The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: Camille O'Sullivan

Episode Date: December 26, 2009

It's the last podcast of the year so Frank, Emily & Gareth decide to reveal their most embarrassing moments of 2009

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Oh, it's the, er, Absolute Radio, Frank Skin it's the Absolute Radio Frank Skinner Boxing Day. Boxing Day! Boxing Day!

That's what it is, yeah. Why do they call it Boxing Day? Because... You open your boxes. Yeah. You open presents. Right. That'll be it.

Isn't that Christmas Day? Yeah. No, traditionally you open them on Boxing Day. Oh. Yeah. Shouldn't it be called On Boxing Day? I think Boxing Day is when you put them back in the box. It's ready for a return to the store.

That's how I find my... That's my present life. So there's one thing we need to clear up before we go any further into this podcast. Yes, I have an email here um dear frank is this the same frank skinner that has sent me an invitation to lunch on saturday the 17th of january from the cotswold liberal democrats i had an email in my inbox today and just wondered if this was you i hope you can shed some light on this for me thanks phil carter ps

if it is do you consider this my RSVP? Phil Carter, the unstoppable sex machine? Surely not. Well, the thing is, Phil, it's not me. I mean, I don't operate from the Cotswolds Liberal Democratic Party. If I did want

another address, that's the one I'd use. So don't consider this an RSVP. I think the mistake the Liberal Democrats might be making is targeting the Cotswolds in such a specific way. Do you think they're ploughing all their resources into the Cotswolds? No, I think they probably have branches. I'm not here to

plough the Liberal Democrats. They'll have their chance on the televised live debate. Let them speak then, not spoiling people's, whenever they listen to this day it isn't even boxing day if you listen to it tomorrow I suppose that was an obvious

statement in many ways so look it's all I hope you've had a lovely Christmas and the show was I enjoyed it usually we record the podcast intro after the show. But because we pre-recorded this show,

we're recording it before the show today. Don't spoil the magic. Well, actually, that was a lie. It was a lie because we're not doing it before the show. We're doing it after the show. They don't want to know this. People don't tune in to to get some sense of chronology they want they want they want jokes it's too much information it's like rearview

mirrors we don't want to know these things when people say too much information oh you hate this you hate that i do i i hate everything it's not when people say don't go there too much information don't go if anyone says that i'll write them off to you being sorry emily people say that about the library to me they say don't go there too much information, don't go. If anyone says that, I'll write them off to you. Sorry, Emily. People say that about the library to me. They say, don't go there, too much information. We can't top that. We can't top that. Camilo Sullivan is our guest today.

If you don't know who Camilo Sullivan is, you will by the end of this verb. What's happening? I'm drowning. I'm melting. Listen, just listen to the podcast. Absolute. Radio.

Have you got that Boxing Day feeling today? Very much so. You see, I haven't especially. Mainly, I think, because it's the 22nd of December when we're recording this. Yeah, it's hard to get into that Boxing Day feeling. I just want to say that because the votes have closed, so if you vote, it won't affect, but you may be charged. I just want you to know.

Is that why you're saving up all your presents still, like Augustus Gloop? There's a pile of them in cards on your desk. Did you say Augustus Gloop? What is that? He's a character from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the greedy one. I can happily say I've never seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. OK. I haven't seen it either. I read it. It's a good one. You should see that. How did you read it without seeing it?

Do you do braille? No, I thought not. Great news, anyway, because I'm going to call it... I'm going to call it our campaign to get Raid Against the Machine to number one. We've mentioned it on the show a couple of times. I don't think we can take full credit, to be honest. But you never know, we might have put a few thousand votes

in there, a few hundred maybe, four votes. We might have had you. And it was great news, wasn't it, that they got to number one. It was a great blow for proper music. Poor little Joe, though. I've had a realisation of what the X Factor thing is, because

I really loved Joe while X Factor was on, but as soon as it's finished you just have that... You hate him, though. If you're at a party and you want to go home with someone at the party, like... Well, it wouldn't be Joe.

But if it was the X Factor, so I really liked him during it, but then it's when that moment when you wake up with him the next morning and you think, I don't want to spend my life with you. This has all gone very dark. Yeah. It has, yeah. Is that dark? Yeah, well, I don't want to wake up next to someone humming a Hannah Montana cover.

Certainly. No, not anymore. So, yeah. So, we're going to launch a new campaign on today's show, I've decided, and that is to get Bobby Davro to win Dancing on Ice. Yeah, I think it's about time there was a Davrovian revival in this country. Is he in it? Obviously he's in it. I don't have that kind of power.

I can't get him brought in from off... We know he's in it. Bobby, we've that kind of power I can't get him brought in We know he's in it We've had a bit of a last minute phone call Have you got any skates? Well, I've got some but I don't know if I'll lay my hands on them Can you get over to the ITV quick? Oh, what's happening? I can hardly skate for God's sake

That's what I imagined would have happened He's turning to Bill Sykes What's happened? I think he has got a small bulldog that sells insurance. He's doing well. He's going out with Melanie Sykes, for goodness sake. What kind of interspecies horribleness is that? Yeah, he's in it.

He's in it. And Heather Mills is in it. Oh. Yeah. I think they're saving on skates this year. So, I've had a lovely... Oh, God, Frank Skinner. I've had...

Where? Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought you spotted a celebrity. Then I remembered at the last minute, it's me. I tell you what I did this week. This is quite a... What did you do? Yeah, let's talk about me.

Let's talk about you for a change. Anyway, vote Davro. Let's talk about you for a change. Anyway, vote Davro. That's what I'm saying. I... This is not for the general election. No. For the ice dancing. I went to a health farm. Hmm. Oh, you'd never have known it to look at you. Well, I know

that, but most of the people there were quite fat and out of condition, which a lot of... What you do, you go and have a lunch there, and everyone's in their dressing gowns. Oh, you keep your robe on, yeah. I wasn't sure about that. I thought this would be good practice for when I'm in an old people's home, when we all sit in a circle around the television with our mouths open.

But my girlfriend loved it. She had like 28 treatments. And now I can't. I tried to hug her on the way out. She slipped straight out of my eyes. She was so moisturised. It was like trying to hold a prize-winning car. Oh, sorry, carry on.

I was just going to say, I love a health farm. Well, let's come to your love of health farms. Why not? But we have to have some music in this show, for goodness sakes. Boxing day. Absolute. Radio. So you like health farms?

I do like health farms. I find the kind of one flow of the cookie's nest, wandering around in bathrobes aspect of it a bit worrying. But last time I went to a health farm, I had a personal trainer for a couple of days. Oh, no, I don't like this. But then he sort of chatted me up. He asked me out.

He said, are you going back to London? I think that what you actually ordered was a very personal thing. No, I wouldn't. He asked for a lift back to London. Well, when I used to go to the gymnasium in the old days, and I stopped going because I was in there once, and a rugby team came in, a whole rugby team. And they still, a lot of them have got their shirts on and stuff,

like they'd just come off the pitch, you know, and one of them, you know that thing where you're sitting, and then you, the weights are sort of stacked up, like they're like, and then you have to pull down. Oh yes, I know that one. He sat in that, and he was a massive bloke, he had, they put so much weight on, they were scouring the place for more weight, I was watching, this is how tragic i was i i was lifting this uh this like a barbell in the air and i didn't have any weights on the weight of the actual bar was was sufficient for me i'm not joking they could have used me as one of those wedges to keep the weights in i mean i was it was so masculine i couldn't breathe that i had like testosterone asphyxiation.

Anyway, when he pulled the thing, he had that much weight, and he just went up in the air, because the weights were much heavier than him. So they started holding on to his legs, all these men. Oh. No, no. Oh, no. And he was going...

And going purple. And I was lifting me empty bar. And I thought, I'm never, ever coming to the gym again, ever. And I didn't go. So a personal trainer's out the question for me. Oh, yeah. Also, I found that people had personal trainers at the gym. They're just used to saying, what are you doing tonight?

Oh, I might go to a club and... And I thought, are you training? If you can breathe properly, you're not pushing it. You're not working. You're not pushing it. Anyway, not that I didn't do any training when I was at the health firm. I did a class on hula hooping. You did not.

I absolutely did. And I'll tell you something, the barbecue ones. No, you get... Can you do it? I've never been able to do that. That's not a fitness class. I tell you, my... Oh, man, my hips. Oh, I don't want to think about that.

Yeah, I reckon if I put some sort of... Say if I put a sort of a toothpaste container into my bottom containing fondant icing, I reckon I could do my signature on a birthday cake. My hips were so loose. What did you wear for this, a unitard or something? I didn't wear anything. Oh, God. Otherwise the hoop would have kept falling on the floor.

No, no. No, I just wore shorts and a T-shirt, you know, and stuff. But honestly, I thought it was, you know, I worked up a sweat hula hooping. I think it's going to be one of my New Year's resolutions. What, you're going to start doing hula hooping? I'm going to get a hula hoop and not in the street. I'm not going to get a hooping stick, get to work with it.

I'm going to get a hula, I'm serious. I'm going stick I'm serious I think hula hooping might be the next big thing, I think people will look back on this show in ten years time well probably they won't he spoke about hula hooping and we all thought they were ridiculous and now everybody's doing it yeah so that's my new

what are you going to do Gareth? What's your New Year's resolution? My New Year's resolution... I'm starting to say my New Year's resolution before I've actually thought of anything. Oh, OK. You're doing that thing... I do that in the restaurant. I go, I'd like the... And then I point.

I'm one of those people that point at the menu, which is very, very shabby. Have you thought of one yet? I'm trying to help you out here. Yeah, I know. We'll come back to you. What's yours, Emily? I might take up smoking.

Hear me out on this. Just because it's far less commercial now, and you know I always like to get banging on trend with things, so I just think now might be the time. Far fewer people are doing it a bit more exclusive why not true though i mean i would wait till after the cold snap was over because i i drove through london the other night in in snow and there were people standing that's just people standing outside like i mean covered in in a blizzard smoking it takes incredible staying

you're driving through snow wasn't as bad as mine. I think there was one man hula hooping. Everyone else was out there smoking. I drove through snow last night, and it took me five hours to drive about 12 miles. I was starving by the end of it. I could have flown to Nigeria in that time. Were you driving? Yeah.

You were actually driving? I do drive. My driver had the night off. What of it? Okay. You could have flown to Nigeria. Yeah. My New Year's resolution is when I...

Hold on. We'll come back to that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Did you read that Amy... You know, when we went to the Panto last week, we went to Milton Keynes. Oh, yeah.

You didn't come, Gareth. No, it was a great night. Well, Amy Winehouse went the night after us. And went to Milton Keynes. Oh yeah, you didn't come Gareth. No, it was a great night. Well Amy Winehouse went the night after us and according to the papers, I mean I wasn't there so I don't know for sure, but allegedly she had a bit of a falling out with the front of house manager and hit him in the face.

She was shouting during the panto. I won't say what she was shouting. Oh no she didn't. Yeah. But that's, I mean that's a she was shouting. Oh, no, she didn't. Yeah. But that's, I mean, that's a bit... Wow. Yeah. Someone needs to talk to her. Well, apparently her defence in court is going to be,

oh, no, I didn't, which I think you need more than that, don't you? Yeah, a lot of people, we really, we picked, that was the panto to be, actually. Of all the pantos to pick. Sherry Blair went the night after. Really? Yeah. She slide tackled an ice cream salesperson.

30-foot slide-tackle to spawn her into the air. You had a bit of a run-in with the popcorn vendor. Well, not really. I mean, it was only a debate about sweet or salty. I've had that argument. If I had a pound for every time I've had that argument. Anyway, that's...

I don't do that kind of thing. So, yeah, my New Year's resolution, this is an extra... Oh, sorry, we haven't done yours yet, Karen. Whenever I sweep the chimney, I'm going to take my shoes off before I walk around. I'm trying to reduce my carbon footprints.

Hey! Well, what you've done, you've taken this opportunity to do some sort of routine. Rather than tell us the truth of your New Year's resolution. I mean, I don't know about you, I feel completely hoaxed. I was listening there, I was attentive, and I thought, I'm interested to know how Gareth hopes to improve his life. And then it was some sort of jape.

Well, how do you improve this? That's my problem. Well, you're right. I mean, yeah. Let us not gild the lily. What's yours, Frank? Mine isn't intrinsically comic. I'm going to learn chess.

Are you really? What, Chester Musical? Are you going to learn it off my heart? I'm going to learn Chester Musical, yes, on the harpsichord. And then I'm going to tour with that. We'll see how it goes. At Christmas, they torture people who are into chess. Chess nuts are roasting on the open fire.

You've got to stop now. I mean, we let it pass before. But it's like Amy Wine weiner she get away with punching one person in the face suddenly you think you can do it every night well you can't chess so you're really gonna learn chess well i watched the documentary this week about called how to win at chess and you know my whole life i've seen people play chess and thought oh it looks it looks like a good thing to be seen doing do you know what i mean you're going to be like one of those men who play it in squares and things? There'll be squares involved.

What do you think I'm going to play it on? Stripes? Yeah, that's what I like, the idea of sitting in the... Oh, sorry, I've got a bit of a... I like the idea of sitting in the park and playing it, you know what I mean? And all that. Yeah, the actual paraphernalia. You have to be quite left-brained and mathematical, don't you? I don't think I'm logical enough. Do you?

I'd make emotional decisions, I think, when I play chess. Well, I'm not very... I don't see myself as terribly left-brained. Oh, God, they've got the telly on in here. It's that advert when the man falls off the ladder. You can't just watch the telly while you're doing a radio show. It's so unprofessional. When the man falls off the ladder and then he says,

you know, he says, I've got six... It turns out they'd given me the wrong ladder. And I say, oh, they'd given me the wrong ladder. He had no-one holding it. You could have someone holding a ladder, surely. The wrong ladder. I'm surprised you didn't do a part on that. The wrong ladder, as apart from the webbed ladder. Yeah, so anyway, that's me.

Chess. I must admit, the carbon footprint is probably... Chess, smoking and chimney sweeps. We've had a suggestion for you, something to take up, Frank. It says, hi, Frank and the team. I'm writing from Shanghai with a challenge for you. Having just listened to you... Shanghai, how exciting.

Apparently they sent this at 12 o'clock Shanghai noon I've got a disease today I feel I'm going to have to slap your face It's like when someone starts going Having just listened to your latest podcast 12th December, during which you mentioned you'd like to learn something

I work at ChinesePod.com and thought it would be a lot of fun to see if you can learn basic chinese with our private skype classes amusing podcast lessons and online learning tools that sounds sarah edson chinese would be good i mean there's you know oh mandarin's very useful in this day and age it is i had one in my stocking only yesterday yeah that's um that's fabulous news well Well, I'd honestly seriously consider that. Chinese. Although if someone walked in on you having a private Skype meeting with a Chinese person, it doesn't look seedy, doesn't it?

No, but they'd be impressed that I was speaking the language as well as... Absolute. Radio. So I'll tell you what everyone else is doing on the radio. They're all sort of doing their review, my most something, this. The decade. The 2009 or the decade.

I mean, I can't do the decade. Can you remember the beginning of the decade? Nothing. It's ridiculous. I was about, I was, oh, how old was I, Frank, back then? Oh, my goodness. I'm just, I was, oh, how old was I, Frank, back then? Oh, my goodness. I'm just, I'm just asking, in case anyone knows. I'm sure that would, that's slightly, yeah.

That's James' subject, slightly, my little Christmas here. Suddenly went a bit Halloween, I thought. My, I was thinking about my embarrassing moments and this year I think the most embarrassing I went actually with you we went to see if I may call you Em

I know that's a little informal but we went to see Barbara Streisand. Oh, we did, yeah. I'm not, but I like her. And she was doing the Jonathan Ross show. Yeah. And I don't know if you remember this, but Alan Carr came into the studio.

He did? Alan Carr, you know, the comedian. He came and sat near us, didn't he? Yeah, but before he sat near us, he waved. So I waved back, and then it was one of those terrible moments. I realised he wasn't waving at me. He was... Four Puffs and a Piano were sitting behind me. Can I establish that Four Puffs and a Piano is the name of a band?

They're called that. I would never use that term as a homophobic, obviously. But that's what they're called, Four puffs and a piano. Or the piano wasn't behind me, obviously, but they're called four puffs and a piano, whether they were the piano or not. Right? Whether it's a piano or whatever it is. An organ. Four puffs and an organ?

Yes. Okay. Four puffs gathered around an organ. Anyway! He was waving. He was waving to them, you know, and he came up to them. And I thought, well, perhaps he didn't notice to them you know and he came up and i thought well you're a thank perhaps he didn't notice me wave and then he came up and said oh you you did that thing that you and i waved at them and you waved back at me he hammered it home is what he did and oh i i laughed i sort of went yeah you know i as if i'd taken it lightly, but in fact I was mortified. Inside you were dying.

Oh, I got into that cramp when, you know, sometimes something embarrassing happens and you realise that your chin is quite close to your knee because you've gone into cringe mode and you can't straighten up again. I've got an embarrassing moment I'd like to nominate. Oh, I think you've got a thousand. Well, I have.

Here's one. It actually happened today. Here's one. It actually happened today. Today? Yeah. Yeah. Daisy was doling out... Daisy who works on our show, I should say. Yeah, she should have. People might think we keep cattle.

She has got very long eyelashes. But Daisy works on our show as the sort of assistant producer. That's the job title, I believe. Yeah. And she was guest preparing the croissant for our show. Because we like a croissant, don't we? And a pain au chocolat. In the kitchen area of Absolute.

And another Absolute employee, a lady, came over and started taking one of our croissants. Oh, dear. And Daisy went, these are for the Frank Skinner show. Oh, dear. I know. And the lady said, oh, can't I just take one? And Daisy said, no, they're for our show. And there was an awful moment and I had to leave the room.

It was terrible. That's a bit totalitarian, isn't it? I know. Oh, dear. Oh, now you see, everyone's going to hate me and I wasn't even there. There's already a few. I bet there's a few Frank Skinner swans in here and gets the world cop job. Who does he think he is? And now now did you hear that pastry story about him apparently suzanne you know suzanne

from south just wanted a a croissant and um all the girl he's got working he's got some right people um they um she went off on one oh i, he's dragged this place right down. That's what I imagine. Goes on. Absolute Radio. We were just talking about the most embarrassing things of the year. That's what we were talking about. Oh, yeah.

Well, I've got so many. Where do I begin? Go on. Well, I've got another. It's less an embarrassing moment, more the most embarrassing realisation of the decade, I would call it. That'd be a good phony. Go on.

Which is that I live alone. Yes, I live alone. Did you not realise that before? That's it, that's suddenly done. It must be awful, mustn't it? Yeah. One day, when you said, well, come on, it's always me that does the washing up.

Why don't you ever do it? Oh. Oh? Oh. Oh. Oh. Where is love? So, go on. It's less Oliver, more Joan Collins, actually. Miss Aversham.

I don't remember the scene from The Bitch, though, do you? What's a Joan Collins film? You know that line you're not meant to cross? Yes. Look behind you somewhere. Oh, there it is. Hold on a minute.

Is this all right? OK. Do you want me to finish or not? I want you to start. OK. So do I. But I can't

because you two won't shut up. You won't let it lie. OK. OK. So when I am on my own sometimes... Wait, what are you... No, it lie okay um okay so when i am on my own sometimes wait what are you i talk to myself and that's okay we all talk to ourselves hold it actually i've got a friend who talks himself quite a lot i talk to myself he's a dj on capital

i talk to myself a lot and i've suddenly realised my neighbours can hear me. So what I've started doing in order to counteract that is I pretend I'm on the phone. When I round up a conversation with myself, I go, yeah, OK, then, anyway, yeah, lovely to talk to you. I'll see you soon. OK, bye, bye, bye. To yourself? Yeah, just to save the shame. Oh, dear, that's...

I'll be in bed, for example. I thought your servants would have picked on me. Dandini has the night off. What am I doing? Fair enough. So, for example, when I talk to myself, I might have a row with an ex-boyfriend from ten years ago, and I just want to resolve it and make sure that he knows what's what.

And maybe I didn't put my opinion forward properly at the time, so this is my way of writing it all. So I might say something like, yeah, I might just finish the argument. So the neighbour doesn't think I'm really wrong with an ex-boyfriend from ten years ago. I'll say, OK, lovely to talk to you. Bye-bye, bye-bye. Yeah, me too, me too. Bye, bye. And then they'll never know.

So you have telephone conversations with the past. Yeah. Yes. Isn't that weird? I like the... I think that's quite a good... I like the idea of thinking, oh, I wish I'd said that in an argument. I will say it.

Yeah. It's taken me ten years of research. I've been in the British Library every afternoon, but I've finally got the quote I was after. I say it into the mirror a lot. You know, I was having an argument once with an ex-girlfriend, and I said, you know, there's only one thing me and you have got in common, and that is that we're both in love with you.

Oh, that's good. And she said, oh, yeah, but I said, hold on, hold on. I said, before you move on, let's just savour that life. And it didn't go at all well. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Whenever I used to, as a youth, whenever I went to the toilet, to sitting down toilet,

that kind of going to the toilet, I used to be interviewed by Michael Parkinson. And it was a kind of a to-be-continued. So it was a long, long meandering interview, which we used to pick up on, you know, from the... Because I'm quite regular. Pick up on the previous question and say, but then again, Michael...

And he probably interviewed me on the toilet, I'd say, for a total of about four and a half years. Really? And were there questions about what you were doing at the specific time you were talking to him? No, they weren't. No, I hadn't heard about that. Because in a way, I wasn't doing it in the course of the interview.

You see, I was in a slightly different hypothetical world. OK, so what did he ask you about? Well, he asked me about, you know, playing for Barcelona. OK. For some reason, I played for Barcelona when I was on Parkinson's. What was your highlight of playing for Barcelona well he asked me that you know that was quite a long conversation I also I mean I was you know I'd won a couple of world cups with England so we talked about that at

length did you ever actually end up on Michael Parkinson's I did end up on Michael Parkinson's did you get a special toilet seat when you know I do what happened when I was on Michael Parkinson's um he actually um shouted at me he didn't he did there was a what happened. When I was on Michael Parkinson, he actually shouted at me. He didn't? He did. There was a terrible moment. I was sitting next to Sir Steve. You know when you have a few people like that?

Oh, yeah. And Sir Steve Redgrave was to my left and Parkinson was to my right. And he was asking me about something. And I turned to Steve Redgrave and said, well, I said, you must do this. And honestly, Parkinson said, look, are you doing the interview? Are you talking to him? Oh, grumpy Parkinson. Yeah, and I went...

So the audience all laughed, which he didn't like. And I said, you weren't like this on the toilet. Oh, no. And he got really in a proper... Did he get shirty? Shut up! Shut up! Why won't you shut up? Yeah, exactly. That was exactly what he said. He got a proper northern cob on.

He did. They call it a cob on. Yes. I know, yes, don't go any further with that. It's an acceptable phrase and let's not make it anything else. Yes, he got really, he got a proper, he got unfriendly with me. And I thought there was no need for that. And, you know, I put a curse on him, of course, at the time,

as I always do if anyone upsets me. And now he advertises death on daytime television. So, you know, when he says, I've had some marvellous memories, and you get a free pen just for enquiring, like old-age pensioners are going to go, ooh, free pen, yes, we're in there. Soon, Camilo Sullivan will be in the studio.

Oh, I love her. She's a fabulous new singer who I saw recently. So we'll be meeting Camilo in a bit. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And we've got Camilo Sullivan coming in soon. I won't say this when she's in because I don't want to embarrass her. She's rather sexy, isn't she?

Well, I'm not going to say that. My girlfriend's listening, for God's sake. I can say it, though. Okay, you can say it. My girlfriend isn't listening. Well, you say that. I went to see her. She's on at the Apollo at the moment.

Oh, yeah. And I went to the Apollo in Shaftesbury Avenue in London, a large conurbation in the south-east of England. And I went to see her perform there. She blew the place apart. She was fantastic. So it's very exciting that she's on. Yeah, anyway, it is sort of Christmassy.

It's Boxing Day. Yeah. Well, it's not Boxing Day, really, because actually we're recording this last Tuesday. But let's let that pass. I had a... I think one of my worst ever Christmases was I had an argument with my...

My dear old mum and dad was alive. I was living at home and I had a big argument with my dad. He had some complaint. Oh, it's very common to row at Christmas. He had a complaint about the lunch and he started... He got his knife and he said, I don't like this. And the cabbage hit the wall his knife and he said, I don't like this.

And the cabbage hit the wall. And then he said, I don't like this. And a piece of turkey landed on the carpet. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? That's all I'm saying. No, the apple actually, that went on the seat at the side. But anyway, I said, I've had enough of this, I said. And I put my coat on and I stormed out.

Did you? And I remember I had blue, what they used to call brothel creeper shoes. I know them well. And I remember walking down the street. This was in the days no one even went out on Christmas Day. I used to say sometimes you'd see families walking very slowly together carrying toys. And they were visiting a relative and they were showing what had been bought. Anyway, I just walked and I can hear that. My shoes as I walk. Oh, fine. toys and they were visiting a relative and they were showing what had been bought anyway i just

walked and i can hear that my shoes as i walk and then i realized i had nowhere to go there was no shops open i hadn't eaten yet and i was starving and cold and i ended up i found a shop that was open and my christmas dinner was um chicken Oh, Frank, that's so sad. Well, it was, but that's one of the problems of storming out. I stormed out Christmas before last. I imagine you storm out most years. Oh, yeah. My next boyfriend used to call me Carkeys,

because I was always grabbing my car keys ready to storm out. That was my nickname, go, all right, Carkeys. Oh, that's why he called you that. I thought you were a swinger. Well, I was that as well, but that's another show. And also, you went with a lot of soldiers. So that's this week's phone-in. Why was Emily called...

No, no, carry on. Carry on, car keys. I stormed out. I stormed out. And I know it seems unreasonable, but please. Hold on, I'm getting ready for this one. Let me settle myself in my chair. I'd arrived at my sister's, where all the family were gathered, and they'd started opening the presents without me. And I just thought it was really mean. That is mean. Oh, I'm glad you agree

with me. You were right to storm out. So I grabbed my car keys and I stormed out. Did you grab your presents as well? Yeah, they weren't having any of those. Are you kidding? I thought you'd have done the grand gesture and said, why don't you open my presents as well, you vermin? And then left. I think vermin's always this lovely yuletide.

Gareth, you don't strike me as a storming Norman type. Well, I haven't done it recently, but when I was a kid, there was a couple of very awkward times, because you have to think about what you're going to do once you've stormed out, don't you? That's the thing. Well, when you're in a rage, though, you don't plan ahead with a storming out. Once I did, we were... That's not storming out, that's just leaving.

Once when we were at my grandma's house and we were not allowed to go to our cousin's house. Well, we were being naughty. My mum does. If you're naughty anymore, we're not going to go and visit your cousins. So me and my brother, Joel, pushed... Can I just say,

there is a Gareth family tree available on the Absolute website, so you can follow this story. It's getting very complicated. That's the granny, the cousins, the brother. I mean, what is this? The Foresight Saga? Absolute Radio.

I am now with Camilo Sullivan. Hello. Why are you playing the final countdown? Well, the truth was that I put the final countdown for Joey Tempest, who was the guest last week. From Europe. Yeah, I haven't got one for Camilo, but I thought, you know, it's the final countdown

in that it's the final countdown to speak into Camille. Welcome, Camille. Thank you. What a welcome. No, I was telling, before you came on, I was telling people that I went to see your show, which is at the Apollo Theatre in Shaftesbury Avenue in London. Yeah. And it's called Dark Angel, or The Dark Angel.

Yeah. And I can't tell you how much I liked it. He's talked of little elves since, Camille, to be honest with you. No, I did. Even when we weren't coming on the show, I've been saying, oh, you've got to go and see Camilla O'Sullivan. She's fab. I have rarely seen a show where a singer,

not just has a great voice, but the performance was absolutely blow away fabulous. Are you getting embarrassed yet? Yeah, I'm blushing, but it's on radio, so it's okay. That's all right. Exactly. No, it was fabulous. Are you having a splendid time? I am, yeah. It's kind of amazing. It's been a mad year, you know.

We had done, like, kind of the Roundhouse last year and then went off to Australia and Edinburgh and back again and then had the luck to come to Apollo Theatre and bring our show there and it's just exciting to be in England for

and London for Christmas and people seem to be having a good reaction. I'm kind of assaulting them in the most affectionate way with the songs in the cave and Tom Waits and reaction has been great. I'm freezing on stage but that's

possibly. Do you wear fishnets and all Reaction has been great. I'm freezing on stage, but that's possibly... Oh, yeah, well, you do wear... I'm not probably wearing... What do you wear then? Do you wear fishnets and all burlesque-y things? Well, kind of, I suppose I've got a retro look going on. I kind of discovered, you know, that's the look that suits me, so I'm sticking with it.

I start out quite enigmatically, long, black, velvet kind of skirt and kind of veil and kind of veil and looking quite Victorian and then start taking pieces off. People do think there's the burlesque element, but I joke that, you know, I'm Irish, it's not going to happen.

I'm not going to take the whole thing off. But the whole thing is a very theatrical experience. You shouldn't have said that on the air. You should have said, some nights I do and some nights I don't. I was complaining about that. I was not. I do have sparkly pants on in the end.

You do have sparkly pants on. I was wondering if that was deliberate. It was deliberate. But, yeah, it's all about kind of like, you know, you change character and sometimes you're taking on board the kind of femme fatale and other times being a bit of a clucks or, you know, so taking, as you say with the songs, those songs of Brell and Cave and Waits, they're great narrative songs. You can really inhabit them and try and rock them out and kind of become the character.

And so some stuff is quite like, you know, dark and, you know, vulnerable or sensitive. And other ones like In These Shoes, which we had done in Jewels Hallam before, is a big fun kind of thing about sparkly shoes. Yes, there'll be people listening, I hate to tell you this, who probably don't know your work. Yeah. Right. So if you wanted to get someone in, what would you say?

Start undressing quickly. No. I think anybody who is, I suppose it's all my thing maybe being Irish and half French it's all about emotional kind of thing in songs and music and I'm obsessed with the songwriters

at Bowie and Radiohead and stuff like that it's about kind of taking them on an emotional journey so it's not just singing songs. And you, like a lot of people come to the show, say, oh, I thought it was going to be very kind of, oh, singer, sexy chanteuse singing on a piano.

We said, we didn't realise you might actually be rolling around, stomping on the ground with a bottle of wine and then being distant to you. So I think people enjoy the madness of the show and the fun element and the darkness. So you're really brought on that journey and you never know what's going to happen next. And, you know, a slightly eccentric nature, like I suppose, I don't know what's going on in my life at the moment that I need to meow on stage.

You do meow quite a lot. You can see some people frowning, but they're usually the ones in the bar meowing away at me later. So that's like the in-between stuff, because I suppose the things like, there's certain songs like Hurt the Trent Reznor song and Misery is the

River of the World there's some songs you just need to meow after them because you know you go to a very kind of full on place and what surprises me is that it's not just a certain audience like some people come knowing those songwriters and other people come because they think it's you know cabaret

or they think it's burlesque. I love those faces kind of looking at you, the yearning for two hours. But I think it's that dramatic thing and it's that thing of really trying to make people feel something through music. And I suppose that's just coming from having a love of it too and being a little chancer on stage. Well, there's your answer. You can come on again.

There's an Irish one. I could have used that as an opportunity to go to the toilet. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. So, anyway, we're with Camilo Sullivan. Now, you were meowing earlier. I'm just worried that our listeners, the people who haven't been to your show...

Oh, by the way, before we go any further, the show, you're on tonight, aren't you? Yeah, 26th... When do you end? I end the 16th of January, so I think we're doing Wednesdays to Saturdays. So they've got just about three weeks to catch you. I absolutely recommend you go, really. It's, oh, brilliant. So,'ve got just about three weeks to catch you there. I absolutely recommend you go really. It's

brilliant. So yeah, so the meowing. The meowing thing is just like, if you try to explain to anybody listening out there, it's like 0.1% of the show but it's like it happens at the end so you've kind of earned your stripes hopefully at that stage that they kind of realise

that you might be slightly eccentric and strange. But you actually, you meow in your life, do you, when you like this? Well, kind of. I think it's a childlike expression of happiness. Like, I think it's more cat-like. Meow, like this, or, you know. Yeah. But with friends, I've been doing it for a while,

and they said, why don't you bring it on stage? And I said, well, I'm trying to be enigmatic. They said, Camille, just, you know, get with it. Just try and show a bit of your own personality. So I thought, OK, so I've done it. And it's, you know, you'd have to see it in the show because it's kind of an explanation of like something that doesn't make sense at all that just makes me happy.

And that's like an important thing. And in the same way that a song makes you happy or whatever. But you get the audience, me, I'm back at you. And I tell you, the London audiences are something else. I'm usually kind of lying on the ground, doubling over, because usually people do it in unison in countries when travelling abroad. Here, there's a whole choir going on, and they don't stop.

Iris and Frank was leading it as well. No, there was a lot of mewing. There were dogs throwing themselves at the fire escape door. There was one having a full sentence kind of conversation, going, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. That's what he'd do as a reply. And I did hear him go down the street later, do that by himself.

And I have, when I was in Edinburgh once, I was in a changing room in Monsoon, and I heard somebody go, meow, and I thought, right. And then I saw her, and she was this woman, she was in her 70s, and I thought, she's either lost the plot or she's been to the show. And she kept on looking at me going, right. And then I saw her, and she was this woman, she was in her 70s, and I thought she's either lost the plot or she's been to the show. And she kept looking at me going, meow. And I was getting nervous.

And she said, I went to see your show, and I went, OK. Thank heavens for that. But it went on for a good five minutes. I was like, I think it's time to go. She wasn't a cat, though. You're certain of that? Well, actually, she might be one of those cat people. Yeah, I've heard about that.

So yours was a very commonly trodden path to... Oh, yeah. You started as an architect. Yeah, normal, normal route to becoming a singer. A painter, architect, singer. The normal ones. So that was frustrating for my parents. Are there any buildings...

Have you actually had buildings made that you've designed? Really? Where are these buildings? Isn't that quite scary? Well, mostly in Ireland. So there'd be like... That must be exciting. That's amazing.

It's very strange. I'd actually go back and it's kind of a, you know, I get offers to work again as long as I wear the fishnets and the corsets and stuff like that. But when I see buildings like... I get offers to work again as long as I wear the fishnets and the corsets and stuff like that. But when I see buildings like... Would you actually say back to the drawing board if things went wrong? They could go wrong at any stage. My joke, not it's a joke, but I say to all my friends from college,

I said, you know, you should be singing architects now, guys, because of the jobs. They're like going, you did such the right thing. Yeah, you got, you should be singing architects now, guys, because all the jobs. They're like going, you did such the right thing. Yeah, you got out just in time. So when you see a building that's yours, though, that must be a thrill. It is. It's really surreal because, you know,

compared to kind of like the instant thing of doing a song and that immediacy and architecture, you know, two years, three years planning on something. And then it's there in front of you all that time at the drawing board. And, you know, this is like eight or nine years on and you pass it and you remember, because drawing is that kind of thing that, you know, the process of it, it's always about your thought and going on to paper. You remember every moment and every detail of what went into that building, every argument you ever had with the contract person

and the engineer and the client. But it is exciting. And it's, you know, it's something like what was very hard to give up, but I still have such a love when I'm travelling and, you know, when I'm performing in certain places or you go to certain venues, you know, you still have that thing, like certain places that you're in,

you're like, wow. Well, it's brilliant. It means if people see you after the show and say, I just love your songs, you say, well, you love my songs, you should see my buildings. You haven't seen nothing yet. How many people, and they'd say, they'd presume, you know, with the Irish thing, you probably actually physically built them.

Absolute. Radio. I liked the show before you came on, even, because the set looked so interesting. And the set, one of the things is there's lots of dresses hanging up. Are they actually your... Yeah, I said, like, I mean, it's the one bit of architectural, if I

have any kind of thing that I can try and you know, recreate an atmosphere. I love that. I mean, I used to tour this beautiful old Spiegel tent, which, you know, had its own atmosphere. And I love that. I mean, I used to tour this beautiful old Spiegel tent, which had its own atmosphere and I love old kind of Victorian venues which the Apollo is beautiful in its own right. So even that

setting is gorgeous, but I love that thing of kind of through minimal stuff like hanging old vintage dresses with fish gut whore, which is quite funny when you're going to the fishing shop to ask, you know, they're saying, what size fish? And you're like, well, the weight of a dress.

What size fish? I think it's a ten. But basically, so hanging them in a little disco ball and then having the swing and, you know, and candles and through minimal kind of stuff, just recreating a kind of a ghostly atmosphere or something. And, you know, because I really think it's important that the audience have because we even start the show. I walk through the audience and we leave through the audience and that whole thing of the intimacy. And I love that. Like, you know, live performance is my favourite thing. And that thing of when people come in straight away,

you want them to feel that they've entered a world, your world, before you've even come on stage. Yeah, well, it does feel like that, certainly. You know, which is nice. But my house is kind of looking... My friends joke, they said sometimes when they come to see it, they say, Cam, I feel like we're at home because a lot of that stuff hangs on the wall anyway.

So when I'm packing to get ready for stuff, I'm like, oh, my God, here we go again. Design a wardrobe. Have you got IKEA in Ireland? Sure do, yeah. Well, there you go, get out there. I should say, by the way, that song that we just played, Misery is the River, is a Tom Waits song.

Yeah, that's Tom Waits. Off a really brilliant album, Blood Money. But we're not here to plug Tom Waits. If he won't come on the show, we don't plug the album. We only plug the fall on this show. Yeah, exactly. So get Camille's version of that. Tom Waits, I've heard, is terrible.

Pretty croaky voiced in the main. So what's next when this is over? When, God forbid, the run ends? I know. I'll be horizontal probably with one string for my fishnets at the end. Or my stripes. I'm very excited. I just came back from Sydney.

Do you get your fishnets from the fishing shop as well? No, I don't. You can wear keep nets. They always look happy when they see me return. I just came back from Australia. I'm going a week later, I go back to Sydney Opera House to do work with Hal Wilner on a night with Patti Smith and Tim Robbins and Todd Rundgren.

I say it wrong, the New York Dolls. Todd Rundgren, yeah. So I'm doing songs with them and that will be on the forecourt. And after that, it's holiday time. I've been like a misplaced cat between traveling all over the place so but that'll be a perfect way to kind of uh you know everybody told me no more gigs now and i said just one more in australia which is just a complete excuse after that to go on holiday in australia it's quite a trip isn't it for one gig oh yeah because i've done it i've been there

twice already this year and i'm scared of flying so I just thought I ain't going back after two days I'm staying out there Yeah You could tunnel Is that an option? Burrow, yeah I suppose so So what a building that is as well

that will appeal to your architectural eye as well as your musical That's just like that's quite an because I've done that like I think five times now and when we did it in November I'm always like an excited child coming out going

thank you so much for inviting me back I love it so much. They said Camille it's grand we want you back. But I'm always delighted because it's such an amazing you know venue and then when you come out and you have a little drink outside and you're looking at the Harbour Bridge and you know

it's not a bad job, is it? It's grand. It'll do. Look, it's been lovely to talk to you. You can go and see Camille at the Apollo in Shaftesbury Avenue until the 16th of January. You can buy her album live at Olympia. And if you get the chance, definitely see her because she's fab. It's been lovely having you on, Camille.

Thank you so much. Thank you. That was Camille O'Sullivan. Absolute Radio. Now, those of you who were awake Christmas Day will recognise this sound. This is the sound of me unwrapping a present. Have you been unwrapping

presents at other people's houses for Christmas? Yeah. This is the present that Gareth has bought me. I didn't get one from Emily. I've discovered I love giving presents. No, but you got a card, and the card was worth about £15. Yeah, sure it was. Because it was from the station of Smythesons.

So you were very lucky to get that. From the what? The station of what? The station of called Smythesons, which is Bond Street Stationers. What kind of a name is Smythesons? The sort of name that my friends have as surnames, thank you. It's a very posh name. Just to open my present. This is a CD.

Oh, what is it? It's the best speeches of Nick Griffin. I can't believe. I mean, inappropriate. No, it isn't. It's Bob Dylan's Christmas album. Oh, absolutely marvellous. Now, you see, I would continue with presents if they were all like this,

because I don't have to put on a show here. I honestly do like this present. I'm really pleased with it. That's brilliant. It's when you get one. Thank you, Gareth. I got Dizzy Rascal from Gareth. I got a present too.

It wasn't just you. Oh, it's Dizzy Rascal. It's Dizzy Rascal. Yes. I'm just guessing what this will be like now. When I went to Wonderland. It's going to be... You know, I once heard him, I went backstage at the Hammersmith Apollo and he was, he was on the toilet.

And as I went past, anyway, I, it could have been, it could have been Prince Charles. Was he being interviewed by Michael Parkinson at the time? I think there was, there was another voice in there, Yorkshire nature. They're blowing in the wind. Anyway, we never got to the end of your... I'm leaving that. We never got to the end of your storming out anecdote. You know, I don't think there's time this year.

Really? Well, OK. It'll be the only anecdote we've had that's straddled two years. So we'll do that on our next show. Let's take it to 2011. Why not? Why the hell not? It's like the Harry Potter films.

Do they just keep... I'll serialise it over 2010 and see how we do. Yeah, hopefully we'll get it over there. Should we bring in Emma Watson to read it out? So, yeah, don't forget, by the way, we're on on January 2nd, and we're on again at 10 o'clock. It's not an 8 o'clock thing. It's a 10 o'clockclock thing so that'll give us time to recover from new year's eve i'm

not telling you guys i'm telling you i expect you to know okay i didn't yeah yeah so um do you have new year's plans i never go out on new year's eve really it's too much too much bacardi breezes and tiaras on the streets i don't do that i stay i in and have a cup of tea. I go to bed about nine. Really? Well, I'm awful. I don't drink so it's a complete waste. And when I did drink I hated New Year's Eve because you couldn't get at the bar for part-timers. I was

at that bar regularly at five o'clock in the evening getting to the point where my brain was going, please stop now, I'm dying. And I would carry on but these people that once a year getting drunk what kind of drinking is that every day was new year's eve for me what are you doing we're coming we're coming to london um our friends have just oh i'm i'm away baby girl did i say i was going to be all right i don't think i mentioned that oh yeah i'm away for the

whole when are you coming emily are you you around? No. But you said you were staying in. I'm staying in Florida. Oh. Staying in Florida. I forgot to mention that, yeah. I don't know what we'll do then. Well, have a good time. Have a great time there. They've got great hotels in the Russell Square area. Really? I thought maybe we could...

Oh, never mind. Yeah. There's plenty of special hotels. I presume you're on the socials. There's lots of homeless people in London anyway. There's plenty of special hotels. I presume you're on the socials. Well, there's lots of homeless people in London anyway. There's plenty of homeless people. They'll have crystallised by then, the way the weather's going. Yeah, they'll look like sugar pigs, the poor devils. OK, well, anyway, have a very, very happy New Year.

Have a fabulous New Year's Eve. And we'll see you at 10 o'clock on January 2nd. Good day to you