The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: Micky Flanagan

Episode Date: November 14, 2009

Funny man Micky Flanagan joins Frank, Emily & Gareth, who talk class, comedy workshops and prison.

I've got about ten seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-drawer comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave, at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. I put my hat upon my head and walked into the strand and there I met another man whose hat was in his hand.

Sorry, that was a sound check. I wasn't supposed to be on the podcast. Oh, no. Anyway, this is the Frank Skinner Absolute Podcast. A little insight into the magic there. Yes, exactly. So, yes, welcome and thanks for doing whatever you have to do to get a podcast up.

No idea. Clicking. Clicking. Thanks for clicking whatever you have to do to get a podcast up. No idea. Clicking. Clicking. Thanks for clicking, you guys. And as usual, we're doing the intro after we've done the show. So don't think we sound latloster because it was a brilliant show. But I'm drained now. I'm like a husk. Are you spent? Spent.

But it was fabulous. Mickey Flanagan was our guest. Now, some of you might not even know Mickey Flanagan, but take it from me, in a year's time, you definitely will, because I think he is the future of stand-up comedy. He's really good. And there was...

I just enjoy... I always enjoy... Let's face it. I loved it today, though. Yeah. A little certain je ne sais quoi. I'll tell you what I liked. There was a wind howling outside the studio today. It was really, the rain was lashing against the window and

I was hunched over a microphone in a nice warm little studio with my friends just chatting about life and it was like being in a, I remember I used to live in a log cabin in the Yukon in the 1920s and it reminded me a lot of that. Except that we had to play Elbow. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. So we're off. And we've already had some messages into saying that the...

What are they called, the cam things? They're called webcams, Grandad. Webcams. I wanted to call it camcorder, but I knew that wasn't right. The webcams aren't set properly. You can just see the top of my head. Yeah, webcam number two is just pointed at your hairline. Yeah. But I had my hair cut yesterday, so I came in earlier and moved it all.

Can I just say, I like your hair. It's quite evacuee from wartime, but that's no bad thing. I like that. Do you like the gas? I got the gas mask with it to go with it. I thought that would be fine. Well, I thought, to be honest now, you know, I'm 52. I don't drink.

I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't sleep around. My idea of doing something dangerous is getting my hair cut on Friday the 13th. So that was it. That's as brave. That's like an extreme sport for me. Slightly tragic.

So I'm sorry if you don't see the top of my head, but who watches the webcam anyway? I don't know, but we're not allowed to touch them. We got strict instructions once, don't you remember? We got told off for fiddling with them. I've never moved one ever. I did, to point directly at me. Of course.

On webcam three, though, it is pointed squarely at Emily Dean, and so it's a treat for all the single men out there. Yes. And married men with a roving eye. Yeah. I hate it when people have a roving eye because you don't know which one's looking at you. It's really horrible.

Or one of them's looking at Emily. Yeah. I think David Tennant moved it because he's been in this week. David Tennant's been all over Absolute Radio like a terrible rash. Right. His bed is in the, what's it called? The foyer.

Oh, God, sorry. It's one terrible mistake after the next. I feel I've got out of the frying pan into the foyer. Yes, I can't remember any words. I've got nominal aphasia again. Yes, his bed, David Tennant's bed. And I don't mean his sleeping bag, because he didn't want to get up that early.

He's actually, some of you will know, he's given his big bed to... His big bed? It's not that big a bed, actually, I'll be honest with you. It's not a small double, isn't it? When I saw it, I thought, oh, come on, your bed. If that isn't a guest room bed, I'll eat my... You've never slept in that in your life.

But it's all right now because British Gas have bought it for five grand, apparently. Why have they paid five... Why would you want a second-hand bed from a Scottish man? Well, I imagine there'd be a lot of gas in that mattress. They can feed that off and save the third world. I think David Tennant is awesome, I should say, but I don't particularly want his second-hand bed. I think David Tennant will be nothing after Doctor Who.

Oh, Frank! You heard it here first. Oh, my God, Frank! They painted the front door like the TARDIS. I think that's because he won't go in any building unless the front door is painted like the TARDIS. Is that right? But the foyer isn't any bigger inside than it was last week.

And also, why did they roll out the red carpet? How come when you joined, I didn't see three lions pacing around outside? No, that's good news. That would have been extremely dangerous. Anyway, I'm joking about David Tennant. I really like him. I know Scottish people get very protective.

Oh, I know. Oh, they love the tenants. Yeah, so anyway, he was on all this week, and he has that absolutely... I mean, he's a big star. You can't get round that. I once read an article saying that he had... He was going to play a Brummie in a play,

and he sat, and me and him met met up and we had a long, long, you know, we spent the day talking and he taped me and stuff to learn my accent. All complete rubbish. I've never met him in my life. I know, but I got 50 quid for that story. Oh, that's fair enough then. And I suppose you spent that on paying someone to move my webcam. Yeah, I did.

So it was all you you you and of course the very sad news the tragic news this this this uh weekend is that uh bruce forsyth is not gonna be on strictly come dancing tonight i mean that is he's got the flu he's got the flu yeah oh sorry i should have said he's got because people just children well, it's just a matter of time. No, no, he's got the flu. But it won't be the same, will it? I mean, Strictly Come Dancing without Bruce Forsyth is like watching the Grand Prix without an accident. Absolute.

Radio. So it's... That's the morning! And this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. And, oh, I'm just scratching my leg. What are you doing down there? I'm scratching my leg. That's perfectly all right, isn't it? When I lean forward to scratch my leg, I'm not on Absolute Radio. And, oh, I'm just scratching my leg. What are you doing down there? I'm scratching my leg. That's perfectly all right, isn't it?

When I lean forward to scratch my leg, I'm not on webcam at all. It's as if I'm not here. But I could hear the urgency in your voice, and it was a bit distracting. Yeah, but I think, you know, if they can hear my voice, just trust that I'm here. You'll find that radio before the age of webcam, people just took it for granted if they could hear someone. They were probably there in the studio. Anyway, so there's a great picture in the sun today if i'm not i'm not champion any

newspaper and i don't normally uh buy the sun but you should go out there's a picture of uh there's a waxwork two waxworks dummies in in the in thailand's madam two sards right two sards two swords let's call the whole thing wax! And there's a picture of Posh and Becks. No, not a picture. There's dummies of them. And Victoria Beckham looks exactly like Sub-Mariner from the Marvel comics. Do you remember Sub-Mariner?

He'd come from under the land, under sea. Hence his nickname. He did come from under the land. Although there's a sea, he's probably under the land if there's a jotty his nickname. It did come from under the land. Although the sea is probably under the land, if there's a jotty out bit. It's a horrible waxwork. She won't be happy with that. They've even made it sweaty. I mean, why would they do that?

I've never seen her sweat in my life. I dare say, David has. But even then, I'm guessing. And he, the headline in the paper is, what dummy made this? And he, the headline in the paper is, What Domi Made This? And then it's, you know. But I thought, you know, the other week when we had a Test Daily headline and we thought there must be, it's not one of the,

you know, the sun's so brilliant at those punning headlines. Is that when Laura Solon was on and the show was so brilliant and she was amazing? Yeah. And so what we thought we might do is just ask if anyone's got a better advert for Thailand Madam Two Sards. Two swords. What am I saying there? It's as if I'd gone out carrying two sards.

Yes, I have two sards for defence this morning. And that happened to me, you know. What? I'll come back to this in a minute just talk amongst yourselves at home i was uh i was walking through victoria uh not beckham the area of london with um with my girlfriend and um a police car screeched to a halt oh they always screech no well it did though it really it went went... And a man put his head out the window, opening it for, I say a man, a policeman, obviously,

and he said to me, have you seen a bloke with a sword? What? I thought, did he mean in my life? You know, I mean, I'd recently watched The Mark of Zorro, but I can see he wasn't in the mood for banter. So it's quite a frightening thing to be asked. Have you seen A Man With A Sword?

And I went... And he went, quickly! Which obviously made me extremely anxious. And I said, no. And he went, right, and then they shot off again. So now, imagine my predicament. I'm standing with my girlfriend in a dark street in Victoria, knowing that the police are searching quite urgently for a man with a sword.

But that doesn't seem a very thorough investigation, running up to strangers going, have you seen a man with a sword? Well, yeah, you know, it's always good to go for an eyewitness if you can get one. Anyway, we started, and I thought, I have to be calm about this. Obviously, I'm terrified in case there's a man with a sword comes round the corner. You've got a human shield with you, though,

so you don't need to worry that much. Well, this is what, see, I wanted to be calm so that Kat didn't get frightened. So she said, a man with a... And I said, well, that's the modern world, isn't it? And then I thought, of course it isn't the modern world, is it? It's actually like the 16th century. Anyway, they did catch him in the end.

And we weren't killed. Now, that's one of those anecdotes. I thought it was going quite well, and then I hadn't really got an ending. Someone told me, if ever you're struggling at the end of an anecdote, just say, and do you know that man was Robert Dougal? Absolute! Radio. So, yeah, what I did, I interrupted a thing that I was going to ask you to do.

There's a story in the paper about, in Thailand, there, Madame Tussauds has made a posh and becks at Dommies. And yeah, we thought the headline is, what Dommie made this wasn't good enough. So if you've got one of them fancy pon... So what's the ingredients?

We've got Thailand, we've got Madame Tussauds wax, we've then got Becks, Spice Girl, you know, a new range of clothing. It hasn't got the beard, hasn't got the... That's one of the problems of making a wax worker, David Beckham, is that you'd have to be changing the wig and stuff, adding tattoos. I mean, it's work in progress, at best. At Bexed.

See, that's why I'm not going to go at this one because that would be absolutely rubbish. Speaking of clothing I read this week in the paper that the average man the average UK man he he only buys his own pants for 17 years of his life

before that his mum buys them and after that his partner buys them. That's horrible so there's a small pocket obviously not in the pants though i have seen pants with a small pocket for a condom i don't know if you ever if you remember they didn't they didn't catch on um and also i used to use them for parking me to change um but that there's a small pocket in your life when you when you buy your own pants and after that you don't care. Now, this is... I have to say, and I'm not exaggerating for comic purpose, I have pants which I've had since the early 90s.

You're joking. They're regularly washed. They must look like the Turin Shroud. That's disgusting. Well, no, I haven't left some eternal imprint on them, which is constantly questioned and carbon dated by scientists. No, they just seem to last for ages. Really? I don't throw clothes away.

Most of my clothes are from the 90s. If you had an independent adjudicator for your pants, do you think that they would say... Hold on, you're assuming i don't um would they look at those pants and think wow these look brand new these don't look a day old i can't believe they're nearly 20 years old no they'd probably think well retro pants that's interesting i haven't seen any bionic man logoed pants for many years. What pants do you wear, though, if it's not too personal a question? I wear a...

It is actually a very personal question. Well, I have two ranks of... No, that... No. I have... No, don't even. Don't even. I have two... I'm going to call it two... Two tears. I'm going to go back. I have two... I'm going to call it two... Two tears? I'm going to go back. Yeah, two tears.

I have two tears. Two tears. I always climb that patch, it's tears. And I'm terribly sorry for anyone listening of a fragile disposition. You should have stuck with ranks, honestly. No, no, I think we did well to move on. I have the nice pants, my Calvin Kleins. Oh, that's nice, I like Calvin. Yeah, on. I have the nice pants, my Calvin Klein's. Oh, that's nice. I like Calvin.

And then I have Calvin Classics. Calvin Classics are deliberately made to sound as if they're by Calvin Klein, but they're off the market. Do you actually get them from the market? I get them from the kind, if not the market, market-esque establishments, cheap places. Where things might cost no more than 99p, perhaps. Well, put it this way, they're not the sort of pants you'd buy individually.

Oh, OK. They come in packs of five, you know. And the thing is with Calvin Classics, what I find is that... Have you got any, Gareth, at Calvin Classics? I had Calvin Classics when I was younger, but... So did I, and I've still got them. What happens is the elasticated waistband which is obviously one is familiar with on boxer shorts it tends to separate from the main garment oh that's nice yes that must be lovely for your girlfriend well um oh hey they're not on that long

you know what i'm saying um so it means like you know when you see a girl with a thong and you see the thing above the above the jeans oh yeah yeah well with me there you know when you see a girl with a thong and you see the thing above the jeans? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, with me, there are occasions when you can see my jeans and then the main body of my pants and then a gap of flesh and then the elasticated waistband. It's a gradation between the end of me and the beginning of my clothing. It's gradually done. It still sounds so complex down there.

Well, no, anyway, so It's gradually done. It still sounds so complex down there. Well... No, anyway, so that's the Calvin... Actually, I know, I heard a great story about Calvin Klein and we're about to play a song, but shall I tell it after? Yeah, tell it after. Don't tell it after. Okay, but I might not tell it after in a fit of

pique at it being moved from the spontaneous place it was born. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Kelvin Klein had a brilliant idea. In his offices,

in his top, his headquarters, in the kitchen there, there used to be a chart on the wall with all these different grades of brown on it you know like you get a paint chart so from very very light brown to quite dark brown well this is the designer calvin klein yes how do you know this because you know i know people who know people so um anyway so apparently each of these browns was numbered right and he'd say to one of his runners, you know, the people,

he said, oh, I'd love a cup of tea. I think number eight. And then they used to have to match the cup of tea exactly to that shade of brown. Now, isn't that a good idea? Oh, I love that. Yeah. Mine would be, if I ordered tea, I'd want russet sunset. Yeah, well, I think numbers is on the paint color

it's less affected shall we say yeah i'm so pleased with where that story went then because i thought it was going to be some terrible skid mark related story yeah well i don't i don't tell that kind of i could see tension in your eyes i think he wants he looks anxious about all it is it's a story about a man famous for underpants and some grading system on shades of brown why could he possibly be edgy i was quite scared i was quite scared i nearly had an 82. yes was that with sugar or without one long pour two oh no i'm'm sorry. Can we rewind? We can't rewind? It's live? I should have been told. Why wasn't I told? Talking of pants, Frank.

Are we still talking of pants? Yes, we are. We've had a text in on 8-12-15. Yes, that is the text number. Thank you for reminding me. 8-12-15. Someone who remains nameless. Hold on, I'm going to say it again,

so it's imprinted in the mind, but I'm going to say it in a slightly odd way, so it sticks. 8-12.15! I think they'll remember that forever. So what's the text say? The producer's absolutely lost it. She's just standing by the window.

That's because I've broken all the sound systems of the thing. OK, so this nameless text says, Frank, my ex... It's the text with no name. I'll set it up like... Okay. Oh! No, no, no, no. I like the bit where it goes ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Oh, I love that. And some blobs go... Anyway, so the text with no name walks into town. I see the text in a poncho. The text's not wearing a poncho. Just let me read the text. Frank, my ex, 40-year-old... Oh.

That already sounds like there's trouble. ..used to share his pants with his flatmates. They had a communal pant drawer. Oh, dear. They didn't buy any pants from the start, so I have no idea where they came from. That would have been a deal-breaker for me. I like the fact so I have no idea where they came from. That would have been a deal-breaker for me. I like the fact that they didn't know where they came from,

the way they emanate, the way sometimes clothes appear in your head. Maybe they were in the flat when they moved in. What do you know? There's a pale blue pashmina in my wardrobe. I have not the slightest idea where it came from. Is that like a scarf or a...? Yes, it's like a rather big and elaborate scarf. But I've no idea. I don't know

the sort of people that wear pashminas. It might be mine. Do you wear a pashmina? I've been known once or twice. I'd see it like a middle-aged piano teacher would be wearing a pashmina. Absolute Radio. Well, I think we're human.

So that's this morning's phone-in. Are we human or are we dancer? I think we're dancer. Oh, you think we're dancer? Yeah, not dancer. OK. Well, what do you think, Gareth? I would say...

dancer. Dancer? No, dancer. What, dancer? What do you think, Gareth? I would say... denser. Denser? No, denser. Denser? Are we human or are we slightly denser than human? Are we, in fact, wood? I don't know what it means. What does it mean?

What are the killers asking? What is it, Gareth? Do you have any insight into this? Well, I think... What is he saying, dancing? Are we human or are we Ted Danson? What, Ted Danson? Who used to be cheered.

Oh, I'd like to be Danson. I think it's a subtle way of exposing the fact that Ted Danson is a goddamn droid! He's not you. I knew that! I knew he wasn't human. You think everyone's a goddamn droid? No, no. You think Phil Schofield is a goddamn droid?

Well, that's only two, I think. But two is enough to start a revolution, I think you'll find. Are we human or are we damsons? Yeah. What does it mean? Does anyone know what they're saying? They're not saying dancers. If you said, are we human or are we dancers?

If you know what it means, can you text us in on 8-12-15? I've taken over the show, sorry. No, that's all right. I like the idea of you doing the domestic bits. The housekeeping. Yes. We have had a text in, actually, Frank, saying, Great show.

Glad I did not run you over as you walked out in front of me on Thursday morning down Shaftesbury Avenue. What the hell? Oh, yes. I'd been to a science breakfast. What? You know when you get to a science breakfast? No. Gareth and I don't live that lifestyle.

Well, I had an invite from the London Times, which I write a column for every Friday, and they said, we're doing a science breakfast at the Royal Institute in Albemarle Street. Did you wake up and it was 1885? Yes. So I got a handsome cab. And what it was, we sat and had you know bacon sandwiches and tea and and

stuff and meanwhile there was a lectern in one corner and the astronomer royal lord reese gave a lecture on science that was that was the breakfast which i you know i liked it it was it was extremely entertaining he's brilliant lord reese you get a chance. I know you're like his grouper. You're always going on about him. Yeah, if you ever get... Actually, they sent me a photo, and it's like him lecturing. I'm sitting...

I'm right next to the... Too close. You know when you're too close to the stage? And I'm looking up like, you know, like a loyal animal. Acolyte. Yeah, that's a... Yes, an acolyte.

That's what I'm looking at. But anyway, so that's why I was crossing Shaftesbury Avenue. I was probably coming back, actually. I was coming back from my... You're getting quite obsessed by science. You came in this morning with, I've got some great science gossip,

like it was 3am or something. Yes, I can't tell the science gossip on air. I think it's OK. I've always thought there isn't enough science gossip on Absolute Radio. But, yeah, he was very interesting. See, last night, my girlfriend's away for the week. OK.

I don't want any women listening to think that's some sort of a come-on. It isn't. I'm just saying. So I'm... You know that mix when your partner goes away? There's a strange mixed feeling of, oh, what am I going to do?

I'll miss them. And also, hey! I can watch all those programmes that she's too stupid to enjoy. Right. And that was a joke, and she'll know that. The text is probably already on its way. How dare you? I'm not coming back.

Anyway, so that's not... I'd taped four programmes called The Story of Maths, which I'd never got round to watching. I know nothing about maths, and I thought, this is it. I'm going to start, you know, because as you get older, your brain starts to turn into jam, basically. And I thought, it's good to have another challenge, and that gets all different parts of your brain working.

So I watched this programme, and then it actually got to a bit of maths, and it was just like at school. As soon as they did it, even the simplest maths, I felt like a dull pain in the bridge of my nose. And then it had gone. Then he'd talking about something else. I just couldn't, I couldn't get it at all. And then you switched over to Girls of the Playboy Mansion,

which is what you really watch, let's be honest. Yeah, but there's a certain amount of maths involved in that. Certainly geometry. The make-up of the globe. But yes, so that was what I... But I'll tell you a science joke. Oh, God. It's part... It's sort of an opera joke.

Oh, even better. Opera jokes on Absolute Radio. Yes, he said... Did you tell the opera joke at your science breakfast? No, no, this is something that Lord Rees told. Name-dropping. Lord Rees. By the Astrolum of Royal.

I love this. This will be the first time there's ever been an opera joke, I think. It's quite hardcore as well. If you don't know anything about it, just trust me, it's sort of funny. Apparently, if you're a scientist, your big worry is if you don't make your discovery quick, someone else will get there instead. And he said artists don't have that worry so much he said for example when wagner took off 10 years from writing the ring cycle

he wasn't worried that someone was going to scoop him on got a dharma frank skidder on absolute radio absolute radio it It's interesting that Travis said that thing about you being drifting for a long, long time. I remember my when I got expelled from school, my headmaster said to me, you are a drifter and one day you'll drift into something you can't drift out of. Oh. Consequently,

this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'm here with Gareth and Emily and we asked, we earlier played the Killers song, Human, which says, are we human or are we dancer? Dancer. Does it say dancer or dancers? Well, I don't know.

I think it says dancer. I don't think we've got a definite decision on that. But we've got a couple of things about what it means. Kate and Aaron York said apparently the Are We Human... Kate and Aaron York have written... They've co-written it. The Bishop of York and his wife? It says Are We Human or Are We Dancers song

is a quote from Hunter S Thompson referring to the fact that there were more dancers than nurses being trained in the USA at the time. Not sure when that time was. And then another person has heard an interview from Brandon Flowers. What's their name? But you wouldn't watch Strictly Come Nursing, would you, on the television? I don't know.

No, you would. Celebrities teamed up with a doctor, and they have to be the nurse in a series of emergencies. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, I hadn't thought of that. A nurse in a series of emergencies. That's a good idea. Yeah, I hadn't thought of that. Nurse idol, I'd watch. You see, when I first tuned into Animal Hospital, I was hoping it was going to be like Alsatians doing

open-heart surgery on human beings. You know, they'd been carefully trained, like chimpanzees amputating legs and stuff, but it wasn't like that. It was animals being operated on by, you know quite competent human surgeons carry on about this explanation and then the other another person says he um the killers are asking the question are we human free to make our own decisions or

are we dancers controlled by god i read a brandon flowers interview when that song first came out as your answer yeah oh i think that sounds the most plausible explanation i'm not happy with the idea that dancers don't make their own decisions are you telling me that when flavia spins around the floor with her little dimples she isn't thinking oh i might i might put in a quick side swivel cross doble here just to just for color no she's just god's deciding all that oh really well that makes i don't know why these people are being paid. There's some space for improvisation. If they're mere automatons.

There is space for improvisation. I like to think so. But you know, basically, they know where the routine's going. Does the Almighty make the decision about which fake hairpiece that they should wear that night? I don't think he's arguing that all dance is choreographed by God. I think it's like a metaphor. We seem to have established that god is the executive producer of straightly come dancing which is worried sick

about bruce yeah well or did he do that himself yeah yeah is this the first the first plot in the slow withdrawal i'm worried about withdrawal of bruce i'm worried about bruce because at his age i don't think you come back from the flu. Oh, come on. He should have a jab. Why hasn't he had a flu jab? He probably has. He probably wouldn't go through his wizened old wooden arteries.

Frank Skinner. If you're listening, Bruce, and you won't be, we do wish you well. I love Bruce, so, you know. I've had to apologise to David Tennant. You've had to apologise to Bruce Forsyth. I haven't. And now, I'd like you to apologise to your girlfriend. I haven't said anything. Oh, yeah, you to apologise to your girlfriend. I haven't said anything. You should apologise to your girlfriend.

Apologise now. I don't need to apologise to my girlfriend. Love conquers all. Don't you know that? Hello? What are you doing? Are you going to workshop that internally? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Now, listen, I went to see a comedy show a few weeks ago. It was a Monday night, and it was on a boat on the Thames, a moored boat called the Tattersall Castle, right? And there was this comedian came on, right, called Mickey Flanagan, right? And he came on, and he did, like, 20 minutes. I honestly thought it was one of the best comics I'd seen for years. Completely blew me away.

We should get him on the show. Yeah, well, that's what I said. So I guess it was with us in the studio. Cheers, Frank. Yeah, it's Mickey Flanagan. So are you always that brilliant? There are times and moments where I've been that great. As you know, as a stand-up, you have days when it just takes off.

Yeah. And other days, oh, stand-up, you have days when it just takes off. Yeah. And other days, you think, oh, this is all imploding a little bit. But hopefully mostly like the time you saw me. Yeah, well, it was really, really fabulous. And I thought, why isn't this boat playing the O2 instead of this boat? So why aren't you? Are you one of these guys who decide,

I don't want fame and glory and loads of money, I'd like to keep it real? I've certainly taken my time looking for any sort of success, that's for sure. I've sort of... I think I came into it quite late with quite a philosophical attitude towards it and thought... Got to the point where I was making a living and, like, most working-class fellas thought, oh, that'll do.

You know, sort of a few quid on the sideboard, ain't got to go work till Thursday. And I sort of left it like that for about five years. You've taken the few quid on the sideboard approach I ain't got to go to work until Thursday. And I sort of left it like that for about five years. You've taken the few quid on the sideboard approach to comedy. Yeah, when you get up on a Monday morning and there's a lot of money on the table and you think, oh, that'll do. And your ambition seems, it seems you seem like you've got there already. Yeah.

You don't have to go to work anymore. And then people start saying, so what are you going to do next? And you think, oh, well, we've got to push on now. And that's basically a couple of years ago, I sort of thought I probably should push on, partly just to keep it interesting and to keep doing new things, really. But I still essentially just love being a stand-up. Yeah, well, it's the best job in the world.

Oh, it's fantastic. So why mess about with it? No, I agree with that. I'm saying this as someone who completely took the King's shilling, of course, sold that. Did any money-making project I could get my hands on. Not for money, can I say, just for glory. Yeah.

Well, honestly, I only say this because I think you should be shared with the British public more. Yeah, well, that is the idea. We are pushing on now. I mean, I am very interested in, you know... Being a star. I don't know. When you sort of come from a fair...

I've got to keep waffling on about the working-class background. All those things seem like... Well, can I stop you there? Because I have a Mickey Flanagan fact sheet. Ah. And the first part, get this, Mickey Flanagan is 45 and was born at the London Hospital in Whitechapel and brought up on a council estate in Bethnal Green.

Well, you've gone to the working class, haven't you? Does it mention that my dad was in prison a little bit? It doesn't mention that, no. That's marvellous. It's great. I said it to him when I was five. I said, Dad, you're going to have to go to prison for a little while because they're not going to believe I'm working class enough. So he just went outside robbing people.

It's all he could do for me at the time. So was he in prison or was he out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You added that for colour. No, he was. He went to prison a couple of times. Not spectacularly, you know, just a year here and there. How does one go to prison spectacularly?

It's like Marie Antoinette. What I'm saying is that I think there are a lot of men who get sort of 18 months or a year. He never got like 15s or 20s. You know, those big ones. Those big glamour stretches. You miss your whole childhood. So he was gone for a little while.

I love Father's prison sentence boasting. My dad can say, if I went to prison, you've won this. If we are playing top trumps, working class people, you've completely won me on the prison sentence. I do have to bring it in sometimes on conversations when people are telling me they're working class.

But Frank had an outside toilet, which he never ties of telling us. Did you have that as well? No, his dad stole it. We had one. My dad used to keep his guns in there, so we weren't allowed in the toilet. No, because we got a council flat when I was about two on quite a nice council estate, which they did used to exist,

and they still do, by the way. So, yeah, we had a toilet. That made me mad. We had a toilet. We had a toilet. It was just outside. We had a toilet. We had a toilet. It was just outside. It just seems right to have the toilet outside anyway, sort of, doesn't it? You get the paper and you leave the building.

I agree with that. I may have mentioned this before, but when the council came round our house and said, we're going to modernise your council house and we're going to put you a toilet indoors, my dad said, toilet indoors? Isn't that a bit unhygienic? It does seem odd, doesn't it? Yeah. What, we're going to put you a toilet indoors. My dad said, toilet indoors? Isn't that a bit unhygienic? It does seem odd, doesn't it? Yeah, what, we're going to do that? That, that act, indoors.

You should have it outside of your penthouse now. That'd be good. Yeah. You know when your dad used to come out of the toilet? Have you mentioned my penthouse to show me off in front of Mickey Flanagan? I might have. Sorry, Mickey, carry on. The toilet thing is, you know, i might have sorry mickey carry on the toilet thing is you know when it you knew when your dad came out of the toilet he'd been to the toilet there was no vagaries

about it would drift downstairs and seep into the other parts of the house and you think oh good god no no we don't i'm all for the outdoor one absolute radio this is frank skinner on absolute radio mickey flanagan is our guest i think i think arguably at the moment the funniest comedian in the world that's my that's my that's my summary so uh mickey you've got uh and i'm gonna mention a rival radio station i want you all to brace yourselves you're gonna you're doing a show on radio four yes i am and it's called what chance change yeah what what is it about it's called What Chance Change? Yeah. What is it about? It's basically the, because I took a show to the Edinburgh Festival in 2007,

and I tried to look at all the various things you can do to change your life that you can do. Yeah. Having left school with no qualifications. Yeah. And I sort of looked at the fact that you can travel, you can start your own business, you can do what i do is eventually go back to university sort of late on in life all those things and then ultimately you can chase your dream can i say i've got a uh a little graph here showing your working class

university thing has thrown a complete spanner in the works well it is about that conflict of sort of coming from a place and then ending up somewhere where you're continually a little bit lost. Yeah. You know, you get around two people who are too highbrow and you think,

oh, what do you know, never done a day's work. Yes. And then you go back home and you sort of don't fit in there properly either. Yes. And you're continually challenged all the time with these two forces.

Right. One of them's got ultimately got a win and it's it's the bread and oil that's won with me yeah no i don't move have you moved to balsamic are you breaking yourself you've got to treat yourself haven't you every now and then you know so we have sort of skewed i've skewed that way okay um. And, you know, so... And I spend a lot of my time sort of thinking, you know, is this it? Is this how you... The minute you go on,

I don't particularly want this life anymore, this working-class life. Yeah. Inevitably, you end up somewhere, you end up, like, at the theatre or something or the opera or something, and you don't seem to fit in there. No.

You're looking around thinking, I bet this is hard to clean. You know, you think, it's hard to get up up there you're going to end up going to science breakfast with the astronomer royal that's what frank i love science do you yeah yeah you see because i did my degree was uh in social sciences but we did the first year looking at philosophy of science which i think comes back to your dancer thing which i think love about this, Vicky, we've done two links with you. It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Dr. Council Estate and Mr. Balsamic Vinegar. Well, my dad said to me when he got out of prison last time, he said, you know, it's all about free will and determinism, which I think... I think that song's about the dancer thing

it's about have we got three will or is it all predetermined yes I think that's it's a philosophical argument that's gone on since time began

yes so this Radio 4 show it is a comedy though isn't it it's all the funny bits from those experiences and just the thing of going to

a university and sort of having a working class accent and people looking over you know thinking blimey the window cleaner's keen and they you know that sort of uh that sort of attitude that basically you've rewritten educating rita yeah to a large extent that film really i watched that film and it did really you know resonate oh yeah i agree yeah i think everyone who's come from a that sort of background when you go to university you always feel a little bit almost you should be apologizing for it when you're entitled to do it no i think that that is

true and i think that i i still if i uh like i did uh i repeated someone's gag earlier about wagner and afterwards i felt quite guilty i thought thought, now, you know, there are people listening to think, and they're thinking, oh, he's changed. And, you know what I mean? You do worry about that. So you're going to do a warm-up in order to try out all this stuff from the show, so people can come and see it live. Yeah, yeah.

The Hobgoblin, if anyone's over in South East London on the 22nd of November on a Sunday night. We're going to be starting about 8 o'clock. I'm going to be going through the whole show in two parts probably. So it's a fabulous insight

as well into how a comedian puts together a radio show. Yeah, it will be really interesting to see me struggling with certain things that I have to talk about in quite a clean way.

Yes. You know, a wholesome way. Because it's going out at 6.30 on Radio 4, so obviously there are certain things you can't talk about. Yeah. But there's enough in the show that I don't have to go down that road anyway. Yeah. And you can't, you know.

They'll be watching me, basically, rehearse, but it's still funny. Yeah. Trust me, it will be funny. Absolute. Radio. So this is Frank Skier on Absolute Radio. We're with Mickey Flanagan, and we were just talking about his forthcoming radio show on Radio 4.

But also, you did a stand-up comedy course. Yeah. To learn to be a stand-up comedian. Is that how it went? Yeah, it was very popular at the time. I don't know if it's still going, but a lot of the people on the circuit now did that one or a version of it.

This was at a place called Jackson's Lane. If you live in London, it's a very well-known Jackson's Lane Community Centre, yeah. What do you do? Well, you sort of turn up, and there's normally about ten of you at the beginning, which then we all stand. In my group, I think it came down to about six. And are these people who've never done stand-up but they want to ever okay never been

near it and what you get to do is meet working circuit comics who run the course right and they sort of talk to you about what it is you want to what you think your persona might be how to build up material just basic things like standing by the mic yeah getting the mic out the way looking at the audience you know just little techniques like that they cannot make you funny no they can tell you probably best not not to do that and but this is a nice way to you know and it just gives you the confidence to maybe book your first five minute open spot okay because as you know most people go, I'd quite like to be a stand-up comedian.

Ten years later, they're still thinking it. Yeah, true. Someone needs to say to you, yes, you can do it. Yes. See, what I did, I thought I'd like to be a stand-up comedian. I'd seen some comedy in Edinburgh. So I booked a room for the next Edinburgh Festival to do an hour. This is absolutely true.

And I hadn't done any comedy at all at that point. And I actually tied with the idea of writing some comedy but not trying any out until I arrived in Edinburgh and I thought, I'd better give it, I'd better try a few gigs. And, of course, when I tried, I was appalling. Yeah. So I had about, by that point, about eight months to get an hour of material for the Edinburgh Festival. Otherwise I'd lose 400 quid, which was my life savings at the time.

Yeah, I mean, that is a story, I think, that a lot of people, maybe back then when you started, probably thought, oh, you just sort of get up and talk. Yeah. And then learn very quickly that they look at you like, yeah. Well, you can get up and talk, but so will the audience. They'll get up and leave. Some will the audience don't get up and leave some will talk

quite loudly in your direction which way you come into stand up you learn very quickly they let you talk as long as it's a funny bit yeah exactly

and so you see people doing their open spots and they're talking away and you go you've actually not realised that there has to be a funny bit at some point

because people start going can you get the beers in, will you? You know, they were probably away the week they did jokes on the course. If you missed that part. Yeah, and they haven't said to the others, can I borrow your notes from last week? They've thought, I'll boss you. They were great at holding the mic stand, though.

They knew how to do that. Yeah, that bit you could get. But I did meet, I met certain people who are still characters on the circuit. Ivor Dembina took one of the weeks, or two weeks, I think. He was the first sort of alternative comic I ever saw, Ivor Dembina. Yeah, and he sort of said to us, you'll get all the bits together that it takes to be a stand-up, you know, persona and confidence, and you'll know what to do,

but writing material will always be hard. Yeah, well, it certainly was for Ivor Denby. He used the same 20 minutes for about 15 years. In fact, I think he said the word impossible, but I've changed it to hard. He used to do a job in North London and he did the same material every week and loads of people used to come and he'd do a joke and people would shout

again! But he did finally went through a sort of renaissance and then he wrote loads and loads of new stuff and changed. But he was stuck for a while. He was stuck on that material. A lot of people do get stuck. Yeah. You know because the circuit's so big and wide you can do

the same set for years and years and you know. and that's dull isn't it it can drive people that you can drive you up the wall and also mickey i'll be honest my memory isn't what it was well i did a show last i need to improvise i can't remember 20 minutes stuff i the show i did last night i did two 45 minute sets and halfway through the second one i literally was doing that thing i was looking at the scene and thinking where am i now yeah you know and you have to look at the audience and they know well sometimes because i did things when you do four 20 minute gigs in a night yeah yeah come the third one you're thinking have i done this material before i've always have i just said that it's that's quite that's quite

scary let's just think about how scary that is okay so look um mickey we can if we want to see your warm-up gig well it's at the um ob goblin in east dollet yeah it's in forest hill a forest hill directly opposite forest hills oh i'm gonna go to that i haven't been to forest hill either okay that'll be lovely so and when is it can't promise a lot don't say that i'm trying to get people to go the show will be great But Forest Hill It's in There isn't a forest It's changing Okay

What's the date? It's on It's the 22nd of November Right And it's the Hobgoblin Forest Hill Tube I absolutely recommend it This man is the future of comedy

Cheers Mickey Thanks for coming in Thank you very much Frank Absolute Radio We move now towards the end of the show It was Mickey. Thanks for coming in. Thank you very much, Frank. Absolute Radio. We move now towards the end of the show. It was good, wasn't it? I love it.

It's a great job, this. I love that Mickey Flanagan. Oh, that Mickey Flanagan. He's awesome. I tell you, his stand-up is really... I wasn't just saying it, because you might have been thinking I was just saying it because he was here.

Yeah, because you sometimes lie, to be honest. Yeah, sometimes. The minute they've gone, the minute the door's shut, I lay into them, but no, he's proper funny., sometimes. The minute they've gone, the minute the door's shut, I lay into them. But no, he's proper funny. All that stuff about working class people or people from working class backgrounds doing stuff

that they shouldn't be doing. What about, get this. I'm going to do a plug now. Oh, God. I've got a short story in the Sunday Times magazine tomorrow. Seriously? Do you end it by saying I woke up and it was

all a dream? No. That's a great ending. I'm going to end this anecdote like that. So, yes, if you're interested in what sort of a short story I might write, it's not jokes. It's sort of neo-Shakespearean.

Is it? Does it start, it was a cold and frosty morning? No, you keep on about how it starts. You'll have to read it. You'll have to read it if you're going to be dismissive about it before you've even read it, Emily Dean. And yes, I have used your surname and what of it? Oh, SRB, SRB, a sausage in a roll in a box for me. Oh, I love that ad. Yes, what happened? I remember that at the cinema in a box for me oh I love that ad

I remember that at the cinema it was a cinema ad do you remember the one for Keora when it used to be like a crow it's a

keora and they used to say to that there used to be a crow gonna drink it and then the character would say too orangey for crows

I don't remember that but you've made that up. No, no, that definitely happened. Just for me and my dog. Because now, on Friday nights when I'm watching the seances, I like to walk around the house going, R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Cora. So anyway, that's it from us.

Thanks for listening. And if you still are, good day to you. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.