The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: The Duckworth Lewis Method

Episode Date: June 27, 2009

Frank, Emily & Gareth are joined in the studio by 'The Duckworth Lewis Method' aka Neil Hannon and Thomas Walsh. They discuss holidays, cricket and Memorabilia.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there too. I've run out of time though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. There's something beautiful about raising the ancient mariner out loud. It's the Coleridge Absolute Radio. There's something beautiful about reading The Ancient Mariner out loud. It's the Coleridge Absolute Weekender.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge, one of my favourites. You might have been into the Walter de la Mer weekend we had. Anyway, we're going to break up this talk about poetry to say that this is the Frank Skinner Absolute Radio podcast. I've been away for three weeks and so has Gareth. But Emily has held the fort with guests. I was cheating on you with Dave Gorman and Jimmy. Well, that does not surprise me.

So it was a cracking show this week. We had the Dotworth Lewis method on, which I can't say, but which I do like, which is Neil Hannan's new band from The Divine Comedy. And they were very, very entertaining. He was lovely. No, well, they both were lovely. Him and Thomas Walsh were both lovely. I think he asked you about your baby.

Yeah, no, he made a special effort to talk to me. That's nice, isn't it? Because people don't, often celebrities, they don't want to talk to people like you, Gareth. I mean, I, God, I feel pretty good about the fact that I do. It's a joke. I love you both. So it's fantastic to be back, and they're going to love it, aren't they? Oh, yeah, I really liked today. I had a good time. Good.

Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily and Gareth. Hi, Frank. You're back. I am back. It's true. Did I miss anything while I was away? Any big news stories? It's a pretty slow news week this week. Yes. So I think we can't begin without mentioning Michael Jackson has died. And yes, it was a terrible shock.

I'm not going to pretend I was a massive fan of his music. I've got to be honest about that. But obviously I was very saddened to hear that he died. So how did it affect you guys? I was actually really sad. You're more his generation, if you know what I mean. What? You're suggesting I'm 50? No, but I mean...

Thanks a lot, Frank. Welcome back. To appreciate his music, you know what I mean? Yeah, you're right. I was a young kid, and so I was a big fan of his music, yeah. Yes. I cried. I actually cried. I like to think that your plastic surgery was a dedication to a homage

what about you? I found it really moving and I was surprised how moved I was we talked about Elvis didn't we I think he is one of those people I wasn't born when Elvis died but I think he is one of those people you wasn't born when Elvis died?

oh my god I remember I was working in a factory in Smedic when Elvis died. I was outside Harrods when Elvis died. Well that does not surprise me. You're outside Harrods when everyone dies. Let's face it.

Actually you're inside Harrods. Anyway, I'm sure there's a lot of people listening to this who are big Michael Jackson fans so I have... I've got to say, and I don't mean this disrespect, but as a comedian, he was an absolute gift. I've done a million jokes about Michael Jackson and about all the mad stuff.

And I do like celebrities that are sort of wild and eccentric, and he was the best for that. So he was the king of that, certainly. Oh, man, all the stuff about you know him changing color and and and having elephant man's thing it was so brilliant uh and i don't think there's anyone who's that eccentric now that we love he was a gift so i god i bless his memory for that anyway we pay homage to him and um if you are a big fan of his, you very much have our condolences. So I'm back. I've been away for three weeks, which is too long to be away from a radio show.

It feels like ages. I had a terrible moment. I was on holiday, and my manager was actually in the studio today, phoned me up and said, just to let you know, Dave's doing brilliantly on the show. Dave was replaced by Dave Gorman while I was away. Well, I'm glad he did brilliantly, but I didn't want to hear about it on my holidays. I didn't want to hear about it at all. I don't want to talk to you about Dave. Do you know why?

Because I feel a bit like, you know, you're like a boyfriend asking me about someone I had an affair with or something. Yeah, I feel like John LeMessurier after his wife went off with Tony Hancock and then returned. That's what I feel like. And I know John LeMessurier. In case you don't know who he is, he was Sergeant Wilson from Dad's Army. Is that how you say his name, LeMessurier?

I believe so. What do you call him? LeMessurier. Really? What do you call him? I would have called him John LeMessurier. Oh, let's call the whole thing Sergeant Wilson. Anyway, John LeMessurier. Is he someone from the Old Testament?

You have been watching. John the Measurer, who was in the Disciples and he used to measure religious things. Yes, well, John Limazoo, I'm going to stick with it. His wife went off with Tony Hancock for a brief period of time. Tony Hanco for a brief period of time. And then she came back. Tony Hancook. Exactly.

And apparently, after she came back, she'd occasionally... You know, you sometimes do this when you're with a partner. You say, Oh, do you remember when we went to the theatre to see Blah Blah? And they say,

That wasn't me. And there's that really horrible moment. Right? In fact, my girlfriend Kat says that to me all the time, often when it was her. And I'm sure it was her, but she puts doubt in my mind. But anyway, so when she referred to a Tony Hancock thing and said,

oh, do you remember that time, blah, blah, he used to say, I believe that was during our interregnum, darling. Now, the interregnum, in case you don't know, was that period when there wasn't a monarch on the throne in England and Cromwell was in charge. It was fabulous. So I'm seeing the last three weeks as my interregnum. case you don't know was that period when there wasn't a monarch on the throne in england and cromwell was in charge that's a fabulous so i'm seeing the last three weeks as my interregnum are you comparing dave gorman to cromwell i am in many ways yes and uh and myself too who was it that came back after cromwell people are listening i think i wish dave gorman would come back we don't want to hear about all this we don't't even remember Dad's army, let alone Cromwell.

Absolute. Radio. Yeah, so I was on holiday for two weeks in Greece with my bird. And then I did a thing for children in need. I went across Europe on land. Well, and water, but we couldn't fly. Actually, there's an Albion chant. West Bromwich Albion have a football chant that goes, We will follow the Albion over land and sea and water!

Which I've never quite understood. Weird afterthought. We had a long debate about it once. I thought, maybe they mean fresh water. Like rivers and streams. Exactly. Maybe a lake. But anyway, we had to go across Europe for children.

Children in need are doing Around the World in 80 Days, and it's two celebrities do a leg each. You couldn't find anyone who'd want to go with you, could you? No, that's true. But I went with Lee Mack, the comedian. Oh, OK. What was he like? He was thoroughly a good company, I have to say.

It's great, because we were going through Istanbul, the marvellous spice-filled streets of Istanbul and talking about comedians we worked with in the 1990s. So it was lovely. But quite a lot of travelling. It's the first travelogue which is basically just about travel. It's two men on a coach for seven days. Because it's like a race.

It's not one of these when you stop off and, you know, sample exotic tea in Bratislava. for seven because it's like a race it's not one of these when you stop off and and you know sample exotic tea in bratislava it's basically getting across as fast as you can to hand over to two people from the apprentice so they can do the next leg but it was um it was for children in need which of course makes all that hardship worthwhile but it the holiday i have to say i like the holiday but i sometimes think especially when I'm on holiday that I wouldn't mind it

if I never went on holiday again why do you say that? well I'm not sure I like them that much I don't like them enough to put two weeks aside for them what don't you like about them? I don't like being away much

which with holidays I find is a drawback I'm alright with flying I don't mind that I don't like being away much, which with holidays I find is a drawback. I'm all right with flying. I don't mind that. I don't like being unfamiliar. So the first day and a half on holiday, I'm full of regret that I went away in the first place. You see, I have on holiday. You know what I hate about going on holiday?

I'm phobic about creased clothes. So literally, honestly. No, I am frank. If I've gone out with a crease in my clothes, I've had to go back and iron it and be late. So can you imagine what it's like for me having to go on holiday? And I know all my clothes.

When I'm on the plane, I just imagine them all being all jumbled up in the case. And I get really stressed out. So I know iron in every language. I hope you never become homeless. Because your creased clothes problems are going to be the least of your worries. Well, I'll tell you something else.

I'm not very keen on other people speaking a language that I don't understand. And I mean that in a very non... Oh, let me think of the things that it's not. Well, I don't mean it. I mean, I'm all right with them, just I ain't not been able to completely, fully communicate with people.

Although I was sitting outside a bar in Istanbul and a bloke said, are you from England? And I said, yeah. He said, where? And I thought, you won't have heard of it, mate. I said, Birmingham. And he went, all right, mate. It's just kind of amazing. Absolutely amazing. But no, I have a problem with that. I just don't, you know, I'm a communicator by trade. Are you a holiday man, Gareth? I quite...

People do holidays in different ways, don't they? What do you do on holiday? Well, no, because some people like to just go and lay on a beach and read. You can't do that anymore, because that does terrible things to your skin. So that's another big thing would go in a way. People used to go away just to get a tan, but now that's bad for you, it turns out. Yeah.

I think I don't do very much in my normal life. No, well, that's true. Your life is a holiday. Yeah. It's quite a dull holiday at the English seaside in winter. You actually live at the seaside, of course. Yeah. Gareth lives in Bournemouth, in case you don't know.

So there's no point in going on Holland if you live in Bournemouth. You are on holiday. Yeah. Hmm. Can I just tell you something? We've got an email in, which rather oddly is about Jean LeMessurier. Oh, great. I'm glad he's been the theme of today.

A lot of people thought Michael Jackson would be the main theme, but no, it's Jean LeMessurier. And Oliver Cromwell. Jean LeMessurier, do you mean? No, someone's actually saying, if you listen to any of the radio shows of Dad's Army, they always read out the cast names at the end and pronounce his name LeMessurier. They don't read out the cast names at the end, do they? On the radio, they do.

Oh, on the radio? Yeah, they say it's the radio shows. Hmm, so I would just like to pounce on this opportunity to say that I was right about something. Well, if I remember rightly, John LeMessurier didn't do the radio shows. That was John LeMessurier. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

Gareth, congratulations. Thank you. In case you don't know, Gareth, his wife had a baby during the period of us being away. Yeah. So yours was sort of paternity leave you've been away for. I'm a dad now.

That's fantastic. You look much older and more... I don't mean that horribly. Well, thank you. You look more mature and responsible. You look lovely, Emily. Thank you. Yeah, no, I'm a father. I have an heir.

To me, you just look like a student who's knocked on my door and asked for tea bags. Yeah. You'll always be that to me. But it's great that you've got a baby. That's fabulous. And mother and baby are well. Yeah, they're doing really good. And it's a boy.

It's a boy. Ethan. Ethan. Is his name. Ethan. I'm sorry. It's his name. Emily can't say Ethan.

No, she's got this great and jill roland thing so he has to call him Ethan Ethan which was like what was John Wayne's character name in the searchers

that's right yeah that's actually my dad's favourite film the searchers so I do know that but yeah that's not directly what we named we just like

the name it's a pity really that you've said it was a film because there'll be some 60s music enthusiast now googling to see if John Wayne was in The Searchers

in a Diddy Singh Needles and Pins. God, the references coming in today. I will work my way up to the 21st century by the end of the show. So is it alright? Is it one of these things when you're not asleep? Because I have to say, I don't have children. Yes, I'm 52 and I don't have children. Stop staring at me.

In fact, I was... On my children in need trip i i met the um crown i know this is your bit gareth but bear with me and i've been away a long time i need to talk about myself because you see the turks they just didn't understand me no i was i met the crown prince of serbia what yes and we went to the... Not in a pub, but we went to his palace. It's no surprise that he was there. And his wife said to me, Princess Catherine,

she said, do you have children? And I said, no, I don't have children. She said, do you know IVF is very good nowadays? How dare you? Anyway, sorry, Gareth. Quite a little anecdote about the Serbian royal family there. No, that's good.

Yeah, so, no, it's lovely. He's fantastic. He's excellent. Parents are always saying that. Have you got any original contribution to parenting? No, I do think he is... I think he's the best baby I've come across. So that's who's been spawning.

He's really very good. Who is the best baby you've ever met? Well, I'm glad. It's important that you think that, because if you was a caveman, you'd need to think that in order to have the protective instinct. They're quite exhausting, though, aren't they? Cavemen, I find them.

No, children. They just eat meat, you see. If they had more fibre. Children. You don't have children either. No, all right. Garrett's the only normal one on this show. No, don't go all Serbian royal family on me.

Okay, sorry. No, I had to look after my niece for the weekend, and I discovered something. I adore my niece, Mimi. She's a friend of the show. She's seven. Yes, we have had her on. I think she's eight now.

I'm in trouble. Yeah, she's eight. But basically, looking after a child for the weekend is like looking after a very high-maintenance celebrity. That's what I discovered. And God knows you've had a few weekends like that in your time. You have to drive them everywhere. It's true, they don't drive. I've noticed that.

Everything they do, you have to go, that's amazing! They do a drawing or something, and often it's not, but you still have to say it's brilliant. And you have to eat the food they want to eat, watch the film Elf three times that they want to watch, and then they wake you up at six in the morning. You're right.

It is like being with a celebrity. Yeah. I'll tell you what I like about this, is you began this talk about your niece by saying, oh, God, I've said she's seven and she's eight. That might upset her. I'm now going to really talk about how I've made her some difficulties. She'll be fine with that. But she's lovely, that might upset her. I'm now going to really talk about how I've made her some difficulties. She'll be fine with that. But she's lovely

and I adore her. Yes, that's the disclaimer ladies and gentlemen, in case you didn't spot it. Absolute. Radio. Did you see that Princess Diana's robber was sold this week, that she had when she was nine year old at school. It was sold for 540 quid, which I think

is quite a bargain for princess diane it's got d spencer written on it you know the way you used to write your name on your rubber at school and it also says on it for big mistakes it says which i think she gifted it to prince charles at their first anniversary but um it's interesting i've got a bit of celeb memorabilia and what have you got? I've got a hair from Elvis's now just hold your breath, horse

you haven't really yes I have Elvis's horse they sold the horse after Elvis died they sold a lot of his stuff so they separated a horse. It had died and then they sort of...

They shaved it. Well, they plucked it, I think. It has the root on it. I think I could grow... If I had DNA facilities and cloning at home, I could grow another horse exactly the same. So I've got a hair from... It's a mane hair not not a tail hair

i've got a main hair from elvis's horse i was worried about that though frank i mean how do you actually know couldn't it just be anyone could be when people say that when you when you brag about your memorabilia people say how do you know that to me brings the whole that's like you know how do you know anything but do you have what I'm saying is do you have some authentication thing? Yeah, I have a photo of the horse and it's of extremely similar colour. Okay. That's good enough for me.

And I've also got a section of the fence from Elvis's ranch that was sawn into six inch squares. Did you just steal it? No, no, no. Someone gave it to me as a gift. It was very nice. So I didn't steal it.

What about that then? It's not a great collection. I can top you. Can you? Go on. Mine's rather odd, I have to say. Someone bought me, a friend bought me at an auction. You know Linda Blair, who's in The Exorcist? Oh, yeah.

A pair of her earrings. This is quite weird, though. I've never worn them. I've got no use for them, but I have got them. That's, uh... Is she still alive? I believe so, yeah. Yeah.

You never wear them. No. That'd be not... Wear them for the show. Oh, they wouldn't work with headphones. No. They'd have to be very kind of sturdy, with her head spinning around all the time.

Yeah, exactly. Quite good earrings. Well, they're built like those little things you get on the fair, you know, when the sprints start with around all the time. Yeah, exactly. Well, they're built like those little things you get on the fair, you know, and it spins around with kids sitting on it. Got little seats. Yeah, exactly, little seats for tiny children. So as her head spins, they go right out to the side. Wow, that's brilliant.

That'd be good if they had, like, fairy lights on, because then when her head spins, it'd be like, you know when you spin a sparkler and you can sort of do writing? I'll tell you what I did. I went and saw the Kinks once, and Ray Davis, and i was in the front you know in in the mosh pit as much as you get a mosh pit at a kinks gig and he handed me a bottle of light ale and i i kept that bottle of light ale for years but i i moved house so many times like you got lost my dad my dad came home from business well get this guys he came home from business one time he came home from business. Well, get this, guys. He came home from business one time and he brought me back.

He came home from business? He came back. Is he a red boy? He came home from business? What was that? Well, he was away on business. He could be away on business. He could be away on business.

Can't you come back from business? No, I think you have to... No, you have to be off the business. He came back off business. He came off business, okay. And brought us Michaela Strachan's autograph. Right. You know, the build-up to that was so good.

I mean, I used to fancy Michaela Strachan like there was no tomorrow. But autographs are not so good. Why does the fact that there is no tomorrow mean that you really fancy someone a lot more than you do? Well, just imagine if there was no tomorrow. I think your amour would rise like a roaring flame. Yes, I think so. Oh, there's a little email saying,

Ethan says good morning, he's listening. He's very advanced, isn't he? That's his first words. He is quite advanced. That's a bit of a Selma Blair. What's she called? Linda Blair. Linda Blair. Who's a bit of a that's a bit of a cell what's she called selma blair what's she called linda blaine selma blair she's an actress no we had another email um from um matt williams he says i've listened to your great podcast for a few months now but this is the first time i've listened to the live show via the net i've just checked out the webcam emily is even sexier than i imagined i can't believe she is single.

Keep up the good work, Frank and team. Emily, you not only sound sexy, you are sexy. What? Is he under the impression that there's no tomorrow? I think Matt thinks it might be the end of the world, although he is from Bristol, so I can see how he could think that. Oh, Bristol's lovely, Mr Bournemouth. Rather too cool for school.

If you do want to text him, by the way, the number is 81215, and I'd love to know what pop memorabilia you've got. Or actually any sort of celebrity memorabilia. Because some people have got really unusual. I mean, people have asked me for very unusual things. Weird stuff. Early in the morning in hotel rooms.

Well, I steal quite a lot of your belongings and I'm stockpiling them and sell them on eBay. Well, I once found someone... Is that OK? Yes, I don't mind that. OK, that's fine. I once found someone going through my bag in a hotel room looking for a souvenir.

Was that an ex-girlfriend? That was an ex-girlfriend. I think that would be an exaggeration. It was someone I met brief... Oh. Absolute Radio. I'm doing a movie tomorrow. Are you?

Yes. Go and ask me about it. Do you remember when we had Ben Miller in as a guest? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he's making a movie about comedy. I mean, not a documentary, a drama thing. And it was probably a comedy, actually. About a double act.

And there's a bit where they have to, they get drunk and disgrace themselves at the comedy awards and they're carried out. So he wants this shot of all these comedians looking disapprovingly. So we're all going to Centrepoint tomorrow in central London and filming this bit. So you've got a look disapproving. Are you practicing your look? Are you going to really ham it up?

Well, yeah, but if I do it on the radio it's definitely going to be that. Well, I can say from personal experience you are very good at looking disapproving. That is true. I think it's one of my I think I'm slightly typecast to be honest. But I'm quite excited to be in a film.

Yeah. Although I'll tell you something, Gareth, which you might not be aware of. Do you know that Emily has actually been in films and things? I did not know that. Yeah. What films have you been in? Oh, darling, I worked all through the 70s and 80s.

No, I was a child actress. Oh, wow. I thought you said through the 70s and 80s. Yeah. Oh, Frank! Oh, my God. was a child actress oh i thought you said through the 70s and 80s oh my god that's amazing so what were you in i was in okay so films i was in a film called memoirs of a survivor with julie christie and i played a kind of feral child yeah shut up frank and um the big thing i did i did a bbc series called dare the triffids Oh I remember that and I've got Triffid in my bathroom

but I had to stop doing it because I was getting a bit spoiled I was offered a film I only found out recently, I auditioned for a film and did a big screen test and my mum said oh you didn't get it darling and I cried and cried and I found out a year ago that I did get it and it was the French Lieutenant's Woman with Meryl Streep

So your mum knew you'd got it but she told me I didn't but to be fair to her a year ago that I did get it, and it was the French lieutenant's woman with Meryl Streep. So, hold on. So, your mum knew you'd got it and told... But she told me I didn't. But to be fair to her... No, but she was worried that I'd become spoiled. And I said to her... Yeah, sure she was. She's an actress, your mum, isn't she?

Yeah. There wasn't a hint of bitter jealousy. No. Oh, God, it's like whatever happened to Baby Jane. No, darling, you didn't get the film part. No, Frank, I'd really like to take this opportunity to say she was genuinely worried that I'd be going to Hollywood and... Yeah, that would be horrible.

No, but I did say to her... Yeah, but I didn't know about Michael Jackson. I did say to her, I said, you're worried I'd be spoilt, but now I'm just spoilt without the money. Yeah, that's true. What would you have been in the French Lieutenant? Meryl Streep's daughter. I met her, did a screen test with her. It's a's true. What would you have been in the French Lieutenant? Meryl Streep's daughter. I met her.

I did a screen test with her. It's a big part. I know. Wow. The closest you got was Linda Blair's Earrings. Linda Blair's Earrings would be a great title

for a band, I think. Don't you think? It would, isn't it? By the way, if you've got any celebrity memorabilia, do text us on... I can't read the number from here, but...

Oh, here it is 8 12 15 it's very professional this morning also everyone we're on twitter oh are we yeah we're on twitter so um we you can search for it it's frank on absolute is the name and you can search for frank skinner as well but we're on twitter so we're live and we're gonna i've done one very boring twitter so far have you it says we're live on the radio. I'm going to make you tweet, Frank. We need to do better than that. I'm not sure about the Twitter thing generally, but I'm going to try and get into it for the benefit of the show.

I can't wait to do something for the benefit of the show this morning. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily and Gareth. We're asking people what sort of celebrity memorabilia they've got. I've got a hair from Elvis's horse. Emily's got a triffid from when she was in Day of the Triffids on the telly. Have you got anything, Gareth? You've got some stuff of mine.

I've got Michaela Strachan's autograph. Oh, Michaela Strachan's autograph, which I think we'd agree is in third position at the moment. Someone says I caught Isaac Hayes drummer's drumstick. Could have had my eye out. Don't know who that's from. Morning Frank, I have a Fender guitar signed by Ian Gillan of

Deep Purple. That's quite good, isn't it? And guess what? I won it on Leona's show on Absolute Radio a few weeks ago. So he's just crowing. He's a crowing competition winner. There's a man here who's got Anthony Worrell Thompson's blender, which I quite like. He says it's not noticeably better than a normal blender, but it's quite good.

But when he says he's got... This isn't just something you can buy. It's not like a bloke phone him and says, I've got George Foreman's grilling machine. No, he says that he went to Henley and Anthony Warhol Thompson was having a garage sale outside his house. What? Yeah. And sold it to him.

Is he in reduced circumstances? I thought things were going quite well for Anthony Warhol Thompson. I liked your manager laughing very loudly at that. I just don't want to be in reduced service. Any other celebrity struggling with their career is one of his favourite gags. Why would Anthony Warrell Thompson be having a garage sale?

Because, oh, okay. If you need a velvet jacket, though, that's the place to get off to, isn't it? There is a reason behind it, but I'm no clearer having read it. It says, to maximise exposure to the passing footfall. That's a good line. I like that. I think he's suggesting that he wanted attention.

Yeah, exactly. And he wanted to let people know he lived there. But actually he's doing quite well because he lives in Henley. Look everyone, I live here. Would you like to buy a blender? It's quite a good thing. If you're going to buy anything of Anthony Warrell Thompson's, it's nice to know that I'm not overly impressed by the cooking thing. I don't want all his old leftovers.

Oh. Well, no, but at least it's been handled by an expert, if you know what I mean. It's like when I went out with one of Rod Stewart's exes. Absolute. Radio. We've got the Dotworth Lewis method in today, which is Neil Hannan and Thomas Welsh.

And they've got... Walsh. I'm sorry about that. Thomas Walsh. And they've got a new album. Is it out now, the album? It's not out yet. It's the 6th of July.

And it's called The Age of Revolution. No. It's a columnist album. Oh, God, I'm messing. This is the least... It's called the Dotworth Lewis method. The single is The Age of Revolution, and it's eponymous. Oh, God, I'm messing. This is the least... It's called The Duckworth Lewis Method. The single is The Age of Revolution, and it's out tomorrow.

Yes. Digitally. So what's the album called? If you walk into a shop... The Duckworth Lewis Method. OK. The Duckworth Lewis Method. So it's one of those eponymous...

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. Whenever I say it, it sounds like kind of a rap or something. It's The Duckworth Lewis Method. Yeah. In case anyone doesn't... So don't try it. In case anyone doesn't know, I'll let you explain's the Duckworth-Lewis method. Yeah, in case anyone doesn't know, I'll let you explain what the Duckworth-Lewis method is, Neil. But not in too much detail.

Duckworth-Lewis method is when one team has a bunch of runs, the second team doesn't have as many deliveries in which to get said runs because of some delay, and so they have to lower the amount in a mathematical way so that they can get some sort of result. Is that enough? Yeah, I'm perfectly happy with that. Is it like the offside rule or something?

It's much more complicated. If it rains, you need to try and make the... Oh, anyway, it's a cricket thing. So, the cricket, has it come from a genuine love of cricket, or did you just think it would be a novel thing to write about? Did you get on the cricket bandwagon just to be cool? Yeah, exactly.

We both absolutely adore cricket, yeah. I mean, I'm not an aficionado, I'm not a statistician. That's quite hard at this time of the morning. I'm not either. But, you know, love the game. Can't think of anything better than to sit down for five days and watch a game that might not have a result.

Yes, I agree with that. To annoy the Americans. I'm sure lots of people have pointed this out, but I don't normally associate Irish people with cricket. You're being racist. Am I being racist? That's today's phone-in. Was that racist or not?

Well, it's not complimentary Guinness reception. I don't think there are enough phone-ins on commercial radio with the word racist. Anyway, I've been reading Quentin Letts. Quentin Letts off steam. Basically, no, the Irish have a tough time with cricket. And, in fact, it was what brought us together. You know, we were in a car and... Surely being in a car brought you together.

It did bring us together, you know, in a physical sense. But then they actually started talking about the cricket scores on the radio, on Irish radio, which is so rare. I went, turn it up, turn it up. And, you know, I said, you won't care about this. But then Thomas said, I love cricket. You know, know, I said, you won't care about this. But then Thomas said, I love cricket. You know, and suddenly we had two things in common.

And you'd only said this for a while at that point? No, not that long. I asked Neil to sing on a charity song I did in Ireland. OK. One of those phone calls, one of those charity songs. No, it was anything on. I dorsed off them with an email. Did you think about pulling out at the last minute or saying no, Neil? But the problem was it was a really good song.

Oh, OK. Tinsel and Marzipan, great Christmas song. Thank you. And it will become massive one day. Like meself. I wish I could play that now, but we don't have that, I have to say. So that's the moment. I find even living in England, if you say you're big on cricket,

people look at you like you're a bit strange. Although Samuel Beckett was into cricket, wasn't he? One of the great Irishmen. You know what? There's been massive amounts of cricket fans in Ireland over the years. They're all coming out of the cupboard now, aren't they? Out of the pavilion? Out of the wardrobe.

Out of various places. There's a great story about Samuel Beckett went to Lourdes with a mate of his. In case you don't know who Samuel Beckett is, he wrote quite bleak plays and the bloke said to him, here we are, we've got tickets for Lourdes, it's a sunny day, it makes you glad to be alive, doesn't it? And Samuel Beckett said, I wouldn't go so far as to say

that. Great company. I think cricket would have a lot in common with Beckett plays, really. It's just sort of strange and slightly pointless. And lots of silence. It's a beautiful world, kind of a weird other place with anachronistic terminology. What could be better?

Can I say you're the first person ever to say anachronistic terminology on Absolute Radio? I'd like to congratulate you for that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I'd like to congratulate you for that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. That was The Age of Revolution by Duckworth Lewis Mether, who sit before me as I speak. I don't think we've ever had a music guest on before and actually played their record.

It's slightly an unnerving experience. It's good. I like that, though. Break the myth. The only unnerving experience is whistling along to your own record and feeling slightly soil good. I like that, though. Break the myth. The only unnerving experience is whistling along to your own record or feeling slightly soiled.

I don't know why. But that's an incredible... That riff is so catchy. It gets under your skin like that flesh-eating thing. Yeah. It's cricket musical DNA. No, but it's...

I love it. I love the whole... I wasn't... I'll be honest with you. I was wary when I heard it was about... As much as I love cricket, I don't know if these honest with you I was wary when I heard it was about as much as I love I don't know if

these two things were mixed I was Eddie Waring but you know I looked up and under and and it was

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more

do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more do more He said it to me. No. Don't stop. Don't stop me, Tom. Anyway. That's fantastic. Anyway, we've asked people to call in if they've got any celebrity memorabilia. And as you two mix with celebrities on a regular basis, I wonder if you've ever stolen a stimp basis. I have absolutely nothing.

I'm just not a collector of anything. In fact, I usually lose all my cool stuff. Whereas Thomas... I have an acetate of Freddie Lennon's single, John Ennis Vatter, called It's My Life. Wow. One-sided pie acetate. That's nice.

I've also got ELO's first album song by Jeff Roy and Bev from Heavy Head Records in 1971. So yours is mainly muso stuff? I'm completely under ELO. Jeff, Lynn, Roy were nuts. You don't have Anthony Warhol Thompson's blender? Anthony Warhol Thompson's blender makes me shudder. Well, actually, we would do it.

We would have sat on it if we were in it. If we ingested it, it would make me shudder. Yes. I doubt that you should ingest it. Can I just say, if there's any children listening, don't ingest Anthony Warhol Thompson's blender. We've had an email in for Thomas. Oh, yeah?

It says, hi, Frank, is that Thomas Walsh from Pugwash and the XTC Forum, Earl from Slough, XTC fan? Earl, thank you for seeing famous. Well, it is that Thomas Walsh. It is me, yes. When they say from Pugwash, they don't mean he was in the cartoon. You know, I look like him. Yeah, well, I wasn't going to say that, Thomas, not for one second.

It's radio. Jim. All the impressions are coming out today. Thank you, Errol. Yes, you see, Thomas, you think Neil's the famous one. But it turns out today we haven't had one email about Neil. It's been Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. Over and over.

Who am I? You're Lewis. Are you... Is it a relief, Neil, not to be a massive, sort of get screamed at type pop star for a change? Well, I really wasn't in the first place. Oh, you... Yeah, I think you were.

I think the girls used to quite like you. Yes, they did. Yeah, but they always threw the wrong things at me. It was always like long, three-page A4 essays of letters

quoting various intellectual writers, whereas just knickers would have done me fine. You see, that's the trouble with the old intellectual angle. I've seen Russell Brown, he's managed to balance it perfectly. He uses the odd big words. He really does,

doesn't he? He fancies himself as a bit of an intellect, doesn't he? He wears his brain on his sleeve. He fancies himself too. Can I say that? I think he's the new Neil Hann hannon in that respect he's the kind of one girls who kind of are doing a level english i think they look for an intellectual you know hero here i am there you are so that's the next phone just call in for neil he's available. No, he's not, actually.

Absolute. Radio. So you two are at the... Not you two. It's not... If anyone's thinking, oh, God, he's got you two. Yes, we've all... You're at the Oval this afternoon. Yeah.

In South East London. Very kindly. Surrey Middlesex, is it? 2020 match. And they asked us just to come along and play a couple of 20 minute sets before the game kicks off for the good folks coming in

so I don't know whether we'll just sort of be standing there with a couple of guitars and a begging bowl at the entrance or whether we have some kind of a stage but... That's just the busking out to promote the El record and it's nice of them at the El they're lovely people at the El and it's the Brit El for other reasons we thought it was a British team we didn't even know and it's nice of them at the Yale. They're lovely people at the Yale. Yeah. And it's the Brit Oval,

for other reasons, we thought it was a British thing, we didn't even know. No, that's an insurance cop, my telling you, I don't want to mention them. Well, no, I didn't mention them, by the way.

Okay, yes. Laurie Lewis, Laurie. Yeah. Just take that back. Yeah, so you're down, so someone who wants, even who's not interested in cricket, but interested in music,

it'd be worth going this afternoon, wouldn't it, to see you go. Absolutely, and then watch the 2020, and think, oh my God, this is the greatest? Absolutely, and then watch the 2020 and think, oh, my God, this is the greatest game invented. Yeah, so will you be playing tracks from the new album?

Yeah. Age of Revolution 4, actually. It's interesting, that, because when I heard it, it sounds like the kind of thing that would be quite difficult to do live. You'd need an orchestra and all that. I play the riff on the piano in a jaunty kind of barroom style. So you're busking with a piano? Yeah, my dear gentleman players as well.

It's not very busky. Right, OK. Sorry. And an electric guitar. Right. It's a gig. Would you give one to a busker if he had a grand piano on the street, Frank? If he had a grand piano on the street busking, would you give one to him? It's not a real piano, it's two. It's electronic devices.

Now, I don't... Normally on the radio, I don't dedicate songs to people. Go on, you know you want to. Yeah, well, my girlfriend was so... I think Kate Bush kind of changed my girlfriend's life. So in a minute, we're going to play Kate Bush, and I want to dedicate it to Kath, who is the great love of my life.

That's funny. My great love of my life is also a calf right and does she like does she like that it'd be a great place to find out on the radio where was she the other day she keeps going around the house going ah so um what do you think about Kate Bush, from a musician's point of view? Oh, I adore Kate Bush. I'm single.

So does Kathy. Yeah, does she really? Oh, the Kathys love Kate Bush. She wrote her best songs when she was 14, 15. It's incredible. Yeah, actually, I would say 25-ish. Pounds of Love is just amazing, right? Well, and on that debate, we're going to have to go. So, thanks very much to the Duckworth Lewis Method

go out, see them at the Oval, buy the album goodbye from Emily, goodbye from Gareth and goodbye from Frank Skinner we'll see you next week, this is Running Up The Hill by Kate Bush Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio Absolute Radio