The Frank Skinner Show - Guest: The Pajama Men

Episode Date: January 9, 2010

Frank talks about Celebrity Big Brother, Emily charms The Pajama Men and Gareth turns in to the incredible sulk.

I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top draw comedy nights near you thanks to our friends at the TV channel Dave at absoluteradio.co.uk. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prizes while you're there too. I've run out of time though. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. Hello, it's the podcast of the Frank Skinner Absolute Radio show. And I think that's what it's called.

And I'm here with Emily and Gareth. Hello. Hello, yes. Hello. And hello to you all. And thanks for... What do you do? You download, do you?

Yeah, yeah, download. That's what you do, yeah. It's a computer thing, isn't it? Yes, so thanks. And as usual, we've done the show, and then we come into a small adjoining studio and talk about what you're going to listen to, but without giving anything away.

So there's no need for a spoiler warning or anything of that nature. I'm looking at you, Gareth, from here. Your head looks narrower than normal. Yes, I've had a haircut. Oh, that'll be it. I did have longer hair. Hang on, I thought you got it stuck between the doors of a lift. But no, it's just shorter.

Where did you go to have it cut? Oh, I made a mistake again. There's a really nice little barber's I go to in Camden. That's in London. That's in London. And I should always make sure I go there. But I tried out somewhere else in Bournemouth and they're just rubbish.

Well, I wouldn't say rubbish. Have a look at this. I know this isn't great radio, but I'm taking my glasses off and look at what he's done to my sideburn. Oh, it does look a bit smiked from Nicholas Nickleby. Anyone familiar with that character? I think Gareth's a bit smiked, generally.

I think you should have to ask for something like that, what he's done there. Well, if we describe it to the listeners, they're sort of like... Well, how would you describe it, Farron? Well, it looks a bit... You know those bottle openers that you can get and they've got like a little V

that you get on the edge of the cap? He's sort of taken a little inlet into your sideburns. Yeah, like it's shaped... It's not accidental because it's on Bird's side. No, he's done of taken a little inlet into your sideburns. Yeah, like it's shaped... It's not accidental, because it's on Bird's side. No, he's done it on purpose. Yeah. But I don't think, you know, I think you should ask. And also...

There is something of... You do know you've got a Nike sign carved into the back of your hair? What? Oh, my goodness. There is something of the punishment about the hair, Carl. Yeah, it's like a very specific... And he said something terribly insensitive what did he say right i had quite long hair when i went in there and sort of

swept over like quite a long fringe and i said i'd like it i'd like it a bit shorter i'd like it short at the sides at the back and then um to um a bit longer at the front and he said oh what to cover up what's going on under there. What is going on under there? Some ecosystem? Well, in a very distinguished, manly way, I'm receding very slightly. Oh, and he brought that up. Yeah, and he mentioned, that's out of order, isn't it? Well, I like that you go into a bar and he says,

how would you like your hair? And you said a bit shorter. What are we supposed to say? Well, what are you going to say? Actually, I'd like it a little bit longer on the sides. Could you, can you sort that? Obviously, Emily's looking at me saying she does that most weeks. Yeah, so it looks all right, though.

It's all right, isn't it? Yeah. And I would never have noticed the baldness if you hadn't brought it up. Now you've brought it up, of course. You look to me, you just look like a light bulb with a little bit of hair stuck on the top. But hey, we can't sit here. Well, we can, but let's not. So this is the podcast.

The guest is Pajama Men. Oh, I loved the Pajama Men. Yes, I know you did. You were far enough off their pajama legs. Emily got on really well with the Pajama Men. She loves men in their pajamas. She does. I do.

So, yeah, we did. They were very funny. And I, personally, I enjoyed the show very much. Loved it. Yes, and I hope you do too. Absolute. Radio. Hey.

That's the same morning. Yes, indeed, it is Saturday morning. I like the fact that it's cold outside. I feel all snuggly. You know what I'm saying? How do you? Oh, I don't like it. It's too cold.

We're all cobbled together. We're sort of all wrapped up in each other around one microphone, like the Beatles backing vocals. You know, they were the biggest band in the world. They could only afford two mics. A pod. Yes, a pod. That's a word.

Don't come in like that. But you're wearing an autumn sports jacket. Yes, I am. You're not dressed for the cold. I am. I think one can dress sort of puts you in a frame of mind. And I don't like to let my autumnal's go until it gets properly cold. You know, 20 below in Scotland, that's not enough for me.

So we sat around looking at the newspapers before the shows. We so often do, looking for inspiration in many ways. And it's Jonathan Ross this, Jonathan Ross that. It is. Yeah, I feel a bit... You know, they're already talking about who's going to take over the shows. He's got six months left. It's like, you know, when you're in a restaurant

and you just start that moment when you just start to move off from your coffee and there's people standing over you, strangers, waiting for the seats. It's like that. Well, I think he's irreplaceable. Well, you're a big mate of his, of course. You must have the inside story. Yes, I know the stars. Emily and Jonathan Ross, they're like two peas in a pod.

No, he is a friend of mine, but I didn't know he was leaving the BBC. He didn't tell you? Well, I found out from my carpet fitter. Because I was having carpet put down in my flat. And when I told you I was having the carpet fitter around, you said at least something's getting laid in your flat. Yes, but it was a joke. It was a joke I didn't think I'd ever do on air, but now I've done it sort of by proxy.

And the carpet fitter said he saw a picture of me and Jonathan in my flat. And he said, oh, he's leaving the BBC. And I went, what? So that's how I found out. He never told you? I'm starting to think you don't know him at all. Picture of you cut out and stuck on a picture of his wife. Oh, it's pathetic. I'm very sad he's going, though, and I think he'll be much missed. Oh, God. He hasn't died. No, I don't think he's died.

I don't know what I'm thinking. Missed that bit. I'm sure he'll be fine. He's got plenty of money to keep him going. Oh, yeah. I also think he might get another job quite quickly. I think so. Yes. I notice on all the long lists of people who could take over his

various jobs, no mention of Frank Skinner. That's all I'm saying. Not to mention, ah, the forgotten man. That's who I am. Apart from the eight people who listen to this show, I might as well be banging my head repeatedly against the slightly ragged brick wall until blood splatters all over my summer wear.

Anyway, good morning. I'm a bit worried about our new competition. Christian O'Connell, you may know, is running this thing where he'll be paying your bills. If you win the competition, he'll pay your bills. What I'm worried about is what if Gordon Brown wins the competition? That will close down absolute. Isn't it bad enough

we've got threadbare carpet on the stairs here? God. Every time I walk up the stairs past that carpet, I think, is my job safe? And the stench in the corridor. The stench in the corridor? I don't know what that is. I think they say Neil Francis can't come in. I think he might have died

in a cupboard. There's a terrible smell in the corridor. We call it the absolute stench. Yeah, what is that? Fat fans, that's what we call it, because it stinks when we come in, doesn't it? What is it? Well, I've been in here in the week.

Yes. And when it's lovely and everyone's milling around and all the proper staff are here, and they say, hi, Frank, and I say, hi. It's smashing. Not like the cold, bleak Saturday mornings when we come in and there's no one around except Adrian Hyatt just sitting there, drunk, let's face it.

I can see him in the other room now going, how dare you! But there's never any smell then when all the staff's in. When we come in I think, we'll do the sewers Saturday morning. But, you know, you don't care about that. I imagine that wherever you work smells all the time, so why should you feel sorry? That might not necessarily be true, of course.

Absolute Radio. By the way, darling, I mentioned that I am Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio and I'm here with Emily and Gareth. I forgot to introduce you two. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

There's something wrong with this mic. Anyway. Yeah, so Celebrity Big Brother I've been watching. What about that? Oh, I love it. I love it. I made a bit of a discovery. I thought I'd have a Google of the guests

because some of the guests I'm not au fait with. So I made a bit of a discovery. I thought I'd have a Google of the guests, because some of the guests I'm not au fait with. So I had a bit of a Google, right? Turns out Heidi Fleiss, right, she died in 2004. Really? Now, obviously, the producers aren't aware of that. You know, she's still knocking about, but, I mean, the signs are there.

She looks like a cadaver. But, yeah, so that was a bit of a shocker. I like Stephanie Beecham. You are Stephanie Beecham. Do you know who I think I am, in a way? Yes, we all are. I love that she bathes in an egg lache. She barks, I thought you were going to say. I've heard that she barks.

You're right, Stephanie. Yeah, Stephanie. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Yeah, OK. She describes sleeping in polyester sheets as arduous. Oh, I love her. Yes. I'm a bit disappointed in, if I may call it, and I don't wish to get squalid on a Saturday morning, but the babe count is low.

Because there's a lot of quite honky men although alex reed the cage fighter seems to have a pot belly halfway up his belly he has a pot belly that starts just under his rib cage and then goes away like he has some terrible hernia sort of that split its way through his inner stomach lining oh he's horrible he has a fake tan as well. He could stand in a pub and he could actually put a pint on that terrible muscle shelf he's got on his stomach. It's really weird. I don't know how he's developed that. And also he's too

tanned. He is too tanned. I hate that. I quite like the Bass Hunter, Matt. Oh yes, Jonas. Or the Bass Hunter. He thinks jonas or it or the bass hunter he seems lovely yes bass hunter i like him yes although he's apparently has got a girlfriend who sits at home sobbing every night as he cavorts yeah with that russian woman who's got a london accent she said watching them kiss was like having her heart stabbed 50 times yes 50 that's very specific isn't it yeah i found watching him kiss was like having our hearts stabbed 50 times. Yes. 50, that's very specific, isn't it?

Yeah, I found watching them kiss was like having my heart stabbed about four times. Yeah. They're all different. Yeah. But I think sort of what happens... Watching anyone kiss, I find distressing. I was once standing at a bus stop, and a young couple started kissing next to me.

And to the point where they started... They were so wrapped in a snog, I realized they were leaning on me and had i have moved they would have just fallen on the floor i thought if my boss comes here i'm gonna have a moral dilemma it's an inadvertent threesome yeah exactly it was nothing to do with me they were growing on me like moss the polite thing to do would have been to just join in Well, there was no room I mean, she was virtually enveloped in his lips I could hear I could not only hear the external noises

I could hear the things moving about inside their mouths I was so close Imagine how I felt Imagine my consternation You do travel with that Hold on, can you just have a pause while we imagine my consternation I don't think I want to. And relax.

Okay. Sorry, Gareth. No, it's fine. Oh, don't sulk. Oh, don't sulk. You sulk on me. You know, whenever Gareth says, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's like a girl saying it's fine in a relationship.

Exactly, yeah. Oh, no, it's fine. Oh, no, you carry on and do your joke. Come on, Gareth. I'm still imagining your consternation. Well, I can see yours from here. I don't have to imagine it. Oh, God, it's tart. I'm just going to have to put

some adverts on why I go over and hog, Gareth. That's how I have to live. I mean, it's like being some sort of care worker. Not that that's a bad thing to be if there's any listening. Don't you be go-go! Don't look at me like that. You just counted down like 12, 7. I'm glad you don't work for NASA. You're not very

good at countdowns. I work for NASA Hussein as a house boy. Yeah, he's very demanding. Can I just say that? If you don't know who NASA Hussein is, Google him! See, that feels like a thing that the hunchback in Notre Dame should have called down to people. He says something,

and send the Duke of Cormandy to me. And they all look surprised, all the villagers. And he goes, Google him! Oh, that would have been a great scene in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. If there's any Hunchbacks listening, I have no disrespect to you. How do you spell Nasser?

I'm Googling him, but I haven't got... What, Nasser-a-double-s-e-r oh this is entertaining why are you googling that's all you're doing okay well fair enough i mean it was supposed to be a sort of rhetorical thing oh cricketer is he a cricketer yes why don't you weed out the wikipedia entry yeah exactly for god's sake this sulk. Sulk. Can I say that Gareth is... Giant sulk. Gareth's sulking so much that his manager has had to rush into the studio. She has honestly arrived, Gareth.

Sought out the sulk. And we've even had a text in Frank on 8-12-15 about the sulk. Oh, really? From Ian Blair, who I believe used to be the police commissioner. But anyway, that's another story. That's how big the sulk is. The manager, the police have been called in. Oh, my God.

We're on red alert. We'll have to grit. We'll have to grit the whole studio. Ian Blair, who may or may not be the former police commissioner, has said, stop sulking, Gareth. So there you go. Yes. I'm the incredible sulk.

You wouldn't like me when I'm sulking. I've got my clarinet up. So, speaking of music, which we probably will on the show at various times, it being a music station, on the Big Brother thing, they tortured the bass hunter. And you know when I say the bass hunter?

Oh, it's all right, I can't. Oh, worth waiting for. I think you'll all agree. The thing about that is... This is the music from the deer hunter for those people who don't get that reference. You can't Google music, can you? I think there's a section called Google music.

Silly. What I like about that, because I couldn't find the switch for the deer hunt, I think people at home are already going, in a slightly resigned and upset way. I'm sorry. Anyway, so what they did, they put the base hunter in a room with Lady Sovereign. If you don't watch the show, don't worry, because you don't need to know what the people are.

It's not called the Bass Hunter, he's like The Deer Hunter. He's just called Bass Hunter. What was that last phrase you used? Deer Hunter. So, um, they put him in a room with Lady Sovereign, who's a sort of a urban person.

And they played his own music to him over and over again as a form of torture. And he was kind of screaming at the sound of his own music to him over and over again as the forms of torture and he was kind of screaming at the sound of his own music which is an interesting idea for a torture she didn't know what it was she said what's this then he went oh it's my song yeah it sounded slightly embarrassed but i was thinking if you know i reckon if they put me and david baddiel in a room and played three lions 400 times we'd be loving it. Yeah, you would. I think come about 350, you'd say,

you know, I never noticed that bit before. It's so rich. It's so rich and so deep in goodness. You can find extra things. But he was really struggling. And we were sitting talking in a cafe, in a London cafe, the three of us. And we said, you know, if you got locked up, what would be your ultimate

torture music? What did you... We've kept this from each other. What did you guys think? Well, I've got a couple actually. Mac the Knife would be quite bad for me. By anyone? Oh, the shark! Oh, I hate it.

The Scottish version. Just because he's Mac the Knife, I don't need to assume that he's some sort of Scottish hoodlum. And they call him Mac the neat. No. I just find it so depressing. And also, anything by Dido. Because I just hate...

I'm sorry. Am I not allowed to say that on Absolute? I don't think we've ever played Dido in all the time. I don't like the way her songs are said. She goes, I woke up, had a cup of tea, cried, washed my hair. That's basically the sentiment. That was an interview with Dido. Oh, I used to know Dido a bit.

I think she's actually on my phone. I might call her and say, never guess what's happened. Well, anyway. So what would your torture music be, Gav? Mine would be Remix to Ignition by R. Kelly. That one that goes, Remix to Ignition, Hard and Fresher,

The kitchen, Rolling, Am I going to do the whole song? I'm feeling, I'm feeling, I'm feeling tortured. Oh, I know that one. Yeah. You say so well, I'm drunk.

That one, yeah. If I could turn, Turn back the hands of time. Look, she's 13 as it is. Don't turn back any further. Yes. For me, I think, it would be, it would be, and this might shock some. Oh, God.

But my ultimate, what would drive me to the point where I was thinking about opening the wrists up would be Imagine by John Lennon. Really? Oh, God, that's such a dirge. Imagine there's no countries. Well, that's the World Cup ruling for a start-off. Absolute. Radio. And we were just talking about if we were going to be tortured,

the music torture like they used on Celebrity Big Brother, what would our torture song be? Well, we just had a text in on 8.12.15, because I chose Mack the Knife as my torture song, and Postman Paul from Belfast has said, did you know Mack the Knife is an allegory for the McCarthy communist witch hunts amongst Hollywood artists? Really?

Yeah. I just love the fact that people would send in such an intellectual thing. So do I. Apparently there was a McCartney witch hunt, which was how he found Heather Mills. Yes. And is that true, do we think? I don't think so, because I think it was written some years before that.

But, you know, nice try, Postman Paul. But Mack the Knife, if McCarthy was the guy who was doing all the horribleness, Mack the Knife, I like it I appreciate it very much but we thought anyway, we'd ask you as you mention our number, 8 12 50 that we would, that would

be if they called up to Quasimodo oh, by the way, what's the text number for absolute? 8 12 15 why would he be reading the text number for absolute? 8, 12, 15. Why would he be reading the text number for absolute? No, he wouldn't be reading it. It's something I imagine that Quasimodo would know off by heart. Exactly.

What else do you do in a belfry? Other than memorise radio station call-ins. So, yeah, so we'd like to know, if you were going to be tortured in a room by music, what would be your greatest fear? What would be the track that would push you over the edge? That's what we want to know. What else I'd like to know is that thing that Gareth was on about yesterday, about seeing...

Oh, yeah. How frustrating an anecdote it was this. Oh, he's going to sulk. Well, it started off well, because I came into Waterloo Station and I saw Lee Ryan come out of the tube. Oh, is that off of blue? Yeah, off of blue. It's a ladies' man. Oh, yeah.

And that was quite exciting. And then I went down onto the tube and saw another famous person. Yes, now this is where the anecdote gets muddy. Go on, carry on. Carry on. Tell us what you delivered yesterday by by way of an anecdote um she's a lady and i can't remember what her name is or what she does but i i've got i can describe her physical appearance see i love a celebrity spotted

story in which you don't know the celebrity so, so what we thought we would do, because we went through this, we thought we'd ask our very knowledgeable listeners if they can rescue this anecdote by finding out who the celebrity is. So if Garrett's going to give us his description... Physical description. Well, it'll only be physical. I don't think we can give her an emotional...

No, but he could do an impression of her voice if she spoke. Oh, she'll only be physical. I don't think we can give her an emotional. Oh, I saw that. No, but you could do an impression of her voice if she spoke. Oh, she didn't say anything. I did see right into her very soul. Did you really? And you didn't recognise that either? No. No distinguishing features. Still, it does establish the fact that

it wasn't Heather Mills then. Bang. Sorry. Hair colour, please. And style. She had slightly Sharon Osbourne-y hair, but more spiky. Spiky kind of almost mangrove-y hair. A bit like Lion-O from the Thundercats.

Oh, OK. What colour? Kind of red-y, dark red. Oh, hold on, hold on. I might ruin the whole thing by getting this. Oh, OK. Don't ruin it, Frank, yeah. Oh, hold on, hold on. I might ruin the whole thing by getting this. Oh, OK. Don't ruin it, Frank, yeah. Oh, OK.

Should we not ruin it? Well, no, can I have a guess? OK, then. Is it that woman? I can't remember her name now. Oh, my goodness. So that text number is 8-12-15. Now, hold on.

She used to work with Kenny Everett. Oh, my God. Cleo Roccos. Cleo Roccos. Let's see. What's that? I'll. Oh, my God, Cleo Rocos. Cleo Rocos, what's that? I'll Google it. Google image, Cleo Rocos. Is everyone just going to have to listen while we all Google? Yeah, well, let's talk about something while we Google.

I love Googling, don't you? Well, we've had some texts in for songs that people don't want to listen to. They would consider musical torture. OK. Nick from Watford, Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On. Oh, no. That's a bit harsh, isn't it? But we're all different. That's fair enough, Nick. I'm not condemning your

essential... Hold on. Cleo Rockos is up. Roy from London says The National Anthem, You'd Never Get To Sit Down. Right, okay. It's quite good. See, I sing The National Anthem when it's played. Do you? Where was I? I went to a Royal Film Premiere recently and I was the only person singing the National Anthem.

Can you believe that? Yes, that's her! I've got it. That's her, yes! Too loud, it says on my screen then. You're too close to the mic. My ears are bleeding. My ears are bleeding!

Help me! On the plus side, we've worked it out. On the minus side, we've ruined the phone-in. We have ruined the phone-in. Absolute radio. We've had lots of texts in about musical torture. Oh, yes. Yeah.

We've had Emma from Orpington. Oh, she's called Emma Orpington. I'm not quite sure which. When I was a kid, when we were naughty, my mum used to lock us in a room and make us listen to Liberace. We would beg her to stop. She'll be from Orpington. That's why she's on the bass.

That's terrible. In case you don't know, Liberace is one of the great camp piano players. But he was good, but that would drive you absolutely mental. I've been to the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas. Have you? What was it like?

It was slightly camp, but there was, you know those mirror balls you get hanging up at discotheques? Yeah, that's all I've heard. He had a London, like a black cab, done up in mirror balls. And apparently he used to turn, when people were arriving, like lots of middle-aged women used to go to his gigs. Because they love a homosexual, the middle-aged women.

They do. And so, not that I don't, but they do in particular. He used to turn off at the airport in this, like, mirror ball cab, and he used to drive them to their hotels. Liberace. Oh, absolutely fantastic. So, on one side of the Atlantic, he's making

middle-aged women as happy as they've ever been. On the other side, he's torturing children in Orpington. That was Liberace. Versatile. Mandy of Bromley says anything by Kanye West or Chipmunk they do my head in Neil from Barking says anything by Lady Gaga would make me confess to shooting JFK does that mean that he shot JFK

I guess so I'm not sure about the anything maybe we should pass that on to Ian Blair, who's a regular correspondent. He's looking into the Gareth Salt case. I think he's got contacts in the Dallas Police Department, I think, Ian. So he's telling me in the zoo the other night. The zoo is the little area we sit in and absolutely chat to each other. We don't. We don't.

Because we don't really get on with anyone else at work. So they hate us. It's funny. Adrian is at the window now making rude gestures, which I find very offensive. Yeah. It's all a bit one floor over the cuckoo's nest behind that glass. It is. What's that? He's smearing on it.

I can't make out what that substance is. Oh, no, that was... If you heard that thumping, that was him actually. Oh, it's time for his medication. No, it's because I'm actually piping Liberace into that room. When I say I'm piping Liberace, I mean his essential vapour, which I've made from Liberace's corpse. That's what the thing is he's smearing. Sheila in Cricklewood says,

Good morning, my most annoying song is Sinead O'Connor, Nothing Compares To You. Oh, that's lovely. I don't know if it's the tears or the shaved head, it's just one of my most annoying songs. Well, I bet she doesn't like Ross Kemp. Yeah. Well, I thought that was a song of great beauty

and she was very beautiful then as well. Not that I'm saying she isn't now. I haven't seen her for a long time. I like women with shaved heads, generally speaking. Oh, yeah, that's very you. No, I do, though. I like that kind of tank girl look. Oh, why don't you start hanging around prisons then?

Well, I've tried that, but I was cast aside and told to move along. Nothing to see here, said this very thick-necked woman who I didn't much like the look of, tattooed and smoking a small briar. Oh dear. So yeah, the phone-in is saying

if you were going to be locked in a room and they were going to use music to torture you, what would the music be that you'd be most scared of? That's the thing, isn't it? I think one of mine would be the theme from Cagney and Lacey. I think that's quite... You don't like it? I think I might find, if I was locked in a room

and I just had to listen to the theme from Cagney and Lacey, I brought up the theme from Cagney and Lacey because I knew that I had that on my list of jingles. It's not there, so I'll change it. It's not so much that. Not so much that. I say Cagney and Lacey. What I meant was the final countdown I think was what would really do my of it.

Ah! Ah! No! I once wrote a letter to hunter s thompson um i started out i started it dear hunter i'm not gonna do it now because no because you're just leading me on i won't be i won't be manipulated by anyone fine well actually my chiropractor but that that's it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio. And we're quite excited

because pyjama men are on in a bit. Pyjama men are the extremely funny American... I said that like I didn't mean it. No, I just want to say

it casually. Extremely funny American double-act guys who everyone's talking about. Are they going to be wearing pyjamas? Well, it wouldn't be inappropriate at this hour. I think you'll agree. I say I think you'll agree.

I was just saying, I think you'll agree. Oh, there goes the no-repeat guarantee. I've let this company down big time. Now, I don't often read the emails because I've got people to do that for me. This is Frank Skinner. You laugh, but he has, actually. Well, it is. That's one of the things you do.

It is you, yeah. We're the gimps that have to do that. I meant it in a nice way. Can you say gimp? That's not swearing, is it, gimp? No. Okay. Okay. It's just unpleasant. It's what? It's just unpleasant. It's what? It's just unpleasant. It's a bit unpleasant. I have an image of zipped math.

Oh, God. Zipped math. Zipped math. I did that at A-level. Yeah, I was rubbish at zipped maths. I just couldn't open them up. Read the email for heaven's sake. I'm going to read the email.

And this says, it's from Max Davis, and it says, Dear Frank, email and this says um it's from max davis and it says dear frank i'm 14 years old i'm writing in order to thank you so much for introducing me to the fall i've been a long time podcast listener and after you went on about the fall for so long curiosity overcame and i decided to buy a fall album oh i went to my local music store and purchased the only one they had hex induction hour i fell in love with this album and have since been saving my money in order to obtain more four CDs. I now have the first nine and love them all. And I'm a dedicated follower of Mark E. Smith. Thank you so much for the wonderful gift of the four.

How beautiful was that? Wow. Yes. I'm speechless. You don't know what it means to me. This kid would have been sitting at home listening to, well, I don't know, Razorlight. Leona Lewis.

Actually, not Razorlight because they're absolute favourites. They're marvellous. I'd be good if he was listening to Razorlight. He probably doesn't know what a razor is at his age. Jedward, maybe. They might be listening to Jedward, but I don't think they've made anything yet. But they might live next door.

Of course. No. So, yes. So, brilliant. You don't know, because I love the four, and I think the four, I think they could change the world. They make people more thoughtful and more, they're questioning and more.

You've converted him. I have converted him. I'm loving it. The four would change the world. Yes. And it does make me question things. Yeah. Yeah.

Like how I got this job, for example. Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily and Gareth. And not only that, but the pyjama men have joined us. Well, hello. Hello. And I love that. Hello.

Yeah, because we don't get many overseas people. Oh, no. We've had one or two, but it's still a novelty thing for us. We had the Gruffalo on, didn't we? Yeah. It's not the Gruffalo. That was the comedian Janine. Yeah, Gruffalo.

In fact, called her the Gruffalo. It's just to help me to remember the difficult name. So the pyjama men are Mark and chenoa that's right and uh i'm gonna start by saying i've never met anyone called chenoa before so that's quite exciting yeah yeah well i'm a unique named man you know i'm imagining it's some sort of i'm a lot different than other people in name yes just in name yeah yeah i'm pretty run-of-the-mill uh i've got this wild name that sort of lures you in well you wear it as a badge of honor though yeah yeah and it's actually uh you know responsible for most of our success brilliant yeah well you know i have a

friend who was called emma williams and she noticed that one of the lottery winners was called something like George Pound, and she thought that clearly brought money to him. And I'm not making this, she changed the name by deed poll to Emma Millions. Oh, yeah. Is she wealthy? Yeah, she's still penniless. If George Pound was back home in the States, he would just get fat, probably. That is true so for those listening and i hate to break this there will be some who are not familiar with your work could you what i know

impossible well you know we do theater doesn't everybody know what we do well we you know we play to a lot of prisons and stuff. People have been in a long time. So, do you think you could give us a brief synopsis of, if someone comes to see your show, and we'll plug your show in a second, what should they expect? Well, we play a lot of characters,

and there's not really a plot to our little show. There's a thin plot. Remember, you're selling it now. Yeah, that's what we're doing. It's kind of a transparent plot. On which to hang really great jokes. Oh, well, there you go. See, now you've won them over.

Fun comedy and bad plot. And a nice night out. And a nice night out. Good for a date. Or if you're single and alone, it makes you forget that for at least an hour. Well, you've covered, I think, all the bases. What about family? Could you bring children to this show?

No. Okay, then we'll move on. I mean, you could, but then you would hate us. Yeah. They would learn a few things. Well, I'm feeling you've already won a few new people over. So if anyone wants to come and see the Pajama Men, where should they go and win?

They should go to the Soho Theatre. Tonight. Tonight. Well, actually, I think we're probably sold tonight. It's always good to have people turn to one. I might go along. We'll get you. Oh, they'll get me in.

Oh, God, you make me sick. You're not even using the laminate this time. You're just turning on. We were extended, so we're actually closing tonight, but then we reopen on the 20th of January and run through February 6th at the Soho. Oh, OK. So tonight's the last night for a little while.

For just a little bit, yeah. Are you staying in England? Yeah. OK. Yeah, we're right you staying in England? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're right in. Right now we are, but we're going to Calgary for the next ten days to do a festival called the High Performance Rodeo. So we're going to get our chaps on and go hang out with cowboys

and do some comedy in the frozen tundra. Will you be dressed as clowns and standing in the rodeo yeah probably wearing like a barrel on braces oh I love it when they do that no I went to a rodeo I went to a rodeo in Wyoming and the clowns came out

and I thought they just rescued the cowboys but they were doing stand up this guy came out and said I was saying to my wife the other day and it was like a problem meanwhile there were like large bulls running around behind him my favorite thing that they do is they sit at a table and play cards while there's a bull running around and then they and they this is a serious thing that they try to see who can sit at the table longest before they get scared and run away when before the bull charges it's a uh it's a fun game i actually played at home If anyone's tuned in a bit late,

that is not the show you'll be seeing at the summer fair. Don't think, oh, my God, I'm not risking that. Absolute Radio. We are with the Pajama Men. We're getting on famously with the Pajama Men. How did you get on famously? You get on with everyone famously because all your friends are famous, am I right?

Yeah, the Pajama Men are now my friends, so deal with it. Heighted, tighted. I haven't quite broken the ice yet. Now, you're always slower. Well, just take your top off. I forgot you were there. Yeah.

I'm Gareth. Oh, hey. Hey, I'm Mark. This is Shanoa. Nice moment. When you spoke then, they looked quite startled. Where did you come from? Someone kill it!

Someone kill it! It's speaking! It's already been an assault today. Don't start it off. Oh, yeah. So you guys, you're from New Mexico. Yeah, yeah, New Mexico. Do you get back there much, or is that...?

Yeah, I'm not going back for a while, but... You killed somebody there yeah oh yeah i heard about that no i was told you see your publicist said don't bring up the murder thing yeah you're doing it so you brought it up i think i didn't bring up anything frank i think you kind of brought it up when you were like so do you get back there you brought it up by just by just kind of insinuating. By even having us on the show, you brought it up. I guess you're right.

Don't make him angry, Frank. I'm sorry. Look at the thing in his eye. What can I talk about from that area that isn't the murder? What about, do you do the Albuquerque Balloon Festival? Oh, my goodness. You know, the balloon fiesta. The balloon fiesta.

Have you been in one of those balloons? I have. I've only been when I was in elementary school. What do you guys call it here? Primary? Oh, yeah. That's a good primary school. Depends what it is.

Fifth grade? That's a sort of flower. Grade five? Yeah, that's Canadian. How old were you? I was ten. Okay. Yes, you'd be in primary school.

I call that make-up age. That's when you start wearing make-up. Yeah, well, I don't know if Mark can show that. You're right. Yeah, so I was make-up age. I think probably wore war paint in New Mexico. Yes, yes we do. So you were make-up age.

I was make-up age, and I got into a balloon that was inflated, but they didn't put it in the air because it was just people could just try out getting in the gondola. And at the time it seemed exciting, but now I'm just mad. Why would you go through all that trouble and not do anything with the balloon? I want an elephant ride like that.

I think Albuquerque needs to work on its rides. What a short, real life you've had. You went on an elephant ride when the elephant didn't move. No. And there was a little sort of corral built onto the elephant. And there were ten of us little kids in it. And then we just sat on it for a minute and got off again.

And it didn't move. No. That was more of an elephant climb. Yeah. No. That was more of an elephant climb. Yeah. That's like, yeah, but the Balloon Fiesta,

every October the sky just gets full of balloons in the morning. But I don't wake up early enough anymore to even notice because they're usually up by 5 a.m. You can sort of sense them, though. Yeah. Can you hear that occasional... Oh, yeah. Yeah, you really do. As opposed to the occasional...

At the festivals you go to. That was an elephant. That was an elephant. That was good. That was an amazing elephant. You say it was good. Shanoa looked a bit like a... Visually, it was arresting.

We should all just try to do... That's badass, Dale. I really like that. That sounds like a balloon going down. You've combined the two anecdotes into one sound effect. Anybody else want to try the elephant sound? Come on, let's do it. No, but if I did make one, I'd say afterwards,

I beg your pardon. Oh. That's what we say over here. OK. I'll have one more go. Ah! OK, now do the sound. You two are very cutting.

No, I felt like you were preparing when you did that noise. Clearing your throat. That was my elephant noise. Ah! Ah! And that was it. Yes, well,

I'm sorry about anyone. This week's phone-in, if you want to text in your... Oh, no, that won't work. So, you two, what I like about... I've been reading all about you guys, is that you've known each other for a long, long time, because often comedians just meet somewhere and say, hey, let's be in a double act.

Yeah. But you were at... It kind of went the other way around. Were you in eighthth grade together? Elementary school No we were in high school Which I think you guys called I think Shanoa was in Elephantry

Oh Oh Sing Nice one He's back Nice Hold on I think that needs some sort of Here we go

Oh I can't do it Okay Sorry the pyjama men are not wearing their headphones Here we go. Oh, I can't do it. OK. Sorry, the pyjama men are not wearing their headphones, so they're just looking at me, wanting to know why I'm staring at them. I played a sort of a fanfare to celebrate that pun. Oh, that's nice.

That was a nice moment you had for yourself. Thank you. Look, my name's on the door. I can do what I damn well like. Don't you be go-go. Oh, it's just started snowing outside our window. Now, I know this is not big news in Great Britain at the moment, but, you know, for us, we've all got a bit... Ooh, the weather outside is frightening.

It's all gone a bit like that. I hope the pyjama men are OK out there in this blizzard. Oh, to hell with them. I think we've socked them with what we needed and we've cast their dry husks to the street. We've had a text in, Frank, on HL15. Why, you don't say. Frank,

do you think 17 years old is too old to be grounded? I've thrown a remote at the TV and been grounded for a whole month. Thrown a remote at the TV? He's remained anonymous. Is he Jonathan Ross? He shouldn't watch that Graham Norton show. That's what I say.

I think 17 is, well, it's borderline old enough to be grounded. I mean, you're in a position where he, yeah, he could sue. Just walk out the house and get a taxi. That's what I'd do. Well, it depends on the nature of the ground. Hell of a black cab. He could be. Just walk out the house and get a taxi. That's what I'd do. Well, it depends on the nature of the ground. Hail a black cab. He could be manacled.

Besides, not everyone can afford to just stroll out of the house and hail a black cab. Can I say that? OK. Emily was throwing ornaments at servants at that age. She certainly was. That's absolutely correct. By the way, we had an email Which was a bit of a spooky

We did It says hi Frank Just thought Sorry You've had a Roberto Just thought I'd let you know That when you were talking about the FA Cup Draw on your show last Saturday

You mentioned Portsmouth could get drawn with Sunderland which actually happened yes do you have mystic powers roger well i'd love to think that i have mystic powers i'd love this studio to become a sort of a mothershipton's cave where i every week i could uh emanate um futureness but i don't think i have any you are quite a corian as in derrick akora. Yeah, I've got something of the Acora about me. I'm often knocking around the spirit web. Yes. Spirit balls, of course, is an off-lice. Yeah, no, I did do that.

I did say Sunderland could play balls, but then I picked the FA Cup draw last week, which, if you've never seen it, is two men taking balls out of a sort of plastic bowl hidden under the table. Was it a velvet bag? No, they arrive in a velvet bag, but then Paul Elliott, my co-drawer...

Oh, he's ex-Chelsea. Yes, he emptied the velvet bag into a concealed plastic bowl, and then you reach into it. And the reason it's a see-through plastic bowl is then they can then cut to a shot of your hand reaching into the ball so there's no dodginess. Oh, did you have a manicure

beforehand so your hand looked nice? I didn't do that but I tell you what do you remember last week on the show I didn't feel very well? Yes, I do remember that. I felt quite poorly and I felt poorly into the evening and the next day I thought, am I going to be able to do the cup door? I feel I felt proper bilious.

Anyway, I turned up at the cup drawer and I still felt rough. And I thought, I'm going to soldier on. After a couple of balls had come out of the thing I'd taken, I started to feel much better. And I started to think that the plastic bowl with the cup drawer balls, it might be some sort of sacred healing well. Like Lourdes. Well, do you think you were carrying around the responsibility of the drawer on your shoulders and it was affecting you physically?

Oh, well, that is something I hadn't... And as you were releasing the pent-up potential powers... There's a lot of alliteration. There's a lot of P's in that. Yeah. Are we entering into some supernatural realm? Well, you are, I think. But you do this time most Saturday mornings, I always say.

In fact, you rarely come out of it. I only ever see you slip through the curtain. But, yes, it was. Honestly, I was healed by the FA. So if any of you at home are feeling terrible, some of you with major illnesses, I suggest you go to the FA and say, look, I've got three months to live,

can I do the FA cup draw? And the whole thing could be turned around. Well, that's handy for people. Yes. Thanks for Frank's top tips there, everyone. Okay. A weekly series. So, look, we've got a bit of an exciting week

because we're all off to see Biffy Clyro on Thursday. Yeah. And we're playing the Houses of Parliament. Can you believe that? Oh, what am I going to wear? Well, I'm just thinking, how long do I have to wait until I'm trapped before I can go,

oh, odder, oh, odder. No, but we are. We've been invited by Absolute. We have to bring our passports for ID. Do we really? Yeah, we do. That's got my age in it. Oh, my God.

Well, I imagine yours is an aged document. You do know you have to get it renewed, Emily, after a certain amount of time passes. Well, the cover is actually... It's papyrus.