The Frank Skinner Show - Hangs Solo

Episode Date: December 7, 2019

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank has been on The One Show and had a fright in a train toilet. The team also discuss the lost Star Wars script, circular yellow cards and Alun has a winter clothing gripe.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. We are not live this week. This is a pre-record, so please don't text the show or your texts will disappear into the ether, which would be awful. However, you can still follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, and you can email the show via the Absolute Radio website. That's certainly true.

What good will come of it is anyone's guess. Good morning. Yes, morning. Good morning, Frank. It's not actually morning. Oh, it is still morning. Lovely. I really appreciate lifelong Mockney Red.

I can't imagine what their passions are. I didn't know you were a wine drinker. What if there was actually a bottle called lifelong Mockney Red? Imagine the connoisseurs would disapprove. Well, that was very fashionable a while back, wasn't it? To have sort of grumpy mum wine or cats. What's it? I won't say, yes. Yeah, it's part of that

what's that trendy advertising called where it's a bit matey. You know, like on smoothies where it goes oh, we're made of 12 oranges and three grapefruit guys. That sort of stuff. I don't want to befriend the things I'm about to consume. I didn't know you were supposed to read it out in that voice, by the way.

I might call you next time I have a smoothie. It's part of the sort of, it's disruption, I believe, isn't it? Oh, is it? That's what it's called. Lifelong Mockney Red says, Steve, can we do that again, please? Pre-recorded, you say? Oh. As a reference to you, which I like, Frank.

Okay, so it means that... But we still won't re-record anything, let's face it. We'll still leave all the rubbish in. I just think people have got used to that. Speak for yourself. Yeah, it's good for the light and shade, isn't it? I think that, you know, when you have a Turkish coffee, you are happy to leave that stuff in the bottom.

It gave you flavour and it needed to be there, but you don't actually want to consume it. That's all it is. You know what I like, Al? He referred to it as that stuff. In the very Birmingham 1950s. What's at the bottom of a Turkish coffee? Etwa an.

It's like our version of the ballet link. It's the coffee granules. There's not the granules. Yeah, grains. Yeah, the remains. Let's call it. Yeah, I don't. So I'm not saying I have any grounds for complaint.

Very good. I'm just saying that, you know, it's all right to have those other bits. Yes. That is my view. So, oh, God, I had a shock. I had a shock this week. What happened? I was in Belfast and I walked, I was in my dressing room pre-gig.

Oh, yes. At the Usher Hall. Yes, I had people, I often get people getting in touch. I know where you are around the country, which I love. Well, I opened the door to the toilet and oh my god there was a man standing in there. Oh frightening. And it was really, really genuinely oh it was one of those moments.

Because you know when he'd come there was no one around backstage. Anyway. Was he in the full ninja gear or was he a... Well I'd say when my eyes retracted I realised it was a life-size cardboard cutout of Lewis Capaldi. But I think it had been placed there as some sort of a...

Prank. Yes, because, I mean, why would it be in the men's toilet, in dressing room number one, which obviously is my natural home. Excellent. I'm quite often in dressing rooms that have zero which obviously is my natural home. Excellent. I'm quite often in dressing rooms that have zero number, by the way. Oh, that's terrible. Even I manage a seven.

What about when I went to, I think it was Wimbledon Theatre, and they said to me, the guy said, lucky you, we've put you in the Anoushka Hempel room. Sorry. Anoushka Hempel was an actress who Emily probably... She was a Bond girl.

Was she? I think so. I remember she was in something like the Foresight saga or one of those big BBC things from the 70s. And I thought, well, what? You know, she's a woman one associates with class. Yes, sorry to interject, opened the Hempel Hotel. Yes, she became a bit of a hotel magnet.

Yes, it's cats or hotels for the Bond girls. Oh, okay. So anyway, the only difference I could see between that and the other dressing room is that they'd put a roll of pink silk around the sink so that you couldn't see the pipes. I thought she'll be so proud that that is her memorial. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I was on a train coming back from Manchester Piccadilly to London.

Oh, I was familiar with that route. Very frequent. Yeah, well, I was in first class, dear. Well, I have been too. Yeah, I'm sure you have. But, unfortunately... Story moment of tension. Unfortunately, they cancelled the Stoke train.

And so... You got an overcrowded first class. I got an overcrowded first class. Brutal. And I felt... I weren't sure all these people had first class tickets. It doesn't feel elite if there's loads of people in there. But by its nature...

I'll tell you what it reminded me of. We're not live today. I'll tell you what it reminded me of. I'm relieved we're not live today. It reminded me of that scene in Eisenstein's Ten Days that Shook the World, when the Russian Revolution crowd break through the barricades, and you think that's it, that's it for the

Romanovs, you think to yourself. I'm just going to write that film down. Imagine if I did this. I've not been doing enough homework for this show. I've never seen Eisenstein's. What was it? It's called Ten Days That Shook the World. It's a wonderful idea.

Ten Days That Shook the World. Effigy outside absolute if I did this. You know how Frank say, on the bins in the smithy? But you know what it's like? It's hard having a recognisable face when people have been drinking for eight hours. It was a night train, you know. Or was it?

Anyway, there was a guy on there. I'm just going to flag up, you're complaining about your problems being famous in first class as it continued. Yes, I am. I'm being upfront about this. So I was reading a novel and just thinking,

I'm going to lose myself in literature. Which one, Frank? am I allowed to know? It was, oh, what is it called? Something like Ottica Station. It's about a guy who lives in Spain. Oh. It's brilliant. Oh, OK.

Oh, good. I'm glad you gave it a good. You looked a bit pained as if you were going to have to give it a bad review. It's really brilliant. In fact, in a minute, I'll Google it and tell you they're right because I would recommend it heartily. Like this. I recommend this.

That's me recommending it heartily. Russell Hartley. I saw a very unusual late review. You know, we sometimes talk about late reviews on this show. I saw the band Elbow doing a sort of a lo-fi gig recently in manchester and guy garvey when introducing one of their songs talked about um the novelist jonathan franzen and he said he wrote the corrections and some other books that weren't as good i think that's absolutely correct and a zing at the same time wow and. And I have to say, entirely accurate.

Oh, I like some of the others. But anyway. Okay. I haven't read any of his stuff. Anyway. Oh, we are. Meanwhile, over in first class. There was a man with his partner on the train.

I sensed he'd been drinking at length. Oh, dear. And he'd got... Ledger! He was going to get off at Stoke. I had that to hold on to. Of course you did. Because I could tell by his accent

where he was going to get off. And then I'd sort of changed a bit. Because at first he was just a bit sort of aggressive and a bit strange. I mean, not to me, but I could, you know, you know when you're... Have you ever watched anyone blow up a very large balloon

and you're waiting for the moment? Yeah. Yeah, well, it was like that. It was that energy. Anyway, he suddenly started going, if your name's not down, you're not coming in. Not tonight, not, not tonight. If your name's not down, you're not coming in.

Not tonight, not, not tonight. I would say in excess of 100 times. Is it John Hedgley? Well, I tell you what, as, knock tonight, I would say in excess of 100 times. Is it John Hedgley? Well, I tell you what, as a Fall fan, I thought, I'm quite enjoying this. This takes me back. He was like some sort of, you know, urban poet. If your name's not down...

And people would go... She was... I think it was called Rob or Steve or one of those. And she was going, Rob, Rob, leave it. And he'd say, all right, all right. If your name's not down,

you're not coming. So that went on. And I started to feel, God, this is, people were saying, come on, mate, and stuff like that. And it was,

I felt like this is what Jonah must have been like in Nineveh when he told them that they were facing their doom. A great symbol of, that they were going to miss out on salvation if they continued to be sinful. If your name's not down, you're not coming in. So,

anyway, as you can probably guess, the end of this story, there was a big fight. Was there? Oh, yeah. Did you step up to the plate? Well, I don't know if it was exactly a fight. I was very much even concentrating even more on my novel at this point. But she was going like, you know, come on,

there was a bit of, you know, it's not worth it being said by the girlfriend. And then he got off. And then he was chased along the platform by an official man. Alan. This is Alan's favourite story ever. I know. It reminded me of the night bus of my youth when there was always stuff like that every night, basically. You know what it is, Frank?

I think life just becomes a series of the dog in the playground moments and we all secretly crave those moments for the disruption. I like watching them what I like is the sort of the peephole on the cell door that's how I

like to watch them. I don't like to be in the cell at the time but anyway I didn't come to any harm. But I was the only person on the train who missed If Your Name's Not Death. Yes, I checked out. It is actually a song. Oh, yeah.

By the Klaxons, I think. But it was a new one on me. And I listened to their version. It wasn't anywhere near as good as his. It is a man just saying that. Another late review. And when I played it, my seven-year-old son, Boz, to my amazement said,

well, he needs to expand his vocabulary. Friendskin on Absolute Radio. Oh, yes, I found out what that book is called. It's interesting, I can read a book and never really register the title or the author. Anyway, it's called Leaving the Attocha Station, A-T-O-C-H-A, by Ben Lerner. Oh, excellent. It's really brilliant, I think. Frank, I'd like to make sure we have a smattering of outside world correspondence,

even though we are not live, as we have been entirely honest about. Yes, again, do not text. Reclentive sounding. Don't text us. This is from Jonathan in Sale. Whatever happened to, remember that feature with associated jingle? Yes. People shouting gangway

to get through a crowd perhaps I'll say it again we'll all try and see how we go gangway yeah I do remember that how would you say it Frank how would you have said it

I'd have gone gangway like that yours sounds more sort of factory foreman has it been replaced by coming through if it happens at all? Is that what happens now? Well, Jonathan continues

out. Yeah, maybe. Jonathan says, nowadays it's all sorries and excuse me, but back in the late 70s and 80s I always remember when someone needed to get through a crowd, whether a sporting event or a school assembly, if

someone yelled the magic word Gangway! the crowds would pull back like Moses in the Red Sea and through a person would come. Oh, I like his Yoda vernacular. I hope somebody else remembers this phenomenon and the last time it ever happened.

I certainly do. I haven't heard it for a very long time. The last time I heard it, people were still getting their marching orders. Well, also, our Keith was still saying, shall we have a look at what's on the Gogglebox? Yeah, that's true. Because Gogglebox has sort of been accidentally post-marked and ironically revived.

Thank you, Jonathan. Aye. Oh, now, look, we've all discussed on this show various levels of wokeness and political correctness. And I know sometimes it can be annoying. I know sometimes it empowers idiots. But I think we'd all agree that, idiots. But I think we'd all agree that generally speaking, I think we'd all

agree, but let's not have a vote. Anyway, I want to tell you something that happened this week. Just put my hand up there to interject. Let me just tell you something that happened. As a family Congratulations on your confidence. You notice I moved on pretty quickly. As a family, we've

been watching his dark materials on Sunday evenings. By the wonderful Jack Thorne. Indeed. Well, by Philip Pullman. I brushed Philip Pullman out of it. Yes, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm just fangull over Jack, but adapted by.

You should have seen, right? You should have read the television. She was too lazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's too lazy. Yeah. Yeah.

So, anyway, my son, Boz, who is now a seven and a half year old schoolboy, loves the programme. And, you know, when I was a kid, you know, I loved things like The Lone Ranger and Batman. And I dressed as them regularly as part of my game playing. While you wore... Yes, I seem to remember the wellies and the very poignant story about when you dressed up as... Who did you dress up as? Well, I was Batman to my cousin's Robin, and we were, in a way, by the time we got them,

we were a bit old for make-believe games. So we just used to dress as Batman and Robin and then just sit on the swings and talk. What did you wear again? Wellies? I had wellies and then swimming trunks over black jeans and a great school jumper with the bat thing um thing on it they were pretty good i think our parents had done a good job it was batman and robin i know you've told this before but it honestly i wake up sometimes in the night and then it was batman and robin just sort of

chilling out at home exactly it was off off duty what did they say they just said what are you up to we used to play football sometimes, as Batman and Robin we'd been. And there was always a feeling that we should be on the same, it was wrong that we should be. And I remember on one occasion, a kid was talking about something that had happened in the park, and I sort of, I wouldn't go with it,

because I didn't want to give away my secrets. So I was saying, oh, I wasn't in the park. What are you talking about? That's rubbish. I'll come back. The producer is having a seizure that we've gone on too long. So I will come back with this story after this. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

I was speaking of Historic Materials, the new BBC fantasy drama, you know, talking polar bears, etc., etc. What would your demon be, by the way? I don't want to give you a hospital pass there. Yeah, we should say that every person as an animal, which is their demon, is kind of like their soul, isn't it, in some way?

I've got one, really, which is my dog is my demon. Okay, I'd go marmoset. Anyway. Nice. So the hero of this is a sort of 12 year old girl called Lyra and so Buzz has started straightening his hair

to look like her I mean just with water and wearing one of my black t-shirts as a dress and going around the house as Lyra and at first I thought well it's not the Lone Ranger

let's face it and then I thought you know what for all the stuff about how political correctness can get in the way of normal conversation and comedy and actually harmless quite nice friendly stuff as well as obviously doing good detective and police work. I felt really, very pleased that my son could just think, I love this show, I want to look like the hero of this show and not be troubled by the fact that it's a young girl. And I thought, you know what, I think things are going to be all right. That's what I thought. I honestly, it made me feel, I didn't say anything to him because I

don't want to make a deal of it. It's not a deal to him. I just felt really good about it, so there. Well, I like that he's also got a female heroine. I enjoy that. But Sid, there weren't that many of those about even if you wanted to copy one

when I was a kid. What about Catwoman? Yeah, when I was a kid, they were all the... What about Catwoman? Yeah, but she was a baddie. Oh, that's why she was my heroine. Like me. You see, I only like the baddies. We're both allergic to cats, which is another problem.

But I realised I only ever did like the baddies anyway in the films. Oh, did you really? Yeah, I always liked the baddies. I was always secretly a bit sad. They've often got a roguish charm about them, haven't they, the baddies? Well, the baddies in that Batman TV series were all, like, old, out-of-work actors who'd been quite big in their day, Burgess Meredith and stuff. Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Well, I remember, I like to hear that about Buzz because he did once, when I interviewed Jack, your brother-in-law for the podcast I do, and I told him that Buzz, I said, what do you like most about Jack? And he said, I like his swimming, his kindness and his writing. And Jack burst out laughing and said he doesn't even know my writing. And now he does. He does now. Yeah.

So, yeah, I had a really quite an epiphany on it. It made me think the world's going in the right direction, generally speaking. So is it just... No, no, I'm joking. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio Can I tell you

two things about Buzz dressing as Lyra also is that I've I've had cause to dress as a female on various occasions for sketches

and stuff and to be involved in that in any way when no one says you've got really good legs or or I say I don't know and to be involved in that in any way when no one says, you've got really good legs, or I say,

I don't know you're walking these. How lovely to avoid those two cliches is what I'm going to call them. Yes. They were cliches. Anyway, that's basically it. Well, I like that story. I look forward to seeing the Lyra incarnation.

Also, this week, I did The Wand Show. Yes, I need to watch that on Catch Up. How was that? They do love you on The Wand Show. You're a real friend of the show. Yes, I don't know how many times I've done it, but a lot. And I was on with Mary Crosby.

Now, Mary Crosby is daughter of Bing. Bing's daughter. I believe she was, not the one who played Kirsten in Dallas. She was Crystal in Dallas, who was involved with one of the biggest TV stories

of all time. Who shot JR? In that she shot JR. Spoiler alert. If anyone just taped it and was saving it up. Yeah, exactly. Anyone who's just got

the box set are going to love me. Do you remember, I think I had a Who Shot JR t-shirt. Someone released a single called I Shot JR. Itshirt. Someone released a single called I shot JR. It became such a big industry.

They had car stickers, I remember, in Birmingham when I was a young man with who shot JR. They had those in about 2009, I think. Yeah. They were still on. Whatever happened to my other cars of Porsche? Do you still see those? You don't see as many car stickers as you used to, do you?

And also, I think you had another one I saw about me with chalk dust. Do you remember that? The John McEnroe. That was the other thing around that time. Oh, now I know that one. Because he used to have massive tantrums, obviously John McEnroe.

He did. And they released a song called Chalk Dust. Everyone could see that there was chalk dust. Don't you remember that one? No. Novelty records. Anyway. Of course, Hawkeye has changed that song.

Yeah. As you were, Frank. Everything changes. As they call it in Scotland, Hawkeye the New. Lovely. So, yes. So then I went to do a recording of The Infinite Monkey Cage at Lime Grove

Studios, BBC. Double gig in the same day? Yeah. He gives us all the platforms. But then hold it, there's a plaque in the studio it's recorded in saying Bing Crosby did his last ever recording. Now I've always been of the view

that if something like that happens, they happen in threes, you know that thing? And I said Now, I've always been of the view that if something like that happens, they happen in threes. You know that thing? And I said this. I said, there will be another Bing Crosby thing today. You didn't say that to Brian Cox, did you? And he went, it's not science, Frank.

No, exactly. Exactly. That sounds a bit superstitious for me. I think he was still doing the math when I left. But the sound engineer, very quick thinking, as the show ended and we left, he played White Christmas by Bing Crosby.

Excellent. He made it work. The triumvirate. I was glad then. The holy trinity of Crosby. Yeah, I could relax then. But I'll tell you what would have been a great texting today. Don't texting because we're not doing texting.

Which modern celebrity would be best at home with a pipe? Because Bing Crosby always had a pipe. I'm not sure many could carry it off now. Do you know what my outsider would be? I'll put some money on this. Madonna. Yes. Absolutely at home

good show with a pipe especially with the eye patch this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio this is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran

we're not live alright don't text don't text but you can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show Dean and Alan Cochran. We're not live, all right? Don't text. Don't text. But you can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio and email the show via the Absolute Radio website. That's harmless.

If you text, you're throwing money away. I mean, it's Christmas. You'll be glad of that. Yes. Most certainly. Yeah. What I should have played then is saying, let's say Madonna's Like a Virgin,

but with pipe smoking sound effects to go on to that theme. Nice. Like a virgin. Oh, man. Frank, we don't have texts and emails flowing in today, obviously, because as you've established, with full transparency, this is not a live show. However, Nick Murphy has got in touch in real time to say,

Hi, Frank, Emily and the Cockerel. Hello. I like that. Makes it sound quite Famous Five. But less racist. Re-Eureka moments. Your more mature readers may remember curtains at cinemas oh yes I do

Alan? yes so I should explain that at the end of the film these lovely big silk curtains would close certainly when I watched films as a kid they would close on the credits so the credits would be projected on the crinkly curtains so you couldn't read them because no one cared.

Well, Nick said, for years I thought they were transparent as you could see the film through them as they opened. Imagine my surprise. By the way, I'm now... Hold it. It's all right, I've imagined it. Carry on. By the way, I'm now a film producer.

Prisoner 214. Oh, yeah, I've seen that. It's very good. It's a good one. No, I, I've seen that. It's very good. No, I don't know. He never said what he produced. No. Okay. There you go. Well, yes. He's followed by Sheridan Smith, though. I didn't know the

curtains had gone. I thought they were still around in cinemas. Yeah, but to be fair, you didn't know BHS had closed, so... No. There'll be people now listening going, what? BHS has closed. No. There'll be people now listening going, what, BHS has closed? I was going to do all my Christmas shopping there. By glory.

Very few people, I suspect. I bet they say, by glory, as an expression of their... Stop off and get some cards from Clintons on the way home. We've also had an email about something that we discussed last Saturday, which was outdoor washing machines that you brought to the attention of the nation. Well, to be fair, Hocknell alerted me. Mick Hocknell told you and you told the nation.

And then the nation has decided to respond to both the show and my Instagram account with photographs of outdoor washing machines, including some friends of mine who've been WhatsAppping me photographs of washing machines. Are they standard washing machines or are they all-weather? Well, as it happens, we've just received an email from John Smith Davies, who signs off as John SD.

I like it. Hi all, just to clarify, the street machines are also for washing larger items that won't fit in a standard machine. Brackets, double duvets, etc. OK. Street machines are also for washing larger items that won't fit in a standard machine. Brackets, double duvets, etc. Okay. Good intel, John, SD. Thank you.

I see. So a tent, maybe you could take a tent? If you do wash a tent. Oh, you know when, at football grounds, when they pass the enormous shirt over their head to the fans. Yeah. past the enormous shirt over their head to the fans. I don't think that is why the washing machines are there for exactly that service. An eiderdown?

Yes. Very few of those about that. When I came in drunk one night and I felt sorry for the dog. It was very cold in our house and the dog was trembling with the cold. So I took him to bed with me. And when I woke up the next day, I was just aware of these lumps of white fluff everywhere and he'd scratched a big hole in the eiderdown to nest down. I leapt out of my bed in rage to chastise him and felt

something warm and clabby squeeze between my toes. I'm going to leave that with you. Just like he did? Exactly. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I would like

to talk about Star Wars. Star Wars? Oh, God, don't start him off. I saw a friend of mine the other day who is a fellow Star Wars enthusiast. Who's that? Stu, he's called. Sounds a bit made up, never heard of him.

And he said to me, so what time screening are you going to? So not what day. Oh, you. He absolutely, absolutely presumed I'd be going the first day of release. But what time screening? Well, you would have had this in your diary for a while, Frank, The Rise of Skywalker, is it?

I said, we're at the 9.30am. What? Actually, we're not fooling around. There is a midnight one you can do, but I thought it was a bit late for a seven-and-a-half-year-old. But, yeah, 9.30 for the new one. Oh, isn't that nice? You can go with bars. Yeah, exactly.

Get breakfast in. You can take your brekkie in. Yeah, well, it's one of those cinemas where you can eat. They bring stuff to the thing. Oh, I don't approve of that. Oh. Travels in first class. Yeah, I'll probably get down

in the cinema and I'll hear, if your name's not down, you're not coming in, not tonight, not, not tonight. I'd like him to follow you round. Less fun in the cinema, though, you'd agree. And every time you're on the one show, he's outside banging on the glass.

Or just with me. Yeah. He's like, he's my demon. If your name's not sorry, this is Robbie. He's from Stoke, you know. As if that explains everything. Exactly, he's potty. He's from Barcelona.

Very good. Very good, even I got that. So. Star Wars. Star good. Even I got that. So... Star Wars. Star Wars. Well, you'll be very excited by this. I mean, I'm afraid... I was a bit...

How many are there of these things? There's been too many. It's like EastEnders. It's just always on. But I was a fan... I think the main dude from Disney recently said, to be honest, we've released too much Star Wars stuff recently.

Well, this is the the end isn't it? is this the final one Frank? well it's the final one of this trilogy if this is the last Star Wars film I will eat my sombrero oh ok he means solero that'll be a pay per view event

it's a nice lolly that he's got with it so there has been there was an interesting incident during the, I mean, they sometimes drum up this stuff, don't they? And they sort of make a big deal out of it. But JJ, is it Abrams or Abrahams? Yeah.

Well, I call him Abrahams, but I don't know what he calls himself. But as we've never met, it hasn't really mattered. Just go with JJ. Anyway, he revealed on Good Morning America, which if people aren't familiar with that, it's a bit like the Piers Morgan, Susanna Reid one. Okay. That's right.

He went on it to be... Is there a good morning everywhere in the world? It's like a good morning Bolivia. Good morning Tokyo. Good morning Ukraine. Oh, yeah. We've got that. Oh, good morning Tokyo.

I love that. Yes. I wonder if they... If only there was a song that... Is there? Good morning. Morning, Tokyo. There it is.

Good morning, Tokyo. Here comes Piers Morgan. Happy to be singing you. They should make him and Susanna Reid sing that, but with Britain in it. Good morning, Britain. And then Fern Britain could be carried on on a chrysanthemum throne. Oh, that's China. Is it China or Japan?

The chrysanthemum? Yeah. I think it's Japan. Do you know why you should know this? I know, because it was a question I got wrong on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Yes, and I believe it's Japan. I say I didn't get it wrong.

I actually didn't answer it. I bottled it. No, you didn't. You correctly decided not to go for it because you didn't know the answer. Exactly. It's Japan. It's never stopped me in any other area of life.

That's true. Anyway, JJ shares the same name as Bruce Forsyth's son, incidentally. JJ? Yes, he's a JJ. JJ Forsyth? Yeah. Is that right? I always remember him because when he was a child I saw him in Hello magazine with a tuxedo baby girl at his christening. Never forgot it.

Hashtag wants. I want one for me. In a sort of non-ironic way which I like yeah no that's really good

JJ Abraham's not Forsyth Bruce Forsyth used to wear you know when men used to be on telly in like those

evening suits with the black silk stripe down the side of their trousers those classy ones lovely black paint and shoes

but socks that were almost see-through. So that was, I mean, that level of intensity of a black tie outfit has gone. You know, you go to a black tie event and there's people just in black suits, there's people in black jeans. I mean, come on. But then the see-through sock, sometimes with a garterette.

Frank, where's the Cumberbatch gone? Well, I think he's probably making Doctor Strange 2. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. JJ Abrams revealed on Good Morning America that someone, he didn't name the actor, he just said a member of the cast had unfortunately had the script leaked. They hadn't intended to do that.

They'd left their watermarked copy of the script under their bed and it had been stolen by someone he didn't say who it was over to you alan cochran and then it got put up for sale and now um is it john boyega yeah has admitted that it was him and he he said that he was uh partying with friends and he just left it and then the cleaner took it and sold it on ebay but they managed to buy it back before other people did. I didn't like the sound of the partying. I didn't like that.

No. I don't like it. I, er, no. It seems infantile. Like, if you're an adult, partying, what were you doing? Like, playing pass the parcel or something? You've got international representation,

as Frank would say. He definitely has, I think, yeah. Well, what I'm most astonished by is the variety of statement coats that Boyega is sporting. He's got some very nice coats, yeah. Well, not just very nice. I saw he was wearing... Velvet jacket.

My fashion eye is still active. I've heard that. Because I spotted he was wearing a Raf Simmonds coat, and it's got a special sort of charm key motif, and I happen to know they are six grand, those coats. OK. What he wants to wear is something with an A4 pocket. Yes.

So he doesn't leave his scripts lying around. That's my advice. What did you think of this story, Frank? Well, I... When I did Doctor Who... Oh! frank well i when i did doctor who oh um we gather around the fireside for an anecdote everyone we got a lot of stuff or shall i we got a lot of stuff um come through i did about oh you got to be super careful with did you they advised me to change all the passwords

on my phone and everything, lest I should get hacked into. Can I say that's a good excuse? Not that you ever would be in this position, but for someone having an affair, change all your passwords and get other phones and say, oh, I had to do it. Or if you don't like a few of your friends.

Good for a cull. Yeah. I'm doing Doctor Who, sorry. But I thought, to be honest, I thought they were slightly enjoying it a bit too much. Yeah. They love the idea that people might want to... Ooh!

The people are so excited. I mean, there was some Doctor Who scripts that went up on the internet a few years ago. And people say it's an outrage and I wouldn't want to read it. I don't want to know what's going to happen, but I did go and read them. Did you? Oh, yeah. You want to know, but you don't want to know.

You know, like your partner's diary. You know what I mean? You feel you oughtn't, but you know you must. Yes, I know. In the sense that you know it's a form of self-harm because it's ruining your ultimate moment of enjoyment, Frank. Yeah, exactly. And I remember I was away with David Baddiel

on a brief weekend away. Sounds a bit strange, Al. I think we were in Portugal playing golf. And my girlfriend of the time contacted me and said, I've been going through your

emails. Wow. Did you just put the phone down then? I thought you hadn't seen Alison for years. I said, hold on a minute, what was the first part you've been going through? She said, what did she mean by I enjoyed the apres? I said, what was the first thing you said about my emails? She said, I've been going through your emails. And I said, well, no, just stop it there.

What do you mean? And she had, I mean, she'd made notes, highlighted. and she had made notes, highlighted and then I was phoned up to run through some of the points that needed sorting Extraordinary

What did she mean by I enjoyed the apres? Where real music matters on Absolute Radio. We were discussing the Star Wars lost script story where a hotel cleaner found it under the bed. And I'm not trying to be hashtag controversial comedian here. Very idea. But I assumed that hotel cleaners couldn't read

based purely on the effectiveness of the words do not disturb outside my door. Well, that is, yeah, they can't read that. All around the world, that has never, ever been read in any language, the hotels that I've stayed in. Don't you hate the 9am knock? Oh. I'll keep being.

Yeah, but it says, do not disturb. Ask if being. Oh, dear. But it's also a thing I think about, the calibre of the hotels that I stay at are different from John Boyega's because I think I could leave something under the bed

and then go back a year later and just take it back out of the hotel again. It's a story because I believe it was initially, J.J. Abrams, not Forsyth, said it was a hotel and then Boyega said it was an apartment and he was moving out of the apartment. I mean, there were some inconsistencies in the tale.

I love it when you get forensic. Oh, you know I do. I know. No, but yes, there was some. There were some inconsistencies in the tale. I love it when you get forensic. Oh, you know I do. I know. No, but yes, there was some. There were some inconsistencies and then it was removals people and then it was a cleaner, then it was a friend of the cleaner, but it was... You see, this couldn't happen to me because I sleep on a futon.

Oh, so there's nothing going on under the bed. You'd be lucky if you could get a wafer-thin mint. Can I say that as well? It's hang solo. Hang solo. All right, darling. Hang solo.

Hangs solo. Okay, you can keep that for your Star Wars gang. He's done a pun. Keep that for Stu and your Star Wars gang. So you'd have to put something very thin underneath it. Very thin? Yeah. Darling, like I say...

I know, but I think this is lovely for Stu and your Star Wars friends. They'll love these ones. Keep it wide appeal. Is that what you're saying? But what I'm saying, Frank, is I think Boyega has some slightly odd attitudes towards security and also I like his old-fashioned approach. I mean, that was very my kleptomaniac great-great-grandmother

keeping valuables under the bed. Well, I always wonder, if we were live today, I would now call in a text of, what do you keep under your bed? I didn't think people kept stuff under their bed. Don't even go there. Since the days of the pot de chambre, I thought people just didn't have stuff under their bed, did they?

No, we've got all sorts of stuff under our beds. Have you? Can you give me a par example? A hammer. You haven't. Just in case of... My wife likes to have a hammer under the bed. Yeah, that's in case...

Spoiler alert. In case you come out with a coconut. I did briefly keep the Stuart Broad signed cricket bat under the bed. Memorabilia. Yeah. Kind of. There's a theme here. Memorabilia. Yeah. Kind of. There's a theme here. I'm calling it modern Britain.

Yeah, I keep an Anglo-Saxon sea axe, which is a short sword. You know, I've meant to hang it on the wall, but now I'll leave it where it is. It'll be fine. Look, there's an elephant in the room as far as this whole story is concerned. What's that? Maybe not an elephant. Maybe that big arctic creature that hangs Luke Skywalker upside down,

but I can't remember the name of it. Yeah, they are looking, obviously, to publicise the film. And it is a coincidence that the entire transcript of my stand-up show, which is going to be at the Garrick Theatre in the West End from the 13th of January to the 15th of February, is also taken away by a cleaner. I left a jotter on stage on a train with some notes of the tour that I might do later next year.

There you go. We're all doing it. What notes have you lost just lately? Oh, yeah, I think I lost the notes to the paperback edition of my book Everybody Died So I Got a Dog, which is out on January the 17th. Yeah, you see so there's a lot of it about, if it is

made up as a publicity thing, I wish they hadn't gone for the cleaner. Yeah. Because I think, you know, they're a hard pot of pot. I mean, my cleaner is Joe Pasquale so it might have been him. But, um... Well, your cleaner, as you know, has James Bond connections. Also, my cleaner, my current cleaner, who I probably shouldn't name, but who has stayed loyal to me,

she came up with a fabulous insight when she was talking to me about, as a little girl, she climbed trees, you know, played football. And I said, oh, you were a tomboy, we used to call them. And she said, it is strange, tomboy. And I said, well, she said, but it should be girl's name to make point. And I thought, you're right, a tomboy is just a boy, isn't it? It should be a tomboy. You know the inside of the outsider. Or hammer boy.

Yeah, or something like that. So, yeah, she saw right through. Susan Boy. I won't do all the names. No, that'll take too long. We've got a show to do. If it was one, is it one that rhymes with Tom?

Okay. No, I can't think of one. Mom. A Mom Boy. Yeah, this is good. I'm worried about a Mom Boy. Yeah, me too. There's something dark about that,

which I didn't intend. Can I say something else about the script? Because obviously we should say it was returned. It was handy and would back up Frank's theory that it was entirely sort of PR related, that the script happened to be found online by a Disney exec who was able to buy it for $65. Yes.

And where is the cleaner? Is there any legal action being taken against this mythical cleaner? Good question. I noticed also, I mean, Quentin Tarantino, that was a really, I think, is it The Hateful Eight? Oh, yes. His script was leaked. That was a big story.

And he was so upset, which doesn't sound like him. He seems a reasonable chap. He said, I'm not doing this anymore. He did decide to, in the end, again that was handy for the PR but apparently, I think that genuinely did happen he got so paranoid as a result, he now

keeps scripts in safe and he won't send them to actors when he did once upon a time in Hollywood he made Leonardo DiCaprio and Margot Robbie come round to his house and he stood over them while they read it. Wow. That sounds like a fun afternoon.

OK. Do we think the Brinks-Matt robbery was just an advert for jewellery? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. We're not live this week. This is a pre-record, so don't text us. You're throwing money into a hole.

But you can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Any good stuff, we will rake over and either do it today if it comes in straight away or we'll do it next week. Don't worry we don't have any gold to slip through the riddle. Indeed and in fact we have had an email

during the week and I'll read it to you now I don't even know it's title but it says, alright muckers that's us, I love football, I don't even know its title but it says, alright muckers that's us I love football, I love red cards whatever happened to the circular red cards that some referees

used to have though? They weren't common as far as I remember, did the referees who used them wake up the morning of a match feeling a little bit exotic and decide to take the circular ones with them instead of the mundane rectangular ones used by the rest of the boring referees I like that as an idea. I can imagine that could go wrong.

A Christmas tree for games over the festive period. Oh, that's a nice one. And then they had, I was going to email the FA, but I thought you lot would probably know. Phrase redacted, Richard Leeds. Frank is essentially the FA in so many ways. I'd be anxious about the finger one, but a pointy arrow one. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to tread on the red arrows, don't get me wrong. But, yeah, a yellow one could just be circular and then just point to the tunnel with the other one. I like the seasonal nod.

Maybe an Easter egg or a... Yeah, that'd be good. Maybe the yellow one should have a question mark. Are you really sure you want to be that naughty? Yeah, that's a good idea. I like that. The red one, just a picture of a bath. Like early bath for you, sunshine.

I must say, I'd completely forgotten about the circular reds. Me too. I think probably the linesmen would be running around pretending they've got boobs with the red ones and stuff. And it'd be just him. There's a lot of that goes on with the officials. I imagine it's sort of like a Tiddlywinks disc.

I just think that'd be squalid. The word disc has fallen out of favour. It was so big in the 70s. Everything was a disc. It went recently with the tax disc. I think that was the last it was held up. That was the last disc. What was the last disc we had?

I'll tell you though a finer point on this is I have seen many a referee struggle to get a card out of their pocket

because the corners are tucked in the corners of the pocket. Yeah. A circular one would come out much

much more easily. Maybe that was why it was brought. But then perhaps they lost it. I don't know. Do you know that on fantasy football, we had this old referee who claimed that he invented the red and yellow card? Did he?

Yeah. But is that like your dad saying he invented the Winter Wonderland? He was quite a significant... No, I think my dad probably was wrong about that you can be so happy if you try exactly um this guy who was quite a famous referee um he said that he was driving um to a match and he was thinking about sending people off and now it'd be nice to give them more of all that.

And he stopped at the traffic lights and thought, hold on a minute, here I am. You get a bit of a warning that it's about to go red and then when you get red, that's the end of that. You have to stop. What about if we simulated these on the football field? So that was apparently how the whole thing came about. Interesting.

Good night, everyone. We've had, I'd like to share this with you. This is, someone tweeted us actually, Mike Wright. I'd like to share this with you. This is, someone tweeted us actually, Mike Wright. And he's tweeted us a grab from a 1975 Argos catalogue. Okay. He says something for everyone in the 1975 slash 76 Argos catalogue. That'll be going over into the new year, of course.

Excellent. It's a visual thing. I might retweet this during the week so our readers can see. I know, but bear with, because we have on this page at number eight an Isle of Lewis chess set. And it says, filled with real chessmen,

height of kings, three and a half inches. What are real chessmen? That reminds me, I remember around the time of the 66 World Cup. Yes. There was a, the mascot in the World Cup was World Cup Willie. He's like a lion in a Union Jack. Right. There was a song by Lonnie Donegan,

dressed in red, white and blue, World Cup Willie, etc. The usual mascot stuff. Anyway, they had a World Cup Willie in this exhibition who was described as life-size. What does that even mean for a fictional creature? Well, next to the Isle of Lewis chess set, which FYI, is a moulded board in hand-finished simulated oak. Love simulated oak.

Yeah, that's the best oak. Argos Prize, £15.99. They have a selection of air rifles, air guns, and some pistols as well. There's also a junior air pistol. On the same page as chess was. I suppose it's a military game. It could be in a kind of armoury and military game. If an argument over chess led to a pistol. On the same page as chess? Well, I suppose it's a military game. It could be in a kind of armory

and military style. If an argument over chess led to a duel. This was my thinking. What section would you look under for the Lewis chessmen and the gun selection? Is this guy making the point that there's lots of references to the show

on this list? He just says something for everyone. I wonder if he... Because there is a fall song that I used to play a lot on television as a walk-on music for my guests. Yes. It's called the Jawbone and the Air Rifle. Lovely. Sounds like an indie film.

I would also like to share this with you. This is from Hattie she says hi Alan and the rest of the team I'm so pleased to hear that your wife also enjoys the sport of walking with the eyes shut do you want to quickly recap

this was when you were in absentia Frank it's a lovely country so friendly to people I told Holly as was and, that my wife had revealed... No, Gareth it would be. Oh, was it Gareth? Yes, thank you. My wife had revealed recently that she has a hobby that I knew nothing about,

that when she's out on a long walk, sometimes she'll see how far she can go with her eyes shut. On her own? On her own. And she'll just, you know, she's... But she tried to encourage... Does she drive? Eh?

Does she drive? She does drive, but I don't think she's allowed a crossover. She's very disciplined. She's like Robert De Niro getting into Method for Mr Magoo. But I had a go at it and I am absolutely terrible. What's her record? Oh, she can go really far.

She's shown me and she's walked far. Does she have accidents? I think we all have accidents. No, she does it on like a football pitch or a country path. Like most referees. She'll go very far. I mean, I think this whole conversation, I think, has shown us how much comedy has changed in the last 30 years,

that I'm on the radio saying, my wife, she can walk really far with her eyes shut. Yeah, exactly. And she's not fat. It's progress. Yeah, we've definitely moved on. My son's dressing as a female action star. And, yeah, you're telling wacky tales about your wife.

I like the country path, did you say? Yes. The whole thing being about walking in the country is the natural beauty. She's an eccentric, what can I tell you? I like someone who's so fiercely anti-scenery. They would rather walk into a cow than look around them. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

I was mid-email. Hattie, well, I wasn't mid-email. I wish Hattie was a milliner. Oh, so do I. That would be one of the great nominative determinants ever. I've got two friends who are milliners. But, you know... How many have you got?

Well, who wants to be a milliner? Very good. I was thinking that Emily can make friends at the drop of a hat. Yeah. Oh, that's lovely. Thank you. Yeah. So Hattie had pointed out or reminded us

that Alan's wife obviously enjoys the sport of walking with her eyes shut. Yeah, I think sport is egging it up a bit rather than eccentricity. Don't put it down. Is the lure, is she an adrenaline junkie? Maybe. In which case you'd think you should have married differently well i think we all need uh you know in order to to make a leap of risk we need a rock that we feel we can land back on yes yeah hattie continues i found this to liven up a walk no end i've been

doing it for years i feel a genuine sense of achievement when I don't walk into a lamppost or fall off the curb. Having recently had babies, I also now do it whilst pushing a buggy. Would your wife consider this to be cheating? Praise redacted. Thanks, Hattie. I have to say with a buggy that I... Across the motorway. boggy that i just just the other day uh there was a uh the the tube was just uh the tube station was just spilling out a train full of people so i was walking into a load of people walking straight at me and there was a woman with a boggy and i just i did that thing that people apparently do with ambulances. I just walked behind her and she went in like Boudicca.

Ah, nice. Separating pedestrians to all sides. So that was handy. Unfortunately, I then just to relax put my hands on her shoulders. Trying to create a conga line or something. Yeah, she was aggressive I haven't spoken to my wife about this but I don't think she's formalised

a rule set but she is very much a cross country off road eyes walking that sounds a bit safer she hasn't gone urban yet she's not doing any urban terrain you'd hear a combine harvester wouldn't you Yeah, she hasn't gone urban yet. She's not doing any urban terrain where there's bins and lampposts.

You'd hear a combine harvester, wouldn't you? You'd hope, yes. So that would be one thing. Wow. It sounds... I mean, I took my son to school. He had his eyes closed just this week, but I was holding his hand.

He just wanted to see what it felt like. Right, yeah. Maybe that's how you start. I think it is, yeah. I deliberately led him through three or four piles of excrement. They've got to learn, haven't they?

They've got to learn and some of the children that life isn't always smelling of roses. It really isn't. Apparently it's what you make it. Yeah. What, excrement? I suppose it is, really.

But we don't want to go into all the dietary stuff. Yeah, well, that's tremendous news. And I would mention it to your wife. I dare say she'd turn a blind eye to it. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. On the subject of walking with your eyes shut, I don't think it would affect me as much because I have such a terrible sense of direction.

Oh, yeah. I almost might as well. Yes. And I was reminded this week, I had a bit of a strained internet. I mentioned, I think, earlier that I did the Infinite Monkey Cage with Robin Ince and Professor Brian Cox. Oh, yeah. And as we were leaving, the producer, who was very nice, said to me,

yeah, it's a bit of a labyrinth, this place or something. I said, well, I get lost all the time. She said, well, Brian has got a terrible sense of direction. I said, yeah, but my... She said, no, it won't be as bad as Brian's. And I said, no, no, it's really bad. And she said, I said, give me an example. I thought, hold on, what if it's like rotting stags

about who's got the worst? And she got very defensive. No, honestly, Brian's is worse. And I got, I started getting very sort of like I wanted to win on having the worst centre back. You're Premier League at getting lost. Yeah, this is as close as I get to fist fighting. Also, with his mathematical brain, he can't be that bad.

He's thinking about the stars and stuff like that, isn't he? That's why he's getting lost. He's literally thinking about the cosmos. He's one of those absent-minded professors that you hear about. I think you're right. Frank, I've noticed something. We've both gone, I'd say our look today for the podcast record is a, what would you say, it's kind of like nice leisure wear.

Well. Reasonable level leisure wear. It's a nice hoodie. We've both gone a shade of grey. You're in a hoodie. Each in a hoodie. And also warm, crucially. Black and a marl, I would call yours.

I don't wish to make personal remarks, but here goes. Impersonal. I said personal. Why do I sound like it? I don't mind you getting personal. Personal, I draw the line. Detective in Raymond Chandler novel. The shard of personal remarks.

If you were a bloke or a woman who has made a lot of cutting stuff and unkind things, you could be now at Ness the Char of personal remarks. Nice. That would be good. Well, you know what? Back in the day I was. Go on, have a go at me then. No. Don't take this portionally.

This is my new catchphrase. You've gone, I would say, quite a thin frank. What do you think? I'd say, given thin Frank what do you think I'd say given the month we're getting up we're very very cold December

coldest day of the year I believe the other day a thin sort of prison break chambray dark denim indigo denim shirt

well when I saw Al arrive he was he was quintessential ocean color scene which is how I think of Al's look

would you say that was fair? Yeah, that's fine. I'm fine with that. That shirt that you've stripped down to is a little bit Wild West. It is, yeah. But I actually love the shirt, but I would say in a winter climb,

that's confident. Well, I layered it with a cord jacket and a tootle scarf and then a sort of mid-length winter, not really winterish coat, more of a spring coat. Is that your look then for winter? I love layers, big fan of layers. Anyway.

Yeah, that was what Bernard Matthews told me. I do have a winter clothing gripe that I will come to momentarily because I think we've been told to... Oh, she's grinding her teeth. I can't tell. I'll pay no attention. Our producer, part of her job is to tell us when we've been talking too long. But she does it like an experienced art collector might beard at Christie's.

The slightest, just a little tiny nod or a wink. So we just carry on talking. And I look at her and there's another. It's so subtle. We talk for hours sometimes with her still. One eyelid is just flickering. I mean, for goodness sake, let's get some sort of klaxon. If your name's not down, you're not coming in.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. So I have a winter clothing gripe. I know that as people approach the colder months, they like getting out their winter coat. People like that sort of ceremony, don't they? Yes. I don't particularly,

because I like just layering lots of spring clothing, as it were. Oh, OK. But I do... The trouble is that you have to buy them in some slightly bigger ones. Maybe. As in, like, those babushka dolls, if you're going to do that. I love a babushka. I should really think about that.

But I do have a... This is a very petty annoyance, but I think this show is the right place about that. But I do have a, this is a very petty annoyance, but I think this show is the right place for that. I, around these months, I start to wear around the house a big, long, fluffy dressing gown, whereas the rest of the year I don't wear a fluffy dressing gown. I don't think you have not gone to see. Do you ever see the ghosts of Christmas

past, present and future? I've put it on again in the last few weeks. Do you have a cigarette? Do you have a candle holder with a finger? A finger circle. And a sort of floppy cotton hat.

Yeah, that's marvellous. You're in the right sort of ballpark. And my son and daughter both give me more cuddles when I wear the fluffy dressing gown. Oh, what colour is that? That's nice. It's not a dissimilar colour to your hoodie, a sort of marled grey, I guess.

Okay. I'll send you a photo. Marley. It's a bit marley. It is, yeah. Are you going to send me a photo of you in your dressing gown? Like the ghost. Very good.

But here's my gripe. And I know this is very, very petty. But on a morning when I've had a cup of coffee and I visit the bathroom. Oh, God. And I need to sit down. I really hate the dressing gown because I have to swish it out from behind me. And if I'm just in trackies and a hoodie, there's no need for the swish it out from behind me and if i'm just in trackies and a hoodie there's no need for the swish is this the most petty gripe about clothing that you've ever heard because i'm

actually thinking should i get it hemmed so that this is you waist length i mean i know what you need is a little silk kimono do you think so what you trust me what you really don't need is a little silk kimono. Do you think so? What you, trust me, what you really don't need is a little silk kimono. What I'm observing... Well, when he's in the bosom of his family, though. You're right. I mean, let's face it, his wife won't see anything.

She's got her eyes shut. So he's wandering around in that terrible dressing gown. Exactly. Poor woman's got no idea. One day she'll open her eyes and absolutely go crazy. Shall we out that door?

What I would say, I mean, it seems in keeping to round up the show with this quite politically correct woke viewpoint, which is essentially you're experiencing, you're having the female experience with the dressing gown that we have with the skirt on a daily basis sometimes. Thank you very much. Good point. Next caller.

How do goths cope with those long leather jackets when they visit anywhere that they need to sit down? In fairness, I know what you mean. Constantly swishing. Al, the belt does hang down, doesn't it? It's the back. It's the back that's hanging down. I rarely wear a dressing gown.

I've never found out where the decompression chamber lies between waking up in your PJs and then putting your day clothes on. There is no gap for me. I do the bath or shower, whatever, and I move from PJs to what I'm going to wear for the rest of the day. I don't know where the dressing goes. I can't find a gap for it. Jonathan Ross told me recently that he sometimes goes down,

has breakfast, has a coffee, and then goes back to bed for an hour. Wow. Well, I had a friend those were the days, and he... Quiet diary. No, he just likes a post-breakfast nap. He worked from, on a good day, he worked from home. And he was like a troubleshooter who did computer things at factories. And he would go in, the first question he was asked them is,

do you mind if I work from home? Yes. And he said his dream working week was that he never got out of his dressing gown. He just... Yeah, I relate to that. That would depress me. Yeah. Well, I mean, one has

to get dressed, but I'm not saying I don't appreciate... Look at Hefner. Well, Hefner, yeah, but what happened to him? Gone but not forgotten yeah indeed so we'll end on

you Hefner reference yeah so thank you for listening today and you know what if the

good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week for what will be our last show of

of 2019 although there will be of course the ever popular greatest hits but everyone loves it Christmas time okay now get out This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.