The Frank Skinner Show - Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast: Caroline Bird

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Frank celebrates Caroline Bird and wonders if he should have saved this one for Valentine’s Day. The collection referenced is The Air Year by Caroline Bird. The individual poems discussed are Temporary Vows and I Am Not a Falconer, both by Caroline Bird.

Hello and welcome to series four, yes I know, of Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast. This week I want to read to you from a poetry circles, it's quite a hot property, the air year, well known and prize winning, etc, etc. And it's a thing of beauty. I'm going to read a poem called Temporary Vows. Now, you may well find yourself in this collection the air year i think i like to think that in any brilliant poetry collection you always find yourself whoever you are there's a lot of stuff about relationships in this and i think for a great many people relationships is where we find our poetry the way we talk about the person that we're with or we used to be with the way we argue even as a sort of poetic form to it

and i don't know about you but whenever i've been dumped i go to those songs about being dumped. Often, Rye Orbison is my poet of choice. Only the Lonely. I mean, if you just take that for a song title, it has rhyme, which is what you need when you've been dumped. You need order and rhythm and rhyme and something to look forward to at the end of a line but also only the lonely gives you that fabulous sense of exclusivity the idea yes yes I've been dumped my pain my anguish

it gives you the option to wallow in that pain and I for me, that's an important way of getting through it, making myself a tragic character in the movie of my life. Okay. But only when I've been dumb. Usually I'm the clown. Okay. I'm going to read you the first bit of temporary vows. And like all brilliant poems, really, you're thinking, okay, it's about a relationship. I think I know the kind of stuff. I'll bet you don't. In fact, I should warn you that there are images of suicide at the beginning of this poem, not an actual suicide, admittedly, but still, I think a warning at this point is right and proper. Okay. I hold two fingers to my head, trigger my thumb, I say pow. I slice my throat with a single stroke, pull an invisible blade vertically along my vein.

Remember the deaths we did together, twiddling oven knobs in the air then thrusting our chins to inhale. I loved you so much during that experimental play, much during that experimental play when you slowly leant forward to nick your femoral artery then quietly bled out in your seat until curtain call blood only we saw so this seems to be a couple who who enjoy simulating various terrible deaths. I hold two fingers to my head, trigger my thumb. That is such a fabulous piece of economy. Economy can be a beautiful thing when it happens in a poem. Trigger my thumb. I don't think that's a phrase for doing that thing with your thumb when you make

your whole hand look like a gun. But of course, we know instantly what she means. This seems like a small thing. But to me, the second line of the poem, I hold two fingers to my head, trigger my thumb. I'm already thinking, oh, that shows such a sort of purity of line to be able to sum up that image in those three words so this couple the speaker and whoever the partner was took part in um in these mock killings mock suicides they all seem to be they're not shooting each other they're either gassing themselves in an imaginary oven or slitting their imaginary throats etc so i loved you so much during that experimental play i loved you so much is a line on its own. And of course, it's something that you've heard before, but it's still when it's there on its own starkly in the midst of all

this invention and oddity, something so untouched by invention. I loved you so much. It's like it's given its special place here in this. I'm not even going to tamper with that concept because that is at the absolute root of all this stuff I'm talking about, all this odd stuff and play acting and mime. But what I'm saying here is I loved you so much. Okay, I loved you so much during that experimental play so it's kind of it sounds almost theatrical but it's the in joke isn't it that's so special to a relationship so much part of the intimacy something that you two do that most people don't know or don't get. I don't think it's a regular thing for couples to be simulating suicide, but for these two, it's their thing.

And your thing in a relationship is very important. So she talks about this, about the slitting of the femoral artery. Until curtain call, blood only we saw. So, of course, no one else saw this blood because it wasn't real. It was imaginary. But there again, there's a fabulous intimacy in that just me and you. And even though it's just imaginary blood, it's our imaginary blood shared by no one else i went to a couple counseling session with my partner we were having you know

tough times and we went along to our first ever session and the guy who was like a german intellectual exactly what you want for a counsellor guy, said, I'm not going to do the accent, but he said to me, how do you feel the relationship is going? And I said, well, I feel like I've poured 10 or 12 years of my life into this relationship and done everything I can and strived and worked to make my partner as happy as I can. And I failed miserably.

And now I feel I may have been flogging a dead horse. And he said, you know, there's real hope for this relationship because that's intimacy. And we both looked at each other in a, what's he talking about? And he said, yeah, the intimacy that you can sit in a room and speak so openly about your relationship while your partner is there. That intimacy isn't chewing each other's ears or gently running a forefinger down the back joint of someone's knee it's um i don't know where that example came from but let's move on it's about being able to just say what you think and i remember when i said it all my partner said yes i can see that point interesting point she wasn't horrified or upset or angry so anyway intimacy comes in many forms and in this relationship part of it is this mock

suicide thing that they do when i say mock suicide clearly there's no suggestion that suicide is not a terrible terrible thing but here it's sort of been taken into a theatrical convention, a ritual that they go through. Why they've chosen that, I imagine, is because when you're a couple, you're often like, if you're at a party or something, and someone's getting on your nerves, or if traffic's terrible, or if you're in a meeting, and someone's talking rubbish, it's really nice to turn to the other partner and hold up an imaginary gun to your head and just to say, this is terrible. And we know, don't we? OK, next section.

As well as death, we'd mime marriage. I'd slide on a spectral ring and you'd shiver at the thrill of my thumb and fingertip, sealing the deal for a second till the thought melted back into your skin. I am proficient at beginnings, the air year, the anniversary prior to paper, year the anniversary prior to paper for which ephemeral gifts are traditional only after our rings became solid silver did they truly disappear phew as well as death we'd mime marriage that's quite a shocker when it comes it's it's the it's the chronology i think of talking about their various mime games death comes first and then the miming of marriage and and you know in a relationship i think it's easier to talk about blowing your brains out than it is to pretend you're putting a wedding ring or some

other intimate piece of jewelry onto what that sound sounded darker than I wanted it to I'm just suggesting you don't have to be married to be profoundly in love is all so as well as death we'd mime marriage and yeah I think in a relationship death is almost scarier than commitment sometimes i'd slide on a spectral ring and and all that thing about you'd shiver at the thrill of my thumb and fingertip it's really beautiful sealing the deal for a second till the thought melted back into your skin it's all thought it's all imagination and it melts into the skin like the ring that they can almost see the ring and then it just evaporates and here i think is a tremendous you've had a lot of people say they're not very good at

relationships this is the positive spin i am proficient at beginnings i mean that is so beautiful i'm really great at the early stages of relationship the air year you may know that each anniversary is associated with a certain substance. Obviously, people have their golden wedding anniversaries, which I think is 50 years, and their diamond, which I think is 60. I may be wrong about these, but you know the kind of thing. The air year, as she's calling it, the anniversary prior to paper.

The first anniversary is the paper anniversary that i think is how insubstantial and easily destroyable and crushable a relationship is seen to be after one year that it gets the paper anniversary that's the only substance it's considered traditionally to be apt but here she's going behind that the air year so the first 12 months it's so wispy and so so hard to hold on to it it's so hard to dare that it will last, that it's the air year, see-through, light, almost imaginary, for which ephemeral gifts are traditional, I guess like pretend rings.

And then only after our rings became solid silver did they truly disappear. So those ones that melted back into the skin, those imaginary rings, they didn't truly disappear because they still had that memory. They still had that little in-joke, that little ritual that they did. But only after our rings became solid silver. And interesting, the line break on that is solid. So the line says, only after our rings became solid silver. And interesting, the line break on that is solid. So the line says, only after our rings became solid. Remember, we talked about ephemeral gifts just before.

So it's when it got real, when it was a solid ring. I know she's going to say solid silver, but there's a reason she's ended the line on solid. When it was ephemeral, when the line on solid when it was ephemeral when it was imagined when it was pretend when it was our secret thing like that blood that only we saw it felt more real more hold holdable and ironically obviously it's very ironic that when they got real rings that's when the the trouble started yes it's a sort of a gorgeous irony but it's also awful and it also suggests that intimate gestures are maybe more valid than public ones like wearing wedding rings or whatever now the house is a mime scene, mime blood all over the floor. I've got to point out that she's not frightened of a pawn, Caroline Bird. Now the house is a mime scene, mime blood

all over the floor. Obviously, the term you'd normally use is crime scene. But because all their slicing and shooting was pretend their house what is now I presume her house is a mime scene now the house is a mime scene mime blood all over the floor trodden into carpet fibers shirts bras dried to an airy crust under my nails I slit my neck at the traffic So she now continues. This pretend blood is all over her flat carpet fiber shirts bras dried to an airy crust under my nails and it's all pretend blood but it's real because it it's about memories and that when you've split with someone like that, when they've gone, the memories, they're the thing that are punching you in the stomach over and over. I slit my neck at the traffic lights,

pow on the train, I suspend my non-knife above my head, see what you're making me do, red whirls rise from the cuts. It's going on, she's still doing all that pretend killing but now there's no one else to get the joke it seems okay last bit all these huge thoughts come to nothing. My shadow is the chalk outline of a woman who did not jump. All these huge thoughts. So I suppose death, marriage, commitment, all those things come to nothing. In a way, they were nothing because they were pretend but in fact as we

know from reading this they were massively important and massively real and now reality has kicked in and without that agreed intimacy without that agreed convention of the pretend suicide or the pretend marriage. They mean nothing. My shadow is the chalk outline of a woman who did not jump. Now, sometimes I talk and regular listeners to me will know this about the homework line, the line that really needs a bit of extra thought. And of course, every line in a poem needs thought. But I mean, the ones where you think, wow,

my shadow is the chalk outline of a woman who did not jump. Now, we've all seen those chalk outlines around dead bodies in detective films, and it all fits in with the mime scene and the blood and and all that my shadow is the chalk outline of a woman who did not jump so she did not jump now there's a whole thing in those movies did they jump or were they pushed so maybe she was pushed maybe she wasn't the one who ended the relationship she didn't jump she was pushed and that's why now she is this figure with a chalk outline around her maybe it doesn't mean that maybe it means she lacked commitment you know you have to jump you have to sort of jump off the building and commit.

And that's a big deal. You have to risk everything and really go for it and let yourself be torn apart if that happens. Otherwise, you get nowhere in a relationship, it seems to me. It could be either one or both of those things. I don't know my shadow is the chalk outline of a woman who did not jump maybe the shadow you know we talk there's an old song me and my shadow maybe the shadow now her shadow is replacing the partner and maybe the partner is a woman who did not jump maybe she was pushed away by the speaker maybe she did not come here i don't know the answer but you know they're all possibilities

and all interesting ones there's something about this poem and most of these poems in this collection which i find it quite hard to describe, but I feel a tremendous purity in them. It's called The Air Year, and that's because it's about these early stages of a relationship. But I can really feel, and this sounds weird, but I need to say, I can feel the cool air blowing through these poems amidst all the pain and regret and loss there's a lightness about them a joy in reading them they're a really pleasurable experience even though they're about sometimes unpleasurable experiences and it's a great juxtaposition that it makes me go on and

on and on reading it because yeah it there's like light shining through it even though it's about dark things as you know I'm on a constant quest to keep these podcasts shorter, but there's another poem that I really need to read to you. And if that's too much, pause and come back next week, whenever. But I've got to do it. There's another poem called I Am Not a Falconer. Now, sometimes a poem deserves a bit of extra time just for the title and that is a great title i think it's another beautiful poem obviously that's why i'm reading it but again it and purity and light, but also complexity and darkness and sadness. So I'm going to read the first chunk. I'll try and be brisk, but this stuff deserves, you know, the proper treatment.

I am standing in this, this is called, remember, I am not a falconer. I am standing in this field, holding my glove in the air. Should I whistle? I can't whistle. Will she get lost? Take shelter in a charming tree? It's starting to rain. Is that bad? This is a woolly glove. Calm down. Falconers are patient. It's very windy. The sky is so big. She could be literally anywhere. Penzance, India. Why did I let her go? I'm not a falconer.

Okay, I'm standing in this field holding my glove in the air. Was there ever a better image of waiting for someone to come back than this amateur falconer with the wrong equipment and everything, just standing with their arm out in a field, hoping and waiting. It's so tragic because she's a sort of comic figure, but she's clearly experiencing, you know that will they come back feeling.

It's, oh man man it's nightmarish should i whistle i can't whistle she's kind of hopeless in some ways like all deserted lovers are i can't whistle i've got the wrong glove so then the thoughts are all coming it's very short staccato thoughts will she get lost so that sort of fear for her fear for the absentee partner take shelter in a charming tree and then it's like fear of another fear that she'll find somewhere more charming and more interesting, somewhere that she won't want to come back from. It's starting to rain. Is that bad? And I think, yeah, if it rains, she might come back because it's tough.

It's not so nice out there. I think that's the thing that we also sometimes hope about people who leave us. Maybe they'll find it tough out there and we'll do and they'll they'll come back to us this is a woolly glove i think is a great line because yes it's wrong and foolish and inappropriate and it suggests that she's messed up and not doing the job properly but also it's a non-protective glove a falconer normally wears this big leather gauntlet which stops them from getting hurt but that's not happening with the speaker she's getting hurt and it's a woolly glove it feels like it might be more comfortable for the falcon that that might

have been a priority and she'll take a a bit of talent pain to get that. And it just makes her sound kind and sad. And then, like I said in the last poem, when she said, I loved you so much, amidst all the cleverness and invention, that simple line, here it's, why did I let her go? So awful. And of course, it reminds you of that old proverb about if you try to hold a bird in your hand, you'll kill it. But if you let it go, you know, it might come back. It might. but you have to give it freedom you have to give it option and I guess that's all tied up in this why did I let her go I'm not a falconer so

yeah I don't I'm not I don't have that kind of patience I don't have that kind of confidence that that which I have released will return I don't have you imagine a falconer is not so emotionally attached to the falcon I don't want to do down any falconers that are listening but you know what I mean there's something very professional sounding about a falconer they release the bird it doesn't even cross their mind that the bird won't combat that. It's not true of the speaker. I'm going to give you another chunk. It's worth it. Isn't it beautiful? You agree with me, don't you? I can tell you do. Do I just keep standing here? I'd go home and change into appropriate footwear. But what if I missed her? I bet falcons are like FedEx.

The second you nip to the loo. What am I talking about? A falconer doesn't get antsy. A falconer just knows. I lift my fist higher. If my arm gets tired, I'll switch arms. Miss? Miss? my fist higher if my arm gets tired i'll switch arms miss miss like i'm asking god a question so do i just keep standing here again it becomes apparent now that she's not wearing appropriate footwear because she's thinking of going home and changing.

But that aching moment, that line, but what if I missed her? What if I missed her? That would be, you know what? I once met a woman on holiday and I invited her back to the West Midlands where I was living there and we spent a day together. It didn't go great, but I thought she was fantastic. And I wrote her a letter. This was in the days when people wrote letters because there was no internet. And the reply didn't happen.

And I waited every day. I'd wait for the post. and I waited every day I'd wait for the post and I remember there was a point where I actually lifted I pulled up the carpet the fitted carpet next to the front door in case there was any possibility that the letter could have somehow got underneath I don't know how it could have happened but the idea that I could have missed it was too unbearable and that's what this seems like I'd go on and change into appropriate footwear but what if I missed that and then a little bit of sort of stand-up comedy which Caroline Bird is certainly capable of I bet falcons are like FedEx the second you nip to the loo, dot, dot, dot. I like that.

She's still, that's her. And she is still her. And we want her to be funny as well because it makes it more sad. It makes it more, she's not this somber, dramatic figure. She's a slightly hapless person. As I say, like most deserted lovers are or become. Wrong gloves, wrong shoes, waiting, waiting. And she pulls herself up on that, on doing the stand-up.

What am I talking about? A falconer doesn't get antsy. Antsy, sort of restless and nervy. I think it comes from the ants in the pants thing. A falconer just knows. And this is the thing I was saying before. You imagine that a falconer just knows the falcon will come back, doesn't even think that they might not. Lovers, certainly in the air year in the early stages

of a relationship they don't know they absolutely don't know that they'll come back and the ones maybe some people do know i wouldn't want to be one of the people who know that your lover will come back because i don't like the sound of that person. I think the vulnerability and the insecurity and the anxiety are awful and painful, but they make you a bit more human. I once found a diary. I made several attempts to keep a diary and I found one from the late 70s and there was one entry in the whole diary on January the 1st and all it said was there can be no true love without the fear of losing I don't think I'm going to add anything to that I'm just reporting that in a journalistic way. You must make of it what you will.

Okay. I lift my fist higher. What's so sad about this is the perseverance of the speaker. As if lifting it higher is going to help. I know this is all metaphor, but, you know, it is all about trying. It's about lifting up that carpet it's about just desperation if my arm gets tired I'll switch arms I'm gonna stick with it but that miss miss is oh please it's not often I really want to hug the speaker of a poem but I do on this occasion and you know what I say that as if it's a sort of

a Bridget Jones's diary kind of thing but it isn't that because it's poetry and it has some of that but it has all that depth and all that substance and all that solidity to it along with the sort of comic figure who speaks and that's what makes it profound and important and she says I say miss miss like I'm asking God a question then it's a tragic figure standing in a field with her arm raised as if she is asking God. Miss, miss, as if she's a pupil in God's class, as it were. And maybe she is asking God at this point. Maybe she's reached the praying stage. That's so desperate. Okay, the last section of this,

and then I'm going to release you, but only if you promise to seek out The Air Year by Caroline bird and read it from cover to cover okay last bit this is actually quite hard to read please come back to me oh man we've all felt that haven't we please come back to me through the wind and rain come back even though you're free i'm drenched my glove is wrong and you are not a falcon oh caroline you're pretty special okay please come back to me again. It's so clever of her to use those very stark, simple lines in the midst of all her cleverness. I've overused clever, but that's because she's very clever. So I find myself saying clever and cleverness a lot.

Let's look at it again. Please come back to me through the wind and rain. Come back. Please come back to me through the wind and rain. Come back. Wind and rain, through all the problems and all the arguments and all the troubles and all the stuff I've done to you and you've done to me. Come back. Even though you're free.

And I think that's that realization that that's the real threat, that the partner is feeling that, is feeling that freedom, and that's a tough thing to compete with sometimes. I'm drenched, my glove is wrong, and you are not a falcon. So at the end, there's a terrible collapsed i'm drenched my glove is wrong it's a fabulously sad but funny line but and you are not a falcon the whole metaphor collapses and i think she's saying this is bigger than a metaphor in which i describe you as a falcon and me as a falcon. OK, it works and there's lots of great comparisons and stuff we can go through. And it's got a beauty and it's got a real poetry to it.

But you're not a falcon. I just want you to come back. Never mind the metaphor. Come back, please. And it feels like the whole thing collapses because in the end the conceit is gone. You're not a falcon but of course it doesn't collapse. It's a brilliant poem and that collapse is part of the poem that we need to feel that the speaker is trying to put a structure, trying to put poetry, trying to put

some sort of order and meter and rhythm on this terrible feeling of loss and this fear of it being long-term loss. And she's been funny and she's been inventive and she's writing brilliant stuff. But we need at the end to just see her naked in that field. Songs metaphor, songs comedy, and to just say, please come back to me. That was two poems from The Air Year by Caroline Bird and whatever my reading or interpretation was like they pretty much stand up on their own. Seek them out. I know I say this a lot but you know I'm trying to make your life nicer so read The Air Year by Caroline Bird and obviously keep listening to this podcast.

Thank you for listening to my poetry podcast. Don't forget to subscribe so you can never miss an episode. Imagine that. And you can also catch me every Saturday at 8am on Absolute Radio. Less poetic, probably funnier. See you next time.