The Frank Skinner Show - Keeping for Best

Episode Date: November 21, 2020

Frank Skinner's on Absolute Radio every Saturday morning and you can enjoy the show's podcast right here. Radio Academy Award winning Frank, Emily and Alun bring you a show which is like joining your mates for a coffee... So, put the kettle on, sit down and enjoy UK commercial radio's most popular podcast.This week Olly Murs has influenced Frank’s personal grooming routine and has more Batman updates. The team also discuss this year’s Christmas ads, George Clooney and their favourite surgeons.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show on 81215, that'd be good because that makes it, you know, like all joining in. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. If you don't take, if no one takes those options up, I don't know if you've ever tried doing the Okie Kokie as a solo experience, but it's bleak. Bleak.

Well, Frank, I'd like to kick us off with Len's missive. Len says, morning to Lamont. Does Frank realise that the Hawthorne's height above sea level is fast becoming a big moment? Up the baggies, Len. Do you want to first explain the Big Mo? A big moment. For new

listeners to start here. Yeah. Big Mo, you may remember, was a character in EastEnders and her brother was Gary Altman. And it became a thing that people told you, like, I bet you don't know this. But once 10,000 people have told you, I bet you don't know this, then everybody knows it. So we talked about big moments where people tell you something that sounds like a unique, hidden piece of information, but in fact is quite... They're also a bit clever when they're telling you.

Yes, exactly. So the fact that West Bromwich Albion's football ground is the highest above sea level in the football league is a thing that is said a great deal. So in a way, it's a piece of exclusive trivia that everyone knows. Yes. I want to say everyone, obviously I'm using the term in a biblical sense.

So does that qualify as a football big moment for you, Frank? Oh yeah, certainly. Well done, Len. Is it commemorated at the ground? Does it say it? I've got to commemorate something.

No. We are a Premier League football club. Football seems zinged in the first link there. I know. Wow. Just winged. It's one of those where it hasn't killed me, but you know when they, in films,

it's just grazed their forehead. Just enough to knock them down. Oh, that's all right. I'm so sorry, Frank. Nice easy one at Old Trafford tonight. Be fine. Be fine. Yeah, I'm trying to think of another example of a football...

While you're doing that, Frank... Oh, here's one. Oh, go on. The Neville brothers. Their dad's called Neville Neville. Oh, yeah. Yes! I know it!

That was one that was said a great deal when the Neville. Oh, yeah. Yes! I know it! That was one that was said a great deal when the Neville's were playing together. Yes. I'm not sure Neville Neville is still with us. No, I don't think he is. But at the time, that... God, yes! Oh, we heard that a lot.

848, Henners from Gravesend, one of our regulars, boys. Morning, Frank and the gang. Whatever happened to... We're just doing some of the old tropes here. Yeah. The Big Mo's and the whatever happened to... TV phone-in scandals.

Oh, yeah. Do you remember those? Oh, yes. I think they got tidied up, didn't they? Ofcom. I think they did. I'm guessing Ofcom stepped in and tidied things up. I think Ant and Det were like the Mr Big figures of it,

weren't they? Yeah. Mr Big. Mr and Mr Big. I think they were. Was that... Unsackable. Unsackable.

Frank, what about You Say We Pay? I mean, provably. Richard and Judy. Wasn't that a big one? Was You Say We Pay involved in it? What was You Say We Pay? They pay your phone bill. No.

What happened was that you'd ring in, it was a phone-in sort of thing on the Richard and Judy show, and you just have to name a certain amount of items. I think there was some, forgive me if I'm wrong, they might have been involved in the phone-in scandal. Oh, OK. OK. There was definitely naming a blue Peter Poppy or kitten,

and the kids, the one they voted for, they didn't like it. Oh. So they just pretended another name had won. Oh. Yeah. I prefer the upfront deceit of the voting with Boatface. We just said, well, no, this is a complete Democrat. It's sort of Donald Trump approach.

I know this has been a democratic decision, but we don't like it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I was very excited. Al's gone Latin. He's not even reading the Bible for a fortnight. He's gone Latin early on. Are you reading the Bible?

I am, but I feel a bit bad because I've also dipped out of it and into other stuff. Well, it depends what the other stuff is. Well, I've been reading a book about stoicism, so I'm going belt and braces, it seems like. I don't want you cross-referencing. Yeah, exactly. Al texted me and said, so this, was it Methuselah you picked me up on? No.

No, Noah. Not 900 years old, Noah. That makes it a good go. I think my exact point was it seems like the Ark thing is less significant than the Extraordinary Age. Yeah. You had a good innings, Noah. Fair play.

You two, I love that Al texts you about the Bible. I text you about Gemma Collins. Well, you know, it's a different world. Frank, I was very excited this week. I haven't been very excited since the 80s. very excited this week. I haven't been very excited since the 80s. Because Keir Starmer was on

Desert Island Discs. Ah, yes. And do you know, Alan? No, I don't. One of the songs he chose? Nope. Is it one of Frank's favourites? Is it a fall one?

It's what we call one of Frank's. Oh, it's one of Frank's? Yes. He chose Three Lions. Oh, that one. He did, he did like that. He said, I was at Wembley. I forget which game it was.

He said, I remember the incredible atmosphere. You don't think Keir Starmer at Euro 96? No. Prawn Sandwich Brigade, probably. He was in a box somewhere. Yeah, but even so, I think I was in a box then, come to think of it. Yeah, good point. Oh, in a box. You and David were leading the singing.

Oh, yeah. So yesterday when I was young So many, many songs were waiting to be sung My son heard that song on a video game. Not that one that you've just sang. No, not Charles Aznavour on video games. It's not going to happen. Your song.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it says F Skinner and David Baddiel and the Lightning Seeds. They're still learning, you see. F Skinner is good. I'm going to call you F Skinner from now on. I remember I had to sign a thousand copies of my autobiography once in one go. Yeah. And I made a decision I was going to go F Skinner

I went F Skinner early well I told you Frank Bruno did F Bruno to me Jerry Halliwell just as Jerry clever because Halliwell I'll be there all night yeah you've got to come on

David Bowie's autograph which I I have on a thing someone gave me a signed photo of David Bowie's autograph which I I have on a thing someone gave me a signed photo of David Bowie it's a it's just

it's nothing it's just a sort of circle it's a slightly rough circle oh is it come on Dave we make you

we made you we can break you mate we can't now obviously no no people used to say that a lot in the 60s there's always stories about 60s We made you, we can break you, mate. Well, we can't now, obviously. No. No.

People used to say that a lot in the 60s. There's always stories about 60s pop stars being stopped in the street and saying, can I have a, you know, what do you want? And they go, I'm in a bit of a rush. And they'd say, look, we can make you or we can break you. The public was always saying it. Why have you stopped saying that, you people out there? Start saying it to celebrities. It's fabulously menacing.

I suppose we've all been asked that question. To what extent is your personal grooming influenced by Olly Murs? I interviewed Olly Murs. This-hm. I interviewed Olly Murs. This is going somewhere, trust me. Oh. I don't know if you remember, I used to have a thing on iPlayer called On Demand. Yes.

It was actually, though I say it shouldn't, a very fine show, but decommissioned, you know. I said, OK, I'm fine with it. I'm still... You give it a sort of a nuclear sound when you say decommissioned. Well, you know, I carry on. I'm still MP for Islington North, as it were. So, he was a nice guy, Olly.

I hadn't met him before. And part of the thing with that is it was sort of quite cosy, wasn't it? You were on a sofa with the guests, sometimes in a bed, Lee Mack, and you were in bed together. Yeah, well, with them, with Olly Murs, we met in some Chelsea restaurant that he favours.

You know, he's a pop star for me. This was before he, because he sort of lost a bit of ground when he said he was in a, was he in a changing booth in a shop and he heard gone fire. Yes. And then it wasn't gone fire. Yeah.

I don't see what he did wrong. Anyway, he got some stick from that. I always wished, I remember at the time thinking, if only this had been a Larnis Marissette. Because then the headline would have been Alarmist Morissette. Oh, man, it would have been. Things never work out that perfectly. Anyway, I had a long chat with him. I took a, let's say I took a ferry across Mersey.

And he said to me that one of his joys in life was Tom Ford products. Oh, yeah. I had no awareness of Tom Ford. The scent guy, is it? Yeah, the scent people. I mean, that's one way you can refer to him, for heaven's sake. Does he do other stuff? Yes.

He does nonsense stuff. He's a designer. He's a fashion designer. He's branched out into that recently. I sat next to him on a plane once. I bet he smelled lovely. Do you know, I didn't recognise him, to my great shame. He was wandering and he started telling me about the champagne glasses

that they were serving drinks in. And he was very quiet very slight man, immaculate leisure wear, a very pale grey tracksuit. What did he find to tell you about the champagne glasses? The shape of them, they're called you know they're called coupes I think, those

circular champagne glasses they're based, he said you know those are based on the shall we say what's a good radio word Frank the en bon point

maybe or the the ladies upper area the bust yeah are we allowed to say bust I think we can say bust

I think that's it's a tailoring term the bust of Marie Antoinette really yes I mean that was plain chat that is a good fact but I think Tailoring to? The bust of Marie Antoinette. Really? Well. I mean, that was plain chat. That is a good fact.

But I think, for me, if I was a woman travelling alone, I would call a stewardess and say, can you move me, please? How can I put this? I felt confident I was safe. Oh, I see. Fair enough. He's a charming man.

Anyway, back to Frank in the studio. He did the same thing to me with a sherry schooner. I think Napoleon he chose. So anyway, I got a gift at the end of the run from the producer. And it was a bottle of this Tom Ford shower shower gel shower gel yeah okay uh and i did that thing which i don't know if you ever listened to other radio stations that thing that it seems to be a lot of presenters are doing with their um interesting and funny um stuff i saved it for best. Oh yeah? Yeah. And I've saved it for best for

years. Oh dear. And then, what with the global pandemic, I've taken on a sort of a gather ye rosebuds while ye may carpe diem and I thought I'm going to use I'm going to use the Tom Ford. Crack out the seven year old

shower gel. I like the fact your car the seven-year-old shower gel. I like the fact your car per diem is using some shower gel. That's what I mean. You've been keeping for best. Adrenaline junkie. There used to be a sentimental email that went round about a bloke who's, I think he's, he had some tragedy in his life and when he went through the person's belongings

he found some stuff they'd been keeping for best and it's saying don't keep stuff for best I never would anyway unless I was Alex Best

yeah I'm just thinking about what she kept for best so what happened what was it like I haven't got time to tell you now

it's an interesting Tom Ford based cliffhanger which I haven't got time to tell you now it's an interesting Tom Ford based cliffhanger which I don't you know we don't have many of on the show but stick around

that's my advice so I'm in the show I've looked up Tom Ford's there yeah not the real one the bottle of, the bottle of the bottle

this stuff, it's called Oud Wood oh yeah O-W-D O-W-D Oud because you're so poetry I thought you were saying O-D-E

Oud to wood. In the black country, it's how you'd say old, where I come from. Smells of old wood in here. Oh, it's Oud. Oud, it's pronounced. It's a certain type of fragrance. That would have been a great Doctor Who joke. You know, Oud Wood.

No, but thanks for the tip. The Oud is a creature. Is it? It looks like it's over-gorged on spaghetti. It's got all these tendrils coming out of its mouth. Oh, I've seen that, yeah. Okay. I've looked like that many times.

So it's Oud Wood. Oud, yes. What is Oud? Oud is a specific type of fragrance. I suppose you'd have what is, you know, frankincense. It's a scent. It's a scent. It's a very ambery, musky scent. Hence Oud Wood.

So we've done frankincense and myrrhs. Oh, man, we're going up. That, Al, was gold. If only I had a thing that went gold! Oh, my God! I reckon we could get Tony Hadley to come in

and sing that for us easy yes I so anyway here's my we began by asking

how has Ollie Murs influenced my personal grooming go on here's the thing and I'm going to put this as delicately

as I can but I'm so I'm using now Tom Ford shower gel. Oud wood. Oud wood. I'm using that. And I do my whole body. You use it like a body wash.

Oh, no, you shouldn't have done that. It's shower gel. It's shower gel. I know, but I'm worried about what's happened here. Well, I'll tell you what happened. But when I get to my... I'm sensing a medical emergency on its way. No, I do everything, but when I get to my bum,

I switch to a cheaper shower gel. Good lad. Just for that. That's fine. And that, for me, is a sort of a reasonable keeping for best. Yeah. That doesn't exclude using it at all. Absolutely ill. Little tip there for the it at all. Absolutely ill. A little tip

there for the people at home. How did it smell? How dare you? Oh, they... No, it smells lovely. I mean, I'm not a man who uses... Do you know why I ask? Because I actually got you that. Not the producer. Really?

Yes. Oh. Well, I'm terribly sorry. Well, I apologise, but did you notice the way I waited to hear the review before I fessed up? Oh, well, that was a trap, I think they call it. Welcome to me. Oh, well, thank you, and it smells lovely. And it's not being misused.

No, but my bomb spells are that little stuff that you get out of hotels, those little bottles, of which I've got about 800. Anyway, I promise I won't say the word bomb again on the whole show. Okay. That's fair enough. Don't make any promises you might not keep. No, I suppose I might read a Charles Bukowski passage that has it in, but it will be a quotation, which is never as bad, I think.

Wouldn't you agree? No. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. We should do our weekly mobile phone texting this week. What are the dollest alerts that you subscribe to? Oh. You have any doll

alerts, guys? I'll tell you what mine is. I don't consider it doll. I think a lot of people would. I have the Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy app and that sends me a word of the day alert. That's good. Let's have a look, shall we? Yeah. Let's have a look, shall we? Let's have a look. Let's have a look, shall we? Yeah. Let's have a look, shall we?

Let's have a look. Let's have a look. It's, you can talk amongst yourselves. This is the... Oh, here we go. Go on. Isolationism is today's word of the day on the Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy.

Does it tell you what it is? What isolationism is? If you press on it, it does. You don't get anything for nothing in this world, Al. Yeah. If you have any very dull alerts,

then what alerts do you get generally? I get a small quote from Shakespeare every night at five past midnight. Do you ever unintentionally subscribe when you go on a website? A clean, decent website. I still

will, you know when it will say will you allow cookies or all this sort of stuff? And I press it and then I start getting notifications. I think I sign up for notifications. Oh, this happened to me just the other day. It's the first time it's ever happened. It's happening to me on a very, very regular basis.

I now get weird things, like Variety magazine. Yeah, I don't want that. No. In fact, I'd like all reminders and updates and stuff like that to stop in my life. Well, as you know, I get almost no emails or texts. Right. So I'm

happy for a... Why do you... Have you managed that? I'm not that... I'm not very good at the friends thing. I'll be straight with you. It's ten to nine on absolutely everything. Yeah, yeah.

It's, you know, it's... Bit of fun. I've tried it. I remember I thought I'm going to try the friends thing. And I was talking to this guy. I don't know who it was. It was what was her name from Bananarama?

Sinead? Oh, yes. Was it Dave Stewart? No. I wouldn't want to be his friend. Why not? He might have the radio on. This is really wounding for him. Oh, no. I don't mean I mean, I think he's very Oh, no. I don't mean... I mean, I think he's very intense musician type.

I don't think he'd be... I think he'd make me on edge. I don't think he's a bad human being. There were three banana-rama that I would think of and they were Siobhan.

Siobhan. Well, she had a husband or a boyfriend and we were talking one night and I said, I thought I'm going to try the friendship thing. I said,

we should meet up sometime and go to a, you know. What does he say? He said, you're asking me on a date. And I thought that, I was right first time. Forget the friendship. That's a shame. So yeah, I'm done on that. Many people will know

that I'm not good at it. Anyway, listen. Let's not dwell on this. Well, sometimes I do ask people. I've tried that, Frank. I'm not good at it. Anyway, listen, let's not dwell on this. Well, sometimes I do ask people. I've tried that, Frank. I've said, I'd really like to be your friend. Yeah, I've tried that. I did that to Greg Davis.

I did it. I said, I really have something to tell you. I really like you and I'd really like to be your friend. And he said, OK, well, I'm sure we can sort something out. Oh, sick burn. Have you ever heard we can sort something out. Oh, Sid Byrne. Have you ever heard from him again? Never. Oh, dear.

I did it with... I said it to Victoria Corrin Mitchell when she was Victoria Corrin, but it's difficult for a man to say it to a woman without it sounding like loneliness. Speaking of which... Oh, he's the loneliest man in the world. I'm fine with it! Anyway, speaking of loneliness, oh, I'm just going to tail it all off with a little gem,

a little scenario. You're going to launch into an anecdote. And then the producer's done that. Come on, Finish it off. I did the Chortle Book Festival this week. Oh, yeah. I was interviewed by Izzy Sutty at 10.30 in the morning. Early.

In a pub, in an empty pub, the Bill Maureen Islington, with a backdrop which was just a piece of plastic hanging down, which was a picture of a bookcase, so it looked like we were sitting in front of a bookcase. I think six people watched it. Though I say it myself, I thought it was really good, and nobody, it was missed, it's gone past.

Whereas, there is so much rubbish stuff, gets tremendous audiences. Why is that? 8, 12, Yeah. Why is that? 8.12.15. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.

This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Text the show on 8.12.15. Come on! Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show on Twitter and Instagram at frankontheradio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Beautiful and very welcoming, I find. Thank you.

I do my best. What else? What else is, well... Are you on any cliffhangers? Have you got any I was about to say? No, but what I was about to say is, if you might remember, sort of a cliffhanger,

because I talked about it last week, I've started watching the original Batman film thing. Oh, yes. When I say original, I don't mean the old black and white Saturday morning serial ones. Oh, you see, I'd go back in there. Yeah.

I've seen a few of those. Very big ears on the Batman, more bigger than they are now. Really? They must have had a car with quite a lot of head clearance. Yeah. Although I got a car the other day that took me to the Chortle Comedy Book

Festival thing that nobody watched. And he said I'm keeping the sunroof open during the pandemic. So we drove with an open top. Nice. I really never wanted to have a large trophy with me more in a car than I did on that. It's a shame you hadn't got that trophy.

Anyway, so now I've finished Keaton. That's done, the Michael Keaton era. Okay. I went through the Val Kilmer, only one film, Don. Okay. And do you remember I was talking about Cole last week, which is K-O-H-L. Not Andrew Cole.

No, no. It'll always be Andy to me. K-O-H-L, which is that black stuff that people put on their eyes. Cole, yes. Oh, yes. And I said that Michael Keaton has got slightly big eye holes on his cowl, and he uses Kohl, Kohl-Kohl, Kohl-Kohl. Yeah. He uses this stuff to make his eyes look black

so there isn't a big, like, pink ice around. And I thought, silly old Keaton. Val Kilmer doesn't do exactly the same. He doesn't say. Val Kilmer's not being it. Stick around. Not only does the final of this triumvirate of Batman,

George Clooney, go for it. George Clooney! Thank you. George Clooney do that. But so does Robin. Even Robin. Oh, he doesn't. Chris O'Donnell.

I suppose by then Robin has seen all these Batman using the face cream and thought, imagine Batman saying, who's been using my coal? And what about my helmet? Can I just say, Chris O'Donnell don't bring that up as I said it, I thought

why have I said this in a studio with a backstabber Chris O'Donnell, what did he do to upset someone in Hollywood I mean he had the world was his oyster the other thing with Chris O'Donnell you know when people play i mean he's

supposed to be like 16 or something i think oh yeah and he i don't know if you're sorry those old will hay movies but he played a teacher the school kids all looked about 45 when the fonz was like 42 going they sort of thought in the Will Hay films, oh, we don't want to get a load of kids in. That would be a nightmare. They're unruly. Get some old rep actors. Difficult to manage, yeah. So he's a bit like that.

But here's the thing that I was astonished by. In the first Clooney film... Well, I'm already astonished that Clooney was Batman because I'd completely forgotten that. I'd forgotten. Yeah. I thought, I can't remember. And Ioney was Batman because I'd completely forgotten that. I'd forgotten. Yeah. I thought, I can't remember. And I said to, I was watching it with Buzz,

it was my eight-year-old son, and I said, oh, look, there's Batman. And he was Bruce Wayne, but, you know, I was letting the cat out, the bat out of the... And I said, there's Batman. And he said, that old guy. Oh, you're joking. Yeah, of Clooney. Oh, you're joking.

Yeah, of Clooney. Anyway, that film, this astonished me, top billing on Batman and Robin, which is the fourth film in the film. Yeah. Top billing, what's your guess? Which is the name that comes up first? Oh, I see.

In the Clooney one you're talking about. So you'd think maybe Clooney or the director. Is it a famous director? No, but I mean in the list of stars. I'm going to go Left Field. It may be the wrong one. I've got it wrong. I know Arnold Schwarzenegger was in one.

Oh. I'm going to go Schwarzenegger. You've got it in one. Good stuff. Yeah, but Mr Freeze is on the billing before Batman. You've got it in one. Good stuff. Yeah, but Mr. Freeze is on the billing before Batman. Yeah. What?

Better agent. Is that how you play? What does Mr. Arnie's got a better agent. I was going to say, what does Mr. Freeze do? But I'm going to reconsider that. Speaking of agents,

I read a fabulous thing the other day. I was reading Albert Goldman's biography of Lenny Bruce for the fourth time, my friend. Is that an exaggeration? Is that?

No. People that have seen films 37 times. I was going to say fifth, and I stopped myself and said, no, I'm just going to be honest. He's a master of precision, so I would go with him. But there's a bit in it, and we've all known comics. You know these comics who are looking slick and they're talking about, I've got my career plan and all that, and then when all known comics. You know these comics who are like looking slick and they're talking about, you know, I've got my career plan and all that and then when they go on

Yeah. He said there was a comic there, one of these guys with two agents and no work. Killer. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, you've done your business, haven't you?

Oh, I've done my business. Okay. 691, you've been talking about Batman, which you're watching at the moment. Frank, it's like in Superman, the movie, Marlon Brando and Gene Hackman both got top billing before Christopher Reeve. A travesty. That's Ben in... He says Ben

I'm Hereford. I think he means Ben in Hereford, possibly. Unless it's sort of I'm Spartacus. Maybe. Unless he's the Earl of Hereford or something like that. I think Batman and Robin, there's the billing right there. And then the other. I mean, it's star- right there. Yeah. And then the other.

I mean, it's star-studded. It's got Uma Thurman and... Poison Ivy, yeah. Yeah, and that girl who everyone used to be mad about and now you never hear mentioned ever, ever again. Alicia Silverstone. Yes. Oh.

Yeah. I don't even remember people being mad about her. Oh, yeah, sure, they were mad about her. Ian Angle's texted a joke. Ian Ang people being mad about her oh yeah sure they were mad about her Ian Angle's texted a joke Ian Angle was crazy about her to the point of obsession that face cream is it called Batman and Robin see it's good

that's what it should be he's back I've got a question you're watching these films but you're sort of converting them to episodes, aren't you? Because you watch a bit at a time. Is that correct? Well, because my son is allowed 45 minutes a night,

telly time. Okay. Well, that's a good rule. Yeah. Unless you're that son, which means you might want an hour or two. Yeah, but I think he knows. What if his favourite show's an hour? Does he just have to I think he knows. What if his favourite show's an hour?

Does he just have to turn it off? Yeah. If his favourite show's an hour... Well, actually, we give in on his dark materials and let him watch the whole hour, but that's because it's written by his uncle. Yeah. So there's the family commitments.

Absolutely. We can't leave him not having the last quarter of an hour in his quiver when he goes to school on a Monday morning. They butcher other people's art, but not the uncle's. When it's family, look after their own. Exactly. So, yes, I have made them into 45-minute episodes. And does it ever happen?

I'll tell you why, because I've tried this, and about three weeks ago, my wife and I sat down to watch the Lincoln film, you know, the Daniel Day-Lewis. Oh, yeah. It's really long, and so she said, let's just watch it in two blocks. We'll watch the first chunk, and then we'll have dinner, and then we'll watch the next chunk tomorrow. So we watched an hour of Lincoln, and then I went off and made dinner.

Tomorrow happened, and we didn't get to watch it. And now, about three weeks later, we've watched an hour of Lincoln. Did you remember what had happened? But it used to be the normal thing. You'd watch an episode, and then a week later, you'd watch another episode. You'd remember, wouldn't you?

Well, it's just finding the time to watch the next two hours of a three-hour film, or nearly three hours. Well, if you had a regular 45-minute telly time, you wouldn't have that issue. Yeah, I think other tellies superseded that 45 minutes, though. I tell you what we've developed as well is what we call a good place to stop. So it's trying to get a freeze frame where something like Batman is in midair or something like that. Oh, that's good. Do you wield the controls? So do you make that decision?

Generally, but we're not strict on it. No. So you actually stop when he's in mid-air rather than a boring bit? No, no, I try to stop so it looks like a great still

from the movie. Oh, excellent. You see how I'm with you? I would have gone for the Commissioner Gordon some boring office admin scene. Yeah, signing a document. I want my last image

of that film to bring me back fervid. Oh, that's the mistake I've made. Last night we actually got Mr Freeze's jet of ice in mid-air. I mean, that was not easy. I mean, that was not easy. Not easy, but...

I mean, I've tried to freeze frame a lot of things over the years. It's not as easy as it sounds. One imagines. Goodness sake. We're talking about Clooney. What do you boys think of this? I had a story about him. He told a story, in fairness.

I think he's told it in public to one of these, you know, your gentleman's quarterly type mags. Yeah. He gathers his 14 closest friends. 14? You know what Professor Green said to me? What? He said he didn't trust anyone who had more than three friends. Mm-hm.

Oh, dear. OK, carry on. 14's getting a bit close to disciple territory, isn't it? Well, he gathers the 14... Followers. He gathers the 14 around. Yeah. And it's the people throughout his life who he feels have helped him the most,

sort of guided him, supported him, been loyal friends. He hires a van with florist on it. And in this van, someone unloads it. There's 14 briefcases. They all get given one. They open it. They've all got a million dollars cash in the briefcases. They all get given one. They open it. They've all got a million dollars cash in the briefcase. Some of them said, I couldn't possibly accept this. They said, I couldn't.

I noticed the billionaire, Randy Gerber, said I couldn't accept it. When they said they couldn't accept it, we've all, you know, a million dollars. You know, when we've all said, oh, no, no, really, I couldn't accept it. And've all... You tried to give a billionaire a million dollars. But you know when we've all said, oh, no, no, really, I couldn't accept it, and you're thinking, if they go with this, I will never get over it. I'm just all... Just wait for them to come back on. No, no, I insist.

That's enough for me. Well, can you imagine also the billionaire who I believe is married to Cindy Crawford saying, no, no, no, George, and then the guy who's running the off-licence back in their hometown is thinking, come on. Some dude that's on furlough. Yeah, I love no, George. And then the guy who's running the off-licence back in their hometown is thinking, come on. Some dude that's on furlough.

Yeah, I love it. Yeah. He's thinking, why didn't you say yes and then give it to me? So, at this point, you know, some of them are saying, George, we can't. He says, no, you've, you know, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here.

And at this point, I think he said he was 52 at the time. It would have been about 2013. So he didn't have kids. Right. Those kids are going to have something to say now. But anyway. Yeah. And eventually.

I bet there's plenty more where that came from. Well, quite. And George said, no, I insisted. So they took the money. And he says it's the best thing he's ever done. He says people have said subsequently to him, why did you do that? And he said, in millionaire awesomeness, why would you do that?

He said, why wouldn't you? I'll tell you another group of people that asked him, why would you do that? And that would be friend 15, 16, 17. Yes. Some of the people that were right in the relegation zone. Outside the treble. Yeah.

This is what I was going to say to you I mean no offence Frank you'll appreciate I'm using this in a nice way but you wouldn't want to be West Brom in that scenario I'm going to say something else Frank Fulham, can I use Fulham you just wouldn't want to be teetering

would you on the list no but at the same time then you could go around saying it says all this stuff about he cares about the third world and all that, but then he gives a load of money to other millionaires. He gave a billionaire a million pounds. Who gave it to charity, to be fair. Has he?

But it's the gesture. Said he did. Would you do that, Frank? Just out of interest. No, can I make it absolutely clear? There you go, Al. At least we know, Al. Good stuff. Can I make it absolutely clear that I wouldn't?

Also, I've tried giving people a chunk of money. Have you? And I think everyone I've done it to, it's had some sort of detrimental effect on our relationship. Is that right? Yeah, that was handy. Can we talk about some of these Christmas ads, please? Oh, yeah, there's been a brouhaha.

Well, ow. I think every year we talk about the Christmas ads because Christmas ads now they're like they're proper spectacular things they're movies now they're like two minute things three in some cases Frank

and the thing is I have George Clooney in one of them next I remember when it used to be Route 33 on the 25th which Henry Cooper I believe sung as the strap line. I don't remember that one but that sounds great. What is Brute 33?

Brute 33. Oh Brute 33. Oh that was half of Brute 66. It was Brute, I believe it was always called Brute 33. Oh I'll tell you what it was, there was a thing called Brute and some people felt it was a bit strong oh yeah so brute 33 oh was that right yeah it was two thirds water i think oh that's clever and there was an i just remember i could have done that at home though yeah would sing give

brute 33 on the 25th that was your lot lot for Christmas. Yeah. It feels, it's one of those, it leads you into thinking it's going to rhyme. And then it doesn't. I mean, the tune's still in my head. I don't think it'll ever go now.

No, it's a cracker. Just going to keep spinning around there. In the Christmas pond. It's what, as Terry Venables once said of Three Lions,

it's a key tapper. It is a key tapper, yeah. So, Yes, well, it's a key tapper. It is a key tapper, yeah. So... Yes, well, they've moved on. And the Oxo ads, of course, that was the Christmas ad. Traditionally, it was the Oxo ad. Was it really?

Yeah, very much so. I love that you're a Christmas ad historian. I'd say she's an aficionado, like a cigar aficionado. Love, love, love an aficionado. We found a new cigar fan this week. Oh, yeah? I think I sent you the clip, Frank. Oh, yes.

Giuliani. Rudy Giuliani. Who knew? Not a surprise at all. Yeah, but he did an impassioned speech about a vote fixing and then said but while we're on the subject when you need to relax and then

advertise the cigar on the same, no break brilliant, that's what I love about him, he loves the truck driver's gear change, and also it's like a local it wasn't like a big massive anyway, well he's got other concerns this week, I wish it had been Cuban.

That would have been a fabulous juxtaposition. But with that hair dye, he's going to go up like Tinder. The Christmas ads have been more recently John Lewis, haven't they? And I make a point of going on YouTube around this time each year to have a look at the Christmas ad because it feels like people will talk about it. And then I have the weird thing of before I can watch the ad I've gone on to, I have to watch adverts on YouTube. And I just think, I'm in a never ending cycle of advertising here.

But can I tell you something about that? I went on YouTube to look at the John Lewis and there was an advert, as you say. And they're always quite similar those adverts. at the John Lewis. And there was an advert, as you say, as a... They're always quite similar, those adverts. Well, this one... Oh. This one was Jordan and Perry advertising Kiss Breakfast.

Oh. A holiday night. It's a really lovely, uplifting advert. They come over as such blokes who love life and I thought how nice it must be to be on a radio show that celebrates life instead of one that is slightly arch.

Don't find that my company. I love you Al, but I don't think I've ever said the one thing about Al, he celebrates life. You're right. I'll take that do you think they've been nice friends

for us should we ask them to be friends no they probably find us too dour we're too old aren't we

they exude youth and enthusiasm I don't know what you're suggesting is it called Joie Livre is that what it's called no Joie de Vivre

oh well they've got that do you think they've got that they're big trainers I think they've got that in shower gel haven't they Joie de Vivre and you've got that. Do you think... They've got that, they're big trainers. I think they've got that in shower gel, haven't they? What, Drada Vivra? And you've got Oudwood. And I've got Brute 33 on the 25th.

You know, I have got some Brute 33. Of course you have, saving it for best. Not shower gel, because I don't think it existed. People didn't have showers. Frank, we were talking about Tom Ford earlier. Joby1125 says, Tom Ford dresses Bond. I found this out just last night.

I thought he sounded like something that you got from Debenhams. My other half pointed out they wouldn't go to the expense of an Aston Martin and dress him in Summit from Debenhams. It's a fair point, yeah. The idea of dressing Bond. Yeah. It's, I don't know. Especially, he must turn up And think I've got

This lovely suit And then he's Worked out too much It doesn't look good on him Looks like a Gorilla in a suit Well that's what I call It's a bit

Doric column In a suit isn't it Yeah you want There's not much Yeah Anyway I mean you know Fair play Tom

It's a good gig Look good on the CV mate Fuck out CV Fair play, Tom. It's a good gig. Look good on the CV, mate. Fuck out. CV? Fair play. Yeah? CV of Tom Ford printed out on an Amstrad.

Have you seen the Aldi Christmas ad? I haven't yet. The Aldi Christmas ad is an interesting narrative. As far as I can work out, it's a carrot. Oh, yeah. Going through several try- several trials of life, obstacles that we all come up against. Mm-hm.

Can I just say, is it Kevin? Because he's a popular figure. I think they've used him before, yeah. I think he's got a backstory and everything. Well, I don't think he'll be in it next year. Why? Because his destination is the Christmas dinner table. Yeah. No.

With some joy of, you know, at last I made it. He's animated, though. Is he like a personified carrot? He's animated. Oh, yeah, using a real carrot would have been a tedious... So hang on. ...tedious, filmy experience. Possibly better than this year's John Lewis advert, but anyway.

But also, so he's looking forward to it in a sort of like the dog. Yeah, like... Sacrificing themselves in space. Imagine if there was a film of a turkey rowing towards, you know, sweating, rowing towards a Christmas celebration. Doom. It's got that, yeah. And I don't know if he knows and he's given himself freely or we,

you know, it's a terrible piece of dramatic irony that he's enthusiastic that he's been invited to the Christmas lunch, but we know what's going to happen to him. You decide. I don't think that's a very good idea. Anyway, I still quite liked it. At the end of the day, it's a vegetable. Yeah.

They come and they go. There's wisdom smuggled in this show often, I think. There's some. There's a fine example. Yeah, here's one. Mr. Grimsdale! There you go. For anyone who got that.

As we said, smuggled into the show. Have another Lemsip. That's my advice if you're old enough to get that. Talking of have another Lemsip and being old, you see, I like the Disney ad, the Christmas ad, and I realised it's about empathising. I'm not suggesting you empathised with a carrot, but you did. I find, if I can empathise with the central character,

and it's a sort of an elderly female pensioner with a dog. Oh, that sounds good. What are Disney advertising? Yeah. The experience of Disney. Oh, that sounds good. What are Disney advertising? Yeah. The Experience of Disney. Oh, the theme park? Well, no, the theme parks are closed currently. However, there is a Disney channel.

Oh, Disney Plus. Disney Merchandise. I think it's largely the channel they'll be pushing, but that's my favourite. However, we should get to the business. The John Lewis. The John Lewis ad. I mean, that's the one every However, we should get to the business. The John Lewis. Which is the John Lewis ad. I mean, that's the one every year, isn't it?

For some years now, it's been John Lewis's gig. Have you both seen it? I've seen it. Yes. Frank Skinner, that question to you, please. Emily Dean, Wizard and Chips. I'm just wondering, I've got Disney+. In France, the home of uh of the

european disney world thing yeah would they call that disney plus because i might start doing that just for the the hell of it um yeah well we just we just again um the uh the producer is is pinching that um that bit of flesh just under my arm. So that means move on. OK. That was too much. So we'll move on, we'll come back. As cliffhangers go, have you seen the John Lewis Christmas advert?

It's right up there. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran Text the show Sorry, I'm going to do it again Alan Cochran, that and clean it up in the edit I don't lie, if you say

Oh no 8-12-15 is the text if you want to text us I don't think we've pressed the right button today. I don't think that none of the textings have really exploded. Come on, guys. They were a bit niche, though, weren't they, some of them? Yeah.

Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio. Email the show via the Absolute Radio website. It's down to you and no pressure. Okay. We were discussing the Christmas John Lewis advert, No pressure. Okay. We were discussing the Christmas John Lewis advert and you'll be unsurprised to hear

that some people have been outraged by it. Oh. I mean, there's always someone outraged and they're often online. People do get outraged a lot. I mean, not always about the right things, I would suggest, but, you know, they are... So some people are annoyed because there's a bus in the advert that

says the 222 tooting and people are saying the 222 doesn't go to tooting it goes from oxbridge to hounslow does it i didn't realize you're a frequent bus user emily but i think it's for the hard it's actually for the hard of hearing it's it that that the the bus is supposed to be blasting a horn at that time and they're put tooting on the front yeah you can't hear it that that the boss is supposed to be blasting a horn at that time and they're put tooting on the front yeah you can't hear it that's good i wonder if it was a joke two two two i've never is this i've never spotted an error in a tv program or in a film i've never you know when people say oh that great bit when the storm trooper in Star Wars runs in the overhead. I've never spotted.

I mean, you know, I watch a lot of 1970s Doctor Who in which I would say the most regular appearing character is the boom microphone. But I don't know. Have you

ever spotted a mistake in TV or film at 12.15? I'd love to know because... Am I not paying enough attention or something? Well, people were pointing out that there was a mouse was seen running across the carpet of Balmoral in this season's The Crown. And I thought, well, why were you looking at the carpet? I was looking at Olivia Colman emoting. I don't know if you've ever spoken to people who work in costume or make-up

and say, oh, I saw Game of Thrones. You could see all the netting on the wig in that second and that's all they watch. They don't watch the thing. They just watch the costume and all the make-up. I think it's a bit like that. A bit like when we've been to awards ceremonies and there's like an unfunny host and you mutter,

where are the jokes, though? Where are the jokes? A bit like that. That's how I mutter. Really loudly. Quite loud and shrill. And I say, why is he wearing caramac-coloured shoes? Yeah.

And I'm just eating, usually. Meanwhile, over in Adland, I hate people who say Adland. We should say what this ad is about,

isn't it? Do you know? It's about being kind, being randomly kind. Oh, is that what it was? A chaying forward act of kindness. No wonder it didn't

chime with me. We live in a world where they're having to advertise kindness in the hope that someone will sit and think, oh, I'm trying that. What is this kindness you speak of, Star Trek? Well, I had a thing that happened. I went onto the Sun website, I know,

because that was where I was led when i looked for this ad and um so i i watched the advert i i really liked it i think it's a lovely thing but it said that the sun headline i wrote this down it said um give a little love watch john John Lewis Christmas advert inspired by random acts of kindness in lockdown. It's what it said. Yeah. And anyway, it finished the advert. And I don't know if you've ever watched. I don't know if this is every website. But what happened then? Another video started. Oh, yeah. But the setting, the headline. So it said, so I was looking at the internet, this page, and it said, give a little love,

watch John Lewis Christmas advert inspired by random acts of kindness in lockdown. And it was CCTV of somebody beating someone up in a laundrette. It was the grimest of juxtapositions. I'm sorry to laugh. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. 960 has texted as a joke that they thought that you would do. Good morning. Following your conversation about the tooting bus,

I was certain that Frank would make the following joke. On a recent bus journey, I taught my dog to play the trumpet. It took an hour from barking to tooting. All the best, Matthew. I like it. I've been happy with it. You know, I didn't think of it. Do you know what I like about our readers?

Everything. I like to think Lockster 71 sums up what I love about them. It's a sort of self-depreciating quality and a self-awareness. Lockster 71 has replied to our text shout-out, have you spotted a mistake in a TV or film? And Lockster 71 says, I'm a Doctor Who fan. Of course I have. Respect.

My kind of man. It's interesting you said self-depreciating. Self-deprecating, I normally say. Why did I self-depreciate? I've never said that before. I think it works. I worry about it. No, I worry about it.

It works, but it's wrong. I'm self-deprecating. Yeah, but why is it wrong if it works? Why did I say depreciating? I don't like that. I've never said that. I think it is. It makes you smaller by your humility.

Therefore, it is self-depreciating. I think I've told you I used to do a joke about how I used to do a lot of self-deprecating comedy, but I don't as much. There are better people at it than me. I love it. It's a joke joke. It's a proper good joke.

It's a real one. But I did joke jokes. Can I say I am a deprecating... I stay on the side of deprecating normally. Yeah. And controversy, not controversy. Oh. Okay.

Anyway. Ads. With John Lewis ad, one of the random acts of kindness is a boy gets his football stuck in a tree and a young girl comes along with an umbrella and throws the umbrella at the ball, thus dislodging it. It's a lovely moment. I'd just been watching the Batman movie

and Mr Freeze is gone, gets stuck on top of a thing and he throws a policeman at him to get it down. Wouldn't that have qualified? Very similar. There is a slightly alarming moment in the otherwise feel-good John Lewis advert, and that is when a neighbour sees another neighbour looking a bit sad and he just pulls out some binoculars and starts spying on him.

Have you seen that part? Well, that's a callback. And then he offers him a Christmas cracker, but he's basically, it's not like rear window, but he's peeping. It is a bit like rear window. He's peeping, isn't it? It's a bit inappropriate.

I thought we disapproved of peeping in this day and age. There's another bit, speak for yourself, there's another bit which I found disturbing. Yes, well, I remember that. I remember getting home and when I lived, I used to live in a penthouse flat. Are we really going to do this? And Kath and my partner were,

had all the lights off. And me, Kath and me it was. Sorry, not Kath and my, Kath is my partner. Emily and my partner were lying flat out. You know that crawling action man, the one you see people selling them on the street? We had the lights off as well. Flat out with my father's binoculars.

And they were watching this guy in the flat across. Wow, that is really naughty oh god I remember this is honestly true I heard one of them say well I suppose he could be playing

online backgammon I think the mistake in the John Lewis ad is that it ends with one of those aeroplane banners messages. You know those banner messages you get off the back of small planes? Is it?

Oh, yes. I thought it was like the Vapor Trail because I thought they were trolling the chemtrails people that get really angry about that. Oh, God, don't mention the chemtrails. You're they were trolling the chemtrails people that get really angry about that. Oh, God, don't mention the chemtrails. You're not allowed to mention the chemtrails. No, because last time we mentioned them, we got a lot of people saying that it's absolutely authentic.

Oh. And I'm not saying it is, and I'm not saying it is. I'm just not saying... Well, they're going to be angry when they see the John Lewis advert and they make a love heart out of it. The plane spins and... But I thought he started off... Doesn't he have a banner originally? I don't remember that part.

Because I already, I always think of, I think of wrong one, Moyes out, when I see one of those. Right. Which was the thing that they flew over Old Trafford to get David Moyes the sack

from the Man United job. And, have you, I've seen about three in my life of those airplane banners i know i know cheryl cole hired one for simon cowell's 50th gesture of humiliation happy 50th because i think he was trying to play it down oh if there's anyone any one one of our readers who are today, listening today, have any of you ever had any experiences

with an aeroplane? You know, sort of the message that comes off the back of a small plane. Sorry, don't end it there. Have any of you had any experiences in an aeroplane? Let's make it clear. Have you ever hired one? Have you ever had one done for you? I've just seen one. I mean, I've only seen, like I say, my long, long life.

How did these come to be? It's not that long. Oh, my long, long life. It's a rhyme of the ancient mariner or something. I'd be happy to stop us one in three. On hand me grey beard loon. Probably can't say that. What about...

I told you not to call me that. Something I've said a few times in my life. Can't help it. Especially recently. Hackett D. Sorry, Frank, but your hairstyle on the Graham Norton show... Late review. This is definitely a review.

Well, that's why I'm reading it, because, you know, you've moved on since then. Well, a woman said to me recently, have you had your hair cut? And I said, yeah. She said, I saw you on the Graham Norton. Was that a real thing? Or did you just wear it like a prop wig?

Like a wig for conversation. Do you think there would have been other make-up ladies watching it going, look at the wig on Frank's skin, I can see the netting. Exactly. So, yeah, if I would have gone on in a wig for someone to talk about, why not? Come on. So. Come on.

Over in, well, we're discussing the John Lewis head. One thing that I saw, which I found slightly upsetting, was one of the acts of kindness, people paying it forward, the snowman... Yes, I said snowman. Jewish snowman. Well, I like saying it like that.

Snowman. I was watching a... Don't you think? A Doctor Who episode called The Dominators. Yeah. And the man throughout all, I think, four episodes calls these robots. Yeah. And the man throughout all I think four episodes calls these robots.

Yeah. You never hear robots. I think Snowman is his name. Mr. Snowman. Oh, Mr. Snowman. Snow me some snow. So, Snowman. This guy, Snowman, he donates

some snow off himself for a family to use for a spare wheel so he's effectively an organ donor he wrenches the snow from his stomach area yeah

and gives it to them and they're alright Jack well actually they do it without a, it just becomes a wheel. Good point. Excellent. Snowman, what's going on? I mean, does he die as a result of the donation? I think the argument is, you know, that none of us need as much snow as we've actually got.

We can share it with motorists. Yeah. I think that's it. Yeah. There is an element of Dr Philip Blyberg about it, who was the first ever heart transplant patient. Good knowledge. That is good.

Who was doing the operation? Not Dr Christian Barnard. It was Dr Christian Barnard. One of my favourite surgeons. Favourite surgeons, 8.12.50. 535 has got in on your favourite surgeon texting. And they say, my favourite surgeon is me. Who's that?

535. Okay, call me. It'll be Mr35 It'll be Mr. It'll be Mr. Somebody won't it They don't do the doctor thing I love that about surgeons because it's very, and I will use this correctly in the way I intended it to come out self-deprecating

Unlike the doctor, they have to shout about it The surgeon don't even need to But we do say Dr. Christianard, and he was a surgeon. Oh, good point. Maybe they don't do it in South Africa. Yeah, but Dr Christian Barnard was someone who did like to shout about it, I believe. Dr Christian Barnard. So, I have one more thought.

I've got another favourite surgeon. Oh, have you? Magdy Jakub, who helped Eric Morecambe, I believe, at one stage. Oh, wow. That's a good one. That's from Clive Silas. Jacob who helped Eric Morecambe I believe on stage. That's a good one. What about the bloke in the German bloke in the hat who used to have that dead body exhibition? Oh yeah.

I can't remember but I'm sure he must have been a hands. Yeah I think he was very hands on. He was good. You've got one more thought. One more thought about the John Lewis advert. There's a bit, it's in the second half of it, where a child is getting a haircut by a hairdresser who is laughing maniacally, I think it's fair to say,

properly guffawing, which I don't think I would like. I mean, I'm an uncomfortable customer anyway, getting that haircut. I was going to say, geniality is part of their thing, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, well, that's part of the thing that annoys me about getting a haircut, if I ever do go. But then they finish the haircut and show him the child,

and it's in, like, the shape of a big love heart. All very well, but when that child returns to the school playground, they are going to be dead meat. They can be merciless children. They can. There's no getting roundy. If I had to pick my favourite Christmas ad of the year, it would be the McDonald's ad.

Oh, yes. You see, I wasn't such a fan. I liked it. I'd like to know what I enjoyed about it. I actually properly properly really shed tears when i watched it oh i know but you know what you get to a certain age you cry anything yeah yes um and um as i'll probably find out when i'm watching the man united west bronco yes a lot of people shed tears about the's about the thing, this child is,

that thing that when you get to a certain age as a kid, I suppose early teens, I think your son is, how old is he? Thirteen. Yeah, that thing when you feel, even if you're happy and joyous as a child on the inside, you have to be this slightly sombre loner on the outside. Yeah. I mean, think about those of us who have it the other way around.

It's very difficult. So it's about that. So you consider kids celebrating on the inside, but he's giving his mum nothing. And then at the end, she... And it's a lovely thing. I cried, perhaps not as much as when we had a takeaway at McDonald's recently. And my son found out that if you get a takeaway one at the moment,

you don't get the toy with the Happy Meal. Oh. Oh, that was quite a moment in our lives. That sounds like an unhappy meal. I didn't know how to break it to him. He's in a child. It's sort of unleashed as a result of eating the McDonald's. Oh, is it? Yeah, that was my only...

I don't think I quite clicked on that. Yes. I mean, he's... You got a problem with it? He's a changed human being as a result of eating the McDonald's. I think that's a suggestion of inner warmth. From the cheeseburger.

This whole Christmas advertising thing has made me wonder if advertising actually works because I frequently you never ever question that on Absolute Radio again are you out of your mind hear me out

because I didn't like this year's John Lewis advert I didn't like this year's John Lewis advert but I you out more like it. I didn't like this year's John Lewis advert, but I will continue to shop in John Lewis. And I did like the McDonald's advert, and I don't use McDonald's. They're not on Eatery. And both of those are going to continue.

I'm sorry you went Eatery with McDonald's. You don't think? Should I say restaurant? No, I love that you went Eatery. Restaurant would be good. Because I had one of my great... Didn't it take away restaurant? I love that you went eatery. Restaurant would be good. Because I had one of my great... Take away restaurant.

One of my great French pronunciation milestones was when the first time I ever said fillet was when I ordered a fillet of fish at McDonald's. I won't pretend I've transferred. I don't go into chip shops and say, could I have a cod fillet? But I just really, it was a real. What non-English pronunciation do you luxuriate in?

583 has given us an interesting perspective. I think surgeons going by Mr or Mrs rather than doctor is actually the opposite to self-deprecating. I agree. It's a show that they're superior in qualification to other doctors. It seems like they've gone through the medical arc of improvement and come out the other end into a sort of

different plane. Can I just interject here? My point about being self-deprecating is that in civilian life, no one would be aware of that, would they? Yeah. Do you see what I mean? Do you think you could talk to a surgeon

for 35 seconds without them mentioning it? This bloke's just texted in to say, I'm my favourite surgeon. That's like when my mother, a stage manager, glasses on a lanyard type, a friend of ours would say, your mother walks into a shop and says, 20 silk cut and I went to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, please. The Coca-Cola ad, this was the one that everyone's talking about, Frank,

because it's the Oscar-winning director. Yes. Taika Waititi. Thor Ragnarok. Oh, yes. Yes. I. Thor Ragnarok. Oh, yes. That's, yes. That's one of your... I like Thor Ragnarok.

So, yes, the idea of this one, this is the last one we'll cover this morning, because then we can forget about the Christmas adverts, but I'd like to end the game by saying all adverts are brilliant. Yeah, sorry about that. Yeah, I don't... I've had a stern talking to from the powers that be. Yeah, I don't want to see you in a sort of Dominic Cummings cardboard box.

I've been sifted on the front door as well. We don't want to see you with the angle poise lamp and the cactus in the box. Anyway, man, it's a bit like, don't go down the mine, Dad, is the theme, I would say. It's like that. It's like a bloke is an oil rig worker. I'll be straight with you. the mind dad is the theme i would say it's like that it's like a bloke is an oil rig worker i'll be straight with you if someone put me in a dark room this last week even and shined a bright light in my face and says is there any longer such a thing as an oil rig i would have struggled to

come up with an answer i was certain about pretty sure there are but it turns out there are i found it from a mcdonald's from a coca-Cola advert. And so she sends him a letter to Santa saying bring Daddy home for Christmas. Small D for Daddy, which I thought was a mistake. If you're calling him Daddy, that should be a capital D. You're absolutely right. Can I say

when Boz sends me texts and emails, Frank I love that he corrects him. He checks the spelling. Santa gets a capital S. Not many people are going to watch the Coca-Cola advert and like Frank think, this child needs discipline. That's what this advert's all about. I just think it was sloppy. And he goes on an epic voyage, doesn't he?

Let me just ask you a question. If Coca-Cola had been mentioned in that letter, do you think it would have been with lowercase? No, I don't think so. Somebody's heads would have rolled. And unhyphenated, I think not. So, he goes on a sort of epic journey, doesn't he? Yeah.

He does a lot. He really does. That puts me off as well. Why? I'm not a big fan of the arduous travel montage in anything. Well, you might not like that advert, because that's all that's... That's pretty much it.

It's the whole thing. I'm glad you weren't, I'm glad Frank wasn't there for the reveal of the storyboard. Yeah, I'm going to get there, whatever. And then in the film, they go into an argument because actual travel is, you know,

it's all about arguing at airports and stuff, not climbing hills. Yeah. So there's that, yeah. And worst of all, I think, is that Santa Claus actually drives a Coca-Cola

truck. Yeah. Get your motor running. It's not so much the Aspect Association or whatever, but he's an employee of Coca-Cola. Yeah, yeah. That can't be right. And also, it probably means that he's on Channel 5 on some like ice road truckers

programme with hidden cameras and not even hidden cameras he's got a dirty toy on the grill on the front

and I cannot abide that he could be a CB guy yeah 10-10 good buddy oh no

this is S Claus anyway never mind all that. Will a human tooth dissolve in Coca-Cola overnight? Never got to the bottom of that. So the winner for me is the McDonald's ad, which made me cry and which I think is lovely. Thank you so much for listening to us this morning.

If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now, except for the purposes of work and education. Stay in. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio.