everyone else says it is try it's over

by tom waits from phil and mabel thought and then there's just a few randoms um you know, Frank how about Tattoo Upstairs? Okay. Your place or mine? Is that a reference to when I looked at a flat where Tattoo were actually at the flat upstairs? It could well be, yes. Or is it just that there's a song

called Upstairs by Tattoo and it includes the lyric, it's over, let it go. But that would be perfect because I could play, I could have got that flat and then played Tattoo upstairs and then Tattoo would have been upstairs. I did hear music coming from their flat now and again, but it was mainly... HE LAUGHS

HE LAUGHS HE LAUGHS Keep it down a bit, will you? Trying to watch the cricket Oi! That's what happened when I bought the flat below Tattoo We also have... So, back to Bursch

Oh, yeah Oh, I think Cockrell was mid-sentence Frank, the song is from your namesake Mike Skinner's album A Grand Don't Come For Free, which is also ironic given that you've got some horizontal income from previous DVD sales and stuff like that, so it probably does really, doesn't it? Oh, yeah.

Depends on you knowing my experience. Let's leave it there. I don't think it's that. I'm really sorry I've done this for you guys because I don't think either of those are correct well it's not a typical texting I've got a bit of this song in my head

or a particularly entertaining one if we're going to be completely frank about this I'm not taking the hit on that I'm merely using the readers as a facility I realise that, I'm sorry it is going to nag at me all morning anyway look Kate Bush she was amazing. I'll tell you what I liked about it.

You should have done Shepard's Bush. She missed the trick there. She did, yeah. But she was Hammersmith, so it wasn't quite there. But she did, I mean, you must have read about it now, maybe. She didn't do the hits at all. She did like two... No babushka?

Two sides, no babushka. Not that I could see. And I was in the fourth row. She... I tell you what, it's like if we did a live show and the whole thing was about Peter the Wild and Julie's taxes. It was completely no surrender you know you had to be hardcore or forget about it and i kind of respect her for that yeah she doesn't do a tour

for like whatever it is 30 years and then she does a lot of what i believe pete waterman refers to his own stuff yeah exactly yeah that's what she uh she she just She did it as if she's been touring for ages and now this is a new blah, blah, blah. I really like that. So many of them come back, trot out the hits and count them. Respecto. And she had, to Cat's delight, she had a son involved in it. It was Ginger.

And we've got a Ginger son, so suddenly there's a big bond. Lovely connection. Ginger Son Club. Ginger Son, of course, is, I believe, the colour of son where Superman has some of his powers but not all of them. Are you going with ginger

then rather than redhead when you refer to it? I've liberated the G word. I like that. Because I have people come and look at my son's hair and say, oh, he's a sort of

strawberry... No! Use the G word. Yeah, I do. I lay on them. It's a sort of ging the G word. Yeah, I do. I lay it on them. It's a sort of... It's a sort of gingers with attitude. Yeah.

That thing that we've got going. We've reclaimed the word in our house. Good for you. Yeah. He's a ginger. What's wrong with that? Well, it's nothing, but you make him sound a bit like a cat.

We're all a bit like a cat, aren't we? I mean, you know, deep down. You feel my... Listen to my tongue on the microphone. A little bit on the rough side, I think you'll agree. You're listening to the Frank Skinner podcast from Absolute Radio. Want your Frank fix a little sooner? Listen live every Saturday from 8am on Absolute Radio. Across the UK on digital radio, mobile apps

and in London and the South East on 105.8 FM. Absolute Radio. I don't know if this is legal, but my two-year-old son watched the whole of Doctor Who. Citizen's Arrest. Yeah, and it was a 75-minute episode. Yeah. And there was some people who...

I don't approve of that, exposing them at that young age to that show. Yeah. I mean, there was some scary... I want them to meet women and have a lively life. That long? Calm. Don't worry about that. Plenty of time for that.

You should listen to Verity, the podcast, a Doctor Who podcast done exclusively by women. Wow. Yeah. I think you mean, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Only the found Arj.

Relax. Arj was missing, but he is found. I've been stiff with stress. Arj was missing, but he is found. I've been stiff with stress. Arj once was lost, but now he's found. Is he definitely found? Arj is here again. He's found.

He's all right. Everything's OK. Relax, everyone. Can I laugh and clap at that? Because I thought it was funny and... No, I'm really glad that... I was worried too. I was worried too.

Hold on, I'd better put these away then. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Come on. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, dear. Absolute, absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Daisy just complained about Wolf of Wall Street, the film, said it was too long.

I don't like it when people say that. It's a bit too long. Listen, you've started something. Oh. With this whole ginger campaign. We've been inundated from gingers. Oh, good. Well, first of all, we have 786.

Does this mean we'll see you scaling the Houses of Parliament and unravelling a banner, Fathers for Ginger? Wouldn't it be Gingers for Justice, wouldn't that say it would be? Yeah, Fred and Epson. You even get a bit of alliteration. It's good to rewrite. Justice for Gingers. It's good to rewrite that suggestion, though.

Yeah, Justice for Gingers. That's it. That's a copy edit on it. I like to get the text in and then gag them up a bit. Yeah. Laura has texted we've also called our son Ginger from early on so if he gets teased at school it means nothing

to him. Well I've called my son Boz and he's Ginger so the bullies will just be, they want a way to start. And what I'm doing is Don't know where to start? Exchange them up. I like it means nothing to him. My son isn't Ginger but I'm teasing is... Don't know where to start? Exchange a mod. I like it. I've lost my voice over. I've got to have a voice over. My son isn't ginger, but I'm teasing him early on, so if he gets teased at school

it means nothing to him. That's what I'm doing. That's a good one. What about Rich? Stop saying it means nothing to him. It's like Angela with midget. I don't live my son on a regular basis. Chinese burns. Yeah, it's like a therapy. No, I think it is important. I'll tell you, I have done ginger jokes in the past. Let me own up to that. I am like St. Paul. You know, I think it is important. I'll tell you, I have done ginger jokes in the past. Let me own up to that.

I am like St Paul. You know, I persecuted Christians and then I had a road to Damascus experience. No, you didn't really. Your son was just ginger. Well, it actually happened to me in the kitchen. I had a road to Domestos experience. What about Rich and Harlow, Frank?

Good morning. Are they? Good on you. Then why do they remain? Sorry, I didn't mean that sorry see then they phone up the mayor of harlow and he'll say oh yeah this is harlow's a very fine place and people like frank skinner and then they've got a story got a new story yeah good on you for using ginger my nephew has been called ginger boy or red lad since he was born red lad he's now the singing detective that's like a horse it's rosacea

he's got he's now six and can't be bothered if other kids call him ginger water off a ginger ducks back brilliant when it's important because um you know it is another form of uh singling out a minority let's face it well i'd like to say hello to uh debbie wythe and the entire wythe family who've tweeted us a picture of their family fight for the ginger cause we're a family virtually Well, I'd like to say hello to Debbie Wythe and the entire Wythe family, who've tweeted us a picture of their family, fight for the ginger cores, we're a family virtually all ginger, even the dog, cat and fish. And they're a lovely family, I have to say.

You see, I like the idea of the ginger cores, because if the cores had all been ginger, would they have been so lost in after? No, I think... That's interesting. That's a good point. No, I went... That's interesting. That's a good point. No, I know. The history might not even remember him. There could be a lost cause.

Very. Yeah. It could be in the same place as Arj. Arj is fine, by the way. Yeah. Well, as far as we know. In case you don't wonder what we're talking about, Arj is somebody from...

He's off of town. He's off of town. The only way is Essex, who went missing and now has returned. He once was lost, but... No, he's been... He's had a road to Damascus-style conversion. Maybe. It reminds me of...

There was a West Brom game when one of our strikers, Fabian De Freitas, didn't turn up. It was a bank holiday afternoon game. And he thought it was a night go. So he's in bed. It's this kind of dedication that's put us where we are today. Sol Campbell went missing, I seem to remember. Did he?

And Stephen Fry, of course. You don't get many missings, though. No. Missing celebrities. Especially not with the celebrities. No, no. They've got, you know, too much to lose. They don't want to go.

And Ard, it was pretty short term. Anyway, let's hope there wasn't any horrible reasons as we've been laughing about it for an hour. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So I tell you, I've discovered that my son has another great passion. He loved Doctor Who. Is that the red lad?

Yeah, he watched the whole of Doctor Who. Oh, that's a shame. I didn't manage that. It did open with a dinosaur, which is liable to draw the two-year-olds in. That's right. Did you watch it? I did, but I didn't manage the full, what was it, 75? I had to leave for my Edinburgh show, what was it being at that time of night, I

was going to walk up and I just, yeah, I thought I'm going to have to miss the last five or ten minutes and in the end I thought, oh it's fine, I'll miss the last five or ten minutes, it's fine. So you haven't, I played the last ten It's fine, isn't it? So you haven't... You haven't... I played the last... You watched... No. No. You weren't a fan?

It was fine. It was fine. Just fine, you know. Didn't feel like the last... Didn't need it. Oh, what about... Frank looks very upset. Well, it's better than when my mother saw the Christmas special.

I watched the whole episode. And she said, can you believe grown men sit and watch this? Why is it that people get so unpleasant about? I wasn't being unpleasant. I was just giving you my... I think I know what it is. Go on.

It's because you people... You people. Yes, you people get so obsessive about it. You build it up so much and then it looks so cheap. It is cheap, I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't think

it looked cheap. No. I think AA Girl claimed that it used 80 of bbc's drama budget or something like that probably however having said all that i love um pcap yeah and um i love f skin so i will be tuning into your episode, okay? You love Evskin? Yeah. I didn't know that. Can't get enough. Is that a bit racist? I'm trying to work out. Anyway, so, no, it's fine. Okay.

I'll tell you what Buzz loves. Oh, yeah? Baggage reclaim. Oh, does he? Oh, man, I've never seen anyone. We sat, we watched every bag drop. Our stuff had all come off. I couldn't get him away from the conveyor belt. He absolutely...

I mean, you know, I love luggage. Yes. I've been admiring, I have to say, the Cockerell's luggage this morning. Oh, yeah. He's gone a sort of a... Was it day glow? It's a bright orange... I suppose you would call it like an over-the-shoulder...

Boulder holder. Do you know what he looks like? He's very... With that rucksack, it's very... It's not a rucksack. It's just a... Oh, whatever it is. Of course, you have to take the...

It's a handbag, really, isn't it? It's a Scandi internet startup entrepreneur. You have to take the shoulder straps off, of course, for baggage reclaim. Do you? You have to take what? You have to take the shoulder... You're supposed to take the shoulder straps off if it's going to go in the hold. Right.

In case one of the sniffer dogs gets a poor cord. I think is the answer. That's a nice piece of conversation. If you're at a dinner party and you want to get the conversation going, remember that little one. So anyone here got a bag with a shoulder strap? Listen in. You usually go for the hovercraft, don't you? He loved it though. I'd say a bright orange bag

perfect for baggies, very clever. Yes. Very good for that. I love a distinct. I bought a new bag this week. I'm a bit of a labels man when it comes to that. Are you? I am. That's the one era of my life. That's the one era of my life where yeah. What did you get yourself? Primark. I went Schlesinger.

Louis Vuitton. What's funny about that? I went 1973. How was Sports Direct? Was it fun? It was from Sports Direct, actually. Of course it was. Does that make me a bad person?

Is this a Schlesinger suitcase? No, it's a knapsack. Knapsack? Yeah, you know, on my back. Or is it rock sack? What's the difference between a knapsack and a rock sack? One is you're fighting and one you're sleeping. Yeah, that's right.

Okay, let's work that out. Let's cancel that. A knapsack feels a bit more Christopher Robin. It's over, let it go. Sorry? No, I was just saying a knapsack feels a bit more Christopher Robin or something. Yeah, you're probably right. A rucksack feels a bit more Scandinavian tourist. Yeah.

It's a very fine line. You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. Very fine line. You're listening to Frank Skinner's podcast from Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show. Lots of people have. 1-8-12-15.

Follow the show on Twitter at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. We have an answer. This morning I've been plagued by a lyric, it's over, let it go. And people said it was Tom Waits, people said it was... Tattoo. Tattoo.

And a million more people said it was Tom Waits as well. OK. Still got those Tom Waits coming in. But you know what? We've got it. We've got it. I didn't get it. It was sent in by a reader.

It was sent in by 884, a.k.a. Gary and Kirk. Mm-hmm. They've given their postcode, but I won't divulge that in case they're recognisable. N11. They're anticipating flowers. Hi, Frank. And they deserve them. We think that it's lines from the chorus of the theme tune to That Was The Week That Was.

Fantastic. Now, those of you listening saying, what? A major satire show in the 60s, That Was The Week That Was, hosted by David Frost. And it started every week with a woman called Miller St Martin singing a song which was based on topical things that had happened that week. And the chorus went,

That was the week that was, it's over, let it go. And that was it. And I have to say, it's fairly infrequent that it is an answer on a commercial radio text. I think that's fairly true. No, Kiss were doing that this morning. Frank, I like the sound of Gary and Kirk. Do we think father and son, Cat Stevens? Do we think father and son, or are you going flatmates?

Or are you going bromance? I don't know. Or civil partnership? I'll go any of those things. I love them because they've put me out of my misery this morning If you could confirm your relationship status that would be awesome To Gary and Kirk we salute you So that's lovely

Anyway on the theme of good news And at last There was a fabulous lovely romantic wedding this week Wasn't there? Oh, Brangelina. Doom, doom, doom, Brangelina, Brangelina, pretty little thing. Brangelina dance, Brangelina sing. Are you going to do that every time I say Brangelina?

I'll set them up, you're not coming. Do you know what? I'm relieved, if I'm honest, because they've been living over the brush as I believe one of your relatives used to say what? another phrase for because they don't like you saying living in sin anymore no

apparently it's offensive what they do is they phone up someone then from the the sin society no sin society from the Anais Nin Society Oh yeah No actually they're filthy They found out something from the Humanist Society

And they say of course the whole concept of sin Is an oppressive blah blah blah So you've got a new story I'm glad he's done the decent thing Well did he do the decent thing? Well she's got all those kiddies It was about time It was on France I think they all those kiddies. It was about time.

It was on France. I think we have shared kiddies, don't we? No, but I like being like a 1970s comedian. Right. 22 people. It is one of those. Yeah, that was just the kids. This is the thing, though. I mean, when I was a kid, it used to be quite the search for the sort of bridesmaid and the page boy used to be quite a moment, you know, quite a little theme of the wedding.

Now people just use their own kids. Yeah. That's because they live over the brush. I know I did. Yeah, exactly. It's nepotism at its very worst. They're getting those jobs just because they are the children of the bride and groom. That never used to happen.

And they're taking other people's gigs. Yeah. If you want to be a page boy nowadays, it's not what you know, it's who you know. Absolute, Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I've got a text to read out. This is from Gary and Kirk.

Hi, Frank, we are a couple. We've been together for 18 years. Fantastic. Congratulations. Well, you've made me very happy this morning, I must say. I love them. Long may they reign. I haven't seen you this happy since you remembered the word stylus on air

and hodged the air. See, this is what I always say. Don't Google it if it's just a case of not remembering. Because when you do, I know that I didn't remember it, but coming from the readers feels more like someone has taken the trouble to help me out.

Yes. I love them. I feel like they're my kind of people, Gary and Kirk. Ah, yes. So anyway, Brangelina. Meanwhile, over at the Chateau. Yes. Well, I'll tell you what was, over at the Chateau... Yes. Well, I'll tell you what was a bit embarrassing. Her dad wasn't invited.

John Boyd. No. And him? I had a mate who did the Gretna Green drive with his girlfriend. They just shot off one night. You know, it was the 70s. They had a few drinks and drove to Scotland. Smoked 60 cigarettes in the car.

I think the witness was a woman who'd come to pay her rent. Who was just at the place. But I think their family never really forgave them for it. Yeah. I always think the very close family ought to be part of it.

And then it can be as small as it wants. I mean, 22 is, I think, a bit much. I think it was eight or nine people at my wedding. You know that moment, though, where once you let one in, you've got the cut-off point? There has to be that moment where, you know, if you imagine the bouncer standing with his hand up and the family member who gets the, uh, no, sorry.

Your name's not there. Yeah, but you don't want to be what I call Eero, which is evening reception only. Oh. Because the worst... They did that. We've been that guy. Well, can you don't want to be what I call Eero, which is evening reception only. Oh. Because the worst... They did that. We've been that guy. Well, can you imagine?

Yeah. To be evening reception only. Yeah. Oh, and everyone says, what about that bit where they made the toast? Oh, it wasn't there. It's weird, though, because I would have wanted to go for conversation purposes.

What, to the Vangelina wedding? But can they... Well, you wouldn't have been invited, Frank. No, but had I been, I would have gone. Why would you be invited? Just say if they, you know, say if they no but had i been i would have been invited just say if they you know say if they just said well let's have randomly let's have one random one celeb for the paps yeah and they picked you one random one i would have uh i would have done i would have gone just for it could be good to talk about it on here that's true yeah i said

to you now actually i was there i was one the 22. What are they getting out of this? Well, they did get a bit of publicity, wasn't it? How come you? A bit of publicity, because there are definitely a couple that caught that. That's why they had such a massive, ostentatious wedding. Oh, come on, don't fall for that. Can Brad and Angelina be anything other than very great fools? Oh, really?

Why did you say that? I thought there was a lot of love for them. I thought, yeah, I thought they were pretty cool. Why don't you like them? Because there's a level... Because they didn't get invited to the wedding. There's a level of... Extraordinary reasons.

Because you're level 23 on the list. There's a level of fame where you are so removed from reality that you might as well be burnt. I mean, you just have, you, they can have no sense of what the world is like, what it's about. Can they? I don't. Don't they say, oh, I feel a bit, and then

someone runs over with a wet wipe. What do you feel? That's their life. I feel sorry for them. It's like all the reality has been sucked out of them. I feel envious. Like cuttlefish. You know cuttlefish. If you can imagine the reality was moisture that's what you've been left with there and also we can all sit and say we celebrate but my heart was with jennifer aniston at home sobbing when she heard i thought it was quite

real in that the dad didn't know and uh and he was asked about it and he said that's nice yeah it's kind of quite real that he was as well. They broke a million hearts with that wedding. It's all right, I'll celebrate it. I mean, imagine Jennifer. She's never got over him, let's face it. That's true, yeah. I'll tell you who got the best gig. 500 big ones for that ring.

The best gig, really, is the judge from California who did the actual marriage in California and then went and did the one in... Was it France or Italy? Yeah, France. Yeah, in France. I mean, that's a good gig, isn't it? You see the house vicar at their place?

Yeah, just... I mean, that's a jolly, isn't it? By anyone's standards. If I was... Do you know when Natalie Wood got married, apparently James Dean sat outside on his motorbike, revving his motorbike, so they couldn't hear the ceremony.

Spoiled it for everyone. Really? I think she should have gone outside with one of those flatback... Who's this? Jennifer Aniston? Jennifer Aniston. Flatback truck. Oh, yeah. Speakers on. And sang,

Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, I'm begging of you, please don't take my man. It would have absolutely been... It would have swamped their... It would have taken their story. Yeah. Too slow, isn't it, you see? Poor Jennifer.

I like her better. Absolute. Absolute Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. You know one thing that should not be overlooked with Frank? Brangelina, Brangelina, pretty little thing. Brangelina dance, Brangelina sing. I actually went to school with Brangelina sing.

I wonder where she is now. I thought you were saying you went to school with Danny Kaye, which wouldn't have surprised me. One thing that should not be overlooked is that the reason that they're getting married right now is because it's 10 years since the anniversary of the film mr and mrs smith yes which feels a bit like they're celebrating someone else's pain because this is of course he was married to jennifer aniston they met and uh location romances will happen and hearts will

get broken but didn't they even do the... You know that thing that you have to do and you say, no, it didn't start until after... Yeah, they did that for quite a while. They did do that, didn't they? Yeah, they did that for quite a long time. And didn't they stop doing it then? Did they then fess up?

Well, they've got married. It was an anniversary of when they met. I like the way Frank... It's like he's asking about two friends in the playground and they stopped doing it. To me, all human beings are my friends. But that is a bit mean, Frank, don't you think? For I follow the

Nazarene and thus believe that in each of us a single light doth flicker. This is a bit Water of the World. Absolute radio, ladies and gentlemen. Playing the hits. Oh no, that was fourth radio, it was last week.

Were you saying that her wedding ring cost half a mil? Is that what you said? 500 big ones. Has Jennifer remarried? 500. No, well, she goes out with Justin Theroux. Daisy did a great thing. She had her arms folded, Frank, and she shook her head.

A slightly pursed-lipped expression. It was foolish of me, I'm sorry. She never really got close. Well, no, they've stolen the thunder. She and Justin Theroux were going to get married. But do you think she got closure? This could be closure for her. Let's hope so. It's been difficult.

Of course, in the 80s, pick closure was a commonplace. Very good. Thank you. It took a bit of work to get there, but I was glad of the climb. She says she's over it. She says, turn a page, people. Yeah. what she should say if i was jennifer aniston script writer i would have said yes i i did um i did split with brad i wouldn't say it was my most famous parting because she was famous for that slightly off-center party do you see that people say she's back

i love she's back! I love pods. She's back, Jennifer. We thought she was heartbroken, but she's done a joke about it. If you're listening, Jennifer, you can have that. You think she's one of our readers? That'd be good. Well, you know, I think she probably does the pods. I don't know if she gets up and listens to it live.

I'm not saying that. But she, you know... She's not a big fan of the adverts. I'm just saying you can have that. If anyone follows her, text her that and say, you can use that. Use that. And suddenly people will say, oh, there's something wrong about her.

Let's get friends back together. Next thing she knows, she's on the crest of a wave. He's sitting at home with Angelina wittering on about, you know, Tommy Lee. Well, I remember when Tommy Lee said, and he's sitting at home thinking, oh, God, look, friends is on. She still looks great. Look at those little kilts. Still carries them on.

Oh, can you imagine it? Just turn the tables on them. That's what you have to do. Skinner, Dean and Cochran. Together, The Frank Skinner Show. Absolute Radio. I am virtually, almost, sort of, joined in with a popular craze, which is something I try to...

I don't mean the popular craze, the well-known underworld East End villains of the 60s. Who were popular. They're still popular in some quarters. Oh, definitely. But I try to avoid the popular craze. No, I never learnt lip smacking, thirst quenching.

Well, so we see. I never learnt that, yeah. Although you often used to finish a show with a rousing chorus of Whoop Whoop Gangnam Style, didn't you? You got into that. Yeah, well, that was after we went off air, if you remember.

Yeah, yeah. But I sort of took part in an ice bucket challenge. What? And you went to Cape Bush. You're so on trend. That's true. Can I be honest? Ice bucket challenge this week, it's a bit throwback Thursday.

I know. But I was asked to do the tipping. Oh. And so I did the tipping for a guy in Edinburgh who was staying at the same flat as me called Craig. He was a very nice guy, but he wasn't a gay. He was a guy. Very nice gay guy.

He was a very nice guy. Why did you say very nice gay? I don't know, but what would Freud make of that? You just said he was a very nice gay. I know I said it. I identify. I specifically said it i i pulled up myself on it i don't know let him off the ropes

welcome to life with me i'm just doing the rope a dope i'll have her in a minute he's a rugby player oh I know and a very nice guy he's a very nice guy sender and I tell you he's a rugby player because we got the ice bucket out and I thought

oh god he's going to hate this of course rugby players do this yeah I could see he was looking and saying hold on

where's the urine and excrement you know what I mean ice bucket it's nothing to a rugby player they're constantly fill that with Baileys and Guinness and they'll drink it like it's some kind of ponding thing You know what I mean? Ice bucket is nothing to a rugby player. They're constantly...

Fill that with Baileys and Guinness and they'll drink it like it's some kind of bonding thing. And in all the clubs he goes to, he'll be used to the dry ice. Yeah, so... Please. Please! So I tipped it over him. I got soaked as well. What?

Yeah, it's hard to tip an ice bucket over someone without getting wet yourself. Really? Yeah. And I remember being one of the people who ice cubed suburban studs off the stage at Barbarella's in 1978. They were supporting the Clash. In fact, they were

a local heavy metal band in Birmingham who'd just decided to get on the punk bandwagon and we weren't having it. And the thing at Barbarella's was you'd go to the ice buckets and just decided to get on the punk bandwagon and we weren't having it and the thing at barbarella's we should go to the ice buckets and just throw ice cubes at the stage and then they could just come and sweep off after and the next band came on simple as that no evidence either it sounds dangerous though it is dangerous i drank a lot i drank i drank i drank a lot then you'll be drinking again when that rugby player gets hold of you. Just get off my cat.

I never. It was a Freudian slip. Absolute. Absolute. Absolute. Radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We've had another It's Over, Let It Go, but of course we've solved it.

Yeah. Solved. But what was that one? From Too Much, Too Little, Too Late by Johnny Mathis and Denise Williams. Too much, too little, too late. You know, that might be somebody listening an hour behind on the decade stations, as we like to call them in commercial broadcasting. That's a company man.

I hadn't even thought about that song for such a long time. It's someone texting the decade stations, yeah. Can I say something quickly about that ice bucket challenge? If people are doing it in hot countries, it doesn't count, as far as I'm concerned, because it's easy having ice in a nice hot country. It's here that it's hard. It's not quite so easy to get ice in a nice hot country, is it?

But they should have a different challenge, like a slug challenge or something. No, no, they should tip a kettle of boiling water at them. Yeah, make it a probe. Yeah, that you've really got to believe. Did you see that the ice Bucket Challenge has been blamed for a water shortage on a Scottish island? I mean, of all places to not have a water shortage,

I would have thought a small island would be... What they're putting in the whisky. Well, that's why it became headline news, Frank. Yeah, exactly. What about R2-D2 did it? What? No good will come of that. Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Play havoc with the other ones. I thought he was. I thought they gave him a spray with WD-40 first. We need to talk about Dynamo, boys. Oh, yeah. Not something I thought I'd ever say. If there are young people listening, it may be good to tune out now, because there are naysayers in the Dynamo camp, aren't there?

Is he a youth phenomenon, Dynamo? Yeah, Dynamo the magician. He's a young magician. I know he is, but is he mainly watched by youth? I meant in terms of spoilers because we're going to say that people are saying you can see the wires. It's in the papers, for goodness sake.

I don't think young people are reading the papers. But magicians back in the day, you knew where you stood. Yeah. Because you had a waistcoat. Saw a woman in half. There was... Yeah. Sort of music.

And everyone was happy. A waistcoat, grey sideburns. It was like you'd be on Saturday nights. It's a kind of magic. Remember that guy? Paul Daniels? No. Is he all right?

Is he all right? That's a kind of magic. Okay, is Paul Daniels all right? Yeah. He's fine. He had a bit of flod Is Paul Daniels all right? He's fine. He had a bit of flodding. But that didn't kill him. Even though he's short.

I think he climbed up the lovely demis. He's keeping his head above water, is the short answer. Yeah. Anyway, Dynamo's one of these... He might have drowned. That could be his toupee. We think he's all right. He's lying on the floor, drowned.

Oh, no. In fact, Dynamo's one of the trendy... No, I know him. You can talk to me if I don't know him. Well, sometimes. And I think he's great. I think he's good. He's very good. This Shard thing, he basically tried to levitate. He's a bit humble northern

for my liking, but you know what I mean? I'm alright with that. Well, you're not humble. What? This is awkward. No, he's very sort of sweet. This is because I said I didn't watch the last five minutes of Doctor Who. He's been storing it up. That's not true.

That bullet's been loaded in the chamber. I've shouted you down to five minutes. If it was just the credits, that's fine. And also, you'd have just missed the come in next week thing. Oh, yeah. I'll give it another try tonight if it helps. It was on the Shard, though. Yeah, what's happened, it was the Shard, which is a tall building in South London.

It just qualifies as South London. It's just south of the Thames. And he levitated above the two Shard-y sticky-out bits on top. Yeah. Now, people are saying, hold on a minute, if you look at that photo, you can see there's wires.

Yeah. Right. You've got wires. Now, there's several problems with this, but the main problem is, what did people think? Yeah. Yeah.

Did they think that Dynamo has... Did they think he's in league with the devil in some way? That he has actual supernatural powers? Well, he has got a bit of previous on this, because one of his fame-getting tricks was he walked on water, so maybe they did. Maybe they thought, hold on a minute. I mean, it's great. I love his stuff. It's great.

Yeah. But it never struck my mind that he had actual supernatural powers. Hold your horses. Aren't they saying, really, it's... What they're saying is, give us the bacon sandwich, don't show us how the pig is killed. That's what they're saying. I'm all right.

They're speaking in code. No, but that makes sense. You understand. I understand. I put that in the personals in the Times this morning. Two Russian men arrived at my house at 3am. That don't show us the innards. Don't show us the process.

Well, okay. But I thought this was... It says, you know, oh, it turns out he's a phony. And then he, he said, no, this isn't true. I wasn't, I wasn't faking it. That was the bit where I was just having a practice with the wires. Hold on! So then you levitated above the shard.

I mean, I think there's a problem with reality here, isn't there? Yeah. I don't like it when the magic world has a problem with reality. I don't. He denied them all, did he? No. That's what I call him. I don't. He denied, he denied, denied him out of it. Yeah. That's what I call him. I call him linemo.

Oh, yeah. Because he's a lot, slinemo. Slinemo, denied him out of it. Yeah, that's what he did with his northern humility. Absolute,

absolute radio. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I didn't know that he's really... When I read the article about him faking his levitation... Right. Which I have to say, it sort of made me... It makes you question everything after that, doesn't it?

Everything. I mean, literally everything. I mean, even... It's made me wonder about birds. Yep. You know, we just take it... We never really question that about the flight thing. Yeah. I mean, actually, when you think about it, they do do quite a lot of walking, don't they?

They come down to the floor and they just have a little pace about. And, you know, people put those wires on the ends of buildings to keep them off. Yeah. It's because they're quite thickish wires and the birds think, wouldn't it get too close to that? People might think

it might have just put the whole wires thing in their mind and then they'll see the final one. Yeah. I don't think you should just levitate above the shard, though. It's a bit like when people are reincarnated and, you know, it's always someone extraordinary. I think they should just do something, no offence, but a bit more mundane, like Cockerell's house.

They should levitate above there. I don't want Dynamo levitating over my house. In case you're listening, Dynamo, God bless you. But stay out of my airspace. I mean, to be honest, I don't want him levitating over my house either. Don't you? Well, it'd freak the kids out

when they're trying to get to sleep. Also, he's incontinent. You know, he's woefully incontinent. Is he? Yeah, that's one of the things about him. Oh, well, I'm not leaving the house with an umbrella every day, just in case. Yes. No way.

I once saw him pull a toilet roll out of a top hat completely unexpectedly. Stephen Frayne. I didn't know he's a real name. He's one of the... That's something else I didn't want to know. I liked that he was Dynamo and he had magic powers. Oh, is that his real name? Now suddenly he's on a wire and he's called Stephen Frayne, it's just a bloke now. Yeah, why didn't he call his show?

You've been framed That would have been perfect when it goes up into the stinger to fit in the street and does a magic trick you've been You can get on the car you playing card on one side. You've been framed on the other It's it's it's white it's crying out for it. No, it's Dynamo. If you were to show this and your name is Stephen Fray, I would probably change it. Yeah. It's too similar to the other one. Which one?

Stephen Fray. Who's that? Stephen Fry. Oh, Stephen Fry. Is he the other one? Yeah. The other one. The other.

Let's face it. Ultimately, though, it's all, there's nothing, nothing can top the old coin from behind the ear. I can do that. Oh, can you?

Yeah. Can you? Yeah. Can you do it over brunch? I might, if you want that, I'd go out for a drink with you if you could do that.

I'll do it over brunch. I remember Jerry Sadovich is a very, very fine close-up comedian did that to me. And I think it was the last time I remember Jerry Sadovich, who's a very, very fine close-up comedian, did that to me. I think it was the last time I actually said... No way! Wow.

It was the last time I said that one, ironically. Brilliant. Anyway, I'm still... I think it's fine with Donut Dynamo. If it had come out that he was a 22 stone and a posh bloke from Sorry, I would have said he was a phony, but the wire is fine.

The wire's fine. Arge is fine. Arge, thank God, Arge is alright. It's been a fine time, hasn't it? It has. You picked a fine time to leave me, Arge. Texting what lyric that is.

No, don't. I'm going to end now. Can we please end? This is Pete Donaldson is coming up next with his affable Geordie manner. And I'll thank Dynamo not to levitate above that either.

If the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, get out.