The Frank Skinner Show - In Many Ways

Episode Date: July 29, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank and Emily are joined by Steve Hall. Frank has been to a wedding, Steve has been to see Dexys and the team discuss the 85th Anniversary of the Beano.

This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Steve Hall is with us today. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. In breath. Good morninguk. In breath. Good morning, Steve. Good morning. It's nice to see you. Lovely to see you all.

So the toupee, is that a regular thing now? Oh, my God. No, I'm joking. He isn't actually wearing one. No. I reckon I'd rock a toupee. I could imagine you in a toupee. What's happened to the toupee?

8, 12, 15? Yes. Well, people have weaves now, don't they? Is that what it is? I think so. I miss the toupee. I used to look a lot, with hair, I used to look like Brian Hibbard from The Flying Pickets. Oh, yeah. I miss that look. And again, it's a really up-to-date reference

for 2023. I used to look a bit like him. I was in a comedy dressing room once and there was a guy and a woman I suppose older but probably younger than me now and they did a sort of a ballroom dancing jokey act and uh i said to him after i said it's really funny that i said i love the wigs brilliant as well and i realized that wasn't part of the act. Oh, that was a terrible moment. Oh, we just looked embarrassed and angry.

Oh, yeah. How could I have... Anyway, that's that. Frank, I know we talk about this subject quite a lot on this show, but nevertheless, Flying Ant Day. Oh, God. I know, I promised. It's stretched out for a day hasn't it the longest

day do you remember that film it's flying out year but i need to share this with you because sebi lu um from coventry sebi lu nice sounds like a country and western it does i like it um hi franken team long time fan first time messaging it's flying out day in coventry today the pesky little blighters are everywhere and i'm reminded of the harsh measures that we once used to get rid of them in the 70s by means of a kettle full of boiling water. Full stop. We didn't know. Yes. Now, I've forgotten about that. My mum used to do that.

Because they used to cluster on the floor sometimes. I think they used to come out of their ant hole with their new wings on. And, yeah, she would put a kettle of boiling water. I don't know why. They didn't do any harm. But anyway. I mean, that was happening. My mum was still doing that as little as six months

ago. Oh, really? Did either mother do salt on the slugs? Because that's a very bad way to go, I hear. Yeah, they never went for that. It's a waste of good salt. I've seen that, Don. My dad kept it for throwing in the

eyes of people who stopped him in the street at night um speaking of uh winged creatures um have you seen my picture on the front of the daily mail magazine today check it out am i winged and i think they've i think they've had a slight going post at my teeth looking a a little bit whiter than normal. How do you feel about that? I approve of that. It's angelic, am I right? It's because he's religious.

I think the headline is Frank Sinner. I don't know what Paul Sinner's going to make of that. I'd like to think that on the opposite is Katherine Jenkins then, the balance of good and evil. Yeah, maybe. What were the wings like to think that on the opposite is Catherine Jenkins then, the balance of good and evil. Yeah, maybe. What were the wings like to wear? So they put angel wings on you. Well, they were suspended.

I had to back into them. That's how they worked. Okay. Yeah. But I think if it had been, say, in the mail on a Tuesday, they'd have left the teeth. But I think people don't want to see this at the weekend. How many shades do you know they're not Jimmy Carr but um they're certainly post Simon Charm yeah they're somewhere in between. Simon Sharma. Simon Sharma's art look like they're...

I mean, they're like mine. They're like moss covered. They look like the gravestones in Thomas Hardy novels. How dedicated to history he is. Are they what I call tales of the unexpected teeth? Yes, they are. Yes. Or early who.

Classic who teeth. William Hartnell was like the Queen Mother. You know, that teeth made of wood. Tiny wooden teeth. He had that thing going on. People didn't care then. They had more important things to do. They'd just got over a world war.

They're not now where people deal with such frippery in the foreground of their lives. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. In the foreground of their lives. Ruth, Jordan, Frank would also just like to mention, just so Frank can add it to his chart. I'm like, they're definitely having a chart. It was flying out day in Smethwick on Thursday. Oh, so they're moving. As I watched them swirl into the air, I thought of you.

They're moving across the West Midlands, I see. I didn't know Ruth Jordan, one of our regulars, was a smethic person. Well, we don't know that. She might have seen that on the internet. You'll never believe what's happening in smethic. Smethic news. So last week, you weren't here last week, Steve, but I was in a red suit

oh red suit uh shirt and tie i was dressed proper dapper from me napper to me feet as the song says um because i was going to a wedding and And so when I left here, I drove. I drove east. And I, do you know Marie Antoinette at the back of the Palace of Versailles used to have a dairy? And she used to go in there and pretend she was a milkmaid. And she had buckets to milk the cows, and I think they were like Capi de Monte. But anyway, so she liked that,

basically playing at someone who wasn't Marie Antoinette. And whenever I drive in a suit and tie, I sort of like to imagine that I'm in sales. Strange fantasy. tie i sort of like to imagine that i i'm in sales strange fantasy you know just i just feel you know obviously i'm going back to the palace as soon as possible but just have an hour an hour in the dairy just to remind you do you like to imagine the product that you're hawking um it differs i like it to be things that are a bit vague yes i like to i idea that i'm i'm trying to clinch the uh the baxter deal could be 11k is it a relax i'm imagining sort of glenn gary glenn ross what is that uh david mamet played turned into a film, but it's very high power. You've got to say, always be closing.

Oh, no, I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy. So it's more relaxed. It's five live on the radio. And, yes. Yes, I see you as living sort of in the East Anglia area. I can see it all now. I was heading.

Yeah. I was heading there. That's where you live. And I, also, I thought I looked quite smart, to be honest, in my real estate.

You did look fantastic. And do you know when you're driving somewhere and you think you look quite smart, you get a bit excited about turning off. Do you know what I mean? I was quite looking forward

to just walking into the church because my family had all gone ahead of me. So it was me arriving late. Like James Dean at the wedding of Natalie Wood. Do you know Natalie Wood? No. Thanks for the tip. Thank you. So, yes. So I arrived and a couple of people said, oh, that's a nice suit. Fabulous. But what's that dirty mark on your shirt? Well, poor Emily spent two hours trying to get the remains of something off my headphones, which was black, onto my shirt, which was more of a... I should say, Steve, I spent at least 20 minutes the first time, and I was so happy with the job I'd done.

And I looked up five minutes later, one link later, and I'm like, Frank! No, I'd put him back on again. And it's worse! And there's no fall like an old fall. He was covered in black, so I was sat over him scrubbing for the best part of an hour, Frank.

Well, I'd listened to it. I got quite involved in the drama of it listening on the podcast during the week. They sort of merged into one. I like to imagine that it was some sort of squished flying ant. No, it definitely wasn't that. I don't know quite what it was.

Unless someone had been wearing a lot of mascara. But it sort of became a sort of DJ equivalent of Lady Macbeth. Yes, it did. It did, trying to wash you out like I didn't want to be a DJ.

That's what it was. Yes. Look, really, I thought, I should be on television and I've got the mark of headphones on my collar. Robber wire. Out, out, damn spot. Yes, yes, I see.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Yes, so it was a church wedding. Lovely. Church of England, you know. I do know. Yeah. You grit your teeth slightly. No, I'm all right with it.

I always feel at a church wedding, I always look around and think, does anyone here actually go to church? You know, you get to the Our Father, and I feel like, you know, saying, right, just follow me, guys. We'll be all right. I've got your backs.

You're probably, of the people there, you're the one on the friendliest terms with Justin Portal Welby. Yeah, probably. So anyway. What is your Justin Portal? His middle name is Portal. Oh, is he? Tell me more about the wedding.

So anyway, there was a moment the vicar, who was a lady, Sorry, I'm a lady. That was the first hymn. No, she was very good, actually. But she did a thing I've noticed about the Church of England,

which you don't get so much in the Catholic Church. They love an analogy. It's their favourite thing. And I'll tell you what else they love. She's a lady because, a bit of chunky jewellery. I didn't notice that. I think there might have been a jade necklace or some sort of big

ring underneath that, but anyway, as you were. I didn't notice. She actually did a great job but she couldn't resist the analogy. I mean, many years ago, when I worked at Hales Owen College in the West Midlands, the Bishop of Dodley came to talk. And I remember I had a friend who was not impressed by religion. I think I mentioned him last week, an expert on Worcestershire place names. And I said,

oh, the Bishop of Dodley's come and apparently we've all got to go to the talk. And he said, I'm not going. I said, I think we have to go. And he said, how many divisions has the Bishop of Dudley? Which is what Stalin said about the Pope. Somebody talks about the power of the Pope and he said, how many divisions has the Pope? But to apply it to the Bishop of Dudley. Anyway, the Bishop of Dudley said,

and for breakfast this morning I had a boiled egg. And in many ways we are all like that boiled egg. We are hard and brittle on the outside. But you don't have to dig very deep to find a soft and sensitive interior and a heart of gold. So anyway. Wow.

So he did that. You missed your calling. I'm sorry so then at the wedding I should say this was my personal assistant Jenny was getting married

who's so lovely do you know Jenny's work? I don't know Jenny and she's she's fantastic so she married Rob who's a Sheffield United fan

anyway so she said and love the thing about so she said, and love, the thing about marriage, she said, is that in many ways, we are all like bourbon biscuits. And I grabbed the edges of my seat and she said, We operate perfectly well on our own. We are sweet and functional. But if we are joined with another biscuit by love, a bleak cream, then, then we are truly at our very best and then she said and so

i have bought a tin of bourbon biscuits for the bride and grew my worst biscuit in a tin that was in the shape of a giant ball bomb. I mean, the analogy was being hammered to the door like Martin Luther's faeces. I said faeces. What was that whistle? That was me. Yes, it was. I didn't want to refer to it because it was a bit awkward. No, I'm fine with it.

You covered it well. I'm fine with it. I do these shows with a small budgerigar on my shoulder. It's something we don't mention because the RSPC are a bit iffy about it. But it's going to be okay. So her, I'm going to call them IMWs in many ways. Her IMW, did it land well? Did you sense?

I think it landed all right. Okay. well, did you sense? I think it landed all right. I think the sense of Boban Biscuit ever operating individually, I'm not sure about. They're always joined by cream, aren't they? Isn't that what constitutes? Yeah, that's part of the Boban deal. But I know where she was coming from.

That explains why I'm not married, because I absolutely loathe Boban. I think they're horrible. Do you think she's got a sat-nav? In many ways. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I am still blown away by your sermon representation. I'd like to see more Frank Skinner does the sermons. Perhaps I should join the Anglican church. Well, there's a real

suggestion, because we've had, in many ways, it's like a bourbon biscuit and a boiled egg. There's a real implication that they haven't come up with a sermon until the last minute. They've just remembered. He's had breakfast, gone, I haven't written it. What can I do? It's like some

toast. No, no, boiled egg, that'll do. Yeah, I'll just have a biscuit before I go, oh, yes, that's perfect. You delivered that so well. In many ways, love is like a flying ant. A fella noticed me things. Whenever I'm in a church, and I don't just mean a Catholic church,

if I'm out in the countryside and I see a church, I'll often go in for a Catholic church. If I'm out in the countryside and I see a church, I'll often go in for a look round. Do you, Frank? And if there's no one in, I will always get in the pulpit. Do you? I love it in the pulpit. I've sort of heard.

I don't know why I have yet. 30 years of dirt. Not so much now at my age. No. No, I do. I love to be. I don't know why comedy clubs, instead of having a stage, don't have a pulpit.

It's much better. You can lean forward and, you know, it's great. I needed an orange box last time I stood in one of those. Really? Well, they're quite... Yeah. It's difficult to get authority in those things. They're deep, Frank, the pulpits.

Is it pulpit or pulpit? I think either is okay yeah do you ever do you ever deliver a bit i do i will i will do a bit of uh yeah that today this is you've gone from salesmen in the car you're a salesman it's an alternative job yeah i am in the streets In the streets on a vicar. Jonathan Swift, the 18th century satirist, etc., had a pulpit on wheels. And if anyone fell asleep during his sermons, he would instruct his assistants to push the pulpit right next to them. And then he would shout at them and they'd wake up and Jonathan Swift who apparently was a terrified looking man

would be leading down really close like the Popemobile he's the first Dalek what I don't like so much now is when they have mics because you know project dear speaking of mics

we had the speeches at the reception yeah because the thing happened at the church which i've never seen before which was um lovely but slightly comical is you know that bit when all the registers are signed and the bride and groom go up the aisle everybody's on it's lovely and people applaud and they think, you know, when we get out of Sobh, we'll be able to throw confetti. And it's just happy. Everybody looks happy and lovely. And then they got to the door and we all got up

and then they turned back round and came in again and said, it's raining. At first, I thought, I thought there's a lap, perhaps they do a lap of honour in Anglican ceremonies that I'm not familiar with. In sickness and in health, no, it's raining.

So they just loitered. But I have to tell you now about the speeches, because I saw something I'd never seen before. You didn't give advice, did you? No, no, I stayed out. You know Frank gives helpful advice. No, there was nothing wrong with the speeches, but, well, we'll see.

Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Speeches. So, the normal thing happened. It's like, you know the the groom did a speech and the best man did a speech there's two best men and they did a speech and then somebody in the audience started doing a speech supplementing some of the things that they hadn't been said so they were given the microphone. And then the microphone was put... And I'd never seen this at a wedding.

Oh, it was a free-for-all. It was a communal microphone. And what... Now, don't get me wrong. You know, vox populi. But for me, what begins with the communal microphone always ends with the guillotine. You know what I mean?

It was a slight takeover. Well, you're carrying that Marie Antoinette theme right through to its final conclusion. The people did rise up there. Was the first speaker, was it invited, or did they just grab the person? No, they started talking, so somebody obviously gave them the mic,

and then someone else spoke. It's like Twitter. I'm not was they didn't say anything bad but i just thought oh i've never been at a wedding where like an open mic night yeah yeah and so anybody who wanted to do a speech was uh was were you tempted were you tempted to go i'd like to say i'd like to speak and just say this is all wrong? Yeah, exactly. This should not be happening. Know your place! I felt like saying, sacre bleu. But, so yeah. So you didn't speak? No, I didn't speak.

I didn't feel it was right. And then my son got up and did We Will Rock You. Well, I've just seen video evidence of this, and he was, I mean, what video evidence of this and he was i mean what a performance no he was great and he sang the song and also played guitar and he played it with a mighty fuzz box really dirty incredible guitarist one you know one has respect and love even for brian may but his guitar plus me his guitar has always had something of the ice cream van about it. Do you know what I mean?

Do you find? Yeah. I love the work he does for Badgers, though. I don't know what that work is. In many ways, love is like an ice cream van. Yeah, exactly. It's accompanied by music. But, yeah, uh he did that and my PA who I've never heard sing a note

in my life got on and did a couple of brilliant ABBA numbers and ABBA has been to see Abba Voyage twice. He's now planning to go again. My son has been twice. Is it Abba Voyage or is it just Abba Voyage? I like the phrase. I mean, look, I think it's just Abba Voyage. Do you remember I discussed the idea that Bon Jovi could do Uncle Bon Voyage and I think I'm stuck with that.

But Simon Le Bon Voyage, if they could do a Duran Duran. Anyway, so... That's a travel show waiting to happen. But the last time he went, my heavy metal son,

his auntie bought him an ABBA T-shirt, which he's been wearing. I mean, what's happening? ABBA is all over. Is it all the rage? I don't know.

It reminds me of when their fellow countrymen, their fellow Swedes, permeated and corrupted my life in the 1970s with their film industry. They're not to be trusted. It's as simple as that. So, yeah, I mean, Barzee in an ABBA T-shirt,

I couldn't believe my eyes. I can imagine sort of a metal version of some of ABBA's hits were going up pretty well. When I was at school, they were the enemy. Who were? I've heard you say this on the show

a few times. Yeah. It's like a slow process of reconciliation. I think there's an idea now that everybody loved them, and that wasn't true, but a lot of people did and do. And as I've said, I can now see their qualities. But at the time, we liked metal, we liked Sabbath, we didn't like ABBA.

Oh. Just saying. That's the perfect crossover. Black Abba. Yeah. That would be good. Black Abba. Be back in a mile.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Steve Hall. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. So I was talking about, just to round up,

like I say, it was a great wedding. We had a brilliant time and many beautiful things were said you know they had the sermon about St Paul about without love means nothing you know that one

yeah so it's all lovely and I think I remember being particularly moved what about this when someone said there is a fish and chip van now parked outside for your, just going up yourself. I mean, wow.

Fantastic. That was like the evening part of the meal, but what joy. That's a bit of class, I like that. Fish and chip van, excellent. Did you stuff your face? I bet you did. I did. Good boy. I did stuff.

I stuffed my face and the faces of my family. Anyway, the thing I didn't mention, which I thought was terribly significant and no one was at all interested in, was the wedding took place in a church in Donmo.

Now, Steve is nodding. Does it mean anything to you? Nothing. Steve? Well, I know I'm nodding for the wrong reason. A very excellent comedian called Paddy Lennox runs a gig in Donmo that I'm doing later in the year. Oh, OK.

That's why I'm nodding. Well, this might be helpful because Donmo is mentioned in Chaucer, in the Canterbury Tales. The Donmo Flitch is mentioned by the wife of Bath. Is it now? Now, the Donmo Flitch, which is a local phenomenon still and was a big deal in the late, what is the 1300s?

The late 14th century. Kind of a big deal in 1380. Yeah, exactly. So this is it. A couple get married, and then they go to, then it would have been like a guildsman or something, a group of town elders.

And after a year, I think a year and a day of marriage, they have to go up to them with other people who've been married at the same time. And they have to try to convince the judges that at no point, actually I wrote this down, that they have not offended each other in deed or word in that year and a day. And that they have never wished yourselves unmarried in that time yeah and if you i'm gonna ask steve steve's like you're married aren't you yeah i mean come over to you in a minute and if you can convince the judges that you haven't had an argument in that

time and you've never regretted getting married in that year and a day, you get a side of bacon. Really? The Donmo Flitch. A flitch is exactly that. Oh! That's a relief. Because I thought it was going to be if you can't convince them then the wedding's off and it's no longer legally binding. No, no, it's...

You win a prize. It's like doing a residency exam. You do a lie detector test. Imagine the long medieval walk home if you haven't convinced them that you never regretted getting married. Do they deal with it in a Simon Cowell way

when they give you your results? I imagine. Well, look. I like to imagine. So isn't it medieval Mr and Mrs? It's got a real, I'd like to imagine... So isn't it medieval, Mr and Mrs? It's got a real... I'd like to imagine Brucey being the judge. Yeah.

But what do you think you could have said after a year and a day, Steve? No, no. You'd never... That's a tough 366. I don't think we lasted 366 minutes without an argument. Yes. But I tell you what I...

Hi, Steve's wife wife if you're listening. I've always liked on the counterintuitive front is that people who, if anyone says, we never argue, we've been together for years, we never argue. As soon as they've

gone out the room, people say, well there must be something wrong. Now, me and Kathathu you know used to argue every day and argue less but still how many times would you say roughly a week well i can't count this last week okay because that was twice but normally not not maybe once a month now yeah we're much better than we were but people people think, oh yeah, that's a good... But if you say never, never, people think, hmm...

That's a bit Stepford Wives. Yeah, people honestly think there's something... There's something a bit sinister at the core of their relationship that they're not arguing. It doesn't make any sense, really, but I absolutely adhere to it 100%

Frank we're getting lovely responses to you and your angel wings oh yeah Frank all over my weekend pictures of you coming in, people are very excited to see you in the wings. You've got your wings. It's,

who'd have thought I'd suit wings? It's not a look you can really get. They do suit you. They do suit you. Very vim vendors. Not everyone suits wings.

You do. That's a terrific reference. Thanks very much. Do you get it? I do. I'd never seen that film until last year and it's stunningly brilliant.

I need to see it again because when I used to work at an art house cinema in Birmingham, I went to see that twice, Wings of Desire by Viv Vanders, which featured,

he actually goes to the filming of a Columbo and finds out that Peter Falk is an angel. But I never got through it. I was so bored with the film, I never got through it. Maybe it's something I should try as a more grown-up person. I loved it. I wouldn't have been ready for it as a younger man.

The Peter Falk-Nick Cave combo in the film did it for me. See, I need to check you out. Remember there were some great shots. You're going to get Doctor Who, Paul Carl. Yes, it is. It is a bit. What about you two talking about Barbenheimer?

We were. We were talking Barbenheimer. But that was off air, which is everything. You know, all bets are off. Off air. We've heard from the outside world anyway. What are they saying?

Oh, they've got all sorts Ruth Jordan was picking up on your Jonathan Swift reference and was asking whether you saw the Channel 4 programme The Great British Miracle Meet earlier this week which is a brilliant show but it's very much based on Jonathan Swift

is it? it's one of those things that masquerades as a real show and turns out to be a fairly biting satire. It's Greg Wallace, but it's very much based... There's a line where he references a modest proposal at the end. Greg Wallace is involved in a biting satire. Is he the one I sat next to on the train? I know that's Simon Rieger.

No, but they all... I know what you mean. They all mix up into one sauté. They're all in the same pot. They are. Frank, we've also had this in from Chris Gouldie. Someone tweeted 90s football memories, and it's rather lovely. It said, Friday nights in the 90s, great days.

And there was just a picture of you and David on the sofa. Right. For fantasy football. And I was just a picture of you and David on the sofa. Right. For Fantasy Football. And I love this from Chris Goldie. He messaged to say, that was the best year of my life. I was 12 at the time, and I honestly thought these two guys were like gods. Didn't you love that? You're a godlike figure to these people, Fang.

Hence the wings. Me and Claire Ray are synonymous with wings. Don't use Blue Blovey. She loved telling people to do that. I saw Claire Rayner in the Joe Allen's... Claire Rayner was something, I don't know if they still exist, an agony aunt. And she was on two sticks, Claire,

and they looked... Two sticks? You know, she was on two sticks, Claire, and they looked... Two sticks? You know, she was on two sticks. She was not steady on her feet. Oh, I didn't know that. This was towards the end. Yes, OK. And, ironically, she was in agony, I think.

But she... Oh, dang! They weren't standard sticks. They looked like... You know what i said a marianne toilette had capi de monte bucket said they look like that they were like china walking sticks really i've never seen anything like it i presume they were wood but enameled in some way oh wow i think she was having dinner with Paula Wilcox from Robin's Nest. Was she in one of your things, Paula Wilcox?

She was. She played my mother. Yes, you. In Shane. Yes, she did. Yes, in Shane. Oh, we haven't talked about Shane for too long. No, not in Shane.

In Blue Heaven. In Blue Heaven, yes. Yes. How dare you bring up Shane. Oh, yes. Yes, how dare you bring up shine. Oh, God, you are never coming back. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. On the subject of your appearing with wings on the front cover of the magazine.

Actual wings, can we say. Not jet-style wings, On the subject of your appearing with wings on the front cover of the magazine. Actual wings, can we say. Not jet style wings, as in Paul McCartney's wings. I'd love to appear. I was in the Wings fan club. Were you? Mm. Oh.

Fantastic. Was it just called the Wings fan club? What did you get? Not much. Tank top, maybe? I think he got a newsletter once he got a i had a card that had the wings logo on it and it said my name and you know remember is it mamunia was that one of the there's a song that you've talked about yeah mamonia yes that was one of those okay um so nigel turner on subject of you wearing wings has said,

if you're going to be wearing wings, Frank, beware of old ladies with kettles full of boiling water. Oh, of course. In my end is my beginning. Yes, that was an earlier reference to how Steve's mum, and many mums, used to get rid of flying ants. Flying ants. Just with boiling water.

Yeah. Any more for any more? Well, I'll tell you what I'd like to know. We've invited you on, Steve. You're here with us. I didn't. I didn't know anything about it. I apologise.

I'm joking. Next time I'll let you know. No, I did know. I want to know what is going on in this man's life. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what Steve's up to. What say you, Steve? How does he live?

I mean, that's a question my wife asks me that very, very often. Steve, how do you sleep at night? How do you look yourself in the mirror? I don't know what you're up to, Steve. Exactly. Come on, Steve. Steve's gone a bit behind the scenes, hasn't he? He's become one of those guys.

He's here. He's become a writer. I've had a week of celebration because I've finished on tour with Russell Howard last week

so that's done and dusted and so I've celebrated I went out twice in a week which for a father of two I was quite thrilled

are you doing Edinburgh Steve no no we are I deliberately asked that question in order to point out that I've completely

sold out my Edinburgh run. Have you? And so I have added another show and the tickets are available. Excellent. And now, sorry, carry on. So you finish your tour. And I went out twice. I've had a music-filled week.

I went to see Blur at the Hammersmith Apollo on Tuesday, who I love very much. The third time I've seen them, I saw them do a warm-up gig. I saw them at Wembley and then I saw them at Hammersmith are you a big blur person I am a very big

blur person of course he is they all are aren't they I forgot that I love them very very much and they played it was one of the perfect I've never seen you

in a Fred Perry oh I've got a few every now and then well this is I deliberately obviously a few weeks ago on the show there was the discussion

of what t-shirts are you supposed to wear to you, there was the discussion of what T-shirts are you supposed to wear. There was the metal faux pas, I think it was referred to as. Well, I couldn't, I was invited to the Wembley gigs and couldn't go, mainly because of child things, and also we went to see the Hollywood vampires on the same night. Nevertheless, I was sent a Blur T-shirt, which is, I mean, I like Blur, who doesn't?

And I was, it's a really nice T-shirt. So I wore it, and I actually saw Jodie Whittaker in the street, and she said to me, how were they? Was it a good gig? I said, I didn't go i said i said i'm not you know that big a fan i just think it's a nice t-shirt and she thought it was hilarious the idea that i would wear a t-shirt and not be a big fan and about four people said to me oh well

yeah i bet you and oh they're brilliant aren't they So people do assume that you don't just... Yeah. Whereas I said to my Polish cleaner, oh, Ramon's T-shirt, and she said, who? So you must have read it. But she only sees it in the mirror. Yes, I imagine, I saw some pictures on Instagram and it looked to be a sea of Harringtons.

Oh, was it? Was there any dog to check Harrington? Oh, Prince of Wales? Oh, I was shocked. It was quite nice. Now that there's peace in our time, there are quite a few Oasis T-shirts worn with love. Oh, lovely.

Quite sweet to see the cooling of that relationship. The cooling shakering. Oh, no, they're still persona non grata. Oh, are they? Oh, do they get cancelled? Oh, yeah, they're... I mean, for being awful, but also for the singer being awful as well.

Oh, I didn't know that. That's Sir John Mills' grandson. I must get cancel alerts. I think I'm too frightened to open them. Back over at Blur Towers with Steve. I wanted to ask, because the other gig I went to was last night. I saw there had been two brilliant albums in the last few weeks from musical Sons of Birmingham. Stephen Duffy, the new Lilac Time album.

Stephen Tintin Duffy. Stephen Tintin Duffy. His band, the Lilac Time, got a new record out. Duffy. And it's just amazing. Duffy. That was... Do you know who that is?

Yeah. That's my John Alderton impression. I don't do it on stage. I love it. But in Please Sir, the bad lad, or not the bad lad, I think it was the not very bright lad, was called Doffer. Anyway, carry on.

So I love that album, but last night I saw Dexys. Wow. Oh, come on. Their new album is incredible. I absolutely love it. And it was just so, he is 70 years old in a few weeks' time, Kevin Rowland. Still in the dungarees?

Not quite. He was wearing a... It looked like one of those Jean-Paul Gaultier perfume bottles. It was a sort of striped top with a sailor hat. So it was either a Jean-Paul Gaultier perfume bottle or a bottle of matey, if you're ever seen a matey. It's a bottle of fun. The thing about dungarees is they take on slightly more grandpa and dukes of hazard vibe as one ages i saw a man i think the only man i've ever known like over 10 who could carry them off was my tour manager omar who carries them off

i saw like a man a bit younger than me, but not much of the day, and I thought he looked ludicrous. But women look great in them. Why is that? 8, 12, 15. 8, 12, 15. Stiles.

Stiles wears a dungaree. Yes, yeah. Okay. The Stiles boy, yeah. We'll talk about that later. There's nothing on him. He doesn't really interfere with fabric. Oh, I wish someone... the day someone says that about me

what about when Ascot someone said congratulations on having a small back to Emily I don't know if that's about the betting anyway I wanted to ask.

You must know we do interrupt each other as well. It's not just you. Sorry, Steve. It's not just you, Steve. He does it too. Yeah, I mean, this is digression central. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Well, this is because I found myself wondering.

I absolutely loved it. I found myself wondering on stage whether... You wondered on stage? Oh, my God. That's a Brian Wilson.son there was some somebody i forget who it was there but it was some um soul legend and brian wilson walked on in the dressing gown and pajamas oh it's not oh no poor brian wilson i i was wondering whether you'd ever come across kevin roland or stephen duffy in your musical era. We used to both get the 120 back home.

So Kevin Rowland's always sat at that seat. You know that seat at the front upstairs, best view in the house, when you have to hold on to the chrome in case you get through the window when they stop. Have you really ever seen him? No, he used to get the 120. Is this a story?

Yes. So I used to get the 120. He was famous and I wasn't, but's violinist i think it was steve was he called worked in the pub some good royalties worked in the pub i used to drink him so um but yeah i used to he lived in a place called rude end um so did you 30 years of Rude as in holy rude. And yeah, I used to see him quite a bit. But he was on approach.

So you've never met in real life? No, I don't really operate in real life anymore. Never bring it up again. again. We're talking about Kevin Rowland singing Dexys. My favourite element of the gig last night was that it started at half past six and was done by half eight. Ah, yes.

And as a man of advancing years, I was delighted by that. Well, I saw Dexys at the Hippodrome in Birmingham. Do you call people, say, Dexys or the Hippodrome in Birmingham. Do you call people say Dexys or Dexys? Is that what you call them? We always said Dexys. It's a mouthful, isn't it? Dexys.

How many syllables is that? And it's now officially just Dexys. He's officially changed the name. Well, now he's wearing a beret and round glasses, of course. Yeah. I'll say he really looks like old Groucho. He really really really does Well that is the worst thing I ever heard

When I saw him at the Hippodrome They screamed when he came on And he said If the screaming doesn't stop I'm going off and not coming back on I'm stopping the gig Did he? Wow

A demand I've never had to make doesn't stop i'm going off and not coming back on i'm stopping the game did he wow yeah a demand i've never had to make except that one time there was a mouse in the auditorium was this in the 80s that you saw hold on i'll get me journaled when they were in there in their pump because i saw them when they came back in 2012, I saw them at the Barbican, and they played Come On Eileen. I couldn't believe it. I thought there's no way. You were shocked that Dex's Midnight Runners played it. Because he hated, you know, he grew to hate his hit.

Did he? Because it was one of those, it was the millstone around his neck. I'm afraid it's not his business. But I thought it was like watching a unicorn tap dancing. Your neck. I think you'll find it's actually your mortgage payment. It's unacceptable, that.

Well, he played it. He'd mellowed towards it. I think it doesn't belong to him. It belongs to us. It's like Three Lions. It's like Three Lions. I'm not sick of that. No, exactly. It's biannual. It's not too bad.

But, I mean, that summer, I was playing cricket a lot that summer, and we all used to get in the pub after and get drunk and really sink on my Eileen. We'd put it on the jukebox five or six times. It was brilliant. And it referred to one of my own favourite artists, Johnny Ray. Yes. Broke a million hearts in mono. He did. times is brilliant and it referred to one of my own favorite artiste johnny ray yes

broke a million hearts in mono he did if only if you've ever been to mono it's a gay club in voxel god i wanted to ask you about oh sorry i spoke to you i was gonna well i wanted to ask about the hollywood vampires i'm unfamiliar with the hollywood. The Hollywood Vampires are what they used to call a super group. In that, they have people like Joe Perry from Aerosmith. Do you know him? He's a brilliant guitarist. When I say Aerosmith, I mean the band. Don't picture him over a hot forge making arrows.

I know the Stephen Tyler one. That's Aerosmith, isn't it? Yes, exactly. It was my first date with my wife seeing Aerosmith. But most... Oh, really? Well, most famously, Johnny Depp is on guitar

and Alice Cooper is on lead vocal. What, has he joined the band permanent, like? Yeah, they... I think when they first started the Hollywood Vampires, people like John Lennon, it was like a drinking club originally. And part of their thing is that

everyone used to be in it is dead. So they sing a song called Everybody Died. They have lots of stuff on the back screen of various dead pop stars. Of um alice is no stranger to speaking about um mortality including i love the dad so um yeah he's fine with it but um johnny depp and i know johnny depp's been on a rocky road, what with the bringing the dogs over scandal and other stuff.

I like another stuff. But they did a version of, I mean, you get to hear like Alice Cooper singing Barbara O'Reilly. It's pretty wild. Oh, and also, I'll tell you. Sorry, I'm still laughing at Johnny Depp's Feel on a Rocky Road bringing the dogs up.

That was quite a scandal, the illegal importation. Well, the other stuff's a bit dark for breakfast. Too dark for breakfast. That's what it says on my T-shirt. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.shirt. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and the tremendous Steve Hall is with us this morning. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. I was just talking about seeing the Hollywood Vampires. I was particularly excited by they were supported by the Tubes, who was a band I saw in Birmingham Odeon in the 70s.

Do you know the Tubes? I'm trying to remember. We're Away, Punks and Dope. Oh, yes. Yes. My dad moved to Hollywood. Exactly. Don't do the whole thing.

For PRS reasons. Don't do any of it. And human dignity. So they have a lead singer called Fee Weybill, who in those days used to have nine-inch platforms and very little clothing. And he still took his shirt off, I think, now, as a sign of... as a threat to the younger people in the audience,

in many ways. But, yes. In many ways. So it's great to see, and in many ways. But Alice Cooper's a big deal in our house. He was certainly one of the first real heroes of my child, and Alice Cooper, because he works for, is it Planet Rock he worked for? He sent a video out of the blue, or in this case, out of the black,

just saying hello to Boz and thanks for being a fan. And it's the only time, you know that jaw drop expression? Yeah. It's the only time I watched Boz. I gave him this video and i watched it and his jaw literally looked like the tendons had been severed it just dropped with cheer it was a great moment so we'll always love alice in our house but who was sitting next to us is the question oh i'm dying to know he's in a we're in a box which you want to be at an alice cooper

gig um was it a rock star it wasn't a rock star it's someone i think you know personally but i hadn't met him before um but um no not an actor no surgeon. Surgeon? Yes. Adam Kay? No. Oh. Animal surgeon. Oh, it's not Noel Fitzpatrick. It is. Super Vet. Oh, my God!

Super Vet was next to us, and he'd been to a lot of the gigs we'd been to. He'd been to Download and Iron Maiden and stuff as well. Who knew? Oh, Super Vet. How did he look, Super Vet? This is the most excited I've ever seen you, Emily. Well,? Oh, super vet. How did he look, super vet? This is the most excited I've ever seen you, Emily. Well, he said, I love Noel.

He's a charming man and very good with animals. Well, he said about this, he said, he said, if ever you want to come and see an operation. That's quite a chat-up line. No, I don't want to. I don't want to. Do you want me to fight? If you want to see me test the theory about whether I did actually. Wow.

I think, because on telly, I can't watch those bits when he actually gets the scalpel out. Is that the equivalent of if you ever want free tickets? Well, I think it was that, but I, you know. You should go down to the centre, it's fascinating. I know, but some people can handle that. No, but there's cats having physiotherapy in the swimming pool. They have a lovely time there.

Anyway, me and Boz were clapping along and Noel was slapping a couple of prosthetic Alsatian forelegs together. And, no, I can say he's a real rock guy. He's been to a lot of similar gigs. He is, you know this, don't you? I think he's very open about this now. Oh, is he? He was, the song Toxic, it was based on him.

What, Britney Spears? Yes, Kathy Dennis who wrote it. Written by Kathy Dennis. Oh, it wasn't Britney, it didn't... Oh, is that right? And Noel's been very open, yeah. Oh, I love that song as well. Supervets.

Yeah, that's a great song. I wonder if he played it during operations. Was that his chat-up line to Kathy Dennis? Do you want to come and see me operate on an animal? Featured in the original 2005 Russell T. Davis Doctor Who series. Oh, here we go. The podcast's back. Yeah, Toxie.

Oh, God. The podcast. Yeah, the podcast. See, they're both cracking out the black T-shirts. Rolling the sleeves up. The bro podcast. On Absolute Radio. rolling the sleeves up for the bro podcast. A friend of ours is

training to be a vet at Nottingham University and I said to her, I was talking to a vet the other day and I couldn't remember what the content I said I wonder who it was, it a vet the other day and I couldn't remember what the content was. I said, I wonder who it was. It was a super vet. She went, oh, wow.

And I didn't realise in veterinary circles, he's regarded, he's a pioneer. Oh, is he? Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's not like, you know, some television bloke. When was he first? Well, he is a television bloke, but I mean, he's got a lot moreke. When was he first? Well, he is a television bloke, but I mean, he's got a lot more going.

When was he first? Was he vets in practice? No, he was a super vet. Oh, that was the name of the show, was it? Yeah. Yeah. Remember Animal Hospital? No.

I blocked that out. We don't talk about that, Frank. Well, that was the version I always imagined before I saw it. Careful. It would be animals with, like, scalpel cello-type conducting minor operations. I thought it was run by animals. Turns out.

It's a fuzzy felt hospital. Yeah, exactly. Oh, so I got, you know when you get into the radio studio in the morning, you know that, Phyllis, it's observational comedy. I do. It's most alienating. When you get a lovely gift, and this morning I got a big, glossy, full of pictures and drawings book,

and it was the official story of the film Conan the Barbarian, which I remember seeing at the Triangle Cinema in Aston, where I think it was shown ironically back in the 80s. It was Arnie's breakthrough movie, I think it's fair to say. And it's John Walsh, I think. There's no letter, but he sent it. I met him once. He's a big Ray Harryhausen aficionado.

You know Harryhausen stuff? I'm familiar. And I think John Walsh, he's a former literary editor of the Times, maybe. No. Okay. He might have been. I'd be shocked if he was, because he's so sort of sci-fi. Oh, he's one of yours, you and Steve.

He sent me a Flash Gordon book of a similar ilk. Okay. That's brilliant. If you love Conan... And if you want a coffee table book, Feet Conan, I'd love it if you had that. Because it does come across as a coffee table book with World of Interiors and Bentleys.

It's a coffee table book for people who don't have a coffee table. For people who just have a deck chair and a fridge for the beers. It's funny, I was remembering, I'm sure I feel like having it's 30 years of dirt. I feel like there's bits of your career I remember.

I'm sure you've talked about the triangle in Aston in previous shows. I have. So it's's bits of your career I remember. I'm sure you've talked about the Triangle in Aston in previous shows. I have. So it's a bit of your, it's like a bit of your life. I don't like the sound of this. What was brilliant was I worked there, but I got paid in tickets. Oh, fantastic. And so I just saw arthouse movies and experimental theatre

for about three years in the heart of Birmingham. It was a very special place, the Triangle. Do you ever go there, Lucy? No. Lucy, the assistant producer, is from Birmingham. Yes, from Birmingham. But she hates art, you're telling me. It's all its manifestations.

No, she didn't tell me that. That would be crazy. Though Miko on Is It Cake 2 said his parents told him that there's no money to be made from art. Do you watch Is It Cake 2? The kids, my kids absolutely love it. It's so addictive. I like Is It Cake.

Is it cake? Oh, man, I love that show. In our house. You got me into that. In our house, we shout at the thing about, that's cake, number two is cake. It is so brilliant. Some of them are very obvious. You start questioning reality. me into that in our house we shout at the thing about that's okay number two is cake it is you start questioning reality you start to think everything in life may be cake yeah that's true that is true um who's who's most likely to be cake hairy bikers yes yes not human beings

well you don't know which one what's that you have they are actually one of the hairy bikers? Well, you don't know which one. What's that? You have to guess which one of the hairy bikers is cake. What about if we found out the shard was cake? Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, you've been talking, I won't say boasting, I think you're just proud of it, your Conan the Barbarian book, coffee table book. Yes.

And Roger Turner has said, did you see the woke. Your Conan the Barbarian book, coffee table book. Yes. And Roger Turner has said, did you see the woke version, Conan the Librarian? Which I think is very apt because I would like to discuss the Beano this morning and that sounds the sort of Beano joke. Yes. In a lovely way,

in the loveliest way possible, Roger. Roger's quite a Beano name. It is. Yes, yes. Isn't it? As in the Dodger. Because I have a copy. I mean, it's not in my hands.

I think it's made its way over to your side of the desk. Here, I was looking. I was perusing. What is it, Frank Skinner? It is the 85th birthday of the Beano. Yeah. And so... It's a celebrity special.

It is. Who's on the cover? Well, you tell me, because there was some mistaken identity this morning, but maybe we shouldn't go into that. I don't think we should go there. I thought Lewis Capaldi was someone else. You did.

But now when I say who's on the cover, it's going to give that away. Anyway, Harry Styles, Lewis Capaldi and Adele are on the cover. And Tom Holland. People change. I can't keep up. Tom Holland is inside. Yes. But he's firing Webb.

I mean, I don't mean Tom Holland, the historian. I mean, he's firing Webb, but he's in his civvies. He's not in his spider web. I mean, I don't mean Tom Holland the historian. I beg your pardon. He's firing web but he's in his civvies, he's not in his spider web. This, if ever I've seen it, it must be a copyright thing, hadn't it? Oh, do you think that's what it is? I love that. That makes sense, yeah. What about Lewis

Hamilton, the man who likes driving? He's in it. He's in it. What about Attenborough, Frank, your favourite? Can I just ask though, of our readers, 8, 12, 12 15 what's your favorite copyright infringement story because i love it when there's clearly an issue with it i stayed at a place where they'd got a hobbit hole beautiful did you build hobbit house um but they couldn't call it that because whatever the film company now i own the word hobbit yeah so yeah it had to be called um something else well also i like it in uh books in literature. Books sound like a really special prize. In books.

Playuses. Playuses. When you come across, they'll describe a character. And you know it's clearly based on someone. But the legal department at Bloomsbury or whatever have looked at it and said, oh, no, you're going to have to check. So they say, Welsh crooner Tom Pones or something. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, come on, love. But if you're going to have Tom Holland, let him have his suit. Perhaps they thought, well, they won't know, if he's wearing the mask, then we can't do a really good drawing of Tom Holland. Okay. Maybe.

There were a few, did you recognise, there were a few faces I felt very old and out of touch. It took me a long time to recognise. You felt they were old and out of touch. I felt old and out of touch. It took me a long time to recognise. You felt they were old and out of touch. I felt old and out of touch. I didn't recognise Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney. No, I didn't recognise them.

I mean, I recognised them if they were on the telly, but I didn't recognise their caricatures. I was very reassured though at how little had changed with the fabulous Beano. Nasher still had sausages. Yes.

A stream of those kind of cartoon sausages. And what I loved, Frank, is that in one of the cells, I loved that people still say, and this only ever happens in the Beano, as a kind of expression of frustration, gah, like G-A-H. Oh, yeah, we never really noticed that one. There's been a lot of coverage of the Beano's 85th birthday,

and I had an image of the dandy sitting in a council flat on its own, drinking tea made with UHT milk, not even having a copy, not on the mailing list even anymore. Was the dandy a little more, it felt a bit more gung-ho and sort of boysy to me, the dandy, because I think that was Desperate Dan. He made things very macho. I always preferred the Beano to the dandy.

The Beano also, I think, used to come out on a Thursday, which I gave it more of a premiere. If someone's coming out on a Monday, you know. And also it had Black Bob, which I couldn't stand. Like a serious sheepdog fiction. Who cares about that? And it didn't even have speech bubbles.

The writing was underneath the drawers. And all he did was go up and down the moors. I mean, come on, mate. It's in the countryside. It's all caps and dark. Black barf and get it. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio.

Meanwhile, over at DC Thompson. Ah, I've been to DC Thompson. Have you? How was it? I was playing Dundee and i got the tour manager to say can frank comment they gave me a tour of the places we should say this is where the the bino is made yes yes when i used to read the bino as a kid it used to come on that very porous paper really a cheap paper with the pirate trousers um serrated edge as well. Now it's quite a glossy mag.

But, you know, I don't think your modern kid would take a serrated edge porous paper anymore. I've got a memory. Did you, I think you talked about it on the show at some point in the past, you took Buzz to the exhibition. The Beano exhibition, where I found out, I didn't know this, I thought that Biffo the Bear was the first front page star, but before him there was an... Page seven fella.

Yeah. The original front page Beano star was an ostrich called Big Eggo. There's a lot of Freudian themes in the comic. I was going to say, I've met a few of those in the comedy world. Yes. He had a sort of a Rothmore emotional-led friend called Big Id. And I think they were replaced by Oedipus Complex the Bear.

Do you know, you've just described my dream comic. Yeah, exactly. I thought I was your dream comic. Oh, Frank, you are. Extra shows, remember, have been added in this. Is Buzz still into the Beano? Does he still read it? I think he's just coming out.

He's still, he's not as obsessed as he was. I think you get to an age where you turn from the Beano to Alice Cooper. It's a very fine line. But I still see him reading it on occasion. I've tried my kids on the Beano to Alice Cooper. It's a very fine line. But I still see him reading it on occasion. I've tried my kids on the Beano. They absolutely love Jamie Smart,

who was a cartoonist for The Dandy and who now does... They know the names of the cartoonists. Yeah. Oh, I hate that. He does Bunny vs Monkey and Lushkin and things like that. Why do you hate that? Absolutely fantastic. Because, I don't know.

I grew up never knowing who directed a film or who wrote or drew. All the comics I loved as a kid, I didn't care. It's Bat Room Boys again. I had to have dinner with these people when I was five. Look, now I can see it. But at the time, I just wanted to read the comic. I didn't need to know the lettering. Oh, you say that.

Like you wouldn't have leapt at the chance to have dinner with Bruce Parchers. Malcolm Muggeridge. But he was on camera. By the way, can I just add, I know I have said this, I think, when we talked about the exhibition, but it still kills me, is that Big Ego has dropped the ostrich from the front page because audience research suggested that the readers couldn't identify with him because he wasn't a mammal.

Different times, you see. Different times. you see different times i noticed as dennis am i right in thinking so dennis's behavior new gen dennis is a bit more toned down isn't he is he less of a well they've changed a lot of yes he bullied um walter and you you know jacob you mean yes um yeah so walter and his gang which included one of the best names ever in a comic book, a character called Doddly Nightshirt. Yeah, he was mercilessly bullied. He was a wimpy kid in glasses who Dennis was horrible to.

And now he's the son of the mayor of Beano Town and very full of himself. And it's a sort of class war now has been set up with Walter as the bad guy. The Jacob Rees mob. Yeah. Because, you know, we don't want a bullying theme in 2023 for goodness

sake. Okay. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were chatting about the Beano. One of the things I was thrilled to see was Iron Maiden tweeted celebrating the Beano's 85th birthday. Excellent. It was a nice crossover.

And have you noticed the Styles boy has, he's got dungarees. Yes. Kevin would approve. Oh, yes. Kevin Rowland, that is. Your mate, Frank. And he's clutching a whoopee cushion.

But it's quite unlike any whoopee cushion I've ever seen because, as you know, the whoopee cushion is... Normally orangey-red, isn't it? And what does it say on it always? A real Bronx chair. Ah, right. There's no mention of a Bronx chair. Another copyright avoidance.

I think it is. Spider-Man. I think the whoopee cushion, Steve, you've nailed it. It's all an under. It's been ripped apart by copyrights. I mean, I've read quite a bit this week about the people saying, oh, the B now, it's rubbish now. It's, you know, older people saying,

I miss the bully why can't we be needlessly cruel anymore it's not fair i have to say when your kid is reading it every week the fact that then i mean i don't want to be a but the fact that there's a black girl and a girl in a wheelchair in Dennis' gang, it actually feels brilliant. It's fantastic. You know, we used to think asbestos was harmless and then we realised that was a mistake. So it's alright to change

a bit, guys. It's fantastic. They dealt with it brilliantly. They said, there's a quote from the head of mischief at the Beano where he just said, every kid has the right to see themselves celebrated in Beano Town. He's very proud of Mischief at Absolute Radio. It's me.

I'll tell you what they've hushed up there is the early days of the Whizzer ring and all that. And I had one of those. It used to blow and it goes, like on Highway 61 by Bob Dylan. I think he used this one. But if you blew it a lot, you'd look at it and be covered in blood

because the thing used to take the end off your lips. So never mind some of the unpleasantness in the comics. They actually put dangerous gifts in there as well. But I, for one, am glad that the Beano has been there. As many of us have thought, yeah, I used to do that, but that was wrong and now I'm doing something that's right. Good on the Beano, that's what I say. I'd like to see Dennis and Nasher on Emily's podcast.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that'd be great, wouldn't it? How I need to organise this how about stormzy um he's had a rebrand and i think it suits him because he's on the celebratory anniversary issue wearing a pink suit looking a lot more friendly and he's he's coming out he's not dropping bars he's dropping puns frank he says it looks like stormy weather. And do you know what? I kind of wish he was a bit like that. And Kate Bush is in there as well.

Yes. She says, I'm rolling up that hill. I briefly mistook her for Vicky Michelle from Hello, Hello in that picture. No, enough. There's been a lot of mistakes made. Now, listen, I've got some important things to say. Sarah Champion's up next, listen to her. But this is what's really going to excite you.

There's a new series of Frank Skinner's Poetry Podcast starting on Wednesday with the poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Love her. I tell you, it's a great poem. I'd recommend it. Love her, love him. I'm in.

And you can download it from, inevitably, wherever you get your podcasts. Where do people get them from? Makes it sound like there's some bloke on the corner. And you need to listen to this podcast. We get so much praise coming in for this, which I don't share because he'll be embarrassed. No, but it's nice.

I like it. I like private praise. Do you remember that? It was after Private Benjamins. Sounds like a 70s softball. Not very successful. Private praise. Do you remember that? It was after Private Benjim. Sounds like a 70s soft porn thing. Not very successful. Private praise. Private praise of a religious GI.

Anyway, thanks for listening this morning. Steve, it's always a joke. Why don't you come on the next show? I think you're much funnier than Novelli. What? That's a joke. Clearly not true. We should have said, by the way, Pierre's...

Have you seen the size of Novelli? Are you out of your mind? Pierre's not here this week because he's part of a motorcycle display team at the Isle of Man TT races. I understand that he forms the apex of a human pyramid at one stage. Anyone going to that this weekend, enjoy.

If the good Lord spares us and the cricks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now get out.