The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: Joey Tempest

Episode Date: December 19, 2009

It's the last podcast before Christmas and it's a festive 45 minutes. Gareth sings his own composed Christmas song, Frank has a few words to say about X factor Joe and Emily expresses her love for Joey's...hair!

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. There you go, it's the Christmas podcast from... Stop doing it now, Gareth.

Yeah, stop doing it. Stop doing it. It's hard to put them down, isn't it, once you've stopped doing it? Yeah. Really putting them down is the stopping of the doing it. Look at this. Look at this.

Don't. This is me throttling a reindeer. Oh. I like the way that they're exact... They're modelled on the Brussels sprout vine. There's the main stem and then the clustered bells around it. Yeah, I don't know if that works on radio. Well, not on radio.

We're on the computer. Podcast. Where did we get those jingle bells from? We got it from the shop round the corner. Foot. Was it Foot? Yeah. They loaned them to us.

They were very kind of them to loan us. Because Gareth premiered his Christmas song. On an instrument? Yeah, on his Omnicord. And I must say, I cried like a baby. Honestly, I went Grotesque baby.

Yeah, some people stare at him. So it was fabulous. Let's get to the bottom of it. We had Joey Tempest on, the lead singer with Europe. Amazing hair. He was a lovely man. He was a lovely man. I liked him.

Very good energy. That would be a good song for the last episode of Countdown. It would. good energy. Doodle doot doot doot. Doodle doot doot. That would be a good song for the last episode of Countdown. It would. Do you think they'll do it? Yeah. I was going to say that, but I think we did one too many. Well, that would have been one too many final Countdown jokes. I think he was alright with the final count. In the end, he was doing it himself.

Also, you know, we established the fact that they have a throw. We don't want to talk about the whole thing, do we? No. We don't want to give the game away. I enjoyed it very much. Although I had... I don't know if I've had too much chocolate at the pantomime, but I felt very over... You know when you get over-excited?

I was like, you know when kids on Christmas... Say Christmas Eve, and then when it comes to Christmas Day, they've just won the sounds out. I felt like that. I feel like I'll feel a bit sick after. And you had a little tantrum, like kids do when they've had too much chocolate. There's a feeling where...

We used to put my shoes off when I was kicking on the floor. That was sensible. I think you also licked the corner of your handkerchief to clean my face at one point. Yeah, I like that though. Anyway, it's splendid and we do say it at the end of the show but just in case you don't get that far, Merry Christmas.

Happy Christmas. No, merry is better. No, happy. Absolute Radio. Ooh! The crusade continues. You've got to... Honestly, we can stop the terrible Joe, Ice Joe, from The X Factor.

Oh, ooh, he has got his own... He's actually editing the showbiz page in today's song. Sorry, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. But why interrupt things with that sort of nonsense? Emily's here and Gareth. But listen to this. This is Joe, who listened to that track for the first time yesterday, Joe on The X Factor.

And he says... This is Joe. They can't be serious. I have no idea what it's sounding like. It's dreadful, and I hate it. How could anyone enjoy this? And wait for it. Can you imagine the grandmas hearing this over Christmas lunch? You know what, Joe?

It's not just grandmas who listen to records. That's what you've got to realise. It's not for the grandmas. They've had their days. Can you believe that? What? The grandmas? Shut up! Poor Joe.

Did you see, Joe, when they actually just on the final they showed him a little clip of his family saying, we're so proud of you of minnesota and they'd just done it to the other guy ollie and ollie had wept i mean he went he turned he turned to dermot leary and says what are you doing to me i mean it was terror i cried and then they showed joe's family saying oh you're a lovely joy i cried cheryl had to go to her dressing room

she cried that much she had to go and have her docks cleaned by some sort of specialist but Joe nothing he just looked I mean that's the point of the whole thing he just wants to get away from those terrible people that's yeah his Geordie relatives

well I'm sure they're not terrible people he had that look which was I've told you never to call me at work. And that's what it was. It was absolute. And there's a terrible bit where he thought, oh, I better look upset. And he tried to brush a tear from his eye,

but, I mean, there wasn't one. And you heard this... ..the terrible dryness of his android face untouched by emotion. Is it like when I try and brush a tear from my eye? Well, yours is more the thick thick glunging sound of uh foundation but you started early yes i have a terrible early i've started listen to this there you go it's christmas that's nice that's christmassy that was the fall oh you're kidding.

I never would have guessed. The fall have done quite a few Christmas tunes. I thought it was Perry Como. Brace yourself. That's horrible. Imagine that going on our side. That's horrible. You sound like Joe.

Going back to Joe on the Beast Paint. Joe has only just worked out an autograph style. The X Factor people told me I might have to sign my name. I'd never practised my signature before, so I've been working on one for the last two weeks. It's a strange thing I have to do. Yeah, don't worry, you'll be doing it once a week. He doesn't sound like that.

Down at the Daryl office. So you might as well get used to signing things. So anyway, yes. Can I recommend he does what I did when I was in Dare the Triffids? Yes, I was in Dare the Triffids. And I went for Pound Millie. I signed it like that. I did a pound sign.

So just a little flourish is what he should do. Pound Millie? What are you talking about? That's how it looked. Emily, I did a pound sign for the E. Right. In some terrible, I'm going to be really rich now I'm a child stuff. Why did you ever get that wrong?

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Oh, my God. You know who our guest is today? What about this? Our guest is Joey Tempest, the lead singer from Europe. Oh, I used to love them. Oh, God, we all love Europe. How many tracks can you name?

What about... Just as a starter. Whereabouts in Europe is he from? He's from Sweden. Oh, right. Stockholm. That's in Sweden. Yes.

We're going to keep... Svintarek Street. We're going to keep getting... We're going to keep... Svintarek Street. We're going to keep getting... We're going to keep... It's like a sort of a thing closing in now, isn't it? Number seven. OK. That room that overlooks...

Not the one that overlooks the... It's at the back, but it's not the one that looks straight onto where that pylon is. It's the one... Where the curtains are pulled to one... Oh, yeah. That room. Yeah.

OK, so I'm excited about him. Is he going to have lots of hair? Are we going to have a hair-off? I'm hoping he'll have shades on. Oh, I hope he's got shades on. Leather trousers. Oh, I hope he's got leather trousers on. I don't want the squeak of leather trousers.

I'll have to take that out in the edit. Anyway, it's... That's the morning! See, we haven't forgot the old jingles, Gareth. We haven't forgotten. Don't think we've forgotten them. We haven't. We've just replaced them with the odd...

No Christmas for Jockeys! No Christmas for Jockeys! No Christmas for Jockeys? Yeah. No Christmas for John Cleese. What was it? Yeah, John Cleese,ese has converted to the Jewish faith I don't know if you saw that in the papers

And jockeys have said That they're not going to celebrate it this year As a protest against climate change What is that song? It's called No Christmas for John Keyes Oh I think it's a kind of I think it's sort of a way of saying John Keyes

But I could be wrong. I don't want to put words in my mouth. Oh, that's Christmassy. Merry Christmas, baby Jesus. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to all our listeners. That's what we're supposed to say, isn't it? Frank, we've had two texts in from...

Two texts already? Creditors hounding me at my very fireside. What do they say? Well, they're both from Nanas. What, Nana Muscuri? Who would the other one be? Saying, I'm a gran and I listen to it. This is all about Rage Against the Machine.

Oh, OK. And there's another Nana. What's the name of that Nana? Oh, the Nana's remained anonymous. Oh, OK. Another anonymous Nana says, from a Nana of eight, we don't lose our taste in music as we age.

I love Rage Against the Machine. Well, there you go. You see, so Joe McKeldry shouldn't stereotype nanas as only listening to Miley Cyrus covers. They actually like proper music. Well, it's an honour to hear from you two.

I say, I say it's an honour to, thanks for texting in. Have you got any Murray mints? Yeah. If you've got any jam, send us some of your jam. Or the little bit of material around the top of the elastic band. Oh, yeah. What is that about? Because I used to think, oh, they're saving on lids.

And then you take that bit of stuff off. Is there a lid underneath it? There's a lid underneath. Oh. So what's the point in that? It's affectation, really, isn't it? Well, it is. It's senior affectation. Sorry, Gareth, what was you going to's the point in that? It's affectation, really, isn't it? Well, it is. It's senior affectation.

Sorry, Gareth, what was you going to say? No, nothing. It's gone now. Oh, well, don't look at me like that. The moment has passed. That would have been the best thing ever said on radio, and I killed you. Is that what you're saying?

No. OK. We went out without Gareth this week. Oh, can I just tell you something my girlfriend said? Oh, go on. Which really made me laugh. This is a complete throwaway line. She said to me,

God, I don't know how they manage in the third world without lip seal. I thought in the list of things we need... If you sent a to-need list to the third world, how high up do you think lip seal would be? Anyway, we went out. I'm sorry, but we did go out without Gareth this week. He was invited, but why couldn't you come? I had to gig.

OK. I don't believe that. It was when he found out we were going to Panto in Milton Keynes. He was mysteriously unavailable. It wasn't cool enough for Gareth. Definitely there was a chance a gig would come up at any moment. My friend used to say that chap lips were my friend alex at school he said chap lips were the worst disease known to man is that right yeah

i'm glad that you thought that that was such a mighty saying that you thought i better credit him properly before i say it i better make sure it was alex from scott only find what i'm saying i can't believe you're using my stuff on the radio not giving me a proper credit. Absolute Radio. So, Robbie Knievel, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio in case, well, what could have happened? Perhaps you've gone into a shop and think, ooh, who's that?

Well, this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio and Robbie Knievel, who is the son of Evil Knievel. Oh, well, I hope so. That would be a bit of a weird coincidence. Yeah, yeah. I think he's one of the Buckinghamshire Knievel, who is the son of Evil Knievel. Oh, well, I hope so. That would be a bit of a weird coincidence. Yeah, yeah. I think he's one of the Buckinghamshire Knievels. And nice bloke, but I wouldn't want to look for him in a haystack.

He's going to jump 16 buses. When I say jump, I don't mean doing that thing of getting on the back door of a bendy bus and not paying. I'm just going to jump on... Like youths do. Yeah. Like Gareth does. Well, no, everybody everybody does i think i'm the only person who pays on bendy buses me and my girlfriend i feel like such goodies everyone gets something back and i don't think i've ever been on a bendy bus no that does not surprise me

so um yeah so he's gonna jump 16 buses on his motorbike, which is, I mean, it is, I'd like to see. Obviously there's a part of you that wants to see a bit of a crash. But I'd like to see him do it. Yeah, it's Formula One syndrome, isn't it? So our phone in this morning is, what's the most bosses you've jumped on a motorbike? This will be another one for the nannies. Yeah.

It used to be very popular in the 60s. Scott has texted in, Frank, it's not just nannies who like Rage Against the Machine. I'm a grandad of 40 and I've seen them twice live in their top class. Scott. Twice live? A grandad of 40? Scott.

Must be a relative of yours, Frank. I'm loving you, Scott, for not hanging around. Yeah. You've taken this climate change thing completely to heart, we'd better get going kids, come on, brilliant Scott that's good, good on him it's all a myth about young people do like Miley Cyrus

don't they? don't they? don't look at me, I'm not young am I? I like Miley Cyrus from a telephone photo in the shower type of a thing who's going to say, this is my first chance, my big single, I'll cover, I'll play safe, I'll do a cover version.

Where shall I go? I have the whole world to choose from of people I could cover. Well, let's start with Miley Cyrus and see what track she's got I could do. Yeah, good idea, Jo. Silly. Silly. Can I read a bit more of Joe?

You nine years old. You silly Billy. Silly. Just another bit of Joe in Bazaar. I'm obsessed with Joe in Bazaar. I'll read the whole damn thing. I like Gordon Smarks who writes Bazaar. Joe got the call of a lifetime yesterday from Disney bosses.

Oh, it's the Bambi call. I knew he'd be offered the Bambi live. No make-up required. And, yeah, they said they want to have a meeting with Joe, the Disney people. Oh, Joe. Joe, where's your soul, man? Somebody told me that they was with...

What was the name of the bloke who did... Oh, come on, give me a point. Oh, it's like being with an old nana. Yeah. What was that thing that was set in Cuba? It was a very famous documentary film about old musicians. Oh, I can't remember. Raikuda.

This bloke was with Raikuda, right? And the manager said to Raikuda, you've been offered a million dollars to play at Euro Disney. And Raikuda said, I don't twang for the mouse. That's why Ry Cuda is not editing today's Bazaar. That's my theory. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily and Gareth.

I didn't forget. I looked at... So, yeah, and it's Christmas, apparently. It's on the verge. with Emily and Gareth. I didn't forget. I looked at... So, yeah, and it's Christmas, apparently. It's on the verge. We're on the cusp. Yeah. And Joey Tempest from Europe is our guest today.

He's in the building, I think. He's in the building? Oh, my God! That's fantastic news. It is very exciting. I saw a little bit of hair, a flash of hair as you walked past. Yeah, well, let's hope. If you came in and you had no hair, I'd be genuinely surprised. You never know, do you?

You never know what look people are going to go for next. So we went to the Pantone, we were saying. We went to Milton Keynes. Gareth didn't come because he had a gig, supposedly. He had a gig the way Neil Francis was snowed in this morning. Oh, poor Neil Francis. I think he was snowed in. Does he live?

He lives in Camden, I think. About a mile away, but, you know. Yeah. So, yeah, we went to the panto, Gareth. He's got a snow machine, which he said has been getting recklessly out of control just like that. I suppose he thought, oh, just put a bit on the tray. Oh, my my god what's happening it's some kind of a homemade blizzard

neil we can't get out the house oh i'm sorry kids it's the storm machine i warned you anyway um yeah so we went to the pantomime i went mainly because mickey rooney was in it do you know yeah mickey rooney from in it do you know yeah from pete's dragon um was he in pete's dragon i didn't i didn't know he was in pete frank and i remember him more from the 1940s when we were young exactly i remember him with judy garland yeah yeah andy hardy films yeah oh they're not plugged often enough on absolute radio i always think what another show with no andy hard mention? I often say at home. Nick, he's now 89.

He is 89, and fair play to him, he looks it. Yeah. You see some 89-year-olds only look about 87. He certainly looked it when you started shouting, Rooney, Rooney. You've got to encourage him at that age. He played Baron Hardop in Cinderella with Bobby Davro and Anthea Turner yes we didn't get through the whole cast list

I think you've already said Anthea Turner half our viewers have gone at a stroke but it was so exciting to see Mickey Rooney and the thing was when Prince Charming came on I said hold on he was on our train. Yeah, he sported the magic a bit by telling me that.

Wasn't it the Philharmonic train? Yeah, Prince Charming arrived on our train. You know the Queen went on the train this week. It's been a week for royals. And who was Prince Charming? It was Kavanagh, who was a pop star in the 80s. Kavanagh, yeah. In the 90s, I think.

I remember that, I think. Hey, it's Joe in Bizarre. Gentlemen prefer blondes, and Joe is no exception. Aye. He admitted that his dream woman is chart-topper Pixie Lott. I really fancy her, and she's lovely, apparently, he said. Really?

Pixie Lott. Sounds like a sort of parking area at Santa's Grotto. Can he sense Joe and his blatherings? He's just saying anything. Quit writing down, he's hysterical. Yeah, I wish you'd have come there. It was a really great night. I've never eaten...

I bet I ate more sweets at that pantomime than I've ate in the whole decade. Really, did they throw them out? No, they didn't throw them out. I threw some out on the train on the way back. And Frank got recognised a couple of times. Oh, well. Oh, No, they didn't throw them out. I threw some out on the train on the way back. And Frank got recognised a couple of times. Oh, well. Oh, no, he didn't.

No, I got... I probably got recognised thousands of times. It's only people at the Corridge. Only a couple of people at the Corridge. I say Corridge, I mean drink. Yeah. Yeah, I did. There was one woman who'd had a few drinks who came up to him,

which I thought was a bit weird at a kiddies' panto. Well, yeah, you get drunk at a panto. I know. It's the wine gums. Absolute. If you think, by the way, that Garrett's a bit quiet this morning, he's a bit tense. Yeah.

I'm a bit of a cold. You're a bit tense. He's got performance anxiety. Yeah, and why is he a bit tensed? Emily, why is Garrett a bit tense? Because he's going to anxiety yeah why is he a bit tensed emily why is gareth a bit tense because he's going to play us a song later he's gonna do he's gonna do a brand new christmas song heard for the has anyone heard this in the world apart from you um yes some people have heard it oh laura laura's very important in my editing process laura's your wife yes yes your wife's

heard it yeah and ethan the baby um he won't have it in the house he won't have it around i know he's very demanding he's quite strict um should we explain frank what gareth plays it on because people might not know what it is um what what is your instrument gav it's called an omnicord is it it's like a casio like those machines you'd get in the 80s. It's not like a Casio, is it? Well, it's like, do you know what an auto-harp is? No.

June Carter played one in, you know, that film. Oh, yeah, in What the Life? Yeah, and in real life as well. It's kind of like a harpy thing. Oh, I know. Yeah, like Mother Mel thingy, Mother Maybel Carter used to wear. But it's an electronic version of what it is. Yeah, do I sound like I know what I'm talking about?

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. Is that it? Does it sound like... Oh, no, that's the human voice. I've got so mixed up, I can't tell you. And we've got an amp in here, so it looks all muso for Joey, which I'm pleased about. Yeah, exactly. It looks a bit rock and roll.

We've got the tree up and everything. That tree is disgusting. That is a bit rubbish. It looks like, you know, Albert Tatlock in Coronation Street? That's the sort of tree he would have. That's what he looks like now, I thought you were going to say. An old man's plastic tree. Oh, that's the absolute tree. Don't give that a hard time.

There was a reindeer. Honestly, there was a little reindeer. i've been looking for it all morning oh where is that will you ever stop playing this where is it that is the music from the deer hunter the reindeer hunter i'm calling it this morning yeah so tell us about your dream, Gareth, because this is important. I had a dream when I woke up yesterday morning that young and old could join hands... No, no, it's not that dream. No, not that one, OK. It was that I woke up and Jimmy Carr was on stage in the gym

and he told the set-up to a joke. Right. The set-up was he held up two pieces of meat, one in each hand, and said, I can hold two pieces of meat one in each hand yeah and said i can hold two pieces of meat at once right but then as he i woke up as he was doing the punch line so in the dream i was like oh no i'm gonna miss the punch line i'm waking up and i never found out what the punch line was yes so but it just so happens we know someone who knows jimmy carl don't we yeah would that be me friend friend of the stars? Of course.

Showbiz Emily. So even though this joke obviously had never happened, it wasn't one of Jimmy's jokes, it's just a dream. Yeah. As a challenge, Emily phoned Jimmy Carr while we were out at lunch yesterday and said to him, come on, what are you trying to say? Jimmy, can you finish this joke? Yeah.

You actually said finish. Didn't that worry him? I'm Norwegian. Okay, yeah. And he said, Gareth? He said, the stakes are even. That's awesome. Good, that's off absolutely Jimmy Carr at his lightning best.

Yeah, I was very impressed by that. So we thought we'd have as well as how many, and we're going to read out a couple of how many bosses you've jumped. We've had some proper responses. If you want to come up to a punchline, if you can beat Jimmy Carr at his own dream. What's the set-up again, Gareth? So it was, I can hold two pieces of meat at once.

Yes, and then you need a punchline, right? But keep it clean. We can't read it out if it's about... Well, you know. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I'm quite excited. Why am I quite excited? I'll tell you why. Because Gareth,

our lovely Gareth, is about to premiere his Christmas song. And me and Emily are on the bells. Have you got your bells ready? Yeah, I've got me bells. Okay, so this is Gareth with Christmas Calm Down. That's right.

That's the sound of the Omnicord. It's the feeling that comes the same time each year After the presents and the Christmas cheer It's supposed to be cosy and quintessential. But now you feel hollow and existential. Santa watches TV like a slob. Rudolph treats himself to a nose job. After the excitement of Christmas morning.

Frosty tries to hide from global warming It's the Christmas come down Makes you want to down a gallon of sherry and drown. When you feel the melancholy setting in Eat about 40 biscuits

then open another tin It's the Christmas come down because everything is bleak at the end of the day it's just another day of the week especially if you're an atheist a jew or a seeker your presents are rubbish no one took a hint The wrapping paper adds to your carbon footprint Your family just sits around and sigh You didn't see them last year, now you remember why

You make a mental note of gifts to take back Either Grandad's snoozing or he's had an attack This year no angels have appeared Except to Auntie Glad, but she's a bit weird It's the Christmas, come down More depressing than the smell of your dad's dressing gown When you feel like you're losing the will to live Don't take the pills, Christmas is the time to give.

It's the Christmas come down. Because possessions can't satisfy. Well maybe for a bit. But they're pointless when you die. It's the Christmas come down. When Jesus came down to earth. It's the time of year when we celebrate the virgin birth. Sorry, I got that bit wrong.

Do that again. It's the time of year when you celebrate the absolute birth. It's the time of year when you celebrate the virgin birth. Yay! Oh, a star is born. How marvellous. Oh, I love that, Gareth. Ah.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And, yeah, and that was Gareth's fabulous song. Well done, sir. Thank you. It was marvellous. I must admit, I very much enjoyed my... Oh, you loved yourself doing that, didn't you? It's an instrument you can just play instantly.

Rudolph the Red Nose. I say that works as a copy of it. He knows he could do anything. We were very good as backing artists, I think. Yeah, you were very good. When you're weary, feeling small. See, anything, who bothers with guitars. So, look, we asked, Gareth had a dream about Jimmy Carr,

which he was standing on stage. What? It's true, isn't it? No, but that's one of the more bizarre moments. Well, the phone this week is that Gareth had a dream about... That's really... And Jimmy Carr said, what did he say again? He said, I can hold two pieces of meat at the same time and held them up. Yeah, and then Gareth woke up before the punchline.

We've asked you, our beautiful listeners, to supply some punchlines. How's it going? I have to say, they have surpassed themselves, the listeners. You don't have to say. I know it says that in the contract, but they're at loopholes. No, go on, carry on. Andy in Newcastle says I can hold two pieces of meat at once.

Mum always said I was ham-fisted. Andy in Newcastle. Andy! Andy! Karen. Just Karen. A bit like Madonna. Just the one name. She says I can hold two pieces of meat at once. It's awfully hard to balance.

Oh, Karen. I see to balance. Oh, Karen. I see what you did there, Karen. I hate it when people say, I see what you did there. Because they never did. They're people who can't think of a joke themselves. Like people say... How dare you?

You know, when people say, I knew you were going to say that. I think, yeah, yeah, right, you know. People generally do know what you're going to say because you're so predictable. Yeah, well, how come they aren't millionaires? Oh, hold on a minute. I think I'll win this back.

Oh, it's so Christmas. It's okay. Don't worry because you're not a millionaire anymore either from what I've been hearing. Oh, well, I'm leaving. I'm leaving with my friends, the Morris dancers. Come on, lads, let's go. I've had enough. Let's leave now. Do you want to hear more jokes?

Dick O'Neill says, I can hold two pieces of meat at once. Does that make me lambidextrous? Very good. I'm loving it. Yeah. And there's someone called Frank, who's actually very funny,

and he says, I can hold two pieces of meat at once, but I'm struggling to make ends meet. Oh. We've got one more. Hold it. I'm still thinking about that one. That's good. It's not rude, don't worry. We should workshop that one slightly.

There's something there, definitely. Mark Davis in Nottingham, the punchline has got to be I'm double jointed. Oh, that is a cracker. No, I really like that. Finally, Richard in Snowy Scotland says, I can hold two pieces of meat at once. It's a bit of a rare treat.

Well done. You know, I once met a woman in Scotland who said she could hold two pieces of meat at once. Oh, Frank. Well, I'm just... It was going to be a cooking anecdote, but you've spoilt it now, as usual. Oh, my love, my darling, I hunger for your touch.

Absolute. Radio. Joey Tempest is in the studio. I know. Oh, man. Joey's great to have you on. Thank you. Good to be here.

I'm going to give you a slight... I hope you're all right with this as a fanfare. There can't be many rock songs that have been done by orchestras and stuff like that. No, I mean, it was London Symphony Orchestra did a version of that song. And there's been a lot of covers, a lot of weird covers. But anyway, you know, we love playing it live and we have a good time with it. It was written for the show, written for the fans, you know. Yeah, well, it's an absolute classic.

But I bet you must be sick of talking about it. So we're not going to go on about it. No, it's all right. Let me put it this way. We of talking about it, so we're not going to go on about the final countdown. No, it's all right. Let me put it this way. We don't have it in our cars, or we don't dance around at home to it, but we do love playing it live. You mean it's not your ringtone?

No, it's not. I can't believe it. But it is yours. It would definitely be mine. Not only would it be my ringtone, but I would have it fitted as my car horn. Yeah, that would be cool, actually. Now we're talking. So you could, well, you live in London,

don't you? Yeah, yeah. You could be driving through London, a small child could run out in front of you, chasing a football, and you could go... Yeah, that's it. So forget about being anonymous, I mean, that would be sort of giving the game away. You don't want to be anonymous. You're a rock star, Joey, you're supposed to be. I like it.

I should say that Joey's in a leather catsuit this morning. Yep, yeah i am can i say also joey has the most fabulous hair we've ever had in the studio i'm not really happy about it oh do you joey thank you emily's got a close out about the hair she's not happy with how good your hair is oh dear well i have to say thank you in the beginning in the beginning uh the reason you know, the Final Countdown era and everything, the hair that we... Robert Plant was the reason I looked the way I looked. I wanted to look like him. I thought it was cool. And now it's more relaxed, I think, my hair.

Definitely. So how did you begin then? We were suburbs outside Stockholm. Cold and dark. Started writing music. We used to go to shows together. We used to see Rainbow, Queen, UFO, Lizzy together and dream and

drink and have visions. We started rehearsing together. Drink and have visions? What were you drinking? Absalom. There was a lot of absinthe around that time. No, but we started rehearsing a lot and playing live and I found this guitar player in John Norum that just blew my mind.

And we started a band called Force. And we won a rock competition. The first prize was to record an album. So they couldn't stop us, really, because we had a few no's from record companies. We had long hair and we sang in English and we were only listening to British bands. We didn't listen to Swedish bands. So they turned us down. They were too scared to sign us.

So by winning this contest, we got a chance to record an album. And that's when the fans started realizing, oh, we have a good band here. That was our first album. We were about 17, 18, 19 when we were recording that. So when you see this battle between Rage Against the Machine, who represent rock music, and someone who won a contest to get famous, you must have torn loyalties. Not really. I really like

raging against i love that riff and i love the song uh the reason we entered this competition was we didn't even know i had a girlfriend at the time who sent the tape in and she said well i've sent the tape into this competition you have all right well we're gonna have to do it then but the thing is with us we wrote our own music yeah we played our own instruments and we just went on to this rock competition a bit you know did she really send the cuz people always say yes or someone my friend sounds a bit sounds a bit like I'm trying to get away from no no no she did she did but we didn't mind I mean we were right we were doing our own thing so we didn't mind being in the competition situation at that time because

we did everything ourselves we just wanted to find a way yeah out of stockholm you know into the world our dream was to tour like thing lizzie that was it you know and and then we came there it was great they're marvelous yeah i love it was it all that stuff the tour boss carrying big speakers up upstairs into little gigs and stuff we started all that in small van we had to carry our stuff actually my dad was involved as well and carrying stuff and oh yeah it was we started small and but uh i think the world in england got the message a bit wrong because final countdown was the only song people knew about and and uh we'd done three albums before that so it's kind of um we're a guitar based band that done a lot of work but sometimes people know us by one song and you know now we're working on that we have a new album and we're touring around the world and you know we just have to work at it

we should talk about that the album came out in uh september yeah and that's called last look at eden that's correct why is it called that well actually it was a week before the election uh in america the last election uh it was a bit of bleak situation i thought and i thought um you know the the situation is, is this the last look at civilisation we're looking at here? But the election went good, in my view. OK. So now it turned out to be a good rock song.

But it was actually inspired by that last look at Eden. It's deeply symbolic. It's like Adam and Eve looking back as they've lost it all. I know. More about it. It's an absolute. I saw you sing, by the way, on your show. You were used to singing as the credits roll.

That's right. You sang Final Countdown one time. I did, didn't I? With Richard Gere. That's right. You were Richard Gere. I thought it was hilarious. I was doing stitches watching that.

I'd completely forgotten about it. I can't believe you were at home watching that. Did he pay you the rights, Joey? I bet he didn't. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't. Joey Tempest from Europe is with us in the studio. Rock and roll. I'm doing the sign now with the fingers, but you can't tell.

So, Joey, you're from Sweden, as you said. What's Christmas like in Sweden, then? Is there all sorts of special traditions you miss? Well, in the beginning, I haven't lived there in a long time now, but in the beginning you started missing some things obviously some food something from home but there's uh I talked to my mum the other day it's white Christmas there a lot of snow. Isn't it white Christmas there every year? Not really uh but if I think back to my childhood yeah I remember snow all the time and but I also remember when it snowed heavily we always had to go to work and always had to go to school and I'm so surprised when i'm here in england you know yes that'd be a lesson

neil francis if you're listening yes the previous dj was snowed in all right okay in london how did that happen i know i had a good laugh and i saw these pictures people were sending into tv when they had snowed outside their house and things like that yeah is that snow you call that snow when it had snowed outside their house and things like that yeah is that snow you call that snow it's so funny i like a bit of snow snobbery yeah you're going to risk anyway the british winter and go on you're on tour in february yes we're going to start in leeds on the 18th and we do nine dates in the uk we're looking forward to that very much you're doing birmingham my hometown we are and uh we are expecting you there yes i should i'll tell you something rock music it never it never went away you know there was a slight a slight dip in the 80s when people didn't

listen to it so much it never stopped in birmingham birmingham has always been a sort of heavy metal type of rock place i've noticed that out in england maybe london things happen so fast you have trends coming and go but out in england there's such classic rock fans and rock fans it's amazing to tour out there. It doesn't change that. And you have local radio stations that play Whitesnake or whatever that you know Deep Purple it's kind of amazing you know. So what's on your rider you know on a contract you have

these special you have special demands what are your special demands? We have M&M's but only the brown ones. That's not true is it? I wish that was true. And then some absinthe and stuff like that. But, you know, normal things. Yes. I was once on tour

and the Kinks were touring at the same time as me. And their rider was lying around in the dressing room and they had oxygen. Actually... You've got that to look forward to, Joey. Some acts are actually requesting things like that again, like breathing in funny things backstage. Yeah, i don't know if that's oxygen but it's it's a lovely idea so what we're going to play your single soon which i'm quite excited yeah good and it's one of those it's it's it's a it's a ballad isn't it it's one of those ones where

everyone's been covered they're standing there they're covered in sweat they've been jumping up and down for the last hour. You know, this thing at a gig. Yeah, yeah. And then suddenly they just slow it down a little bit. We love those moments when we write albums and when we play live. It's great to bring it down, because the best thing about bringing it down

is that you've got to go up again. So those songs really feel a purpose live. And it's nice for the ladies like me, Joey. Yes. We're not going to have a slow smoochie to this one, but I think we should get our lighters out. Absolute. Yes. Yeah, we're not going to have a slow smoochie to this one, but I think we should get our lighters out. Absolute.

Radio. So, er... Joey's left the building. Yeah, Joey's gone now. He's lovely, wasn't he? Oh, I loved him. They're very nice to Scandinavians,

generally speaking. I don't know why that would be. I think it's all that, you know, cold weather and they feel that they're victims of the elements.

Don't you think? Sorry about that. Just talking once you start to be... Ow! Steptoes in again. Yeah. Harry! Arad!

You dirty old man. So, I had a bit of... One of my regular awkward moments of Christmas is I saw a mate last night. After we'd had lunch yesterday, I went and saw a mate. And he got my present out. And you gave him yours? No, I don't do presents anymore.

Oh, now you tell us. No, I don't. I don't do presents. What sort of an animal are you? So hold on. And he said, you know, and I said, ooh, on so he got the thing he said you know and i said oh is that my present and he said yeah and i said oh well i i haven't got you anything and he said oh it's fine but he said it in a kind of a it so wasn't fine yeah i felt a bit i felt bad about it but you know they've got to learn they've got to learn what oh it's a wonderful life over there

no why don't you do presents? Well, I just, last year, me and my girlfriend decided we weren't going to buy each other presents, right? So I thought, well, if I'm not going to buy my girlfriend presents, all bets are off. I'm not going to get anyone else one. I don't want any. It's not like I'm asking for them. Why did you decide that? Because you didn't want to buy any diamonds or jewellery? I just think I'm better at choosing my stuff. She bought some lovely stuff. She did buy some really nice stuff. I don't want to go in and out spending money on me, you know.

I'll get my own stuff. You're better at choosing stuff. What, Calvin Classics from the market? That's what you'd buy yourself. Exactly. Three pack of that. Sorry, wait a minute. I find my nether regions are happier in a cheap pant.

Yes, sorry? What, Gary? The three ghosts for you in reception. Oh, Gary! Yeah, I just, I think it's, you know, we're all, it's a bit like my version of downloading Rage Against the Machine. You start buying, we can basically destroy the economy between us. Then we can build a sort of agricultural society

where we all live happier. And you say things like, I'll see you tonight. And when the sun is just over by the large oak tree, everything will be so much simpler. Hello? I'm just stunned. I'm stunned into silence. Well, that makes a nice change, I must say.

While you're stunned into silence, perhaps I can need you another bit from Joe's Bazaar. Need me another bit? What are you, some sort of baker? Yes, exactly. Hold on, let me just get... Oh, it's a lovely... What a nice bap. This is

in today's song. Joe McKeldry, the X Factor winner, is editing the piece. He needs no introduction at this stage in the show. You don't need to get the song now. Frank's read all of it to you. Joe's favourite Christmas song? It's Last Christmas production at this stage in the show. You don't need to get the sun now. Frank's read all of it to you. Joe's favourite Christmas song? It's Last Christmas by George Michael. Not We Wish You a Protein Christmas by The Four.

Can you believe that? Loved by nannas everywhere. George Michael, who he sang with in the final, Joe said, I'm getting emotional, I think, no matter. George sent some champagne and has invited me and Cheryl for a meal

that will be a power dinner what does that mean a power dinner they could they could recreate the terrible awkwardness they had on the show together

well I'm sure they will can you imagine who had awkwardness what I didn't see it I was at the comedy awards love what happened I wasn't at the comedy awards

I know you weren't Joe and George Michael, it was terrible. What happened? Every time George Michael reached out to touch him, Joe flinched away. Oh. And why is Robbie Williams there every week? Robbie Williams is like that student who leaves and then still goes to the student bar. Joey, you're not our next factor this week.

Joey? Robbie, you're not our next factor this week. Go home. No, I just thought I'd have a, you know, I'll just hang around and have a drink. No, you're not on it. What's he doing? Has he got nowhere to go in the evening? He got the words wrong as well.

He got the words wrong. Oh, he didn't. And we had to watch the rest of it, both of them looking absolutely mortified. I know, but that was absolutely... I mean, he came in... It was his song as well, wasn't it? It was the angels.

What words did he get? He didn't get the words wrong to angels. He didn't get it wrong. He came in... And through it... No, what's next? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but he came in in just the middle bit

and then he had to stop and do it again. Oh, I can't wait to see that. You know when people say, I watched Doctor Who from behind the cell phone or I watched the rest of that song from behind the cell phone. And then he said, do you fancy going to the... No, no, we have to go.

We go home to the... Oh, dear. I think I'd stay at the studio. What's that? What's happening? Absolute Radio. Joe, apparently, is stressed out. Are you reading from the sun again?

Well, he's worried what he's going to buy Cheryl Cole for... He says to buy his pal Cheryl Cole for Christmas. Yeah. As soon as his next single goes at number 34, no hire. There'll be no phone calls from his pal, Cheryl Cole. Lucky she's not friends with you. She'll be getting NADA. Well, that'd be fair enough. What, NADA front? Big brother? I mean, that'd be ridiculous.

I think I can sometimes look like her in a certain light. Sometimes? So what are you guys doing for Christmas? That's what you have to ask this year, don't you? This time of the year, you have to say to people, Sel, what are you doing for Christmas? You don't care, do you? You ask, but you don't really care.

No, I don't care, obviously. What are you doing for Christmas, Gareth? We're staying at home because we just had a baby. Everyone's coming to us. So Laura's mum and dad are coming to stay nearby and my mum and dad are coming to stay nearby and my mum and dad will you put it in a small manger what a small manger it's very unhygienic mangers yeah because animals eat out it's basically yeah it's a it's a provender they're filled with

maybe uh you could get um a small manager maybe kevin keegan could cradle him in his arms. By the way, if you're going to watch the Strictly Come Dancing thing tonight, don't vote for Chris Hollins. I've met him and he's a... What? I didn't say anything. I didn't like him. Why not? What did he do to you? Well, I can't go into details.

Offered to buy you a Christmas present, perhaps? You've only got to look at him. He represents everything that's gone wrong with this country. Justin has texted in. Morning, team. My beloved reckons I can never get through to the show. Her name is Emma Filson. I love her.

Justin. That's beautiful. I thought I changed the tone. The coincidence is that I also love Emma Filson. And she said to me she just had, like, a busy job and she had to work nights, and so we could only meet a couple of times a week. And now I'm thinking, well, it's not unusual. You know, it's not that name you hear every day of the week, is it?

I think I might know her as well. Oh, what? You as well? That would account for her omnicord ringtone. Anyway, look, we love you all. We really do. Do have a lovely Christmas. We're back on Boxing Day at ten o'clock.

Have a lovely Christmas. Neither of us are having an affair with Emma Filson. No. I am. Is that our new jingle? Yeah. And,

that could be one of our liners. Listen, I'm doing a plug. We're on at ten o'clock on Boxing Day, so don't set your alarms a plug we're on at 10 o'clock on Boxing Day so don't don't set your alarms early and then

because we're on at 10 o'clock but we very much look forward to that we love you and happy Christmas and

good day to you Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Absolute Radio