The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: Phil Nichol

Episode Date: July 11, 2009

Frank, Emily & Gareth give away tickets to the Wembley Cup, a competition that causes a studio meltdown! Emily celebrates her birthday and comedy actor Phil Nichol is this weeks guest.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there too. I've run out of time though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Hello and welcome to Frank Skinner's Absolute Podcast. I've never worked out whether it's called that or not, but here it is.

And I'm with Emily and Gareth. Good morning. Yeah, hello. And it's a bit different this week, isn't it, the show, in that it hasn't happened yet. Because I'm going off to watch the Test Match, so I'll be hanging around after doing intros to the podcast. So it's going to be great. I have a good feeling about it. You've got my birthday lunch to come to because it's my birthday today.

Oh, yeah, and Emily's birthday, I'm sure, will be mentioned during the show. Yes, it better be. Other things we're going to talk about in the show, maybe? Well, we don't know that. But it's going to be good. So listen, I'm probably going to listen. If only we could listen now. Phil Nicol might come as well. Oh, Phil Nicol, if he turns up, he'll be the guest.

And we're expecting him to turn up. God willing. Yeah, God willing, we'll be here as well. So tune in and turn on. Absolute Radio. Welcome. Welcome. I'm here with, I'm Frank Skinner, better get that clear.

I'm here with Emily and Gareth. Good morning. Hello. And what else? We're on Absolute Radio, aren't we? Yes, I think that's right. Which is fabulous. And let me put this to you.

What about this? If you want a really spooky, a slightly spooky, frightening start to the day, what about this? frightening start to the day. What about this? Oh! I'm frightened. Let's start moving furniture in a minute, then it gets really scary. Brace yourselves. Oh, God!

Here it comes. Oh, that's it. Here we get it down the stairs, the box. You think I'll just pull it down. Anyway, in case you're wondering what this is, it's the theme tune to Day of the Triffids, which is a 1970s TV show currently being re-shown on BBC4. 1980s.

Yeah, 1980s. Sorry. Very important. You may have guessed from that that Emily's in it. I thought it was from the 50s. Yeah, 1980s, sorry. Very important. You may have guessed from that that Emily's in it. I thought it was from the 50s. How dare you. It's the 1980s, and we watched it. Me and Gareth watched it the weekend, didn't we? And you weren't in it.

Well, I am in it, just be a bit patient. It was the first two episodes. You've intimated me for years that you were the star of Day of the Triffids. First two episodes, you weren't in. i ended up on the cutting room floor laughing well yes that's how you got the job i heard i'm terribly sorry how old were you six i take that back ladies and gentlemen if the director or casting director is listening i imagine they're dead it was so long ago frank but they might not be just accept i was in in Dare the Triffids and it was a big achievement and you weren't. No, I wasn't in Dare the Triffids.

That's absolutely... When was it made? It was about 1981, I think. No, I wasn't in Dare the Triffids. I was in the New Inn pub in Langley Green in the West Midlands getting very, very drunk. Oh, OK. So did you... I was too, to be fair.

Were you in there? I didn't see you in there. Did you play Triffid then, Emily? No-one's ever said that to me before, as you can imagine. No-one's ever said it to me either. A, they don't call me Emily, and B, I have no Triffid associations, really. I've got a Triffid in my bathroom. I stole it from the set.

I didn't steal it, I was given it by the director. Oh, they're like ten feet tall. No, I've got a mini. There were lots of baby Triffids where my brother died, and it was in the flowerbed,, I was given it by the director. Oh, they're like ten feet tall. No, I've got a mini, there were lots of baby Triffids where my brother died and it was in the flower bed and I got given it. When your brother died, you mean in the programme? You were very casual. When my brother died, he was in the flower bed.

Oh, my God. Sorry. Well, it's actually a really, it's a really good, it's a good programme, though. It's not like your modern day sci-fi, you know. There was no need for gimmicks. No. No or um gay kisses you know i mean it was just good old frightening sci-fi no it was and they had but i was quite scared though because when the triffids were operated by a little man inside them who had a cooling fan because it got very hot in there

yeah so that was quite traumatic when i saw the man sort of driving around in the triffid how little how little a man are we talking about he was of reduced size okay yeah i wonder what he's doing now because the triffid work dried up didn't it but we had someone on recently who's going to be in day of the triffids didn't we i know we didn't know but eddie is in the remake yeah so maybe that little man will get the phone call. Yeah. You know, what we need... Look, Geoff, what we need is a Triffid specialist.

Is Bill Morley still around? And then he'll get the call. I'm guessing he was called Bill Morley. It's a shot in the dark, but if I've got it right... No-one could do a Triffid like Bill, though. Oh, God. He was a Triffid coach. He was terrific.

Eh? Absolute Radio. You could do a Triffid like Bill, though. Oh, God. He was a Triffid coach. He was terrific. Eh? Absolute. Radio. Look, if you want to watch the Triffids, it's on BBC4 at 7 o'clock and half seven on this Sunday. Tomorrow. We're calling it tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Informally. I'll get a cheque for that, won't I? That's brilliant. Will you get a cheque? Yeah, I still get cheques for it. Do you really? Yeah, of course. Don't be so surprised.

Well, it hasn't been on. I haven't seen it on much. Yeah, that's because actually in Dubai it's on. All over the world it's on. Oh, it's on in Dubai. I think on a loop, isn't it? On Dubai television. Yeah, oh, they love it. The people of Dubai. I'm quite big in New Zealand as well. The Daboodians.

Yeah, yeah. Let's call the whole thing Arabs so yeah it was great coincidentally in the world of the child star it was the Harry Potter premiere this week and it rained so heavily that Emma Watson apparently to sort of soothe the fans

and to give them a bit of compensation for getting soaked showed them her pants. She got her pants out. She said, I don't normally do this, but you've stood here in the pouring rain, here you are. Now we'll say no more about it. Keep it under your hats. And off she went. She's a very down-to-earth girl, I think.

She did really good. I really like her. I can't work out now whether I like her or not from an attraction point of view. I don't want to talk about someone's personal appearance. I think she's an element of the jolly lead, as the French say. Oh, no, she's straightforward pretty, Frank. Jolly lead? What does that mean? Literally, it means pretty ugly.

But it doesn't mean she's pretty ugly. It means that from some angles she's pretty and from some angles she's less pretty. Basically, if a guy says it to you, you want to punch him. Well, I don't know. I've been out uh jolly lead women before don't name them no i'm not going to name them um but you know i just make sure i stand at the right angle and then if i'm thinking this relationship isn't working i move like about 15 or 16 degrees to my left and it can you know it convinces me i'm doing the right thing. Frank. Yes, is that a bad thing to say? Yes.

I'm sorry, let's move on. I actually like the old Harry Potter films. Have you read the books? No. Oh. How old am I? I've read all the books. Yeah, but you're one of those odd people that read children's books.

Do you buy Bounty as well every week? Yeah. I decided not to read them the minute I got a mortgage. I thought perhaps it wasn't appropriate for me to be reading Harry Potter anymore. I don't understand why you'd want to read that. I read one of those books. What's the other one? Philip Pullman.

And I got to the end of page one and then a moth started talking. And I just thought, why would I read this? In the book? Yeah. Not in real life. Yeah, because I know you've had your dark days shall we say in the michael jackson type mold oh yeah and then this moth started talking okay i've got to go now anyway well it's all it's all very good um so i've got a special effect for you, I love to play, this is a surprise special effect that you don't know about who is this?

sorry I've got to go, I think my baby's crying well it worked you see I should have just done it and not made any announcement that was me when I couldn't get a table at the Ivy it's funny, I thought you were just going to go Laura the baby's crying I should have just done it and not made any announcement. That was me when I couldn't get a table at the Ivy. It's funny, I thought you were just going to go, Laura, the baby's coming. That's what I thought you were going to do.

Yeah, that's Garrett's new baby, Ethan. Yeah, that's his first ever, I think, performance on television. I thought he was quite good. Good long power. That's so sweet. I could see, I envisioned a purple, slightly wrinkled face and some clenched fists. Maybe in small gloves to avoid scratching. Am I right? Am I in the right area? We did start him off on the scratch mitts

but we took him off because he's fine now. Scratch mitts? Scratch mitts, that's what we call them, yeah. So you don't hurt yourself. I never knew that. Oh, I love... I'm going to learn all about babies from Gareth. Okay, well, get your scratch mitts on.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. We've got a big competition this week, which is you can win tickets to the Wembley Cup. Now, I know the Wembley Cup sounds like something your girlfriend would call the FA Cup. Is it the Wembley Cup this week? It's not called the Wembley Cup. But there is something called the Wembley Cup this week? It's not called the Wembley Cup! But there is something called the Wembley Cup now.

I love the insight I just got into your home right there. And when you get on the radio, it says, and late sports news, West Bromwich Albion. Have you said, shut up! Shut up! You don't know, look! So, yes, the Wembley Cup is Barcelona, Celtic, Tottenham Hotspur and Aliha, a team from Egypt. And it'll be in Wembley.

And we've got, oh man, we've got all sorts of, I'll tell you after. But honestly, get ready with your pencils and papers. I thought I'd never live to see that. It's like being on Blue Peter. So, yes. Why is it those four teams in the Wembley Cup? That sounds quite random. Well, it's the summer.

Everyone else is on holiday. Oh, OK. No, what they do is they'll pay those teams because they're teams that people want to see. OK. Ali-Hali. The Egyptian champions. Yes.

How do they work? Don't say it like you know it gara yes so um yeah they play the pyramid formation um yeah so we were talking about the fact that prince harry has got a new we think he's got a new girlfriend we don't know yeah it seems to be nataliebruglia. It said Natalie Imbruglia nabs Prince Harry. Yes, I've heard that. Yeah. Now, she's someone, see, who is classically seen as... She is someone.

Well, is she? She is now. But she's someone who's classically seen as very beautiful. But you know those things when there's very beautiful people and you think, oh, it doesn't work for me. She's one of those. Well, I think that song, Torn, that she did is quite a vulnerable when she says,

I'm cold and I'm shamed lying naked on the floor. Yes. That's quite moving, isn't it? You think, oh, poor Natalie. I end most of my days. Usually. I always thought Torn was a... It's a good day that someone's shamed and naked on the floor.

I think you'll find that Tord is a reference to her scratch mitts. And that wasn't rhyming slang, if anyone's listening. It's a difficult... I've never... She's like a very attractive version of Orville. You know, she's got those really big eyes and little cheeks. Well, do you need to make Orville any more attractive? Well, I don't, but I think Keith Harris is giving him a bit of a work over at the moment. She's not what I would have envisaged for Prince Harry. Does this sound like I'm about to say

something very bitchy? No. Well, I think we all agree that we like Natalie and Bruglia generally as a human being. Yes. Aren't we, Emily? I don't know. I'm sure she's very nice. Yeah, I'm sure. But I just But I didn't know that it was that easy Because she's a bit older, maybe, than him Is she? Yeah Oh, I suppose she must be She's about 34 and he's about 24

Well, you know And she's not sort of blue-blooded So I'm just saying if I'd have known it was that easy I would have had a pot myself Yeah Well, I think it's a bit insensitive, to be honest, to be going out with an Australian during an Ashes series.

This is the sort of thing the royals in the old days would never have done. But now, you know, they just do what they like. And I, well, I disapprove. That's what I'm saying. I felt myself floundering then. I don't often flounder on this show. I just thought, in truth, I don't have an opinion on Harry and Natalie and Rugby.

Do you care, Frank? I care. I tell you what I care. I don't think famous people should go out with each other. It's always been my... I felt once I got famous, it was my duty to spread it about a bit. That's very good of you. I mean, that's two...

What you've got, if you've got two famous people, that could have been two relationships that had a famous person in them. Yes. And now you're condemning two not famous people to go out with each other. Hatterley, as a couple, is the name that I would give them. You know how celebrity couples have a name? Oh, yes. Hatterley.

Harry and Natalie. It's good, yeah. Nary, I like. Nary. Nary, yeah. Nary, I like. Nary. Nary's good. Nary. I saw Nary in a club. Yeah.

So we're going to have a phone in, which is why we brought this up. I'll be honest with you. I'll show you the workings of our minds. And we thought, if there was going to be a celebrity couple that doesn't currently exist, who would you like to see as a couple?

Now, nothing silly like Joan of Loma and Macaulay Culkin. I'm not saying that's necessarily silly. I mean, I'm not saying that they couldn't find love. Jukokin. Jukokin. Yeah. Yeah, is that what it would be? Columo. Columo's better Maluku let's call the whole thing

no anyway yes now it's also if you want to if you want to phone it sorry I just it's not working this morning shall we just start again?

good tackle I've heard Jonah Lomu I can't believe you said that I'm oh I'm going home now so if you want to text us it's on I've heard Jonah Lomu. I can't believe you said that. Oh, Gareth. Oh, I'm going home now. So if you want to text us, it's on 81215, or 81215,

or 81215, whatever you want to call it. Text us on that. Which celebrity couple would you like to see together? And could they suggest what name they would have if they had a celebrity name? Yes. Let's not overtax them. Don't do that.

If that's like a special class. If that's going to stop you from texting, just text in and we'll do the work. Just send us the basics. It's got to be like a flat pack joke arriving. And then we'll do our best to put it together. We'll turn it into magic. Yeah, we'll turn it into comedy magic, of course.

Now, I should announce officially that it's Emily's birthday today. Happy birthday to you. E-e-e. Happy birthday. Now, there are people at home thinking, goodness me, Stevie Wonder is in the studio, but he is, and that was Gareth.

But we're very... Happy birthday, Emily. Thank you, Frank. Thank you, Gareth. And can I say, I consider it a special treat to share your birthday with you on the air. Let's give her the bumps. Oh, no, that's less nice.

Oh, let's give her the bumps. But let's do it. Let's use this as the background music. Absolute Radio. So we've got a big competition for you today, like they do on proper radio programmes. You can win four tickets to the wembley cup and you don't only get tickets you get uh to stay in a hotel on the friday and the saturday

as well in london right so if you're in london you know you can you don't have to stay at home you'll save on electric and um and if you're outside of london it stops you just hanging around in parks and that. The way a lot of people from outside London seem to come down and think they can just sleep on the street and that's all right. But don't complain about how expensive it is. No, don't start saying, I can't believe this. It's two pounds for a can of Coke. Very pricey in London.

We know it is. Oh, it's pricey. And if there's one thing I hate, it's pricey. Peter Andre, 2009. So this is the competition, right? And the question... Shall I tell you the question first? I have to give the conditions,

because we don't want a sort of Ant and Dec situation where I'm, you know, accused of doing some strange thing where, you know, there's dodgy dealings going on. You've done strange things. Yeah, but I'm not suggesting that Ant and Dec are crooks. They're very nice chaps, but you know there was a bit of confusion about... Which is which. Yeah, the which is

which thing, when apparently one was being the other one. So, here's the thing. You, er... Oh, I don't want to do this anymore. It's on Friday the 24th and Sunday the 26th of July at Wembley. You'll get four tickets, right?

And as I say, you'll stick in a hotel and it'll be lovely. You have to make your own way to London. I'm making that clear because I don't want people phoning the show saying, you know, I'm in Northampton, where's my car? Right? And if you want to find out about it, you can look at www.thewembleycup.com. If that's the kind of spare time you've got in your life, do that. I think that's a really nice prize.

It's a very nice prize. I'm not questioning the prize. So here's the conditions. We have to do this now, otherwise I'll end up in prison. You're making it sound so scary. They're very touchy about it now. Oh, God, I'm worried about doing a competition generally. Text your name, followed by your answer,

to an unusual number, 8, 12, 15, right? Have you got that? Have you got your pencils? I said get your pencils before! If you're in a car, best not use your pencil. We'll pick a winner at random and call you back, so don't switch off your phone so that you'll also get to speak on live on air and let's face it somebody should have a go at doing it properly and then the lines are open now and are the lines open no i have to have the question

first that's probably sensible so that's the kind of little slip that got anton deck into such hot water it's like you say we pay in here yeah and you don't want to put anton deck in hot water. It's like you say, we pay in here. Yeah, and you don't want to put Ant and Dec in hot water. More than about two foot, they're in danger. Lines are open now, and you've got to... They're not open now. I've told you they're not open. Get your pencils ready, park the car. How long is this going to take?

The question... The question... Text your name, followed by your... I've got to read these out, or I'm... The question, text your name, followed by your... I've got to read these out, all right? The question is... As I said, this tournament includes Tottenham Hotspur and Barcelona FC. I want you to tell me which novelist managed both Tottenham Hotspur and Barcelona. I'm going to give you that question again in a sort of DJ voice. Which novelist managed both Tottenham Hotspurs and Barcelona? Is it Ian McEwan?

No, it's not Ian McEwan. Don't you guess. Okay. Because I'm damned if I'm going to put you in a hotel for two nights. Charles Dickens. Charles Dickens I wouldn't mind putting in a hotel. Or maybe a hotel ashtray. Okay, so that's it so if you know the answer to that question

text to 81215 in the most legally ok way you can that won't get me into trouble and you can get 4 tickets do they get 4 tickets for each day or 4 tickets over the 2 days 4 tickets for each day that was Emma

in case you thought is that him doing another voice like some sort of weirdo? Has he got a glove poppet there? That was not me. That was Emma, our producer, who basically runs the whole show. Can I just say that? And we love her as well, don't we?

Yes, we love you, Emma. And we love you, Emily. Yes. You're sounding a bit insincere now. Oh. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Absolute Radio that was Read My Mind

and if you've done that you won't need to know who the band was I'm thinking I love being on Absolute Radio I am thinking that, who wouldn't think that and can I say we have been inundated is the only word I I'll be straight I thought about 8 people listening to this show and I didn't think that. And can I say, we have been, inundated is the only word. We've never, I had no idea. I'll be straight. I thought about eight people listening to this show.

And it's incredible. We've had millions of entries. One piece of information I forgot to mention is each text costs £4.50. That's not true. No, it's not true. It's not true. But what we're saying it's a normal text rate

isn't it is that what it is I think so yes don't try and sound all professional like you know I've had to write all the names down

of all the people who've texted in and too many people have texted in frankly okay well the lines are no clothes can we say that lines are no

what did I say no clothes no I was just the lines let's do it back up the lines have no clothes it sounds say that lines and what did i say no clothes no i was just yeah the lines the lines back up the lines have no clothes it sounds like a sort of weird washing line commentary um yeah so don't don't send any more but we've got lots of uh correct um things and we're going to get the winner on the phone on the show yeah and they'll be and live live live but for all you people have sent in i just thank thanks so much to listen to the show because Yeah, and they'll be. Live, live, live. But for all you people who've sent in, I just thank, thanks so much that you listened to the show.

Because we've never seen any figures, any listening figure. I honestly thought it was like two people in a car going from Donfermeline to Glasgow. And I thought that in that car was your girlfriend and my mum. Yeah, exactly. So that's brilliant. It's brilliant news. Your by-product to the competition is we've found that people actually listen,

unless they're just tuning for competitions and are psychic. Yeah, and have been sorely disappointed so far. Yes. Well, I might do another competition now I know how popular it is. I might give away some of my own stuff. I'm a bit sunburned, I'll be honest. My face is a bit pink. You shouldn't do that.

It's bad for you no i know but i tell you what i went to the test match on thursday in cardiff right hard to believe i know but that's where it was and it was a very cloudy day so i thought well it's a cloudy day i won't bother with the hat or any of that stuff and then i got on the train and looked in the mirror i looked like the singing detective. I don't know if you remember. Did you not put any protection on? No. You can still get tanned through the sun.

Did you not know that? Sorry to sound so appalled. A tan through the sun? Yeah. A tan through the clouds. No, well, I didn't know that. That's the whole point of the story. You've got a hair bow and your headphones,

and it looks very peculiar. Is that a hair bow because someone bought you chocolates for your birthday and you thought, I'm having that bow? No, it's a fashion thing and it looks really good. Okay. So, yeah, so I sat there and I got burnt through on a completely overcast...

So those of you who think that can't be done, it can be done. So wear sunblock all through the winter. But I don't understand. Why don't we get sunburnt all the time then if you can get sunburnt through clouds? I don't know. why don't we get sunburned all the time then, if you can get sunburned through clouds? I don't know. Do you always get...

What am I, the meteorological office? Maybe you got cricket burnt. Maybe watching cricket burns you. Yes. This is an important scientific discovery. Do you always get, do you go brown though, or do you always get burnt? I mainly go, I look like someone who was looking for a small item of jewellery in a blast furnace, is how I usually go. I have a take on a sort of Sir Alex Ferguson type of

hue. But I once got very, oh, I got very bad. I was on the beach at Eastbourne in Sausage. Is that in Sausage? Yes. Yeah. And I don't have a map with me, trust me. And a friend of mine had said to me,

the best way to get a good tan is to cover yourself in olive oil. So I bought some, I didn't know. So I bought some olive oil and I smeared myself. I mean, I was dripping with it. I would have been very, no one could have grabbed me. They couldn't have got any purchase. But I lay there and I thought, i'm burning a bit i better put some more oil on so i every time i got older i added more and i lay in the sun honestly for about

six hours slapping on the olive oil that night i was in um kingston casualty kingston hospital and they gave me stuff that they give to burns victims. Really? I was in a terrible state. That is a terrible... Who gave you that advice? Jamie Oliver? I did see a woman on the beach once putting on Crisp and Dry. Do you remember that stuff? Crisp and Dry.

Crisp and Dry that you'd use. I think it was in the 70s or 80s. And I did see that once. Well, I had psoriasis at the time. I used to put on Shake and Vac. Absolute. Radio. So the competition, it's closed.

And we've had so many entries and we've had people from Hong Kong and all sorts Yeah People listen to us in Hong Kong Amazing isn't it?

It's changed my life this competition I've become slightly self conscious I didn't know anyone was listening otherwise I would have tried to do a more

professional job Matt the postie who texted in said that he said it's because we had loads of Spurs fans, he thought. That's why we had so many entries. We have Spurs fans listening to the show.

I like the idea that we have one small subsection of society, just Spurs fans for a random reason. Perhaps they identified the sadness in my voice. Hey, you know we were asking about celebrity couples and who would be good, fantasy celebrity couples. Yes.

Someone's emailed in and suggested they haven't given their name, which is a shame because I think it's rather good. Yeah, we like to give out their names because it makes us feel like part of our family. Because it's Didier Drogba and Grace Jones and they think they should be called Disgrace, which I think is quite good. It is quite good and they'd make a lovely couple, might I say, but you need an S, don't you, for disgrace? You've got de-grace. I don't like that. She needs to go out with Disraeli, really, the former Prime Minister. Yeah, which would be difficult. Did she go out with Disraeli? I don't think

she went out with Disraeli. I think she might have gone out with William Hewitt Gladstone. That's why I was upset when Danielle Lloyd split up with Jermaine Defoe, because she would have been Danielle Defoe it would have been brilliant if only Whoopi Goldberg had married Peter Cush is there any other celebrity couples

yeah we've got Brian Blessed and Eminem bless them I like the I like the fact that somebody... That's obviously half-way, that. It's a sort of sketch pad towards a joke. They both thought they were sending it in.

They said they'd have a flat pack thing. Who sent that in? It's no good moaning they don't send the names and then don't read the name. Do you know what it is? It's all the confusion with Venables. It's just all gone mad. OK, that's from Johnny Miller.

Now you've given the answer to the competition. I can't't believe it you've taken all the tension out of it the producer said it was fine okay okay sorry who was the name of the person that said to you johnny miller and great yarmouth oh good old johnny miller i feel really bad now have i ruined the whole thing yes you've ruined my day if that means anything to you. Oh, no. Not really. No, the lines are closed. It's fine, isn't it? Oh, okay. That's okay.

The lines are closed. The competition is done. We'll be speaking to the winner after the news. Absolute Radio. Frank, someone wants your advice. Okay. I see you as something of a sort of spiritual guru figure in my life. I do genuinely think that.

And so this guy... I do. And this guy has said, Frank, I know you're a man of the world I want some advice it was my wedding anniversary on Wednesday and my wife went out

with her friends leaving me at home with the kids do you think this is the end of our marriage he's given his name I know but I'm not going to

give his name because I think he might have written it in anger and might regret it he doesn't want just a straight yes no answer no what do you think well how long have they been married does regret it. He doesn't want just a straight yes, no answer. No. What do you think?

Well, how long have they been married? Does he say that? He doesn't specify. They've got kids, so it's presumably quite a while. One thing that one has to remember about marriage, you know, it's not a prison sentence. And I think I agree with what, with Rilke, the German poet, when he said in a relationship that you should look not to own the other person, have them as their other half, you should be the guardian of their solitude.

In other words, you allow them to develop and to be their own person. You want them to be that. You don't want them to be defined by you and your love and your dependence. So it's great. As a celebration of their marriage and how solid that bond is that she was able to go out with friends not feeling that she had to fall in for the hackneyed cliches of society that you have to sit across a across a table with a candlelight and a gypsy violinist no that's not what love's about love is about letting that other person be free hold that little bird in your hand and if you hold the hand open, it might fly away, it might stay forever. You close the hand,

it'll die. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. So, we're not going to do the thingy, are we? The competition. Because we can't get the bloke's not answering his phone.

Can you believe he's not answering his phone? The first person has not answered his phone. So it just underlines how important it is to answer your phone. Always. If you go into a competition, don't turn your phone off. Also, why don't we have postcards at Absolute Radio with pictures of us three on? The way they do it. When you look into a radio station you get you can get these

lovely color postcards with people like um alan freeman well not alan freeman he's no longer with us but you know a dj yeah in in headphones and maybe a t-shirt with the station and i've always really liked them if i go to a station to do an interview i'll i'll pick up you know a couple of those because and you have a little album at home where you put all of those photos no i have i have a little uh bin at home where i put them but sometimes sometimes they go frank why can't we can we get some taken and we can get all hair and makeup done and look really nice well let's not go over the top i'm not i'm not paying for them can i make that clear i just thought to be honest when you come into the reception absolute there aren't any of those we'll go down to Photo Booth.

We'll go to Woolies. Oh, no, Woolies is shut. Where do you go if you want photos done now? Photographer. Photographer. Yeah, that's a good idea. So, did you read about that kid who got attacked by a ghost? I did, yeah.

What do you make of those kind of stories? Because everything says to me that couldn't have happened. Well, it's funny with ghosts. I think there is something... Oh, it's funny with ghosts. I don't think anybody's going to argue with you about that. I think there's something about ghosts. I think there might be echoes of something that went wrong

or something that was... But they don't exist. What do you mean? Well, in Genesis, when Cain killed Abel... Yes. The god said that... If any of you think that there's been trouble in the ban, Genesis, when Cain killed Abel, God said that Abel... If any of you think that there's been trouble in the band, Genesis, he didn't kill him over musical differences.

It was basically because... Abel was the bass player, Cain was... No, in the Bible. Yeah, Cain killed Abel. God said that Abel's blood cried to him from the ground. Yes. And so it's like, you know, there was an echo of that crime that was committed. So maybe ghosts are like something's wrong

and something needs to be put right So you do basically believe in ghosts? I think there's something, I don't know if it's just people wandering around Do you believe in Derek Okora? I think he definitely exists I can't believe he exists though I think he might be an echo of something very bad

The Liverpool echo in fact it's who he is I believe he exists, though. I think he might be an echo of something very bad. The Liverpool echo, in fact, is who he is. So that was a much cleverer joke that it got credit for, I thought. So we're not going to do the conversation. So if you've answered, and I'll be straight with you, if you got the answer, Terry Venables, which was the right answer, and your phone's off, then please put it on. That's very, very important. Absolute.

Radio. That was We Are The People by Empire Of The Sun. And I'm sorry, there's been one or two sort of silences today on the show when I just couldn't find the right button. Mostly after things I've said. Yeah, but I'm kind of used to that. But we have got the winner on the line now. We've got Michael on the line. Can you believe that? Are you there, Michael? yeah, but I'm kind of used to that. But we have got the winner on the line now. We've got Michael on the line.

Can you believe that? Are you there, Michael? Hello, Frank. Hello, mate. Congratulations. Thanks a lot. I'm well chuffed. I'm a Spurs fan.

Oh, well, that's absolutely perfect. So at least you'll get to see him probably on the first day. So you've got tickets for all two days, but you've got four tickets for each day. Have you got three mates? I've got three mates who usually come to see them to get told and spurs with me, so, yeah. Michael, it couldn't have worked out any better had the whole thing been fixed. Obviously, it wasn't.

Thanks, Ed. So the answer was Terry Venn. Did you need to Google it, or did you just know that immediately? Oh, no, no, I knew that, because there's only one manager that's managed both. I didn't really know that he'd written a book, but I just sort of, you know... Well, there you go, it's an educational programme. OK, well, that's absolutely brilliant. And you live in London, I presume? Yeah, in Wimbledon.

So what will you use the hotel for? Well, it's my girlfriend's birthday next week, so I might just prolong it to, you know, just postpone her gift to the week after. This is too much of a coincidence, isn't it? This is absolutely... And were you on your way... Your granny lives in Wembley.

No. No, okay. Well, Michael, congratulations. And you're our first ever competition winner. Thank you. And to be honest, the chaos it's caused today, you're probably our last. But well done. Well done, Michael. It was lovely.

It was worth the £4.56 then. Exactly, yeah. It was lovely speaking to you, Michael. Take care. Listen, Frank, I sent in that Grace Jones-Didier Drogba pairing as well. You did that? You did that? Surely.

The disgrace was a reference to at the end of the semi-final in the champions league don't say the whole thing don't say the whole thing yeah because he did swear so you well that today if i was you i'd go and put some money on a horse because these things come in threes and uh and today's obviously your day your special day yeah. Yeah, well, I think I'll be happy with this, thanks, Frank. Oh, what a man who's happy with his lot. How marvelous. True of so many Spurs fans. OK, good day to you, Michael.

All right, you too, Frank. Cheers. That was Michael, our competition winner. And as if in a magical link, Phil Nicol, the comedian, is here in the studio. Unbelievable. Hello, Frank. Can I say that Phil's from Canada? comedian, is here in the studio. Unbelievable. Hello, Frank. Can I say that Phil's from Canada?

Yes, you can. Because I don't want people worried about the accent. Right, no, don't worry about the accent. I can actually pretend to be from Scotland if you want, and I could do that. Then they'll just switch off. They'll switch off. I don't think we've had a Scottish guest yet. No, I actually am from Scotland.

Are you really? Yes, I was born in Cumbernauld. Do you know, I never knew that, and we've really? Yes, I was born in Cumbernauld. Do you know I never knew that? And we've met many times. We have, we have indeed. In squally comedy dressing rooms all over the world. We have, and I've never turned on a Scottish accent for you. Are you like John Barrowman?

Do you suddenly speak Scottish when it suits you? I do. Actually, I have that when I talk to my mother on the phone. And I'll be talking to my friends like this, and then my mother will call, Oh, hello, Mum, how are you? Oh, that's fantastic. When you said, Are you like John Barrowrowman i really wondered where that conversation was going well i've already learned something about phil nichol i didn't know he's actually scottish and

that might uh somehow explain your obsession with the edinburgh festival that might explain it yeah i love the edinburgh festival i think i've been i think this is my 19th year i've been going this way i didn't think i don't think the the band who my 19th year I've been going this way. Wow! I don't think the band who played the bagpipe things have been going there that long. No, the bagpipe was invented about 18 years ago. Yes, I remember that now. It was a response to the Ninja Turtles.

That's right. You were in the tattoo at one point, weren't you, Frank? I had a tattoo. Yes, but I had to have it removed because it was... I can't think of anything funny. I think it was I can't think of anything funny I think sometimes if you can't think of anything funny best to just move on because you're only treading water I actually had a friend with a tattoo

it was a tattoo of Herve Villachez who played Tattoo in the movie something or something oh he was the guy on Fantasy Island yes that's right Tattoo so my friend very cleverly he was a drummer so he's mental yeah had a tattoo of tattoo that's brilliant i remember little tattoo oh he'd have been at home in a

triffid yeah that's what so i could have tattooed the uh the lesbian um russian pop you you could yeah that's i like the idea of a tattoo think Gareth could have a tattoo of the planet Tattoo. Tattooing. Hold on, isn't there a planet tattoo? Yeah, isn't tattooing... Tattooing. Tattooing. In Star Wars.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Well, how about that? That's fantastic. How exciting. I've brought just a heap of excitement to the show. How about that? I think we have to start plugging some of the things you're doing, Phil,

because you're the busiest man in the world so we have to mention i'm going to start off with um your own show yes in edinburgh which i believe is called a deadpan poet sings quiet songs quietly it is indeed and what is he it what what it's uh it's a departure for me because normally my stand-up is quite manic and uh and frenetic and And the deadpan poet was me trying to do a deadpan comedy show, almost as an experiment. And it's become this poet character. And I have to say I've been doing previews of it and it's really difficult to stay deadpan for me.

Well, it's very odd to just do a different person. That's quite gutsy. Yeah. Well, I'm doing it in a little tiny room, like a 50-seater. Right. So if it doesn't go very well, I'm not that embarrassed. You see, anyone listening will think to be humiliated in front of 50 people would be their worst nightmare.

But comics will always say, there's only like 1,500 there. It weren't two. Exactly. You get this horrible hide where nothing can get through. You're so thick-skinned. Well, I think the more people you play in front of, the less it becomes an issue. Can I point out that I've never seen Phil Nicol go badly,

and I've seen him probably 50 times. So I don't think it's very likely that this is going to happen. Well, you weren't at my preview last night, where they sat and stared at me. And they were young hipsters. Some people actually went out, got some chips, came back and then sat at the back of the room and ate chips and talked.

Instead of just going out and having chips, they thought they'd come back and just rub it in. As I'm dying, the only sound you could hear was the waft of chip. Right. If that is a sound. Are you familiar with the art of plugging a show? Yes, oh, yeah, yeah. You don't come on and say, I did it last night,

people went out and got chips. Well, you never know, maybe a lot of chip fans that come. Bring your own chips. Brilliant show. Bring your own chips. Bring chips at the beginning so you don't have to leave and miss anything, miss any silence. We'll be back with more Phil Nicholls

sort of slagging off his shows after this very, very marvellous song. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Oh, Ten Paul Tudor. They were great. Oh, yeah. He actually was on right before Corky and the Juice Pigs won in 1993 at the Liquid Rooms in Edinburgh.

I should point out that Corky and the Juice Pigs is Phil's band. Is it his band or what? Well, but, yeah. Did you ever reunionise? No, we haven't had a reunion. It's been 20-some years now, though. been a wrench because they were really popular they were really popular no one ever went out to get chips while we were on no never exactly i think we need to establish the chips thing just phil i don't i know you're being you're a very modest man but

the show will be great like you have my guarantee on that because they always are can i just say the show is great not even will be great it is have my guarantee on that because they always are. Can I just say the show is great? Not even will be great. It is fantastic. Okay, sorry. So you're right. There was an element of hope in my voice. And almost like a disbelief as well.

No, you said you were trying it out. So I thought it was a work in progress. Well, it is a work in progress. And one of the things that happens right before I remember is you do the previews, as you know. And the previews, they go up and down because it's new material and you don't know what works and what doesn't so in fact

as you know we learn more from when it goes bad bad gigs than good gigs and that's why I know so much exactly

but yeah so that will be in Edinburgh and the Edinburgh Festival obviously is in August we can go and see it because we're going up there we're going to do the show

from Edinburgh I hear that I hear that and I'd like you to come and do I'd like you to come not to come and do going up there. We're going to do the show from Edinburgh. I hear that. I hear that. And I'd like you to come and do, I'd like you to come, not to come and do something, I'd like you to come and do the show for me.

That would be great. Well, okay. I'll have to check my diary, obviously. Look, it's really good material. Yeah, it's on at nine o'clock every night at the Stand Comedy Club,

which is like the regular comedy club. Yeah, I know. Well, it's a legendary venue. But, but, it's not just that It's not just that We don't want to give you that No, there's more

You're also doing a play with I find this slightly, with Lionel Blair Lionel Blair, yes, the dancer, the legend I know who he is Yeah, he knows who you are Yeah, well, I hope he does, we've met In fact, he taught me to line dance Did he? Oh, what a nightmare What, you mean line dance like Achy Breaky Heart line dance? Yeah, he knows who you are. Yeah, well, I hope he does. We've met. In fact, he taught me to line dance. Did he?

Oh, what a nightmare. What, you mean line dance like Achy Breaky Heart line dance? Yeah, that kind of thing. I didn't even know he was that... Well, he bought out a DVD. And it's not often we plug a DVD that was out a very long time ago by someone who's not on the show. But he bought out a DVD on how to um outer line dance it was

called something like linel line you see yes yes and he um and he taught me how to do it he's very he's a very good teacher i mean he can dance there's no question he can certainly dance yeah so you're going to be in uh in what with him i'm going to be in a uh 18th century um post restoration forest called the school for scandal by by Richard Brinsley Sheridan. I know it well. Do you? Oh, God. I wish I had known, because I would have got you in.

Will you wear a powdered periwig? Yes, I will wear a periwig. I thought you might. And I actually thought, should I get Frank Skinner or Lionel Blair? Frank Skinner or Lionel Blair? And you were busy. Well, me and him are always up for the same job. You are, I know.

So, say, you're dancing legs. But it's great to work with Lionel. You know Lionel Blair was in the Beatles movie, I think it was Hard Day's Night. He was, yeah. Was he? Yeah. My favourite thing he did was The Plank,

the Eric Sykes film. Oh, yeah. He was in that, yeah. I forgot he was in that. Yeah, I mean, he's done everything. If you go on the internet, you can see him performing with Sammy Davis Jr. on the Royal Variety performance.

And what a brilliant piece of tap dance that is. And he's still got very sort of springy hair. He is. You have a feeling that if he fell, and I'm not saying he would fall, because he's a very fit man, but if he fell, then his head would be protected. It's like carpet underlay.

Yeah, but it's very sort of buoyant. It is. You get the feeling that if he fell, he'd bounce straight back up onto his feet. I think he might. He's got that sort of always bounce back show of his feet. He does. Well, he's actually, I've been rehearsing with him and he actually is brilliant. He is an old pro and a wonderful guy.

And he's playing Sir Peter Teasel in the show, across from Bridget Christie, who is a wonderful new comedian who we've cast as Lady Teasel. And there's an all-star cast. Stephen K. Amos is in the show. See, this is a plug. This is a much better plug than people walked out and bought chips. Now you're getting into it. There'll be no chips sold during this show. Edinburgh will close when the show is on.

And will you get to say, fire in the pox upon you, Sam? I will indeed. I love all that. I love all that. So how does that work with you doing your one-man show? It's one at nine o'clock and one at ten o'clock. Well, I'm doing that show at four o'clock.

The School for Scandals at four o'clock at the Pleasance one as part of their 25th anniversary celebrations. My show's on at nine o'clock at the Stand. And I'm also doing another play at one o'clock in the afternoon. Before we go into that play, just imagine what your day is going to be like. You're going to get up, you're going to do a play at one, a play at four, and your own show at nine. Yeah, well, I'll get up about

seven, maybe work out for an hour and a half. Was that a joke? No. I'm going to run up Arthur's Seat with a bag of books on my back. Good books, though. Arthur's Seat, by the way, is a local landmark. A local landmark, yeah. It would be similar to going up Alexander Palace twice.

Are you really going to? You're not a physical fitness. I actually have been taking on, yes, I've run a few marathons landmark yeah it would be similar to going up um alexander palace twice yes um you're really gonna no you're not a physical fitness i i am actually have been taking on yes i've run a few marathons of i just came back from doing the trail tracker 100 kilometer hike in under 30 hours in the yorkshire dales right yeah i'll tell you what that doesn't surprise me no but first of all you look you look well thank you but secondly i was once in a play where i had to take my clothes off right and i found when i knew i start for the first time in my life i started going to the gymnasium right yeah because i thought you suddenly look in the mirror and you think i can't i just can't yeah and and you are a man who's been known to take his clothes off on stage i yes well this is

this is what happened i did a show called the The Naked Racist in 2006. And one of my friends... An ironic title, I'd like to point out. Yes, it was an ironic title. And at the end of the show, it's a true story about how I chased Nazi skinheads down the streets of Amsterdam naked. Can we bookmark that? Because I'm going to have some adverts now while people just get used to the idea.

And then we'll be back with Phil Nicol after this. Absolute Radio. Stop giggling in the back with Phil and Nicole after this. Absolute Radio. Stop giggling in the back row, please, you boys. Why are they giggling? I just saw the primary school children read to dogs. Yes. Oh, yes, that's the story we were looking at. Oh, sorry.

No, it's okay. No, no, not at all. That's just ridiculous. Yes, the idea is that... Gareth, this is a story you particularly like. In Bournemouth, it's in Bournemouth where I live, children with low self-esteem, if they find it hard to read in front of people at a school in Bournemouth,

they've brought in dogs for them to read to. I like it. If I was a kid with a low self-esteem, if they said, right, you're a bit self-conscious about reading, go and read to the dog, I don't think that would help me. No. It would be even worse if the dog wandered away you're hoping a bit are you for the doctor attention span i mean he's not gonna

really be looking no my reader started licking himself my reader my teacher do you have your own reader he does he's in kate winslet Do you have your own reader? He does. Is it Kate Winslet? Anyway, we won't go into that. We've still got another project, Phil Nicholls, to work. You're also doing a play called Gagarin Way.

Gagarin Way, yes. What, is this in Edinburgh as well? This is in Edinburgh as well. Mr Stamplish, this isn't working at 1 o'clock, 4 o'clock, 9 o'clock. And 10.45. What's that one? 10.45 is What's that one? 10.45 is a show called Old Rope, which is a new material night. I run with Tiffany Stevenson here in London at the Phoenix Bar in Cavendish Square every Monday night.

We do new material with top headliners. We've had Ricky Gervais. We've had Stephen Merchant. We've had Sean Locke and Russell Howard. He's getting into the plug-in really well. Yeah, he really is. So you're doing that in Edinburgh as well? We're doing that in Edinburgh every night. Phil, are we talking about the whole three weeks

or whatever you're doing these things for? So your day will be 1 o'clock play, 4 o'clock play, 9 o'clock show, 10.45 show. And then I'm also hosting the Best of the Fest at the Assembly Rooms once a week. The BBC Comedy Presents once a week. And then whatever, I'm doing a couple of amnesty shows. Are you worried you might die? No.

That thought hasn't crossed your mind? No, I haven't. Not so much will I die as when will I die. When will I die? Yeah, I just think it sounds too much. That's because you're only doing one a night. Well, no, some nights I'm doing two and already then I'm thinking, oh my God. That's too much. Yeah, it is too much. But you know, I'm older than you. How old are you, Phil? I'm doing one a night. Well, no, some nights I'm doing two, and already then I'm thinking, oh, my God.

That's too much. Yeah, it is too much. But, you know, I'm older than you. How old are you, Phil? I'm 44. Oh, you look so well for it. Thank you very much. It's a testimony to hard work.

How old are you, Emily? Oh, my God. You can't believe it. Oh, my God. Oh, bless it. I was going to guess and say 22, 21, 22. I've come over all hot. Move on, move on. So, yes, 1 o'clock in the afternoon,

I will be performing Gagarin Way at the Stand 3, also with a group of comedians, the Comedians Theatre Company. Oh, and see what you've done. You've triggered off the Triffids theme. This is what happens. This what emily is in her head if anyone says we have to evacuate the building this is like a nightmare anyway you've got another show and what's that about How old are you? I'm so sorry. We should have warned you. That's the dog. Anyway, you've got another show, and what's that about? I'm so frightened about what's going to happen after.

Are you crying? Are you actually crying? I'm crying with laughter. Oh, yeah, sure you are. I'm doing an eight-hour Hamlet. Yes. One of my friends suggested that I learn how to ride a unicycle so I can actually busk between gigs. Yeah. So I'm on the way to gigs.

See, I think one of the nice things about the Edinburgh Festival is you get a bit of a social life. You get to see friends, to dine out, to sit in the park. Yeah, well, I'll do that. They're all in my plays. Okay. So rather than this, the Comedians Theatre Company runs these plays, and it's all comedians that are in them, so I get to see Marcus Brigstocke every day. Okay. So rather than this, the Comedians Theatre Company runs these plays, and it's all comedians that are in them,

so I get to see Marcus Brigstocke every day. Okay. It's hard to chat when you're on stage playing. Well, you do tend to chat when you're on stage, yeah. Yeah. I don't know about you, I find it quite formalised. Exactly. What's Gagarin way about?

You might as well tell us that. Gagarin way, it's Gregory Burke. You say Gagarin, I say Gagarin. Gagarin. That's not, that's not say Gagarin, I say Gagarin. Gagarin. Let's call the whole thing off. Yeah. Let's call the whole thing off.

Soviet. Okay. Gagarin Way is Gregory Burke's first play. Gregory Burke famously wrote The Black Watch, which was made into the West End, the National Theatre,

and it was a teleplay. Okay. And it's a Scottish play about four guys who, two guys who kidnap a Scottish executive. Actually, they think he's a Japanese executive and they're going to kill him. One thinks they're going to kill him, one thinks they're going to beat him up

as a message to the world. And what ends up happening is it goes all wrong. And will you be getting your Scottish accent out of Mothballs? I will indeed. I've never understood that Jean-Paul Sartre. Like, you know, where's he get all the credit,

that guy sitting around in cafes with the great big bug eyes? It's just like Andy Murray. Aye. Andy Murray's got

that sort of, like he's got something to say. That's more like the Proclaimers. What is? His accent. Mine.

You've recovered now. Well done. Emily has got back off the floor and into her seat. How old are the Proclaimers? Oh, God. I thought he was going back there. How old are the Proclaimers?

About the same as each other, I'm guessing. That's all I know. Who's the eldest? Charlie or... The one with the glasses. I don't know the names of the Proclaimers. Charlie is one. God, you're taking this Scottishness far too serious. Well, you've been googling scottish figures that's all i do i go home i've just got tv screens

in my house covered in scots scottish um so i'm going to denver well anyway yes that's and um come and see my shows what am i plugging and plugging now well i feel i have to go now to be honest you've plugged it too well you're in one of them. Am I? Oh, God, I didn't know that. Oh, let's listen to the beautiful Kasabian. Phil, it's been lovely having you in. Thank you so much, Frank. You are the busiest. Do take care of yourself.

Thank you, Emily. Happy birthday. Thank you, Phil. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. So, did we get any more celebrity couple ideas, or was it all swallowed up by... Well, listen to this, though.

This is a bit of an odd one. It says, Frank, this song, and this was when you were playing the Fall song. Oh, yes. It says, this song reminds me of the Fall gig at Bilston Robin a couple of years ago. Oh, yes. You were there.

It was Mark Eastmaid's 50th birthday, actually, the lead singer of the Fall that night. Well, it says... 50th birthday, that rings a bell. Oh, shut up! Brian, you're so horrible! Oh, no, shut up, everyone in the back row of the building. Leave everything where it is, just leave quickly.

People are really going to think I am 50, I can't believe you. No, they won't. No-one will think that. Right, say something nice. Right, so, can I... Yeah, sorry, I am 50. I can't believe it. No, no, no. No one will think that. Right, say something nice. Right, so can I... Yeah, sorry. I remember the Billston Robbie gig, yeah. You were there, Frank, and I remember thinking, why is a bloke with all that money wearing a sheepskin coat

with a fag burn in the back? Can you enlighten me? What? Graham Walsall. He's probably not called Graham Walsall. No, Graham comma Walsall. I'll be straight honest with you. I didn't know. I can't believe this.

This is terrible news. I didn't know that sheepskin coat had got a cigarette burn in the back. I don't look at the back of it much. It might have been an angry ex-girlfriend. It might be Graham Walsall. It's funny, he's the one who remembers the cigarette burn. Graham Walsall, I think he worked with Eric Morecambe.

David Essex. We got some of the couples' emails, but we've lost them in all the Terry Venables, but it just looks like everyone is like... I think we can say now, can't we? I know the dust has settled. Is the competition complete? It was more than we could have.

We thought we'd have six people. Four would get it wrong. But it looked like loads of people had just suggested Terry Venables and then someone no one had ever heard of as a couple. Because they put their name on it. Because it's all Terry Venables and Alan Reid. Are you suggesting we're not up to monitoring a competition? Well, I didn't think there'd be that many entries.

Well, I had to write down the numbers. If you thought this show was... No-one could read my writing. See, no-one can believe that the presenters actually have to do stuff like that. These two, those bits of paper. Frankly, I can't believe that I had to do that. So I've honestly... I didn't get into this to be doing writing.

No, I feel like I've been in a terrible storm. Can I just say now, we'll never have another competition. Michael, he's our only competition. We can refer to him. And he's texted in asking how he claims his prize. He has no idea. Oh god, I forgot that, did I? Was I supposed

to tell you that? Why do people do competitions? I don't know, but it's made me feel stiff with stress and I never want to do it again. I've made you feel stiff with stress. I hate it when that happens. Oh god, I think you'll find that's your arteries, dear. So,

oh, no, what have I seen? Oh, God. So, I think we're nearing the end, aren't we? And also, I've also run out of music, because every time there was a mistake, I just played a record. So we're going to end with adverts.

So I feel like that's a bit of a calm down. You know, I like to go into a goodbye, everyone. But I'm going to go goodbye, everyone. If you want new double glades. I mean, that doesn't feel right to me. Anyway, goodbye, everyone. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.