The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: Andy Parsons

Episode Date: October 25, 2009

This week Emily has a sore throat so Laura Solon joins Frank & Gareth, who have fun coming up with puns to describe Tess Daly's new slim tum.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. Absolute Radio. It's Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio, podcast time again, and I'm here with Gareth and... Oh, no, it's not Emily.

It's Laura Solon this week. Different. Yeah, because Emily has lost her voice. I've got a voice. And you've got a voice. You've actually found hers. Laura Solon, because she speaks, got the job. I've never been so proud.

So, of course, it's always this thing. This is the odd thing, Laura, you won't know, is that we do the introduction to the show after we've done the show so we know what the show was like but we have to sort of build it up um i think that's the system isn't it yes and try not to try not to do any punch look give away any punch oh no we're not gonna give any points no spoilers no no spoilers no no spoiler so yeah so um so laura sat in today Give away any punchlines. Oh, no, we're not going to give any punchlines. We're looking like I was going to give away one of your punchlines. Or any spoilers. No spoilers, no.

No spoilers. So, yeah, so Laura sat in today. She was great, wasn't she? She was good. Oh, good. Well, the thing is, there's a terrible sadness about Emily not being here, but no, Laura's fantastic. Yes.

You're talking as if she's died. She's only got a sore throat. She'll be back. Well, you were talking as if she was going to die. I said she could die, but that's true of any one of us before, you know, by next week. Who knows what's around the corner? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio, and... Saturday morning! It is Saturday morning, or as they say in japan though you'll be go go yeah and um first news is i'm not here i know i always say i'm here with emily and gareth but i'm not here i'm here with gareth and laura this morning hello so good morning laura morning and uh yeah emily has lost her voice i saw saw Emily yesterday and she said, I can't do it, I can't do the show. And I thought this is going to be highly impractical. She brought in all these semaphore flags

and everything, but I said, you know, on radio, ridiculous. So I have got a message. She did send the message on the radio. I feel like one of these lawyers standing outside a courtroom after a case. Dear Frank and Gareth and all our lovely listeners, notice you're already excluded.

Laura has a little bit of jealousy going on. Tension. Yeah. I can't be with you today as I have eloped with Foxy Bingo. We've gone to start a new life in some bins behind Harrods. I'm lying. I'm sitting at home having lost my voice. It's not even a rasp anymore.

It's a Mark E. Smith vocal. We'll let that pass. Mark E. Smith, in case you don't know, is the lead singer of my favourite band. Anyway, hoping the show is an absolute triumph. I don't know if that's a pun or not. Not on triumph, obviously. Well, a triumph overwhelmed by a haunting sense

of unbearable loss. Missing you and love you all lots, M. And then there's three kisses. So I'm guessing one of those are for you, Laura. That's nice. We should say it's Laura Solon and not Laura, my wife, because my wife's called Laura. Oh, yeah, and you do mention her a lot.

It is Gareth and Laura. Yeah, we was a bit pushed at the last minute, so Gareth just brought his wife in. And now with the news, Gareth's baby. And then we just go over to the news and it goes... GARROT SCREAMS And now with the news, Garrett's baby. And then we just go over to the news and it goes... Absolute radio. I mean, that would be... You can't run a station like that.

Like some sort of corner shop with the family all working there. Rubbish. So anyway, welcome, Laura, to our world. Thank you. You have been a guest. I was a guest a few weeks ago, wasn't I? Yeah, well, I mean, we very much recommend you as a, not recommend you, but we come to think of you as

a friend of the show. Yeah. So it's good to... As Frank did that, he had a sword that he rested on Laura's shoulders. Yeah. Because he did that, that's what we do. Is that her name, Laura Shoulder? Laura Sell, obviously, is a famous comedian in her own right.

Are you a comedian or a comedienne? I don't like the word comedian. Oh, God, she's started already. I don't like it. I don't know why. Or do you think of yourself as a comedy actress? I don't really think... I have to ask myself why I actually do. It's like, what you spend most of your time doing, is that your job? And I think I spend most of my time watching CSI.

Okay. Is that a job? No, I'm not paid to do it. I bet it's somebody's job. It could be my job. I'm really good at it. Okay. Yeah, well, today I'm giving you a side job.

Yeah, hobby. Unpaid hobby. We're very happy to have you. If we're told that it's unpaid? You're giving me two cups of tea. That's three quid. It is in central London, for those of you listening in the rest of the world who think that's an exaggeration. You wouldn't get two cups of tea for three quid in central London. You'd get a tea factory outside of London.

Yeah, exactly. A small tea factory. So we started off. We have a look through the papers in the morning to see if there's anything interesting. And Laura was straight in. I mean, she started, she hit the floor running. Well, it was on the front cover of the paper. Yeah, that helps. Did you open any papers?

No, I just tend to look at the front. We'll have to talk about your research skills. That's where the important things are, on the front. And it's a pun. Well well it's not really a pun it's on the front of the sun and there's a picture of of test daily in in underwear and it says it's strictly tum shrinking yeah you see i'm not i don't think that should have been on the front so it's supposed to be a pun with it's strictly cum dancing. Well, strictly cum. Strictly Tom, I'm happy with that.

So far, so far, it's good. Yeah, that's pretty good. But you've got to really rhyme it with dancing, more or less. And there aren't that many. I mean, Lance, if only she was having it lanced. Yeah. If there was something, if it was an article about, yes. Her horrific boils.

That would have been. Would it be on the front? Would she be in a bra if that was an article about her horrific boils would it be on the front would she be in a bra if that was the story should she be in a bra if that was the story well I think you want to lighten the load of the post filled postules with a bit of lingerie that's what I always do certainly absolute radio

so we were just talking about the pun on the front of this morning's Sun newspaper, which is, what is it again, Laura? It's Strictly Tum Shrinking. Yes, and it's a picture of Tess Daly in a bikini, and we thought that we would ask our very, very clever listeners, of which there are many, to come up with a better headline for that picture.

So it's Tess Daly in underwear? She's lost weight after her baby baby and she's now got an underwear job modeling okay and they're trying to make the point that she's lost weight the baby weight yeah but yes and and obviously she works on Strictly Come Dancing with Bruce so I thought I thought as she's in underwear it could be it could be Strictly Tom Pansing that's better that's already better yeah yeah or if you don't like her, you know, some people don't like Tess, you could be strictly come rancid.

That's a bit harsh. Well, you know, I think she's attractive. If I looked like her before I had a baby, I'd be quite pleased. But she's had a baby and lost all the weight. No, it's... Oh, I'm impressed. How about I've got Tess's jowls?

The problem is she don't really have jowls, does she? But I mean, it's worth putting it in anyway. I think, yeah, I mean, normally they're very good, the ponds in the sun. But today... Today, everyone has an off day. I think this is their weekend, people. It's been a long week. It's the B team. Yeah, exactly.

The A team are on a break somewhere, getting some winter sun. Yeah, exactly. I mean, there's nothing as good as Tessa Gels kicking around. Gabby's texted in, said if Ray Winston were to appear on the headline, it would be scum dancing. Strictly scum dancing.

I think changing the photograph is a bit of a cheat. In any caption competition, that's a bit of a cheat in any caption competition that's a cheat he wouldn't have the lingerie contract though so it'd be a different kind of story he would look different to Tess Daly for sure yeah

for sure I think so I think yeah you never hear anyone say well I can't decide who I fancy most Tess Daly or Ray Winston

no Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Absolute Radio as always our magnificent listeners have not let us down

we've had loads of these ponds we're asking people to text on 8-12-15. There's a picture of Tess Daly on the front of the sun this morning in her underwear, and the headline is Strictly Tom Shrinking,

which we're just... It doesn't work, does it? It doesn't sound anything like it. So we think that our listeners can improve on that. Have they done so? Yes. Some people haven't put their names. Do put your names on so we can read it out i'm strictly bum prancing i like i like that very good one um i think my one of my favorites is what about strictly mum fasting

much better the son will be the son of what everyone's address is. Could be a nice part-time job for somebody. We've got two people. Paul from Essex and Anonymously have said, less daily, which I thought was good. That's clever, yeah. And then someone who hasn't put their name has said, Tess of the Girdlevilles. And then put, maybe not, afterwards.

I think maybe yes. No, I like Tess of the Girdlevilles. Even though there's no girdling, you know what they mean. Yeah. And this good Rob Dale has said, I did a headline, Daily Tum's gone. As in Daily Tum's gone. A pun on Daily Tum's gone.

A pun on Daily Tum's gone. I mean, that's a die-hard. That's like people who thatch cottage roofs. I mean, there's no Daily Thompson punsters left, hardly. Oh, marvellous. Well, that's completely made my day. But anyway, so those are the ingredients. Tess Daly had a baby, and then she's lost a lot of weight,

as celebrities always do after they've had a baby. How do they do it? I just don't know. Or, indeed, care! So, um... And also, speaking of glamorous celebrities, Pamela Anderson, Pamela Anderson, actually, who's also in the... She's in the sun today and she looks...

She's just got, like, a vest and pants on. And you know when you live in an area and a local middle-aged woman goes mad and someone says, oh God, I saw Mrs. Anderson out today, just in her pants and a vest in the garden. Oh God, did you? That's what it looks like. I mean

she's advertising killing whales or something. Not advertising killing whales, that was obvious. Kill whales it says. And then there's a phone number where you can go on a holiday no it's anti-killing sort of breakdown chic is what she's wearing yeah exactly exactly yes uh but yeah so she's in the paper uh and i know people really fancy pamela anderson and stuff but i i've met her a couple of times and i i interviewed many many people in my career when I was a chat show host. And she was about the only one who I really didn't like very much at all.

She wasn't secretly intelligent. No, no. If she was, she was very secretly. Secretly to the point of, I mean, complete stupidity. No, but she had a coldness aboutness about her oh no she'll be on question time next thing we know well she had um she had it was a story in the paper about her like getting her house done up having no money left yeah she's got no money left because she's had her house done up and um partly it was because she'd had tiling done. And what was the tiles made of? It was in platinum of her swimming pool.

And she said, as if you need to say it, because you know tiling a pool in platinum is very expensive. Yeah, well, I didn't know that, but I'd have guessed. I would imagine. You think that's going to come up? But if you were secretly intelligent, you might not. No, exactly. Very secretly intelligent.

I've never thought about it. I don't have a pool for a start-off. And if I did, I don't think I'd tile it in platinum. It wouldn't be my first thought. Absolute. Radio. So you had a bit of an interesting gig this week, didn't you, Gareth? I'm leading you into this, but I like your gig stories.

It was one of those things where I was supporting an act doing an hour show that they did at Edinburgh. And they hadn't told anyone there was going to be a support act, so I was surprised. But the main act was the Scottish falsetto sock puppets, which is... The Scottish falsetto sock puppets. Yes.

So it's a guy who goes behind a tartan stage and does a puppet show with two sock puppets. Oh, so it is what it says on the tin. Yeah, it's exactly what it is. Say what you see. No, puppets. It is what it says on the tin. Say what you see. Thank you. We've got Roy Slow Talker Walker. Just say what you see.

And it was that thing that when I came on, people just looked at me and went, well, you're not a sock puppet. I noticed that about you when i met you for the first time i thought i wouldn't say i noticed it the first time after a couple of me about show three a growing sense of disappointment he's not a sock puppet that must be the drains yeah so you so they didn't even know there was going to be a support so people turned up to

why are they called falsetto sock poppers? Do they all speak like... Because they speak like this and this. Yeah. Okay, I see. Very high voices. Okay. They're Spanish.

It's very funny. It's a very funny show. And it was quite... It was quite... Shut it, Laura. Honestly, she comes on here and straight away she's mocking my voices. Now, listen. Be nice to Laura. I can't do a Scottish accent either, it's fine.

Do you know what it's like when you're a new kid at school and all that? I won't have a picture. I know what it's like when I'm a new kid at school. It's like every day on this radio show. Well, I have never. Absolute. Radio. We've had some more...

In case you don't know, there was a picture of Tess Daly on the front of the son in her underwear and we weren't happy with the headline which was strictly Tom

Tom shrinking strictly Tom shrinking it gets worse every time yeah it does I couldn't believe it couldn't be that because it doesn't write

strictly Tom shrinking so we asked people to improve on it and they have generally yes Patrick from London and I think this really is

amazing for those son reading thomas hardy fanatics we should point out by the way that she's the idea is she had a baby and she's lost all that weight she's lost weight yes um thomas hardy fanatics tests off the burger meals i mean that's actually winning something yeah that is that's thatest of the Burgamills. And he even put B apostrophe Ergomills. It's complete, that. I don't think you can improve on that.

That is really sensational. It's really good. I thought Daily Rations would have been... Daily Rations? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You said that with a bit of contempt in your voice. It's not a test of the Burgundy Meals, I realise that,

but I'm just trying to join in. I mean, just pick up, maybe she's got a new friend now. See, Emily, she was my rock. She was my... It was good, it was good, but I just think after test... It's good, but it's not right. That's what you were going to say, weren't you? Yeah, I was, actually. Oh, sorry, you were going to say, weren't you? Yeah, I was, actually.

Oh, sorry, you were going to say that. No, I wasn't. I thought for one terrible moment I'd jumped in on your joke. A lot of people are talking about the whole Cheryl Cole, Whitney Houston thing on X Factor. I know not everyone watches X Factor, but even if you don't watch X Factor, you must know about that,

because Cheryl Cole premiered, I say premiered, her new single. Which she did, I think she did sing. Did she sing live in the end? Yeah. She was dressed like a Turkish postman, Pat. I thought. Do you know what I mean?

It was her trousers. Yeah, you mean she was scabbing? She should have been on strike. And you could see her gusset. Oh, good. Now, whether you can her gusset. Oh, good. Now, whether you can say gusset on Absolute this time of the month... That's a part of tights. I'm going to look that off.

Hold on a minute. We've got the Absolute manual here. You carry on talking. Let me see now. It's not a rude word. OK. No, OK. Only you made it rude.

Yeah, you're right, I did. I didn't see her gusset, personally. I think that probably because at that point I was only looking through the cracks between my fingers. Yeah, but I thought it was a bit sad watching Whitney, because she's a legend of singing, and I thought it looked a bit like she'd been out the night before, fallen asleep in the park, and they'd woken her up and turned her upside down

and used her to rake leaves just before they put her on the stage. A bit dishevelled, yeah. Well, Whitney, to be fair to her, has been a bit knocked about over the years, I believe. She's had a colourful life. She's sort of been out for the last 4,000 nights. Yeah. It's cold for some of them.

I like the fact she was a bit balmy on it. Yeah. I like stars. What do you think about... what's he called amon domfey said not amon domfey what's he called seamus o'leary derma derma o'leary amon domfey is a irish football writer he used to play for millwall but you know you know what i mean he said what do you think about the other acts, you know, the acts on the show? And I thought she'd got notes on the stage.

She started really looking at the floor like he'd told her off. She didn't look like she knew who she was, let alone whether she was on a show with other people. Oh, poor Whitney. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. So I'll tell you what we were talking about. A friend of mine went for a job interview,

and she sat down. You know, people are always a bit nervous at an interview. And the woman said, OK, what's your brand? Now, what do you say to that? I would... And you're supposed to have a sentence that sums you up. Your strap line. Yeah.

Slogan. Yeah. And kind of something that communicates your essence who you are yeah very short amount of time how people can identify with you on a mass scale yeah it communicates your human essence is what it does your soul yeah and and it's supposed to be i suppose it's supposed to be things like gets things done with a laugh or something like that. Just do it. Yeah, just do it.

That kind of thing, yeah. Mine, I was thinking, I would love, in a case like that, because this is a super corporate person saying, okay, what's your brand? I would love to have said, leaving the party early, having spoken to no one. And just to see their reaction, because that many ways is my brand what would your brand be it's a tough question maybe gareth richards yeah no you see what you've done there you've mistaken the word name with the word brand speaking of names we've got andy parsons coming in soon which is exciting so um yeah you need gareth richards late for work yeah that'll do it yeah that'd be good that'll do it i like that as well because it has got a sort of spiritual expansion the way you are in many

ways late for work you know what i mean gareth richards what he'll be like where he'll be in five years now hold on a minute i I'm going to help you with that. Well, that just sounds like one psychopath. Yeah, it just killed something. To me, I take my laughter where I can get it. So, yeah, so, in fact, they do a similar thing on Absolute Radio with, they have a thing what they call liners.

I don't know if you've ever heard these adverts on the radio, but it's that bloke who used to be in Garth Marenghi's dark place. Max, something. Yeah, and he's sort of Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio, and then he says something that's supposed to, you know, he says things like, it doesn't get any better than this. It's that kind of thing. So I thought it could be Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

The sound of laughter seeping from a small sailing boat as it heads towards the unforgiving waterfall. That's quite poetic. What do you think? Nice. I think it seems to sum up the show. We had a thing before. I thought Frank's going to show a brief

period of mourning. See, that would be good. Mourning, mourning. It's a good pun. It is. It's very clever. Absolute. Radio.

Andy Parsons is in the studio. So, hi. Hey. Thanks for looking up. Sorry, we never did the whoop thing. No, no, but I wasn't sure whether I was allowed to speak then, because you said I was in the studio, but you didn't necessarily say that, you know.

No, you're... Hold on, hold on. I'm not happy without it. Here we go. No. Are you happy with that now? Is that... Andy we go. No. Are you happy with that now? Is that... Andy Parsons has arrived.

I've got my headphones on now. I could actually hear what that was. Yeah. Yeah. Headphones are much easier without hair, aren't they? Well, in some ways, but I'm never sure whether to have them both on like that. Yeah. Or whether just have one off, you know, in a slightly askance.

Yeah, you've gone a bit DLT 1969. Is that... You've gone with yours. I don't remember what he looked like. No, he always used to have like one. One on and off. He had one on and one off, so he could hear. Maybe he had one really big ear, and he just couldn't get it over.

Or some sort of terrible sore on that one. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. Is that why he's not DJing anymore? I think, no, it's the whole side of his head that's gone. The side of his head just looks like a squash raspberry. Anyway, Andy, you're on tour. Are you on tour at the moment?

I am, yeah. No, I've been on and off. There was a little break for Mock the Week in the middle and then back on for about another three weeks. So it's been most of the year we're going around. So are you somewhere tonight? I am at Joyce's Swansea tonight. OK.

Off to Swansea after this? Handing down the M4, that's it. So, if you want to see... Is there any tickets left tonight, do you know? I think... Well, we're full, I know that much, but I think there might be... But there's always...

Nothing ever sells out, is there? There's always, like, three singles. Well, I think also, because, as I'm sure your management do, they save a few for themselves, because they always think that, you know, ten might want to come from management to Swansea and nobody ever does. So there's always the odd one available. Yeah, exactly. I always say, you know, I don't have that many friends,

but they keep, like, ten tickets back. They suddenly think that maybe some Hollywood producer is going to turn up in Swansea and going to go, I need ten tickets tonight. And then if there's none left, it'll be the one opportunity you had. Yeah, honestly, if that happened, I'd be prepared to assassinate ten men still to get him in with his entourage. You could just chuck them out.

Well, no, I'm just saying... You'd have to kill them. I don't want people bad-mouthing me after this. You could just sit him by the side of the stage afterwards, couldn't you? Oh, you and your liberal attitude. Let's just get rid of them people. They're standing between me and a Hollywood film career and I'm supposed to be sympathetic.

How would you decide, though, which ten to do? Well, I'd ask him to pick any place in the auditorium he wanted. The ten-bar seats. I'd ask him where he wanted to sit and then it's just popped off. And if he then said, what happened to those ten, Frank? What would you... He'd be impressed. As you wipe the blood off your shirt.

Oh, well, I wouldn't do it myself. Say to those ten people, I want to thank them personally for letting me have their seats. Where are they, Frank? I want to go and talk to those ten. Well, did you see those bin liners by the door as you came in? God damn it! You British make me laugh!

That's what it would be like. Anyway, this is a fantastic, it's all going well, the two of you. And let's get all the plug in. We've got it early and then we can just do whatever. Then we can talk like human beings about things. So you've got a DVD coming out. That's that done.

Tell us about it or your management will say, well Andy, you should have at least said what it was called. He's turned up and he's done nothing. All he did was shot ten members of his own audience. No, that was me. I believe it comes out towards the end of November. It's called Britain's Got Idiots. And it's my first one, and so relatively exciting from that point of view.

Yeah, and it's you doing stand-up. Yeah. We did it at the Lyric on Shaftesbury Avenue a couple of weeks ago. Very enjoyable. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Andy Parsons is with us in the studio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Gareth and with Laura Solon.

We've got all sorts of people in today. In fact, Cathy, my girlfriend, her mum is in today as well. Sandy Mason. Hello, Sandy. Hello. Yeah, she's in. We'll bring her and just sit her in the corner.

Well, it's quite interesting because when you're actually listening to the show before you actually come in, you can hear more than just Laura with a female laugh. There's like various other female laughs going on. In stereo. Well, that's it. You're not sure whether Laura's running around the studio

having a little laugh at different points. Yeah, well, we did ask, that was one of the conditions. I got tired, so they brought in... Yeah, so Sandy come. Sandy, not so much a laugh as a sort of witch-like cackle, I think, which we think is good in a...

...mix in the laugh. Yeah, early Halloween stuff. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We're just warming them up. Early Halloween stuff. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

We're just warming them up. Are you the sort of man who does anything for Halloween? No. Good. So, what the week must have changed your life, Andy? Because it's been, like, the biggest comedy hit. It's massive, isn't it? Well, you know, it was a slow burner, wasn't it? The first two series were pretty much under the radar.

And then the personnel changed a little bit, and, you know, for whatever reason, it seems to have... It's got seven series under its belt so far. And two more to come, at least, aren't there? They've nailed down two for next year, so there'll be at least, I think, 21 weeks of Mock the Week next year.

Next week? That'll be... That's overkill, surely. There's only so much topical stuff you can do, isn't there? There's only so many... Be very minor stories. Just be stories about your day. I wish they'd make it a crossword. The weather. And now...

It's not the week. 20th episode of the week. It's a really mockable week this week it really is a lot of fun you'd still be on the side trying to get to the microphone doing the jokes that you wanted to do 19 weeks previously you'd be doing jokes about Nick Griffin's

distant relatives from a family tree the Don Nick Griffin day 3 but it's a massive hit it is you popped in I did pop in I did it once some people have done it like 20 times

I remember you describing it to me afterwards as being in a nuclear winter not wearing a cardigan it's an interesting thing how does a cardigan protect you from radiation? Well, you haven't seen my cardigan. Oh, right.

It's lead. My lead cardigan! Remember that song I brought out in the 80s about it? No. No, OK. It causes me havoc at airports, I'll be honest with you, if I travel in the winter. Absolute Radio.

So Andy Parsons is with us here today. Andy, who is on tour at the moment, is in Swansea tonight. And then next week heading off to Telford and then Southport. Oh, I mean, there's a lot of good stuff out there. And then finish up Croydon. Look, don't start... These people are paying your wages, Andy Parsons. They might have come from outside of Croydon to come into Croydon, though, mightn't they?

I went all the way to Croydon to see Petula Clark once at Fairfield Hall. And had you slagged off her or Croydon beforehand? Oh, goodness. Slagged off Petula Clark? Are you out of your mind? Downtown. Oh, no, I love Petula Clark. I didn't realise I'd set you up there for Little Sing.

Exactly. And the DVD, I just want to emphasise, it's going to be out for Christmas. It's sort of end of November. That's the only way to do it, apparently. You've got somewhere in the middle of November, bring it out for the Christmas market, and then obviously there's a glut of them come January.

Yes, you see, I don't... Why don't people bring them out in, like, July? It's not like people go off comedy in the summer, is it? I suppose they're still available in July, aren't they? Yeah, but, I mean, wouldn't it be great if you launch yours after everyone else's have been launched? It'd just be yours to buy. And then they'd sell even less because they weren't available for the Christmas

market. Yeah, but no. There's a downside to that plan. I don't even buy Christmas presents anymore. But I mean, you know, is that saying something about you? Most people do. No, I'm supporting the postal workers. They're not sending any cards or any press. Is that really supporting them, though?

Surely they're paid by the wages of you sending post. Well, yeah, but they're on strike. Yeah, no, but when obviously, you know, they need to get paid at some point. And he's got a bit social, hasn't he? He's got political on us. Well, you told me it was my last section. Are you going to do a speech? OK.

Workers. The workers will be at work. It's no good talking to them, you know. It's 20 to 10 on a Saturday. Oh, and actually, they might have the weekend off. Certainly the postal strike as well. I think they're working today, aren't they? Well, they go back to work today to find they've got 30 million extra letters

they've got to do something with. And they're overworked as it is. It's, no, oh, anyway. Let's not dwell on it i think no exactly you're quite right let's look on the brighter side of life so um mock of the mock of the week mock of the week is the mexican version of no it's the new um coffee sponsored yeah that comes back in jan That comes back in January? Comes back in January and February.

And? 21 times a week. And no Frankie Boyle this time? Supposedly not, no. No, I mean... Supposedly not? So is there a chance he might come back after all? When I was talking to him, he was definitely...

You know, there was a chance he might come back for the odd one. He didn't want to rule himself out completely. Oh, I see. I believe he's booked in for a bit of holiday come January and he won't be doing those, no. Will you miss him, do you think? I'll miss him, yeah, no. I always used to, you know, like looking over to him and, you know,

knowing that he was about to do some stuff that could never go out, that the producer was about to be furious about, that it was wasting five minutes of time, and was about to really stink out the studio really badly for about ten minutes. If only on this show we could offer an example of that, but we can't. We just can't. But yes, he was like having a small grenade

in the corner of the studio. No, just this bleakness would just come over and there would be that chill for a moment, wouldn't there? And then, you know, Russell would come back with a little bit of cuddly warmth and we'd be all OK again. Yeah, I think that's a fair summary. Do you enjoy doing it?

No. Three hours, it's just, you know, you just grind it out. I mean, most half-an-hour shows, you know, you do them in maybe an hour, maybe an hour and a quarter. We're there for three hours, as you well know, and it's a long, long three hours. It is a little bit. It's the closest I'll ever get to having fought on the Somme.

Yeah, because there's so many comedians there all trying to get their... Well, that's it. Well, here you've got four, you know, ran but at least you've got your own microphone. So, you know... You have to race to it. I always think,

why can't they just take it in turns? Why do you have to race each other? Believe you me, every series, I make that suggestion. Could we not have a little light come up and when your light light's up you walk to the microphone but they're not keen on that they like a bit of fighting see i find it unnerving when you watch it on the telly and somebody goes to step forward and then someone they have to go but they have to go back to their plinth well that's it and we've had people trip up and all the rest of it you think yeah no it's

health and safety and then if you rush to get there and forget what you were going to say. Yeah, yeah. And then sometimes they put out the bit where you actually rushed up, forgot what you were saying, because it was funnier than what you actually did say, and that never looks good, does it? No. That's always embarrassing. Well, you've sold it very well

for anyone who's thinking of taking over from Frankie Boyle. Well, what I'm looking forward to is, though, that maybe Frankie has a sort of career change, maybe in six months' time we see him on the front cover of The Sun having lost a bit of weight you know in some new underwear that he's trying to model

but what would the headline be of course that's what we all want to know what I enjoyed about the headline was does it not say on the top of The Sun does it not say The Sun Britain's most popular daily now surely when you were looking at it you could have come up with something like The Tum Britainain's most popular daily now surely when you were looking at you could have come up with something like the tum britain's other most popular daily and you're a pro and

but you're thinking they've got it straight in front of them and the best they could do tum shrinking they need you on speed dial one but all the things the sun have been criticized for over the years it's their poning that's got a real good came in today on this show. Because I expect that to be good. The user, they're brilliant at the ponning head. They've even missed out on Vernon Hooray, which you'd have thought, you know, would have been, you know,

he must have been celebrating those pictures, mustn't he? You're on a roll. Absolute. Radio. Now, we've had some contact from our poddies. When I say our poddies, we get people who never listen to this show on a Saturday morning. I imagine that they've been drunk the night before.

And then, so they listen to it on the podcast. And one thing that we get is people saying, well, we can't join in. We want some interactivity. I could say Gayle Pearley, but I thought no. So we do these things we were talking about earlier on the show where Matt Berry says, Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio,

it's like an angel describing the death of Gandhi. Or something that sums up the show, what the show's about. The essence of the brand of the show. Yeah, exactly. What's the brand? Yeah, exactly. So it's something that sums up the show. So what we'd like

is people to email us, because we are fed up with trying to think of them. So they're things that sort of give the essential essence. Our brand, if you like. What you think of the show. Now I know I'm giving you licence to say things like, Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

It's the worst thing that's ever happened. Something like that. But you can do those. We'll just ignore them. If they make you feel better, I don't care. But if you do a good one, we'll use it on the air and then we'll give you a kiss. That's about it for this week. Laura,

thank you very much. Thank you for having me. I've enjoyed myself very much. I hope Emily gets better soon. Yes. Do you really? She's a lovely girl, yes. Does that mean you don't want to come back under any circumstances? No, I do, but I don't want it to be at her illness. No, no. Because of her illness.

That's what footballers say when players get injured. You never believe it. No, we all wish Emily the very, very best and please get well soon. But don't phone me up about the show because I just kind of hold the phone. What's the point in that? So, yeah, that's it. Thank you very much, Laura, Gareth, as always.

Thanks, Sandy Mason, for coming in, my girlfriend's mum who's in the corner. Thank you, Sandy. Thank you. A bit of a feeble. She's gone to sleep. Yeah, exactly. She does fall asleep a lot.

It's a bit like having a nice old cat. Good day to you. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.