The Frank Skinner Show - Internet Nostalgia

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. The Radio Academy Award winning gang bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast. This week Frank experienced delayed gratification and has a new alternative to the swimming pool. The team also discuss the Upside Down museum, optical illusions and Pixie Lott in a sidecar.

This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text this show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk Morning boys. the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk morning boys i think i've forgotten the http double oblique colon oblique oblique yeah that's terrible i've missed out on that thing yeah does it do anything now that thing no i've gotten rid of it good they used to love a colon and a semicolon what is it with them and all their bits and bobs?

Isn't it brilliant that we've already reached the stage where we can be nostalgic about the internet, which felt like the newest thing ever. Like, oh, yeah, remember Ask Jeeves? It's got to be on the new Peter Kay tour, doesn't it? Oh, probably. Some internet nostalgia? Yeah.

Whatever happened to the paperclip, man? Ask. Keeves. Do you know, I always felt so flashy. A little bit of flash when I'd say things like, yeah, forward slash. Oh, I used to love saying that. Oh, no, yeah, forward slash.

Loved it. I prefer oblique, you see, forward slash oh I used to love saying that oh yeah forward slash loved it thank I prefer oblique you see for that that particular piece of punctuation I think slash is cheap

isn't it slim I felt quite edgy when I said that which is why I liked it yeah yeah you're thinking

that's your Guns N' Roses background you're thinking slash yeah yeah background you're thinking slash yeah yeah okay here's the thing

deferred gratification yes that's a thing that you might think is getting less popular than it used to be in case you're not familiar with the concept

the idea is you do something like let's say a degree and at the end of it you get your reward and you've worked hard but then you've you've got something you can be proud of and something to stretch your brain and get you a job or whatever it does okay uh there's a thing isn't there there's a psychological test they used to do with kids of giving them a biscuit and saying I'm gonna go away for five minutes and if you don't eat that biscuit I'll give you two biscuits and a lot of kids eat the biscuit and they turn out to be losers I know we're on radio but I actually did the L on my forehead with my finger.

I know you did. And it's the scientific terminology from the study as well. Exactly. Sorry kids. The other day I had to carry two very large parcels to the post office. Two big heavy boxes. Yes yes I'm killing for pleasure I'm not I'm not and I as I carried them up the road I thought won't it be brilliant when I walk back and I don't have these two boxes.

As I walked up, I was, oh man, I was really looking forward to it. And I delivered them. And I felt, when I came out, my arms were slightly... Do you remember that trick you used to do at school? Where one kid would sit on a chair. There is an arm one as well. There's an arm one when you press your arm against a wall and then step away and your arm just floats up. It's fabulous.

I never got involved. It's a kind of magic. Come on, everybody, everyone at home. It's a kind of magic. The people who did that, Frank, were similar to the boys who'd pretend they were snogging someone. I hated those boys. Oh, yeah, with the arms.

You go in the corner and put your arms round your own back. Oh, that's a brilliant trick. I saw a boy doing that. I saw a boy called Damien doing that and he wouldn't stop. And I thought, I've put me off you for life.

No, I thought that was a great visual effect. Yeah, it's very rare to get the kind of sleight of hand or mimery that children can accomplish. I think it's very rare to get the kind of sleight of hand or mimery that children can accomplish. I think it's right up there with pulling off the end of the finger. You know that? I mean, when I first saw that, I couldn't... What?

Now, of course, we take it for granted. But then, in the early days of pulling the end off the finger, we couldn't believe what we were seeing. Well, what age do people stop doing that? You know, putting their hands... Stop? What are you talking about? It's a good way to open a show.

Yeah, exactly. Lights up, facing away from the audience. Oh, what's this? Oh! There would still be. Judging by the way people respond to topical

you could go on stage and say so we got a king now and there's still people go have we

yeah I miss that so there'd still be people who when you did the finger went whoa oh there'd be

complaints yeah oh yeah there probably wouldn't sign up to an evening of witchcraft. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. We were talking about optical illusions, I suppose.

Yes. And you had pulling the finger off. I had pretending to get off with suppose. Yes. And we had, you had pulling the finger off, I had pretending to get off with someone. Yeah, well, so, Liam, in case you don't know this one, you turn your back. They all know. And then you wrap your hands around yourself and look like you're embracing and kissing someone.

Yes. My dad would horrify us as children by, he would put his hands over his nose, and the trick part is you put your thumbnails under your teeth. Oh, you dislocate your nose. And you make that horrible cracking sound. Yeah, so you do that. Oh.

Yeah. As you click your nose, but it's your fingernail against your teeth, kids, if you want to try it at school on Monday. Yeah, pop tip. Oh, what about the one where a kid sits on a chair? I don't know if you should do this, though, because you could probably do some sort of neck injury. So don't do it, but I can still tell you about it.

We can talk about World War I. It doesn't mean I'm telling you to go out and mustard gas somebody. Okay, so a kid would sit on a chair, and about four other kids would press down on the top of his head or her head as hard as they could. Usually not her head because you don't want a hair grip through the palm. And then you quickly take your hands off and somebody puts one, just their index finger, under each knee joint and one under each armpit. And you can just lift them into the air like they're a feather wow it's true i've done it and had it done to me many times i hope someone just didn't just turn

on for that bit yeah try it no don't try it's probably bad for your neck anyway um i it was great. Walking home without those boxes was just the best thing. Did you feel liberated? Oh, man. What was in these packages? Is that private information? We were returning things. Kath sees Amazon as a sort of changing room so she just buys things randomly

and then sends them back I can't do that I need to go and try things on I can't be sending stuff there and back what about the planet? yeah yeah but I'll tell you a really bad visual effect

I went to a thing called remember I was in Amsterdam recently I went to a thing called the... Remember I was in Amsterdam recently? I went to a thing called the Upside Down Museum and they did this thing of chairs on the ceiling and lights coming out the floor. Absolute rubbish. I mean... It's just some floor lighting and some glue.

I was... There was a strange, sinister red glow in the room and I realised it was the embarrassment of the people. The customers were illuminating. You were in Amsterdam today. No, I know. But it was even more embarrassing than all that palaver. Sorry?

Actually, we got there. I feel like someone goes to Amsterdam and describes the red glow. The red light district as palaver. All that palaver. Yeah, well, you know. I'm an ordinary man, commander. Anyway, there was some brilliant, don't get me wrong, don't let me put you off the Upside Down Museum,

but the only thing that's not good about it is the Upside Down element. I didn't need you to put me off. The name of it put off the name of it no no there's some great stuff in it but yeah we went we went in and the first thing um the first thing you do you go through like a spinning tunnel of light okay and me kath and buzz walked in and k went, no way. And just turned around and walked back out again. Never actually got into the museum elements. If you're going to do the Upside Down Museum, I want the guides to be velcroed to the ceiling, enormous swollen heads, terrible headaches.

Upside Down. There were no guides. I mean, the word museum is used loosely. There weren't people in uniforms sitting on plastic chairs making sure you didn't damage the art. From the ceiling. No. But I did like it.

I'll tell you something which was a revelation to me, but I'll tell you after this. Oh, a little teaser. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. So yes, some of you who have followed my life will

know that I've... One of the things that's missing from my life is proper swimming. I'm a bit rubbish at swimming. I can't go out of my depth. I didn't learn until 2013. I did a bit rubbish at swimming. I can't go out of my depth. I didn't learn until 2013. I did a sport relief swimming challenge, which was a length.

And it was, I was training like two and a half hours a day for about four or five months. I mean, I put in more training than Walliams did for his Thames thing. But anywhere I would up. So it's a thing that's missing from my life, the ability to just get in the water and feel at home. And then when I was at the Upside Down Museum in Amsterdam, for the first time in my life,

I realised what I should have been doing. Not frightening, but a very similar experience. The ball pool. Ah. You ever tried a ball pool? Yeah. Absolutely not. Oh, well, they are very, you can float.

Yeah. You can sort of swim in them. That's true. Hang on. Whoa, hang on. What is a ball pool? I thought, you know, a big indentation full of plastic balls. This is like those moments in a trial

where someone has to explain. Yes. It's a form of social media, my lord. Who is Gazza? Who is this Gazza? Who is this Gazza? No, what is this ball pool? Have you heard of a ball?

Have you never been to an early learnings? No. As you know, I forgot to have children. No, no, but you know children. Sometimes you get them, they're sort of built up. This was a big, this was like an Olympic. Yeah. Is there no water in it?

No. Oh, those. I know those. Oh, okay. I thought you meant there was water in it? No. Oh, those! I know those. Oh, okay. I thought you meant there was water in it. That's it, you don't need towels. There's no Veruca brush on the wine. Do you remember the Veruca brush?

Did you have those in Sudafrique? No, all the pools are outside. Ah, well, they don't get Veruca's, the Gen Z and the Millennial.ennial Actually I once showered Outside at midnight As the year changed In South Africa

In a tree house What about that This is living It's fantastic I did the garden route Oh yes the nice bit I think see. Oh, yes, the nice bit where I'm not... I think I was in Hermanus at the time. Anyway.

Yes, yes. Now you're talking about... Well, I'm not from that. I'm not from the bit where people visit. No. I'm from the bit where people watch documentaries about. You don't want to be from the bit where people visit. Although it's probably safer.

Oh, you're from the Netflix bit. Yes. I know that bit. Any road... You in the Netflix bit. Yes. I know that bit. Any road... You in the ball pool. Yeah. It's... I thought, you know, as I say, no towels, no verrucas, no drowning.

My favourite element. Very hard to inhale cricket ball-sized hollow plastic balls. And it felt great. You could just lie. Is it quite germy? I don't think so. Okay. They're non-permesized hollow plastic balls. And it felt great. You could just lie. Is it quite germy? I don't think so. Okay. They're non-permeable surfaced balls.

Are they softables? I wouldn't go in with a tennis ball, Paul. I mean, I imagine a lot could live in that felt. Yeah. But it's just now finding a hotel that's got one. Because now I've got used to the big one. I don't want to be in some little... No, you need the official Olympic-sized ball pool.

Can you not have a little portable one? I'm sure you can buy a collapsible one. You could bring it out, carry it around with you. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll send a picture of me in the ball pool to our social media and you'll get you'll get the drift

and I look slightly distressed in it but you know I'm just I'm just acting the goat you might be in luck you know because a lot of

hipstery workplaces have that sort of Google thing where they'll have a ball pool and a slide for employees and things like that you might actually find a hotel somewhere with a ball pool and a slide for employees and things like that. You might actually find a hotel

somewhere with a ball pool. Absolute. He doesn't want to be the man hanging around workplaces saying, where's your ball pool? Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't mind finding another nice big ball pool.

I can just do a few lengths. But do you know what? You've acquired a lot of dignity later in life. I want you to hang on to it. Okay. I'm seeing me going a bit like the Marquess of Bath.

You know, I'll start wearing a cap tag. Frank's on Absolute Radio. Ever change the filter on a dreamcatcher? It's about one of the few practical home jobs I can do.

Frank, we've had... Our readers have got in touch regarding ball pools. Oh, OK. Which you've been talking about this morning. They could change my life. It took me a while to catch up, I'm afraid. That's fine. I'm old.

Well, when I went to the Upside Down Museum where the ball pool was, I would say I was the oldest in the queue by about 50 years. How do they justify having a ball pool in the Upside Down Museum? It should be chaos. No, the thing is Upside Down's only one aspect of it. I wish they hadn't even brought it up in the title. I'll tell you who's got a ball pool in their house. Are you familiar with the heiress Tamara Eccleston?

Oh, Tamara Eccleston, the daughter of Bernie. Yes. She's got a ball pool. Yes, I've been to her old house. I haven't gone to this house, but apparently she has a ball pool. And what kind of dimensions are we talking? I mean, I didn't get into those details with her. We don't have those kind of conversations.

Because Bernie was a small man, wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you could just feel the average wheelie being. So Bernie would have had a great time. Is Bernie no longer with us? Am I right? I think he might still be with us. Okay, God bless him for that frank i have a picture of i have an image this is bernie there's he was attending something and the press

was there some sort of hearing and he did that fantastic norman wisdom thing of going into a revolving door and coming back out onto the street. That we'll have for all his great achievements in F1. Also, he has that, what I love, is men of a certain age who favour the Bill Wyman fringe. Yes, yes. OK. So, firstly, we have a venue suggested,

Bawley Bawlesons. Oh, named after... They're not paying us. Can I just say Bawley Bawleson have not paid us. No, no, no. Well, we didn't know they existed. That might be one of the reasons. Two, four, five. Do you think they come from the same suggester as Boaty McBoatface?

Yes. Surely Bally Bawlesons wasn't set up by Sir Andrew Bawleson. No, I doubt it. When I get there, it'll be called the David Attenborough Borepool. Then we have this from 813. On a childhood holiday in the late 70s,

I remember my panic-stricken mother taking me to A&E. Don't worry, it's a nice story. No, I trust your judgement. As she discovered hundreds of circular bruises on my legs and believed me to have acquired some ghastly condition on the holiday. Or he could have been cupping. I don't think we had cupping then. No.

It turned out it was the results of me having spent the past four or five days continually leaping into the ball pool at Peabody's Play Place in Blackpool's Winter Gardens, an activity that was a totally new concept to us at the time. That's from Andy Wood, Bronte Country. I think he could take over from swimming. I'd love to see Tom Daley coming down into a ball pool. Do you think that it would change the physique of swimmers

because in order to avoid impact like Andy had, you'd need to have a bit of padding. They'd need a little bit of junk in the trunk. You'd get those big blokes who work in finance who would have to do like He-Man diving. It'd be billiard balls billion balls they had to be diving into

that to prove that they were still male progressively as the event continued so you can start with your soft balls yeah by the end we're going croquet yeah i'm starting with um those bath balls that explode into so i like the idea of arriving in the dust, the dust cloud. Smells great now. Oh, it's like Lush. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Would you like to hear from some of our readers?

Of course. Okay. I mean, there's no easy way of saying this, but Simon of Sudbury, who, as you know, is one of our regulars. Yeah, the medieval writer. Yeah. He does say he took his son to a ball pit many years ago. I don't like ball pit.

I'm not sure about pit. No. It should be pool. Yeah. Unless it was like there was dog fighting going on under the ballage. But he was... Sudbury, if I may call him that,

was saying, just, you know, in reference to my concern, Frank, about the hygiene issues, he did see a lot of... There was a sort of sticky... And it just seemed a bit... Really? Yeah. I don't know.

I didn't go down to the actual... There was a bit of a mess at the bottom. I didn't go down to the sea bed, as it were. Davy Jones locker. I didn't go down that deep. I was there to float, not to dive. Okay. I suppose that's why Bally Bollison is adults only.

Can I ask a question? Yeah. Oh, it is adults only. I suppose that's why Bally Bollison is adults only. Can I ask a question, Frank? Yeah. Oh, it is adults only. Oh, that's excellent. Excuse me, Frank. Was that that for a works outing? No, absolutely not. Go on.

I'm not getting in a ball pool with you two men. You don't have to wear your swimmers. You can just get in in your everyday clothes. I cannot think of anything worse. I have so much... You can't think of anything of anything worse. I have so much... You can't think of anything worse than that.

I have so much respect for you both. Yeah. Which is why I don't want to see you in that environment. No, but we're all being it together. Very undignified. And I don't mind you doing it. And I felt quite a lot of pathos when I saw that photograph of you.

I liked it. I just don't want to be a party to it. It would be like a Rod, Jane and Freddie sketch on Rainbow. You can wear yellow dongers. It'd be great. Can I ask a question? Does Simon of Sudbury, is his ringtone SOS by ABBA? I'm sure he'll tell us.

It should be, shouldn't it? It's got to be. Can I ask a question, Frank? What is the etiquette in the ball pool when you're sort of passing someone or you bump into them? Do you talk to people? You know if you're in a swimming pool on holiday

and you're all bobbing around, you might sort of exchange words. Do you talk to the people? Well, the thing is, it's less, you're less self-conscious because you're fully dressed. Oh. So that makes you more confident. Yes.

But I didn't really speak to them. They might have been Dutch and, you know, I don't want to buy any drugs. They might have been Dutch and, you know, I don't want to buy any drugs. But it was, oh God, it was lovely, lovely in there. We've got another update. Bawley Bawlison serves excellent stone-baked pizza to add to the fun. Who are our listeners? Yeah, they are.

I'll tell you, I'll miss Bawlison. Bawley Bawlison. I think Sir Andrew Bawlison's got his phone. Oh, I don't believe it. Sir B. of ball-y, ball-y. I think Sir Andrew Ballison's got his phone. Oh, I don't believe it. Sir Andrew B. Ballison, Esquire. Yeah, I'm getting Ballison-ache. I've heard it so much. Oh, my God. You know what, I'm not going to that with you.

Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. We've been talking this morning about ball balls, which you're, turns out, a huge fan of. Well, I had a revelation in Amsterdam. It happens. Yes. Just not normally under those circumstances.

No, exactly. And you've also, just to recap, you've suggested that we take a works outing. I think that would be nice. Yeah. And I've put that in the file mark pending. Okay. Would you be willing to broadcast from a ball pit?

Live from the ball pit? Oh, yeah, what about that? Sort of clanking, the clicking and? Sort of clanking Absolute balls Could be called Special station Just for the day Like when they did, was it Frank 60 or something For me that I had my own station for a whole day

Did you know that, Pierre? I did not know that Well, remember that Next time you think I'm a loser No, you didn't take you think I'm a loser. No, you didn't take the biscuit. I don't think that's the hard sell you quite think it is. I didn't take the biscuit for about 30 years.

OK, Ruth Jordan, one of our regulars, has been in touch. Imagine being a lifeguard at one of those pools. Presumably they'd be equipped with vacuums, and if there was a potential drowning incident, they'd just vacuum the balls out of the pool rather than having to haul the person out. And would a vacuum take up the balls? I'm not sure about that. Yeah, nobody would know.

You'd have to be like one of those swimming pool vacuum pumps, you know. What would you use? I might have to leap in with a snooker cue. No, I think you... If you try to say something, I'm drowning like a really rapid fire powering the balls out. Would you need one of those,

what are those gut smurf... You'd need something to... A domestic vacuum, you'd get one ball out at a time, like a sort of artisanal rescue. Yeah, yeah, that'd be too late. I'll tell you what you'd need. ball out at a time, like a sort of artisanal rescue. Yeah, yeah, that'd be too late. I'll tell you what you'd need. Fishing net.

Just chuck a San Bernard in there. You know, those St. Bernard's would rescue people on mountains. Chuck one of them in. How do you do that? I've never seen a dog in a ball pond. I was just going to say. I can change all that.

Yeah, I know. I don't think you should put your dog in. Why? It's a bit small. Go straight into the silt. You'd have to build a sort of balcony, like the sort of widow's walks in a... What is a widow's walk?

It's a sort of balcony built onto the front of a sea-facing home. Oh. In some New England, and they sort of balcony built onto the front of a sea-facing home in New England and they sort of walk at pace there waiting for their sailor husbands to come back from the sea. I've never heard of that. I love that. A widow's walk. Fantastic. Oh, I really

like that. So Emily would be up and down on that looking into the ball. I'd be on the widow's walk waiting for Raymond. You could leave the lead on it, no? Of course. That's the secret. My dog, I would see him floating above it. He'd be carried.

Yeah, maybe. Like on an emperor's chair. He's light. He's lovely and light. He could skitter on the surface. Yeah, but then we would have to have it all clean then. He'd lose your deposit at Borlessons exactly

I mean that really is loser territory isn't it I don't want to be black Borlessoned can't we give them some plug in today I never even heard of them an hour ago isn't life strange?

You want a free session? We spoke last week, I believe, about not just celebrity memorabilia, but the celebrity memorabilia that our parents would have had or had. Yeah, well, my mum had Noel Gordon on one corner of the mirror, the star of Crossroads and TV presenter. the star of Crossroads and TV presenter. And Ginger Baker, the drummer from Cream, a signed pound note that my dad had got.

My dad worked at Land Rover and he'd gone in to check out a new car and got Ginger to sign a pound. Nice. They were both Gingers, actually. Come to think of it. This is where the levels of Ginger support seen at the Guillermo del Toro experience have come from. Oh, he said that beautifully. Yeah, he did say it well.

Didn't he? But as a massive goons nerd myself, I'm very taken with Clive saying that his parents had a photo of themselves with the goons from the goon show at a club in Coventry when they were all very young. Oh. themselves with the goons from the goon show at a club in coventry when they were all very young oh i can't imagine going into a nightclub and seeing peter sellers harry seacombs you're a goons nerd yeah i never knew that it's one of the least sociable things about me do you know the story about their tour is that they stayed at some theatrical digs and they used to get, they had a bottle of sherry which someone had given them and the landlady was having a drink out of it, a bit going every day. So they started, how can I put it, urinating into the sherry as a punishment.

And at the end of the week when they left, they said to her, so did you enjoy the sherry as a punishment. And at the end of the week when they left, they said to her, so did you enjoy the sherry? She said, oh, I don't drink. I've been putting it in your trifle. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Frank, Hayley Ferry has been in touch.

We did the chair levitation trick in the 90s. You know the one you were talking about earlier? We never put our hands on their head. I'm more familiar with Hayley's version. Okay. It sounds less cruel. We would try to lift first. No luck.

Yeah. Then each put our hands floating above their head, chanting something like, light as a feather, light as a feather. Oh, now this is... Were they on a commune? Sounds like witchcraft. What's she called again?

Hailey Fairey. It's all making sense now, isn't it? Then we would try again and succeed. Hailey Suspicious, that's what I call her. That's some making sense now, isn't it? Then we would try again and succeed. Haley suspicious, that's what I call her. That's some people's real accent. Haley suspicious. A judge's accent. Now see, I thought the pressure on the

head was essential, just like the pressing on the arm against the wall. I thought it was the same principle. But that's how the bullies get you. I went to see a cranial osteopath. I had a bad wrist. And he was one of these. He was like the mother of Dombo.

Mombo Jumbo. Had that for a while. I've never heard that. Well, she was called Mrs Jumbo, his mum. That's the sign, and he's Dumbo, so he must have been Dumbo Jumbo. I'll tell you what it was, the sort of thing Grandad knows, fools and horses would say, why are you coming out with that Mumbo Jumbo thing?

Anyway, this bloke, my wrist's on the floor, and he held his hand above it and said, can you feel heat, can you feel heat? And I was going, no, I can't. I had two sessions and nothing happened at all. And then I went to see an old-fashioned physiotherapist who smelt of embrocation. Went in and she said,

you've got, what do they call it, gallium or something? It's just like a cyst. Oh, yeah. No, it's like a scallion. I was going to say scallion, but that's an onion. I know, don't mention onions. Anyway, something like that. And it was, she said, eat it with the Bible.

Yes. Really? Yeah. And that's what people used to do with them, and they'd just burst the cyst. Was she wearing an enormous leather beak? No. Filled with herbs and spices.

She wasn't. But I went to see... What's that, Kerry? I went to see a doctor who was going to drain it for me. Sorry about this, guys. This is really horrible. But anyway, it's a happy ending. I said to the doctor, I said, can you believe in the 21st century that I went with this thing in my arm? I said, I saw somebody practice mumbo

jumbo on it. And then I saw a fully trained physiotherapist who told me to hit it with a Bible and he said, no, that's wrong that is wrong in the modern age he should have said that you hit it with a large book from any of the world's religions oh dear just quickly in terms of evacuating the ball pool

yes are you talking about my sis? yes speaking of evacuating the ball pool. Yes. Are you talking about my sis? Yes. Speaking of evacuating the ball pool, 774 gets in touch just with, use a roadside gully sucker. Oh.

As if we're stupid for having a roadside gully sucker. Simple, really. Of course, of course. I might use that if someone says, what's the best piece of advice you've ever been given in your life? Next time you're interviewed for The Guardian or something, I want you know what that is. If someone says, what's the best piece of advice you've ever been given in your life? Next time you're interviewed for The Guardian or something, I want you to say that.

I think he's talking about where we should tip the discarded balls and he's saying, use a roadside golly, sucker. Is there a comma in there anywhere? It's implied, maybe. Okay. No, I don't know what a golly sucker is,

but I bet we're going to find out. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I don't want this to turn into the Ruth Jordan show. I mean I do in a way because she's rather fabulous but Ruth has come to your aid.

Ganglion is the thing on your wrist. Thank you Ruth. Sounds like a Pokemon. Yes it does doesn't it. Ganglion is the thing on your wrist. Thank you, Ruth. Sounds like a Pokemon. Yes, it does, doesn't it? Ganglion. Yes, I had a ganglion. That's all I had. Regarding my goon's obsession.

Are you what they call a goonglion? I'm a goonglion. Yes, yes. I need to be hit with a Bible or I'll get out of control. All the times we've sat in vans and dressing rooms and looked at Anglo-Saxon artefacts, you've never mentioned the goons.

I don't know. I swore it would have come up, but, yeah, it is odd. Full credit to Port Erin Library on the Isle of Man for introducing me to goon show cassettes in the late 90s. Fabulous. In case you don't know, by the way, most of you will, the goons was a comedy, what would we call them, a quartet? I suppose so.

Who were on radio in the 50s. Yeah, mid to late 50s. Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Michael Benteen, Harry Seacombe. I believe the King is a tremendous fan. I was going to say, King Charles is probably the most famous fan. Yes, he's the president of the Goon's Society. I bet Diana loved lying in bed listening to his Goon tapes. And impressions.

Yeah, exactly. 386 gets in touch and says that, regarding the Goons, I'm a man after his own heart. My mate at work, Phil and I last night, had a conversation at work in our best Eccles and Blue Bottle voices, much to the bemusement of our colleagues, John from Cambridge. And that is a bemusement that I am very familiar with. From trying to introduce other seven and eight-year-olds to the goons.

Now I can see why that might have been difficult. And a real uphill battle. See, I think the goons was a response to the horrors of World War II. Yes. That you respond with just madness. And whimsy. Yeah. Hello.

Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, yin tong, yin tong, yin tong. Okay, okay. Frank, I slightly lost it, and I hope I didn't distract you, Frank, I slightly lost it and I hope I didn't distract you because Paul Eaton has sent us an image which he's doctored Okay

It's your... I've just seen it I'm sorry I appreciate this is like when someone's laughing out loud whilst reading a book on the tube Yes Paul Eaton has sent an image of you in the ball pool out loud whilst reading a book on the tube. Yes. Going, ha, ha, ha.

Paul Eaton has sent an image of you in the ball pool with your hand aloft. Yeah. I just posted a picture of me in the Dutch ball pool. And if there was a musical accompaniment. Well, you can't use the terminology on breakfast radio. For God's sake. I'm definitely not getting in that ball pool with you two. Your rib-off anecdotes.

I'm a man could lose a clog. If you don't want to stay in this ball pool, exchange your rib- old anecdotes. Paul Eaton has sent this image, and it's you in your sort of, hello, with your hand locked in the ball pool. And he superimposed a shark. Another plus of ball pools you don't get, and predators.

Did you, can we share that yes you might do but i mean you haven't been in there with me um did either of you ever worry about because i because greg davis said he's suffered from this i thought it was just me did you suffer a phobia frank of uh getting in the pool and thinking a shark would come out. In a swimming pool? No, I was just so frightened of the water. I was once asked to do Celebrity Shark Cage, a TV show, and I said I think I'll be the only person on it who's not mainly worried about the shark. So now this is why, if it was Celebrity Shark Ball Pool,

I'd be less worried. But I think they might perish if they were in the air yeah still if you're going to make an omelette Iona Faz shares my

phobia of sharks in pools. I mean, I call it a phobia because it is irrational, but I think it was because I saw the James Bond film where he pressed a button. Oh, yes. And, oh, Mr Bond, and the sharks came out. Do you remember that one?

Was that the origin point of the fear? Yes, that and growing up in Australia. Of course. But they didn't come into pools in Australia. one was that the origin point of the fear yes that and growing up in australia of course um reese they didn't come into pools in australia no but given that we lived on the beach and the first night i was there there was a shark alarm went off shark alarm yes you're not familiar with the shark alarm no what does that sound like shark in ion of ash says it shark in pool fear i've got a phobia of dolphins and a fear of whales when i'm in a pool i feel like a huge whale is behind me well i don't know where you are yeah with its mouth open i think they're mainly focus on plankton, don't they? Or a dolphin is about to grab my ankles and pull me down.

But I don't mind sharks. Oh, it's an interesting... I'm a vast fan of sharks. It's sort of redefining the general impression of the dolphin as a friend of mankind to sort of the enemy within. Swimming with dolphins. Oh, I love swimming. Can I tell you what I really think of dolphins?

I find, to use an expression my mother was fond of, I find them a little bit showy. Yes, I saw some sing Happy Birthday once at some sort of show. But if you put over the top of that, da, da, da, da that it does sound like they're uh singing looking back it was very cruel they are show-offs the clowns of the are they show-offs or are they made to be show-offs are you some sort of dolphin apologist well Well, looking back on that, I can't believe they were thinking, oh, God, I'm looking forward to my happy birthday.

Aren't you, Derek? Something according to their calendar. They are. I've had a lovely experience with them. I have swum with them. Have you? And they're charming, charming creatures. And you weren't dragged down by a rogue dolphin?

No. There was a man ensuring that didn't happen, to be fair. May I return us to the subject of celebrity memorabilia? We're talking specifically about parental celebrity memorabilia. Yes, exactly. Bill Morrison has got in touch. My mother once owned a pair of trousers worn by Shirley Temple in the movie The Little Colonel.

Oh, I'm picturing a side stripe. They were quality street, Frank. Are you picturing a quality street? They were purchased at a charity auction and sent to Scotland for the buyer's granddaughter or niece or something, but they were too small for her. Her mother knew someone who knew someone else, etc., who knew that my grandmother had a daughter of the right age, so they came to my mum.

Trousers for girls being such a rarity at that time, she ended up wearing them until they fell apart. Yeah, did it occur to anyone that if you buy a pair of Shirley Temple's trousers in auction, they're not really for wearing. They're more for display purposes. Yes, you don't get a novelty silver dollar for the vending machine. Not we'll send her to our little niche, you'll get

plenty of wear out of it. I wouldn't wear, I was once bought, as you know, I was once bought from a celebrity auction earrings belonging to Linda Blair. Oh, from Exorcist. I'm sure you can't imagine which friend of mine would have got me a slightly extravagant, eccentric present like that. I probably can, yes.

Was he a well-known chat show host? He was. Okay. And I've still got them. And them and you know i like to look at them i don't think i've won them once i wore them to one comedy awards um but i wouldn't wear them again i interviewed alice cooper once and he went to see uh the exorcist a sort of uh you know and other things that don't, showing years later. And he went with Linda Blair.

And Alice and Linda Blair turned around to the man behind telling him to stop talking. Imagine that. Terror. Terror. Regarding Bill saying trousers being such a rarity at the time, Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio. Absolute radio. Regarding Bill saying trousers being such a rarity at the time... He meant in Scotland, did he? I think he meant for women.

No, Bill was saying ladies didn't wear trousers then. I thought it was a kilt reference. A kilt reference, yeah. We had a neighbour on the Isle of Man who was a very sort of proper, old-fashioned woman of great breathing who said to my mother, we were invited to a sort of neighbor, you know, you invite your neighbors around for tea or something. And we sort of went, oh, okay.

We were told that the dress code for women was skirts. And this was followed up with, the only place a woman should wear trousers was the riverbank. This was followed up with, the only place a woman should wear trousers was the riverbank. My parents went, oh. I love a life hack. Yeah. Oh, it's like Moley in Wind in the Willows.

Yeah. The only women in Wind in the Willows. Did Toad of Toad Hall have a Mrs. Toad? He was a bachelor boy. I think it was a very, yeah. No Mrs. Toad will let him indulge himself by vintage cars and all that. He was a bit of a Gatsby figure, wasn't he, Toad?

Yes, he was profoundly lonely. Was he? But you know what? I think he was profoundly lonely, but he was lovely and wealthy. He was, yeah. Well, that's why he had those two hangers on. They were like the Memphis Mafia.

For Toad's Elvis. Yeah, exactly. He was, wasn't he? Toad Hall is essentially Graceland. Yeah. And then he's got all the vehicles, you know, outside. And then these hangers on. Do you think there was a bit where Toad of Toad Hall

unloads a musket at a gramophone? Yeah. That's the equivalent of shooting a television from Elvis. A toad ought to have a jumpsuit, surely. Oh, he will. He might have done his karate. You could say a toad's skin was a jumpsuit. Did Frank...

Who were the hangers-on? Was it Badger and... Oh, I don't, no, I don't. I never read children's books. Oh, Ratty. Why would you want to be friends with Ratty? Ratty and Moley. Someone sent me a book called My Favourite Book

and it was about various celebrities talking about their favourite books and a lot of them chose Wind in the Willows and, of course, every time I thought, I haven't read a book since. I haven't read a book since. I haven't read a book since. Haven't read a book since. Haven't read a book since. I mean, come on.

I like the idea of Elvis saying poop poop as he drives his cars around, winding. Is that what Toad says? Toad says poop poop and honks the horn. He basically drives around in a very flashy car. Very dangerously. Very dangerous character. He's essentially, he's. Very dangerously. Yeah, very dangerous character.

He's essentially, he's the original bad boy. He's a flash Harry. Mm-hm. He's not your type. No. Can we just quick, can I quick... Although I do like Elvis, if we're going to equate the two. Yeah.

What if Baz Luhrmann does a big Toad of Terror thing? Also, Toad, tell everyone where you live for pity's sake. What do you think Badger? Well I don't know what's going on with him. Toad, please drive too fast. We are both loners, we just have

each other Toad. When I first met Toad I always knew. May I share this with you briefly? Well, I don't know, the producer's going absolutely ballistic about timing. OK, well, that's because she's a Toad of Toad Hall fan. Is that right? She's devastated.

Oh, yes. We're treading on her dreams. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Pierre Novelli. You can text the show on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio, email the show via frank at absoluteradio.co.uk. We're talking about all sorts this morning. Is Bertie Bassett our studio guest?

No. You know I'm not a fan. No. I find him quite vulgar. Yes, well. He's a bit, as I said, of dolphins earlier. He's a bit showy. Yeah, he's got the look of the...

He's a bit toe-tall. Those sort of... You know those Jamie Blandford, was he called? Those sort of aristocrats who've gone into bad company. Yes. Yes. He's an aristocrat who broke bad. Okay.

He's got that about him. So we've heard from Michael of Sussex. Okay. Whether that's a self-styled... There's a lot of medieval scribes getting in touch today. It's these self-styled medieval types. It's because of the talk joke. Yeah, I could have drawn them in.

We're getting... We're very big in medieval Britain. It's because of the talk joke. Yeah, it's drawn them in. We're getting, we're very big in medieval Britain. Fabulous. Michael of Sussex has been in touch. Hello, Frank et al. Read Baywatch at the ball pool. Oh, yeah.

Baywatch at the ball pool, I know, I know. Yeah. Could you throw in a plastic ring, the sort you find alongside lakes, etc., or would the ball and ring combination increase the chance of a fatality? That's from Michael of Sussex.

Why? He thinks you'd know the answer. I don't know if a ring would raise you up above plastic balls. No. I don't know if the ring could ever replace the roadside galley sucker I kind of think so No contest

And other things Brides have never said May I share this with you? That would be a lovely Lovely line on a greetings card You'll never replace May I share this with you From Reggie? Yeah, yeah, do lovely line on a greetings card. You'll never have replaced. May I share this with you from Reggie?

Yeah, do. We're talking, I'm going to return us to the subject. Is it, I'll bring a shooter if we don't get the money on Friday. Extraordinary road we've travelled down. On the subject of parental celebrity memorabilia, which I'm exempt from, my dad has the autographs of, wait for it, the Baron Knights.

And then Reggie goes on, I'm sure you can remember them, Frank. I can remember them. I can remember many Baron Knights in my life. Let me explain the baron knights were paradists oh so what they would do is parodies of popular songs before the uh copyright uh rules were really tightened up they come from the same school as Bad Disney, drawn on fairground rides.

And they would do things like the Rolling Stones, for example, would, I want to be your lover, baby, I want to be your man. It was a Beatles song, but they covered it. And then there was one about bringing, they would do a collection of songs in one single, Barren Nights. And their style was, Frank, how would you give us? Well, I'll give you a par example because they did a song about if national service was reintroduced, how would the groups cope? So, don't want to join the Royal Navy, don't want to go to Hong Kong, don't want to get my hair cut, baby, I want to keep it long.

And it was all stuff like that. So this is kind of thematic. So it would begin with, you know, pictures at an exhibition has pieces of music with a continuing theme in between them. It would begin with them saying, if the groups had to go back to work, what would the Rolling Stones do? And then it'd go into a bit of a thing.

And they had several massive hits. Well, Reggie continues, the autograph was on a page ripped out of an old magazine in the waiting area of a barber's, obtained whilst my dad was waiting in the said barber's in Western Supermare, and all three of them were having their hair cut there. Including Peanuts.

I remember one was called Peanut. Of course there was. There was always one called Peanut. Of course, now he wouldn't get into a lot of schools. Really? Yeah, dangerous. What about this? This is quite a PS, I have to say, from Reggie.

He also has the autograph of Val Dunican on a boarding pass as they once sat next to each other on a flight. He still treasures them both. That's from Reggie. Fabulous. See, people keep them for years.

I love it. Oh, Val. Friends Skinner on Absolute Radio. Now, I'm going to share something with you. Okay, as long as it's not a hypodermic syringe needle. That'll be alright. Very expensive.

Ginger Pea has... Yeah, well, are you getting enough calcium? Thanks for the tip. Has been in has been in touch. Brace yourselves. Ginger P is a parent

like yourself, Frank. And I remember Ginger says, finding... How can I put this? What shall we call it, Pierre? A leaving. A comfort break of the second variety.

Okay. In the ball pit. Oh, no. While trying to extract my child. Oh, no. I mean, extract my child. Oh no. I mean it's all getting a bit awkward. Ginger P found a comfort break. I think we can say poo. Can we say it?

I thought I'd let our esteemed leader make that choice. Poo in the ball pit. Ginger P found a poo in the ball pit. Oh no. You want the balls to remain separated. Ginger P does that to you. It'll be like some sort of DNA diagram. We once did a texting, which was what would you rather find in a swimming pool?

Yes. It was a dead body or a poo. If you had to swim with one of them. Had to swim with one of them? Yeah, if you had to find one in the pool. Most people said... Most people went corpse. Really yeah you're kidding but this is a trick question because often the latter is within the former i know but it's enclosed it's like those um we're having a fantasy

scenario i mean i think we didn't go it's good radio we didn, we didn't, there was no post-mortem. I return you to the question then, what would you rather find in the ball pit? I don't want to hear that because I'm just, I'm new to ball pits. I have the zeal of the convert. They're very hard to draw a chalk outline around the body in a ball pit. They'd rotate as you scrape past.

The thing about the ball pit. It's a great place to kill. The thing that, the thing that, they should use that as a pit. Yeah. They'd rotate as you scrape past. The thing about the ball pit. It's a great place to kill. Yeah. The thing that, the thing that can, they should use that as a quote. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that'd be lovely.

Five stars, great place to kill. Bolly Bollisons are regretting their engagement with us. Bolly Bollison will be asking for their money back. No more walks to the pigsty. You can just put them in the ball pool.

Imagine if we go to Bally Bollison's and it says literally up there's like a news print with five stars great place to kill not so much to kill but to dispose of the evidence I think that's what concerns me is what lies beneath element of Bally Bollison

or any other ball pit I wonder how often people go to the bottom of the ball pit to see what's down there. There's probably things, you know, coins and... Treasures of the day. Wallets. I was going to say, I suspect mischievous youths, what would have once been called hooligans,

when I was growing up, yobbs. Yobbos. Yobbos. Scallions. It was quite Grange Hill Jana to that. Oiobbs. Yobbo. Yobbo. Scallions. It was quite Grange Hill Janitor that. Oi, clear off you yobbos.

Yes. I suspect the yobbos, if I was a yobbo, I'd be staking out the ball pit. You're absolutely right, Frank. I bet there is, I bet there's money in there.

Treasure. Money galore. In some sense. Remember money galore from golfing. Check the filter on the gully sucker. Yeah. Money galore. In some sense. Remember money galore from golfing? Check the filter on the gully sucker. Yeah, that's true. With the watches and rings.

Do we know what that is yet? Do you know? I don't want to know. Oh, I want to know. Okay. Because I'm going to buy one. I'm buying a house with a ball pole. And, you know.

And then someone will come around and put a hand on their hips and say oh they talked you to the gully sucker do they do you pull a cover across a ball pool at night like a swimming pool what about when the foxes get in oh and what about when the foxes get into the ball pool living it up like millionaires but the net the net you know that long net on the pole they use it that'd be handy in the ball pool yeah Yeah. Well, from what Ginger Pea says, it sounds mandatory. I think in my, most Elvis,

I would have been in the ball pool and had several goldfish bowls around it and then thrown the balls into those like on the fair.

So what is, quickly, what is a golly sucker? You will have seen them without realising. They walk among us, the golly suckers. Oh.

There's big sort of van truck things with a big hose pipe coming out the back that you'll see God I thought they were elephants I really must

change my prescription So David Iver Price has been in touch Well we all do. There's nothing wrong with admitting it. Yeah, it's funny you say that. It's just life. Yeah. Whilst working at my local golf course,

Alice Cooper was playing. He's a massive golf enthusiast. Do you know, I never would have known that. I'd like to see Alice in all the gear. Yeah, I don't know if he, I don't know if he played in the old Black Eyes. I think he, yeah. Does he go,

no, but that's what I was going to say. Does he wear the eyeliner for the course? I don't, I don't think so. Does he put his hair in a scrunchie? He might do for a charity day.

All his clubs are in a big coffin. Yeah, exactly. I'd like it if he gave it a goth theme though. Yeah. It's not very, it's one of the least goth activities, I would say, golf.

Even if you got the balls and painted them to be like little skulls. Maybe you can have one of those Burlington tank tops with the argyle print or something, but just in a black. Black and white. Yeah. Even in his glory days, he was still an obsessive golfer. Interesting. Well, David Iver Price continues, Desperate for his autograph and nothing suitable to hand,

I got him to sign my lunchbox lid. The Tupperware lid now has pride of place amongst my metal music collection. He'd be a nice friend for you, Frank. Yeah. Don't you think that friend for you, Frank. Yeah. Don't you think that you like to collect things? Yeah. You like funny things. I do a Topperware impression.

Yeah. Lead coming off Topperware box. Whoa. I think that's ASMR. Do you know what I mean? It's that thing, that trend on YouTube where people will watch long videos of people playing with brushes and very delicate sounds.

You don't know ASMR. Your son will be getting into that. All the young people love it. What is it? I've never heard of it. ASMR is people playing with brushes. Little things that create tiny, delicate sounds because they get the tingles when they listen to the tiny sounds.

This is what will happen. Young people, they don't phone each other, do they? No. Unless there's been a bereavement of some sort. But they will say, I'll come round, they'll WhatsApp each other and come round for an ASMR evening. I've heard them say, we're doing ASMR tonight.

Really? And they do, like nails, they'll go, nails tapping on each other's backs or something. Or, I mean, it's all clean above board. It's a strange thing I've ever heard. There are sort of ASMR celebrities who are famously good at whispering. Really? Do some ASMR whispering.

Show Frank what you might do. I hate ASMR. So it'd be something like this. They'd be tapping and going, David Ivor Price, David Ivor Price. Over and over again. And people like that. They love it. I must, I do like dog's

nails on linoleum. Or floorboards. Floorboards nowadays. Yeah. Oh, I do like that. Do you trim your dog's nails, Poppy's nails? I don't.

Oh. She is groomed on a regular basis. When we first had her, we let them grow, and it was when we found her on the ceiling, we realised they were too long. They were operated like crampons. So now we get them cut on a regular basis Frank, we've received this from Christian Dawson

I thought he was going to say Christian Dior No Okay No longer with us. No. I'm afraid. Christian Dawson has sent in, again, it's sort of visual content, but I think it can be easily explained.

Okay. It's a photograph Christian Dawson has taken. Sorry, I sound like the prosecution lawyer here. Yeah. But it is of a service station in and as christian says it's a service station near york okay and on the roof christian says there is no explanation offered for the installation of daleks and a cyberman at this service station near york it is one of those service stations, my very worst kind.

It looks like the type that comes, you have to navigate a series of roundabouts. You know when it's sort of a mini village? Yeah, okay. You can find yourself trapped among the trucks. Oh yeah, if you go in the wrong one, that's terrible. What about when you go in the lorry lane? And I've ended up in Bay,

I've ended up going into strange worlds where there's a load of men sleeping in articulated lorry lane and i've ended up in bay i've ended up going into strange worlds where there's a load of men sleeping in articulated lorries yeah i got the hell out yeah um so there is a photograph frank which christian has enclosed of you know the usual stuff you get your coffee shops your fast food places, your arcades and two Daleks and a Cyberman on the roof. Giant life-sized Daleks and a Cyberman. In a sort of Sentinel-like stance.

It's like they're guarding the service station. Why on earth? Can you explain, does York have any relevance? Why are they up there? If it does, I don't know. Was there any quarries there? I don't know. Okay. Was there any quarries there? I don't know. A lot of early Doctor Who was filmed in quarries.

Not with the Darlings, because this was the day when they couldn't operate. I've seen one episode where they were in a quarry. There was lots of... Oh, oh, there were... There's a regular quiz question at my... When I go to the BFI Doctor Who days, they will often ask which which

quarry was featured in this show that's a sort of typical thing people know all the names the actual sorry i didn't sorry do you do quizzes there there's a quiz so you can win um you didn't know that you can win merch really hard questions how does it work the quiz do you do you get given paper or they don't do computers there do they i mean they have to they don't what happens is justin asks questions yeah yeah and um dig fiddy will then race into the audience and present them with a microfauncy and if they got the right answer then he'll give them their price so how would it be for example frank so justin what's the question with justin are do you like that i'm attempting very reasonable and if they've got the right answer, then he'll give them their price. So how would it be, for example, Frank?

What's the question with Justin? Do you like that I'm attempting a very reasonable voice? Yes, what would be a typical question? So you're in the audience and then I look up, Justin comes on. What does Justin say? It might be, why was Sharda not broadcast? And then do you hear, how do the Doctor Who people get chosen? And then someone will put their hand up and say there was industrial

action at the BBC and... There'll be a rustle of Macs. And they'll say, well done, you've won a... What do they win? A Funko Pop of Colin Baker. And that's it, that very good it's great tough crowd

last question do you pay to go to this um some do but it isn't a chargeable event oh yeah it's actually a brilliant day you may mock i mock it from a place of affection, as you well know. OK. OK? It's actually lovely. I'm not sure it is. I'm just intrigued by your other world. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute radio.

Absolute radio. Well, there's been much excitement in the studio. We've all been at the window. We're on the, what is it, second floor here? Third floor. Yeah. And they're filming outside. Always exciting.

I know I've done a lot of filming in my time. It doesn't make any difference. Like when I find a £10 note in my breast pocket that I didn't know was there, still utterly thrilling. Well, you get very excited if anyone you know is on TV for a second. Or any place, the local chemist shop. Anyway, Ronan Keating is on a motorbike and sidecar outside,

careering around Golden Square with Pixie Lott in the sidecar. The sidecar. And they're being filmed, crucially. Yes, and he's going round faster and faster, I think. Oh, they look fabulous. I hope he's not putting her in. I don't want him to lose the P lot, as it were. Well, I've come over a bit peculiar.

Have you? Oh, he looks fabulous. No, he's a handsome man. Oh, is he ever. And she looks, I mean, it's too much glamour for our little ship. No thanks, guys. It's too much glamour for our little ship. No thanks, guys.

We were very excited just to watch two celebrities go round and round on a motorbike and sidecar. Yes, it was like a sort of travelling fair. It was. Yeah. If they go fast enough, they'll be sort of on the walls, like those mesh cages. Wall of death. Yeah, I said to Frank...

John Pertwee and the lion. Yeah. And the gummy lion. I said to Frank... the lion and the gummy lion I said to Frank I'm just a gummy lion I'm just, oh I'll have to play it now oh guess what me jingles isn't turned up

oh dear, one job I said to Frank I was a bit worried about the filming Frank, because we are what if they were doing GVs, which are the sort of general views for the show, and we were in the background. That's what GVs stand for.

Why did you not... I've had that said to me a thousand times, we do have some GVs, I've just never asked. She's gone very good. And I'm a big one of asking, unless I'm not interested. Anyway, we were standing at the window and I was worried. I said, oh, what if we're like fangirls and boys at the window? And you said, oh, I hope we are.

Yeah, I think that would be good. Yeah, noses pressed against the glass. Yeah, like, you know, like ghosts at a Victorian's window. Or remember that shot of the Queen in the paddington book looking from a window at buckingham palace frank yeah this news just in wonderful richard brasnett has solved the mystery of the dalek and cyberman service station okay the petrol station in y York is called the Inner Space Service Station. OK. I grew up on a nearby street.

In the early 1980s, it had the first VHS video rental shop inside the petrol station. Wow, it truly is from another world. And then it says in parentheses, in the area. Yeah. The owner was a big movie fan, particularly all things sci-fi. The place has evolved since then with a space sci-fi theme. You can even clean your car in Planet Wash.

Oh, wow. Regards from Richard. You're going to have to go down there. Regional sci-fi. It's your heaven. Regional sci-fi. The sign says, Last shop before Mars.

Oh. So. Let's see. Yeah sci-fi. The sign says, last shop before Mars. Ah. Yeah, Andrew Mars. Andrew Mars got a small grocer's shop up there apparently. Louisa in North Somerset has just confirmed that ASMR actually stands for Autonomic Sensory Meridian Response.

I'm glad we cleared that up. And it can help with anxiety. Apparently it's a good thing. If you're watching the right sort of thing, I think you should organise a little ASMR night. Yeah, maybe I'll record the dog's nails on the floor.

It's a beautiful sound. Look, Sarah Champion's up next speaking of beautiful sounds. And my poetry podcast, Frank Skinner's poetry podcast, is out on Wednesday. John Maysfield-ish week. I must go down to the seas again.

And also the last episode of my series about Alexander Pope and Jonathan Swift is on Sky Arts Tuesday night at 8 o'clock with the fabulous Denise Minor. And you can download my poetry podcast from wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, my goodness, I felt like a terms and conditions guy, but slower. Well, I... Better.

That's how it usually goes. Look, thanks for listening this morning. It's been, as ever ever a beauteous experience and if the good lord spares us and the creeks don't rise we'll be back again this time next week now get out