The Frank Skinner Show - Ghost Wish

Episode Date: November 25, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Ian Broudie pops in to see the gang. The team also discuss Scrappy-Doo, Scrooge and avant-garde Dad remarks.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Terms and conditions may apply, but we don't know what they are. Morning, boys. Good morning.

That's my new persona for today. Morning, morning. Yeah, yeah. Well, I passed a shop today, which I like the thing on the front so much, I wrote it down. It says, I presume it did like laminate things. It says, your floor behind this door.

Oh. Eh? Very nice. And there was no title of the shop. It's just like, that was it. They just named the experience. I like that. I didn't like the idea of my floor being behind someone else's door.

How did that happen? Yeah, there's something quite surreal. Yeah, it's a bit Matrix. My floor? I thought to myself, Matrix. I thought to myself, do you think the old Bailey has got to eat your law behind this door? They should so have that. I'm going to open a hardware store that says your saw behind this door.

Oh, something else I saw this week. There's a new, I don't know, Emily's very quick on the miniseries so she might have already started this. Oh, I really am. I'll give you a clue. Jodie, Jodie, Jodie, you know I love you. Is this Jodie Comer or Jodie Whittaker? No, it's none of the

Jodies. That was my Cary Grant impression and it fell flat. No, I do get that. There is a Cary Grant... Miniseries. Yes. It's called Archie and it's about his life. And the reason I smile every time I see the trailer

is that my dad... Now, I think people talk a lot about dad jokes. You know, dad jokes, dad jokes. There's books called dad jokes in that horror pit, the humour section of 100 Things to Do with a Dead Cat. What have 100 Things to Do with a Really Rubbish Book? Well, I think I was quite brightly coloured, the books. What do you think?

Anyway. Anyway. And for reasons we cannot fully explain on breakfast television, you know why? Because it's too dark for breakfast. Too dark for breakfast um so um go on your dad my dad there is a whole level below i think in most people's eyes below dad jokes which your dad remarks but often they're richer and certainly more random. Yes.

My dad, if ever Cary Grant was on the telly, which he was used to be on, his films were used to be on a lot when I was growing up, he would stand like he was presenting. You know how magicians assistants stand with their hands to one side? I said, da-da, here he is. He would stand and present.

He would physically present Cary Grant on our telly to us and say, from the slums of Bristol, Cary Grant. He always said that. And that was better than any dad joke. So why did he say it? And he always said it. He felt moved to... And there was no acknowledgement of this is our in thing.

It was just said. Like, if ever Liverpool was on the telly, in the Bruce Grobbelaar era, I know you don't know about football, but you damn well know about South Africans. Do you know about Bruce Grobbelaar? Grobbelaar is Zimbabwean. Yes, I was, sorry.

They get very touchy. Very touchy. And I won't make you say Grobbelaar. Grobbelaar's Zimbabwean. Yes, I was, sorry. They get very touchy. Very touchy. I won't make you say Grobbelaar. No, okay, thanks. It's too early for that. A lot of people have to work with this microphone. Anyway, my dad would always say, Bruce Grobbelaar, you'll never beat that man in the air.

How? I think they also said about Baron von Richthofen. Anyway, if you've got any dad remarks, I don't want jokes.

I want random obscure remarks that sometimes operate like avant-garde poetry. That's what I want from your

dad. Dad remarks at 12.15. I can give you avant-garde poetry from my dad. That's all I have, I'm afraid, to offer. Your dad must have had some classics.

Oh, yeah. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, I've been out and about this week. I really have. Where did you go? I saw the new Disney animation, Wish. Is it The Wish? Wish.

It's got Wish in it. Yeah. Yeah. It was, I liked it. But I'll tell you what they've done with it. Because it's 100 years of Disney, they've made it very inward looking. So it's basically, it's an in-depth analysis of what happens if you do Wish upon a star. It really, really

examines the full extent of that as a concept. Oh, they've gone a bit literal. No, but it's lovely with it. And there's a very funny goat in it. You know the slightly comical... There's no way to talk about David with Dave.

You know the... I know he'd love me talking about him like that. I meant goat in the Lionel Messi way. No, no, this was an actual goat as in the Lionel way.

And you know when they have like a slightly comic character in a Disney film? Yeah, and it can go awry. Was it the snowman was quite funny in Frozen. What was that called? Olaf, was it?

It can go binxian. See, Olaf already had a suggestion in the title what they're after. You don't want it to go binxian. It'd be a great name for an Irish comic, actually. Olaf. Paddy Olaf. Yeah. Please, please, Olaf. Please, Olaf. Anyway, this goat Paddy Olaf yeah please please

Olaf please Olaf please Olaf anyway this goat I think it's called Fontaine properly funny

lines proper proper like Jerry Seinfeld type so it's not Scrappy doing it no no

nothing like Scrappy do Scrappy do I'm afraid if I'd have had my way I would have had to have had the injection. Once you have a dog actually talking like that.

Yeah. Making Scooby-Doo, we thought Scooby-Doo was doing really well by going... We realised now that other dogs, if we just compare them with Scrappy-Doo, speak completely clearly. Scooby-Doo's got some sort of issue. Can I just ask a question?

Yes. Scrappy-Doo, how does he communicate? He speaks like this. I think it would be very good if we... Hold on. He's got a bit of that... How come this one... How come this one goes...

And you're just talking as if it's an open university lecture. Well, that's what they said about you and me. Well, I don't ask me. I don't make the rules. Yeah, I know. But even so, Scrappy-Doo, if I may call you that, SD. He had a bit of that, ah, kind of, ah, fight it.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I didn't like him. I hated him. I agree. Hated him. Is it all right to hate people on telly that you don't really know? Well, they don't count cartoon people.

I hate cartoon people. Yes, you hate cartoons. No, I love cartoons. Well, you know I can't bear it. I love cartoons. I don't mind them if they stick to their own worlds. It's when they try and come into our worlds. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Like when the penguins come into Mary. Stay out. I know that's your big deal. come into our world. Yeah, I know what you mean. Like when the penguins come into Mary. Stay out. I know that's your big deal. You've got your manor, we've got ours. Okay. So are we in with Jessica Rabbit? I knew you were going to mention that, and I'm going to have to leave the room.

Okay. It makes me ill. No. Okay, well, crossover, that's what you're answering. Yeah. I'm the same on the perfect day when you go, this is opera

get out get to your own place we want this a perfect day

we don't want any operatics here would you want Lou Reed in an

opera no it'd be a disaster no so yes I went to see Wish and it made me think about wishing what's your what's your wishing device

of choice the object well fountain I'm a wishbone I like to keep it organic. But now, am I wishing on a well or am I wishing on the coin?

No, but what I'm asking is when you wish, I don't think you're a big wisher. When I wish upon a star? Yes. Would you choose me? But I bet you don't wish much.

I still, when I remembered what my default wish was for about 15 years. Every time I got a wish, be it bone, lead or water lead in some way. Bone or water... I sound like some caveman. Shooting stars people use sometimes. I use a birthday cake.

You know, when the knife reaches the base. Oh, dear. I've never heard of that before. I thought it was after you know when the knife reaches the base? Oh, dear, I've never heard of that before. I thought it was after you blew out the candles. No, the producer nodded and you're meant to scream. Knife wish. Yes, it's post... Knife wish. That's a great detective show name. Post candles is...

I've just got to tell you, the worst review I've ever read of anything in a minute. Our mine is... Post candles, so you've got smoke in your face and then you do the wish. Well, sounds like my childhood. I've never heard knife base. No, knife makes contact with base. I never

heard that. Wow. Anyway, my default, I'll just tell you this, is that, what was the point I was going to make? Bad review. Knife based review. I was outside 12 Angry Men in the West End and there was a sign hanging up that said, more topical than a knife blow.

Oh, my God. Theatre cat. I thought, oh, dear. Theatre cat. Things have come to... That was the best you could find for this? More topical than a knife blow. I guess it's topical in the sense that a cream is topical.

Yeah, but knife blow? Not anyone being... It's that bit when they eat them with the handle. Also, I'm not interested in the opinions of cats. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, theatre cats. Anyway, I thought that was pretty bad. Yes, my default wish, I'd say from age seven to age 15,

was, and I remember the actual wording of it, I wish that I never see, hear, or have anything to do with a ghost. That was my default wish. So hang on, you were so afraid of ghosts as a possibility that you just thought, OK, here's my chance to... I just want every chance, if it's going to be... If it's a supernatural thing, you go to, you know,

you go to their side of things. That's true, to the wishing. You say, like, well, this is all of the same... That is the worst waste of a wish I've ever heard in my whole life. Well, it wasn't just I wish. I must have been a hundred wishes. You squandered. You're a wish squanderer. Well, I don't know. I never did see,

hear, or have anything to do with a ghost. It clearly worked. Yeah, it did. I like that as a kid you were like, well, I don't want to see one. And then you thought, wait a minute, there's always moaning and clanking. I don't want to hear one. And then I thought, or have anything to do with. You would have made a great lawyer just thereof. No interactions thereof with a ghost.

I had a wish with terms and conditions. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yes, so I was just explaining my ghost wish. In fact, Ian Brodie... Great band name. Ian Brodie, speaking of great band name, of The Lightning Seeds is on later on the show. If you've got any questions for him,

do text them in and we'll ask them. But I've been reading his book. Well, we've all been reading his book this week. His autobiography is out and I can't remember what it's called, it's a complicated title why didn't he call it My Life by Ian Brodie anyway, we'll let you know

the title before the end but anyway in that there's a whole chapter I've started reading the chapter and it says, and then I found out my flat was haunted. I thought, no thanks. I skipped that chapter. I'm not reading it.

Tomorrow's Here Today. Yes. It's a fiddly title. That's what it's called. Tomorrow's Here Today. The haunted chapter was frightening. No, no, I'm not reading that. And it is a brilliant...

I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to talk about it when he's on. There's a lot about... Don't you know? I know. Do you remember the last clause? I know. Or have anything to do with...

I'm not mentioning that. I was just going to say, there's a lot about Mr F Skinner, and I'm going to ask Ian when he comes on, I learnt something about you I didn't know. There we go. Well, there was also a bit where he said, if only I'd had the hindsight to wish

to never have anything to do with a ghost. Or hear a ghost. You see? He would have called me earlier. Now, he's also with a ghost. Or hear a ghost. You see? He'd have called me earlier. Now, he's also got a chapter on spiders. These are the only two chapters I didn't read.

What's he trying to do? He wants to write books about ghosts and spiders. It's not a book about ghosts, can we say? No, no, no. Anyway, don't ask him any questions about that because I won't. I'm just walking out the studio. Okay. You know my...

I'll save them for after. You know my wish. He's quite... Frank doesn't like horror things either, do you, Frank? Well, I read someone else's autobiography who I was about to interview years ago, and that had got a ghost thing in, and I wish I hadn't read it.

It kept me awake for about three nights. Did you read it? That was Phil the about three nights. Did you read it? That was Phil the Power Tailor. Did you? What? Did you ever engage with ghost stories or spooky things?

No, I totally avoid because I know it. Just people start saying to me, oh, well, we had a thing, you know, and I say, just don't tell, I don't want to know about it.

Just don't say it. And people are like the ancient mariners. They've got to get out their ghost anecdotes. Did you not read the Elseborn Book of Ghosts when you were a child no i didn't read that i never i turned down um i had an offer from most haunted that said we'll fly you anywhere in the world with a haunted reputation what about if you sort of gained the system by saying okay i want to go to

and it's you know you're visiting a reliquary or an ossuary or somewhere where if there is a ghost it's a sacred ghost it's a good one I could have done that but I felt no good

would come of it no once you tie with these creatures and the trouble with what would worry me more is the lighting because they have

that terrible dark lighting with the white eyes yes you don't want that and then no one does well out of that. No, I don't want any of that. Even Cheryl Cole struggled. Anyway.

Anyway, here we are talking about ghosts. W.S. Burroughs, who I'm quite a fan of, he had a wishing... His family, the money... He was a writer, in case you don't know, in the 50s, 60s, part of the Beat generation. He wrote Naked Lunch, which many of you will have heard of. And his family, the reason his family was rich

is they made adding machines. Remember those things with, like, five million buttons on them that you see in American movies? And he was part of a project that made a wishing machine. And you had to write down your wish on a bit of paper and put it between two metal plates, which would then probably make it come true. You don't see them, do you? Never see them anywhere.

Well, they just have apps now, don't they, for wishing machines? Do they have wishing apps? They must do. I'll have a look. Can I say, though, I really like Wish. It made me laugh and cry. Did it? I don't want to be a plug in Disney.

I think they sponsor Manford, don't they? Can I say, we're not getting paid by Disney. Yeah, Manford. We don't have a deal with Disney. Manford's getting money off them, and I'm getting nothing for praising their movies. Is that fair? Mouse money.

No. I've had some communiques from our loyal readers. Fabulous. And this was, we were looking for your most avant-garde dad remarks well yeah and we don't i'm just saying what are your regular dad remarks i just don't want jokes

but the randomness of dad remarks they're going to be things that are said a few times well the reason that i read that out that was what we posted on the socials fair enough we're looking for your most avant-garde dad remarks, which inspired the response. Nick replied to that and said, like Blackpool Illuminations in here, when a light was left on upstairs. To which Jill with a J has replied, all dads say that.

The brief was avant-garde. Oh. Well, I think avant-garde. I don't want to alienate anyone. Jill, Nick, we love you both. I don't think to alienate anyone. Jill, Nick, we love you both. I don't think all dads say that about Blackpool Illuminations, do they? They do, but I still like it, OK? And I'm going to let you have it.

Yeah. I liked a pre-V came in with their dad comment. I may be cabbage-looking, but I'm not green, boy. Oh, yeah, that one. I think that's a regular one, don't you? I've never heard that. Yeah. Funnily enough, I haven't either.

Oh, I've heard that one. I think that's a regular one. Not in my manner. Also, it would have been much harder to... If you were a South African referencing Blackpool Illuminations, that would be an incredibly old... I don't know how many people would get that. If you were to say, well, what do you mean?

Well, if you reference Blackpool as often as they do on Strictly Come Dancing, where it's spoken of as if it's the city of gold, El Dorado. Honestly, and then I just want to get to Blackpool. All right. Why? Go then. Yeah. You're a celebrity.

Go up there and do it properly. Donna Tibby says, Go then. Yeah. You're a celebrity. Go up there and do it properly. Donna Tibby says, in the 60s when the Beatles had sported long hair and thousands copied them, her dad said, you don't know whether to kick them or kiss them. What about... My dad didn't say this.

Kick them or kiss them. What a confused dad. That took me a while for that to land. But it's... You know what? She's landed and I like her. It's when John Lennon died, they had a whole night of Beatles on both channels, I think.

The Scousers get very sentimental. Both of the main channels. I took a day off Polytechnic to get drunk when John Lennon. That was when a guy, a very strange bloke who used to go in there, was older than all the rest of us. No one really knew anything about him. And he said to me, why are you drinking in here in the daytime? And I said, one of my heroes died today, so I'm getting drunk.

And he said, yeah. And do you know, he was one of the heroes died today, so I'm, you know, getting drunk. And he said, yeah. And do you know, he was one of the five best fencers in Europe. And he was talking about Sir Oswald Mosley, who died. So we thought I'd, this is a lead of the British fascists, who he thought I'd described as one of my heroes. I was happy to continue talking to you. Yeah, exactly. And more than happy, I think.

He was saying, and unlike a lot of famous Nazis, he enjoyed fencing. But, anyway, so there was a night of the Beatles on the telly when John got shot. One Beatles song, one Moseley speech. Just alternating Between the two And if GB News Had been on

The Beatles would have Been a minor footnote But anyway One of those four Communists were shot today Those damn long hairs Have they got American accents on GB News? Give it time

They'd all be wearing black suits Anyway, my dad said He flicked channels and it was Beatles, Beatles He said, I don't know what all the fuss is about They weren't a patch on The Bachelors And The Bachelors was like an Irish show band That used to be in the charts, three guys. Well...

God bless them. Sycamore Flint, adding to the musical theme, is one of our regulars. Yes. Might be a bit predictable to cite dad remarks about modern music. No, Sycamore. No, go for it. Welcome one, welcome all.

But during the peak of clattery 80s pop, my dad used to say, sounds like they're building a shed. Or I see they're still building that shed there. I like the second one. Yeah. Particularly. The idea of an ongoing project

being relayed to you through album releases. My dad said to me, and I was watching Top of the Pops, he got very upset. And it was a band called Freeze doing A-E- u and he objected to this a e i o u a e i o u you are a no obnoxious he said three he said two thousand years of civilization what do we get the freeze and i got very i mean we can all relate to that although I'd say that at some point. But I got very angry because he said the freeze

and they were actually called freeze. Oh, I think I've done that on this show. I bet he was angry because people did the YMCA mime and it wasn't joined up right in. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli.

Text the show 8-12-15, follow us on Instagram at frankontheradio. Email frank at absoluter at radio.co.uk I've had a book sent me. Oh. Have you? It's called Five Steps to Achieving

High Performance. But the big title is How to Change Your Life. Now, why would you send that to me? Yeah. Who'd want to change my life? I was going to say.

It's absolutely, I'm totally blessed in all aspects. My life can only really change for the worse. So is this some sort of threat? I think it's a book full of unwise tweets. Oh, I see. I hope it just says,

start drinking again, Jay Comfrey and Damien Hughes. It doesn't say start drinking. Jay Comfrey's the sport presenter. Yeah, I was interviewed by Jay Confrey at the Olympics once on a balcony. Nice chap. Oh, Romeo and Juliet. What happened?

What does he... He didn't seem very self-help. He's the sort of guy who smelt of embrocation. Well, no. He's not. I interviewed him sometime. Has he got the sort of guy who smelt of embrication. Well, no. He's a tall... I've interviewed him. Has he got the confidence of the tall man? Oh, he's got the confidence.

He's got a big estate, manor. He's got a very lovely... I've been to his house. He's got a big estate. I've been to his house. He served me tea in the garden. That was a little camp gesture from you, Frank. Yeah.

Oh. Well, that was close. Some might say. Yeah, some might say. I couldn't possibly comment. He's got chickens and all sorts for animals. I've been to the house. But he's a sports presenter, so where does the self-help...

That's all right. You're allowed to have a nice house and be a sports presenter. No, no, but I know that. Garrett Lineker, for example. Lovely house. He's got at least nine. He has a lot. But where does...

What is it? Is he now a guru? Has he become some sort of guru? Is he a wise man? He sounds like it. No, he does a podcast called High Performance. Oh. Which is interviewing sports stars about their performance in sport.

How do you run so fast? So he did change his life. He did. He started podcasting. Yes. Life changing. Okay. And, yeah.

Will you be reading it? Well, no, because I don't want to change my life. It's perfect. The cover of the book is gold as well. Oh, is that a subliminal message in that I'll be first? I'll be a winner. I know people who would benefit from reading it, certainly, but if you give it as a gift,

it's a slight comment on them, isn't it? How to improve your brain. When I go home and give it to my partner, maybe you'd like to read this. I like most passive-aggressive books you could buy someone. Yes, absolutely. Anything for dummies. Yeah. And How to Win Friends and Influence People Those passive-aggressive books you could buy someone. Yes, exactly. Anything for dummies.

Yeah. And How to Win Friends and Influence People always goes down well, I find. I never, as you can guess, I haven't read that. No. Otherwise I'd have friends. No. Listen, I went, I said I'd be out and about this week, I went to see the latest manifestation

of the old Vic's Christmas spectacular, A Christmas Carol. I smell your brother-in-law. Yes, Christmas Carol, as you know, used to be my stage name in my drag days. Yes, you had that baubles-based finishing act. Exactly. Oh, my goodness.

Yes, indeed. A Christmas Carol is great, Frank. That. Oh, my goodness. Yes, indeed. A Christmas carol is great, Frank. That should be your alter ego. I'd recommend it. It's at the Alvick and it's a sort of spec... It's one of these when you walk in

they throw you a tangerine. There's people on stage in Victorian dress and they throw you a tangerine. Do you still call them tangerines? That's what we called them as a child. I don't know, but it's so middle class.

Satsumas has took over. Here's a Christmas gift for you. A lovely... Nonsense. I've got you a lovely tangerines. That's what we called them as a child. I don't know, but it's so middle class. Satsumas has took over. Here's a Christmas gift for you. A lovely... Nonsense. I've got you a lovely tangerine. You're having a wonderful Christmas. Yeah, when we had a Christmas stocking, which literally used to be my mum's stockings.

Women just wore stockings in those days. It wasn't a stage thing. And in the toe of it would be a tangerine. Yeah. Or was it a satsuma i don't know or even as we've got busier over the years it's now called an easy peeler if you don't have time i don't have time for fruit oh this one's all right just falls out like it's in a box slang for a particularly relaxed victorian policeman yeah, exactly. Nowadays they won't. You've cleaned that up a bit. Yes, you have.

They don't want an orange. They want a prime, don't they? That's right. I think even prime has had its day. Has it? What do they want now, Frank? I know what I want. Tackeys.

And they're on the way as we speak. Sorry, this is the very hot and so my colleagues tell me unpleasant snack, which I favour on Saturday mornings. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Okay, so

Christmas Carol. Bambi's in Wish by the way. Grown up. Adult Bambi. Oh no. Adult Bambi. Adult Bambi. Oh no. Adult Bambi. Hold on, see if I can find it. This could work.

Just keep talking amongst each other. Here we go. Adult Bambi. Oh no, that's the wrong one. Sorry, I need it without, without.

Keep talking. Okay. I don't think I'd like to see Adult Bambi. It's a bit dark for breakfast. I wouldn't like to see Adult Cupid.

No. Who else would you least like to see adult for? Adult Pan. That's complicated, adult Peter Pan, because that's never going to happen, is it? Yeah, it would mean that he'd left. He'd gone, I'm done with all that. I'm done with Neverland.

But it says he never grows up. Can we just get something straight here? No, throws up, he says. You misheard that. JM. Does it mean,

does he just never age? Is it a Benjamin Button thing? Yes. Is it emotional immaturity we're talking about here? No, it's a magical gift of eternal childishness.

Yeah. Oh, that's the excuse men always give. Yeah, isn't it though anyway we're over at the Christmas Carol yeah so it's so this year it's Christopher Eccleston a Scrooge oh I love him and I tell you how he does it which I never thought of with screws but let

me tell you a lovely story of working class life when I was a child we used to have a money lender come to our house called Mr Butler Butler, who was a terrifying figure. And whatever didn't get paid, and usually something didn't get paid in our house, you know, the bloke said to the door once, was at the door, and my brother was sent to the door to say, Mom's not in. And he said, well, next time she goes out,

tell her to take her feet with her because he could see them from under them. But anyway, Mr. Butler was always paid because, and I never really gave any thought to it, but I realised now as moneylenders, they're scary people. And of course, that's what Scrooge does. So Eccleston plays him as quite a menacing figure and then the transformation to

when he's you know a boy get a large goose which doesn't actually happen in this play but he's he's that was just trying talking to him he becomes joyous by the way yeah he becomes a joyous uh thing so it works uh does it works great does he have his natural accent? Eccleston. No. He does it a bit posher, as a northerner would if he became a moneylender in Victorian London to give himself a bit of status. Does he wear the nightcap?

Yes. But genial moneylenders, if you think, I don't think they ever existed. No, you're right. He was seen as, he's always been portrayed, increasingly so, as a slight sort of Mr Magoo figure, like a sort of slightly incapable and bad template. The thing is...

Sinister. The thing is, one thing Scrooge didn't do, he never used my wish template. Because he very much did see here and have something to do with it. It would only have taken three birthdays and he would have something to do with a goat. It would only have taken three birthdays and he would have been in the clear. Or four.

Four, because Marley as well. Oh, of course, that's true, yeah. You don't want Marley slipping through the net. No. Exactly. I'm technically an apparition. It's not the same. So it was great.

I'd really recommend it. Not because it was written by my brother-in-law, or that the script, if you buy it, is dedicated to me. You know this. Oh, really recommend it. Not because it was written by my brother-in-law or that the script, if you buy it, is dedicated to me. You know this. Oh, here we go. Now we're getting to the heart of the matter. I always think he thinks, oh, bloke from poor background made a load of

money, became a misanthropic spiteful, lonely, difficult figure. Hates ghosts. Who shall I dedicate this to? So, yes, it was just waiting for it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. By the way, we just had a slight panic attack

because we had to have the telly on in case the Queen dies again and it just said coming up in the studio Ian Brodie and Ian Brodie's on our show

today as you know if you've got a question for him send it in at 8.12.15 but or on email I thought Ian had double booked us

that's what I thought I thought he'd maybe forgot no I didn't think that I thought Ian had double booked us. That's what I thought. I thought maybe he'd forgot. No, I didn't think that. I thought what they were trying to squeeze a cheeky one in and I thought,

oh my God, it's all going to be just up. But you know what? Didn't Lampet Opec squeeze a cheeky one in? Frank, come on. Anyway, listen.

Please. Lampet Opec. Lampet Opec. Oh no, I haven't got the right jingle Oh, Frank I've just got the one with the singing on The very existence of Lembert Opec is like the memory equivalent of in a film where they get a big grimoire book down from a shelf

and go Your dust comes off Oh, yes Frank, do you like Lembert Opec? Where is he now? Do you like Lembo Pick? Um, no. Frank, can I ask one more question?

It's all right. I don't know O-Pick. Can I ask one more question? Don't talk about O-Pick like he's Homer. Yeah. Can I ask another question? Earlier I was singing the song D-I-S-C-O, the 70s classic.

I thought you were singing A-E-I-O-U. No, I was, and then you started singing D-I-S-C-O, the 70s classic. I thought you were singing I-E-I-O-U. No, I was, and then you started singing D-I-S-C-O. No, I realised, I thought it was D-I-S-C-O. I thought it was that. Yeah, and I want to, I just got the impression you had no idea what those letters, what he sung after those letters. Um.

Okay, do you know? I think I most. OK, do you know? I think I... OK, she is de... Denigrated. Delightful. Always delightful. De-delightful. She is a...

Ooh. Illiterate. Oh. I can't speak in southern. Frank Skinner's version of disco, everyone. Someone making a note of these. Denigrated and illiterate. No, the answer is irresistible.

She is as... Surreptitious. Super sexy. She is... Covert. There's a pattern emerging. Oh, now the last one. Such a cutie she is.

Bees. You know, on the first draft. This woman you're talking about. She's illiterate and obese and covert. In the first draft, the first draft, the first draft, they gave the game away. They said,

I can't do it. Stop it. Oh, man. Oh, Frank Skinner's ideal woman. If you love someone so much, you could talk about them like that and not feel that you were insulting them. I suppose that is the thing.

Yeah, good luck with that. If you could be honest and open about it. Well, she's not there. I'm presuming she's not there when he's telling the story. You wouldn't say if she was sitting there, she's delicious and all that. I'm here, she'd say. Yeah.

Who's she? The cat's mother? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Good point. Ruth Jordan has been in touch. At last.

Have you seen this, Pierre? About the golf? No. Oh. She has further correspondence. She says, could Emily and Frank please do D-I-V-O-R-C-E next, please? Yeah, maybe you will next week. What does she mean in reference to D-I-S-C-O?

Well, apparently it's a very moving and sad song, D-I-V-O-R-C, about a couple breaking up and divorcing, and they don't want to say the word divorce in front of their small child because they think it will break his heart, so they spell it out D-I-V-O-R-C-E. And I haven't tried this yet, but do you think this would work as a stand-up routine? The idea that when she slightly undermined it in the first draft

is when she first used to do it, she used to do it with the YMCA mime letters above her head. Do you think that would work i think so you had something about incentivizing uh yourself to keep your kid illiterate as well well that's what happened with the mother of the disco she's got she's got other things to worry about other properties the mother of the disco lady here Here's a question for you. Go on. Actually, did you know I went to the after show of Christmas Carol? Ah.

I stayed nearly three weeks. Big bowls of humbugs. No, it's very loud. I saw a Christmas future over there. Who did you back it to? It was very loud. It was so loud, I had to shout. What, RSC actors?

I had to shout, shall we go? It's just too loud for me. Everyone was having a great time. There was free food, free drink. Also, Frank, actors at Christmas. I was happy. I'd like to have met Eccleston again. I love Eccleston.

If you had, because it's happened for the last seven years, the Christmas car at the Alvig. It's become a hardy annual. Hmm. Who would your vote be for Scrooge? I'm still thinking of the idea of having a Thomas Hardy annual. Oh, there must be some... I subscribe to that.

Oh, yeah, me too. Serious market for that. Yeah, definitely. WH Smith go on so who would your Scrooge be if you had the full choice

I think so far I've seen Rhys Ifans I saw no he was brilliant trust me

he was brilliant I didn't say anything okay who would your choice be I'm not going to go through them if you're going to judge. I'd go.

Find you a bit judgy on the Scrooges. Quite a niche area to be judgmental in. David Thewlis. Well, that's because I said Reece Evans and everyone gets them mixed up, isn't it? Yeah, but also I love David Thewlis. I find him quite frightening. I like an old school Scrooge. I don't even know., but also I love David Thewlis. I find him quite frightening. I like an old school

Scrooge. I don't even... You see, I'm thinking... How old is Scrooge now? Do we know that? 12, 15. Albert Finney. Dead, though. Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't. Henry VIII is dead. You don't want another ghost in it. Or I'm not

going. I didn't realise They had to be alive Oh yeah I'm wondering about If we It'll be on next year Almost certainly Oh I see

Contemporary Scrooges Oh my dear Well that's a whole Different thing Well you know Who I'd put in anything Go on Well your brother-in-law

Works with him a lot Oh yes You know my obsession Yes Stephen Graham Yes with him a lot? Oh, yes. You know my obsession? Yes. Stephen Graham. Yes. Oh, Scouse Scrooge.

Scouse Scrooge. Oh, yes, Scouse Scrooge. There's more to gravy than the grave about you. Hey, boy, what day is it today? I'd love to hear a Scouse person say Mr. Fezziwig. Excuse me, we've got Ian Brodie coming on. Yes, we can ask him.

Could you have a female Scrooge? There's a thing, though, of changing. Like I saw Glenda Jackson as King Lear, for example. Gender swap. Yeah, that's a big thing. Linda Lusardi? She's not Scrooge. She was in Real Full Monty on Ice.

I can't. She was. Real Full Monty on Ice. I can't. She was. She actually was. We wear the chains we forge in life, Frank. I'll tell you what, I can see her in a top hat. Well, I have seen her in a top hat, I think. And Little House. Fine.

No, Little House is a character in Christmas Carol. Put the music on. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. little else is a character in Christmas Carol. Put the music on. So my last show of the week is I saw The Witches at the National Theatre. And I did a very... Is this based on the Roald Dahl? Yeah.

Well, yeah, it is the Roald Dahl. Oh, is it? They've modernised it a bit. There's, like, phones in it and stuff. But it's... It was excellent, actually. The kids in it are so good. Well, obviously, it was opening night

when they put the best kids in. Yeah. Save the weaker children for the matinee. Exactly. I didn't know they were doing that to me. I look back on my history. I'm sure they're all very good, but there is a theatrical tradition unspoken

that you put the best kids in there. In the evenings. Yeah. I'll have to go and sit. Can I just say, hello, children, Christmas future here. But here's the thing I hope your lives work out well you need a big cowl

and you can point at me were it's a bit witchist what do you mean the witches are pretty bad yeah they're not the sort of witches that would offer you

a room on the broom they're the witches that turn children into mice and then kill them. Are they bald? They are bald. But that's all right. Anyway. It's difficult to do.

Do you know what? They need to get on the HRT, those witches. So, witches on HRT, I'd watch that. So, me. You are watching that. That's a new show. You are watching that now. I worked with my child, Buzz, who also loved it, I must that. So me... You are watching that. That's a new show. You are watching that now. I worked with my child, Buzz, who also loved it, I must say.

And, um... But the kids in it. What? Amazing. So anyway, we... The adults are pretty good as well, don't get me wrong. Sally Ann Triplett was a witch finder. That'll do me.

Now, we saw Sally Ann Triplett in Oklahoma. Was she? Oh, so brilliant. What a gal she is. Anyway, me and Boz play this game where what we do is if there's two seats empty just before the show, we have to

predict the people who will sit in them what they'll look like. This time I went bloke with woman much too good-looking to go out with him. That was my prediction, which didn't work out. It turned out to be two good-looking people of similar age. But I asked the couple who sat next to me to have a guess. And then the guy said to me, can I just say I'm a big fan of yours

and said a really nice thing about liking my work, and I like that. And he said, are you enjoying the show? And I said, yeah, the guy, this was at the interval, I said, the guy playing the hotel manager is brilliant. And he said, you must know him. You must have come across Daniel Rigby. And Daniel Rigby is quite a star. And I, he looked really disappointed.

Like, I used to really like you and you don't even know Daniel Rigby. He's just an old fool. look really disappointed. I used to really like you and you don't even know Daniel Rigby. You're an old fool. You're just an old fool. Oh, no. And I said, I can't believe I said this. I said,

I just didn't recognise it was Daniel Rigby. I actually know him a bit. I don't know him. I don't know Daniel Rigby. You don't? I met him once. You told a showbiz lie. But I met him once

and I was using that to help. But as if that made it better. That makes it worse. What, you know him? And you still didn't recognise him. You're going to be visited by a very networky ghost this evening, Frank. Oh, no, no, no. I'll be there at seven.

Even that, even that as a joke, I don't like. Do you know what? Yeah, I'd like to be a networky ghost. That's going to occur to me tonight. It goes to name drops, as I was saying to Sir Ian McKellen the other day. Can you just tell me what's going to happen? Can't you wait?

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is still Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli and Ian Brodie has joined us in the studio. You can text this show on 81215, follow us on X and Instagram at frankontheradio, email via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. Ian.

Hiya. I have in my hands Tomorrow's Here Today. The book. I've got it here because I just cannot remember that title i can't commit it's so complicated i mean if there's one thing i don't like dabbled with it's tense it's the grammar wrong on that maybe well i just you know anyway that's what it's called and it's very very i was tempted to having read it to uh introduce you as the hordes of brode today which is um there is quite a lot of um there's a fair amount of the fall in it i think most most um readers of this show would know is my favorite band

and you're delightfully quite nice about mark Eastman. He was very nice to me actually funny enough you know I mean you do hear all these stories. You sound like you're talking about a criminal. You always get horror stories. He was a lovely fella. Because he was so mad I mean when I got to the part in the book where you're saying oh we're to like master an album by the fall I thought oh god here we go it was like hearing

and then the Cray twins asked me to sort of to hold this bag in the airport it's like no no no I thought this could only end badly but it went

sounded like it was went pretty well after a knife had been pulled yeah well I I can't take credit for that but the guy who was

mastering it was, you know, he kind of took control of the situation in a very masterful way, yeah. Yeah, well, I was happy to... Just in case you're wondering what the book is like, I'll give you an example. Ian's walking down the street, a van pulls up with Echo and the Bonnie Men in

and they say, can we give you a lift to Penny Lane? I mean, that's what the book is like it was you should have called it Peaks Cow one thing I'd like to ask you is I think it's the favourite my favourite ever dinner date story and it involved a record company executive who said i'd like to take you to dinner can you can you share yeah well um you know obviously i was on you i you know i didn't i hadn't played live and i was quite naive at that side of the music business and had signed to an american

company and the uh susan who'd signed me was lovely and paul who was her boss was coming over to this country and uh i'd never met him before but i i knew that his he was the bass player in the zombies and i loved odyssey and oracle and uh so i was very excited to meet him and he said you know i'd love to take you to dinner i'm in london on this date you know you and your publisher so myself uh and my publisher and we kind of i got a train to london you know went into this restaurant we sat down quite you know wanted to quiz him about the zombies amongst other things and see you know talk about the record coming out in america i'm sitting there for ages and nothing really happened.

And then the waiter eventually came over and said, would you like to order? And we said, well, we're waiting for someone. And he said, oh, is it Mr Atkinson? And we said, yeah. And he said, oh, he's having dinner at a different table over there. But he said to say hi and he'd like to buy you lunch. So that was my first encounter with the american

well we left to be honest oh you didn't have the meal no like what you know does he think like what you know man i would have i would have started off with the caviar made him regret the ring me the menu yeah Why did he not want to sit with you? I really honestly have It was such a sort of I just can't imagine what he thought Why he thought we would like to just be in his vicinity I've never heard of a power play like that

I've heard of being late I've heard of you know Offering to insisting on paying And forcing someone to To sort of go somewhere that you like and they don't like, but not even being there. But being there is worse than not being there. Even if he hadn't been there, but he was there. Observe, observe.

We just weren't, you know, at his table. Look, if you'd have had the meal, you might have come over and had a quick chat. Done a bit of close-up magic. Oh, it's great. Sometimes being treated like dirt can have a good comic side effect on it, I think. Friendship on Absolute Radio. Ian Brodie is with us in the studio.

I'm putting off talking about Three Lions. I'm going to go straight into it don't worry we're gonna go we talk about other things it's a fabulous book of if you're into music as well because there's so many people that just turn up in it but also you talk about music in a way that um i like it when people talk hardcore about music. It's the thing you talk about finishing songs, and how you can kill a song by finishing it, which I think is an unusual idea. What do you mean by that?

I think, for me, I have a very dysfunctional way of writing and stuff where I talk a lot into the memos and i and i explain what i think it would be great if it sounded like then i try and make it sound like that it's quite so you have memos to yourself i have memos to myself and and i kind of record a little tune but then after the tune because i've found that in the past you come back to it and you can't put any context to it um so i i then chat about what my hopes and dreams are for that tune and how I think it could be in a perfect situation.

I think you should release those. I'd like to hear them. It sounds better talking about it than they sound. Sounds quite Marky Smith. And I kind of, but I record them very roughly. I don't even bother getting into it. And I feel like when I come back to them, which is often, you know, maybe a year later,

if they can withstand that kind of harsh treatment, then probably they'll be the good ones. And the ones I can then relate to after all that time are probably the ones that I should work on kind of thing. And some of them just sound like I'm an idiot and some sound like, oh, no, you're on to something there. So then you start working on them and they gradually take shape and form. But you have all these hopes that you're writing,

you hope to be writing this. Classic. Yeah, it's classic, yeah it's classic but many classics at the same time, you know one minute you think this could be like the best Motown song or this could be ACDC or this might be Windows of your mind because they've all got this within them you know

and gradually as they crystallise into the one thing that they are at the same moment they become something which is brilliant, they stop being all these other things. All the potential ghosts. And that's the disappointment, you know, because all these other things you were hoping for, you know, you're very deflated about,

and then after a while you realise it is something and you grow to love it. You see, I think for stand-ups, often when they record, if there's a Netflix special, I'm speaking as an outsider now, obviously, and they record it at the end of the tour, that's the place to do it, you know, finish with that. But they should do it about halfway through, because there's that point where the material really starts to work

and you're thinking, oh, and you can't wait to get out there. And Mark E. Smith, who we mentioned earlier, said this thing that he likes to record a song while it's still growing. Just catch it, not on the upward curve, but not on the top. He doesn't want it to be complete. Like some of my favourites,

I used to love all these Turner paintings. And when I looked at them, the ones I liked most from my fan art were unfinished and I think sometimes you can over finish over polish the power of the

unfinished song if you say about John Lennon well which they've done recently here's a song that wasn't finished you desperately want to hear it

it might be the best thing he ever did and there is a power in every unfinished artistic work because shall we end this show now? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Obviously, Frank is in the book, but he's not the only comedian in the book. And I'm always looking for stand-ups to be represented more in the stories of other more popular and respected genres of entertainment like music. Ken Dodd pops up. Oh, Ken, yeah.

Sir Ken. Sir Ken. Doing exactly what you'd want. Yes, handing out wadges of cash. Oh, hold on. Don't kill the punchline. Well, you know, Ken, he actually had a beautiful voice, didn't he?

Yeah, but he had hits. Yeah, yeah. Tears for souvenirs. Tears for souvenirs. So there was a little recording studio in the middle of Kirby, and the guy who had it, his dad, was something to do with Amazon Gas, and so it was on a sort of industrial estate in the middle of nowhere, and it was like a hut, and the studio was called Amazon.

But it was the only studio in the North West, I think, or there was about a couple, maybe one in Manchester, Strawberry Tent, as you see, had. So a lot of the bands and a lot of people who wanted to record would always be in the middle of nowhere in a kind of MOT testing centre in a hut in Kirby in Liverpool, you know, the most unlikely people. It's a bit Avram Grant when he went astray from his wife. Anyway, carry on.

And, you know, so Ken Dodd, you know, was often in there making recordings and he used to like to pay everyone in cash, in a kind of personally in cash so he would have you know a load of cash on him and at the end of the session i happened to be standing in the reception area uh where a few people who had worked on the track he was recording was so i'd never met him before and i saw ken dodd coming towards me and he just gave me 200 quid. I thought, he's a nice guy, that Ken Dodd. Yeah, he's lovely. What did you say?

I'm just standing here. I did. I said, oh, I didn't know. I'm in the other room. Were you not tempted for a second to just take it? I just, it's Ken Dodd we're talking about, you know, not for a moment. Not the first or last time. All that toiling in the jam butty. He was having a day off.

Oh, yeah. Frank gets mentioned in the book. I had a question to ask. Well, both of you, and we have a reader question as well. Frank, when you got that copy of the book, did you do what I'm calling a David Baddiel? I didn't, actually. Do you want to explain what that is?

I knew I had to read it anyway for this interview. But when I gave David Baddiel a book on the history of alternative music, I wrote hello next to his name in the index. Because I knew he would go there first of all. And he phoned me up and said something like, well, it was swearing but i discovered from reading your book things i didn't know about my beloved friend frank skinner

like his inspirational henry the fifth i'm going speech to the england team to persuade them they needed persuading to um for you to release three lines. That's kind of what happened. Well, to be in the video, that was the problem. Yeah, to be in the video. Yeah, and I think there was an awkward silence. I suppose if you're getting ready in training to do a competition and someone plays you a song that is...

That says we're always rubbish. That says we're always crap and, you know, we know we're going to lose, but we don't care. You know, it's and, you know, we know we're going to lose, but we don't care. You know, it's not, you know, it was definitely, there was a tension, a crackling tension in the room. Let me just leave this as a cliffhanger because the fares is out, which has worried Ian. He thought it was madness merchandise.

No one's said that before. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Set the scene. You left us on a cliffhanger yeah so there we are we've gone we've gone to play three lines the original thing to the england football team so like gaza and alan shearer and stuff they're all they're all sitting there in their gear and then when it ends there's a bit of in their gear and then when it ends there's a bit of a yeah

and then I think this is Ian what happens next yeah well I mean it was very it was very intimidating these are all you know massive footballers at the time

and we were you know suddenly in a room with them and I don't think I'd ever pictured playing the song no even arriving or I'd never really given it thought

that we were actually going to sit there. But as soon as it went ding, ding, and it went, you know, we know we're rubbish, basically, I thought, this is weird, you know. And at the end of it, it just felt a little like, you know, it felt more like they didn't get it. They were just nonplussed like you know they did it felt more like they it that they didn't get it they were just non plus you know it was just mysterious and Frank saved the day really and he kind of you got up actually and you said you know the I

dis pay and you explain the film we do love you and we're not saying you know we're and and just the truth really and then that sort of took it around and I think that's when he said it's a key tapper. Terry Venables had tapped his car keys throughout the thing. Can I ask a question?

Can I be absolutely honest? I don't remember that speech. Yeah, it's funny that, isn't it? I don't remember it. I'm sure David Baddiel told me it was him. But when I'm doing his show, it'll be him. Exactly. Who out of all of the England footballers

do you think started to come round and help turn the room after Frank's speech? Gazza. Gazza was our great champion. Yeah. He went and got his ghetto blaster, didn't he, you know? Also, when they played in 96,

they had to play on the coach on the way to Wembley at Gazza's insistence. And one night they forgot it and Gazza wouldn't get off the coach so they had to go and get it. Yeah, that's right. Oh, that makes me laugh.

Almost as if he was a man associated with eccentric behaviour beautiful we have a question for Ian I'd like to share from German Fleet ok

who's the better singer do you want to give this some thought because I think you can guess where we're going Frank or David Baddiel I think we know

the answer says German Fleet but the praise will have to be redacted but better better is a complicated Or David Baddiel. I think we know the answer, says German Fleet, but the praise will have to be redacted. But better is a complicated word, isn't it? Well, I was going to say... Beautifully handled. I think that, and I think I might say in the book, I'm not sure if I say exactly this,

but if you were casting a TV show and someone was perfect for that part and someone was perfect for that part, that's how I view those verses and I feel like they're both perfect for the part I think Dave's voice is the voice of three lions I must admit I said that when we did that I'll did it the last last version can I say you two is such lovely friends no I really mean it my great one of my great moments of the whole Three Lines experience was when the producer or whoever it was in the studio said to me,

I sounded a bit like Peter Noon from Herman's Hermits. Oh, yeah? I was happy with that. It's the little things, isn't it? I'm never going to do a medley of Peter Noon. It's beginning with I'm Henry VIII. I am. This is Frank Skinner.

This is Absolute Radio. Now, Ian, as well as the book, which is called Tomorrow's Here Today and is available now, there's also a tour and an album. Yeah, well, it's 35 years since Pure, which is, you know, shocking in one way and kind of cool in another.

And so we're going to try and make next year a celebration. We're going to do Pure for Record Store Day and some vinyl that's never been... albums that didn't ever come out on vinyl, a compilation at the end of the year, three new songs, a tour that'll hopefully be 17 parties leading up to not this this Christmas, but the following Christmas, so a big year

really. It's the year of the Hordes of Brode. It's the Hordes of Brood come true. Do you still have any other drawings that Marky Smith did of the Horde with their bows and arrows? Do you want to explain what that is in case people don't know? So this is what Ian, this is what Marky Smith told Ian

he should call himself, was the Hordes. Absolutely, he wanted me to call the band not Lightning Seeds, the Hordes of Brood. And I wish, because the letters, I thought I had them, but I couldn't find them, because even at the time, I thought, I've got to keep these. But they had little bows and arrows and almost chain mail on. They were kind of, it was very militaristic drawings.

It was very militaristic drawings. No, it's a strange and in some ways it's a dark story. But we'll commit this light. You were almost in Paddington, the movie. I love that. And I don't know why they didn't take advantage of that. It was just a very surreal day, it was a very surreal day, you know. It was a very surreal day.

I was, you know, at a bit of a low ebb, and I was at a period when I was kind of getting up late in the day, a little bit groggy, and I wandered down Portobello Road, winter's day, you know, three or four o'clock dark, misty kind of day, and I was feeling a bit down, and I sort of wasn't looking where I was going. And then I noticed these stalls, and I just thought, it's so lovely, London, and it's so, you know, it's almost like I'm so lucky to be here. It's like everything looks, and I looked at the stalls,

and it was like in a beautiful golden glow, and there were these amazing things on the table and I just felt much better, you know, and I thought, you know, it's beautiful round here, you know, and then this voice suddenly shouted, who the hell is that on the set? Get him off! And I suddenly realised that it was all lit with these amazing lights into this beautiful film set.

And I was trespassing, basically. I was shunted away very quickly. And it was Paddington, isn't it? And they were filming Paddington, yeah. Of course, he wouldn't have been there. I was going to say, it wasn't Paddington that told you to leave. No, no. In real life, he's a...

He'd have been far politer. He was in the trailer. No, but he was with the Queen. In real life, he's a vicious... Yeah, no. In real life, he's a... He'd have been far politer. He was in the trailer. I think he was with the Queen. In real life, he's a vicious... Yeah, exactly. Grizzly kind of a character. Although he's no longer with us, is he? Paddington?

I don't quite understand. Who, Paddington? Well, it's confusing, isn't it? Hold it. We are not announcing children. The Paddington has died. No, but the implication is that he's now with the Queen, so I don't quite understand,

but that's for another podcast. Something about the book that I went audiobook, also available. Oh. Which you read yourself? I do, yeah. It's quite hard

doing the audiobook, I've got to say. How much hot tea and lemon did you... Yeah. I love doing it, I must say. Do you like doing it?

Because I've done all mine and I've done all of Ozzy Osbourne's I really enjoy doing it if there's anyone out there I'm up for it who's going to use this voice in any

I can't have me reading Dickens carry on something about the book that I enjoyed was that sometimes if you read an autobiography

of someone who was only ever, I mean, I say only, only ever the lead singer of a band you've heard of, you go, yeah, well, I know, you were in the band, you formed the band, the band got famous, then you wrote this book. It's all in a straight line. Whereas you've done all of it, production and lead singer in guitar. It's not in chronological order either.

I mean, initially it was meant to be a book of anecdotes, you know, and it is, you know, and the personal stuff sort of somehow got in there in a way, you know. Yeah, but they make it, it's very, you know, because you really open up. I don't think of you as a massively opening up kind of a guy. There was stuff about you I had no idea about. Right.

Yeah. I tell you what, I came away thinking you and Frank are very similar characters. Okay? No. Well, I'm pleased with that. No, I would be pleased, except I can't honestly say I'm humble.

Yeah. One of you is a more retiring craftsman than me. Imagine if you'd have had a band, though. You would be Mick and I could be Keith. Well, you do say that in your book, that I never found my Jagger. What I'm saying is he's been here all along. Yes. Right under your nose.

Oh. I've written a few songs in my time. You have? It's time for the ukulele fall covers band. Yeah, that's... What could possibly go wrong you could have rotating members and yeah in honor of oh i love rotating members what a party that was we've got guests here oh sorry ian it's always an absolute joy

lovely thank you very much so ian's book tomorrow's Here Today is out now and coming soon the album the greatest hits album called Tomorrow's Here Today and also the tour next year the Lightning Seeds

and Ian Brodie not in that order obviously although he probably likes sex he's so humble for me they'd just be called

Frank Skeeter so if the good lord spares us and the creeks don't rise Robbie likes sex, he's so humble. For me, they'd just be called Frank Skinner. So if the good Lord spares us and the creaks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.